Apres La Guerre
by waterlilylf
Summary: Post War Fic, mostly Duo POV set seven years after the end of the War and absolutely oozing angst and sap and humour and confusiona and Duo-suffering...it's also a long 1x2 get-together fic.
1. Third Time's the Curse

Disclaimer - Gundam Wing doesn't belong to me. This is all for fun.

**Third Time's the Curse:**

What is it about third dates that turns apparently nice, normal guys into ravening sexual predators? Is it just me?

Date the first had been very nice...Ben was a friend of a friend of Hilde's and she'd talked me into letting her set us up on a blind date. He got bonus points for being tall, and for striking just the right balance between slender and buff, for having burnt sienna hair and Lapiz Lazuli eyes. Hey, I live with an artist - I can tell the difference between turquoise and aquamarine...

This is apparently one of the prime indicators that I'm gay. Yeah right. Like there was ever any doubt.

He'd picked the movie - some pre-colony classic directed by a guy called Alfred Hitchcock which I'd originally thought might be more Trowa's scene than mine, but I ended up loving it ...Oh, and he did all the gallant shit like opening doors and insisting on buying me half the snack shop. Not that I like to be treated like the girl or anything, but, according to my Oracle of Dating, the guy who proposed the date is obliged to act in a chivalrous and gentlemanly fashion and pick up the tab. The other guy just sits back and enjoys the ride. Well. In a manner of speaking.

After, we went for coffee and cheesecake. He'd obviously done a bit of research with Hilde on my likes and dislikes and we got along pretty well. He didn't quite get my jokes but laughed along obligingly. Those incredible eyes lit up when I told him about living with two other guys but he didn't immediately start asking about whether we were into threesomes and whether he could watch / participate / take photos.

Date the second was very unplanned. The guys were out of town for the weekend and I was getting bored rattling around the place, talking to my orchids, and hacking into old messages on our answer service, thinking that maybe one of my roommates had been up to something they hadn't told me about and left incriminating evidence. Not a hope.

Ben 'phoned just when I was getting ready to leave for lunch at a nice little restaurant by the harbour and I invited him along. Nice, easy conversation over seafood platters - we knew some of the same people and he was hoping to get his Masters at the Florida university where I'd done mine. The walk along the beach was his idea - going for a paddle was mine; it seems senseless to be by the water and not get even a little bit wet. I could tell he only came in to humour me, could imagine him talking about me to his friends later - "Duo's amazing, just so free spirited and impulsive" and could imagine him speculating on what all that free spirited impulsiveness would be like in bed. I guess it was pretty romantic when he reached for me; the two of us alone with those little lacy waves curling about our feet and seagulls whirling overhead, but all I could think about was that any late diners would have a bird's eye view of the two of us.

Ben didn't seem to notice I wasn't that into it - his hands were all over the place and he was murmuring how incredible I was, like I'd actually done something, rather than stand there and let him see how far his tongue would fit down my throat.

We didn't see each other for a week or so after that; I was tied up with a project deadline and Ben was busy with classes and a part-time job but we spoke on the 'phone a few times and he invited me out on the Saturday night and told me to dress up.

The restaurant he'd picked oozed class and utterly ludicrous prices, and straight away made me feel guilty about how much the evening had to be costing him. It also specialised in Thai and Malaysian chilli-based cuisine; a problem for me as spicy food rips my stomach to shreds. I ordered the mildest dish on the menu and still needed copious amounts of rice and water to get through half of it. I couldn't even be bothered asking for one of the fancy, gold-embossed menus to keep.

Ben was all fired up about having scored VIP passes for the nightclub we were going to after dinner; Steel had only been open a few weeks and was already being hailed as the hottest gay hang-out on the Eastern Seaboard.

I hadn't the heart to tell him I'd actually been there a couple of times but Leon the bar-tender foiled that sneaky little plan by practically vaulting over the bar to hug me.

'Duo! It's so great to see you again!' He let me go to peer hopefully over my shoulder. 'Aren't your friends with you? Where's that gorgeous blonde?'

'Not tonight,' I said quickly, ' but I'll tell him you said hi, and this is my new friend Ben.'

Ben cut in then, asking some question about the drinks list, so I just sat on a barstool and scoped the place out. It was the first time I'd been to Steel on a Saturday and it was a bit more extreme than on week nights. Most of the guys were in black leather and had accessorized with what looked like barbed wire and broken glass.

'Duo,' Ben's voice cut through my thoughts, with a slightly annoyed inflection, like he'd been trying to get my attention for a while. 'What can I get you to drink?'

Ordering a soft drink in a hard core gay bar seemed kind of lame, so I got one of those imported Belgian beers Tro likes, figuring I could make it last most of the night if I sipped slowly enough.

'You never said you'd been here before.'

Oops. Why does life have to be so bloody complicated? I'd been trying to be nice but there was no mistaking the hint of petulance in Ben's voice.

I took a quick swallow of beer and then smiled up at him through my lashes, aiming for light and flirty. 'It's the first time I've been here with you, isn't it?'

That seemed to work all right; Ben leaned over to kiss me on the mouth and I could taste the brandy he'd been drinking.

'Not the last, I hope'.

I was still doing the slow beer-sipping thing while Ben downed a couple of brandies and pulled me on to the dance floor. So seductively easy just to sink into the music and alchohol and the feel of Ben's body against mine. This time I kissed him back, pressing closer, feeling his need for me. _Someone wants you_, the gleeful, insidious little voice gloated inside my head, _even if HE didn't..._

I stumbled a little bit at that and Ben laughed down at me, with an expression that was a freaky-weird mix of indulgence and desire. I could practically see the thought bubble above his head shrieking SCORE! in huge neon pink letters. His right hand had been rubbing slow, lazy circles on my back, dipping just a little lower with each rotation and now his fingers dropped beneath my waistband, not really slow or lazy any more.

'Ben. Not here. Please.'

'OK.' Another predatory kiss; a squeeze with those fingers that was just on the right side of painful and we were making our way toward the exit. The feelings in my head were still rattling themselves into some sort of order as we fought our way across the melee on the dance floor. We might have made better time if Ben hadn't been mauling me en route, and by the time we got outside, and he suggested me going back to his place, I knew what I wanted. And didn't want.

It got just a little bit ugly after that - if Ben had taken a swing at me, I knew a hundred different ways to disable him, but I've never handled the verbal abuse thing too well. In the end, the bouncers got him to leave and I just slumped on the sidewalk, trying to ignore the stares of guys still queuing to get in.

Not an awful lot to do, really, when you're still standing and waiting in line at one am. Nice to have a bit of laid-on entertainment. Most of the stares were on the sympathetic side but there was one big, dark skinned guy who was smirking openly. The sort of expression that told me I'd deserved every word Ben had called me, and then some, and that if I were his boyfriend, he'd teach me proper manners. The guy with him was younger, smaller, with honey-brown hair nearly as long as mine but worn loose. And one of those heavy, studded collars that are regulation wear for guard dogs. And a look on his face that would have suited some poor, abused puppy.

'Duo! Are you OK?' That was Leon, positively oozing concern, compassion, curiosity and all those other things I was in no state to deal with.

'Can I call you a cab? I could 'phone your friends if you want...'

'God, no.' Alright, realistically, I couldn't actually stay plonked at the roadside all night.

Focus, Maxwell. Options. Think of options. A cab was out of the question; not only would I have to bribe the driver obscene amounts of money to drive so far out of town but I would have to spend over an hour listening to a total stranger's view on politics, religion, sports and who knows what else? And that was best case scenario; worst would be if he recognised me and insisted on holding forth on whether he believed ex-Gundam Pilots were the saviours of mankind and should be deified, or war criminals who should be executed. I supposed I could take a hotel room but really I just wanted to go home.

I fumbled in my jacket pocket for my keys. 'I can drive. Maybe you could get someone to fetch my car? It's on the 2nd level.'

'You're OK to drive? You're sure? I can take you home in an hour when I finish my shift.'

'I'm fine, Leon. You saw me at the bar; I didn't even finish one beer.'

'That's not what I meant,' he muttered, and then caught my eye. 'OK, if you're sure'.

He stayed with me while one of the valets took my keys and vanished into the underground car park.

'Don't mind that bastard, Duo, OK? If he ever shows his face in here again, I swear they'll be picking bits of him out of the river 'til Christmas.'

'Yeah. Thanks.' Leon gave me an awkward hug, and I think we were both relieved when the valet showed up with my car.

My Florida car, the colour of sunshine and sunflowers, is a vintage Lambourgini. My happy car. Even though it was a cold night I left the top down on the drive home, with Gundam Rock blaring on the stereo. Took it tamely enough through town and opened the engine on the coast road home. I probably would have broken all our speed records, trying to outrun the echoes of Ben's voice in my head, except I had to stop about halfway there.

Once I'd finished retching I just leaned against my car and concentrated on breathing. About a year after the war, after my little incident, I'd been in pretty intensive therapy. One of my exercises against panic attacks was a meditation technique - eyes closed, imagining the ocean ebbing and flowing in sycnh with my breath. In, out. In, out. In, out.

I finally stopped shaking and drove home, fairly slowly, with a nice violin piece Quatre had given me playing, and was shocked by the relief I felt to drive over our bridge and hear the heavy security gates close behind me, locking out the rest of the world.


	2. PostDate Post Mortem

Disclaimer: Um, I don't don't own anything to do with Gundam Wing or the characters. I'm doing this purely for fun...no profit involved.

**Post-Date Post-Mortem:**

It was well after three am but the house blazed with light so they were still up.

That was both good and bad. I didn't much fancy being alone; I really didn't want to talk about what had happened.

They were on the couch, twined around each other, drinking vodka straight from the bottle and spouting what sounded like gibberish from the book on Zechs' lap.

'What the hell are you two doing?'

'Learning Russian.' That was Zechs, before he broke into another stream of incomprehensible syllables.

'Um, do I even want to know why?'

'Apparently, it's very sexy.' That was Wufei, obviously wanting to sound resigned and put upon but not quite getting there. Not with his boyfriend pressing him into the cushions and kissing his neck.

_'Dorogoy, serdtse moie_,' Zechs purred, sounding pretty damn sexy to be honest, and I was starting to think that maybe, just maybe, they'd get distracted by each other and let me just sneak off to bed...

Nope.

'So...how was the hot date?'

'Um, lukewarm to start, turning to glacial by the end. And I don't think I can never go back to Steel.'

'What happened, Duo?' Wufei tugged me down to sprawl between them.

'He took me to dinner at a Thai restaurant, for a start.' They both winced and I couldn't help grinning. 'It's OK, I've already thrown up so you're safe. Then we went to Steel and he wanted a bit more than I did so I came home. Short version.'

Yeah, there was no way they were going to leave it at that. I could feel them swapping those couple-centric glances over my head, deciding which of them would get to perform the inquisition.

Zechs lost, diplomatically heading down to the cellar to fetch more Vodka.

Once he'd left the room, I could let myself just relax into Wufei's embrace. It still floors me sometimes, just how touchy-feely he's become in the last few years; partly the influence of a certain ex-Gundam pilot prince and partly all those aromatherapy classes. It isn't that I don't love Zechs or trust him implicitly - just, he's this incredibly hot, confident, alpha type and I'd prefer for him not always to see me at my needy, pathetic worst. It's different with Wu.

'How bad was it?'

'Um, marginally better than a firefight with a squad of Leos?' That earned me on of those flat, not-moving-an-inch-'til-I'm-satisfied glares. Sometimes, it's easier just to give in gracefully. 'He was pretty pissed, Wu. We were outside Steel and he started calling me all these names. I think 'prick teasing whore' was the most flattering. The bouncer - you know that huge African guy - had to come over and get him to fuck off.'

'The bastard.' That was Zechs, leaning in that casual-but-oh-so-elegant way of his against the door. No privacy in this household of compulsive eavesdroppers.

Then he was across the room and taking my hands, and his eyes were fixed on mine, blue as seawater washing over an iceberg.

'Duo, even if you were bare ass naked with his cock in your hands, you still have the right to say no!'

'Yeah.' It was a mumble, and I couldn't quite hold his gaze. 'Whatever. I know all that shit, Zed.'

Those long fingers caught my chin, tilted my face to look at him. He started to say something, then shoved the vodka bottle into my mouth, practically knocking out my front teeth in the process.

'Mil, I don't think -'

'It's alright, Wu. Really.' It was helping, burning a swift, incendiary channel through my insides, giving me something to focus on. I took another long swallow.

'What is with the whole dog collar thing anyway?' I mumbled.' Don't they chafe the skin on your neck?'

'Ben tried to make you wear a collar?' Zechs did a fairly creditable job of sounding horrified; bloody hypocrite. It's not like I don't know some of the stuff he's into.

'No, there was some guy outside the club, and he was wearing one.' I couldn't work out why I was obsessing over the bloody thing, it wasn't like it was the first time I'd seen anything like that, but the look in the kid's eyes still haunted me.

'It's all about power and abuse, isn't it?'

'You know it's not. Not always.' I hadn't realised I was crying until Zechs reached out and touched my face.

Brilliant going, Maxwell. Perfect way to end the night from Hell.

We ended up in some sort of group hug then; the sort that's all about comfort and reassurance and friendship.

_'Sooooo. _You want to go out and kill the fucker?' There was a glint in Zechs' eye that meant he was probably serious and God, it was tempting for the space of a heartbeat.

'Better not. You know. All these stupid peace time laws and all. Maybe we could just watch a film or something?'

The movie Zechs eventually selected, after some intensive channel surfing, was some action flick with lots of explosions and chases and improbable-looking marathons of straight sex.

None of us really paid that much attention to it anyway. I was trying to zone out and the guys were otherwise occupied. After a bit, I ended up sprawling on the floor when Zechs started to get a bit overly amorous; after a few drinks, he isn't always too fussy where his hands end up. I think I fell asleep for a bit; the movie was over and instead there was some celebrity lifestyle thingy, with the reporter gushing about a Gala Ball in progress on L4.

And on screen, Quatre Winner was smiling that polished, practiced smile as the pretty reporter simpered up at him, and wondered if he was ready to share the 'important announcement' he'd made earlier.


	3. Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous

Disclaimer - OK, they're not mine, I own no part of Gundam Wing and I'm doing this for the fun of it. No profit involved.

Many thanks to my wonderful reviewers!

**Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous:**

'What crap is that you're watching now?' Zechs surfaced as the commercials came on, fumbling for the remote. I managed to grab it just in time.

'No! I want to watch this. It's some function on L4 and they're going to be interviewing Quatre when the break is over.'

I could sense them exchanging brief, over-my-head glances, but, presumably out of deference to my supremely shitty night, they refrained from commenting on people who needed to watch popular TV to catch up on what their supposed best friends were doing.

'Oh, joy unconfined,' Zechs contented himself with murmuring dryly, just low enough that I could choose whether or not I'd heard.

As always, I flung myself into the breach to defend Quatre's honour.

'Look, I know you have a problem with Quat, but he _is_ my friend, and you might try to respect that.'

'I might find it easier to remember he's your friend if _he_ would.' Zechs snipped back. It could have all just denigrated from there into one on those _is / isn't _arguments, except that Wufei pointed out the show was back on.

There was Quatre in some fancy ballroom, all spruced up in a tux, with a blonde girl at his side. There was, apparently, an inexhaustible supply of young ladies in the universe who were only too happy to dangle on the Winner heir's arm like a glittering ornament, usually when some tabloid or other had been making suggestive remarks about his relationship with Trowa.

This one was the usual type - model girl pretty, dressed in the sort of gown Relena used to wear before she developed a sense of style, and doubtless possessing the perfect pedigree and the finishing school education.

Quatre was beaming at the camera - he's always been incredibly photogenic - and the lady reporter was smiling archly at the couple and telling her audience that Mr. Winner and his companion, the Honourable Miss Delphine Carrick, had some incredibly exciting news to share.

There was a bit of giggling and blushing from Delphine; then she laid one hand on Quat's arm and the camera zoomed in to the sapphire ring adorning her fourth finger.

The cameraman panned back out to the crowded room, showing people raising glasses and cheering, then outside for a brief shot of a fireworks display and more happy people, before zooming back to the ballroom.

Behind me, Zechs was swearing, quite possibly in Russian, and Wufei slid down to sit on the floor with me. Both of us riveted to what was happening on screen.

Quatre was explaining that he'd actually proposed a week or so ago, but that he'd held off making it public, so he and Delphine could just 'enjoy having their very own special secret'.

Zechs started to make retching sounds at this point so we didn't get all of the next bit - there was some waffle about how Quat had known Delphine since they were kids, how she'd shared ballet and music classes with his sisters and how they'd kept the relationship a secret for months because she was such a shy and reserved young lady, and didn't feel comfortable being tailed by the media.

Well, she'd apparently managed to conquer that little hang-up, flashing her sapphire at the camera, snuggling up to her fiance and affirming that yes, she would definitely be available for interviews over the coming days, that she was the happiest girl alive, and that she just wanted to share her happiness with the whole world.

'Oh, poor Trowa.' Wufei murmured, tilting his head back to look at his partner. 'This is awful, isn't it?'

He's used to it, I said absently, tilting up the vodka bottle to suck the last few dregs. 'It doesn't mean anything, you know that. It's just some publicity stunt to keep his family happy and stop the rumours for a while.'

'Duo, this is considerably more than some … publicity nonsense!' Zechs told me in his very quiet, very dangerous voice; the one that sounds like sharpened steel ripping through silk. 'I know you're fond of Winner, but try to imagine how Wufei would feel if I went on Global TV to declare my engagement to some girl.'

'I'd freaking crucify you,' I snapped and he gave me a smug little smile.

'It's not the same and…'

The 'phone buzzed at that point, probably fortunately, and Wufei leaned over for the receiver. All our 'phones are set up on Speaker; part of the the whole privacy embargo.

There was that little ripple of static that meant that call wasn't coming from Earth, and then an impersonal operator's voice asked if we would accept a collect call from L4.

'From a Mr. Trowa Barton.'

'That's fine,' Wu said quickly. 'Put him through please.'

A long silence, interspersed with lot more of the fuzzy crackle.

It's someone playing a joke, I said finally. It didn't make any sense - if Trowa wanted to call us, he certainly didn't have to reverse the charges to do it.

Then Trowa's voice, very low and hesitant. 'Wufei. This is Trowa. I'm sorry to bother you so late; I forgot about the time difference.'

'Trowa, hi. That's fine, we're up anyway. Is everything OK?'

'Sure. Fine. I - I'm going to be flying to Earth soon. I was wondering - Maybe I could stay with you for a day or so?'

'Of course you can. When are you leaving L4?'

'In about ten minutes, actually. I have a shuttle to London and then a connecting flight. I should be arriving about seven pm tomorrow, but if it's any trouble I can…'

'No trouble,' Wufei reassured him quickly, cutting across Trowa's protests that he could find his way to the house. 'We'll come and pick you up. What's your flight number? OK, we'll see you tomorrow.'

'Thanks, 'Fei.'

There was another stretch of snowstormy static and then the line went dead.


	4. Snapshots and Memories

Disclaimer - OK, they're not mine, I own no part of Gundam Wing and I'm doing this for the fun of it. No profit involved.

**Snapshots and Memories:**

Over a late breakfast, Wu and I had decided it might be best for Tro to have my room. It's on the ground floor with a separate entrance to the gardens, and it would give him a bit more space and privacy. It's also probably the tidiest room in the house, basically because I don't spend much time there.

None of us is domestically inclined; we do have a cleaning service that comes in every couple of weeks to blitz the place and in between we just switch rooms a lot. There are serious advantages to living in a big house.

We were currently almost at the end of a cleaning rotation, and I'd spent about an hour sorting through our few remaining clean sheets, trying to find a matching set of bed linen. I gave up in the end, reasoning that Trowa probably wouldn't mind that his duvet and pillow cases were gazillion-thread Egyptian cotton (don't ask me what that means) while the undersheet was flannel, with a pattern of dinosaurs.

Wufei was popping in and out, while I made up the bed, arranging scented candles on every available surface, and putting a little tray of Sanque chocolates on the pillows, once I'd fluffed them against the headboard, the way they do it in nice hotels.

I absently picked up on of the little foil wrapped truffles and bit into it.

'Duo! I left those for Trowa.'

'He wouldn't eat them, Wu. He only likes dark chocolate, remember?'

'Damn. I think Mil ate all the dark ones...do you think we should stop on the way to the airport?'

He caught my eye suddenly and we both burst out laughing.

'We're fussing way too much, aren't we?'

'Oh, yeah,' I snickered, 'like a couple of old grannies waiting for their one and only grandson to visit.'

'Or chambermaids on steroids! Still, at least I'm not the one who tied up a stack of _Global Geographics _with a ribbon,' Wu said darkly. 'Anyway, this all looks fine. You ready for lunch?'

'Give me a few minutes. I just want to get a few things..

I finished off the truffles (no point leaving them to go stale, after all), scrunched up the foil wrappings into a ball and toed it under the bed. Didn't think Tro was the type to check for dust bunnies. The room looked pretty nice actually; not as impersonal as a hotel, but enough of my stuff had been moved that Trowa wouldn't feel he was actually moving in on my personal space.

My dresser did look a bit cluttered actually, what with the stack of magazines Wu had been teasing me about (it was a tip I'd seen saw on a home decorating show; loose magazines look really messy if they're just strewn about, but package them up neatly and voila! You've got a nice little 'feature'), a couple of candles, an oil burner, and my two framed photographs.

I wasn't sure what to do about those actually, simply because Quatre was in both of them.

The first was of me and Quatre, back in the day when we were best friends, two kids caught up in fighting a war, caught up in falling in love.

_We'd been lying low after a mission, just the two of us, and the safe house turned out to be an apartment smack in the middle of Toronto's gay village. Walking around was something of a revelation to us both, and it wasn't hard to persuade Quatre that we should go clubbing that night._

_I think that day was the first time either of us had ever bought clothes for ourselves. Quat had all those older sisters who'd brought him up and they'd dressed him like a live doll, which went a long way toward explaining all those pastel outfits.._

_I'd had whatever rags I could scrounge on L2, sixth-hand hand-me-downs at the Maxwell Church and mission-appropriate clothing provided by G._

_Neither of us had a clue what to get so we let the sales assistant choose for us. Once dressed up, we were apparently the cutest things he'd ever seen and Quat got him to take a photo of us._

_It's still one of my most prized possessions. Quat is in faded jeans appliqued here and there with sparkly butterflies and a gauzy mesh top that was all the colours of the rainbow and then some. I'm going for a slightly less out-there look; fitted, black top and tight silver pants, laced up the sides, with a matching silver ribbon to weave into my braid. We look like a couple of regular teenagers, ready for a night on the razz._

_At some point on the way back to the apartment, we'd ended up in an 'adult men's store'. Quatre was all wide-eyed curiosity, bouncing around like a kid let loose in a candy factory, not a clue what anything was, and I was trying to steer us away from the hardcore bondage stuff._

_'What do you think these are, Duo?'_

_'They're, um, butt plugs'_

_'Really? And what are they for?' Shit, he was actually holding a couple like chopsticks, twirling them in one hand._

_'For - ah, you know. For stretching.'_

_'Oh?' He had not got one freaking clue what I was talking about; just looking at me with that innocently enquiring gaze._

_Oh fuck. I'd figured Trowa Barton was the sort of guy who'd been around the block a few times, before he blew it up, and that at some point he'd told Quat a few facts of life. Apparently not._

_'OK. Quat, I think we need to have a little talk later this evening'_

_'Sure, Duo. If you like...oooh, what's this?'_

_We never made it to any clubs, which is probably just as well. We'd bought a bottle of gin earlier, using fake ID, and reasoned we could have a few drinks at home before heading out. Quat had some theory that colourless drinks didn't really make you drunk, just gave a nice buzz. God knows why I'd listened to the nice, Muslim boy, but my only experience with alcohol was occasionally finding beer cans with a few stale dregs left in the bottom, back on L2. I hadn't much liked the taste, and beer isn't even good for quenching thirst._

_Anyway, Quatre was wrong about the gin. We'd had a couple of glasses each - and thrown it back up - before it was pretty obvious that we weren't going anywhere. Figuring that he was looking pretty green anyway, and we might as well get it over with, I took out the 'Bondage Toys 'R' Us' catalogue I'd snagged back in the store to have that little talk I'd promised._

_Which didn't go very well. After another visit to the bathroom, Quatre staggered back into the room, announcing that he didn't think he was gay after all._

_'But you love Trowa, don't you? You're always talking about him!'_

_'Of course I love him; it's just - I don't know that I can do those sort of things with the harnesses and the whips. I don't know how anyone could do that.'_

_'It's just the extreme stuff, Quat. Not everyone likes all that.' (Probably not the best time to say I had my suspicions about Trowa…)_

_The thing about Quatre was that pretty much all his ideas on love were based on the historical romances his sisters read, and I don't think they went into much detail about the physical stuff._

_'Don't worry about it, Q, alright?' I reached out to give him a hug. 'You'll be fine, I promise.'_

_'Thanks, Duo,' he was perking up slightly. 'And I might never even have to do it. I mean we risk our lives on every mission, we__ could quite easily get killed or something._'

_'Yeah, I guess.'_

_He got this dreamy look on his face then, and I could see he was imagining himself and Trowa dying in each other's arms, having made the ultimate sacrifice for the Colonies and living just long enough to declare their pure, undying love for one another. Oh, well, if it made him happy…._

The photo's in this cheap little frame that I'd never got around to replacing and Quatre had sprawled BFF in the bottom corner.

The other photo is of the five of us during the war; the only one I have of us all together. A little out of focus because we'd used the auto timer on Quat's camera.

Quatre and I are in the forefront, grinning like loons; just your everyday teenage terrorists high on life and survival and the close physical presence of our respective boyfriends. We'd just got back from a mission, the two of us, and it had been brutal. I think only pure relief that we'd made it back had convinced the others to pose; they'd always refused before.

Trowa is directly behind Quat; most of his face is obscured by hair, but the visible part of his mouth is trembling into a slight smile. His arms are around Quatre's waist and Quat is sort of leaning into him.

Wufei is shoulder to shoulder with Tro, glaring at the camera as if it might be an OZ infiltrator. The four of us are bunched pretty closely together but Heero is just a little apart, not even making a pretence at posing for the birdie, gazing off somewhere to the right. I forgot now what he was even looking at; the Gundams probably. And behind my back, his right hand is clutching my braid. His talisman, his touchstone.

I do have other, better pictures of him, but I let myself keep this out because we're all there.

I took both pictures and left them, face down, at the very back of my closet.


	5. The F Word

Disclaimer - unfortunately, they're not mine and I'm playing with them purely for fun...no money involved.

Note - I know absolutely nothing about mechanics, physics or space travel. Please suspend disbelief…

**The 'F' Word:**

Fine.

That was basically the extent of Trowa's conversation on the way home. Zechs claims that FINE stands for fucked up, insecure, neurotic and exhausted, and that exactly summed up the way Tro had looked, standing outside Arrivals at the airport.

He'd been very sleek and stylish the last few times we'd met. Since the war, he'd discovered a taste for Italian designer suits that flowed along his long, lanky frame; he'd even started to wear his hair out of his eyes sometimes, either gelled back or gathered in a little pony tail.

Today he had on frayed jeans and a battered army surplus jacket, long bangs hiding his face. He just looked - lost - standing there and waiting to be collected, an old duffle bag at his feet. We'd all been there, but Trowa had always been the survivor, the together one, our chameleon who could wrap any environment around himself.

Wufei and I exchanged glances, mouthed the other F word to each other, and went to collect him.

The plan had been for him to sit in front with me, so we could talk and he could admire the view of the mountains, but somehow he managed to install himself into the back seat, knees practically up to his chin, replying in monosyllables.

He was fine. Quatre was fine. The Maganacs were all fine. Cathy and everyone at the circus, down to the bearded lady with the dancing poodles were - you've guessed it, right?

Granted, he'd never exactly been Mr. Gabflapper, but I'd forgotten how unforthcoming he could be, how he could practically weave an impenetrable wall of silence around himself, repelling all attempts at invasion.

Wufei took over the conversation as we hit the coast road, and I had to concentrate on my driving. He managed to get a few slightly different responses - Hilde's pregnancy was 'great'; Sally's promotion to Head of Surgery at her hospital was 'about time'. My comment that my friend Patrick, whom Trowa had met a couple of times in Florida, had gotten engaged, didn't get any response at all.

He'd either fallen asleep, or was faking really well, only stirring when I pulled up in front of the house and killed the engine. Getting out of the car, he showed his first sign of animation on the whole trip. To be honest, I think I would have shot him if he hadn't been even a teeny bit impressed, because our house is just amazing. It's very modern, granite and wood and huge expanses of glass that reflect the sky and the trees and the mountains. You'd think it would be out of place in the middle of the countryside, but somehow it blends in perfectly.

Trowa extricated himself from the car, using some sort of acrobatic unfolding technique and stretched.

'This is beautiful! I know you sent me the pictures when you moved in, but I never imaged anything like this'

'Cool, huh? Come on in. We'll show you your room and then give you the guided tour, if you like.'

Apparently he didn't like. After we'd shown him how to work the shower, and where he could find extra blankets and towels, Trowa begged off the tour, claiming he was feeling a bit jet-lagged, and would prefer to rest before dinner. As he'd already stretched out on the bed, there wasn't much point arguing the point so we headed off to the kitchen.

Wufei got a long kiss from Zechs, who was preparing dinner; I got my cellphone flung at my head, and only just ducked in time.

'Duo, I swear I'm going to start stapling this to your head. You do realise the whole point of a portable telephone is that you actually carry it around with you? Anyway, Hilde left a message for you, and Mitch called to say that there's a problem with that new design, something about the hull needing more reinforcement. He's sent you and he wants you to get back to him.'

'I _told_ them that the hull design was going to be a problem,' I muttered absently, scrolling down through Messages Received to find Hilde's.

'And some guy called Leon left a message on the answer service; he wanted to know if you got home OK last night.' He grinned at me. 'Something you forgot to tell us?'

'You _know_ Leon; the head bartender at Steel, the tall one. Thinks you're hot.'

'Does he, now?' Zechs glanced over at Wufei to check he was listening. 'Well, I commend his taste, but it sounded to me like he has a little crush on someone else.'

'He was just being nice. Zed, can you shut up for a sec? I'm trying to listen to Hilde.'

'Duo, hey, it's Hilde. Listen, Zechs told me about that asshole, Ben. I'm so sorry, babe. Anyway, if you want him killed, I can do it and plead that my hormones are driving me crazy. I bet I'd get off with a sympathetic judge. Call me tomorrow evening - I'll be throwing up all morning and I have to see my gynie after lunch. Should be home around six. Talk to you then, OK?'

I was still grinning when I switched off. Hilde was about three months pregnant and afflicted with every ailment known to woman, including some no one had ever heard of.

'Are you going to call Leon now?' Zechs looked up from stirring something in a one of the pots he had going on the stove, and listening Wufei's Trowa-update.

'No, now I have to work.' I fetched my laptop from the lounge and set in on the kitchen table. 'We're not eating for a while yet, are we?'

'About an hour; I thought Trowa might want to unpack and have a shower before dinner. You've got plenty of time to call the cute bartender.'

'It would be only polite to call him back,' Wufei chipped in. 'It's really sweet that he was so concerned about you.'

'And, Duo, if you dated him, we'd probably get free drinks at Steel.'

'I think you can afford to buy your own drinks,' I logged onto my email account and waited for it to power up. 'Aren't you always saying it's a mistake to start a new relationship immediately after you break up with someone?'

'It's never a mistake to spend time with someone who likes you, and cares about you.' Wufei told me gently. That guy has read way too many relationship self-help books.

'Precisely. This Leon's interested in you; he knows now that you don't put out easily, so he's obviously not just after the sex. You should call him.'

'What I _should_ do is try to fix this gazillion-credit disaster of a shuttle. Can we please just assume that I'm on the rebound from Ben and don't want to jump into anything straightaway?'

'Duo, you've been on the rebound for the last six years! It's practically your natural state.'

'Thanks a bunch.' I printed out the multi-page email from Mitch - he's my boss, by the way - and spread the papers over the table. The kitchen smelt wonderfully of some sort of garlic-and-herb-laden sauce; Zechs was getting Wufei to taste spoonfuls of this and that and Wu was sounding making very appreciative noises.

One of those incredibly nice, cosy homey moments. Like being in one of those corny, happy family sit-coms. With a few little twists.

Example; instead of doing my history homework, I had a shuttle to salvage. This is what I do; I have a Masters in Mechanical Engineering (something I still sometimes can't get my head around; me with a formal university education) and I work for a Florida-based company, as a shuttle designer. Mostly commercial craft, but this baby, if we could ever get her off the design specs and into space, was going to be a rich man's little boy-toy. A very rich man, as a matter of fact; Victor Trent had recently inherited, at the age of twenty-three, one of Earth's biggest pharmaceutical companies, and was apparently determined to fritter it all away as soon as possible.

His latest whim was a private shuttle to whizz himself and his harem of supermodels off to the colonies for wild weekends; he knew zilch about space craft but he had a very specific design that he wanted. I think it was based on something he'd seen in a sci-fi movie. The problem was that he wanted something sleek, zippy and manoeuvrable but the reinforced titanium hull required for deep space travel was just too heavy for the engine size.

I was pretty sure I had a solution; not entirely sure Mitch would go for it. Oh, well, it was at least worth a try. I checked the time, probably still early enough for Mitch the workaholic to be in his office, and dialled his number.

'Duo! Thank God! I've got Trent coming into the office tomorrow and we've got a serious problem here. I 'm going to have to tell him we need more engine power, and that'll change his whole design.'

'Hey, Mitch. Listen, don't panic yet. I think I've got a solution. Have you heard anything about a titanium / Gundamium alloy mix? It's would be nearly half the weight of pure titanium.'

'I've heard about it,' Mitch didn't sound too enraptured, 'but it's just experimental, isn't it?'

'Not exactly. The military's been using it for years now. It's just never been used commercially. I think it might work for us, though.'

'Duo, is any of this actual public knowledge, or have you been hacking into government files again?'

'Would I do something like that?' I teased, trying to remember whether I had or not. 'Actually, there have been a couple of articles published; I think it just hasn't taken off commercially because there' s a bit of a prejudice against gundamium.'

'That could be an issue in this case as well. You know the Trents are an old Pacifist family.'

'Just tell them it's some new alloy - give it a fancy name and they'll never know the difference. The cool thing is, if we can use it, we'll be able to streamline the design a bit more, like Mr. Trent wanted in the beginning, even put in the carbon heat shield he wanted. And he did say money was no object.'

'I suppose it might be worth a try. Maybe. If we aren't going to get arrested by the military police.' Aaargh. Mitch is a great boss in many ways, but he's also the world's worst pessimist. His glass is never just half empty; it's also got a big crack in it and whatever liquid _is_ left is probably poison. 'All right Duo, can you send us a report with some new designs and any literature you can find on the alloy? And you might want to register with the patents office...'

'Sure will. Say hi to everyone for me.'

'Problem all solved?' Zechs wanted to know.

'Yep,' I logged off and glanced up to see them both grinning at me.

'You're just so cute when you're all caught up in your designs,' Zechs pulled me up into a hug, ' Dinner in about ten minutes; go and call Leon and then we'll eat, OK?' He dropped a kiss on the top of my head and released me. 'And you don't get any dinner if you don't call.'

'That's blackmail! Wufei, are you listening to this?'

'Mmmm. And it would be a shame if you didn't get to have any dinner. Zechs tried out that new recipe for pasta with clams, didn't you _milyi_? It smells wonderful... And there's banana pudding for dessert. That's your favourite, isn't it?'

Damn. I hate when they both gang up on me.

'Oh, if it'll shut the pair of you up, I'll do it. But I want sushi tomorrow night. And all the leftover pudding. Deal?'

Zechs actually looked disappointed that I'd caved so easily; but I just couldn't be bothered. No point spoiling dinner with an argument that I'd probably end up losing.

I dialled the number Zechs handed me, and got lucky for once; it went straight to voicemail.

'I called him. I left a message. Satisfied? Can we eat now? Do you want me to get Trowa?'

Wufei handed me a plate of pasta.

'I went to see him while you were working; he said he ate on the flight over and just wants to sleep. And Duo, he doesn't want to talk to Quatre right now, so if he calls, we haven't seen Trowa, OK?'

'OK,' I swallowed another mouthful. 'It won't be hard for Quat to work out where he is though. All he has to do is check shuttle passenger lists.'

'It might be a little harder than that. Trowa used a different fake ID for each flight and he paid cash just before boarding.'

'Oh,' I absently twirled spaghetti around my fork, pondering what this meant. Then I took my first bite and forgot all about Trowa.

'Zechs, this is incredible. Seriously. Waaaaaaay better than sex'.

'That might be more of a compliment if you'd had any within living memory!'

'Hey, I resent that. I could be having wild sex every time I go to Florida. You don't know everything about my life, believe it or not!'

'Right. Although things may be looking up if that's who I think it is calling back,'

We all focused on the ringing phone, calculating distance and relative speeds.

'Can we just have dinner first? I swear, I'll call him back after dessert.'

'No way; you'll talk to him now and then….' He had just reached out one long arm when the message service kicked in.

Expecting Leon, we all jumped to hear Quatre Winner's voice instead.

The kitchen vid screen has been broken for a couple of weeks now since the pineapple incident, so I knew Quatre couldn't actually see me. Still didn't stop me from wanting to hide under the table.

'Duo. Hi, it's Quatre. Sorry, I know it's been a while since I called but you know how busy I am. The thing is...I'm a little worried about Trowa. We've been having a few problems and I thought perhaps he might have called you…..Maybe you could let me know if he has? I'd really appreciate it. Things have been rather stressful here lately, and I just, well, I'd like to hear if he's been in touch.'


	6. Dawn Chorus

Disclaimer: Nope, Still don't own them. Still doing it just for the fun….

Many, many thanks to everyone who's reviewed, especially Snow, for starting the review ball rolling, and K.S. You two have definitely inspired me to keep on posting…

**Dawn Chorus:**

'So you couldn't sleep either?' That was Wufei, coming into the kitchen at five the next morning. 'You haven't been up all night, have you?'

'Not exactly. And I wanted to get these designs ready for Mitch.' I was ensconced at the table again, design printouts strewn everywhere; report just ready to be sent off, complete with all the attachments he'd asked for, along with some more reassurance that I honestly hadn't been stealing top-secret information from the military. I pressed the Send button and grinned up at him. 'I do occasionally have to earn the insane amounts of money he pays me, you know.' I tilted my chair back, stretching and grimaced as every muscle in my body issued a strongly worded complaint. It's not really a good idea to sit in a hard, upright chair for hours.

'Any chance of a backrub? Pretty please?'

'You're tense, you know that?'

'Mmm' I murmured. I didn't really care at the moment, not with Wufei's talented hands making all the nerves in my shoulders sing a happy chorus.

'You're still thinking about the other night?'

'Um, sort of...' Those miraculous fingers stilled; a subtle threat to keep talking, then squeezed gently.

'Zechs is still asleep upstairs, Duo.' No doubt under strict orders not to come down, until his boyfriend had had a chance to talk to me privately.

'It's not so much what happened with Ben. It's - the way everyone else is reacting. It's like you all think I'm some damsel in distress who constantly needs to be rescued.'

'We just worry about you, Duo. There's nothing wrong with admitting you had an … unpleasant experience, and there's nothing wrong with you needing us.'

'I know, I know that, but it just seems to imply that you think I'm not capable.'

'Not true; you do remember, don't you, when Zechs and I first started dating? Every time you saw him, you took him aside and told him very explicitly what you'd do to him, if he ever hurt me. Was that because you thought I couldn't stand up for myself?'

'No! Of course, it wasn't, it was just...you know?'

'I know. And I care about you too.'

Neither of us spoke for a while after that - well, I was trying not to moan _too _ecstatically as his fingers danced over my skin. That sort of thing can be misinterpreted, and we had a houseguest to consider now.

'Wu, when I was driving back from Steel the other night, I had a teeny bit of a panic attack.' Oh, shit. Where had that come from? Hadn't meant to say that. Not out loud. This is the problem with total bliss; my brain shuts down and my mouth has _carte blanche_ to say whatever it pleases.

There was one of those silences that stretch out like elastic at that point; you know they can only go so far before there's an almighty snap.

'Duo, what exactly did Ben say to you?'

'I _told_ you. Pretty much. And you can imagine the rest for yourself.'

'Oh, Duo,' I was suddenly enveloped in a fierce hug. 'Zechs was right. We should hunt the scumbag down and hurt him. How bad was your episode?'

'Not very. Not really. I came out of it by myself and drove home. You know that. I don't want to make a big deal out of it, Wu. Please?'

'All right. Just - maybe it's best if you don't drive alone for a while. And you're to tell Dr. Rabinowitz at your next session, OK?'

'Whatever.'

'Duo!'

'Fine! I'll tell him. I swear. You happy now?'

'Hungry. I think it's breakfast time. How does leftover banana pudding sound? I could make some custard to go with it, if you'd like.'

'Oh, I'd like. Very much.'

Food preparation generally works better if I play an non-active part, so I set out the plates and poured juice and divided the pudding into two more or less equal portions. I didn't mind sharing with Wu, but no way was Zechs getting any.

'Do you want to talk about Quatre now?'

Ouch. That's Chang Wufei for you; bypassing the jugular as a soft option and aiming straight for major organs. Waiting until I was wallowing in custard-flavoured heaven. 'I assume all those phone calls were from him?'

There'd actually been a total of seven calls during the night, each at an interval of an hour or so, the first three virtual repeats of the message we'd listened to during dinner.

Short, very polite, a little distant, a little diffident. Giving nothing away, except that he and Trowa had had a 'misunderstanding', that Trowa had gone off alone without informing anyone, and that Quat was anxious to contact him, but not desperately so. And that he was very sorry for whatever he'd done.

The latest message had been the hardest not to answer, and I replayed it for Wufei while he boiled the kettle for tea.

'Duo, I don't know why you're not answering, but please, _please _pick up the 'phone if you're there. I'm really, really scared that something's happened to Trowa - Duo, he hasn't been himself lately, we haven't been getting on, and now I'm terrified that he's - that he might have done something stupid. He left the house somehow without telling anyone; he didn't bring his wallet or his ID, so he can't have actually _gone_ anywhere, but he hasn't been in touch and I've had people searching all night and he just - he just seems to have vanished. I thought he might try to contact you and if he does - Duo, please, I just need to know if he's all right. I care about him, whatever he thinks right now, whatever he tells you I've done. I'm so sorry - Oh, Allah, Duo, you know what it's like to lose someone; I was with you after Heero left, remember? I know what you went through. That's how I'm feeling now. I can make this right with Trowa; I know I can, but I _have_ to talk to him. We're friends, aren't we? You always say you're my best friend and I really, really need your help now.'

The last bit was hard to make out, partly a bit of static on the line, mostly the fact that he was crying. Before going off to bed, Wufei had reiterated that Trowa did not, repeat NOT, want to talk to Quatre, and made me promise not to pick up any of his calls.

'Wu, I have to call him. I know what Trowa said, and I swear I won't give him away, but I have to let Quat know he's OK.'

'You'll do no such thing.' Wufei handed me a cup of tea and sat across from me. 'When Trowa wakes up, he can decide if he wants to talk to Quatre, but we are not going to interfere.'

'For God's sake, Wufei, that's cruel! Quat's frantic. You heard how he sounded in that last message. Try to imagine how you'd feel if Zechs just disappeared.'

'If Zechs ever treated me the way Quatre treats Trowa, I'd make him disappear. And you'd help me.'

'But he's _sorry._ You heard what he said.' Sure, Quatre had screwed up, but he was trying to make amends. Trowa was the one who'd walked out.

'Duo.' Wufei put his cup down and gave me one of those penetrating looks. 'Trowa is here as our friend and our guest and we are not going to betray his trust, simply because Quatre Winner is a very skilled manipulator. Understood? And you are not, personally, responsible for his happiness, whatever you seem to think.'

Wham.

'I don't think that,' I muttered. 'I just don't want to lose any more of you guys.'


	7. The Worst Boyfriend Contest

Disclaimer - all the usual stuff, they're not mine. Sadly.

Note - if Trowa seems OOC in this, he does have his reasons.

**The Worst Boyfriend Contest:**

(AKA - what Heero did to Duo; what Quatre did to Trowa)

It probably shouldn't have felt as weird as it did, having Trowa Barton eating breakfast in our kitchen later that morning.

He'd been a fairly regular visitor to the apartment Wu and I had originally shared, and he'd stayed with me in Florida for a few long weekends. But our relationship had always been based around the fact that he was Quatre's boyfriend and I was Quatre's best friend.

I wasn't quite sure where we stood without that common denominator.

When I say he was eating, I use the verb in the context of ...not actually consuming food. He was pushing eggs and toast around his plate and occasionally lifting a forkful to his mouth, but so far he hadn't actually eaten anything.

He wasn't even looking at his meal, all his attention focused on the painting opposite. Admittedly, our kitchen art collection is a bit different from the still lifes of food and flowers that most people seem to hang in their kitchens. The painting that had Tro so absorbed was one of Zechs' huge oils.

It was Zed's first serious attempt at what the critics have started calling 'Deconstructive Art'. He'd spent weeks painting the most elaborate cityscape imaginable, adding all these infinitesimal, finicky details that you could only see through a microscope, and when it was all as perfect as it could be, he'd destroyed it.

Submerging the whole scene in swirling layers of colour; colours that screamed pain and blood and chaos and fear, but if you looked long and hard enough, you could just make out the original design.

And if you looked a bit longer and harder, you could see the shadowy shapes moving through it all, shapes that could just be angels or demons or gundams.

Of course, the critics raved about everything he painted, claiming how it all represented the War; about the 'futility of creation compared to man's need for destruction', and how all the paintings were 'manifestations of a scarred and tortured psyche.'

Whatever. I'm not an art critic but, sometimes, I sort of think he just got frustrated with painting in such detail. Either that or he just spilt the first tube of paint by accident, and then decided he liked the look of it.

The guys had been around for a bit earlier; Zechs had made breakfast for Trowa and himself, before dragging Wufei upstairs for a 'nap', claiming that neither of them had slept much the previous night. He'd suggested on his way out the door that, as it was such a lovely day, I should take Trowa for a hike and show him around a bit.

So I was raiding the refrigerator for food to bring with us, and filling water bottles. Trowa finally decided he'd had enough of rearranging his breakfast, pushed his chair back, and went on a little wander around the room, glancing briefly at the finger paintings that Sally's daughter, Mel, had made for us before moving on to the newer of my collages; the one I'd just finished and framed a few days ago.

I'd started cutting out newspaper photos and articles a few years ago, when Zechs and Wu first starting dating and the media went into something of a feeding frenzy whenever they appeared in public together. For a while, I kept them in a shoebox under my bed, along with my collection of menus, but when we moved here we had enough wall space that I'd decided displaying them.

Once I had our lunch supplies stashed away in a backpack, I drifted over to join Trowa. He was still studying the photos, examining the public photo record of our lives for the past two years, and occasionally touching one with a fingertip.

Relena opening the new wing of a children's hospital on L2; Dorothy in Preventer dress uniform accepting a medal and commendation; Quatre speaking at a political rally; lots of me and the guys, together or separately, including the newest photo of the three of us attending Steel's opening night. The tagline for that one had raised the old rumour that we were involved in a threesome; I know, you'd think that would be stale by now, wouldn't you? But apparently any 'new and exclusive' gossip on former Gundam pilots, especially royal ones, and their significant others is guaranteed to generate huge sales. Almost as profitable as speculation about Relena and Heero, in fact.

'Tro? You ready to head off?'

He gave no sign of having heard, his finger lightly tracing a shot of Zechs shaking hands with the Sanque ambassador at some black-tie charity function. Wufei is standing slightly to one side, wearing that inscrutably bland expression he tacks on when he's feeling nervous about something; it had been one of their first public engagements as an official couple and you can tell how ill at ease he is with all the attention.

'You don't have any pictures of me.'

'No. You - you've been keeping a fairly low profile the last couple of years, you know?'

'True,' That was said with a wry twist of his mouth. I don't think it had ever occurred to me that he'd minded Quat always being the one in the spotlight, while Tro was the bodyguard in the shadows, watching his back. It was just the way they were.

'Anyway...we should get going if you're ready. It would be nice to eat lunch up at the lookout and it takes a couple of hours to get up there, so we probably should head off. I just need to get a jacket from my room if you don't mind me going in for a sec?'

'Of course. Duo, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to put you of your room.'

'You didn't, honestly. I hardly ever sleep there.' I caught a slightly odd look from him before I ducked into the chaos of my closet, looking for the fleece I was sure I'd shoved in there at some point.

I couldn't help sneaking a few looks at Trowa as we set off and he looked terrible. Still dressed in yesterday's clothes, which looked like he'd slept in them, topped off with a borrowed coat and hiking boots, he looked far too pale, like he'd been inside way too much, and seeemd even thinner than usual in his ill-fitting clothes. You could have plonked him onto any L2 street corner and he'd have fit in without even trying.

The hike I was taking him on was one of my favourites; it's a fairly strenuous uphill climb, and there are parts where you pretty much have to haul yourself along by tree roots and outcroppings of rock, but it crosses a little stream where we've sometimes surprised deer and even bears, and the view from the top is spectacular.

Getting there took longer than usual as Trowa was obviously finding it hard going, so there were frequent pauses to admire the view, and for me to point out some landmarks and the cliff face where we'd tried abseiling a few times.

He was no more interested in lunch than he had been in breakfast, or maybe he just didn't find my banana, peanut butter and honey sandwiches terribly appealing, My attempts at getting a conversation going obviously didn't appeal either, and in the end I just gave up at the small talk, wondering when would be the best time to raise the whole Quatre issue.

'Duo, why don't you just say it, OK? Get it over with.'

'Hmm?' I swallowed some juice and angled an innocent gaze at him. 'Say what, Tro?'

'Whatever it is you're obviously dying to say about Quatre. If you don't say it soon, you're either going to choke on the words, or else bite your tongue off.'

Oh, please. I'm not _that_ obvious.

'Wufei made me promise not to interrogate you.'

'I'm sure you can find a way around that.'

Well, of course I could. I don't lie but truth can usually be a somewhat...malleable concept, and gently pressing an old friend to share a confidence could hardly be seen as any sort of interrogation, could it? I did sort of see Wufei's point that Trowa had come to us for some of sanctuary, and he just needed a little space and solitude to work things out by himself but...if he'd truly wanted anonymity and privacy, then he could have stayed on L4 and disguised himself as a camel herder. Or a camel.

So coming to stay with his friends had to be some sort of subconscious plea for moral support and sympathy. Hey, I've been in therapy for the past six years. Psychobable is virtually my second language.

'Just say it, Duo.'

'I think you should call him.' I swallowed. 'Tro, he is really, really upset. He knows he screwed up, with that whole wedding thing, and he wants you to know that he's sorry. That he wants to fix things.'

'He said that?' There was a weird note in his voice that I couldn't quite place, 'Quatre actually apologised for announcing his engagement?'

'Um...' To be honest, I couldn't remember what Quat had exactly said, but there'd definitely been remorse in there somewhere. 'Maybe not in so many words, but he _was_ sorry for what he'd done. We saw it on TV, you know,' I said gently, 'it must have been awful for you to see him with that girl, saying how much he loved her... Trowa, it isn't _funny_!'

'No,' In all fairness, he wasn't actually laughing as such, but there was a decided quirk to his lips, and his one visible eye was gleaming. In Bartonese, this is the rough equivalent of being doubled over with hysterics. I suddenly wanted to throw something at him; something sharp and pointy.

'No, it's not funny,' he repeated soberly. 'Ironic perhaps. Quatre has a great many things to apologise for but the engagement is hardly one of them.'

'So - you're not mad at him about that?'

'Since it was my idea in the first place, I can hardly have grounds for complaint,' he said crisply. 'Duo, if you don't close your mouth, you'll start catching insects. It seemed...expedient, at the time, given Quatre's political ambitions and the conservative nature of L4 society, and an ideal way to deflet media attention from the two of us.'

'I knew it had to be something like that! Trowa, I don't know what else you think Quat did, but he wants to fix it. He just wants to know you're all right. Could you call him when we get back, please? Just to let where you are?'

'Duo, you have no idea what's going on here. Like you said, you _don't_ know what he did, You've done your supportive best friend thing for him; can we please just leave it at that?'

Leave it at that? Yeah, right. I don't think so.

'All he wants is to know that you're safe!' I snapped. 'Whatever Quat did, it's not worth ruining your relationship over. You two are the most perfect couple I know and I am _not _letting you throw that away because you've had some stupid row.'

'You know nothing about it, Duo!'

'Oh, no? Well, unlike you, I know how to forgive someone when they screw up. You know what Heero did to me, but I'd probably forgive him if he came and begged me. You know, on condition that I could chain him in a dungeon and torture him for a couple of years first. And Quat couldn't possibly have done anything that bad.'

'Really?' He bit the words off as if they were poison. 'Quat's not the perfect angel you think he is, Duo.'

'Oh, really?' I parroted back. 'So, what did he do then? Did he run off with Relena Peacecraft while you were on life support in a coma?'

'Did Heero force you to stay with him by keeping you drugged into oblivion?'

Oh fuck.

'Trowa, no,' I breathed. I wanted very much to be sick. 'Quat would never do that.'


	8. The One with All the Celery

Disclaimer - all the usual, they're not mine. I'm doing this for the fun of it...but I do also like getting reviews...!

Note - I'm sorry, this isn't a very enlightening chapter. I just thought that Duo needed a little space to mull over his conversation with Trowa. You'll find out exactly what Trowa said in the next episode, I promise!

**The One with All the Celery:**

'What would you say this word is?' Zechs wondered, squinting at the shopping list Wufei had given us.

'Could be anything,' I shifted a pineapple, three loaves of French bread and a bag of pastries to one hand and peered over his shoulder. All those calligraphy classes and the guy still can't write legibly. 'It's not cement, is it?'

'What would he want cement for? Anyway, it's written beside all the other vegetables. Do you think that maybe it could be celery?'

'_Ick_, that's disgusting! Satan´s vegetable! Can't you tell Wu there was none left? Please?'

'Absolutely not,' Zechs declared loftily; scooping up an armful of the vile stuff. 'If he wants celery; then we'll get him celery.'

'You're seriously whipped, you know that? If Wu´s really pissed off, he´s not going to put out just because you buy him a carload of vegetables.'

'Hmm, that could be true.' Zechs mused, glancing down at the list and selecting a bunch of parsnips. Another repellent vegetable, like deformed, albino carrots. This was turning out to be a particularly shitty day and it wasn't even lunchtime yet...

I normally like shopping at our local Organic Farmers' Market, but this was Tuesday (my worst day of the week; the one I circle on our kitchen planner with doodles of flames and fangs and exploding weapons. I have my therapy session on Tuesday afternoon at two o'clock) and this one was running true to form. I'd been woken at four in the morning by the 'phone ringing; another pleading message from Quatre on our voicemail, after which I hadn't been able to go back to sleep. Then I'd had a nasty little session with Wufei before breakfast about how I was treating Trowa.

'Do you think I should get him some flowers as well?' Zechs wondered.

'I think you should stop asking him all those questions about whether Quatre had group sex with the Maganacs. At least when Wu is listening.'

'It's a perfectly reasonable question. Come on, Duo, I'm sure you´ve always wondered what they all got up to together.'

'Actually, no. Unlike you, I don´t spend most of my time speculating about other people´s sex lives.'

It´s a wonder, really, that OZ actually accomplished anything during the war. To hear Zechs talk, they spent most of their time wondering about what the five of us got up together. Quatre in particular, for some reason. Apparently, there was even a series of pulp novels detailing Quat's exploits with the Maganacs at a secret desert base in Arabia, with the plots heavily featuring flying carpets and sex-crazed genies and Quatre infiltrating Oz functions dressed as an exotic dancing girl...

I'd never quite had the heart to tell Zechs that, back during the war, Quat´s idea of unspeakable perversion had been doing it naked with the lights on.

'You're cranky today, Maxwell, aren't you? Is it the usual Tuesday stuff?'

'Everything,' I muttered, feeling just a little bit guilty. I'd sulked in silence while we were in the car, then I'd been sniping at him ever since. 'It doesn't help when you and Wufei start an argument first thing in the morning, and he throws us both out of the house so he can have some 'quality time' with Trowa, without us getting in the way.'

'That was more your fault than mine,' Zechs retorted, attack definitely being his preferred form of defence. ''Fei thinks you should be the supportive, sympathetic one where Trowa's concerned; instead of treating him like it's all his fault.'

'I am not! I'm just...trying to see Quatre's side as well. And _you're_ the one who was asking him all those embarassing questions over breakfast.'

'I was just trying to make polite conversation while you and 'Fei were having your glaring match. He's been friends with you two for years; it seems only right that I should get to know him better.'

'Well, maybe you could start off by asking him something a little less personal than what sexual positions he prefers.'

We'd reached the cash register at this point, and were getting some weird glances from the girl serving. Probably a good time to call a brief truce.

The market has a little cafe - nothing fancy, just a few rickety trestle tables and benches under a tattered awning - but they do the best clam chowder I've ever tasted.

'You want me to go up and order?' I dumped my parcels around the one unoccupied table, fortunately a little way from the others.

'I'll get this one. You stay there and guard the vegetables from any potential celery thieves.'

Yeah, like that's really going to happen.

'I suppose you want your usual? Chowder and a roll.'

'Please. And an iced tea.'

'Predictable as always.' I grinned back at him, mutual apologies offered and accepted. All back to normal.

'So...why won't you tell me whatever Trowa told you yesterday? I assume he did tell you what happened between them.'

We were both about half-way finished when he asked; actually, I was surprised he'd managed to hold off for so long. Patience isn't usually his strongest virtue.

I nodded. Damn. Didn't want to think about what Trowa had said.

'Zechs. Can we please not do this now? It's just - really confusing. And I think - whatever I do - I'm going to end up losing another friend.'

His turn to nod. I know, I should have been glad he wasn't going to press the issue, but instead it somehow made me feel worse; that he felt I needed to be handled carefully.

'You can tell me anything, Duo. You know that. I won't even tell Wufei if you don't want me to. Even if you're determined to defend Winner as usual.'

'I don't know if I am. That's the problem.'

Oh, I'm not quite so blind regarding Quatre Winner as Wufei, and Zechs - and probably everyone else in the known universe - seem to think. Not quite. He probably knows me better than anyone, and he can play me with the same virtuosity that he plays his violin, or the world's press. But he is my best friend. The first real friend I ever had. And I knew, I _knew_, that there was no way he would have mentioned Heero's leaving unless there he had a seriously compelling reason. It was manipulative; yes, of course I could see that, but I could also see why. Quatre was the one who'd been there for me after Heero, he would never mention that time in my life unless it was necessary, unless he wanted me to know the exact magnitude of the pain he was feeling.

I do realise this sounds insane, but in some freaky weird way, it had made me feel - that he was somehow in control of the situation. That he knew he'd messed up with Trowa, big time, but that he was going to put things right, and they'd be together again, somehow. Even if he had to dredge up my worst moments to convince me how vital it was for me to help him.

The most recent message, the one that was still echoing in my head eight hours later, had been the most painful by far, Quat sounding so broken, so hopeless, like he'd given up.

_'Duo? Duo, it's Quatre. I - I'm not sure why you won't answer any of my calls; I suppose you must have talked to Trowa. Duo, please, if he contacts you again, can you just say it's all my fault? All of it. I don't care what he did. I understand. Can you please just tell him I love him? I'll always love him. That's all.' _

'Duo, if you don't eat that soon, it's going to be cold.'

'Oh,' I hadn't realised I'd just been swirling my spoon around and took a mouthful. It was already pretty cold, actually; I'd obviously zoned out for quite a while. I ate it anyway; it takes an awful lot to convince me to leave food uneaten.

When I eventually mopped up the last few drops, Zechs was looking at his watch.

'Just after one, Duo. We probably should go, or you'll be late.'


	9. Things We Don't Talk About

Disclaimer - they're not mine! Sad but true…

Note: This is the longest chapter so far, and was definitely the hardest to write. I would really appreciate any comments. Hope it works... I've put in a few revisions, since I posted this - nothing major, just clarifying a couple of points…

**Things We Don't Talk About:**

In the therapist lottery, Wufei had hit the jackpot. He got the charming Dr. Zelie Blake, who believed in the healing power of hugs, and never sent him home without a small gift - usually a crystal or a CD of ocean music.

I get Dr. Julius Rabinowitz-Levi, who believes his god-given mission in life is to make me cry once a week.

My sessions are supposed to last a full hour, but I can usually manage to arrive a little bit late and then fritter away a few more minutes in taking off my coat and pouring myself a glass of water.

Today, I was actually a few minutes early, and Dr. R.L. was still with another client. The little room where we have these torture sessions doesn't offer much in the way of distractions; a couple of fairly comfortable chairs, a table holding a carafe of water, a glass and an unopened box of tissues. Sitting blandly on the chair he usually uses was the latest folder of my case notes, a somewhat battered cardboard file in bright orange, already starting to bulge slightly. I'd peeked inside on the rare occasions I'd been here first and determined he had horrible, cramped, crabby handwriting. I'd read all the little annotations he'd made on the inside cover; high suicide risk, severe emotional and psychological traumas, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, fear of abandonment, history of extreme violence...blah blah blah..

(_Hello! _Gundam Pilot. What do you expect?)

Whatever. I think Zechs is right about psychology being a load of codswallop. I mean, you have one little incident and straightaway they're analysing every nuance of your entire life, suspecting every paper cut is a botched attempt to slit your wrists. Oh, come on, give me a little credit here, please. With my particular skills, if I'd intended to kill myself I would have been able to do it properly.

'Good afternoon, Duo.' Oh, joy, here he was; the Chief Inquisitor in person. He looks harmless enough, I'll grant you; getting on in years, running to tubby around the middle, hair starting to thin a bit, dressed in the slightly shabby clothes that academic types like to wear, proving they've got more important things to think about than fashion. But, dear lord, he has the scariest eyebrows I've ever seen. They're gnarly, snarly thickets of grizzled hair and when he raises them, they do this scary little dance as all the hairs twist and twine into new positions around each other. I've had nightmares about them detaching from his face and chasing me all around the room.

This is usually the bit when we sit and stare at each other until I crack. We have an agreement that I have to confide _something _in every session, or he'll refuse to keep me as a patient. He'd never made any conditions about _when_ exactly I have to do said confiding.

Today was a little different.

'I need to talk to you about something. If that's OK?'

'_Really_?' He practically bounced off his chair in the excitement of hearing that Duo Maxwell was willing to Open Up, looking like he'd just been given an unexpected Christmas present. Well, maybe not Christmas, since he's Jewish, but you get the picture, right?

'Mm. The thing is, Doc, it's really sensitive. I need to know that this is just between us.'

He actually looked a little hurt for a moment; yeah, right. There are things in my life that I don't tell my closest friends, but I'm supposed to tell this relative stranger just because he's got some degree or other, and then pay him huge amounts of money for the privilege. I'm not quite sure where any of that is supposed to encourage me to trust him. Then he was launching into a spiel on how he met the highest ethical standards of his profession and the safeguards that he used to protect patient confidentiality.

'So…anything I tell you here is totally confidential? Even if it's not just about me?'

You see where I'm going here? The thing is, Trowa hadn't exactly sworn me to secrecy, so, theoretically I could have just talked to Zechs. Except he's sort of involved, because he knows us all and he doesn't like Quatre, and I needed to talk to someone impartial. So I was actually prepared to talk to my therapist.

'Duo, you have my word, nothing that passes between us will ever leave this room.'

'Even if someone, hypothetically, tried to…torture you?'

'_What_? Is that…even a remote possibility?' Oops. Maybe shouldn't have said that. He was leaning forward now as if he wasn't sure whether to run or call for help. I was too scared to look at his face to see what the eyebrows were up to. Maybe I was overreacting a bit; even if Trowa was acting all weird, he probably wouldn't go around torturing elderly doctors.

'No. Of course not. Just a random query.'

'Ah. I see. Duo, what you need to talk about…is it related to something that happened during the war? When you were a prisoner?'

'I'm sorry?' I was clueless for a minute, then the penny dropped. Oh, right, shouldn't have mentioned the torture thing. Red rag, bull, all that. OK, head him away from the whole War Experiences topic.

'No! Nothing to do with that. The thing is, I have this friend….'

'Duo!' He slanted me one of those sorrowful 'why can't you trust me?' looks. 'You've been seeing me for over three years now. Don't you think you can admit to having problems without resorting to subterfuge?'

Oh, God, this was like trying to build a Gundam out of jelly. Deep breath, Duo. You need to talk about this to someone and there aren't a lot of other options.

'No, really, I _do_ have a friend and he's having some serious problems. I thought you might be able to give me some advice on how to help him.'

'Hmm. Duo, it would be hardly ethical for me to offer advice on a person whom I've never met, who is not a client of mine, and about whom I know nothing but what you tell me. If you are truly worried about your friend, my suggestion would be for you to recommend him to seek professional help.'

Oh sure, drum up more business for your blood-sucking colleagues, why don't you?

Another deep breath. That didn't work so I took a long swallow of water as well.

'But - I'm really worried about him, _and _his partner, and I'm totally confused about what's happening with them, and I need to talk to someone who doesn't know either of them and can just - be objective about the situation. Does that make any sense?'

Well, that came out more.. honest than I'd intended but it apparently worked.

'Very well. But, Duo, you do realise I can hardly give a professional opinion in these circumstances.'

'I know that. I understand. I just need to - get my head around what's happening with them.' He gave me an encouraging nod. (Don't look at the eyebrows, Maxwell - no!)

'I take it your friends are having relationship problems then?'

'That's right. Tr - _Triton_ has been going out with the same person for over seven years now, and they're the most perfect couple, seriously, but they're just going through a bit of a bad patch.'

'I see. His partner is male or female?'

'Um, a girl. She's called Cathy.' Shit, that was really scary, if I let myself think about it too much. It seemed a good idea to cloud their identities a bit, though; Tro and Quat have come up in quite a few of my sessions, so Dr. R.L. knows all about them.

'The thing is, Triton is Cathy's bodyguard as well as her boyfriend and…'I paused for a minute, thinking of the best way to put what came next.

'That must put something of a strain on the relationship, for a start.'

'What? No, I don't think so, actually. Not usually. But.. there was this party at, um, Cathy's house last summer….'

It had been one of the massive gatherings that Quatre is expected to host from time to time, for Winner family and friends and favoured employees. There'd been an orchestra and fireworks and people rampaging all over the grounds. At some point after dinner, the guys had managed to snatch a few minutes alone on the terrace, and when Trowa noticed someone approaching them, he'd been more irritated than alarme. Aarif Mansour was seventeen, the son of old family friends and had been dating Quat's niece Bahiyah for six months.

Trowa had seen the flash of lamplight on metal only just in time. Quat would have been shot at almost point-blank range, if Trowa hadn't shouldered him out of the way. Aarif had turned the gun on himself and somehow the whole disaster had been covered up as a 'tragic accident', a history of mental problems fabricated for the boy. Nobody wanted to publicise the Winner CEO narrowly escaping assassination from one of his own dinner guests.

Trowa, of course, had blamed himself for the whole thing. He'd become totally obsessed with Quat's safety, shooting at shadows and insisting on masterminding his boyfriend's every move. Recipe for disaster. I could imagine Tro in serious protective mode, could imagine all too easily how Quat would react to that, how he would hate the implication that he was unable to look after himself.

My best friend, of course, had rebelled eventually, evading Trowa's supervision one morning to go riding alone; Trowa finding him gone, had panicked and there'd been a blazing row when Quat eventually turned up.

Trowa had recited all of this as if he were reading a news bulletin, staring down at the grass as if he could see the words there but at this point he'd met my eyes for the first time and his voice was unsteady.

'You swore once, Duo, what you'd do to me if I ever hurt Quatre.'

'Oh God.' I wasn't sure that was even me speaking, the words seemed to be swooshing down a very long, wind-filled tunnel. 'You hit him.'

I think it was only the look in his eyes that stopped me from strangling him with my bare hands. That, and the fact that I knew he wouldn't resist. I wasn't quite sure what I planned to do when I launched myself across to him, but somehow we ended up clinging to each other in a fierce hug. Fuck. How had all this happened? Trowa Barton in my arms, looking not so much like death warmed up, as death left in cold storage before being flung into a snowdrift.

'You never said anything.' I whispered finally. 'Neither of you.'

'We were so scared, Duo. I'd never - never imagined I could hurt him. Not ever. Not in my worst nightmares. We couldn't tell anyone.'

'You never thought of ...getting help? Talking to a therapist or a doctor or something?'

God, I couldn't believe I'd just said that.

'That was...never an option. You know how Quatre's family feel about me. They just about tolerate me because I'm useful as Chief of Security for WEI. Can you imagine what would happen if they'd heard I was having some sort of breakdown? That _I'd_ been the one to hurt him?'

I nodded, just a little uncertainly. I'd never entirely understood the complexities of Quat's relations with his family. What do I know about stuff like that?

In the end, they'd tried to diagnose Trowa's problems using the medical websites on the 'Net, and started him on a course of drugs that were supposed to reduce feelings of paranoia and generally calm him down. Bloody DIY idiots. It had worked for a month or so; Tro had chilled a bit and then he started to develop some other problems; headaches, and some slight vision impairment.

'I assume at this point he realised there were problems attached to the medication and sought appropriate help?' Dr. R.L. was making more notes on his pad, well, I assume that's what they were. He could have been doing his grocery list.

'He …didn't think it was the pills at the start.' I snagged a spare hair elastic from my wrist and twisted it around one finger, trying to see how far I could pull it. I wasn't quite sure how to put the next bit, what Trowa had first thought was wrong with him.

It had been one of our recurring nightmares after the war; that we'd all somehow been...changed. We were operating as Gundam Pilots at fifteen and, OK, we were tough and we'd undergone rigorous training and somehow survived it, but we were still kids. Kids only have so much strength and speed and stamina and no-one knew exactly what sort of chemical cocktails the doctors had been pouring into us. Especially me and Tro. The expendable ones.

Trowa, suspecting this particular scenario had come to stalk him, and not wanting to worry Quatre had secretly had some medical tests and realised that the pills he'd been taking to reduce paranoia were something else entirely.

'He'd been taking something called Denroquine.' I saw from the Doc's reaction that he'd heard of it. 'I did a quick online search last night and nothing came up. What is it?'

'A drug developed by OZ.' He didn't need to say any more.

It was one of the things that had all been more or less swept under the carpet, in Relena Peacecraft's new era of peace and forgiveness and brotherly love. That OZ had been experimenting with substances that altered chemicals in the brain, increasing levels of aggresion and adrenalin. Perfect for soldiers in combat, right?

'As an offshoot of the 'combat' drugs trials, they'd found ways to...induce feelings of calmness, lethargy, relaxation, what have you. Obviously, such drugs were of little use during wartime, so the tests were sidelined. After the war, there was some more ... experimentation.'

'Experimentation.' I echoed. 'Where exactly?' I didn't really need to ask; because I was pretty damn sure I already knew the answer.

'Liosgard.'

There's a fairly comprehensive list of things we tend not to discuss at home - Heero; the first anniversary of the War's ending; Treize Khushrendada, Wufei's and my respective stints as Preventers - but the ultimate taboo subject is the Liosgard facility in Alaska. Which I suppose is saying quite a lot, when you think about it.

Liosgard was set up after the War for high ranking and 'politcally sensitive' prisoners, for those who'd been charged with serious crimes against humanity. Most of those incarcerated there were either awaiting execution, or awaiting a trial that would undoubtedly lead to the death penalty.

I didn't quite realise at the time just how close the five of us had come to that. I think if it hadn't been for Relena Peacecraft's efforts on our behalf, and the fact that Heero had just saved Earth, we would have been first on the guest list.

As it was, Zechs was in Liosgard for almost two years. For the first six months, he was largely in solitary confinement, not knowing whether or not he would be executed.

Given that those imprisoned there were pretty much on death row anyway; given that most of the people in charge had been insufficiently screened and were insufficiently monitored, and for the most part had serious grudges against the prisoners, there had been serious abuses of power. Like illegal testing of all sorts of substances. Like the perfecting of interrogation techniques.

'So..denroquine is one of these drugs for relaxation?' Put like that, it didn't sound too bad.

'Correct. For what it was, it worked perfectly. It was ideal for potentially violent, unstable subjects in a prison situation. Until the subjects started to die. Duo, are you quite sure this is what your friend was taking?'

I nodded. Quat had admitted it. Had said he'd been scared.

'Do you know for how long? What dosage?'

'I - I think - not more than six weeks. Maybe two months.' Actually, I doubted he'd taken all that much. Tro, like me, has a somewhat...cavalier attitude to medication and he'd probably only taken it if Quat reminded him. My hair elastic snapped and flew across the room, landing at Dr. R.L.'s feet. 'What's going to happen to him?'

'From what I remember, and I'll have to check this for you, there were no serious problems until the drug had been in a person's system for more that a year. Some side effects, like the headaches your friend mentioned. I will send you all the relevant research I can find. As you've found, most of it was destroyed when the drug was declared illegal. I would recommend Mr. Barton take a full medical. With regular check ups after that.'

'Right. Oh.' I blushed slowly, realising that my little subterfuge hadn't been all that effective. 'OK, I'll do that. What else can I do?'

'Duo...' He leaned back in his chair, steepling his fingers together and peering over them, trying to decide where to go next. 'Your loyalty to your friends is wholly admirable, as is your desire to be a support, but my advice to you is that the problem is theirs and theirs to fix.'

'I know, I know all that, and I won't interfere but Doc, these are my friends, OK? I can't just let them throw away everything they have together!'

'Why?'

I stared at him. 'They belong together. They're perfect together. I just want them to be happy.'

'Perfect. Interesting. Duo, one of the partners in this relationship has been physically abusive, on at least one occasion that you've been told about, and the other felt it needful to source illegal drugs from who-knows-where to ensure his own protection.'

'It sounds...terrible when you put it like that.' I muttered.

'And how would you prefer me to put it?'

I didn't know what to say. What I really, really wanted was to find out that Quatre and Trowa had been possessed by aliens.

'Duo. I know you care for your friends. I know how much you value being part of their group, but it is wrong to stay in an abusive relationship. You must see that, from your own history.'

'I have _not _been in an abusive relationship.' I was on my feet suddenly, yelling at him. 'Ever! I've only been in one freaking 'relationship', as you put it, and he _never _physically hurt me. None of this is even _about_ me.'

'You said, at the start of this session,' he glanced down at his bloody notes, ignoring my little temper tantrum as usual, 'that your object in talking to me today was that you wished to 'get your head around all of this.' Correct? Well, then perhaps you might concentrate on examining your feelings around this, and where they're coming from for next week. Specifically, as to why you personally seem to feel responsible. Agreed?'

'Fine!' I stamped down the stairs, hoping to God that Zechs was waiting for me, or I'd end up stealing the first car I saw.


	10. Guidelines for How to Handle Phone Calls

Disclaimer - all the usual disclaimers apply. Unfortunately, they don't belong to me…

**Guidelines for Handling Abusive Telephone Calls:**

Zechs was on the 'phone when I got into the car, squashing myself in past what looked like a forest of vegetables and trying to trample the celery stalks. We'd be eating the damn things for weeks otherwise.

'No, he's here now, _kaerste._ Don't worry, we're on our way; we'll see you soon. Love you.'

Then we were taking off at a speed that threatened to break the sound barrier, let alone the speed limit. Honestly, if Relena hadn't wrangled him a set of Sanque Diplomatic plates, he'd spend his entire fortune paying fines for traffic violations.

'Why do we have to go back straightaway?'

I didn't want to go home. I wanted to go to the shooting range and blaze away with very powerful, very loud weapons until my shoulder ached and my hearing was totally destroyed. Then I wanted to go for pizza and see the new blockbuster movie about the killer mutants, and get back so late that Wufei and Trowa would have gone to bed.

'Your friend Winner called. He's found out that Trowa is staying with us.'

Well, he was bound to, sooner or later. Trowa Barton can move through the world like smoke and shadows, but WEI owns L4, pretty much. I was actually surprised it had taken him this long to trace his runaway boyfriend.

'How pissed is he?'

'Considerably.' He took a hard right turn on to the freeway and turned to look at me. 'Trowa talked to him, this time. According to 'Fei, he told Quatre quite categorically that the two of them are finished. Winner didn't take it very well.'

'Oh.' It wasn't that much of a surprise, not after what Tro had told me yesterday.

He'd pretty much implied that, so far as he was concerned, the two of them were no longer together. Full stop.

'So.. You're his friend. What do you think he'll do now? Deploy the Magunacs on a search and retrieve mission?'

God, the guy's a frigging adrenalin junkie; I knew he was rattled by whatever Wufei had told him over the 'phone, more than he was letting on, but he was also imagining us in a state of siege, setting up anti-aircraft artillery on the roof and landmining the front lawn.

'I don't think so,' In other circumstances, it might have been laughable; the thought of Quatre Winner attacking our house. 'He tends to be more subtle than that.'

'Subtle,' he mused. 'Duo, he knows everything about you, doesn't he?'

That actually did made me laugh. 'Zechs, I think everyone in the world knows everything about me. My life's pretty much an open book.'

That's literally true, by the way. There've been a couple of unauthorised (well, obviously) biographies floating around, exposing damn near every detail of my sordid little past.

'Not what happened at Preventers.'

What happened there is probably one of the few parts of my life that's never been chewed over by the media, the irony being that I couldn't care less about people knowing about my brief, inglorious career with the Preventers. It had lasted for about five hours, not counting orientation classes and coffee breaks, but I'm sure I have one of the thickest, most highly classified files of any employee in their history. Une probably sleeps with it under her pillow.

'They might find it more embarrassing than me. I don't care if people know what happened; I only went along with the cover up because Heero asked me to. Anyway, what are you thinking? That Quat's going to start some - what's the word? - vendetta against me? That's crazy. I haven't done anything.'

'Duo...Winner seems to think you are somehow ... instrumental in splitting up himself and Trowa.' He took his eyes off the road to see my reaction to this, only just hauling the car back from the cliff edge in time.

'Zechs! Watch the road, will you?'

'I was a Gundam Pilot, Duo. I think I can be trusted to drive a car.'

'Oh really? You flew Epyon without bothering to look where you were going?'

He smirked. 'Duo, you do not want to know what other things I could do when I was piloting.'

Oh God. How does every conversation with him somehow end up being about sex? And, sorry, but there are some things you can _not_ do in a Gundam.

'You're right; I don't want to know. And I'm sure Quatre _is _upset, I don't blame him, but he's hardly going to take it out on me.'

Wufei and Trowa were in the kitchen, when we got back, standing on opposite sides of the table and glaring at the 'phone as if it might morph into a Leo at any moment. It was pretty obvious that they'd been having an argument over something and the tension in the room had all but taken on visible life forms.

'Mil, tell Trowa he should stay with us.'

'Trowa, you should stay with us,' Zechs repeated obligingly, crossing the floor to pull Wufei into a kiss, the sort of kiss that always makes me feel surprised that they're still dressed and vertical afterwards. 'Why were you planning to leave anyway? You've only been here a couple of days.'

What happened next was - just weird. The three of them exchanged some sort of complicated eye contact like they all knew something and I didn't and they wanted to keep it that way.

'Duo,' Wu said finally, 'maybe you could take Trowa into the lounge and show him how to work the cable on TV?'

'Oh, because there's no way he could work that out by himself?' I snapped. 'If you want to talk to Zechs without me, you could just ask me straight out.'

'Maybe he doesn't walk to talk?' Zechs suggested, winking at me.

'Whatever.' I banged out of the kitchen, not bothering to check if Trowa was after me. I know it was unfair and irrational and that I was still stressed after therapy, but I really, really wanted to hit Trowa. It had been easier to feel sorry for him when he'd been ... blurry around the edges; exhausted and grieving and emotionally wrecked. Now, he seemed somehow more like his old self - very reserved, very much in control of himself - and involved in some sort of weird conspiracy with the guys. And it was probably just my imagination but he also seemed a couple of inches taller.

I showed him how to surf through the our gazillion cable channels and he eventually settled in my spot on the couch, watching some wildlife documentary about lions. It was sort of cute at the first, watching the little cubs gambol about and play with each other, but then they showed footage of the adults hunting. I hate that bit. It did occur to me that I should maybe go and do something vaguely productive, but it took less energy just to slouch in my chair and glower at Trowa.

Boyfriend-beating sadist who liked watching baby gazelles getting torn apart by a big gang of lions. Oh, I do know that's not entirely fair. The voices in my head that belonged to the Pro-Tro lobby kept pushing in to say that Quat wasn't entirely innocent in any of this; he had after all been feeding his partner with highly-illegal and potentially lethal drugs.

On top of all this, I couldn't help feeling really, really hurt that Quat hadn't told me about any of this. Is that selfish? But it just underpinned the fact that we'd grown so far apart, that I'd been hanging on to some stupid illusion that nothing had changed, and he pretty obviously didn't need me as his confidante any more.

We'd told each other pretty much everything during the War, and for a few years after. I couldn't really pinpoint the exact point when he'd started to drift away. He'd been there the most after my accident. Wufei had been off doing his Preventer thing, and Tro had been spending time with the Cathy at the circus; they'd both visited as often as possible, but Quat had been the constant presence, keeping me sane.

I'd thought somehow that it never change, even when he took over WEI. Stupid Duo, right? Believing that everything would stay the same, that Qua and I would always tell each other everything.

_I was late getting to the safe house where the four of us were supposed to be meeting up. Quat and Trowa had been there a couple of days already. Quat had sent me a quick message to say they were both safe, although Tro had a flesh wound in his right leg. He'd also confided coyly that Something had happened between the two of them, although he hadn't elaborated as to whether this had been full-on sex, or a little discreet hand-holding, but at least they'd finally told each other how they felt._

_I'd dislocated my right shoulder during the mission, wrenching hard at 'Schythe's controls, and though I'd managed to put in back in place (trust me; you do __**not**_ _want details on that), it was still killing me. Trowa was asleep when I arrived, so I let Quat drag me into one of the bedrooms, with the medical kit._

_'Heero's not back yet?'_

_'Not yet, but I'm sure he's safe. We'd have heard something if anything had gone wrong, and I've been monitoring all the news channels. Try not to worry too much, Duo.'_

_I nodded, letting him feed me painkillers and look after a couple of minor burns on my arm, before he climbed up on to the bed with me to rub some sort of herbal ointment into my shoulder. It felt surprisingly good to be fussed over; something I'd never really had before. Even at the Maxwell Church, there'd been far too many orphans clamouring for Sister Helen's attention._

_'Thanks, Quat.' I flexed my arm and found I could actually move it this time without too much screaming pain. 'You're a miracle worker, has anyone ever told you that?' _

_He was busying himself with putting the medical kit away and I gave him a sly little grin. 'Maybe you shouldn't put all those nice, muscle-relaxing creams away just yet. 03 might appreciate a nice back rub, huh?' _

_'It's his leg that was injured.' Quatre had his back to me, putting the medical supplies back in the box. 'He doesn't have anything wrong with his shoulders.'_

_'Hello! Come in, L4! You could always start with his leg and work your way up a little bit….I bet he'd appreciate a little blond sugar in his sad and lonely life.' _

_'Duo...you can't say things like that! Please.'_

_'Quat? Q, come here. What's wrong? I thought you guys had sorted things out.'_

_'Yes. Well. Perhaps. I don't know.' Well, that was enlightening, wasn't it?_

_'Hey, calm down, Quat. Talk to me, OK? You like him, don't you? And we know that he likes you. I'm not really seeing a problem here.'_

_'It's the...' I'd hauled Quat up to the mattress beside me one-handed, and he was staring down at the bedquilt, fingers plaiting the fabric together. 'The - you know, the - physical thing.'_

_'I thought you had that sorted. I mean, you two got together, right?'_

_He'd had some serious hang-ups about sex back then. Originally, I'd assumed it was being having been brought up on L4; it's not socially acceptable to be gay there. But he'd told me he didn't care about all that, that he could see nothing wrong in two people loving each other. Oh, and he also believed that he and Trowa were twin souls who'd been destined for each other since the beginning of time._

_'Well. Yes, but...Sort of. We did some...some kissing. On...you know, on the mouth. And then we just ... held each other. In bed.'_

_'I think that's called cuddling. You go, Q! That's so cool. So you guys made out together, and you got into it? Quat, sorry if I'm being slow here but I'm still not getting what the problem is. He didn't try to push you into anything else, did he? 'Cause I'd disembowel him with 'Scythe if he ever tried to hurt you!'_

_'No! Nothing like that. It was the opposite almost...He was being really careful, almost like he was the one who was scared. It was sweet at first but then I wanted...I didn't __**want**__ him to feel that I had to be treated like I was delicate... so...'_

_'Quat! You little minx, you! You got to boss Trowa Barton around in bed, right?'_

_'Well...yes.' Poor Quat, his face was flaming so badly I was starting to worry the room would ignite. _

_'I - I suppose I did. And oh Duo, it was wonderful at the time. I'd never imagined it could be like that, to feel so close. But, now, he's going to want more, isn't he? And he'll think that I - that I want it as well. Because I let him do those other things and I didn't try to stop him and I actually __**asked **__him not to stop and...'_

_'Quatre, shut up!' He gave me the most forlorn look imaginable, but I knew what he was like when he got into one of his emotional moods; better to nip in the bud before he started crying and then find out exactly what was wrong._

_But, fuck, I did not want to have to ask the next question. Did not want to think of Quatre Winner in the vicinity of those thoughts._

_'Quat, listen babe, no one ever tried to hurt you, did they?' _

_He shrank back against the pillows, making himself as small as possible, but he was shaking his head vehemently and let me gather him up, clinging to me. _

_'Shhh, it's OK. You can tell me, whatever happened. You know that. I swear I won't tell anyone.'_

_'It wasn't me, Duo. I swear.' Through the sobs, he told me what had happened when he was eleven or so. About the young garden boy at the Winner Estate who was returning from an errand, late at night, when he'd been waylaid and raped. 'I wasn't even supposed to know anything about it. I wasn't supposed to know that things like that could happen, especially not to children, but I could feel Nasir, I could feel his pain and I couldn't say anything because my father didn't want to know that I could feel things. That I was different. I heard the servants gossiping the next day, saying it had all been his own fault and that his parents were so ashamed of him, of how he should have died rather than let it happen but he was only a boy, Duo, younger than we are now... and they could scarcely bear to look at him and he..he...killed himself. Duo, he was found in the stables, he'd slit his wrists and I heard my nanny saying it was for the best..._ _that_ _he'd never be able to get a proper job now, with people knowing what had happened, that no decent family would ever let him marry their daughter...'_

_'Quat._ _**Quat**__! Deep breath, OK? Just breathe, babe. Listen, what happened to that kid was a terrible, terrible thing. But - people can survive being raped. You can go on...you can survive...'_

_'Duo! You didn't - you weren't?'_

_'No! Not me. But..I saw things. On L2. It's fucking awful and unfair but you can still go on living. Somehow. Seems to me that what killed him was his family's reaction; maybe he would've been able to get past it if he'd had their support. If they hadn't blamed him for it. D'you see what I mean?' _

_A jerky nod of that blond head. _

_'That was rape, Quat. It's all about power and abuse and strength, it's not about love. Not anything to do with what you and Tro have for each other. Not anything that's ever going to happen to you. I swear. I'd kill anyone who tried to hurt you.'_

_'I - I'd kill anyone who tried to hurt you too.' For the first time, I was the one who couldn't meet his gaze...those huge blue eyes brimming with far, far too much compassion and knowledge and understanding. Not easy to hide stuff when your best friend has this weird mind-mojo thing going on._

_'About Tro, I think you should talk to him. Just tell him that you're not very experienced and that you do like him, but you want to take it slowly at first. It's no big deal, Quat. He's a good guy. He'll understand.'_

_'But, Duo! I couldn't tell him something like that! I'd be far too embarrassed.'_

_Oh, God give me strength. _

_'Q. You slept naked with the guy so you...'_

_'I did __**not!**__ I was wearing pyjamas!' _

_Yeah, and probably thermal underwear as well, and fluffy bedsocks and a nightcap with a bobble on the end. Oh, well, that was Trowa's problem._

_'OK then; you slept with him fully clothed; if you feel comfortable enough for that, you really should be able to talk to him,OK? Just tell him how you're feeling.' _

_'If you tell Heero how you feel about him.' _

_'Huh? How did we suddenly start this conversation? This isn't about me and Heero.' _

_'Maybe it should be! You do love him don't you?' _

_'Duo.' There was someone banging on the bedroom wall. Trowa. Heero's just arrived.' _

'Duo.' Trowa again, jerking me back to the present. I hadn't even heard my cellphone ringing and of course it was Quatre. Of course it was on speakerphone so they all got to hear him, even Wufei and Zechs who were standing in the doorway.

I never did get to hear all of what Quatre said; I dropped the 'phone when I was fumbling to push the Silent button, and Zechs shot it.


	11. On the Care and Feeding of Nightmares

Disclaimer. Oh, you know, the usual. I don't own anything to do with GW...

**On the Proper Care and Feeding of Nightmares:**

Orchids aren't something you'd expect a Gundam Pilot to grow, right? Some tropical plant to cultivate for poisons maybe, or a big, spikey cactus that you could use as a weapon.

Well, I grow orchids as a hobby. For nearly three years now. Zechs gave one to Wufei when they first started dating, but Wu's not really interested in plants unless they can be cooked to provide some sort of nutrients, so I ended up taking care of it, and then I got hooked. They're so incredibly beautiful and exotic and fragile-looking; like some sort of fantastic insect frozen as a flower.

I even have my own terrarium now. OK, I guess you could call it a greenhouse or a glassed in potting-shed or what have you, but apparently a terrarium is an artificial area that recreates the natural habitat of plants, and that's what I've tried to do.

I have a beautiful specimen of Cymbidium Traceyanum that I'd been meaning to move to a bigger pot for a while, but had never quite found the time. It's a bit of a time-consuming process and the roots also needed some serious trimming. I was shaking the last bit of soil from the rootball when I heard the door opening and closing, wondering which of them had drawn the short straw this time to baby sit poor Duo.

Ignoring whoever it was, as I took the out the little knife I use for this and somehow it slipped and slashed across my right palm instead.

Wufei was beside me before I'd even registered what hat happened.

'It was an accident, Wu! I didn't mean it.'

'I know. I know, Duo.' I have a little sink unit in one corner, and he held my hand under the tap under the bleeding slowed. It wasn't really deep, one of those shallow, surface cuts that bleed copiously, and I was mesmerised by the sight of bloodied water swirling down the drain. If bled to death, would Quat even care? Would Heero?

Wufei produced a clean handkerchief and wrapped it up, then he wrapped his arms around me.

'You do have a right to be angry.'

'What's the point?' I asked wearily. Objectively, I knew I should be feeling furious or sad or betrayed or _something_, but emotions just seemed like too much trouble at the moment. 'It's not going to change anything, however I feel. He didn't say anything that wasn't true, really.'

'Oh? Winner was right in saying that you've been plotting to split up himself and Trowa? That you are harbouring some deep, dark plan to split up Mil and myself and seduce him? '

'No! Wufei, dear God, you know I'd never...'

'Duo, if I thought for one second you seriously believed that I could ever think that about you, I would kick your ass all over the house. Understood?'

'Yeah. Sorry. It's just...it's just...'

He was silent while I tried to arrange my thoughts, one hand stroking my back very lightly, just letting me know he was there with me.

'If he could say those things, he must have been feeling them. About me.' I swallowed. 'I know he doesn't really make much effort to stay in touch, but I thought he still liked me. That we were still there for each other. But he must hate me, really, don't you think?'

'Oh, Duo...I don't know what to say. He is ...very upset right now over Trowa, but there is no excuse, _none_, for the things he said to you.'

'I know.' I was having to make a huge effort to stay in some sort of control, with Quatre Winner's words, crisp and clear and wholly contemptuous, slicing through my brain. Never pleasant to have every part of your soul and heart and memory laid bare by vivisection. Especially when you'd trusted the person wielding the blade.

_'Wufei only lets you stay with them because he feels sorry for you. You do know that, don't you? Well, he'll be sorry when you move in on __**his **__boyfriend next...'_

_'Heero only stayed with you, that first year after the War, because it was convenient for him. An easy, casual fuck whenever he was back from assignment.'_

_'You just can't bear to see anyone else being happy, can you? I know you've wanted Trowa for years. Oh, he was too innocent to see it, but I knew. I always knew how jealous you were, that you wanted to split us up..' _

_'Heero thought it was funny, you know; your ridiculous little fantasy about the two of you being a proper couple. That you actually believed someone like him would settle for a cheap little L2 whore.'_

_'Trowa doesn't give a fuck about you, not really; he's just confused at the moment but he __**will **__come back to me. What could he ever want with someone like you?'_

_'You can't seriously have thought Heero would ever want to stay with you, surely? Oh, you were very useful to him during the War, a good way to work off all that tension between missions. That's all you ever meant to him...'_

'_I can't believe you ever thought we'd stay friends after it was all over. You don't belong in my life anymore. You're not exactly a suitable friend for now, are you?'_

_'Heero should have killed you, when he was supposed to. You always were the expendable one. Do you ever wonder if he regretted it?'_

_'You couldn't even kill yourself properly, Duo, could you? You couldn't even do that one thing right.'_

God, it always seemed...surreal listening to Quatre swear. He'd once said 'shit' during a mission, and I swear, he spent the next week expecting Allah to smite him with a lightning bolt.

'Duo! _Duo!' _That was Wufei, squeezing my arms hard enough to hurt. I don't think he realises his own strength sometimes. 'You're bleeding again. I think we should get a bandage.'

'OK.' He was right, the handkerchief was soaked in blood and it was dripping to the floor. 'I should stand and bleed over the grape-vine; it's supposed to be good for them.'

I did actually start to move over, but only managed a couple of paces before I had to sit down.

It all got a bit hazy after that. Trowa and Zechs were suddenly there as well, and I couldn't work out quite why they both looked so terrified, and then I was somehow on the couch. Trowa was talking about shock and Zechs was trying to pour brandy down my throat and Wufei was saying something about sedatives...

Zechs was asleep in the recliner when I woke up on the couch. Four am. I'd slept for most of the night. He's usually a pretty light sleeper so I obviously hadn't cried out during the nightmare. I was still shaking though. No way I could just lie there and calmly go back to sleep.

I was as quiet as possible going up the two flights of stairs to the studio. We converted the attics when we first moved in and now there's one huge room that runs the whole length of the house, and there are more windows than walls.

I'd started a still life of one of my orchids a week or so ago, and never got around to finishing it...it's a pink _Phalaenopsis _with a few pebbles around the base of the pot. Zechs' paintings are all about turmoil...mine are exercises in control, finicky line drawings as precise as the illustrations in a botany textbook. No way in hell I could hold a pencil with both hands shaking, even if my one of them hadn't been swathed in bandages, like a Mummy. Slight overkill there, I thought; the cut hadn't been that deep.

Instead, I wandered around to look at what Zechs had been doing. There was a half-finished charcoal sketch leaning against the wall. He'd drawn Wufei doing Tai Chi, but it could have been the personnification of harmony, of serenity between body and mind. He's the still, strong centre of our household, Chang Wufei, the rock around which Zechs and I orbit.

The only other painting I hadn't seen before was one of his massive oils, and he'd obviously modelled it on my still life.

His orchid looked like my dream of an orchid, as if it might take wing at any moment. All around the edge of the canvas he'd painted a kaleidescope of purple and indigo and violet - but so far the flower itself was untouched by the chaos of colours.

'It's beautiful,' I said softly. I wasn't quite sure when he'd come up, hadn't really heard anything, but I knew he was there. 'Can you not do your deconstruction thing on this one? Please?'

'You'd better have it then.' He came and stood behind me, not quite touching, just tall enought to look over my shoulder at his painting. 'I still owe you an orchid, don't I?'

'I suppose you do.' It seemed incredible now, that a couple of weeks ago we'd actually had a major fight over a handful of flowers. Over Zechs deciding it would be a romantic gesture to scatter orchid petals in the bath he was running for Wufei, but he'd stripped two of my favourite plants of every single bloom and I'd been furious. Wufei usually lets us fight without intervening, but I think he got worried when I'd threatened to castrate Zechs with my pruning scissors, and thought he'd better step in before I tried to carry it out.. It all seemed a very long time ago.

'What was the nightmare about?'

He's probably the only person I can really talk to about my dreams, because he has his own, and sometimes I've been the one to comfort him.

'Heero dying. Me dying. Gundams self-destructing all over the place.' I shivered convulsively. _I'd watched Heero die_. God, it was ages since I'd had those particular nightmares. Heero self-destructing at New Edwards...

'I saw him die...it was so real, Zechs. I was watching and there was nothing I could do'

I always have a problem, when I first wake from a dream, to distinguish between dream and reality. Oh, it had probably only taken a minute or so for me to wake up properly, but it always seemed like a lifetime. A lifetime of a world without Heero.

_'You couldn't even kill yourself properly..._'

_Stop it! _

'He's not dead, Duo.' I wasn't sure which of us had moved but Zechs was holding me, just a little too tightly, maybe trying to make sure I wouldn't run off.

'I know.' I did know it, really, in whatever small rational part of my mind that was still managing to function, but he had died in my dream and I'd seen him and it had been so vivid and so real. I'd always thought I'd lose him to death. I lose everyone to death.

'Duo, breathe. Just try to calm down, OK? Heero's fine. Do you need to call him?'

Bloody Zechs, opening Pandora's Boxes all over the place. Of course, I fucking wanted to call him. I'd wanted to from the moment I'd woken up, known that all I had to do was press two buttons on the 'phone to hear his voice, even if it was just a recording.

But I didn't think I could cope with one of those godawful, stilted, polite, laboured conversations that were how we communicated these days. On a good day, I could just about cope by dredging up my hyper-Duo persona and shaking the mothballs off. I'd never be able to manage it in this state. And I did so _not _need Heero feeling sorry for his poor, screwed-up ex-boyfriend who was incapable of getting on with his life.

_'Heero thought it was funny, you know; your little fantasy about the two of you being a proper couple.'_

'No. I know he's alright. And he's starting his new case on L4 today anyway. He'll be busy.'

'I'm sure he'll have time to talk to you.' Zechs' voice was very gentle. Shit. he must be worried about me if he was actually encouraging me to contact Heero.

'I don't want to, alright?' I snapped at him. 'You can't seriously believe he'll want to hear from me? From - what was it Quatre said he'd called me - _his L2 whore_?'

'I can't seriously believe you're paying attention to anything that bastard Winner said. He's pissed off, and he thinks you're somehow involved in Trowa walking out on him and he knows exactly what strings to pull to hurt you! Duo, did Heero ever call you anything like that?'

'No. Of course he didn't. Not while we were together. But... he still left, didn't he?'

Not a lot, really, that anyone can say to that. He just hugged me even closer; I know he meant it to help; he's incredibly tactile but it just reminded me of how Heero used to hold me. Of course, it wasn't really the same; Zechs is too tall and I could feel his hair tickling my cheek and he doesn't do the humming thing Heero used to, but I still suddenly needed to step away from him.

'Come downstairs with me, Duo. You probably should eat something and we still have leftover sushi from the other day.'

'Sushi only reminds me of Heero.' I said dolefully.

Exasperated sigh; he means well but he doesn't have huge reserves of patience.

'Duo, no offence but sometimes everything reminds you of Heero. Look, I'm sorry. Is there anything, anything at all, I can get to make you feel better? Even a little bit.'

Of course, the one thing that occurred to me was the one thing there was no way of obtaining. I do love living in the middle of nowhere but it does limit some things, like fast food deliveries.

'I'd like a doughnut. A really fresh, squishy jelly doughnut.'

He was daunted for a couple of heartbeats, I could see him trying to work out logistics and the fact that it wasn't even morning yet and nowhere would be open.

'Right. I'll make you some.'

The next time I woke I was scrunched uncomfortably in our biggest armchair, trying to work out why my hair smelled of smoke. It was mostly unravelled and the strands lying over my face were crusted with powdered sugar.

Oh, the doughnuts. Of course. We'd hadn't had much jelly (or _jam_ as Zechs insists on calling it) so we'd experimented with different fillings; honey and peanut butter, melted chocolate and apricot brandy. Afterwards, we'd taken the brandy bottle and watched TV. We hadn't been able to agree on whether to watch the Home Decorating Makeover Channel or the Home Make Your Own Explosives Channel so we'd compromised on some weird soap opera. I'd fallen asleep in the middle of the hero explaining how he was actually his own illegitimate son, courtesy of a time-travelling alien.

Zechs was asleep on the couch; he always ends up on the couch, citing his longer legs. He always looks ready for a photo shoot; I'm not sure whether it's due to his royal genes, or Academy classes in personal grooming. His hair had fallen over his shoulders in one smooth, shining swathe, the blue silk pyjamas were totally unwrinkled and spotless, and even the little smear of chocolate on his cheek looked like it had been left there on purpose. And he was wrapped around what looked like a scaled-down rocket launcher.

_Vanity Fair_ meets Guns 'n' _Ammo._

'Do I even want to know how you two started a fire in the kitchen?' That was Wufei coming in fully dressed and holding two cups of tea. He kissed the little chocolate smear off Zechs' cheek and sat down beside me.

'Probably not. And we did put it out. And it needs repainting anyway.'

We both sat in silence for few minutes, sipping tea and watching Zechs. I love the guy to bits, but he can be a bit….overwhelming when he's awake. It was a novelty to watch him still and silent, the way Wufei must have seen him millions of times.'

'Is he planning to invade somewhere?'

'He said he wants to protect me.'

'I know you're both staring at me.' Zechs grumbled, stretching, fumbling for the channel changer. It's an automatic reflex with him. Open eyes, shake back perfect hair, turn on TV. It drives Wufei insane.

It's hard not to look at a moving screen. There was some sort of news programme in progress and I think we all just froze in place, listening to the reporter…

'….and there is still no update on Quatre Raberba Winner, who has just been airlifted to the Green Oasis Clinic on L4. Hospital sources have revealed that Mr. Winner is believed to be in a critical condition but nothing more is being said at this time….'


	12. Waiting for Heero

Disclaimer - They are not mine. I am doing this solely for the fun of it.

**Waiting for Heero to Call:**

'They're refusing to tell me anything,' Trowa flung the 'phone down and glared at it. 'Apparently the Winners have issued strict instructions that no information is to be given out on Quatre's condition, except to people _they've_ approved.. Duo, haven't you found anything on their computer records yet?'

'Nada, Tro. I'm sorry.' I glanced up from my laptop, where I'd been doing a little light hacking. Wufei was in his study, looking up flights to L4, and Zechs was beside me on the couch, simultaneously monitoring the news channels for updates and fielding 'phone calls from practically everyone we knew who'd heard the news.

According to their homepage, the Green Oasis Clinic treated all the L4 elite, and hacking into their heavily encrypted records had posed an interesting challenge. 'They have him down as being admitted to Emergency less than an hour ago, but nothing else.'

'They haven't had a lot of time to update, especially if he's still in ICU,' Wufei remarked, coming down the stairs. 'Trowa, we've just missed the early morning shuttle to L4 - the next isn't until one this afternoon.'

'That's too fucking late; there must be _something_ before then. I can't just wait around for hours not knowing...surely I can take a connecting flight or hire a private shuttle?'

'I've tried, Trowa. I've looked into all that but you'd just spend hours waiting around for connections; you wouldn't actually get there any faster. I've booked seats for both of us; you'll want someone with you.'

'No, I'ml going with him.'

Oops, had I just said that? I didn't - I really didn't - want to go to L4. It probably made me a horrible, evil person, not to want to rush to Quatre's bedside, but his voice was still echoing in my brain, all those things he'd said.

_'You can't seriously have ever thought that Heero would ever want to stay with you?'_

Well, they were all staring at me, so I'd obviously said something. Damn.

'Duo, you don't have to….feel this is something you have to do, alright ? I'll understand if you never want to see Quatre again...Oh, _fuck! _This is all my fault. I should have been there to protect him. This would never happened if I hadn't left him alone.'

'Tro, you don't know that. You don't even know what's happened for sure.'

'I'm going to call Relena,' Zechs announced suddenly. 'That clinic won't dare refuse to give _her_ any information.' He took off to the kitchen, Wufei following and saying something about making tea.

'Heero,' I said suddenly. 'He's on L4 right now - he'll be able to find out what's going on. Let me the 'phone.' I speed-dialled 01 and it was answered almost before it had a chance to complete one full ring.

'Duo? Are you alright?'

'I - yes, I'm fine.Thank you.' He always started off asking how I was, like he actually cared or something.'It's Quatre. I guess you haven't seen the news this morning, have you? He's been admitted to hospital, he's critical and we can't find out anything..'

'What hospital? The Green Oasis? Right, wait one minute,' I could hear him rapping out questions to someone. 'Duo? My assistant is getting their number now; apparently, the Clinic's only about a twenty minute drive from here, so I'll leave as soon as I get a car and...' He broke off again and I could distantly hear a female voice talking in the background, and Heero grinding his teeth impatiently. Or maybe he was grinding some poor lackey's bones into flour. He must be hell to work for.

'No, I don't have time to wait for a cab...fine then; just give me _your_ keys...Duo, I have to hang up for a minute. I'll try calling the Clinic while I'm in the car...I assume Trowa's there with Quatre?'

'No, he's here with us. Look, that's not important now. Heero, we need you to find out what's wrong with Quatre. Even if the Clinic won't talk to you, you're friendly with one of his sisters, aren't you? You should be able to find out something.'

'Mission accepted,' he said drily and the 'phone went dead.

'He's on his way to the clinic. And he'll call back as soon as he knows anything.'

I fiddled with my laptop and Trowa paced around the room, doing a realistic impression of a caged lion.

'For _fuck's_ sake, Duo, how long can it take him to make a bloody 'phone call?'

We both dived on the 'phone when it rang five minutes later, but it wasn't Heero; it was Cathy. She's a sweet girl, but hell to get off the line. When Trowa eventually convinced her to hang up (by putting the 'phone down) Heero had already called and left a message.

'Duo? It's me. Sorry, I took so long, there seems to be some sort of problem with your cellphone. I couldn't get through to the Clinic but I've just spoken to Yasmina Winner. They think he's out of danger. He took some sort of overdose; he's had his stomach pumped and they don't think there should be any complications. I'm just driving into the Oasis car park now; I'll call you back once I've found out exactly what's going on, alright?'

'He tried to kill himself,' Trowa said bleakly, sagging down on the couch beside me. 'Because I left.'

'Tro...he's alive. That's the important thing, right? Anything else can be fixed.'

'Yeah.' He slumped against me, as if he just couldn't even handle his own weight any more. Trowa Barton, the one who had it all together, needing my support. It had only happened once before, in all the years we'd been friends, and I knew he had to be reliving it.

'He swore, the last time, that he'd never do it again.'

'I know. I know, Tro. I was there too.' Oh, God, I thought I'd managed to lock those particular memories securely away, with a very large neon 'Keep Out' sign and guard dogs equipped with razor-sharp fangs.

Trowa on one side of the hospital bed and me on the other, each of us holding one of Quat's hands. and Quatre looking so small, and so pale because he'd lost so much blood and at the start the doctors weren't sure if he'd make it, even after the transfusions.

He should have been the one to have it easy after the War. The only one of us who'd ever had fairytales read to him as a child, the only one to believe in happy endings. I think he was the only one who believed that, after all we'd done, we were entitled to a happy ever after.

And Quatre was our prince, the one with a huge family who adored him, a boyfriend who loved him more than life, and all the trappings that came with his position as the Winner heir.

Yeah, like the adoring family who weren't quite so adoring when they found out that their precious Quatre was gay, and very much involved and in love with another man, and had no intention of changing. I'd never found out exactly what they'd said to him, but for Quatre, whatever they'd said couldn't have been so bad as sensing what they'd privately felt about him. Whatever, he'd slashed his wrists about four months after the end of the War, less than a week after returning home to L4.

'He promised me, Duo.' Trowa repeated, sounding like he couldn't quite believe what had happened.

I slid out one arm around his shoulders, and he somehow ended up sprawling half-on, half-off the couch, with his head in my lap. I reached out and stroked the long hair back from his face, the way Quatre used to do, teasing himthat there had to be two eyes hidden there somewhere.

'You don't have to come to L4 with me. Wufei already offered.'

'It's OK. If Wu goes, Zechs will insist on going with him, and then I'll have to go anyway, just to keep the two of them from getting arrested for gross impropriety.'

'I shouldn't be involving you in all this. I can understand if you're furious with Quatre right now. Hell, _I'm_ furious with him right now.'

'Honestly, I don't know how I feel right now,' I said wearily. 'My therapist always says I have serious problems with expressing anger; maybe he's right for once.' I still hadn't really had time to think about it; whenever my mind skittered anywhere near the subject of Quatre Winner, I could his voice, flaying every insecurity I possessed.

Instead, I started to flick channels; they were mostly showing the same pictures over and over again; shots of Quatre's family arriving at the clinic, surrounded by bodyguards, interspersed with earnest discussions on what could have happened, an assassination attempt being the most popular theory.

There was also some old footage of Quatre with his 'fiancee' - I couldn't remember her name - Daphne? Della? - on the night they'd announced their engagement.

'Did she know? That it was all a set-up?'

Trowa shifted slightly. 'She knew it was a - business arrangement. Arranged marriages are still fairly common there, especially among the upper classes. She was happy enough with it, given that her parents had been trying to marry her off to a sixty year old widower with seven children.'

'Did she know about you two?'

'I would imagine so. She's not quite so flaky as she looks on TV; she thought she should look deliriously happy and overdid it a bit…. It's...not unknown on L4, Duo. I suppose it's accepted provided the men are outwardly leading flawless family lives and no one disturbs the status quo.'

'Like Quatre wanted to do, right?' Well, he'd wanted to do it once, was adamant that he loved Trowa, wasn't remotely ashamed of their relationship, and had no intention of pretending otherwise, just to keep people happy.

'I suppose.' He looked terrible. His eyes are beautiful, on the rare occasions they're visible, but it hurt now just to look at them, to see the anguish he was going through. And he was way too young to have that crease developing between his brows. 'He only ever wanted to...shit, there's the 'phone!'

He grabbed it, flicking the silent button. Something that we never do; it was like losing one of my senses, listening to the one-way conversation.

'Heero, how is he? No, it's Trowa. Yes, he's here; he's beside me. Quat _is_ going to be alright? You're sure he..._what_? No, I already have...early this afternoon... ..I've already made reservations...Duo, probably...yes, he said he………they did _what?_ ...oh, no they can't fucking do that, Yuy...I don't care, I'm going...what the fuck do you mean, restraining order?... Of _course_ I'm going to see him...listen, Yuy, I'm going to see Quat and _nothing_ is going to stop me..._No_, Heero, you can't possibly imagine that I'm just going to wait here and ...well, screw you...just because you could stay away from your own boyfriend when he...'

'This isn't about Heero and me!' I hissed, snatching the 'phone from him. 'Let me talk to him!'

'Fine. But you can bloody tell him that I'm going to see Quatre and I don't care who tries to stop me.'

'Heero? Are you still there?' Absently, I watched Trowa stalk out, heading for my room, probably to pack. 'What the hell is going on? _What_ restraining order?'

'The Winners have had one issued against Trowa if he comes anywhere near Quatre or attempts to contact him.'

_'What? _They can't do that! Don't they have to have some sort of reason?'

'This is L4, Duo. The Winners could have the tooth fairy arrested if they chose to. And... according to Yasmina, they do have a reason. Apparently several members of Quatre's household staff have testified that they overheard Trowa shouting at Quatre and that on at least one occasion, Quat had bruises which he claimed were caused by falling down the stairs. Do you have any idea what's going on?'

'I don't know exactly what happened.' I hedged. 'I know they've been having problems but..., are you serious about Tro not being able to see him?'

'God, yes. Duo, he'll be arrested as soon as he steps off the shuttle. Can you persuade him to stay there, at least until I get in to see Quatre and get this stupid order lifted?'

'OK. Look, just hang on for a minute, please?' I yelled for Zechs and Wu and gave them a quick rundown on what was happening. 'Just knock him on the head or tie him up or something. But he can't go to L4.'

'How soon do you think they'll let you see Quat?'

'I don't know, Duo. Most of his family is here and the doctors won't want him having too many visitors at first. I'll let you know as soon as I can.'

'OK. I - thanks. I know this is terrible timing, with your trial starting today and everything.'

'It would be, if it hadn't been cancelled.' Even from half the world away, I could hear the snap of frustration in his voice.' My client decided that an L4 courtroom would be less than sympathetic to a sixteen year old girl who wants to go to University, rather than marrying a contemporary of her father's.'

'Oh. Heero, I'm sorry. But can't you...appeal somewhere, even if you did lose? Take it to the ESUN or somewhere?'

'I could, of course, but by current legislation a case can only be appealed if the person making the appeal presents his or her own case. Even if I could persuade a shy teenage girl who's never been outside her home without her mother or aunts to travel to Earth, her family would disown her for the shame she' brought on them. Johara isn't prepared for that.'

'That sucks.'

'It does, yes.' He was silent for a few moments, and I supposed he was getting ready to say goodbye. Then - 'How's the shuttle design going?'

'Oh, fine.' This is what Heero and I talk about these days; work. Well, mostly his to be honest. He's a human rights lawyer and a lot of his cases get media attention, so I usually know what he's working on. We do sometimes talk about mutual friends, or politics, and at Sally's wedding, we'd actually had a conversation about a movie we'd both seen, but mostly work is a nice, safe, impersonal topic.

'I - um - should probably let you go.' I didn't want to, but somehow it was a little less painful if I was the one to suggest it.

'I'll call you as soon as I talk to Quatre. Try to stop Trowa doing anything stupid.'

He didn't say goodbye; we never had, and it was one habit that had somehow survived everything else.

Zechs stuck his head in the door.

'Trowa decided to take a little nap.' He was grinning in a way that suggested the little nap hadn't been entirely voluntary.

'Oh, God. Did you really knock him on the head?'

'Not exactly. My clever brilliant boyfriend gave him tea with sedatives in it. He'll be asleep for the next few hours. What exactly is going on anyway? I thought we were all going to L4.'

Heero called back late that night. Quatre had approved the restraining order and was apparently considering pressing charges for assault.

The next couple of days were a nightmare. Tro vacillated between being furious with us from stopping him storming off to L4 anyway, furious with Quatre and furious with himself.

Quatre was kept in ICU for slightly longer than expected, owing to 'unforeseen complications', which were never explained.

Zechs and I watched the first press conference he held from his private ward. He apologised for causing so much pain and anxiety to his family and especially his 'beloved fiancee' and explained how he had arrived home late, following a long and stressful day, and suffering from a severe headache. He had taken the incorrect dosage of painkillers, which he claimed was due to inaccurate labelling on the bottle, and he planned to raise this issue with the Product Safety Standards division of the ESUN. He was determined, he said, to force all pharmaceutical companies to revise and clarify instructions on all medications, particularly potentially lethal ones, because 'no other family should ever have to suffer such trauma, which could so easily have been avoided.'

'He's something else, isn't he? I can't imagine anyone else who would manage to turn his own failed suicide attempt into some sort of personal crusade. The media is going to lap this up.'

'Mmm.' I wasn't paying a whole lot of attention. My laptop was open on my knee; I'd just hacked into the Green Oasis website again to take a look at Quat's medical file.

He'd taken about four times the recommended amount of pills.

And the dosage would have made him sick, but there was no way that it could have been lethal, unless he'd had some sort of allergy.


	13. Lightning, in a Clouded Sky

Disclaimer - Not mine. All for fun. (although this chapter and the next one have felt more like penal servitude at times.!.)

A/N - This chapter started as little exercise for me to try to get inside Trowa's head and then got long enough to be posted in its own right. Trowa POV.

**Lightning, in a Clouded Sky:**

The French have a phrase for love at first sight - a _coup de foudre_. It can also mean a thunderbolt, or a flash of lightning across a clear sky, or an event that is entirely unexpected. My first sight of Quatre Winner was all of these things and more. A lightning bolt streaking between our Gundams and straight into my soul, a blaze of blue as his eyes met mine.

There is one other meaning for a _coup de foudre._ A disaster, unforeseen and wholly unanticipated.

But that isn't really fair. The clouds have been gathering for months, now. I could say it all went wrong when Quatre was almost assassinated. I saved him but it had been my fault. I'd let myself drop my guard at the wrong moment and I'd almost lost him.

Or when I hit him the first time. I suppose that was the end of the beginning, or the beginning of the end. Our relationship had never been the halcyon idyll that Duo somehow seems to imagine; we were two very different people and spent most of our time playing roles to please Quatre's family, the press, the public. But he'd never looked at me before like he was scared of me, of what I might be capable of.

But it really ended when Quatre made it very clear, three days ago, that he no longer needed or wanted me in his life, that he was willing to invoke his name and position to keep me away from him.

I don't know. We met when we were both fifteen years old. The former mercenary who'd seen it all, done it all, and the poor little rich kid who'd had everything and knew nothing.

We got together after a mission; the two of us alone in a safehouse. I'd taken a wound to my leg; nothing serious, I'd taken a lot worse but he seemed to enjoy fussing over me. Once he'd got me tucked up in bed with hot milk and all the blankets and pillows he could find, he excused himself to take a shower and get ready for bed.

I hadn't expected to see him again that night, but he came back, standing in the doorway in his blue dressing gown, his hair slightly damp and spiked from the shower.

'Two's better than one, Trowa.' Then he turned off the light and got into bed with me, as matter-of-factly as if we'd been doing it our whole lives. I didn't realise he was trembling until I reached out for him.

I don't think I would ever have made the first move. Oh, he was cute as a button hung around a kitten's neck, and probably more innocent. I knew he liked me, but he was an affectionate, friendly sort of guy with all of us. He even tried to take care of Heero sometimes, once he'd got over being intimidated by him, and he and Duo just seemed perfect together. I didn't know back then that Duo wore his own set of masks, just like I did.

And he wasn't really my type. If you're going to shack up with someone in the middle of a war, you want to make sure they're capable of looking after their own back, and yours, and that afterwards you can both just get up and walk away, without looking back. Can't watch yourself in battle if you're worried sick about saving someone else's ass. Not that Quatre wasn't a good pilot, but he was essentially like Duo; a civillian who'd been caught up in something he didn't really understand, but lacking Duo's survival skills.

Back at the beginning, I'd figured Heero and I might hook up. Two professionals with no dangers of getting emotionally entangled; my take on Heero back then was that if he'd ever had an emotion, it had been downloaded on to his laptop and immediately deleted. But it didn't take very long to realise this wasn't quite true, and that his emotional radar was firmly fixated on Duo Maxwell, even if Duo hadn't quite noticed it yet.

Duo - well, fuck, Duo was and is plain gorgeous and hasn't a clue about it. We were friends from the word go, not like him and Quatre, but allies with similar enough backgrounds to know where we were each coming from. We didn't exactly fit the profile the scientists had wanted for their perfect Gundam Pilots and knew it.

So - it could have been either of them, but Quatre Winner had decided he wanted me and it was Quatre who climbed into my bed, in the end, and told me that the dark shadows in my heart and soul could be banished by sunlight.

Quatre was the one I'd loved from the first moment I saw him.

Fuck it, anyway. I can't believe I'm even trying this. My own fault for rifling through Duo's bookshelves and finding, in the middle of his engineering texts and thrillers and poetry, a few battered books on how to survive the break-up of a relationship. You only have to look at Duo to see that they didn't help _him_ very much.

Duo left this morning on a flight to Miami. He claims it was something he needed to do for his job, but this time I don't blame him for running. Not after the things that Quatre said to him, exposing every wound in Duo's life that hasn't properly scabbed over. There are still things he's fragile over, and probably always will be and Quatre did an extremely efficient job of hurting him.

I think he needed to be in a place with friends who've only known him for a few years, who never saw him at his lowest. Fair enough.

Six years after Duo and Heero split up and he's still hopelessly in love, although he refuses to admit it. Duo prides himself on never lying; that doesn't mean he always tells the truth though.

We go along, mostly, with the fiction that it was a mutual, amicably agreed separation. I'm not sure how he rationalises that particular lie. He was devastated after Heero left; he'd built his whole life around being with the Perfect Soldier, but somehow he manages to be civil to him on the rare occasions they meet nowadays. I've always felt that's a form of lying, in itself, but he claims they have too many mutual friends and a permanent, obvious rift between them would force people to take sides.

Whatever, as he would say himself. He wouldn't admit it under torture but I know he relishes any tiny bit of contact, any sign that Heero still has some part in his life.

That is...not going to happen to me.

Are there degrees of betrayal? A line somewhere that defines what you will and won't put up with, regardless of love and trust and loyalty and years of shared history?

I'd always trusted Quatre, even when he almost killed me, and I'd spent months afterwards driving off his nightmares, reassuring him that none of it had been his fault.

I think Quatre finally managed to find my limit.

Did Duo ever do this stupid frigging exercise? The page is turned down and a few words underlined in red ink. It's supposed to be an exercise in 'letting go'; you trace back your relationship history and look for all the negatives, from the little niggly habits to the major problems that precipitated the break-up. Example of the former being dirty laundry left on the floor; example of the latter being infidelity.

No example of one partner drugging the other. No example of physical abuse.

There are other suggested exercises - visualise the thread that connects you to your former partner and then visualise cutting it. I've done that. Although not with the scissors they suggest. Why use a scissors when a flame thrower will do?

Or imagine your partner is in the room and tell him how you feel, tell him how much he hurt you. You're supposed to tap into your 'inner anger' for this, to hold nothing back.

But I've already done that to Quatre's face.

I spent about a third of my life with him; we met during the War and have more or less been together for the past seven years. I was his first lover; he was my first love.

During the War, when I wasn't really sure if it would ever end or we would survive, I would let him hold me in the darkness and weave stories of how our lives would be. He had it all worked out; how we would share a brightly painted caravan and travel the world with the circus, how he would compose music for us both.

We gave it a shot, the first year of peace. Who knows, it might even have worked? But Quatre was haunted by his father's death, by the fact that he'd never managed to be the son his father had wanted, and now he never would. Didn't help that his family was pressuring him to return home, that it was hard for him to fit in with the circus with the Magunacs dogging his footsteps as 'bodyguards', that he didn't really know how to adapt to life except as a terrorist on the run, or the sheltered scion of the world's most powerful family.

So we went to L2 and, if you really want to pinpoint the moment when it all turned to shit, well, it was when we stepped off that shuttle. Or when Quatre hacked open the veins in his wrists, because he could sense what his family thought about him. Not enough to deny his pacifist heritage, to leave his father to die heart-broken from his only son's betrayal, he had to have unacceptable preferences as well. He tried to kill himself when his older sister Zaida told him she was afraid to leave him alone with her two young sons, for fear of what he might do to them.

_Fuck. _We should have left then, left them to screw up each other's lives on that godforsaken colony but he felt he had to live up to at least one of his father's expectations, to take the Winner Corporation so we stayed. Pretending it was just another undercover mission, another infiltration. No public displays, ever, but we shared a suite at the Winner mansion, and of course Quatre Winner and his chief bodyguard needed adjoining rooms when we travelled.

Just illusions, smoke and mirrors. People see what they choose.

An illusion until his eighteenth birthday. We'd all been granted legal adult status after the War, but Quatre's father's will specified that his son would inherit when he was eighteen. Except by then, he was still trying to make WEI into something the elder woukld have been proud of.

The truth is that Quatre and I were over when he decided he no longer wanted me. So we're over. No need to pretend any more. Shouldn't that be a relief?


	14. Silk and Steel

Disclaimer - the usual.

Notes - this one's back to Duo's POV.

**Silk and Steel:**

'No.'

'Duo, I'm just asking you to try them. That's all.'

'I said no, Zechs. I'm perfectly capable of choosing my own clothes.'

'All evidence to the contrary. You've been back from Florida for five days now and you're still wearing that same pair of jeans - and they're about two sizes too big for you!'

'No, I haven't! I have two pairs the same, that's all.'

'Which I think proves my point rather than yours. Duo, stop being so ungrateful and just get dressed, alright?'

'Fine! Anything to stop you nagging me. ' We were standing in their bedroom, glaring at each other across the bed, which was strewn with packages from Zechs' and Trowa's shopping expedition.

'I'm sorry I ever said I'd go out with you guys tonight.' I'd agreed after some heavy-duty emotional blackmail on all of their parts. Zechs was adamant that Wufei needed a night out after everything that had happened over the last two weeks but didn't want to leave me at home by myself. Wufei had claimed pretty much the same thing about Zechs. And Trowa had claimed that he wanted to take us all out, in appreciation of all our help and support, and he was afraid that Zechs and Wufei would refuse to go without me...

Of course, I wasn't going to tell them so, but I would have agreed to go quite happily, even without the arm twisting guilt-trips ; it was a while since I'd been out with Zechs and Wu, and probably over a year since Trowa and I had spent much time together. He'd already made reservations at the nicest Italian restaurant in town and we were going to go to a club afterwards.

'Nonsense; we'll have a wonderful time. Duo!' Zechs dumped a couple of gift boxes from his favourite clothes store into my arms and pointed to the walk-in closet. 'Go!'

The pants were black, very snug-fitting and cut very low on my hips and the cropped, sleeveless top also fit far more snugly that I usually like; between the two, there was far more skin on display than I'm comfortable with. Everything in my life, on the streets and as a terrorist, has taught me that clothes should be a form of camouflage, a way to blend in. Definitely not a way to attract attention.

'Duo? Are you all right in there? Do they fit?'

'Um...I guess. But no way am I going out like this in public.'

'Come out and let me decide that.'

'Zechs, seriously, I just don't feel comfortable dressed like this.'

'Duuuuuuu-ooooo!' The idiot was cracking up outside the door. 'Isn't it time you came out of the closet? Or do I have to break the door down and drag you out by the hair?'

'Uh, _hello_! This isn't Wufei you're talking to,' I jibed back and then decided I was being stupid. We were going to be in a gay club after all; if I did attract any attention it would probably because I was somewhat overdressed.

'Wow. Duo, why don't you look at yourself in the mirror?' He shook his head. 'How do I always forget what's hiding under those baggy clothes you wear?'

'Stop ogling me like that, Merquise.' My hands were itching to tug my top down but he'd only laugh at me.

'Better get used to it, looking like the way you do. I wish we had time to get you a tattoo.. Or a navel piercing would be cool. I'm sure we could use a needle and boiling water or something...'

'No way am I letting you stick needles into me!'

'God, you're boring sometimes, Maxwell. Well, at least you got a decent suntan in Florida.'

I'd originally flown down to Miami for a couple of days of project meetings; then my friend Patrick had talked me into staying on for the weekend so we could spend some time together. We'd gone sailing and deep-sea fishing and on my last night, his ruthlessly practical girlfriend Maureen had insisted on giving me a pep talk after I'd given her the censored version of what had happened with me and Quat.

'Duo, life's too short to waste on losers like that. I know you thought you two were still friends but you were the one doing all the running. I mean, you lived here for over two years and he only visited you once. You're way better off without him; it's not like you don't have a bunch of friends who really care about you and wished they saw you more often, OK?'

I'd grinned at her. 'You see me every three or four weeks; any more and you'd get sick of me. And Mitch needs me to come back for the seventeenth.'

'Cool! We'll arrange a party. I seriously can't believe you're still single; I swear, I know a dozen guys who'd love to go out with you.'

'All at once? Mo, sweetie, that's not a date, it's an orgy!'

'Earth to L2?' Zechs was still looking at me in a way I wasn't entirely comfortable with. 'Look, if you really feel uncomfortable, you could wear something on top.'

'Like a snow suit?'

'Like this.' He rummaged among the parcels on the bed and tossed me something. 'Just try it, OK? And don't do up the buttons. It's supposed to be loose.'

'It' was a shirt, raw silk and velvet and little bits of lace, in colours from midnight to blackberry to deep indigo and every shade in between.

'Wow.' Zechs said again and this time I really looked at myself in the mirror, seeing not myself, but the reflection of someone stylish and confident and even sexy.

'You, my friend, are going to have guys lining up around the block to dance with you.'

'Yeah, right. Like anyone would look twice at me with you three pieces of eye candy around.' I couldn't help doing a little twirl anyway, letting the shirt float around me. 'Why do we have to go to Steel anyway?' I wondered. 'There are plenty of other clubs.'

'Mmm, but Steel has the best music, the best cocktails, the hottest bartenders...And speaking of Leon, you never really told me about that date you went on.'

'It wasn't a _date_ date. We just met for lunch and talked.'

'Oh right. For six hours? And, let me guess, you told him you really liked him as a friend but you weren't interested in anything else at the moment? Correct?'

'Something like that. It's true, Zechs. Look, I know you want me to be happy and I know you think I'd be happy if I had a boyfriend but...can you just lay off a bit? I'm sick of people trying to fix me up with someone who'd be 'just perfect' for me. If I want a boyfriend, I'm quite capable of going out and finding one by myself. I don't need everyone in the entire universe thinking that poor, pathetic Duo needs a matchmaker.'

Zechs grinned. 'You know, you're cute when you're assertive. I just think you'd be happier if you got laid more than once in a blue moon.'

'Actually, I wouldn't. Just ask Wufei what I was like when I was going through my sleeping around phase.'

It had been one of the...particularly dark periods of my life; the last months of 197. I was living in the spare room of Wufei's apartment, having screwed up my life in every way imaginable. I'd almost died, I'd lost almost six months of my life and I'd totally lost Heero. Oh, and I'd also almost been convicted of attempted murder of pretty much every major political figure in the ESUN, not that I'd known it at the time, being unconscious on a life support machine.

Ultimately, it was decided that I'd been suffering from severe post-traumatic stress disorder, and had reacted in a crisis by doing precisely what I'd been conditioned to do, rather than being some crazy L2 separatist who'd wanted to plunge the world into another war. Probably helped that back then, no one really expected me to come out of the coma anyway. Oh, and somewhere in the nightmare that been Christmas Day of 196, I'd managed to save Relena Peacecraft's life..

Only a handful of people knew what had really happened, and I think they still mostly believed I'd been trying to kill myself.

Back then, Wufei had still been doing his Top Preventer Agent thing, and was off on assignment most of time; I didn't really know him that well anyway; we'd spent very little time together during the War, and only met up at a few formal functions afterward. Quat and Trowa were on L4, and I was desperately lonely. It had seemed like a good idea on occasion to go out on a regular basis and drink far too much, before being screwed by total strangers.

And yes, I do know it was incredibly stupid behaviour on my part, particularly as most of these little indiscretions managed to make headlines in the scummier tabloids, but back then I didn't really care. I'd had the self-esteem of a tattered piece of soggy cardboard at the bottom of a dumpster, was aching for any kind of physical contact, and I'd just needed to know that someone needed and wanted me, however briefly. Oh yeah, and there was usually just that one fraction of a second where I could pretend I was still with Heero.

Ironically, what saved me was Wufei leaving Preventers and having his own personal brand of breakdown (which, Chang Wufei being the very private, very discreet person that he is, he chose to do in the privacy of his own home, rather than in front of the world's media. My timing always sucks). We'd never really known each other during the War, and somewhere along the line, coping with each other's problems, we'd become friends, instead of a somewhat reluctant landlord who put a the highest possible premium on his personal space, and the inconvenient lodger he'd taken in out of charity.

'I'm not actually suggesting you become a slutbunny again, Duo. Just go on a couple of dates with someone you actually like, and see what happens. You don't always have to have full blown sex on the first date, despite what you seem to think.'

'Yeah. Maybe,' I supposed I didn't sound rabidly enthusiastic but it did sound sort of appealing when he put it like that. It might be nice to have a boyfriend of my own, rather than being the constant third wheel in Zechs' and Wufei's relationship. Not that they'd ever put it like that, and most of the time I don't feel like it but, at the end of the day, they are a couple and I'm the single best friend. Might be nice to have someone for whom I'd always come first. God, that sounds really insecure and needy, doesn't it?

The guy in the looking glass had actually looked like someone who could pick up guys easily enough. 'Alright. If I meet someone tonight, I promise I'll take things slowly and see what develops, OK?'

'Excellent! And if you don't happen to meet someone who catches your eye at the club, you could maybe try looking closer to home, hmmm? I don't suppose you'd consider leaving your hair loose? No? Well, go and do something with it that doesn't make you look like a schoolgirl!'

'But, Zed, I thought that was one of your fantasies,' I murmured slyly and just made it out of the room before he threw something after me.

Trowa. Another of the many things I'd been trying not to think about, but it wasn't easy with Zechs dropping his little not-so-subtle hints that we would be perfect for each other, and intimating that Trowa maybe thought so too.

Tro had locked himself in my room for three days, following Quatre's last 'phone call, refusing all of our blandishments to entice him out, such as aromatherapy baths, gourmet meals (probably scared we'd try to drug him again) and marathon wildlife documentaries on Global Geographic...He'd still been there when I'd taken my flight to Miami, so it had been a bit of a surprise to come home ten days later and find he'd come out of self-imposed seclusion in my absence.

I'd expected him either to be still withdrawn and suffering from Quat-withdrawal, or else to have reverted to his old pre-Quatre self, but instead he'd apparently reinvented himself as a happy-to-be-single stud-about-town. He'd gone on shopping expeditions with Zechs, and he'd even been out on a couple of dates with random guys he'd picked up in the course of these little trips.

Of course, I could see that he was attractive. Come on, he's a _very_ nicely presented package - the height, that silky forelock of hair that you just want to sweep back from his face to reveal those gorgeous emerald eyes, all coupled with an acrobat's grace and flexibility...yeah, he's cute. Thing was, ever since he'd hooked up with Quat, Trowa Barton's most distinguishing feature, to me, had been the large neon letters blazing over his head that announced _Exclusive Property of Quatre Raberba Winner. _

I did so not want to hear that Trowa had...those sort of feelings for me. I mean, he had to be lonely, had to be missing Quatre, however much he claimed to be over him, but I was pretty damn sure he'd never once thought of me in any sort of romantic light except…

We'd been the last two to bed the night before, watching the end of a movie on the couch together. Caught up in the action on screen, I hadn't really paid much attention to Trowa shifting position beside me, so that his leg brushed mine, or that he reached across me for the chips and then left one hand lightly resting on my knee. Certain things are permissible between very close friends, even if he isn't usually the most touchy-feely guy in creation. But when he'd finally got up to go to bed, he'd kissed me on the cheek; the sort of gesture that hovers somewhere between the no-man's-land of friendship and….something a bit more than friendship.

He didn't belong to Quatre any more but…..OK, this is a horrible thing to admit but there was a part of me that was revelling in the possibility of getting together with Quat's ex. That was gloating over the fact that it would serve him right. I wasn't sure I wanted to explore what thinking like that might lead.

The fact that he was looking seriously hot wasn't helping. It wasn't until we were in the restaurant and he took off his long leather coat that I noticed that he'd apparently been possessed by some sort of S&M demon. Everything was black and revealing and there was a long, leather thong wrapped around his left wrist that looked suspiciously like it might belong in some sort of bondage fantasy.

It was easy enough to study him; ordering food in _Il Pescatore _never takes long; we eat there often enough that we all have our favourite dishes, but Zechs and Tro were engrossed in the wine list, commenting on the various vintages and asking the wine waiter endless questions.

Great; that was all we needed; another wine connoisseur in the group. Wufei doesn't like wine all that much, and I really only drink at home, but it never stops Zechs spending an inordinate amount of time scrutinising the wine menu whenever we go out to eat.

'I think that's everything. Perhaps a basket of garlic bread to share, while we wait,' Zechs completed the order, finally, and turned to Wufei. 'For old times' sake, hmm, _kaerste?_'

Wufei, predictably, spluttered into his glass of water and vanished behind his napkin, I burst out laughing and Trowa looked mystified, standing on the perimeter of an in-joke.

'We had our first date here,' Zechs explained. 'Garlic bread is something of a tradition between us.'

'I gather the first date was a success, then?' Trowa asked.

'A resounding disaster,' Wufei pronounced grimly, emerging from behind his square of linen. 'Hardly surprising, considering he'd blackmailed me into accepting in the first place.'

'Oh, but it had its moments,' Zechs grinned at his partner. 'I remember one in particular, just before we said goodbye…I'm sure you haven't forgotten, 'Fei?'

Wufei isn't all that comfortable with PDAs, even after three years of exposure (oops, didn't mean that to be a pun!) to Zechs, but he was clearly in a very mellow mood, because he let his boyfriend pull him half- way across the table into a deep kiss.

I shrugged at Trowa. 'Considering they've been together for three years, you'd think the honeymoon would have worn off a bit. But they just get worse.'

'They're very lucky,' Trowa said softly. 'Just to be so comfortable with each other, not to care what anyone is thinking of them…'

'Yeah. I know.' Luckily, our appetisers arrived at this point, so it was easy enough to turn the conversation to food and away from tricky relationship topics.

I really hadn't wanted to go back to Steel, but ... it was OK. As soon as we walked through the door, Zechs swept Wufei on to the dance floor, and then Trowa was whirled off by a well-built blonde guy, leaving me to make my way to the bar and be greeted by a very enthusiastic Leon.

'Hey Duo! I wasn't sure if you'd make it! You look amazing. I don't suppose there's any chance that you'd reconsider what you said the other night?'

It was bloody tempting, just for a few heartbeats, standing there with him wrapped around me and looking at me like that But...he'd seen me the night I'd been with Ben; I'd seen the compassion and concern for me in his eyes and I'm not very good at handling stuff like that unless it's from someone I know really well.

'Duo? Is everything alright?' Oh, perfect, now Trowa had decided I need yet another babysitter to keep me out of trouble.

'Sure, Tro,' Leon and I disentangled ourselves, and I introduced them. 'How about getting some drinks? Leon, you want to serve us?'

Leon took my arm as we walked to the bar. 'Duo, he's _gorgeous!_ Please, tell me he's single?'

'I suppose he is. But he's just come out of a long-term relationship so he's seriously on the rebound.' Yeah, serious enough that he's possibly starting to hit on his friends.

'Well, so am I on the rebound,' Leon bent over to kiss my cheek. 'You don't mind, do you?'

'Nope, I think you two'd be cute together. Go for it!'

Whoever would have thought that Trowa Barton knew how to flirt? But that, believe it or not, was precisely what he was doing, laughing with his head thrown back, and doing some sort of cool flicky-swish thingy with his hair, and Leon, of course, was enraptured, leaning towards him if they were the only two people in the whole universe.

Well, that was a good thing, right?

Since my own personal bar-tender was otherwise engaged, I stood in line at the bar to order an iced tea. It was pretty crowded, and I was just turning away with my drink when I nudged some guy's elbow and managed to knock his glass of beer all over myself.

'Oh, shit, I'm really sorry! Can I get you another drink?' Just perfect, Duo. Spill someone else's beer all over your new shirt. Definitely fits in with the new sophisticated image.

'It's no problem. Really.' Oh. Nice, deep voice, west coast accent. And looking at me like he was happy enough to have sacrificed a beer for the privilege of talking to me. Especially when I took off my sodden, beer-dripping shirt and draped it over one arm. Hmm, so much for keeping covered up. Still, no one, least of all my victim, seemed to be complaining too much.

By the time we'd fought our way back to the bar, gone through the whole ordering process andargued over which of us was going to pay, it seemed like we'd known each other for longer than a few minutes and only natural to sit together at one of the little tables overlooking the dance floor.

'I'm Adam.'

'Duo.' Nice handshake, not the overly macho kind that threatens to squelch bones, or the sort that lingers just that little bit too long. The rest of him was pretty nice too, actually; about my height, the sort of body that gets brought to the gym just the right amount; short, brown curly hair and dark eyes laughing behind really cute spectacles.

'I hadn't imagined it would be so crowded on a week night.'

'It's your first time here then? It's pretty popular all the time, and the band playing tonight always gets a big crowd.'

'First time anywhere, pretty much. I just got transferred here with my job. Really, I'd have preferred to stay in tonight but my best friend from home made me swear I'd go out and do something sociable.'

'By yourself? That's pretty cool.'

'Oh well,' He grinned at me. 'I'd planned to order one drink, down it one gulp and head for home, not to spill it all over someone.'

'No dancing?'

' I could probably be persuaded. If the right person asked me...'

'And if I did?' Take that, Barton. I can do the flirty thing too...

Of course, all my friends were watching all staring as we stood up; Wufei grinning approvingly, Zechs making obscene hand gestures and leering, and Trowa frowning slightly over Leon's shoulder.

Adam was the ideal partner, letting me make all the first moves, letting me be the one to press just that little bit closer and to press my mouth to his. First kisses are usually slightly awkward, aren't they? Well, they are for me anyway; the first time Heero and I kissed, he almost bit my tongue off. But with Adam it was different; so practiced and polished that we could have choreographed it in advance. He was good at picking up my signals too; sensing straightaway that I tensed when he ran a hand over my hair, and practically purred when he stroked the back of my neck. I've no idea what the music was even like, except that it was a shock when they stopped for the interval and people started to leave the dance floor, heading for the bar.

'You want to get another drink? They usually just break for twenty minutes or so..'

'Duo...I really hate to say this, but I should be going. My new boss has some power breakfast meeting planned for tomorrow at eight. Walk me to my car? It's parked in the underground lot.'

'Sure.' He took my hand as we walked through the club and down the stairs like it was the most natural thing in the world and kept holding it as we walked around the parking lot and got to talk properly for the first time.

'Um, Adam, have you forgotten where you parked? I think we've already walked past here a couple of times.'

He bit his lip, looking slightly abashed. 'Actually, we've walked past my car twice. I was just enjoying being with you. And I'd really like to see you again.'


	15. The Oyster Effect

Disclaimer: they're not mine. In any way, shape or form.

Note - Writing this was pure self-indulgence, especially the flashback! I've been wanting to write a Wufei / Zechs scene and it seemed appropriate for the week that's in it...Straight narrative for a change.

Many thanks to everyone who's taken the time to write in; award for Most Perceptive Reviewer for the last chapter goes to Pikeebo!

Oh, I maybe should have mentioned this before, but I'm ignoring 'Endless Waltz'. Just so you know...

**The Oyster Effect:**

His lover was like a cat, sometimes, Wufei thought, with the first glimmer of amusement he'd felt for several days. A finicky, hedonistic, extravagantly-bred feline that hated cold and wind and the promise of rain. Their plan of a romantic lunch in a restaurant overlooking the ocean, followed by a long walk on the beach, had been planned in bed that morning without either of them bothering to check the weather forecast, the sky or the outside temperature.

On the plus side, they were the only ones hardy (or perhaps foolhardy was the more appropriate term) enough to choose to sit outside, ensconced at the corner table on a cliff-top terrace, in the face of a growing gale that had already snatched up a menu, two napkins and Zechs' scarf. But they _were_ alone and that meant a great deal after the past few days. The house had been besieged by the media for the whole of the weekend, journalists desperate for a human interest story to fill the lifestyle supplements of the Sunday papers with the newest ex-Gundam Pilot gossip.

Fortunately, a major financial scandal in Europe had broken on Monday evening and by Tuesday morning, only a handful of hacks was still camped by the roadside. They had eagerly followed Duo's car without bothering to check who was actually inside, and it had been easy enough to lose them in a souped-up Lambourghini. Zechs, in the driving seat, had thoroughly enjoyed the chase; Wufei, riding shotgun, had not. There were times when he hated the constraints of peace.

'I'm sorry, 'Fei. I wanted today to be perfect for us.'

Wufei only laughed at him. Weather never bothered him overly much and, truth to tell, Zechs was looking very romantic...the brooding scowl on his handsome face made him look like the hero of a gothic romance novel, and the storm clouds gathering behind him provided the perfect, melodramatic backdrop.

'Stop feeling sorry for yourself, love. This place would be too crowded if the sun were shining; this way we have it all to ourselves. Besides, you're quite accomplished enough without the ability to control weather.'

'Accomplished, am I?' Zechs arched one brow elegantly. 'How exactly?'

'According to the critics, you have a singular gift for painting. You're a wonderful cook and - ahhh!' Wufei broke off his litany as one stocking-clad foot began to roam up his right calf…'and….you have talents in many other areas also….ahhhhh!'

'Any areas in particular?' Zechs teased, working his way a little higher.

'Zechs, stop! If you don't stop you're going to….'

'To what, my love?'

'To scandalise the restaurant staff, for a start,' Wufei hissed, trying not to squirm too openly as a two waiters approached their table, and laid out an array of drinks and a platter of assorted seafood.

'I'm sure they've seen worse,' Zechs replied dismissively, 'and we do have a reputation to live up to, you know.' Grinning, he leaned over; the kiss drifted on dragonfly wings, and Wufei's mouth opened slightly to the gentle probe of his lover's tongue.

'There, that's better.' He pulled back a little, and selected an oyster. 'Try one of these, hmm?'

'I keep telling you, I don't like oysters.'

'And I keep telling you, they're an acquired taste. Just one, my love,' Zechs coaxed gently, touching the coarse shell to his lover's mouth. 'Open for me…Please? I promise you'll get to like it.'

'You've promise me that about all sorts of things you try to convince me to do,'

'And have I ever been wrong?' Zechs teased, choosing an oyster for himself and swallowing, all the muscles in his throat working.

'Like kissing the ocean,' he pronounced. 'Fei, my heart, stop worrying. He'll be fine, Trowa's with him and they've only gone to Duo's therapist; it's not like they're eloping. Now _that_ would give Winner something to complain about.'

'I don't think he needs any more ammunition; he's done quite enough harm already with what he has.' Wufei dipped a crabstick in sauce and glowered at it.

The media had pounced on Duo's latest indiscretion with glee; shots of their night at Steel had shown up all over the weekend newspapers and on various news and entertainment shows, interspersed with all the old, predictable footage of Duo's exploits before, during and after the war and especially the 'incident' with the Leo MS. Various pundits had appeared on various talk shows, usually expounding their theories that Duo was a tragic victim of society and circumstances, or else claiming that he (and all Gundam Pilots) deserved to be shot like the rabid dogs they were.

Quatre had appeared on one such programme the previous night, oozing integrity and concern for his 'close friend' and former war comrade, and stating his distress for said the 'dissolute, damaging and immoral lifestyle' of said friend.

'None of this makes any sense. Duo hasn't actually done anything illegal; all that's really happened is that we had the press camped outside the gates for a day or two, which isn't really anything new, and they've mostly moved on now there's a fresher news story to cover.'

Zechs sighed. 'We agreed we were going to forget this for a few hours, _kaerste_. I love Duo just as much as you do,and I would do anything in the world to fix this, but there's no point going over all this again. Winner's a sly bastard; even if we could prove that guy in Steel was a set-up, he hasn't done anything wrong in the legal sense.'

'I know he's responsible for it.' Wufei snapped a lobster claw with an audible crack. 'I _hate _seeing Duo like this. That night was bad enough without knowing it was all somehow engineered by Quatre. And I don't need proof. I just can't work out the point of it all. Damn it, Mil! I'd give anything right now for an hour alone with Quatre and a very sharp sword. It's so unfair that he's doing this; just because he fucked up with Trowa, it's somehow Duo's fault.'

'You are quite incredibly sexy when you get all worked up about righting injustice, you know that? So…are we going to L4 to plan an assassination?'

'Maybe after lunch. And there's something else I want to do first.' Leaning forward, Wufei slid one hand into the fall of platinum hair and his mouth settled on Zechs' as naturally as a homecoming.. His tongue licked, teased the lush lips apart and explored the softness of his inner cheek, before drawing Zech's tongue into his mouth to swirl slow caresses about it, and Zechs was moaning deeply, his arms sliding about Wufei's neck and tugging him into a deeper embrace.

'So I'm sexy, am I?'

'God yes, I've thought so from the first moment I saw you, you know that.'

Wufei smiled, remembering. 'I thought you were more taken with Duo that night.'

'Only until I noticed you.'

_That night...it had been the evening of Christmas Day 199. The fourth anniversary celebrations of the war ending. Zechs' first official appearance as Relena's brother in public, despite the fact that he'd been staying in the royal palace Sanq for the past eight months or so. He was loathing every moment of it; the crowded, glittering ballroom, the fake smiles sent in his direction from people who would have been happier to queue for front-row seats at his execution, had Relena chosen not to throw her support behind him, claiming her brother had not been in his right mind during the Libra incident, and producing a veritable phalanx of psychologists who would support her in this._

_Not least, he was being driven slowly insane (even more insane than he was officially supposed to be) the inane chatter of the dinner partner Relena had chosen for him._

_'They're just the most perfect couple, aren't they?' The girl gushed. 'So happy together?'_

_Actually, no, Zechs thought, but he murmured something noncommittal and the girl - she was the daughter of some ESUN minister - giggled and blushed, overcome that the notorious prince had actually spoken to her. _

_The world, particularly the female part of it, was apparently obsessed with turning the relationship between his sister and Heero Yuy into a fairytale romance. It was nothing more than a pretty piece of propaganda, from what Zechs had seen; the princess and her valiant knight errant. Yuy had been Relena's bodyguard for the first year following the war, before resigning to become a full-time student, and he was still a fairly frequent visitor to the palace. _

_Relena was looking very well in fact; the simple sheath dress suited her and set off the Peacecraft diamonds perfectly but his little sister was in a serious snit about something. That bloody L4 asshole, spoiling her happy Pilots' Reunion, Zechs assumed,. Winner had turned up for the official celebrations late and stayed only long enough to pose for a few photographs before making his excuses. He was taking his time about leaving too, weaving through the crowded ballroom and stopping here and there to talk to the more influential guests._

_Yuy, seated at Relena's right hand, cleaned up rather nicely, Zechs noted; that body shown off to excellent advantage by a severely tailored tuxedo. He nodded occasionally to whatever Relena was saying, but his attention was all too obviously elsewhere and Zechs, curious, followed his gaze._

_Ah._

_Maxwell. _

_Shinigami, he'd called himself during the war. That merry, taunting gadfly with the incredibleGundam, cutting a swathe through OZ forces and hacking into their computers for the sheer hell of it. _

_Dear God, had those mad scientists actually gone out of their way to make their pilots as unattractive as possible...? Barton, whom Zechs had met several times during the war and liked very much, might have been presentable enough if one could see his face properly; Winner was an insipid, prissy little ass who affected absurd pastel colours. They'd apparently been grafted together at the hip during the war and for the first couple of months afterward, but nowadays they were being more circumspect, probably due to pressure from the Winner family._

_And Duo...not that the ridiculous braid could make him look unattractive, but his hair must be quite mesmerising when he wore it loose, instead of pulled back like in that schoolgirl's style...Quite an interesting little fantasy that, actually, Zechs thought, amused by the idea, and mentally seeing those long legs clad in silk stockings and suspenders, topped by one of those silly little pleated skirts that were currently in fashion and perhaps a crisp linen blouse...Mmmm. Very nice._

_As far as he knew, Duo was currently unattached; he and Heero had been a couple at one time_ _but that was one of the things no one talked about. Zechs knew something about what had happened at Relena's first Christmas party; everyone did - you could have been imprisoned in solitary confinement or locked in a sensory deprivation chamber for the past three years (and, come to think of it, he had been in both situations at various times and for varying periods) and still know the basics, but he suspected something else had happened that night. Something between Heero and Duo because the pair had scarcely been seen together since then, apart from the occasional function that they were both expected to attend._

_And Duo was very cute, and he was probably lonely and depressed, and just in the mood to appreciate a little romantic attention from a handsome prince..._

'_Look up, Duo. Look at me,' he urged silently but the young man was studying his plate so assiduously he had to have known he was being watched. Then he stood abruptly, scraping his chair against the glazed floor tiles and left the room._

'_Now, where are you off to, my beauty?' Zechs wondered. No sign of Yuy following either. Interesting. Zechs waited just long enough for it not to be obvious, then excused himself to his partner and wandered out of the ballroom. Of course, he had the advantage of knowing the palace, which Duo presumably didn't, and he knew that just outside the room's main doors was a small ante-chamber, the perfect place to go if one were seeking a few moments of solitude, or perhaps planning a little dalliance. _

_He was there, as Zechs has suspected, standing at the velvet-draped window and staring out at the night. _

'_I just wanted to get away by myself for a few minutes, 'Fei,' he said, without bothering to turn. 'God, I didn't think it would be this hard to see him again.'_

'_He's a bloody fool, letting you go,' Zechs said quietly, and Shinigami whirled to face him; not the dejected, unhappy young man Zechs had been observing earlier, but a trained and practiced killer who styled himself the God of Death._

'_It's alright. I saw you leaving the ballroom and I - well, I'm finding the crowds a bit hard to take tonight. You probably know how that feels.'_

'_Yeah. Like I said, I really just want to be alone for a bit.'_

'_As you wish.' Fuck, it was tempting to stay though. After three years away from Heero, Duo had to be seriously frustrated - Zechs chose not to count the boy's occasional one-night-stands which garnered so much media attention - and would probably fall into his hand like a ripe plum. But is was hardly honourable to take advantage of such heartfelt misery._

_Zechs turned from closing the door behind him and immediately collided with a warm body going in. Someone naggingly familiar. Who?_

_05, his mind supplied. Shenlong's Pilot. The one who killed Treize._

_He'd seen pictures of course, but they didn't come close to capturing the reality. The way tendrils of silky, obsidian-dark hair fell free of the braid and drifted against his skin...Skin that was looked the colour and smoothness of warm caramel and probably tasted just as sweet, and if those full lips stopped scowling they would probably unfurl like peony petals. And one could all too easily lose sight of reason and reality and even sanity if one gazed too long into those eyes…_

_Except that right now he was glaring in a way that suggested he would very much like to add Zechs Merquise and/or Milliardo Peacecraft to his kill tally. _

_'Where's Duo, Merquise? What did you do to him?'_

_'Haven't you read yesterday's 'Global Gossip'? Apparently it reveals my evil plans to hunt down and kill all the Gundam Pilots.'_

'_**What**__?' At any other time it would have been a pleasure to have the L5 pilot slam him up against a wall and pin him in place. Not quite so pleasant if one considered the murderous glint in Chang's eyes._

_'He's in there.' Zechs pointed to the door. 'I think he just needed to get away from the crowds.'_

_Chang nodded, relaxing his hold on Zechs ever so slightly._

_'Are you two lovers?'_

_'That is absolutely none of your business.' _

_'It is actually. If you are involved with Duo, then I can hardly...'_

_'You will leave Duo alone! It that understood?'_

_'Duo doesn't interest me as me as you do.' Zechs could only hope that the words were audible; it was hard to speak with Chang's hand on his windpipe. 'Will you have dinner with me tomorrow night?'_

They smiled at each other, through the fine, misty rain that had begun to fall, remembering that less-than-auspicious first meeting.

'I loved you from the first minute I saw you,' Zechs said softly. 'And I've never stopped, not for one heartbeat. Even when I'm freezing cold and starting to get soggy….Wufei, we should get away from this appalling weather. Somewhere warm, with palm trees and tropical fish and a white beach. Shall we? No, 'Fei, I'm serious, why not? The two of us and Duo. Trowa as well if he decides not to visit his sister at the circus.'

'Be sensible, Mil. It's a lovely idea, but Duo has his job;I have papers to write, you have your exhibition coming up. We can't just take off.'

'Why not?' Zechs demanded again. 'I can paint anywhere, you already own every book in the university library, you and Duo have your laptops; and he can make conference calls if he needs to contact Mitch. We could make love in a hammock and fall asleep listening to the ocean. And if I stay here, I'll probably end up killing some stupid reporter and then we'll have to go on the run and live like outlaws and Quatre Winner will be able to go on TV again to say we are all totally debauched and deserve to be in prison.'

'He'd be right about the whole debauched thing!' Wufei decided. 'And the reporters will just probably follow us…'

'Not if we borrow a Sanque jet and use fake passports..No one will know where we are…I can call Relena as soon as we get home and we'll just disappear. No one will be able to trace us…'

Wufei burst out laughing. 'Probably not, since we don't actually know where we're going.'

'Who cares? Somewhere hot - Fiji, Thailand, India, one of those wonderful, exotic places. And you, my love, can wear a grass skirt and orchids in your hair.'

'I am _not_ wearing a skirt. Even if it is an acquired taste…'

'No?' Zechs' eyes gleamed. 'We'll have to see about that. Perhaps we should go home and discuss this privately?'

'We can't, Mil. The cleaners are there and we're still paying the therapy bills for that one girl who walked in on us last time.'

'In that case, the only possible alternative is to find a room in a cheap, sleazy motel and spend the afternoon having cheap, sleazy sex.'


	16. Morning After Aftermath

Disclaimer - Oh, they still don't belong to me. Sad... Not making any money out of it.

**Morning-After Aftermath:**

The room where I have my therapy sessions is painted in this godawful shade that looks a bit like out-of-date smoked salmon, and there are a couple of places where chairs were scraped too hard against the wall and the paintwork is all scratched. Honestly, with the obscene amount of money Dr. R.L. charges, you might think he'd shell out some of it for a decent paint job but it's been the same ever since I started coming to him. The only good thing is that I can usually waste a fair bit of time squinting at the scratch marks and trying to figure out what they look like.

The danger is that by glancing around I sometimes make eye contact with the Doc. He'd pretty much given up on me saying anything in this particular session and was leafing through some of his old case notes. One of his eyebrows was doing this freaky-weird thing all by itself, wobbling around on his forehead. Strange how some people possess that particular talent; Zechs can raise one brow in an incredibly suave, sophisticated way; I once tried practising in front of the mirror and managed to give myself an eye-twitch.

I so did not want to be here.

'Duo, how is your list going?'

'Nearly finished.'

My list was - this crazy idea of Dr. R.L.'s. He'd asked me to identify seven particular problems in my life, assuring me I didn't have to share them with him.

I didn't really see the point of this, but it was something to do and my list was as follows:

1. Quatre Winner is trying to ruin my life because he thinks I stole his boyfriend.

2. I didn't, but I do think Trowa sort of likes me.

3. I think I might possibly like Trowa back and that would really complicate things.

4. I should be declared an ESUN global disaster area.

5. I have to sit in this room for another 45 minutes.

6. If it's not enough that I am incredibly stupid, most of the stupid things I do end up on television.

7. Isn't that enough for one person to be going on with?

'Duo, were you planning on saying anything about what happened last week?'

Well, the answer to that was a very resounding **NO, **but he has this sneaky therapisty way of bending me to his evil will. Lucky he didn't work for OZ as an interrogator, really.

'I'm sure you know what happened. Everyone else in the freaking world probably does.'

'I spoke to your friend Mr. Chang yesterday, Duo. He sounded very worried about you.'

_Ouch. _Bloody Wufei. Looking down at the list in my lap, there still seemed to be a vast amount of empty space on the paper, and I mentally added overprotective friends to my tally of problems. Overprotective, idiot friends who went around blabbing my problems to my therapist.

'He doesn't need to be. Look, I did something stupid, I had one of my...episodes and he brought me out of it. That's it.'

'He said you blacked out for over ten minutes and that you didn't remember anything when you came around.'

'Yeah, well. I remember some of it now, alright? You know how my memory sometimes shuts down afterwards.'

That's the truth, more or less. Given my rather unique history, it's not all that surprising that I suffer the occasional panic attack. I can usually talk myself out of it. Blacking out completely tends to be a lot more rare, fortunately; I can count on the fingers of both hands how many times it's happened, and I hadn't had one of those episodes in over a year. Not until last Thursday. I know it had scared the hell out of the guys, especially Trowa. He'd never me seen me like that before.

Another of those things I really, really do not like to have to think about. It scares the crap out of me; that I just…lose time. That I have no idea what's happened in the lost time. I've been through years of therapy, I take the appropriate medication, I've done all sorts of weird-ass alternative stuff that Wufei thought might work, but none of it actually does. All I need is what the psych books call the stress trigger. And, in case you haven't guessed, it usually has to do with sex, and things that happened to me in the past.

I'd woken up on Friday morning knowing that...something was not quite as usual.

Believe it or not (and if you know anything whatsoever about my history you probably won't) there haven't really been all that many occasions when I've woken up in bed with a companion. It actually took a few heartbeats for my brain and body to register the fact that I wasn't in my own bed, that I wasn't alone, and that he wasn't Heero. Of course not. We had always slept swirled around each other, twin spirals on a seashell.

And Heero wasn't quite this tall and he certainly didn't have long, fair hair...

_Fuck. _

'Zechs? Um, why am I in bed with you?'

He muttered something incoherent and snuggled a bit closer; it always takes him a while to wake up properly and he probably thought I was Wufei. Or possibly not.

'_Zechs_!' I twisted the fingers of one hand in his hair and gave a good tug; this time he actually raised his head slightly and I winced. He has that very fair sort of skin that bruises easily, and the whole left side of his face was a cacophony of mottled green, yellow and purple. 'What _happened_ last night?'

In answer, he lifted my right hand, gently forming the fingers into a fist.

'You really don't remember?'

I squeezed my eyes shut, because it hurt to look at him. Oh, God.

'I just remember us all being in Steel. Zechs, whatever I did, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry...'

'If you really want to get all your apologising over and done with, you also got sick on my coat when we were driving home. And on the car seat. The genuine leather upholstered car seat.'

'I'm sorry. I'll get you a new coat. And a car.'

'I want a Lotus. This year's model. And stop apologising.'

'You know I didn't mean to...'

That's the story of my life; should be etched on my tombstone.

I never meant to - let the Maxwell Church be destroyed / kill myself / tell Heero to leave.

Doesn't change anything, though.

'I'm _sorry_. I screwed up everything, didn't I? You didn't even get to be with Wu last night...'

'Duo...stop beating yourself up.' He said it very gently, shifting my hand so it was over his chest, letting me feel the steady beat of his heart. 'You belong here. For me and Wufei both. Nothing can ever change that. After all you've done for both of us, you're entitled to lean on us sometimes.'

My body, at this point, was starting to wake up to the fact that I was male, and that Zechs was very definitely male, and that we were tangled together in very close proximity. Then certain things from the previous night rushed back into my brain and it was suddenly imperative for me _not _to be touching him…

I remembered Adam pressing me against his car and kissing me, the sort of kissing that starts off very slow and sweet and soft...I could still feel the smooth metallic paintwork against skin as my fingers scrabbled for some sort of support, because by then the kisses had become very intimate, very invasive, and his hands had been sliding delicate, shivery caresses across the bare skin of my stomach and down and I had come at his touch.

Didn't really remember anything after that, but I knew exactly what had happened. I'd seen the news clips and the photos blazoned all over the newspapers.

Adam (which probably wasn't even his real name, by the way) bending me forward over the hood of his car. Exactly what happened after that was still a bit of a mystery, because the censors had either airbrushed or deleted the next minute or so, out of respect for common decency. I still wasn't sure whether the clips had come from the CCTV in the parking lot, or whether someone had rigged up another camera. Probably the latter, just because the angle was just perfect.

Perfect because the whole bloody thing had been a set up. Hadn't known it at the time, obviously; it was something we'd figured out later. At least Wufei had put all the pieces together; and come up with the nasty little scenario.

But at some point, Adam's attentions had apparently become …rather too pressing, and I'd reacted as you might expect.. There were a couple of action shots of me punching that bastard, before the guys arrived and poor Zechs got in the line of fire. And then there was me stretched out on the ground with Wu beside me, trying to talk me back from wherever the hell I'd gone, and Trowa hovering over us, and from the camera angle it didn't look ….as innocent as that sounds. So basically it looked like a free-for-all brawl followed by an orgy. Especially with a bit of selective editing.

Not very pretty really. Oh, the set up thing. Well, at first it just seemed like pissy, typical Maxwell luck that there just happened to be a camera crew about, and that they somehow just happened to obtain the tape from the security camera (Leon was seriously brassed off about that) and that the various news channels almost seemed to know that there was a nice, juicy, Gundam scandal about to break, and have a convenient slot waiting, and coincidentally happened to have in their studios all the best authorities to talk about it.

I think the penny really dropped when Quatre got in on the act, expressing his deep concern for me on global TV. He'd almost had me worried about myself at one point. Oh, and the fact that I probably wouldn't have been more than a one-day weekend headline except for the fact that WEI owns a lot of the global media. And you can guess which story they were concentrating on.

Never a good idea to piss off your best friend. Especially if he knows you inside out and happens to be one of the most powerful people in the universe.

'_Duo!' _Oh, back to the present. Dr. R.L. sounded pretty insistent and I wondered precisely how long I'd zoned out for, and what I'd looked like. 'Duo,' he said again, making his voice all gentle and concerned, 'You can talk to me, you know that. You can trust me.'

Trust. Yeah, right. I have trust issues. Me. Just imagine that.

I'd trusted Heero with my heart and my soul with and all of my dreams. I would have sworn on my life, and on his (which hadprobably meant more to me anyway) that he'd meant it when he told me he loved me.

I'd tried so hard to be the perfect boyfriend, so that he'd never have any reason to leave me.

After the War, I hadn't complained when he immediately joined the Preventers, agreeing that all our plans to go travelling and just be ourselves had been nothing more than kids' fantasies, and that we had to learn to live in the real world, like he said. I'd tried not to be too jealous when he'd straightaway been seconded to Relena Peacecraft's security detail and he spent most of his time jet-setting around the universe with her. Because he thought I needed routine and stability while he was away, I'd taken a number of dismally boring nine-to-five jobs. When he started doing a long-distance law degree I'd honestly tried to be happy that he'd found something he really wanted to do, and not to resent that he usually had to study on the rare occasions we actually got to with each other.

He'd still left though.

And Quatre. Oh fuck, but it hurt to think about Quatre. Still way too raw. I'd sort of come to terms with Heero having left me. Could even recognize that maybe I'd done things wrong too. Yeah, in case you're wondering; what Quat had said about me having been a fool for thinking Heero would ever stay with someone like me, that had really struck home. It hadn't been an issue during the War because - it just hadn't. I'd always thought I might lose him, but it would be because he'd self-destructed one time too many. But after - God, it seemed like some sort of miracle that he was still bothering with me. I've never been able to believe in miracles.

But Quat was - my friend. My one-man support group. The one who knew every fucking thing about me, stuff that I'd never even told Heero. OK, scratch that. I'd believed that Quatre Winner was my friend. Like Heero used say, I'm such a _baka_.

See? These are all reasons why I'm not so big on the whole trusting people thing. It's hard when you've been shafted by the two people you cared most about in the whole universe. Tends to make you doubt your own judgement. Wonder who the fuck you ever can trust, if not them. Makes you wonder if they were laughing at you the whole damn time.

'I don't - I really don't want to talk about it. What's the point? It's over, right?'

'Because Duo, it could happen again. And at some point you are going to have to deal with it.'

Oh, so don't want to hear about that being a possibility.

'I do everything bloody you tell me to.' I said it flatly. 'I take the pills, I meditate, I come to these stupid sessions. And you know what? None of it works, so what's the freaking point?'

'The point is that none of these treatments is going to work until you look at the cause and come to terms with what happened to you. Duo, I do know, believe me, how painful this is, how hard it will be, but I don't see how you can move on unless you first accept that…certain things happened, through no fault of yours, and that….'

'No! I am so sick of all this! Nothing like that, nothing sexual, _ever, _happened to me that I didn't want, alright? How many times do I have to tell you that before it bloody well sinks in?'

'Duo. Please. Stop shouting.'

'Fine.' It was at this point that I realised I was on my feet and standing over him. And that he looked - not scared, exactly, but like he was on the verge of it.

'I've had enough of this shit for today.'

I slammed the street door shut and had a weird moment of disorientation when I couldn't see my car. I always park in the same slot, just across from the office, and it wasn't there. Oh yeah. Trowa had driven me in, taking Wu's car as mine is just a wee bit distinctive..

Tro was stretched out in the driver's seat, reading and glanced up as I got in.

'I need to get out of here. Now.'

The guy's a prince, seriously. Wufei or Zechs would have wanted to know what exactly I was doing leaving my session early and on the run. Tro just started the engine.

'Where do you want to go?'

'I _said_. Out of here.'

'OK. You want to catch a movie? That thing with the mutants blowing stuff up?'

Going to the movies has always been on of my favourite things. When I was a little kid, back on L2, there was one particular theatre that I would sometimes sneak into; they had a window in the Gents that was usually left part open and was just big enough for a kid to wriggle through. The trick was to go in about fifteen minutes after the start, when even the ushers were usually watching the screen, and crouch by the darkest corner, and leave a bit before the end, before the lights went on. One of my dreams then was to be able to watch a whole movie, all the way through, and in my really wild flights of fancy I sometimes imagined sitting there in one of the fancy seats with popcorn and drinks as well. I knew what popcorn tasted like because sometime you'd find a few kernels that had rolled onto the aisle.

I couldn't remember if I'd ever told Trowa all this; possibly, because in some ways he was the only one who understood what it was like to have grown up with nothing. No way Quatre or Wufei could ever have imagined living likethat.

Anyway, he'd always been my movie buddy when we met up after the war; we usually took turns to choose the film but he always bought me the giant-size bucket of popcorn with extra butter and a good selection of whatever other snacks were on offer.

There weren't too many other people at the matinee performance; a handful of seniors who were probably just looking for a warm place to doze away a couple of hours, and some school kids who were absorbed in each other.

God, but it's instant comfort, isn't? Squishy, faux-leather seats, non-stop action on the screen to blot out all that nasty reality and a giant vat of warm, fragrant junk food to wrap my arms around.

I leaned back in my seat, expecting to feel the cushioned headrest, and intersected with Trowa's arm instead. Oh. Well, he's a tall guy, needs to have somewhere to put all those long limbs of his. Didn't necessarily mean anything. Oh, again. That arm resting around my shoulders possibly did mean something. It felt good, actually. Good enough that I couldn't help myself snuggling a bit closer, which felt even better.

We watched the opening sequence of mutants with special powers who were hurling meteorites at each other.

'Tro? Is there supposed to be a plot to this, or is it all fancy special effects?'

He turned his head toward me, just a little, to answer and I inclined mine that fraction closer to him. He tasted like popcorn, that irresistible mixture of salt and sweetness and melted butter. A flaming meteor could have burst into the theatre, followed by every mutant in the known universe, and I wouldn't have noticed.

Oh, God.

It was my first time to do the whole making out thing in a cinema, but Trowa was apparently more experienced. Being the practical guy he is, he prudently moved the popcorn bucket safely out of range on to the floor, flipped the armrest between our two seats and proceeded to kiss me breathless.

Me, kissing Trowa Burton in public in the middle of the day.

Possibly not the smartest thing I've ever done…


	17. Just Another Day in Paradise

Disclaimer; I don't own anything to do with Gundam Wing. Well, except in my own warped imagination.

Note: This is my longest chapter to date - it just didn't want to end!

**Just Another Day in Paradise:**

_The dance of butterfly kisses began at the nape of my neck while warm, caressing fingers were beginning a slow ballet down my spine; making me arch and gasp as every part of me was covered by lips and teeth and tongue – some kisses nibbled lightly at soft flesh, others pressed deep and luscious enough to leave marks... _

_I collapsed on the bed, sprawling in total submission, legs spread wide, offering everything... as his fingers dipped lower._

_I could feel lips shivering across the back of his neck, hear my own wordless whimpers as the long, liquid caresses delved even deeper. So close.. _

_'I want ..I want…..' _

_'What is it you want, Duo? Tell me.' Controlling bastard. Wanting to make me beg for it. _

_'I want you...oh **God**, ...please…. now.' _

_He annihilated my whole being into one spark of consciousness where his body sprang into mine, and there was nothing, any longer, in all of the world but the feel of him, and I lost my grip on reality as he began to move, every thrust a slow lick of searing flame…_

Oh.

_Oh. _

A dream.

One of _those_ dreams, actually; with the physical after-effects still very tangible on skin and sheets, and the cold shower was as much to destroy any lingering thoughts as it was to clean myself up.

The dream had...not been about Trowa, and as I sluiced off, holding my left leg awkwardly out of the spray of water, I wondered about the ethics of all that.

Could your subconscious be unfaithful? Trowa and I hadn't exactly made any commitments to each other, but we had definitely gone to a place beyond friendship.

Shouldn't he be the one in my dreams?

After the movie finished, Trowa had suggested going for pizza (I'd made him laugh by saying I'd still want to kiss him, even if he didn't taste of my favourite foods). Neither of us fancied sitting in a restaurant and being observed, so we got take-out and drove to a beauty spot overlooking the ocean to have The Talk.

I guess at some point between the end of the movie (Don't ask me what happened after the first ten minutes. I have no clue.) and parking the car, we'd both been thinking a lot about what had happened between us. It was - incredibly easy just to sit there and talk, in between bites of pizza, about what we both wanted. About an attraction that had been there when we'd first met, but had never really been acknowledged. About how we'd both been badly hurt and never wanted to do that to each other. About how we didn't want to lose our friendship, but didn't want to risk losing anything else that might develop.

He'd offered to postpone his flight to Spain, booked for the following day, to visit Cathy at the circus in Madrid, but I'd refused. It was over a year since Tro had seen Cathy properly; he hadn't said anything specific but I got the impression Quatre hadn't been overly keen on his lover mingling with lowly circus performers. Things had happened very fast between us, and there was no harm in us each taking a little time out before leaping anywhere.

Like into each other's beds.

I think at that point it dawned on us both - pretty simultaneously - that we were together in a small, warm, confined space, and that the car windows had steamed up as much from our breath as from the hot food and drinks, and that it was too long since we'd last kissed. It took me a few minutes longer to realise that hand-feeding Trowa with olives and slices of pepperoni was almost as much fun as him sucking pizza sauce and melted cheese off my fingers...

Never would have thought that one day I'd end up having food sex with Trowa Barton.

I hadn't told the guys about us. It wasn't so much that I minded them knowing, as that I was enjoying them not knowing. It was nice to have my own little secret, delicate as a daydream in a bubble, something that was entirely my own.

They probably would have noticed, but as soon as we got back to the house, they already had bags packed, and flights booked for India. I'm not sure what I would have done if Trowa had been staying, but I definitely did not want to stay on alone, and they already had everything planned. Once I'd finished telling them precisely how insane, impractical and downright impossible it was for me to drop everything and go with them, I'd managed to convince myself I wanted to go.

We'd ended up in a little fishing village in Goa, on the Arabian Ocean. Nothing remotely touristy - most of the locals spoke just enough English to haggle over the price of a room or offer handmade crafts. No interest in us. Perfect.

We had a couple of bamboo on stilts bungalows right on the beach. Zechs' original plan for us to sleep in hammocks slung between coconut trees hadn't last much longer than the discovery that there were mosquitoes around after sunset, and they carried various nasty diseases.

Oh, it had also been decided at some point that hammocks were not the most, comfortable place to have sex. Don't go there.

The huts were very basic - just a bedroom with a mattress on the floor and a mosquito net and a few hooks on the door, and a fairly primitive bathroom behind. And a little deck outside where you could watch the sea and the fishing boats. A couple of times, I'd been up at dawn and seen dolphins out there, performing all kinds of complicated acrobatics for the sheer fun of it.

We'd been there for a week now; officially Wufei and I were supposed to be working, but neither of us had done anything worth mentioning. I'd replied to a couple of emails from work, and Wu occasionally left one of his philosophy books lying around, even if he never seemed to get around to any actual reading.

We'd walked miles on the beach and swam and snorkelled and gone out with the local fishermen in their small boats of dark, tropical wood, each with a string of marigolds ornamenting the carved prow. Zechs had started a series of stunning still-life canvasses; pyramids of lemons and limes in the little market by the village crossroads, bundles of silks at the fabric stall, piles of fish, glistening silver in the blasting sunlight. He and Wu had found a guru who was supposedly teaching them tantric yoga and I was spending mornings helping to paint the local school, which also meant a lot of playing with the kids in between lessons..

That was how I'd managed to cut my leg earlier; we'd been playing a chasing game in the field behind the school, a pack of fifty or so assorted kids yelling their heads off and me just keeping in the lead and occasionally turning around to laugh at them. Not looking where I was going and managing to get myself tangled in a coil of rusty barbed wire. The local doctor had given me ten stitches, a course of antibiotics, and some painkillers which also contained a mild sedative, explaining how I'd slept the evening away.

I ended up out on my little balcony after I'd dried off and pulled on a clean pair of shorts, propping my poor, bandaged leg up on the rickety table and taking another couple of pills before flicking on my laptop. There were a few new mails in my in-box; the only one I bothered opening was from Trowa.

He was having an amazing time. One of the lions had just had a litter of cubs and he was in heaven playing with them. Cathy was feeding him vast quantities of homemade soup, and had persuaded him to perform on the trapeze again, for a special performance in front of the Spanish royal family.

He was missing me.

He'd attached some photos Cathy had taken and, as I waited for them to download, I wondered what it would be like, to live with a travelling circus. There were cute pictures of Tro with the lion cubs, and some seriously cute (but in a whole other way) shots of him practicing on the high wire. He'd had a lock of hair dyed jade-green to match his eyes, and the skin-tight outfit he was wearing.

I sent back a quick email, including some new pictures I'd taken of sunsets and dolphins, along with a PS to comment on his new look. I'd returned the most sexy photo of him, and added a few words underneath.

'Very nice packaging, Tro!'

And I think I deserve serious kudos here for not substituting the word 'package'!

After I'd sent that off, and spent a bit more time admiring the way Trowa could balance on the high wire (that's all I was admiring, honestly), the sedatives were starting to kick in. It was a gorgeous night; no moon, but the sky was brightly frosted with stars and the waves washed with liquid silver.

The only discordant note was a small craft flying in from south; possibly a UFO, but more likely a helicopter delivering people to the fancy resort up the coast. Time to go back to bed, Duo. It was after three am; there was a light still shining from the window of the guys' hut, but no other signs of life. I'd obviously convinced Wufei that I honestly didn't need one of them to stay up with me; before I'd gone to bed he'd been talking about spending the night in my hut.

I got back into bed under the mosquito net, trying to keep an image of Trowa firmly fixed in my mind; if I was going to have another one of those dreams, I wanted him to star in it.

Didn't work.

Not that I didn't have dreams; just they weren't the sort you want to remember. Weaving through them somehow was Wufei's raised voice, sounding pissed as hell, and then Heero; very cold and commanding. I'm not sure how long it took before I realised I was actually not asleep any more.

I pulled on a pair of sweat pants and a tank top, and scrabbled under my pillow, where I'd left my gun and my wallet, and the new cellphone I'd bought at the airport. Stuck the gun into my waistband, just in case.

Heero was standing on the top step and glaring up at Wufei, who had a revolver in one hand and a sheaf of papers in the other, managing to look intimidating even in novelty boxer shorts, and with a wilting flower behind one ear…very much the guy who'd flown Nataku and duelled Treize Kushrenada.

'I don't know what this shit means, Yuy, but he is not going anywhere with you.'

'Chang, shooting me is not going to help Duo.'

'It will help relieve my own feelings!' He slapped the papers against his side. 'Would you care to explain why the date on this - this travesty of justice is almost a week ago? And the deadline for Duo to appear in Court is apparently tomorrow. What the _fuck _took you so long?'

'Possibly the fact that you were all gadding about the world under false names? It took me two days to find you, and the only reason I did is because Relena told me where you were. Damn it, Chang, have you any idea how much trouble Duo would be in for entering this country illegally? Not to mention being associated with the possession of unlicensed firearms?'

'How very fortunate that Duo's wellbeing is no longer your concern.' Shark-smooth, Wufei moved into the attack. 'You forfeited any right to that particular privilege six years ago, when you chose to leave him. And the last thing he needs is to have you interfering in his life!'

'I'm not here out of any personal choice!' Heero snapped back and I could tell he was starting to get angry now. 'Whether or not you approve, Duo has been ordered to appear before an ESUN judge before evening on the seventeenth of this month - which happens to be today - and if he fails to attend, he will be charged with contempt of court and considered a fugitive. Are you capable of understanding any of that?'

Oh, God. This was...not good.

'Wu, can you just - stop shouting? Just for one minute? And tell me what the hell is happening?'

'Ask _Yuy_.'

Ah yes, but that would involve actually talking to Heero. It was hard enough to wrap my brain around the fact that this was no longer a dream, that he was actually there in the flesh.

Even harder to convince my body to forget that other dream, and what he'd been doing in it.

'What's going on?' I don't think my voice wobbled too badly.

'Read this.' I suddenly had the wad of printed pages thrust into one hand. _What the __**fuck?**_

The phrases on the paper just didn't make any sense…some words were leaping out as if they'd been highlighted but my brain was incapable of putting them all together. Very stiff creamy paper, all printed with the logo of the ESUN Department of Justice. Scrawled signature of a High Court Judge; one Domenico Marani.

'I don't understand any of this.' It was all a joke, some stupid prank. It had to be.

'Tell him.' Wufei said coldly.

Heero started to speak and I rather suddenly found I had to sit down.

Years ago, when I'd been recovering from my accident, I'd officially named Quatre Winner as my next of kin, taking Heero's place. Given him power of attorney. Never bothered to change it. I'd actually forgotten about it, except of course Quatre hadn't.

He had instead invoked some obscure clause in the ESUN Mental Health Act of 197. A particular clause which had been written specifically to deal with mentally ill or unstable persons who were believed to pose a threat to themselves or to the public; it allowed the official family members of such individuals to appeal to the High Court of Justice and petition for them to be taken into such institutional care as the court deemed necessary.

'He is ... trying to have me fucking _committed_?' I really wanted to sit down. It didn't help that I already was. 'He can't _do_ that; I'm over twenty-one, I'm not even an L4 citizen...'

'Duo, calm down.' Oh, they'd finally stopped yelling at each other; I must be looking really bad for that to have happened.

Suddenly Heero was standing in front of me. Shit. How do I always forget how _blue_ his eyes are? I couldn't quite meet them properly, and instead glanced down at that..._fucking joke of a document that _wanted me declared incompetent and a danger to myself and others and recommended that my sanity needed to be evaluated, before slinging me away to some institution.

'He can do this thing because he is legally your closest family member, because the Judge who signed this order is from L4 and distantly connected to the Winners, and because he is claiming that as a close friend, and former comrade, of yours, he is worried that you are no longer competent to act in your own interests, and that your…current lifestyle is detrimental to yourself.' Heero spoke very crisply, biting off each word as if it had personally offended him.

'But...I haven't done anything. Anything illegal. I'm not - insane or suicidal or any of those things he's making me out to be.'

'No' Heero said carefully. 'But you do have a ….. somewhat disturbed history.'

'And whose fault is that, Yuy? You're the reason he tried to…'

'Wufei.' That was Zechs, coming up the stairs to stand beside me, saying his lover's name, very quietly, but in the way that always reminds me that he's commanded men in war. 'I'm sure you two are both enjoying this alpha male posturing, but it isn't really helping Duo very much.'

Well. Hadn't my world just tilted on its axis, if Zechs Merquise was providing the voice of reason?

'Now. I've spoken to Relena, Duo, and she confirms that this appalling document is genuine. I gather the next 'plane to Europe leaves in less than an hour, so you should probably pack.'

Sometimes, it's easy just to follow orders, not to have to think.

I pulled on shoes and stuffed a few odds and ends into my rucksack; extra clothes, the book I'd started to read, my meds and my laptop bag, while Zechs found my cellphone.

'All ready? Now. I've programmed some new numbers for you. The Sanq Embassy in Florence; I'll let them know you're going to be arriving tonight. These two, Thomann and Fichtner, are for emergencies only. They're old friends of mine. Leave a message, say you're a friend of the Commander's and they'll contact you. Don't stay on the line long enough for a trace.'

_Old friends _meant OZ, of course and _the Commander _had to mean White Fang; things would have to get pretty damn bad before I called on _them_ for help.

'Just in case, OK?' Zechs eyed me shrewdly, knowing precisely what I was thinking. 'And I've given you Relena's private line as well. Duo, would you mind giving her a quick call? She's very upset about all of this.'

'Duo, how are you? Milliardo tells me you're having wonderful weather there.'

That actually made me smile; Quatre Winner had pressed the **Destruct **button on my life and Relena Peacecraft wanted to make polite conversation.

'I'm so sorry about all this, Duo. I know I promised Milliardo I wouldn't tell anyone where you were, but Heero said it was really important. He's simply furious about all this; he insisted on going to find you himself, he said you….'

'It's OK, 'Lena. Not your fault. Look, I'd better go; I have a 'plane to catch.'

I put the 'phone in one of the rucksack pockets and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm the incessant clamour of voices in my head.

'Duo? Are you alright?'

'Yeah.' I tried for a smile; don't think it worked too well. 'This is all just a bit - confusing. And those two are making my head ache; I think it's all the testosterone flying around. They'll be trying to piss on me next, to mark a claim.'

'There are worse things in the world than having two hot guys fighting over you,' Zechs suggested, pulling me up and into his arms. 'I do wish we could come with you. But it's just for a couple of days.'

'I know.' They couldn't come because Quatre's tame judge had named them both as corrupt influences in my life, and ordered that I was to have no further contact with either of them, for my own sake.

According to Zechs, who had briefly spoken with the Peacecraft lawyers after Relena, Quatre had no case. The only reason things had got this far was because he had a Judge in his pocket, who was wiling to do anything to advise the head of WEI. The restraining order, or whatever it damn well was, would be easily lifted but it would take a few days for the paperwork to go through.

To be honest, it all seemed like some sort of massive cosmic head-fuck until we were actually walking into the ESUN High Court in Florence.

We'd arrived at the airport in Goa to find that the flight to Paris had already boarded and had just been cleared for take-off, and Heero had pretty much gone ballistic, doing everything but physically threaten the airline clerks, invoking the names of Relena and Une and every major ESUN figure, and finally flashing a Preventer's badge at them, and declaring that we needed to catch that plane for the sake of global security. I'd vaguely known that he did occasional consulting work for Preventers, but not on a formal enough basis that warranted him still having a formal ID.

Two pretty young flight attendant in saris were waiting to direct us to our seats, located on opposite sides of the 'plane.

'Unacceptable.' Heero produced one of his more lethal death glares. 'We require adjoining seats.'

'Can you excuse us for a minute, Ladies? I'm sure we can find our own seats.' I gave the girls my most charming smile, and pulled Heero aside. 'Now_, that _is unacceptable, Yuy. If you want to bully me, you're welcome to try, but I will _not _stand by and let you browbeat some poor girls who're only trying to do their job. Got that? And I have no intention of sitting anywhere near you!'

Fortunately, my seat was by a window; unfortunately, it meant I had to squeeze past a couple of boot-faced, elderly ladies, who were not happy at the delay in taking-off, and even less so happy to have the cause of said delay disturbing them further. Didn't help that the entire cabin-crew had apparently taken a shine to me, and were stopping by every five minutes to offer me food, drink, an extra blankets, an extra pillow, an eye mask, flight socks, toiletry packs, their personal telephone numbers...

'Your friend is very cross, sir, ' a tall girl called Meenakshi giggled to me.

'He's not my friend,' I said flatly, overcoming the temptation to say he was abducting me. Serve him right if he got lynched by a pack of flight attendants. Instead, Meenakshai made sure she served his tea cold; Piya told him there was no fish left when she took his dinner order and Arun did something to the power outlet in his seat that ensured his laptop kept losing power during the flight.

There was an objective part of my mind that was saying that none of this was Heero's fault, that he was actually trying to help, and that it wasn't really fair to blame the bearer of bad news. That was the objective point of view. Objectivity rarely makes much more than a cameo appearance in my head.

On this occasion it was easily being shouted down by all the other voices in my head. Quatre Winner wasn't here and Heero was. A sly little whisper suggested that maybe Heero was mixed up in all of this. That maybe all those things Quatre had said were true; that they'd laughed at me together.

We spoke only once during the trip. I was being brought to the cockpit to meet the captain, and Heero was standing outside the washroom.

'Still flirting with anything that moves, I see?'

'It's called being pleasant, Yuy. Maybe you should give it a try it sometime?'

It was 5.30 pm when we finally touched down in Florence, having had to change 'planes in Amsterdam, and another half an hour before we reached the ESUN buildings and were racing up the stairs.

Heero had told me that Judge Domenico Marani had been born in Italy, but had grown up largely on L4 and attended University there. He had been in trouble before for trying to judge his cases according to colony mores but there had never been an official complaint.

He greeted Heero politely enough, and looked at me like I was a slug who'd had the temerity to ooze into his office and leave a slime trail on his fancy hardwood floor.. 'I presume this is Mr. Maxwell. Unfortunately, the deadline has already passed. It's now just after six o'clock.'

'I believe there are certain mitigating factors in this case, sir,' Heero remarked smoothly.

The two of them settled down to a serious duel of legalese at that point. I followed where they were going at the start - Marani was sticking to the fact that I had officially been designated as having failed to appear and Heero was fighting back with 'unreasonable deadlines' and 'extenuating circumstances' - but when they started hitting each other with Latin, I just gave up and slouched back in my chair.

The only definite thing I knew at that point was that I had no intention of letting anyone take me to prison. No way. Could imagine all too easily what would happen to a long-haired ex-terrorist with an unfortunate knack for attracting the wrong sort of attention.

Marani's office was two storeys up - and there was a narrow staircase just outside his door; not the broad, curving stair Heero and I had used, but a flight of plain wooden steps that was probably used by cleaners or secretaries. It had to lead somewhere.

There was a hefty marble paperweight on his ornate desk that looked like it would be fairly useful to bash someone with. An antique letter-opener. A fountain pen that probably had a good sharp nib.

I wasn't really sure what the procedure was for taking people in to custody. Would they send court officials or police or just let Heero escort me? Either way, I 'd have to disable him first. The judge wouldn't be much of a threat; in his sixties, running to fat. After that, I 'd just have to wing it.

'Duo,' Heero had one hand closed around my right arm and I had a pretty shrewd idea that he knew exactly what I'd been planning. 'Let's go.'

'I can leave? Just like that?'

'For now.' That sounded a bit ominous, but I trailed Heero down another few panelled hallways.

'Excuse me a minute, Duo. I need to make a call.'

He headed off down the corridor, flicking his cellphone open. I gave him a minute, then drifted after him, pretending to look at the tapestries on the wall. I mean, if he really wanted privacy for his call, he could have gone into another room, right?

'Yes, for now anyway,' He was saying. 'No, we didn't have to go with plan B. Just as well, probably…I'm not sure yet. Tomorrow, I think. He can stay with me tonight. No, I'm sure Honey will be fine with him. Anyway, she has to learn she doesn't totally own me.' Laughter. 'No, seriously, she is getting more sociable, and I think it'll be good for her to learn she can't have me all to herself. Yes, of course I'll call you if there's a problem. OK, Lucca, that's fine. I should go now; Duo must be exhausted after everything. _Ciao_. I'll call you in the morning.'

Honey? Heero had a girlfriend?? Called _Honey_. A very possessive girlfriend. This was ... unbelievable. Oh, but it was irresistible to imagine him cowering at the feet of a statuesque blonde Amazon, who was cracking a whip.

'Duo? I'm sorry about that. Let's go home.'

'_What_? There's no way in hell I'm going anywhere else with you.'

'Duo...you do have to sleep somewhere.'

'Yes, and I'm going to the Sanque embassy. I can call a cab. No need to disturb yourself any further.'

'You can't do that.'

'I can do anything I want! And I happen to know the ambassador; he's a friend of Zechs and he was going to arrange it.' And if there was a problem, it wouldn't be the first time I've slept on the streets.

Better than having to share a house with Heero and Honey Whiplash, anyway.

'Duo. While you were planning a hundred ways to kill Marani, did you actually _listen_ to anything we were saying?'

'Um, not really.' I mumbled. 'It was all legal stuff.'

Heero muttered something in Japanese under his breath. 'He released you into my custody, Duo. I've signed a bond guaranteeing that I will personally oversee your whereabouts until the trial. I can't just let you wander off around Italy by yourself.'

'I'd like to see you trying to stop me, Yuy. I'd _really_ like to see that.'

'Duo. Please. It will just be for a couple of nights. As soon as Wufei sees his lawyers and gets the court order lifted, he can take responsibility for you.'

Oh, charming, he was obviously as desperate to get me out of his life as I was.. Well, screw that. If I had to stay to with him, I'd make sure he suffered just as much.

'And what about your girlfriend?' I asked, sweet as honey. (Oops, pun! Totally unintentional.)

'Irrelevant, Duo. I don't have one.'

'Oh, yeah? I heard you on the 'phone back there. She's called Honey, right? And she's very possessive? Sounded to me like she's not going to like you bringing home a stranger, huh?'

'Duo..' He actually seemed to be trying very hard not to laugh. 'I don't have a girlfriend. Honey's my dog. I just have her a few months; she came from the shelter and she's still not very good with people, but I'm sure you two will get on fine. You do like dogs, don't you?'

Oh. So there I was, stuck in Heero's company for the next twenty four hours at the very least.

My life seriously sucks.


	18. The Finer Points of Hair Care

Disclaimer: Not mine. Do I need to say it?

Note: This chapter is mostly back-story, so I hope it's not too confusing! If you're interested in flashback chronology (is there even such a thing?) the second flashback takes place the day after the one in chapter 10, which finished with Quatre saying that Duo should tell Heero how he(Duo) feels….

**The Finer Points of Hair Care: **

I suppose it was too much to hope that Heero would have a bouncy, boisterous, tail-wagging dog, instead of a canine killing machine. Honey was big and black and seemed to be composed mostly of teeth.

There was an awkward moment when we walked in his front door and I realised I just - could not do this. Could not be sociable or polite or even half-way civil to him or his scary dog, which all too obviously would have liked to connect its teeth to my throat. My leg had started to ache and I just wanted to lie down. I think I mumbled some excuse about being tired, and he seemed perfectly happy to accept it, taking my jacket and offering to carry my bag upstairs.

The room at the top of the top of the stairs was your typical spare room, pretty much; the repository for all the stuff you don't want to live with on a daily basis, but can't quite bring yourself to throw out. Twin beds adorned with flouncy quilts in a truly awful shade of peach and a few other pieces of mismatched furniture. Splashy watercolours on the wall, and a few hideous ornaments that looked suspiciously like they might have been gifts from Relena in her pink phase.

There was a tiny en-suite bathroom that had obviously been made by putting up a couple of partition walls in one corner. A pile of neatly folded towels by the sink unit, a toothbrush still in its wrapper, and a little wire basket in the shower holding an assortment of hair products.

Heero had been expecting me. Had either known or guessed all along that I would end up here.

Deep breaths, Maxwell.

I turned on the shower, full blast, locked the door and subsided into the corner by the little hand basin. He'd bought me organic herbal shampoos, and a conditioner scented with camomile. When the water had run for a couple of minutes, I crawled over to the toilet. There wasn't much in my stomach; I'd refused food on the 'plane and hadn't eaten since breakfast the previous day, so it didn't take too long to empty it totally. I did a bit of dry retching, rinsed out my mouth and slunk back into my little bit of space.

He'd always had a thing for my hair.

Being Heero, the Perfect Soldier, that had originally manifested in pure insults.

Long hair was effeminate, ridiculous, an absurd vanity that a committed soldier should have no time for.

Then it was impractical; too conspicuous on under-cover missions. It made me too recognisable, too memorable.

It was too dangerous in a Gundam seat; it could snag on something. Too risky in a fight - giving the enemy something to grab on to.

_We'd beendoing the under-cover thing in some exclusive boarding school the first time he actually touched it. He damn near tore my head from my shoulders in the process._

_He, of course, was the perfect straight A student, the one who signed up for extra classes, and was running the chess club and the computer club and the martial arts club after two days._

_Mr. Popular, with all the girls sighing after him and all the jocks wanting him to be on their team._

_I was the reject, cursing my luck in ending up with him for an indefinite period._

_With Trowa, we would have been outsiders together, waging a silent, surreptitious war against the establishment. Quatre would somehow have made it all better, cajoled the other kids into accepting me as their new best friend, and coaxed me into good behaviour and the pretence of fitting in._

_Heero ignored me, except to read me the riot act when I got into too much trouble. _

_We'd been there nearly two weeks when I skipped my history class one afternoon and went from a stroll. I hadn't imagined there'd by anyone else on the far side of the playing fields,_ _where a river formed the boundary of school property, but there were three of them, all in the top class, all athletes, lounging on the river bank, smoking, bored, ready for trouble._

_There was a fairly brief exchange of mutual insults; I think they might have left it at verbal abuse if I'd kow-towed to their exalted status, but I'm not very good at grovelling. I knew just who these guys were and what they'd done; I'd seen some of the younger kids just fall silent when they walked past, or try to look invisible. I'd heard the rumours about a thirteen year old boy who'd hanged himself in the showers, and two others who'd left the school following nervous breakdowns._

_And after two weeks of being on my best behaviour, and sharing a room with Heero, and putting up with his silences and insults and criticism, I was frustrated and_ _spoiling for a fight._

_They didn't know what hit them._

_I had two of the bastards on the ground and was in the process of doing the same to the third; he was in the boxing club and putting up a fairly good fight, when someone grabbed my braid and yanked. Hard._

_It was Heero._

_'What the fuck is your problem?' I yelled at him. 'Where do you get off, thinking I can't look after myself? I don't need you babysitting me, you asshole!'_

_'Duo', he said it so very quietly, and it was the fact that he'd actually used my name for the first time that stopped me dead in my tracks. 'I thought you were going to kill them'._

_Oh. it was - a compliment. The first time he'd ever so much dropped a hint that I wasn't a total waste of space. Heero Yuy had actually paid me a compliment and I couldn't stop the smile blossoming._

_'Well, you didn't have to tear my hair out by the roots, did you?'_

_'I keep telling you, it's a liability in a fight.'_

_'Only with people who fight like girls.'_

_'A good soldier uses any weapon available.' The bastard was smirking at me but, oddly enough, he never once criticised my hair after that._

In fact, he started to touch it. It started off as a way to catch my attention, or get me to shut up - he would reach over and give it a tug. Then it kind of got so he did it all the time; I don't know if he was even aware that he was doing it, but he would walk past me and flip my braid over my shoulder, or sometimes reach out to smooth a strand that had escaped.

I guess we started being friends after that. He began to use my name, instead of _Maxwell _or _baka_ or the perennially-popular _h'n._

That phase had lasted for a month or so and confused the hell out of me.

_Friends. _

_Yeah, right._

It was my leg cramping that jerked me back to the present. The little bathroom was freezing; the hot water had long since run out and what was coming out of the shower was ice-cold.

I fumbled in my rucksack for an extra sweater and socks. Damn, my jacket was still flung over a chair in the downstairs hallway. With my cellphone in the pocket. And as I opened my laptop bag, I remembered the machine had been left behind in Goa. Damn. I really wanted to talk to the guys, and Trowa, but I wasn't sure that I could go downstairs and face Heero again, not feeling like this.

It was nearly eight o'clock. Not all that late, but legitimately late enough that Heero might understand if I didn't go back downstairs. Might assume I'd just fallen asleep. Yeah, right. No way was I going to sleep tonight. I didn't think I was physically capable of crying any more, but the mood I was in, there would definitely be nightmares, and I didn't want him to hear that.

It wasn't that particularly hard to stay awake. The room was cold but I somehow couldn't quite bring myself to get under the shiny peach quilt. I could hear Heero moving about downstairs, and his 'phone rang incessantly, making the dog bark.

I had way too much in my head to relax, and I was starting to feel hungry. I did, at one point, consider sneaking downstairs to raid Heero's kitchen, assuming he had anything worth eating. He probably survived on protein shakes and dried tree bark, anyway. And even if I managed to avoid Heero and the dog, he doubtless had some crazy security system installed. Laser beams in the refrigerator, probably, so no unwanted house guests could steal his sushi.

I took a couple of antibiotics instead, washed down with tap water. I'd probably get cholera or something. There was nothing in the bathroom worth eating. I looked at the little selection of toiletries until citrus-scented soap and herbal conditioners started to sound appetising.

The first time he'd washed my hair, he'd used camomile conditioner.

_It was the first time the four of us ever stayed in the same safe house._

_Heero had arrived late the previous night, and had been up at daybreak, doing perimeter checks and scaring away the local wildlife. Trowa was confined to bed with a leg injury - nothing too serious but Quat had decided it was a good chance to keep him in bed and fuss over him a bit. By way of adding a bit of credibility to this, he'd made up a list of stuff he needed from the drugstore, and I'd volunteered to go shopping. Of course, once Heero heard this he decided it wasn't safe for me to go off alone…_

'_You don't think you overdid it a tiny bit, Quat?' _

_We were in my room, I was still recovering from a shoulder injury and he'd offered to help me with my hair; not something I can really do one handed. I was sprawled face down on my bed, revelling in his touch. The guy has a whole tribe of sisters, he can brush hair like an angel, the way Sister Helen used to._

_He only laughed and l could imagine him trying to look innocent; I think I was being a bad influence on him. 'I have no idea what you're talking about, Duo.'_

'_Yeah, sure you don't. I was __**there**__, Q. I saw you batting those big, blue eyes at Heero, saying how worried you were about poor, brave Trowa's injuries, and how I'd volunteered to fetch medical supplies for you, but that you didn't want me going off alone since you'd heard there might be OZ forces in the vicinity…'_

'_Well…' I could hear the smile in his voice. 'I thought it might be a good idea for you two to spend some time together. You don't mind, do you?'_

_'Don't be silly, Quat. I'll be good to get out of the house for a bit. Give you a chance to spend some private time with your flexible buddy without us two hanging around and cramping your style!'_

_'Duo!'_

_''What, Quatre? The guy worked in a circus, right? I bet he's all supple and bendy in the right places, huh? Makes up for the fact that he only has one eye and doesn't really know how to talk and...Ow! Quat, that hurt!'_

_'Good.' My comb is an old metal one that I found somewhere or other. Actually not the most effective comb in the world as some of the teeth are broken. On the other hand, it's a fairly effective weapon, and Quat had given me a good sharp swat with it._

_Of course, Heero had to chose that precise moment to walk in and yeah, it was all totally innocent, but to an observer it probably looked - less so. With me stretched out face down and Quat kneeling over me…_

_He didn't even have to say anything; just shot Quatre Death Glare Number 5487. I think in those days Quartre was more intimidated by Heero's glares than he was by OZ and he just mumbled something and ran for the door._

'_Heero, that is __**not**__ acceptable! Quatre was just helping me get ready.'_

_'H'n. He has Barton, if he wants to play with someone's hair.'_

_Oh. I probably should have yelled at him some more for the way he'd treated Quat, but my mind was whirling in all kinds of unexpected directions._

_He was acting like he was jealous. And it was just possible that our sneaky little master tactician had set him up to feel just like that…Hmmm._

_'Duo, I'm sorry. I'll apologise to Winner later.'_

_'Apology accepted, I guess.' How could I not? Heero looking at me, seeking my forgiveness, my approval. Air in the room thick with flying pigs. Oh well. We'd obviously all fallen through a worm hole to some weird, alternate universe so I might as well risk it._

'_Now that you've scared him off, someone's going to have to help me do my hair.'_

_I doubt if Heero had ever used a comb in his life; his hair certainly showed no evidence of it, and the Yuy method of hairdressing consisted of sticking my old comb into the tangled hair on top of my head and yanking it down. I screamed and Heero froze._

_'I thought -I thought that was the way it was done.'_

_'Not exactly, 'Ro.' I gingerly reached one hand up and felt my scalp, surprised to find any hair at all still attached to my skull. 'What you need to do is start lower down, just take a handful of hair at a time, and work out any knots or tangles in that before you move on to the next bit. OK?'_

_'Copy.' God, he sounded like he was accepting some mission._

_This time, he was being obsessively careful not to pull or even snag any hair, giving each strand its own individual attention. It was - incredible. Heero Yuy focussed entirely on me. Then he started to follow the comb's movement with gentle strokes of his other hand._

_'It's beautiful, Duo. Why don't you ever wear it down?'_

_I had to grin at that. 'For all the reasons you used to nag me about it, remember? It gets in the way, it catches on stuff, it attracts way too much attention.' I snagged a hair elastic from around my wrist. 'You'll have to help me with braiding it; I can't do that with one hand either.'_

_'What do I have to do?'_

_'Divide it into three sections, try to keep them equal and then you sort of fold them over each other...Oh! Like that...How the hell did you learn how to do that?' _

_'Odin took me sailing a couple of times. He taught me how to make knots; it's not that different.'_

_'Oh? You're comparing my hair to some smelly length of rope?'_

_'No. Of course not! Just the technique is similar. Can I have your hair elastic? We probably should get going if we're to be back before dark.'_

_Heero buckled himself to the driver's seat of the old pick-up truck he'd arrived in, and ran his eyes down Quatre's list of requirements from the drugstore._

_'H'n. I hadn't thought the extent of Barton's injuries warranted such precautions.'_

_'Well, now'. I grinned suddenly, all right with my world. The four of us were together, and safe, and I had Heero Yuy to myself for a couple of hours. 'They don't, not really, but it's a nice excuse for Quat to keep him in bed and baby him for a bit.'_

_'That's very devious of 04'. He sounded quite approving._

_'Yep, he can be a tricky little bastard when he wants. And Heero, his name's Quatre. Quat, if that's too hard for you. How would you like it if I called you 01 all the time?'_

_'I like you calling me number one.' He angled a sneaky, sidelong glance at me and I groaned, knowing he wanted me to._

_'That seriously sucks, 'Ro! How long've you been waiting for me to set that up for you? Weeks?'_

_He kept his eyes on the road, but his perky, pleased little nod nearly made my heart melt. He was happy because he'd managed to make a joke._

_'Why doesn't Winner just tell Barton how he feels?'_

_Winner. Uhhhn! Still, any name was better than a number, right?_

_'He could. But - he doesn't really know how Trowa feels about him. And he's scared that if Tro knows how he feels, then he - Tro - won't want to be his friend any more.' _

_OK, I'll admit to being a wee bit...disingenuous here; although Heero didn't know it, Quatre and Trowa had actually come to some sort of understanding. I wasn't quite sure what it was, but they seemed perfectly happy and that was the main thing, wasn't it? _

_So, really, I was using them as a test case to sound out how Heero felt on a few things. _

_At that stage, I wasn't sure if he was even gay. If I was being honest with myself, I wasn't totally sure if he was even human._

_'So 04 prefers to indulge in delusions about a remote fantasy object?'_

_'That's - kind of cold, Heero. The thing is...you know Quat really likes Tro, don't you? And right now they have a really close friendship, something I don't think either of them has ever had with anyone else before, and maybe the possibility of something else. Sure, Quat would freaking love that something else, but he's also terrified of putting his feelings out there, and that Tro won't return them or that he'll be disgusted or he'll freak out and shoot him or whatever and then I - he won't have anything at all.'_

_'Direct is better.' Heero said impassively and my forehead fought the urge to connect with the dashboard. I'd have more luck trying to seduce Wing._

_'Probably.' I muttered. 'Heero, you've spent a fair bit of time with Tro, haven't you? On the last couple of missions? Has he ever mentioned Quatre to you?'_

_Yeah, or have you ever had any nice cosy little chats about how you feel about me? Huh?_ Huh?

_'We talk about our missions. Nothing more.'_

_Right. Figured. _

_'Weeeelll. Maybe the next time you're talking, you could just, y'know, drop Quatre's name into the conversation and see what Trowa says?'_

_'How exactly do you suggest I do that?'_

_'Oh. You know. "So, 03, what do you think of those new Mobile Dolls the Ozzies are using. And, while we're on the subject, that Quatre Winner sure has a cute ass, hasn't he?"'_

_'Duo!' _

_Yes! Managed to get a reaction. Score one for Duo._

_'What?' I turned to look at him, eyes all big and innocently inquiring. 'You don't think he's got a cute ass?'_

_'I never said that.' Ah. There was a very faint blush staining those perfect cheekbones, but otherwise he looked quite composed. Hmmm. Oh, dear God. Don't let him have a thing for Quatre. Please._

_'If I agree to this...intelligence gathering, what do I get out of it?'_

_'Um, the satisfaction of knowing you're helping to bring two lonely hearts together?'_

_'And?'_

_We were stopped at traffic lights by then, and he turned in his seat to give me one of those incredibly blue glances._

_'What - what do you want?'_

_'We can discuss that later.'_

_'Oh.' Silence for a bit as we turned on to the freeway. 'Heero. Would you mind if the two of them hooked up?'_

_'Only if it jeopardised our mission in any way. I think Barton at least is professional enough not to let that happen. And I have read studies which claim that soldiers will fight better if they are protecting something they love.'_

_'Well, sheesh, 'Ro, that's not very romantic.'_

_'Is that what you want from me? Romance?'_

_'Dunno.' The scenery outside suddenly became absorbing; all those rail fences and the crops growing; well, there was green stuff in the fields that I didn't think was grass. Oh, shit. Was he - flirting with me? Trying to freak me out? Was I totally misinterpreting everything he said? Deep breath, Duo. _

_'You don't mind that they're, you know, both guys?'_

_'I'm not homophobic, no. And Duo, if you want to know whether I'm gay, you could just ask me. You're not very good at being subtle.'_

_Oh. Passing through a little village now; supermarket, church, diner, cluster of wooden houses with flowery gardens. Wonder what it would be like to grow up somewhere like that._

_'Are you?'_

_'Are __**you**_

_'I asked first.'_

_'But you want to know more.'_

_Shit, wasn't that all too freaking true? Well, I wasn't going to play his little mind games any more. Back to looking out the window. Bastard. Fuck. Well done, Maxwell. _

_'Duo. I'm sorry; I didn't mean to upset you.' His hand closed over mine; it took a minute for us to figure out the logistics of hand-holding and then realised our fingers laced together perfectly, that Heero's palm could curve around mine like a welcome. 'I am gay. And I know that you are. I thought we were just teasing each other.'_

_In the drugstore, he went missing while I was getting the prescription filled._

_He wasn't at the magazines browsing some new issue of "Soldier of Fortune'; he wasn't in the health foods section stocking up on vitamin supplements. I'd gone through the whole store, searching for him, until the only two aisles left were Feminine Hygiene and Hair Care. _

_He was standing in the latter, frowning at the assortment of different conditioners._

_'Which of these do you use?'_

_'Um, none of them, actually. I just get whatever shampoo is on special in the supermarket.'_

_'Unacceptable. No wonder your hair has so many tangles and split ends. In future, you are going to take better care of it.'_

_I followed him down the aisle, in a state of total shock, as he threw bottles and jars and packages into his basket, carefully reading the ingredients and instructions on each, before unscrewing the lid or cap to sniff it, all the while lecturing me on how important it was to use the correct product for my hair type and colour. _

_He was throwing out all these weird phrases like 'hydrating' and ''multi-dimensional shine' and anti-volumising' and 'ice shimmer'_ _and 'protein strengthening' and God knows what which were necessary for long hair. Apparently, I had to start using shampoo made from juniper berries, and dried nasturtiums and root ginger, as they were appropriate for my colour._

_I didn't have the heart to tell him that half the time, if I'd run out of supermarket-shampoo, I used a sliver of laundry soap, or else just kept it tied back…. _

_'Heero, listen. I don't need all this stuff. And no way can I afford it.'_

_'I'm getting it. No, don't be silly. It's not my money; just funds I've stolen from OZ.' _

_OK, it may be hard to believe but I wasn't always a hacker - Heero got me in on it. It was a hobby to him, playing with Oz bank accounts. Half the time he didn't even steal the money, just moved it around to wreck their heads._

'_Duo, please. Let me get this for you?'_

'_Um. OK, I guess. But on one condition, right? You'll have to help me with my hair 'til my shoulder gets better.' _

'_Acceptable.'_

'_That means you'll have to help me wash and dry and everything.'_

'_Everything,' he said slowly. ' I am quite aware of that…' _

SHIT!

The sky was actually starting to lighten by this time; almost six am. I didn't think I'd really slept, just dozed off for a bit.

Heero was tapping on the door, calling my name.


	19. Pizza Delivery

Disclaimers: They belong to Sunrise, Bandai and various other wealthy corporations. Not being a wealthy corporation, I'm doing this for fun.

Note: Sorry this one took so long to post; it was a hideous chapter to write, and I think I could spend another month on it and still not be totally satisfied!

Many thanks to everyone who's been sending me such great reviews; I've always been too scared to post anything before, so I'd never realised what an interactive experience it is!

OK, this is a long note for me. On to the story….

**Pizza Delivery:**

Damn.

I really didn't feel like having to talk to Heero just then. Or any time in the next century or so.

Maybe if I kept quiet, he'd think I was asleep and just go away?

'Duo. Duo, are you awake?'

_Well, I am __**now**__, you asshole. How d'you expect me to sleep with all this racket going on? Huh?_

Heero was standing outside the door when I flung it open, holding a cordless 'phone in one hand, the other still raised to knock.

'I'm sorry to disturb you, Duo, but Wufei is insisting you call him as soon as possible. He says you're not answering your 'phone; I did try to tell him you were sleeping but he didn't believe me.'

Yes, well, my 'phone was switched off and downstairs in my jacket pocket. Oops. Fei had to be really worried if he'd actually dialled Heero's number. I guess looking at me, it was pretty obvious I hadn't slept.

'Fine. I'll call him now.'

'That might be a good idea. He threatened to call the police if he doesn't hear from you in the next ten minutes. He seems to think I have you chained in a dungeon. Come down when you're finished; I'm going to start breakfast.'

He headed back downstairs and I called 'Fei.

'Duo! What the hell is going on? Are you all right? Yuy was refusing to let me talk to you.'

'It's OK, Wu. Really. He was trying to help. Where are you guys?'

'Delhi International Airport. All flights have been cancelled due to fog. They're supposed to be resuming service in the next hour or so, but there's a massive backlog. We have a direct flight to Sanq and Relena's arranged for the Peacecraft lawyers to meet us at the Palace when we arrive.'

'That all sounds pretty official. You think they can get this - restraining order or whatever it is lifted?'

'They think so. Apparently, they've already spoken to Yuy, and confirmed that. And Duo. There's one other thing.'

'Am I going to want to hear whatever it is?'

'It's not too bad. Mil is going to petition the Sanque parliament for you to be granted Sanq citizenship...'

'Um, why exactly?'

'The lawyers recommended it. Apparently, it will entitle you to be tried as an Earth citizen. There are slightly different sets of laws for colonists; I don't really understand but apparently some colonies have slightly less stringent rules for having their citizens committed.'

'Charming. How long will that take?'

'Probably a couple of days, according to Mil. Don't worry; he can stay and take care of that and I'll fly to Italy as soon as I can.'

Oh, God. More delays.

'Where is his Highness anyway?'

'He's off trying to buy, borrow or steal a 'plane.'

'Be careful, OK?'

'Duo, I think we're both capable of dealing with a little poor visibility. Are you sure you're alright? Heero's looking after you?'

'I'm alright. I mean, he's got this really scary dog and I think he's trying to starve me to death but otherwise…' I'd sort of meant it as a joke, but it didn't work, as evinced by Wu's shocked 'How?'

'In the usual way, by not giving me any food.' Another quip that didn't quite make it.

'Look, I'm sure he's planning to give me breakfast soon. It's still really early here. And stop worrying about me. Please.'

'Oh, Duo….' Exasperated sigh, and what sounded like a few expletives in some oriental language. 'How can I not worry, the way things are at the moment? If I'd known that you were going to end up having to stay with Yuy, there's no way I would have let you go off with him.'

'We didn't really have much choice, did we?' My turn to sigh; I knew exactly what he wasn't quite saying. ''Fei, please. Seriously, what can happen in a couple of days?'

'I don't want you getting hurt again. That's all.'

'I don't want me getting hurt again, either. It's not going to happen, OK? We're not kids any more; that was all a long time ago. You know the saying about lightning never striking twice, right?'

'I'm glad to hear it. Duo, I'd better go before my credit runs out; listen, I've couriered your laptop and a other few things you forgot to the Sanque embassy. And you need to call Trowa as soon as you can.'

Oh.

'Did he tell you?'

'It's been pretty obvious. The way you kept running to check your emails and then grinning like the cat that got the cream. And I'm not sure I want to know how you two managed to get pizza smeared all over my car upholstery.'

'Do you mind?'

'Duo, anything that makes you happy is a good thing. I just think you should be careful...he probably still has some sort of feelings for Winner.'

'I know. We have talked about all that and we're just going to take things really slowly.'

'That's quite extraordinarily mature of you.' For the first time, there was a slight smile in his voice.

'Isn't it? See? You don't need to worry about me. I'll see you really soon, OK? Say hi to Zechs for me.'

Hanging up was hard; like I was deliberately shearing my last link with my normal life.

It's not like 'Fei and I live in each other's pockets, but I guess we'd been there for each other's dark times.

In some ways, we'd pretty much grown up together, learned to live the way normal people do, sharing an apartment, starting University together. He'd made sure I ate properly, forced me to attend even my most boring classes, the ones I could have taught while standing on my head, and tried to stop me getting into too much trouble. I'd dragged him out occasionally to dinner or the movies, signed us both up for the University rock-climbing and scuba-diving clubs and made him stay and be sociable when I invited people over.

He'd mopped me up whenever I stumbled home after another one-night-stand that hadn't worked, hungover and sore and miserable, and I'd listened to him after he'd left the Preventers and was desperately trying to find a new way to fill his life, helped him come to terms with the whole being gay thing, encouraged him to try dating.

It was weird having all this going on without him there. It was only for a couple of days. No big deal.

When I tried to call Trowa, I got his message service.

'Tro? It's me. Duo. I guess you're hanging off your trapeze by one finger or something like that so I - '

'Duo? Duo! I'm sorry, I was on another call.'

'Hey.' I know it was stupid, but I was suddenly not quite sure what to say. We'd talked at least once a day while I was in Goa, and it had been easy and relaxed and a bit flirty, but this was different somehow. My world was upside down.

'Hey yourself.' He seemed to be picking up on my little bit of unease, not rushing to fill the silence, while I propped a pillow by the headboard and curled up against it. 'Duo, there's a flight from here to Florence in another two hours. I could be with you by lunchtime. If you want me to?'

'Yes,' I breathed, realising as I said it how much I wanted him here. A warm, solid presence who cared about me, who would provide a convenient buffer between me and Heero. 'I would love that. It's just a bit…complicated right now with Heero.'

'Complicated how?' He demanded, sharp as a cracking whip.

'Uh, in a complicated sort of way,' I offered. He did laugh, but only because it was expected. 'Tro, I don't mean anything like that...he's obviously desperate to get me out of his house so he can go back to his nice, ordered life, without crazy ex-boyfriends infesting the place. When we were driving back to his house last night, he kept telling me I'd only have to stay for a day or so. Seriously, he doesn't want to me here any more than I want to be here.'

'It must be awkward,' he said carefully.

'It's - awkward as hell. . Just - he's been treating me like I could - I don't know! - have some sort of a breakdown at any minute...or just shatter into pieces if he looks at me crosswise. It's weird, Tro. Shit, maybe he actually believes all that stuff Quatre's accusing me of; he probably thinks I'd be actually better off in a psych ward where I can't get into any more trouble.'

'Of course he doesn't think that! Duo, I spoke to him last night and he knows what's going on with Quatre, that he's just doing it out of malice because I left him.'

'Oh. I hadn't realised you two were still in touch.' Oops, that was going to be something of a complication. I wasn't sure how I felt about Trowa being best buddies with Heero.

'We talk sometimes, Duo; that's all.'

'Don't you mean that you take turns to listen to each other's long silences?'

'We do exchange the occasional word, too.'

'Does he know about us?'

'I haven't said anything to him. Duo, I'm not quite sure why you have to stay with him.'

'Oh. I'm not a hundred per cent sure either,' I admitted. 'It's something to do with the judge - God, Tro, you never met such a prick. I'd bet anything he was a founder member of the Romfeller Foundation - thinking I might try to run off somewhere. Heero had to sign this guarantee that he'd personally take responsibility for me not legging it before the trial, or going out to corrupt all the young men of Florence.'

'I see. But it doesn't have to be Heero, personally, does it?'

'Shit, no. I think it can be anyone. Wufei and Zechs when they get here.'

'So it could be me?'

'Would you? That would be great, if you could!'

'Of course I will. This is all my fault anyway. If I hadn't come straight to you after leaving Quatre, none of this would have happened.'

'Don't be stupid, Tro. It's Quatre's fault. And I'm glad some of it happened.'

'Maybe you are crazy.'

'Fishing for compliments, Barton? It's worth it. You've worth it, OK? Don't worry about me. I can handle Heero.'

Ooops. Best not to think about handling Heero.

'If you need me, call. I don't have to stay at Heero's house.'

'I will. I swear. Look, give me a couple of days to get some of this mess sorted. Anyway, don't you have to perform for Spanish royalty in two days' time? I don't want you to give that up just to come here and hold my hand.'

'Even if I wanted to?'

'Ah.' To be honest, I wasn't quite sure how to take Tro when he went all suave and complimentary. 'Look, Tro, 'Fei's sent me my laptop by courier; can I call you later today and we can talk about this?'

I hung up before he could say anything else, before I could beg him to come after all, and spent a minute staring at the 'phone, willing him not to call back.

Stupid, Maxwell. _Stupid. _

I did….not need this. The next couple of days were going to be hard, and that was all there was to it; it was years since I'd spent more than ten or so minutes in Heero's company. And it wasn't going to help that Wufei and Trowa seemed to think I was going to end up falling for him all over again. No, thank you. If he hadn't wanted me then, it was unlikely he wanted me now.

I don't know quite how I'd envisaged Heero's home; maybe wall to wall computers with a sleeping bag folded neatly in one corner.

His kitchen was a fairly small galley-style room, with one huge window overlooking a sunny, overgrown courtyard. Pots of fresh herbs on the sill, a shelf packed with cookery books; a single sunflower in a narrow glass vase.

I was looking around obsessively just because the alternative was watching him. He was wearing a pair of jeans that had obviously been worn and washed often enough to have faded a bit, and were just a little bit snug in certain places, and a white T-shirt. His hair was even messier than usual from his shower, sticking up in all sorts of fascinating whorls and spirals.

And he looked - comfortable. Utterly relaxed in his own space.

He was making me pancakes. OK, they were obviously made with some sort of wholemeal flour and nuts and bran, and served with a fresh fruit puree rather than actual syrup but still.

Once upon a time, I would have sold my soul for a moment like this.

Instead, it was bloody damn awkward when he finally sat down at the table with me. He was clearly trying to act the perfect host and overdoing it just a bit - jumping up to get me more juice, a new napkin, a bowl of yoghurt, while I sat there like a good little guest, praising the food politely and concentrating on my table manners, cutting every piece to the exact same size before I ate.

It didn't help that Honey was sitting immobile by his chair, glaring at me; I don't know if Heero had actually been teaching her his repertoire of death glares, or whether she'd picked them up on her own, but the end result was the same.

Even his damn dog hated me.

OK, that was stupid. She was just a dog. Heero had said that she'd come from some sort of animal shelter so she'd probably been badly treated. Of course she didn't hate me, she'd just had a rough life. She'd probably hopedto be adoptedby a nice, normal familywith kids, and she'd got Heero instead.

So when Heero got up to make tea, I reached out one hand to her, offering a piece of pancake. I hadn't really expected her to come over, definitely hadn't realised how big she was close up, or how each of her shiny white teeth looked like it had been specially sharpened and polished.

I'd forgotten how fast Heero can move when he wants. He was just - suddenly there crouched over me, and I was on the floor, having jerked my chair backwards abruptly enough to knock it over. Seeing a whole galaxy of stars because I'd whacked my head off the floor tiles.

'Duo! You're bleeding...'

'No, I'm not.' I waggled my hand on him, showing that the skin was all intact. Fingers and thumb ditto. OK, maybe I'd overreacted just tiny bit, but I'd been convinced she was about to bite my hand off, or maybe just shear my arm off at the elbow.

'Not that. Your leg!' He was staring at me like he'd never seen blood before. 'She drew blood, Duo. And you hit your head, hard; you could have a concussion.'

'Of course I don't have concussion! And your dog didn't actually bite me; I hurt my leg the other day and I banged it off the chair. Look!'

I rolled up my pants leg, and couldn't help wincing myself. The stitches were intact but one long shallow cut had started to bleed. I'd almost forgotten about my leg; after twenty four hours or so the ache was almost a familiar thing.

'It just needs some antiseptic or something, alright? I have antibiotics and painkillers.' True enough; wasn't going to say I hadn't been taking said painkillers. They'd been making me drowsy and I preferred alertness even if it came at the price of a little pain.

'Look. I am fine, alright. I don't have concussion, I'm not going to bleed to death over your nice floor, your dog just … scared me a little bit but I'm fine.'

Wasn't this turning out to be a bitch of a day? It wasn't even eight o'clock yet, and it seemed like I'd been having tense conversations for hours.

Reassure concerned friend that I am safe, and coping all by myself, and am not being held against my will by my ex-boyfriend..

Reassure concerned boyfriend (or whatever Trowa wanted to be) that I am safe and coping all by myself, and that neither myself nor my ex is planning on leaping on each other.

Reassure aforementioned ex that I am not suffering from concussion, or from massive blood loss, or about to develop some horrific blood disease, and therefore do not need to be whisked off to Intensive Care.

'I'm really sorry, Duo. I'll arrange for a friend to keep Honey while you're here; I hadn't realised you were nervous around dogs.'

Well, he didn't know everything, did he?

The thing I had no intention of telling Heero was that they'd had dogs exactly like Honey on L2. Shopkeepers used them for guarding, kids used them for dog-fighting. And when property developers wanted to clear squatters out of a slum building, they'd send in dogs just like Honey. I have some seriously scary shit locked away in my mind. It's never pleasant when it surfaces.

And I was probably just being a bit on the sensitive side, but it sounded like his voice was tinged with reproach. Chalk up yet another failing of Duo Maxwell; yet another reason why I would never be good enough for him.

'No, that won't be necessary. She didn't do anything wrong; she shouldn't have to be sent away from her home.'

God, bloody Heero was still hovering over me; all I really wanted to do was to have a few minutes to myself, lying down, but that obviously wasn't going to happen.

Instead, I forced myself vertical, sat back down on the chair and did the deep breathing bit. Heero got his first aid kit and I cleaned up the cut and put a dressing on it.

'I think we need to talk.' Before I end up going totally insane. Maybe that was Quatre's master plan after all; force me to spend time with Heero and I'd be bound to something stupid eventually. But he couldn't have known I'd end up staying here, surely.

A nod.

'I spoke to Wufei. You know about this Sanque thing, right? Is it really necessary?'

'It's more of a precaution. Just in case...'

'I do happen to know what a precaution is! Question two - what happens next? Wil there be a trial or what?'

'Not straightaway, no. First, there will a preliminary hearing to which will aim to evaluate...'

'My sanity? Wonderful. Who's going to be doing that? 'Cause if it's that Judge from yesterday, I'm seriously screwed.'

He gave me a very slight smile. 'No, it will be a panel of medical and legal professionals. Their conclusions will determine whether or not there will actually be a trial.'

'Right. And when will this take place?'

'Probably some time next week. They'll ask you to fill in a basic questionnaire first, to give them some background, and decide who is best suited to conduct the assessment.'

Oh, joy. Wouldn't that be fun? I could just imagine what sort of lovely probing questions I'd have to answer.

'OK. So there might be no trial at all? If I can prove I'm sane?'

'I would be highly surprised if there were to be a trial. You don't have an outstanding criminal record, you have a university education and a highly responsible career. The only reason it's come this far is because of Quatre Winner's connections. The panel here may not approve of your .. lifestyle, but nothing about it is illegal.'

A couple of little puzzle pieces suddenly slotted into each other. Someone else obviously wasn't approving of my lifestyle either. Well, tough. I'd spent a year of my life trying to conform to Heero Yuy's ideas of how I should conduct my life. Didn't have to do that any more.

'So there isn't really much point to all of this?' He lifted an eyebrow at that. 'I mean, this is all very annoying and disruptive and everything but...it's more inconvenient than anything.'

'Duo, I would describe it as considerably more than that!' Ouch. Well, at least I knew now how he felt about having me in his house. Not that it was really much of a surprise. 'Apart from anything else, I imagine there will be a certain amount of publicity.'

'Yeah.' I'm not exactly saying I would go into full mourning if every tabloid gossip columnist in the world were to spontaneously combust tomorrow, but I don't really have Heero's phobia about media attention; I think sometimes he still half believes he's a wanted terrorist and that no one should know what he looks like.

'It just all seems a little bit senseless, that's all. I mean, we're talking about Quatre Winner here. If he really wanted to destroy my life, he could have me assassinated, or frame me for mass murder or something really bad. This is just like he's...playing with me.'

That was the really scary thing; that all this was just the - start of it.

'Duo, was there anything else? Because I have a conference call at eight thirty.'

'One question. This - bond or whatever it is you signed, can anyone take over that?'

'Not anyone, no. It has to be someone who is a resident of the city, a landowner, and who is employed here. You don't have to worry, Duo. I know the Peacecrafts own property here.'

'Zechs doesn't live here though. Or have a job.'

'The courts will probably waive that condition for Prince Milliardo Peacecraft. And he doesn't have a paying job, but I know he is on the boards of several charities and the art gallery.'

'He prefers to be called Zechs,' I muttered. Sexy Zechsy. I'd insisted on calling him that back when we'd first got to know him, and it had driven Wu mad. I think that was one of the reasons why he'd starting calling him Mil instead.

Damn, though. That meant that I couldn't have Trowa take over as official Duo-minder in-chief. That I was stuck with Heero until the guys arrived.

'Oh, there was one other thing. What's plan B? I heard you saying something about it on the 'phone yesterday.'

Heero ignored me for a minute, instead placing bandages and ointment very carefully back into his medical kit. Then he looked at me, properly, for the first time that morning, actually meeting my eyes and I realised that he was tired too. He'd spent two days trying to trace me, he'd said, and probably another two on various flights. It hadn't sounded like he'd slept much the previous night either.

'Duo. There was no way I was letting you go to prison yesterday. Whatever happened.'

Oh. What do you say to something like that? I was just about to formulate something brilliant on the lines of '_what the fuck_?' when the doorbell rang. Honey, who had been lying under the table, catapulted out, barking her head off.

When Heero came back, he had a leaning tower of pizza boxes in his arms.

'Delivery for you, Duo. There's a note as well.'

_'Dear Duo,_

_We don't want you to starve just because H. won't feed you!_

_Love you,_

_W & Z._

_PS - See you soon!_

_PPS - I'm sure it'll be boring having to eat pizza without Trowa there, but use your imagination!'_

'It's from the guys' I explained to Heero, who was looking slightly overcome at his house turning into a pizza parlour. 'They're incredible, those two. They - know I really like pizza. Those two are incredible.'

'I hope they know how fortunate they are... '

Now, that was an odd little out-of-the-blue comment, but I guess Wu and Zechs do have pretty much everything.

'I'm sure they do.'

'Duo, I need to take a call in my study. Feel free to make yourself at home. I shouldn't be more than an hour or so.'

_Take your time. Take all day if you want to_.

No, I didn't say that out loud.

The rest of Heero's ground floor was open plan; a surprisingly comfortable blend of sitting room and library. Lots of books and plants and some squishy armchairs. There was some Japanese artwork on the walls, and a couple of samurai swords, but the only photograph was the one I keep by my bed at home, the five of us together, back when we'd all been friends.

I'd been desperately in love with Heero at the time, hadn't been quite sure how he felt about me, had spent hours discussing it with Quatre. Back when he was my best friend.


	20. What's in a Name?

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Warning: This one has a certain amount of icky squickiness as well as whole load of sap at the end. You've been warned…..It's also the longest chapter to date, and my personal favourite, purely because I got to write off-the-scale sappiness.

**What's in a Name?**

Expect the unexpected.

That first morning in Heero's kitchen, I would never have expected that by dinnertime, I would have had a row with Trowa, would have started a tentative friendship with Honey, or would be entertaining semi-warm feelings toward Heero himself, simply because he seemed to be the only person in the entire universe who was willing just to leave me alone.

My 'phone started to ring soon after we'd finished breakfast; apparently Wufei had let everyone know what was going on, and once I'd managed to convince my friends that no, Heero wasn't slapping me around and didn't have me chained in his cellar, I called Wu back to yell at him.

Zechs picked up. They'd somehow managed to 'acquire' a small 'plane and 'persuade' Delhi Air Traffic Control to let them take off; and Wufei had gone to fill in the flight plan. I wasn't sure I wanted to know the exact details of said acquisition and persuasion.

'Well, when he gets back, tell him I'm going to kick his ass. I'm serious, Zechs; it's bad enough having him worrying about me without him telling everyone in the entire universe what's happened.'

'Then you should stop doing things that make us worry, did you ever think of that?'

'I didn't _do_ anything!

'He's just...' The pause was actually tangible as he choked back the 'W' word, and searched for an alternative. '...concerned about you. Do you have any idea how helpless he's feeling right now, that he can't be there for you?'

'He doesn't need to be. I'm alright.'

'Duo..._stop_ it. He loves you, he remembers how you were the last time you and Heero split up. He just doesn't want to have to go through all that again.'

'And you think I do? Christ, Zechs, I'm not that much of a masochist. Sure, Heero and I have a history, but I've moved on and he certainly has, OK? We're not exactly hormonal teenagers any more.'

'Maxwell, when _exactly _did you figure out that it was unacceptable for you to lie to the rest of the world, but perfectly acceptable to delude yourself?'

'I'm not - _deluding_ myself. I'm being realistic and practical and mature, like I'm bloody well supposed to be. Yes, I probably still have ...some sort of feelings for him. Is that what you want me to say? I'm never going to forget him, and maybe there'll always be a part of me that's in love with him, but that was all over years ago. Finito. Seriously.'

'I didn't understand any of that,' he confessed and I had to grin. Honestly, I'm not entirely sure how I feel about Heero most of the time either. 'Duo, just - take care, OK? We'll call you.'

'Don't forget to give Fei my message, will you?'

'No fear. You want to kiss his ass, and you love him because he cares about your welfare so much.'

'Whatever.'

It probably wasn't a good idea to call Tro, the mood I was in, and it didn't get any better when he told me he'd booked a flight from Spain in two days' time.

'I thought we were going to discuss that. Together.'

'Duo, you said you wanted me there. I want to be with you. What's the problem?'

'I'm not Quatre.'

OK, where the hell had that come from? I think Trowa was as stunned as I was, if his silence was anything to go by.

'I - I mean..'

What I meant was...God, damned if I even knew. That I'm not Quatre. That Quat was the one Trowa looked after, not me. Inside my head is a damned scary and complex place.

'Duo, just tell me how my being there is going to be a problem.'

'Because you care about me.'

'A logical reason.'

'Um, does that have to be logical by your standards or mine?'

'_Duo_!'

'Trowa. Look, I'm sorry, I just...'

_I'm not Quatre and I don't need you to protect me. _

_There are things I have to do by myself and this is one of them._

_I don't need you here starting some macho bullshit with Heero. _

'There's nothing wrong with needing people.'

Yeah, that's what my therapist was always saying. He'd never really qualified how I should get past being let down by the first person I'd ever let myself need.

It probably only made sense in my head, but I knew I could let myself lean on Wufei and Zechs, simply because I'd been there for them already.. Apart from the time, years ago, when Quatre had tried to kill himself, I'd never once seen Trowa Barton at a loss. And I really, really wanted him to see me as equally strong; he'd never seen me at my worst either and one of the things I'd always cherished about his friendship was that he was the one person who'd never believed he had some magic formula to fix my life, but who'd just been there for me.

It hadn't occurred to me that this might change, now that we'd become more than friends, that all of his very protective instincts might be swivelling in my direction for a change.

I think we were both relieved when he had to cut the call short to attend a rehearsal; I tried to frame sort of apology before he hung up but I'm not sure if it worked.

It was a long day.

I'd been dreading dinner but it was actually - not too bad. Heero made himself pasta; I had slices of cold pizza, feeling just the tiniest twinge of remorse that all the toppings included olives, one of the very few foods that he actively hates.

Honey started off sitting by Heero's side; I think she gradually started to inch towards me because she could smell pepperoni and barbeque chicken and ended up leaning against my legs.

'She wants you to pet her, Duo.'

OK, Duo; pet the scary dog and maybe she won't tear your throat out. I ventured a tentative touch to the top of her head, and, at Heero's suggestion, stroked her ears. They were warm and unbelievably, velvety soft, and she obviously did like being stroked there, butting her head against me when I took my hand away.

After dinner, we watched the early evening news, and then some current affairs show. It was rather like being caught in some weird sort of time warp, except we weren't fighting, and there wasn't going to be make-up sex at some point. Heero told me something about a case he'd just taken on, and we talked a bit about Florence, and how he liked living in Italy.

I'd planned to feign tiredness and plead jet lag just so I could go to bed early, but by nine o'clock, I was already half asleep anyway and didn't need to make excuses, just gave a massive yawn and announced I was heading for a shower and bed.

And, yes, I would have done just that, except for Heero saying I could have a bath instead, and I just couldn't resist.

He hadn't told me the bath was located in the en-suite off his own bedroom, and I'd probably have refused if he had. It just seemed - disturbingly intimate.

He had one of those big tubs that take forever to fill, which gave me some time to look around. The bedroom was uncharacteristically cluttered; a leaning tower of files by the bed, and books heaped on his dresser. No little shrine to the lost love of his life, though. No evidence of any weird sexual practices either.

The bathroom was extremely neat. A toothbrush standing upright in its glass; a tube of toothpaste that had obviously started its career being squeezed very precisely from the end. Jars of bath oils in a regimented row; for about a minute it was actually quite funny to imagine him lounging in a bubble bath, instead of taking a brisk, cold shower.

I'm so stupid sometimes.

It was a big tub; plenty of room for two. He had a double bed. There were candles on a shelf in the bathroom, alongside a bottle of massage oil. Well, of course, he wasn't going to be lazing in the bath by himself, now, was he? There was obviously a mysterious someone else in the picture; someone, moreover, who'd managed to get him into candles. He'd always refused to have the things in our house, claiming they were potentially dangerous. No wonder he wanted to get me out of his house.

'Duo.'

Fuck, I nearly jumped out of my skin. I'd never even heard him open the door. Well, if he wanted to scrub my back for me, I'd clobber him with one of his fancy beeswax candles.

'I brought you some fresh towels.'

'Oh. Thanks.' It came out sounding a bit ungracious; after all, it wasn't my business any more who he wanted to sleep with, and he was trying hard to be a courteous host, so I forced a smile. 'Really. Thank you, Hee…thank you. Goodbye. Sleep well, I won't be too long.' I was babbling by then, just wanting him to get the hell out and leave me alone, not quite able to absorb the fact that I'd almost said his name.

Meeting his eyes just then was a mistake, being able to tell exactly what he was thinking, that he was no longer in Italy, but in a bathroom on the other side of the world, in the middle of a war. He'd given me a bath that other time, because I'd wounded and in shock, and clinging desperately to some semblance of self-control. It had been the first time he'd ever told me he loved me, the first time I'd truly acknowledged to myself that Heero Yuy was the other half of my torn and tattered soul.

I didn't even hear him leave. It was years since I'd used his name to his face, not since the night I'd told him to get out of my life, that I never wanted to see him again. It slipped out occasionally when we were talking on the 'phone, but that was all. I'd used his name as an endearment once, because it summed up exactly what he meant to me, the most important person in my life.

Oh, God. Did not need this right now, did not need to think about any of that….

_It had been a mission that went horribly wrong. A mission that was supposed to be a simple infiltration-and-destruction on an MS factory; the sort of job that I should have been able to accomplish wearing a blindfold, a hula skirt and holding a placard saying 'Gundam Pilot. Approach with Caution.'_

_Unfortunately, in the 24 hours between me receiving orders and setting off, things had changed. I never knew if it was just an awful coincidence, or OZ had somehow gotten wind of a prospective attack and trebled the guard, and installed a new kick-ass security system. Either way, I was royally screwed._

_Heero would kill me if I managed to get out of this one._

_If. _

_I'd still managed to destroy the main production line, as well as a shitload of suits, and part of me was still feeling a little bit of pride about that, in between all the other things I was feeling. Mission more or less accomplished. Apart from the whole getting taken prisoner thing._

_They'd been fairly brutal subduing me and dragging me into the cell, but I was still functional. Nothing major broken or ruptured, no serious blood loss._

_But nothing changed the fact that I'd been captured, and yes, in retrospect the best idea would have been to keep quiet, and not draw any more attention to myself . Somewhere through the haze of pain, I'd heard a senior officer yelling orders that I was to beshipped off to the nearest military base for interrogation, and that might offer some opportunity to escape if I could just hang on for a bit. _

_The thing is, I'm not very good at being confined in small, dark, silent places. Somewhere in my mind was the fact that if I could maybe get the guards to open the door, I'd somehow manage to rush them and then…then I'd just go from there and make it up as I went along. _

_So I banged on the door and kicked for all I was worth, and … it worked in that the door clanged open._

'_Getting lonely in there, were you?' _

_Oh, shit._

_There were three of them; I couldn't see the one who'd spoken, the one who'd dragged me out of the cell and was currently behind me, with a death grip on the base of my hair that forced me up on tiptoes but he had to be freaking tall and strong. One of his buddies was slim and fair and probably only a few years older than I was; the other was massive, all bulked up on steroids and anger at the skinny kid who'd probably killed off a bunch of his friends. _

'_Maybe he wants to play with us, Elliott?'_

'_Maybe.' A low chuckle behind me that sent shivers skating down my spine, then I was on the ground with the three of them circling like wolves. _

'_Is that what you want, pretty boy? To play a game with us?'_

_The one called Elliott was the danger; the beefy guy would be too slow and stupid to do much damage and the young one was clearly nervous about the whole thing, wiping his palms on his coat and eyes darting toward the door. But Elliott was damned scary - very alpha male in a fancy OZ uniform. A predator._

_Fuck._

_Wufei or Heero could have fought their way out of there without even breaking much of a sweat, but my specialities were running or hiding, neither of which was much help right now; not with the three of them eyeing me like I was birthday cake with the candles all lit._

'_Screw you, assholes.' _

_If in doubt, insult someone. Always gets some sort of reaction. _

'_Oh, I don't think so. Of course, we might try it the other way around.'_

_Elliott again, damn him. Mikos laughed, actually licking his lips but the blond guy looked worried._

'_Elliott, we have orders not to harm the prisoner. The Colonel said that…'_

'_I know what he said, Darnley. And we're not going to harm him, just warm him up a little; right, Mikos?' _

'_But…' That was Davis again, but I could already tell he wasn't going to get anywhere, that Elliott was the one in charge._

'_I think he needs to be stripped before anything else. These rebels are tricky bastards, he could have a weapon hidden under his clothes…'_

_It's not easy to fight three to one, especially when you're already hurt and two of them outweigh you several times. I tried, though, had the satisfaction a couple of times of hearing a gasp of pain; didn't' want to think about the possibility of it being me. Really not easy to keep fighting when you're face down on a concrete floor; the rope biting into wrists was already cutting off circulation, and breathing was hard enough that they' d probably cracked a couple of ribs, if not worse._

'_Pretty as a girl, isn't he, with all that hair?' The big one, Mikos was standing in front of me, one hand undoing his belt and the other stroking himself. 'What say we tan that cute little butt, Elliott? Get it nice and pink before we got on to the real fun bit, eh?'_

_My lip was bitten to blood by the time he'd finished, my throat raw from trying not to cry. Waste of time and energy. He'd used the belt first, then crouched over me and used the flat of his hand, gloating over the imprint his fingers left on skin. _

'_I think that's enough for now, Mikos. We do want him to be awake enough to participate, don't we?'_

'_Oh, yeah, you like them to fight, Elliott, don't ya? Well, he's not so feisty now, are you, little slut?' He bent over me, fingers still moving on my skin, whispering. 'Gonna own this butt inside and out by the time I'm done, you rebel fucker. See if you're so brave then.'_

'_Mikos, I don't think we…'_

'_Darnley, chill out, man. You heard the accent; he's from L2, they're all whores there. Whores and rebels who don't deserve to be treated decently. The slut's probably dying for it, right?'_

'_Right,' Mikos agreed, leering. 'Elliott, y'know there's still one place we forgot to search him. Prob'ly be in dereliction of our duty if we didn't check everywhere.'_

'_Good point. Fuck, Darnley, relax for god's sake. It's all just a bit of fun between friends and no one's ever going to know. Can't rape a whore, eh Mikos? He's probably had half the colonies through here.'_

'_Yeah, bet you can park an MS between those skinny legs,' Mikos sniggered. _

'_Maybe not,' Elliott murmured thoughtfully, withdrawing his finger and spitting into his hand. 'He's tight. We could be doing the inquisitors a favour, you know, breaking him in a bit. They'll probably thank us for it.'_

'_You want first go, Darnley?'_

_It wasn't happening. _

_That was all I could think of. It was all some vile nightmare, it wasn't really happening, and there was some place in my mind that I had to be able to retreat into, to escape from the pain and the thought of what was to come, and those voices, scratching across my consciousness like torn and filthy fingernails._

'_Elliott, I - I don't - I'm not into…'_

'_Fuck, man. Just close your eyes and you won't know the difference. Nice soft ass, nice snug hole; you'll think it's pussy once you get going. A tight little virgin, eh?'_

'_An L2 virgin. Who'd 've thunk it?' Ramos again, sniggering. 'If you want him, Darnley, get on with it, right? I'll go next an' loosen him up a bit more, then Elliott can play with him a bit.'_

_I was trying so very hard not to be there, that I never noticed the door open, never noticed that someone new had entered the room. When Mikos grunted and fell heavily across my legs I thought he'd lost patience waiting for Darnley to make up his mind, then Elliott crashed to the ground in front of me, blood spilling from the hole in his forehead._

_It was Heero, bending over me and wearing some poncey OZ uniform and of course it was a hallucination. _

'_Duo! Duo, are you all right?'_

'_I'm just dreaming you.'_

'_I'm real, I swear.' He had the ropes untied and then I was sitting up, rubbing my wrists together, feeling the first sharp sting as the blood raced back. 'I'm going to get you out of here.'_

_There were footsteps outside, racing past; Heero swivelled toward the door and, to my right, Darnley moved slightly. There was blood gushing down his shirt; Heero had probably aimed for his heart and been slightly off. But he was holding a gun, and it was levelled straight at Heero._

''_Ro! Behind you!' He whirled around and by then I was holding the revolver I'd snagged from Mikos' holster._

'_No, please. Don't kill me. I didn't hurt you. I tried to get them to stop.'_

_Sure you did. Just not very hard._

_All I could think, as I pulled off the safety catch, and aimed was something that Father Maxwell had once told me, something about how evil could only happen if good men stood back and men let it. And Darnley had stood by and watched. Had been going to kill Heero._

_After that I don't remember a lot. Heero somehow got me dressed me in Elliott's uniform coat and hat, and half carried me through the plant, which was going up in flames. I later found out that he'd riddled the place with explosives timed to go off every fifteen minutes. No one paid any attention to one soldier helping a wounded comrade._

'_Where are we going?'_

_Heero had to stop the car twice for me to lean out the window and retch. After the second time, it was a little easier to speak and for actual coherent sounds to come out._

'_It'll take about another hour. There's a resort by the ocean that lets out holiday cottages; I've hidden Wing back there. We can stay there tonight and get back to the safe house tomorrow.'_

'_Not far enough, 'Ro.'_

'_It's OK, Duo. They're in no shape to send out search parties tonight, and the nearest base is hours away.'_

_I drifted off a bit after that, curled on my side with Heero's hand resting on my shoulder, and only woke when he stopped the car, and half carried me inside._

_We ended up in the fanciest bathroom I'd ever seen; two sinks, an actual freaking fireplace, a huge shower with all sorts of jets and attachments and a corner tub. Heero perched me on the corner of that and turned on the water, while he undressed me, taking it very slowly and talking all the time, telling me what he was doing, how brave I'd been, letting me focus on his voice._

_Oh, God. It was the one thing I'd been dreaming of for months; to be alone with Heero and naked and to have his hands on me. But not like this._

_I couldn't stop shivering and ended up curled on a couple of towels on the floor while he examined me, drifting in and out of full consciousness. At one point, there was the most sickening crunch as he pulled a bone back into place, but most of the other injuries were fairly superficial. My right hand was the worst; it looked like something that belonged on a butcher's slab, and I'd torn out a couple of fingernails. Serves me right for trying to gouge concrete with one hand._

'_Will I live?' _

'_Absolutely.' He picked up my right hand, which he'd just bandaged and kissed it gently. 'Duo, they…didn't hurt you, did they?'_

_Absurd question, in the circumstances, what with me oozing blood all over the nice white tiled floor but of course I knew what he meant, what he couldn't quite bring himself to say._

'_No. I swear. Not like that. You turned up just in time, though.'_

'_I didn't know where you were being held! That was the worst bit, I was scared to take Wing, in case I ended up hitting you somehow, so I went inon foot and it took longer than I'd thought…'_

'_Oh, Heero, don't, it's alright. You saved me.' He was shaking as badly as me, all of a sudden, and for the longest time we just lay there on the two bloodied, sodden bath towels, clinging to each other. He recovered first._

'_Let's get you into the tub and clean this muck off. Come on, I'll help you.'_

'_Don't like baths, 'Ro, ' I whined. 'Why can't I have a shower?'_

'_Because I very much doubt you could stand up for long enough. Come on; you'll like it.'_

_He was right; my only other experience with baths had been at the orphanage. They'd had a tin bath that I could only fit in if I folded myself in half, and the water was always cold because the smallest kids got to get first turn._

_It was different in a tub that could have held all five of us pilots, with the water all warm and scented with some sort of oil that Heero had poured in. Of course, it didn't hurt that he was bending over me with a cake of soap and a washcloth and an expression of total concern on his face. I'd never even dared to imagine what it might be like to feel so cherished._

_He only left me once, for a couple of minutes to make us both tea. Mine was disgusting, laced heavily with sugar and brandy but he laughed at the faces I was making, claiming they were both traditional remedies for shock and kissing me when I'd finished it._

'_Since you hate baths so much, do you want to get out now?'_

'_Never. I never want to get out of this tub in my whole life, ever. '_

'_OK.' _

'_I mean it, Heero.' I slid down for a minute, letting the water wash over my face and when I came up, his hands were on my shoulders, massaging gently._

'_This is so cool.' I mumbled. 'I've gone to Heaven and I didn't even need to die.'_

'_You'll be developing webbed skin if I leave you there for much longer. Come on, Duo, you'll be falling asleep soon. Let's get you of this and dry you off.'_

'_I think I can manage to walk,' I told him after he'd enveloped me in the warmest, softest towel and dried me gently._

'_Maybe I want to carry you.' He hoisted me up and grinned. 'At least, I know you can't get into mischief when I've got you like this.'_

'_Sure about that, are you?' He gasped as I reached up and swiped my tongue across his ear; I think he might actually have dropped me if both of my arms hadn't been wrapped tightly around his neck._

'_God, Duo!' _

_It was one of those things that had seemed like a good idea at the time; one of those things that I'd obviously gotten wrong and I was stammering apologies as he put me down on the bed._

'_No, don't apologise! It was - unexpected, that's all. Maybe you could warn me next time?'_

'_Then I'd lose the element of surprise,' _

_He'd already turned down the bed quilt, and pulled it up after I'd found the most comfortable way to lie. Then he got in the other side, not saying anything, leaving the beside lamp on._

'_Heero?'_

'_H'n.'_

'_Heero!'_

'_Duo, you should be trying to sleep.' _

'_But, Heero, I'm cold.'_

' _I think there are more blankets in the closet, if you want me to get one.' _

'_That would mean you'd have to walk all the way across the room. And there might be a monster under the bed.'_

'_Duo…'_

'_If you could let me snuggle a little bit, I'd get warm and then I'd fall asleep and then I wouldn't be bothering you and you could sleep too.'_

_I was babbling, ready for Heero to bite my head off, when he surprised the hell out of me... _

_Being held by Heero. He cradled me against him like I'd been spun out of crystals and cotton candy; my head fit into the curve of his right shoulder, just so, and his hand was stroking up and down my spine, very slowly. _

_We had - fooled around a little bit. Taught each other how to kiss, how to hug, learned how to hold each other's hand. Indulged in a little above-the-waist exploration. Even shared the same bed a couple of times, but never quite this intimately. Never when we were both naked._

'_Better now?'_

'_The best,' I said quietly. I hadn't thought we could get any closer but found that with a little shifting I could slide one of my legs between his, wrap my left arm around his neck and cup my fingers around his cheek. 'I - I was scared you wouldn't want to touch me after…after what happened.'_

'_Oh, love, no. I'm sorry. I've been wanting so much to hold you, like this, but I was scared you wouldn't want it.'_

_His hand on my back stilled briefly, then moved farther north, until he was caressing the back of my neck. I'd never imagined that would be a sensitive spot - I touched it all the time when I was combing and braiding my hair - but Heero's fingertips were detonating a whole row of firecrackers under my skin.._

'_Where the hell did you learn to do that? And please don't say it was some obscure part of your assassin's training. Or that J. taught you.'_

'_I saw Barton doing it to Quatre last week. They both seemed to be enjoying the experience.'_

'_I bet they bloody well were! So you've been picking up tips from them, huh?'_

'_They are the only couple I've ever had the opportunity to observe closely. And it is obvious how they love one another.'_

'_Yeah.'_

_His hand delivered a long caress across my neck and shoulders, slid down my spine, pausing for a second in the small of my back._

'_Half the colonies have probably been through here,' Elliott's voice echoed in my skull, and I froze. _

_Oh, God, they were going to do it, and there was nothing I could do to stop them nothing, just like before, and this time I knew exactly how much it was going to hurt…_

'_Duo! Duo, come back to me, love! It' s Heero, I'm here, I've got you, you're safe, I'll never let anyone hurt you. Never, I swear.'_

_Safe?_

_Heero?_

_I opened one eye, just the narrowest slit, and there he was._

'_Sorry. Heero, I'm sorry; I just - those guys said things, horrible things; I can still hear them in my head.'_

'_They're gone, my love. We killed them, you and I. They can't ever hurt you again. You know that.'_

'_That's four times now,' I said quietly, and actually managed to smile at the look on his face, not having a clue what I was talking about. 'That you called me 'love,' I elaborated._

'_Well, you are. Always. If you like it?'_

'_Of course I like it, you fool. But I thought 'baka' was your pet name for me.' _

'_Maybe you could have two? Barton and Winner seems to spend hours thinking up new names for each other.'_

'_Well, I'd rather you didn't call me all those weird names they come up with! Really, I like it when you just say my name.' _

'_Duo,' he softened the D almost to a J sound, and drew out my two syllables oh, so sweetly. 'Duo mio. Now, you'll have to come up with a name for me.' _

_Oh, God, it almost broke me, the look in his eyes as he said that. That in the middle of the insanity that was our lives, we'd somehow managed to find this - this connection, and how very, very much he was craving this one tiny piece of normality._

'_I already have one,' I grinned at him, leaning a little closer to kiss the bridge of his nose. 'My Heero.'_

'_Duo - I don't think it counts if it's my real name. And it doesn't mean 'hero' in Japanese.'_

'_I know what your name means, baka.' Another kiss, dropped on the corner of his mouth. 'I looked it up. It means 'one and only', right? So you're my Heero. Always.'_

'_Oh, love,' He moaned softly as I tongued across his open mouth and then we were kissing properly, twined around each other. It was - wonderful at the start, before I fully realised the effect all I was having on him. _

_He wanted me. Like that._

_Oh, God. For the first time, I really understood what Quatre had been worried about, the first time he'd shared a bed with Trowa, that Tro would think it meant he was ready for more than he really was._

_I was in bed with Heero. We were both naked, and I'd started this. Couldn't very well turn around and tell him all I really wanted was to be held. Couldn't imagine that would go down terribly well._

_He let me turn in his arms, let me snuggle against him, feeling that hardness at my back._

''_Ro, just do it, OK?'_

_Just get it over with. Try not to hurt me too much. Try to make it quick._

'_Duo, sweet, what are you talking about?' _

'_You know,' I pressed backwards against him, very deliberately. 'You want to fuck me, right? I won't try to stop you.'_

_Yeah, like I could anyway, even if I'd wanted to._

'_Duo, __**no**__!'_

_I flipped away from him, would have fallen out of the bed if he hadn't caught me, stung by the rejection, that I was making a fool of myself, that of course someone like him couldn't want someone like me. _

'_What? I'm not good enough for you, is that it? Just another L2 whore, right? Well, fuck you, 'Ro!'_

'_Duo!'_

_Damn, it's unfair that any one person should be that strong and that fast. He had me on my back before I could so much as blink and was leaning over me, and I had a sudden stab of fear that it was going to happen, before I saw the expression in his eyes. I read somewhere that the ocean is the bluest thing on Earth but it's not true. Nothing in the whole universe is the colour of Heero's eyes. The essence of blue; the depth other shades can only dream of. _

'_I'll never hurt you like that.' He didn't need to say it aloud, because by then I'd seen the his face. 'I love you, Duo, and I would love to be with you, more than anything, but not like this. Not after what's happened today. Love, you're in shock and you're terrified and you're exhausted.'_

'_I just - I just wanted to give you something.' _

'_You give me everything. More than I'd ever even dreamed of. And one day I want you to look at me and tell you want it too. For yourself, and not because you feel you owe me something. Alright?'_

'_Mission accepted,' I muttered, letting me fold me against him, granting him that trust. _

'_Do you think you could try to sleep for a bit?'_

'_I'm scared. Scared of the nightmares. Scared that I'll wake up and this will just have been a dream.'_

'_Not a dream, love. I promise. I'll be here with you, I'll guard you if you fall asleep, and if you don't I can just lie here and look into your eyes. That's all. I promise.'_

'_I trust you.' I felt suddenly like I was about to be swept away in the tidal wave of tiredness that was breaking over my head, had to do one last thing before I let myself drown in it._

'_I love you.'_


	21. Past Imperfect

Disclaimer: They're not mine and writing this is purely my idea of fun.

Note: I think a few people may have been waiting for this chapter! Just so you know, it's _very _long, _**very**_ sad, and was a absolute killer to write. I do promise things are going to get better eventually…

Thanks, as always, to everyone who's been reviewing. I read back over the story to date last week, and for the first time I understand just how angst-ridden it really is…when I'm writing, I just tend to concentrate on the current chapter, and of course _**I **_know what happens in the end so I have that to look forward to…(grins)

Oh, before I forget, I may get the next chapter posted tomorrow, but if I don't - Happy St. Patrick's Day to everyone!

**Past Imperfect:**

Of course, there was no way in hell that I could have let myself sleep that night. Not with all those nasty voices in my head, clamouring for attention, lying in ambush for the first time I let my guard down.

My nightmares tend to be on the noisy side, and I didn't want Heero listening to that.

At half five, I got bored with trying to lie quietly in the narrow bed and wandered downstairs, wondering when exactly I'd become such a wuss that I couldn't handle a couple of sleepless nights. I'd done way more than that during the war, but of course then I'd been psyched up on pure adrenalin, and on the weird chemical cocktails that G. had given me.

Heero only had herbal tea and some weird organic chocolates in his kitchen. Not so much as a can of soda to provide a caffeine fix.

I curled up in one of his big armchairs, played the space invaders game on my cellphone for a bit, then sent off a few texts. Buying time, while I considered options, idly scrolling down contacts to find the number Zechs had given me.

Fichtner. Theo Fichtner.

I really didn't want to call him, but it was either that or wandering the streets trying to find a drug dealer.

Feeling like the lead character in a second-rate spy movie, I dialled his number.

'This is Duo. The Commander gave me this number to call.'

Less than ten seconds in total. Untraceable.

He called back pretty much straightaway; one of those guttural accents, German, probably or South African. The careful, considered speech of someone speaking in a foreign language. Anyway, he noted of my little shopping list with all the emotion of a head waiter taking an order, agreed to send it to the Sanque Embassy, and informed me that he did indeed have contacts on L4 who would be eminently suitable for the little job I wanted done. That actually reminded me of something I kept forgetting to ask Heero.

Fuck. Wufei would kill me when he found out what I was up to.

Don't think about that now.

That brought me up to six o'clock, and it was probably safe to let myself dose for a while. It usually takes me a couple of hours to fall into a sleep that's deep enough for me to dream, and hopefully by then Heero would be moving about and I'd wake up. Best laid plans and all that jazz. It was after eleven when I stirred, and only because I heard Honey barking outside. Heero was sitting across the room from me, glaring at the bulky sheaf of papers in his lap.

'Duo, You're not sleeping properly, are you?'

'I've just _been_ asleep, in case you haven't noticed.' I nodded at his paperwork, wanting to head off any awkward questions at the pass, not wanting to think that he'd been sitting there, watching me sleep. 'What's all that stuff?'

'It's for you, actually. The Courthouse just sent it over.'

'The questionnaire thingy? When do I have to do that? Shit, I don't have to do in front of you, do I?'

'It has to be completed in front of a member of the Italian bar who can testify you answered all the questions yourself. I can either take you in to my office or else get someone to come out here, if you'd prefer.'

Oh. I wasn't overly keen on spilling my life history to a total stranger. Heero, at least, pretty much knew it all already; hell, he could probably answer most of the questions himself if need be.

It started off easily enough.

Basic stuff; name, age, vital stats, medical history, education, current job; a whole catalogue of questions about background and early years and family history, and any inherited ailments or diseases.

Lots of blanks left there, obviously.

Then we got to the really fun part.

'Are you currently attending any form of counselling or therapy?'

'Yes.' No need to tell him that I'd stormed out of my last session and had ignored the calls I'd had from my therapist since then.

'For how long?'

'Nearly six years.'

'Are you currently taking prescribed medication?'

'Yes.' It's quite a long list when I total it all up. 'I also take cod liver oil capsules. Does that count?'

'Have you ever suffered from depression?'

'Yes.'

'Have you ever been in a psychiatric facility?'

'Yes'

'Did you enter voluntarily?' Ouch again. I'd have lockjaw the way this was going.

'Yes.' Only because Quatre had persuaded me. I didn't bother elaborating on the whys and wherefores; not like he didn't know it all.

'Do you have a history of substance abuse?'

'Is it bloody likely? After all the chemical shit G gave me when I was training?'

'I take it that's a no.'

'Correct.' Well, correct for the present. Might not be quite so accurate once Theo Fichtner sourced my little stash of pep pills.

'Do you have a history of alcohol abuse?'

'No.'

We glared at each other, Heero daring me to elaborate. Yes, he'd thought I drank too much when we were together, and yes, there were a few dark times afterwards when I probably did, but that didn't make me an alcoholic.

'Are you currently in a relationship?'

'Yes.' Huh. Bastard didn't so much as twitch an eyelid. Well, he'd obviously drawn his own conclusions from whatever Trowa had told him.

'You will be asked to expand on that, given that the nature of the relationship is ... somewhat unorthodox.'

'What? You mean there's going to be a problem because I'm gay? I thought there were laws against that sort of discrimination.'

'Duo. You know perfectly well what I mean.'

'Actually, I have not got one freaking clue what you're on about. Next question.'

'Have you ever been sexually promiscuous?'

Ouch. Jaw clenched so hard it actually hurt.

'Yes.' That had been ... an especially dark period for me, one I really did not want to expand on, particularly not to Heero.

'Have you ever had thoughts of suicide?'

'Yes.' And he was responsible for most of them. No, that's not entirely true. Or fair. I was pretty screwed up anyway.

'Have you ever acted on those thoughts?'

'No.'

'Duo. They will know about - that night. The _incident_ with the Leo.'

'Yeah? So what?' I snapped, irrationally angry that he'd dare to use _my_ term for what had happened.

The bastard just looked at me, and I could practically hear the question hovering on his tongue, the question he'd never actually asked me straight out; whether or not I'd really planned to kill myself that night.

'I just wanted to get away,' I said quietly. OK, maybe, at some deep level, I hadn't been caring overmuch about whether I lived or died, but I'd seen him kissing Relena and I'd just wanted to run. 'Look, can we finish this later?'

I did not want to think about that night. Christmas 196. I - had devoted quite a lot of time and energy, over the past six years, trying to forget what had happened on that particular night.

_The weeks directly after Libra had been something of a blur of peace talks and treaties and pardons. At some point, the Powers that Be had decided that we were valiant freedom fighters, rather than dangerous rebels and were accordingly to be treated as celebrities. Having spent the last year on the run and hiding our identities, it was just plain weird that our names and pictures were everywhere._

_Heero and I ended up staying in the palace in Sanque during part of the peace talks. We weren't directly involved, just wheeled out now and then for photo shoots with assorted dignitaries, and for the first few days we hardly left our suite. And, yes, I do know how that sounds, but honestly, we were too exhausted at first to do anything but sleep; we just climbed into this huge bed which actually had some sort of tapestries hanging around it, pulled them closed and collapsed._

_I suppose the biggest irony was that Heero and I hadn't really fought with each other during the War. Oh, we'd argued all the time, about anything and everything, but never a major fight. Never a quarrel we hadn't patched up pretty much straightaway; neither of us ever quite daring to say it aloud, but both all too conscious of the fact that the next mission, for either of us, could be the last, particularly as Heero seemed determined to turn self-destruction into an art form._

_Got to love irony, right? We had our first proper row when all the rest of the freaking universe was wallowing in this lovely peace that we'd helped to create, and couldn't even bring ourselves to believe in._

_'You did __**what**__?' We were standing in our fancy bedroom and I was ready to brain him with one of the heavier ornaments. Maybe the big silver candlestick on the bedside table, which looked like it would leave a good-sized dent in his stupid head._

_'Duo, I'm sorry. Truly. But...Relena was so upset, she was crying, Duo.'_

_Sure, she was. Probably spent an hour beforehand chopping onions in the kitchen, if her royalness could actually lower herself to enter a room where manual labour was carried out. _

_Shit, this was all my fault, letting Heero go off for an early morning horse ride with Relena, and Une tagging along to act as bodyguard or chaperone or what-have-you. My suggestion that maybe I could go along too hadn't gone down too well, with Relena informing me haughtily that none of the horses in the royal stable was suitable for a beginner._

_Do I even need to say that Relena didn't like me very much in those days? Oh, she was civil enough, especially in front of Heero, but every time she looked down her aristocratic little nose at me, I was all too conscious that I'd grown up on the streets, that I hadn't always had the best habits of personal hygiene, and that I'd done things to survive that would have made a sheltered young lady swoon._

_'And it didn't occur to you that you should maybe have discussed this with me first?'_

_'Duo, please, I am sorry. I don't know what to do anymore. And I heard you talking to that girl, Hilde, about going to L2 with her. You always used to talk about going back to space and I thought that maybe you still wanted it but you didn't know how to tell me, and it would be easier if I had some plans of my own, so you wouldn't feel …obligated to stay with me.'_

_'No! What you heard, you idiot, was her, saying all this. I guess you sloped off before you heard me tell her it sounded like a really cool idea, but - __**but**__, Heero - I had other plans. Plans that involved you, to be exact. Shit, I can't believe you'd think I'd do that to you.'_

_'I just thought that - maybe it was what you wanted, to go home to L2, but you didn't want to hurt me..'_

_'L2 isn't my home, Heero. I hate that place! Home is here, with you, wherever you are.' I was wavering somewhere between being seriously pissed that he'd actually believed I' d do that to him, and sheer amazement that he felt so insecure about me. Heeero Yuy, insecure about something. It wasn't all that easy to stay angry with him, if I thought about that. I - was the one who lost everyone I let myself care about. Always. I moved slowly into his arms, feeling them close just a bit hesitantly around me. 'Don't tell me you signed a contract already...Please.'_

_No freaking chance of that. Between them, Relena and Une would probably have opened his veins if they'd needed ink for his signature. They'd both been on at him to join some bloody organisation called the Preventers for weeks And even if he hadn't signed, he'd consider his word to be binding._

_'Only for twelve months. But I can talk to them, I'll say I've changed my mind.'_

_'Heero, do you really want to do this? For you? Not just 'cause Relena batted her eyelashes at you and squeezed out a few tears, or that bitch Une pulled a guilt trip on you about how much they needed you to save the universe again?'_

_'I don't know what I want, Duo. Not really. This all seems - unreal, sometimes.'_

_'Like a giant practical joke?' He nodded. 'Yeah, me too. I keep expecting Treize to burst in here, yelling 'fooled you, suckers! Now I'm taking over.'' _

'_Something like that.' He looked at me through his bangs, almost shyly. 'Duo, I think I need to do this, that if I can help to maintain this peace, it will atone for some of the things I've done. Does that make sense?'_

'_Oh, love.' I pulled him against me, one hand slipping under his shirt, stroking his back, feeling the ridged scars. 'You have nothing to atone for. Nothing. You saved the Earth, remember? Millions of people are alive because of you; you don't have to do anything else to prove yourself.'_

'_I - I don't know, Duo. I think I need something, some focus, even for the next few months. Wufei's already joined; would you consider it? We might be able to work together.'_

'_No! I - don't want to go back to all that. No more killing. I want to be something more than that. More than just someone who destroys things because I'm ordered to.'_

'_But the Preventers have been founded to guard the peace, to stop any future conflicts.'_

'_I sort of guessed that from the name, 'Ro. Otherwise, they'd be, like, the Starters or something. And yeah, I know they have all these ideals and shit, but what'll they do if there is another rebellion? Starting handing out copies of 'Peace for Dummies'?'_

'_What do you want to do then?'_

_'I haven't a clue, 'Ro. Seriously. I've never really thought much about the future, you know? Just took things one day at a time. The only thing I do know is this is real, what we have, and I want to be with you. So if you really want to do this Preventer thing, go for it. But…can you - just talk to me in future, OK, before you make any major decisions?' _

_'I will. Duo, I told them I couldn't start straightaway, not for a few weeks. That there were some things I had to do first. Some places I want to go..'_

_'You've been hacking into my laptop again, haven't you? Looking at all my fantasy destinations?' That was something I'd only started doing in the last couple of weeks, when it was just starting to dawn on me that this whole peace thing might actually be real, that we might get our own lives, get to see the Earth without having to destroy it._

_'Mmmm. Sri Lanka looks nice. Or Zanzibar...'_

_'You look nice too', I purred, stepping away from him to look at him properly. I'd never realised riding clothes could be so damn hot. Long, polished leather boots, tight breeches that clung to his thighs and cupped his ass,_ _crisp linen shirt that was just begging to be ripped off. 'Am I on your list of things you want to do? Hmmm? Your mission for now, Agent Yuy, is to make Duo Maxwell scream…'_

_Of course, the trip hadn't happened. No one's fault, really, that Relena had started to receive death threats and that the only person she trusted with her personal safety was her darling Heero._

_It wasn't actually been that big a deal, at the start, that we were separated. We were used to it, after all; used to never spending more than a couple of days together, and _

_Heero would have a fairly generous holiday allowance._

_It was going to be OK. I'd rented a house on the lakeshore, an easy enough drive to Preventers' HQ for occasions when he was based in the office; it was pretty run down but I figured we could fix it up, choose furniture and do all the decorating together...Yeah, I had all these stupid, sappy dreams of the two of us curled up in front of the open fire or taking long, moonlit walks by the lake._

_It was never really like that, though. Heero travelled so much with his job that a lot of the time I ended up flying out to meet him, wherever he was, or we'd meet halfway. We'd check into a hotel, and never leave our room._

_I got a job. Well, actually, I got a progression of jobs, none of which lasted more than a few days before I got bored with the nine-to-five routine, or someone started to make loaded comments, usually some combination of 'Gundam', 'scum' and 'Fucking'. Or else my boss or one of my colleagues would draw all the wrong conclusions from long hair, slender build and L2 accent. _

_Money wasn't a problem, anyway; we'd all been issued with decent service pensions, and for the last months of the War, OZ had been contributing, on a frequent if involuntary basis, to the Duo Maxwell Benevolent Fund, which was spread out in bank accounts all over the world._

_Eventually, I started doing some freelance work for a local security firm and that was _

_working out well. My boss didn't ask too many awkward questions about background or qualifications, and I could pretty much choose my own hours and do a lot of stuff from home._

_I'd thought it was bad enough Heero being with Relena 24/7 but, after the first few months, when things started to stabilise a little bit, and she felt more secure, he started taking other missions. They were generally classified as top secret so I never knew where he was, or precisely when he'd be back. It was like we were fighting the War all over again, only worse because then we'd been soldiers fighting together for a shared goal. I wasn't involved in what he was doing, he couldn't talk about it, and that pretty much excluded me from a major part of his life._

_I hadn't known where he was when Quatre tried to kill himself that first Spring after the War ended. I spent the whole shuttle flight to L2 on the line to Preventers HQ, yelling at Une's secretary that I needed to contact Heero __**now**_ _and I didn't give a fuck about screwing up some stupid mission._

_He turned up over a week later. Trowa was in with Quat's doctors; Wufei had finally agreed to go for a couple of hours' sleep, and I was sitting just outside Quat's door. At first, I thought I'd fallen asleep and he was a dream._

_'Duo. I just found out what happened four days ago._ _By then_, _they said he was out of danger.'_

'_Yeah. It was touch and go at first. We thought we were going to lose him.'_

'_Duo, I would have come sooner if I could…'_ _He was looking at me - oddly. I wasn't jumping into his arms; I didn't even look particularly pleased to see him. Well, screw him. He hadn't been there when I'd needed him and I'd managed perfectly alright. _

_'What if it had been me, Heero? Would your damned mission be more important than that?'_

_'Duo, nothing in the world is more important to me than you. You know that.'_

_'Sure. Straight down in your list after Relena Peacecraft, saving the world, Preventers, some stupid mission or other…'_

_'It wasn't a 'stupid mission', Duo. We were trying to entrap an arms dealer on L3; he was actually commissioning mobile suits.'_

'_And there was no one else in the whole world who could have done that?' _

'_Actually, no.' He snapped at me. 'I'd done all the preliminary negotiations; if I'd pulled out, they would have known something was wrong and it would have taken months for someone else to get into that position and in the meantime, hundreds, perhaps thousands, of people could have been killed. Do you think Quatre would have wanted that?'_

'_Well, maybe if he lives, you can ask him.' _

_That got a reaction. The blood drained from his face scarily fast, and he actually had to reach one hand to the wall and steady himself. _

'_He's alright. He's stable,' I said quickly. 'We can go and see him if you want. He's out cold, though. They have him on all kinds of sedatives.'_

_Heero picked up Quatre's medical chart from the back of his door and scanned it quickly. 'I don't know why - I assumed he'd OD'd.'_

_'Nope. He just used whatever was handy.'_

_The chart stated that Quatre had slit his wrists, but it wasn't true. 'Slitting' implied a precise, deliberate cut, a neat incision that could be neatly sewn together._

_He'd used a shard of glass from a window he'd broken. He hadn't slit his wrists so much as gouged chunks of flesh from his lower arm. It hadn't just been suicide; he'd tried to mutilate himself._

_'Why did he do it?'_

_'His stupid family. Ever since he got to L4, he's been bombarded with them telling him everything they hate about him; he's gay, he's probably going to turn out to be some sort of child molester, he abandoned their whole pacifist shit, he was responsible for their father's death…that's the stuff they actually him to his face, by the way; fuck knows what they were thinking about him.'_

_'I thought he could control it.'_

_'Yeah, well, he can sometimes. I think it's harder to shield from people he knows well, and you know he always picks up on really strong emotions? They don't know if the nerves in his wrists will recover, if he'll ever be able to play his violin again.' That was nearly one of the hardest things, to imagine Quat without his music, to think he might never be able to do duets with Tro again. 'Trowa found him, Heero.' I whispered, remembering how Trowa had been those first few days. 'He - he could really have used some support, you know? Considering you're supposed to be his friend.'_

_'Oh, Duo._ _I'm sorry, love. Truly. I'm here now. It'll be alright.'_

_'Screw you, Heero!' I think I was surprised by the venom in my voice as much as he was. 'You can't just waltz in when it's all over and expect me to collapse in your arms. Trowa and 'Fei and I have been through hell this past week, and do you know what? We survived. Without you. So I don't need you turning up and playing the hero when you're only going to be gone in the next couple of days anyway...because there's a crisis somewhere and you're the only person in the entire universe who can handle it, right?'_

'_No.'_

_'What? You've resigned?'_

_'I've told Une I can't do any more deep cover_ _missions. I can't. I - oh fuck, Duo, I'm sorry. Can I just - hold you? Please?' _

_I'm not sure which of us moved first; just that we were both clinging to each other and that I had no intention of letting him go anytime in the next century or so. _

'_Oh, Duo, love. I never meant anything like this to happen, I swear. I didn't know what to do. But by the time I finally heard about Quatre, it sounded like he was out of danger and I - thought I could complete the mission. I made the wrong choice, didn't I?'_

'_I can't tell you that, Heero. Maybe you were right. Quat probably would have wanted you to stay. I just - I really needed you to be here, OK?' I didn't even want to admit to myself how much that had scared me; the sheer magnitude of my need for Heero. I'd never dared to let myself need anyone so much in my whole life. 'I don't suppose you'd consider taking up a nice, safe job like accountancy or something?'_

'_I can't quite see myself as an accountant. I did think of studying law?'_

'_Seriously? Can you? I mean, don't you need to have some sort of formal education?'_

'_I'll have to do intelligence tests and an interview and complete some assignments, but I could start next year. You wouldn't mind me being a full time student?'_

'_I think it's really cool! My hot boyfriend, who also happens to be a hot shot lawyer.'_

_Yeah, it seemed cool at the time. Heero was taken off the active list; for some reason, I'd assumed he'd end up being assigned to HQ as an analyst or instructor or something, but instead he was back on Relena's security detail. And spending most of his time off studying for entrance exams, or completing papers. Not as cool as all that. It didn't help that Relena was also planning to take some courses in international legal studies or some such, so the two of them had cosy little study parties together._

_I was never quite sure why I'd agreed to join Preventers, except that Heero thought it would be a good idea and he'd suggested it when we were in bed together and I was in no particular state to deny him anything he wanted. I was never quite sure why he wanted me to join either, except he thought I needed some sort of discipline in my life._

_I'd actually been happy. As happy as I could be with him gone most of the time. I quite liked my job, which basically involved some patrols around fancy neighbourhoods at night, a bit of hacking, a bit of surveillance work. Most of the other staff had backgrounds they didn't want to discuss either, and sometimes after a shift, we'd go to a bar, and play pool or watch whatever game was on cable. _

_The house opposite mine was occupied by four guys who were officially attending technical college, but in reality spent most of their time working on a collection of beat up old cars in their driveway, and were always ready to have a beer or two, or let me sprawl under one of the cars and tinker with it for hours on end._

_I also had a house and, OK, I did know it wasn't exactly perfect. The heating system worked only intermittently, and the roof leaked if there was even the hint of a cloud in the sky. I'd asked the landlord to come round once and that had been enough; he was a big, greasy letch who'd intimated he'd be more than happy to forfeit monthly rent payments in favour of more personal services._

_After that, I'd patched up stuff as best I could. I kept buckets upstairs to catch the worst of the drips, and I quite liked the sound of raindrops falling, like sleeping beside a waterfall. The living room had an open fire so I more or less lived there; I'd wanted Heero and I to go out and buy our first bed together, like a couple in some corny TV commercial, but he never had time, so I'd pulled my mattress downstairs and stacked all my books around it. At night I could draw the curtains and pretend I was living in a little cave, with only the firelight for company, and a couple of candles to read by. It was the first place I'd ever thought of as my own, apart from Deathscythe_.

_Heero disapproved of all this. I was spending too much time hanging around seedy bars with people who had questionable pasts. I was drinking too much. I was daring to make friends with people who had possible grudges against former Gundam Pilots, and were quite likely plotting some sort of elaborate vengeance. It didn't help much when I pointed out that for one thing, I was quite capable of taking care of myself, and for another, if the college guys wanted revenge they were going about it in a pretty weird way, inviting me out for pizza or to the bowling alley._

_So pretty much the only problem with how I was living was that Heero hated it; I hadn't realised quite how much until he was assigned to Preventers' HQ for a three week course in some new operational procedures, that of course he couldn't tell me anything about. We'd never spent that long together in one stretch. Yeah, we'd had the first few weeks after the War ended, but we were all still shell-shocked at that point, and we'd both been recovering from injuries and strain and sheer exhaustion._

_It was going to be so great, living together. Of course, he'd be gone all day but we'd have evenings together and maybe we could even go away for a weekend and forget about the rest of the world for a few days. We were going to be a normal couple who woke up in bed together and kissed before going to work in the mornings, and ate dinner every night and talked about our day before locking up and going to bed. Together. _

_Sure. In my stupid dreams. We shared a house for three weeks and it nearly destroyed us._

_We had a screaming match the very first night. _

_Correction, I was doing the screaming; Heero was presenting the reasoned, logical defence of his actions. I'd assumed he'd be home by six at the latest, so I'd ordered dinner from a great little seafood place nearby, to be delivered for eight o' clock - giving him plenty of time for him to shower and change - and lit a fire and put candles on the table. I'd even gone out and bought flowers for the first time in my life. _

_Um, in case you're wondering, Quat had given me a few tips on the whole 'romantic atmosphere' thing._

_He didn't come home until after nine. His cellphone was turned off; the Preventers receptionist informed me it was against their policy to divulge the whereabouts of any of their personnel. By then, the flowers, food, candles and soppy Cds were in the thrash and I was trying to decide whether I should be worried in case something had happened to him, or just furious that he'd apparently had a better offer for the evening._

_When he wandered in the door, quite obviously unhurt and unperturbed, fury had no problem winning out._

'_What time do you think this is to be coming home? Where the fuck have you been? I've been going frantic wondering if something happened to you.'_

_The bastard actually looked at his watch. 'Duo, what's wrong? It's only just past nine o'clock, and you knew exactly where I was. One of our exercises went on for longer than I'd expected and then there was paperwork to complete.'_

'_And it didn't occur to you to call me? That I might be worried? That I had dinner ready and I've been sitting here waiting for you and you didn't even have the courtesy to ring and say you'd be late?'_

'_Duo, you should have told me you'd made plans. I can hardly be expected to read your mind. I didn't even know if you were going to be working tonight or out with all those new friends of yours.'_

'_It was supposed to be a surprise!' I yelled at him. ' It was supposed to be our first night together in this house and I wanted it to be special and now you've ruined it all.'_

'_Duo.. I'm tired, I've had a very long day, I'm going up to take a shower and when I come back maybe you'll be prepared to talk to me rationally.'_

'_Whatever. Try not to drown in there.'_

_He wasn't gone long enough to shower, but stalked back downstairs wearing just a towel around his waist; even in my very state of extreme pissed-offness, it was impossible not to drool just a little bit, and make a mental note that I'd have to start leaving out just the little hand towels, or maybe just a face flannel, instead of the bigger bath sheets, which covered up way too much._

'_Your bathroom is filthy, Duo. Have you ever cleaned out that shower since you moved in here? It's probably a health hazard.'_

'_You clean it, then! I'm not your frigging slave, in case you missed that memo. There's cleaning stuff under the sink.'_

_Off he stamped back upstairs and, yes, the rear view was - very pleasant, prompting all sort of ridiculous fantasies involving him wearing only rubber gloves and wielding a feather duster. Not that I actually possessed any of those items, but I can dream right? I was starting to think that fantasy Heero was actually a lot nicer than the real version, when he appeared back downstairs, fully dressed._

_'Duo, do I even want to know to know why you have a rocket launcher in your bathtub?' _

_'Um, 'cause it wouldn't fit in the shower?'_

'_'Duo! You have weapons stashed all over the house; when are you going to realise you're not still fighting a war?'_

_Oh, right, that was rich, coming from him. Mr. Perfect bloody paranoid Soldier, who wouldn't even let me order pizza without first running background checks on the restaurant staff._

_'Maybe I'd find it easier to remember if I ever knew where my boyfriend was. Maybe I should just call Relena the next time and ask her?'_

'_Duo - I am not having this conversation now. I'm going out for an hour.' _

_Of course, I called Quatre for reassurance, like always and, just like always, he delivered._

_'Duo, he loves you, you know that.'_

_'Sure. But I wonder sometimes if he actually likes me anymore. Everything I do now just seems to irritate him; my job, the guys I hang out with. He practically called my house a tip before he stormed out.'_

_Quatre started to laugh. 'Duo, your house is falling down. The last time we stayed there, you tried to fix the plumbing and flooded the whole lower floor so we had to sleep in the attic. And you had all those grenades in your bread bin!'_

_'For your information, they're not there any more. I have a loaf of that fancy Italian bread that Heero likes.' I couldn't help laughing too; that was the wonderful thing about Quatre; he seemed to like me the way I was, while Heero seemed to want me to become someone different. 'The explosives have moved into one of my cooking pots...oh, God, no wonder Heero thinks I'm a waste of space.'_

_'I'm sure he'll be doesn't think that,' he said soothingly. 'And don't worry too much about it; it's just a little fight. I'm sure he'll back soon. And Duo, maybe you should, you know, try talking to him. It'll work out; you know you two are just made for each other.'_

'_Yeah.' I muttered. 'Maybe as a punishment. Quat, I'd better go. There's a car outside; it's probably him.'_

_He was juggling a giant-sized pizza, brown paper bags from the Chinese take-away, two giant sodas and a tub of ice-cream and they all went flying when I hurled myself across the room into his arms._

'_Oh, Duo. I'm sorry I spoilt your evening. I hadn't realised you'd gone to so much trouble.'_

''_S'alright,' I muttered, just a bit shakily._

'_What happened, Duo?'_

'_I think we've just had our first ever domestic fight,' Standing there with him holding me, with my head against his shoulder and his hand stroking my back, it seemed something we might actually be able to laugh about. 'Happens to all newlyweds, according to Quatre.'_

'_We're newlyweds, are we?' He queried, smiling slightly, lifting my left hand and kissing the finger where the ring would be._

'_You know what I mean.' _

'_Mmm,' It was hard for him to speak by then, because he'd taken my finger into his mouth and was swirling his tongue around it. _

'_He also said there's this great thing called make-up sex,' I murmured. 'If you're interested?'_

_It had been Quatre's idea for me to surprise Heero at work. We'd had a long talk the night of the Big Row, and sorted out a few ground rules; nothing too heavy, just that we would make sure to know each other's schedules, and call if anything changed, and that we would make time to be with each other. That was the most important thing for me, really; of course, I hadn't taken into account that Heero would end up volunteering to be a team leader, as well as actually doing some instruction, so by the time he came home most nights, he was too tired to do much except look over his course notes and then stumble into bed. _

_So Quat suggested I take the initiative some day when I knew Heero would be in his office; bring in a picnic and some massage oils, and just see what developed. It was apparently something Trowa did to him now and then, when he felt Quat needed a break. _

_It was - one of those things that seemed like a good idea at the time._

_The look on Heero's face when he walked through his door would have had me in hysterics if I hadn't been trying to look seductive. I hadn't quite felt comfortable enough to get totally naked, but I had my hair loose, and I was wearing only my tightest, lowest-slung jeans, with the zipper mostly open, and sprawling in the swivel chair behind Heero's desk._

'_Duo! What the hell are you doing here?' OK, that wasn't quite the reaction I'd been hoping for. 'How did you get in to my office? Security never called to say you were here, and they don't even have the codes for opening my door!'_

'_Security utterly sucks in this building,' I peered up at him through my lashes, trying to look all flirty and naughty. 'And if you don't want me getting into your office, you'll have to stop leaving your laptop where I can hack into it.' _

'_So you stole information from my computer, breached the Preventers' security system, broke into my office, you're probably carrying some sort of illegal weapons on top of everything else…' _

'_Oh, come __**on**__, Heero. Relax, will you?' I twirled a lock of hair around one finger, and squirmed a little in his chair, letting my pants ride just that little bit lower. 'What, you think I've got a stick of dynamite or something in my jeans? Maybe you should come over here and search me?'_

'_Duo! For fuck's sake, you idiot! Have you any idea how much trouble you'll be in if you're caught? You've committed about a dozen federal offences that I can think of offhand; God, you could get life in maximum security! I can't believe even you'd even think of doing something so irresponsible…'_

'_Stop it!' I was scrambling out of his chair, grabbing my shirt. I'd thought at first that he was - I don't know - putting on this outraged, tough-guy act before he bent me over his desk for a little - 'discipline' or something. 'It's not that big of a deal, alright? I just thought it would be fun to actually spend some time together, and I wanted to surprise you. That's all. You obviously don't want me here and I bloody well don't want to stay here and get another lecture.'_

'_Oh, that's typical; just run away like you always do.' Oh, boy, now he was getting seriously pissed with me. He actually moved in front of me, blocking the door, with one hand raised. Probably not the brightest idea; I'm not sure if he was just trying to stop me, or hit me, or what. _

'_Try it, Yuy, and I'll fucking take you apart.' _

'_Duo…I wasn't going to hit you. I swear. I wouldn't do that. I'd never hurt you.'_

'_All you freaking do these days is hurt me, Heero,' I muttered. 'Nothing I do is ever good enough any more, is it? I try to do something special and romantic and all I get is abuse from you for how many freaking laws I've broken. _

'_Oh, Duo.' He sat down on the edge of his desk, running one hand through his hair. 'It was a sweet idea, truly; but you could get into so much trouble for this. We both could. You don't even have security clearance to be in the building, you baka.' _

'_Next, you'll be telling me I've violated some Preventer regulation by falling in love with you.'_

'_Never that. Although I believe you were in breach of Clause 15, Subsection D, of the Preventers's Code of Conduct first thing this morning, for attempting to seduce an agent of the organisation for your own personal gain…'_

'_You weren't complaining at the time. And I only wanted you to bring me breakfast in bed…is that so awful?'_

'_Your goal was innocent, perhaps.' He reached out and this time I let him take my hand, draw me into an embrace. 'The means you employed were … definitely suspect. Even an agent who has been trained in intensive resistance techniques was unable to withstand temptation.'_

'_You were resisting me pretty well a minute ago,' I muttered. _

'_Well, you did have the element of surprise on your side,' he countered smoothly, then unleashed a string of Japanese obscenities as his 'phone rang._

'_This is Agent Yuy. Yes, Commander. Of course. Five minutes.'_

'_Duo, I'm sorry.'_

'_It's OK. I guess.' I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. 'Duty calls, right? I'll see you this evening?'_

'_I won't be late. Promise. Maybe you could surprise me…on the couch?'_

_I didn't know Sally all that well, and it was a bit of a surprise when she called a week or so later. For me, it was always sort of hard to picture her and Wufei together. Granted, I didn't know him all that well back then, but they seemed a rather unlikely couple, apart from the fact that I'd always thought he was gay; well, I'd seen him giving Heero some pretty intense looks when he thought no one was looking._

_Anyway, she wanted to talk about Wufei's upcoming birthday, and the surprise party she was planning to throw for him. To be honest, I couldn't imagine less likely to be enthralled by something like that than Chang Wufei, except maybe Heero, but she was his girlfriend and presumably knew him better than I did._

'_Thanks, Duo. So I'll see you tonight, then. And not a word to 'Fei when you see him, OK?'_

'_Uh, Sally, what's happening tonight?' Maybe Heero'd asked them to come out with us on some double date or something. Well, I suppose stranger things may have happened in the history of the universe. Possibly._

'_The Preventers' party! You haven't forgotten about it, have you? It's about time they did some sort of social function that included partners; I still haven't met any of Wufei's colleagues except Heero. I was on the 'phone to Heero after lunch, you know, and he said how much he was looking forward to it.'_

'_Oh, that party. Yeah, you know, I should probably be getting ready now. See you there, OK?'_

_Well. didn't that just say it all?_

_Heero was going off to some party and he hadn't bothered to tell me about it. I couldn't work out whether didn't want me to meet his co-workers because he was ashamed of me, or he didn't want me there because he was interested in someone else._

_Getting ready to leave didn't actually take all that long. Old habits tend to die hard, and I still kept a backpack in the back of my closet, ready for a quick getaway if necessary; all I really needed to add was a couple of books, a bottle of whiskey and my IPod. My 'phone could stay there; I didn't want Heero ringing me with some excuse about having to attend a meeting or whatever. If he even bothered to do that; hell, he'd probably been swanning off with his new friends for months to mini golf tournaments or whatever off-duty Preventers did for kicks._

_I just loaded up my car and drove. Hit the highway and headed north, up into the mountains. Another of those things I'd thought about doing some day with Heero; camping out in the woods and hiking, toasting marshmallows over a campfire and maybe seeing some wild animals. It wasn't quite so much fun by myself. It took a couple of days before I realised I was being stupid, that he had no right to chase me out of my own home, to live in leaky tent in the middle of a forest._

_Driving home was miserable. My car broke down a couple of times, and I was covered in engine oil by the time I eventually coaxed it into my driveway. _

_I dragged my bags inside, and dumped them on the kitchen table, resolutely telling myself it was just as well he'd left. We'd only end up having another of those pointless arguments, and at some point we'd have sex, and then it would start all over again. He plainly didn't want me in his life. Period. I was eating peanut butter from a jar when he walked in the door._

'_Heero!'_

'_I thought you'd left. All your stuff was gone…'_

'_No! I was staying at Wufei's; it just didn't seem right to stay here without you, but I was coming over every couple of hours, just in case….Oh, Duo, I've been going frantic worrying about you…I didn't know what had happened to you, what I'd done……What happened, love?'_

'_You - you went to a party and you never even told me about it.' OK, maybe it sounded a bit lame, and certainly Heero goggled at me. 'The Preventer thing - on Thursday - the one you told Sally Po you were going to? The one you didn't want to invite me to?'_

'_What? No, Duo, I wasn't going to go; I thought we could have an evening together, just the two of us. Sally kept asking me about it, so I just told her I was going to stop her nagging.'_

'_Oh.' God, now I felt seriously stupid. The award for total over-reaction to goes to…Duo Maxwell, baka extraordinaire._

'_I can't believe you'd think I'd do something like that to you,' He came over and hugged me. Of course, I hadn't thought. Not for one second. Just did the whole jumping-to-conclusions thing, before running off. 'I never bothered telling you about it, because I didn't think you'd want to spend an evening with a bunch of strangers, and I thought we could maybe go out, just the two of us.'_

_I mumbled something, no idea what, and then realised that I was probably somewhat less than lemony fresh after three days in the wilderness, and tried to push him away._

'_Let me go and take a shower, OK? I must stink to high heaven.'_

'_Engine oil and peanut butter and juniper berry shampoo,' he murmured, nuzzling my neck. 'Essence of Duo. Irresistible.' _

'_Heero! Stop it!' He let me go at once, and gave me this little kicked kitten look. _

_I swallowed. 'Just - let me go and get cleaned up, please?' I have this - thing - about cleanliness. Goes back to living in the Maxwell church and having other kids laugh at me._

'_If you'll let me come and scrub your back. And any other parts of you that need some attention.'_

'_What's gone wrong with us, 'Ro?' It was dawn the next morning, and I wasn't sure that I wanted an answer, wasn't sure that he was even awake. We hadn't slept very much. Once I'd said it, I knew I wanted him to ignore the question, or else pretend everything was fine, that all couples had rows, it was normal and that somehow we always managed to paper over the crack, even if lately the cracks were getting wider and the papers more thinly stretched._

'_I don't know, my love.' He said it on a deep sigh, settling me in his arms so we could see each other. ' I love you, I love you more than life but….'_

'_Say it. Whatever it is. Do you want to leave me?'_

'_NO. Never that. I swear to you, Duo. I can't imagine life without you. It's just that - Duo, what did you think our lives would be like, after the war?'_

'_I thought we'd be together.' Yeah, maybe that made me stupid, but it was all I'd wanted. Just to be with him, and at some point we'd figure out jobs and houses and all that. _

'_Oh, my love. My Duo. I do want that too.'_

'_But you want other stuff, too? Not just me.'_

_Deep sigh. 'Duo, I don't know. I want to do something good with my life. Something to balance out all the deaths. Not just during the War, but before…'_

_Oh. That. The part of his life he almost never talked about. _

'_When you say stuff like that, you make me feel so selfish, did you know that?'_

'_Oh, Duo. I don't mean to make you feel bad.' He sighed again, and then I was abruptly flipped over on to my side, so I was spooned against him, the way we settled when we had to talk about something difficult. 'Maybe we could just - talk about this? Try to work things out?'_

'_You first,' I said quickly, and of course I wanted him to say stuff about the pressures of his job, and studying, and how hard it was to be away from me so much._

'_Do you actually want me to be honest with you? Can we agree that whatever we say is just for here, between the two of us, and that you won't get mad?'_

'_Um, I guess. I'll try anyway.' _

'_Quatre.'_

'_What the fuck are you talking about? Quatre's never done anything to you!'_

'_Oh, Duo. You don't know what it's like for me, do you? It sometimes feels like there are three of us in this relationship; that you've got me for sex and Quatre for everything else. That he's the one you confide in, not me.'_

'_He's my best friend. You know that! Of course I'm going to tell him stuff.'_

'_I know. I appreciate how very close you two are. But I'm your boyfriend, Duo; not Quatre. And maybe there are some things you should be sharing with me, not him. Every time we have a problem, do you know it's Quatre you go to? You try to pretend that everything is fine, or that it'll be solved if we have sex, but you never talk to me.'_

'_You've never here.'_

'_Maybe I would be, more often, if you were honest with me. Oh, Duo, I know you don't lie, everyone knows that, but I never know what you're not telling me. I worry so much about you, do you know that? This house is deserves to be condemned, the company you work for has a bad reputation, half of your colleagues have been in prison, I never know what you're up to when I'm not here, except that you have a house full of illegal weapons and - I worry about you, love. All the time.'_

'_I don't mean to exclude you. I'm just scared. Scared you'll leave me, that you won't want to stay if you know how screwed up I am. God, Heero, you're the best thing in my life. Sometimes, it's like you're the only good thing. And I - I can't believe I'll get to keep you, that something isn't going to go wrong. I thought you'd die during the War, so many times, and now, I just think that I don't deserve you, that I'm going to drive you away because I'm not good enough and because I don't know how to keep you with me.'_

_Fuck. That was - more than I'd planned to say. More than I'd ever admitted even to myself, really._

'_Oh, my love. My Duo. Don't you have any idea that that's how I feel about you? I can't imagine why you're even with me, when you could have anyone you wanted.'_

'_Yeah, right.' I snorted at that, and he gave me one of those sad little smiles and brushed his lips across my hand. _

'_Yeah, right, Duo Maxwell, because you are the most beautiful person I have ever seen, and sometimes it breaks my heart that you can't believe how amazing you are.'_

_So, I joined Preventers, because he wanted me to. He thought it would help, give me some sort of direction. _

_How do you say 'unmitigated fucking disaster'?_

_I think Heero had actually pulled in some favours to get me a job, because they didn't seem any keener to have me there than I was. I didn't even make it through my first day._

_He was really pissed off, actually taking the unprecedented step of flying home early, from some conference Relena had been attending in Japan, especially to yell at me._

_Lucky me._

'_I can't believe how irresponsible you were! You could have killed someone, '_

_'Heero, **relax**, will you? You're only in the door and you're lecturing me. It's not that bad…'_

'_Not. That. Bad.' He rapped out each word as if it were a personal enemy, as if he couldn't quite believe what he was saying. 'Duo. It was your first day. In the Intelligence Department. You were only there for a few hours. And you closed down the entire Preventer network. Do you have any idea what sort of consequences there could have been?'_

'_Well, I assume if there were some big crisis brewing, they would have been too busy dealing with it to waste time hassling the new guy. Or am I expecting too much, that they might actually be professional? Look, Heero, they started it, OK? Not me. I was just acting on information received…'_

'_On a patently false piece of information,' Heero jumped in glaring, and I gave him my best innocent look._

'_I didn't know that for sure, 'Ro. OK, it __**might**__ have been a false alarm, or even some juvenile prank, but I didn't know that, now did I? Someone sends me an email, purportedly from a splinter terrorist group, threatening Commander Une's life and claiming Preventer Agents were involved; you tell me, what should I have done?'_

_Heero shot me one of those homicidal glares. Of course, he knew perfectly well what I'd done and why, that I'd only really agreed to joining the sodding Preventers under duress _

'_You didn't have to close down the entire security system! You didn't have to disable the Preventer computer network! You really didn't have to barricade yourself in Commander Une's office and lock her in her own closet…'_

'_That was for her own protection,' I said glibly. Damn, but I'd quite enjoyed that part of it. 'I thought it best if she were out of sight from possible snipers.'_

'_Damnit, Duo. You could have killed someone! Or you could have been hurt. Did you ever think of that before you decided to take on the entire Preventers force single-handed?'_

_'C'mon, 'Ro, get real. You can't have it both ways. Either you're worried about Shinigami losing it on your poor itty bitty agents, or you're worried about them hurting me..' I snorted at that. 'As if.' _

_That all happened in September._

_By November, things were - pretty damn bad. I'd spent a few days on L4 with Quatre and Trowa; Heero had been supposed to join us but something came up. As per usual. I'd tried to act normal around the guys, like it was no big deal, and they went along with it until the day I was leaving, when Quatre cornered me, wanting to know exactly what was going on. _

'_It's just not working. I love him, I swear I still love him, but he drives me insane. All he does nowadays is criticise me; nothing I do is ever fucking good enough.'_

'_Do you want to leave him?'_

'_No! I don't think so… I just want it to be the way it was. Fuck, Quat, half the time I was happier during the War than I am now.'_

'_You don't mean that, Duo.'_

'_I don't know what I mean anymore. I - shit, Quat, I have no idea how he even feels about me anymore. We don't talk, we have sex, we fight if we do try talking, then we have sex again just because it's the one thing we can still do together that actually is still the same.'_

'_What are you going to do?' _

'_Go home. I'm starting a new job on Monday; something Heero got for me. Someone he knows who runs an IT company. He's supposed to be staying with me for the weekend, if nothing more important comes up for him, the way it usually does.'_

'_Oh, Duo.' He stood up and hugged me, the way Heero used to. 'Maybe you two just need to - see less of each other for a while?'_

'_Maybe. Trouble is, the only way we could see less of each other is if we both became invisible.' I let him go. 'Q, what do you…feel from me? About him?'_

_It was the first time I'd ever asked out straight. _

'_Hurt. Confusion. That you still love him.' He gave me a sad little smile. 'The same things I picked up from Heero the last time I saw him, actually. Whatever happens, you know you're welcome here, for as long as you want.'_

'_Oh, that'll please your sisters, won't it? Not enough for you have to install one ex-Gundam Pilot in the family home…'_

'_Don't be silly, Duo. You know you're closer to me than anyone of them. Just - take care, alright? And try talking to Heero about how you feel.'_

_I went home. To my cold, leaky house and my new job. Which didn't work out. Spent most of the week thinking about Heero and me. It was Quat's fault; he'd actually come out and said the unthinkable. About me leaving. Leaving Heero. Something that would have been a ludicrous, laughable concept once, but now…. Neither of us was happy. We seemed to have lost the knack of how to make each other happy._

_I later found out he'd taken an earlier shuttle and, finding the house empty, had set out to look for me. But at the time, he came out of nowhere and, of course, turned up at the worst possible moment. I only saw him for a second before he turned on his heel and marched out of the bar; just time enough to see his eyes. And yes, I probably should have gone straight after him. Instead, I finished my game of pool, losing spectacularly of course. I could have driven home, since I'd only had one beer, but I chose to walk instead, giving myself time to think._

_He was sitting on my front step. I thought I'd developed a certain - immunity - to his glares since we'd been together. Apparently not, or else he'd been saving the really killer ones for a special occasion. Like finding me in a bar with some guy very, very close to me…_

'_You had a perfect stranger draped all over you!'_

'_Mickey's not a stranger; I work with him. And he wasn't 'draped', as you put it; maybe he was standing a bit close but that was 'cause he was showing me a better angle to hold my pool cue. And, not that it's any of your business, but he's straight. And married. And has three kids.'_

'_That guy works at Norton's?' OK, I could kind of understand where the incredulity was coming from here; Mickey's the size of a barn door, with hair as long as mine and a beard down to his waist. Not the sort of guy you could really see squeezed into a suit and tapping away at a keyboard._

_Oops. Hadn't really wanted to get straight into all that. _

'_Nope. I quit Norton's on Wednesday. Mickey came over to help me with the roof and he offered me a job with his construction firm.'_

_There. Said it. Now wait for the explosion. _

'_Three days? You stayed three days? Because you were bored, I suppose?'_

'_Whatever. Look, if you're remotely interested in my side of the story, I got sick and tired of your buddy leering at my ass all day, and then he tried to get touchy-feely the last morning so I quit. Is that enough information for you? And, why don't you explain to me, Heero, how it's acceptable for you to go to all these fancy functions with Relena, and not for me to go to a bar for one drink with a colleague?'_

'_What I do with Relena is part of my job. And I do not let her hang all over me the way you appear to.'_

_'Yeah, guys flirt with me. So what? And sometimes maybe they want more, but that doesn't mean I let them. Don't you trust me, Heero; is that what this is all about? I belong to you, 'Ro. I love you. But that doesn't mean you own me, that I can't have other friends.'_

_'Duo, of course I trust you.' He ran a hand through dishevelled hair. 'It's just - I don't know if I can trust anyone else.'_

_'What? You don't think I'm capable of saying no? Of being faithful to you?' Oh, dear God. 'You think I'm from L2 so I'll let anyone screw me, is that it? But it's OK for you to be off with Relena Peacecraft doing who-knows-what?'_

_'It's a __**job**__, Duo. Nothing else. Just another undercover mission. We've gone through this so many times. It's easier for me to protect Relena if I'm with her constantly, if I pretend to be her boyfriend, rather than just an other bodyguard in a uniform.'_

_'And what if someone twigs to the fact that you don't even sleep together? Exactly how far do you have to carry this boyfriend role-playing? Will you have to share her bed; get under her covers for real? Would you go that far to protect her?'_

'_Of course I wouldn't! Relena knows I'm with you. And she doesn't like me like you think; she regards me as a brother, nothing else.'_

'_Yeah, there's a word for that kind of brotherly love and it's illegal in most societies.'_

'_Relena is my employer, Duo, and a friend. You are my lover, my boyfriend, my partner. Why can't you believe me?'_

_Meeting his eyes then was a mistake. It always - did something to me inside, when he let his guard down like that, and I knew I was the only person who got to see him like that. Uncertain. Vulnerable. Letting himself need something from another person._

_Things progressed - pretty much the way you might expect after that. Not the best idea. We were both too tense, too overwrought for it to be a success. Making love with Heero had always been phenomenal, but it had always been tied up with trust and intimacy and affection. Later, lying in his arms, I 'd given up even the pretence that I wasn't crying._

_'You hurt me, Heero, you know that.'_

'_Duo! Why didn't you say? I would have stopped.'_

_'No, not like that. All those things you said._ _When did you stop trusting me, 'Ro?'_

'_When did you stop trusting me? You're obsessed with Relena, Duo. Just because she has - some sort of silly crush on me doesn't mean I'm going to reciprocate. I'm gay. I'm your partner. I'm in love with you. I have never once given you any reason to doubt any of that.'_

'_I know,' I mumbled. What was the point in saying how I felt, really? That she was a princess and pure and in love with him, and I was just this piece of L2 street scum and it was my biggest fear in the universe that one day he was going to recognise that, and realise he should be with her, not with me. 'I' m sorry. I'm just - being insecure, that's all. I'll try harder, I swear.'_

'_Oh, Duo. This shouldn't be about you having to try. I just want you to believe in me. That's all.'_

'_I - I don't think I can do this any more. Any of it.' I had no idea how to say any of the things I was feeling. That I loved him far more than my life, and that scared me so much because there was no way it was going to last. That it would almost be easier if I could just end it now._

_He left that afternoon. Irony of ironies; we actually got on better that morning than we had in months. We walked down to the shore and sat on a boulder and talked. Agreed that maybe we both just needed a little space to ourselves; maybe to try reconnecting as friends and rediscover all those things we'd once loved about each other._

_So that was the state of affairs coming up the very first Remembrance Day. December 25th, 196. _

_I hadn't seen Heero for nearly a month, but we spoke on the 'phone fairly regularly. He'd been accepted to a few fast-track legal programmes but hadn't made up his mind yet which to choose. I had packed up the few things I wanted to keep and taken the first shuttle to L4. Leaving my house had been an oddly painless experience, and that somehow made me feel even worse. It was the first home Heero and I had shared together; there were some good memories there, but I just couldn't wait to get away._

_Now, a charitable person might assume that Relena had assigned me a place setting, at the Remembrance Day Banquet, beside a distant cousin of hers out of pure kindness. Sure. A person possessed of a somewhat more cynical disposition might take the opposing view; that Prince Luis of Spain was handsome and sophisticated and newly single, and might well distract my attention from Heero, thereby leaving the field clear for a certain princess to make her move._

_And yes, the prince was suave and charming and very nicely put together and yes, I did put myself out there just the tiniest bit whenever Heero - seated at Relena's side, quite naturally - happened to glance over at us, and made sure it looked like we were having a fabulous time. If Heero hadn't swept Relena off to dance the moment the orchestra got started, I probably would never have agreed to accompany the prince outside to the terrace to 'enjoy the moonlight'. If he hadn't reeked of cigar smoke, and been so absolutely, smugly sure of his own irresistible attractions, I might have let him kiss me._

_Instead, he was walking just a little bit oddly when he went back inside. God, Relena would probably have me arrested for assaulting a member of the royal family. _

'_Status, 02?' Heero, naturally, materialising in full protective mode; he had to have seen what was happening, but he'd let me handle it and that meant something._

'_Situation contained, 01. Shouldn't you be inside? Doing your Preventer thing? The L2 ambassador looks like he might start filching the silverware if there isn't someone keeping a close eye on him.'_

'_I've resigned. Effective as of this evening.'_

'_Bet Une loved that, huh?'_

'_She was - not impressed. She tried to offer me all sorts of incentives to stay. Even on a part-time basis, if I wanted to study.'_

'_Wow. So - what did you say?'_

'_That I had something more important to do with my life.' He bent to tongue gently across my open mouth. 'Dance with me, love? Please.'_

'_You're such a sap, sometimes.'_

_He knew how to waltz, of course, and I just let him steer me gently around the terrace, not paying too much attention to where my feet were going, once his arms were around me._

'_Better learn to deal with it.' Another kiss, much deeper; his mouth settling on mine like it belonged there and his tongue coaxing my lips to part. 'I love you,' he said resolutely. 'With all my heart and soul and everything there is of me. I do love you,' He said it into my mouth, this time, letting me absorb the words with his breath, sending them flying straight to my soul. _

'_Please, Duo. Come back to me. We can fix this.'_

'_Convince me.'_

'_I have a suite, with the biggest bed you ever saw, and a hot tub. And some of those Sanque chocolates you like so much. And champagne. Will that do for now?'_

'_To start. How about…you and me sharing the tub, and you feeding me chocolate and giving me champagne-flavoured kisses?' _

'_That - could be arranged.'_

_We both jumped at the first firework; at the explosion of acid green rockets across the night sky._

'_God, I hate those things. Remind me of the war.'_

'_Me too,' he slid both arms around my waist, and pulled me closer; this time he stroked my tongue with his own, teased it alive and smiled against my lips when I moaned breathlessly, sagging against him._

'_I love you, too. You know that.' _

_If he'd wanted, I would have let me take me there and then, if the nightmare hadn't begun, and the next burst of noise and colour hadn't been real explosives. _

_We later found out they were L3 separatists, somehow connected with the Barton Foundation. It was a suicide mission to kill Relena, but anyone else who got in the way would be a happy bonus. _

_The whole engagement took less than twenty minutes, apparently, but time tends to do weird things when you're in battle. Heero was armed of course, and I took a gun from a Sanque palace guard who'd died in that first explosion. He was first into the main hall, in a staccato burst of gunfire and flame; I was right behind, providing cover._

_The ballroom was - pretty much in the state you'd expect from a fancy, high-class party that had been crashed by armed terrorists. Heero dived straight off to the right, to back up Quatre, who was lying under a table with a blaster rifle, blazing away at the terrorists who were still streaming in through the main doors._

_Une and Wufei and a bunch of Preventer agents were clustered around the table where Relena had been sitting, trying to protect her. No easy thing, as the bloody brainless bimbo was actually trying to get up on the table, shrieking something about 'non-violent solutions.' Not very charitable of me, but I couldn't help thinking it would serve Her Royal Cluelessness damn well right if someone did manage to take a shot at her; might teach her something about the real world inhabited by those of us who weren't fairy tale princesses._

_Une and co were concentrating on the frontal attackers ; I don't think anyone had even had time to consider just how vulnerable Relena was behind them. _

'_Get the fuck down, Relena!' I yelled at her, and I swear she flinched more at the curse than at the bullets that were flying past her. Then she started to scream in earnest; I'd seen the sniper out of the corner of my eye, taking aim from the window embrasure behind her and he fell half on top of her, drenching her with blood. I'd obviously hit a major blood vessel._

_The whole time-speeding-up-and-slowing-down thing happened then. I ended up in the hallway, with me and Tro on either side of the grand staircase, world narrowed to aim and fire and reload until there were only bodies on the steps._

'_Nice shooting, Mr. Barton.'_

'_Likewise, Mr. Maxwell.'_

_Dear God, but in some screwed-up, crazy way, I'd missed this part of it. Not just the sheer rush of adrenalin, but the comradeship, the trust given and received to someone you would trust with your life._

'_Where's Quatre?'_

'_In the ballroom, last I saw, mowing down bogies with the biggest gun I ever saw. Heero's with him.'_

'_You two OK?'_

'_Yep.'_

'_About bloody time.' He reached over and gave me of those complicated handshakes that I can never quite get the hang of. 'Maybe you should go find him?'_

_Inside the ballroom, things had calmed down slightly. The Palace guards were there in force; they wore the most stupid uniforms you could imagine, probably designed by Relena, but they knew their job. Well, let's face it, if you go to work every day in a rose pink tunic and flared sleeves and some sort of plumes in your helmet, you probably have to work pretty hard to get any respect._

_It wasn't too hard to find Heero; not even too surprising that he was holding Relena. What I hadn't expected was to find him kissing her._

_And it was all suddenly clear. No way was she going to put her life and career on hold to spend years hanging around a university waiting for him to graduate. I was. It hadn't even taken much to win me back. A dance on the moonlit terrace, a couple of kisses, three words and he'd pretty much guaranteed himself an easy, obliging fuck for whenever he wanted, while he waited for his pure princess to make up her mind. _

_I'm so freaking stupid. I'd believed him. Believed every freaking word. _

_The Leo just happened to be there, parked on the front lawn, unguarded; I 'd seen it earlier, of course and thought it was a crazy thing to have at an anniversary of peace, but Quat said it was there as some sort of symbolism. That people could see a Mobile Suit and even touch it and that would some demystify them as weapons of destruction. No, it made no sense to me either but hey, it was probably Relena's idea. _

_It was a fast escape route. That was the main thing. Quat had told me they'd removed all the weapons; hadn't thought it necessary to mention they'd also done something to disable most of the controls and by the time I realised that, it was too late. That first surge of power, that irresistibly reminded me of 'Scythe, and then we were airborne and then I realised it wasn't responding to the controls, that we'd lost power and there was no way I was going to be able to avoid a crash landing…._


	22. Statements of Intent

Disclaimer - well, of course they aren't mine. But I get to play with them so who cares?

Note: Hugs and cookies to my faithful reviewers, still fearlessly slogging through bottomless lakes of angst - KS, Maskelle, DragonRaye, Pikeebo, and especially Snow, for all the positive reinforcement and the odd bit of prodding…..I think this one's a wee bit more positive (?); a little bit of past tense squick, and a lot of present-day lemony sap …..

**Public Speaking:**

Wufei's hair was usually an accurate barometer of his mood. He had showered and changed into loose, casual clothes, but his hair had been yanked back so ruthlessly it was probably giving him a headache.

Zechs set their drinks down on the small table and took a sip of brandy. It was a rare thing these days, to see Wufei lose his temperso comprehensively, another indication; if any were needed, of how very worried he was about Duo.

'It's not their fault, you know.'

Wufei coloured slightly, turning to look at his lover for the first time since Zechs had stepped out on the balcony.. 'I know. I'll apologise later.'

'No need, love. Relena pays her legal advisors quite outlandish amounts of money; it won't do them any harm to be yelled at for once.'

'And threatened.' Wufei's blush deepened, and Zechs chuckled.

'They're lawyers, dearheart. I'm sure they're well used to being abused.'

'Even so,' Wufei said stubbornly, 'there is no honour in insulting paid subordinates.'

'Quite determined to wallow, are you?' Zechs stepped just a little closer, sliding one arm around Wufei's waist. 'If it makes you feel better, I'll double their fees. They probably deserve it, coming in to the palace at this time of night, having already spent the past twenty four hours trying to help us; one might think they'd expect a modicum of courtesy, if not actual gratitude.'

'Oh, stop it!' Wufei snapped, but he let Zechs wrap his other arm around him and pull him close. 'I behaved horribly and you're not helping.'

'I'm trying to feed your guilt complex so you can feel even worse about yourself,' Zechs pointed out, pressing his lip against his partner's soft, dark hair. 'Will it help if I point out that the senior partner suffers from high blood pressure, and it possibly wasn't helpful for you to call him an ineffectual, inefficient time-server. Or that his poor little assistant burst into tears after you stormed out?'

'Still not helping,' Wufei muttered, but he was smiling very slightly.

'It will be all right, you know. Winner has no case; the fact that things have gone this far indicates only how corrupt the legal system can be.'

'Then why does Duo have to stay there? With Yuy?'

'It's a formality; they were explaining that. Or trying to, before you decided to throw a hissy fit and storm out. It is unfair and wrong, but now that events have come this far, there has to be some sort of investigation.'

'Whatever happens, he isn't going into some sort of damned care facility.'

Zechs opened his mouth to agree; then realised Wufei wasn't seeking reassurance, just stating a plain fact.

'Ah. Of course not. Were you planning to take me along, or just go jaunting off into the horizon with Duo, and every law enforcement officer and bounty hunter in the universe in hot pursuit?'

'You know you can come. If you want to.'

'Stupid question.'

'Here,' He handed Wufei a glass and watched the black eyes widen as he saw the wafer thin slices of peach and apricot, marinaded in old Sanque brandy. It was one of the country's chief delicacies, and usually drunk only on special occasions.

'Are we celebrating something?'

Zechs lifted one shoulder in a gesture that was entirely too elegant to be called a shrug. 'You and I, alone beneath a full moon and all the stars in the sky. Is that not occasion enough for you? Drink, love.' He touched his glass to Wufei's, and the clear chime of crystal hung in the air.

'Love,' It was a soft echo, an endearment and a toast combined. Zechs moaned softly as his lover drank, then delicately slid a peach across his lips before swallowing.

Wufei's mouth opened at once as if he expected to be ravished. Instead, Zechs licked delicately across the parted lips, savouring the intense sweetness of peach, before drawing Wufei's tongue, tasting deliciously of ripe, softened fruit into his mouth and feasting on him until they were both breathless.

'That was … nice.' Zechs' voice was just a little unsteady as he raised his glass again. They each took a long swallow, holding each other's eyes and kissed again, tasting each other through century old brandy. Zechs took a second mouthful, holding it, and pressed his mouth to Wufei's, letting his lover drink from his mouth, then sucking greedily on his tongue.

'Shall we go inside?'

'Mil, can you give me a few minutes alone? Please?'

'Of course, 'Fei. I need to shower first anyway. Don't just sit here worrying, will you? We'll have Duo home before you know it.' Wufei took another drink, refusing to meet Zechs' eyes. 'Ah. It's Heero you're worried about, isn't it? That Duo's staying with him? Not the court case at all. 'Fei, I know you don't like Heero, but he's an honourable man. And Duo's a guest in his home. He won't do anything.'

'You don't know anything about him, Milliardo!' It was the use of his full name, as much as the pure venom in Wufei's tone that shocked Zechs. 'But you're right; he won't dare to do anything. I told him, years ago, that I'd kill him if he ever hurt Duo again, if he did anything…'

'Does Duo know?'

'Of course not. And he doesn't need to.' Oh, there was a definite warning there, not even very thinly veiled. 'You don't know what he was like, after Heero. You didn't see him. No one did, except me, and I am _not _letting Yuy do that to him again.' He leaned overandkissed Zechs on the lips. 'I'm sorry. Go and wash; I'll be in soon, I promise.

_You don't know what he was like, after Heero. No one does._

Wufei shivered suddenly, alone on the terrace with all of his memories of those early months when Duo had moved in with him.

_He had paid regular, dutiful visits, when his schedule allowed, during those first months while Maxwell was unconscious in hospital, and afterwards. Less often, of course, after Winner had organised his transfer to the private clinic in Switzerland, but Wufei's assignments sometimes took him to mainland Europe and he visited when he could, taking some time off at the end of a mission if necessary. _

_Maxwell was a former comrade, after all, and honour demanded he do as much. _

_It was Winner who had persuaded him to allow Maxwell to spend a few months in the spare room of his apartment, Maxwell's surgeons having vetoed space travel until his injuries were more fully healed. He wasn't quite sure how he'd agreed, save that even he wasn't entirely proof against the little blonde's charm, his insistence that Maxwell needed to be with a friend, not in another institution, and that it would be good for Wufei to have some company._

_The first weeks had been easier than expected. He'd respected Maxwell's skill and audacity as a pilot from the start, had come to recognise his courage and strength when they were prisoners together, but he had not wanted a - a roommate, he believed the term was. Wufei had come to cherish his own space, his solitude; a little sanctuary from an increasingly complex world and he was not looking forward to sharing all of that with Maxwell._

_In fact, living together had been easier than he'd imagined. He travelled a great deal anyway, and even when he was based at Preventers HQ, he worked long hours, and spent most of his free time in the gym; either working out, or sparring with one of the few agents who approached his level of skill. Maxwell was out most of the day, attending his various therapies, and tended to keep to his room when Wufei was at home._

_There was only one incident during those first weeks that recalled 02 as he'd been during the War, constantly teasing Wufei and calling him by the most ludicrous nicknames._

_On Winner's instructions, Wufei had kept all his weapons securely stashed in his bedroom, even the ancestral sword which he had hung over his fireplace, and he'd locked the carving knives in a cupboard._

_The first morning of Duo's stay, he'd come down to breakfast to find the point of his largest knife buried in the kitchen door, a small piece of paper fluttering from the blade._

_'Don't worry, Fifi. I promised Quat I wouldn't try to off myself.'_

_It didn't worry Wufei when he came home a month or so later, and there was no sign of Maxwell; if anything, he was rather glad. It had been an especially long day; past eleven when he left the office and he just wanted to sit in silence and enjoy the meal he'd collected on the way home. He preferred to cook, but Sally had recommended a small restaurant that served simple, authentic meals rather than the travesty that masqueraded as 'Chinese food' in most places, and he bought food from there if he felt tired._

_A little needle of guilt pricked him as he sat down to eat; it was several days since he'd actually seen Maxwell for more than a couple of minutes at a time. There was plenty of food after all - more than enough for them both to share._

_Tentatively, Wufei nudged the bedroom door open. Perhaps he was sleeping? It was late, almost midnight by now, and he hadn't answered Wufei's call. Maxwell wasn't there, but the room was a mess; a far cry from when it had served as his study. There was a clear route from the unmade bed to the window, but otherwise the floor was covered with tottering piles of books, clothes, and other rubbish._

_Damn. Winner and Barton had trusted him to look after their friend's welfare and this was how he had betrayed their trust._ _He had absolutely no idea where Maxwell might be. Apart from visits to his therapist, he sometimes went to the cinema, or the library, but surely such places would be closed so late at night? Trying hard to think of somewhere else Duo had ever mentioned, Wufei absently picked up a book lying open on the bed - a novel by some Russian he had never heard of - and a small square of cardboard fell on the floor._

_It was an advertisement for a club of some sort. Did Maxwell frequent such places? Surely not, especially while he was healing. Still, it was a lead of sorts._

_It was in an area of town he had never visited. The club was easy to find; no other building on the block had neon lights flashing outside, or a long line of people waiting to be admitted. _

_All men. _

_Ah._

_Of course, he knew that such places existed, had never, never considered entering one. He would think of it as an assignment, nothing more. Ascertain Maxwell's safety and whereabouts. Extract him if necessary. Leave._

_'I'm looking for someone.' Ignoring the men already standing in line, Wufei stalked up to the security man on the door. He was still in his Preventer's uniform, after all. 'About my height, long chestnut hair in a braid, he would probably be considered attractive.'_

'_Yeah, we're all looking for someone like that,' the bouncer growled, and there was some sniggering behind Wufei. 'Think you got costume night mixed up, kid, but go on in anyway. They're gonna love you in there.'_

'_We can love you out here,' muttered a voice in the crowd, immediately followed by other, more explicit comments._

_Pushing his way to the bar was a nightmare. He was assaulted from every side by vile, obscene invitations, and once or twice a strange hand touched him in a grossly familiar fashion. _

'_Yummy,' commented one man at the bar, who was wearing some bizarre combination of leather and lace, 'You like pretending to be a big, bad-ass Preventer, do you?'_

'_Get out of my way!' Wufei said furiously, fumbling for his ID, and waving to attract the bartender, and rapping out Maxwell' s description._

_'Oh, him. Yeah, he was here.' _

_'Was?' Wufei demanded. 'When did he leave? Tell me!'_

_'Don't get your undies in a twist, kid. He's out back,' One meaty hand indicated a door. 'You'll probably have to wait in line for a turn, though. A few of the guys went out with him...'_

_He hadn't knownwhat to expect, not really, not on this night when the whole world seemed to have gone insane._

_But not this - not Shinigami on the ground and naked from the waist down and surrounded by three strangers._

_'Get away from him.'_

_'Yeah? Feel like joining in the party? Plenty of room for a hottie like you?'_

_Hottie! Chang Wufei bristled at the term, at the insinuating, intimate tone, and at the eyes roaming over his body, and fired two shots into the air._

_'Get. Away. From. Him. Now.'_

_Another shot, just over their heads this time, and they scattered._

_'Duo! Maxwell, are you alright?'_

_Oh, dear gods, what had they done to him? Maxwell was frantically trying to cover himself, dragging up pants Wufei had never seen before; black leather, with some sort of lacing at the waist, but not before Wufei had seen the blood and - other things streaking his thighs._

_''Fei, you shouldn't be here!' _

_'Never mind any of that!'_ _He bent over, to help Duo stand, and almost recoiled at the smell of alcohol. Duo's pupils were hugely dilated, too, and he'd been on enough drug busts to know what that meant._

_'Come on. We have to call the police.' He ignored the faint, muffled protest. 'I saw those men, I can identify them. They'll be charged, I swear it.' _

_'No.'_

_'Duo, you have to.' Wufei tried to make his voice gentle and compassionate, the way Sally could when she was dealing with a victim of - abuse. 'Otherwise, they'll get away with it. With - what they did to you.' _

_'I said NO! It's not rape if you want it, 'Fei. If you ask for it. Didn't you know that?' His voice had changed somehow; the L2 accent much more pronounced than usual. _

_Wufei was up early the next morning, even by his standards. He had a report to finish for Commander Une, but that was just an excuse; he'd wanted to be out of the house before Maxwell came down. It didn't work; Wufei had just sat down with his first cup of tea when Duo appeared in the doorway._

_'Oh, God, Wufei. I am so sorry. I'll move out today, I swear. I'll be gone before you get home. I'm just so sorry you saw me like that.' _

_It had occurred to Wufei on the drive home last night; he had no experience with this sort of thing, no desire whatsoever to gain such experience. It would be in Maxwell's best interests to move to - some sort of care facility, where he could receive professional help. _

_But that was before he had listened to Duo for most of the night. Wufei's building was new; the walls paper thin, so he had spent hours listening to Duo's broken sobbing. _

_Of course, he knew something of what had happened with Yuy. They had always seemed an improbable couple - the driven, focussed perfect warrior and the irreverent, outgoing clown, but somehow they had fit together perfectly. He had observed them sometimes, trying to identify the emotions that he felt as discomfort and embarrassment, as was only natural for a straight male. _

_Certainly not envy or desire or need. _

_He could not imagine loving anyone so much that their loss would cause such an outpouring of pure grief; listening to Duo, he had no wish ever to give another person so much power over him. To give his honour and his happiness entirely into another's keeping._

_He had tried to feel love, or even affection for Meilan, as she deserved. She was his wife; would bear the children who would honour his ancestors, and continue the Clan bloodline. He had tried to feel those things, and he had grieved as tradition demanded when she died, had mourned her courage and her spirit, but in all truth, he had not even liked her very much. _

_Had even speculated, once or twice, in his deepest fantasies, and to his intense shame, on the fact that Yuy was now single. It seemed a particularly dishonourable thing, now, having witnessed Maxwell's unrelenting grief, and with Maxwell himself standing in front of him, and unable to meet Wufei's eye._

_He was dressed in clothing altogether too big for him; sweatpants and a shirt that advertised some sort of concert. His hair was loose; the first time Wufei had seen it down since they had shared a cell together. Even then, in the middle of all that was happening, he had desperately tried to braid it; even with bones broken by the interrogators. _

_'No.' He said it softly enough that he had to repeat the word before Duo would look up. 'I don't want you to move out. Truly. But you have to stop doing this. It's not helping, Duo.'_

'_So? Who gives a fuck?' Maxwell's mouth twisted into some bastard version of a smile. 'Sorry. Bad choice of words, Wu.'_

'_I care. And how do you think Quatre would feel if he knew what had happened?'_

'_Shit!' He could still move fast, was standing before Wufei in a blur of chestnut hair. 'You can't tell him. You can't. Promise. Promise me!'_

'_Alright. But in return I want you to see a doctor.' Duo looked as him as if he'd said something totally ludicrous. 'Sally will be discreet. I guarantee that. Duo…' Oh, but this was too excruciatingly embarrassing to be borne. He had no idea how to say certain things. 'You could - there are - last night, you could have…'_

'_Oh!' Duo blushed a matching crimson. 'That. Not a problem. They used protection.' His lips formed that distorted smile again. 'Guess they didn't want to catch any nasty little L2 diseases, huh?'_

'_I need you to promise me you won't do that again. Please. You don't know what could happen to you.'_

_Violet eyes met black, just for a heartbeat and Wufei realised that he did know, he knew exactly, and he simply didn't care._

'_Oh, Duo.' He was - not quite sure how it happened, but suddenly he was on his feet, with both arms awkwardly around Duo, and no idea what to do next. He supposed he had been hugged, by his parents and grandparents, when he was very small, and he had embraced Meilan stiffly at the marriage ceremony, but he had no real idea how to give comfort to another man._

_No idea what to do, with Duo standing so close, and those waves of shimmering, silken hair flowing over his hands._

'_Can you at least promise to be careful? For Winner's sake if not your own?'_

_It happened again; of course it did. Twice Wufei had to go and find him again; twice he came home alone, the second time covered with blood._

'_It's not mine. Don't worry.' They were in the bathroom; Wufei knew the drill by now, knew that before anything, Duo needed to be physically clean. _

'_What did he try to do?' _

'_Some freaky bondage shit.'_

'_Did you kill him?' Not that Wufei was overly concerned, one way or another; anyone who put that look on Duo's face deserved death, but they might need to organise a cover-up, dispose of the body._

'_No. No, I didn't but…I hate being restrained, you know that, Wu.' _

_He knew; of course he did. More than anyone, possibly even more than Yuy, because Yuy hadn't always been there, had frequently been off flying the Mercurius, and Maxwell had made Wufei promise not to tell everything that had happened. _

_That - phase, Wufei called it, for want of a better word to describe what Duo was doing - lasted three months, more or less, and Wufei began, for the first time, to reject any assignments that involved leaving home, but he was still a Preventer; one of their finest field agents and he couldn't always pick and choose. There was no denying he was the most suitable agent for the assignment to China; he didn't even try to persuade Commander Une to select another agent. Duo would be alright for ten days by himself, surely? _

_Wouldn't he? Wufei was half tempted to go home and check on him before delivering his report to Commander Une but of course duty had to come first. It shouldn't take too long, hopefully; just a quick debriefing and he could write up his official report from home. Any excuse not to have to spend a day in Preventers HQ, Wufei reflected bitterly as he walked through the main doors._

_He had never fit in with the other agents. He was too young, too idealistic, too uptight, too bound by rules and regulations. Some of them still had grudges from the War. Sally had encouraged him to socialise more, to get to know his colleagues, but the only ones who really granted him any respect were the rare few who'd worked with him._

_The jokes had gotten worse since Duo moved in with him, so he wasn't overly concerned at the comments that followed him through the building, about his 'boyfriend', the coarse speculation about what they did together. Not until someone mentioned something about Maxwell being all over the newspapers._

_Wufei drove home on instinct alone. He hadn't really been concerned when Duo hadn't returned his 'phone messages. He'd only been able to call on the last day of his assignment and Duo was probably out somewhere, and he never remembered his cellphone. Nor really anything to worry about._

_He knew Duo had gone as soon as he saw how neat the kitchen was. Duo did try to be tidy but chaos just seemed to follow him around. The only thing out of place was the pile of newspapers on the table. The first was dated from a couple of days after Wufei had left on his mission; the latest was two days ago._

_It had perhaps been foolish not to imagine that no one would identify him at some point, but Wufei hadn't even thought of it. There were photographs, and vile articles about things that had happened years before, when Duo had just been a child. He had scrawled 'sorry' in thick black letters on one of the pictures, pressing so hard the flimsy paper had ripped._

_It was - such a Maxwell reaction. The pile of papers - and Wufei had no doubt that Duo had forced himself read every one - left out so Wufei could see at a glance what had happened, the apology for letting him down, and the running._

_But Wufei knew him well enough by now to guess where he would hide, and sure enough, he was huddled on a bench by the lake, wrapped in an overlarge black overcoat. He was throwing crumbs to the pigeons clustered around his feet. He looked like a homeless person._

'_I want you to come home.'_

_No reaction. Just a shake of that head. 'I can't. Not after what's happened. Didn't you read the papers? They said all kinds of lies, that we're together. You don't want all that shit in your life, 'Fei.'_

'_Never mind that for now.' Wufei pulled him up, very carefully. 'Come home for a bit, please, and we can talk. Let me get you something to eat. You can have a shower and get some other clothes.'_

_It was that last that probably convinced him; Duo almost had a phobia about being clean, about wearing stale clothing. _

'_Come on,' Duo took his hand, took a step and almost fell. He was painfully light and easy to carry, and docile as a child, letting Wufei run him a bath when they got home, lay out clean clothing and sitting quietly at the kitchen table while Wufei cooked for them both._

''_Those things, those papers - are just filth, Duo. Nothing you should be worried about. They'll be lining trash cans tomorrow and there'll be some new scandal for people to read over breakfast.'_

'_You think so?'_

'_I'm sure of it.' Wufei tried hard to sound positive, but inwardly he doubted it. Four Gundam pilots had adjusted relatively well to a new era, Quatre's suicide having been well covered up; the news that the fifth had apparently lost the plot would doubtless be a huge news._

_He poured himself more tea and took a sip. 'It doesn't matter, what those people think. But, Duo, you have to stop living like this. You need something in your life. Some sort of purpose. I've been looking up courses at the University here and - '_

'_University? Me? You gotta be joking, 'Fei. You know how I learned to read? Picking up flyers for fast food places out of the gutter, that's how. So when I was hungry I could at least read about food.'_

'_That only makes your achievements since then all the more remarkable.' Another little piece of the Duo puzzle clicked suddenly into place. On the rare occasions when they'd eaten out together, Duo had always managed to secrete a menu to bring home._

'_Will you at least think about it? I've been looking at courses for myself. Perhaps we could even become students together and help each other?'_

'_You're thinking of quitting Preventers? But - I thought you loved your job.'_

_Wufei shook his head. He hadn't meant to tell Duo, hadn't meant to tell anyone, ever, but somehow it all came tumbling out. The snide comments, the senseless practical jokes, the fact that any paperwork or records he requested always somehow went astray, all the things that he had no idea how to cope with._

_Duo just - listened while he talked. He just sat there and let Wufei talk more than he ever had in his whole life, about himself, and once or twice touched Wufei's hand, or cursed the agents he'd been working with, and made them both more tea, and was - simply there for him; supportive and sympathetic and encouraging._

_It was, Wufei later realised, the first time he'd ever really known what it was to have a friend._

Zechs finished towelling his hair dry, shook it out to fall over his shoulders in a gleaming, white gold sheaf, and stepped into the bedroom.

The lamps had been switched off, and his lover was a fantasy of old gold and ebony sprawled on the bed, lit by soft candlelight. Unmoving, eyes closed, he could have been asleep, save for the drowsy, delectably wanton smile.

Zechs drifted around the room, pouring a glass of brandy on the way, simply enjoying the view, before sitting on the side of the bed.

'What do you want, my love?'

The black lashes fluttered open. 'You. On me. In me.'

'Demanding tonight, aren't we?' Zechs observed, bending down for a kiss.

At the start, Wufei had insisted that they swap positions assiduously, to preserve his dignity and honour and male pride, but it hadn't taken him long to realise that being uke didn't necessarily mean being subservientor submissive or even particularly passive. God, but he was beautiful, his skin sweet and smooth as warmed caramel, with the obsidian silk of his hair fanned out over an ivory lace pillow.

They traded sips and sighs and kisses, dripping brandy and desire into each other's mouths, until finally Zechs drizzled the dregs onto Wufei's flat stomach, dribbling it down sweetly between his legs, then closed his eyes and followed it with his tongue, lapping at the tiny pool saved in his navel. With eyes locked shut, his world was distilled to sensation. Smell of musk and alcohol and desire. Sound of skin moving against skin and silken sheets as 'Fei slid and squirmed under him, of low, breathy moans deep in his throat. Taste of firm skin glazed with the juice of grapes ripened a hundred years ago.

Wufei was hard, solid and thrusting, desperate to find release. Zechs touched tongue tip delicately along his length, licking up the last traces of brandy. He was exquisitely gentle to at first, nuzzling the shaft with soft lips, then tormenting him with the slight scrape of teeth against flesh as he began to suck harder. Hands twisted frantically in pale blonde hair, just short of hurting.

'Just _do_ it, Milliardo. Please.'

Wufei's breath hitched at the first invasion of flesh flung into warm, willing flesh, and then entirely forgot to breathe. Zechs was thrusting with powerful, jabbing strokes and 'Fei writhed desperately beneath him, moaning wildly and locking both arms around Zech's waist, battling for possession at every deep plunge, as Zechs hammered into the moving, maddening anvil of his body. Wufei came first, a climax that racked his body and rocked them both with the force of it. Zechs tensed suddenly, staring into his deep onyx eyes, then rode through the final shudders to take his lover's heart and soul and drown them in his own desire…

'Do I look alright?'

He had to be worried to ask such a question, Zechs thought, admiring the demurely beautiful young man standing in front of him the next morning. The severely tailored suit provided the most delicious contrast to his memory of Wufei an hour or so previously, kneeling astride his hips, and grasping desperately for that moment when connection became completion.

'You look... exquisite. Exotic. Positively edible.' He punctuated each word with a kiss, and then fastened his lips around 'Fei's earlobe, feeling him shudder in response.

'We...don't have time, Mil.' He probably meant it to sound firm and decisive; it came out as more of a whine.

'Damn, you're probably right. You might want to bring a pillow with you today. Or a cushion.'

'What? You think I'm going to fall asleep?'

'Not precisely. But from what I remember, the wooden benches in the Visitors' Galleries are very hard, and you could be sitting there for most of the day, depending on how things go.' He grinned, one hand sliding from Wufei's waist to pat his bottom. 'I don't think you're in for a very comfortable day, love; not after what we've been up to.'

He'd been right, Wufei thought several hours later. He should have swallowed his pride and taken the damned pillow. The morning's business hadn't even offered anything to distract him; what seemed like an ongoing debate on taxation had lasted for most of that time and Relena had finally got her chance to speak only ten minutes previously.

She looked very poised up there by the podium, wearing a lilac dress and matching jacket that were both feminine and smart. There was applause when she finished, but then, Wufei thought, the Sanque Parliament would probably have cheered Relena if she'd delivered a monologue on cabbage-growing in Ancient Amharic.

There was a ripple of interest as she left the podium and Zechs stood. It was his first public appearance here since he'd formally abdicated his claim to the throne, but from the way he strode across the dais, he could have been making speeches here every day of his life.

He paused by the lectern, those blue eyes sweeping the room. He could have been trying to banish nerves, or searching for a particular person, but of course he wasn't. He was checking for exits, for threats, for possible danger. Wufei had chosen to sit in the gallery precisely because it commanded a view of the room below; if there were trouble, he would be in the best possible place to act. Wufei could only imagine how exposed his lover felt down there, how much of a target.

Even seven years into the still-enduring peace, there were still people who wanted vengeance for things that had happened during the War, on one side or the other. Wufei and Mil were particular targets, because of their relationship. 'Sleeping with the enemy', Mil had commented once, sourly.

Hard to imagine that there had been a time when Wufei had felt like that himself.

He didn't bother to listen to what Mil was saying; they'd written most of his speech together on the long flight from India to Sanque, instead trying to gauge the mood of the members of parliament.

The audience listened politely enough, showing no real emotions either way, and there was a brief smattering of applause when Zechs swept them a bow, and expressed his gratitude, and apologies for taking up so much valuable time.

They had arranged to meet in the gardens, by a particularly ornate fountain. Zechs was there first, not having had to negotiate his way through the packed gallery, pacing up and down.

'Oh, God. What's wrong? I thought it went alright.' They wouldn't know the verdict for another twenty-fours; by Sanque law, any motion presented to parliament had to be debated for at least that period, but there was little real doubt of the outcome, since Relena had backed it. 'Is there a problem? Did Relena say something?'

'No. It's nothing to do with Duo. Something else. I - talked to Gustaf Hansen yesterday, after you'd left, just the two of us. You know he's Sanque's leading expert on constitutional law, as well as royal protocols.'

Wufei nodded uncertainly, not sure how this affected him.

'I need to ask you something.'

'I knew it. There is something wrong. What's Winner done now?'

'Wufei, it's nothing to do with Winner. I just wanted to know if you could you consider becoming taking Sanque citizenship? Wufei, I - when I abdicated, I thought I was free of all this, but until Relena has children, I'm still the heir apparent to the Throne and by Sanque law I can only marry a Sanque citizen.'

Oh.

That was - not at all what he had expected.

'Is that a proposal?'

'Not yet. Not until we sort all of this mess with Duo. Until then, it is...more of a statement of intent.' His lips quirked. 'Of my honourable intentions toward you.'

'Oh, Mil. Just so you know, I do plan to say yes. And I approve of your intentions even when they're dishonourable.'


	23. Walk in the Park

Disclaimer - Well, I don't own Gundam Wing or anything to do with them. This is purely for fun…

Note - Thanks to my wonderful reviewers, as always. Special thanks to Kaeru Shisho for all your help with this one; for serious morale boosting, playing dress-up, and suggesting the perfect place to finish up.

This one's back to Duo's POV. Less of an angst-fest than usual; possibly even a faint glimmer of hope…..

****

A Walk in the Park:

The fourth day I spent in Heero's house happened to be a Friday, and Heero had made muffins for breakfast. Sure, this sounds all sweet and shiny, but they were weird, compulsively healthy muffins, full of nuts and dried berries and some stuff that looked like birdseed, and (believe it or not) actual bits of grated carrot and zucchini. Is it just me, or is it utterly gross to put raw vegetables into baked goods?

I was doing my best to make them a teeny bit more palatable by slathering them with butter and honey, and surreptitiously dropping the worst bits on the floor for the dog to hover up, while Heero had vanished behind his newspaper.

After four days, we'd more or less developed a routine which was based on us avoiding each whenever possible. Yes, I do know the situation was slightly on the weird side, but the one real constant in my life has always been that whenever things are going well, it's a fair sign that something is bound to get screwed up. I'm pretty adaptable and I'd actually been in considerably worse situations.

Heero spent massive chunks of time in his study, doing whatever it was he did all day; my laptop had finally turned up, among various other goodies, as part of a package delivered from the Sanque embassy so I had something to play with.

The guys had finally made it to Sanque in their little 'plane, and then had to spend a couple of days hanging around until the next session of parliament, which was probably starting as we sat over breakfast. They had their flights to Italy provisionally booked for Monday morning so I'd be seeing them very soon.

Tro was still at the circus; I'd been able to hook my laptop up to the circus's CCTV system - some members of the Spanish royal family were due to attend a benefit performance that night and there were security cameras everywhere - so that although he was too busy to talk much, I could pretty much watch whatever he was doing.

I was looking forward to seeing him.

Things were looking up in lots of ways, but it didn't hide the fact that after four days of virtually being under house arrest, I was suffering from serious cabin fever. I didn't think Heero would let me go out alone, so I waited 'til he'd set down his paper and opened fire.

'I don't suppose we could go out for a bit this morning?'

'My assistant's coming over this afternoon with some files for me; if you need something, he can get it on his way.'

'I don't need anything; I just need to get out somewhere. I swear, if I don't get to go out for an hour, I'll be climbing the walls. What about poor Honey; I bet she'd like to go for a walk, wouldn't you, Honey-bunny? Wouldn't you like to go walkies?'

I couldn't believe I'd ever been scared of poor Honey; she was a sweetheart who tried to climb into my lap when Heero wasn't looking, and helped me dispose of food I didn't want, and seemed happy to lie by my feet for hours when I was working on the computer. Give me another couple of days and I'd be able to get her to bite Heero if I asked. Now, she leaped into action like a good conspirator, barking with excitement and gazing beseechingly at her master. I gave Heero my best imploring look from under my bangs and he crumbled, only muttering that we couldn't stay out for too long.

I'd half expected we might get a short walk around the block, but in fact Heero drove to a lovely wooded park on the city outskirts. It was still pretty early on a weekday but there were quite a few people around, mostly with dogs and young kids. There was a big grassy area beside the car park, and an elderly man was throwing a ball for two frantic little dogs.

'We should have brought a toy for Honey to play with. She'd probably love that.'

'She doesn't know how to play fetch, Duo. The people at the shelter rescued her from a security company. She was only a pup but they were trying to make her into an attack dog. No one wanted to adopt her in case she turned vicious.'

'Oh, that's terrible! The poor Honey-monster.' I dropped to my knees and gave her a hug. 'I bet we could teach her to fetch though. She's a very smart dog.'

So we tried to teach the dog to fetch sticks. I don't think she really got the point of it, but she was more than happy to run around us, barking, while we threw sticks for each other, and we got tired of the game well before she did, picking up sticks and trying to get us chase her as we walked out of the woods and down by an ornamental lake.

'Oh, there's a little shop down there. We could get an ice cream or something.'

'Duo! You just had breakfast!'

'And your point is?' I couldn't help grinning at him, surprised by a moment of sudden, ridiculous happiness, that I was outside under an intensely blue sky, with trees and greenery all around and sunlight on water, and Heero nagging me about my eating habits.

'Fine. Fine.' I surreptitiously tried to tidy myself a little as we waited in line to be served. Heero looked totally immaculate, in dark blue cargo pants and a paler fleece top; I had half the forest on me; pine needles, leaf mould and a fair smattering of mud. I have some sort of magical propensity to attract dirt and at some point, I was really going to have to go shopping; I'd brought most of my oldest clothes to India, for messing about on the beach and they weren't really ideal for Italy in early Spring.

'Still frozen strawberry yoghurt?' I asked, as we got to the counter. 'With a celery stick for dipping?'

'Still double chocolate chip ice cream with every conceivable topping?'

'Of course. My absolute favourite food.'

'I thought pizza was your favourite food.'

'It's one of my favourite foods,' I explained. 'I mean, come on. Who made up the stupid rule that you can only have one favourite food?'

'Maybe you should look up the word 'favourite' in the dictionary?' He gibed back, grinning at me. 'That might give you a clue.'

'And maybe you should stop being so boringly pedantic? Ever think of that?'

'I'm a lawyer, Duo, remember? It's what I get paid for. You want to sit down for a bit?'

We found a nice sunny patch of grass, a little away from the path, me sprawled full-length and propped up on one elbow, Heero neatly cross-legged and Honey between us, eyes shifting to watch us both in turn. I think she was surprised to hear us talking so much.

It was nice, but somewhat weird. I could replay whole arguments in my head, every insult we'd ever thrown, but I couldn't remember the last time we'd teased each other.

'Trowa said it's really beautiful, where you're living,' Heero commented, carefully licking yoghurt off his celery. (Bet you thought I was joking about that, right?)

'Mmmph,' I muttered, looking up from my ice-cream; well, at least I was assuming there were two scoops of chocolate chip in there somewhere, if I could only tunnel through the outer layers of chocolate shavings, toasted pecan nuts, mini marshmallows, and a thick blanket of whipped cream, most of which was trying to attach itself to my face.'

'It's gorgeous. Remember that DVD I used to have; the documentary about Grizzly Bears in the forest? It's sort of like that, totally surrounded by trees, with our own stream on the property and we're only about ten minutes' drive to the ocean.'

God, I felt homesick all of a sudden; I'd been trying not to think about everything I was missing. Not just the house and my car and my orchids, but hanging out with the guys and painting in the studio and going for hikes in the woods.

Damn.

I … wasn't entirely comfortable, either, with the idea of Heero and Trowa discussing me. For all sorts of reasons.

Honey inched a little closer, nudging my arm with her nose, eyes fixed on my cone and I couldn't resist slipping her one of the marshmallows.

'Duo, don't give her that; sweets aren't not good for her.'

'Oh, come on. It's not like one teeny little sweetie is going to give her heart disease and make all her teeth fall out.'

Honey's tongue snaked out to scoop up the treat, then she shifted a little closer to me, licking my hand. The first time she'd done it.

'Hey, look at that. I think she likes me.'

'Duo, you captivate every human you meet. Why should the damn dog be any different?'

'It didn't last long, did it? Me captivating you?'

I - don't think he'd quite meant to say that. I know I certainly hadn't, but now we'd opened that particular box, which had been locked and bolted for years, neither of us knew what to say next.

'You were the one who left.'

'You told me to.'

That was it, really, when you got down to it. The history of our whole damned, doomed relationship in ten little words.

He'd left.

I'd told him to and I don't lie.

I'd just never had the chance to say that I hadn't meant it to be forever; that I'd been furious with him and yes, I'd wanted him to go at the time, but that I'd spent months and years wishing I could change things.

I'd never told anyone that Heero had come to see me when I was in hospital, a few weeks after I'd regained consciousness. He'd purposely chosen a time when Quatre wasn't there and he'd stayed for precisely fifteen minutes, measured out by the clock hanging on the wall opposite my bed. A quarter of an hour. That was all it took for our already broken relationship to shatter irreparably.

We hadn't seen each other for over a year after that, but there'd been a couple of uneasy, stilted 'phone calls, while he punctiliously asked after my health, and I politely told him that I was fine

'I'm sorry, Duo. For everything.'

'Yeah.' Suddenly, I didn't want any more of my ice-cream; the sickly, gloopy mess was already leaking out of the cone on to the grass, and I had to push the dog away from it. 'I know. I'm sorry too.'

It was a relief after that when he looked at his watch and said it was time to head back. We drove home mostly in silence, a silence that teemed with all the unsaid things. My 'phone rang when we were almost back at the house.

'Hey, 'Fei. Everything alright? How did the hearing thing go?'

'Alright, I think. We should know tomorrow, but Relena seems to be quite confident. Duo, there's one other thing. Zechs proposed to me. Just now.'

'Seriously? Well, it's about time he made an honest man of you! You did accept didn't you?' OK, I was doing my best here to act all surprised but the truth was that Zechs had mentioned this a couple of months ago, wanting to know how I'd feel, how I thought Wu would react.

'I - yes. Yes, of course I did.'

'Cool! Hey, does that mean you'll get a title too? You don't have to be a princess, do you?'

'Of course I don't, you idiot! Duo, you do know that nothing is going to change, don't you?'

'Well, I didn't think you'd throw me out in the snow, just 'cause you get a ring on one finger! Listen, I am totally happy for you both. Where's your fiance, anyway? I need to have a few words with him.'

'He's with Relena. Actually, I should go; we're supposed to having tea with her. We'll call you later, OK?'

I couldn't resist telling Heero the good news, which was probably a bit stupid. I mean, he and Wufei seriously don't get on, but I didn't think the news actually rated a very lethal death glare.

'And you seriously don't have a problem with that? With the way they treat you?'

'I'm probably being stupid here, but I have not one single, solitary clue what you're talking about.'

'I'm talking about you three. Your - relationship, or whatever Chang calls it. He couldn't just be satisfied with you; oh no, he had to have Milliardo Peacecraft as well, he couldn't even be faithful to you…Oh, God! Duo, please don't cry, I never meant to upset you, I'm sorry…'

'I'm not _upset, _you idiot,' I lifted my head and wiped my eyes on my sleeve. 'I've never heard anything so funny in my entire life…. That poor Wufei is some sort of … some sort of sex fiend, and Zechs and I are his - his harem or something. I can't believe you thought that.'

'What was I supposed to think?' he asked defensively. 'You live with them, I've seen pictures of you in the papers…'

'Oh, and everything they print is true, is it?' I scoffed, and then felt a slow blush creep across my face. Back when we'd been together, we'd had some serious rows over certain photos of himself with Relena that had been published, or blazoned over TV screens, complete with coy little headlines, usually some variation of how the beautiful princess had found her knight in shining armour. Barf.

'Some of the pictures of you and Zechs kissing looked extremely authentic.'

'We were just fooling around. And come on, it's Zechs. He kisses everyone; he's like a Labrador or something! He probably even tried it with you…'

He didn't say anything, but there was just the faintest dusting of colour across his cheekbones. Wasn't that interesting? Something I'd have to tease Zechs about, when Wu wasn't listening.

'You really believed I was - with them?'

'Relena said…' He started and trailed off, taking a deep breath. 'Relena said that when you all stayed in the Palace two years ago, you slept in their room. One of the maids apparently told her.'

'Well, maybe Relena should stop listening to gossip.' I snapped. See? This is why I would never have servants in my house; they've nothing better to do than spread rumours. 'It's none of her business, or yours or anyone else's, but they're my friends, if you can understand that. Nothing more! Understand?'

He nodded, meekly enough, gaze fixed on the road, but with the tentative beginnings of a smile hovering around his mouth.

God, was that what everyone thought? Did the guys know? Zechs would just think it was a huge joke; I didn't think Wufei would be too happy. I was pretty sure I knew what particular night Heero had been talking about, but I had no intention of discussing it. I'm not the only one of the three of us who has nightmares; sometimes, I'm better at calming Zechs down. Wu tends to get upset, especially if it has anything to do with Treize.

It was a surprise when Heero pulled up outside his house; I hadn't been paying any attention, lost in my own thoughts. Even more of a surprise when Lucca arrived, just a few minutes after us.

I'd pictured Heero's assistant would be some poor sap whose idea of excitement was getting the latest issue of some legal journal. Lucca turned out to be drop-dead, drool-on-floor gorgeous; one of those darkly suave Italian types. He was also charming, chatty and just a little bit ditzy.

He gave the definite impression of being something more than a work colleague, very familiar with Heero's kitchen, producing biscuits for Honey and switching on the uber-complicated cappuccino machine - honestly, I have a Masters in Engineering and I couldn't work out how to even turn the damn thing on - and making coffees.

'So, Duo, are you enjoying Florence? I hope Heero's being a good host and showing you all the sights?'

'Well, he's been working a lot,' I said vaguely, noticing that Lucca shot Heero a sharp look, which I pretended not to see, 'and I've actually been here a few times already.' It was true enough, but not for the past eighteen months or so, not since Heero moved here permanently. 'I've done most of the tourist stuff. What I really have to do is to go shopping at some point, though.'

'Oh, I can take you if you like,' Lucca enthused, politely not looking at my very frayed jeans. 'I know some great places.'

'That would be nice,' I reached down and pulled Honey's ears gently, pleased that she'd chosen to sit beside me.. 'I'm not really supposed to go out without Heero for the time being.'

'He can come as well. If we leave now; it's still early and it won't be too crowded. We can go to Bruno's. They have everything there. And seriously cute assistants.'

'I think Duo just wants a few casual things, don't you?'

'No, Bruno's would be fine. I've bought stuff there before.' Bruno's was a horrendously expensive menswear shop off one of the main squares. Zechs had taken me there a couple of times, and there'd nearly been a riot over who was going to serve him. 'But I'm sure Heero has work to do.'

'I'm sure I could take an hour off. I just need to make a couple of calls.'

'I can't imagine you two working together,' I waited for Heero to leave the room, and took a sip of my coffee, carefully casual. 'Hasn't he threatened to kill you yet?'

'He needs me,' Lucca grinned at me, 'I'm the only person who can understand his filing system. And read his handwriting.'

'It's terrible, isn't it?' I thought I was going to like Lucca. He obviously had magic powers if he could entice Heero away from his job. Of course, his hair might be a bit of a drawback; it was fairly short, but he'd obviously used a lot of gel to sculpt it. Heero's always had something of a hair fetish and he probably wouldn't like getting his fingers covered in gloop. 'How d'you like working for him?'

'I love it. He's really dedicated to his clients, not like my last my boss, who only cared about making money. And the cases he accepts are usually really interesting, as well as being good causes. 'Course, it doesn't hurt that he's easy on the eyes.'

'I suppose not.' Question answered then, another swallow of coffee.

'Oh, it's nothing like that,' Lucca assured me. 'I mean, he's seriously cute, but he's not remotely interested in me.'

Shopping for clothes was one of the things I'd never done with Heero; back when we'd been together, I'd only had a couple of outfits to my name and he'd bought whatever was appropriate for missions, using his Preventer's clothes allowance. I'd half expected him to wait for us in the car, but he actually came inside and even trailed us around the different departments.

Lucca totally ignored my protest that I really only needed a couple of things and by the time we got to the changing rooms, we each had an armload of stuff. I was going to end up with a whole new wardrobe at this rate.

When I stuck my head out of my dressing room, looking for Lucca; Heero was there instead, sitting on the leather couch by the wall.

'Hey, is Lucca around? I was going to ask him to get me these pants in the next size.'

They had been one of Lucca's choices; snug-fitting dark brown suede, and he'd teamed them with a shirt in a rich russet-brown fabric, flecked with gold and a soft leather coat, the colour of buttermilk.

'He's gone off to chat up the manager. I can help if you want, but they look like look like a perfect fit. And the colour is good with your hair. It's - strange to see you not wearing black for a change.'

'Um, OK. Thanks.' I said it a bit taken aback by the compliment. Honestly, just when I think my life has managed to achieve its limit for sheer weirdness, something else happens. Heero offering to act as my valet or whatever it's called was way up there in the realm of freakiness, though. 'But you can't just sit around; you'll have to try on something as well.'

'I don't really need anything.'

'Sorry, but you need a new suit, judging by the one you were wearing yesterday.'

'The black one?' He'd put it in briefly in the morning, to make a conference call. 'What was wrong with it?'

'It was perfect, for an elderly undertaker with no sense of style. Honestly, you live in Italy; haven't you ever heard of designers? Wait there, and I'll see what I can find.'

'Wow.' He'd actually managed to look hot wearing the funereal suit; dressed in the dark grey Armani I'd chosen, he was in serious danger of spontaneous combustion. 'That's seriously sharp.'

'You don't think the shirt's a bit too - too pastel?'

'I think it's perfect,' It was a pale shade of lilac, the sort of colour Quatre had liked once and it complemented his eyes and softened the grey a little.

'Oh, my God!' That was Lucca, peering around the door and picking his jaw up from the floor. His hair was looking a little less perfectly arranged than it had been. 'I've been trying to get him to try a new look for ages. You're a miracle worker.'

'Duo doesn't believe in miracles,' Heero commented. He was trying to look slightly peeved, but you could tell he really liked the suit.

'Maybe he should start.' Lucca winked at me. 'I'm just going out for ten minutes to get a coffee, if that's OK? And, Duo, Mario from the Footwear Department wanted me to give you his telephone number. He'd love to take you out for dinner.'

'Tell him he'll have to bring me as well, then.' That was Heero, predictably enough.

'Mario won't mind that a bit,' Lucca twinkled. 'He'll probably be thrilled. I'll see you soon.'

'Honestly. Am I the only person in the universe who's not into threesomes?'

'I'm not. Anyway, I think it's my turn to pick something for you, isn't it?'

I would never, in a million years, have guessed what Heero would have selected for me. I would have thought he'd asked one of the assistants for help, except he hates admitting he's at a loss.

It was a shirt, in a silky velvet, shimmering somewhere between indigo and midnight. The buttons were carved out of jet, and there was a little bit of beadwork at the cuffs, only noticeable when it caught the light.

It was gorgeous.

'You don't like it? I just thought - the colour would match your eyes.'

'No. I love it.' I looked up from studying the intricate little pieces of jet at my wrists, surprised at how - unsure he'd sounded. Surprised that he'd wanted to please me that much. 'It's perfect.'

'Right, my turn to go out and forage. Do you still like spandex?'

'Is that a joke?'

'Maybe. Wait and see.'

I came back with an armful of heavy raw silk in a very dark red. It was another shirt, with a vaguely oriental cut and a mandarin collar, and managed to be very simple and elegant and exotic all at once.

He obviously wasn't too keen on it, frowning at his reflection in the mirror.

'You hate it.'

'No! Not at all. It's just - not the sort of thing I usually wear. I do like it, Duo, honestly, but - I don't think I 'd ever have the opportunity to wear it.'

'Oh, come on. You must go out sometimes, don't you?'

'Well, I take clients out for meals occasionally, and sometimes Lucca drags me out with him, but I don't really know that many other people here yet.' He gave me a quick sideways glance, and then looked down at the floor. 'I don't suppose you'd be interested in going out for dinner tonight so we could both dress up?'


	24. Interlude of Extreme Silliness

****

Disclaimer

I don't own Gundam Wing (although they are rapidly taking over MY life) and Snowdragonct owns 'Witness Protection' and…..

Heero: That's such a lame disclaimer. It would never hold up in court.

Me: Come on! Some massive Japanese corporation isn't going to bother suing me...it's not like I have any money….Sheesh! You're unbearable since I made you a lawyer in this story.

Heero: Well, if they do take legal any action I'll be happy to represent you.

Me: Oh! Thanks, Heero.

Heero: For my usual fee, naturally.

Me: Hey! Do you want to take Duo out for dinner or not?

Heero: I'd be very happy to represent you for free.

Me: OK then. As I was trying to say, before I was so rudely interrupted, 'Witness Protection' and 'Wedding Planner' are the intellectual property of Snowdragonct (hereinafter referred to as 'Snow') and are mentioned with her express, written permission. Happy now?

Heero: H'n.

****

Note

: OK, this is **NOT **exactly a new chapter of ALG. The other day, I was thinking about the Heero/Duo/Trowa Triangle of lurve, and somehow I came up with this little bit of utter silliness. I sent it to Snowdragonct and a couple of other people, who said it was funny, so I thought I might as well post it for a laugh.

grins I'm turning into **such** a review junkie, I'd post my shopping list at this stage if I thought someone would review it!

Hugs and giant white-chocolate-and-macadamia-nut cookies to Snow, who not only tolerated but encouraged this silliness, let me play with her stories and contributed lots of hilarious dialogue. I know I'm posting this as part of ALG but she deserves equal credit.

Thanks also to K.S. and Robin, for being guinea pigs….

****

Warnings:

Where do I start? Extreme silliness. Mention of 1x2, 3x4, 1x2x5, 2+3 etc etc etc… Definite hint as to my favourite pairing -ahem- well, I think I pretty much let the cat out of the bag in the last chapter anyway! Only makes sense if you've read ALG and the 'Rainy Day' stories, as well as Snow's stories 'Witness Protection' and 'Wedding Planner'. It possibly won't even make sense then.

Anyway, this is the sort of stuff that goes on in my head...Be afraid. evil laugh..

The following conversation has no bearing whatsoever on the actual story.

****

Interlude of Extreme Silliness:

Scene: Me sitting at desk and daydreaming. Vaguely thinking about the work I should be doing...

Enter Heero and Trowa, both armed to the teeth and looking pretty menacing...

Heero: So, Lily. When exactly are you going to tell Trowa that Duo belongs to me?

Duo (going all dewy eyed and speaking to himself): Wow! Heero must still be in love with me...

Me: Well, you know, I want to keep the element of suspense for a bit longer, just to keep the readers' interest up.

Heero: I don't care about your stupid storyline! I want Duo back...

Trowa: FYI, Yuy, Duo's with me right now!

Heero: No way! He was mine first!

Trowa: Well, maybe you should've looked after him better...He's mine now. **You're** supposed to be the lawyer...you should know that possession is nine tenths of the law!

Heero: I wouldn't be too sure of myself if I were you! I happen to know that in Chapter 25 you get...

Trowa: What? Get what? Laid? Killed? Eaten by lions?

Me: Shut up, Heero. None of you are supposed to know what's going to happen..

Wufei: That's not fair! Total injustice! The deal is that none of us know what's going on...

Me: I didn't tell him! He must have cracked my password and hacked into the file.

Heero: Well, your passwords are too obvious! You always use the names of the cats..

Trowa(diving on to keyboard and typing frantically): Let's see. Jamber? Shamin?

Samira? Damn, what's the new kitten called? It's something really stupid!

Me: It's not stupid! It's the name of a Norse God. It's really cool.

Heero: That won't do you any good, Barton. I've been checking her favourite stories and she prefers 1x2 endings!

Trowa: But I want to be with Duo! Quatre's too emotional and sensitive!

Heero: Duo's sensitive too! In places you'll never know about..

Trowa: I wouldn't be so sure about that! I'm sick of always having to be with Quat.

Duo's much more low maintenance and his hair's incredible..

Heero: Don't you dare talk about his hair! I'd kill you if you ever touched it...

Trowa: Believe me, Yuy. You don't even want to know what I've done to his hair!

Heero: I'm going to kill you! Why don't you just go back to that little blonde weasel? This is all his fault anyway! What the hell is his problem?

Wufei: Oh, stop fighting the pair of you! In her other story, a threesome worked out pretty well for the two of us and Duo..

Zechs: That I'd really like to see!

Heero: No way am I sharing Duo! He's mine.

Trowa(checking out Heero): Hmm. That could be interesting, actually.

Duo: Oy! How many times do I have to say I'm not into threesomes!

Wufei(sounding hurt): That's not what you said last night. Or this morning. Or during the tea break.

Duo(blushing): Oh. Um. Sorry, 'Fei. It's just weird saying it in front of Trowa.

Heero: Hold on! What tea break? This morning?

Wufei: Sorry, Heero, but you **were **late getting back from that meeting with Une. And it's not like I don't know what you two get up to when I'm working late..

Trowa: Can we deal with one story at a time? And in ALG, Duo is with me right now!

Heero: Oh yeah? Well, you're stuck off at the circus right now and I get to take Duo out to a really romantic restaurant in the next episode...

Duo: Oh! Wow, I wonder I'm going to wear?

Heero: Duh! The velvet shirt I picked out for you. Maybe with those really tight leather pants you used to have? And I'm going to tell you that I ...

Trowa(looking up from computer, having cracked the code for upcoming chapters): Hah! You think so, do you? You might want to but ...!

Me(nervously): Look, why don't we all just take some time out here?

Heero(loosening gun in holster): WHAT? You promised me that I'd get to tell Duo how I feel about him! You've kept us apart for years just for your stupid plot.

Trowa: Why don't you just tell him the truth? That I get Duo and he goes back to his pathetic, lonely life? I mean, the only person he gets to hang out with is Lucca and that's only because he pays his salary.

Quatre(sobbing): Do you really not want to be with me any more, Tro?

Trowa(very uncomfortably): Oh, kitten. I do! It's just - you're kind of evil at the moment.

Quatre(still sobbing): It's not my fault! I hate it! She's making me do things just for her dumb story..

Me: You agreed to it. You said you wanted to do something different!

Quatre(sobbing even harder): I didn't think everyone was going to hate me! The reviewers all think I've sold my soul to the devil. Or that I've got a brain tumour. Or should be on medication.

Me; There was one suggestion that you're setting all this up as an elaborate way to get Heero and Duo back together…

Quate(mildly hysterical by now): I wouldn't need an elaborate plan for that! You could just lock the two of them in a room for ten minutes!

Duo: Works for me!

Trowa:Lily, it's all your fault...And now you've made Quat cry!

Heero: And it's her fault that Duo and I split up. SHE's the one we should kill..

Me: No! I'm sure we can come to an understanding here! Please...

Quatre: I hate this story. I quit!

Me: We had a deal, Winner. Remember? You signed a contract!

Quatre: You never said that everyone would hate me! I want to be sweet and innocent again! I'm moving to 'Witness Protection'.

Me: Huh! You won't like it there as much as you think you will. I mean, you're a lawyer! That's as bad as being evil. And Snow's already killed off Zechs. and Rashid. And .. and... and destroyed a lovely Persian rug.

Quatre: I don't care. I'm a GOOD lawyer! And I want to see Trowa in his stage costume. I saw the artwork and he looks really hot!

Trowa: Oh, baby! Let's go. I'll give you a private performance.

Quatre(blushing): I'd love that! Hey, Duo, we're going to live in Snow's story. Are you coming?

Duo: I'm not sure, Quat. I'm kind of looking forward to having dinner with Heero and getting to wear my new clothes. And it's not like I'm having the best time in 'Witness Protection. I mean, my boyfriend got shot, Treize wants to kill me, Heero's being really mean to me...

Quatre: But deep down he's attracted to you. I can sense it.. And you know Snow only ever writes happy 1x2 endings.

Duo: That's true. Snow, what do **you** think I should do?

Snow: Well, I know Heero's still being an ass, Duo, but Quatre could be right about his unrelenting attraction to you. At some point, you might even get to start flirting with him...unrelentingly.

Duo: Excellent!

Wufei: No, it's not--it's offensive and scandalous--and I'm a stinking prude! I'm staying in ALG where I get lots of Zechs.

Duo: You mean "sex."

Wufei: That's what I said...Zechs.

Zechs: At least I didn't get snuffed before the first chapter in ALG--or at all! I know where I'm staying!

Duo: I have it from a reliable source that in WP you and I got to screw like bunnies prior to your untimely demise.

Wufei: Keep flirting with my ALG boyfriend and I'll dice you with my katana! It's--unjust!

Duo: Chill, Justice boy. Hm, I don't think you've said that yet--in either story. Hey, gals, get busy! 'Fei needs his "tag line."

Snow: Right--and in WP you're running and hiding, and pretty much lying your ass off half the time.

Zechs: So much for YOUR "tag line."

Me: So, Duo, maybe if you're not having fun in 'Witness', you'll consider coming back to ALG...

Duo: Oh, like I'm ever talking to you again! I've just looked over your new chapter and it sucks! When are you going to give me a frigging break?

Me: Duo, we talked about your motivation for this chapter! You've been estranged from Heero for five years, you can't just fall into his arms...

Duo: Watch me!

Me: But - you're a very complex, complicated character and you're still dealing with a lot of issues.

Duo: Screw that! HELLO! Have you SEEN Heero lately? In what universe am I not going to jump on him??

Me: He...He...He never visited when you were in a coma!

Duo: Who cares? I wouldn't have known anyway. I'm sticking with Snow. I like her way better than you! She let me get married. Twice in one story! With wild flowers and everything! I still have that silk ribbon….(sighs happily) It was so romantic!...What have you ever given me?

Me: Um, a cool car and a few flashbacks?

Duo: That doesn't cut it. I hear a rumour that she's going to give me a hot tub scene with Quatre AND Trowa.

Me: I thought you weren't into threesomes.

Duo(blushing): Um, well...

Me: Oh, Heero's going to love that, isn't he? Or I could tell him that you DID sleep with Zechs in ALG. He still half believes you did anyway.

Quatre:It's not fair. Why does Duo get everything? Now, he gets to sleep with Zechs as well??

Me: What, do you want to sleep with Zechs now too?

Zechs: Oh, yeah! Everyone wants a piece of me! (smirks)

Wufei: Over my dead body.

Zechs: Even I'm not into that.

Duo: Hey, this was my conversation.

Me: Zechs, you want to stay with me, right? You like ALG?

Zechs: That depends. Am I in the next chapter?

Me: Um, not in person. But you get to talk to Duo on the 'phone.

Zechs: That's not good enough! I like it when you describe my hair (swishes hair)

Me: Well...you could be on the vid screeen. Will that do?

Wufei(indistinctly): He's busy right now. Come back in a while.

Duo: I'm off to 'Witness'! So, Snow, about that hot tub scene? Are we, like, all naked and stuff?

Snow(dreamily): Yes!

Heero: You wanna quit daydreaming about my Duo? I haven't said "omae o korosu" yet in WP or ALG--but don't push me!

Snow: I'm the author. I can't very well write about you guys if I don't daydream about you. (smiles fondly) ALL of you. (eyes Heero)

Duo: Hey, hey there! Back the trolley! No daydreaming about my Heero. And STOP looking at him like that!

Snow: But I have to describe him for the story...those chiseled abs and those muscular shoulders...intense blue eyes and messy hair...

Duo: Is it getting hot in here, or is it just me?

Wufei: And me!

Zechs: And me!

Heero: Omae o korosu ALL FOUR OF YOU! (pouts adorably) And my hair is NOT messy.

Duo: I like it messy. (sidling closer) Want me to help you mess it up? We could go off somewhere together…..I think Snow just switched on the hot tub….and y'know it's probably big enough for the six of us…..

Ahem. Normal chapters of ALG will be resumed as soon as I get them all out of the hot tub


	25. Moonlight and Candlelight

Disclaimer - They're still not mine and this is a non-profit purely-for-fun story...

Note - Many thanks to Kaeru Shisho, proof-reader and editor par excellence, for all your help with this one, especially the wonderful ideas for the dinner conversation. _Grazie, bella!_

****

Moonlight and Candlelight:

Things were - just a tad awkward after Lucca left.

I hadn't realised Heero and I had spent over an hour choosing clothes for each other until we got to the cash desk. At the time, it had just seemed like fun, but from the way the sales staff were very carefully not smirking at us, it was pretty plain that they thought we'd been doing - something else.

Lucca came back to the house with us to collect his car, valiantly trying to keep the conversation going. Heero said hardly anything; I did try to pull off my 'Party Duo' imitation, but it was a bit rusty and when Lucca hugged me goodbye, it was an effort not to drag him inside the house so I'd have some company.

'I'm going to be away this weekend, Duo. Maybe I'll see you next week?'

'I don't think I'll still be staying here. But we could maybe meet up, if you wanted? And you've got to call me if you ever come to the other side of the Atlantic. We've got a huge house and I think you'd really like my friend Leon.'

Heero closed the door and the two of us stood in the hall, carefully not looking at each other.

'I probably should go and do some work for a bit.'

'Right. Sorry I've been such a distraction.'

'Don't be.' He graced me with a slightly tentative smile. 'I enjoyed it.'

'Yeah.' I gestured to my pile of carrier bags. 'I should go and put these away.'

Once upstairs, packing seemed a bit pointless. I was leaving soon anyway, and I'd need some clothes for dinner, if that was still on. Instead, I dumped them all on one of the beds and switched on my laptop to call Trowa. I talked to him for a bit, watching him get ready for the evening's performance, and teasing him about the somewhat scanty costumes, which he promised to bring to Florence with him.

I'd just watched him fade off-screen before I got an incoming message. It was Zechs, looking about as mad as a cat with a wet tail.

'Maxwell, you idiot! What the fuck are you up to? I've just been talking to Theo Fichtner.'

Theo Who? It actually took me a minute to remember who that was. Oh, yeah. Zechs' buddy with the past I didn't want to think about. Purveyor of knacky little weapons and assorted other goodies.

And, apparently, a world class informer.

Damn.

'Well, you shouldn't have given me his number if you didn't want me to call him. And he just got me a couple of little things.'

'Like illegal drugs? Shit, Duo, are you out of your tiny mind?'

'I haven't used them, OK?' I snapped back. 'Look, I wasn't sleeping and I just asked him to get me something that might help a bit.'

'You really haven't taken any? Duo, you're mad. Those things have all sorts of side effects.'

'Well, so does not sleeping for days at a time! You know that.'

'Alright. _Fine_.' He stopped doing the pacing-like-a-caged-beast thing and collapsed elegantly into an armchair, flicking his hair back. But do you know how furious Wufei is going to be with you?'

'I can imagine, yes. Almost as furious as he'd be if he knew his fiance had made a pass at Heero, don't you think?'

'That's called blackmail.'

'It's called friendship, Zechs.' I explained patiently.' We're friends so we don't want to get each other into trouble, and neither of us wants 'Fei to be upset, right?'

'Right. But I'll get you for this, Maxwell.'

'Oh, please. You're always blackmailing me about stuff.' I grinned. 'Guess you're an easier target now that you're all engaged! Oh, and congratulations, by the way! See, I told you he'd say yes. Don't know why you were so worried about it.'

'We're not formally engaged until I ask him properly. I've told you that.'

'Better get a move on then, in case he changes his mind. You want to tell me what happened with Heero?'

'No.' He actually held out for about thirty seconds before caving. 'Oh, all right. It was ages ago, long before I'd met Wufei.' I nodded, appreciating the importance of this point. Timing is everything. 'I was staying with Relena in Sanque; Heero was there for a weekend and I just - made a subtle suggestion.'

'What did he do?'

'Just gave me one of those incredibly sexy glares and said he wasn't interested. It's not _that_ funny.'

'I can just imagine him doing that...anyway, did you just call to yell at me, or did you want something else?'

'I have a favour to ask. Would you mind if we stayed here for a couple of days? Relena's asked me to attend a state banquet on Monday and I can't really refuse after all the help she's given us. Wufei can fly out to you as arranged if you don't think you can stay there by yourself.'

'Oh, don't be silly. You guys should stay together. Maybe find the perfect opportunity to get down on one knee, huh? It's only for a few days, and things are fine here. You'll never guess what I did today?'

'You either killed Heero, or slept with him,' he suggested promptly. 'Or both. Preferably not in that order, though.'

'Don't be ridiculous!' I scoffed. 'He isn't remotely interested in me.' Of course not. It was five years since we'd broken up and now we were mature adults who could spend time together without bloodshed. 'We went shopping. Look!' I angled the screen slightly, so he could see all the bags on my bed. 'Lots of cool designer stuff.'

'So you finally saw the light. Bruno's eh? Very nice. Duo, I'd better go. I told Wufei I'd meditate with him for an hour in the garden. He'll be wondering where I am.'

'Sheesh, you're so whipped, Merquise. 'Kay, I'll see you soon.' I blew him a kiss and turned the monitor off.

Three more days. With Heero. Just the two of us. That wasn't too long. It would be fine.

My laptop and I ended up downstairs so I could work on the kitchen table and Honey could lie on my feet. After a couple of hours dealing with work stuff, I looked up to find Heero watching me.

'I haven't seen you that focussed on something since the War.'

'Oh?' I logged out and flicked the power off. 'What, you thought that my job was just a little hobby to keep me amused between breakdowns?'

'Of course not.' I'd meant it as a sort of joke, but he spoke just a shade too quickly, and changed the subject straightaway. 'It's nearly eight o'clock, Duo. Did you want to get changed before we go out? If you still want to?'

'Sure, I'll just be a sec.' I closed the lid and looked at him properly. 'You're wearing that shirt I picked out! It looks really good.' He looked, if anything, somewhat self-conscious in the new colour, with his hair even messier than usual. 'Ten minutes, OK?'

The moon was rising as we drove out of the city, one of the fat, full moons that you just want to reach out and touch.

'You still like driving at night?'

'Mmm. I drive along the coast a lot when I'm at home, and just walk on the beach. Sit on the sand and listen to the waves.'

'By yourself?'

'The guys come sometimes, but yeah, mostly by myself.' It was one of the things he'd always understood about me; realising how much I needed to be alone sometimes.

'That sounds nice.'

'It is.' We're both colony brats, both fixated with wild water.

We'd stayed in a resort once in Vietnam, overlooking the South China Sea. Heero had just finished a Preventers' operation in Hanoi City; he'd been exhausted after three weeks working under cover and we'd spent the three days mainly in our little bungalow, lying in bed and watching the slow rotations of the ceiling fan, or sprawled in the double hammock. On the last morning, we'd gone for a walk on the beach and watched the sun rise out of the sea and paint the world pink.

It had been one of those moments you want to collect and close away somewhere safe, so you can take it out. One of those moments when nothing could be more perfect and there is nowhere else in all the universe that you'd rather be.

They're weird things, memories. I'd kept that one carefully packed away for years, but I could suddenly remember every detail, down to the warm sand between my toes and Heero's arm around my waist.

'Duo?' Heero's voice, slightly amused, called me back to the present. 'We're here.'

The restaurant was lovely; a little place up in the hills, with a vaulted ceiling and frescoes on the walls, and a great view of the city lights below.

It was the sort of place I'd once hated going to; Heero had always attended all sorts of fancy functions with Relena and he'd never quite understood how uncomfortable I'd felt going into a five-star restaurant, and having to watch him like a hawk to see what fork to use, or how I was supposed to eat certain dishes. Guess a lot had changed since then.

At Heero's suggestion, we both chose from the _Menu Gastronomico_; five courses of local specialities.

'Everything sounds wonderful, doesn't it?' I was trying not to drool over the menu; something that tends to be frowned upon in exclusive restaurants. 'Goat's cheese soufflé with caramelised walnuts and poached pears. I think I'll have that to start. And then the mousse with porcini mushrooms. Or possibly the chicken liver crepes?'

'I'll get the crepes if you like, and we can share. You should try the roast boar for your main course,' Heero advised.

'In a sauce made from chocolate, pine nuts, raisins and rosemary? OK, that sounds interesting. And pasta with truffle sauce. What are you having?'

'The guinea fowl with stewed plums and almonds.'

'Wow. I want everything on this menu. Can I try a bit of your guinea fowl when you get it?'

'Of course. Are you ready to order now?'

'Absolutely. I'm starving.'

I couldn't resist showing off a little over the wine list; not that I'm a connoisseur or anything, but Zechs had taught me quite a lot over the past couple of years. Anyway, the head waiter, who was all spruced up in an actual tux (it always seems weird to me that people get dressed up like that, just to carry trays of food around) seemed pretty impressed.

Our first courses looked superb, exquisitely prepared and presented, and as soon as I saw Heero's I knew that was what I should have ordered.

'Finally managed to shake off your liver phobia, then?' I teased, leaning over to filch a forkful of his filled crepe.

'Well, it took a few years,' he grinned at me. 'You remember? That safe house where Quatre insisted on cooking?'

Even six years later, I couldn't help shuddering. We'd both seen truly horrific sights back then, but Heero always claimed that he'd never seen anything so repellent as what Quat had managed toachieve with a pan full of liver and spinach. He'd told me, after he'd finished throwing up, that it had reminded him of horribly mangled bodies, spilling entrails and organs.

'Then you tried to make him feel better by telling him you'd eaten worse on the streets, and he got really upset.'

'God, yeah, I'd forgotten about that. I was never really sure whether he was sad that I'd had to live on garbage, or he thought I was saying it tasted better than his cooking.'

'I think you talking about how rats tasted didn't help. Duo, if you really don't like your cheese soufflé, we can trade.'

'But I like them both,' I took another sneaky forkful of Heero's delicious, yummy food before he could object, noticing that our waiter, who'd come over to refill my wine glass, was walking away from our table rather rapidly, one hand clapped over his mouth. 'What are we having next? That mousse with the mushrooms?'

Heero laughed. 'At least, we're both having the same thing. I might even get to eat some of my own food this time.'

'I didn't eat it all!' I objected, tapping his knuckles with my fork. 'Maybe you just have to learn to eat faster.'

'Maybe I should have brought you to a sushi bar instead? Then at least I'd be sure my food was safe. Remember that place in San Francisco?'

'Nope, I actually like sushi now, so that wouldn't work. Anyway, that incident was totally your fault!' I objected. 'You never told me I was eating raw fish, until I was half finished. I absolutely refuse to accept any responsibility for that one.'

'But you'd been enjoying it up to then! This mousse is quite nice, don't you think?'

'Be nicer if the mushrooms were fresh instead of dried,' I commented. 'It's OK, though.'

'Since when did you turn into such a gourmet?'

'Oh, that's Zechs' influence. He cooks a lot and he's obsessed with only using fresh ingredients. D'you want to taste some of my boar? The sauce is really good. I'd never think of using chocolate for something like this.'

'You've actually learned to cook? You? The Duo Maxwell who once served me mashed potatoes with peanut butter!'

'God, no. Of course not! But I like looking through recipe books and pretending I could make the stuff.'

'I do that as well,' Heero admitted. 'But I do try actual cooking sometimes. Will you try some guinea fowl?'

'No thanks. I don't want to eat a poor little birdie.'

'Well, try some of the stewed plums anyway. They're excellent. And don't you mind eating a poor, helpless little piggy?'

'Boars aren't bloody helpless! Sheesh, d'you remember that time in Switzerland when that bloody great boar charged into our campsite? We emptied God know how many bullets into it before it keeled over and it gave you that massive gash on your leg.'

'I still have a scar from that.' He grinned suddenly. 'You said it was probably an OZ boar and it was on a mission to kill us.'

'Probably was too. You're right, these plums are yummy. Any chance of some more?'

'Would refusing do any good?'

'I doubt it. That boar we killed tasted good, though, didn't it, roasted over the fire? With those mushrooms you found? The ones I thought were poisonous.'

'I - I really liked that night,' Heero said, a little hesitantly, 'Just the two of us, sitting around our fire, and watching the stars. I'd never seen so many stars, not from Earth.'

'I think you're leaving out a few little details there. Like you were wounded, there were OZ patrols out there hunting us, and all kinds of dangerous wild animals, and we didn't have any food supplies and Wing was really badly damaged. But, yeah, apart from all that I guess it was kind of fun.'

I - was leaving out a few little details of my own. We hadn't had a tent, but we'd zipped our two sleeping bags together - which Heero had joked was a major commitment - and we'd slept under all the stars that blazed in the sky.

And before that, we'd both stayed awake for rather a long time.

I have…some pretty damned odd ideas of what's romantic.

'Did you even think back then that we'd ever end up eating in a fancy place like this?'

Heero shook his head. 'I don't think I believed I'd survive, that either of us would. And if I did, I - just thought that we'd be together. That was all I wanted.'

'Yeah.' I couldn't bring myself to look up from my plate, carefully arranging the leftover food into a pattern, until the waiter brought our next course.

'Duo, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to spoil things.'

'It's OK.' Still not looking up, I twirled a ribbon of pasta around my fork, realising I wasn't hungry any more. 'It's just that - I wanted that too, you know?'

Heero excused himself soon after that to go the bathroom as the waiter came to take our desert orders - walnut and fig tart for me; a selection of cheeses for Heero.

'I trust everything is satisfactory, sir?'

'It's all perfect. Thank you so much.'

'It's our pleasure, sir. We pride ourselves on being a most popular place for couples to enjoy that special occasion. Why, there were two engagement announcements just last night! Well, I'll be back with your desserts and… may I recommend two Irish coffees as a fitting end to your meal?'

__

What the fuck?

OK, I managed not to say that out loud. In fact, I managed to thank him again, and say that we'd order coffee after dessert.

__

Couples? Special occasion? WTF?

It was just a meal. Wasn't it? Nothing else?

I waited for Heero to come back and practically bolted to the bathroom; at least, I'd remembered my cellphone for once. Seriously needed some advice on this one and of course he wasn't answering his 'phone when I called.

'Zechs. Need to talk to you. Privately. Urgent.'

By the time I'd washed my hands, and dried them on a nice little linen napkin, he'd called back.

'What's wrong, Duo? You haven't killed Heero, have you?'

'Worse than that!' I hissed. 'Wufei's not listening, is he? OK, he's taken me out for dinner and I think we're on some sort of date.'

Wufei would have hit the roof. Zechs only said 'Why?'

'God, I don't know. He probably wants to screw my life up again.'

'Maybe he just wants to screw you?' Zechs suggested idly. He let me recover from my sudden choking fit before going on. 'What I meant was, why do you think it's a date?'

'We're in this really nice little restaurant out in the country, I think it's an old palace or something and there're candles everywhere, and he's just being really - I don't know - nice and attentive, and the waiter said it's a very popular place for couples to come if they want to go somewhere private…'

'It's not called _La Caravella_, is it? I've been there. It's quite charming. They even have a couple of bedrooms upstairs. Very romantic, four-poster beds and fireplaces everything. I brought 'Fei there the first time we were in Italy and we…'

'Yes, I'm sure that was lovely for you both,' I said tartly, cutting him off before he veered off into happy memories of whatever they'd done in their four-poster bed. 'Can we concentrate on my problem for now?'

'Duo. You have a hot guy hitting on you. That's not a problem; that's an opportunity.'

'Did you miss the bit where it was Heero? Remember him? The evil guy who broke my heart and whom we all hate.'

'Well, actually it's really only Wufei who hates him. You don't, do you?'

'Um, yes and no.'

'More yes than no?'

'Probably.' I sighed. 'Zechs, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter _how_ I feel. I can't do that again. There is no fucking way on God's earth that I can survive losing him again. I just can't. Even if he is serious, and I'm not just picking up on all the wrong signals.'

'Why did you call me then? If you're so sure about all of this, why don't you just tell Yuy to shag off, that you're not interested and wouldn't be if he was the last man in the universe?'

'I don't know. I don't know what I should do.'

'Duo, I can't tell you what to do. For one thing, Wufei would kill me if he thought I'd encouraged you. You're the only person who knows how you feel. The only thing I'm going to say is that, if I'd met Wufei properly during the war, there is no way we'd be together now. We probably wouldn't have liked each other.'

I was still trying to unravel that, when he started again. 'We were lucky, Duo. Lucky that we met at a time when we'd both started to move on from the War, become people apart from being killers. You're not fifteen anymore, you're not the person you were back then, and nor is he. But you can't spend the rest of your life scared to take a chance. If Heero hurts you intentionally, then I will kill him with my bare hands. I promise you.'

'Nah, I can do that myself. Nice thought, though. God, what am I going to do?'

'Well, if God doesn't know, I'm not sure if I do. Maxwell, this is probably a terribly radical notion for you, but you could actually talk to him. Have you ever considered that?'

'Hah hah. Anyway, this is all insane. There's Trowa.' Fuck, I'd totally forgotten him. Forgotten I had a boyfriend.

'One word, Maxwell. Threesome.'

'No thanks.'

'You're so boring, Duo. Don't knock something 'til you've tried it.'

'Oh, really? And your fiance knows all about this, does he?'

'Point taken. It was a long time ago and I've totally forgotten all about it,' he intoned solemnly.

'That's better. So, advise me. Come on, you're always telling me what to do!'

'I told you. Talk to Heero. If he is interested in getting back with you, tell him what you've just told me and see what he says. Where is he anyway?'

'In the dining room. I'm in the restroom.'

'He probably thinks you have a serious problem being in here all this time! Listen, Duo, Heero obviously has some sort of feelings for you. Agreed?'

'You really think so?'

'Yes, you moron! I really do think so. He bullied my poor sister into telling him where we were; he flew all the way to India to find you and bring you back for that stupid court deadline; he's letting you stay with him and he's brought you to one of the most romantic restaurants I've ever been to. I think he still likes you.'

'But he…'

'Don't, Duo! If you start talking about things that happened seven years ago, I'm hanging up. You can't change the past, OK? I probably know that better than anyone. But if you have any sort of feelings for him, I think you would be insane not to give it another shot. Provided you can get all that past stuff out of the way. And if you tell Wufei I said any of that, I'll deny it.'

'OK.'

Fuck.

Did I want to do this?

Just go back out to Heero and tell him - what exactly?

__

I love you and I want us to try again but I still hate you for what you did and I'm terrified you'll hurt me again and there's no way I could go through that again and by the way, it's all academic anyway because I've got a boyfriend and I don't cheat.

_And I've spent the last five years making a life that didn't involve you and the only way to do that and stay sane was to convince myself that you didn't want me, and I had to learn to live without you._

Or not say anything at all? Everyone always says you should just talk about things, but words aren't all that reliable, not really. They get tangled and twisted and don't always say the things you mean them to.

I could just go out there and - touch him. Stroke his hair back from his face, the way I'd used to. Kiss that oh-so-sensitive little spot, just behind his ear. Get down on my knees under the table and give him a blowjob.

'I can't do this.'

I'd been standing with my forehead pressed against the cool, smooth tiles. I wasn't quite sure why I was suddenly sitting on the floor, with the 'phone lying by my feet.

'Duo! Duo? What's happened? Maxwell! 02, report? 02? Status?' Zechs' voice, obviously wanting to sound commanding but threaded with worry. 'Duo! Talk to me!'

'I'm OK.' Deep breath. And another. 'Sorry, I just sort of - ' Sort of had a teensy panic attack.

Oh hell and damnation. Not good.

'Just - don't hang up, all right? Please?'

'Of course not. I'm here, Duo. Just concentrate on breathing. You're safe, you know that.'

'OK. I'm back.'

Very audible sigh of relief. 'What the fuck happened?'

'Not sure. Just thinking about Heero. Stuff. See now why it's better off for me not to get involved with him?'

'Is it?'

'Yes! I - look, Zechs - you do _not _know what I was like when I lost him before. I can't do that. Not to me, not to you guys.'

'Duo.' Another sigh. 'You have got to stop hiding from this at some point . Either you talk to him and see if there is any chance of the two of you getting together, or else you are going to have to make a decision to forget about him, and move on.'

'Oh, right. That's so easy for you to say, is it? Would you be able to do that, if you lost 'Fei? If he left you. Just move on and never give him one more thought?'

Shit. Double shit. Really shouldn't have said that.

'If he left me, I would do everything in my power to get him back. Everything.'

'Yeah. Sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I'm really sorry. It's just - we weren't happy, Zechs. He really hurt me, you know?'

'And you were perfect, were you?'

'_What_? No, I wasn't - perfect, but I tried, OK? I tried so fucking hard to be the person he wanted and it wasn't enough. Ever. I was never good enough.'

'Maybe - maybe he didn't want you to change, Duo? He fell in love with the person you were, surely?'

'Once, maybe. All he ever did, the year after the war was complain and criticise me. All the time.'

'You know, Duo, considering you're one of the strongest people I've ever met, you really make yourself out to be a victim sometimes. I don't know what exactly happened with you two, but no one forced you to stay with him. Or to try to mould yourself into someone you thought Heero wanted. Why don't you go back out there and see if he likes the person you are now? That's all. Don't jump into bed with him, just go and see if you even like him any more. And take it from there.'

There were a few moments after he'd hung up when I seriously considered sneaking out and stealing a car and just driving. Anywhere. Stupid, clueless Duo. God, of course, he'd meant it to be some sort of date. I was even wearing the clothes he'd chosen for me earlier.

I went back to the table with absolutely no clue how I was going to handle this.

Heero - does not fidget. Ever. Now me, let me a paper napkin or a beer coaster and in no time at all, I have enough confetti for a society wedding. So it was very weird to see Heero methodically reducing the label from his water bottle to spaghetti.

'Duo, are you alright?'

'Sure.' I sat opposite him, and he swept the pile of paper shavings on to the floor. I wasn't quite sure what to say.

'I ordered you an Irish coffee. But I can get you a hot chocolate or something else if you prefer.'

'No. This is fine.' We both drank, put our glasses down; he opened his mouth to say something, then changed his mind and picked up his glass instead, twisting his fingers around the stem. 'You could just say it,' I suggested gently.

'I don't think I know the words for what I want to say.' He slid one hand across the table, not quite touching mine, close enough that I had only to stretch my fingertips to brush his skin.

'I - I don't think I do either.'

That was when his 'phone rang.

'Yuy here. Trowa? What's the matter? Quatre's done _what_?'


	26. Duo, Distracted

Disclaimer - I don't own Gundam Wing. Just in case anyone out there thought that maybe I did…

Warning - I wouldn't even know where to start with this one. Um….Reader, beware.

Note - Many, many thanks to my two wonderful beta readers, Kaeru Shisho and Snowdragonct for all their help. This one is dedicated to you; of course, you may not want it given what happens!

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Duo, Distracted:

'This is all just really confusing for me, you know?' We were in the kitchen the next morning and I was making us grilled cheese sandwiches. Well, I was trying to, anyway. It wasn't quite going according to plan, but having something to concentrate on was keeping me from going into total emotional meltdown.

'I've basically spent the last five years coming to terms with the fact that the two of us were finished, and trying to get on with stuff, and now _this _happens and I don't know how I'm supposed to react.' I slid the spatula under the first sandwich, flipping it over, and wondering why all the cheese was leaking out. It's not supposed to do that, is it?

'Does that make any sense? I mean, I thought so often about getting in touch, 'specially that first year.' God, I'd dialled his number so many times, always losing my nerve and hanging up before the first ring. There were countless emails I'd deleted before pressing 'send', even a couple of real letters I'd written on paper. I think I still have them somewhere.

'And then I ended up doing some really stupid stuff, and it all ended up in the papers, and I couldn't see why _anyone _would want to be with me after that.' OK, the first sandwich was ready to be tilted out of the pan. Well, they're done when they're black, aren't they?

'But, shit, I really don't know. Any time we did meet up, it was just so freaking awkward and I really thought I'd just ruined it all and there was no way we'd ever be able to get back together.'

Hmm, the other sandwich wasn't going very well either. Maybe I should have put oil or something in the pan?

'I thought it might help if I could just talk about all this, but I'm getting even more confused now. There's the whole Trowa thing as well as everything else. What am I supposed to do? Tell him I want to get back with my ex-boyfriend, who happens to be the one true love of my life or whatever, just as Tro's in serious trouble of his own. I mean, there's no way I can do that to him, not now.'

Bloody Maxwell's Law. If one thing can possibly go wrong, you can be sure it will, and then everything else in my life will follow suit.

'I think these are ready to eat, anyway.' Granted, they didn't look particularly appetising - the toast bore a fair resemblance to lumps of charcoal, and the cheese had all dribbled out to form pools of black gloop. Still, food is food. 'And you're not exactly coming up with any brilliant suggestions, either. I don't know if you'd even like me being here full time, or if you can stand me for a few days but that's about it before you get sick of having a permanent house guest. Well? Anything to say, sweetie?'

Honey gave her breakfast a disdainful sniff and pointedly looked away.

'You're spoilt, Honey-bunny, you know that? And from what I hear, you didn't have the easiest start in life either, so you shouldn't be so fussy.'

Well, in her defence, the sandwiches did look - less than appetising. Instead, I got up and fetched some of her biscuits, as a thank you for being such a good listener.

'Maxwell's sodding Law,' I muttered again. Twelve hours or so ago, things had all been pretty near perfect. I'd had a nice day; I was going out for dinner with Heero; I was looking forward to seeing Trowa soon. No major dilemmas on the horizon.

Whoever invented cellphones deserves to be shot. Mine was lying by my plate, stubbornly refusing to ring, although I'd left the message, flagged urgent, over an hour ago, and I couldn't help poking it with a fingertip, trying to provoke it into action.

Damn, but I'd actually been holding Heero's hand when he took that call in the restaurant. I'd reached out to him, and his fingers had closed gently around mine. It had been the briefest possible contact; then he was on his feet and snapping questions into the 'phone and we were both rushing outside to the car park.

I'd ended up driving home, illegally as I'd had a couple of glasses of wine over dinner, but Heero had just thrown me the keys and it was such a pleasure to be driving again that I hadn't bothered to object.

Quat had disappeared; that was what all the fuss was about. He and his fianceé had spent Thursday evening at an engagement party, at a house belonging to one member of the incredibly fecund Winner family. They'd stayed overnight and left early on Friday morning; the happy couple and two of the Maguanacs acting as bodyguards. By lunchtime, one of Quatre's older sisters, who was supposed to be meeting the pair of them for morning coffee, had eventually become worried about their failure to turn up. She'd contacted Rashid, who'd taken over from Trowa, as Head of Winner Security, who'd straightaway sent out a couple of search parties and then contacted the local police force, who'd presumably taken one look at the identity of a possible missing person, and called Preventers.

I personally couldn't see what was the big deal at first. Periodically, Quat just got sick of all the Winner hoopla and took off by himself by a bit. He was probably tired of the fuss over his engagement, and just wanted to get away for a couple of hours; it seemed something of an overkill to start all this kafuffle.

Of course, the first thing the Preventers had done was to find out whether Mr. Winner had any enemies, such as ex-partners or former employees who'd left in less than optimum circumstances, and Quat's assorted sisters had happily pointed their manicured fingers at one Trowa Barton.

Cue to a couple of Preventer agents turning up at the circus, and hauling Trowa off to 'assist in enquiries.' They'd held him for six hours without making any formal charges, before he'd been allowed to make a 'phone call. He'd called Heero, of course, and Heero had spent most of the drive back to the house trying to find a colleague in Madrid who was willing to go down to Preventers HQ and represent Trowa.

Once we got back to the house, he spent a couple of hours on the house 'phone, either pulling in favours from old colleagues in the Preventers, or trying to find out what was happening on L4. I'd eventually given up after two am and just gone to bed, since there didn't seem to be very much I could do to help out.

I hadn't slept, of course. I could say it was because I was all worried about Quat, but it wouldn't be true. He'd probably either wanted to get away for a bit, or else it was some sort of sneaky plan to implicate Trowa in - abducting him or something.

Anyway, it sounds a bit on the callous side, but Quatre Winner had been the last thing on my mind. The really scary thing was how much I'd enjoyed my evening with Heero. How very easily all my defences against him had crumbled.

There'd been that fleeting moment of contact at the very end; I'd even used his name once.

Bastard.

I get really, really tired of calling myself stupid all the time, but sometimes it's the only name that fits how incredibly stupid I am. He hadn't needed to do very much, had he, to have me falling at his feet again? He could just disappear from my life, for years, with virtually no contact, and he thought all he had to do was take me out for a fancy dinner to an intimate little restaurant, and I'd have let him take me upstairs and screw me on one of those damned four-poster beds.

Shit.

Because - I don't know if I would have or not, if Trowa hadn't called. Weird that I actually had Quat to thank for that, in a backhanded sort of way.

Trowa. My boyfriend. Well, sort of; even if we weren't actually an official couple, there had been some sort of commitment and I cared about him. A lot. He'd never hurt me or abandoned me or kissed a girl in front of me. He'd never laughed about me with Quatre.

I'd eventually given up the ghost of pretending to sleep at around seven, and went down to the kitchen, meeting Heero on his way up. He'd been damn lucky that I hadn't knocked him down the stairs at that stage, the way I was feeling about him. Instead, we'd have the briefest of conversations; Trowa was still at the Preventers Office in Madrid, but no formal charges had been made and he would be free to go as soon as some paperwork had been completed.

It was my 'phone's turn to ring shortly after that. Up 'til then, it hadn't occurred to me that I should be worried about Quatre - he was probably shacked up somewhere with his pretty little blonde bimbo; hell, he'd probably stage-managed the whole thing to get Trowa into some sort of trouble. Although, if I let myself think about that, it didn't really make any sense. I mean, he'd have to turn up at some point.

Then I took that call from Theo Fichtner and - everything changed. My own fault, undoubtedly for getting involved with someone who was former White Fang, even if he was a friend of Zechs'.

I gave my 'phone another couple of jabs, moving it around the table and willing it to ring. Of course, when it did, it took me by surprise and I grabbed it without bothering to check caller ID.

'About bloody time! What's happened? Did you manage to find him?'

'Ah, Duo? This is Trowa. What's the matter?'

Oops.

'Tro? Shit, I'm sorry. I just thought it was um, someone else calling. What's happening? Are you OK?'

'I'm fine, honestly. Released as of fifteen minutes ago.'

'That's brilliant! Seriously. What did they say? They do know you're not involved?'

'They don't know that, but they can't prove otherwise,' he said flatly. 'There isn't any real evidence against me, though, so they don't have any legal reason to keep me here. The lawyer Heero recommended was amazing. I think they'd want to throw away the key otherwise.'

'Oh. Well, that's good. At least you're out.'

'For now. Duo, I really need to talk to Heero. Can you put him on?'

'I think he's asleep right now, Tro. Can't I just take a message and get him to call you back?'

'Sorry, Duo, but I really need to talk to him. My lawyer wants a word with him too.'

'Oh, fine.' I teased, starting upstairs very slowly: really not wanting to have to go into Heero's room when he was asleep and probably all - naked and whatever. 'I get it, Barton. I'm not good enough for you any more?'

'You're way too good for me,' he responded promptly. 'And I swear I'll talk to you properly soon. But unless you've acquired a law degree in the last week, I still need to talk to Heero?'

'I know a bit about law as well, you know. From helping Heero study when he first decided he wanted to be a lawyer. OK, just hold on a sec, Tro. I'll check that he's awake.'

No answer when I tapped at his bedroom door. Or when I knocked a little louder. Damn, I supposed I could hammer at the door and yell at him, but it seemed a bit rude when I was a guest in his home. He was stretched out across the bed, one hand clutching the blanket he'd pulled over himself. Normally, he's awake at the slightest sound, but I had to give his shoulder a shake; I did wonder how much sleep he'd been managing to get over the past few days.

'Duo. Hey.' He blinked, one hand shifting to sweep his hair back. 'What time is it?'

'Just after eight.' I proffered my 'phone. 'Trowa needs to talk to you.'

Heero did gesture me to stay, but the thought of it was too intimate, to sit on the side of his bed and listen. Instead I closed the door behind me, and sat on the top step, listening to the low sound of his voice.

Damn. I should have studied law; then I could be the one talking to Trowa. Heero had suggested it, once or twice, when he saw me reading over his textbooks, and I'd just laughed at the idea of someone like me attending a university.

I'd settled for helping him study and found I'd actually enjoyed most of it. Looking back, those were some of times we'd really managed to get on best; both focussed on something, like being back in the War. Of course, it probably hadn't hurt that we'd usually taken the text books to bed with us….

__

''Ro, if we ever split up, which of us would get custody of my hair?' God, it was impossible to believe; that once I'd actually been able to joke about us not being together, that I'd been so sure of him that I could contemplate us ever not being together, a possibility as remote as the moon.

'That would have to be me, as the primary caregiver.'

'_But I'm the - what's it called? - the biological parent?'_

It took me a couple of seconds to realise that Heero's hand on my shoulder wasn't just an unusually vivid part of my little daydream. Then there was a confused little interval where part of me wanted nothing more than to lean into him, another part was desperate to get away and my legs urgently needed to be crossed. I almost fell down the stairs, trying to get it together and by then, he was sitting beside me on the top step, close enough to touch if I moved ever so slightly.

'Uh, Tro said they're letting him go. That's right?'

'They don't have any real evidence. Apparently, the L4 Preventer Office was rather enthusiastic in contacting the Madrid Bureau and naming him as a possible suspect.'

'Charming,' I muttered. 'Nice to see they're still such an impartial organisation. I hope they're going to apologise to Trowa.'

'His lawyer's working on that.' He grinned suddenly. 'Personally, I think they should apologise for ruining our night out. I hadn't expected it to end quite like that, had you?'

'Uh, no.' Simple enough question, really. I hadn't known what to expect, what exactly he was going to tell me. I could still remember the brief, warm pressure of his hand squeezing mine.

'I think we need to talk,' he suggested softly, shifting just enough that his arm brushed mine, and then reaching one hand to touch my braid. It probably hadn't even been a conscious gesture; but it came directly after my daydream, and was the last little thing I needed to explode at him. Fuck, but it was terrifying; how very badly I wanted to be with him all of a sudden, how very completely he'd been able to annihilate five years of estrangement.

'I don't think so,' I snapped. 'What was the plan for last night, as a matter of interest? Get me drunk enough that I'd let you take me upstairs and screw me? You really think I'm that fucking easy that all you have to do is buy me dinner and pay me a few compliments?'

'Duo, of course I don't. I didn't mean...'

'Sure!' I snapped back. ' I know exactly what you meant, what you think of me. Just an _easy, casual fuck_, right? That's all I ever was to you, isn't it?'

'Duo, that's _not _what I think! I never thought that about you!' He stretched out one hand to touch my shoulder. Bad move.

'Get your _fucking_ hand off me, Yuy! I know exactly what you think about me, what you said to Quatre. Just a _cheap L2 whore_, that's what you said right?'

'I swear to God, Duo. I never once thought those things about you. _Never_. And I never said anything of the sort to Winner. I hadn't even spoken to him in years, until you asked me to visit him in that clinic.' His hand hovered between us, obviously wanting to touch me, but not quite daring to reach out again.

'I would never, in a million years, think that about you, Duo. Never. And I would _never_ talk about you like that. I can't believe you'd think that about me.' All kinds of emotions warring there in those few words, threading through his voice. Oh, definite concern above the rest, concern that he'd hurt me, caused me any sort of pain. But there was a tinge of anger and pain in there as well, that I could believe him capable of such of thing.

Well, maybe I wouldn't have. Once.

'Sorry.' It wasn't the most gracious apology ever, mumbled into Honey's neck, but I couldn't not believe him. I wasn't sure if I ever had, really, thought him capable of saying those things, but sometimes it's just - easier to believe the worst. To take those things Quatre had said and use them to shore up my defences against him.

'I'm sorry. It's - well, it was Quatre, you know. And I was having a really rough week. I'd been on this disastrous date, and then Tro arrived and he was totally screwed up, and then Quat called and basically abused me to hell and back for stealing his boyfriend and said all kinds of stuff, and some of it just sort of hit home, you know?'

'I don't know what's up with him at the moment.'

'No. I keep meaning to ask you, what did Quat say to you? When you visited him in that clinic on L4?'

'Nothing that made any sense. He was really heavily sedated and the doctors only let me stay for a few minutes. I don't know; he talked about Trowa and something about L3 and - seriously, I don't think he even knew where he was. He was talking about the War and something about the Colonies. Why?'

'Just wondered. That whole suicide thing didn't make a lot of sense. I mean, this is Quatre. He knows bloody well how to kill himself.'

'According to Tro, he's been acting irrationally for months now. Tro's better off without all of that. Anyway, he should be here by lunchtime.'

'Tro? Coming here? Today?'

'Didn't I tell you, upstairs? Cathy's insisting that he takes a couple of days off; well, he'll probably kill himself on the high wire if he's worried about whatever Quatre's gotten himself into, so I can see her point. I suggested he might as well come here. You don't mind, do you?'

'Uh, no. Of course not.'

Fuck.

Trowa.

Boyfriend.

Remember him, Maxwell?

The one who was being interrogated by bloody Preventers while you were off cosying up to Heero? And possibly doing more than that if the 'phone hadn't rung? _That_ Trowa. Who really does not need this right now….I mean, his last boyfriend had apparently turned insane or evil or straight; so the last thing he needed or deserved was for his current squeeze to start doing the dirt. No way. I so wasn't going to go there.

'The thing is, I don't know if you mind him sharing your room. If you'd rather not, I can make up the couch, or put a mattress in my study.'

Right. Well, I suppose he had to find out at some point. And Trowa would be a convenient bulwark against Heero making any more moves on me, right?

'Of course he can share my room. You don't mind if we push the beds together, do you?'

'I'm sorry?'

'Yeah.' Shit. OK, better off just to tell him, stop any more little intimate moments like last night. 'I suppose we could share one bed but they're pretty narrow for two, given that Tro's so tall and everything.'

'I see.' He said it in that clipped, emotionless tone I'd always hated. 'I hadn't realised you two were together. Of course, you can do whatever you think best.' He stood up. 'I'm going upstairs to dress. Then I have to go into the office for a bit; I should be back for dinner. Tell Trowa to call my cellphone if anything else happens.'

Honey, watching him leave, whined softly. Dogs are supposed to be good at picking up on tensions, aren't they?

'You don't have to look at me like that, OK? I know. I'm stupid. I mess everything up.'

For something to do, I went up to my room and moved the furniture around.

Damn.

I knew Trowa would never try pressuring me into anything, but if we were a couple, then he might quite reasonably expect us to have sex at some point. Especially when I'd arranged for us to share a room and a bed.

'It's not that big a deal, really, is it?'

Honey, who'd followed me up and was sniffing around my shopping from yesterday, gave me a disdainful look.

'Come on. There are probably millions of people all over the universe who'd kill to sleep with a guy like Trowa. Don't know why I'm so worried.'

No big deal. Right.

I mean, it wasn't like I was totally shooting in the dark. Trowa was one of my best friends; one of the few people in my life whom I trusted totally.

It wasn't like we hadn't seen each other naked before; we'd helped to patch each other up a couple of times during the War and he's never been particularly shy when it comes to wandering around naked after a shower or whatever.

It wasn't like I thought he'd be into anything_ too_ weird in bed. There was a time when Quat and I had - told each other everything. I knew Tro was flexible and creative and had a lot of stamina. He liked to play around with assorted gadgets and gizmos, but nothing overly hard core. He was partial to a little bondage, and he preferred being on top, although he wasn't adverse to occasional experimentation.

I hadn't planned to change clothes, but bits of charred cheese had mysteriously attached themselves to my shirt. It felt strange, dressing for up Trowa Barton, and in the end I kept it casual. A pair of black jeans and a leaf-green cashmere sweater. It's not a colour I normally wear, but Lucca had convinced me it would set off my hair, and Tro loves green.

There wasn't a lot to do after that but wait for him to arrive. I tried to clean the pan I'd used to make breakfast, before giving it up as a bad job and hiding it at the back of a cupboard. After that, I sat on the couch and waited, letting my thoughts chase each other, trying to concentrate on Trowa rather then Heero, who'd left without saying anything else.

It was a huge relief when the doorbell rang. Honey catapulted past me once the door was open, greeting Tro with such enthusiasm she almost knocked him over.

'Someone's glad to see me, anyway.' He looked up at me over an armful of wriggling, over-excited dog, a definite glint in his own visible eye. 'Why don't I get a welcome like that from you?'

'You really want me to tackle to the ground and lick your face?'

'Absolutely.' He gained his feet in one fluid movement, and pulled me into a tight hug.

'God, Duo, I've missed you so much.'

'I missed you too. I'm so sorry about all this shit. Did you eat on the 'plane? I can get you some lunch if you like.'

'Coffee would be great. I'll just put my bags upstairs. Where's Heero?'

'Gone to the office for a few hours; he probably won't be back 'til this evening. You've been here before, right? It's the room at the top of the stairs. I hope you don't mind sharing with me.'

'Oh, this day just keeps getting worse,' he teased.

Damn, why couldn't he have wanted tea? Or a nice glass of juice? I headed off for another battle with Heero's coffee maker, jabbing buttons at random. I mean, it's a machine for providing hot drinks; it's not exactly rocket science. Then again, I could handle the rocket science.

That hug in the hallway had been more of a comfort thing - nothing too overt or boyfriendly about it. Maybe he'd reconsidered; maybe he'd decided we were better off as just friends. Of course, that might raise other issues. Maybe I was better off not being single for a while.

'Red switch on the side, Duo, and then click the first lever,' Trowa spoke, very close behind me. Then one hand lifted my braid aside and he kissed the back of my neck. His lips barely brushed my skin, but nonetheless set off a whole series of shockwaves further south, especially when he pressed the kiss deeper, letting me feel a little dab of his tongue.

'I noticed you've been changing the décor upstairs. I take it you've told Heero about us?' His glance was quizzical, with a definite something else lurking below the surface, something I wasn't quite sure I wanted to look at.

'Mmm. You don't mind, do you?'

'Of course I don't. D'you mind if I turn on the TV? Just to see if there's anything on the news.'

We both sipped our coffee, Tro on the couch and me in the armchair Heero usually took, while Trowa channel surfed; it was slightly weird - just how much he was at home in Heero's house. I hadn't realised he'd visited all that regularly.

'Sit beside me, Duo. Please?'

'I'm sorry about all this. About whatever's up with Quat.'

'Not my problem any more. And definitely not yours. Duo, you might want to put your coffee down for a minute.'

'Why? You think I'll get hyper if I drink too much caffeine?'

'I know you will. But I'd rather you didn't spill it all over Heero's nice couch when I kiss you.'

'Oh.'

Oh, indeed. He is a - very accomplished kisser. Lips and tongue and the occasional bite, which then had to be soothed and teased better.

'Is this all right?'

'Mmm.' It was - rather a lot of things, and a mere 'all right' didn't come close to describing any of them.

It was so wonderful that it was easier to shut down my brain and let other parts of me take over for once, let myself crawl into his lap and sprawl all over him. He seemed pretty happy for me take charge, at first, just lying back against the cushions and letting me have my evil way with him.

__

I was actually doing this.

I'd almost forgotten it; that heady rush of power, when you have someone stretched out beneath you and everything you do; every touch of mouth and fingertips and even a waft on air in the right place elicits a groan or a gasp or a goose-pimpling of sensitive flesh. Oh, he was so _very _sensitive, in some places, was Mr. Trowa Barton, moaning as I flicked my tongue around his nipple and arching up against me.

'Oh, _God_, Duo! That feels …'

'Good?' I teased, resting my chin on his stomach and grinning at him. It wasn't all that easy to believe, that I was seducing Trowa of all people, and he seemed to be loving every minute of it.

'Incredible,' he growled, reaching out to tangle one hand in my hair, and pull me to him for a kiss. Then there was a brief moment when the world whirled upside down, and I was flipped on to my back and he was the one on top.

It was probably the sort of move Quatre liked. All masterful and dominant and nothing that I felt remotely comfortable with. I don't think my brain even had a chance to engage before he was sagging back against the cushions with blood pouring from his nose, courtesy of my elbow jabbed into his face.

'Oh, Trowa, I'm so sorry. Shit, Tro, I'm really, really sorry.' We were in the kitchen, and I was applying tissues and ice-packs and the contents of Heero's first aid kit along with profuse and repeated apologies. Thank God, his nose wasn't actually broken, but it had taken over ten minutes to stem the blood and he was going to be sporting a highly impressive black eye. 'I'm so fucking sorry.'

'Stop saying that, Duo. It's my fault if it's anyone's,' Trowa gave me a rueful little grin. 'I shouldn't have rushed you like that, not here where anyone could walk in.'

I couldn't suppress a little shiver at that, knowing exactly who _anyone_ would be, and he pulled me closer against him.

'It doesn't matter. I'll make it up to you tonight. OK?' Another slight shiver, which I guess he took for - something else - as he only laughed. 'I'm sure we can find an excuse to go to bed early, don't you? And lock the door?'

Oh, bliss. Making up and making out with Trowa, with Heero in the next room. Had to wonder how thin his walls were.

'Don't look so worried, Duo. Please. We won't do anything you don't want; you just have to tell me what you like.'

__

Heero.

Damnation.

Where had that come from?

OK, this was all getting just a bit too much.

'Tro, I think we need to talk about a couple of things.' Damn, but it hurt me just to look at his poor face. I hadn't even hit the eye which is usually hidden by hair. Still, maybe he could start combing a different way until he healed a bit?

What did I say about cellphones being a curse, the way they ring at exactly the wrong time? Forget it; they're a miracle; it was a miracle that mine rang just then, saving me from having the Sex Talk with Trowa.

Yeah, the Talk would have better than the call, actually. It was Theo Fichtner on the line.

'We found him. He's dead.'

Shit.

'I never meant it to happen. Seriously. I didn't think anything like this was going to happen. I thought it would just be routine surveillance. I didn't really think it would be dangerous. Not like this.'

Oh, God. It was all my fault. Another victim for Shinigami.

The call probably lasted another minute, tops. Manner and possible time of death. No particular efforts to hide the body. No media or police presence at the scene so far.

'I'm sorry,' I said again, uselessly. I didn't know if they'd even known each other.

'Each job has its own risks,' Fichtner told me in his precise English; then there was a buzz of static, and voices in the background. 'Mr. Maxwell, I suggest you turn on your television set. Immediately. Good day.'

Deep breath, Duo. Need to hold it together for a bit more.

'Tro?' He looked up expectantly. 'There's something I have to tell you.'


	27. Catching Up

Disclaimer - I still don't own them and I'm doing this purely for entertainment.

Note - kudos and cookies to the incomparably awesome Snowdragonct and Kaeru Shisho, for comments, queries, for never failing to laugh at my jokes, and above all, for unflagging encouragement and morale support.

Many thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter - I got 14 reviews which is my world record to date! - and many apologies for the nasty way it ended.

Dear Random Fan - thank you so much for writing in. If you'd like to drop me an email address, I'd be happy to reply.

****

Catching Up:

Wufei's 'phone rang at the perfect time.

He was standing in front of - an object of some sort, described in the catalogue as a 'Driftwood sculpture' and looking exactly like a log.

Zechs, who was rather good at this sort of thing, was at the other side of the exhibition hall, examining a splashy watercolour of prancing ponies with every appearance of delight. Wufei was trying to think of something vaguely complimentary to say.

'Very unusual,' he managed finally.

The young woman responsible for the - thing - looked up at Wufei expectantly, beaming at his praise and clearly waiting for more.

'And quite original.' That, thank the gods, was when Duo called his cellphone.

Not really a shock, because Wufei had known it was going to happen, and probably sooner rather than later, and he'd been an idiot ever to allow Duo even on the same continent as Yuy. Let alone sharing a house with him..

They'd already spoken earlier that morning; Wufei had called him as soon as he'd seen the breaking news on TV that Quatre Winner's car had been found, with three bodies inside; Quatre's fiancé e and two men who had been identified as his bodyguards. Duo had sounded distracted at the time and rung off after a couple of minutes.

'Duo. What is it?'

''Fei, I'm really sorry to bother you,' came the very quiet response.

'You're not 'bothering' me,' Wufei answered, moving off to a quiet corner, and opting for Zechs' favourite technique in Duo management; making him laugh. 'We're at an arts and crafts exhibition at the Sanque Academy for Young Ladies, and I've never been so bored in my entire life. The worst thing is, all the exhibits are being auctioned for charity, so we'll have to buy something and then contrive to lose or break it on the way home. I swear, if you hadn't called, I might well have garrotted someone with a macramé plant holder.'

Duo didn't laugh. So much for Zechs' ideas.

'How bad is it?'

There was no answer, which in itself was answer enough.

'Duo? Don't panic. We're on our way.'

'When?' One word only; one syllable that sounded like Duo's throat was lined with powdered glass. One word, from Duo who used words the way Zechs used colours.

Wufei glanced at his watch, working it out. Thirty minutes or so to drive to the airport; flight time to Florence was over three hours. There might be a flight due to take off; if not they would have to arrange private hire and that could end up taking even longer, by the time the 'plane was ready and they'd filed a flight plan. Their passports were at the Palace - someone would have to fetch them, and their luggage.

'Best case scenario? Five hours, more or less. I'm sorry. We'll be as quick as we can, I promise.'

They ended up getting the last two seats on a charter flight to Florence, a flight otherwise filled with families off to Italy for an early Spring break; over-excited children, stressed parents and crying babies. It would have been galling even in the best circumstances; for Wufei, who was desperately worried about Duo and furious with Zechs, it was a nightmare.

''Fei, please. At least, talk to me. I was only trying to help: Duo's my friend too.'

The only one real response to that was - _but he was my friend first, _and that would probably come out sounding somewhat childish.

'If you cared about him, you wouldn't be encouraging him to get back with Yuy,' Wufei snapped instead**, **clamping down hard on his temper before it soared to screaming point and beyond. Not that anyone would notice on this 'plane; one of the mothers would probably offer him chocolate or soda to placate him. Actually, come to think of it, a cup of hot tea would be quite acceptable.

'I didn't _encourage _him, my love. I've told you; I merely offered a tentative suggestion to Duo that if he does still have any feelings for Heero, and Heero seems to feel the same, it might be an idea for them to discuss that. And that maybe it's time for him to move on from what happened in the past. He's stronger than you think, love.'

Wufei sniffed. 'It's none of your business. Duo's far better off without Yuy; even Winner could see that.'

'I was trying to help,' Zechs murmured. 'I want him to be happy, you know.'

'Fine,' Wufei snapped. 'Duo's been perfectly happy for the last five years; he spends five days with that bastard and he's on the 'phone sounding like he did when they first broke up. There is no way I'm letting that happen to him again. End of discussion.'

He turned away from Zechs and flicked on the entertainment screen, finding a news channel just in time to watch the first bomb go off on L4.

There had been two more explosions by the time the 'plane finally landed; each destroying a building owned by WEI, but Wufei had paid only minimal attention, preferring to focus on reaching Duo. There would be time to consider events on L4 later.

They were collected from the Arrivals terminal by a uniformed Embassy chauffeur, who whisked them through the baggage claim and customs formalities, and drove them straight to Heero's address, 'phoning Duo en route. Wufei chose to stay in the car, only getting out to give Duo, who had presumably been waiting by the door, a quick hug, before the car pulled off, abandoning Zechs to deal with Heero and any necessary legal formalities.

Duohad beensilent for the short drive to the Embassy, staring fixedly out of the window, and had straightaway gone upstairs to change and shower.

An hour later, Wufei was ensconced in a leather wing chair in the Embassy library, flipping through the channels for any updates. It was generally believed that the attacks were linked to Quatre Winner's disappearance, especially since the discovery, earlier that day, of the car in which Mr. Winner had been travelling, containing the dead bodies of his fiancé e and two bodyguards. As a result, the search for Winner had been intensified, with extra Preventer agents being flown in from Earth and the other Colonies.

The only good news was that an anonymous evacuation warning had been issued in each case, and, since it was a Saturday, there had been no casualties, but the cost of rebuilding, however, would run to millions. No terrorist group had yet taken responsibility, but the L4 security forces claimed to be following several leads.

Otherwise, most networks were recycling the same footage over and over again, and after fifteen minutes of this, Wufei turned the TV off, preferring to wait for Duo in silence.

Wufei had ordered tea to be served in the library; a small, panelled room, which had an open fire and a more cosy atmosphere than any of the formal reception rooms.

Duo looked, when he finally came down, rather better that Wufei had expected. He had changed into his old faded jeans, which had acquired what looked like mud stains on the knee, and a baggy, tie-dyed t-shirt he'd bought in India with his still-damp hair in a loose braid.

'God, I've missed having a real fire.' Ignoring the room's comfortable chairs, Duo sat on the hearthrug, choosing a spot convenient to where afternoon tea had been laid out on a low table.

Wufei poured tea for them both, and watched Duo fill his plate with a selection of finger sandwiches, although he seemed in no particular hurry to eat them, subjecting each to a minute examination. 'You'd better enjoy it: that one log alone cost us a fortune. I'd been admiring the damn thing; and we had to buy something before rushing off.'

Duo actually managed a faint smile at that, but said nothing, picking up one sandwich and examining it carefully before electing to take a bite.

'It is remarkable,' Wufei commented casually, after a few minutes of this, 'that there are actually people who have nothing better to do than cut the crusts of bread, and there probably is a massive crust mountain somewhere in the universe.'

Duo's head shot up. 'Am I really that predictable?'

'Quite boringly so. Do you want to tell me what happened now?'

Duo nodded, arranging his sandwiches in a neat row.

'Quatre.. Trowa. Heero. Can I tell you about Quat first?'

'I watched the news channel on the flight here. The bombs.' Wufei took another sip of tea. 'And they found Winner's car this morning.'

'With the three dead bodies inside; still no update on that, is there? The thing is, Wu, you remember that night in India? When Heero told me I had to come here?'

'Of course I do! Duo, what has that to do with anything?'

'Zechs gave me a couple of numbers. Of some guys he knows in Florence. Old friends of his.'

Wufei gave a curt nod, not looking any too happy with that piece ofinformation.

'He was just trying to help, 'Fei. Really. Don't be mad at him.'

'I already am. He told me about your little chat last night.'

'Oh. Wu, that wasn't his fault. He didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. I don't want you guys falling out over me,'

'That's not the issue right now,' Wufei's tone made it perfectly clear that this topic was not, currently, up for discussion, and Duo gave in. 'So what about those 'phone numbers, Duo? I suppose you did contact one of these people?'

'Yeah. I called one of them the first day I was here. A Theo Fichtner. Just to ask for some weapons and stuff.'

Wufei nodded again, guessing how very vulnerable his friend must have felt in such a situation, and understanding all too well Duo's need to have some form of protection to hand. He should never have let this happen, any of it, he reflected, assailed by a sharp needle of guilt.

'I see.. Duo, what has that to do with Winner?'

'I asked this Fichtner guy to arrange one other thing for me. On L4. Look, I was really confused, OK? I didn't know what Quat was going to do next.. To me or Trowa or any of us.'

'What did you ask him to do? _Duo_?' Wufei was trying very hard to keep his voice neutral; judging by Duo's reaction, he wasn't succeeding overly well.

'Just a surveillance job. Quat was acting so freaking insane and I couldn't work out why, so I asked Fichtner to set a tail on him. Wu, I just felt I needed to do something, you know? I guess it doesn't make a lot of sense.'

'Of course it makes sense. Intelligence gathering is always wise. As is knowledge of one's enemy.'

'Yeah. What's that saying - keep your enemies close and your friends closer?' Duo's mouth twisted into something that was very definitely not a smile. 'Anyway, Fichtner's called me a couple of times, with nothing much to report, and then he 'phoned this morning.. The guy he had assigned to tail Quat hadn't checked in for a while; Fichtner saw the news about Quat going AWOL and sent a couple of his buddies to look for his guy and he'd apparently vanished as well.'

'So I told him to call me back as soon as he had any news and he rang just before I called you. To say that his guy'd been found. He was dead, Wu. Professional shot, right bang between the eyes. Like the three in the car.'

'With the same weapon?'

Duo shrugged, flipping his braid over one shoulder and tugging it gently. The leaping flames coloured it to a richly glowing chestnut. 'Don't know yet. Preventers haven't released any information.'

'Duo, could Winner have done it?'

'If you mean, was he physically capable of doing it; then, yes. Probably. He's a pretty good shot and they definitely wouldn't have been expecting it. Would he do something like that? God, I don't think so. The guys were Maguanacs; why would he want to kill them? They'd do anything he told them to. And the girl - he'd known her since they were kids. She was a friend of his sisters.'

'If she - knew something about him? Something she threatened him with, tried to blackmail him?'

'She knew he was gay.' Duo picked up a sandwich, considering it. 'Trowa told me. I don't think she cared, sounded like she was quite happy to have a no-strings-attached marriage. And even if she changed her mind, well, if Quat truly wanted someone dead, I think he'd take very great care not to be implicated. It wasn't him, Wu. I can't prove it, but I know..'

'It had to be someone they knew,' Wufei mused. 'They wouldn't have pulled over to the side of the road for a stranger.'

'Mmm. And if there'd been a chase, if they'd sensed any kind of a threat, one of them would have had time to call for help, surely?'

'Does Winner carry a gun? And Duo, stop doing that. It's utterly revolting.'

Duo, who had been painstakingly removing diced cucumber from his sandwich, looked vaguely offended. 'Give me a break, Wu. I hate this stuff, and Heero's been making me eat revoltingly healthy food for days. Quat carry a gun? Not always. But if he thought there was maybe a threat, he would..'

'Then surely he would have increased his security detail?' Wufei suggested. 'If not for his own sake, then for the young woman's.'

'You'd think. There must have been at least two of them, don't you think? They'd have to take out two professional bodyguards and Quat's able to handle himself. I can see why they had to shoot the bodyguards. But the girl wouldn't have been a threat, surely?'

'If she'd seen them, they couldn't afford to let her live, in case she could ID them. Or it could have been a warning, perhaps, to show Quatre that they were serious. '

'They'd already shot his two bodyguards. I think he'd have an idea they meant business.. Wouldn't it make more sense to keep her with them, as a hostage to keep Quatre in line?'

'Perhaps she tried to run? No, then they could hardly have shot her between the eyes. Unless they brought her back and made her sit back down before killing her?'

'Don't see any point to that.' Duo shuddered at the idea, at the sheer cold-bloodedness of it. 'And Quat was there; he'd hardly have stood by and just watched. Even if they were holding a gun on him, he'd have tried to save her somehow.'

'Maybe they killed him. Maybe it was a kidnap attempt that went wrong; if he did try to intervene and they killed him.' Wfuei considered. 'Perhaps they thought they could still try to extract a ransom demand.'

'There still hasn't been any ransom mentioned in the media, not yet anyway.. But of course, they probably wouldn't be letting the media know.'

'Many kidnappers prefer not to issue demands until a period of time has passed.'

'If they shot him, there'd be blood in the car. The Preventers will find that.'

'It won't be proof of anything. He could just be wounded.'

'Doesn't make much sense, does it? OK, assume he's been abducted. Why?'

'Someone who wants a large sum of money.' Wufei mused. 'A business rival. Perhaps someone who's lost their livelihood due to the Winners. Someone who disapproves of Winner's politics or his sexuality. Someone who's bearing a grudge from the War.'

'That narrows it down,' Duo muttered. 'Most of the Universe then. If it is a kidnap, who'll pay the ransom? Quat's sisters? What if they don't want him found?'

Wufei considered the idea, then shook his head. 'No, Duo, I'm sure you're wrong. His sisters wouldn't do something like that. They're his family, after all.'

'Hmm.' Duo snorted, not having any real knowledge of families. 'If he were out of the way, they'd be in charge, wouldn't they? If they got him out of the way, wouldn't they end up controlling WEI? Or they could stage an abduction and get a massive ransom. Could be a temptation.. Come on Wu, it's not like any of them are actually all that close to Quat, so don't look at me like that. And he'd spent the night with one of his sisters, so she'd have known exactly when he was leaving her house, and his security arrangements.'

'I think under L4 law only males can inherit. Anyway, Quatre wasn't with his sisters that night. The party was at the house of a cousin. It was on GNN's latest broadcast.. Khaled Winner. Quatre's uncle's oldest son.'

'Was it now?' Duo frowned. 'So, if Quat did mysteriously vanish, does that mean it would be this Khaled guy who'd be in line to take over WEI. Isn't that interesting? Maybe he's the one the Preventers should be investigating, not Tro. But if it someone who wants to take over WEI, why would they blow up buildings the company owns? It doesn't make any sense, does it? None of this makes much sense, really.'

He chose another sandwich to dissect. 'Wu, when was the last time you talked to Quatre? Properly, I mean, not just a few words over the 'phone.'

Wufei frowned a little as he tried to remember the last time they'd met.. Duo had tried to arrange something for the previous Christmas, but Winner had begged off; Wufei couldn't remember now what excuse he'd given.

'New York,' he said finally. 'Remember? Quatre had some conference to attend, and the two of us flew down to meet him for a couple of days.'

'Shit.' Duo swore quietly. 'That was – what, a year and a half ago? I hadn't realised it was that long. We've seen him since then, surely?'

'You have, that time you flew over to London last summer; we tried to organise something after that, but he always seemed to be busy. I haven't seen him since New York.. I got there a few hours before you did, and Winner and I went for lunch. I'd had a row with Zechs, and he let me talk it over with him.'

'Oh, yeah, I remember. You were upset about that photograph.'

That photograph. It had been taken in Florence, ironically enough, He and Zechs had been standing on a bridge over the Arno at sunset, not really paying any attention to any of the other camera-toting tourists and Wufei had been appalled, the following morning, to see himself and Zechs splashed all over the celebrity gossip pages in the newspapers, and even featured on the morning TV broadcast 'Who's Hot?' as the latest celebrity couple .

It wasn't like their relationship had been a secret of course; nothing like that. They'd been dating for almost eighteen months at that point, and inevitably there had been some media attention, but any previous photographs been taken at various functions they had attended together, and each time Wufei had been able to pin on a deliberate smile and pose guardedly, carefully giving no hint of any deeper emotions.

The picture in Florence had been very different. The two of them were silhouetted against warm honey-coloured stone, striped in shadows and bathed in the soft Italian light of early evening. Not quite touching, but the shot had nonetheless been shockingly intimate, capturing that single moment just before the possibility of a kiss. Zechs bending slightly and Wufei tilting his head slightly; his heart evident in the smile on his lips and in his eyes.

Zechs had been charmed by the horrific invasion of privacy, had merely smiled and remarked that they'd have to get their own copy to keep. He'd seemed to think that a framed copy would make a delightful memento of their trip.

Wufei had left that morning, flying directly to New York to meet up with Duo and the others, undecided if he could actually continue in such a high profile relationship, constantly in the media spotlight, given that he and Zechs seemed to have such different perspectives on life and privacy.

'I spent that afternoon talking with Quatre. He was - very understanding, very kind. He was supposed to be working on figures for a presentation, but he insisted on taking the afternoon off to be with me. I actually found myself envying Trowa.'

'Seriously? I never knew you had a thing for Quat.' Duo grinned suddenly. ' Although I guess you do have a thing for blondes, right? It'd never work, you know; Q's seriously high maintenance.'

'It was not a 'thing' or anything of that sort,' Wufei snapped, furious at himself for getting flustered at Duo's teasing insinuations. He had never meant to say that last sentence aloud, or not without qualifying it slightly. 'I merely envied their relationship. They always seemed so – comfortable together.'

'Yeah.' Duo paused in constructing a pyramid of his unwanted cucumber. 'I used to envy them as well, sometimes. Guess we didn't really know what was going on, though. I don't get any of this, Wu. I mean, Quat was our friend and now he's turned into some stranger. There must be something going on with him.'

'I know.' Wufei replenished his tea cup. 'I think we need we need to discuss this with Trowa, don't you agree?'

'Yeah.' He had teased some strands of hair free and was twisting them around one finger. 'I think we're no longer an item, or however you want to put it. I punched him, 'Fei. Damn near broke his nose.'

'I presume you had a reason.' It wasn't a question.

'Oh.' Duo blushed slightly. 'It was - we were, um, making out and...he did something a bit - a bit sudden. Something I wasn't expecting.'

Wufei felt his own colour rising. Even after three years with Zechs - three years of glorious, miraculous sex with Zechs - he still felt awkward discussing certain things.

'He didn't - try to pressure you into something?'

'No! Nothing like that. We were kissing and.. and stuff, and well, I'd started it so I think he thought I wanted - wanted more. I just - I really thought I could do it, 'Fei..' He had fumbled a spare hair tie from around his wrist, and was twisting it around one finger. 'You know? Thought I could actually have sex with someone without being too drunk or stoned to know what I was doing?'

'Did you want to?' Wufei stared resolutely into his tea cup, very much not wanting to meet Duo's eye.

'I don't know. Sort of. It felt good at the start and I'd been...' He stopped and took a deep breath. 'There's this whole thing that happened with Heero, and I 'd been thinking about that, when I should have been thinking about Trowa, and I thought if I could, you know, if I could be with Tro like that, I'd make it better for both of us. But it just felt weird, like I was going through the motions or something and I whacked him by mistake and then I told him about Fichtner and the news came on the radio that they'd found Quat's car.'

'I see. But, Duo, it was an accident, your hitting him. He'll understand you were stressed about everything, won't he?'

'Probably. But I told him I didn't think it was going to work; the two of us. I mean, I really like him and all, but seriously, he's still hung up on Quat. He took it pretty well, I think I was just his rebound guy anyway. He was talking about getting on the next shuttle to L4. I don't think he has a lot of faith in Preventers right now.' Duo had been twisting a spare hair tie around his fingers; it suddenly snapped and ricocheted across the room, startling them both.

'I don't know, 'Fei. He is worried about Quat; he's blaming himself for not being there, but I think he maybe he just wants to get away from me for a bit. I really want us to stay friends but it was seriously awkward yesterday after…well, after I'd decked him. He was being so nice about it and I was just freaking out, and then he started talking about us sleeping together, with Heero in the room next door, and that was pretty much it.

'I see,' Wufei said again, nobly not saying anything along the lines of _I told you so, _and wondering which had disturbed Duo more; the idea of sex with Trowa or Heero's proximity. He'd known, really, that it wasn't going to work between the two of them, known that Trowa still had feelings for Winner, while Duo…

'You'd better tell me about what happened with Heero,' he said finally, surprised when Duo merely nodded.

'I was with Heero when Tro called last night. I didn't tell you that.. He took me out for dinner, this really nice little place, I forget the name, but it was up in the hills outside the city. Zechs said you guys have been there?'

_'La Caravella_?' Duo nodded. 'You do know that place is considered one of the most romantic places to dine in Europe?'

'No! I don't know stuff like that...I thought we were just going for a pizza or something...'

'And at exactly what point did you realise it was a date?'

'Oh, God.' Duo buried his head in his lap, the flames picking out the glints in his hair; amber and marigold and bronze. 'The waiter told me.'

'You,' Wufei said repressively, 'do not deserve to be let out alone. Ever. What happened?'

'Um, he said...OK, he didn't actually say anything but I think he would have, if Trowa hadn't called…'

'You don't actually know what he was going to say, though? Maybe he was just going to ask you to pass the salt.'

'I'm not _that _clueless, Wu! Anyway, we were having dessert,' Duo muttered. 'He was - this morning, shit, I can't believe it was only this morning - he said that we needed to talk. And then I sort of panicked and told him I was with Trowa.'

'So he never did actually say anything to you?' Wufei persisted, clinging to that fragile thread of hope. 'And maybe you were mistaken all along.'

'He did. Say something. This afternoon; I guess he came straight home after he heard about Quat's car being found and he, well, he made it pretty clear that he wants to try again. He didn't know I'd broken up with Tro at that point, so it was all a bit hypothetical but he did say he still cared about me. '

'Dear Gods.' Wufei offered a brief prayer of thankfulness to his ancestors that his lie was less complicated. 'This is sounding like one of those absurd soap operas you watch, Duo. And do you - do you still have feelings for him?' It came out fairly sounding fairly neutral, to Wufei's eternal credit and personal astonishment, given that his first reaction had been to grab the nearest sharp object and investigate Yuy's organs. But this was Duo, his best friend, and perhaps, just perhaps, some of what Zechs had said was true.

'If I say yes, will you promise not to lock me up for the rest of my life?'

'Absolutely not. Duo, if he does still - _care_ - for you, why did he wait so long before he said anything?'

'He, um, thought we were together.'

Wufei wasn't sure what his expression looked like, but it made Duo laugh.

Sheesh, Wu, sorry if the idea of being with me is so repellent.'

'It's not that,' Wufei said hastily. 'Or it wouldn't be if I didn't know you.'

'Well, that's a nice compliment,' Duo huffed, but a smile was curling the corners of his mouth.

'But - you were dating other people when we lived together, and so was I and he has to know about me and Zechs, surely.'

'Yeah. He kind of thought we were _all _together.'

'He _what_? All three of us? Duo, I don't even know how...'

'OK, Wu, seriously, you have got to stop right there,' Duo snapped. 'Please. If you ever want the two of us to be able to make eye contact again.'

Wufei nodded curtly, snapping his jaw shut on any words that might have inadvertently escaped.

'So Heero thought you were .. involved elsewhere.' Wufei said delicately. It made sense in a way; if Yuy had truly thought Duo were happy, involved with someone else, his sense of honour would keep him away.

Duo nodded at this suggestion. 'Yeah. Stupid asshole. Wu, what am I going to do?'

'I don't know. But I do think it is a very dangerous thing, to give one's happiness into another's keeping.'

'You do know he is so freaking crazy about you that it's a wonder he can even function half the time, right?'

'We're not talking about me!' Wufei growled. 'We are discussing you and that - Heero. In your place, I do not think I could ever forgive what he's done, but, as Zechs has told me, I'm not you and I don't own you. My personal advice would be to forget him, but I can't tell you what to do. But if you decide to give him a second chance, which I do not consider he deserves, you need to be very sure about what precisely you expect from the relationship; perhaps even consider counselling for both of you.'

'Maybe.' Duo didn't sound too enthusiastic about the idea. 'He's different, 'Fei. Like he wanted to please me all the time, the way he was when we first got together. He even had a sunflower. In a vase on his kitchen table. He must have remembered that they're my favourite flower.'

'I thought orchids were your favourite flower.'

'Well, they're my other favourite. Honestly, you're as bad as he is! It just seemed - sort of sweet that he'd remembered, you know. And I think he has changed in some ways. I mean, he's still into his job and everything, but he has a dog and lots of plants, and we went to a really great park, and we went shopping together, and he picked out some really nice clothes for me, and he didn't try to kill this sales clerk who gave me his 'phone number. It was – it was the way I'd always imagined we'd be, you know? The way I wanted.'

'Right. And what did you say to him?'

'Nothing, really. I sort of freaked out, that on top of me breaking up with Tro and the whole Quatre thing and this trial. It was just one more fucking thing piled on to everything else in my life. I told him I just couldn't deal with that right now, and then I went off and rang you to come and rescue me.'

'I'm glad you did,' Wufei said sincerely, reaching out to give Duo's braid a tug. 'You do know that I'm here whatever you end up doing. I can't say I'll support you, precisely, but I'll try to be civil to Yuy and, if it does end badly, I'll help you to kill him. Fair enough?'

'Deal,' Duo agreed, holding out one hand. Wufei ignored it, pulling him into a hug. 'I couldn't do this without you, 'Fei. And I can't lose you, you know that. Whatever happens, I'm always going to need you. Um, is that way too much emotional stuff for you?'

'You lost me at the first sentence, Maxwell. You want to have dinner now?'

'Sure. Shit, we don't have to go to some fancy formal dinner, do we? I saw them setting up that big dining room down the corridor.'

Wufei grinned, evilly. 'The Ambassador is hosting a dinner for the Loyal Daughters of Sanque; they're fifty or so middle-aged ladies who have made their home in Italy since the War for various reasons. 'I told His Excellency that Prince Milliardo would be charmed to attend and make a speech after the meal; I gather there will be traditional folk music and dancing afterwards so he should have a splendid time.'

'You, Chang, are incredibly evil,' Duo sounded approving. 'What are we going to do?'

'I thought we could order pizza.'


	28. Romance and Reality

Disclaimer - They don't belong to me. I'm not doing this for profit. Well, not monetary profit anyway; I'm getting a huge amount of fun from it.

Note: Trowa's POV

**Romance and Reality:**

They think I'm responsible.

Not directly, of course. I have a watertight alibi for when he vanished, as well as being half a world away, and they have only circumstantial evidence.

But there seemed to be a definite impression, in the Preventers' HQ in Madrid, that a former mercenary, former terrorist, until lately working in the security business, would know the sort of people who would carry out an abduction.

The statistics are in their favour, not mine.

If a person disappears in mysterious circumstances, more often than not the spouse or partner is involved. A proven fact, unfortunately, with a wealth of evidence to back it up.

I have, apparently, sufficient motive for wanting him to disappear.

He was making plans to marry; a fact which he'd chosen to announce on Global TV, and which could be seen as the reason why I'd abruptly left my job with WEI.

Most of his family, and no doubt most of our household staff, would be ecstatically happy to swear that we hadn't been getting on. Quatre's sisters spent years pretending they didn't know about our relationship, trying to pretend that I didn't exist; now that he's vanished, they seem happy to tell the world that I'd been his partner. His abusive partner.

It's entirely due to Heero that I was released at all, let alone with that stilted apology for any inconvenience caused. He claimed he did nothing more than contact a colleague to act on my behalf, but I know there had to have been more. I know enough about the world to realise that an elite law enforcement agency will not simply release the chief suspect in a possible murder case on the word on one Spanish lawyer, regardless of how little hard evidence they actually have.

Heero had to have pulled in some serious favours. He'd only worked for Preventers for one year, but he still does some occasional freelance work, he still has his contacts there. He had to have gone to Commander Une for this; the fact that I'm also a former Gundam Pilot wouldn't mean very much when weighed against who Quatre is.

Head of Winner Enterprises Incorporated, which effectively makes him the _de facto _ruler of L4. Not, naturally, that anyone would phrase it in quite those terms, but it's the truth.

My lover.

Heero hasn't explicitly said so, but I know I was released on sufferance, and purely because he vouched for me. Ostensibly, I'm a free agent; in reality, that's something of an illusion. I may be recalled for further questioning - 'helping with enquiries' was the term used - and am to be prepared for this, to be available when they deem necessary. I am forbidden to leave Earth.

Heero will probably be held responsible when I do.

I doubt he'd be able to protect me forever, though, even if I simply stay here. They haven't discovered the other motive yet, the oldest in the world.

Money.

I'd asked him not to do it, told him I had no interest whatever in the Winner fortune but he'd still insisted on making me the single major beneficiary in his will. It was something we'd talked about, once, not long after we'd moved to L4. Much of the Winner billions was tied up in trusts and company assets and long term projects but he'd insisted on leaving me a major sum, nonetheless saying I could use it to start a charity for one-legged acrobats if I chose, but his mind was made up.

In truth, I don't think either of us had thought of it in years.

Twelve months ago, I would have sworn that I would seriously never hurt him. Could never hurt him. It wasn't like I'd never come close to it; he can be damned provoking, despite that innocently angelic appearance, and there were times when he pushed me for the sheer hell of it, to see how far either of us would go.

He has his kinks, my blond angel. There have always been times when he's needed to surrender his precious control; when he's craved bright threads of pain woven through the pleasure. It helped to assuage some of the guilt; to banish for a while his own personal darkness laced with guilt and lapped with remorse.

He hides the shadows inside so very well; all the ghosts who died at his hand. He blames himself for his father's death; for never managing to please him when he was alive. The man haunts him; he's been dead for years now and Quatre is still driven to live up to all those expectations.

This is Quatre, after all. Quatre Winner could somehow find a way to assume responsibility for all the problems in the universe if he sat down and truly thought about it.

He blames himself for nearly killing me. I know that because I'm the one who holds him through the nightmares.

No one else ever sees him like that.

The first time I hit him, he was the one who held me, after, while I cried and swore I'd never do it again.

I'd meant it, then.

It wasn't just that I'd been so damned worried about him; that he'd taken off alone one morning without bothering to inform anyone, a few scant weeks after he'd almost been assassinated. It was that he'd brushed aside my concern at first, and then snapped that he was quite capable of looking after himself and didn't need a nursemaid trailing after him.

He developed a talent over the months for fabricating stories; a tumble down the stairs; a fall from his horse. He would spin these clever, elaborate excuses and laugh at his own clumsiness; so convincing I could almost believe it was the truth.

I was his bodyguard and his lover; the one who kept him safe from the rest of the world.

I couldn't even keep him safe from myself.

I'd always known that I didn't deserve someone like him. I hadn't even had a name until I stole one. I had a past that had been carved out of blood and death and shadows and no idea what he saw in me.

It had seemed the best thing was simply to forget him, to try to ignore the emptiness and to convince myself that he was better off without me, and I was better off alone.

I very definitely didn't need to drag Duo into my life.

Heero and Duo. During the war, I'd always thought, assuming any of us survived, that Quatre would go back to his family, his life. Of course he would. But I'd never imagined Heero and Duo not being together.

Duo, of course, still has it bad for Heero. It's not too obvious, if you don't know him. God knows, he's been with enough guys since they broke up; he could have anyone, the way he looks.

Until today, I hadn't realised that Heero still cared for him.

It was a mistake, the two of us ever getting together. Is it any defence to say I hadn't planned it? That nothing would have happened if he hadn't met me halfway? Fuck. _Duo,_ of all people in the world to get involved with. A friend. But it was just intoxicating; the thought of Duo Maxwell, wanting to be with me. Duo, who knows just how it feels to lose the other half of your soul.

Ever since the day I'd met Quatre I'd known that eventually I would lose him. No way in the universe would someone like him want to stay with someone like me. But I hadn't been prepared for how much it would hurt, missing him.

At some point over the past seven years, I'd let myself be lulled into Quatre's romantic fantasy that maybe it was real, maybe it could be forever.

He was always coming up with new anniversaries for us, and ways to celebrate them.

He remembered the dates for everything; the first time we'd played music together, that night in San Fransisco; the sixty-ninth time we'd had sex; the first time I'd told him I'd loved him.

He'd started off with all the clichés garnered from his romance novels and movies; candles and rose petals scattered on the sheets; the tiny refrigerator was permanently crammed with vintage champagne and handmade chocolate truffles and Beluga caviar.

It hadn't mattered that we'd been living at the circus, sharing a battered trailer that I'd bought sixth-hand from a woman who'd kept performing poodles, and still smelt of wet dogs and cheap perfume.

I couldn't believe he was still with me, that he hadn't bolted straight back to his normal life once he'd finished his big adventure, but he'd insisted that all he'd wanted was to be with me, to share my life.

Of course, Quatre's idea of roughing it was ordering take out from Michelin-starred restaurants and having silk sheets and a velvet quilt on our sagging mattress.

He claimed to want nothing more to do with his family, with their plans for him, but it didn't change the fact that he spent hours everyday fielding importunate 'phone calls, or that one hour's interest on his bank account would have bought the whole circus and everyone in it, or that we always had a couple of Maguanacs camped outside our trailer and frequently a couple of photographers as well.

I think we had our first major row when he bought me the car. A vintage E-Type Jaguar that I'd admired in a car magazine. There were only three of that model left in the universe and he'd even had it sprayed dark green because it was my favourite colour.

He didn't even understand why I was so angry, until I'd told him. Until I'd yelled at him that I wasn't for sale; I wasn't his whore, to be paid for with ridiculous, extravagant gifts, and that none of this was _real_; that he was just living out his romantic fantasies but at some point he was going to come to his senses and leave me for the world that was his reality.

He'd cried, that I could have thought such a thing, that I could have doubted him so much. Even with his empathy, and my apologies, and both of our tears, it took so long to convince him that that the person I doubted was myself.

The first Valentine's Day after the War, he brought me breakfast in bed. Heart shaped pancakes he'd made himself with strawberries and whipped cream. The pancakes were inedible, naturally, but we were just discovering new and interesting ways to consume the cream when I smelt the smoke.

He'd left the heart-shaped moulds on the grill, which he'd then forgotten to turn off and for our final weeks in the trailer we never quite got rid of the smell of burning plastic.

Of course it hadn't lasted.

In the real world the heir to one to a major corporation can't just run off and join the circus, but at least he'd tried.

For all the years we'd spent on L2, reality was when the two of us were alone together. Mostly behind locked doors.

Otherwise, Quatre played the part of the dutiful son, to a dead father who'd never valued him for who he was; the loving brother to a tribe of sisters who'd never made the effort to know anything about him.

He was the first person who'd ever looked at me and seen past the darkness.

I would know if he were dead. I have to believe somehow I would know, and I will find him.


	29. Guys' Night Out

Disclaimer - I don't own any part of Gundam wing. I'm writing purely for the fun of it.

Note - Many thanks to the wonderful Kaeru Shisho and Snowdragonct for working through this one with me.

**Guys' Night Out:**

Trowa had worked with large predators at the circus who'd exuded less sense of danger than his two companions, one in particular. It was presumably unusual for three apparently unattached, not unattractive men to occupy a table in a bar - gay, straight or whatever - and to be totally ignored. It was understandable in this case.

The place had been crowded when they'd walked in; it was a Saturday evening after all, but in no time they'd managed to acquire a corner table surrounded by a wide radius of personal space.

It had taken almost fifteen minutes for them to be served, however, as the bar staff debated over which of them was to sacrificed to the scary, glaring guy. Trowa still wasn't sure how he'd come to be here, how any of them had ended up in a bar in the shadow of Florence's cathedral.

He couldn't remember the last time he'd even been to a bar on a Saturday night. Quatre rarely drank and the security risk would have been too high anyway. It had probably been on one of his trips to Duo in Florida, embedded in a crowd of Duo's friends from the university and whatever guy he'd been seeing at the time. The boyfriends had always changed between visits.

It was, according to the sign outside, a traditional Irish pub and there were the requisite Guinness advertisements on the walls, brass fittings on the bar and some sort of fiddly diddly jig music playing on the stereo. Beyond that, it served a wide variety of Swiss and Belgian beers, Tex/Mex cuisine and the red haired waitress had a definite Australian accent.

After Duo had left, Merquise and Heero had spent thirty minutes or so upstairs in Heero's study, completing what Zechs had called the 'transfer of Duo's ownership papers'.

Trowa had assumed Merquise would want to leave straightaway, to return to his perfect life, but instead, he'd met Heero's increasingly pointed suggestions that he no doubt had better things to do, with that infuriatingly bland smile, and the comment that Wufei and Duo would want to spend some time alone.

In fact, he'd seemed quite content to sit in Heero's kitchen, leafing through the newspapers, with Honey, who tended to be indiscriminately friendly with all the wrong people, curled blissfully at his feet. Heero was ignoring him, ignoring both of them in fact; standing at the sink, arms deep in soapy water and scrubbing viciously at a frying pan that had apparently been used to stir-fry charcoal.

'Give it up, Heero,' Merquise advised finally. 'Buy a new pan and I'll take you both out to dinner.' It was still a surprise that Heero had accepted; Trowa could only assume that he wanted to talk about Duo and that Zechs would be a good source of information.

Zechs Merquise, or Peacecraft, or whichever name he was currently using, was something of an unknown quantity. Trowa had encountered him during the War, of course, but not exactly under the best of circumstances. Pilot 06 had treated them with honour, though, and since then he'd become a close friend to Duo, and had somehow managed to seduce Wufei.

Pilot 05 and the Lightning Count. Still a couple that boggled the imagination. It had come as enough of a shock that Wufei was even gay, given that he'd dated Sally for a while after the war, let alone that he would hook up with Zechs Merquise. They certainly seemed happy with each other, though.

Oddly enough, after the War, he and Heero were the ones who had had no particular problem in supporting and sympathising with Relena's efforts to save her brother. A former mercenary was in no position to judge another man's shifting loyalties, and Heero had considered Pilot 06 to have been an honourable enemy who had ultimately tried to make amends for what he'd done.

Duo, on the other hand, had originally taken Zechs' various attempts to kill Heero very personally, and Wufei had considered the man an unprincipled traitor.

It was incomprehensible, the way things turned out.

He and Heero had been friends for years, of course, since they'd first met during the war. At the beginning, their conversations had revolved around mission specs and planning. It was only later, while Heero was recovering from his self-destruction attempt, that he had told Trowa about a little girl and her puppy, dead in the rubble of an apartment building and Trowa had spoken about a dead group of mercenaries.

It had been later yet before he dared to broach the topic of Quatre and the way the little blonde made him feel; in truth, that Quatre made him feel at all had been terrifying. Trowa hadn't even known he could harbour those sort of emotions, based on so much more than physical need.

He still considered Heero to be one of his few close friends, even if maintaining that friendship had been awkward since Duo's accident. Quatre had informed him back then, that if he genuinely wished to associate with the person who had ruined Duo's life and broken his best friend's heart, then that was Trowa's own choice, but Quatre refused to have anything more to do with Heero and there was nothing more to be said on the subject.

Trowa had tried, several times, to point out that there had been mistakes on both sides, that Heero had admittedly screwed up, and that perhaps it would be fair to hear his side of the story, but of course Quatre and Duo had that mutual adoration thing going on, and his lover had firmly refused to believe that Duo might be in some way at fault.

So his subsequent meetings with Heero, over the past five years, had largely been marked by things unsaid. They had discussed politics and books and Heero's latest case and a new security system Trowa was having installed at WEI, but nothing more personal than that. He'd broken that rule, fairly recently, about Quatre because he had desperately needed to talk to someone, but they'd never talked about Duo.

Not that he hadn't tried, once or twice, but Heero had made it all too clear that Duo was off limits for discussion.

And somehow it hadn't really mattered because he'd had Quatre. The irony there being that Heero and Quatre had been close once; and that Quatre would have been the one person in whom Heero would have confided, in different circumstances.

Merquise, who'd ordered a ludicrous amount of food for them to share, was busily sorting out silverware and napkins, and Heero was glaring at nothing in particular, carelessly shredding a beer coaster.

Not a good sign, that. They'd barely spoken since Heero's arrival home. He'd rushed back, after hearing the first newsflash about the L4 bombings, to find Trowa still nursing an ice pack to his face, and Duo upstairs packing, with Wufei and Merquise on their way to Florence.

Of course, they would know each other fairly well, Heero and Zechs. Apart from their various encounters during the war, Merquise had spent over a year in at the palace in Sanque after he'd been released from prison, and would have met Heero, who'd been with Relena back then, on a regular basis.

He'd thought the two of them were fairly friendly, but Heero had been giving Merquise the silent treatment. Then again, he'd thought Merquise had seemed to like him; he'd been a welcoming host and they'd been out several times while Trowa was a guest in his home. Of course, he presumably blamed Trowa for whatever was up with Duo, and probably correctly.

He had no idea what was up with Heero and Duo. He'd spoken regularly to Duo over the past few days and Heero had scarcely been mentioned, except that he was helping with the court hearing and spent most of his time in his study. He'd assumed Heero would be thrilled to have Duo out of his house and out of his life, but instead he'd been furious, in that icily emotionless way of his, treating Trowa to a glare that would have iced lava, before storming upstairs to talk to Duo. It was all too complicated. Quatre, of course, would coaxed them to confide in him; Trowa had no idea what he could say.

'He isn't dead.' Trowa hadn't, really, meant to say it aloud, except he didn't think he could leave it unsaid for any longer; that in some perverse, irrational way, speaking the fear would banish it from his soul.

'Of course he's still alive. He's not much good to anyone dead, is he?' Zechs said airily.

'He's right,' Heero said grudgingly, the first words he'd spoken since ordering his drink. 'They won't hurt him, Trowa. They could have killed him with the others if they'd wanted him dead. He's too valuable.'

_Valuable. _

That was it; Quatre, his life's love, reduced to the one word that might keep him safe, that he might be traded for something of even more value.

'They'll probably be glad to get rid of him, whoever's got him.' That was Zechs again. 'Little blond twit, going around screwing up Duo's life.'

Heero actually looked like he might agree with that estimation, but wisely refrained from saying, so as Trowa's fingers clenched around his knife. 'Milliardo, shut up. Trowa, don't worry. They'll find him. I talked to Lucrezia earlier and the Preventers are making this case a number one priority.'

'I might feel more confident if I weren't the chief suspect.'

'They let you go, didn't they?' Zechs paused in the act of loading a Nacho with soured cream and salsa. 'Duo said they didn't have any hard evidence.'

Trowa snorted inelegantly. 'Apparently not. I'm to report to the Preventers' Office tomorrow morning. For some sort of further questioning.'

'If they'd had any actual evidence, I'd have heard something,' Heero told him. 'It's routine, in any missing person enquiry, to question family and friends.'

'Twice in as many days? Trowa's tone was laced with bitterness. 'Heero, there's something I haven't told you. I'm mentioned in Quatre's will. That's going to give me another motive for getting rid of him.'

'His family's going to love that,' Merquise commented. 'Although of course you won't be able to inherit if they can prove you were involved somehow.'

'That's enough,' Heero snapped. 'Milliardo, no one asked for your opinion! Trowa, no one who knows you could possibly suspect you of having anything to do with this. There still isn't any real evidence against you.'

'I should be on the way to L4 to look for him, not sitting around here being treated like I'm the one who did something to him.'

'Did you?' Zechs wondered, dipping one finger in guacamole and licking it clean. Their waitress, who had been handing around fresh glasses blushed bright crimson and hurried off.

'No, I bloody well didn't, you bastard. I'd never hurt him! I love him!'

'No accounting for tastes,' Zechs took a swallow of beer. 'So what was the whole Duo thing, then? Just a convenient fuck while you were away from Blondie?'

'No!' Trowa snapped. He had no wish to talk about any of it, not right now, and especially not in front of these two. Heero was looking like he didn't know which of them to hit first. In all fairness, he couldn't blame either of them for being angry; he'd screwed up and they were only defending Duo.

The young couple who had been about to take seats at a nearly table exchanged worried glances and quickly walked back to the bar.

'It wasn't like that.'

'It bloody well looks like it. So what happened this morning then, Barton; did Heero hit you for dumping Duo or for getting involved with him in the first place?'

'For the record, Merquise, not that it's any of your _fucking_ business, Duo was the one who dumped me.'

'He did?' That was Heero, chiming in neatly with Zechs' 'Did he, now?' Heero was looking slightly less homicidal and bloody Merquise was grinning for no apparent reason.

Bastard, treating this like it was some sort of entertainment laid on for His Highness's amusement. Trowa felt bad enough about Duo as it was, without Merquise making a joke out of it. He was supposed to be Duo's friend; he'd been friendly enough to Trowa while Trowa had stayed with them, had even seemed to approve of him and Duo.

'Why?' Heero insisted, leaning over the table and displaying the first bit of animation he'd shown all day. 'When?'

Oh, God. He should have just stayed at home. He should be on a flight to L4 and screw the bloody Preventers. Trowa drained his glass and slammed in back on the table top.

'When did he dump me? About an hour after I'd arrived at your house. He could see how hung up I was on whatever's happened to Quatre. Why?' He shrugged. 'Take your pick. He realised it had been a mistake. He realised I was still in love with Quatre. He realised _I'm _not the person he wants to be with. Christ, Yuy, work it out.' He absently ate an onion ring, gesturing to the barmaid for another round of drinks.

'What?' Heero Yuy, articulate and fluent lawyer, apparently reduced to one word questions of one syllable each.

Trowa selected another onion ring, dipping it in salsa and glanced up to see Merquise watching him.

'I think 'How?' should be your next question, Heero. Come on, I thought you were supposed to be intelligent. God, even Barton can see it. I'm in disgrace with Wufei right now because Duo called me in the middle of your little date last night, and I didn't advise him correctly.'

'You took him on a date?' Trowa briefly wondered if this was all some crazy nightmare. '_Duo_?'

'We went for dinner. It wasn't a date.'

'It sounded like a date, from what Duo told me.' Merquise lounged back, all that smooth, gilt hair streaming over his chair and apparently loving every moment of this. 'Didn't you proposition him, Heero? He seemed to think that was what you were planning..'

'No, I did not. I merely - Trowa, I'm sorry. At the time, I had no idea that you and Duo were…' Heero paused, clearly searching for a suitable word, '…involved with each other.'

'Duo has been somewhat remiss in keeping you up to date with developments in his personal life, hasn't he?' Merquise's eyes sparkled. 'Both of you, from the sound of it.'

'Well, we're not _involved _any more,' Trowa said quietly. 'It was a mistake from the beginning, I think.'

'So Duo's up for grabs, now. Isn't that interesting, Heero? Or did you manage to seduce him last night?'

'None of your business.' Heero looked over at Trowa. 'I'm sorry, Trowa. I only found out that you were with Duo when he told me this morning. If I'd known, I never would have dreamed of saying anything.'

'Well, they're not together any more,' Merquise said briskly. 'Heero, you did tell him you feel?'

'He ... is aware of it, yes.' There was no particular emotion in Heero's tone, but his hands clenched around the stem of his glass, the knuckles stark white.

'Well, I hope you said it with a little more passion than that! Dear gods, I've ordered a round of drinks with more emotion.'

Trowa nodded. 'He's not a mind reader, Heero. And you hurt him, you know that. He's going to need to know exactly how serious you are about this.'

'Precisely,' Merquise handed around the basket of potato wedges. 'He's Duo's ex; he should know what he's talking about, so I hope you're listening to what he advises.'

'Why?' Heero demanded bluntly. 'Why are you trying to help me?'

It was a reasonable enough question, after all. Merquise was Wufei's lover and Wufei blamed Heero for messing up Duo's life every bit as just as much as Quatre did. It was yet another thing Trowa didn't quite understand. Wufei had been Heero's friend, not Duo's; they'd spent time together during the war, they'd joined Preventers at the same time, but nonetheless Wufei had unequivocally taken Duo's side after the break up and it was years since he'd had any contact with Heero.

Merquise took a long swallow of beer before he answered Heero, very quietly. 'He has nightmares about you dying. About not being there to save you.'

'You think he might be ….interested in me?'

Trowa exchanged pained glances with Zechs.

'Are you naturally that oblivious or do you have to work at it?' Zechs wondered. 'Listen, Yuy, this is Duo we're talking about. He's crazy about you, but he won't admit it even to himself because it's easier to run off and hide behind the fact that you hurt him once and he's scared. If you want him - if you really want him back - you'll damn well have to prove it to him.'

Trowa nodded. 'He's right, Heero. Duo loves you. I don't think he ever stopped.'

'I didn't know.' It was the barest whisper. 'He never said anything. I thought he'd moved on; he always seemed to be with someone.'

'Well, you were sleeping with my sister, so you don't exactly have any claim to the moral high ground,' Zechs noted coolly. Heero's glass shattered suddenly. Zechs tutted and handed him a pile of napkins. 'Relax, Yuy. I'm the last person to cast judgement on anyone else's mistakes. I can't believe that you seriously thought Duo was with Wufei?'

Heero nodded.

'From the very start? When we didn't even know Wufei was gay?' Trowa asked sceptically.

'Well, it damn well looked like they were together! It was a reasonable assumption to make.'

'I did the same, actually,' Zechs admitted. 'When I first saw them together.' He produced one of those sudden, dazzling smiles. 'Duo said you thought the three of us were involved. Is that true?'

'You didn't!' Trowa couldn't help grinning at the idea of that.

'Oh, come on, Milliardo! I saw that bloody picture of you with him in Florida a couple of years ago. It looked like you were trying to climb down his throat!'

Zechs smirked. 'That was fun! Oh, relax, Heero. You can't kill me; believe me, if you ever want to get back with Duo, you need me on your side. We were just winding up the press; it looked good but there was no tongue involved.'

'Hn.'

'Heero, you have actually met Wufei, haven't you? You must have some notion of his ideas on loyalty and honour. Apart from the fact that neither Duo nor I would ever hurt him, he would slice us both into very small pieces.'

Heero's mouth quirked wryly. 'Is this the part when you threaten to kill me if I hurt him?'

'It's not me you'd have to worry about; I'd have to go through Wufei first. Although I might empty a few bullets into your corpse after he's finished with you.'

'And that friend of his, that Hilde woman,' Heero commented dryly. 'She still sends me regular death threats.'

'Well, that should liven up the courtship. Now, Yuy, what you need to do is to romance the hell out of him and convince him how much you want him back.'

Heero shook his head. 'It's Duo's decision to make. I'm not going to try to influence him.'

'Madness.' Zechs snapped. 'This is the same Duo Maxwell we're both talking about right? Christ, it usually takes him two hours to decide what toppings he wants on his pizza, and you expect him to make a decision like that on his own? If you don't make a definite play for him, Yuy, I can guarantee he'll talk himself into believing you're not interested.' His eyes sparkled. 'You need to wear him down and you'll have to be serious about it, because Wufei is probably trying to convince him it'll never work out. You could send him flowers for a start. He'll like that. Orchids are his favourite.'

'Sunflowers,' Heero said definitely.

They both looked at Trowa, who shrugged. 'I thought he liked those big daisies.'

'No wonder he dumped you,' Zechs said scornfully, taking a long swallow of beer. 'Wufei isn't really into flowers. He thinks they're too girly.'

'He likes peonies.' Heero raised one hand to signal for another round of drinks. 'The dark red ones.'

'Quatre likes delphiniums.' They'd been hiding out in the mountains; just the two of them for a change, in a tiny cabin surrounded by an old-fashioned garden. Quatre, who had grown up surrounded by extravagant gardens and hothouses filled with exotic flowers, had been captivated by the rambling, half-wild flowers the same colour as the sky, as his own eyes in sunlight.

Fuck. So much easier not to think about him.

'I don't need your help, Merquise.' Heero was saying.

'You damn well need someone's. Unless the last five years have all been part of some master plan to get him back.'

Heero shook his head. 'I don't deserve him. He was miserable when we were together and it was my fault. He almost died because of me.'

'Well, that's a wonderful attitude to take. Very positive,' Zechs said sarcastically, glancing at his watch. 'Time for me to leave, I'm afraid. Well, it's been wonderful talking to you both.'

'You don't have to go,' Heero said grudgingly.

'I do, actually. My beloved has arranged for me to be the guest of honour at an Embassy dinner,' He grinned. 'If I leave now, I should be there just as they serve coffee and hopefully they'll leave soon after that.

'He really has you on a short leash, hasn't he?' Heero sounded scornful, but Zechs only winked at him.

'Only for special occasions. Good luck with Duo.' He squeezed Trowa's shoulder as he walked past. 'Don't worry too much about Winner. Treize always said he was the one we should fear most.'

Trowa nodded, appreciating the gesture, and waiting for Heero to speak.

'Did you sleep with him?'

'Would it matter? You don't exactly have a claim on him anymore.'

Heero looked up from shredding his beer coaster. 'He was upset when he left. I don't know if it was because of you.'

'Heero, he is desperately worried about Quatre. He's terrified about this court hearing or whatever it is. I don't know if you even realise how hard the past few days have been for him, staying with you. Duo's been pining after you for years, he didn't think he ever had a chance to get back with you, and you suddenly spring that on him. I think I am probably quite a long way down his list of things to worry about.'

'You're right. I shouldn't have said anything. '

'Not if you're not prepared to do anything about it!' Trowa frowned at him. 'Why did you decide to say it now?'

Heero developed a sudden interest in his drink, gazing fixedly into the depths. 'I didn't know when I'd get to see him again, if he'd ever want to. I just wanted him to know that I - I still care about him, even if he wants nothing more than friendship. That I'm here for him.' He took a deep breath. 'I'm sorry, Trowa; I wouldn't done it if I'd known you were with him. I still have no idea how serious you two were about each other.'

'It was a mistake,' Trowa sat back in his chair, sweeping the hair from his eyes. It had been, probably; he'd hurt Duo and doubtless wrecked their friendship, but _fuck, _he would never forget the way Duo had looked at him, all that fire and passion and wonder, or the way Duo had felt in his arms. He could never say that to Heero, of course.

'Don't you dare to say that about him, Barton! If you're so concerned about Duo, then maybe you shouldn't have been fooling around with him.'

'That isn't what I meant, all right? It wasn't like that. He was - I was missing Quatre. I was trying to convince myself I was over him, and Duo….I was incredibly flattered. I don't know how serious it was for him, Heero. If it's any comfort; it was his decision; I think he guessed all along how I still felt about Quatre. It's probably for the best, anyway. I'm not the person he really wants to be with.'

Some beer had slopped over Heero's glass; he dipped a forefinger in the liquid and traced a pattern on the tabletop. 'You really think he might consider giving me another chance?'

'I think you should try to convince him. Merquise was partly right, you know. About the grand gestures. If you want Duo back, you'll damn well have to make him see how much you want him.' Trowa took a deep breath, thinking how much better Quatre would have been at this.

'You'll have to talk to him, Heero. I don't know exactly what happened between you two, but you need to discuss it.'

'I know,' Heero lifted his head and looked at Trowa. 'I don't think I deserve him.'

Trowa shrugged. 'I never deserved Quatre. But I loved him. I still do. He said that was what counted most.'

'What happened, Tro? Have you any idea who's doing this to him?'

'It's my fault. If I'd been there none of this would have happened. I'd never have let him go anywhere without proper security. I could have kept him safe.'

'Or been killed along with the others,' Heero noted clinically. 'And been in no position to go after him.' He grinned at Trowa's expression. 'I'm not quite so oblivious as everyone thinks. I think you should wait, though. We've no idea yet what we're dealing with. You don't know if he's even still on L4. At least, wait 'til the forensics team issue their report.'

'I don't know how long that will take.' Trowa sat up straight, a challenge in the dark green eyes. 'You're not going to try to stop me?'

'Could I?' Heero wondered mildly. 'I do think you should wait until we have some idea what's going on and then formulate a plan.'

'Could you do that, if it were Duo who'd vanished? Just sit back and wait?'

'Touché.' Heero conceded. 'I don't want him involved, Trowa. I'll do whatever I can to help but Duo stays out of it. He's not even supposed to leave the city until the trial, let alone go jaunting around in space. I'm not having his case jeopardised. That's non-negotiable. Or I'll have every Preventer in Italy sitting on you.'

'Understood. I'll try to keep him out of it, Heero, but this is Duo. You know how he feels about Quatre. Do you really think you can stop him going after Quat if he sets his mind to it? '

'We can try.' Heero's mouth thinned. 'I'll only be able to cover for you up to a point, Tro. I seriously doubt that your rushing off to L4 will accomplish anything, save landing you in even more trouble.'

'I'll find him,' Trowa said resolutely. 'You'll have to watch Duo. Maybe you could let him go through the Preventers' evidence or something.' He flicked Heero a sudden grin. 'Unless you can think of a better way to distract him?'


	30. A Very Expensive Fire

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and the characters belong to Bandai Sunrise; not to me. Except in my wilder flights of fantasy.

Note: Many thanks to my intrepid band of readers/reviewers. You have no idea how much of a thrill I get from your comments, queries, speculations; and just the fact that people are thinking about my story.

Gold stars, as always, to my editing Dream Team; Kaeru Shisho and Snowdragonct.

This one is back to Duo's POV.

**A Very Expensive Fire:**

Wufei and I ended up sharing a room which boasted an ornate hand-painted ceiling, a giant plasma TV showing every cable channel known to man, and two enormous beds draped with lavender-scented Sanque linen.

I still couldn't sleep later than six on Sunday morning. We hadn't bothered to draw the curtains, and the sunlight was already pouring in the large window, lighting pools of gold on the pale carpet. Wufei was still asleep, curled around one of his pillows, loose hair spilling over his face.

I had thought that Zechs, who'd been banished to the outer darkness of the Royal Suite, might have slithered in during the night, but there was no sign of him. Yet another thing to worry about. Damn. I hate it when they fight, especially as this particular row had been on my account . Never good to be caught in the middle.

I managed to dress without waking him, took my laptop down to the library, and spent a couple of hours researching any mention of WEI's record over the past year, taking note of acquisitions, mergers, competitors who'd gone out of business.

Somewhere in the middle of that, I sent a quick email to Trowa, inviting him to drop by whenever he had a chance, to talk about Quatre, and he sent an equally brief reply that he had an appointment at the Preventers Office at nine, but he'd see me after that.

When I got back to our room, the guys had very obviously made up.

'You know,' I remarked, 'if I wanted to see that sort of stuff, I could just watch a porn channel.'

'Or even go out and find someone to give you a live show?' Zechs didn't sound particularly happy that I'd interrupted them. 'Have you never heard of knocking?'

'This happens to be my own room! And has it never occurred to you that doors have locks for a reason?' I grinned at Wufei, noting the blossoming hickey on the side of his neck. 'FYI, Wu, you might want to wear something with a high collar today.'

'Jealous, Maxwell?' Zechs threw me an evil little grin, tucking Wufei's burning face into his shoulder.

I stuck my tongue out at him. 'In your dreams, Milliardo. Tell me, did you have fun with the Daughters of Sanque?'

'I had a quite delightful evening.' He bent to give Wufei a kiss that made my toes curl. 'And I gather I have you to thank you for suggesting I attend, my love. Incidentally, some of the ladies are arranging an exhibition of young artists from Sanque. They were fascinated when I told them about the piece of art you selected yesterday. I offered to lend it to them, subject to your agreeing, and apparently it's to be the centrepiece of their show.'

Another kiss. 'You have a wonderful eye, my darling. Did you know that it was the last piece created by Ingeborg Thyssen before her tragic death last month? And she used a piece of Sanque Red Oak, which is an incredibly rare wood. Those trees are almost extinct in Sanque; she was lucky enough to acquire some branches that had been felled in a storm. It's an utterly unique piece.'

Wufei made a strangled sound and vanished into the bathroom, while I tried not to laugh. 'Fei does fancy himself as a bit of an art critic; it was probably killing him to think that he'd burnt a valuable piece of artwork. It wasn't likely he was going to confess either; not while he was enjoying having the moral high ground.

'You're back in favour, then,' I commented. 'I take it you grovelled sufficiently?'

'Naturally,' Zechs looked undecided as to whether or not he should go after his boyfriend. 'Duo, is he all right? I've thought he's been worried about something for the past couple of days; do you have any idea what's the matter?'

I'd picked up a couple of hints last night, but that was Wufei's business, not mine.

'Um, maybe it'sjet lag?' I grinned up at him. 'Or Zechs lag.'

'Funny, Maxwell.' He narrowed his eyes at me. 'You're surprisingly perky for someone who was having a life crisis yesterday. Is there something you need to tell me?'

It was amazing how good I actually felt. Just having the guys around didn't really solve anything, but that didn't matter. They were there. Growing up on L2, one of the first things I'd learned was that being alone was not a good thing; that you needed someone else around for safety. I'm not sure if Heero had ever really got that, if he'd understood why I'd filled my house with relative strangers if he wasn't around.

Wufei had given me one night insulated from the real world. We'd eaten massive quantities of pizza, and a box of chocolate truffles they'd brought from Sanque, and watched a couple of home makeover shows, which he claims to hate, just to celebrate me having access to cable TV again, and then a really dire martial arts movie. In between all that, we'd talked for hours.

'Life crisis shelved for today. Too much to do.'

'Crisis,' he snorted. 'Oh, poor Duo, he has such a hard life, with all these seriously hot guys panting after him.'

'Oh, poor Duo, who's probably going to spend the rest of his life in a padded cell.'

Shit. I'd meant that - sort of as a joke, I think but it didn't work. I wasn't sure where that had come from; I'd been trying like hell not to think about the possible outcome of this hearing thingy.

'Duo! You do know that's not going to happen to you. I talked to Heero yesterday and he says there's no real reason for you to worry.'

Yeah, right. Anyway, there was no way I was going to some institution, whatever happened. I'd done my time in a psych ward, and had no intention of going back, thank you very much.

'I know. Listen, can I borrow your 'phone?' I made a fairly lame attempt to change the subject.

'I presume you're going to call Heero?'

'Um, no. He knows where I am. He can call me.'

'Aha!' He reached out and tousled my hair. 'You're playing hard to get, hmm? You have been listening to all that advice I've given you?'

'What, me? I couldn't play hard to get if you drew me a diagram. If Heero wants to talk to me, I'll be here.'

'Duo! God, the two of you deserve each other, if only to keep the rest of the world from having to put up with either of you.' He flicked that mane of silvery fair hair so it caught the sunlight. I do sometimes wonder if he sold his soul to the devil or something for his hair to stay in its habitual state of perfection. I have to keep mine securely contained or it takes on a life of its own. Even after he'd presumably been rolling around with Wufei for a couple of hours, Zechs managed to look like he'd just walked out of a hair salon.

'I spent hours last night trying to give Heero some advice and he was adamant that he'd told you how he felt, and he wasn't going to put you under any pressure in deciding what to do. Idiot! You two need to be locked in a cupboard together and maybe you'll accidentally fall on top of each other.'

_Oh, that would be interesting.. _

_No, that would be bad! _

_Very bad. _

'You talked to Heero? That's nothing to do with you! Seriously, my life would be so much easier if I didn't have all these ridiculously overprotective friends meddling in whatever I do.'

'It's only because we love you,' He reached out to tug my braid. 'And of course we do think you're totally incapable of looking after yourself.'

'Hah hah,' I muttered sourly. 'Does Wufei know anything about this? He thinks you were at that reception shmoozing all those charming women?'

'I was,' he said hastily, glancing at the bathroom door. 'Absolutely. But I had dinner with Heero and Barton first. Very enlightening.'

'What's that supposed to mean?'

'It was .. instructive. You've been keeping busy lately, haven't you? You apparently forgot to tell me you'd broken up with Barton.'

'I haven't exactly had a chance. It was all a bit sudden.'

'I assume Heero had something to do with it? Honestly, Duo; you make life so complicated for yourself.' He grinned at me, blue eyes brimming with mischief. 'I'm sure the three of you could come to a mutually...satisfying arrangement if you thought about it.'

'Oh, God. I should never have told you about Heero's little threesome fantasy. And you might not want to mention it to 'Fei if you want to stay in his good books.'

'Agreed. So you've really finished with Barton? Shame, although Heero seemed to be quite pleased. Why did you hit him, by the way?'

'Never mind that. Was Trowa all right?'

'Oh, he's fine, apart from sporting some rather impressive bruises, and being quite obsessed with that little blond menace of his, for some reason. God knows what he sees in him.'

'Apart from being a really hot billionaire, I've no idea. And you're a blond menace yourself.' He smirked at me. 'That wasn't a compliment. I hope you didn't slag Quat off too much in front of Trowa? Zechs! You didn't!'

'Well, I hardly know Winner, and from what I've heard, Trowa would be better off without him.'

'Oh, that's charming. Why can't you just try to be sensitive for once?'

'I am extremely sensitive. Just ask 'Fei.'

'It's not funny, Zechs! We're all worried about Quat and your little cracks about him aren't exactly helping.'

'Fine. Sorry. I'll apologise to Trowa when I see him. But, seriously, Duo; I've only met Winner a handful of times and since I've met you both, he never seemed to make any effort to stay in touch with you. I've lost count of the times you and 'Fei tried to meet him, and he's made some excuse. He's never even been to our home, for God's sake. How am I supposed to like someone who's treated you both like that?'

'I know. I do know all that. But he's still our friend, whatever he's done or hasn't done, so lay off the jokes, all right? Now, cellphone? Can I borrow it for a sec?'

'You've already lost your new one? You only just got it! I think I left mine on the bedside table in my room. There's a little present there for you as well.'

I stood up to leave and he wolf-whistled at me. I was wearing some of the clothes Lucca had chosen for me; suede jeans the rich, dark colour of butterscotch, and a fitted top in dark red, which was some mix of silk and cashmere and had been more expensive than either individual fabric. It felt good though.

'Look, at you, cruising on the sartorial edge. What are you all dressed up for?'

'Nothing special. It's not too dressy, is it?'

'It's great. Nice to see your butt for a change.'

'Screw you, Merquise.'

'That's Wufei's job.'

'Didn't need to know that,' I shot back.

'Oh, there's one other thing. I asked Heero about a possible date for your hearing and he thinks it could be several weeks. We probably should look into renting a house while we're here. Maybe something outside the city with a garden?'

Damn. I'd never even thought about that. I'd just wanted to see Wufei; I'd never once considered the ramifications of them having to move to Florence for an indefinite period of time.

'I'm sorry, Zechs. I didn't mean to mess up your lives.'

'What? Having to spend Spring in Italy? That's not exactly a hardship, you idiot. I can paint anywhere. Wufei can fly home if he needs to see his tutor at the university; otherwise, there are plenty of libraries in the city. Really, he just needs somewhere to write at the moment. Don't worry about either of us. Now, do you want to come and look at houses?'

'I can't. Trowa's coming over in a bit. I'm sure 'Fei will want to go with you.'

Zechs - or rather Prince Milliardo Peacecraft - had the very lavish Royal Suite all to himself, although presumably Wu would be migrating fairly soon. He's just as untidy as me, at least he is without Wufei's restraining influence, so I had to trawl through a lot of stuff first; a Russian dictionary, chocolate body paint (not my present surely? This is why I don't like going through his stuff; you never know what sort of things he's got stashed away) cellphone, a charming little pen-and-ink drawing of Wufei in profile; revolver, passport, lube, catalogue from that art show they'd been too…

Oh.

Passport.

A very fancy Sanque passport, all dark blue leather with the Peacecraft crest embossed in gold, declaring one Duo Maxwell to be a citizen of the Sanque Kingdom.

A world away from my battered, imitation-plastic L2 document. I wasn't just a citizen of Sanque; I was a friend of the prince and princess. Not bad for someone who'd grown up on the streets.

That was kind of weird; another thing to be shelved for later consideration and I picked up the 'phone instead, scrolling down through his contacts to find Theo Fichtner.

I hadn't so much lost my own 'phone as made an executive decision to leave it behind. The damn thing was nothing but trouble. I had a characteristically brief conversation with Fichtner, who was on his way to L4, and hung up wondering if he was more forthcoming with his friends and family, or if all social interactions were so restricted.

Then I realised that he wouldn't be able to contact me, given that my cellphone was cunningly hidden on top of the wardrobe in Heero's spare bedroom. I don't think he was terribly impressed when I rang back to tell him he'd have to call Zechs' 'phone in future and just leave a message. I guess White Fang had been somewhat better organised in the good old days.

It rang again the minute I hang up; maybe he'd decided to call back to chat about the weather?

'Commander?'

'Um, no. Can I take a message?'

'Tell him Jack returned his call.'

Jack? Couldn't think of anyone we knew called that. Ho hum. More mysteries. Of course, it wasn't all that hard to guess how Zechs knew him, the whole 'commander' thing being a bit of a giveaway.

After breakfast, Zechs went off to meet some unfortunate real estate agent,and I went outside, finding a nice place to sit under a flowering cherry tree. I took a pile of stuff with me; my laptop, a couple of books and a sketch pad, all handy little bulwarks against having to think too much. My original plan had been to do a little recreational hacking into the WEI database, but in the end, I decided to wait for Trowa to show up, and surfed through my clogged up inbox instead. Damn, I was really going to have to sit down and reply to all my messages at some point.

Hilde's email detailed some of the gorier details of her pregnancy, mixed in with lots of anti-Heero propaganda. I would have thought Wufei might have put her up to it, except she periodically sent me Heero hate-mail, if she thought there was any risk of me backsliding, and threatening to kick his skinny ass.

Like she could.

And his ass isn't skinny, anyway. It's perfect.

_No. _

_Don't go there, Maxwell._

That thought, inevitably, sent my mind off on a happy little fantasy about _going there, _and I had to wrench my brain back on target.

Howard had sent me a long, nuts-by-bolts detail of his latest salvage job, interspersed with a few lame jokes and instructions to call if there was anything he could do to help.

Sally's message was fairly short; she'd dropped by our house on Saturday and checked my orchids. The temperature controls and sprinkling systems I'd installed seemed to be working perfectly, from what she could tell. She'd attached a couple of photos of her little girl, Mel, apparently trying to disembowel her teddy bear. Another surgeon in the making.

There was a perky email from Cathy, saying how delighted she was that Trowa and I had got together. She obviously hadn't been speaking to her little brother in a while. No mention of Quatre at all; they'd been good friends once but I'd gathered from a few things Tro had let slip that there'd been a certain amount of friction between the two of them lately.

The second last message I bothered to open was from my boss, and I wished I hadn't. I'd already missed one important meeting I'd been supposed to attend, and couldn't give any definite date of when I'd be next available to fly to the States.

Damn. Mitch wasn't going to be any too happy with that.

I love my job - I specialise in designing one-off 'space toys' for the mega rich, money usually no object; I can do most of my work from home and I usually work on contract for individual projects; excellent in that I can pick and choose what I do to some extent, but not so good as far as job security goes.

I wasn't sure Mitch would want to keep employing someone whose sanity was going to be on trial in the near future. That sort of thing doesn't really inspire confidence, does it? Not that I wouldn't be able to get another job, but I'd probably end up designing commercial craft for some major corporation, spending ten hours a day in a windowless cubicle and trying to figure out how to cram extra passengers or freight into a fixed area.

The last mail I bothered to open was from Relena, and was one long gush about 'darling Milliardo's' proposal; I hadn't realised Zechs had told her but there was probably some royal protocol or other to be followed. She sounded genuinely happy for them, though. I don't think she'd been overly impressed when the two of them first got together, but she'd mellowed a lot since then. She and her long lost brother had always had a somewhat...edgy relationship, but she had to realise just how good 'Fei had been for Zechs. Wufei takes family commitments very, very seriously and he'd encouraged the two of them to spend time together.

She had all kinds of dizzy plans for engagement parties and for the ceremony itself. If the guys weren't careful, they'd end up getting married in the palace ballroom, wearing matching pink tuxedos. Honestly, for a politician, that girl's always had a rather tenuous grasp of reality, or maybe that's an advantage. Still, if the guys wanted a small, simple ceremony rather than a glitzy affair attended by all the royal families of Europe, they could tell her themselves.

There were a few lines at the end about Quatre's disappearance, and how shocked she'd been to hear that Trowa was considered a suspect.

Nothing about Heero. We never really talk about him. They'd been together for a few months; just long enough, presumably, for each of them to tumble off the elaborate pedestal the other had painstakingly constructed. They'd somehow managed to stay friends, though and at some point over the last couple of years, since Zechs had come into our lives, she and I had become..._friendish_, for lack of any better word.

Not that we'd exactly formed a mutually supportive club for Heero's ex partners or anything like that, but we could have a conversation that didn't end in tears or violence, and she'd sometimes confided in me. I always got the impression that she didn't have a lot of close friends

Oh, well. I closed the lap top, and lay back on the grass, admiring the lacy white blossoms gleaming against the forgot-me-not blue sky.

I was really going to have to think about Heero at some point.

OK, it wasn't like I hadn't occasional fantasies over the years about him wanting to get back with me. I didn't always take him back; sometimes I'd acquired an incredibly hot boyfriend who worshipped me (but who was never Trowa, curiously enough) and just laughed in his face.

In the scenarios when we did end up back together, I'd usually worked out that he'd somehow had all his memories of me destroyed (either by Relena or by evil aliens), or had to go off on some top-secret mission to save the universe, or acquired a rare flesh eating disease...

It had been one of Quat's favourite fantasies, in the early days of the war, that Trowa would contact a flesh eating disease that could be passed on through any form of bodily contact (he'd later made kissing an exception) so they could never actually have sex, but Quat would happily devote his life to caring for Trowa. He'd tended to gloss over a couple of pertinent facts like us all being in the middle of a war, and that Trowa would presumably end up being eaten away to nothing...

In the real world, getting back with Heero was fraught with complications. Wufei had a serious problem with him; oh, he'd been fairly tolerant last night, out of concern for my fragile state, but I had a feeling that he wouldn't always be that understanding.

Hilde definitely wouldn't, or Quat.

We had separate lives, on separate continents; apart from anything else. It would probably never work.

Except he'd said he still loved me.


	31. Chainsaw Massacre

Disclaimer - I still haven't bought Gundam Wing.

Note - Many thanks to Kaeru Shisho for coming up with this truly inspired chapter title!

**Chang Wufei and the Chainsaw Massacre;**

God, I seriously couldn't believe all that happened since yesterday. Maybe I'd hallucinated the whole thing.

Heero, Trowa, Heero again.

Things had all gone - seriously pear-shaped in one day, not that they'd been perfect before by any means. I'd broken up with Tro, but I wasn't really sure at the time that he'd taken it in. Other people tend not to exist for him when he's focused on anything to do with Quatre.

I'd left him switching between news channels and trying to contact Rashid and headed upstairs to my room - the room Trowa and I were supposed to be sharing - to get my stuff. I knew by then that there was no way I could stay there, but I didn't want to call Wufei until I felt a little more collected about things.

Packing hadn't taken very long; most of my stuff got bundled into my rucksack; my new clothes were all still in their carrier bags anyway. There are advantages to not unpacking. Once my assorted bags were in a pile by the door, I'd just gone and slumped on my bed, trying very hard not to think about anything.

At least, Heero had gone out for the day. Really didn't want him walking in on me like this; with any luck, I'd be gone by the time he came home. Or not. The front door slammed, there were indistinct voices in the hallway and steps coming upstairs, all to the accompaniment of Honey's frantic barking. Too late to bolt the door, and he'd probably just knock it down anyway.

_He looked seriously pissed. Understandable, really. Trowa was probably his best friend, and I'd decked him. _

'_Oh.' I glanced up uncertainly. 'You're back.' _

'_I saw Trowa. Are you going to tell me what happened?'_

'_Nope.' _

'_Duo. Please. What did he do?'_

'_Nothing. He did nothing. It was my fault, OK? As usual. And I've apologised.' _

'_You hit him. I assume you had a reason?'_

'_I'm sorry, OK? I'm sorry for punching Tro and I'm sorry for every stupid fucking thing I've ever done in my stupid fucking life! Will that do? Will you just fuck off now and leave me alone?' _

_Please. Just go._

_I was staring at my hands, clenched in my lap, and willing him to leave, when he crossed the room and pulled me up. I actually flinched, thinking he was going to hit me, thinking I probably deserved it._

'_Duo…' Oh, dear God. I was dreaming or delusional or I'd somehow missed out on the bit where I'd died and gone to Heaven, because I was in his arms and he was holding me. I was home._

'_Duo, I'm not angry with you. Truly. I don't think you go around hitting people for no reason, so I assume Trowa did or said something he shouldn't have. Is that correct?'_

'_It was a personal thing. Just between us. It's sorted now.' _

_Just your typical, stupid Maxwell over-reaction. Nothing serious. Stupid, I know, but I shivered suddenly; remembering that moment, just before I'd lashed out, when Trowa had been holding me down. _

'_I know,' Heero sighed. 'None of my business.' The hand that had been stroking the back of my neck, drifted gently down my braid. Another sigh. 'None of this has gone remotely according to how I'd planned it.'_

_I looked up at him; we 'd both grown since the War and now he had a couple of inches on me. I'd have to tilt my face up, very slightly, for him to kiss me._

_Bad, very bad thought._

'_You don't have a contingency plan? Or ten?'_

'_Not for this,' He admitted. 'I hadn't computed Trowa into my calculations. Now, I'm not sure whether to abort the entire mission or not.'_

_My arms tightened a little about his waist, and I concentrated very hard on keeping them there. 'You could try winging it for a change.'_

'_Very funny. Trowa said you're planning to leave. I wish you'd reconsider. If you and Trowa need some space apart, I can arrange a hotel room for him.'_

'_Honestly, I'd rather you didn't.' I took a deep breath. 'He's really cut up about all this stuff with Quat; I think he needs to be with someone he knows right now. He didn't do anything wrong, really. He doesn't need to be thrown out onto the street.'_

'_All right. You've called Wufei?'_

'_Not yet. I'll do it soon.' Once I feel I can talk without sounding like I'm having some sort of breakdown. 'It's still early morning there; they should get here by this afternoon and then you'll be able to get your life back.'_

'_I'm not sure if I want it back to how it was,' he confessed. 'I don't want to let you go. Oh, Duo. I don't want to interfere between you and Trowa and I probably shouldn't be saying this, not now, but if there's ever a future vacancy for Duo Maxwell's boyfriend, I would love to be considered.'_

_Okay, I' m not quite so clueless as all that. It wasn't like I hadn't known where this was going. It was still a shock when he came out and said it, just like that._

'_I've missed you. I know we need to talk and I know this is probably the worst time to say all this, what with everything else that's going on right now, but I just wanted you to know how I feel. I'll understand if you don't want to. God, I don't even know if you're in love with Trowa, but I don't know when I'll get to see you again and I had to say this.' _

_Oh._

'_Duo, please, would you maybe consider saying something?'_

'_No.' Words are too bloody complicated and I was perfectly happy where I was. I'd be quite perfectly happy if I could just say there for the rest of my life._

'_I'm sorry,' he murmured. 'This was a mistake, wasn't it? I just thought that…'_

'_No. I'm glad you did. I think. I'm just - not thinking very clearly at the moment. I'm going to need some time, if that's all right?'_

'_Of course, it is.' For most of his little speech, he'd been glaring fixedly at the wall above my head; but then he looked straight at me. 'I'll be here. Even if you just want to talk as a - a friend. If there's anything I can do for you. Duo, I don't want you to feel that I'm pressuring you into anything. You have my number. Just call me if you want to, that's all.'_

_I'd thought he was going to kiss me at that point. Instead, he leaned in and whispered that he loved me._

_Then he'd left me to make my call and gone downstairs. _

Okay. No big deal. Something that could be dealt with later, after everything else had been sorted out. Trowa first.

Tro turned up far earlier than I'd expected and by himself; I'd half expected Heero to be with him. The last email had said that 'we' would do some research about Quat's disappearance, but hadn't specified whether or not Heero would be part of the brainstorming session. Probably better that he hadn't come, really, given that 'Fei was roaming the Embassy grounds with a chain saw and a bad temper.

Well, this was pretty awkward. Twenty-four hours or so ago, we'd come _that_ close to having sex, and since then I'd managed to assault him, dump him, and reveal that I'd organised surveillance on his ex-boyfriend, just on the off chance that said ex-boyfriend had any more little schemes to screw up my life.

'Duo. I'm really sorry.'

He looked like an awkward maypole standing there in front of me; a few petals had even drifted down to catch in his hair.

'Don't be stupid. I'm the one who should be sorry.' I pulled him down beside me, and into a hug. 'Maybe we can just assign equal blame and forget about it?'

'I don't want to forget it,' he murmured against my hair. 'I mean that.'

'Oh.' To be honest, I wasn't quite sure I could say the same and it was a relief when he changed the subject.

'What on earth is Wufei doing with the chainsaw? It looked like he was about to chop down a tree in the avenue.'

Good question.

'Long story; you probably don't want to know. He said to call him if we need any help. And Zechs says he's sorry if he caused any offence last night. He was a bit stressed because he'd had a row with 'Fei.'

'Is that what it was? I thought he was blaming me for upsetting you.'

'Well, maybe he was a little bit. He didn't think you'd be here so early or he'd have waited to see you. Did it go all right with the Preventers?'

'They didn't keep me for long; they've got a new suspect.' He raked his hair off his forehead and I winced at the bruises. 'Heero talked to Noin this morning; the forensic results have come in on the three bodies, and they found the murder weapon. A Glock registered in Quatre's name, with his prints all over it. They haven't found any stranger's DNA at the crime scene.'

'That just means they were professionals,' I whispered, appalled. 'He'd never do something like that. Never. He wouldn't, Tro.'

'Of course he wouldn't. I knew them, Duo. Auda was married with twin daughters. Abdul was engaged to one of the receptionists at WEI. They would have died for him.' He stopped, stricken, because of course they had. 'And Delphine was just a girl. She thought it was all such fun, all the media attention and the parties; she didn't deserve to die like that.'

'I know. We'll find him.' I tapped my laptop. 'I've been doing some research on any possible enemies. Have a look.'

He scanned down my list - business competitors, a couple of political rivals, relations of people killed during the War - and then his hands flickered over the keyboard.

_Trowa Barton. Ex-lover. Bitter ex-employee. Stands to inherit a fortune in the event of Quatre Raberba Winner's death._

'Don't be so stupid,' I snapped. 'You might as well add in Duo Maxwell at that rate. Taking revenge for serious attempts to ruin his life. Anyway, can be we serious for a bit? If this is connected to the War, seven years seems like a long time to wait for revenge. And WEI seems to be quite highly regarded as global corporations go.'

'Duo, I do appreciate all of this, but honestly, Heero and I went over most it already this morning. No one's claimed responsibility for the bombings, or the deaths or Quatre's disappearance. I can't think what else we can do.'

'I suppose,' I leaned over to scan down my list again. 'I'm going with you, you know. Oh, don't look like that. Of course, you're planning to go to L4 and I'm coming. End of story. Have you looked into a shuttle yet? I assume you're going incognito, that the Winners still have that injunction against you entering L4?'

Trowa nodded. 'It'll take a day or two to arrange. Duo, I know you're not supposed to leave the city. Heero said…'

'Fuck that,' I snapped. 'This is important. It's Quatre. I don't care about some stupid Court ruling and it's nothing to do with Heero.'

'Speaking of Heero, he gave me this is for you,' He handed me a carrier bag. 'He said it's some stuff you forgot yesterday.'

Charming. He obviously couldn't wait to get rid of any traces of me, polluting his nice tidy house. Huh. Well, lucky I hadn't been expecting flowers or anything.

'Oh. Thanks.'

The first thing out of the bag was my damned cellphone. Huh. I've lost a zillion of the things and the only one that I'd actually set out to lose was apparently equipped with some sort of homing device. Well, it went flying straight across the lawn into an ornamental lily pond. Never buying another one of those things; nothing but trouble.

Next was a half-finished sketch I'ddoneof Honey asleep on the couch. Ooops. I hoped she hadn't been in trouble over that; Heero didn't officially allow her on the furniture.

That was followed by a novel I'd borrowed from Heero's bookshelf; he must have noticed I'd started reading it.

Folded neatly at the bottom of the bag was the shirt I'd worn on our aborted date; the one he'd picked out for me in the store. Another thing I'd been happy to leave behind, rolled up at the back of the closet.

Underneath the shirt was a paper bag, from something called Angelo's Delicatessen. Weird.

A fancy green glass bottle that contained truffle-flavoured olive oil. According to the very pretty label, it was olive oil that had been hand picked and pressed by Italian virgins or some such nonsense. I couldn't work out why Heero - or anyone - would send me something like that.

_Dear Duo, _

_This might come in useful if you feel the urge to do any cooking. On the other hand, you might let me take you out to lunch today._

_Love _

_Heero. _

Smart ass.

There was also a small box of handmade chocolates, and a tin of fancy cocoa powder, which claimed to be made from an organic plantation in the Dominican Republic and have an off-the-charts cocoa content.

Who needs stupid flowers anyway?

_Love, Heero. _

Suddenly, I couldn't stop grinning, as I replaced everything neatly back in the bag, stroking the picture of Honey with one finger. It was odd, how I'd started missing her.

'How is Honey anyway?'

Trowa gave me a sly little smile. 'He's fine. Missing you.'

'Very funny, Barton.' Missing me, eh? 'He's asked me out to lunch. Today. I don't suppose you'd like to come too?'

'I don't suppose Heero would be too keen on me tagging along, somehow. No, you go with him. I need to make some calls.'

'OK. Don't forget what I said? I mean it. Do you need a lift back to Heero's place?'

'I've got his car. Talk to you later, all right? Have fun. I'll have a word with Wufei on the way out.'

A few minutes later, Wufei wandered over, dragging what looked like half a tree behind him with one hand, chainsaw and toolkit in the other.

''Fei, why don't you just tell him you burnt the damn thing? He'll think it's hilarious.'

'Absolutely not!'

Oh dear.

'But Zechs said it was from some really rare tree. You don't think someone will notice if you substitute a different sort of wood?'

'This _is_ Sanque Red Oak; it's rare in Sanque, but it's traditional for every Sanque embassy to keep some trees in the grounds. It's approximately the right shape, so now all we have to do is replicate the one that got burnt.' He produced a small handsaw and hacked through one of the smaller branches.

'But we don't know anything about sculpting or carving or whatever it's called!'

'I'm sure there's plenty of information on the internet. And you're artistic; you're always drawing things.'

'Okay, I seriously don't see the point of any of this. I thought you guys were all loved-up again?'

'We are!' He snapped it out, punctuating the words by slicing off another branch. Crack! 'We're perfectly fine.'

'Wu, I've used garottes that are less tense than you are right now. Want to talk about it? Or I could just bore you going on about my problems?'

'It's nothing, Duo. Forget it.'

'Is it the wedding thing?'

He gave me a stubborn little nod.

'That's normal, 'Fei. It's a big step and everything. Remember how Sally was before she got married? It's okay to be nervous.'

No response.

'Look, he's worried about you. He knows there's something up with you and he doesn't know what he's done wrong. If he'd thought for one second that this would freak you out so much, he'd never have proposed.'

'I - do want to spend my life with him. I do, really,' he looked at me, almost defiantly, and I gave him an uncertain little nod, not entirely sure where all this was coming from.

'What if he regrets it, later on? What if he meets someone else?'

Oh, shit.

'He loves you. 'Fei. He is insane about you. He doesn't want someone else; he wants _you_. Come on, has he ever so much as looked as another guy since you met him?'

'All the time. You know that.'

Oops.

'OK, but it doesn't mean anything. I mean, you guys are so perfect together. And you wouldn't be tempted, would you? So why d'you think Zechsy would?'

'It's something Heero said.'

'_Heero_? When?'

'Years ago, back when you two were together.' He stared stonily at his little collection of tools, no doubt wishing he could hack Heero into smithereens. 'I used to envy the two of you, sometimes. How close you were. He told me once he could never imagine being with anyone except you. Ever. And that didn't last.'

'It's different, Wu. We were just kids; we were both screwed up. It's nothing like you and Zechs. You guys won't be like that.'

Damn. It was something I'd always felt guilty about; Wufei coming to terms with being gay, and me in the background trying desperately to find a way to live without Heero. He'd gone into a gay bar for the first time to drag me out; he was the one who'd spent countless nights letting me talk and cry and imagine elaborate plans to murder Heero and Relena.

I knew that at some level he'd decided then that he was never going to go through that; was never going to give that much control over his own life to another person.

'Nothing's cast in stone. You know that. But I know he loves you; he'd kill himself rather than hurt you; he'd do anything for you, 'Fei. You have to stop comparing yourself to what I went through. You wouldn't react like I did. I wouldn't let you, okay?' I reached out and tucked a little spray of blossom behind his ear, ruffled ivory petals gleaming against his hair. 'Talk to him when he gets back.'

He nodded. 'Have you spoken to Heero today?'

'Not exactly; he sent me a note, though. He asked me out, 'Fei. I'd really like to see him, just to talk.'

He shrugged. 'You hardly need to ask my permission.'

'You know that's not what I mean!' OK, deep breath, Duo. ''Fei, I've survived without him for the past five years, and that's mainly because of you. I would like to see him, but I won't if you really hate it. I don't want to risk losing your friendship over this.'

'I told you, last night, that I don't think you should get involved with him. Not after the last time. I just don't want to see you going through that again. You don't _know _him any more, Duo; not really. You don't know if he's even changed.'

'I know.' I picked one of the windblown flowers off the lawn and gently pulled off one petal. _He loves me._

'I have thought about this, you know.' Another petal. _He loves me not. _'But I've changed. I'm not sixteen now. I have my own life; I don't know if he'll even fit into it, if we'll even like each other now, but I'd just …' _Loves me. Loves me not. Damn. _'…I'd like to try. Just to see if maybe there is anything left.'

I let the tattered flower fall, not wanting to see how many petals were left. It's just a stupid kids' game, anyway.

Wufei sighed, picking at a piece of bark. 'Are you going to call him?'

'Yeah. I guess.'

He had written _love Heero _on his note.

'Um, 'Fei, can I borrow your 'phone for a sec?'


	32. Defining Dating

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Gundam Wing, and I'm doing this purely for the fun of it.

Note - Many, many thanks to Kaeru Shisho who literally walked me through me through this one, in all its colour- coded incarnations, to Wolfje for the incredible artwork (which I have to figure out how to post) and to everyone who's been sending me such lovely reviews.

Pairings - 1+2

****

Defining Dating:

Walking through the gates of the Sanque Embassy to Heero's car, I felt like I was in some sort of weird hostage exchange situation. Heero got me; Wufei got a promise that I would be back by nine o'clock that evening.

'Fei was … not happy with the idea of us spending the day together. I'd half expected him to send Zechs, who'd turned up shortly before I'd left, with me as a chaperone or something.

The whole thing was just weird. I mean, I'd seen Heero just the day before, I'd been living in his house formost ofthe pastweek anyway, so it shoudn't have felt that strange.

'Can I ask you something?' I had to remove the end of my braid from my mouth to ask the question; it's a disgusting habit, I know, but not a bad stress reliever.

'Of course.'

'Um, is this like a 'date' thing or a friend thing? Because I'd actually like to know in advance this time.'

'It's a date thing,' he informed me firmly. 'At least, I would very much like it to be. If that's all right with you?'

'I guess.' An actual date, huh? 'You do know what that actually involves?'

He grinned over at me. 'I do have a vague idea, yes. I invited you, so I get to shower you with extravagant compliments, indulge your every whim and possibly show you a certain amount of physical affection, at your discretion. Does that sound acceptable?'

'I - could probably live with it.' Oh yeah. The extravagant compliments sounded sort of nice, actually. Not to mention the whole whim-indulgence thing. Not so shabby. Even if you ignored the bit about the physical affection. I had to wonder exactly what sort of pep talk Zechs had given him.

__

'

Um, the physical bit. If this is our first date, I don't think very much would be permissible.'

'This is our second date, Duo. You haven't forgotten dinner the other night, have you? I rather think that would count as our first.'

__

First date.

Well, I suppose it had been, even if I hadn't entirely realised it at the time.

We'd never really dated as such.

I mean, we met in the middle of a war; the few opportunities we'd had to be together had been little pockets of escapism snatched from all the death and destruction that made up our reality. It wasn't as if we'd ever had the chance to skive off in the middle of a mission to get dinner and a movie. Afterwards, we'd been - sort of established, so we'd never actually done the whole dating thing.

'Talking of that other night, I know you've probably got reservations made and all that, but can we not go somewhere like that place?'

Heero laughed. 'It was bit over the top, wasn't it? My fault, I asked Lucca to recommend somewhere quiet; I didn't realise it would be quite so...intimate.'

'It was nice,' I said absently.

Stupid Duo; I'd been angry at the thought that he'd selected the place as some sort of exercise in seduction, and now I was peeved that he hadn't.

'So you weren't planning on booking a room after dinner that other night, and having your way with me in a four-poster bed, then?'

'I can think of nothing I'd like more, although I'm not quite sure where I'd get a four-poster bed. Would that actually have been allowed on a first date?'

'Probably not.' I tugged a lock of hair free and curled it around one finger. 'Where are we going, anyway?'

I hadn't really been noticing where we were going, only vaguely aware that we seemed to be driving in circles around the Cathedral.

'I'm not sure. I thought I'd wait and see what you might like to do.'

'Seriously?' I twisted around to look at him. 'You mean, you don't have ten possible plans, with a whole list of back-up contingencies?'

'Not exactly. It's a lovely day, so I thought we could go out into the country and have a picnic. Or just stay in the city and wander around. Or we could find a bar to watch the football match. Florence is playing Rome in the Italian Cup Final.'

'I think I'd like to go for a picnic; I've done all the tourist stuff already and you know that watching sports bores me to tears. Don't tell me you've developed an interest in team sports?'

'Not me. But Lucca's a big fan. He's always talking about some match. I think he really only watches because he likes some of the players though.'

'Mmm.' I flipped my braid over one shoulder so I could twiddle with the end. 'He's really nice, isn't he?'

'Absolutely.' His turn to give me a quick glance. 'Don't fall for him, Duo. That would make things ridiculously complicated.'

'Oh. Um.' OK, braid back to mouth. Complicated how? Because he liked Lucca? 'Did you two seriously never go out together?'

'Not like that. He drags me off to clubs occasionally.'

'When we were in that clothes shop, I'm sure you said you never went out!'

His mouth curled into a little, sly smile. 'I thought if you felt sorry for me, you'd agree to have dinner with me. Sorry.'

'Charming. There I was picturing you at home every night with your dog and your law journals for company, and you've really turned into some sort of party animal?'

'Not exactly. But I do try to be sociable sometimes.'

'Wow,' I grinned at him, noticing that we'd moved on to the motorway. 'I guess miracles do happen sometimes. So are we just driving aimlessly or do you actually know where we're headed?'

'I thought we'd go up to Fiesole; I'm not sure if you've ever been there? It's a little town about twenty minutes' drive away. We can go for a hike in the hills and then I'll buy you dinner before we head back for your curfew.'

'Great; I'm glad you're offering to pay though.' I said glumly. 'I had an email from my boss this morning; he's not too happy with me right now. I've already had to miss one really important meeting with a client, and I've had to pull out of his next big project since I don't have any idea how long I have to stay here. I'll probably need to start saving my money in case I'm unemployed in the near future.'

'That's ridiculous, Duo! None of this is your fault. Anyway, I'm sure you have a contract.'

'Not really. I'm sort of freelance; I just work on different projects when Mitch needs me. It's worked pretty well up to now.'

'If you've worked continuously for more than two years for the same employer, the law will see that as being a contract in effect. I imagine you'd have a case to fight unfair dismissal.'

'It's not really unfair though, is it? If I can't actually do my job properly? Still, I guess I could hire you if it comes to that. If I could afford your fees.'

Heero grinned. 'I do a lot of _pro bono _work.' Well, that made sense; considering he'd decimated OZ bank accounts during the War, it wasn't like he'd ever need any more money. 'I'd need to brush up on employment legislation though.'

'I always thought you'd end up as a prosecutor, you know? Nailing the bad guys. I thought that was what you wanted.'

'I used to,' He shrugged. 'I don't know; maybe having peace is only worthwhile if everyone has the chance to enjoy it. To have the same opportunities.'

'Still have that whole save the world fixation, huh?'

'You can't talk.' He half-lifted one hand from the steering wheel, then replaced it. 'We were talking about the rules for dating. Is hand holding permissible?'

'I believe so.'

'May I?'

He slid one hand over mine, and his fingers curled around it..

'Remember the first time we did this?'

'Always.' It had been seven years ago; half a world away.

'It seems like a whole other lifetime, doesn't it?' I couldn't quite look at him, turning my head to gaze out of the window, but seeing flat farmlands and a highway that stretched all the way to the horizon, straight and sharp as a steel ruler, instead of a narrow road winding through the Italian countryside; stone houses and vineyards and two girls on a moped, waving as we passed them.

'We're still the same people.'

'Are we? We were just kids then.'

'Some things don't change.'

I could still remember the feeling of wonder that he'd actually reached out for me; the first time I'd ever really dared to believe that he cared.

'I suppose not. It was amazing, you know? Back then, I didn't know if you even liked me, half the time, or whether I was just imagining stuff because I wanted to be with you so much.'

'You didn't imagine it.' He squeezed my hand gently. 'What happened to us, Duo?'

'I don't want to talk about that. Not today.'

'Duo, love, we can't just pretend the past never happened.'

'I _know_. I know we have all that stuff to talk about. I just don't want to do it now. Can't we just have this one day without spoiling it?'

It was partly something Zechs had said, just before I'd left; that I should just try to enjoy Heero's company and see if I still wanted him before getting too caught up in what had happened between us.

Partly that I wanted to have one more memory of the two of us if - when - it all went wrong again.

'You said you were going to indulge me, remember?' I lifted our joined hands, swiped my tongue across his knuckles. 'Please?'

'If that's what you want. But don't you think we'd be capable of talking without it turning into a fight?'

'You're the lawyer. I assume you know what historical precedent means? Can't we just talk about sports or work or something?'

'I always thought you'd end up doing something technical.'

'I like it. Next best thing to flying; I do get to go on test flights as well. It's pretty cool. Still can't believe sometimes that I'm this professional with degrees and shit.'

'Baka.' His hand tightened briefly around mine. 'I always told you that you could do anything you wanted to.'

'Yeah. The first year was a nightmare. I mean, I could do all the practical stuff blindfolded but I'd no idea how to write essays or reports or whatever. 'Fei got me through it, really. He used to drag me into classes; no, I'm serious, and I'd get to drag him out of the library to eat occasionally.'

'He's still studying oriental history?'

'Yep. Still working on his Doctorate; he'll probably end up having to publish it in a dozen separate volumes as he keeps finding new material to put in it. And Zechs keeps distracting him.'

'I can imagine.' Heero slid the car to a halt beside a high wall and I looked around in delight; it was lovely - stone houses with flowers spilling from their window boxes huddled together around a church and a couple of cafés had arranged tables in the main square under bright umbrellas.

'We can look around the village before we before we have dinner if you like. I thought we'd go for a walk first.' He handed me a bottle of water and slung a small backpack over one shoulder. 'This way.'

We turned away from the church and the narrow path began to climb through orchards covered in pink haze of blossom.

'This is so beautiful. I should've brought my camera. Or a sketch pad.'

'I loved that sketch you did of Honey.'

'I'm not that good, not compared to Zechs.'

'You always did underestimate yourself.'

'Did I? I'm not being modest; he's a real artist and I just sketch for fun. But you can have the drawing if you like. Call it a thank you for letting me stay with you.'

'There's no need to thank me. It was a pleasure to have you there.'

'Oh.' I wasn't sure if I could say the same; not exactly. 'I forgot to thank you for all the presents. And I'm really sorry I wrecked your pan.'

'Well, some things never change,' he teased. 'Do you remember you once made me baked potatoes with custard?'

'So what? It wasn't that bad; dairy and carbohydrate.' I stopped to take a swig of water; the little path was climbing more steeply into open meadows. 'You wouldn't be so picky if you'd ever had to eat garbage out of the gutter.'

Damn. I shouldn't have said that. He always got upset when I mentioned how I'd grown up; I mean, it wasn't like he'd been responsible or anything.'

'Anyway, I'll have you know my culinary horizons have broadened a lot in the last few years,' I said quickly, handing him the water bottle. 'Zechs and Wu are both amazing cooks. I know all about gourmet cuisine now.'

'I hope you weren't too disappointed with my cooking,' he gibed back

'Oh, I was a guest in your home. It would have been impolite to complain.' OK, I guess I hadn't needed to worry about this being awkward. It was the opposite. 'And I forgot to thank you for giving Tro all my stuff this morning.'

He laughed. 'Another thing that hasn't changed. I checked your room after you left; you invariably used to forget things. It always surprised me that you never left Scythe somewhere and forgot about him.'

'Oy! I wasn't _that_ bad!' OK, maybe I was. I just tend to be easily distracted.

'Possibly not,' he conceded. 'But I thought you'd need your 'phone. And you left that shirt you wore out to dinner.'

Ah, _that_ shirt. The one he'd chosen for me. The one I'd been planning never to wear again. Well, maybe I would, now.

'I really liked it,' I said a bit uncertainly.

'What you're wearing now suits you too. I've never seen you wear red before.'

'Oh.' I stopped to lean across a stone wall, looking down over the valley and trying hard not to blush the same shade as my red shirt. There are limits to the whole colour coordination thing. 'Is this where you start with the extravagant compliments?'

'If you like. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable.'

'You won't.' I scraped a little bit of moss off one of the stones with a fingernail. 'I've got better at the whole accepting compliments thing. Anyway, this top's one of the ones Lucca picked it out for me. '

'Top?' he sounded amused. 'Don't you mean shirt?'

'Do I? Lucca said it was a top. I thought it was an Italian thing.'

'It's a very gay Italian thing.'

'Well, I am gay. Anyway, whatever it's called, it's not something I'd really choose for myself.'

'It should be,' he commented, coming to stand beside me and sliding one arm around my waist. 'You look stunning. And the colour is perfect with your hair.'

'Wow.' I swallowed; it would be so terribly easy just to melt into that light touch. 'Two compliments in as many minutes. You're quite sure you're the real Heero Yuy?'

'Last time I looked,' he informed me seriously. 'Do you want to check?'

'Hmm, let's see. Favourite food? Favourite colour? No, they're too easy. I know! What's the thing that freaks you out most in the world?'

He actually winced. 'You _know _that, Duo.'

'Mmmm. But I want to hear you say it.'

'Paper cuts.'

'Tell me why?' I teased, leaning against him ever so slightly, feeling his weight shift just a little to one side.

'Sadist.' He shuddered, reaching out to tug my braid. 'They're just so….wrong. Paper shouldn't be dangerous to touch. Are you sure I'm me, now?'

'Not quite. What was the first thing I ever gave you?'

'Those two bullets. I still have them, if you ever feel like shooting me again.'

'I'll bear that in mind. Just in case. So…where was the first place you ever kissed me?'

'Just here.' He let my braid drop and his fingers cupped my chin, tilting my face towards him.

'That's not what I - Oh.' His lips grazed lightly against my right temple, touching a scar so old I couldn't even remember how or where I'd got it.

'I guess you're you after all.'

'I guess I must be,' he agreed, fingertips ghosting across my skin, my lips,

'Duo, sweetheart; if you don't stop looking at me like that, I'm going to have to do something that's wholly inappropriate for a second date. '

__

I wouldn't mind that.

I managed not to say it aloud, but only just, only because he'd taken my hand and was leading me up the pathway, just wide enough for us to walk side by side as it swooped up the hillside, swirling through olive groves and past old stone farmhouses. The views of Florence were incredible; I could just make out the Cathedral dome rising above the city roofs.

'Wow. I can't believe there's no one else here.'

Heero shrugged. 'It's a bit early in the season for tourists, and most of the locals are probably sleeping off their lunch.'

'Did you say lunch? You mean you're going to feed me?'

'I told you I'd would, didn't I? If we keep on this path for another mile or so, there's a viewpoint on the hillside. We can eat there, if you can last that long?'

'That's fine. Is there a café up there?'

'There's a café in here,' he grinned at me, patting his backpack with his free hand; the one that wasn't holding mine like he'd never left me. Like we'd never been apart.

'Some date this is turning out to be,' I teased. 'You're going to make me climb halfway up a mountain, all for a couple of protein bars and an apple to share?'

'I think we can do better than that.'

'Oh? You were so sure I'd want to come out with you?'

'Not at all. It would have been dinner for Trowa and myself otherwise.'

Heero's viewpoint turned out to be a little patch of grass shaded by a stand of pine trees. You could Florence on one side; to the left the hill sloped sharply down to a green valley, crisscrossed by the threads of silvery streams.

'Happy now?'

'You bet. I want to come and live here. This is the most perfect place.'

'I knew you'd like it.' Heero looked up from unpacking his bag, laying out bread, sliced meats, cheese, and little cartons of olives, sun dried tomatoes and roasted peppers. 'You should see it in Summer, when the sunflowers are in bloom. You'd love that.'

'I don't think I'll still be here.' I actually felt a teeny tinge of regret at the thought, keeping my eyes firmly on the slice of bread I was loading with cheese and tomatoes.

It was unlikely I'd even be here in a week; I'd no idea where I would be; Trowa had emailed me that morning saying he was going to try to find us passage on a shuttle to L4. Couldn't say that to Heero, of course.

'You must be looking forward to going home.' I glanced over at that, and his eyes were focused on the little container of tomatoes he was holding, very definitely not looking anywhere near me.

I hadn't even thought about that; I'd either be on L4 or locked up or on the run. Definitely not picnicking in the Tuscany countryside; definitely not with him. Not something I wanted to think about, not when I was in the middle of this shining fantasy.

'D'you remember that poster you bought me? The one with the field of sunflowers.'

Heero nodded. 'The one we had over the bed.' He absently lifted a piece of cheese and bread, only to put it back down uneaten. I knew suddenly just what he was thinking of; the bedroom in the house we'd shared after the War, with those sunflowers covering the patch of mould on the wall. Damn, I hadn't thought of that in years.

'Duo, I'm sorry. For everything.'

'Yeah.' Eating is a good distraction; I took a bite of my carefully constructed sandwich, chewing slowly. 'It wasn't all your fault. I guess I was a nightmare to live with, huh? In your place, I'd probably have left me.'

'You've no idea how much I've missed you.'

'I probably have, actually. I - don't want to do this now, OK? Can we just enjoy this for a bit?' I took another bite. 'When do the sunflowers start to come out?'

'Not for a few months. When did you start to like orchids?' I must have looked pretty mystified because he elaborated. 'Milliardo said they were your favourite flowers. Last night.'

'Oh.' I reached out and helped myself to a handful of olives. 'I can't believe you three guys all went out together. And no one got killed. Not as far as I know anyway.'

'No one died. Although I thought Trowa was going to attack Milliardo a couple of times, the way he was talking about Quatre.'

'He'd had a row with 'Fei,' I explained. 'He was just stressed about that. And you do know he likes to be called Zechs, don't you?'

'Of course,' he smiled slightly. 'I still find it hard to believe those two are together.'

'Tell me about it. They're great together, but the first few times they went out, I expected 'Fei to come home having killed him. That's how I got into the whole orchid thing actually. Zechs bought him one as a gift and Wu was insulted to be given such a girly present.'

I started to arrange my olive pits into a pattern, remembering. Wufei had been ranting over the slight to his masculinity, and I'd been totally enraptured that a plant could produce such exquisite flowers.

'I ended up taking care of it, and then got into the whole thing. It's kind of cool, grafting different varieties on to each other. I like that you've got plants too.'

I think he'd stopped listening by then, staring dreamily at me. I flicked an olive stone at him. 'Hello, am I boring you?'

'Of course not! I was just thinking how much I want to kiss you.'

'You know,' I said carefully, 'if you did kiss me so soon, you'd be violating all sorts of second date rules. I don't know if you'd be prepared to do that?'

'I could always blame your corrupting influence.'

'Huh! I'm not the one who used to look up all those websites!'

'I was conducting secondary research,' he informed me smugly. 'And I don't recall you complaining at the time.'

'Maybe I was just humouring you.'

'Is that what it's called? Maybe you'd consider….humouring me again?'

'Persuade me.'

I tilted my head slightly, let my lashes flutter closed, waiting for him and then jerked back at the sound of footsteps. A middle-aged couple, dressed like they were out to conquer the Himalayas, nodded politely as they walked past, the woman throwing a quick wink in my direction.

'That's all you need. To be charged with gross public indecency,' I tried to make a joke of it; tried hard not to look as embarrassed as I was feeling.

'It wasn't all that indecent.' Heero didn't look particularly discomfited; he's always been much more laid back about public displays. He'd probably been having al fresco sex for years with cute Italian guys anyway.

'Not all that gross, really,' I whispered.

'No? Want to try again?'

'I'll probably taste of olives. Just so you know.'

'I know.'

The kiss drifted on dragonfly wings, fragile as a shaft of sunlight.

'Wow. You could - probably do that again. If you wanted.'

Well. That was a bit forward, wasn't it? It was suddenly far too easy to pretend we'd never been apart, to slide into those old, familiar patterns.

'Duo Maxwell! Are you propositioning me? In broad daylight?'

'That's what it sounded like. Are you going to accept?'

'Damn!' OK, that wasn't aimed at me, but at a group of teenagers carrying enormous rucksacks; they were followed by an old man with two inquisitive poodles who wanted to eat the remains of our lunch.

'We should have brought Honey with us really,' I said when we were finally alone again. 'You know, it still seems kind of weird that you have a pet.'

'I never really meant to get a dog. Lucca was seeing a guy who helped out at the shelter I dropped him off there one night and they were just bringing Honey in. They said most people want a puppy; not an adult dog that's been trained for security and she'd probably have to be put down.'

'So you brought her home?' He nodded. 'That was really sweet of you.'

'_Sweet_?' He sounded disgusted at the idea. 'That's so…girly. I'm not sweet, Duo.'

'Oh, yes you are!' I flicked an olive stone at him, laughing. 'Come on, your dog's called Honey. How gay is that?'

'That was the name the girl in the shelter gave her.'

'Sure it was. Well, if you don't want to be sweet, I think it's _adorable _that you saved her. Is that any better?'

'Marginally. I'd rather you adored me than thought I was sweet.'

Oh. Had I said that. Oops. Wasn't sure I wanted the conversation going in that direction.

'What do you do when you have to travel for work? Put her in a kennel?'

'Lucca takes her sometimes, or if he can't one of my other friends looks after her.'

'It that, like, friends, plural?'

'Yes, actually, believe it or not. ' he teased. 'No, I did think about taking her, but I wasn't sure what we were going to do. Trowa was going to walk her; I think he was glad to have her for company. Plus I wanted you all to myself today.'

Oh. Another compliment.

'I'm really sorry I never told you about him; it was all a bit surreal, the way it happened. I mean, we just spent a couple of days together, and then I went to India and he went off to the circus and then all of this _happened_.' I shook my head. 'It was like some sort of fantasy; that Trowa could be interested in me.'

'Baka. Actually, I think that's the way he felt about you.'

'Really?'

'Really.' He took a long drink of water, thumbnail picking at the label on the bottle. 'It was…something of a shock, you know. I'd never have said anything if I'd known you two were happy together.'

'Just as well you didn't know then. And I'm glad you said something.'

'So…how am I doing so far?'

'Adequate.' I lay back on the grass, shading my eyes with one arm. 'Of course, I'll have to deduct points for you not finding a way to block the footpath and give us some privacy.'

'You never used to be this demanding.'

'Well, I did tell you I'd changed.' I reached up and smoothed one lock of hair off his forehead. 'Aren't I worth it?'

'Absolutely.' He smiled down at me, one hand sliding over my braid. 'Is there any possible way I could redeem myself?'

'You wouldn't happen to have a fabulous dessert stashed away somewhere?'

'Unfortunately not. But I do know a little place back in Fiesole that serves home-made ice-cream. Would that do?'

'Will you go down and get me some? Please? You said you'd indulge my every whim, after all.'

'Of course I will. If you really want a bowl of melted gloop.'

'Oh. That's a good point. I'd better come with you then. Before the rest of the Italian hiking club decides to walk past and catches us making out.'

'I'm so glad you called this morning.' He pulled me up and gave me a quick kiss on the forehead.

'Would you have rung me, if I hadn't?'

'Honestly? I don't know. Probably. I really wanted to see you, but I didn't want you to feel that I was pressuring you. I wasn't sure if you wanted some space to think about things.'

'Thinking's overrated, sometimes. And a little pressure can be a good thing.' I smiled as he pressed my hand. 'You don't think it's going to be a little awkward, if you insist on holding my hand for the rest of our lives?'

'I think we'll get used to it. I don't plan on letting you go again.'

'Oh, God. I'd totally forgotten how sappy you can be when you try,' I groaned.

'For your information, that was romantic, not _sappy_.'

'Sorry, Heero, but that was pure, undiluted sap.' His eyes shone into mine; I'd said his name. OK, maybe not the most romantic declaration in the world - that had always been his forte, rather than mine, but he knew what it meant.


	33. Afternoon Tea

Disclaimer - they unfortunately don't belong to me, and this is just me having fun.

Note - Many, many thanks to my alpha-plus beta-readers, KS and Snow, for all of their help and support , and to all my wonderful reviewers.

**Afternoon Tea: **

Heero dropped my hand as we crossed the village square, and just like that, we walked out of my sun-splashed, pine-scented fantasy into the real world.

I knew he'd done it for my sake; because he thought I wouldn't be that comfortable with the whole public display thing, but the little rejection still stung.

We were back to reality and he didn't really want me anymore.

The café we went to had a little terrace overlooking the valley, and they obviously knew Heero there. The waiter who led us to our table fired a volley of questions at him, and the two girls behind the counter waved and smiled.

None of this was particularly special for him. It was probably what he did every weekend and I couldn't help wondering if this was where he brought all his dates.

It all just reinforced the feeling that there was so much we didn't know about each other's lives. He had friends I'd never met and he went to nightclubs and sat in cafés on Sunday afternoons.

Welcome to Heero's World.

It was four o'clock; just nicely timed to miss the lunch crowd and the dinner crowd, so we had the terrace to ourselves.

I kept my head down, pretending to study the menu and wondering if there was a bus service back to Florence, while Heero chatted with the young waitress who was fussing around, bringing us napkins and taking our drinks order.

'Have you decided what you want yet? Or are you just going to have everything?' Heero sounded just a little uncertain, as if he wanted to tease but wasn't quite sure how I'd take it.

We'd kept the conversation fairly light on the walk down; he'd wanted to know so many things about my life and I told him about my car and how we'd converted the attic into an art studio, and how once a bear had come right up to the kitchen door. It was sort of nice at the start, telling him all the little details of my life with him hanging on to every word, and then it started to seem like the sort of conversation I could have with a total stranger.

I didn't really want anything, and randomly picked a scoop of chocolate truffle ice-cream and one of raspberry sorbet, just because they were the first on the list.

'Duo? Is everything all right?'

'This all just seems a bit weird, you know.'

'Weird,' He pronounced it carefully, testing it out. 'I don't know - surreal maybe. I still can't believe you're here with me.'

'I guess.' I smiled at the girl who'd brought our drinks, took a long swallow of my lemon soda.

'Duo, have I done something wrong?'

'It's not you. It's all just …'

'Weird. I know.' He sighed. 'You're not the only who's scared of all this, Duo. Actually, terrified is probably a better word. I keep thinking I'm going to upset you somehow and I'll lose you again and I won't even know why. I don't even know if you'll even want to see me again after today.'

Our ice-creams arrived then, bright confections in glass bowls, adorned with chocolate wafers and little paper umbrellas, brought by an elderly lady who beamed at us both.

'We could probably start selling tickets at this stage,' I muttered. 'Haven't you noticed; we've had most of the staff out here at some point? Probably they've started calling their friends at this point.'

'I normally come in here by myself. I think they're glad I've got some company.'

'You come here a lot, huh?'

'Sometimes. Duo, I wish you'd tell me what's wrong. I - thought it was all going well, earlier; when we were outside.'

'It was.' I wasn't sure how to tell him that it had been wonderful; a little slice of how I'd always imagined our lives might have been. That I'd manage to write myself into a romantic fantasy for a couple of hours, but it hadn't been real.

He waited until it was pretty damn obvious I wasn't going to elaborate. 'Can I ask you something?'

I nodded, swirling raspberry-pink patterns across the side of my dish.

'Would it help if we put this on hold for a while? Just until everything else is settled? I don't want to be one more thing for you to have to worry about.'

'I don't know. Maybe.' I wasn't actually sure what that was supposed to mean, whether it was just a nicely packaged way of getting me out his life, and I think this might have shown on my face.

'Oh, Duo.' He actually moved one hand across the table toward mine, before snatching it back, not wanting to make any wrong moves. 'I'm not trying to push you away. I swear. But maybe you should take some time to think about all this. Decide what it is that you really want. Would that help?'

'Do you want me to go?' I carefully placed my spoon back in the bowl, deciding I didn't want any more. It was too cold, too sweet, too full of annoying little bits of frozen raspberry.

'No!' He punctuated it by banging his glass down on the table. 'Of course I don't,' he said, more quietly. 'I am trying so hard not to pressure you into anything, and I'm scared you think that means that I don't care. I don't want you to leave, truly.'

'I just can't see how any of this is going to work. I mean, we live on opposite sides of the world. We have totally separate lives.'

'Duo, wait.' He did reach for me then; I don't know if he ever realised what he was doing but I grabbed his hand and clung to it. 'If we really want to, we can work something out. I want you to be sure of what you want. That's all.'

'What happens when I'm able to leave? I can't just abandon my life and come to live with you.'

'Of course not. I don't think this is the time to make any serious decisions, is it? Maybe we should just spend some more time together and see how we get on.'

'And then what happens? If we still…like each other?'

'I don't know. If we want to be together, then we'll manage something.'

'I don't see how,' I muttered, 'What are you suggesting; that you'll leave your job and emigrate to a whole other continent?'

He shrugged. 'It's only a job, Duo. It's not that important. I'm sure I could find something else.'

He was making this awfully hard, wasn't he? Saying all those things I would have given anything for him to say six years ago. Of course it wouldn't work. We'd already tried and it hadn't worked then.

'I wish I could tell what you're thinking. You're not going to tell me, are you?'

Damn. I didn't want to do this; not now. Although since my shining day had already been tarnished, it didn't really matter if we ended up arguing. There was sure to be some sort of public transport out of here, and even if there wasn't, I could always find a cab with a driver who spoke enough English to understand 'Sanque Embassy'.

Wufei would be thrilled if I came home early and I could help him with his art forgery.

'This is just - really hard, OK?' I stared down at my bowl of uneaten ice-cream, which I'd somehow mashed into a muddy brown gloop. Very unappetising. 'Would you mind just giving me a couple of minutes? By myself?'

'Of course I will. Anything you want. Can I get you a drink inside?'

'Lemon and ginger tea. With honey if they have it?'

'I'm sure they will,' he hesitated for a second, standing beside my chair. 'Duo, whenever you want to leave, just tell me and I'll take you. You don't have to run off, all right?'

After he'd gone inside, I had the terrace all to myself and just sat back in my chair and did some of my breathing exercises, trying to calm down a little and wondering what Quat would tell me to do.

He'd always had this blind faith that if I could only tell Heero precisely what it was that I wanted, we could work things out.

Sure.

Oh, it had worked, once upon a time. During the War, I'd been able share everything with Heero. Things I'd never dared to admit aloud, even to myself.

It had all gone so wrong, after. He'd made a seamless adjustment from wanted terrorist to war hero and star Preventers agent, while I'd desperately tried to pretend I was coping by myself. There was no way he'd want to stay with me if he found out just how screwed up I was. He wouldn't to face the rest of his life with a dependent, clingy liability hanging 'round his neck, would he?

I'd tried so damned hard to go along with everything he wanted and it had all been for nothing. He'd left, and I'd known all along that he would.

'Tea,' Heero arrived back at the table, placing a tray down carefully. 'Do you want that ice-cream or shall I get rid of it?'

'It looks pretty gross, doesn't it? D'you remember, that time when I told Quat if I didn't eat ice-cream once a week, I'd go into cardiac arrest?'

'I miss him too.'

'Yeah.' I dribbled some honey into my tea, for something to do. 'I don't get any of this. I can't believe Quat's just vanished. I can't believe he and Tro aren't together any more; that Tro actually left him.'

'I believe he had his reasons,' Heero said tightly.

'I guess. I just never thought those two would split up, even after Trowa left, Quat seemed so desperate to get him back. He left me this one 'phone message saying he was really worried about Tro and he knew I'd help him just because I knew what it was like to - to lose someone. That I'd know exactly how he was feeling.'

Heero's mouth twisted. 'That was cruel.'

'No, it wasn't.. I mean, I know it was manipulative and everything but it just seemed that he wanted Tro back so badly that he'd do anything, even if it meant hurting me in the process. He said that he knew he could fix things if he could just _talk_ to Tro and he was crying at the end. I just felt so freaking angry with Tro, that he was putting Quat through all this and Quat just wanted to fix whatever it was he'd done.'

Trowa was the one who'd left, the one who'd walked out on their relationship.

'Did you call him?'

'Wufei made me promise I wouldn't tell him that Tro was staying with us and I knew if Quat asked straight out that I wouldn't be able to lie.' I took another sip of tea. 'It's all my fault. I should have just called him and they could have sorted it out. Maybe none of this would have happened if Tro'd been with him.'

'That's not true. Of course it's not your fault. They've been having problems for months now.'

'Well, I didn't know that,' I muttered, taking a sip of tea, realising that I'd ordered something I didn't particularly like, but which happened to be Quatre's favourite. 'I can't believe neither of them told me anything about this.'

'Trowa assumed you knew. You and Quatre always tell each other everything.'

'Used to!' I corrected. 'We used to tell each other everything. I mean, we do still talk, or we did before this happened, but it's ages since he told me any personal stuff.'

Did that make me a terrible person, that I couldn't remember the last time I'd had a proper conversation with my best friend? It wasn't like he'd just stopped calling me out of the blue. For the first year or so after my accident, we'd talked to each other several times a day. It had just tapered off, as he got more and more involved in WEI, and then in politics, and I'd actually started to enjoy studying.

We'd gone through a stage of calling each other religiously twice a week, but then I'd had exams coming up, and he'd been increasingly busy and we'd decided that maybe it wasn't practical any more to stick to a definite schedule.

'Tro told me some stuff when he was staying with us; I guess you know about all that? That he hit Quatre?'

Heero nodded, deliberately not looking at me. 'I don't believe it was entirely Trowa's fault. Quat had gone off without telling anyone; Trowa was frantic - someone had tried to assassinate Quatre not long before - and Trowa just lost his temper. Well, you know what Quat can be like; he wouldn't say what he'd been doing; just said he could take care of himself, and that he was sick of Trowa wanting to control him all the time.'

'I can imagine. But there's still no excuse for what Trowa did.'

'No,' Heero agreed softly. 'You don't know how terrible he felt about it.. I talked to him after it happened, and he was so scared of what else he might do if he stayed. I thought it was the best thing for him just to leave for a few days and give them both some time apart.'

'You did _what_?' I exploded. 'You fucking told him to walk out on Quatre?'

'No! I thought they both needed a little space, even just a few days; he stayed with me for a few days and then he went to visit Cathy. When he went back, Quatre blamed Cathy and me for interfering; he was convinced he could fix things by himself, but I think it all just got worse. Trowa was convinced something was wrong; he insisted on trying to supervise everything Quat did, and that just made everything worse.'

'Tro told me he got pretty paranoid.'

'Something like that. He half killed one of their maids one morning; he hadn't realised she'd come into their bedroom and thought she was another assassin. I think Quat started drugging him after that.'

'Mmm.' Damn, but I really didn't want to think Quat capable of doing that. Not that I didn't believe Tro but the whole thing just seemed so out of character.

'Where do you think Quat went? That first time he went AWOL? I mean, if he just wanted to be alone for bit, he could still have told someone where he was going. Tro knows that sometimes he needs to get away from it all. Did he think Quat was having an affair or something?'

'I don't think so. Trowa thought that you'd be the one person Quatre would confide in, that you'd maybe have some idea what was going on.'

'Oh.' I tried gazing down into my glass, looking for answers. 'Quat thinks it's my fault; all of this. That I'd been trying to hit on Tro for ages.'

That was yet another thing that didn't make a heap of sense if I actually thought about it, though.

Trowa had always been a fairly regular visitor to the house Wufei and I had shared; he'd come to see me when I was living in Florida; we'd even been on a couple of trips together. I'd never had the impression that Quat had been particularly bothered. Certainly not that he was jealous. It had always seemed almost the opposite; that he'd wanted his partner to get away occasionally, even if Quat was tied up with work. And now this….

'He said some really horrible things about me, when he realised where Trowa was. Stuff he said you'd told him about the two of us.'

'It wasn't true,' Heero said firmly. 'Duo, I swear to you, I never told him anything like that.'

'I know,' I grinned suddenly, reaching out to take away the paper napkin he was methodically ripping into long strips. 'Stop that. It's bad enough that I fidget all the time, without you getting into the habit. And yeah, I guess I should've known, but I was feeling pretty low anyway, and it was _Quat _for God's sake. He's never lied to me.'

That was the thing that had been killing me. Quat had always told me the truth; had always been the one person I'd trusted never to lie.

Heero had said he'd always love me; Sister Helen had said everything would be all right, that I'd be safe at the Maxwell Church; Solo had said it wouldn't hurt.

I can't understand any of this,' I said finally. 'Nothing at all. I can't believe Tro didn't tell me everything. I mean, it must have been pretty obvious I didn't have a clue about Quat, so why the hell didn't he tell me the whole story?' He hesitated. 'What? Is there some other freaking thing that no one's bothered to tell me?'

'No. Honestly. I have no idea about Quatre's motives. But Trowa - Duo, you and Quatre have a wonderful friendship, but I don't think you have any idea quite how it excludes everyone else; that you automatically take each other's side without knowing the whole story.. Tro knew how you'd react if he told you he'd been - abusive.'

'I guess. I'd have shown him bloody abuse.' I stared fixedly out over the valley. 'Then there's the whole suicide thing. That doesn't make any sense either. You know what he's like; he doesn't do anything without a reason.'

'Well, Trowa had just left him,' Heero suggested. 'I assumed it was a way of forcing him to come back.'

'No, I thought that too, when I first heard, but it wasn't that. He approved that restraining order against Tro, remember?'

He nodded.

'This is Quatre,' I said slowly, thinking about something I'd just said. 'He took that overdose for a reason. If it wasn't to do with Trowa, it was something else…..what did he achieve from it?'

'Duo, his partner had just left him.' Heero said gently. 'You know he's emotional. Maybe he just - wanted to end things. It wouldn't be the first time.'

'But it wasn't a real suicide attempt,' I said absently, watching a bee circling my spilled spoonful of honey. 'Oh, you don't know that. I looked up his records in that clinic; he'd taken enough pills to make it _look_ genuine but there was no way he could have died. This is Quat, right? He doesn't make mistakes like that; if he did want to die, he'd bloody get it right.'

'Duo, you won't want to hear this, but Quat's changed, from what Trowa's told me. He'd been behaving irrationally for months now.'

'Then he probably has a reason,' I snapped. 'What did he get out of it? Media attention? Hardly. He gets enough of that already, I would think, No, he got…' What, exactly? Sympathy? Attention? A few days away from WEI...? He got you to visit him,' I said slowly, thinking about it.

Heero snorted. 'He can't exactly have counted on that happening.'

'But he could! He had to know you were on L4; that trial was getting lots of press coverage and you were mentioned in most of the reports. He knew I'd hear about him on the news and that if I couldn't get any information from the clinic, I'd call the first person I could think of on L4, even if it was you….'

'That's just a - little far fetched. I imagine I'd be the last person Quatre would want to see. You..do know what happened between us, don't you?'

'Yeah.' I'd been unconscious, a few days after my accident, but the others had all been there, so I'd heard all about it, much later. Hilde still couldn't talk about it without crying. I'd just undergone my second major surgery in as many days; a couple of times, they'd thought I was gone, and then I'd started to haemorrhage.

And at some point, my emotionally overloaded, empathic best friend had tried to kill my boyfriend. Well, technically he was my ex-boyfriend at that point.

The interesting thing, really, was not that that Heero hadn't tried to resist - he'd always been able to give even Quatre lessons in guilt and remorse - but that Wufei, who'd been Heero's friend back then, not mine, had been the one to talk Quat down, and then throw Heero out of the hospital. As far as I knew, it was the last time Wufei and Heero had spoken.

'I can't imagine why Quatre would want to see me; and if he did, he could just contact me.'

'What if he couldn't, though? What if he had to tell you something in private?'

'I'm sorry, but I think you're letting your imagination run riot. Who's going to stop Quatre Winner from doing whatever he wants?'

'Whoever's been making him behave like he's still on Zero!' I took a swallow of my rapidly cooling tea, wondering how Quat could bring himself to drink this stuff. 'You think he's done all this himself, don't you?' I said slowly, realising it had to be true. 'You think he just snapped; killed three people, blew up his own offices and then what? Killed himself for real? That 's a hell of a leap, you know; just because he's been behaving a bit oddly and you disapprove of his politics doesn't mean he's actually insane.'

'What I _dislike_ is the way Quatre's been blatantly trying to undermine the legal framework of the ESUN.'

'That's a bit of an exaggeration, isn't it? He's just trying to stop this new constitution or charter or whatever from whittling away whatever little bit of independence the colonies have left. And I can see his point.'

'The new Charter is being designed to guarantee equal human rights for all ESUN citizens. Something that's long overdue, in my opinion. And if L4 objects to having to grant equality to women and decriminalise homosexuality, then that's their problem. I would have thought Quatre would be in favour of this new legislation.'

'He is! He just objects to the fact that every decision affecting L4 is now made half a world away, mostly by people who've never even left Earth in their lives. How are they supposed to know what the Colonies are like? ' I shrugged.

'I know you believe in all this legal stuff, but when all's said and done, your charter's just a piece of paper. Being gay's been legal for centuries on Earth and there's still discrimination. L2's had all kinds of child protective legislation for years, and people still get away with raping kids. Laws aren't much good if no one's willing to obey them, and there's no way to enforce them.'

'Since when have you been interested in politics?' Heero sounded mildly surprised; well, I guess I hadn't been, six years ago.

'It's not _politics, _it's people's lives. And, yeah, sure; the universe would be great if everyone did all that stuff, but they're not going to change their way of life just because a judge in the ESUN has passed a bunch of laws. All Quat is saying is that the Colonies should have more input in decisions that affect them. And I happen to agree with him.'

'It's not that simple, Duo. The ESUN is still a relatively new institution; it's not perfect but it's working toward freedom and equality for all citizens. And it doesn't help when people like Quatre start talking about Colonial independence.'

'I've never heard him saying anything like that! He's not against the ESUN; he just wants the Colonies to be more involved in what happens to them. When was he talking about the Colonies getting independent?'

'Oh,' he had to think about it, looking vaguely surprised. 'It was when I visited him in that clinic on L4; the time you wanted me to check up on him. But, in fairness, he was heavily medicated; I don't think he ever knew what he was saying.'

'What people say when they're medicated isn't necessarily true.' Stuff like telling their boyfriends they hate them and never want to see them again. 'It doesn't exactly mean he's planning to start a revolution or something. What else did he say?'

'It was gibberish, mostly. You know, you asked me all this before.' He swallowed. 'It was so hard, seeing him like that. I knew he wasn't going to die, but it still reminded me of the last time. Of waiting outside the ICU and not knowing….'

'I know,' I reached over and touched his hand gently. 'I was there, too, last time, remember?'

He gave me an odd little look, as if I'd said something strange. 'Oh. Of course. The other time he tried to kill himself.'

'That was what you meant, wasn't it? What did he say to you this time?'

'I don't know; he talked about Trowa; how he was worried about him; he seemed to think Trowa was dead, and something about L3 and - seriously, Duo, I don't think he even knew where he was. He seemed to think he was back fighting the war; he was rambling about the Colonies needing their independence; something about Operation Meteor and how it had failed. It didn't make any real sense.'

'I suppose not,' I said slowly, looking up and realising we weren't alone any more, as a crowd of teenagers spilled onto our nice, private little terrace.

'Time to leave,' Heero decided. 'Would you like me to bring you back to the embassy? Or if you feel like putting up with me for a few more hours, I could show you around the village and then we could have dinner.'

'That would be nice,' I said, realising it was true. An hour or so ago, I'd just wanted to get away but I'd actually enjoyed just talking to him, feeling he was actually listening to my opinion.

Another one of those things we'd apparently forgotten how to do, during the last few months we'd been together. Not that we'd actually stopped talking, of course; but I'd ended up deferring to him more often than not, just to avoid yet another row. He'd always seemed so sure of himself, anyway, and sometimes it had been simpler to take the line of least resistance.

'Could I just borrow your 'phone for a sec? I need to let Wufei know I'll probably be a bit late.'

'Of course. I'll just go and pay; come in when you're ready.'

'Fei picked up on the first ring; he'd probably been waiting for me to call ever since I'd left.

'Duo! Is everything all right?'

'It's OK. A bit tense sometimes. I just wanted to let you know that I'll probably be a bit late getting back, though.'

'You …. are planning on coming home?'

'Yes! I promise. It's not like that; we had a big lunch and then we got ice-cream so there's no point going to dinner early.'

'And you're all right?'

'It's fine. We've been talking about Quatre mostly.'

'Oh. Did you talk to Trowa? He rang here about thirty minutes ago; he wasn't sure if you'd be home.. I told him he could call Heero if it was important.'

'He hasn't called. Not yet anyway. Probably thinks it would be too weird. Anyway, I'll see you later, OK? And don't worry. I'm fine.'

Hmmm. Trowa had known that I was going to be out with Heero. It was hardly likely he'd just have called for a chat. If he had tried calling Heero half an hour ago, Heero would probably have been inside the café, and I'd never have known.

I could see Heero through the open door, talking to the cashier, and quickly dialled his house number. No answer. Hmmm again. I let it ring out, and then called Tro's cell. Eureka!

'Hey, it's Duo. Wu said you were trying to call me; where are you?'

'In Heero's kitchen.'

'Is Honey there?'

'Of course she is. I'm just making her dinner.'

'I don't believe you, Barton!,' I hissed, one eye on the door. Didn't want Heero to come out and hear any of this. 'I just called Heero's house and no one picked up and Honey always goes nuts when she hears the 'phone. Where the hell are you?'

'Duo - listen, I'm sorry. I just -'

'If you're on a shuttle, I'll fucking kill you! I told you I was going with you.'

'I know! I'm sorry. I had a message from Quat, OK? Less than an hour ago. And I've just found a shuttle that's leaving tonight for L4.'

'Fine. I'm coming with you.'

'Duo, you can't! What about Heero? There's no way he'll let you go off to L4!'

'I'll take care of Heero,' I snarled. 'Listen, you'd better bloody wait for me or I'll send a force of Preventers after you. Got that? Where's this shuttle flying from?'

I had less than an hour to get there. Options, Maxwell. Think. OK, it took about two seconds to consider and reject the idea of actually telling Heero about this; he'd probably have me locked up if he had the vaguest idea of what I was planning. He'd probably known all along that Trowa was planning to go to L4 and this whole day had been planned as a way to keep me occupied. Still determined to control my life. Well, it wasn't going to work this time. I was going to look for Quat, and there was no way that he was going to stop me.

I had a sudden crazy notion of sneaking out the back, stealing a car…Heero in dead pursuit and probably the police as well.. No, that wouldn't work; there was only one road back down the mountain, not a lot of escape routes.

OK, plan C. That would mean taking Heero's car, which meant taking Heero as well, which he wouldn't be overly keen on. Well, tough. That was just too bad for him. Bastard.

I didn't actually want to have to shoot him - well, to be honest, I was tempted, but then I'd have an inconvenient body to dispose of - but I did have a knacky little pen-shaped object in one pocket.. One of the goodies Theo Fichtner had acquired for me days ago, it was actually a cunningly disguised stun gun.

I managed to paste on a smile as I walked back inside, thinking furiously. I was going to L4 and that was that; it was none of Heero's business what I did any more.

'Ready to go?' He smiled back at me, and something inside me gave the weirdest little flicker.

'I thought we might drive up into the hills and watch the sunset, and then find somewhere for dinner. If you'd like that?'

'That would be perfect.' I let him open the car door for me and slid inside. 'You're good at this romantic stuff, aren't you?'

'Am I?' he hesitated, pulling his seatbelt across. 'I'm trying. It's still a little hard to believe, Duo, that you're actually here with me. I used to think about bringing you here; how much I'd love to be here with you. I never imagined it would happen, though.'

'I'm really here, 'Ro,' I leaned over towards him. 'Let me show you?'

My mouth slid over his, in the merest whisper of a kiss.

It was like kissing a memory; desire and dreams and wishing all wrapped up in that sweet sense of familiarity. I knew his arms would wind around my neck, pulling me against him, and that one hand would slide into my hair. I knew he'd let me take control at the start; let me spin slow, sure caresses about his tongue and I knew precisely how his breath would catch in his throat when I pressed deliberately against him.

I didn't think it would matter exactly where I zapped him, but I slipped my right hand under his shirt, and felt him shiver as I brushed against warm skin; felt him tense briefly as I dipped one finger just a little lower, shifted against him ever so slightly and pressed my little stunner carefully against his side.


	34. 04, Urgently Needing Assistance

Disclaimer: I don't, alas, own any part of Gundam Wing. Doing this is my idea of fun.

Note - Many thanks to KS and Snow for the 'wow' reaction, and special thanks to Snow for the fleas!

This chapter is dedicated to Wolfje, for her amazing powers of perception….and thanks to everyone else for sharing your theories on what the heck is up with Quatre anyway….

Warning: All sorts of Quatre-related angst and suffering.

**04, In Urgent Need of Assistance:**

It had to be L2.

He'd never been there of course; the only son of the Winner family had never been permitted near such a place, but Duo had told him the stories.

Even in the daytime, he'd seen rats, huge ones, slinking by the side of the street, and he'd crossed the road twice to avoid dogs lying in doorways.

Human predators, of course, in a place like this, were by far the most dangerous.

It would be foolish to stay in one place; doubly so after what had just happened. He'd killed the man in broad daylight, and not quietly. Even in a place like this, even in a shadowed alleyway, someone would surely be curious.

Just one more minute, he promised himself. A minute or two to try to catch his breath, to try to calm down. To try to remember where he'd left Sandrock; to frame a brief prayer to Allah that his Gundam was still safely hidden.

His left ankle, which had taken most of the weight when he'd jumped, had to be badly sprained. Probably not broken; he could still walk, just about, if he put most of his weight on the other foot. Left wrist; definitely broken and a couple of fingers stuck out at awkward angles as well. That arm had taken the impact from the fall; his right hand had been holding the gun, ready to fire if necessary.

He'd taken them by surprise, obviously, hurling himself through the window, instead of the one unguarded door, which had all too clearly been some sort of trap. They'd been organised, though; it wouldn't take long to assemble a search party. He hadn't recognised the uniforms. Some new OZ brigade presumably, who hadn't fought a Gundam Pilot before.

He wouldn't be too hard to trace; he'd managed to lose them in that frantic chase throught the streets on the stolen motorbike, but he was hardly inconspicuous. The bike was hidden somewhere in the warren of backstreets; he was far too noticeable where everyone else was on foot, but there was still blood on his clothing and his skin, and he was obviously armed. Or maybe no one noticed such things on L2. Maybe it was normal.

Most of the blood wasn't his; at least he hoped not. Shallow cuts from going headfirst through a pane of glass, of course. He wasn't sure how serious the head wound was; he'd banged it against a jagged piece of pavement when he fell and his fingers, when he'd probed tentatively, had come away warm and sticky with blood.

Status functional, as Heero would say.

Status fucked, would be Duo's comment.

He did have a gun, but it was out of bullets; useless except as a deterrent. The knife was an unfamiliar weapon, although he'd proven very definitely that he could use it if necessary. No idea where he'd hidden Sandrock, or where the others were, or what the mission had been. He didn't even know if he'd succeeded, or if he'd been captured first.

_Think, Quatre._

It wasn't easy to plan logically; not after they'd given him some sort of drug. He'd been given him drugs, occasionally, during training so he knew the feeling, and when he was very young, his father had occasionally taken him to doctors or psychologists who might be able to cure the boy's 'little problem' of seeing inside people's heads, and usually ended medicating him into a stupor.

Or maybe he was wrong about them drugging him, and it was the blow to the head that was playing havoc with his mind. Random pictures were reeling across his memory; Trowa shouting and furious with him; a pretty, blond girl in a ball-gown and diamonds; Duo standing beside an absurdly bright yellow sports car.

'Ya killed him?' Slumped against the wall, Quatre hadn't even noticed the boy's approach and that was worrying; he was young, thirteen or fourteen, pale and thin as bleached bone with a shock of lank black hair falling past his shoulders.

Quatre nodded, and the boy whistled appreciatively.

'Lotta blood, huh?'

'Yes.' It had taken several stabs through layers of clothing and fat and muscle before he'd actually pierced an organ. Not the first time he'd killed, of course, but so very different from killing from Sandrock. So different, to thrust into the warm, breathing, struggling body on top of his. He'd blacked out, briefly, afterwards, from shock and terror and come to half-suffocating under the man's weight.

_It was self-defence. _

'So what happened?' The boy shoved himself off from the wall and squatted beside the body, going through his pockets. 'Didn't wanna pay?'

'No!' Quatre felt himself going red. Pretty stupid, after everything else that had happened, to blush at the assumption that he was a – one of _those_, but he couldn't help it. 'I'm not - I don't – he tried …'

'Bet 'e did an' all,' the boy commented. 'He likes blondes, does Harry. Used to anyhow.' He laughed. 'Jus' so ya know, this is my corner. Know wha' I mean?'

Quatre nodded, pulling himself upright and wincing when he put his left ankle to the ground. 'I'm not staying.'

'He did that to ya?'

'Some of it.' Quatre flushed again, furious with himself. He was a Gundam Pilot, and he'd almost ended up raped in an alleyway due to his own utter stupidity.

'I got a place up there,' the boy jerked one finger backwards, toward a looming tenement. 'You wanna come up?'

Oh, Allah. Trowa would kill him, for going off with a total stranger, but the boy felt….not quite safe; there was an edge to him, yes, but not entirely predatory. The empathy wasn't all that reliable, even when he did feel it; it tended to get mixed up with how his own emotions and then he couldn't quite pinpoint which were his, but there was no sense of immediate danger. And it would be better to be off the streets.

Why?' Quatre demanded. 'Why would you want to help me?'

The boy looked at the corpse. 'I knew him, yeah? Bastard. Reckon ya did me a favour. Name's Kyle.'

'Duo.' Quatre half-offered his hand, then withdrew it. It was covered in drying blood; one of the deeper cuts still bleeding sluggishly. It was probably better to be inside when darkness fell.

_Trowa. Have to call Trowa. _

'You comin' or what?'

'We – can't just leave the body lying there. Someone will see it.'

'Yeah. Like who's gonna care?' The boy hunched one skinny shoulder. ''Sides, the dogs'll take care of him for ya. An' the rats. Won't be nuthin' left after they's done with 'im. Now, come on…'

Kyle's room was halfway up one of the tower blocks, and he only laughed when Quatre moved towards the elevator. The stairwell was almost dark, stinking of urine and waste, with piles of refuse on each landing. In one long hallway, a couple of ragged children were trying to chase rats away from a a pile of trash. The stairs seemed endless and Kyle hurried him on when he tried to rest, saying it wasn't safe to be caught here.

The room Kyle took him to would have been used in any of the Winner mansions for a broom cupboard.A stained mattress sagged against one wall; the corner farthest from the door held a pile of blankets and old newspaper, resembling a nest far more than a bed. There was nothing else; apart from a few cardboard boxes, and a naked lamp bulb dangling from the ceiling.

'Wanna drink?'

'Some water. Please.'

'Water?' Kyle gaped as if he'd asked for some exotic substance. 'Got some soda; if you want, you can have that.'

'Oh! No, I just thought…maybe I could wash. Clean some of the blood off.'

Kyle shrugged. 'There's a bathhouse a couple blocks away. Wouldn't be safe now though, not that it's getting dark.'

'Oh,' Quat said again. He took the bottle Kyle handed him and swallowed warm, flat soda. He'd thought some of their safehouses had been impossibly primitive, but there had always been running water and washing facilities. A refrigerator for cold drinks. Necessities that he had always taken for granted, but had impressed Duo and Trowa.

_Trowa._

_Call Trowa._

'I need a cyber café. I have to send a message to a - a friend.'

'I _told _you,' Kyle sounded exasperated. 'Not safe to go out now. Not when it's starting to get dark, OK? But if ya want to send an email, try this.' He rummaged in the nest of blankets in the corner and produced a small hand-held computer. 'I was with this guy a couple nights ago and he left this behind. I was gonna sell it but it needs some kinda password. You know how to use these?'

'Of course.' The device was smaller and sleeker than he'd seen before, but technology was improving all the time. Heero would like this one; just the right size to slip in a pocket. It was simple to log in as the network administrator; Duo and Heero had both shown him all the sneaky little hacker's tricks.

'Ya got it!' Kyle peered over his shoulder, sounding impressed, as the screen lit up.

'It was easy,' Quatre said absently, logging onto his email account, the one he'd never had to use. Trowa had set up a special account for each of them, only for extreme emergencies, as well as a system of codes. This .. was an emergency, wasn't it? He'd made Quatre promise to call him if he needed help, and Quat had agreed, never thinking it would be necessary. He was supposed to be the tactical genius, after all.

'It's got a few glitches though. I can fix it if you like. The date is wrong, and it's saying L4 as the server location, not L2.'

Kyle laughed. 'Your head sure is screwed up! This _is_ L4.'

'No. It can't be,' Quatre remonstrated. Could it? What did he know of his home colony, really, apart from his family's estates and occasional visits to his father's office? Could places like thistruly exist on L4?

'Sure it is.' He handed Quatre an armful of rumpled _L4 Gazettes_. 'Look at these.'

Oh, Allah. What did that mean; that he'd had a mission on L4? Was OZ targeting his home colony? He shivered suddenly.

'Aren't you cold?'

'Cold?' the boy scoffed. 'It's not cold, Duo! An' you're sweating.' He stood up, showing Quat a bulging wallet. 'I'm gotta go out for a bit. Get some food. Dinner's onHarry tonight.'

Quatre touched his forehead; it was true. His skin was feverishly warm and damp with perspiration. Blood loss. Shock. His head felt increasingly odd, now that the rush of adrenalin was starting to subside.

'Kyle, you can't go out. You said it wasn't safe.'

'Not for you, maybe,' the boy informed him with a hint of scorn. 'I'll be OK. I know my way 'round. You want to eat, don't you?'

'Be careful.'

'Yeah, yeah,' Kyle scoffed. 'Don't worry about me. Ya wanna piss, use the bucket, right? Don't go out by yerself.'

Quatre slumped cross-legged against the wall when he was alone, picking a blanket from the pile and dropping it hastily when he saw the tiny insects moving across the fabric. Although he had only barely touched it with his fingertips, Quatre's skin prickled, it felt like fleas of a thousand camels were invading his armpits. And thought longingly of warm water and clean clothes.

_Not safe to go to the bathhouse…_

Quatre shuddered. How in the name of Allah could people survive like this?

Duo had grown up in circumstances like this or even worse. Kyle at least had a room to shelter in while Duo had slept in doorways or abandoned houses. He'd tried, sometimes to make it sound like an exciting adventure; a group of children living without rules or supervision and doing precisely as they pleased. Quatre had never been quite sure which of them he'd been trying to convince; it was hard, sometimes, to tell with Duo. He'd known, of course, that it couldn't really have been like that, but he'd pretended to accept the censored version.

But this was how Duo had lived. Quatre shuddered, thinking of Kyle, of the children he'd passed. Did they have parents or was this their life – scavenging through other people's rubbish for food and sleeping on damp concrete?

Oh, Duo.

He'd known that Duo's life had been impossibly hard, but …not like this.

He'd known this sort of thing happened, but not in broad daylight, not on a colony like L4.

Not to someone like him.

Oh, Allah, he'd been so _stupid_. After he'd hidden the motorbike, he'd gone to search for a public telephone, or an internet café. He'd been hesitating at a crossroads, when the man had beckoned him over and Quatre Winner had had manners and respect for his elders too deeply ingrained in him to forgo respect to an adult.

Too polite, too naïve, too damned stupid.

He shivered again, convulsively, remembering. Unwashed skin and stale clothing and smoke and foul breath. Grunting and swearing and the coarse voice saying exactly what he planned to do to him.

No one, _ever,_ had treated him like that. There had only ever been Trowa.

Quatre took a deep breath, clutching the filthy blanket around him and moving to look out the window.. Just because he couldn't sense Trowa didn't necessarily mean he was in trouble. The empathy didn't really transfer over distance and he was sure he'd have known if anything really bad had happened. He was just far away, then. No need to worry.

The worst thing was not remembering. There had been shooting, and a memory of loss and swift, sudden grief and then – he'd been in that cell, and he'd somehow managed to overpower the guard and seize the gun and escape.

He wished Kyle hadn't gone out. It would probably be wiser just to leave; Trowa or Duo would be furious at him for staying even this long. A sitting target, except he didn't think he'd be any safer out there in the shadows.

In the gathering darkness, he didn't notice Kyle at first; hugging a paper bag to his narrow chest. So close to home, when the men moved out of the shadows, surrounding him. The boy dropped his package and was trying to dodge around them it when the shot ran out.

_Think, Quatre._

Not safe to go down; definitely not safe to stay there. Kyle would tell them where he lived, if they hadn't killed him, and they'd probably search the building anyway. If he could make it to the roof, he might be able to get across to a neighbouring building. Perhaps.

They caught him before he'd gone up three flights; six men, moving with trained, practised precision, and dressed in uniforms that stirred something deep in his memory. Back to the wall, he had the knife out, and cut two of them before someone moved in on his left side, and he felt the needle slid under his skin.

(oooooooo)

The drug – drugs – whatever they'd given him – had worn off when he regained consciousness. No more fuzziness, no more scattered, unreliable memories. He knew exactly what he'd done. Exactly what they'd wanted him to.

Someone had taken care of his injuries; he was clean and dressed in fresh clothing. Restrained of course; his right wrist manacled to the arm of his chair which seemed to be the only furniture in the room, a room wrapped in semi-darkness apart from the giant TV screen on the wall facing him.

The fifteen year old Heero Yuy glared out of the monitor, dressed in the green tank top he'd worn during the war; dark, tousled hair falling over his eyes, framing that focused, severe stare which had only ever softened, at the start, when he'd been looking at Duo.

Those two….they'd almost driven him insane before they'd finally got together…Duo, a whirling kaleidoscope of fears and dreams and darkness hidden behind that beaming smile, and Heero who'd tried so very hard, at the start, to slam down on his feelings for Pilot 02.

'Quatre Raberba Winner.' The voice came from behind him, somewhere to his left. Not a surprise; he'd known, ever since he'd seen the familiar uniforms, what this was about and to whom he would be taken. 'Pilot 04. We never have met formally, have we? I'm happy to see you live up to your reputation. We meant for you to escape; I imagine you've worked that out by now? Oh, yes, you did exactly as we planned, apart from a few small details. Very clever, jumping through that window. We actually lost track of you for a couple of hours. My men were most impressed.'

'You broke the terms of our agreement.' Quatre spoke with clinical precision. One could almost imagine he was sitting in a WEI boardroom. 'You said that Miss Carrick and my men wouldn't be hurt.'

'A deplorable necessity, I fear. Their well being was always dependent on your behaviour; I fear you guaranteed their deaths when you pulled that ridiculous suicide stunt. Tell me, what did you say to Heero Yuy?'

'Nothing.'

'Don't insult my intelligence, please.' Heero's image on the screen flickered once and faded, to be replaced by a towering edifice of gleaming glass and steel. 'You know this building?'

'Of course. It's the new WEI Centre for Research and Development.'

'Was,' The same building appeared on the screen, in flames and surrounded by fire-fighters, and then a brief montage of explosions in three other locations, all buildings owned by WEI.

Quatre swallowed. 'How many people died?'

'None, this time. We issued a warning in time for a full evacuation to take place. But, as you see, it is not wise to try any foolish tricks. I have contacts in every Winner enterprise in the universe. What you see on the screen is a warning; next time there will be fatalities. Now, for the last time. What did you tell Yuy?'

'It doesn't matter. He didn't believe me anyway. He thought I was talking nonsense.'

'Excellent.' A harsh bark of laughter. 'Such irony, after all the trouble you went to. So your little escapade counted for nothing, then. How long is it since you talked to him anyway? Six years? I believe you tried to shoot him, the last time you spoke to him. Hardly the best choice for a confidante, was he? And all for nothing. Rather a shame, actually to kill such a pretty young lady. And your two devoted bodyguards. But then, with so many deaths on your conscience three more hardly register, hmmm? Although perhaps now you realise how very serious this is.'

'You killed three people to convince me this isn't a game?' So indignant; so very naiive. As if three people, or three hundred, counted in the grand scheme of things.

'Well, that's what you thought it was, at the start. You thought you were so clever, didn't you, with that silly little masquerade of yours? So very noble. It's always been one of your greatest failings, of course; that desire to protect your friends. Hardly the most desirable quality in a Gundam pilot, but one which is going to prove very useful to me.'

'They have nothing to do with any of this!' Ah, there it was, the flare of emotion he'd been expecting. He'd was trying so very hard to appear composed, as if this were no more than a business meeting, with himself in charge.

'On the contrary, they have everything to do with it. Oh, yes, I have plans for all of you. Plans that should have been implemented seven years ago. No, we made mistakes last time; foolish mistakes. I was betrayed by a few senile old men and rebellious children.'

The burning buildings on the screen vanished and were replaced by Heero.

'01. The boy known as Heero Yuy. Not his real name, of course; an abomination that dishonours a dead hero.'

'You claim to admire the real Heero Yuy,' Winner snapped, 'and he would despise what you're planning to do.'

'I admired his aims, yes; to free the Colonies from the tyranny of Earth, but not his means. For all his vaunted ideals, what did they achieve? An assassin's bullet for himself and years of further subjugation for the Colonies. No, we shall have peace, but not until a new world has been created.

'Heero. He should have been the ultimate weapon, you know; that's what he was designed for, but there were flaws apparent even from the start. If J had carried out the boy's retraining to my exact specifications, a great deal of trouble could have been avoided.' The voice sniffed, disdainfully. 'We were supposed to be creating the perfect soldier, without conscience, utterly lacking in compassion.'

'You were trying to create a monster, and you failed.'

'No matter. Science has advanced considerably in the past seven years; even the dullest blade can be honed to sharpness, given time and the proper….. encouragement. Oh yes, I have very particular plans for Heero Yuy. A staunch supporter of the ESUN; isn't he? A former star agent of the Preventers force. The trusted friend of Relena Peacecraft herself. Imagine the consequences if he were to become so very disenchanted with the ESUN policies toward the Colonies that he assassinated her in the first move for colonial independence.'

'If you think Heero would ever do something like that, you're mad!'

'What makes you think he will have a choice? Only give my scientists and their clever new drugs a month with Heero Yuy, and he will kill Relena Peacecraft and laugh while he does it. And this time, there will be no Maxwell to distract him.'

And Duo appeared on the screen, wearing his black outfit and a smile that split his face but didn't go anywhere near his eyes.

'Maxwell? The brat should never have been allowed near a Gundam! G was an idiot, accepting that guttersnipe as a pilot. He was useful enough in the preliminary trials, yes; three boys had already failed to master the Deathscythe and we didn't need more families asking inconvenient questions.' A snort.

'They should have been flattered their sons had been chosen as Gundam Pilots! No, Maxwell was … convenient, at the start. He didn't even exist officially; who would notice if he vanished? One less piece of refuse to be swept from the streets of L2, nothing more.'

'Duo was a brilliant pilot!'

Barton snorted. 'Oh, he had some small talent, perhaps, on the rare occasions when he wasn't being captured or distracting 01 from his duty. Vermin have a strong instinct for survival, after all; have they not? He should have died in that OZ base; he would have, if 01 had followed orders rather than having allowed himself to be seduced by that little L2 whore. A mistake on our part, certainly. Another flaw to be erased from the plan this time.'

'You can't blame Duo for any of that. Heero was never the…_thing_ you tried to create! He understands remorse and guilt and atonement better than anyone I've ever met, _despite_ what you tried to do to him; you failed because he was stronger than your training or conditioning or whatever you want to call it.'

'You're so defensive of him?' the voice rasped. 'Actually, I failed because Heero's training was never fully completed. It left him weak, far too receptive to that pestilent brat, Maxwell. He was nothing but trouble, right from the beginning, when he prevented 01 from killing the Peacecraft girl. Nothing but trouble,' he repeated.

'I blame Maxwell for taking the scientists to their deaths on Libra when they could still have been useful to me, for helping to thwart my attack on Relena in Sanque, at the first anniversary of the war ending. What, you hadn't worked out that I was responsible? I'm disappointed in you, Quatre.'

'The Preventers carried out an investigation into that attack. It was found that they were L3 separatists, acting alone.'

'Convenient, no? It was what they wanted to believe. Of course I was behind it! The ESUN was still so new, so fragile; there were still so many disaffected groups out there. It seemed an ideal chance to seize power; kill Relena Peacecraft and remove the figurehead for the whole peace movement. In the wake of her death, anything would have been possible. I underestimated the five of you; Maxwell in particular. The attack was carried out by my most capable lieutenant. He led the attack and he was shot by Maxwell. Oh, yes, I have some very particular plans for your friend Duo Maxwell, he deserves to suffer for all the trouble he's caused me.'

Duo's screen image faded out and was replaced by Trowa Barton. A tall, too-thin boy, most of his face veiled by that wing of dark hair, and who looked out at the world with that flat, wary stare.

'That mercenary from L3. Nanashi.'

'Don't call him that!' Quatre snapped. It was one of the things that had always saddened him most about Trowa's past, that he'd been abused by men who hadn't even granted him the dignity of a name.

'It's true, though. What other name has he but the one he stole from my dead son? Unless you choose to believe the Bloom girl's absurd fantasy of him being her lost brother?'

'It wasn't Trowa's fault that your son died!'

'Of course it was!' Dekim Barton snapped. 'He was so very clever about it; I doubt that fool S ever even suspected. He wanted that Gundam for himself from the very start, and my poor, foolish son indulged him far too much. '

'That's not how it happened! Trowa didn't have any part in that. If you truly believed he'd killed your son, you'd never have let him be a pilot.'

'I had no choice! Heavyarms needed a pilot; Nanashi would do until we found a more suitable replacement and then I could choose a fitting death for him. I want him to suffer, you see; to suffer the way I did. I want him to lose everything and know he's responsible.'

Barton's voice hardened. Maxwell had been a regrettable inconvenience, to be eliminated, and Yuy was a weapon who could be exploited. But with Pilot 03 it was personal.

'He _is_ no one. A mercenary with some talent for mechanics and flying. A plaything for my son when he was bored. Nothing more than that. I promise you, his only value at the moment is that you care for him. Such a poor taste you have in your bed partners,' Barton mused. 'Did it never bother you that 03 had served a troupe of mercenaries until we found him? It must have been a novelty for him, to serve my son exclusively.'

'Don't you dare say that about him.'

'I can well imagine that you prefer not to think about it. Such a pretty boy, wasn't he? But you do have a taste for rough trade, don't you? Something you share with my son.'

Barton's voice dripped contempt.

'He was a disappointment to me in so many ways, my Trowa. But at the end, he remembered who he was, what was due to his name and his heritage; he tried to warn me what they were planning and they killed him like a dog. _My_ son! My plans thwarted by those fools of scientists, traitors….There's only the girl, now, to carry on my line; Treize Khushrenada's daughter, supposedly. The gods _must_ be laughing, surely. She's just old enough to be a useful figurehead for rebellion, don't you think?'

'She's still a child! How can you involve her in something like this?'

'She has been brought up to know her family obligations. I was too lenient with my own children, and I've paid for it. Mariemaia has been raised…less indulgently. Who knows; perhaps she even is Treize's daughter. There is a certain likeness, although my Leia was … somewhat indiscriminate in her favours. She had that in common with her brother. Perhaps it's fortunate that Trowa favoured boys, or the colonies would be littered with his bastards.'

The picture on the screen changed again.

'Chang. He such had potential, that one. A lifetime of study and discipline, allied to that burning need for revenge.'

'Justice.' Quatre corrected quietly, before he could help himself. 'He fought for justice.'

'A pretty concept to cover up all that hatred, that fury. He would have been perfect; the sole survivor of a massacred clan; the grieving husband of a wife who was killed so young and so tragically.' Barton sneered. 'Who better to represent the colonies, to unite them finally, than Treize Khushrenada's killer? A young man who even worked as a Preventer before becoming disillusioned enough to resign? He would have been perfect, except for taking up with that traitor, Peacecraft.'

Wufei disappeared; to be replaced by Milliardo Peacecraft as he had been during the war, resplendent in his OZ uniform with all that pale hair spilling from underneath his mask.

'The Lightning Count in all his glory!' Batron said contemptuously. 'He betrayed his family's ideals; he betrayed Treize; at the end he even betrayed White Fang. He could have ended it all; he had the means to destroy Earth in his grasp and at the last moment his courage failed him. Hardly a surprise, was it? Given his record.'

'He realised what a terrible thing he was doing! He saved the Earth.'

'Terrible? Not at all. The only way to truly liberate the Colonies is to annihilate the Earth. We knew that when we planned the original Operation Meteor; it was true then and it is equally true now. We were so close, you know that? Merquise deserves to die, of course; Chang may be useful at some point. Perhaps. He is still a war hero, after all.'

The picture changed again, and Quatre saw a picture of himself, looking even younger than fifteen, with his hopeful smile, carefully brushed hair, and those silly pastel colours his sisters had chosen for him.

'04. Quatre Raberba Winner. The first pilot we specifically selected; I daresay you knew that? Oh, yes; you had so much potential. L4 has always been the richest, the most powerful of the Colonies. As soon as you were born, we began to consider you. Who better to lead the colonies to freedom than the son of the most illustrious family on L4? The only son of a famous pacifist family, so disillusioned with the tyranny of Earth that he would take up arms to defend his people?

'I had such hopes for you, Quatre, and what did you do but run off to the circus with that mercenary? I knew he would only cause problems, but I presumed you would see sense after the war. He'd managed to inveigle himself into your affections by then, hadn't he? The same way he ingratiated himself with my Trowa. Yes, he's always been a bad influence on you, just the same as Maxwell on Yuy. I had such high hopes for my Gundam Pilots, you know. They were all chosen so carefully to take their places as leaders of the Colonies once the Earth was in ruins. I learned from my mistakes, you see. This time my plans will succeed.'

Quatre bit his lip hard. 'This is all unnecessary. I don't agree with all the ESUN policies, but there are peaceful solutions to our problems.'

'Be quiet! High time you realised just how serious this is. Perhaps you will realise quite how much when we have your pet acrobat in keeping. You did contact him, didn't you? During your little escape attempt? Interesting, to see how well that particular drug worked; you did believe you were back fighting the war, didn't you? You refused to call him earlier, remember? Even after some persuasion…Oh, we could have forced you, but we didn't want to harm you too badly, but my men thought it would be informative, to see how the drugs worked on your system.'

'You wasted your time then,' Quatre said, trying to sound calm, trying to sound like he believed it.. 'If you set up that little performance just as way to get Trowa to come here. He won't come. Not after the way I've treated him.'

Barton laughed.

'I think you underestimate his attachment to you. He's on his way here right now. One of my men just called to say he's already arrived at the shuttle port outside Florence. Oh, he'll doubtless be using a false identity, but a tip off to the Security forces should take care of that nicely. Your sisters still believe he's responsible for your disappearance you know. The Earthside Preventers force may have released him, but the Winner family has somewhat more influence here. Yes, they'll keep him safely locked up until I'm ready to deal with him. I have very special plans for him, as you may guess. My son's killer deserves to suffer a great deal.'

'He has nothing to do with any of this!' Quatre took a deep breath. 'Leave him out of it. I'll do anything you want.'

'My dear Quatre, you'll do it anyway. I have my own intentions for you, and I need your acrobat as surety for your good behaviour. You and Mariemaia will make very pretty figureheads for my rebellion, especially when it's discovered that your lovely fiancée was killed by ESUN agents. All sorts of plans,' he repeated, gloatingly smooth. 'That fool H flatly refused to explore the possibilities for your little gift. Some ridiculous scruples about ethics.'

'I can't control it; I've never been able to.'

'Let me worry about that, Quatre. There's been all manner of research conducted over the past seven years, all sorts of new drugs developed. I have a team of scientists ready to .. refine your talent, and from there it will be only a small step from reading people's emotions to influencing them.'

'No!'

Barton's mouth stretched into a travesty of a smile.

'You can't possibly still think you have a choice in any of this?'


	35. Proposals, Propostitons

Disclaimer; I wish it were otherwise, but tragically they don't belong to me.

Note: Apology for the long delay between chapters, although since I did say I wouldn't be posting at all in June, this one is actually a week or so early!

Many thanks, as per usual to my alpha-plus beta readers, Snow and KS, and to everyone who's been wishing me luck on my course. Only one more week to go...

**Proposals, Propostions.**

Zechs killed the satellite connection, watching Noin fade from the screen and feeling vaguely guilty. She'd always done whatever he asked, even knowing he could never be what she truly wanted; and he was still exploiting that, asking her to risk her career for his sake. She was to lead the investigation into Quatre Winner's disappearance, and he'd asked her to find some way to keep Trowa appraised of any findings,and to turn a blind eye to his presence on L4. He knew she'd manage to do it; she would have full charge of the case, answerable only to Commander Une, definite proof of how far she'd risen with the Preventers.

After seven years, Noin was still committed to Relena's ideals of peace, while Zechs himself had retired from that particular battleground. The world could take care of itself, while Zechs Merquise devoted himself to the dark-eyed young man who had stolen his soul.

_Wufei. _They'd made up their quarrel that morning, in the most pleasurable way imaginable, even if they had been interrupted by Duo barging in at the worst possible moment. Well, that wouldn't happen tonight; Wufei's bags had been transferred to the Royal Suite, and Zechs already had delightful schemes mapped out in his head involving the sunken marble bath, and that enormous, ornately-carved bed. There was even a _chaise-lounge _in the bedroom, and Wufei would look quite deliciously inviting sprawled naked among the silken cushions.

Of course, the setting was immaterial; his lover would still be captivating dressed in sackcloth, or in one of those awful, shapeless Chinese-style garments he'd once affected. Zechs had spent weeks, when they first moved in together, waging a surreptitious guerrilla war on Wufei's wardrobe, and those voluminous tunics and trousers had been the first items to go.

Yes, he would sweep Wufei off his feet in every way imaginable, behind the barred and bolted doors of their suite, and they would forget the world for an evening. Zechs leaned over and rang the ball to summon Carlsson, the embassy butler.

The man arrived, a few moments later, bowing his way into the room. 'Prince Milliardo? The Ambassador wondered if you and Mr. Chang wished to join him for dinner this evening?'

'Not tonight, no; please thank his Excellency and convey our regrets.' Zechs fished a small piece of paper out of one pocket. 'We'll dine in our suite; if you could arrange this.' He handed over the menu he'd planned earlier, carefully composed of all Wufei's favourite foods.

Carlsson nodded, glancing over the list. 'Certainly, your highness. If I might make one suggestion, sir, we do have a selection of excellent vintage champagnes in the wine cellar, if you would prefer an alternative to the Bollinger 171?'

'No, the 171 is fine,' Zechs permitted himself a slight smile. It was a somewhat inferior vintage, of course, but it did have a certain amount of sentimental value and it would make Wufei laugh. 'We'll dine at six.' Rather early for dinner, perhaps, but if things went to plan, they'd be retiring early for a private celebration.

Or possibly just to sleep; he'd been unable to rest the previous night after a couple of hours spent charming the worthy ladies of Sanque, most of whom had known his parents and insisted on sharing their reminiscences of the good old days.

Zechs had eventually managed to stem the torrent of memories by mentioning the art exhibition they'd attended in Sanque, and Wufei's purchase, a truly hideous object that belonged in a fireplace with flames licking around it, but apparently it had some value as the last piece of work carved by some woman before her death. She was no great loss to the art world, in Zechs' opinion, but the women had gushed about her lamentably unappreciated talent, and had been charmed when he'd offered it to lend it for an art show they were sponsoring. With any luck, a genuine art-lover would drop a lighted match in the thing's vicinity and that would be that.

'Of course, Prince Milliardo.' Carlsson bowed politely, making a note on the menu. 'And I've had the floral arrangements changed. The housekeeper wished me to convey her apologies for the roses in your suite.'

Zechs nodded his thanks. Odd how it was always the little things that stirred reminders of Treize. Roses, always. A particular breed of gundog. The ruby glints of wine in a crystal glass. 'Is that everything?'

'There was one small matter, your Highness. The chambermaid who cleaned your suite this morning was rather uncertain as to what she should do with the … tree branches in your bathtub. Do you wish them to remain there?'

'Branches?' Zechs asked dubiously. 'In our bath?' It was presumably some new aromatherapy practice of Wufei's although it sounded somewhat excessive to drag whole trees into the house. Still, he'd been under a lot of stress lately, and maybe he'd needed something rather more extreme than the usual scented oils and candles. 'Leave it for now, Carlsson, and I'll ask Mr. Chang. Is he still on the south terrace?'

'Yes, your Highness. I believe he just ordered tea.'

'Very well.' The south terrace was especially charming in late afternoon; it overlooked a series of terraced lawns, fringed by drifts of daffodils, which led down to the water gardens. With the sun bearing down on his fluid, black hair, the object of his search and all his dreams sat at a small table, surrounded by manuscripts and delicate porcelain.

Zechs watched, quite enchanted, as the slim, graceful hands turned a page of the text and drank in the other man's beauty as he sipped from a teacup. He found his lover a most inviting creature, and took a moment to find the right words to greet him. First impressions were not overrated; Wufei had captivated him from their first meeting and nothing had changed since.

'I know you're there.' Wufei didn't look up, but the faintest flush warmed his cheeks and one corner of his mouth curled slightly, kissably.

'You know how much I like watching you,' Zechs pulled out a chair for himself and leaned over to steal a quick kiss. 'You're looking very academic.'

'Am I?' Wufei offered a slightly distracted smile, removing the spectacles and drifting back to the present from wherever he'd been in pre-colony history. 'Will you have some tea?'

Zechs accepted a cup. 'This is very… civilised.'

'Isn't it? Did you speak to Noin?'

Zechs nodded. 'She wasn't particularly surprised when I told her what Trowa's planning to do. He hasn't been officially charged with anything in Italy, so technically he is free to leave, although he is supposed to keep the Florence Preventers notified of his whereabouts. Noin may be able to pull some strings on L4 to have the restraining order dropped. She seems to think it may be invalid since Winner is no longer there anyway.'

'Thank you for that. Not that Trowa will care about the legal aspect if he thinks Quatre's in danger but he doesn't need to get into any more trouble.' Wufei stroked one finger around the rim of his cup. 'I'm worried about Quat,' he confessed quietly. 'Duo and I were talking about him last night. Perhaps I should have tried harder to stay in contact with him.'

'You did try,' Zechs argued. 'I was there, dear one. You and Duo were constantly trying to arrange a meeting, or even a proper conversation..'

'Perhaps it wasn't enough. He has been a .. very good friend to both of us in the past, and I feel I never really reciprocated.' He sighed. 'What else did Noin say?'

'She'd just landed on L4. I don't envy her that job it's a political minefield, of course, considering who Winner is. Apparently, there are already rumours going around that this has been masterminded by the ESUN, given how much he's been criticising their policies lately. Anyway, she's meeting some of his sisters later, she has a team of agents with her to go through Winner's correspondence and appointments, in case something useful turns up.' H**e **grinned. 'I told her you and Duo said he's been behaving oddly for the past year or so, and that she'd need to analyse that whole time period. She's going to call Une with a request for extra resources.'

'Une's going to love that! Especially as it was suggested by her two least favourite people.'

'I'm sure Noin can come up with a sufficiently plausible reason to convince her.. Relena told her about us, by the way.'

'I think she already knew, love,' Wufei teased, smiling slightly.

'About us planning to make it official. You don't mind, do you?'

Wufei shrugged. 'It's hardly a secret. I've told Trowa and Sally, and you've told the Sanque parliament. What did Noin think?'

'She's happy for us. I did tell her that congratulations were slightly premature, until I ask you properly.' Zechs swallowed a mouthful of tea. 'And until you decide you want to accept.'

'I already know I want to spend the rest of my life with you.' Wufei's dark gaze was very direct. 'Does that count as acceptance?'

'You're quite sure?'

'Of course I am. Mil! You didn't truly think I'd changed my mind, did you?'

'Not exactly. But you have been … rather distracted since we first spoke of it.'

'Well, life has been…rather hectic since we first spoke of it,' Wufei echoed. 'But everything that's happened since then has only served to convince me just how very lucky I am to have you. I love you. I always will. And it does scare me, sometimes,' he swallowed, his dark eyes deep and soft as velvet midnight, 'that I can no longer imagine my life without you.'

'I know. Truly. I don't want to rush you into anything if it's too soon.'

'I've said yes, Mil,' Wufei squeezed his hand. 'Stop that, or I'll start to think you're having second thoughts.'

'Never,' Zechs said fervently, leaned over to kiss Wufei's sweetly curved lips. 'I've wanted you from that very first moment I saw you?'

'Masochist, aren't you?' Wufei took Zechs' hand and kissing the ring finger of his left hand. 'I seem to remember slamming you against the wall, and trying to throttle you.'

'I did rather like the first part,' Zechs purred. 'And you considerately left me just enough air to ask you out.'

'Blackmail me into accepting, rather; threatening to hit on Duo if I refused. Oh, I forgot, Duo called, while you were talking to Noin.' His brow creased slightly. 'I said Trowa had 'phoned, looking for him, and I'm not sure it was a good idea. You know how he feels about Quat; he'll probably want to go to L4.'

'He wouldn't do anything that stupid,' Zechs reassured him. He stood suddenly, standing behind Wufei's chair and sliding both hands under his lover's hair. 'And even if he wanted to, Heero wouldn't let him.'

'I suppose.' Wufei let his head drop forward, as Zechs' fingers began to unravel knots of tension in his neck and shoulders. 'Ah, that's good. Thank you.'

Zechs smiled, kissing the top of the shining dark head. 'It's pure selfishness on my part, love. I have plans for this evening and I'd rather you didn't have a headache.'

'How did you know?'

'You've got that little frown, just here,' Zechs touched one fingertip to the little furrow between the dark brows. 'And you've been sitting out in the sun all afternoon, squinting at unintelligible writing. And you're worried about your friends.' He kissed Wufei's forehead. 'We'll sort it out. Noin will keep an eye on Trowa and Heero won't let Duo out of his sight.'

'That's the one good thing about them going out together,' Wufei muttered. 'Yuy won't let him do anything illegal, at least.'

'Did Duo say how they were getting on?'

'All right, apparently. They're having ice-cream.' Wufei made it sound like he was describing some unspeakable perversion. 'I should have talked Duo out of the whole idea. He has more than enough to worry about right now without Yuy turning his life upside down.'

'It is Duo's choice, ultimately.' Zechs spoke a little tentatively. It had been made very clear to him that morning that Duo was primarily Wufei's territory and that any infringement would be considered an act of blatant hostility.

Wufei snorted. 'You know what he's like. Even after what Heero did, I think he still harbours all sorts of ridiculous notions about how they were soul-mates. Ridiculous,' he repeated emphatically.

'They were both very young, 'Fei. I'm sure they both made mistakes. But people can change. The first time we went out, you said that I'd made mistakes and paid for them. Don't you think Heero deserves a second chance?'

'It isn't remotely the same! You were incarcerated and treated appallingly. Heero been getting on with his life quite happily for years and he's never given Duo a second thought until now.'

'Dear one, what happened between the two of you? I know you were friends once. You even worked as partners in Preventers.'

Wufei's lip curled. 'Hardly that. We worked together on a couple of assignments, nothing more. We were never friends.'

'Then why are you so opposed to them getting back together?' Zechs argued. 'If Duo truly thinks that being with Heero may make him happy, and Heero wants a chance to try, why not let them have another chance?'

'Because you don't know what it was like,' Wufei snapped. 'You didn't see Duo after they'd broken up. No one did! Not even Quat; I was the one who had to put him back together.'

'He was on the rebound after Heero,' Zechs said gently. 'It's how some people deal with it. He went off the rails a little, that's all. He's told about it.'

'He told you what exactly? That he was drank a little too much, slept with a few strangers, took drugs once or twice?' Wufei's lip curled. 'Oh, I'm sure he made it all sound very entertaining. He wanted to die, Mil, because he couldn't face living without Heero. He'd promised Quat not to kill himself, so he went out looking for someone else to do it.'

Wufei shivered. Duo had almost succeeded twice, that he knew of. He'd found him passed out in an alleyway that first time, half naked and off his head on who-knew what-drug? He would have been dead of hypothermia if he'd been left there all night.

He'd almost accomplished it, the second time. Christmas Day 197. They'd spent two hellish days waiting outside the ICU until he'd finally stabilised; Wufei and Trowa and Quatre, all of them reliving the nightmare of what had happened the previous year.

'Fei?' Zechs' hands stilled; a warm, light presence on his lover's shoulders. 'I didn't know it was that bad.'

'Well, now you do,' Wufei snapped, standing abruptly and whirling around. 'And there is no way I'm going to let that happen to him again. 'I mean that, Milliardo. I'll be in the library. Alone.'

The memories were back in full spate before he'd even crossed the terrace; memories of those first months with a still raw and healing Duo Maxwell that were inextricably linked with the equally painful recollections of his abrupt departure from Preventers…

_Two years almost, since he__'__d first put on the Preventers uniform and for the first time, he didn__'__t hang it up carefully. Instead, it got kicked it under the bed. Oh, he__'__d retrieve it at some point, no doubt, and have it cleaned. Old habits died too hard. _

_He__'__d felt such pride, the first day he__'__d put it on. Pride, and a sudden renewed sense of belonging and purpose. Everything else was gone; everything that had sustained him during the War._

_The right side of his closet held his row of Preventer uniforms, all neatly cleaned and pressed; nothing he__'__d ever wear again. On the left side hung his other clothes; formal clothing for official receptions and the like, and the loose, Chinese-style outfits he preferred to wear when off duty._

_Nothing seemed quite right._

_Eventually he chose an outfit he had bought for an undercover assignment. Duo had helped him pick it out; dark denim jeans and a hooded sweatshirt. The sort of clothing a student might wear; a young man with no more pressing worries than an overdue assignment. It made him look oddly young. _

_Wufei closed the door on orderly rows of uniforms, wondering what he could do with them. They were hardly the sort of clothes he could bundle up to donate to charity. _

_It hadn__'__t been - altogether unexpected. Commander Une had been less than happy when he__'__d requested assignments that didn__'__t involve him spending more than a night or two away from home. He__'__d stopped the exhaustive overtime so he could spend more time at home with Duo. _

_There had been complaints, both from fellow agents and commanding officers. No one could fault his performance, but his attitude apparently left a lot to be desired. He__'__d dutifully yawned his way through a couple of seminars on teamwork and cooperation, and promptly forgotten them. _

_Oh, the writing had been on the wall but he__'__d assumed he could keep his head down and survive the next seven or eight months before he took up his place at university._

_The best laid plans…_

_He still couldn__'__t believe what he__'__d done; just walked out of the Commander__'__s office while she was still in mid-tirade. She__'__d covered insubordination, and was just getting her teeth into his assault on a superior officer when he just snapped. He hadn__'__t actually said anything; just handed her his badge and his gun and he__'__d left the office with her still threatening disciplinary procedures and criminal charges._

_Had Heero felt like this; the last time he removed his uniform? Hardly. After the terrorist attack on the first anniversary of peace, he__'__d decided to stay on with Preventers for a couple of months, both investigating the incident and implementing stringent new security procedures for Relena._

_He__'__d finally resigned with honour, and the gratitude of Relena Peacecraft. There had even been a ceremony to honour his achievements; Commander Une had presented him with a medal and a smile and Relena had kissed his cheek in front of the world__'__s media, glowing with pride. _

_There had been speculation about those two since the War ended, of course, but no concrete evidence. Not until she'd given him that very public kiss and Heero had taken her hand. The photographers had gone into a feeding frenzy; pictures of the couple gazed out from every newspaper the following day, accompanied by florid, sentimental prose._

_Not one mention of Duo, then two months in a coma and kept alive by machines and Quatre Winner's money._

_Wufei made his way downstairs slowly, averting his eyes from the disaster area that was Duo's bedroom. Even after four months of living together, he found it beyond belief that one person, who didn't even have a lot of possessions, could generate so much sheer chaos. _

_For the first few weeks after Duo had moved in, Wufei had scarcely seen him. He'd been secretly been dreading another presence invading his home, his sanctuary, but it was the least he could do, after everything Duo had been through. And Quatre had asked him and he'd crumbled at the imploring look in those soft blue eyes._

_However, Duo had been a perfect guest, keeping mainly to his room when Wufei was home. It had been a relief, for those first few weeks, and then unsettling. Oh, he'd seen behind the elaborately-constructed Maxwell façade during the war, when they'd shared a cell, had seen glimpses of the real Duo, but he'd never imagined this wraith who wafted silently about his house. _

_Duo made an obvious effort to be polite and pleasant when they did meet, but it was obvious, even to Wufei, that he was merely going through the motions, that the spark just wasn't there anymore__. __It had taken a over a month for him to realise that Duo needed him, that someone needed him for the first time since Treize had chosen him to end his life._

'_I was just about to call you. Dinner's ready,' Duo was standing at the kitchen table, unpacking a couple of brown paper bags. 'I got take out, I guessed you wouldn't feel like cooking tonight.' _

_He fetched a couple of plates from the dresser, and rummaged in the drawer for chopsticks. The limp was hardly noticeable now, thirteen months on, except when he was very tired. Over the past weeks, he'd been making what he called great strides (Wufei hadn't known that was a joke until Duo explained it) in his physiotherapy, and Wufei felt he deserved a little credit for that. _

_A few weeks before Christmas, he'd arrived home unexpectedly early, and found Duo sobbing on the couch. His physiotherapy session had gone badly; Duo had pushed himself too hard and collapsed. Normally, he would have mortified for Wufei to see like that; but that day, he'd cried on his shoulder while Wufei patted his arm awkwardly and assured him that of course, it would get better; that there was no question of him ending up as a cripple in the gutter._

_He'd started to teach Duo the principles of Tai Chi that night, and enrolled them both in a gym with a full-size swimming pool and a programme of beginners' classes. After Duo's first class, where the instructor had touched Duo's arm to correct his stroke and Duo had half drowned them both, Wufei had taken over the swimming lessons. And somehow, somewhere along the way, they'd become friends. _

'_What did you order?' Wufei regarded the brown paper packages with some trepidation. Duo's taste in food could be - unusual. At least it didn't look like one of those awful pizzas he liked so much._

'_Relax, 'Fei. I got those steamed dumplings you like, and that chicken and noodle thing you always order after a mission. And a side order of bamboo shoots.' He lifted the lid of one of the plastic containers with a flourish. 'I asked them to shove in a couple of beers as well.'_

_'You know I don't drink.' Wufei sat down, absurdly touched that Duo had remembered his favourite foods._

_'Wu, after what you've been through today, I don't think one beer is going to hurt. It's just imported stuff with hardly any alcohol content.' _

_Wufei took a tentative sip. The taste wasn't overly unpleasant, but the bitter, yeasty smell made him shiver. It reminded him of those bars he'd had to visit when Duo had been going through that - phase, conjuring up memories he wanted very much to forget, of obscene suggestions, and men touching him. _

'_You OK?' Duo was looking at him, eyes full of concern. Those terrible bruises on his throat had almost faded, after five weeks, but he still looked fragile, the shadowed, purple eyes huge in a too-pale, too-thin face. _

'_I suppose.' Wufei made an effort and began to spoon noodles onto his plate, grateful for his friend's presence. At least he wasn't totally alone if Duo was there. 'I just - I feel like…'_

'_Like you've lost the whole focus of your life? The one thing that kept it all together?'_

'_Something like that.' Wufei swallowed a mouthful of chicken, trying to remember when he'd last bothered to eat. _

'_You haven't, not really. You were planning to resign anyway and go to university in the Fall. You can still do that.'_

'_I'll probably be behind bars by then,' Wufei said glumly. 'I told you what Une said, didn't I? She wants to lock me up and throw away the key.'_

'_No way,' Duo said firmly. He made a couple of attempts to snag a dumpling with his chopsticks and gave up, using his fingers instead. 'She won't want the publicity. Looks bad for Preventers if their poster boy gets hauled up in court for beating up a senior officer. Especially if the officer in question had been on the take from drug smugglers and was trying to sabotage a mission to cover his own tracks. Une was just tying to scare you.'_

'_She was right, though, about some things. I should have followed procedures instead of taking matters into my own hands.'_

_Duo shrugged. 'It's the best thing that ever happened if you ask me. And it's about time you got out. It's not as if you were happy working there.'_

'_No,' Wufei conceded. 'But I felt - useful.'_

'_Big deal. They treated you like shit and you're better off without them. Come on, Wu,' he cajoled. 'It's not that bad. This way you get to start your courses now, instead of having to wait 'til next September.'_

'_I can't. I know the university does take late admissions, but not this late. It's January; I've missed almost half the year.'_

'_Yeah, right,' Duo scoffed, ladling more bamboo shoots onto both their plates. 'Like they're going to refuse you after you aced all the entrance exams. You'll probably have to take some extra classes and make up the coursework, that's all.'_

'_How do you know all that?'_

'_I called Ellie when you were upstairs. You know __her; the English girl in my physics class. She was here last week doing a project with me, remember? Well, she works part time in the Admissions office, doing filing and stuff, and she said they make exceptions for special cases. They'll be so glad you're not going off to Oxford or somewhere that they'll put down the red carpet for you. No problemo. You're sorted.'_

'_Really?'_

'_Really. It'll be great. We can eat lunch together and study in the library and I was thinking we could join the scuba diving club. They do great trips at weekends.'_

'_Duo! You couldn't even swim three weeks ago and now you want to go diving?'_

'_I had a really great coach,' Duo clinked his beer bottle against Wufei's. 'It'll be OK, Wu. I promise. You're going to love being a full-time student.' He grinned suddenly. 'And if you occasionally drag yourself out of the library, there're lots of cute guys around too.'_

_Wufei snorted at that. 'I hardly think so. I will be concentrating on my studies, not looking for a …a boyfriend.' _

'_You know, after all the soul searching you did being gay__, __it'd be a shame if you didn't actually get around to __**doing**__ something about it. Seriously, see if you like the practice as much as the theory?'_

'_Duo!' Wufei's face flamed, vaguely conscious that Duo was being outrageous on purpose, finding a way to distract him from his other troubles. _

_Duo only grinned at him. 'Who was he, by the way? You've never told me.' _

_Wufei looked up, chopsticks poised halfway to his mouth. 'Who was what?' _

_'You know.. The first guy you fell for.' Duo rolled his eyes. 'In my experience, most gay guys have an epiphany when they see some hottie bend over.' _

_'Oh!' Wufei could feel the colour rising and took another swallow of beer. God, this conversation! _

_It was Heero. _

_Of course, he couldn't say that to Duo. He couldn't ever say that to Duo. _

_'It was - during the War. Trieze Khushrenda.'_

_'No shit!' Duo, far from being repelled or shocked, looked almost admiring. 'Old 13 himself! Bit old for you, wasn't he? Cute though, in that fancy uniform. Anything happen? In all those duels you two fought?' _

_'No! It was - it wasn't like that. I admired him; I tried to convince myself it was his code of honour, his skills as a warrior. That there was nothing else to it.' Wufei spoke resolutely, trying to quench that tiny voice in his mind that whispered …otherwise; trying to forget the shame he'd brought on his name and his ancestors, feeling an attraction to someone who was both male, and an enemy, and trying not to think of the man's magnetism, his charm…_

_'Yeah, right.. Well, he wouldn't be my type, but I can see he had this certain - something. And he was gay so he was actually a pretty good choice.'_

_'Treize was gay?' Wufei choked on a piece of shredded chicken. Treize! _

_'Duh! You really didn't know? He was shacked up with sexy Zechsy Merquise for years.' He grinned at Wufei. 'What about Zechs? He's cute.'_

_'Who?' Wufei asked, buying time. Dear gods, was Duo planning to ask about every man either of them had ever met? _

'_Oh. Six.' Duo said, elaborately slow and careful. 'You know. The Lighting Count. Zechs I'm-so-hot-my-Mobile-Suit-doesn't-need-thermal-flares Merquise. Or Peacecraft. Whatever.__' _

_'Oh, him! No, too far too much hair,' Wufei teased, reaching out to flick Duo's braid. 'And he's in prison, isn't he?' _

_'Yeah,' Duo sobered up instantly. 'That place, what's it called? Liosgard. Poor sod. I've heard stories about that place. Might have been kinder just to kill him. Still, maybe he's lucky to be alive.' _

_'We all are,' Wufei said carefully. 'I thought - after the War - we would be tried. That if we survived at all, we would be treated as war criminals, after everything we'd done.'_

_'That's why you joined Preventers, right? To make amends. Heero was like that. You're like him in some ways, you know.' _

_'I'm nothing like him!' Wufei snapped, and then flinched at the look on Duo's face. 'Sorry,' he muttered, touching Duo's hand in a quick apology. Any mention of Heero was always a mistake; he cast about quickly for a way to distract him. _

_'I don't know if I can…' Wufei paused, willling his throat muscles to relax. This was so very difficult. 'Those places you go to…to meet men. I can't do anything like that.' _

_'I wouldn't let you! Not for one fucking minute. Look, Fei, just 'cause I'm screwed up, you don't have to be like that. It - doesn't have to be like that. And I there's no way I'm letting you do that sort of stuff.' Duo twiddled with the end of his braid. 'You know it doesn't have to be like that, right? Just think of Tro and Quat; the way they feel about each other. You deserve something like that.'_

_Wufei nodded uncertainly; disagreeing would only lead to more discussion, and Duo was probably right. He hadn't had the …best introduction to gay culture; he certainly couldn't imagine the refined, fastidious Quatre Winner in any of those places._

'_Oh, I forgot to tell you,' Duo said suddenly. 'Quat 'phoned when you were in the shower. So did Sally.'_

'_They know what happened? Already?' Wufei wondered, aghast. Stupid question; of course, they would. Sally had left Preventers the previous year, but she still had plenty of friends working there who would keep her in touch with the gossip grapevine. And Noin would probably have told Trowa. _

_Duo nodded. 'It's OK. They're both on your side, you know that. I said you'd call them back when you'd got a few things sorted out. You should call Quat before it gets too late on L4 though. You know how he worries.'_

'_I will.' Wufei tipped back his beer bottle to reach the dregs. Maybe it was the alcohol, or Duo's company but he felt slightly less - frozen, than he had earlier. And the thought of talking to Sally and Quatre didn't seem quite so appalling. Neither of them would judge him, and Quat, who'd been trying to get him to resign for months, would probably agree with Duo._

'_When you're cleared for space travel, we should really go to L4 and visit them. Would you like that?' he offered._

'_Cool,' Duo beamed. 'It'd be nice to see them when I'm not in a hospital for a change. And I really want to see their new place.'_

'_Perhaps during the Easter vacation?' Wufei suggested. It felt odd, making plans that he could carry out on a whim, merely for pleasure. Odd but good. 'I'd like for us to be all together again.'_

'_Yeah,' Duo twisted his braid around in his fingers, eyes fixed on the table. 'I'll go call Quat, OK? I'll put you on in a few minutes.'_

_Wufei rose to tip the remains of his meal into the trash, silently cursing his own stupidity. What an idiotic thing to have said. Perfect, Chang. It had all been going so well and he'd had to say something like that. Only five weeks since Duo's last - incident, and he was still so very brittle. Still so obsessed with Heero. 'All together again', he'd said, without even thinking what it meant. _

_He'd known Duo's first Christmas without Heero would be hard for Duo. Christmas hadn't been celebrated on L5 and Duo didn't seem to care about the holiday, so they hadn't made any plans beyond a special meal, and then had spent over an hour talking to Trowa and Quatre by vid phone. Otherwise, they'd watched movies and eaten their way through the massive stockpile of junk food Duo had been stockpiling and very carefully avoided any mention of what had happened the previous year._

_Duo had been a little quieter than usual; he'd talked privately to Quat for fifteen minutes at the end of the fourway conversation and gone off to bed shortly afterwards._

_Wufei hadn't even known he'd gone out until the call came from the hospital. Duo, of course, still refused to speak about it, but Wufei had talked to the medical staff, and read his chart, and surfed some truly repulsive sites on the internet. It made him sick, to think of Duo submitting to those things. Duo, who couldn't bear any restraints, who didn't even like to be touched without notice._

_Of course, there had been appalling amounts of drugs and alcohol in his system; he'd apparently been too far gone even to use something called a 'safe word'. Quat had somehow managed to kill the story before it reached the media, and convinced the doctors to register Duo's injuries as resulting from an accident, but they all knew that Duo had gone out that night wanting to die; that he'd tried living in a world without Heero for twelve months and couldn't do it any more._

Wufei hadn't understood back then, not really. He hadn't known what it would be like to have one's life so completely bound up with another person's; had found it an unimaginable, distasteful idea that he might ever give so much power to anyone else. And now it was a terrifying thing, to consider what his life might be like without Zechs in it.


	36. Running Away

Disclaimer - just in case anyone's unclear on this point, I don't own Gundam Wing.

Note - Many, many thanks to all my wonderful ALGroupies for all your lovely messages during the past month, especially to KS and Snow, for keeping me in the writing loop and sharing their stories with me.

Thanks to KS for working on this one with me...even on a Sunday in the heat!

This one is back to Duo's POV.

**Running Away:**

I made it to the shuttle port without throwing Heero out of the car, but only just.

The drive took just under thirty minutes, confirming my suspicions that Heero's inconspicuous, wholly unremarkable car housed a far more impressive engine than you might think.

I did give him a couple more zaps on the way, if he so much as twitched, but decided that someone would probably notice a body being thrown out of a vehicle.

Bastard.

Controlling, conniving, manipulative, two-faced, scheming, evil, officious, overbearing, controlling _bastard_.

And I'd fallen for it.

Brilliant, Duo.

Nothing ever fucking changes, does it? He could just swan into my life, pay me a few compliments and I'd be ready to fall at his feet. It had all been some stupid power trip for him, nothing more; a nice little boost to the Yuy ego.

Damn, I'd wanted so badly to believe it. I mean, I'd known all along it was too good to be true; the gods are never that kind to me.

Never again.

Never, never, never.

There wasn't too much activity going on at the shuttle port; not late on a Sunday afternoon. Florence isn't exactly a major transport hub anyway; most of the major commercial shuttles fly out of Rome, just a couple of hours away, and the gates were actually closed.

I pulled up at the security hut, and a bored-looking security guard ambled out, scratching his head and mumbling in Italian about something that sounded vaguely like 'identity', with a few extra vowel sounds thrown in.

I flashed Heero's Preventer ID, keeping one finger partway over the photo. Probably not even necessary; most people don't look any further than the shield itself. It worked this time; he looked impressed, threw me a sloppy salute and waved me straight through before hurrying back into his little hut and picking up the 'phone.

Brilliant security.

I felt a teeny bit bad at going through Heero's wallet, even in the circumstances, but I didn't really want to leave any trace that Duo Maxwell had left Earth, and I'd rifled through his pockets when we were stuck in traffic.

Finding Tro's shuttle was a piece of cake; it was the only one docked. As I pulled up, a red-haired girl in a jumpsuit came running down the gangplank.

'Hey. I'm supposed to be meeting Trowa here.'

'You're Duo? I'm Steph; this is my ship. You're early. Trowa said you'd be another half-hour.' I nodded, gave up on getting a word in edgeways, and slid Heero out of the passenger door, draping one arm around his waist to support him.

Her eyes widened. 'Shit! Is he dead? The security guard just called to say there's a Preventer agent on his way in. You'd better stash the body somewhere.'

'Oh, that was just me. And nope, he's not dead.' I half-dragged, half-carried Heero up the gangplank. 'Not yet, anyway.'

Steph, who seemed less perturbed by the idea of murder being carried out on her ship than she had at a corpse being carried abroad, merely nodded.

'We don't really have passenger accommodation; you can use the galley if you want. Just through there.' She gestured, and I hauled Heero into what was obviously the crew quarters. 'Beer and soda in the fridge; help yourself. I have start up the engines. Take off in fifteen, OK? Trowa's down in the cargo bay if you want to see him.'

She vanished before I could thank her; before I could say anything, really. I buckled Heero into one of the chairs, deciding he'd be safe enough there for a few minutes.

Trowa, as promised, was in the cargo bay, driving a forklift and shifting wooden crates.

'Hey, Tro,' I hopped up on the forklift seat beside him. 'How come you got this job?'

'Steph's boyfriend had to do some last minute paperwork before we were got official clearance.' I nodded, translating this as last minute bribes to some official or other. 'Steph had to check something in the engine room so I offered to help out. You're early; I didn't think you'd get here this fast.' He threw me a quick grin. 'How'd you manage to slip Heero's leash.'

'Um, I didn't. Not exactly. I brought him with me. He's upstairs in the galley; I thought I'd just run down and see you before take off.'

He nodded, not looking particularly surprised. 'I guessed he wouldn't let you go running off by yourself. It's not like he's ever been able to refuse you anything, is it? I take it the date went well then?'

'Pretty much.'

Yeah, right up to the time when I knocked him out and kidnapped him.

Trowa swung the forklift around, hoisting another crate. It was weird; we were sitting on a double seat, plenty of room for two, but it still seemed uncomfortably close.

'You got past the security OK? I was going to go out and wait for you; I wasn't sure if you had any ID with you.'

'I've got my new Sanque passport.' God, it was only a few hours since I'd picked it up from Zechs' table, and put it in my pocket without even thinking about it. 'But I flashed Heero's Preventers ID at the security guy.'

'What? Duo, Heero doesn't have any Preventers ID; he hasn't worked for them in years.'

'Yes, he has,' I argued. 'I'll show you the badge later; I put it back in his wallet.'

'He does some consulting work, I think,' Trowa frowned. 'Nothing that would mean he'd have an ID.'

I shrugged at that. 'It's no big deal, is it? They let us in anyway. What's in all these boxes?' Each of the crates was embellished with scarlet 'Fragile' stickers. Had to wonder if they contained some sort of explosives; had to wonder if I could borrow any of the goodies.

I mean, the ship was taking off from an all-but-deserted port, at the quietest time of the week, and the pilot hadn't been any too keen at the thought of a Preventers agent wandering in. Pretty safe to assume she wasn't just carrying bottled water.

Tro grinned at me. 'Take a look,' He manoeuvred the last crate neatly into place, and pried the lid open, reaching in to hand me something. 'This might come in useful, now that you and Heero are getting on better.'

'What is it? Oh!'

Nothing as innocuous as explosives, actually.

'Life as lived on L4. Strict censorship laws, strict morality.' The grin broadened. 'Young population with too much money, too much curiosity.'

'I can't believe this,' I groaned. 'I'm on a ship smuggling porn magazines.'

'Plus books, DVDS, some exotic little toys that would make your hair stand on hand.'

I flicked open the magazine to try to hide my embarrassment, and feeling a sudden surge of relief that we weren't together anymore.

'This isn't even physically possible, is it?' Trowa leaned over my shoulder to see what I was looking at.

'Sure it is, for some people, ' he said, the slight smirk on his face leaving me in no doubt that he was one of the people who could. No wonder poor Quat had had to take yoga classes.

'You need to get out more, Duo; you know that?' He rolled up the magazine and reached over to slide it into my pocket. Fortunately, whatever else he was saying was drowned out by the sound of the engines, revving up.

'Time to move.'

Things got pretty hectic after that; I helped Tro latch down the crates, stow the forklift in its cage, lock the cargo bay doors, and buckled ourselves into a couple of seats by the hatch for take-off.

'So, what did Quat's email say?'

'Here, I'll show you.' He fished a carefully-folded piece of paper out of his jacket pocket.

I couldn't help grinning at Trowa's address - liontamer at ; well; ten guesses who'd picked that out for him. The rest was gibberish. 'What does all this mean?'

'Oh, it's a code we developed, back in the war. Basically, he says he's somewhere safe but he thinks his position may be compromised. He needs extraction but he says to exercise extreme caution.'

'But he's OK?' I couldn't stop the smile of pure relief spreading over my face and Trowa's expression mirrored mine. 'And he's still on L4?'

'As of an hour ago, anyway. I've got the coordinates from where the email was sent.'

'I take it we won't be docking through the official channels.' Trowa shook his head. 'That's impressive. How the hell did you set up all this so fast?'

'I've known Steph for years; her sister works at the circus. We were planning to go late tonight; then I got Quatre's message and we rushed everything forward. You do know I'm not supposed to leave Florence, don't you?'

'Yeah.' I twisted the loose end of my seat belt around one finger, pulling it tight. 'I'm not supposed to either.'

Trowa grinned at that; his attitude towards all these peacetime regulations tends to be a little bit on the blasé side, just like mine. 'I didn't think that would stop you! How did you convince Heero to let you come, anyway? '

'Um. I kissed him.'

Trowa smiled. 'I bet he thought all his dreams had come true!'

Oh, God. I flinched, remembering the look in Heero's eyes as I'd reached for him. That sudden, shining joy.

'The thing is, Tro, I didn't exactly ask him to come. I knew he'd try to find some way to stop me, so after I'd kissed him, I sort of knocked him out and kidnapped him.'

'You did _what_?' One hand flicked his hair back from his face so I got the benefit of two furious green eyes glaring at me. 'You punched him?'

'Not exactly.' I pulled out my handy little stun gun and showed it to him. 'I used this.'

'For fuck's sake, Duo,' he exploded. 'Have you any idea how illegal those things are? I don't even want to know where you got it. You could do serious damage to his nervous system.'

'I only used it a couple of times,' I muttered defensively, pocketing it. I suppose I didn't really want to kill Heero, not straight out anyway. Wouldn't mind giving him a permanent nervous twitch or something, though….serve the bastard right.

'You're insane. What are you planning to do with him? Keep him unconscious until we find Quatre?'

'What was I _supposed_ to do? Just dump him by the side of the road? He would have tried to stop me. He never even told me you called earlier. Wufei said you called looking for me, and he told you to ring Heero's 'phone. He never mentioned you'd called.'

'That's because I didn't talk to him. I tried his cellphone a couple of times and it was turned off.'

Oh. Shit. I tried to remember borrowing Hero's 'phone back in the café, when I' d called Wufei; whether I'd had to switch it on.

'We can't just take him to L4 with us! He'll be furious and I wouldn't blame him, after what you did.'

'I _know_. Look, it was stupid, I do realise that. I'll talk to him when we wakes up; I'll tell him you heard from Quat and that I'm really sorry but I had to go. I've got the whole flight to convince him.'

'Whatever. I'm going to find Quat and I don't want you and Heero messing that up with your stupid little lovers' spat.' He unbuckled himself and stood over me. 'You'd better get up there and grovel your ass off.'

'I'm not the only one who needs to apologise.' I glared up at him. 'He dragged me off on some sort of pretend date and tried to make me believe he still cares about me, just so I wouldn't be able to go with you.'

'Fuck, Maxwell. Sometimes, I think you truly are certifiable. Heero didn't know anything about this; sure, he knew I was planning something but not today_. I _hadn't planned to leave today until I got Quatre's message. You have no freaking clue how excited he was about getting to take you out today. I couldn't sleep last night because he kept waking me up to talk about it. Did I think you'd like to go on a picnic or would you expect something more formal? Did you still like sun dried tomatoes, for Christ's sake?'

'He couldn't wait for me to get back from the Sanque Embassy this morning so he'd find out if you liked the stuff he sent you. He adores you, and if you didn't have your head buried in the sand you'd be able to see that.'

'Really?' The thought of it was terrifying and exhilarating and fucking amazing all at once.

'Really.' Trowa muttered something not-quite-under-his-breath about my intelligence levels, or lack thereof. 'He really does like you, you moron, for some unfathomable reason,' he added, a bit more gently.

I swallowed, twirling the end of my braid around. 'It's been years, Tro. He never said anything. How the hell was I supposed to know?'

'Maybe that's something you should ask him?' he suggested. 'Look, Duo. Why don't you try looking at it from his point of view? He thought you were better off without him. You nearly died because of something he'd done. Since you two broke up, you've gone to university, you've won awards for most of your designs; every guy you've been out since with has been a total knockout.'

'That isn't true!' I muttered, feeling my face flame.

'Oh, really? I met some of your boyfriends in Florida, remember? And I met Mikhail; we all thought that was actually going somewhere until you ditched him.'

Mikhail. He'd been the first person to commission one of my original shuttle designs, nearly two years ago. In the process of getting it just right, we'd had a couple of late night meetings that somehow turned into dinner. Ithad takenweeks to get everything just how he wanted and he'd confessed later that he'd had to keep coming up with extra refinements and added features. At the time, I hadn't had a clue; Mikhail owned huge tracts of the Northern Hemisphere as well as being a really hot guy with a cool personality.

No way would he be interested in someone like me.

We'd gone out for nearly a year; my longest relationship since Heero and the only one that was remotely serious. He was the perfect boyfriend. My friends all loved him, even Wufei, and I'd ….. really liked him.

'It's none of Heero's business who I've been going out with!'

'That's not what I meant. What I'm trying to say, is that for months you were plastered all over the media with one of the richest guys on Earth, and he was crazy about you.'

'And we'd broken up! Over a year ago; he could have called me then.'

'He remembers that when you two were together…' he paused, delicately.

'Yeah, I know. I was a total mess,' I supplied.

'He blames himself for all that, you know,' Trowa said quietly. 'He didn't think he had any right to be in your life after everything that happened. He thought you were better off without him, and you certainly looked happier in all the photos I saw.'

'But it wasn't his fault!' I sighed, feeling like I'd tumbled head-over-heels down the rabbit hole. None of this was making any sense. If Heero had known I'd been with Mikhail, and I suppose we had received a fair amount of media coverage, how did he think I was in a threesome with the guys? Did he honestly think I was that much of a slut? 'Why did he decide to say all this now, anyway?

'Here's a radical idea; maybe you could ask him instead of me?' Trowa pulled me to my feet and gave me a swat on the butt. 'Go talk to him. And be nice, OK?'

OK.

Go and be nice to Heero.

Right.

He was still asleep actually, and looking fairly peaceful, with an odd little smile on his lips. Where I'd given him that damn kiss.

Maybe I could pretend he'd just - passed out or something? Heatstroke? Stress? That he'd had some weird reaction to my tongue in his mouth? Was there any way he'd fall for that?

_God_, but I'd missed kissing him.

Thinking of something Trowa had said, I had a quick look through his wallet to find the Preventer's badge. It _looked _authentic enough, right down to the little hologram of the dove with its outstretched wings, but that didn't mean a whole lot, not to Mr. Master Hacker. Great. Another mystery. If he was going about with the badge on his person, it presumably wasn't exactly a secret, which begged the question of why he hadn't just told Trowa. After all, even I'd known that he still did some freelance work for Preventers.

Wondering why he'd want to pretend to be agent, I flicked through the rest of the wallet's contents. A few business cards. Membership cards for a gym and the ESUN law library. A photograph of Honey at the back.

Shit.

I'd managed to forget all about his dog. Even if Heero got straight on the next shuttle heading for Earth, Honey woud still be alone in the house for far too long. Well, Heero had said Lucca sometimes dog-minded for him. It was worth a try anyway. Otherwise, I'd have to call the guys and get them to break in and rescue her.

I fished Heeo's 'phone out of his other pocket and scrolled down to find Lucca's number, promising myself that I'd stop playing fast and loose with his possessions.

'Hey, Lucca. It's Duo. How's it going?'

'Duo?' He sounded a bit confused for a second; probably wasn't expecting me to call out of the blue. 'It's so nice to hear from you! Nice to hear from anyone, actually,' he added, lowering his voice. 'I'm at my parents' house for dinner and my mother keeps asking me if I've met a nice girl yet. She still thinks I'm just going through a phase. Honestly! How are you? And Heero?'

'Well, that's the thing,' I absently teased a few strands of hair free of my braid and twisted them 'round one finger. 'I was thinking we might try to get away from Florence for a few days.'

'Oh, that's just so romantic,' he sighed. 'I'm so glad you two are getting on.'

'Mmm, the thing is, it's all a bit sudden and spontaneous and we haven't really made any arrangements, so would you mind looking after Honey? Just for a day or two, probably.'

'Of course I will. Where are you going? I can't believe you've persuaded Heero to just take off like this. You're such a good influence on him!'

'Well, it's going to be a bit of a surprise for him, actually,' I said, with perfect truth, easing Honey's picture out and stroking her head with one fingertip. 'The only other thing, well, would you maybe be able to reschedule his work appointments for the next couple of days? I'm not exactly sure how long we'll be gone for. Tonight for sure, but after that…'

'Oh, I'm sure you'll be able to persuade him to stay as long as you like! I'm so happy you two have got together; he hasn't said anything, but I know he's been so nervous about having you to stay. Anyway, you don' t have to worry about his job. He does have one meeting on Tuesday but I can postpone it.'

'That's it?'

'Well, he cancelled most of his clients before he went to India to find you. He wanted to be there if you needed him,' he said cheerfully. 'You probably shouldn't tell him I said that, though.'

'I won't.' What was all that about? 'Did he, um, say anything to you about me?'

'Oh, no. He's been very discreet. But he's been so distracted for the past week; he worked on one of our files from home and it's full of mistakes. Anyway, I'd better go. I can tell my parents I need to do an errand for my boss and leave straightaway. You enjoy yourself and tell Heero not to worry about anything! And I'll see you when you get back.'

'That would be really nice,' I said honestly, wondering it would ever happen.

I have such a talent for screwing things up.

I still had to call Wufei as well, something I was trying very hard not to think about. Wu was going to go totally ballistic. He'd been on edge since he'd arrived in Italy, what with Quatre going AWOL, me going out with Heero, the whole pre-wedding jitters thing, and the wood sculpture thingy.

Not that Zechs was going to care about that, of course; Wufei could probably burn down the palace at Sanque if he wanted to, and Zechs wouldn't turn a perfect hair, but it would kill 'Fei to have to admit to having done something so stupid.

Replacing Honey's photo turned out to be trickier than I'd imagined, because the wallet compartment was already full with a little sheaf of photos.

They were all of me.

He'd always refused to carry my photo during the war, in case he was captured. Somehow, it had carried over to him being a Preventer; he'd claimed it would be unprofessional for him to have my picture on his desk, and I'd always wondered if that was the only reason, or if he hadn't been secretly ashamed of me.

There was an faded, dog-eared shot of me, leaning against Scythe, all those years ago, that had been carefully tucked into a little plastic sleeve, and one that looked fairly recent, like it had been cut out of a magazine and laminated. I was all spruced up in a tux, probably at some official shindig Zechs had dragged me to; holding a glass of champagne and laughing at something. The weird thing was that I looked all - sophisticated or something. God knows I never actually feel like that.

The others were all of the year after the war; the year we'd officially been together.

He'd gone through a phase, for the first few months, of taking photos of me. I'd always thought that photographs had to be all posed and formal, but he'd insisted on snapping me doing all sorts of stupid little everyday things. There was a picture of me sleeping on the couch with the hand-woven throw he'd brought me from Ireland tucked around my shoulders; reading in the hammock I'd rigged up on the back porch, with my hair loose; sitting on a tree trunk the one time we'd gone hiking together, and a silly one of me eating spaghetti with sauce all over my face.

There were two of us together. In the first, we're standing outside my house; Heero has one arm firmly around my waist and I'm leaning against him. On the back, using a pencil so it wouldn't show on the photograph, Heero had written 'home, March 196'.

I think Wufei had taken that, on one of the few times he'd visited. We hadn't really got on back then; the two of us. We'd only just been starting to connect when the War ended; I think he was even beginning to like me a little bit. Then he went off to be a Preventer with Heero and it was like he and I were straight back to when we'd first met, with me being the annoying idiot who distracted poor Heero when he had more important things to do.

I'd tried, I really had. I was always asking him over, even when Heero wasn't home, and he usually had some excuse. The few times we had actually met up, he was obviously uncomfortable; I'd never known whether he had a problem with our relationship or whether it was just me.

In the end, I'd decided he just didn't want to be bothered by me, and stopped pushing him. Heero still met up with him every now and then, and they both seemed happier with that arrangement. I suppose it was only fair that he had a friend of his own.

The second picture we'd taken on our holiday in Vietnam. Summer that same year. The pair of us in a deck chair outside our little resort bungalow. Heero is wearing cut-off denim shorts, with a hibiscus flower tucked behind one ear, a bright splash of scarlet against his dark hair. I'm sprawled all over his lap, wearing a dark blue sarong knotted low around my waist, hair cascading over my shoulders because he'd just pulled the tie off.

We'd wanted a picture, but hadn't really felt comfortable enough to ask anyone to take it. Instead, I'd set up the camera on remote, balanced on a stack of books, and dived on top of Heero, just before it clicked.

Such a happy photograph.

It was so weird, suddenly seeing all those pictures; all those memories. That lost year. I'd never bothered getting my own copies; he'd had some of his favourites framed for us to keep in the house and he'd carefully put the rest away in an album.

It was simpler, sometimes, to try to forget that we hadn't always fought; to forget all of the good times when just being together had been the only thing that mattered in the world. So much easier for me to lock all those shining memories away.

But Heero was carrying all those reminders of me around with him.


	37. Champagne and Confessions on Ice

Disclaimer - they're not mine. Sad, neh?

Note - I have to thank Kaeru Shisho and Snowdragonct for being a wonderful target audience, and for their helpful suggestions, as well as everyone who's reviewed. I get such a kick out of hearing people are enjoying my very convoluted story!

**Champagne and Confessions on Ice:**

The library door banged behind him with a loud crack. He wasn't a person who slammed doors usually; Zechs and Duo did, constantly, but Chang Wufei closed doors as he'd been taught as a child, quietly and carefully.

_Damn. _

The library perhaps hadn't been the best choice of refuge; the room summoned up only many memories of himself talking to Duo the previous evening. It had been cheerful and cosy then, with a bright fire burning in the grate; now it seemed bleak and empty, with only books and paintings for company.

Everything was going wrong.

Everything.

'_Dear one, what happened between the two of you?' _Zechs' voice whispered constantly in his mind.

And he'd lied. Not that Wufei had Duo's phobia about never lying, but he'd always prided himself that he and Zechs had a relationship based on total trust and honesty.

_Damn Heero anyway._

Wufei sank on to a footstool, hiding his face in his hands and trying to breathe calmly, Zechs had pulled his hair loose when they were sitting outside and some strands fell over his eyes; he found an elastic in one pocket and ruthlessly jerked the loose hair back, tight enough to hurt.

He didn't want to think about any of it, much less speak of it, but Zechs was his love and his partner and he deserved to know.

He was in the sitting room of their suite when Wufei walked in, standing at the window, turning as the door opened. One glance at his lover's face and Wufei was suddenly in his arms, being kissed firmly.

'Oh, my love,' Zechs gathered him up, settling the two of them on the couch. 'Please don't. Don't upset yourself like this. Can't you tell me what's wrong?'

'Heero,' Wufei whispered, and felt his lover tense.

'What did he do to you?'

'Nothing. He did nothing. It was all my fault. All of it.' Wufei swallowed. 'I need to tell you something. Just listen, please.'

_It had happened toward in October 196. He and Heero had been part of a Preventers team sent to Germany to investigate a drugs cartel. The mission itself had been a success, but there had been complications. Local intelligence, supposedly accurate, had been flawed from the very start; they'd later found out one of the German detectives was implicated and had managed to delay the operation for just enough time for the chief suspect to make his escape._

_There'd been a shoot out and two of the young men guarding the premises - both in their very early teens - had been killed and the two other agents had been injured; Anil Khan had taken a bullet in his shoulder and Sophie Anders had a bad flesh wound in one arm. They'd been rushed to hospital, but would be back to catch the special Preventers jet Une had ordered to take them home._

_Rather than hang around the soulless airport for three hours, paying exorbitant prices for execrable coffee, Wufei and Heero had found a Chinese restaurant a short drive away. _

_The place, the Orchid Empress or some such nonsensical name, exactly fit most Westerners' ideas of such an establishment; pretty waitresses dressed in a travesty of traditional costumes and Japanese flower prints on the wall. The food was surprisingly acceptable though; at least, Wufei thought so. Heero hadn't eaten anything. He had spent the thirty minutes so far on his cellphone, dialling the same numbers over and over again._

'_Maybe you should try calling his cellphone?' Wufei suggested finally. It rankled, to see the confident, competent Heero dancing attendance on that idiot, Maxwell, when he should have been helping Wufei with the first draft of their mission report._

'_I have,' Heero glared at his own 'phone. 'Half the time, he leaves it at home. Or maybe he's lost it again.'_

_Wufei had nothing to say to that; in his opinion, Maxwell was probably sulking and refusing to answer Heero out of pique. Fool. Heero had called him just before the operation started, and Wufei hadn't been able to help overhearing. Apparently, Maxwell was in a strop over something or other. Honestly. Did he think Heero could just walk out in the middle of the mission to go and hold his hand?_

'_I'm worried about him,' Heero said quietly. 'Duo,' he clarified, lest there be any room for doubt. 'He said, when I called him before, that he was going to stay at home.' He picked up his 'phone again, stabbing at the numbers. 'I suppose he might have been called into work.'_

'_Is Duo there? Duo Maxwell? Oh, is he? Right, I'll try him there. Thank you.'_

_He excused himself and headed out to the small roof garden overlooking the airfield and the temptation was just too much. They'd both been fitted with ear pieces before the mission; tiny devices that fitted behind the ear lobe. Neither of them had removed them yet. _

_Wufei could justify listening, if he tried. He and Heero had worked well together; it was not unreasonable to assume that they might be partnered again on future assignments. In that case, surely it behoved him to know what was going on in Heero's life. _

'_Duo? What the hell are you doing? I left a message to say I'd be late; I thought at least you'd stay in 'til I called….not rush off to some bar …..Duo, I'm sorry, all right? It's not like I've got a nine-to-five job….I can't exactly call you in the middle of a firefight….no, I'm fine, we're both fine, I swear,….I'm sorry, truly……it's what I do, love…….yes, I know what I told you and I did mean it but….. What exactly is it you wanted me to do, just tell Une I had to walk out in the middle of an operation to take you to dinner? …. Oh, Duo, my darling, don't, please….'_

_Wufei fumbled to deactivate the earpiece with enough force that it fell out. Oh, dear gods. He'd never heard Yuy sound like that, that tone of mingled remorse and pleading and - affection._

_My darling._

_He'd never had anyone call him that, never had anyone speak to him like that. He supposed his parents had addressed him by pet-names when he was very young; Sally had never called him by anything but his full name, had never even abbreviated it the way Maxwell did. And he and Meiran had never indulged in that sort of nonsense._

_So - unexpected, for Heero speak with such tenderness. Impossible not to feel that sudden twisting stab of envy. _

_Those two._

_They'd seemed to fit, oddly enough, during the War. _

_He'd known they'd been having problems; Heero had never specifically said anything but he'd dropped enough comments here and there for Wufei to slot some pieces together._

_Maxwell was working on and off for a disreputable security firm, which worked for some unsavoury clients. Wufei had researched the company on line. He'd guessed that Duo was drinking too much; he knew Heero had somehow managed to cover up some incidents; there'd been fights outside bars; a couple of car crashes, reports of Duo buying some sort of illegal weapons. Who knew what else he was up to? He was from L2 after all and everyone knew what that meant. _

_Someone like Heero undoubtedly deserved better._

_Wufei had actually broached the topic with Winner the last time they'd met; under the pretext of being concerned for Maxwell. Of course, Winner wouldn't hear anything against his precious Duo. He'd merely commented that, after everything that Maxwell had been through, he needed a little time to adjust to this new world._

_Winner was a fool. He'd actually had the effrontery to suggest that Wufei might like to talk to him, about any problems he might be having. The idea of it. Oh, he'd said it would be all in confidence, but no doubt anything he did say would somehow be passed on to Barton, and Barton was friendly with Heero. _

_It had - been almost tempting though; just for the space of a heartbeat, with Winner's hand on his arm, and those blue eyes fixed on his, and filled with compassion._

_The last time person who had looked at him like that, as if he cared, had been Maxwell, on that awful night in the Lunar Base._

_But it had been impossible. He wasn't some silly woman, who needed to broadcast every little problem to anyone within earshot. And Quatre was scarcely the ideal confidante; doubtless, he got up to every sort of sexual perversion with Barton, to the shame of his family and his ancestors. Quatre was Duo's best friend; how could he possibly talk to him about any of this?_

_Absurd, of course. It seemed like the farther Heero rose in Preventers, that Maxwell's life unravelled in some sort of inverse reflection._

_They'd all been through the war, but only Maxwell seemed to feel the need to behave like some sort of juvenile delinquent. Wufei had lost more than any of them; his wife and family and home, and he didn't go around snivelling about it. _

_Even Winner, who'd so far forgotten his family obligations and run off to live in a caravan with Barton, had seen the error of his ways after a few months, and returned to take up his responsibilities, as was only proper._

_He'd once thought that Barton might consider joining Preventers, had even suggested it; but he'd only received a long, considering look out of those unfathomable green eyes and the comment that his place was with Winner now. What else could one expect from a mercenary, really? The man could have found useful, honourable employment, but he all too obviously preferred a life of luxury as Winner's paid and pampered lapdog. _

_Wufei sniffed disdainfully at the thought of it, and then picked up his chopsticks as Heero sat back down. Wufei stole a quick glance at him. Someone like Heero deserved someone better; someone who could understand what drove him, someone who could be a real partner, a support. Not a liability like Maxwell. _

_What in the universe did Heero see in him anyway? He wasn't unattractive, if one overlooked the garish colouring and the ridiculously long hair, and he had a certain superficial charm, but nothing surely that would keep someone like Heero interested for long. Heero needed someone with the dedication and drive to match his own, someone whom he could respect as an equal. A partner in every sense._

'_Is everything all right?'_

_Heero raked one hand through that fall of dark hair, and Wufei flinched, hating to see him so lost, so vulnerable. 'I don't know. I don't know why I can't ever do anything right. _

'_None of this is your fault,' Wufei stated firmly, unsure exactly what Heero wanted from him. _

_They weren't …friends, exactly, not as Wufei understood the term. He wouldn't presume to think of Heero as that, but they did spend time together, sometimes. Heero had fallen into the habit of visiting his apartment occasionally, and they would play chess, or sometimes go for a meal. They never really talked, though; not the way Wufei had overheard Maxwell and Winner confide in each other. They discussed Preventers, or politics, but never anything personal, not until those three days four weeks ago when Maxwell had gone AWOL and Heero had stayed with him for a night._

_Heero had been frantic; Maxwell had apparently just left the house and vanished for no apparent reason. He'd taken time off work to help Heero search but Duo was the master at running and hiding and he hadn't wanted to be found. After forty-eight sleepless hours, he'd somehow convinced Heero to take a few hours off, that he was no use to anyone if he was dropping with exhaustion. He'd brought Heero back to his apartment, cooked them both a meal, and persuaded Heero to lie down, just for an hour._

_It was still a source of guilty, shameful pride; that Heero had needed him. That he'd had Heero to himself for a few hours, with a little voice, enticing as evil, whispering in his mind that maybe this time Maxwell wouldn't come back._

'_You heard what happened last week?' Heero was looking at him rather oddly; it was disconcerting, sometimes, how he sometimes seemed to guess what Wufei was thinking._

_Wufei nodded. 'Sally told me.' Duo had half-killed two young men outside a bar. He'd claimed they were trying to assault a young girl, and he'd stopped them, but the girl had vanished, there were no other witnesses, and the men had friends who backed up their story that they'd been attacked without provocation. _

_Wufei had hacked into the files as well, and found they'd all been deleted. Officially, the incident had never happened. _

_Heero's influence. He was paying for it, of course; this was his third overseas mission in as many weeks. Une was helping with the cover up but she was making damn sure she got her pound of flesh out of Heero._

'_You can't keep doing this.'_

'_I have to,' Heero sounded defeated, utterly unlike himself. 'I can't do anything else for him. He won't talk to me; at least, I can do this.' _

'_I'm sure he wouldn't want you to kill yourself,' Wufei snapped and the deep blue eyes flew open. _

'_What do you suggest I do?' Heero asked wearily. 'Allow him to go to prison? You know I couldn't do that.'_

'_I know,' Wufei echoed. That was the worst of it, that he did know. There was a debt there, between him and Duo, from the war, from the cell they'd shared. Heero had asked him to look after Duo but there was nothing he'd been able to do._

_Just sit in the darkness after the interrogators had taken Duo and await his turn. It should have been him first; they'd actually started to unshackle him, but Duo had screamed and thrashed in his chains and he'd been dragged out first. He'd been broken and bleeding when they flung him back, an eternity later, not even bothering to chain him because he couldn't have walked anyway._

_There was nothing Wufei could do for him then either. He'd checked Duo's injuries as best he could; none of them were lethal, although two of his fingers were broken as well as a couple of ribs, and he'd pissed blood for days after. Duo had tried so hard to reassure him that he was all right, claiming that he was fine, and it had been worth it to get out of the stinking cell for a bit._

_He'd passed out eventually, desperately trying to braid his matted, bloodied hair with one hand, and Wufei had somehow tied it back while he was unconscious, knowing that Duo had drawn their attention purposely, knowing how afraid Wufei had been. _

_No, he'd never condemn Duo to that again. He knew far too well all Duo's fears about being restrained and helpless in the darkness._

'_I would…..never permit that, either,' he said finally, stiffly, and Heero nodded, understanding. 'Sally did mention something about recommending a therapist,' Wufei spoke a little disdainfully. He had no time for such people; the refuge of weaklings who refused to take responsibility for their own problems, but Maxwell undoubtedly needed some sort of professional help. _

_Heero slouched back in his chair. 'She did. He went to a couple of sessions, charmed the woman into believing he was only there to satisfy his over-protective partner and she ended up calling me and asking me to make an appointment to discuss my controlling tendencies.' _

_Wufei couldn't help a brief crack of laughter. 'Typical. What did Duo say?' _

_Heero shrugged. 'He thought it was hilarious. He keeps telling me he's fine. I have no idea how he really is. He talks to Quatre, I think; he won't talk to me.'_

'_And yet you are killing yourself on his behalf,' Wufei noted. 'I know what you are capable of, Heero, but even you have limits. Duo would be furious if he knew any of this.'_

'_He never will,' Heero snapped. 'And it's not for much longer. I have already handed in my resignation, effective from the end of December.'_

'_You can't,' Wufei blurted, aghast. It was the only thing that made his job bearable, the chance to work alongside Heero sometimes. Without that… 'I - I mean - the Preventers need agents of your calibre. Une must have been furious.'_

'_You could leave, too.' Those blue eyes met his, utterly compelling. 'I know you're not happy there, we both do.'_

_Wufei stared down at his plate, mortified that Heero had noticed. And Maxwell. _

'_What else could I possibly do?'_

'_There are other law agencies. And you used to talk about going to university.'_

_Wufei shook his head. It was true that there were other organisations, but the Preventers were the __é__lite; he would not shame himself by settling for anything else, not for a frivolous reason like unhappiness. As for the chance to study, that was a dream that belonged to his old life. _

'_Think about it,' Heero looked slightly uncomfortable. 'Forgive me, but Sally asked me to talk to you. She's very worried about you.'_

'_That is none of her business!' Wufei exclaimed, stung. 'We are no longer a couple and have not been for almost a month now. You know that. There is nothing left between us. I told you.'_

_It was Heero's turn to study the congealing mess on his plate. 'She is still fond of you, I think, and concerned for you.'_

'_There is no need for that. I am perfectly well. You may tell her so, and that I do not appreciate her poking into my life.' _

'_She's still allowed to care about you, 'Fei.'_

'_Fei. Duo shortened his name all the time. Wufei tried to ignore it; any complaints only resulted in even more bizarre versions but Heero never had. Not even that night. _

'_I said, there's no need!' Wufei snapped. 'I'm not a child, Yuy, to need some woman fussing over me.' This whole conversation was ridiculous. How dare Sally talk to Heero, of all people about him? He was managing his life perfectly well; __**he**__ wasn't the one who was falling apart and needing some sort of professional help to cope. He was managing more than adequately by himself; he didn't need someone to hold his hand like Maxwell apparently did. _

'_I know,' Heero said quietly. 'We all know how strong you are. But we're your friends and we worry about you. Duo is always asking me about you. He thinks he's offended you somehow, that you never visit.'_

'_Duo!' Wufei flung the name between them like a curse. 'When are you going to wake up, Heero, and see what he's really like? He's a disaster and he has been since the war ended. If not for you, he'd be behind bars right now, disgraced, and that might make him see sense. The best thing you could do is to stop coddling him like this, and force him to face up to reality for once. He isn't worthy of you; he's hell bent on destroying his own life and he'll destroy yours as well if you don't stop sheltering him.'_

'_That's enough, Chang!' Heero was on his feet; very pale, his eyes blazing blue against dead-white skin. 'Don't you dare speak about Duo like that. Do you hear me?'_

'_I' m sorry,' Wufei began to stutter an apology. 'I just - I worry about you too, and I - I thought…I hate seeing what he's doing to you! You know that, you know how much I..'_

'_Don't,' Heero cut him off furiously. 'Don't say it! I could never imagine life without Duo. Ever.' He scraped his chair back and glanced at his watch. 'It's time to go.'_

_The flight home was a nightmare. Four of them on a Preventers jet; Heero had spent the journey engrossed in his laptop, Wufei had tried to write a mission report, the other two had been given painkillers and slept most of the time._

_Wufei framed a brief prayer to his ancestors as the 'plane landed, taxiing from the runway into the Preventers hangar. He would have to fix this, now, or he would never be able to look Heero in the eye again. He would apologise; cite stress or exhaustion or some other excuse but he couldn't leave it like this. Not with Heero, whom he admired more than anyone. Anders and Khan were first off the 'plane, met by medical officers, and Wufei hung back, letting Heero collect his bags and leave first. He would talk to him once they were inside, with a modicum of privacy. _

'_Heero!'_

_It was unbelievably, Maxwell, running toward them, in the hangar that was strictly off limits to any but authorised personnel. _

'_Heero! I'm so fucking sorry! I was so worried about you; I didn't know what was going on and that bitch Une wouldn't even take my call and….'_

_Heero shut him up abruptly, pulling him into a deep kiss, ignoring the fact that they were surrounded by mechanics and other agents and swinging him off his feet, the bright banner of Maxwell's hair gleaming against his black leather jacket. Disgraceful exhibition! Maxwell at least had the decency to blush when Heero released him, but Heero obviously didn't care who was watching. _

'_I love you. And I'm sorry too.'_

_Still holding Heero's hand, Maxwell turned around, high-fiving Khan and blathering__about how he wouldn't be able to play in some cricket match or other, and then leaning over to kiss Anders on the cheek._

'_Sophie! Congratulations! Have you decided yet when the wedding's to be?'_

_Wufei felt an odd niggle of - guilt? He'd worked with Anders for months and hadn't even known that she had a boyfriend, much less that she'd become engaged. It was small wonder that none of his colleagues had any time for him. Anders was beaming at Maxwell's enthusiasm, fishing under her vest to bring out the ring she'd presumably been wearing on a chain. _

'_Where's Wufei, 'Ro? He's not hurt, is he?'_

_Heero shrugged. 'He must have left already.'_

'_Oh,' Maxwell sounded almost disappointed. 'I would've liked to have seen him. It's been ages. Guess he didn't want to see me, huh? Oh well. You ready to come home now, babe?'_

'_Don't call me that,' Heero reached out to tweak that absurd braid. 'And we're not going home.'_

'_No?' Maxwell grinned up at him. 'You just want to stay here and make out? That's kinda kinky.'_

'_I'll show you kinky later.' Another kiss; dear gods, didn't they need to breathe when they were doing that? 'I've booked us into a guesthouse a couple of hours up the coast. It's off season so we'll pretty much have the place to ourselves.'_

'_God, I love you,' The arm around Heero tightened as they turned to walk away but then he spoke without a trace of the flirtatious banter. 'I heard about the kids who got shot, Heero. I'm so sorry.'_

Zechs tightened the arm around Wufei's waist, holding him firmly. He hadn't known quite what to expect, when his lover had walked in to the room, with that facing-the-firing-squad look on his face.

'You've never spoken to him since then?'

Wufei blinked, slowly coming back to the present.

'I - yes. Of course I have. I called him a few days later, to apologise again for what I'd said. He accepted it, he said, but we never really saw each other after that. We never worked together again; I don't know if he'd asked Une or if it was just coincidence.'

'The first night we were together, you told me you thought you'd been in love once. Was that Heero?'

A jerky nod from the black, bowed head. An unexpected surge of relief.

It hadn't been Treize. Nor the girl he'd married. Nor, thank the gods, Duo.

'I - thought I did, once, when I didn't know what it was like. Before I met you. I swear, you are the only person who has ever held my heart.' He said it bleakly, not quite daring to meet his lover's eye. 'I love you. And now you know how dishonourably I've behaved.' Wufei hid his face in his hands. 'I'm still ashamed, that I could do something like that, that I tried to destroy them. That I could betray them like that.'

'Oh, my love, you were so very young,' Zechs stroked one finger along Wufei's jaw line and tilted his chin, making him look up. 'Scared and confused and worried you'd lose the one person whom you wanted to care for you.'

Wufei nodded. 'That excuses nothing! I betrayed them both.'

'Not your fault. You must know that. They'd been having problems all along; Duo's told me a little about it. The wonder isn't that they broke up, but that they stayed together for so long. Dearest, two people in a happy, secure relationship aren't going to split up just because one of them is propositioned by someone else.' He pressed his lips to Wufei's forehead. 'Think, love. Since we've been together, hasn't anyone ever expressed an interest in you?'

Another slight nod, a definite deepening of colour across those amazing cheekbones.

'Were you ever interested?'

'Of course not!' Wufei glared at him. 'How could I ever look at another man when I have you?'

Zechs laughed softly. 'You see? None of this was your fault. It was inevitable, and now they have a chance to try again. They're not children anymore. Maybe they deserve a second chance, hmmm?'

Wufei let his head fall against Zechs' chest. 'What am I going to tell Duo? That I tried to - to steal his lover from him? He'll never want to see me again.'

'Oh, love,' Zechs sighed. 'Duo adores you, you know that. Anyway, I don't think he needs to know.'

'Heero might tell him, though,' Wufei whispered miserably. 'I swear, I never meant to hurt him, Mil. Either of them. I was just so scared that Heero would go out of my life and I'd lose him, the same way I'd lost everyone else, and I - he was the first person I'd ever..'

'Well, I think you have excellent taste.' Zechs' mouth quirked into a smile. 'He's gorgeous.'

'You - don't mind?'

'What - care that you'd been attracted to someone long before we met? Hardly.' He lifted one of Wufei's hands to his mouth and kissed it. 'Seriously, I'm rather relieved. I'd been worried you were still harbouring a fondness for that professor of Chinese literature you dated before me. And I don't think I could compete with him.'

Wufei groaned. 'I'm going to kill Duo. He's told you everything, hasn't he?'

'A few things,' Zechs grinned. 'Did he really take you to an exhibition of teacups for your first date?'

'It was very rare Ming Dynasty porcelain, and he had tickets for the official opening,' Wufei said hotly, and then started to laugh helplessly. 'You have no idea how much Duo teased me about that.'

'Oh, I think I can imagine. I wouldn't worry too much about this, you know. It all happened a long time ago. Heero's probably forgotten all about it. Give them a chance to work things out, hmm? We can probably find something else to entertain us, don't you think?'

'I'm sorry,' Wufei murmured. 'I know you had a special night planned. I've ruined it all, haven't I?'

'Not in any way whatsoever,' Zechs soothed. 'I can ask for dinner to be delayed for a couple of hours; that should give us time to have a small….appetiser first. If you'd like that.'

'Oh yes,' Wufei breathed, pressing closer. Zechs pulled him close for a kiss, using one hand to flick the hair elastic free. He was always throwing the bloody things out, but Wufei seemed to have an inexhaustible supply. The black hair tumbled loose, and touching it was a small seduction of its own. Zechs let his fingers tangle in the soft waves, teased and twirled the silken strands.

_Oh yes indeed. _He wanted this, needed it, needed to be shown just how much he was loved and desired. Zechs teased each button open, caressing each patch of newly bared skin. Wufei's nipples were proud little peaks, thrusting against the thin fabric of his shirt.

Warm lips alighted on one nipple; deft fingers captured the other, twisting, not quite hurting, not _quite _pain. As if he knew the very moment when Wufei could bear no more, he gentled, but the hot, wet mouth began to suck harder, an intense throbbing that made him moan aloud.

'_Gods_, Mil.'

'Shall I stop?' Zechs blew a little drift of warm air across the nipple his mouth had been suckling, and Wufei gasped. He stretched back against the cushions, the shirt loose about him..

'No!'

'No?' Zechs breathed. He kissed each nipple in turn and the warm, moist trail drifted down and down. Wufei moaned again, deep in his chest, and lifted his hips slightly. 'Shall we take this into the bedroom, dearest? I missed you in my bed last night.'

Wufei pouted up at him, eyes glazed with desire. 'It's such a long way.'

'But so much more comfortable,' Zechs pulled him upright, sending him on his way with a lingering caress to that perfect ass, followed by a teasing slap. 'I'll just be a minute.'

It took almost five, in fact, for the kitchen to send up his request, and Wufei was already naked by the time he opened the bedroom door, bottle in one hand and two champagne flutes in the other. Deliciously naked, in truth; that supple honey-coloured body lying sweetly against the dark crimson velvet of quilt and cushions. Beautiful. His.

And nothing was going to come between them.

'Bollinger 171?' Wufei leaned over to accept a glass. 'Duo's right, you know. You are a total sap sometimes.'

'A sentimentalist,' Zechs corrected. 'And only where you're concerned.'

'Like I said.' Wufei's mouth curved into a teasing smile, not so much an invitation to kiss as a direct command.

'I like it that we have traditions.' He clinked his glass against Wufei's. 'It's been almost three years, hasn't it? What shall we drink to? Happy ever after?'

Wufei echoed the words, softly and drank.

'Vile stuff,' Zechs pronounced. 'You know, I can think of only one way to render this remotely drinkable.' He leaned forward deliberately tilting his glass. 'Oops.'

Wufei's breath caught at the twin sensations of icy champagne spilled onto warm skin and then a hot tongue followed the trail of liquid, lapping it up and sipping delicately at the tiny pool collected in his navel, before wandering farther down.

Wufei's cock was a pale, elegant column of flesh, and Zechs' fingertips brushed a slow pattern along the length of it, feeling the rapid, insistent pulse of blood. Wufei arched upwards, and Zechs relented, pressing his lips to the throbbing crown, and then his tongue was everywhere, dabbing tiny licks around the shaft. Wufei gasped again as that supremely talented mouth swallowed him whole, swirling him into ever widening circles of desire.

Zechs drew back a little, twirling soft, silken kisses around between Wufei's legs, revelling in the taut, sweetly responsive body beneath his.

'Have you forgotten what to do next?'

'Just enjoying the view..'

'You could just get on with it.'

Never submissive, his Wufei. Not even like this. He was luscious as sun-warmed fruit, lethal as steel honed in flame. Zechs wanted him to beg, to scream his name as he climaxed, and to annihilate any thought tendrils of Heero that still drifted about inside that gorgeous head.

'Not just yet.' More kisses, an exquisite agony that was never quite enough, and then he finally took Wufei back in his mouth, excruciatingly gentle at first, then tormenting him with just a scrape of teeth against flesh, as he began to suck harder. Then he added stroking, teasing fingers into the mix and Wufei exploded into blissful, mind-blowing completion.

'I think I'm going to like being engaged.' Zechs pulled him up to kiss, letting him taste his own desire on his lover's tongue. 'I love you.'

'I know,' Wufei wriggled free of the warm, pinioning arms, sliding down the slim, pale body. And I love you. Let me show you how much? Yes?'

'Of _course_, yes,' Zechs purred, arching back in pleasure as his lover, his beloved began to chart his body with lips and teeth and warm, probing tongue.


	38. Chasing Rainbows

Disclaimer - do I even need to say it? Of course they don't belong to me..

Note - I want to thank everyone who helped with this one; Kaeru Shisho, for editing, beta-ing, providing suggestions, ongoing support, and the occasional line (and all in such pretty colours); Snowdragonct, for reading and getting back even after flying across a continent; Wolfje for - ahem! - conducting the primary research on stun guns; and Wolfje's sister, for the noble sacrifice of a cookie……

Pairings - 1?2

**Chasing Rainbows:**

He was awake.

I'd half-expected him to be punching holes in the locked bulkhead door but he was sitting just where I'd left him, lifting his head slightly when I walked in so I could see the bewildered pain in his eyes.

'Heero, I'm sorry. I am really, really sorry. Tro got a message from Quat and I…'

'I see.' Oh, God. That horrible, dead tone. 'Of course, Quatre would have to come first. I assume you only agreed to come out with me so I couldn't interfere with whatever Trowa was planning.'

'No! It was nothing like that.'

'Hn.' Fuck. He didn't believe me. OK, I guess in his place I probably wouldn't have either.

'I swear. I didn't know anything about this! I mean, I did sort of know Tro was planning something, but not today.'

'You actually expect me to believe that? That you just found out? Don't insult my intelligence, please.'

'I'm not lying,' I snapped back at him. 'Listen, I swear, until we were in that café place and I talked to Tro, I didn't know what he was doing; I figured it out from something he'd said, and I only had a short time to catch this shuttle.'

'It never occurred to you to tell me any of this?'

'Um.' I twirled the tip of my braid between two fingers. 'The thing is, I thought you knew about it. That the you'd asked me out just because you didn't want me going to L4 and you wanted to keep me out of the way. I just talked to Trowa and he said you didn't know anything about it,' I hung my head, giving the floor tiles a thorough scrutiny, and giving the little speech I'd prepared on my way up from the cargo bay.

'I'm sorry, Heero. It was a stupid thing to do, but I just lost it, you know? It really hurt when I thought you were only with me because you were trying to stop me doing this. That is was all a set-up. I know now it wasn't and that wasn't why you'd asked me to spend the day with you.'

And I think I'm just starting to believe that you actually do care about me. I didn't say that bit out loud, though.

'It damn well would have been if I'd had any idea what idiocy you were planning,' he said crisply. 'I can't believe even you would do something this stupid!'

Oh, that was just charming. OK, I knew I'd screwed up but I had apologised. Well, maybe I'd been wrong about the whole caring for me thing. Maybe Trowa and Lucca had it all wrong. Maybe he'd totally forgotten he had my photos in his wallet.

'Really?' I said flippantly. 'That's odd. I thought you had a higher opinion of my capacity to be stupid.'

'This isn't a joke, Duo.'

'Yeah, I kind of got that part of it when my best friend vanished and three people got killed.'

'Why the fuck can't you take anything seriously?' he yelled at me.

Oops. Raised voice, swearing. Not good signs for Duo.

'Do you have any idea how much trouble you're could be in over this? You haven't even the faintest clue of what this little stunt is going to do to your case, have you? Do you actually want to end up institutionalised for the rest of your life?'

'Why don't you listen to me for once in your life? Yes, I do know precisely how serious this is. You won't know any of this, but after I was discharged from hospital, I was in a clinic for months. I was in a locked ward for the first two, 'cause they thought I was a danger to myself. I was in a locked room by myself, under observation 24/7 and when I tried to get out, I was kept in restraints. You know me; so you might have some idea what all that did to me, if you just think about it a little bit. But you don't know this because you'd washed your hands off your crazy ex-boyfriend so you never bothered to visit.'

'Only because you'd made it brutally obvious that you didn't want me anywhere near you.'

'Only after it was pretty clear that you didn't want to be anywhere near my wreck of a life.'

'God, Duo. I tried. I tried calling you, I tried writing and you never replied. What did you want me to do? Get arrested for stalking and harassing you?'

I shook my head, remembering how badly I'd wanted to talk to him, knowing he was only calling out of pity, or charity, or some twisted honour thing.

'That's not the point! The point is I do know how serious this is, but I can't see why _you_ care. What's it to you, anyway? You just didn't want me running off to L4 because you were supposed to be watching me and it'd make you look incompetent or something.'

'You actually believe that?'

'I don't know! I don't know why the hell you do anything, do I? I don't know what any part of today was about, except you obviously got some sort of kick out of messing with my head. You wanted to see if you could get me to admit I still cared, was that it? Fine; I said it, I said I missed you, so now you can just shag off out of my life.'

'Is that what you want to think? That it was just some sort of game for me?'

'Since when has it mattered what _I _want? Fuck off, Yuy. You got what you wanted, didn't you?'

'It's so much easier to believe that, isn't it? That I'm out to wreck your life for the fun of it? Why the hell can't you consider for one second that I might care about you too much to let you run off on this crazy quest. You have no idea what any of this is about; you don't know if it's some sort of trap; you don't even know if Quat's still on L4. Why can't you just let the professionals handle it?'

'Because it's Quat,' I said wearily. 'I had to. Look, I'm sorry, all right? It was a stupid thing to do. I just assumed you knew what Trowa was going to do and you were keeping it from me and that if I did say anything you'd stop me going after him.'

'How was I supposed to do that?'

I shrugged. 'Call the police. The Preventers. Look, I can see why you're mad at me; if you get me arrested when we land, I'll understand. Please, just don't stop Tro, OK? He needs to do this. Don't take it out on him just because I've messed up.'

'Messed up?' he demanded. 'Is that what you're calling all of this?'

'I don't care what you bloody well call it. You'll do whatever you want, like always, so what's the point in talking about it?' I stood up, flicking my braid over one shoulder. 'I'll be in the cargo bay. Your 'phone's on the table, so if you want to call your buddies in Preventers, go ahead.'

'You're not going anywhere until we've talked!' He grabbed the end of my braid as I stalked past him, yanking me back bodily.

'Ow!' I yelped. 'That's my _hair_, you asshole, not a dog leash. Let me the fuck go!'

'No! For once in your life, you are actually going to face up to something, instead of running off like you always do. Now, you are staying here, Maxwell, until we've talked.' He gave my hair another jerk. 'Got that?'

'We've got nothing to talk about!'

Shit. I should have shaved my bloody hair off years ago. Then he wouldn't have been able to hold me like that. I should have worn a nice pair of steel-toed work boots and I could damn well break both of his ankles. Hand stitched Italian leather wouldn't quite have the same effect.

'What happened to your rule about not lying?' He shoved me bodily onto the nearest bench. I rubbed my poor, abused, mistreated scalp, glaring up at him. Bastard. If he kept this up, shooting him was going to be a positive pleasure. Serve him damn well right.

'What happened to you not ripping my head off my shoulders, you bastard?'

His face softened very slightly. 'I'm sorry I hurt you. But we do need to talk. And I'm starting to think that the only way to get you to do that is either to lock you in or tie you up.' He crossed over to the cabin door, turning the key in the lock and pocketing it.

'You've studied law, you should know it's illegal to hold people against their will!'

'You've abducted me. I don't think you've got a leg to stand on, have you?'

'Screw you,' I muttered. 'In case you haven't noticed, Yuy, I'm not fifteen years old any more, And you have no right to try to control my life! _None!_ I put up with it because I was too fucking stupid to know any better and I was stupid enough to think it meant that you cared about me.'

'Oh, don't start. This me you're talking to, Duo. Not Chang or Quatre, so stop making yourself out to be the poor little victim, when we both know that's not true.'

'I do _not_ make myself out to be a _victim_!' I snapped. 'Maybe I wasn't perfect and I screwed up sometimes but at least _I _was faithful to you! You're the one who freaking left, not me!'

'Maybe I got tired of you pushing me away all the time! Come on, Duo, you were miserable, you'd stopped talking to me, every time I tried getting you to confide in me, you jumped on me, and dragged me off to bed.'

'Oh yeah? I don't remember you ever complaining! Why the hell would you? You'd make an effort to do the whole caring touchy-feely stuff and you still got laid. That was all you wanted, wasn't it? You had Relena and Wufei for nice intellectual discussions and you had me whenever you wanted a fuck?'

'Don't say that!' He'd stopped yelling; I knew him well enough to know that the quiet voice was even more deadly. He was getting really pissed off, crossing the room to lean down over me, eyes flashing blue lightning.

'Don't ever say that again. What we had was more than just sex and you'd _know _that if you could stop lying to yourself for one second. I loved you and I tried so damn hard to be what you needed and it was never good enough. Fuck, Duo, do you have any idea how much I used to dread coming home and not knowing if you'd even _be_ there? That you'd have managed to blow the house up, or wrapped that bloody car of yours around a lamppost because you'd had too much too drink, or you'd picked a fight with the wrong guy?'

'I never _asked_ you to stay around. You could have left any time.'

'What was I _supposed_ to do, Duo? We were together, and yes, maybe I made mistakes, but I was trying to help you, because you sure as hell weren't trying to sort yourself out, and you never for one second considered actually talking to me about any of this, did you? That maybe I'd be able to help?'

'What was the freaking point? I knew all along that you'd get sick of me eventually and walk out and I was right, wasn't I?'

'I tried so hard, and all you did was get farther away from me,' He straightened wearily, shoving his hair out of his eyes.

'So now it's my fault that you ran off with Relena?'

'It's your fault that I never knew what you wanted,' he said quietly.

'You never fucking cared enough to ask, did you? Oh, yeah, you were always trying to get me to _talk_ to you, but you never really cared what I said. You just went the hell ahead and did whatever you wanted anyway and I just had to fall in with it.'

'You didn't_ have_ to,' he told me. 'You could have actually told me what you wanted to do, instead of making me second guess all the time, and blaming me for getting it wrong.'

'And then you would have left.' I shrugged. 'So the only thing that would have changed would be that it happened sooner rather than later.'

'God, Duo. Did I ever, in all the time we were together, say anything about wanting to leave you, about wanting to be with someone else?'

'You didn't need to_ say_ it. I'm not that stupid that I couldn't tell how unhappy you were. Be honest, we were together for nearly a year, and I could count the amount of time we actually spent together on my fingers. Even when you were home, you were usually focussed on your next job, and you couldn't tell me about any of it 'cause it was all top secret.'

''When did we stop being able to talk to each other?'

I flipped my braid back. 'I don't know, honestly. You were so…obsessed with work all the time, like you'd got Preventers to be the centre of your life, and I was just this…little diversion between missions. It was like…. you had all these plans for how you wanted your life to be. You had your Preventers thing and then your law studies and your nights with Wufei and your cosy little get-togethers with Relena; there was so much of your life that I just didn't belong in.'

'Of course you did!'

'Be honest, 'Ro. I didn't fit. 'Fei thought I was a waste of space back then, and Relena thought I was just some crazy phase you were going through and they both thought that at some point you'd come to your senses and ditch me. They never thought it would last.'

'I did.' He said it very quietly. 'It was the only thing I wanted. To be with you.'

'Yeah. I wanted that too, once,' I whispered. 'But it didn't happen, did it? We tried and it didn't work out and it's over.' I pushed myself to my feet, very carefully not looking at him. 'It's over. There isn't really any point to this conversation; the horse is seriously dead by now, flogging it isn't going to achieve anything. I'm sorry for screwing everything up, OK?'

'_Sit down_.'

'Make me.'

'If I have to.'

I made it over half way to the door before he caught me, managed to get in a few good moves that he hadn't been expecting, thanks to six years of training with 'Fei, and then my right fist connected with his left side and he went down like I actually had shot him.

'Heero! Heero, fuck, I'm sorry! Are you all right? Say something!'

Oh, God. I hadn't killed him, had I?

I crashed to the floor beside him, pulling his head into my lap, frantically feeling for his pulse.

'Please, 'Ro, talk to me. I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you.'

His lashes fluttered slightly, just enough to let me see the narrow shards of brilliant blue. 'Did you hit me with that damn stun gun again or what?'

'No. I, ah, think, I might have hit you in the place where I kept zapping you, though.'

'You think so?' he wondered, shifting slightly. 'What the hell did you use anyway; an elephant prod? It hurts like hell.'

'You should have said something.' Damn, I'd somehow managed to forget that of course he'd be in pain. I've been on the receiving end of one of those before and the effects hadn't worn off for days. Headaches, nausea, feeling like I'd been battered by the business end of a gundam.

'Why? So you could be careful to hit me somewhere else? How many times did you zap me with that bloody thing?'

'Um, a few,' I admitted. 'I was so pissed with off you when I thought you'd manipulated me into the whole dating thing.'

'You're calling _me_ manipulative, after what _you_ did, kissing me?' He snapped at me. 'Get real, Maxwell. You never even considered for one second that it might hurt me, did you?'

'I _wasn't _thinking, not really.' Oh, shit. I'd gone and screwed everything up, hadn't I? As per usual.

'And that makes it better? It was cruel, Duo. I thought you meant it; I thought I'd finally managed to do something right. I thought we were getting on, that maybe I actually had a chance, that _we_ had a chance.'

'It wasn't _real_, Heero! The whole date was just like some sort of dream and I knew I'd have to wake up.'

'I thought it was real. I thought it was real right until you knocked me out and I woke up.'

'I did mean it,' I whispered, flinching at the sheer pain in his eyes. 'The kiss. I swear, I wanted it. I've ruined everything, haven't I? I'm so stupid,' I said suddenly, leaning down to rest his my forehead against his. 'And I'm so sick of us fighting. Can we just - stop for a couple of minutes? Just between rounds? Please?'

'We could do that,' he reached his right hand up to catch my braid, holding it loosely.

'You really weren't faking the kiss?'

'Really, truly.' My hand slid up to cover his. 'You know, I had this crazy thought that maybe I could sort of convince that you'd become allergic to me and you'd passed out.'

'I think that would have been worse, What was your story; that you taking me to L4 to see a specialist in allergy treatment? A Duologist?'

'I hadn't really thought that far ahead,' I admitted. ''Ro, I know I keep apologising, and I _am_ sorry, really I am, but I have to do this. I mean, if I hadn't called Fei, where would I be now? Stuck back on Earth with you while Trowa would have to do all this by himself.'

'Oh, you'd be _stuck _with me, watching an incredible sunset before dinner and possibly breaking another of those second date rules. Would that be so terrible?'

_No_. It wouldn't be terrible at all. It would be - I couldn't think of anything that I'd like more. Although, in all honesty, having him sprawled on me wasn't bad either.

'That isn't the point. How am I supposed to trust you if you won't even let me make my own decisions?'

'You can trust me always to want to keep you safe.'

'That's not fair. How the hell do you manage to be overprotective and sappy and charming in one sentence?'

He laughed. 'Am I charming you?'

'Maybe I don't want to be charmed.' I grumbled.

'No?' He slid his fingers up my braid, pulling my head closer slightly, and skimmed his fingertips over the back of my neck.

'I'm serious! This is my life, Heero. I've spent six years trying to get over you, and it's scary, OK? The idea that it mightn't work and - and I don't think I could survive losing you again.'

'I know. It's scary for me too. Just give me a chance. Please?'

'God, I want to. But - this is just chasing rainbows, isn't it?'

'What's wrong with that? You like rainbows. Remember the first one we ever saw?

You don't get rainbows in space. Heero and I had seen our first rainbow from the Sweeper ship - a dazzling arc of colour flung against a delphinium blue sky.

'We should have had this conversation six years ago, don't you think?' he asked. 'I know you thought I was being incredibly selfish about what I wanted, and you were right, but I didn't know what to do, love. I wasn't supposed to survive the war; none of us were, you know that. I thought if I had a job, a mission, everything else would somehow fall into place around that. And instead it all fell apart, didn't it?'

'Was it really that bad; what you said about every time you came home to me? That you dreaded it?'

'The worst thing was never knowing if you'd be gone. That you'd meet someone else, or you'd realise how unhappy you were, or you'd decide you'd had enough.'

'Baka. There was never anyone else apart from you,' I murmured, watching one corner of his mouth quirk slightly. Damn, his smile could still suck me in and turn me into a great big puddle of goo, even when I was supposed to be mad at him. Focus, Duo! 'I am still pissed at you; saying you'd have tried to stop me doing this.'

'It probably wouldn't have worked. I suppose it was stupid of me, even to think I could try to keep you away from Quatre.'

'Yep. Stupid Heero. And if that was meant to be an apology, it didn't work. I'm still mad.'

'I'm still mad at you. Considering you knocked me out and abducted me. Doesn't that make us quits?'

'Not even close.'

'You did half-kill me. I'm going to be black and blue for days. And it hurts like hell.'

'Stop with the guilt trip. It's not like you've never been hurt before. I've seen you set your own broken bones, remember? And I've said I'm sorry.'

'Make it up to me. Let me show you I'm serious about us?'

Damn, but it was hard to summon up logical arguments with him oh-so-gently caressing my hair. 'I want to. Really. But, come on, we just tore great bloody strips off each other.'

'Six years' worth of arguments in less than an hour doesn't seem too bad. And you wouldn't be still here talking to me if you thought this was such a waste of time.'

'You did lock the bloody door, remember?'

'Oh, Duo! Like that could stop you for a second!'

Valid point. It was a half-assed little lock I could have picked with my eyes closed. OK, maybe I had wanted to talk to him. Maybe I did think that it could work this time.

'What did you expect it would be like?' I asked, suddenly remembering what Trowa had said, that he'd been scared too. 'Going out with me again?'

'Truly? I didn't know. I was terrified that I'd do something wrong and you'd never want to see me again? It was wonderful, just the two of us, but this - this feels good too. Real.'

'What? Us yelling at each other?'

'Baka,' he said affectionately, fingers threading gently through my bangs. 'You were being honest with me, not just saying what you thought I wanted to hear. You do know that people can argue and still care about each other?'

'Yeah.' I lifted my head a little, letting his fingertips stroke down my face. 'I know that now. When Wu and Zechs first got together, I used to freak out every time they had a fight. I thought it meant they'd split up.'

'Oh, love. That was the hardest thing, you know, that you just wouldn't confide in me. I thought you trusted me; we used to tell each other everything during the war.'

'It was - kind of easier then,' I muttered. 'I mean, come on, who ever thought we'd survive?'

'I know,' His grip on my wrist tightened for a second. 'I used to be terrified, every time you went on a mission without me. When it was all over, I thought I had everything I'd ever wanted.' His fingers laced through mine, curling over my palm. 'And you just stopped confiding in me; it was always Quatre you went to. That was so hard, Duo. He was my friend and I was hating him for being so close to you.'

'You were jealous of Quat? There was never anything like that between us!'

'Oh, I know it wasn't about sex. In some ways, that would have been easier to understand. But he was the person you trusted with everything. Not me. It was like I was just the one you had for sex and Quat was there for everything else.'

'No!' I twisted around, squeezing his hand. 'I was so screwed up, 'Ro. I thought there was no way you'd want to be with me if you knew just how much.'

'Duo..'

'Just let me say this, OK?' I swallowed, finding a nice stain in the paintwork that I could stare at. Sort of shaped like Australia. 'You guys were all coping so well. You each had a purpose. You knew all this - stuff - that I didn't. Stupid stuff I hadn't a freaking clue about. C'mon, 'Ro. I knew how to be a terrorist, I knew how to live on the streets, that was it. I didn't know how the fuck to do normal. I'd never even slept in a real house 'til one of the safe houses we stayed in.'

'You weren't the only one who had nightmares, love. We all had such problems; we were just too good at hiding them. Quat tried to kill himself, remember? We all thought he was doing so well, taking over WEI and he slashed his wrists. And Trowa gave up any chance of his own life to be with Quat. Wufei and I? The only way we managed was to treat the whole thing as another mission. We were obsessed with every operation.'

He kissed the top of my head, gentle as a breath. 'But I'd spent my whole life being trained to blend in, to pretend I belonged. Sometimes, I thought you were doing better than any of us; you were trying to make a home and friends and a life that had nothing to do with the war.'

'I just had this stupid idea that if I could pretend to be normal it would make it happen.'

'Oh, sweetheart. We're both so stupid. I think we've grown up a little since then, don't you? We're not kids anymore. Maybe we can learn from what went wrong? Can you trust me enough to give it a try?'

I squeezed my eyes shut. Damn. It was so tempting not to say it. To pretend it had never happened. Just to agree with him, and not bring up all that past stuff.

'I was dying. After the - accident. Everyone thought I'd was going to die and you never came to see me.' I had to open my eyes then, just to see his reaction.

Genuine bafflement.

'Of course I did. I was there every night. You know that.'

'No,' I was sitting up suddenly, shaking my head so violently my braid whipped around us both. 'You weren't. Don't lie to me. After you had that - argument with Quatre, you left. And you only came back when I was conscious again.'

'No!' he snapped at me, looking hurt. 'That isn't true. Of course I visited you. You knew I was there. Long before you woke up, you squeezed my hand. The doctors said you seemed to respond to my voice.'

'I thought I'd imagined you,' I whispered. 'That was just a dream. Why did you never tell me?'

'God, Duo, all this time you've been thinking that I just…abandoned you? I'd never have done that!' He twisted upright to face me, wincing slightly. 'I thought you knew. I can't believe no one told you. I mean, Trowa knew, all the medical staff knew.'

'I don't know about Tro,' I said slowly, 'but I think Quat pretty much bought up the whole hospital over the five months I was there. The staff were probably scared they'd lose their jobs if he found out. They all knew how he, um, felt about you. Heero,' I asked quietly. 'That time Quat wanted to kill you? You weren't going to stop him, were you?

'The doctors said you were…clinically dead. They didn't think you'd survive. I didn't care about anything else. God, Duo, it was the hardest thing I've ever gone through, that night at the hospital. We all thought you were dying, Quatre was hysterical; God knows what the empathy was doing to him. Trowa was trying to calm everyone down, I think if Quatre hadn't lost it with me, Wufei would. And I understood why he wanted to do it.' He took a deep breath, not even trying to command the tremor in his voice.

'I thought I deserved it. You tried to kill yourself because of something I'd done.' He slumped back against the wall, one hand holding his side, bangs obscuring his eyes.

'I didn't! Heero, there's still things I don't remember about that night; I freaked out, you know? After I saw you and - and Relena. I just wanted to get away and I saw that damn MS and it.. seemed like a good idea at the time. But most of the controls had been disabled, and it just wasn't responding. The only thing I could think of was to try to get away from the palace and crash land somewhere where at least no one else would get hurt.'

He swept his hair back with one hand, looking straight into my eyes. 'I still can't believe you're alive sometimes, you know?' He touched his fingertips to my face in a gentle caress. 'I - I talked to your surgeon afterwards. He said I was listed as your next of kin, so technically it was my decision who visited you, that if I wanted to, I could just order the others out.' His lashes fluttered closed, the little furrow in his brow deepening.

'I - would never have stopped Quat from seeing you. You do know that, don't you? I knew what you two meant to each other, back then. We arranged a - schedule. Quatre was told there were times you couldn't have visitors, and I could be with you. He said - it would take a miracle for you to regain consciousness. And even if you did, given the extent of your injuries…that you…you would never fully recover. They wanted my permission to - to terminate.' His face screwed up with remembered pain. 'To kill you.'

I nodded, a bit uncertainly, and took one of his hands, feeling his fingers fold tightly around mine. I'd never known the bit about him speaking to my doctors, but I'd known there were various highly placed individuals who would have been quite happy for the inconvenient Duo Maxwell never to have regained consciousness.

Hell, Une would probably have pulled the plug on me herself and thought all her birthdays had come at once.

'I'm never letting you go again. I don't care what stupid arguments you come up with or what you tell me, got that?' His free hand gave my braid a sharp tug. 'I never should have let you go in the first place. I wouldn't if I hadn't thought you were better off without me.'

'Never,' I whispered, wondering why my vision was suddenly a little bit out of focus. 'I've missed you so much. And it wasn't all your fault.'

'Hush, love,' he soothed, pulling me into his arms. 'It's all right. I've got you now.'


	39. InFlight Entertainment

Disclaimer: they are owned by Bandai/Sunrise, not by me. Just in case anyone was a bit confused about that…

Note - Huge (paprika-flavoured) thanks to KS for - pretty much everything, really; to Snow for the positive response, and to everyone who's been reviewing, especially to DragonRaye, whose review to chapter 37 arrived just as I was starting to think about how Trowa would deal with all the new developments, and partly inspired this chapter…..

Trowa's POV

**In-Flight Entertainment:**

I gave them half an hour together before I left the cargo bay and listened outside their door. No sounds of shouting, gunshots or heavy objects being hurled about; no sounds at all, actually, not through the reinforced bulkhead door.

I wasn't sure whether that was a good or a bad sign. Probably good, assuming they hadn't killed each other off.

Visualising the two of them together was hard on a couple of levels. Firstly, Quatre was going to be furious and thinking of Quatre was too painful. I kept imagining him scared and hurt and alone and not knowing whether I was coming to save him.

We hadn't even been on the damn shuttle for two hours. Anything could have happened by the time we got to L4. I didn't know if he'd even still be there.

After a couple of circuits of the shuttle, I ended up in the cockpit. Steph and Ray barely glanced up when I walked in, both glued to something they were watching on the CCTV monitor.

'Hey! You never told us Heero Yuy was going to be on board!'

'I wasn't. Duo decided to bring him.'

'Wow, I don't blame Duo,' she muttered. 'He's seriously hot. Not that Duo isn't easy on the eyes as well; I wouldn't kick either of them out of bed for farting, that's for sure. I thought Duo was shacked up with that prince guy and the Chinese professor or whatever he is, though.'

'They're just friends of his.' I accepted the beer Ray held out to me and took a sip. Duo's always complaining about this threesome rumour; it never seems to occur to him that maybe if he and Zechs stopped groping each other in public, it might die down a lot faster. He claims it started as a way to deflect attention from Wufei when 'Fei and Zechs were dating first, and 'Fei was uncomfortable with all the media attention he was getting.

'Really?' She sounded a bit disappointed about that. 'They'd look seriously hot together, those three; all that gorgeous hair.'

Ray started to make strangled sounds at that so I tried to change the subject. 'How did you know about Heero anyway?'

'Duh! I saw Duo bringing him on board. They'reway the most exciting people we've had on this ship since those strippers we smuggled to L4 for a bachelor party. Anyway, we've been watching them,' she gestured toward the monitor. 'This is so cool! It's like our own soap opera.'

'Steph! They're having a private conversation there. You can't just listen in! Turn that off now.'

'Uh huh,' she grabbed the control out of reach, smirking. 'My ship; my rules, Barton. I've got valuable merchandise in that cabin; I got to keep an eye on those two.'

'At least turn the sound down.'

'Now, where's the fun in that?' she pouted up at me. Bloody woman. It's hard to boss around someone when you've known them for years; I've always just been Cathy's little brother to her. 'We have to hear what they're saying. Now, you need to fill us in on some of this. Is Honey Heero's daughter? And who's Lucca?'

'Honey's a dog. And Lucca works with Heero,' I said resignedly, sitting down beside her. At least, if they were talking to me, they weren't listening. Or watching.

'And who's Hilde? Why does she hate Heero so much?'

'She's a friend of Duo's. They're talking about Hilde?' That seemed - surprising.

'Sort of,' Steph carefully slipped the remote down the neck of her jumpsuit and reached for her beer. 'Duo was saying all his friends hate Heero and then Heero said that you don't and the Lucca guy doesn't, so Duo mentioned this Hilde and said she'd bought a voodoo doll of him and stuck pins into it, and Heero said that might explain these headaches he'd been getting, and Duo nearly fell off his seat.'

'That was funny,' Ray contributed. A small miracle in itself; he doesn't talk much.

'Oh, yeah, I spilt beer all down my top laughing. And then Heero said it was a joke, and he thought Duo's friends wanted him to be happy more than anything, and that if Duo was willing to give him another chance, they'd probably come around. Seriously, you gay guys are sooooo sappy.'

'What did Duo say?'

'He didn't get a chance. Heero started kissing him. Ray didn't want to watch that bit.' She threw her boyfriend a mischievous grin. 'He got all embarrassed, didn't you, babe?'

'You'd have something to worry about if I had wanted to watch,' Ray muttered.

'Well, they've stopped now.' Steph reached down and retrieved the zapper. 'Let's see what's going to happen next.'

God, but it was weird seeing the two of them together after so long. Heero sprawling back against the wall and Duo carefully tucked against his side.

Duo had obviously grovelled his way back into Heero's good graces, or, more likely, Heero had just crumbled at the sheerest hint that Duo was still interested in him. Duo's been able to wrap the Perfect Soldier around his little finger from the very start, even if it took him a while to realise it.

'Lucca doesn't actually count as a friend of mine,' Duo was saying. 'I've only just met him.'

'Well, he thinks you're incredible.' Heero bent to kiss the top of his head. 'Which you are.'

Those two are incredible, all right. Seven years with hardly any contact; put them together for less than an hour and they're back together.

'Absolutely,' Duo agreed, grinning up at him. 'Does this mean we're still on that date? If you're doing the complimenting thing?'

'Apparently so. Although we could decide this is officially the third date - assuming abduction and inter-planetary travel put an end to the second one.' Heero ran his fingers lightly over the nape of Duo's neck; even from here you could see Duo shiver. 'I believe all sorts of things are permissible on the third date. Maybe it's your turn to ask me?'

'OK.' Duo twisted slightly, so he could look up at Heero. ''Ro, would you like to come to L4 with me, please?'

'I'd be delighted.' Heero was smiling. Of course he was. Who the hell could resist Duo Maxwell when he looked at them like that. I'd never had a chance, had I? 'There now, that wasn't so hard, was it?'

'Not too painful. So, I take you won't be having me arrested when we land, then?' Duo yelped as his braid was given a sharp yank. 'Ro! That's my _hair_ you keep hauling on, not some sort of training aid. I think we're going to have a little discussion about this or I'll be bald in a week's time.'

'That would be bad,' Heero agreed solemnly. 'Very, very bad. But you shouldn't say such stupid things. As if I'd hand you over to the Preventers!'

'You would have an hour ago. And this isn't solving anything. We're supposed to be talking about practical stuff.'

'Duo, relax, will you? Stop worrying about things that haven't even happened yet.'

'Um, hello. Did I miss the bit where we switched personalities? Where you stopped being Mr-Contingency-Plans-are-Vital? How am I not supposed to worry?'

'You worry too much. I'm the one who should be worried in case Hilde starts pricking needles into me, because I don't make you happy enough.'

'You're planning to make me happy, are you?' Duo beamed up at him, with that radiant smile that he'd always reserved for Heero. Certainly never for me. Oh, God. I couldn't even remember the last time Quatre had smiled at me like he'd meant it; like he hadn't been trying to reassure me about something, or convince me everything would be all right somehow. Like he wasn't trying to dazzle the media, or charm his board of directors.

'Of course not. I'm going to force you to eat vegetables every day. You'll be healthy but totally miserable.'

'Ick.' Duo pulled a face at the idea. 'You wouldn't be able to do that if I burned all your pots, now would you?'

'Raw vegetables, Maxwell,' Heero retorted.

'I'll corrupt your dog. I'll feed her nothing but chocolate and I'll teach her to chew up all your law books and lie on the furniture.'

'You've already started that, from what I can see. She thinks she lives on the couch since you left. Just don't teach her to get into the bed, all right? That might be a bit crowded.'

'It might be nice,' Duo grinned mischievously. 'All snuggled up together, nice and cosy.'

'I don't think so,' Heero objected. 'So, if you don't want lots of lovely raw celery, what can I do for you then?' Heero slid one arm slid around Duo's waist, pulling him half into his lap, and flinching very slightly. Of course, Duo did say he'd tasered him good and proper. 'Foot-rubs for the rest of your life? Breakfast in bed every morning? A devoted slave who'll obey your every whim?'

'Are you going to be the devoted slave?'

'Naturally. The ESUN wholly disapproves of slavery unless it's voluntary.'

'Always with the legal argument,' Duo grinned, leaning over to kiss him briefly on the mouth, freezing when Heero winced. 'Oh, sorry, 'Ro. Did I press on one of your bruises?'

'It's all bruised,' Heero muttered, 'but when you moved just then, something jabbed into me.'

'I bet it did,' Steph sniggered and I glared at her. God, we really shouldn't be doing this. Duo would be absolutely furious if he found out. And Heero, of course. I was finding it a bit hard to find much consideration for Heero, though; he'd got Duo, after all.

'We're turning this off, now!' I snapped, and then glanced back at the screen.

Heero was holding up a folded magazine - the smutty one that I'd slipped into Duo's pocket while we were in the cargo bay.

'Oh, I forgot all about that. Tro gave it to me.'

'Barton's giving you porn magazines?' Heero sounded shocked at the idea.

'Not exactly. This ship is smuggling porn to L4; I forgot to tell you earlier.'

'Hn,' Heero leafed through the pages. 'This is ridiculous. It's all trick photography.'

'Let's see,' Duo leaned over his shoulder to see what he was looking at. 'Oh, that picture. No, it' s real. Trowa's able to do it.'

'_What_?' he exploded. 'You did this with Trowa?'

'He did?' Steph echoed. 'Damn, I can't see what it is!'

'No! He just told me that he can.' Oh, that's a great answer, Duo. Well done. 'Look, I asked him what was on the ship, and he showed me that mag, and I happened to open it on that page and…'

'I'm sorry,' Heero said stiffly. 'I don't have any right to pry into your personal life.'

'No,' Duo said quietly. 'It's OK. The whole Trowa thing was a mistake, really. He was worried about Quat and I was lonely and I'd had a couple of shitty days and it just - happened. You know?'

A mistake.

Was that all I'd been to him?

I'd thought at least it had meant - something more than that. Really, I shouldn't have been surprised. He'd told me that morning that he just wanted to forget it had ever happened, and he'd obviously been discomfited when I'd said I didn't want to. I'd just let it drop after that; well, what was the point? He'd made his feelings very clear at that point.

Another person who didn't want me in his life. Of course not.

Steph was staring at me and Ray was very carefully looking everywhere but in my direction.

'Oh, shit,' Duo was saying on the screen. 'I don't really mean it like that. It's just - everything in my life was going mental and Tro was so being so nice to me, and at first I thought that maybe it _would_ work out. But it's always been Quat for him, hasn't it? I think I was just his convenient rebound guy.'

He'd believed that? He'd seriously thought I was only interested in him as a Quatre substitute? For someone who's so incredibly intelligent, Duo Maxwell can be the least perceptive person I've ever met.

'I thought you and Quatre broke up,' Steph sounded puzzled; her sister Jeannie is one of Cathy's best friends. Women talk. 'I didn't know you were getting back together. Cathy's not going to be too happy about that, is she?'

'We did break up, and we're not getting back together,' I said tightly. Damn. Stop thinking about that. Quatre had made it perfectly obvious that he didn't want to be with me any more, not that I could blame him for that. Probably about time he saw sense.

_Quatre._

He'd been crying, Duo had told me. After I'd left L4 - after I'd run away using false ID - he'd called their house and he'd been crying. He'd asked Duo to tell me that he was sorry, that he still loved me, that he was desperately worried.

I'd let him worry for two days before I'd called him back.

By then, he'd found out where I was, of course, found out that I'd manage to slide under the radar of the incredibly sophisticated security system around our home; well, I designed the damn thing. Of course I knew ways around it. When I did call, I never even gave him the chance to explain anything. How could he, anyway? I'd just told him that we were over.

It had seemed the easiest way to do it, back then. Easier for both of us. He didn't need a lover who scared him so badly he'd had to resort to keeping me drugged.

'I'm sure you were more than that,' Heero was saying gently on the screen, sliding one hand up and down Duo's braid. 'Trowa's never so much as looked as anyone else since he met Quat; you should consider it a compliment, love. He was terribly flattered you wanted to be with him, but . But I'm glad you're not with him any more.'

'Yeah, me too,' Duo admitted. 'It probably worked out for the best, anyway; he's realised he's still crazy about Quat, and Quat's just going to fall into his arms, isn't he?'

Oh, yes. That really would be the perfect, neat solution to everything, wouldn't it? Duo had it all figured out; God forbid anything should tarnish his reunion with the love of his life, especially not ex-boyfriends hanging around who might still be carrying a flame for him.

Quatre hadn't even wanted me near him after he'd tried to kill himself. That still hurt. I'd wanted so badly to go to him and he'd gone along with his damned family's restraining order. Maybe I should consider myself lucky he hadn't filed charges.

Fuck it anyway. Let Duo believe what he wants, if it makes him happy. It wasn't like I hadn't lied to Heero, saying I'd only been with Duo because I was missing Quatre. Not much point in saying anything else, was there? I'd known at that stage that Duo and I weren't going to work out together, and I didn't want to lose Heero's friendship. Sometimes, it's easier to tell people what they want to hear.

God, it was hurting though, seeing the two of them like that. Knowing that the damn shuttle could probably explode around them and they wouldn't stop looking into each other's eyes.

I remembered being like that with Quatre; the mind-blowing miracle that he'd ever wanted to be with me; that I could look into those mesmerising blue eyes and see the world and infinity and everything I'd never dared to dream about. I'd been right along, hadn't I? It hadn't been real at all; just a fantasy he'd concocted and I'd fallen into.

'Oh, God, not _again_,' Ray moaned; we both turned away from the screen as Steph started to make loud kissing noises.

'They're seriously hot, those two,' Steph's eyes sparkled. 'I bet we could sell copies of this tape for a fortune!'

'Don't even think about it! I can't even believe we're watching them like this.'

'Oh, relax, Tro. I'm _joking_. Anyway, they're talking again.'

'I hope Quat's still on L4,' Duo was saying wistfully. 'We're going to find him, aren't we?'

'_We_ will, certainly. You, my sweet, are going back to Earth on the next shuttle, and hopefully no one will even notice you've left.'

'No _way,_' Duo's jaw tightened. 'Quatre's my friend and I'm going after him.'

'I mean it, Duo. There's a whole Preventers force on L4 to look for Quatre. The best thing is just to stand back and let them do their job.'

'Then how come Trowa gets to stay?'

'Because he doesn't have an imminent court case; because he's not supposed to stay in Florence, and because he's quite capable of looking after himself.'

'So am I, damnit! 'Ro, look, you know this is important to me!'

'I know, love, and you're important to me.'

'Stop that!' Duo snapped. 'Stop being all nice and concerned and reasonable about this. You already said you weren't going to shop me to the Preventers, or was that a lie? What are you planning to do; drag me back to Earth against my will?'

'It would serve you right if I did,' Heero grinned suddenly. 'Think, Duo, for one second, will you? Do you think Quat would want you to get into trouble on his behalf? And what do you think Chang is going to say when he hears about this?'

Duo coloured slightly, nibbling on the end of his braid.

'He'll be furious, won't he?' Heero pressed his advantage home. 'Listen, Noin's in charge of this investigation. I promise, you'll be updated on everything that happens. They're treating this as top priority; even if you were on L4; there's no way they'd let you get involved.'

'How come Tro gets to stay then? He's not supposed to be leaving Earth either. I thought he was a suspect. _And_ there's a restraining order against him.'

Well, Trowa couldn't give a fuck about any of that. I was going after Quatre and nothing was going to stop me. Find Quatre and make sure he's safe and walk away again.

'Noin will need to interview all the important people in Quatre's life to see if anyone of them might have any clues to his disappearance. I'm sure she can authorise Trowa's presence on L4 for the duration, to help with the investigation.'

Of course, I reflected. Quatre's ex-lover. The one with more reasons than anyone to be holding a grudge against him, to want him to disappear. Who better to have on hand, just in case?

'I'm Quat's friend,' Duo said stubbornly. 'Look, can we make a deal here? I told you Quat managed to send a message to Trowa. He's got the co-ordinates; can't we just check that place out? It'll only take an hour or so; it's not like anyone knows I'm not still in Florence. Another couple of hours isn't going to make any difference.'

I could see Heero wavering slightly, trying to rally more arguments, and already starting to give in to that pleading purple gaze. 'Well….how did you get through security at the shuttle port? Did you use your own passport?'

Duo snorted disdainfully. 'Security there wasn't worth shit, 'Ro. I could've got through with a fake library card. Anyway, I flashed your Preventer ID and I don't thing the guy even looked at the photo.'

'You showed them my _what_?'

'Preventer ID,' Duo enunciated each syllable carefully. 'What's wrong with that? You don't need to worry; the guy didn't take down your name or anything.'

'It's fake,' Heero said shortly. 'I made it just before I flew out to India to find you. I thought it might come in useful if I - we - ran into any difficulties.'

'You're joking,' Duo gazed up at him with a blend of delight and shock. '_You_ did something like that? My God, even I know how illegal that is.' He started to laugh. 'You could be in so much trouble, and there you are trying to keep me on the straight and narrow.' He crowed with laughter, eyes dancing. 'OK, maybe not straight, but still. You better not try to stop me from looking for Quat after this, you hypocrite.'

'Duo,' Heero began, then sighed heavily. 'You can't go through the immigration channels on L4. They monitor all new arrivals and it's not as if people don't know what you look like.'

'Duh,' Duo snorted disdainfully. 'We're on a ship smuggling porn, 'Ro. We're not going to land at the official shuttle port; Tro's friend has some other place fixed up. Nice and discreet. No one's going to know anything about us. So - are you all out of arguments now?'

'Two hours. And then straight back to Earth. Deal? And we should get Trowa to call Noin straightaway with that location. She's already on L4; she can start checking it out first.'

'Deal,' Duo affirmed. 'I mean, unless we actually find something. You couldn't expect just to go home after that, could you? You wouldn't be that cruel?'

'Oh, yes I would.' Heero said firmly 'And I'm about to be even more cruel. I think it's time you called Wufei and let him know where you are.'

Oh, nasty. Heero's always been good at strategy; not in Quatre's class, of course; nobody is, but clever enough to make Wufei the bad guy, yanking Duo back to Earth. I supposed there was another problem there, if I even bothered to think about it; 'Fei would go ballistic when he heard about Heero and Duo.

'You wouldn't want him to worry, love, now would you?'


	40. Other People's Emotions

Disclaimer - I don't own any part of Gundam Wing and this is purely for fun.

Note - Many thanks to KS for proof-reading, and to all my reviewers out there…Chapter 40 just has to be about 04, hasn't it?

**Other People's Emotions:**

He'd lost count of the times they'd made him watch Trowa die.

It hadn't been real, of course.

Probably.

It was hard to tell, any more, what was real and what was the product of his imagination.

Even the pain had to be some sort of illusion; they wouldn't really want to damage a valuable prisoner that much.

He'd stopped hearing himself scream at some point, unsure whether he had lost hearing, or whether he'd simply screamed himself hoarse.

None of it had achieved anything, naturally. Just more pain, and nightmare visions, and memories, and everything written down by the white-garbed, masked watchers who studied him like a bug under a microscope.

Quatre forced himself to calm down; panicking wasn't going to help anyone and it was all his fault anyway.

_I'm so sorry, Trowa. Please, please, don't come after me._

There was a very slight chance that Trowa mightn't come in any case, after what had happened over the last few months. So slight as to be non-existent, probably, but something to cling to.

Sometimes Trowa could sense him. Trowa had known, on their first meeting, that the boy in the strange Gundam wouldn't hurt him, and he'd sensed things a couple of times during the war; once, when Quatre had been injured on Libra during the fight with Dorothy, and that other time when he'd lost his memory, but he'd still managed to know how badly Quatre needed him.

He'd never consciously tried to link with Trowa though, and he was so messed up it was unlikely to succeed now. There was nothing else he could do, but try to focus and strive for some sort of balance, while he had this brief respite.

He'd never been able to control the empathy; it had come and gone for as long as he could remember, and there had never been any element of control or choice in it.

It _was just something that happened. He'd thought at first it was something everyone could do; he couldn't remember exactly when he'd found out that wasn't true. His sisters had thought it cute at first; little Quatre pretending to know what they were thinking. Such a sensitive little boy, and quite extraordinarily intuitive. His nanny had clucked her tongue and ignored most of what he said, thinking him an overly imaginative child being raised in a mainly female household._

_Only his father had really disapproved, but then Father disapproved of everything he did, so that was no surprise. Quatre didn't need empathy to see that. He could almost always tell what Father was thinking. He was always worried about something or other, always rushing to cram too many duties into too few hours, with little time to spend at home with his children. He'd tried to be kind when Quatre was very small, bringing him little presents and taking him riding, but any time they spent together was overlaid with some grief to do with Quatre's mother, which hadn't made any sense because it hadn't been Quatre's fault that she'd died._

_He was four or five when the problems started, when his older sisters and the servants started to notice that he knew things he shouldn't, or that his father's visitors looked oddly at him sometimes._

_It took months before Father began to pay attention to his daughters' complaints that the little boy was - different, or to the servants' gossip that he was cursed._

_He'd been taken to see a special kind of doctor, who talked to people instead of sticking them with needles and giving them nasty medicines. The doctor turned out to be a kind, elderly man whose office was full of toys. Quatre painted a picture for him, and played with some blocks and then they made up a story together. It was fun, and the little boy basked in the old man's praise, loving the undivided attention._

_Then he was given a picture book and some pencils and told to sit quietly while Father went into the doctor's office to talk. _

_Quatre ran to the door to listen at once. He knew he wasn't supposed to do that, but his sisters did it all the time, and the housemaids, so it couldn't be all that wrong._

_´Quatre´s a very intelligent, creative boy, Mr Winner. You should be proud of him.'_

'_And his...little problem?'_

_The doctor laughed softly. 'Young Quatre's an imaginative boy with older sisters; essentially he's an only child and he's lonely. It's not at all uncommon for children to create imaginary friends, or invent special powers to try to get their parents´ attention. I assure you, he'll grow out of it, as soon as he sees it's not getting him any special notice. In the meantime, I would recommend ignoring it completely. He'll soon stop once he doesn't get any response.'_

'_I see.' Father sounded unusually doubtful. 'Forgive me, Doctor. It's just - some of the things he's said have been ... Quite uncanny. Things he could never have known.'_

'_Children know a great deal more than we imagine, Mr Winner. I'm sure his sisters don't always guard their tongues around him, or your domestic servants. Quatre's a perceptive, sensitive child, no more than that.'_

'_I've been thinking of sending him to school. I've spoken to the principal of the Greenlands Academy for Boys, and he is willing to enrol Quatre for next term.' _

_Quatre stiffened. He knew about school. His sisters had a friend who'd done something bad, so bad they didn't even know exactly what it had been, and she'd been sent to a school where she had to do lessons all the time and got punished for everything._

'_That is your decision of course, sir, but I would suggest keeping him home for a little longer. Quatre´s rather immature for his age in some ways, and another year or so might knock these fancies out of him before he starts interacting with his peers.' _

'_I see. You don't think it would be better for him to have more contact with children his own age?'_

_The nice doctor sighed. 'Ordinarily, yes; that would be my recommendation. With Quatre, however, it might help for him to wait until he's somewhat more … robust. Little boys can be very cruel, Mr Winner, with anyone they perceive as being different, and your son is very sensitive. You told me yourself he dislikes seeing anyone in pain, even animals, and you may wish to give him a little more time, before sending him into the rough-and-tumble atmosphere of a boys' school.'_

'_Very well.' Father sighed. 'I'll accept your guidance for this.'_

'_Try not to worry too much, sir. Quatre would probably benefit from a little time spent with you; little boys need a father's presence in their lives. One last thing, sir, before you leave. He told me he frequently dreams of a woman with a violin, a woman he's never met. Would you have any idea who that might be?' _

'_My wife, Quatre´s mother, played the violin. But he can't have known that. We have no photographs in the house. I have forbidden all members of the household to speak of her. It is - too painful.'_

_Quatre ran back to his seat as he heard the scrape of chairs and was sitting when the two men, walked in, surprised when Father ruffled his hair and gave him a faintly shadowed smile._

_He'd been sent to school the following year; not the all-boy's academy, but a small private school for both boys and girls, run by a friend of one of his sisters'. The children learned music and painting and were told a new story every day, and he had a special tutor for the violin._

_For the first time in his life, he'd had the opportunity to make friends with children his own age, and to realise that if he could feel his new friends were unhappy, he could try to make it better. He'd shared his lunch with Lissa whenever her mother, who went to a lot of parties, forgot to pack her any, and he'd let Adam use his paints on the days Adam dreaded; when his new stepfather picked him up from school._

_It was easier, though, most of the time, to pretend the empathy didn't exist. He'd learned to ignore it, to some extent; to shut out the emotions that swirled around his consciousness, unless they were very strong. It hadn't always worked, though; no matter how hard he tried, he'd never quite succeeded in blocking out suffering or despair._

_There'd been an incident at a family celebration, a party for his sister Mariam's engagement, even though he knew she loved someone else, and was only doing this to please Father had chosen for her. Quatre had broken down in the middle of the ceremony, crushed under her feelings of despair, and he'd been taken out, aware of Father's chilling disapproval. He'd cried all the way through the stern lecture on family duties and responsibilities, and he'd been sent to bed in disgrace._

_Then there'd been that awful time when Father had taken him into the WEI head offices, and he'd been overwhelmed by the building, which resonated with greed and desperation, and he'd had to be taken home._

_Otherwise, his moments of empathy had been were isolated enough to be mostly brushed aside, and ignored. He'd been eleven when it all went wrong, when Nasir had died and he'd felt it. _

_Nasir was the head gardener's son; he was only fifteen but he was already working in the gardens and he was Quatre's friend.. He'd lifted Quatre on to his first pony and led him around the paddock for hours. If he wasn't too busy, he would let Quatre follow him around while he pruned and watered and picked flowers for the house, and tell wonderful stories, about princes and genies and evil demons, and he could carve wooden whistles and play real tunes on them._

_He wasn't supposed to know the - thing that had happened to Nasir one night, the thing the bad men had done to him, but of course he'd sensed something was horribly wrong, and then he'd overheard the maids talking about it, whispering that Nasir had killed himself. Quatre had collapsed and been rushed to hospital._

_The tests had hurt, some of them, but not so bad as that burning pain in his chest when he'd felt Nasir die._

_Father was there by his bedside when they finally left him alone, talking earnestly to the doctors who claimed they could find nothing physically wrong with the little boy, that they'd run every test. _

'_Physically, Quatre's in perfect health,' the head doctor, a nice lady called Dr. Morton explained. 'I've spoken to him, and he says a friend of his died today; that seems to have affected him deeply.'_

_Father turned his gaze on Quatre and the boy swallowed nervously. Father would be furious; he wasn't supposed to tell people he could - sense things, but he'd had to tell the doctors what had happened because they'd asked and it was wrong to lie. Also, he didn't want Father to be angry with them for not locating the problem; that wouldn't be fair, when they'd tried so hard to help him._

'_What do you mean, son?' Father turned to him, an unusually gentle expression on his face. He'd actually been worried. 'All of your friends are fine; we'd have heard from the school if anything had happened.'_

'_It was Nasir.' Quatre whispered. 'I felt him die.' _

'_Not that nonsense again, Quatre. Do you hear me?' Father's face hardened, and he gestured imperiously for the doctors to leave the room._

'_But I did! Truly…'_

'_That's enough, Quatre. You will never speak of these things in front of anyone again, do you hear me?' Father turned to face the doctors in the doorway. 'I'm taking my son home, now.'_

'_Mr. Winner,' Dr. Morton protested, 'I would advise against removing Quatre while we still don't know the problem.'_

'_Enough! You said you'd run all of your tests, and he was in perfect health; now he's coming home. Is that understood?'_

_Quatre didn't dare speak until they were in the car, driving home, when the silence became too much to bear._

'_I don't mean to do it! I can't help it...I can't,' he said wretchedly, starting to sob again._

'_Stop that snivelling! You're a Winner and my son. Enough of this nonsense. This ends now, Quatre. Your mother would be so ashamed of her only son!'_

'_I'm sorry,' the boy whispered._

'_So you should be. Listen to me now. You are my son and you will inherit everything I have worked for. I've pandered to this nonsense for quite long enough, and it's accomplished nothing. From now on, you will behave in a manner that befits my heir, is that understood? You will stay at home and have private tutors, until I can trust you not to disgrace the family in public. I refuse to have our private affairs gossiped about; already I've heard ludicrous stories about the Winner boy who's able to read people's minds. There will always be gullible fools to believe such nonsense, and our business rivals will delight in spreading these rumours around,' he took a deep breath._

'_This ends now, Quatre. I've indulged you too much, and this is the result of it. From now on, you will behave in a manner befitting my son, who will take over WEI one day. I'm taking you to a new doctor tomorrow. And we'll see what he has to say about all this.'_

_The new doctor had a polished plaque outside his door, proclaiming to be a child psychologist, and this time, there were no toys or games, just an endless stream of questions. It took over an hour, and then Quatre was dismissed to sit in a small waiting room and leaf through a magazine, and wait for Father to talk to the doctor. _

_The conversation had to have gone badly, because Father was silent on the drive home, and when the letter arrived two days later, with the doctor's name on the envelope, nothing was said either. _

_It had been hidden in the safe; Quatre had worked out how to open it years ago. Father always used some combination of Mother's birthday, with the numbers rearranged. _

_It was a thick wad of paper; too much to copy down, so he skimmed through it, listening for any sound outside, and making a note of all the unfamiliar words, to look up later; syndromes and complexes and neuroses with weird-sounding names, and something called latent homosexuality. _

_That last one sounded bad, especially when he couldn't find it in any of the library books; eventually he had to sneak back into Father's office and use the big computer that didn't have any sort of monitoring._

_It was bad, something he'd never even imagined. Something that was utterly forbidden. Yet another thing that was wrong with him._

_There were other doctors, called psychiatrists and therapists and consultants; there had been all kinds of treatment, none of which worked, and various drugs, but one made him cry all the time, and the others made him sleepy and none of them stopped him feeling things._

_By the time he was into his teens, he'd realised it was simpler to pretend it didn't happen. By then, his tutors, all trusted WEI employees, had discovered he had a gift for numbers; that he could find patterns woven through lists of figures. Father had given him a tight little nod when he'd heard his son might not be quite so useless as he'd imagined, and then decreed that his time would be better spent in study. His favourite horse had been sold; the music lessons had stopped, although he'd managed to hide his violin and sometimes played when no-one was around._

_The arguments began to get worse; he could never seem to please Father properly. Meeting the Maguanacs had been a revelation; they'd treated him like he was special, and then there had been Instructor H, who'd been so kind to him. During his training, when he was learning to fly Sandrock, and glorying in it, he'd even managed to forget that he was being trained for war._

_And then he'd met the others; Duo, and Heero, and Trowa, most of all. They'd actually liked him. They hadn't treated him like he was different from everybody else, and he'd been so tempted not to tell them the things he could do, except they were bound to find out at some point, and then they'd hate him for not being honest from the start._

_Heero had only nodded, and wanted to know that the empathy wasn't likely to endanger any of them, or jeopardise a mission, but then Heero was different too._

_Telling Duo had been much harder. Duo was his first real friend, even though he was hard to be around sometimes; a whirling kaleidoscope of fears and dreams and the darkness he called Shinigami, which Quatre could feel sometimes as a separate entity. He'd been wary at first, until Quatre had assured him it happened very rarely and never intentionally, and waited in silence for Duo to digest this. _

'_So - this thing you can do? It's not just me, right; it works on other people as well?' He nibbled on one end of his braid. 'Like, maybe, Heero, for example? You could tell what he's feeling?'_

'_He's crazy about you,' Quatre said calmly. He didn't need the empathy to tell that much; even if it hadn't been obvious how strongly those two resonated with each other._

'_He doesn't even like me,' Duo scoffed. 'Come on, Quat; all he does is criticise me. He watches me all the time, to see what I'm doing wrong; he makes me go over all my mission specs with him. It's like he doesn't trust me to do the stupidest little thing.'_

'_Because he cares about you, you idiot. He worries about you, and it gives him a chance to spend time with you. And he's scared you don't like him.'_

'_You think?' Duo shook his head. 'You're wrong. The last mission we did together, I thought maybe he might be starting to like me a little bit, but now he pretty much ignores me. And he's started pulling my hair; I think he's trying to make me bald.'_

'_Of course he isn't,' Quatre told him; it was a source of continual amazement that those two still hadn't realised, or acknowledged, how they felt about each other. 'He watches you, Duo, all the time; he remembers all your favourite foods when he's shopping; he always picks shows he thinks you'd like on TV; he bought you all those books because he heard you mention you didn't have anything to read. I think he likes you.' Quatre sighed. 'Work it out, Duo. He pulls your hair because it's an excuse to touch you, and it makes you notice him.'_

_The thought of telling Trowa had been even worse, but he had to. Trowa deserved to know. Trowa said nothing until Quatre had stammered his way to silence._

'_You can tell what I'm thinking now?'_

_Quatre nodded, miserably, knowing it wouldn't last, that of course Trowa wouldn't want to be his friend after this._

'_Good,' Trowa reached out and took Quatre's hand, very hesitantly. 'I'm not good with words, not like you are. It's good that you can tell how I feel about you.' They smiled at each other, and then Trowa's smile faded. 'You can sense other things about me, apart from that? About how I'm feeling?'_

'_Sometimes,' Quatre admitted. 'I - I just know that you're sad sometimes, when you think about your old life.' Trowa's eyes clouded, as they usually did when anyone mentioned his past._

_He'd told Quatre a little about life in the circus, about the animals and the clowns and a girl called Catherine who'd tried to make friends with him. But he never said anything about his life before that. Quatre could tell that bad things had happened to him, though, and that he didn't want to talk about any of it._

_He was like Duo in some ways, although Duo hid his emotions behind that joker's mask, and Trowa just hid, as if he just didn't know how to be open with someone. _

'_I'm sorry,' Quatre said haltingly. 'I get everything wrong. I'm always wrong.'_

'_Don't say that,' Trowa said fiercely. 'You - you ´re perfect. Really perfect.'_

_Quatre knew very little about kissing; it always happened at the end of his sister's novels. The hero would clasp the heroine to his broad chest and crush his lips violently over hers. _

_Trowa's kiss was nothing like that, so he probably didn't know how to do it either. _

_He just leaned over and brushed his mouth against Quatre's, light as a whisper. It was warm and affectionate and very gentle. Very pleasant, really. Except that he hadn't been able to help imagining what it would be like to be held against Trowa's chest, clasped in his arms._

'_I'd never hurt you, Quatre. You do know that, don't you?'_

_Quatre nodded, not quite daring to breathe, and then Trowa was kissing him again, and it seemed that he did know how to do it after all, or maybe they were inventing it between them. _

_He hadn't known anything then, an overly-sheltered boy of fifteen, but Trowa had taught him about love and loyalty and how to believe in himself, and he'd forgiven Quatre for all the awful things he'd done, and always been there for him._

_Even at the very end, when he'd been fighting Dorothy, Trowa had come when he'd called, and he'd woken up in the hospital ward with Trowa sitting by his bedside, and emanating such deep despair that it was another type of physical ache._

'_Trowa, don't!' Quatre pulled himself upright, forcing himself to ignore the pain from where he'd been stabbed. 'I'm all right. I promise. Everything's all right.'_

_Trowa simply shrugged, his green eyes bleak._

'_I'm going to be fine,' Quatre floundered, not knowing what was wrong. Trowa hadn't been injured; the others were all safe. 'The war's over. We can be together, like we talked about.'_

'_There's always another war.'_

'_No,' Quatre said firmly. 'It shouldn't have to be like that. People will want peace, after everything that's happened.'_

'_You sound like that Relena girl.' It wasn't a compliment. 'What do either of you know about the real world?'_

_We both helped to stop the war,' Quatre said quietly. 'We both lost people we loved. Why doesn't that count as real?'_

_Trowa said nothing; bowing his head so his hair fell over his eyes, and withdrawing into silence. It was that awful, awful night in San Francisco all over again, when Trowa had tried so hard to push him away. He'd felt so conflicted then, that Quatre hadn't been able to work out what he was really feeling and what he was trying to convince himself he should feel._

'_Don't do that,' Quatre snapped. 'Don't do this to us. The war's over; you can stop thinking you have to protect me. We can do all the things we dreamed about.'_

'_Oh, get real,' Trowa had said harshly. 'They were just dreams. What would someone like you do with someone like me?'_

'_I love you.' Quatre whispered. He was trying so hard not to start crying, but he couldn't understand why Trowa was doing this, and his wound hurt so badly. 'I want to be with you.'_

'_Come on, Quat. Be practical, will you? What would you do at a circus?You wouldn't fit into my world, any more than I belong in yours. '_

'_I'm sure I could learn something,' Quatre said hopefully. 'We could have a caravan of our own, and lots of animals, and I could learn how to cook and everything.'_

'_Anything but that,' Trowa, finally, smiled slightly. 'I don't think poor Heero's ever going to recover from the liver of doom.'_

'_It wasn't that bad,' Quatre protested. 'I just didn't realise I was meant to cook it. And you ate it.'_

'_Only because I'm crazy about you.' _

'_Really? Then why are you doing this?'_

'_You're supposed to be the one with the empathy, Quat. You know I love you. I just don't know how it'll work, the two of us.'_

_He'd tried. He'd tried so hard, but it hadn't been anything like he'd imagined. Their trailer was tiny, and still smelt of the previous occupant, who'd worn cheap perfume and kept a pack of incontinent dogs, and there wasn't even a proper bathroom._

_The circus was nothing like the picture books he'd read as a child. He wasn't allowed to play with the animals in case it somehow interfered with their training, and everything was so frantic and fast-paced, and even when he tried to help he'd usually managed to get in the way. He even had to stop watching Trowa perform, after he'd lost his grip one day and fallen from a high wire._

_He'd had nightmares for weeks afterwards; Trowa hadn't hurt himself badly but in Quatre's dreams the fall got tangled up with the Zero episode, and Trowa's broken body alternately crumpled on the ground or hurtling through space._

_The other people at the circus were friendly enough, but everyone thought he was just a spoilt rich kid who would soon get bored with slumming it. And Cathy had never liked him; the boy who'd turned up and dragged her brother off to war._

_He'd stayed three months in the end, resolutely ignoring the reporters, and his family's disapproval, and his own unhappiness. He was with Trowa and Trowa was doing what he wanted to do and that was the important thing._

_It had been Trowa, finally, who convinced him to go back, who offered to go with him. His sisters and their families had spent months trying to persuade him to come home; his father's will had named Quatre as sole heir to the Winner empire. It was his duty to fulfil the dead man's wishes, to assume responsibility as the head of the family._

_Quatre had pretended he didn't care, but he did; of course he did care about his father's legacy, about showing the world what he was capable of. Even if Father was dead and would never know. _

_In the end, he'd let Trowa persuade him to return. It would just be for a couple of years; just until the colony had recovered from the effects of the war, and Quatre had learned enough about the business to be able to select suitable managers, and delegate. _

_In the meantime, they'd still be together; as far as Quat was concerned, that was non-negotiable, whatever else he was willing to do for his family. He loved Trowa and he certainly wasn't ashamed of their relationship, and he had no intention whatsoever of hiding it. _

_The first weeks back on L4, after they'd left the circus, were an ongoing nightmare. He'd endured the masses of hate-mail and the horrible comments by the L4 media and the protests outside WEI businesses. But even his own sisters were opposed to everything he did; they blamed him for their father's death; for rejecting the Winner principles and fighting in the war; for loving another man, never realising that Trowa's company was the only thing that was keeping him sane._

_Trowa hadn't actually been there the day Quatre had tried to kill himself; he'd appointed himself as Quatre's chief bodyguard, and that had somehow spread to him overseeing security for the whole of WEI. He'd been conducting a routine security check on an outlying resource satellite. Quatre had wanted to go with him, but he had meetings, and then his sister Laila had visited for afternoon tea, bringing her two little boys to see their uncle. He'd been playing with the children while Laila had gone to make a telephone call; she'd come back in and started screeching horrible, horrible things at him, accusing him of the vilest things imaginable, and he just hadn't been able to stand it any longer. Any of it._

_When he'd finally woken in hospital, they'd all been with him; all five of them, just like during the war. Duo had tried so hard to convince him to come back to Earth, to forget who he was, but by then Quatre had come to realise that the colony needed WEI and WEI needed him. Of course Trowa had supported him, but only Wufei had really understood why he still felt an obligation to his family, to appease his father's spirit. _

_Everything had all changed after that. In public, Trowa had become no more than his loyal bodyguard, and the masquerade had become their lives for years. He'd had occasional girlfriends; pretty young women who would pose charmingly on his arm for the cameras and deflect attention away from Trowa's presence in his life. It had never been meant to go on for so long, but as soon as L4's economy began to prosper, the political situation began to change, with the ESUN eliminating more and more of the colonies' rights, and making more and more decisions from Earth._

_He'd thought he was doing the right thing and he'd ruined it all. He'd been such a fool. He'd tried so hard to protect Trowa and it had all been for nothing. _

'Can someone inform me what is going on here?' It was Dekim Barton, and Quatre couldn't help shrinking back. 'I was under the impression that the experiment was still ongoing. Was I mistaken?'

The cluster of scientists-doctors-torturers moved back deferentially as he stalked into the room, and one woman began a halting explanation.

'Apologies, sir. It's merely - we have already exceeded the recommended dosages several times, as you instructed, with no results. If we continue, the subject's sanity may be permanently affected.'

'If there are no results, his sanity is immaterial,' Barton said coldly. 'Provided he can stand up straight, and parrot a few simple phrases, I don't need him sane. You may continue the trials when I've spoken to him.'

'You warned him,' Barton hissed, striking one hand against Quatre's cheek. 'Didn't you? 03's left Earth; I've had his shuttle monitored since he took off, and it just dropped off radar an hour ago. What did you tell him?'

'To ….exercise extreme caution,' Quatre whispered. It hurt to speak but it didn't matter; Trowa was safe, for now at least.

'It won't make any difference. He'll come looking for you; we know where he's headed. It'll be almost too easy; perhaps you'll be more inclined to co-operate when 03's life depends on it.'

'No,' Quatre gasped. 'Please.'

'Fool,' Barton said coldly. 'Don't worry; 03 may have his uses; there's no point to killing him off just yet.' He brandished a folded newspaper in Quatre's face. 'Look at this! He's corrupted 05 for years and now this!'

Quatre raised his head a little to see. The article was titled 'A Royal Romance' and displayed a picture of Zechs and Wufei standing by a sparkling blue sea. Wufei, wearing an elegant, linen suit was glaring stonily at the camera, and Zechs was laughing, his pale hair tossed around them both by the sea-breeze.

'_Wedding bells may be in the air for Sanque's very own Prince Charming. His Highness, Prince Milliardo, is said to be about to pop a very significant question to his long-time partner, Chang Wufei. A source with the Palace has revealed to our correspondent that the Prince has officially requested Sanque citizenship for Mr. Chang. Although His Highness has abdicated any official claim to the throne, he is still first in the direct line of succession and as such, can only marry a Sanque citizen._

'_The Palace press-office refused to comment, but as yet no official denial has been issued, and a close friend of the couple, who declined to be named, has admitted that handsome prince has been considering this for some time._

'_The dreamy duo met at an embassy party three years ago, and have been inseparable ever since, regularly topping the polls for sizzling celebrity couples. _

'_Prince Milliardo, in addition to sitting on the board of a number of charities, is a critically-acclaimed artist, and his exotic toy-boy is currently studying for his doctorate in Oriental Studies. Obviously, His Highness looks for brains as well as beauty in his partners and…'_

'Filth.' Barton snatched the newspaper back before Quatre could finish reading. 'The man's betrayed every cause he ever fought for,' he rasped. 'He deserves to die, and then 05 will can be returned to the path I have planned for him.'


	41. An Inconvenient 'Phone Call

Disclaimer - Gundam Wing doesn't belong to me, and this is not being written for any sort of profit.

As usual, many, many thanks to Kaeru Shisho for the alpha editing job, and to everyone who's been reviewing.

Most Perceptive Reviewer Prize goes to Roninlver for a - certain comment relating to Chapter 37.

**An Inconvenient 'Phone Call:**

'I think I'm going to like being engaged.' Zechs pulled him up to kiss, letting him taste his own desire on his lover's tongue. 'I love you.'

'I know,' Wufei wriggled free of the warm, pinioning arms, sliding down the slim, pale body. And I love you. Let me show you how much?'

'Of _course_, yes,' Zechs purred, arching back in pleasure as his lover, his beloved began to chart his body with lips and teeth and warm, probing tongue.

Wufei knelt astride him, and Zechs gasped with delight as soft fingers danced the length of him; the black head lowered and kisses dripped on to his very tip; the caresses were assured, playful, a sweet torment that could only be borne for so long.

Sudden lust surged through Zechs' body like wildfire and he pounced, pinioning the smaller body beneath his. 'My turn, I believe.'

Wufei arched and gasped as every part of him was covered by lips and teeth and tongue – some kisses nibbled lightly at soft flesh, others pressed deep and luscious enough to brand his skin.

Zechs paused to drain his glass to the dregs, stretched over the slender body and the kisses began again, become more intimate.

'Are you waiting for divine instructions on what to do next?'

'Oh, I know _precisely_ what I plan to do with you, _kaerste_. Just wait and see. Aren't you always telling me I need to learn patience?'

Wufei laughed breathlessly as he was pinned to the mattress, revelling in the strength of his lover. They rolled over and over, until Zechs had him in a spread-eagled sprawl on the bed. Finally still, flushed with exertion, eyes flashing onyx fire, he was beautiful.

'I wonder now, dearest, do you taste as delicious as you look?'

The luscious mouth pouted for kisses and Zechs was pleased to oblige. His tongue delved deeper, while his hands stroked and fondled. He knew the golden, honey-sweet body now as he knew his own, the places where gently tickling fingers made him squirm, where a caress coaxed a sigh of pleasure or sent shivers ghosting across his skin. Knew when he needed more.

Wufei subsided face down on the quilt, and spread. It was gentle at first; bodies entwined and flowing together as smooth as warmed honey. Finally, Zechs knelt beside him, stroking the lovely, flowing lines of back and buttocks, stoking his own desire, before moving up to cover him; sharp teeth sinking into the golden skin at the nape of his partner's neck, leaving a tiny, transient brand.

God, but he was desire and passion and need given flesh. Smooth, supple, utterly irresistible flesh.

No one else, ever, would see him like this, Zechs resolved, coating his fingers with lubricant and murmuring with pleasure as he probed the deep cleft of buttocks. No one else would ever hear those tiny, pleading whimpers; the way Wufei's breath caught as his finger touched that place inside; the slow pants as the first sting of discomfort faded and became pleasure.

His Wufei, his scholarly, proper, reserved lover; begging to be fucked through the floorboards.

'Turn over, sweet.'

Wufei bent his knees back to his chest and rocked himself back and forth as Zechs anointed himself, and knelt between the slender, golden thighs. The hot, hard shaft nudged sensitive, aching flesh. The muscle was slick with oil, soft with yearning, and possession was swift and hard and sure. He'd meant it to be slow, gentle, but the throbbing, fluid embrace of Wufei's body drove him past reason, beyond restraint, and his partner certainly wasn't complaining.

'Yes! Dear gods, yes! Like that!' Wufei was writhing, moaning, fingers were embedded deep in Zechs' arms, urging him on, legs scissored around his waist and then he was sheathed in the sweet, moist well of his lover's body and restraint was impossible. Every movement branded his ownership, even while he was absorbed, possessed, in turn.

The gentle, considerate lover had become the hunter, and he moved in Wufei's body with all the confidence of a well-practiced predator, sure enough of its victim to draw out the chase and delight in the thrill of the hunt. His lover was moaning wildly, battling for possession as Zechs thrust mercilessly into him, arching upwards as if his very survival depended on it. Zechs' heartbeat raced as he hammered into his partner's body, fastened a death grip around his waist to tear down the fragile barrier of flesh between them and touch his lover's heart.

Wufei succumbed first, a cry of ecstasy torn from his throat as he sprawled bonelessly against he pillows, and Zechs followed him down, his own climax imminent now.

Zechs took a little of his own weight on his elbows and looked down at his lover; 'Fei was motionless beneath, the lovely face showed only a deep, drowsy contentment, a measure of pride that he had inspired such fierce loving and met all of his lover's demands.

'Not too sore, my heart?' Zechs pulled him into his arms and a tight embrace, the homecoming after the whirlwind.

'What do you think?' Wufei muttered, wincing a little as he tucked himself against Zechs' side.

'But worth it, I hope.' Zechs leaned over to take a long swallow of champagne and proffered the glass.

'You know it was.' The raven-dark head lifted slightly to drink. 'Always.' Long lashes fluttered closed and he laid his head back down on Zechs' chest, over his heart.

'Don't fall asleep just yet, love. How about a nice, hot bath before dinner?' Zechs tempted, and Wufei murmured something drowsy and incoherent, curling against him.

'I don't think I'll ever be able to walk again.'

Zechs chuckled. 'In that case, we'll just have to stay in this bed for the rest of our lives. Seriously, dear one, we need to clean you up a little. I can carry you if you like.'

The black eyes flashed indignantly at that suggestion of helplessness, and then his eyelids drifted shut again.

'Two minutes,' Zechs promised, easing himself free and bending to drop a kiss on his love's cheek. 'Just let me fill the bath for us, all right?'

It took somewhat longer in fact. Before he could do anything, the stack of firewood, or whatever it was, had to be stacked carefully in the shower. Then, while the enormous tub filled, he lit candles and perused Wufei's collection of bath salts. Like the rest of their suite, the bathroom was furnished with ridiculously overblown opulence. Gold-veined, creamy marble set off the polished gold fittings. Their own toiletries had been decanted into crystal jars and two enormous arrangements of hothouse flowers towered over the twin sinks.

There were definite advantages to his beloved's aromatherapy addiction, Zechs mused happily, opening the different jars and pouring his favourites with a lavish hand; cedar, because he liked the sharp, clean scent; a mixture of seaweed extracts that soothed aching muscles; and a special blend of Chinese spices that claimed to relax both mind and body.

He had plans for the rest of the evening. A long soak together in steaming, scented water, and then he would give Wufei a sensual massage using his favourite oils, and then they would make love; slick bodies sliding together like oiled silk. Unless of course, Wufei felt up to a session in the bath itself, in which case the schedule could be altered slightly slightly.

If they'd been at home he would have scattered some of Duo's orchids in the water, as the perfect complement to Wufei's exotic beauty.

With Treize, of course, it had always been roses.

Damn. He shut off that thought before it had time to blossom. Treize didn't belong anywhere near his fantasies of Wufei.

The supreme irony, of course, being that Treize had met Wufei first, and it was from Treize whom he'd first heard about Wufei, after their first duel. Treize had been captivated with the boy, naturally; enchanted by such beauty and honour and nobility.

'_It was a damn foolish thing to do, you know; drawing his fire like that. He could have destroyed you.'_

'_He could have destroyed us all if he'd wished. Not much challenge in that,' Treize said calmly. 'It was irresistible, you know; the first Gundam I'd seen in such close proximity; how could I not wish to test the pilot? And don't you start on me being reckless; Une's already favoured me with her opinion of just how foolish I was. You worry too much, both of you.'_

_Zechs snorted. 'Don't class us together, please. At least, I don't consider myself your personal nursemaid. I still don't know what you see in her.'_

'_She has her uses. And considerable potential. Did you kill Daigonegell, by the way?'_

_Zechs nodded. 'Of course. You wait until now to ask?'_

'_We were … otherwise occupied earlier. And I know you well enough. How did it feel?'_

_Zechs shrugged. 'It's hardly the first time I've killed. Incidentally, why did you select Une to issue the orders to go to Luxembourg?'_

'_Ah, that chafed, did it?' Treize laughed softly. 'My poor prince; forced to accept orders from your social inferiors. It makes her happy; she thinks I indulge you far too much as it is, which is probably true.' The blue eyes sparkled. 'She believes that all of my 'special treatment', as she calls it, will give you an attitude.'_

'_Special treatment?' Zechs wondered. 'Is that what it's called these days?'_

'_Apparently.' Trieze reached out to entwine his fingers in the long, blond hair. 'And we both know you would have gone anyway, once you found out Daigonegell was overseeing the defence of Luxembourg. When have I ever stopped you from doing precisely what you wish?'_

'_Approximately fifteen minutes ago.' Zechs' mouth curved slightly, as he glanced at the elegant clock by the bedside._

'_That hardly counts,' Treize objected. 'You did seem to be enjoying yourself at the last. You weren't complaining anyway.' _

'_Good manners, merely. One should never criticise one's host. Did your pilot enjoy being beaten by you?' _

'_Oh, very definitely not. He was lovely, though,' Treize smiled to himself. 'All that passion and pride, just longing to be conquered.' He winked. 'He rather reminded me of someone, actually.'_

'_He's hardly more than a child.'_

'_You weren't much older, were you?' _

'_Did you fuck him?'_

'_No. Next time, perhaps.'_

'_I see. There's to be a next time, then?' Ludicrous question, and Treize chuckled, soutterly sure that the world was ordered precisely for his personal pleasure._

'_Well, naturally. He told me he'll keep coming back until he kills me. It was rather __charming actually. I look forward to our next meeting immensely.'_

'_You're the only person in the world who would view death threats as a form of foreplay.'_

'_Am I? Poor boy; he was trying so desperately hard. It was a hardly a fair fight, you know, not when I had all the advantages. We'll use suits next time.'_

'_Next time,' Zechs muttered. 'He'll probably kill you, and you're planning a seduction.'_

'_You're not jealous, angel? You know I prefer blonds. He was quite magnificent though; such fire. Not that you don't thaw out very sweetly, under the right circumstances.'_

_Treize shifted a little closer, and those too-skilled, too-knowing hands began to drift over Zechs' body, making him shiver slightly, despite himself._

'_You're cold.' Treize, ever the solicitous, attentive bed-mate, drew the sheet over them both; Irish linen, naturally, hand-embroidered with the Khushrenda crest. He liked his little comforts in bed; the finest bed-linens and an exiled prince to warm them when he chose._

_His cruiser had been crippled by the Gundam just a few hours previously, but his possessions had already been transferred to the captain's quarters on board the fleet's flagship. Soft candlelight gleamed off polished French antiques, and glittered on the few pieces of Waterford crystal. A decanter of vintage Burgundy and two matching glasses, empty now; a vase filled with long-stemmed roses, crimson, of course. A few petals had already drifted to the oriental carpet, and lay like droplets of blood. _

_One finger tilted his chin slightly for a kiss. 'Shall I warm you up a little?'_

'_I should be leaving soon. I shouldn't even be here, considering how much we have still to do.'_

'_Let me take care of that,' Treize demurred. 'You should definitely be here. The first duty of a devoted soldier is to obey orders from his superiors, is it not? Where do you plan to go next?'_

'_Noin and I have a rendezvous arranged with Otto.'_

'_To collect the Tallgeese.' Treize's eyes gleamed. 'And set off on your adventure to reclaim your kingdom. I do look forward to the day when you take off that mask. It's a crime to keep such beauty hidden away. Although I do like having you all to myself.' _

Damn.

Zechs sat on the side of the tub, breathing in the fragrant steam rising from the bath. He'd imagined the scent of roses; that was all.

_I **said**, stop following me around, Treize._

Wufei had fallen asleep when he finally walked back into their bedroom.

So fucking beautiful, his dragon. So utterly, fuckably beautiful; a silk-limbed, supple dream, with all that pale-golden skin and ebony hair glowing against the deep crimson velvet of the quilt. Zechs was half-tempted just to let him sleep; it sounded like he'd been up talking to Duo for most of the previous night, and he'd been too keyed up during their stay in Sanque to sleep properly, but then he'd only wake up later complaining and terribly uncomfortable, and the prospect of taking him in the bath, when he was already stretched and sated and loose was just too irresistible.

'Time to wake up, my love,' Zechs sat on the side of the bed, and covered Wufei's mouth with his own. Huge, sloe-dark eyes gleamed into his own; full of drowsy contentment and he clung to Zechs' neck as he was gathered up and carried into the bathroom, wincing just a little as warm water lapped against sensitive skin.

'Are you actually _trying_ to boil me alive?'

Zechs chuckled. 'I can think of more pleasant ways to set you on fire.' He arranged them both carefully so Wufei was settled against his chest, and wrapped both arms around him. 'I hope you don't mind, love, but I took out those aromatherapy sticks of yours. I thought it might be a little crowded otherwise?'

'I don't know what you're talking about - Oh!' Wufei's eyes flew open, stricken, and he sat bolt upright, causing a minor tidal wave.

'I'm sorry,' Zechs said hastily. 'I didn't think you'd mind. I'll put them back right now. It's a big tub, there's plenty of space for both of us and half a forest as well.'

'No! Mil, I totally forgot. There's something I have to tell you. I've done a terrible thing.'

It took Zechs a full five minutes to stop laughing. 'Why ever did you put them in the bath?'

'That was Duo's idea; we needed to darken the colour,' Wufei muttered. 'I meant to take them out before you saw, and then Trowa called and I forgot all about it. It's not funny, Mil! It was a unique piece of artwork and I destroyed it…'

'That hideous thing! I'm delighted, if you must know; I thought you liked it, and I've been trying to think of ways for us not to have to bring it home.'

Wufei gaped at him. 'I only bought it because we were rushing out of the exhibition and it would have been rude not to buy something. But, this morning, you said it was terribly valuable!'

'Those women at the reception last night were raving about the damn thing; apparently there was an article in some obscure art journal talking about her undiscovered talent.' Zechs shrugged. 'I thought you'd like to hear your taste complimented, and that perhaps you could be persuaded to donate it to their exhibition permanently.'

'But what are we going to do? You've already promised to lend it to them.'

'Well, I like your original plan of a forgery. Between the two of us, we should be able to replicate a bundle of sticks, and if we can't, I'll paint something and we can make some excuse. That should please them.' Zechs grinned. 'I can't believe you were actually worrying about that thing.'

'I felt guilty for having destroyed a unique piece of Sanque culture!' Wufei spoke with as much dignity as he could muster.

'You did a great service to the art world! And you know I'd happily let you burn every piece of art in the palace, if it gave you a moment's pleasure.' Zechs settled back, tugging Wufei into his arms. 'While we're making confessions though, I have something to tell you. Relena called while you were in the library; apparently someone leaked our story to one of the Sanque tabloids. It'll probably be headline news tomorrow.'

Wufei pulled a face. 'What are we going to do?'

Zechs kissed him. 'Well, it was never exactly a secret; so many people knew, it was bound to come out eventually. It's probably best if we make some sort of official announcement, you know. '

'Must we? You know how much I hate all that nonsense.'

'I know, dearest,' Zechs murmured. 'But if we don't, we'll just have to put up with constant speculation from the media. Don't worry about it; I'll draft a simple announcement for the _Sanque Times_; that should suffice.'

Media attention had been a fact of life for as long as he could remember; a necessary evil for the only son of a royal dynasty. Many of his earliest memories were of smiling charmingly for the cameras, sitting on his mother's knee and later by his father's side; holding up his new baby sister for her first press appearance the day after she'd been born.

One put on a performance for the cameras; smiled and said all the proper, expected things, and conducted one's personal life behind closed doors and high walls.

His intensely private lover loathed all of it; loathed seeing his face looking at him from the TV or from the cover of a glossy magazine, loathed their personal lives becoming public currency on talk shows or in the pages of a trashy tabloid.

'I'd rather we did it ourselves, than have those trashy magazines spreading rumours; Relena knows, half the palace probably knows as well as the entire parliament and all of our own friends. It's a miracle that no one's leaked the story until now.'

'I suppose you're right. Although I fail to see how it's anyone's concern but ours.' Wufei sighed. 'The press will go mad. Photographers following us everywhere.'

'Try to look on the bright side,' Zechs consoled him. 'Some of those photographers are very talented; we might get another wonderful picture of us in Florence to hang over the bed.'

'Perhaps.' Wufei slid a little lower in the water, ebonytresses drifting over the surface.

The photograph, or rather Zechs' reaction to it, had been the cause of their first major row. He'd known Wufei was uncomfortable with too much publicity, but he'd seemed to tolerate it. He'd refused to speak publicly about his relationship with Zechs, but he'd accepted journalists' presence at the various official functions they'd attended as a couple, and tried to ignore the media comments afterwards.

Florence had been different. It had been an anniversary of sorts; a year and a half after they'd first met. Not the first time they'd gone away together; Wufei had visited Sanque with him several times, and had flown out to some of his European exhibitions or to accompany him to some formal gathering, but the Italian trip had somehow been special. No Duo with them, for a change; no official function to attend; just the two of them in Zechs' favourite city.

By their third day, Wufei had let his guard down sufficiently to hold Zechs' hand as they wandered through the ancient streets, and even allowed a brief kiss in the shadow of the cathedral; the first time he'd ever permitted any sort of public display. They'd been standing on one of the stone bridges spanning the river Arno as the sun began to set, when the picture had been taken.

When he'd seen it the next morning, Zechs had merely smiled reminiscently, utterly unprepared for Wufei's reaction. It wasn't like he was a stranger to publicity, after all; like the other pilots, he'd been a celebrity at the end of the war, and he'd made headlines as a Preventer agent. For his sake, Zechs had tried to keep their relationship discreet at first, but of course it had been impossible.

Wufei had stormed out, catching the next flight back to the States. He'd called that evening, and they'd both apologised, but Zechs had never quite forgotten those hours when he'd been gone, when he'd thought he might never get him back.

'We can wait a little longer to tell the press, if you prefer,' Zechs offered eventually, when his lover said nothing more on the subject. 'I just thought it would be easier to issue a statement, and stop all the speculation about our relationship.'

'No, you're right. I was just thinking. About Quatre. After - that picture was published, he had a long talk with me. He said that, because of who you were, the press would always be interested in you. That I would either have to accept it as the price of being with you, or leave you.'

Zechs kissed the damp, black hair. 'I'm so glad you made the decision you did.'

'So am I.' Wufei turned his head for a proper kiss. 'I'm worried about him, Mil. At first, I thought it was some sort of set-up, probably to get Duo into more trouble, but then those people got killed, and those explosions. Quatre would never be a part of anything like that.'

'He's got half the Preventers in the universe looking for him,' Zechs comforted. 'And Trowa's heading to L4. He'll find him if anyone can.'

Wufei nodded, shifting slightly so he could look up at his partner. 'I'd have gone with him, if it weren't for Duo. He's always been the staunchest, most supportive of friends, you know. It's thanks to him and Duo, that I survived those first months after leaving Preventers. The officer I 'd assaulted - half killed, really - wanted to press formal charges.'

'Don't think about it, dear one. It's over now.' Zechs soothed, tightening his hold about the slender, golden body in his arms. It would have destroyed Wufei, utterly, to have been formally charged with such dishonourable conduct. They rarely spoke of it, but he knew that Wufei, lacking a focus for his life, and facing a bleak future, had had some sort of breakdown, and that his friends had got him through it. 'You'd never have been convicted anyway; not with your record.'

'I might,' Wufei's mouth twisted bitterly. 'I was - not the most popular agent in the force. Saunders was well-liked, respected by the other agents; he'd been a police officer for ten years before being recruitedby the Preventers. I didn't have any concrete proof of how corrupt he was; if it had gone to trial, any reasonably competent lawyer could have got him off.'

Wufei shuddered, despite the warmth of the water and Zechs' arms holding him. 'I think Quatre somehow convinced him to drop it, or paid him off, even though he always denied it. He persuaded me to try therapy, that I could do whatever I wanted with my life. I feel so _guilty_, Mil. I've only spoken to him a handful of times in the last six months, and then it was to criticise the way he was treating Trowa, or Duo.'

'You were only trying to help your friends,' Zechs murmured, knowing the words were wholly inadequate. Wufei was his lover, his beloved, and nothing would ever change that; but those five pilots had shared the sort of friendship he knew nothing about. His life had been full of people who wanted to befriend him for his looks, or his rank, or because he was Treize's protégé, and he had usually accepted their favours, and secretly despised them.

'The last time we spoke was so awful, Mil,' Wufei continued. 'I never told you, but I called Quatre after he'd said - those things to Duo. I was so angry with him,

'Shush, dearest.' Zechs slid 'We'll sort everything out. I promise. Trowa's going to find Quatre, and don't worry about the media; it won't take long for the press to find a more interesting story than the two of us.'

'Thank you.' Wufei picked up one hand and kissed the open palm. 'You always know how to make me feel better, don't you? And you're right about the press, I know. I can't help objecting to being labelled your _exotic sex-toy_, though.'

'I know, love,' Zechs soothed, trying hard not to smile at just how apt the description currently was. Wufei would kill him for the insult. 'Still, I have to put up with being called your _Prince Charming_. Is that any better.'

'Well, you are a prince, and you can be extremely charming when you want something.'

'Only then?' Zechs slid the black hair to one side and pressed his lips to the little mark that had blossomed on the back of Wufei's neck, where he'd nipped him earlier, and licked his way to that appealing little hollow behind his ear, making him squirm delightfully.

'You always want something. Don't you?'

Zechs gasped as Wufei's palm curled lightly around his stiffening cock. Arousal had been growing for some time now; impossible to resist with that perfect bottom snuggled against his crotch, but he'd managed to ignore it so far, and concentrate on comforting his lover.

'Don't you?' Wufei repeated, and then it was his turn to gasp as lips closed around his earlobe, massaging gently.

'I always want you, dearest. You know that. But perhaps you should go on top this time?'

'We'll work something out between us.' Wufei's fingers squeezed just a little more forcefully. Zechs held him in place with one hand and let the other travel his partner's body in a long, languid caress, stroking both nipples until they peaked, thrusting hard little nubs against his palm, and Wufei moaned; a soft, inarticulate sound of pleasure.

'You like that, don't you?' Zechs murmured. He turned Wufei in his arms, shifting a little so his lover's back was reclining back against the tub, and his lips drifted over the beautiful face, dabbing dab the lightest, most feathery kisses. Wufei's head tipped further back and the slender throat invited Zechs' touch.

'Kiss me, Mil,' he ordered. 'Properly.'

It began with a warm, firm pressure on that gorgeous, generous mouth, then a flickering tongue teased his lips apart, and the kiss probed, possessed, demanded response. Zechs slid one hand under the raven hair, knotting there, the other snaked down and fingers curled in the soft flesh of one buttock.

He twined strands of ebony silk around his fingers, and Wufei moaned as hands began to caress him. Soap-slick lathered fingers were sliding everywhere, and he canted his head for a kiss, tongues dancing deliciously. Zechs traced slow, seductive paths on his body with well lathered palms, and teased swollen nipples with lips and tongue, loving the taste of him.

'Just give me a minute to get you ready, all right?'

The little phial of oil he selected smelt of citrus and spice, pooling in his palm as he coated his hand. The first well-oiled finger slid in with no resistance.

'I'm ready,' Wufei gasped. He was fiercely aroused, far too much so for modesty or even restraint, and slender hips humped back, twisted on searching fingers. Zechs inserted a second digit, waited a moment for him to relax and pushed deeper inside, curling upwards. Wufei thrashed and heaved above him, abandoned to pleasure as Zechs' other hand slid between his legs. Fingers stroked the length of him, an exact echo of the other caresses moving deep inside him.

'Not quite.' Zech's lips shivered across the back of his neck, delighting in the little wordless whimpers as his lover was subjected to the exquisite, excruciating cycle of torment and denial. He was so close, every sinew straining upwards, muscles clenched tight about the invading fingers.

'_Now_ you're ready.'

Wufei's breath was still coming in quick, shallow gasps, the muscles in his upper arms tense as he gripped the sides of the tub, waiting. Zechs caught his own breath at that first incredible moment where the universe stood still and everything just - stopped. It was like being swathed in tight layers of liquid silk, and intensified by the water lapping about them both.

It was a slow, sweet glissade into purest pleasure, their shared climax as natural as coursing water, as bright as flame, and ended with them both sliding under the water.

'You know, we're going to drown us doing this, one of these days,' Wufei murmured, pulling himself upright again.

'Mmm.' Zechs lay back against his lover's chest, practically purring as Wufei's fingers slid through his wet mane of hair. 'I can't possibly think of a nicer way to go though, can you?'

'You do have a point.' Wufei admitted, wrapping both arms around Zechs' shoulders, and hugging him tightly. 'That was incredible.'

'Mmmm,' Zechs echoed, his brain not yet quite up to coherent thought. Not with his whole body still quivering and certainly not with his Wufei holding him like that. Despite everything, it had turned out to be the most perfect evening. He would hand-feed Wufei his dinner in bed, and then they would fall asleep in each other's arms. For once, nothing was going to go wrong.

Which was when Wufei's cellphone rang. Zechs winced at the sound, tucking his head firmly under Wufei's chin.

'Ignore it, love,' he begged, knowing it was hopeless. 'Please?'

Wufei dropped a kiss on his forehead. 'My heart, you know I can't. It might be Duo. Or Trowa.'

'Fine. I'll get it.' Cursing fluidly, streaming water on to the oriental rugs in their bedroom, Zechs fetched the damn 'phone.

'It's Duo.' He handed it over, rolling his eyes. Of course it was Duo; their friend apparently possessed some sixth sense of knowing exactly the wrong time to interrupt. Although, at least this time, they'd managed to finish what they'd started.

'Duo? Is something wrong? This 'phone has a terrible reception; it's hard to understand what you're saying exactly. What was that about L4?'

Damn. Despite himself, Zechs leaned over and flicked the speaker function; it was simply no fun hearing one side of a conversation.

'You can get back here, right now!'

'I can't,' Duo said quickly. 'We're over halfway there. The ship doesn't have enough fuel to make it back safely.'

'Right.' Wufei bit the word off between clenched teeth. 'Then you will come back as soon as you've refuelled. Do you hear me?'

'Yeah.' There were some indistinct sounds on the other end of the line; Zechs could imagine Duo chewing on the end of his braid, as he tended to do in moments of stress. Disgusting habit. 'The thing is, Wu, I thought, while I'm going to be on L4, I could just take a quick look at where Quatre sent that message from.'

'Don't be ridiculous. There's a whole investigative force on L4 as of this morning. You can leave it to them; there's no reason for you to get involved. You'll be in enough trouble as it is, without wandering around a Preventers crime scene and attracting attention.'

'Look, I just want to feel I'm doing something,' Duo wheedled. 'Just a couple of hours and then I'll straight come straight back on the next shuttle.'

'Duo, listen.' Wufei sighed, obviously trying to sound reasonable and squeezing the 'phone so hard his knuckles were white. 'I know you want to help. I understand. But how exactly is it going to help Quatre if you get into trouble? You know he wouldn't want that.'

'I know! But it's OK. The thing is, we got here with some friends of Trowa's on their shuttle, and we've landed at a private dock.. No one's going to know I was ever here, so it's no big deal. I'll be back Earthside before anyone knows I've left. Heero's already agreed and…'

'_What_?' Wufei's exclamation reverberated around the marble walls. 'Heero's with you? Is this all his idea? Is he trying to get you into even more trouble?'

'No!' Duo said hastily. 'It's not like that. I - um - sort of persuaded him to come along and look, 'Fei, don't detonate again, OK? It's not his fault. It's mine. He's been really good about it; we're actually getting on pretty well.'

'I do not believe this is happening!' Wufei grated. 'Duo, _listen_ to yourself for two seconds! This _is_ Heero Yuy we're discussing, correct? The man who broke your heart years ago and who's never even bothered to contact you until a few weeks ago? I was there, remember? I watched you trying to get over him, to get some semblance of a life back for yourself.'

'Stop it, 'Fei,' Duo said quietly. 'I know all that. I _know. _But you said you were OK with me going on the date, didn't you?'

'I said nothing of the sort! I told you, I would support your decision, but that I disapproved, which is true. It's one thing for you to spend a few hours with him; I thought that might bring you to your senses as to how ridiculous all of this, and now you're jaunting around the galaxy with him.'

'I'm not jaunting, 'Fei. Look, you do realise this is sort of my decision,' Duo snapped.

'Are you quite out of your mind?' Wufei demanded harshly. 'In case you've forgotten, I don't think you're exactly qualified to make any sort of decisions right now. You do remember a certain court case, don't you? Established to ascertain your personal sanity and competence? I hardly think this sort of episode is going to do your case any good.'

''Fei, that's not fair!'

'It happens to be the truth! For God's sake, Duo, Heero cheated on you; you almost died because of him, it took you years to get your life back, and now you've decided to construct some elaborate little fantasy about the two of you getting back together. Well, I'm not going to let you do anything of the sort. You're coming back to Earth if I have to go to L4 and drag you back by the hair, and then I'm finding you a good therapist, and a team of lawyers who aren't going to seduce you, and we can get this over with and go straight back home. Is that understood?'

'Wu, will you listen to me for a sec? This isn't about Heero; it's about Quatre right now, and Heero just …happens to be here.'

'That's enough!' Wufei raked dripping hair out of his eyes with one hand.

'You're right,' Duo's voice snapped. 'I'm sick of people trying to run my life for me. Now, I am staying on L4 until I find some trace of Quatre and if you and Heero don't like it, then that's just too bloody bad.'

The line went abruptly silent, and Wufei stared the cellphone in disbelief.

'He hung up on me,' he said slowly. 'He's only been in Heero's compnay since lunchtime, and this is what happens. I'm not letting him do this, Mil. He's not thinking rationally, not with everything that's been happening lately. Right.' He stood up, reaching for a towel. 'We have to stop him doing something stupid, Mil. The embassy here has a diplomatic shuttle, hasn't it? How long will it take for it to be ready to take off?'


	42. Third Time Lucky

Disclaimer: The usual. I still don't own them….

Note - many thanks to KS for proof-reading.

Back to Duo's POV

**Third Time Lucky?**

I've always had a bit of a problem with the third date. I mean, you basically spend the first one making sure that the other guy has reasonable hygiene habits, and doesn't sound like he's got body parts in his freezer. The second time, they're usually still on fairly good behaviour, with maybe a kiss at the end.

The third time tends to be when it all goes horribly wrong. In fairness, I had managed to get past that awkward point with Mikhail, but only because we'd spent so much time together professionally, refining the design I was doing for his new shuttle, that by the time he declared any sort of romantic interest, I was already comfortable with him.

Somehow, my official third date with Heero went quite well at the start; we even made it most of the way to L4 without an argument. We had a couple of hours to ourselves, before he 'phoned Noin, until the others invaded our cabin, and we all sat around the table and ate freeze-dried noodles, and chatted a bit about the porn-smuggling business. When the others finally went off God-knows-where, Heero scavenged some cushions and blankets to pile on the hard bench.

'So…what's that supposed to be?'

Heero looked up from folding the blankets just so. 'I believe it's known as a bed in most cultures.'

'No kidding. And what's it for exactly?'

Blue eyes glinted at me. 'What do you think?'

_Oh, boy._

'It's almost midnight, Duo. Steph said we'll be docking about five am. I thought we should try to get some sleep while we can.'

Sleep. Oh, yes, I remembered that. Vaguely. Of course that had been all he'd meant. And of course he was perfectly right. It was far too soon to think about anything else.

'Trowa was going to look through Quat's email accounts to see if he can find anything suspicious. You don't think we should help with that?'

'I think we'll both be more help to Trowa when we land if we're both rested, and you were nearly falling asleep over dinner.' He sat on the edge of the bench and held out one hand to me. 'Humour me, please? We can just lie down and talk if you're not tired.'

_Talk? Oh, sure. So, Heero, read any good books lately? _

It took a few minutes to find a comfortable way for us to fit together, without me pressing too much on any of his more sensitive, recently-stunned areas. Pathetic as it sounds, I must have dozed off pretty much straightaway after that; the result of a stomach filled with stodge, and too many sleepless nights lately. It was his voice that woke me, in the end, murmuring my name.

'Hey, you.' He smiled down at me, and for a long moment there was nothing else in the whole universe but the look in his eyes.

'This isn't a dream I'm having, is it?' I asked uncertainly. _Please._ If it did turn out to be a dream, I was going to make damn sure I fell straight back asleep.

'It's not a dream.' One hand gave my braid a quick tug to prove it. 'I'm sorry I had to wake you, but Trowa called me a minute ago. He's got Noin on the 'phone.'

Things went to hell pretty swiftly after we'd heard what Noin had to say. The issue, naturally, was me going straight back to Earth, like a good boy, and took place over Steph's voluble protests that she had no intention of turning around and flying back after refuelling; that she had a cargo to unload, and then she wasn't going anywhere until she'd had a night's sleep and found a new load of freight. At some point, Trowa and Ray had trickled off; Steph, who apparently viewed our quarrel as some sort of spectator sport, looked like she was quite happy to stay and watch, until Ray came back and dragged her off.

'We had an agreement, remember?' I was saying heatedly to Heero. 'I got a couple of hours here and then I'd do whatever you wanted.'

'I know what I said,' he told me. 'Please Duo. Just listen to me, will you? Noin checked out the co-ordinates of that email Quatre supposedly sent. It's an apartment building in a very run-down district. She sent a team of agents to investigate, and there was no trace that Quat had ever been there.'

'What do you mean, _check it out_? You mean they actually searched the building, or just went around asking the locals if they'd happened to see a blond billionaire who's been all over the news since he disappeared?'

'Noin is perfectly satisfied with her team's findings.'

'Yay for her. That doesn't mean shit. ' I muttered. 'Well, I'm not satisfied, and I bet Tro's not either. Is he planning to go straight back home and let the Preventers handle it?'

'Not exactly,' Heero admitted. 'But it's different for him. He doesn't have a court injunction keeping him in Florence.'

'Fine,' I glared at him. 'If you can assure me that the Preventers'll go back and do a proper search, then I'm quite happy to let the so-called professionals do their job. Otherwise, I'm going with Tro.'

'Noin doesn't have the resources for anything of the sort; but she has agreed to leave a couple of undercover agents in the area, to keep an eye out for anything suspicious and to sound out the locals. Duo, the truth is that we don't have any proof that Quatre sent the email in the first place. It could be a hoax, and even if it's genuinely from him, it could have been bounced off a different satellite to confuse us.'

'Oh, please! That email had to have been sent by Quat; it was in a code he and Tro had set up back in the War. It's not exactly common knowledge!'

Heero hesitated. 'There are certain people at Preventers HQ who believe there is a …possibility that the message was sent by Trowa, as a means of diverting attention from himself. He is still as suspect, after all.'

'That's bullshit!' I snapped, guessing who one of those 'certain people' might be. Une had never liked Tro; she'd been totally taken in by his undercover act during the War, and then he'd had the cheek to reject graciously extended offer to join the Preventers. If she could finger him for Quat's disappearance, she'd be only too thrilled. 'I've had enough of this. You can't just swan back into my life after all those years and you fucking can't start ordering me around and expecting me to do whatever you happen to think is best.'

My plan for storming out of the cabin was interrupted slightly by Steph, who was walking past the door, and smirked at me as I slammed the door shut.

'Lovers' tiff?'

'No!' It wasn't a lie exactly; we weren't lovers and weren't likely ever to be at this rate.

Her grin broadened. 'Heero's cute. I'll have him if you're sure you don't want him.'

_Oh no, you won't._

'I think Ray might object to that.'

She shrugged. 'Maybe that cute prince of yours might object to you shacking up with Heero?'

Oh, not this again. I swore to myself that I was never again going to be seen with Zechs in public. 'I told you; I'm not _shacked up _with either of them. Zechs is my friend and Heero's my…..'

'Yeah?' She reached over and slid something into my back pocket. 'Here; if you figure it out, these might come in handy. Colour matches your eyes.' She winked. 'Tro's in the cargo bay if you need someone to talk to.'

'Thanks.' Ideally, I would have preferred to be alone, but with Heero infesting the cabin, Ray in the cockpit, and Steph prowling around, there weren't a lot of options so I ended up going to the cargo bay and settling on one of the crates, running my eyes over a printed manifesto that had been taped to it. God, some people are into really weird stuff. I pulled the paper free and pretended to examine every single item, in the hope that Trowa, who was likewise sitting on a crate and typing on his laptop, would take the hint that I didn't feel like talking. It didn't work.

'So. Have you two broken up again?'

'Dunno.' It came out indistinct, given that I was chewing on the end of my braid.

'Is that what you want?'

'Don't know.'

Trowa shook his head, hair falling all over his face. 'Duo, if you ever do decide what it is you want, the ESUN will probably declare some sort of national holiday.'

'That's not fair!' I exclaimed, stung. 'I do want Heero. I just don't want all that shit about him trying to control my life. I'm perfectly capable of making my own decisions.'

'Just because you've had a row with Wufei, it's not really fair to take it out on Heero.'

'That's not what I'm doing! And we didn't have a row! We had a ... discussion.'

It was too scary to think about, actually. We'd never had a real fight before. Not like this. It was too scary to dwell on the things Wufei and I had said to each other, and there was a tiny voice in my brain whispering that maybe he'd been right. And that maybe I'd really screwed up this time, that he'd only been trying to be a concerned friend, and now he was seriously pissed off with me. No, that was way too terrifying to contemplate; life without Wufei being there for me.

'How do you know about it, anyway?'

'He called me.' Trowa looked at me coolly. 'After you hung up on him.'

I swallowed. 'Is he really mad?'

'That was the impression I got. But I think he's mostly blaming Heero's bad influence. And me, for letting you come along.'

'That's unfair. I practically forced you to bring me and I'll tell him that. Tro, I'm really sorry about all this; it's the last thing you need right now, when you should be able to concentrate on finding Quat.'

Trowa shrugged. 'Maybe he and Heero are right, that I shouldn't have let you come. I don't want you to get into any trouble over all of this. Maybe you and Heero should just go straight back to Earth and let me do this.'

'No way! First off, you didn't _let me come, _as you put it! I wanted to. I still do. It's not like anyone's ever going to know I've left Italy. And the whole Heero thing? That'll work out or it won't.'

'Very philosophical.'

'Whatever. It's all just happened so fast, you know? Like I haven't really caught up with everything that's going on yet.' I gave the end of my braid a thoughtful nibble. 'Wu said some stuff that maybe I should think about.'

'_Heero cheated on you; you almost died because of him, it took you years to get your life back, and now you've decided to construct some elaborate little fantasy about the two of you getting back together,' Wufei's voice was echoing in my head._

Oh God. Was he right? Was I mad for even considering this? Yeah, quite likely.

Except that - I so badly wanted to believe the things Heero had said to me. That he should never have let me go, and that maybe we could learn from all the stuff we'd done wrong. That he just wanted a chance to prove how serious he was about us. He'd said all that stuff like he'd meant it, like _he_ believed it.

'It's all been good up 'til now,' I said slowly. 'Well, mostly. I just - I don't want it to be the way it was before. With Heero trying to control everything I did, and having a fit any time I even looked at another guy. I can't go back to living like that.'

'You don't have to,' Trowa said calmly. 'Back then, we were all still messed up from the War. None of us knew how to deal with normal life; Heero tried to cope by focussing on his job and on keeping you safe, because that was all he knew how to do. You've both changed since then. There's no reason for you to make the same mistakes.' He smiled slightly. 'Heero doesn't seem to be quite so possessive any more, if he's willing to leave you down here with your ex for this length of time.'

God, it actually took me a minute to figure out what he was talking about. 'Yeah, right. I don't think he'll be worried about that. I told him it was nothing serious and we all know the only guy you're thinking about right now is Quat.' I twirled the end of my braid around one finger. 'You know, that Steph girl keeps asking really weird questions about me and Zechs. Does everyone in the entire universe think the two of us are together? Or the three of us?'

'You can't expect me to answer for everyone in the universe. But one might draw certain conclusions from the fact that you all live together, that you spend a great deal of time together, and that there have been certain compromising photographs printed of you and Zechs.'

'That doesn't mean anything. You never believed it, did you?'

Trowa raised his one visible eyebrow. 'I didn't, until I went to stay with you, and you told me you hardly ever used your bedroom. That did make me wonder at first.'

'You didn't seriously think that, did you? I usually just end up crashing on the couch after watching TV or something with Zechs. Um, I mean, not _with_ Zechs.'

'I know what you mean, Duo.' The eyebrow slipped up another notch or two. 'Why are you so worried about this right now? You've known all about those rumours for years.'

'Sure, but that was just stupid stuff in the tabloids. I didn't think anyone believed any of it.' Well, maybe they did. I'd believed whatever stuff I'd seen printed about Heero and Relena, after all. Damn. Bloody karma, having a field day with Duo Maxwell. We'd split up in the first place because I'd been jealous of Relena, fuelled by all the pretty pictures of the two of them together, and then he'd kept away from years because he'd thought I was with Zechs and Wufei. My head was starting to hurt from all this, and then I thought of something else.

'Tro?' He glanced up from his laptop. 'Can I ask you something. Heero said you knew he came to see me when I was in hospital, after my….accident. Why did you never tell me?'

'Tell you that he visited you? Why would I tell you something you already knew?' He lifted his head properly, brushing his bangs back with one hand, so I got the full impact of his gaze. 'Oh, God. Don't tell me. He never told you?'

I shook my head. 'I never really gave him the chance.'

'You're mad,' he said flatly. 'The pair of you. Certifiably insane.'

'Thanks a lot,' I muttered. 'I don't suppose it ever occurred to you to mention it at some point?'

'Apropos of what exactly? Heero firmly refused to talk about you; you've always been adamant that you don't want to discuss what happened between the pair of you.' He looked back down at his screen. 'Seriously, Duo, right now I have more important things to worry me than your inability to communicate.'

'Fine. Hint taken.' OK, I could see his point. 'I'll talk to Wu,' I promised, hopping down from my crate and heading for the door. 'And I promise none of this will get in the way of looking for Quat.'

He just nodded, not bothering to look up at me. Great. Wasn't this just my day to piss off all my friends in the galaxy? Still, Trowa had to be going frantic about Quatre; he didn't really need all my relationship problems heaped on top of his own. I squeezed his shoulder briefly as I walked past him, and turned from closing the door to find Heero standing in the corridor.

'I'm sorry,' he said resolutely, . 'You were perfectly correct. I don't have any right to tell you what to do. But I told you I will always want to keep you safe and I meant that. Can't we maybe come to some sort of compromise?'

'I'm sorry too,' I whispered. 'I guess I sort of over-reacted. 'But seriously, 'Ro, you can't just wrap me up and keep me in an iron box with you standing guard against the rest of the world, you know? I can't live like that.'

'I know. I just thought that after the War, I'd never have to see you face any sort of danger again. I know you can look after yourself perfectly well; I just - feel I should be there for you.'

'Yeah,' I admitted. 'I feel like that about you too. I always have. I still have those god-dammed nightmares about you self-destructing in Wing.'

'It's OK,' Heero soothed. 'I promise, I'll try not to smother you. I realise I have certain…controlling tendencies, according to my therapist.'

'You were in therapy?' God, my mind just spun away at the thought; Heero lying on a

couch while some shrink asked him how he'd felt about being trained as a child assassin, or the root of all those tendencies to self-destruct. 'When? Did you actually _say_ anything?'

'Of course I didn't!' He sounded mildly affronted at the idea that he might have given any information away; well, I guess you can't overcome years of anti-interrogation training that easily. 'It was just after your…accident.. I was asked to leave after a few sessions, for refusing to participate.'

'Yeah,' I tried not to laugh. 'They kind of expect you to talk.'

'The whole concept was ridiculous from the beginning. What was the point of _me_ spending all the time talking when I was there to receive advice?'

'I know. That always gets me too. Talk about an easy job, huh? You know I've been in therapy for years? Well, I was anyway. I stormed out of the last session and I haven't contacted him since.' Wufei would probably force me to go back at some point, though. When he'd had a few goes at me with his katana.

'I'm really sorry this is such a pathetic date. You took me to that fancy restaurant, and you set up the picnic, and all I do is abduct you and knock you out and feed you stupid micro-waved noodles and fall asleep on you.'

'I rather liked you falling asleep on me, actually,' his mouth curved into a smile. 'And none of the rest of it matters. You can buy me a nice breakfast on L4, if you really want to feed me.' Heero took a step closer, giving me a long, considering look. 'I've told Noin you're coming with me, and she'll have her agents turn a blind eye to your presence on L4 provided we're discreet. You're going to have to do something with your hair though; you're just too recognisable like that.'

'I'm not cutting it off!' I grabbed the end of my braid protectively and glared at him.

'Of course not,' he soothed. 'As if I'd ever want you to do that! But maybe we can just hide it for a few hours.'

He carefully prised my hand away from the death-grip it had on my hair, and ran my braid caressingly through his fingers. 'Let's see what we can do.' He stepped around me, still holding my hair, and fed it slowly down the back of my shirt, a process that apparently necessitated his fingertips stroking the back of my neck.

'There. That'll do for now.'

Oh God. His fingers were still moving, drifting oh-so-gently over my skin, dipping just a little below the collar every now and then, and his other arm slid around my waist, pulling me against him.

'I love this ... top,' he murmured against my hair, letting me hear the smile in his voice.

'You should wear red all the time, Duo. And it feels wonderful.'

'Mmm.' OK, not the most intelligent response, admittedly, but it was hard when he'd zoomed in one of my super-sensitive spots. Those gossamer-gentle fingers were actually massaging my earlobe, and I desperately wanted his other hand to move under my shirt and touch bare skin and...

'Oh, _God_!' I gasped as he apparently read my mind and did exactly that. Warm fingers tracing slow, elaborate spirals on my skin, and sparking off all sorts of little electrical charges as they moved up and then down.

'This feels even better,' he whispered, brushing his lips against the top of my head. 'Duo…is this all right?'

_Oh, dear God, yes! So much better than all right. Something I'd been dreaming about for the past six years. Happening in real life, in a stairwell, on a shuttle, on the way to rescue our friend. Damn. Stupid, stupid brain getting forcing its way in on what should have been a private moment._

'Love?' Heero asked quietly, his hand pausing in the worst - best - spot possible. 'Do you want me to stop?'

_Not if you want me to die! Go on. Please. No! Not go on…No going on._

'Heero, I…. I'm not sure if this - is such a good idea right now.'

Shit. I was sure there were many, many reasons why it was a bad idea, although the only conclusive argument that I could think of was that I was going to come if he didn't stop, just from the light pressure of his palm curved between my legs; that I didn't have a change of clothes with me; that suede is damn hard to clean up; and that unless Ray had a stash of spare outfits, I'd end up arriving on L4 wearing a pair of imitation-leather pants with my ass hanging out.

Not the best idea when I was supposed to be inconspicuous.

'No?' Both of his hands stilled, waiting for my answer.

'Not now,' I said reluctantly. 'I'm sorry.' I wasn't quite sure who I was apologising to; him or me.

'No, you're right. We shouldn't be rushing this.' Instead of moving his hand, however, he lit it rest lightly on my hip for just long enough that I could imagine the imprint of his fingers on my skin. 'We still have a lot of things to discuss, haven't we?' Damn, he sounded like he was talking to one of his clients about a court case, except that his hand had slid around my waist to squeeze my ass, and then slid down my thigh, and he shifted slightly so he was crouching in front of me.

His fingers slipped under the leg of my jeans and moved gently upwards, skimming the hairs on my leg and tickling that super-sensitive little hollow just behind my knee, making knot my fingers in his hair, and force myself to remember that breathing is a necessary thing that requires a small amount of conscious effort. 'Aha!' His hand slid lower and he produced the knife I'd had strapped to my right ankle. 'I knew you'd have one of these on you. Some things never change, do they?'

My knife clattered on to the floor, right beside the other little goodies he'd managed to sneak off my person. Shit! I couldn't believe he'd done that without me noticing. Well, I could actually. I was the one who'd taught him the first principle of pick-pocketing; always distract the living shit out of your chosen victim before moving in for the kill.

'What the _fuck_?' I demanded. 'All that was so you could strip search me?'

'Of course not,' Heero smirked up at me. 'That was simply an added bonus.' He captured the hand that I'd clenched into a fist, carefully unfurling the fingers. 'If you're going to hit me, maybe you could aim for one of the few places where you haven't already tasered me?' His hands slid up my sides as he stood and pulled me into his arms. 'Aren't you proud of me? I still remember everything you taught me.'

'I still can't believe you did that! What if I need to defend myself?' Damn. It was hard to stay angry with him when he was holding me like that. Asshole. He'd lifted my right hand to his mouth and was indulging the open palm with little dabs of his tongue. Very distracting.

'You won't,' Heero said firmly. 'The only remote danger is that something goes wrong and you're pulled in by some Preventer squad. In which case, I'd rather you weren't carrying enough illegal weaponry to start your own revolution.' He dropped my hand and kissed me hard enough to take my breath away. 'We do this on my terms, Maxwell. OK?'

'And if I say no?'

'Then I'm going to lock us both into the cabin and ravish you until Steph takes off again.'

'Oh.' That would be... Mind-blowingly crazy awesome? 'Fine. No weapons.' Well, not those anyway. 'You know, you could have just asked me.'

'But this way was so much more enjoyable,' his eyes gleamed. 'And you could have just asked me to come with you to L4, you know.'

'Not that again,' I groaned. 'OK, point taken. But you're only going to get so much more mileage out of that one before the guilt-trip gets old. And you'll have to protect me from any rabid Preventer agents.'

'Accepted. Incidentally, is there something I should know about your horizons having broadened a great deal in the past sic years?' He threw me a quizzical glance and produced those handcuffs that Steph had given me. Prettily trimmed with violet fur.

'Oh, those. Steph gave them to me earlier.' I couldn't help laughing. 'I _think_ she was joking. And she offered a discount on anything we fancied.'

'Really? And have you seen anything you….fancy?' His blue eyes sparkled, teasing. Damn, but he's always had so much more self-control that I have.

'Maybe.'

God, but it was impossible, not to reach up and smooth his dishevelled hair, feeling it slide through my fingers as it fell back in exactly the same position.

'I ... thought we were going to stop this,' Heero said raggedly.

'We will,' I scattered tiny, biting kisses along his jaw line. 'In just one tiny little minute.' I'd missed this so much; missed the way his breath hitched when I swiped my tongue down the side of his neck, and grazed his collarbone with my teeth; missed his hands threading through my hair, which had somehow not only worked its way out from my shirt, but half-escaped from its braid. The kiss started off slowly; I nibbled his bottom lip, and then suckled it gently, before flicking my tongue inside, to twine around his in a delicate, deliberate dance.

'Sweetheart, I know this our third date, and I'm not sure what's officially permitted, but either we have to stop now, or else find we need to find somewhere more private.'

'I know.' Fuck. He was right. Trowa - or the others - could walk past and get an eyeful. But for a minute there, I wouldn't have cared if they'd been standing in front of us taking pictures and making notes.

There was an awkward pause when we both tried hard to get our breathing - and everything else - under control.

Heero broke it eventually, suggesting in a not-quite-steady voice that, as we would be landing shortly, we probably should talk to Trowa about whether he'd made transport arrangements for when we arrived.


	43. Finding Sandrock

Note - Apologies for the delay in updating. This one was a nightmare to write, and is dedicated to Kaeru Shisho, with many, many thanks for providing support, suggestions, lots of lovely reading material while I was utterly blocked, and some delicious goodies!

**Finding Sandrock:**

It was nearly two years since I'd been to L4. 'Fei and I had visited all the time before then, and then Quat began to dabble in politics, and preferred not to consort too openly with a couple of gay mass-murderers. It felt really odd being back; it would have even without all the hoo-ha surrounding Quatre's disappearance.

The grey light of early morning was already starting to show a pale apricot blush as we drove away the dock; some engineer's idea of a perfect sunrise. Not quite six am, not yet warm enough to need car's air con-system, but we would soon. One of the things I hate about this colony is how they've made the air so artificially warm during the day so that the only way to survive in any comfort is to have everything indoors air-conditioned. I was going to expire in my cashmere and suede once the heat really kicked in.

Tro was concentrating on driving through the traffic; anywhere else, it would have been people going home after a late night on the tiles, but on L4 work starts early. Heero, in the back, had Trowa's laptop balanced on his knee - no idea what he was doing; probably not playing solitaire, anyway - and I was keying contact numbers into the 'phone Steph had lent me on condition that I'd replace it with a brand-new model if anything happened to it, and looking out of the window, watching the first skyscrapers appear as we got closer to the city.

'Tro?' I asked suddenly, reminding of something. 'Those Winner buildings that got blown up. Does anyone know yet what exactly happened.'

'Not yet,' It was Heero who answered. 'Noin was sending in teams to investigate; I don't think they've had the opportunity to analyse any findings yet.'

'Right,' I twisted my head to smile back at him; it just seemed so natural to have him there, happily occupied in his own little laptop-land. Like we'd somehow travelled back in time.

'Can you put on the radio, Duo?' Heero smiled back at me. 'See if you can find a local news channel? Or a current affairs talk show?'

'Sure. What's up?'

'I've been looking at some websites for the local media.' Oh, OK, he hadn't been playing games then. 'There are all sorts of wild theories flying around concerning what may have happened to Quatre. The favourite seems to be that the ESUN is somehow behind it, and that the Preventer investigation will only be a cover-up.'

'That's ridiculous,' Trowa announced. 'I can't believe the media is reporting such nonsense.'

'They will if it's a big enough story,' Heero told us. 'Apparently, there are demonstrations organised for today all over L4, and it may spread to the other Colonies; there are pro-independence groups on all of them, who'll seize any excuse for media coverage.'

'Maybe it's not all that absurd,' I swivelled around in my seat to look at Heero, the hunt for radio channels forgotten. 'Quat's not the most popular guy on Earth, is he? I mean, he's been lobbying for more independence for the Colonies for over a year now. Maybe they got sick of him stirring things up.'

'Of course they didn't, Duo; the ESUN doesn't operate like that. You know Relena would never countenance anything like that.'

'Maybe she doesn't know. It's not like she's Queen of the World anymore, is it? She's just another Head of State. There's probably all sorts of dodgy groups in the ESUN running things behind the scenes.'

Heero sighed. 'I think you've been reading far too many thrillers, my love. Now, the radio, please? I'd like to hear what's being said on air.'

'OK,' I flicked it on, feeling a silly little glow at the endearment he'd used, and the world suddenly whirled out of focus.

'….still no exact details as yet,' the newsreader was saying, 'of the shuttle which exploded just before docking. No information has been released, but it is believed that the shuttle had taken off from Florence, Italy and….'

'Duo!' Heero was saying urgently. 'Duo, it's all right. It can't have been them. Duo!'

'What?' I blinked up at him, not quite able to focus. Tro had pulled the car over, and was leaning over his seat to look at me, and somehow I had teleported from the front seat to the back, and was now slumped against Heero, with his arm around my shoulders. ''Ro, 'Fei and Zechs…they were flying here from Florence.'

'It wasn't them,' he said gently. 'It couldn't have been; there's no way they could have got here this fast. It's OK. Everything's OK.'

'Oh.' Of course, he was right. We'd only been on L4 an hour; there was no way they could have caught up so fast.

'Shush, love,' he murmured. 'Just breathe, all right?'

'It was a Preventers shuttle.' Trowa said quietly. 'They're saying it was some sort of engine malfunction.'

'On a Preventers ship?' Heero wondered. 'With their safety standards, that seems…rather unlikely.' They exchanged glances over my head. 'Noin told me there was a forensics team flying out from Florence; they'd been finishing a case on Earth so they couldn't go with the others. I think I knew some of them.'

'I'm sorry, 'Ro,' I fumbled to take his hand in mine, squeezing gently.

'We'd better move,' Trowa said finally. 'I'm not supposed to be parked here; the last thing we need is some local cop booking us for traffic violations.'

'I didn't know if you still had those attacks or not,' Heero murmured, low enough for Trowa not to hear.

'Apparently,' Trowa commented dryly from the front. Damn, he's always had hearing like a bat.

'Sometimes.' Damn. They'd actually happened too often lately, something I really preferred not to have to think about. I hadn't had one for months until that fight with Ben a few weeks ago; some of the things he'd said to me. That hadn't been a terribly bad attack, as they go. I'd known it was coming; I'd had enough time to pull over and try the deep breathing thing.

I'd known it was coming; I'd had enough time to pull over and try the deep breathing thing. I can usually deal with the panic attacks myself, if they're not too serious; I've always had them to some extent.

Actual blackouts are rare, thankfully. Until all of this happened, I hadn't had one in a year. I'd started driving again; even thought that maybe, if they were really over, I might be able to pilot again one day.

Then I'd had two in the space of a week, both serious. The time with Adam, in the garage at Steel; I still had no exact memory of what I'd done. It really scares the hell out of me when that happens. I'd been out over ten minutes, according to Wufei. That's a fairly long time to lose out of your life, especially when you use it to half-kill a guy, and then punch out one of your best friends..

The second episode, after Quatre's 'phone call, had been the absolute worst. Bad enough that Wufei had given me some sort of sedatives; enough to calm me down, not enough to stop me having nightmares about Heero self-destructing.

I rested my head on Heero's chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart, trying to slow mine down. He'd always been able to talk me out of them, better than anyone. The simple fact of his presence, now, was managing to pull me back to normal.

'You don't want to know how much time and money I've wasted on therapy and I still get them. My therapist says it happens when I get emotionally stressed.' I took a deep breath, trying to hold it for as long as possible and exhaled slowly. 'Stupid PTSD. How long was I out this time?'

'Just a minute. You came to once you heard my voice. '

Some things never change, do they?

'Oh.' Damn, but he felt good. It felt safe. It would have been nice to stay like that for ever; I wrestled that particular temptation back into the box and dialled Wufei instead.

Wufei's cellphone was engaged; Zechs picked up his after the first ring.

'Zechsy? It's me. I just heard about that shuttle accident. Is 'Fei there?'

'I know. We've just been talking to Noin,' he sounded slightly distracted. 'Wufei's trying to find an alternative place to land; they've closed the main shuttle port. I don't think it was an accident, but they're trying to cover it up right now, given the situation on L4.'

'Yeah,' I sighed. 'We've been listening to the news. It's pretty crazy here.'

'Ah, you haven't spent the whole flight snuggled up to Heero then?'

'Actually no,' I retorted, which was perfectly true. Not the _whole_ flight, anyway. Just a fairly significant chunk of it. I was glad he couldn't see my blush anyway, very glad that I hadn't pressed the speaker function and Heero hadn't heard.

'You mean he hasn't made a move, yet? Do you want me to talk to him; maybe give him a few pointers?'

'No, thank you,' I muttered. Heero definitely didn't need any pointers. He never had. Setting the pace would be totally up to me, I'd known that. And that he wouldn't do anything until I was very clear what I wanted. Oh, he'd gone along with my teasing up to a point, but there was a line he wouldn't cross until I'd issue the official invitation.

I could rationalise, now, of all kinds of arguments against sleeping together so soon, but on the shuttle, I knew the reason we hadn't gone further than we had was because he'd stopped.

'He's there with you, isn't he?' Zechs crowed, loving every minute of this. 'You seriously haven't slept with him yet? Christ, Maxwell, I've never met anyone like you for complicating things. Heero's gorgeous, and he's crazy about you. Can't you just enjoy that without worrying?'

'Oh, shut up, Merquise. It's nothing to do with you. And my life would be a lot less complicated if your boyfriend didn't keep trying to run it.'

'Maybe it would help if you didn't let him?' he suggested.

'I actually called to talk to 'Fei, not you. How is he?'

'He should be with you in a minute,' He lowered his voice slightly. 'He's fine; he's calmed down a little bit. Don't take what he said earlier too much to heart. He's just worried about you, and he's scared that you're mad at him for what he said.' His voice dropped a little more, enough that I had to strain to hear. 'You're important to him, Duo, you do realise that, don't you? He's just scared he's going to lose you.'

'Of course he's not going to lose me. He's my best friend.' I mumbled, all too aware of Heero's arm around my shoulders. 'Nothing's ever going to change that.'

'Good. OK, here he is.'

'Duo? Is everything all right? I'm sorry about earlier.'

'No, I'm sorry,' I grinned idiotically into the 'phone. Wufei was safe, and we weren't fighting any more. Sheer relief. 'I shouldn't have hung up on you.'

'Typical Maxwell response,' he teased. 'Run and hide. You heard about the shuttle blast, didn't you? We're being diverted to another port, but we should be with you by lunch time at the latest. We'll come and pick you up, and we can head straight back home.'

There was a pause. 'Is that all right?'

'I guess.' OK, it wasn't perfect, but Trowa was determined to stay here, and Heero had pretty much said he'd stay with Tro, at least for a couple of days, and ….'This was all pretty stupid of me, wasn't it? I've just been worried about Quat and then I guessed what Tro was up to and just felt I had to do something. Maybe not the smartest thing I've ever done, huh?'

'Possibly,' Wufei said dryly, 'but then you have done some incredibly stupid things. Duo, I'd better go; I'll see you soon. Take care.'

'You too.'

'Is everything OK?' Heero asked quietly.

'I think so. I'll be going back to Earth with them.'

'That's probably for the best. I'm sorry, Duo, but it's the sensible thing to do.'

_Sensible, yeah. _

'What's going to happen? You're staying, aren't you?'

'For a few days.' His arm tightened around me. 'If you don't mind? I'll be able to keep you updated on what's going on, and I'll be here in case Trowa needs me.'

_In case anyone tried to finger Tro as a suspect again, he meant. It was possible that Trowa might need a friendly lawyer close by, plus Heero has all sorts of connections. It made perfect sense. That didn't' mean I had to like it. We'd be on opposite sides of the world for an indefinite period of time, with nothing really resolved between us._

'And then what happens? When you get back to Earth?'

'It might be nice to have a date that doesn't get interrupted, for a start.' He grinned at me. 'And I think we need to sit down and talk things out, don't you? Decide what we both want?'

I tried to smile back, but it was hard. Of course, he was right; that was exactly what we needed to do. Talk and make sensible, mature, adult decisions about our respective futures and what we both wanted.

I didn't know when I'd get to see him again, even if he did come straight back to Earth. It wasn't like I'd be able to share his house on a 'friend' basis again; to go back to sleeping in his guest room, and making polite conversation over the breakfast table - not when my mouth and skin and every nerve ending I possessed were clamouring to be touched by him.

I wasn't sure where that left us. Nowhere I particularly liked. The thought of staying with Wufei and Zechs, and meeting Heero whenever he had some time to spare from his job didn't sound very appealing. My reality for the immediate future was a court case, engineered by my closest friend. That prospect kept looming up in unguarded moments and wasn't pretty.

'Oh, Duo,' I was suddenly wrapped in an embrace that threatened to crush my bones as well as several major organs. 'Don't look like that. Please. I meant everything I said earlier, I swear. I want to be with you just tell me what you want.'

_What I wanted. Sure. Right after I figured out exactly what in hell that was.. _

Well, that was the vital question, wasn't it? Reluctantly, I had to agree that he'd been right about one thing; we did need space and time just to sit down together and talk this whole thing through. Letting him sweep me off my feet probably wasn't going to solve anything in the long run, tempting and all though it might be.

'If you could tear your hands off him for one second, Heero, we're here.'

One brief look at Heero and I knew we both had the same thought; how unlikely a place this was for Quatre to be. Sure, he'd stayed in some pretty squalid safe houses during the War, but since then, it had been glittering skyscrapers and marble mansions all the way.

It was hard to envisage him in a place like this. Towering apartment blocks that shut out the sky; some were plainly still under construction, but others looked like they'd been abandoned half-finished, and others looked like they were falling down, surrounded by rubble. Building companies get some sort of grants on L4 for providing low-income housing; the trouble is, the money's paid out before the buildings are completed, so half the time, they're just abandoned while the construction firm moves on to an urgent new project. Quote, unquote.

'Right,' Trowa unfolded his long legs and stood. 'According to Noin, Quatre's email originated from that building over there.' He pointed. 'I'll check it. Duo, can you wander around and maybe talk to some locals. See if anyone's seen anything.'

'I'll go with you,' Heero announced instantly as Trowa walked away.

Oh-kay. No way was that going to work. He'd taken undercover missions when he'd been a Preventer, but that had been years ago. No one would ever take him for a causal bystander anymore; he had law enforcement stamped all over him.

I looked at him, trying to think of a polite way to tell him he'd stick out a mile, and decided just to say it.

'Sorry, 'Ro. You'd stick out too much,' I gave him an apologetic little smile. 'You just look way too - official.'

'I do not!'

'Trust me, you do.' He'd gone for the 'smart casual' look for our date; a duck-egg blue shirt that set off his eyes perfectly, and darker pants. Miraculously, he still looked as neat and pressed as when he'd picked me up from the Sanque Embassy the day before.

I was more on the 'ratty and rumpled' side; my snazzy cashmere and suede designer clothes hadn't coped up too well with snuggling up to Heero, not to mention lying on the floor of Steph's cabin, but that would fit in OK with my image of bored, well-heeled tourist looking for some fun on the wrong side of the tracks before going back to some fancy hotel for breakfast.

Heero couldn't have looked more like a Preventer than if he'd had a flashing neon halo announcing the fact. 'Maybe you could stay here and guard the car?'

He shot me a withering look that told me exactly what he thought of that suggestion. 'You can't just go off by yourself. You're not even wearing a wire! What if something goes wrong?'

'Heero, _chill_. Nothing's going to happen. I'll call if I need back-up. Hell, I won't be going far; you'll probably hear me if I raise my voice.'

He gave me a look that was on the disgruntled side of indecisive.

'Trust me, babe, OK?'

He grimaced at the name; he'd always hated me calling him that. No one was watching us, so I reached over and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. 'I'll be fine. Don't worry.'

'Hn.'

God, I seriously couldn't imagine Quatre Winner somewhere like this. He contributed huge amounts to charity but he'd probably never visited places like this in person to see just how less fortunate mortals had to live. Sure, we'd stayed in all kinds of shitty places during the War, but since then it had all been boardrooms and ballrooms for him.

OK, deep breath, Maxwell. Quat was tough; way tougher than he looked. He'd be all right.

There weren't that many people around, that early in the morning; a couple of guys hanging around, elaborately casual, and trying to melt into the landscape, whom I straightaway pegged as the Preventers Noin had assigned to keep a watch. Otherwise, an elderly couple were opening up a café; a few people were straggling off to a bus stop. All busy and probably wouldn't appreciate being asked a few simple questions by a perfect stranger.

I tried, anyway. I bought a cup of tea at the just-opened café; helped a young woman life her baby-stroller over some rough pavement, bought a newspaper from a street-vendor. I tried to open a conversation with every single one of them, did my best to charm the hell out of them, and not one little fishy was biting.

It looked like every last person in this neighbourhood had been afflicted with chronic blindness in the past twenty-four hours. What I needed someone who was just hanging around, watching the traffic; someone who needed a cash injection.

Eureka!

There were four of them in a straggly, loose knot at one corner; two boys in their mid teens and two younger girls. The girls melted away behind the crumbling stonework as I approached; the older boy struck a pose that made the most of too-tight jeans and a fitted mesh top and shook back his shoulder-length red hair. Probably supposed to be provocative.

'How's business?'

'You buyin'?'

'Maybe. How much?'

The boys both looked me over, taking in the Italian designer clothes, and exchanged glances. The redhead suggested a price that made me raise my eyebrows. 'For that, you get me for one hour. And nothing too weird.'

'You must be joking! For that, I'd expect both of you for the full day. And anything I wanted.' I flicked my braid over one shoulder, trying hard to sound nonchalant.

Fuck. If I even started to think about what I was saying to these kids, I'd start to fall apart. 'And I mean, _anything_.'

They swapped glances; the red haired guy giving his buddy a vaguely perceptible nod. Good, they were desperate enough to consider it, to talk about the things no one else apparently was going to. And that might just mean they were desperate enough to peddle some information. 'We can .. maybe come to some agreement. Special deal for our first customer. I'm Nathan, this is Ali if you're interested. What's your best price?'

'We'll talk about that in just a minute. What I'm really interested in right now is some information. I think a friend of mine might have been here yesterday; blonde guy, my age, bit shorter than me. Think you might have seen him?' I tapped the wallet in my hip pocket with one finger. 'I'll be happy to pay for it.'

The kid's eyes glanced furtively over my shoulder, towards one of the - ahem! - undercover Preventers. God, wouldn't that make things perfect? If I got arrested for soliciting sex with underage kids?

'You're with those guys?'

I snorted, hiding a grin. So much for their attempts to blend in with the locals. 'Do me a favour! You think they could stick out more if they really tried? Know what they're looking for?'

'Dunno.' Two identical, ostentatious shrugs. 'They were asking all sortsa questions, before you came. Lookin' for some guy.'

'Must be an important guy, huh? You know what he did?'

'Screw this,' Ali said suddenly, jumping up. 'I'm not getting into this shit. Nat, it's your ass if anyone finds out you talked. I'm heading over to the bathhouse. Might pick up some trade there.'

Nathan shivered slightly; I didn't blame him, if bathhouses here were anything like they'd been on L2. I'd never been into one; they cost money or favours and Solo'd never allowed it, but I'd heard stuff. We used to hang around outside sometimes, waiting for the guys to come out all scrubbed and shiny and mellow; easy marks for pick-pocketing. 'How much will you pay?'

'Enough to get your little sisters some new clothes. And a few good meals. Maybe a place to stay for a while?'

He gave me a terse little duck of his chin. Poor sod. Just a kid trying to survive, and look after his sisters.

'You saw something, didn't you?'

Another reluctant nod.

'You saw him? My friend?'

'Nah.' He shook his head, red hair falling over his face, and brushed it back with one hand, twisting a few hairs around one finger. The exact same as the little nervous gesture I've never managed to break. 'There's this guy. Kyle. He stands here mostly. He's a mate, you know? Lets us stay in his place sometimes when he's working.'

'I know.'

'Sure you do,' he said sarcastically. 'I saw him yesterday, just for a sec. He was talking about some guy he'd meant. Sounded like your friend. Blond. Good-lucking, yeah?'

I nodded, trying to work out how the hell Quatre Winner had got himself into this.

'Kyle said he was real cute.' He suddenly realised he was playing with his hair, thrust both hands into his pockets. 'They _killed_ him.'

Shit._ Shit_. 'My friend? Someone killed him?'

Nathan, thank God, shook his head firmly. 'Nah. Kyle,' he dashed one hand across his eyes, daring me to comment. 'I think your friend was OK. He sounded pretty tough; from what Kyle was saying. He was talking about this blond guy who'd knifed Harry Mitchell. He's this big guy who hangs around - hung - and pimps for some of the guys.'

Oh fuck. My mind was swirling in all sorts of weird places; Quatre abducted by shadowy forces within the ESUN or alternatively running around the L4 slum districts killing people.

'What happened, Nat? What did you see?' It took a huge effort to remain calm, not to grab the kid and physically shake him until the truth came out. All those meditation sessions with 'Fei were obviously paying off.

He haltingly told me the rest of the wretched facts, not much but enough. I didn't think he was faking; it's hard to fake shock like that. He'd seen his friend shot down in the street by a group of men who'd moved in military formation. They'd gone into the building where Kyle lived and emerged later with a body slung over one of their shoulders. Hiding in the shadows with his little sisters and desperately trying to keep them quiet, Nat hadn't been able to see anything else.

He'd thought the person was alive though; just because they'd been carrying him carefully.

The word had gone around, later, that nothing had happened; that no one had seen anything. Nat hadn't elaborated on that; he hadn't needed to. I'd grown up in places like this. I knew how fast information could travel.

'That's all I know. I swear.' Nat licked his lips nervously. 'You wanna find a place now? I'll give you a good price.'

'Not now.' I took out my wallet, peeled off a wad of notes that made his eyes widen. 'Why don't you take your sisters and get them some breakfast? Whatever that café has cooking smells good.'

He nodded; not quite sure how to handle this situation; not quite sure he trusted this much good fortune would come without some sort of catch. It wouldn't, of course. He'd told me way too much. I wasn't sure if he'd been that desperate for cash, or if he just wanted to talk about what had happened to his friend.

'Listen. Those new faces hanging around this morning? They're the good guys. They'll help you, if you tell them what you just told me.'

'The good guys?' he scoffed. 'How would I know one of them?'

'Ask to see the badge. If they're genuine, there'll be this little hologram of a dove. Like a picture in silver.' Well, there would be if they were either genuine Preventers, or if they knew the same forgers Heero apparently did. 'If they're not - '

'Shit, man, I know what to do if they're not.' Nat looked at me as if I were an idiot and then disappeared in the direction his sisters had taken.

I had to take a couple of deep breaths before taking out my cellphone.

'Heero? It's me, no, I'm fine. Listen, I need you to call Noin and ask a favour. There're three kids here and they saw something, but they're scared to say too much. Can you get her agents to pick them up and bring them somewhere safe? Yeah, and make sure to tell them to ID themselves as Preventers, not clients. It's a boy of about fourteen and two little girls, all with red hair. They're hanging around outside one of the derelict houses near the apartment. They'll need a good meal and someone to look after them a bit. Listen, I'll meet at the entrance to that building, OK?'

I hung up and called Trowa, giving him directions to where Nat had said Kyle lived.

'We'll meet you there in a sec. I think Quat was there last night.'

Once inside the building, I headed for the stairs; Heero for the elevators. That made me smile; he's so innocent sometimes about things.

'I wouldn't do that if I were you, 'Ro. It won't be working in a place like this, and you probably don't want to know what the locals use it for instead.' Yeah, an over-crowded building, probably not much of a water supply, or basic hygiene facilities. The elevator was bound to be…unpleasant.

'What are you talking about?' The elevator doors swung open and he gave me an odd look. 'It's fine. The janitor must have just been here.'

Yeah; places like this have maintenance staff; I don't think so. I actually took a step back; it was that freaky. It was clean. Not even a scrawl of graffiti on the walls, let alone anything else. The air was still heavy with the smell of some sort of cleaning product.

'I think we'll walk up.'

'Seven floors?' He lifted an eyebrow. 'What's wrong? What did you find out?'

'I'll tell you when we meet Tro. There's something weird about this. Look, can we just take the stairs and I'll tell you when we get upstairs. Race you to the top?'

I beat him, just about, but only because I'd cheated, taking off while he was still poised to step into the elevator. The interesting thing was that we must have made a lot of noise, clattering up those flights of stairs, but not one person looked out to see what was happening.

Kyle's room, like I'd expected, had been given the same ruthless sanitation routine. On top of that, it was totally empty.

Trowa was slumped against the door frame.

'What boy?' Trowa stood up straight. 'Duo, what's going on? Who told you about this room?'

'Just listen, OK?' They did, letting me tell the whole sordid little story. They both looked ready to commit murder when I'd finished.

'He must have given you the wrong directions' Heero said. 'This can't be the right place; there's no one even living in here.'

'No, this is it,' Trowa said definitely. 'You're not going to get empty rooms in an overcrowded place like this. Even if someone moved out of this place, someone else would take it over straightaway, and they sure wouldn't bother to give a good scrub first.'

I looked over at Trowa. 'You didn't check the elevator, did you? That's been all cleaned up as well. Guess someone's got something to hide, huh?'

'Looks like they did a thorough job,' Tro commented. One hand swept the bangs away from his forehead. 'What the _fuck_ is going on with all of this? If we'd got here earlier, of those damn Preventers had done their job properly…_fuck_!'

'If Quat were really here, he might have left some sort of a sign,' I suggested. 'Come on, this is Quatre Winner we're talking about. If he knew he was being chased, and he must have known they were after him, and that someone would trace the signal from his email, he'd try to--

'Yes,' I could see the first tendril of hope stirring in Trowa's eyes, the idea that maybe we could salvage something from all of this. 'He'd do that. There must be something…'

We divided up the room between us, with me getting the door and its frame. In truth, there wasn't a lot to search; shabby walls, torn linoleum on the floor. I could see Heero didn't think much of the idea, that he was playing along to humour us both.

Maybe he was right. Damn. I didn't know what I was even expecting. A nice little carving saying _Quatre Raberba Winner was here, April 2nd 203? QRW heart TB?_ Yeah, sure. Then I saw it.

'Shit! What's--?'

_No… yes, it was a little doodle of Sandrock's crossed blades…._

'I've got it. It's Sandrock!'

'What?' Heero actually glanced toward the door, as if a Gundam might suddenly materialise there.

'Here! Look, it's Quatre's little drawing of Sandrock.'

'Duo, it's just an imperfection in the wood. That's all.'

I snorted. 'This isn't wood, 'Ro. It's some sort of crappy imitation; no grain. It's Sandrock; that little doodle Quat does all the time.'

'He's right,' Trowa elbowed Heero out of the way. 'He's always having to get documents recopied because he draws on them. He was here. We need to call Preventers now. We've got proof.'

'It's an official crime scene,' I agreed. 'They'll need to seal it off, talk to everyone. Shit. Quat was brought up here by the guy who lives here. They would have taken the stairs. A forensics team might be able to find something else.'

'Duo…'Heero was looking at me as if I'd lost it. 'We can't seal off an entire building full of people. The Preventers already talked to them.'

'This building is full of immigrants; there's no way the illegal ones want to talk to the authorities, even the ones with some sort of permits know how easy they can be deported. They're not going to volunteer information for nothing, not if they think they'll get into trouble. You need a full scale investigative team here, and they'll need to lean on people. Heero, either you call Noin now or one of us will.'

'Fine.' He took out his cellphone. 'I'll do it.'

'Thanks, babe,' I flashed him a quick grin as I reached over to press the speaker function as he dialled. No point only getting one side of a conversation.

'Noin? Yuy here. We have a new development.' He started to fill her in, with me prompting, then stopped suddenly gesturing me to stop talking. 'Lucrezia, I think it's time we stopped this masquerade. We both know Duo's here with me. I need his presence on L4 sanctioned.

'Yes, I know you don't have that authority. Commander Une does. I need you to get her to authorise a statement saying that Duo's indispensable to this investigation. From her, that will override the court documents.'

'Heero, you know I can't do something like that.'

'Yes, you can. Duo's only been on L4 a couple of hours, he's already found three possible eye-witnesses, he's located the room where Quatre was being held, and he's found a clue that Quatre left. All of which your agents missed or ignored. In addition, he's Winner's closest friend. Now I need you to contact Une straightaway; if there's a problem, tell her to call me. Also, Duo's going to need some sort of authority to issue orders. Right, I'll talk to you later.'

'You really think Une's going to agree to any of that?' He nodded. 'You know, you could have just done that hours ago and made things a lot easier.'

'I was trying to keep you out of it,' he said tersely.

'Asshole,' I muttered.

'Baka,' he retorted.

'So … what does 'reasonable authority' mean, anyway? That I get to boss everyone around?'

'No!' He looked like he seriously regretted having said that. 'It means…..you have the authority to make _reasonable _requests of Noin's agents, _if_ you believe they're necessary.'

'You do realise that there are many ways to define _reasonable_, don't you?'

Heero raised his eyes to Heaven. 'Behave yourself, Maxwell.'

'Or what? You'll give me a spanking?' I stuck my tongue out at him, grinning.

'God, don't tempt me! And don't stick that out unless you're prepared to use it.'

'I might be.' Trowa's back was to us, studying the little drawing of Sandrock like it was the Mona Lisa or something. The building was going to be a hornet's nest of Preventer agents in the very near future, so it seemed a pity to waste that little bit of privacy.


	44. Communication

Disclaimer - not mine. Not for profit.

Note - this one just kept getting bigger and bigger so I made an executive decision to chop it in half... The second part will be posted in the next couple of days….

**Communication:**

I think we'd all expected to stay at the apartment block once the Preventer investigation squad arrived, but it was made very clear that we weren't welcome. Having already goofed up once, the team of agents in place weren't going to let anything go wrong this time, like casual civilians hanging around and getting under their feet. Apparently, we'd already contaminated their pristine crime scene, regardless of the fact that they wouldn't even have _had_ a crime scene to investigate, if it hadn't been for our efforts.

We ended up being driven to the main Preventers HQ in the city, at Noin's request. Some hotshot profiler guy was being flown in from L1 to help with the investigation; he was going to need to talk to Tro, and Heero wanted to be present. I'd been assured the kids would be picked up and brought there as well, but, judging by the Preventers' performance so far, I wasn't quite sure how much faith I had in their ability to accomplish even that task.

Really, I just wanted to get the kids off the streets for a bit.

The mood in the building was very definitely subdued. Twelve agents, plus the flight crew, had died on the shuttle, and it was now being treated as a deliberate act of terrorism.. Plus I assumed heads were going to roll all around the place over the botched investigation.

I had visions of Une sharpening her own personal guillotine in readiness for that. Of course, mine was probably the first head she'd like to see getting neatly chopped off. That irritating Maxwell appearing out of the woodwork and causing trouble as usual.

Heero had gone to call her, leaving Trowa and me to kick our heels in someone's empty office. Tro'd stayed with me for approximately two seconds, and then taken off, ostensibly to find a coffee machine, but I had a pretty shrewd idea he'd end up doing a little information-gathering en route. I'd promised Heero to stay put and not attract attention, until he could persuade Une to let me stay, officially.

Good luck to him on that one. Noin's attempt to convince her that I would be a valuable and useful part of the investigation had failed dismally, from what I'd gathered from a one-sided telephone call to Heero. He'd immediately taken himself off in full mission mode, so I didn't think Une had much of a chance….

'You want a coffee?' Trowa strolled back holding two insulated cups. 'Noin's had a report in from the forensics guys. The knife used for the little Sandrock carving exactly matches the incisions on a corpse they found in a dumpster, just around the corner from the apartment.'

'That must be guy Nat told me about!' I said excitedly.

'Apparently.' Trowa took a long swallow of coffee and sat back in his chair. 'The body's already been partly eaten away by animals, but there were clear knife cuts to the bone.'

I shivered, trying to imagine Quatre stabbing someone; stabbing someone with that much force, and remembering what Nat had told me.

_He was talking about this blond guy who'd knifed Harry Mitchell. He's this big guy who hangs around - hung - and pimps for some of the guys._

Oh, God. Two guesses for what he'd tried to do to Quat.

They also found bloodstains on the stairwell that match Quatre's. You were right about him having walked up the stairs, Duo. Rather a large quantity of blood, actually. He was hurt badly.'

'He was well enough to defend himself,' I said firmly. 'And to walk up several flights of stairs. They've accomplished all that so soon?'

Tro nodded. 'They're trying to make up for screwing up initially.' He picked up his cup, frowning into the depths. 'Incompetent idiots. If they'd done their jobs properly in the first place, we could be hours closer to finding him.'

'Yeah. Is it just me, or is it weird that they made such a colossal screw-up? I mean, it was basically their only lead, and they might as well have ignored it for all the use it was.'

'Apparently,' he used the word with a heavy layer of bitterness, 'they acted according to their instructions, which were to conduct a perfunctory search of the area, and to carry out a brief door-to-door investigation. And there was a definite impression that even that much was a waste of time and resources.'

'That's stupid. They _had_ evidence Quat was there, they had that email he sent you and the exact co-ordinates he'd sent it from.'

'What they had,' Trowa said crisply, 'was a message written in some sort of code, from an unidentified email address. There was no real proof that it was from Quatre; only the fact that I claimed it was, and I'm a suspect.'

'I thought you were off the hook?'

He shrugged, withdrawing behind his hair. 'Am I? I'm still the most obvious suspect, I suppose. They're flying in that profiler to speak to me, after all.'

'No one's ever going to believe you'd hurt Quatre!'

'Won't they? They might be more inclined to believe it given that Quatre's sisters and most of our household staff will be falling over each other to testify to the fact that we had been having a series of escalating fights, culminating in me leaving over his decision to marry a girl and begin a normal life that would please his family.'

'But I thought they didn't even want to admit Quat was gay!'

'They don't. But they're perfectly happy to state that their innocent, misguided little brother was seduced and corrupted by me at a particularly vulnerable time in his life. That I'd been taking advantage of him for years, even driving him to attempt suicide a few weeks ago.'

'You don't really believe he was trying to kill himself, do you?'

'It wouldn't be the first time,' Trowa said coolly.

'That was different! It was just after the War; he was probably still suffering some sort of zero effects, and he just couldn't cope with all the stuff he'd done.' Still coming to terms with the fact that he'd almost killed Trowa was what I meant, but I delicately didn't say so. He'd know what I meant anyway. 'Besides, even if he'd really wanted to top himself, he would have done a proper job.'

Trowa's forehead - the little bit I could see behind his hair - creased into a frown. 'I did think at the start that he'd faked it to make me go back to him, but that apparently wasn't the case.'

'Of course he's going to want you back!' I put my hand over his and squeezed. 'It'll be OK, Tro. We'll find him and you two can sort this out.'

I wasn't prepared either for him to wrench himself free, or for the sheer fury in his voice.

'For fuck's sake, Maxwell! When are you going to come out of that convoluted fantasy world you've built you build for yourself, and start to face that thing called reality that the rest of us have to deal with?

'Everything is _not _going to be _OK_! Yes, I plan to find Quatre and dig him out of whatever mess he's managed to get himself into, but we are finished. As l've told you on several occasions now. Quatre, despite what you seem to believe, is actually less than perfect. Our relationship was a great deal less than perfect and it has been for some time now. And I'm sorry to screw up your happy fairytale ending, but I'm not going back to him because it would suit _your_ vision of how things should work out.'

'Trowa, I don't mean it like that….'

'Shut up, Duo. Do you seriously think I would have been with you if I'd still harboured any hope of getting back with Quatre? Did you think all that was just a game on my part?'

'No! Of course I didn't. But I thought we'd agreed to forget all that, that we'd just write it off as being a mistake.'

I started to stammer something more, but he just swept over me with a tsunami of words.

'That's what _you_ wanted, yes. What was I supposed to do, Duo? When you're with Heero, the whole bloody universe could explode around you and neither of you would even notice. What chance have I got against that? Telling you I was still interested wouldn't have achieved anything.'

'I'm sorry,' I whispered. 'I didn't know. I just thought - that you were lonely and missing Quat and I was a friend and - and convenient…

'Because it suited you to think that,' Trowa said bleakly. 'That's how low an opinion you have of me; that I'd want to date you as a consolation prize for Quatre?'

'No, it wasn't like that. I'd never imagined you'd be interested in me otherwise, not like that,' I swallowed. 'Come on, Tro, it's not like I could offer you half the stuff Quat was able to.'

Trowa stared at me. 'One of these days, Duo, you have got to take a long look at yourself in a mirror. Plus you're honest and open, instead of being devious and manipulative.' He retreated behind his hair, flushing slightly. 'You know what it is to lose the person you're in love with, you managed to cope, I thought maybe we'd be good together.' He gave me a long, considering look. 'In case you're wondering, no, I'm not in _love_ with you. But I've always believed you to be a close friend, and I thought that maybe we could be more than that.'

'You still love him, don't you?'

He nodded. 'What's that got to do with anything? You've never stopped loving Heero, have you? Despite everything? And you managed to make a life for yourself without him.'

'I never stopped missing him. Never.' God, this was bloody hard. 'It's easy to pretend, Tro,' I told him softly. 'Sure you can convince yourself it's over, you can date other guys, and all that shit. It doesn't help though. You can't just stop loving someone, no matter how much you want to. You can't just close off that bit of your heart, not when you've carved someone else's initials on it.' I gave him a rueful little smile.

'I don't know how to exist without him,' Trowa said softly.

He and Quat had met when they were fifteen. For both of them, it had been love at first sight. They'd hadn't had to stumble around each other for months - the way Heero and I had - wondering if there was even liking, let alone anything else, between them. They'd met, and walked straight into their own happy ending. But weren't those the ending shots of fairy tales?

'How the fuck did you manage to get over Heero?'

'You were there for a lot of it.' I shrugged, pulling my braid over one shoulder and running it through my fingers. 'You want advice, Tro? Look at all the shit I did after Heero and do the opposite. Nothing helps; not sex or drugs or drinking or any of that. Even if it helps for a bit, it just makes it worse in the end, when reality comes crashing in.' Another shrug.

It's always difficult, thinking back. Remembering. After I'd done the sex-drugs-rock'n'roll bit, I'd meekly gone along with whatever Wufei and Quat had suggested. Therapy, new hobbies, throwing myself into my studies. Keeping my mind so occupied that thoughts of Heero could only creep in at the most unguarded moments.

The thing that had most helped was Wufei, my solid, reliable, utterly dependable friend falling apart at the seams after he'd left Preventers, and losing the focus of _his_ life. He'd had a very private, personal breakdown; so classified he'd forbidden me to tell even Quat and Trowa what was going on. By the time he was starting to get his life back on track, I'd somehow managed to survive a few more months without Heero.

'I don't know, Tro, not really. I don't have any magic cure for any of this. If I had, I'd have taken it years ago.'

He nodded. 'It's OK. Just something I've got to get through on my own, isn't it?' He stood, shoving his chair back. 'I'd better go. I think Noin wanted to talk to me before we start the meeting.'

'Good luck.' I pushed my own chair away from the desk and faced him. 'Tro, I'm sorry. We're still friends, right?'

'Of course we are.' Hugging him was - slightly awkward. The last time we'd held each other was in Heero's house, and that had ended in total disaster. Since then, I'd been in Heero's arms and being held by Trowa felt wrong, somehow. Not quite the natural order of things.

It was a relief to have the room to myself for a few minutes before Heero came in.

'Duo? What's the matter?'

He was at my side in an instant, a worried expression on his face as I lifted my head off the desk. Probably for the best he hadn't walked in earlier and found me in Trowa's arms. No, I wasn't going to start thinking like that. Tro was my friend, whatever else he had, or hadn't been, and Heero would just have to deal with that.

'I'm really confused about all this stuff with Quatre and Tro, you know?' Especially the stuff about Trowa…. 'I mentioned Quat just now, and Tro said - he said there's no way they're going to get back together. As far as he's concerned, they're finished and…

'It's their choice, love,' Heero said softly.

'I know. It's just that they always seemed so perfect together; I mean, they met when they were kids, they've been together ever since.' They'd been part of the equation of my life for years; the shining couple that had made it, that had stayed together. 'I don't think either of them has ever looked at another guy since they were fifteen.'

'I don't think they've been happy for a long time. Maybe it's a good thing for them to take a break.' Heero came and sat on the desk in front of me, not quite touching. 'I have something for you.'

It was a little Preventers' badge, complete with silvery dove, wings outspread over their motto, and my name, neatly inscribed.

'No way! I'm not wearing that!'

'It's only a badge, Duo; you don't have to wear it. Just put it in your pocket or something. It doesn't mean anything.'

Right. Not to him, maybe. I have - issues with the Preventers. OK, specifically I have issues with Une. 'I'm not working for that bitch. Never again.'

Heero sighed. 'You're not working _for _her. You're officially seconded to Preventers as a temporary liaison to assist in an ongoing investigation. That's _all_.'

'You're twisting things 'round, 'Ro.' I glared at him. 'If I wear this damn badge, I report to Une, right?'

He nodded. Well, excuse me for not wanting to work for someone who tried to have me killed, _and_ threatened to blow up the Colonies.' Oh, yeah, and was responsible for Heero joining Preventers in the first place. In my more objective moments, I could sometimes recognise that Heero would have wanted to join anyway, or something similar, as a way of atoning for what he'd done during the War. But we might have been able to discuss it, to spend some time together first, if Une hadn't strong-armed him into it.

I looked at the badge Heero had pressed into my hand. After the War, I'd sworn, never again. I'd done my bit for universal peace and all the rest of it. I just wanted to get on with my life. I'd agreed to join Preventers because Heero had wanted it, and it had been a disaster.

'Fine,' he told me crisply. 'You can't have it both ways, Duo. If you stay on L4, you need some sort of official authorisation. That's it. If you refuse, you'll need to get back to Earth ASAP.'

Sensing that I was wavering, he leaned over, took the damn badge and tucked it carefully away in my back pocket, taking his time about it. 'It's no big deal, love; it's not like you're in uniform or anything,' He chuckled lightly. 'Although the new uniforms are pretty hot.'

'Tell me you're not having a man-in-uniform fantasy?' I grumbled back, not quite sure I wanted to be charmed into compliance.

Another laugh. 'More like a man out-of-uniform fantasy.'

'Oh, great. I have a boyfriend who finds Kevlar a turn-on.'

'Do you mean that?'

'Well, you just told me - oh!' I suddenly realised just what I'd actually said. Damn. I hate yes or no questions. I still hadn't had time to think about exactly what I did want, but…this was Heero. His name was still inscribed on my heart and my soul and nothing, ever, was going to change that.. 'I guess I have. If that's OK?'

'Very OK,' God, I'd forgotten he could smile like that; that I could make him smile like that. That the warmth in his expression could just about liquefy my bones, and turn me into a little puddle of warm goo at his feet.

Right, that probably made us an official couple. 'I'm not so sure I get the Kevlar fetish though.'

'No?' He smirked at me. 'It's more all those buckles and straps and metal zips in all sorts of fascinating places. It might be fun to undo them all and see what's underneath.'

'Oh, yeah? With your teeth, I suppose?'

'With my hands. I think my mouth would be otherwise occupied.' The smirk transformed itself into something more closely resembling a leer, hovering on a borderline ogle.

'Really? Doing what exactly?'

'Kissing you, of course.' He gave me a sly little look from under his lashes.

'Am I naked underneath?'

'Not quite. You're wearing a pair of silk boxers, just a shade darker than your eyes. It wouldn't do for your skin to get chafed in any sensitive places I would prefer to remain….unchafed.'

'You've been thinking about this a lot, haven't you? I didn't think that silk underwear was approved clothing for agents.'

'Not officially. But I can't imagine you'd want to keep to the rule book.'

'Never read one in my life.' My turn to smirk at him. 'I don't own any underwear like that.'

'Then I'll have to buy you some, on condition that some day you'll let me take it off.'

'I could probably do that, some day.'

'That would be nice,' Heero murmured, his breath teasing the little wisps of hair that inevitably escape from my braid. 'Some day.'

'You said, back in Florence, that maybe we should put this on hold until things get sorted out. Quat and my court case and everything.'

'I remember. Is that what you want?'

'No.' It had seemed a bit tempting at one point; not anymore. 'What's the point of that? Putting things on hold after we've been apart for so long anyway?' I lifted my chin, gazing straight into his eyes. 'I know we still need to sort out a lot of stuff, but I know I want to be with you. It's what I've always wanted.'

We'd kissed on the shuttle, kisses that were soft and sweet and slightly tentative and all about rediscovery and exploration and asking permission. This was different. It was different to the point of me being on the brink of needing artificial respiration when he finally let me go.

'You're sure, sweetheart?'

I managed a nod in between gulps of air. 'I'm sure. Really.'

'Thank you.' He whispered a kiss across my right temple. 'I want to be with you too. Always.'

There was obviously some God looking down on us and thinking Duo Maxwell had had his quota of intimate moments for one day, because right then someone knocked at the door.

Heero swore, letting me go reluctantly. 'I asked to be notified when the meeting was due to start. I'd better go, Duo. Will you be OK by yourself?'

'Heero, come on. I'm in a building full of Preventer agents. What could possibly happen?'

He groaned. 'I don't even want to think about it. Just try not to cause too much havoc, my love, all right?'

'All right.' I flicked him a grin. 'Only a miniscule amount of havoc. I promise.' I blew kisses at him as he walked out the door, and embarrassed the hell out of a young woman in full Preventers' uniform who was standing just outside.


	45. The Duo Maxwell Fan Club

Disclaimer - alas, I don't own any part of Gundam Wing and this story is written for my own amusement.

**The Duo Maxwell Fan Club:**

It was kind of hard to tell which of us was the most embarrassed; me, caught blowing kisses after Heero as he walked away, or the girl who'd been standing outside the door, hand raised to knock a second time.

'Excuse me, Mr. Maxwell.' She spoke as if she'd been given a text to recite, gaze fixed on her well-polished boots. 'Colonel Noin asked me to inform you that the children have been found and are being brought here. I'm to escort you to see them as soon as they arrive, if that's acceptable.'

'Sure. That would be perfect.'

Somehow, she managed to nod, salute, and turn around without once looking at me. God only knows what they teach Preventers these days. Or maybe they were all under orders not to make any sort of eye contact with the notorious Duo Maxwell?

I closed the door quietly, leaning against it, thinking about Heero.

I'd called him my boyfriend. Once without even thinking about it, and once because he'd asked me if he was. Standing with his arms around me, with his breath warm on my skin, it had seemed right and inevitable and necessary to tell him I'd meant it.

Left by myself, in this poky little room with the damned badge he'd persuaded me to accept sticking into my hipbone, reality was fast catching up with me. It had been so damn easy to play a pretend game that everything was OK, that we didn't have a bucket-load of past history to shovel through. At some point, we were going to have to talk about stuff. Dredge up all those old arguments and acrimonies and see if they'd still weigh us down. Sure, the talk on Steph's shuttle had helped a lot, but there were plenty of things left that we'd been ducking and weaving about.

I had a feeling we'd end up opening those particular cans of worms and find they were filled with venomous black cobras.

Apart from any of that, most of my friends were going to go apeshit.

Wufei would blow a gasket. He'd been trying so damn hard to be OK with all of this; I'd given him a brief call earlier from the apartment, to let him know what we'd found. He'd accepted the fact that this meant I'd be staying longer on L4 and of course that meant he'd be staying as well, and wanting to act as some sort of chaperone.

I didn't even want to think about Hilde, four months into a difficult pregnancy and not supposed to be agitated. Finding out I'd hooked up with her least favourite person would probably send her blood pressure into orbit.

Howard would probably take it the best; he'd always been less anti-Heero than my other close friends. Unlike Hilde, he'd always liked Heero. He'd told me once it was a shame that we'd split up, but that maybe it was for the best if we weren't making each other happy.

Quatre. Well, maybe it wouldn't matter what Quat was going to think; I didn't know if he could still be counted as a friend or not. Even if he'd had some good reason for all the things he'd said and done to me, I'd still got together with his ex, very shortly after Trowa had left him.

Another thing to have to cope with - Trowa.. Shitski. I'd been so sure Trowa had been just as relieved as me when we'd broken up.

It had seemed so perfect at the start; the two of us getting together. Not that I'd ever allowed myself to entertain _those _sort of thoughts about Trowa when he was with Quat, but I'm a guy; he's a gorgeous guy. Of course I'd _noticed _him. So we'd had chemistry and a long, close friendship to build on, and wonder and appreciation and awe on my part that he'd wanted to be with me.

And a nasty little thrill of triumph that I'd tried very, very hard to quash, that I'd got him and Quatre hadn't. That, just for once, Quat wasn't the one who had everything.

So we'd had one perfect date, before I'd gone to India with the guys. A movie and pizza, and sitting for hours in the car and talking. Somewhere, in between making out and eating figuring out how to combine the two activities pleasurably, we'd agreed that we didn't want to lose each other as friends, but that it would definitely be worth seeing if anything else might develop.

We'd agreed that the important thing would be not to hurt each other.

Sure.

Technically, at least, I'd been faithful while we were officially together. But Heero had been the one in all of my dreams. I'd gone on a date with him, even if I hadn't known it at the time. I'd been holding Heero's hand in what was probably one of the world's most romantic restaurants, and waiting for him to say how he felt about me, and all the while Trowa was being pulled in by the Spanish Preventers on suspicion of killing or abducting Quatre.

If Trowa hadn't called at that point, and Heero had told me how he'd felt, well, we'd probably still be in one of the restaurant's upstairs rooms, in one of those four-poster beds Zechs had mentioned, with the rest of the furniture barring the door against the rest of the universe.

I'd tried to seduce Trowa on Heero's couch in Heero's living room, partly out of guilt over that, partly in a desperate effort to get Heero out of my head, and to try to purge all those Heero-centred thoughts I'd been having about him out of my head.

It wasn't his fault he'd misinterpreted things, and he'd been blamed himself entirely for rushing me. Shit. I'd even taken advantage of that guilt. I'd known just how terrible he'd feel if he thought he'd pressured me in any way.

Oh, God. I should have known how that would effect Trowa, of all people; how he must have felt.

When I'd suggested we'd be better off as just friends, he'd agreed instantly, and it had been so easy to believe it was what he'd wanted too; to convince myself he felt all of this was a mistake and had just reinforced how much he missed and wanted Quat.

Sweet, Maxwell.

Way to screw up one of the few people you actually trust in the whole universe, and justify it to yourself.

He'd never said anything to imply otherwise. Sure, he'd been a bit short lately but I'd put that down to worry about Quat. He'd even let me talk to him about Heero. He'd told me, very definitely, that Heero still - adored me. And he'd had to put up with Heero asking his advice on planning the perfect date for me, back in Florence.

_Shit._

I very carefully removed the little pile of stationery from the middle of the desk, clearing a nice little expanse of polished wood, just right for banging my head on. Maybe I could knock some sense into myself.

'Mr Maxwell? Sir?' The same girl was standing in the doorway, wide-eyed. Probably wondering if she should run for the men in white coats. 'Are you all right?'

'Fine,' I said airily, standing and rubbing my forehead. 'Perfectly fine. I always find ancient meditation techniques very useful, don't you?'

'Yes, sir. Ah, the children are here, if you'd like to see them?'

I let her precede me out the door and down the corridor and press the elevator button, still blushing fierily and goggling at me when she forgot to study her footwear. 'Is there a problem?'

'No, sir!' She swallowed. 'I'm really sorry about this. It's - all just a bit hard for me to take in. I mean you're - well, you're Duo Maxwell! .'

'Excellent observation skills,' I said tartly. 'So? It's no big deal.'

Her jaw dropped even lower. 'You were a _Gundam Pilot! _You flew the Deathscythe_, _and you helped to save the Earth and you were,..…uh, I took some technical classes at the Academy and we did a whole series of lectures on your designs, and our lecturer said they were totally revolutionary. You're in a relationship with Chang Wufei, who's the most highly decorated Preventer ever, and Prince….'

'Stop, OK? Just - stop it! That's all just stupid tabloid gossip; it's not true..'

_No, the actual truth is that the hot blond prince is with the highly decorated Preventer, and I'm with the guy who just walked past you. Officially. Apparently._

_I'm with Heero._

Part of me wanted to start screaming the fact from the rooftops; the more sensible part was still - a little unsure about what was going on.

'Sure.' She gave me a conspiratorial little wink. 'But I want you to know that I'm totally fine with the gay thing, sir. We have workplace laws against discrimination, and we had a sensitivity class at orientation..'

'That's - um, nice.' Yeah, I was really going to worry about what some strange girl thought of my sexual preferences. 'Listen, Agent Franklin,' I peered at the name on her badge. 'Marlie, my name's Duo, and I'd appreciate you dropping this star-struck act, OK? I can find my own way if you just tell me where to go.'

'It's fine, sir.' Marlie drew a deep breath, flushing slightly as we stepped out of the elevator. 'I'm sorry. Really. It's just - well, I can't believe I'm meeting you. I mean, I used to have a scrapbook and everything.'

Oh, dear God. This was getting scary.

'But that was years ago,' she said quickly, making me wonder how old she was; probably not that much younger than me. 'The children are along here, sir. Um, Duo.'

The agent standing to attention outside the door Marlie had indicated threw me a military salute that couldn't have been crisper than if he'd pressed and starched it. 'Agent Wilkes, _sir_!' I gave him a brief nod in return. 'I've been assigned to guard the prisoners, sir.'

'They're _kids_, for God's sake, they're not prisoners.. I doubt they need an armed guard.'

He coloured slightly. 'I'm acting as per instructions, sir. Our orders are to treat the native population as hostile, until proven otherwise.'

'Right. I'm sure you have a lot to fear from three children. Listen, I asked for food to be brought to them. Do you know anything about that?'

'Yes, sir. The pris - children have already been provided with fruit snacks and bottled water.'

'Not good enough,' I snapped. 'Listen, Wilkes, what I need is for someone to send out to a local restaurant and get three hot meals delivered. And some bottles of soda. Do you think you can do that or would it be contravening some sort of regulations?'

He very obviously wanted to say it would, but didn't quite dare, not with me in his face. I got a slightly wilted version of the previous salute and he marched off.

'Asshole.'

Marlie giggled, and then looked like she wished she hadn't; I hadn't realised she was still there. Hmmm. Unlike Wilkes, with his buzz cut and Preventer-issue attitude, she looked normal, reassuring even; long, curly flaxen hair pulled back in a pony-tail and big blue eyes.

'I don't suppose you know anything about children?'

'I have two little sisters.'

'Then you'll do perfectly. Listen, in case you don't know by now, these kids know something about Mr. Winner's disappearance. They're going to be scared and I need you to talk to the two little girls, OK? Don't even try to question them, just try to get them feeling safe.'

The room was big and looked like it was used for small groups to hold meetings. For groups of officers, apparently; judging by the quality of the furnishings. The chairs around the oval glass table were creamy leather, there was a matching couch by the window and fresh flowers on the sill.

The two girls were huddled in one corner of the room, the smallest one sobbing quietly, and Nat was standing in front of them, looking homicidal.

'You bastard,' he spat at me. 'I tried to help you! I told you all that stuff, and you called the cops on me.'

'Here's the deal, Nat,' I said levelly, taking one of the chairs around the table, and motioning him to sit. 'You did help me, big time, and now I want to help you. That fact that you talked to me is going to get you into big trouble. Those bad guys are going to find out what you did, and when they do, they'll come after you and your sisters.'

'I don't need your help.' He took a few steps closer, put one hand on the chair-back. 'I can look after them by myself!'

'Normally, sure you can. But this is something big, Nat. These are seriously bad guys. They killed your buddy, right? You don't want anything that to happen to the girls. How old are they, anyway?'

'Gemma's nine and Lily's just seven.' He glanced over at the two of them; Marlie had managed to coax them on to the couch with her and was telling them a story about a farm where all the animals had special powers; the llama could fly and the pony could talk and the dog could do magic tricks.

'Listen, Nat, OK? My name's Duo and I swear, I'll try to keep you all safe.'

'You don't know anything about it,' he said sullenly. 'I should never have said anything to you, or we wouldn't be in all this shit. We were doing fine by ourselves.'

'Really? Peddling your ass in the back alley of some slum and leaving your sisters to look after themselves? And I do know about this shit; I grew up on L2. Ever heard of that?'

Nat nodded. 'It's the place where they send criminals. It's really bad.'

'Yeah, something like that.' Sweet. That was how other people saw my home colony, even slum kids on other colonies saw it as the ultimate shithole. 'So, just for the record, I probably know way more about surviving on the streets than you do.'

'But you're rich now!' Nat blurted, eyes wide. 'What happened?'

'That's a long story. I'll tell you some other time, OK? But, seriously, I can guess how you're feeling right now and I want to help you.'

'Gem and Lily are hungry,' he whispered, looking down at the floor. 'I haven't been doing so well the last few days. Maybe you could get them something to eat?'

'I've ordered food,' I said quickly, wondering where the hell it was. If it didn't come soon, I'd hunt down Agent Asshole Wilkes with his prissy little fruit snacks. There was a bowl neatly positioned in the middle of the table full of fruit; apples and kiwifruits and those little oranges.

Wilkes had doubtless come from the sort of home where there was always a similar bowl on the kitchen table, or on the sideboard in the dining room, and stuff was probably thrown out if it developed the tiniest imperfection. How could he imagine was it like for kids who'd probably never seen fresh fruit in their lives?

On L2, fruit was only thrown out if it was too rotten to be used or sold. I still have problems eating raw fruit; too many bad experiences of eating the spoilt stuff out of trash cans.

I can't eat apples at all; they freak me out; always have. All that too-tight, too-shiny, artificial-looking skin. A lot of the time, you even get a little stick attached to the fruit, and sometimes there's even a leaf. It's like - eating part of a tree.

Shopkeepers used to inject them with some sort of rat poison on L2 and left in the gutter to kill vermin. I'd had nightmares for years after seeing a girl eating a poisoned apple. It had taken her hours of agony before she'd died.

Nat's eyes narrowed suspiciously. 'What's all this going to cost me? You still wanna screw me, is that it?'

'No. Nothing like that. It would just really help if you could remember any more details about what happened yesterday. Maybe something your friend Kyle told you; or something else that you saw or heard?'

'Maybe.' He shrugged.

'Good.' A knock on the door heralded the arrival of the food, just as I'd ordered. 'Have something to eat, and we can talk later?'

Nat helped me dole out the food, making sure the girls got the biggest portions, and Marlie led them to the table, still talking about how all the magical animals had gathered together to fight an evil Persian cat who lived in the forest.

'Is she your girlfriend?' he asked, glaring at Marlie, or rather at her uniform.

'No. Just a friend.'

Marlie coloured at that, but couldn't hide a quick, pleased little smile as I introduced her to Nat, and told the little girls I was a friend of their brothers.

They were pretty, with Nat's marmalade curls and big brown eyes, despite the raggedy dresses and a thick layer of dirt. It's a good survival mechanism; look as unappealing as possible and maybe you'll be left alone.

Gemma hid her face against Marlie's shoulder when I spoke to her, but the little one, Lily, gave me a shy smile in return and one of those intense scrutinies you only get from little kids.

'You've got purple eyes,' she whispered.

'He sure has.' Marlie flicked me a teasing grin. 'Aren't they pretty? Although properly, that colour's called indigo.'

'Violet,' I blurted without thinking, and had to turn away very quickly, concentrating on pouring out three glasses of pop for the kids and feeling the colour rise in my face

Oh, great. How gay was that, quibbling over the exact shade of my eyes?

_Violet._

It was Heero who'd first called them that, on Howard's ship. We'd been looking at a rainbow, the first either of us had ever seen, and Mr Know-All had been filling me in on every known fact about them.

He'd been explaining Isaac Newton's spectrum of colours, and I'd had to ask him what the word violet meant. He'd matter-of-factly stated that it was the colour of my eyes; I'd never thought much about my eye-colour before, except that it was different, and different was bad, because it made you stand out.

It hadn't been a romantic conversation or anything, except a few minutes later he'd used my name for the first time ever.

I'd fallen for him, just a little bit, that day, watching his face as he looked at the rainbow fading in the sky.

'They're really hungry,' Marlie said softly, walking over to join me.

'Living rough does that to you.' I think I spoke a bit more harshly than I'd intended and her fair skin flushed again, making me feel a bit mean. She'd probably grown up on a farm like the one in her story, having all sorts of adventures with her little sisters and her pets; probably joined Preventers to Make a Difference in the world.

'I don't understand. I thought L4 was supposed to have the best social welfare system in the Universe. Why isn't anyone looking after them?'

I shrugged. 'There are orphanages, but they're all single sex. I guess Nat didn't want them to be separated. God knows when he would have seen them again. Plus I don't think they're from L4 originally; they were in an area that's mostly for immigrants, and they might be deported if the authorities found them. I know it isn't fair, but that's the system.'

'It's _not_ fair,' Marlie said fiercely. 'We can't just let them go back to that sort of life.'

'I know. We're not going to. We'll try to find where they came from, if they've got any family. I don't think they've been living rough all that long; the girls have nice manners, and Nat sounds educated when he's not trying to come across as all streetwise.'

She nodded. 'Sir - Duo, I should call my superior to say where I am, if you don't mind? I'm supposed to be finishing my shift upstairs.' She hesitated. 'If you like, I can request to be reassigned for the time being?'

'That would be great; the girls seem to like you and they need someone they can trust right now. What were you working on, before you came to give me the message?'

'I was helping to go through Mr. Winner's 'phone records.' She rolled her eyes. 'I think I could spend the rest of my life doing that, to be honest.'

'I'll bet.' Hmmm. I glanced at the PC terminal in the corner. 'Can you bring it up on that screen? Would that be allowed?'

'Oh, yes,' she was already seated at the desk, keying in her password. 'Colonel Noin said we're all to give you as much assistance as possible.'

I could see what she meant about the sheer size of the task. Quat had business lines; numbers for each of his residences; cell phones for private use. And that wasn't even counting email and faxes and God knows what else. It was all probably a colossal waste of time; Quat was more than smart enough not to transmit information over those sort of channels.

'Is this what everyone in this building's doing? Just checking 'phone records?'

'Oh, no. There are different teams assigned to different tasks. Some people are checking into the backgrounds and records of all the WEI employees, and my friend Jen's team is looking at all business deals over the past couple of years. Colonel Noin has a theory that a business rival may be involved.'

'Mmm.' I'd thought that once, spent a couple of hours at the Sanque Embassy trawling through WEI records for the last twelve months and Trowa said he and Heero had already done the same. 'Can you show me what they're looking at?'

'Sure. Just let me find it.' Marlie's fingers flickered over the keys. 'Oops, sorry. Wrong file. This one's just a list of Winner subsidiaries.'

'Shit. I hadn't realised there were that many?'

'I know,' Marlie agreed, scrolling down. 'I can't believe one person controls all of this.'

'Well, he's got a board and some of his sisters are….stop! Right there. No, go back a bit.' I jabbed my finger at the screen. 'Look at that one.'

'Triton Holdings? What's weird about that? Oh!' Her eyes sparkled. 'Triton Bloom, right?'

I nodded. Damn, that girl probably knew more about us than we did ourselves.

'Why is that strange, though? It's Trowa Barton's real name, why wouldn't Mr. Winner use it?'

Good question, really. Except, so far as I knew, Quatre had never called Tro by that name, let alone used it for any business purposes. 'Can you bring up some information on Triton Holdings?'

'Of course. Oh. It's a property leasing company. Based on L3 and registered there.' Her brow creased. 'Now that _is_ strange.'

'I don't think so, actually. WEI has subsidiaries all over the universe.'

'Oh, I know that. It's just strange that it's registered there, instead of here on L4. As far as I can remember, foreign owned firms on L3 are largely exempt from paying government taxes. It's supposed to encourage foreign investors.'

'There's probably some reason for it,' I said absently.

'Maybe.' Marlie flicked a few more keys. 'This is really strange, Duo. The company only owns one apartment building, and I'm can't see any details about it. No rent, no maintenance charges…nothing. Just the initial purchase fourteen months ago.'

Fourteen months? That more or less fit in with when Quat had started going off the rails. 'Is there anything else you can find out?'

'Not really,' she admitted. 'I don't know much about this kind of thing. Jen's studied corporate law though; I could call her and get her to check it out.'

I shook my head. 'It's probably nothing. I might try calling someone I know though.'

'Who are you calling?' Marlie wondered, probably expecting me to try contacting the ghost of Treize Khushrenada or something, as I took out my - Steph's - cellphone and started to scroll down the numbers

'A friend who's taken some courses in corporate law.' Lucca had mentioned that back in Florence; that he'd once had dreams of working for a major law firm and making megabucks. Then he'd met Heero and been corrupted to the light side of Human Rights. 'He might be able to help.'

'Duo! I'm so glad you called! I didn't want to disturb you two and I really didn't want to worry Heero but then I thought maybe he'd want to know and…..'

'Lucca? Just tell me what's wrong, will you?'

'Oh! The thing is, I'm a bit worried about Honey. I think she's really missing Heero; she's not eating her food, and she insists on lying on the couch, and Heero's never allowed her do that.'

'Don't worry about that,' I said quickly. Oops. I had apparently corrupted Heero's perfectly-trained dog in just a few days. 'He won't mind about the couch, and you might want to crumble some cheese over her dried food, or mix in some cold meat or something. Listen, can I get you to do me a favour?'

'Of course. Anything.' he actually shut up for long enough to be filled in on what I needed to know, and promised to call back as soon as possible. 'There. Sorted.' I hung up, and glanced over at the kids, who were still eating voraciously. 'We'll need to send out for seconds at this rate.'

Marlie grinned. 'So - what do we do next?'

'No idea, really. Any ideas?'

She shook her head, considering. 'What's he like?' She wondered suddenly. 'Mr Winner, I mean.'

'Quatre? He's amazing. He thinks he's responsible for everything damn thing that's ever gone wrong in the universe and he believes it's his duty to make it all better. But you probably know all about him. Or didn't he get a scrapbook of his own?'

She blushed. 'Well, I guess I do know a lot. But no, he didn't rate his own scrapbook!'

Great, my turn to blush.

'I've always admired him, though. I even agree with a lot of the things he's said to the ESUN, about how the Colonies should have more independence. It drives my Dad crazy though.' She hesitated. 'Is it true, that the scientist who designed the Sandrock didn't want 04 to take place in Operation Meteor?'

'Intstructor H? Yeah, that's true,' I swivelled my chair and gazed absently out the window. Someone else had mentioned Operation Meteor lately. Who?

'Duo?' Marlie was staring over at me. 'Are you OK?'

'Fine, fine,' I muttered. Damn, who had it been? Not Trowa; not Wufei for sure, he doesn't like talking about that. 'Heero!'

I must have shouted; even the three kids had twisted around to look at me.

'It's something Heero said in Florence.' I said it aloud; sometimes the sound of my own voice helps me to work things through. 'Last month, when he went to visit Quat in that clinic, on L4, _here_, Quat said stuff to him. Stuff Heero thought was just rambling, that Quat was drugged, and thought he was back fighting the War. But one of the things Quat said was that Operation Meteor had been a failure.'

'But - it wasn't, was it?' Marlie hesitated. 'The scientists managed to stop the original plan and they saved billions of people!'

'They did, didn't they?' I had four open-mouthed, wide-eyed faces regarding me. 'So why would Quatre say it failed?'


	46. Lessons Learned in Childhood

Disclaimer - Gundam Wing is owned by Bandai/Sunrise, and I'm just borrowing them for my own personal amusement.

Warning - this is probably a bit late, but I have been very remiss in not posting any type of warnings for this story. Anyway, just in case anyone's missed them, this story contains m/m sex, swearing, use of drugs and alcohol, violence, references to past abuse, and wanton destruction of artwork and rare trees….

Many thanks to KS for the title and the numbers...

**Lessons Learned in Childhood:**

Impatience had been always been considered a weakness on L5, indicating immaturity and selfishness; the need of a small child for immediate gratification. The universe moved at its own pace and always would, regardless of how much one fretted and fidgeted.

Chang Wufei possessed far too much self-control and dignity to fidget, even if he wished to. Those childhood lessons had been too well learned. It was futile anyway; Duo was relatively safe at the Preventers HQ. It was immaterial whether they arrived there ten minutes earlier or later.

_Come **on**, Mil. _He directed the thought towards his partner as hard as he could, but the other man gave no sign that he'd noticed. _Are you planning to stand there all day?_

This was utterly ridiculous; it really was. They'd left Italy in a rush, Zechs having commandeered the Sanque Embassy shuttle, but since then everything had gone wrong. L4's main shuttle port had been closed for the immediate future, which was understandable enough, but three other main ports had followed suit, citing safety concerns for all incoming traffic.

Finding a place to dock had taken far too long; eventually, Zechs had called an old friend on L4, who had somehow arranged for them to land here. The little-used shuttle port lay precisely in the middle of nowhere, and apparently was normally only to handle hazardous loads; shipments of chemicals or bio-waste. They were a good hour's drive to the City, and Zechs had spent the last seven minutes - Wufei had timed him - happily catching up with old friends. Ridiculous.

And it was unbelievably hot after the coolness of a European Spring.

It was two years since he'd been to L4, and he'd forgotten the quality of heat in the early afternoon. The air was thick and humid, almost tangible; beads of sweat were slowly starting to drift from his shoulder blades and down his spine, but that was a minor physical discomfort and easily bearable.

Being back on L4 was the real problem. The colony had been a second home for him and Duo once. They'd been so close, back then, the four of them. For the first few years following Duo's accident, they'd spent at least part of every vacation there; they'd had exclusive use of a guest cottage on the Winner estate, with a small garden and its own pool.

It had been a pleasant, peaceful place. Quatre had organised moonlit safaris into the desert, and or trips to the few gay nightclubs on the colony, and he'd resolutely ignored his family's criticism about how much time he was spending with his old friends.

L4's own tradition of pacifism only went so far, Wufei mused. He'd admired the colony once; seeing definite parallels between it and L5. A strong work ethic, an emphasis on the importance of family and duty and respect towards the elderly. If you looked beneath the surface though, there was a great chasm between the two cultures.

The twin pillars of L5 society were family and knowledge. Wealth was to be shared with those less fortunate and used to improve life for all. Power and position came with increased responsibilities, whereas on L4 obscene wealth was either hoarded or spent on ridiculously lavish lifestyles.

_Come **on**, Milliardo._

Zechs glanced over that time, whether by coincidence, or because he'd felt the burning weight of his partner's gaze, and flicked Wufei a small smile. To anyone who didn't know him well, he looked his usual relaxed self, standing beside the shuttle dock, and laughing with his two companions. But all that glorious, gilt hair had been swept back in a ponytail for once, and his right hand strayed frequently to his hip, touching the gun he'd thrust into his belt as if for reassurance.

Pilot 06 was ready for action.

Wufei's own gun was a solid, comforting weight in the small of his back; one hand touched it as he pulled his shirt loose, flapping it to create a small breeze, never taking his eyes off the three men.

Zechs had introduced the others as old friends to Wufei when they'd landed, and he'd managed a few polite words before excusing himself, claiming he needed to stretch his legs after the long flight.

Old friends, of course, meant White Fang, or Oz, or the Academy, and he wasn't comfortable with any of it.

It made little sense, really, considering the past of the man of who shared his bed and his life, but he _knew_ Mil, knew everything the former Lightning Count had done, and why, and how he'd tried to atone for it. With strangers, he never knew what they'd done during the war, whether or not they'd been involved in the attack on his home.

The taller of the two men flanking his lover was Theo Fichtner; it was the first time they'd met, but he'd been an occasional voice on the 'phone over the years, asking to speak to Prince Milliardo. They were old friends from the Lake Victoria Academy, and he was White Fang, of course. He shared Zechs' height and that cool, Nordic colouring, but there any resemblance ended. A livid scar crawled down the right side of his face, and his nose had apparently been broken too many times to set properly.

The smaller, slighter man, Jack Something or other, was quite different. Good-looking, if that was your type; shoulder-length coppery hair and sea-green eyes. Unlike Fichtner, who was obviously on the verge of saluting to Zechs' every comment, and addressed him as Commander, Jack treated him as an equal.

_Damn._

He didn't want to have to go over, and tug at Zechs' sleeve like an overly impatient child, but this was merely wasting time. If he didn't come in two minutes, then Wufei would find a car and drive himself into the city, and Zechs could catch up when he'd finished socialising. Maybe that would be the best thing to do, anyway. Yes, he could do that; he'd resolved when his 'phone rang. Again.

'Duo isn't here,' he snapped. He'd spent a fairly significant part of their flight fielding calls from various friends of Duo, who'd seemingly lost yet another 'phone in his peregrinations around the galaxy. 'I can take a message,' he added grudgingly.

'But I wanted to talk to you,' Sally told him blithely. 'I've just been watching you and Zechs on TV.'

'You've been what? Why?'

'_Relax_, 'Fei. You did know there was an announcement in the _Sanque Times _of your engagement, didn't' you? The TV stations here are all running the story. I just wanted to congratulate you both officially.'

That's very kind of you,' Wufei said gratefully. 'Ah, Sally, would you mind if I called you back later, I'm a little busy at the moment.'

'Sure.' Sally's voice mellowed. 'I remember when I first got engaged; Kevin and I didn't see daylight for a week. I'll talk to you when you feel like coming up for air, OK?'

Wufei flushed slightly as he hung up. If Sally had a fault, it was that she sometimes treated him as one of her girlfriends, and expected him to respond in kind.

'Ready to go, love?' Zechs was standing in front of him, a little smirk dancing on his lips. 'Or would you prefer me to wait a little longer?'

'I've been ready since we got here. Have we got a car?'

Zechs indicated the first vehicle parked outside the terminal; a long, sleekly black limousine.

'Hmmm. Isn't there something a little less conspicuous that we could take?'

Zechs shrugged. 'This is L4. According to Theo, we'd be conspicuous if weren't in a limo.'

'I suppose he's right.' Wufei held out one hand for the keys, needing even that small piece of control. 'I assume it has a Sat Nav system?'

'It has everything,' Zechs' eyes gleamed, thrilled with his new toy, as he folded his legs, endless in dark denim, into the passenger seat. 'Fichtner had it specially made to his own specifications and it just arrived yesterday. It's got plate-glass windows that will repel anything up to a mortar attack, anti-theft flares, its own satellite communication system, a locking mechanism that can't possibly be tampered with….'

'Wonderful,' Wufei remarked dryly. 'Is any of that necessary for us? And do I want to know why your friend needs a car like this?'

'He runs a security company. And no, it's probably not necessary, but why take chances after everything that's happened here lately? It's not as if we're the most popular people ever to visit this colony.'

'True.' Wufei glanced in the rear mirror as a smaller, less showy car pulled in front of them. Jack, in the passenger seat, flicked them a wave. 'I take it that's why we have an escort, or is that mere coincidence?'

'Not quite,' Zechs admitted. 'They are heading back to the city, though, and there's only one road from here to the main highway. Who was on the 'phone just then? Someone else looking for Duo?'

'Sally, wanting to talk to me. But all the other calls were for Duo. You know, Mil, when we eventually catch up with him, I'm going to find some way of attaching a cellphone to his body. I'm tired of acting as his social secretary. What am I supposed to tell people anyway; Duo's not picking up because he's run off to L4 with his ex-boyfriend?'

'Two ex-boyfriends actually.'

Wufei considered that. 'I suppose you're right. I keep forgetting that.'

'And you didn't approve, did you?'

The Chinese man shrugged. 'I doubted it would ever work. Trowa's been with Quat for years; he couldn't just stop feeling anything for him. It's probably for the best that they broke up before either of them got too involved.' Wufei felt a little niggle of guilt at the thought of Trowa; it hadn't been fair to blame him for any of this. Duo and Quatre had always been inseparable; it had been foolish to think Duo wouldn't manage to himself get involved in some way if he thought Quat needed him.

'You're probably right. Especially given recent developments. Who were all the other calls from?'

'His boss, and then Howard, and then Leon, that nice man who works at Steel.'

'I know,' Zechs grinned. 'The hot bartender with the cute ass.' Wufei threw him a withering look. 'What - I'm supposed to be struck blind now that we're engaged?'

'I can tolerate you looking, if you must,' Wufei said with dignity. 'I would prefer you not to pass comments, however.'

'Agreed.' Zechs' grin broadened. 'No comments. I swear, from now on, yours is the only ass I will ever comment on.'

His partner sniffed. 'Oh, and Mikhail called.'

'Mikhail? Duo's ex-boyfriend Mikhail?'

Wufei nodded. 'He's been climbing in the Himalayas until this morning; he'd only just found out about Quatre's disappearance today, and he's been trying to contact Duo.'

Zechs whistled. 'Now, that's interesting. Poor Mikhail, so devastated by losing Duo that he's trying to bury the pain by conquering mountains. Rather a shame Duo's not into threesomes, isn't it? He could really take his pick of potential partners.'

'Well, he's not. Incidentally, Sally said we were on TV this morning. Apparently, the engagement is a big story.'

'_I _think it's a big story, certainly, don't you?' Zechs smiled over at him. 'We're going to have to start thinking about dates and locations now that it's all official. Or would you rather have a long engagement? It might be nice to go somewhere exotic, maybe on a tropical island?'

'Can we do something like that?'

'Of course,' Zechs sounded surprised at the question. 'We can do whatever we like. Why shouldn't we?'

'Well, you are a prince. Relena was talking about having an official ceremony in the palace; I thought maybe it would be expected, or that you'd want it.'

Zechs snorted. 'Of course I wouldn't. My dear little sister probably has all sorts of fantasies about decorating the palace with flowers and balloons, and wearing a long pink gown, but I certainly don't. We'll have to sign an official marriage license in front of a Sanq magistrate and two witnesses, but that's merely a matter of procedure; we can have the ceremony where and when we like. Dearest, you haven't been worried about this have you?'

'Not worried,' Wufei denied staunchly. He would have hated it with every fibre of his being, but if it had been in some way necessary, he would have done whatever was needed, or if Zechs had wanted it. He found it hard to see the wedding as anything than a formality in any case; as far as he was concerned, he would spend the rest of his life with Zechs, and that was that.

'An exotic beach at sunset,' Zechs mused. 'Would you like that? And we could stay for the honeymoon. Now, we need to decide on a date. I was thinking of the 27th of December, although maybe it's rather far off? '

'The anniversary of our first date?' Wufei smiled fondly, for once forbearing to tease his lover's sentimental streak. He'd considered it himself - 1227 - a date that was important to them both, and also one that contained auspicious numbers; 1 for unity;, 2 to signify harmonious co-existence, and which was doubly lucky since it appeared twice, and 7 which symbolised fate and destiny.

He didn't know, really, whether he believed in such things anymore, but all through his childhood, all important occasions had been determined by his grandmother and aunts poring over an endless series of complex charts and calendars. It somehow seemed proper to use that part of his culture to determine the most important day of his life.

'It is rather a long time to wait,' Wufei looked fixedly over the steering wheel, willing himself not to blush. 'I know it's very soon, but I had thought of the 20th of May. 520 was considered one of the luckiest numbers on L5. In Mandarin, the sound is very close to 'I love you'. And I do.'

'Tonight wouldn't be a moment too soon to marry you,' Zechs assured him firmly. 'But I can wait another month.' He leaned over and tugged Wufei's hair gently. 'I don't know how you have the nerve to call me a sap, love.'

Wufei's mouth quirked slightly. 'You do remember, then.'

'However could I forget the first time you said you loved me? You never told me the significance of the date before; it must have been a good omen that I managed to pick that particular day.'

One elegant, dark brow arched. 'It wasn't exactly a coincidence. I chose it deliberately.'

'Really? You chose it? I seem to remember being the one who set out to seduce you that evening.'

Wufei smiled. 'You thought it was all your idea, certainly. His blush deepened; he was still not entirely comfortable talking of certain things. 'I - it was one of the most wonderful days of my life. It always will be. I would very much like it to be our wedding anniversary as well.'

'The 20th of May it is then, assuming we're not on the run from the Preventers with Duo,' Zechs agreed. 'May for 05. We need to put an 06 in there as well, don't we?'

'The sixth hour,' Wufei said at once. 'Dawn is - was - considered the most auspicious time to embark on any new enterprise. If you don't mind getting up so early?'

'I'll survive, just this once. Provided we can go straight back to bed afterwards to celebrate. Now, that's all settled, we just need to find you a ring.'

Wufei laughed at the idea. 'Very funny.'

'What's so funny? A ring is traditional on Earth. Didn't the custom exist on L5?'

Wufei shrugged. 'For women, yes. Not for men.' He had certainly given Meiran a ring at their betrothal ceremony, an emerald that had been in his family for generations. She hadn't looked at him as he took her hand, cold and stiff in his. She had wanted the marriage as little as he had; the same elders who had praised his impassivity and acceptance had criticised Meiran for railing against the husband who had been chosen for her.

The ring had been too big for the fourteen-year-old girl; he remembered she had spent the whole ceremony with her fingers curled into her palm, like a fist, so she wouldn't lose it, and immediately after the service, his grandmother had taken it to lock away safely.

What would his family think if they could see him now? Homosexuality hadn't been forbidden, exactly, but a man's first duty was to marry and sire children, to carry on the blood of his ancestors. Any other choice was seen as pure self-indulgence.

'I think it's a charming tradition,' Zechs argued.

'Don't be absurd, Mil, please. I'm not a woman, who needs a trinket to show off to her friends.'

'I know you're not a woman, dearest. I have very intimate knowledge of the fact, and I'm very glad of it.'

'Then stop trying to treat me like one!' Wufei snapped, refusing to be charmed. 'I may have agreed to marry you, but it doesn't make me into your wife.'

'I know that. 'Fei, I…what was that?'

'Just a pebble on the windscreen,' Wufei had jumped himself at the sudden, sharp crack. 'I hope we don't have to return your friend's car with a broken window.'

'It would take heavy artillery to dent the glass in these windows, according to Theo. 'Fei, can you pull over so we can talk about this?'

'What is there to discuss?' Wufei wondered bitterly. 'Or is there something else you have to tell me? What next, Milliardo, will you expect me to change my name to yours?'

'Of course I won't. Wufei_, please_. Can you just stop the car for one minute?'

'_Fine_.' Wufei killed the engine and stared resolutely ahead. The L4 desert unfurled before him; sculpted sand dunes in tones of amber and ochre and sienna, bisected by the thin ribbon of road. Fichtner's car had disappeared around a curve in the road ahead; two grey SUVs were heading toward them. 'What exactly did you want to say?'

'I'm sorry, love.' Zechs placed a tentative hand on his lover's knee, squeezing lightly when he wasn't brushed aside. 'Please, just look at me? I never meant to offend you, you have to know that.'

'I know.' Wufei turned his head to look into the troubled blue eyes. He didn't know quite how to say it; how to say that he'd put a ring on a girl's finger, and it had been one of the worst days of his life. He'd seen her hand, that evening, seen where she'd clenched her fingers so tightly that her palm was scored with little, red marks, each one the shape of a crescent-moon. 'I'm sorry too.'

Zechs lifted one of his hands, and kissed it gently. I five-hundred-and-twenty you. I always will. You'll have to teach me how to say it in Mandarin.'

'I love you too,' Wufei gasped.

'Show me,' Zechs invited huskily, clicking his seatbelt open and leaning over for a kiss.

Wufei thought, for a heartbeat, that the thud against the windscreen was just another pebble. Until it shattered, showering them both with shards of glass, and Zechs cried out and slumped forward across his lap. Not before Wufei had time to see the stain on his white shirt, a blossoming flower of scarlet, and feel the first gush of blood on his thighs.

The two grey SUVs - damn, he'd forgotten all about them - were approaching fast, driving abreast on the narrow road.

Three options, precisely. Drive off the road, and the car would be bogged down in sand; a sitting target. He could turn and retreat, try to make it to the shuttle port and possible help. They'd probably expect that…Except he didn't have time, not with Zechs losing his life's blood on the seat beside him. Or he could drive forward meant into the gamut of their fire. Wufei would have done it without thinking, if Zechs hadn't been hit, but there wasn't, really, another option.

_Let's do precisely as they expect, then._

'I'm turning around. Hold on, Mil.'

One hand yanked the car in a tight u-turn, turning back the way they'd come, while the other tried to hold Zechs steady. He was still alive, still breathing. That was the important thing, but the blood was still flowing. That was a good thing; corpses don't bleed.

_Do it now, Chang. You don't have time._

A quick look in the mirror told him both cars were following; good. They were almost catching up, as he'd calculated. Two cars driving abreast; so sure they had him now they'd even stopped shooting. Fools.

_Never underestimate a Gundam Pilot, _Wufei thought savagely.

They weren't expecting him to pull ahead sharply, they certainly weren't expecting him to turn around and face them. The car spun so fast that it whirled around in a sand-cloud, and bore down on them in a blazing inferno. Wufei had located the anti-theft flares; he could already feel the heat but they would only last for a minute or two and they could survive that.

They could either separate, swinging off into the desert, or they could hold course and either hope he stopped, or face collision with a very large, burning car. As he'd hoped - prayed - each swung away on either side of him. One upended as its wheels hit the first patch of sand; the second moved smoothly onto the dunes and circled back, moving in for the kill.

_Oh, no you don't._

He had to stop the car to aim properly, had to wait for them to get within range. His first shot missed completely, thrown off by Zechs' ragged moan as he shifted position slightly. The second ricocheted off the roof, and the third hit the petrol tank.

_Third time lucky._

One down, one to go. There was no sign of life from the other SUV; swivelling to keep an eye on it, Wufei fumbled for his cell phone, dialling EMS and barking their co-ordinates into it, requesting immediate assistance.

The long fair hair was warm and sticky with blood. So _much_ blood. The colour had leached completely from his face, leaving a faint bluish tinge around his mouth and nostrils, and the pulse was weak and rapid. The worst thing was his breathing though; the bullet must have hit a lung on its way out. It was a clean wound, Wufei saw, gently pulling down Zechs's shirt, and sliding off his own to press against it, trying desperately to staunch the gush.

Blood loss and a collapsed lung; neither of them fatal if help arrived in time. If. If whoever was still in the second SUV didn't summon reinforcements.

_Hang on_, _Milyi. _

The limo started grudgingly, a protest against its treatment so far, but it kept moving.

Damn, how long would it take for help to arrive anyway? For the first time, he thought of Fichtner and Jack; had they both been killed? Or had they just driven on, assuming he and Zechs had chosen to stop for some reason?

Oh, Gods.

Taking his hand off the wheel for one second, he flipped his 'phone open again, speed-dialling Duo. If his friend was still at Preventers' HQ, he could talk to Lucrezia and get someone to send a helicopter. And a medical team. Urgently.


	47. Romancing the Dragon

Disclaimer - Not mine.

Note - many thanks to everyone who's been reviewing, and especially to KS for editing.

**Romancing the Dragon:**

'He'll be all right, you know.' Jack shifted slightly in his seat to look at Wufei. 'He's tough.'

Wufei nodded, still not entirely daring to believe it, despite what the doctors had said. It had been so very close; apart from the massive blood loss, he'd been suffering from what the surgeon had called a tension pneumothorax, otherwise known as a collapsed lung. It was, he'd been assured, easily treatable, and should cause no side effects, but they'd still rushed Zechs into an OR as soon as soon as they'd arrived at the hospital, and he hadn't been allowed to follow.

'How long have you known him?'

'Years.' Jack hesitated for a moment, obviously unsure on whether to expand. 'He was in the class ahead of me at the Academy.' His mouth quirked. 'He was a class ahead of everybody, really.'

'I see.' Wufei decided not to ask the obvious question; what was the point, after all? They each had their separate pasts, even if Zechs' was considerably more...colourful than his. And none of it mattered, once he survived.

He was grateful enough for Jack's presence; he and Fichtner had arrived just as he'd dialled Duo's number; they hadn't originally paid any attention the two SUVs driving in the opposite direction, until they'd heard gunfire. Jack had stayed with him while the other man drove back to check on their attackers.

Where the hell was Duo anyway? He'd talked Wufei through those interminable minutes before the helicopter arrived, and the flight itself, telling him that everything would be OK, and only hung up when they'd arrived at the hospital, and Zechs had been rushed into surgery, saying his battery was dying and he'd be there as soon as he could.

It shouldn't be taking this long.

He'd called Duo ten minutes ago, and his friend had assured him he was almost there, but when he'd called back, Duo had either shut his 'phone off, to preserve power, or he'd left it somewhere. As usual.

It had always been the three of them, from the very start, and it seemed utterly wrong for Duo not to be there now. Duo had been with him the night he'd first met Zechs, he was the one who'd encouraged him to go on the first date….

'_You're shitting me!' Duo gaped at him, carton of milk dangling from one hand. 'Zechs Merquise or Peacecraft or whatever he's called really asked you out?'_

_Wufei bent down to remove the tray of apple and cinnamon spiced muffins from the oven - the only indication that it was Christmas morning and not just another day. Damnit. He should never have told Duo anything about it; he certainly hadn't meant to say anything. But Duo had realised he'd spoken to Merquise the previous night, and he'd asked, and Wufei had suddenly wanted to confide in someone._

'_Duo! That is a totally revolting expression!'_

'_Sorry, sorry,' Duo muttered. 'But Wu, seriously, this isn't a joke? Zechs Merquise asked you out last night?'_

'_People do ask me out occasionally,' Wufei said defensively. _

'_Yeah. And you never go. Well, except for a few real weirdoes. I'm glad you finally dumped that guy with the beard; he was gross. What the hell did you ever see in him?'_

'_He's one of the world's greatest experts in Pre-Colony Chinese porcelain.'_

'_Oh, right,' Duo muttered, ''Cause that's exactly what anyone looks for in a boyfriend. Who cares about him anyway? You're going on a date with Zechs Merquise. That is __**so**_ _cool!'_

'_Of course I'm not going.' Wufei tried to change the subject. 'Aren't we supposed to call Quat and Trowa this morning?'_

'_This early?' Duo shot him a knowing look, all too aware of these diversionary tactics. 'Even if they're awake, they're probably in the middle of something and won't thank us for interrupting. Now. You have got to be shi - er, joking me. You can't turn down someone like him! And you already accepted.'_

'_I - accepted in the heat of the moment.' Wufei excused himself. Heat…dear gods, but the man had been hot and vibrant and vividly alive under his hands. He could probably have broken free if he'd wished, but he'd chosen to stay pinned against the wall, with Wufei's body pressed against his._

'_I've changed my mind. Do you want tea?' He poured boiling water into the pot, swirled it around, and then added a spoonful of his favourite blend. The whole idea was ridiculous, of course. Merquise - Peacecraft - had probably meant it as some sort of joke, and even if he hadn't - well, it had been blackmail, pure and simple. _

_The only thing he'd been thinking of last night had been that he didn't want Merquise anywhere near Duo; not while Duo had been so upset over seeing Heero again. He'd felt guilty enough anyway, having persuaded Duo to attend the ceremony, the fourth such to commemorate the end of the war, but he couldn't spend the rest of his life avoiding Heero. _

_Duo looked perfectly fine this morning, though. He'd got into the habit of leaving his hair down after his morning shower, claiming it was a bitch to braid when still damp, and had it pulled back into a loose ponytail. He looked good in fact; a far cry from the haunted shadow of a young man who had first come to live with him. After Heero._

_He probably hadn't slept; there were shadows under those great violet eyes, but otherwise he looked brighter than Wufei had dared to hope. _

'_That's not very honourable of you, is it?' His friend knew him too well; that was the problem. He'd accepted, he'd given his word, regardless of the circumstances. He was already feeling the first tiny niggle of guilt. 'Seriously, 'Fei, do you need your head examined? He's gorgeous, he's a prince, he's loaded, he's pure sex on those long legs, and that __**hair**__….'_

'_You like him?' Wufei took a sip of tea, a new idea slowly unfurling. Last night, seeing Duo so badly affected by Heero's presence, he'd only wanted to keep him safe from any more possible trouble, but perhaps, if Duo really felt that way about Merquise, the blond prince might be capable of erasing Heero's memory. 'Why don't you go out with him?'_

'_Yeah, like he'd be remotely interested in me,' Duo scoffed. 'And besides, he asked you. Not me. 'Fei, come on. Seriously, it's just one dinner. It's not like he's going to propose or anything. He was nice to me last night, and __I just think __–__ you don__'__t always want to be alone, do you?__'_

'_I__'__m not alone,__'__ Wufei was genuinely surprised at the idea He had so much more than he__'__d ever imagined. Duo, of course. Trowa and Quatre, even if he didn__'__t see them as often as he would have liked. Sally, who had taken the news of his preferences so graciously that he wondered if she had perhaps suspected something of the sort. There were students at the university who sometimes asked him to join them for lunch after class, or to join them at the coffee house or the cinema._

'_One little dinner,' Duo wheedled. 'Come on, you never eat dessert, you don't drink coffee; it'll probably take an hour max and you can always say you went out with the Lightning Count. Go on…'_

'_Why do you want me to?' Wufei wondered again, slicing a banana into his oatmeal and pushing the bowl of prunes in Duo's direction. 'Eat those. You need more roughage.'_

'_You take an unholy interest in my bowel movements, you know that? I wish you'd never started on all those ancient herbal remedies. I think he might be good for you. I think it might be good for you to go on a date with someone whose idea of a good time isn't to visit an exhibition of pre-colony china cups. You know, someone you might actually fall for?'_

'_I don't want to fall for anyone, thank you.'_

_Duo shrugged. 'You need someone. And I think sexy Zechsy might be good for you. And you'd be doing me a favour; I'm a sad, lonely person with no love life and the least you can do is let me live vicariously through you.'_

'_Don't call him that.' Wufei ignored the second part of Duo's comment; 'lonely' was the last word most people would ever use to describe Duo Maxwell. He moved around campus with a cloud of admirers trailing in his wake, and they would probably have to sell tickets if he gave any sign of being less than content to be single._

'_You don't think he's sexy?'_

'_That's immaterial!' Wufei buried his face in his tea cup, hoping Duo would assume the rising heat in his face came from the steam._

'_You do,' Duo crowed. 'Oh, go on, Wuffie. Please. The guy can't help it that his sister's a home-wrecking, evil bitch.' Duo grinned evilly. 'Did you see the face on her last night, when Quat upped and left her party without giving her more than a nod? Talk about being in a serious snit.'_

'_It was - discourteous of him.' Wufei spooned up his oatmeal. 'Very much so.' He had no time for Relena personally, but he admired a great deal of what she was doing. She was one of the few heads of state on Earth in favour of granting increased independence and aid to the Colonies and as such he disapproved of Quat's behaviour. _

_It had been outrageously rude of Quatre to arrive late at an official reception, to greet his hostess with the barest of courtesies, and then formally excuse himself, claiming a prior engagement, before spending thirty minutes making his way out of the room. There was nothing Wufei could have done though; when Quat got into one of those moods, only Trowa had any hope of handling him. _

_Four years after War, after taking over control of WEI, Quatre Winner was outwardly the perfect young man. He officiated at all family functions; hosted glittering parties; served on numerous charities, had trebled WEI's profits over the past two years, and still managed to win awards for ethical and environmental business practices._

_His father would have been proud of him, except for one small, significant detail._

_He'd become much more discreet about his relationship with Trowa, at least on L4, over the past two years, but Trowa still accompanied him almost everywhere, and he'd never officially denied the rumours that they were together that bobbed up every so often, whenever a tabloid or celebrity magazine needed to spice up a column. _

_Life in a goldfish bowl, Wufei thought distastefully. Quatre lived so much of his life under the spotlight; virtually anything he said or did made headlines. And sometimes, like last night, it all got too much and he needed an escape valve. It was only natural. _

_Duo shrugged, unwilling as ever to level even the slightest criticism towards his best friend. 'It was cool! It's one of the things I love Quat; he's so damn classy about insulting people. Turning up late and then refusing to even sit beside Relena, saying he had an important meeting.' He grinned suddenly. 'An important meeting with Tro, I'd bet. So, anyway, when did Zechsy want to take you out?'_

'_He suggested dinner tonight.'_

'_Tonight?' Duo looked stricken. 'You can't! It's Christmas Day. And we're meeting Tro and Quat before they fly home tomorrow morning.'_

'_Relax, you idiot. Of course I'm not going out tonight,' Wufei assured him. Zechs probably hadn't been thinking of the what day it was, and even if he had, that was just too bad. He appreciated this - surrogate family of theirs a great deal, but it meant the world to Duo, who had never had a real family. 'If I do decide to go, he'll have to wait 'til after the vacation.' By which time, he calculated, the prince would most probably have lost interest, or moved on to someone else._

'_Well, tomorrow's out.' Duo considered. 'We're going to Sally's. You could go out on Wednesday night though. Your flight isn't 'til Thursday afternoon, and I can help with your packing and stuff.'_

'_We'll see,' Wufei hedged. 'Duo, it's almost eleven. I'm sure they'll be awake now.'_

_Trowa was certainly, looking levelly into the monitor from their lavishly appointed hotel room. 'Good morning, I was just going to call you two. I gather my angel was acting up last night, from what he's told me?'_

_Wufei nodded. 'Well, apart from insulting the former Queen of the World, it could have been worse. How is he this morning?' _

'_Asleep,' the screen swivelled and zoomed in an indistinct Quatre-shaped lump under the quilt, topped by a shock of blond hair. _

'_Wake up, kitten,' Trowa murmured, sitting on the side of the side of the bed and sliding his long fingers through Quat's hair. 'Someone wants to talk to you.'_

'_Go '__**way**__, Tro,' Quat whined, one hand batting ineffectually at Trowa's as he tried to pull the quilt back over his head. 'Not now. I'm tired.' He muttered something about three times in one night being more than enough for anyone, which made Duo snicker, and Wufei blush. He was still the only virgin of the four; he still found it difficult sometimes to see how casual the others could be talking about sex._

'_Morning, Kit-Quat,' Duo chimed in cheerfully. 'Wakey wakey!'_

'_Duo?' There was a minor upheaval under the bedclothes, and a dishevelled blond head shot out. _

'_Good morning! Trowa, why didn't you tell me the guys were on the line? Hello, 'Fei, you're not still cross with me, are you?' He turned those huge, melting blue eyes on Wufei. 'I know, I know, I behaved utterly appallingly and I deserve to be spanked.'_

'_Don't tempt me, little one,' Trowa growled, settling against the headboard, and pulling Quatre to him._

'_Promises, promises,' Quatre teased, pouting. Wufei's blush deepened as Quatre gazed appealingly into the monitor at him. He found it hard to tell, sometimes, when those two were joking or not, although according to a few things Duo had let slip, it was quite possible that they were being serious this time. 'Don't be mad with me, 'Fei. Please?'_

'_I'm not.' Wufei sighed. How the hell did Trowa ever manage to resist anything Quatre asked, when Quat looked up at him like that. Wufei inevitably crumbled after a few seconds of that pleading expression._

'_Oh, goody,' Quatre pulled himself up to snuggle against Trowa's chest, making Wufei blush again as he saw the trail of love-bites scattered over the white skin of his friend's neck and throat. 'When are you two coming over? Soon?'_

'_Now if you like,' Duo offered._

'_Not just yet, if you don't mind,' Trowa broke in. 'Quat has a couple of conference calls to make at twelve. Why don't you come for lunch?'_

'_I'd forgotten all about those,' Quat grimaced, then reached up to kiss his partner's cheek. 'Thanks, Tro. We'll see you soon then. Duo, how are you feeling this morning? Was last night awful?'_

_Trowa kissed the top of his lover's head, and gently disentangled himself, catching Wufei's eye. 'I think that's our cue to leave them to talk, don't you? I'll see you soon.'_

_They've forgotten about us already.' Wufei grinned ruefully; beside him, Duo was leaning forward, nose almost touching the screen. 'We'll be over in a couple of hours.'_

_Merquise had called shortly afterwards. He had offered a formal apology for his behaviour the previous night, and told Wufei that he was in no way to consider his acceptance binding._

_Perversely, Wufei had agreed to go along, and two days later, Duo was sitting cross-legged on his bed, watching him get ready._

'_So, I wonder where he's going to take you? Somewhere really fancy, probably.' _

'_I already know where we're going,' Wufei took a hair tie from his wrist and pulled his hair back, making sure to capture any stray wisps.. 'That Italian restaurant down by the harbour that you like.' Merquise had asked if he had any preferences and it had been the first place he'd thought of. At least it was familiar territory._

'_That's not very exciting,' Duo grinned suddenly. ' Of course, he might be planning to whisk you off to Paris or somewhere for the evening as a surprise.'_

'_I don't think things like that ever happen in real life. Only in those romance novels Quat reads.' He glanced at his watch. 'I'd better go or I'll be late.'_

'_I'm sure he won't mind waiting. You look really good,' Duo said, almost shyly. 'It's a pity you don't have a red shirt. It'd look really hot, with your dark hair and everything.'_

_Wufei smiled. 'I'm not sure that I should take fashion advice from someone who only ever wears black.' He had no desire to look - hot. He looked smart and conservative and that was good enough._

'_I do know that other colours exist. By the way, what am I going to eat for dinner?'_

'_Smoked salmon salad. It's ready in the fridge.'_

_Duo grimaced. 'Or you could just bring me home a nice pizza.'_

'_Salad,' Wufei said firmly. 'And I will check the trash. I will check the garbage chute. I will autopsy the neighbour's cat if necessary.'_

'_Fine. I'll eat the freaking salad. But it'll be your fault if I die from vitamin overload.'_

'_I'll risk it.'_

'_OK, have a great time. And don't eat any garlic.'_

'_Why not? Do you think he might be a vampire?'_

'_It'll make your breath smell when he kisses you. You don't want to order anything to strong-smelling. And don't get spinach; it'll stick in your teeth. And nothing too messy.'_

'_I have no intention of kissing him.' Wufei said firmly. 'I'll see you later, Duo. I shouldn't be home too late.'_

'_D'you mean I shouldn't wait up for you?' Duo grinned, uncurling his long legs and standing beside Wufei. 'Have a brilliant time. And if he doesn't treat you like a prince, we'll murder him and send the pieces to Relena as a belated Christmas present.'_

_And he leaned over to give Wufei a quick peck on the cheek. _

_It didn__'__t mean anything, Wufei told himself firmly as he closed the front door and headed for the garage. _

_Duo liked to touch people, even if he disliked being touched in turn._

_Of course, it meant nothing. A swift, fragile gesture of affection; it meant nothing more than his occasional hugs, or the fact that he sometimes leaned close when they were watching TV together on the couch. He knew, now, enough about his friend__'__s past to guess how much Duo had to trust him to do even that._

_He would never abuse that._

_The car had been a ridiculous extravagance. They hadn't needed a car at all, really; they could walk to the university and the shops and there was an excellent public transport system, but Wufei had missed that little bit of independence and they'd gone casually car shopping one afternoon._

_He'd had no intention of buying anything, but it made sense to walk around a few garages ad get an idea of prices and selection. They just needed a little runaround; reliable and practical and above all cheap. _

_Wufei still wasn't quite sure how they'd ended up driving home in a brand-new Mercedes coupé, except they'd both fallen in love with it at the same time. He could probably have walked away but he'd seen the look in Duo's eyes when the salesman persuaded them to test it and that had been that. _

_The car sat in his half of the garage; waxed and polished to gleaming perfection. Duo's space, unsurprisingly, was a mess. His mountain bike leaned against one wall, surrounded by piles of junk that Wufei preferred not to have to look at. _

_The drive to the restaurant took less than thirty minutes, even taking the longer, scenic route by the sea. It would be so easy just to drive past. He even had Merquise's cellphone number; he could call and claim something had come up._

_Damn, why was this actually harder than going into battle?_

_The place was almost empty when he finally walked in; so soon after Christmas, most people were still at home sleeping off the holiday excesses. Merquise - Peacecraft had reserved the best table in the place, the one that was normally booked weeks in advance and stood in a bay window overlooking the harbour lights. _

_He stood politely as Wufei approached, a gesture he doubtless meant to be courteous, even chivalrous, and that set Wufei's teeth on edge. Did the man truly think he would score points by treating him like a woman? _

'_I wish to apologise again for last night. My behaviour was unacceptable. I won__'__t insult you by trying to offer excuses, but I was under some strain.__'_

'_I imagine it was a difficult occasion,__'__ Wufei said quietly. It had been the man__'__s first public appearance since his trial. Two years in prison, some of it under a sentence of death; then a long spell in some sort of Sanque institution before moving to the palace. He'd spent far too much the previous day, when he should have been working on an assignment, in researching the man's past. He knew most of it, anyway, from the media, but there had been an archive of photographs that he'd somehow kept going back to. As Duo had said, the prince was gorgeous. And totally, utterly removed from the life they'd managed to make for themselves._

'_Thank you,__'__ Merquise said tonelessly. He obviously didn__'__t want sympathy, or pity. Well, Wufei could understand that. __'__I hope you will disregard everything I said.'_

'_You mean that I don't interest you?' The words were out of Wufei's mouth before his brain slammed down the drawbridge. Too late._

'_Oh, I meant that part of it.' One corner of Merquise's mouth tilted slightly. 'Very much. Now, what would you like?'_

_Wufei stared at him, his brain, normally so reliable, frantically trying to make sense of this._

'_To eat.' Those long, elegant fingers motioned to the menus in front of them. _

_Of course that was what he'd meant. Of course. Remembering Duo's advice, Wufei ordered toasted bruschetta, topped with crushed tomatoes and garlic, and pasta with a seafood sauce. There was no spinach or he would have ordered some. 'And a glass of mineral water, please. Still.'_

'_Oh, live a little,' Merquise teased. 'Have the sparkling. Or at least a twist of lemon. No? Well, still waters run deep, I believe. A glass of wine then?' He handed over the wine list, as thick and expensively bound as a first edition. _

'_I'm driving.'_

'_So am I. Go on. One glass won't hurt.'_

_It might even help, Wufei thought. He didn't drink, not really, just the occasional beer at home with Duo, but it would seem hopelessly unsophisticated to admit that. 'I'll have a glass of champagne, then,' he said recklessly, glancing down at the list of vintages. 'The Bollinger 171, please.'_

'_Certainly, sir.' The waiter hesitated. 'Or if you would prefer, I could recommend a more superior vintage to suit your meals.'_

'_I believe we've made our choice,' Merquise snapped. 'And we'll have a basket of garlic bread-sticks while we wait.'_

_More garlic. Well, kissing presumably wasn't going to be on the cards. Not, Wufei told himself firmly, that it ever had been. Absolutely not. He took a sip of his water, trying to think of something to say._

'_How long do you plan to stay here, Milliardo?'_

_Oh, that got a reaction; just a slight tightening of the jaw but a definite reaction none the less. '__I prefer to be called Zechs, if you don't mind.__'_

'_It is so easy to forget your heritage, then?__'_

'_No.__'__ One word, quietly spoken, and far more effective than any denials could have been. "It is very difficult.'_

_It would be utterly dishonourable to probe further; Wufei, still needled by the 'still water' give and the little, taunting smile that had accompanied them, was unable to resist._

'_I believe your sister prefers to call you by your given name. I heard her last night.__'_

'_My sister has something of a talent for constructing elaborate fantasies. She chooses to believe that her long last brother has been restored to her, precisely as she had always imagined him. The pilot known as Zechs Merquise has no part in any of that.__'_

_Wufei swallowed, unsure of what to say._

'_And to answer your question, I shall be here for another week. Then my sister is embarking on a tour of South America and she wishes me to accompany her. Her aim, I believe, is to show the world that I am not quite the demonic figure they may still believe me to be.'_

'_I see.'_

_The food, when it came, was excellent, the champagne danced pleasantly on his tongue, the water outside reflected the lights and the stars, and the man sitting opposite him was the perfect, charming host._

_It was a nightmare. It had been a mistake. He was going to kill Duo, for talking him into this. They had nothing in common, no part of their lives that remotely touched each other. _

_Merquise was trying; he had done his homework. He knew what courses Wufei was taking and was surprisingly knowledgeable about pre-Colony military history. Or perhaps it wasn't all that surprising. It had no doubt been taught at the Academy. He had been to China several times, and had read a great deal of translated oriental literature. _

_It was a relief when the waiter came to clear away their dinner plates, and unfurl a long list of proposed desserts and liqueurs. _

'_No, thank you.' Wufei didn't dare to meet his companion's eyes. 'I'd like to pay now please.'_

'_Wufei, please.' It wasn't the words that stopped him reaching for his wallet, but the tone behind them. 'I invited you here, and you were gracious enough to grant me the pleasure of your company. It's the least I can do.'_

_He let Merquise pay, let him pull back his chair, and even help him on with his coat. It was over, and he'd behaved churlishly. Merquise - Zechs - had been the perfect, considerate host, and he'd acted like a petulant child. The man must have been counting the minutes away, just as he had. Of course, he'd never want to see him again._

_Instead, they walked outside the door and Merquise stood for a moment to admire the view. 'I think I'm going to walk down by the water. I don't suppose you'd care to accompany me?'_

_Wufei would have refused if he hadn't seen the look in the man's blue eyes as he asked. Sorrow and regret and a terrible, bleak loneliness. A man who'd found himself living, against all the odds, but who still had to come to terms with the fact, to decide whether of not he actually wanted to live. He'd seen that look in the mirror, after the war, and later, after he'd left the Preventers, until Duo had somehow dragged him back from that brink. _

_Zechs was still there. _

_They walked to the water's edge, without talking; sat on a bench without touching. It was too late and too cold for anyone else to be outside. There was only the gentle lap of water against stone, oddly comforting, and an occasional drift of laughter or music from a large, luxury yacht in the marina. Wufei had only been on a similar craft once, the first time he'd duelled with Treize._

_Perhaps Zechs had had the same memory, prompting him to break the silence._

'_Why did you come tonight?'_

'_Duo nagged me into accepting.' It was the truth, more or less and surprised a sharp crack of laughter from his companion. _

'_Well, that's put me in my place, hasn't it?' Merquise laughed and a reluctant grin tugged the corner of Wufei's mouth, both at the laugh and the rueful tone of the comment. He somehow hadn't imagined the man - this brooding, tormented prince - would have a sense of humour, much less be able to laugh at himself. 'How is Duo? He seemed - rather upset last night. I imagine it's hard for him to see Heero?'_

'_Particularly when Heero totally ignores him, and spends the evening at your sister's side.' Wufei privately thought that had been for the best; Duo didn't need Heero trying to worm his way back into his affections, but he knew how badly it had hurt his friend, not even to receive a simple greeting._

'_If it's any consolation, he may have sat beside my sister, but he wasn't paying her any attention. And, from what I could see, he spent the whole night sneaking looks at Duo.' _

_Wufei frowned at that. It sounded like the man had spent his evening observing Heero and Duo. And it was Duo he'd followed in the first place._

'_Why did you ask me out? If you're so interested in Duo?__' Maybe that was what all of this was about; maybe Duo was the one he was really attracted to._

'_I told you that night, I'm not interested in Duo, and I meant it.' A faint smile threaded through his next comment. 'He's very attractive, but I wouldn't have noticed him for one moment if you hadn't been hidden behind a rather large flower arrangement.' He lifted one shoulder slightly; a movement that was entirely too elegant and graceful to be called a mere shrug._

'_Why did I ask you out? I imagine a declaration of love at first sight would make you uncomfortable. I find you incredibly attractive, intelligent, fascinating. You don't fawn over me, and you don't treat me like a monster, which seem to be the general reactions to my presence. I find it refreshing that you do neither.__'_

_Wufei shook his head. __'__You made mistakes and I believe you have paid for them. What other people may think is of no concern.__'__ He hesitated. It would have to be said, after all; sooner or later. Better to say it talk about it now, before this went any further. If he wanted it to. He pinched the skin on the back of one hand surreptitiously,__'just to check none of this was a dream. '__I killed Treize. You know that.__'_

'_No, actually. He chose you to give him death. Hardly the same thing.__'_

'_He was your lover.__'__ A statement. _

'_For some years, yes.__'_

'_Did you love him?__'_

'_Do you truly want to know all of this, Wufei? Now?__'_

'_I need to,__'__ Wufei said slowly. __'__If we are to even to consider a __–__ relationship, there are things we need to know about each other.__'_

'_You are considering it?__'_

'_I haven__'__t decided yet,__'__ Wufei told him, honest to a fault., and not quite sure how they'd suddenly got to this point. Thirty minutes ago, he'd just wanted to leave, and now…things had changed. __'__I don__'__t know enough about you.__'_

_Zechs laughed shortly, the sound totally devoid of humour. __'__I heard you were direct. Very well, then. Treize's family took me in after my parents were killed. Even after I entered the Academy, I spent holidays at one of his homes. He personally supervised my studies; took me one on my first flight. He was my first lover.__'_

'_I see.__' Wufei swallowed, imagining the depths of history between those two. Yes, they would have been perfect together; two brilliant, charismatic aristocrats with a shared dream and the means to make it reality. He would never even come close to matching Zechs' memory of Treize._

'_I don__'__t think you do, actually,' Zechs informed him coolly. 'If you're imagining a grand lover affair, you're quite wrong. I was just sixteen when he seduced me for the first time. It never occurred to either of us that I would refuse, and of course I didn__'__t. It was seen as something of an honour, to share his bed. He didn__'__t love me; it was another way of asserting power. He liked knowing who I was, who I was becoming under his guidance.__'__ He lifted his shoulder again, a gesture that seemed to be characteristic. __'__He never offered or expected fidelity. Sex was encouraged at the Academy; emotional attachments were not. So I__'__ve never been in love. Have you?__'_

'_Once.' Wufei admitted. 'Or I thought I was.'_

'_But not any more?'_

_Wufei shook his head, shivering slightly at a gust of air from the sea. It was cold, even with his heavy coat. 'No. In case you're wondering, I have been kissed before.__' Damn, where in the world had that come from? Duo's fault, probably, with all that talk of kissing earlier, but it was hard not to imagine what it might be like to feel that mouth on his, to feel those arms around him._

'_Have you now?' Damn him, that note of lazy amusement was back. __'__So have I, actually. Would you like me to kiss you?__'_

'_I don__'__t know.__'_

'_That__'__s honest. Will you let me try something?__'_

_He'd said he'd been kissed before and it was perfectly true. He'd gone through the motions, several times, and not one of those encounters had ever come remotely close to what he'd felt for Heero. _

_Being kissed by Zechs Merq- Peacecraft - whatever - was like nothing on Earth._

_His mouth alighted, precisely as a bee settling on a blossom. It was a seduction; slow, achingly sweet, that invited him to respond. Oh, no, he'd never been kissed like this before. He ended up half in the other man's lap, both hands wrapped around that silky fall of hair, and Zechs' fingers caressing his cheek._

'_I would like, very much, to see you again,__'__ Zechs said, the formality of the words not quite hiding the hesitancy._

'_I would like that.__'__ Wufei surprised himself by saying, with no hesitation at all. He had known that Zechs would ask; hadn__'__t quite known what he would answer. __'__I__'__m going to China tomorrow for ten days, though, on a university field trip. Then I__'__m visiting friends on L4. Perhaps we could meet after that?__'_

'_I__'__m not a particularly patient man,__'__ Zechs remarked wryly. __'__Where will you be staying in China?__'_

'_We__'__ll be based in Beijing, but there are some day trips planned outside the city as well.__'_

'_I assume you__'__ll have an evening free at some point? If you could let me know, I__'__ll be glad to take you out.__'_

_Wufei burst out laughing. __'__You are joking, I hope? Of course, you can__'__t come all the way to China just to have dinner with me!__'__ He blushed, slowly, glad of the darkness. Would Zechs think he might be offering something else?_

_Zechs shrugged, a light movement against Wufei__'__s arm. __'__Well, we could have lunch as well, if you had no plans for the afternoon.__I__'__ll see you in Beijing, then? Next week perhaps. Will you call me when you have a date? I__'__ll need to know a day or so in advance to arrange flights.__'_

_Wufei laughed. __'__I still can__'__t believe you__'__re going to do that.__'__ Duo was never going to believe it either. 'You said earlier that you going to South America.'_

'_I said my sister was going, actually.' He flicked Wufei a grin. 'But I believe there are flights from there to China.' Another grin. __'__I happen to be very fond of Chinese food.__'__ He picked up one of Wufei's hands and kissed the fingers in turn. __'__I__'__m not rushing you too much, am I? I don__'__t mean to.__'_

'_You__'__re failing miserably then,__'__ Wufei said crisply. __'__And don__'__t be ridiculous. I__'__m perfectly capable of letting you know what I do and don__'__t find acceptable. If you__'__re trying to reassure me that you__'__re not planning to seduce me straightway, I have no intention of falling into your bed.__'_

'_Very well. If we are to be honest, I will say that I do have every intention of trying to seduce you, at some point__'__ He hesitated, sweeping one long swathe of hair behind his ear. 'May I ask you something?__'_

'_I haven__'__t.__'__ Wufei smiled at Zechs__'__ expression. __'__That was what you were planning to ask, wasn__'__t it? And before you ask, I have no unpleasant episodes in my past to do with sex; I have accepted what and who I am, and I am not totally without experience. I__'__m not some silly little girl dreaming of romance, and to treat me as such will be an insult.__'_

'_Well, I wouldn't want to insult you,' Zechs smiled back. 'Although I rather like the idea of you dreaming of romance. With me.'_

'Mr. Chang?' A soft voice spoke at his elbow, interrupting his thoughts.

'_What?' _ Wufei snapped. That damned woman again; she was supposed to be one of Zechs' doctors but she refused to stop pestering him. He'd told her repeatedly that he was fine; that he didn't need medical attention; that the blood wasn't his; that he wasn't in shock; that the scratches from flying glass were merely superficial; and that he didn't need anything, but she still kept drifting over to annoy him.

'I'm sorry to disturb you, sir, but Security has just called. Your friend Mr. Maxwell downstairs and he is being escorted upstairs.'

_Finally. _


	48. Ever Decreasing Circles

Disclaimer - I don't own Gundam Wing. This is totally for fun.

**Ever Decreasing Circles:**

Getting to the hospital was like one of those nightmares where everything happens in slow motion. I'd already been running out of Preventers HQ when Wufei was on the phone, telling me what had happened to them; I'd planned to take the first car I saw, but there was a taxi just pulling up at the door, and the driver was more than happy to drive me to the Light of Dawn Private Hospital in half the usual time, for twice the usual fare. It meant I could spend the journey talking to 'Fei, apart from a brief pause when I called Noin's number to fill her up and request urgent medical assistance.

We ended up taking a maze of side streets to avoid road-works, and some big anti-ESUN demonstration, and the whole thing took forever.

I'd had to show my ID three times at the hospital, and that was before I even got up to the floor where Zechs was. Preventer agents seemed to be coming out of the woodwork, as well as an assortment of tough-looking characters wearing in the uniform of some private security company and the hospital's own security guards.

'Excuse me? Mr. Maxwell?' Not a security guard for once, but a dark-haired young woman eyeing me uncertainly. 'I'm Dr Noor al-Hamid. I'm one of the doctors treating his highness and I wondered if I could have a quick word about your friend.'

'What? I thought he was stable.'

'His highness is doing remarkably well,' she assured me, and filled me in quickly on Zechs' condition. 'I'm a little worried about Mr. Chang, however.'

'Wufei?' I swung around to look at her. 'No one said he was hurt.'

'He claims he isn't,' she swallowed. 'But he is covered in blood, and he has some cuts from flying glass. He is refusing to let anyone examine him and I believe he may be in shock. Apparently, he had to … kill some people to protect himself and Prince Milliardo, and he won't discuss it. We do have several highly-trained therapists on our staff; I know any of them would happily talk to Mr. Chang.'

'I'll talk to him,' I promised hurriedly. Wufei had had - issues dealing with things he'd done during the War; we all had. Taking out the bastards who'd tried to hurt Zechs, on the other hand, wouldn't have cost him a moment's regret, save maybe that he hadn't made it been slower and more painful. I wasn't quite sure how to explain any of that to the softly-spoken young woman in front of me.

'Thank you. I would appreciate that.' She hesitated. 'Be careful. Our Chief Consultant, Dr. Badawi, already tried to convince Mr. Chang to let a doctor examine him and he waved a gun at him.' She hesitated. 'Do you think maybe I should call Security?'

'No, don't do that. Please. I'll talk to him. Ah, where exactly is he?'

She pointed down a corridor. 'He is just outside the operating theatre and he refuses to leave.'

Well, that figured. Of course he wasn't going to leave Zechs after everything that had happened.

'Hey, 'Fei.' He glanced up as I walked over and I actually flinched at the look of desolation in his eyes.

'Oh, Duo. I thought he was going to die. I thought he would die with me holding him and there was nothing I could do to save him.'

'I know,' I whispered, meaning it. I knew exactly how he felt. I still had nightmares, sometimes, about the times I'd thought I'd lost Heero during the War. When we'd been together, I used to wake up and check his pulse during the night, just in case. 'But he's alive,' I soothed, pulling him into a hug. 'And he's going to be fine. I just talked to one of his doctors. They're really impressed with how he's doing.'

His head jerked up. 'Does that mean I can see him now?'

'Not for a bit. They're still draining the air out of his lung; there's too much risk of infection.'

'Oh, gods.' He slumped back down again. 'It's all my fault. We were having a row, and he got me to stop the car. So stupid. We were just sitting targets.'

'Stop that.' I gave him a little shake. 'Are you channelling Quatre or something? Of course it's not your fault, you moron. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine, for coming here in the first place. Or Quat's, for starting all this.'

'I wish he were here. It seems wrong to be on L4 and not have Quatre with us.'

'Doesn't it?' I'd been half aware of that ever since we'd landed, even if I'd never put it into words. God, how much weirder must it be for Tro? 'None of this is your fault, 'Fei. You're the one who saved his life! It sounds like you really kicked ass out there.'

'I was hopeless,' he denied shakily. 'I couldn't even think properly, I was so sure he was going to die. It took me three tries to hit one target and it wasn't even moving very fast. Oh, God. He could hardly breathe, Duo. The bullet nicked his right lung and there was so much blood.'

'You weren't hopeless! You saved his life, and it sounds like you really kicked ass out there.What happened to those other guys you said were with you? Who exactly are they?'

'They're … old friends of Zechs'. One of them stayed out in the desert; he called just before you got here. Apparently, one of the attackers is still alive, but he's unconscious right now. The other one just left a minute ago; you probably saw him on your way in.'

'A guy with red hair? Cute?' He nodded; stupid question, really. All of Zechs' 'old friends' - code for ex-Specials - are cute. I think Treize handpicked them for looks as well as everything else.

'What was the row about, anyway?'

'It was so stupid! He was offering to get me an engagement ring, and I refused and I just - I panicked, Duo. I can't believe I was so stupid. It's only a piece of jewellery, and if it makes him happy, of course I'll wear one.' He swallowed, hard. 'I'll do anything, if he gets better. I'll wear a veil and a tiara if he wants me to.'

'God, you'd better not say that in front of him! Seriously, you know he has some pretty weird fantasies; he'd probably take you up on it. Just tell him about Meiran, and that you haven't had the best experience of the whole wedding thing. He'll understand. It's not like he doesn't know you were married before.'

'I know,' Wufei took produced a handkerchief and blew his nose resolutely. 'I'll talk to him. Once they let me see him'

'Listen, OK? The doctor I talked to, she's really worried about you. She wants you to let one of the docs check you out, and get you to clean up a little.'

'Clean up?' He glanced down at himself, as if noticing his bloody clothes for the first time. I doubted he even listened to what the doctors had been saying to him, unless it was directly related to Zechs.

'Yeah. If Zechs sees you covered in blood like that, he'll freak out, and that isn't going to help his recovery. It'll be another half hour at least before you can see him; why don't you let the doc have a quick look at you?'

'I'm not leaving him,' he said firmly, one hand clenching around the gun he'd been waving around earlier. 'Absolutely not.'

'Right, how about this? There's a shopping concourse on the ground floor; if I run down and get you some fresh things, you could go and take a shower and I'll take over guard duty. Is that OK?'

'I - suppose,' he agreed, a bit hesitantly.

'Cool. I'll only be a few minutes. By the way, have you called 'Lena yet?'

He shook his head. 'I never even thought of it.'

'I'll do it, OK? The press is going to be all over this and I'd rather 'Lena didn't hear it on the news. Can you lend me your 'phone for a sec? I need to get her private line.'

He nodded, handing it over. 'Thanks, Duo. Just in case - are you armed?'

'Yeah.' I touched the gun at my hip, and he nodded. I felt a bit bad about that, actually. Marlie hadn't even noticed me taking it as I ran past her on my way out the door. I hoped she wasn't going to get into too much trouble for that.

'Hey, 'Lena, it's me. Duo.' There was silence on the other end of the line, not that surprising really. I don't think I'd ever actually called her before and she was probably wondering how some stranger had managed to get through to her personal number. 'Duo Maxwell.'

'Duo! I'm _so_ sorry, I've been attending a parliamentary discussion about fishery quotas all morning and my head is still full of facts and figures.'

Nice save, Relena. All that money her foster-parents must have spent on expensive boarding schools certainly hadn't gone to waste, had it? Then there was another little pause as she realised that I probably wouldn't just have called her up out of the blue. 'Duo? What's the matter?'

God, where to start? 'It's Zechs. You knew he was coming to L4, right? There's been a bit of trouble here, and he and 'Fei were attacked.'

'Tell me what happened.'

'Fei saved his life, from what I've heard.' I ended my account. 'He managed to stop the bleeding and he fought off the attackers.'

'Thank God,' she whispered, and then won herself a major gold star from me by asking how 'Fei himself was.

'He's not hurt. He's got a few scratches from the broken glass but that's all. He's just worried about Zechs, even though the doctors are saying he'll be fine.'

'Oh.' I could hear her talking to someone else; then 'Duo, I'll be there as soon as I can. I've just told Dorothy I need a shuttle urgently.'

'Lena, I'm not sure that's the best idea right now. No, listen. There's some damn weird stuff going on here; we still don't know what happened to Quat, you must have seen the news about the Preventer shuttle that got blown up, and now what's happened to Zechs and Wufei. It's probably not the safest place for you right now.'

'I don't care about any of that,' she told me in an imperious tone that sounded exactly like her brother's. She's always been too damn careless of her own safety, that girl, right from the first time I'd met her and she'd yelled at me for trying to save her from Heero. 'If Milliardo's hurt, I'm going to him and nothing's going to stop me.'

She hung up before I could say anything else; she was right, though. There wasn't a huge amount I could do to stop her. In her place, I'd probably do exactly the same.

I hadn't meet her until they'd been together for nearly a year. Zechs had asked 'Fei and me to the first exhibition of his paintings to be held in Sanque, and we were both to stay in the palace - where Relena was also in residence, naturally.

I think Zechs had made it very clear to her beforehand that I came as a non-negotiable part of the Chang Wufei deal, and she was going damn well going to have to be polite. Not being stupid, it didn't take her long to recognise just how her brother felt about his new boyfriend, and to accept that, if she ever wanted to stay a part of Zechs' life she'd better not alienate said boyfriend, or his best friend.

For his part, Wufei had sat me down before we ever accepted the invitation and we'd had a long Relena-centric talk. She wasn't one of his favourite people, by any means, and he knew I had very definite issues with her, but he was in love with her brother. Given how 'Fei feels about family, he didn't want to be the reason for Zechs falling out with the one close relation he possessed. He also knew Zechs wanted us both to be there for him, but he felt we should refuse Zechs' invitation if there were going to be a problems of the Relena variety.

What could I have said except that I'd try my very hardest to behave myself?

I'd had serious issues with her back then. Even though she and Heero had broken up, he was still escorting her to occasional glitzy functions, and there was non-stop media speculation that they'd get back together when he finished his studies, and she stopped jet-setting around the universe as ESUN ambassador, and settled down in Sanque.

It took a few more visits for us to get beyond the stage of mutual frosty politeness. She'd actually offered me a stilted little apology, that first time, but I think by then, I'd pretty much realised most of it wasn't her fault. Sure, she hadn't helped, but it wasn't like we'd been particularly happy, anyway, Heero and I. She'd been only one of our problems.

Maybe Heero and I might have got back together for a little bit, if it hadn't been for her, but it probably would have been the same shit once the honeymoon had worn off.

In the end, neither of us had got the guy, and that was that.

She was a damn hard person to get to know, and sometimes I'd wondered if there was anything there at all, underneath all those layers of courtesy and charm that had been instilled by her foster parents and her expensive education and all that diplomatic training.

I'd never expected to like her, much less feel sorry for her. She had everything, hadn't she? She was the beautiful princess who was universally worshipped and adored. Well, apart from me. She'd even got Heero in the end, and they were still friends, even if, according to Zechs, the romance between them had petered out after a few months. That made it almost worse, somehow. Like I'd given him up so they could have a quick fling and find out they weren't actually suited.

I'd never, never expected to find we had anything in common. Heero apart.

But she'd lost her parents when she was still very young. She'd lost her adopted father, whom she'd adored, in the War. She'd actually seen him die. She'd been only two when Sanque was attacked, but she'd spent her whole life having inexplicable nightmares about fires and explosions.

I sometimes wondered if that wasn't the cause of all that ruthless pacifism, that she never wanted another child to have to live through that sort of experience.

And she was lonely; sure she spent her whole life surrounded by servants and sycophants but she didn't seem to have any close friends. She wasn't great at dealing with people her own age. Oh, she could spend hours discussing some new ESUN regulation and she could have patented her own line of small talk for receptions and parties, but I'd never been able to imagine sitting down with a group of girlfriends and yakking about clothes and guys and the latest chick-flick.

Another thing; she tended to be a bit nervous with men who weren't old enough to be her grandfather, and I'd wondered if maybe she'd had some sort of unpleasant experience at some point.

'What did she say?' I looked up to find Wufei standing over me. 'Is something else wrong?'

'Not exactly. She says she's coming here. Maybe you could call her in a bit and tell her it's not the best idea right now? Anyway, I'll go and get you some stuff. Back in a sec, OK?'

Most hospitals have a little gift shop where you can buy cards and balloons and stuffed animals. This one had designer boutiques and a couple of galleries. Nothing like a spot of retail therapy when your nearest and dearest are at death's door.

The assistant in the first shop I went into kindly lent me his charger to power up my cellphone, while I found a pair of jeans in Wufei's size and a cashmere sweater in deep burgundy. It was cold in the hospital with the air-con on full blast, and Zechs likes Wufei in red. I refused the complimentary gift-wrapping service, and the chance to be added to their mailing list, and was just on the way back to the ward when I met Trowa stepping out of an elevator.

'I guessed you'd be here. Is Zechs all right? Where's 'Fei? '

'Zechy's doing pretty well and I….'

'Listen, Duo.' He interrupted. 'Heero's going frantic about you; you need to call him.'

'About me?' I blinked at him. 'Why? Nothing's happened to me.'

'You realise no one had any idea where you went when you ran off? Once we heard about Zechs, I guessed you'd be here, but Heero thought he'd done something wrong and made you run off.'

'But that doesn't make any sense! I called Noin. I told her where I was going. I think.'

'You called her to say the guys had been attacked in the desert somewhere, and needed serious help. No one knew exactly where you'd gone; just that you'd rushed out of the building. Heero's dragged half the agents in the force off Quat's case to see if they could find you on the CCTV tapes around the building. Then Noin told us about Wufei and Zechs and we realised what was going on.'

Oops. Well done, Duo.

'I'll call him now. Tro, can you give these to 'Fei? And tell him I'll look out for Zechs.'

'Hey. Heero? It's me. I'm sorry.'

'Duo! I'm so glad you called. I thought I'd pushed you too hard and scared you off.'

'No,' I assured him hastily. 'Not at all. You didn't push me anywhere I didn't want to be pushed.' OK, that conjured up a pretty weird image. 'I'm sorry, 'Ro. Really. I just didn't think of anything but getting to the hospital, and then my 'phone was dying and I needed to keep a bit of power in case 'Fei tried to call me.'

'All right,' he said quietly. 'Do you think, in future, you could maybe leave a message? Just so I know where you are.'

'I will,' I promised.

'Do you want me to come over?'

'Yes,' I breathed, shocked by how very much I did want him. 'But it's - probably not the best idea right now.'

_Not 'til Wufei calms down a bit and maybe stops waving his gun around._

'I understand. If you need me, just call. For anything.'

'Thanks. Actually, maybe you could do me a favour? I just talked to 'Lena and she's determined to fly out and see Zechs and I'm not sure how safe it is. Is there any chance you could give her a call and try to persuade her not to? Heero, it's not funny!'

'What's funny, my sweet,' he informed me, still chuckling, 'is you telling me off for over-protectiveness, and then proceeding to do the exact same.'

'Not the same thing. I can look after myself; 'Lena can't.'

'I'll talk to her. I can't promise anything though. She's very fond of Milliardo.'

'I guess.' I twirled the end of my braid around one finger. 'Oh, there's one other thing you could do, if you get a chance. I called Lucca a while ago to check up on something and he never got back. I'm not sure if he forgot but maybe you could call him.'

'He won't have forgotten,' Heero assured me, 'but I'll certainly call him. What did you ask him to do?'

'It's this company on L3, a subsidiary of WEI called Triton Holdings. Marlie - she's the Preventer agent who's looking after the kids - pulled up a list of WEI companies and the name just jumped out at me. It's probably nothing.'

'All right. Anything else?'

'Would you mind checking up on the kids for me? While you're in the building? I just ran out on them when 'Fei called.'

'I've already been there,' he said quietly. 'When Trowa and I came out of our meeting, I went to see you, and Agent Franklin said you'd got a 'phone call and just dashed off. I think you should call them if you get a chance; Nathan seemed rather upset that you'd left like that. I can give you Agent Franklins' number.'

'I'll call them now.' Damn. Stupid Duo. I hadn't done much to help them so far, had I? Just got them dragged off the street and then abandoned them. Great way to be responsible for them. I had to wonder if 'Ro would mind me adopting three kids at some point. 'Heero. We're - OK, aren't we?'

'Oh, Duo.' He hesitated and I had a sudden moment of panic that he was about to tell me it was all over. 'You are my life's love, you always have been, and nothing will ever change that. I promise.'

Oh. He's always been so damn eloquent with this stuff; I find it hard enough in person, let alone speaking into a 'phone. 'I, um, feel the same way about you.'

'Good.' We were silent for a few minutes; it was actually nice just to listen to him breathe, to know he was there. 'I'll go and call Lucca. Take care, and call me if you need anything. Please. Even just to talk?'

'I will,' I promised. 'I'll see you soon.'

'_You are my life's love.'_

Wow.

OK, time to ring Marlie.

'Duo! Is everything all right?'

'Fine. I'm sorry about earlier, you know. Rushing off and taking your gun and everything.'

'I understand. I would have given it to you if you'd asked me. And Heero said he'd talk to Colonel Noin.' She lowered her voice slightly. 'Just so you know, it's registered to Preventers, so if you do have to use it, it'll be traceable.'

'I'll bear that in mind before I shoot anyone,' I said solemnly. 'Marlie, d'you think I could talk to Nat for a sec?'

OK, Heero had said he was upset, and I couldn't blame him really.

'You said you were going to help us. And you just left us here. I should never have even talked to you! Ali was right; I shouldn't have got involved with all your shit.'

'I know. Nat, I'm really sorry that I had to run off like that. But one of my best friends got hurt, and I had to go to the hospital. I should have explained, you're perfectly right, but I just panicked. Can you understand that?'

'I guess,' he muttered. 'Why did you never tell me you're Duo Maxwell? Shit, you were a Gundam Pilot.'

Damn. That's the worst of having a dark past; you never know quite when it's going to come and bite you in the ass. 'Because that was all years ago when I was about your age. Believe me, in ten years' time, you probably won't to be telling people what you were doing at fifteen. Who told you, Marlie?'

'Yeah. She's got a serious thing for you, you know?'

'Mm.' I seriously hoped she wasn't listening to this. 'I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the Gundam thing. You don't have a problem with it?'

'Nah. It's pretty cool.' I let out the breath I hadn't even realised I was holding. It's the worst thing about meeting new people; not knowing if I'd somehow been responsible for screwing up their lives during the War with the things I'd done. 'Can you take me flying sometime?'

'I don't pilot anymore.' Damn, it still hurt saying that. It's not recommended for people who suffer from intermittent panic attacks to pilot their own craft. 'But I'll try to find someone who will?'

'When?'

'I'm not sure. Probably not for a while, though. You know, a shuttle got blown up earlier. It's not so safe.'

'What am I supposed to do then? The girls are drawing and stuff. I'm just supposed to sit and look at the walls?'

'You know anything about computers? No? Well, ask Marlie to show you. There should be some games and stuff on the PC in your room, and she can log you on to the internet.'

'OK. Listen, you know that guy, Heero. He was Pilot 01, right? The cool one?'

'Sure.'

Thanks a lot, Nat. well, I suppose Heero had saved the world and all; that probably rated a 'cool'.

'You should call him. He was bricking it earlier, when he found out you'd run off.'

Wonderful. Just what I needed; relationship advice from a teenage hooker.

'I called him already. I've apologised.'

'Is he your boyfriend?'

'Yes.' Maybe, if I said it often enough, I'd actually start to believe it was true. 'Look, Nat, I've got to go. I'll call you later. And you've got my number if you need anything, right?'

I hung up and took the chair Wufei had been sitting in. There was no sign of Trowa and I couldn't help being a little bit glad about not having to make conversation with him.

Apart from anything else, I still hadn't totally processed what had happened to Zechs, that we'd so nearly lost him.

It was over three years since the disruptive, blond firework called Zechs Merquise had exploded into our nice, orderly lives, based around classes and assignment dates and trips to L4 to see Quat and Tro.

We hadn't made it easy for him, either of us. I'd actually encouraged Wufei to go on the first date with him, mainly because I thought it would be good for 'Fei to go out with a sexy, attractive guy whose idea of a good time wouldn't be to take my friend to some ancient collection of books.

I hadn't envisaged they'd fall for each other; Zechs hard, painfully and all too obviously and Wufei very tentatively.

At the start, neither of us was all that sure of his motives for hanging around two ex-Gundam Pilots, especially when Wufei made it very clear that sex wasn't going to be on the agenda in the immediate future.

I think I'd actually mellowed first, just because I'd liked him from the start. Heero had always admired him, and then Zechs had been nice to me at the Embassy party, the first time we'd met, and he was so patently crazy about 'Fei that it was hard not to feel just a bit sorry for him.

Because 'Fei wasn't giving him an inch. Quat and I spent hours trying to convince him that everything he was feeling was normal and natural and that it was OK to be nervous and uncertain and all the rest of it, but he'd never been in love before. It terrified him, just how much he was starting to care about Zechsy.

It was hard, now, to imagine either of them without the other. Hard to imagine either of our lives without Zechs, period.

He'd better not die on us.

Damn, I hate hospitals. Way too many bad memories. I don't think I'd ever been in a hospital before Quat had tried to kill himself, except the one I'd busted Heero out of.

Then there'd been those couple of times after I'd gone to live with 'Fei and I'd picked up some guy and let things go a bit too far. Those months after my accident….that especially. Waking up to find I'd lost months of my life.

Waking up without Heero.


	49. Waking Up

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or anything to do with them, and I do this because it's my idea of fun…

**Warning: This one comes with a heavy-duty angst warning. Only to be read if you're feeling happy…I promise, things are going to get better….**

**Waking Up:**

_I've seen all those TV shows where people wake up from a coma, sometimes after weeks or months, and straightaway they're sitting up and demanding food and identifying the person who'd shoved them down the well shaft or whatever._

_Real life isn't like that; at least it wasn't for me. I don't, of course, remember any of this but apparently I started to regain consciousness less than twenty-four hours after I'd been airlifted to the Sanque Royal Hospital. Given the extent of my injuries at the time, the medical staff made the decision to keep me in an induced coma until the worst of the injuries had had a chance to heal. _

_I always say I was unconscious for six months, I'm not quite sure why except that it sounds neat, exactly half a year; in fact, it was for just about five months. Towards the end, they were gradually weaning me off the sedatives, and I have vague memories of that time; just voices around me - Quat more than anyone, and Trowa and Wufei, Howard and Hilde and Sally and even Noin. _

_And Heero, of course. When I regained consciousness, I found out that he'd only ever been there in my imagination, but it had seemed real at the time._

_It took a few days for my brain to engage properly, as I was weaned off various medications, and by then I knew Heero had to be dead. _

_I remembered a little bit of what had happened at the embassy; I remembered dancing with Heero on the terrace, and standing in his arms to watch fireworks blazing across the sky, and then the party being attacked. Other than that, I just had odd flashes of memory that didn't make any sense; something about a Leo, and exchanging grins with Trowa and me yelling at Relena._

_One of the surgeons; a middle-aged woman with a calm, reassuring voice, had assured me it was common to lose memories and that they would probably come back, if I didn't try to force them._

_I didn't try to force the memories of Heero getting hurt or killed, if I had witnessed it. All I knew he was that he had to dead or he would be with me. If he'd been injured, there was no way Wufei would be spending hours at my bedside. He would have been with Heero, not me._

_Wufei and I had started a tentative friendship during the War, but it hadn't lasted for long. I'd never understood exactly what had gone wrong, except I'd witnessed him at a point in his life when he'd been scared to death, and it had probably embarrassed the hell out of him. _

_I don't think he understood why I'd refused to join the Preventers, or why I'd been so furious when Une pressured Heero into joining._

_I'd tried so hard to keep in contact with him, inviting him over, even when Heero wasn't home, and after one too many curt refusals, I'd just given up. _

_Well, fine. Just because he was Heero's friend didn't necessarily oblige him to like me or want to spend any time with me. I'd tried not to mind. After the two of them had fallen out, I'd even tried to persuade Heero to make it up with him, but he'd refused point blank to discuss it. I'd guessed it had to be over something to do with me. 'Fei'd always been pretty dismissive of our relationship and disdainful of me, and I think he'd made one loaded comment too many and Mr Overprotective had just snapped._

_As far as I knew, they hadn't made up, but I knew Wufei's concept of honour. In Heero's absence, he would feel it his responsibility to look after me. _

_I'd been drifting in and out of consciousness for a couple of weeks, and I woke one morning crying from the sheer weight of knowledge that Heero had to be dead. Quatre was sitting beside my bed, and he looked about as miserable as I felt, those blue eyes swimming with tears._

_Oh, God. I hadn't even thought how Heero's death would affect our friends. He and Quat had always been so close, and Quat was probably picking up on my pain as well._

_Heero's name was the first word I spoke in months. It wasn't even a real word, and it wasn't really speaking; more of croaked version of 'Ro?' , but of course he knew what I meant. _

'_Oh, Duo.' Damn, I could tell he so badly wanted to fling his arms around me, but there just wasn't enough of me that wasn't still covered in tubes or wires or casting or healing skin, so he settled for stroking my hair with one hand, close enough that I could feel his tears hot on my skin. 'I'm so sorry.'_

_I'd known he was dead, I'd known it, but somehow I'd still managed to phrase the word as a question._

'_I'm so sorry,' Quat said again, and I wished I could make him feel better. God knows what the empathy was doing to him. _

'_How?' I croaked finally, when we were both all cried out. _

_Quat took out a neatly pressed linen handkerchief and mopped up my face a bit. 'How what?'_

'_Did he die?' I couldn't quite bring myself to say it out loud, but Quat had become pretty good at reading my lips. I didn't know why he was looking so puzzled. ''Ro?' I managed._

'_Heero?' Quat asked, and then his face changed. 'Duo, he ….. isn't dead,' he said haltingly. _

''_Ro? Alive? Swear!'_

'_I swear…he's alive, Duo.'_

_I had one moment of sheer, giddy euphoria; that was all. 'Ro? Where?' _

_It all got a bit blurry after that but somehow I managed to yank out an IV line. I remember Quatre yelling for a nurse, and the sheer panic in his voice, and then the sting of a needle and then oblivion. _

_I was kept more-or-less sedated for a couple more days, but I was floating in and out of awareness for most of it. I don't think anyone realised just how awake I was. I had my own room, no doubt paid for by Quat, with its own intercom to the nurses' station outside, so they could hear if I called._

_It apparently hadn't occurred to anyone that the comms system worked both ways. Dr. Marani hadn't told me much about my injuries, only that I was recovering way faster than anyone had dared to hope._

_Heero'd managed to self-destruct in Wing, and Trowa had nursed him back to health in a matter of weeks. I hadn't been that lucky._

_I found out what exactly was wrong, listening to the medical staff outside. I'd apparently crash-landed a Leo, something that still didn't make any sense. _

_I'd broken pretty much every bone in my body, even managing to surpass Heero's tally, up to and including my spine. In several places, actually. I'd had third degree burns over massive parts of my body, and the skin grafts were still healing. I'd needed lung and kidney transplants as well as several blood transfusions. _

_There probably wasn't that much of the original me left after they'd done with me. OK, they'd left my heart, but that was broken anyway, so it wasn't much good._

_Until, I fully regained consciousness, no one was fully sure about possible brain damage. The chances of me achieving any degree of independent motor functions, let alone actually walking again, were slim. _

_It was Quatre who somehow pulled me out of the darkness. He was always, always there. It never occurred to me to question it at first, then I found out that he'd more or less bought up a whole floor of the hospital and transformed a couple of the wards into offices, installed a couple of assistants, and ran WEI from the room next to mine. Whenever the hospital board objected, he just wrote another cheque._

_The others came and went, Wufei more often than most, but it was Quatre whom I simply knew would be my bedside. _

_Trowa was the easiest visitor of all. I never really knew what to say to Wufei, and he spent most of his visits reading aloud. Howard was a bit like Quat; he just couldn't accept that I was broken and he couldn't personally fix me, so he tended to talk brightly about all the things I'd be able to do when I got out, ignoring the fact that I couldn't even feed myself, or that I wasn't capable of eating solid food yet, given the tubes still in my throat._

_But Tro would just sit and held my hand, and tell me little stories about the circus, or a movie he'd seen, or the book he was reading. His visits tended not to last all that often, though, and I guessed seeing me lying there had brought all those memories rushing back of when Quatre had tried to kill himself._

'…_.have to talk about it with him,' I woke a few days later to hear Wufei's voice and for a while I couldn't even concentrate on what he was saying, just on the sound of his voice, and how he spoke certain words with an accent I'd never noticed before._

'_Not now. Not while he's still recovering.' That was Quatre, using the resolutely fierce voice that never quite matched his looks._

'_He needs to know sometime, Quat.' _

_Quat. I'd never heard him abbreviate Quatre's name before. _

_Actually, I don't think I'd ever heard Wufei address two words to Quat that hadn't been directly related to a mission. Quat had tried so hard to make friends with him, after the War, when we all knew 'Fei was miserable at the Preventers, and he'd been told to mind his own business in no uncertain terms. He'd added a few choice comments on Quat's relationship with Tro for good measure and I think Quatre had had to work very hard to stop his partner from going after Wufei with some of the larger knives from his collection. _

'_He has to know something's wrong, or else Heero would be here with him.'_

_Quat snorted. 'If that bastard dares to show his face in here again, after what he's done to Duo, I swear to Allah, I'll shoot him.'_

'_That won't help Maxwell. You know that. You'll just get yourself into trouble.'_

'_It would help me,' Quatre snapped, while my brain was busily playing a loop of **what the fuck is going on**? Over and over. Quatre wanting to shoot Heero? Impossible. He adored Heero. _

'_I **know** he has to be told, but he's in such pain, 'Fei. All I can feel from him is misery and darkness and pain, and it hurt so much.' There was a little pause and I could almost feel him trying so hard not to cry, and I was thinking that if Wufei dared to say anything to hurt him, I would somehow drag myself out of bed and beat him over the head with my catheter._

'_It's all my fault anyway,' Quatre said so quietly I almost didn't hear him. _

'_Don't be ridiculous, Quatre.' Wufei's voice was oddly compassionate. 'I know you need to feel responsible for everything in the entire universe, but I can't see how even you can find yourself at fault here.'_

'_I can,' Quatre said dolefully, blowing his nose. 'Wufei, I knew Duo was unhappy, I knew he was having a hard time adjusting to all this, but I could see Heero was trying so hard to make it work. I knew how much he loved Duo, and I thought they could sort it out between them, and Trowa said I wasn't to interfere, so I never did. I just told Duo that I knew how Heero felt about him, and that they should try to talk about all their problems. If I'd just told him to leave, then maybe he would and he wouldn't be lying here now, so it is all my own fault.'_

'_It's nothing of the sort,' Wufei cut in sharply, before Quat had a chance to get even more upset. 'Yuy and Maxwell are two of the most stubborn people I've ever met; if Maxwell wanted to stay with Heero, nothing in the world could have convinced him to leave. You know that. And you know he needs to know the truth about Heero. He's perfectly aware that there's something wrong, he was fretting this morning because he thinks Heero's been hurt and we're all too scared to tell him what's the matter.'_

'_But he's still so weak,' Quat said sadly. Oh dear, time to wake up before he had a chance to get all emotional again. _

_I let them fluff my pillows a bit, and give me a few sips of water, before I spoke._

'_Where is he, Quat? Please. I know there's something. I swear, nothing can be as bad as the things I've been imagining. Is he off on some secret mission; is that it?'_

_I'd been thinking about it, for hours, and that was the only thing that remotely made any sense. That Une or Relena or someone had leaned on Heero and managed to convince him he had to go off to save the world again. Of course, Quat would be furious at him for abandoning me, and he'd probably asked Wufei to watch over me while he was gone._

_I saw them exchange glances over my bed, saw Wufei give an infinitesimal nod, and Quat sat down, taking my hand._

_I nodded, squeezing my eyes shut and still feeling the tears managing to leak under my lashes. _

'_You still don't remember anything more of that night?' Quat asked gently. 'Anything about what happened between Heero and Relena?'_

_Heero and Relena? That made me feel better, incredibly; there couldn't anything too serious if they were making these crazy practical jokes._

'_You don't remember?' Quatre asked again, looking at me intently; I started to answer and then - stopped._

_Heero and Relena._

'_She was - wearing a pink dress.' It had been some shimmery fabric, with an elaborately flounced hem. I could see her now; Relena Darlian, no that was wrong, Relena Peacecraft, butterfly-fragile in her bright silks and lace, and standing in the circle of Heero's arms, his mouth bent down to hers._

'_No. No. It's not true,' I muttered. 'Quatre, please. Tell me it's not true. Not now.'_

'_I'm sorry.'_

'_What happened, Quatre? I need to know. I need to know what's happened to my life. All I remember is Heero and I standing on that terrace, We were talking. He said we were going to fix everything, that he loved me. And then there were those guys attacking the party. What did I do after that?'_

'_You still don't remember the Leo, do you?' Wufei asked._

'_I don't know,' I said wildly. 'I don't know what really happened, and what's just in my head. I don't know.' _

'_I think you just wanted to get away,' Quatre whispered. 'I was there, Duo. In the ballroom. I saw you come in, I saw your expression when you looked at - Heero and Relena. I think you wanted to run and the Leo was parked on the front lawn.'_

'_Here, Duo.' Wufei had turned away to get his briefcase and produced a handful of newspaper clippings. It made it all so real somehow, seeing the reports in black and white. And the photographs. The wreckage of the Leo - it was a wonder I'd actually survived. He held the reports for me to read; eyewitness accounts of what had happened on the night; then later speculation about what I'd been trying to do. Claims that I'd actually been a part of the attack, that I'd stolen the Leo to finish off what the terrorists had tried to do. An impassioned speech by Relena saying that I'd saved her life._

'_I think you just had to get away,' Quatre said again. _

_I knew he wanted me to agree with him, to say that I'd just wanted to escape from it all, that I hadn't been trying to kill myself, but I couldn't. I'd no idea of what I 'd been doing._

_Heero and Relena. Oh, God. I kept seeing them together, even when I closed my eyes._

'_Are they…together?' I whispered. _

_OK, so they'd kissed. Maybe it hadn't meant anything. Maybe he'd been high on adrenalin and she'd been so terrified she'd grabbed the nearest male body for a moment's comfort._

'_Here.' Wufei held out more photographs for me to see. _

_The first photo was above a headline which declaimed Heero Yuy's resignation from the Preventers, and then a long, gushy list of his achievements. He was in dress uniform, and Relena was pinning some sort of medal on his collar. She was smiling smugly at the camera, looking like the cat that had just corned the world cream market and had no intention of sharing even the tiniest drop. Heero was wearing an expression of armed neutrality, but he was holding her other hand._

_The second picture - from some sort of trashy tabloid - showed her giving him a kiss on the cheek, and the article raved on about the universe's hottest new couple. The other photos were variations of that, complete with glowing descriptions of how the Princess had found her champion, and other such drivel._

_He'd left Preventers for her. That was all I could think as Wufei unfurled a whole sheaf of photos of the two of them together._

'_I'm sorry, Maxwell. Duo,' He said uncertainly. _

'_Yeah.' That was the worst bit about being stuck in my damn bed; nowhere to run to. I lay there, willing them both to leave, so I could have a nice, private little breakdown, minus an audience._

_Quat tried a few times over the next couple of days to get me to talk about it, and I refused. Just turned my head away from him - the few inches I could manage unaided - until he got the message._

_Still, no one had noticed that I had my own little link to the outside world; that I knew exactly what was being said outside my ward, courtesy of the intercom. People lie to hospital patients, they'll tell you to your face that you're doing great, that everything is fine, that of course you'll be fine._

_Then they'll step outside the room and tell each other that one of your bedsores is getting infected, and that there's no point even starting physiotherapy at this rate._

_On the plus side, I learned that one of my nurses had a crush on my chief surgeon; that one of the interns had a serious crush on Wufei; and, once Trowa got back, I got to hear some cute little talks between him and Quat._

'_I want to get some proper nightclothes for him,' Quat was saying one morning. 'He's not unconscious any more, and I hate seeing him in those stupid hospital gowns. I talked to that nice Dr. Marani and she said he could probably wear natural fibres. Linen or silk, maybe.'_

'_I'm sure Duo would like that, sprite,' Trowa said indulgently. Sprite! I had to wonder how Quat liked that particular pet name; one I hadn't heard before. _

_It was so good to hear his voice again, though. He'd been gone for a couple of days, sorting out security for a new Winner Conference Centre in Berlin, and I'd missed him. _

'_We could go shopping this evening, if you like. Maybe even have dinner out together for a change.' I could hear a little smile entering Trowa's voice. 'And maybe Duo would let you have one of his old gowns in return. That colour matches your eyes, and you'd look very sexy with your ass hanging out.'_

'_Would I really?' Quat murmured coyly, and I could tell he was starting to have all sorts of doctor-and-patient fantasies. 'You'd look really hot in one of those white coats, you know. With a stethoscope and some of those latex gloves.'_

'_Behave yourself, kitten,' Trowa growled. 'or I'll have to put you across my knee.'_

'_Trowa!' Quat gasped, sounding affronted and shocked but with a very definite edge of excitement and Tro picked up on that straightaway._

'_Would you like that, Quatre? Would you like to be facedown on my lap where anyone could walk past?'_

_Oh dear God, please no…_

_He started saying something about the last time they'd been in the WEI boardroom and I wondered if I could just die if I stopped breathing for long enough. _

'_Trowa!' Quatre interrupted his partner's account of what exactly they'd done on a leather swivel chair just in time for me to take a deep breath. _

'_Very good, kitten. You've remembered my name,' Trowa murmured, using that special sexy voice that I'd overheard a couple of times when they didn't know I was listening. Then his tone changed to pure concern. 'What is it, my angel?'_

'_Don't call me that,' Quatre said automatically; he'd always hated that particular endearment. 'I just feel it's - wrong - for us to be so happy when Duo's like this. It's not **fair, **Trowa.'_

'_I know it's not. Oh, Quatre, don't cry,' Trowa soothed, and I could just imagine him taking Quat in his arms, trying to give him strength. 'You can't bear the pain of the whole world, you know that. And Duo wouldn't want you upsetting yourself.'_

'_I can't help it,' Quatre sobbed. 'I hate seeing him like this, and I can feel how much pain he's in and I - it's so **hard**, Tro.'_

'_I know,' Trowa murmured; there was silence after that for a while, and I really, really hoped none of the medical staff happened along._

_Quat was all rosily flushed when they finally came in to my room, and just a little bit red about the eyes. I politely ignored that, just as I didn't comment on the fact the buttons on his shirt had been done up incorrectly, and it was a rather on the rumpled side. They'd stayed at my house a few times, and we'd shared enough thin-walled safe houses together during the War, for me to know that those two had a very active sex life. _

_I hadn't realised doing it in public was one of Quat's particular kinks, though; God knows, he'd told me most of the other stuff. It did make sense though; a little rebellion for the perfect Winner heir. _

_We chatted for a little bit; at least Quat prattled on about one of his sister's new baby, and some deal he was trying to pull off, and what they'd had for breakfast earlier._

'_I heard the doctors this morning, after their rounds, Quat,' I interrupted suddenly. 'Is it true? That I'm never going to be able to walk?'_

'_Of course it's not true, Duo! It's far too soon to know for sure. And it's only their opinion anyway! I've been doing lots of research; there's a clinic in Switzerland that specialises in spinal injuries, it's the best in the world, and I've sent them your charts and they think they'll be able to help.' He was talking faster and faster, eyes fixed firmly on my heart monitor. Quatre Raberba Winner in full flight; utterly convinced he can solve all the world's problems if he only applies himself. Any minute, he'd be saying he had a plan to study medicine so he could fix me himself._

'_Not now, angel,' Trowa interrupted suddenly. 'Duo appreciates everything you're trying to do, but right now I think he wants to hear the truth.'_

'_Oh!' Quatre gave one convulsive little sob and fled._

'_Go after him! Trowa, please.' _

'_He'll be OK,' Tro murmured. 'You know Quat; sometimes he calms down quicker if he doesn't have a shoulder to cry on. He just needs a few minutes to himself.'_

_A few minutes away from me, he meant, screwing up every one of poor Quat's emotions._

'_Now, tell me what you heard.'_

_I told him, haltingly, putting together all the snippets of information I'd heard since I'd woken up. All the stuff that no one had actually come out and told me . The sheer relief of having someone just listen to me, and not rush to assure me that of course everything would be fine, that I wasn't to worry, that I was to concentrate on getting stronger._

'_Is it true?' I kept my eyes fixed on his. 'Just tell me, Tro. Please.'_

'_Some of it's true. Not all. You do know how badly your spine was hurt, don't you? They more or less had to rebuild it.' He gave me a tiny grin. 'There was damage to your central nervous cord as well; that's the main problem and they can't tell how bad it is until you actually try walking. Anyway, it will take time and huge amounts of physiotherapy, but it's not impossible that you will regain a certain amount of mobility.'_

'_Oh, God.' OK, I'd pretty much guessed all of that but actually hearing it…made it totally real._

_All I could think of was the cripples on L2. People who'd got diseases as kids and had never been treated; or who'd lost limbs in various accidents, begging and scrounging for trash in the gutter._

'_No,' he said forcefully. 'I swear, Duo, that will never happen to you. Nothing like that.' I hadn't meant to say any of that aloud. Obviously had, though. 'You have people who care about you. You're not alone any more.'_

_Yeah. It all came down to the same thing, really, didn't it? Whether I'd be surviving on the casual handouts of strangers, or my friends' charity, I'd still be spending the rest of my life as a useless liability. _

'_I - need to see Heero.'_

_I'm not sure how I'd expected him to react, but he just nodded. 'I know that. When?'_

'_S-soon,' I swallowed. 'Tro. Do you think he'll come?' _

'_Of course he will.' He looked mildly surprised at the question. 'Duo, you know he…'_

'_And don't tell Quat,' I said quickly. 'Please, Tro. Or anyone. This is something I have to do; it's no one else's business.'_

_He came the next morning, at precisely ten o'clock. Trowa had taken Quat shopping for something or other; Wufei had gone into Preventers HQ for a couple of hours. Tro had arranged everything._

_Heero had looked good in the photographs I'd seen; not happy or anything, but then he hated having his picture taken. But he'd looked like he belonged at all those fancy shindigs, a beaming Relena on his arm. _

_In the flesh, he looked terrible; like he hadn't slept for days. _

'_Oh, Duo. It's so good to be see you awake.'_

_Yeah, sure. You could've seen me awake days ago, if you'd been that bothered. _

_Unlike Quat, who always took a few minutes to figure out where best to touch me, Heero slid his right hand over mine easily, and fastened the other hand around the end of my braid. _

_I wasn't going to cry. That was all I wanted; not to cry in front of him. Just to do this without breaking down. He wasn't making it easy, sitting there with his head bowed, and the touch of his skin against mine._

'_I'm so sorry,' he whispered finally. 'Duo, my love, please. Let me explain.'_

'_You can't. You can't, Heero. Not this.' Damn, this was hellishly difficult. 'I want you to go. Now.'_

'_No! please, let me explain. You have to let me at least do that.'_

'_I don't **have** to do anything, actually.' I forced myself to look at him. 'You told me once, the first time you screwed me, that you would never, **never** force me to do anything I didn't want. Was all that just a lie so you could get into my pants?'_

'_Of course it wasn't! Duo, my love, please listen to…'_

'_No,' I snapped as forcefully as I could. 'You damn well listen to me. I'm telling you that it's over. Got that? At least, I had the honesty to say it to you in person. You didn't even have the decency to do that for me, did you?'_

'_Duo, please. Please. Can you just give me a chance to explain? Can't I at least have that?'_

'_I don't bloody well owe you anything, Yuy. Just go.' _

'_Tell me that's really what you want.'_

'_Right. It's what I want. Will you go now?'_

_Just get the fuck out of here, while I can still do this. Please. _

_He stood up slowly, sliding his hand over mine after one gentle squeeze. 'I still love you. I swear it, Duo. I'm not taking this as the end. You can't just finish it like this.'_

_But I could, actually. I had to._


	50. The Second Lightning Strike

Disclaimer: I still don't own Gundam Wing but I live in hope….

Note: Many thanks to Kaeru Shisho and Snowdragonct for their help, and to everyone who has been kind enough to comment.

**The Second Lightning Strike:**

'Hey there.' One large mocha, as requested. I got you a snack as well,' Trowa handed me a cup, and a paper bag. 'Is 'Fei still in with Zechs? I thought that doctor wanted him to try to get some rest.'

'I had a word with her.' I gulped a mouthful of hot liquid, waiting for the sugar-and-caffeine rush to zing down into my bloodstream and confer a much-needed energy boost.

It was nearly thirty hours since Zechs had been admitted and none of us had slept much since then. My brief sleep on Steph's shuttle, curled against Heero, was nothing more than a sweet, distant memory. Wufei had stayed at Zechs' side ever since he'd come out of surgery, except for a couple of brief periods to eat and shower, while I'd spelled him.

Tro and I had taken turns standing guard outside Zech's ward, trying to convince Wufei to take the occasional break and keeping in touch with the Preventers' investigation. It had been a little awkward at first, spending so much time with him, but we'd kept any conversation strictly non-personal, and I was slowly starting to relax in his company.

'I told her there's no way anyone's going to persuade Wu to rest 'til Zechs wakes up, and I wouldn't recommend trying to pressure him.'

'Definitely not.' Trowa grinned at the very idea. 'Noin called while I was downstairs; they've traced the manufacturer of that bullet that hit Zechs. Guess where?'

'Um, blind guess; L3?' I suggested, and he nodded.

'_Was_ that a just guess or something else?'

'Everything seems to lead back there, doesn't it? An arms company manufacturing highly illegal weapons and ammo; that property company the Preventers are still looking into; Heero said that when he went to see Quat in the hospital, Quat was talking about L3 but not making any sense.' I yawned suddenly; one of those big yawns that threatens jaw-dislocation somewhere along the line. Damn, it was taking a while for the caffeine rush to start rushing.

'You could take a few hours off, you know,' Trowa suggested. 'Zechs' sedative won't wear off for a while, will it? You could go and lie down for a bit. Isn't there some sort of accommodation here for family members?'

'So Noor said.' I opened the bag he'd given me, and took out a Cherry Danish, absurdly touched that Trowa had remembered my favourite pastry, and bit into it. 'Dr. al-Hamid, I mean. She offered to reserve us some rooms if we wanted.' I devoured the pastry in two bites and stood, stretching.

'I don't think I'll be able to sleep after all this sugar. Would you mind if I just went for a walk? I won't be long. Oh, Heero called just before you got back; Relena's shuttle's landed and the Preventers have organised a chopper to the hospital. They seem to think it's less of a security risk. She should be here any minute.'

Trowa gave me a look that signified he knew just what my sudden desire for exercise was all about; my lack of inclination to be part of Her Highness's welcoming committee. 'Heero met her off the shuttle?'

'Yeah.' I crumpled up the bakery bag and tossed it into a handy trash can. 'He's coming on the heli with her.'

'Do you mind?'

I shrugged; it was something I'd been trying very hard not to think about. 'He was the obvious choice, really. The one with all the Relena-guarding experience. Anyway, it's not like they're going to be alone; she's probably got half the Sanque Palace Guard with her.'

No opportunities for the two of them to be alone together.

'I'll see you in a bit,' I stood up, thinking about going outside. I wasn't sure if Heero planned to despatch Relena and leave straightaway, or if I'd maybe get to see him for a few minutes.

Still trying to make up my mind, I wandered over to the security desk, now manned by a uniformed Preventer.

'Hey, Ryan. Everything hunky-dory?'

'Hey, Duo. Sure. The Princess's chopper just landed on the roof,' he gestured to one of the monitors in front of him. 'She should be here in a few minutes.'

Ryan's eyes widened as the first figure jumped out, extending a hand to Relena. Well, that was OK. He was just helping her, right? He didn't have to let her hang on to his hand, or both an arm briefly around her shoulder.

'That's Heero Yuy, right?' Ryan asked. 'I didn't think those two were still together.'

'They're not,' I said shortly.

OK, I knew it was probably just a friendly gesture, to a girl who was worried about her only brother, but it still hurt, watching the two of them together like that.

'Tell Trowa I'm going outside for a bit,' I told Ryan suddenly. 'I've got my 'phone if he needs me.'

I took the back stairs to the ground floor, crossing the shopping courtyard, and picking up a little map of the hospital grounds on my way out. Noor had mentioned a lake in the gardens, somewhere among the golf course and riding trails and swimming pool. Luxury hospital life for the elite and their families.

I skirted elaborate flower displays, manicured lawns and a couple of sheltered little arbours before getting to the ornamental lake. There were some ducks paddling around, a small flock of geese picking at the grass, and two black swans gliding across the surface of the water, necks arched elegantly. They mate for life, swans.

It was a nice little spot, screened from the hospital buildings by pine trees on one side, and with a convenient little bench overlooking the pond, and the green expanse of the golf links beyond.

A notice to the one side identified the different species of birds, and declared the pond to be a carefully-designed, temperature-controlled replica of a lake in Canada. This is what always gets me about L4; you've got people living without access to fresh water in their homes, and a couple of miles away, there's this obscenely lush garden and an artificially-created habitat laid out specially for a few birds.

Damn, though.

Heero and Relena.

Sure, the rational part of me was saying that they were close friends, that she was upset about her brother and he'd been comforting her. That he'd said he loved me.

The not so rational part, on the other hand was busily pointing out all of 'Lena's many perfections, and my lack thereof. And the fact that he'd gone off with her before. Screw it anyway.

I'd had far too much time to think, over the past twenty-four hours. Too much time sitting outside Zechs' room; way too many time to mull over old memories of what had happened between me and Heero. Sure, it was nice to think that maybe we could get past all that history, but realistically, I had to face the possibility that it mightn't happen.

'Duo? Is everything all right?'

I'd been thinking so hard about him that it was a bit of a shock to realise the original was standing in front of me.

'How did you know where I was?'

Heero shrugged. 'Trowa said you'd gone for a walk; I know you and I knew there was a lake here somewhere. Here you go.' He handed me one of those snazzy insulated cups you get in expensive coffeehouses and I didn't need to look or smell or taste to know it would be hot chocolate, just as I knew that his cup would hold some sort of a herbal tea. 'I would have come after you sooner if they hadn't needed to whip the cream.'

It had been one of our rituals, making hot drinks for each other. Even it had just been boiling - or sometimes even tepid - water, he'd always had a square of chocolate hidden away, and I'd always managed to find some sort of herby thing for him. I'd once made him tea with just a few blades of grass floating on top of the water. In retrospect, it was lucky I'd never poisoned him.

'D you remember that cafe in Vienna? The one with tables out on the square? You said it was the best hot chocolate you'd ever had…'

'Yeah.'

Oh, I remembered. It had been one of my brightest, sweetest memories for a long time - two teenagers hanging out in a sunlit square, for once not concerned with planning or implementing anything connected to obscenely large-scale death and destruction. Sometimes, I could still taste the chocolate - thick and warm and bittersweet.

One of those gleaming memories I'd had to put away somewhere once it all got tarnished, and I'd started doubting everything he'd ever said or done; wondering if he'd ever really wanted to be with me.

I took a sip of my drink an got a mouthful of whipped cream instead. 'This is nice too. Thank you very much.'

'We could go back there, someday. If you wanted,' he offered tentatively. We'd spoken less than an hour before and I'd blown kisses down the 'phone; he'd been calling me regularly and he obviously had no idea how to deal with the fact that I was basically treating him with all the friendliness I would accord a total stranger who'd chosen to sit down and make random conversation.

'If you're quite sure you wouldn't prefer to take Relena?'

'What exactly is that supposed to mean?'

'I'm sure you can work it out. Your ex-girlfriend, remember? You were cuddling up to her a few minutes ago; I saw it on the security monitor.'

'I was helping her out of the helicopter. Duo…what in God's name do I have to do to convince you that I'm not interested in Relena? Kill her?'

_Well, that would do, actually._

'The fact that she's all over you like a rash, every time I see the two of you together doesn't damn well help,' I snapped back.

'Why can't you believe a single thing I say?' he demanded stiffly. 'I've told you, you're the one I want, not Relena. It's always been you. She's my friend.'

'She's also your ex,' I pointed out. 'But I assume you won't mind me snuggling up to Trowa the next time I see him, then. You'll be perfectly OK with that?'

'Point taken. What is it you want; for me never to see her again?'

_Yeah, that'd work._

'No,' I muttered. 'I'd just prefer you two didn't get touchy-feely all the time.'

'Agreed.' He offered me an uncertain little smile. 'Duo, do you think we could talk about us? Please?' He ran one hand through his hair. 'Every time I think things are going well, I do something wrong and we go straight back to square one.'

Damn. I supposed we had to do it sooner or later, after all, but later would definitely be better.

'Not now, OK?' I jumped up from the bench. 'I need to get back; I told Trowa I wouldn't be gone long.'

'He knows I came looking for you; he'll call if he needs either of us. Duo, please, stay and talk to me. Don't you think we need to try to sort this out?'

'Yeah, and I should have some say in _when_ we do it. And this isn't a good time for me.'

'It never is, is it? God, Duo, there's always going to be something more important for you, isn't there? Some excuse to justify your walking away from me?'

'I don't actually think that one of my best friends being in the ICU is just an _excuse_, actually,' I said, hearing my voice shake. 'And why can't I just walk away if it's what I want? Or is that your personal privilege? You left me before, remember?' I picked a bit of bark off the tree trunk with my thumb nail. 'You said you loved me and you still left.'

'Because you told me to. You _made_ me, Duo. You never gave me a chance to explain.'

'Explain what? As far as I knew, I'd been unconscious for months and you'd never once bothered to come and see me. You were too busy off being photographed with Relena. It was like you'd made your choice and I wasn't it.'

'That's _not_ how it was. I swear. You know how Quatre is; he was so upset about you and Trowa and I thought the best thing was for him not to see me at the hospital. Trowa was the only one who'd talk to me after what happened, apart from Relena. She was - she was the only person I could talk to; she was always there when I needed someone. It seemed the least I could do was attend a few parties with her, and of course the press assumed we were a couple.'

'But…you were together? I know you were a couple.'

'Later,' he hesitated. 'You know, that - that night when you saw us together, I 've wanted to explain that for years and you wouldn't listen.'

I shrugged. 'Didn't want to hear whatever excuses you were going to come up with. And you don't need to explain. She told me, a few years ago.'

It had been a recurring nightmare for years; the two of them locked in that endless embrace. I looked fixedly at some sort of little water-hen picking its way past our feet, totally ignoring us.

'She said she'd been terrified, that she'd just flung herself at you, and ..it had all been her fault.' She'd managed to tell me that before I could stop her, because it hadn't made any difference at that point. We'd both moved on. It wasn't like I was going to ring him up out of the blue and bring up his old teenage romance, after all.

'I'm sorry. It should never have happened.'

'Yeah. I'm sorry too. I guess I sort of over-reacted. I should have talked to you, yelled blue murder, anything except just run off. It was just - like seeing all my nightmares come true, you know. The two of you together. I should've let you explain, though, shouldn' t I?'

'I spent months trying to contact you and you never replied. I tried to visit you in Switzerland, and Quatre threatened me with a law suit for stalking you.'

'I never knew that.' I'd had all his letters returned unopened; I'd refused to take the calls.

He shrugged. 'What was I supposed to do, love? I didn't want you to feel I was harassing you, so I gave up. Lena invited me to spend some time in Sanque. She even persuaded me to see a therapist,' he snorted. 'That was atotal waste of time, anyway. I was consulting the man for his professional expertise, and he insisted I should be the one to talk during our sessions, while he sat back and asked ridiculous questions.'

'That is pretty much how they operate,' I grinned at the affronted look on his face. 'They like to hear all the facts.'

'Quite ridiculous,' he repeated. 'I had already emailed the pertinent information; quite sufficient for him to reach a diagnosis and recommend a solution. After three sessions, I decided I could more ably conduct my own research.'

'Right,' I said, trying no to laugh. It was all so typically Heero. 'Didn't 'Lena mind? If she'd been the one who wanted you to see him the therapist in the first place?'

He shrugged. 'She never said. Duo, I swear, nothing happened between us for months. Not until you'd made it abundantly clear, many times, that you wanted nothing more to do with me. I just - needed someone.'

Shit. There wasn't a lot I could say to that. I knew all too well how he'd felt.

'We were friends,' he said tentatively. 'We both needed someone; we had similar interests, shared ambitions. I thought it might be enough to sustain a relationship, that

I could try to make her happy.'

'And did you?'

'Of course not. She didn't know me. She knew the person she thought I was, She knew the sort of person she wanted for a boyfriend. I didn't come close to being either of them. It was never going to work, love. I only wanted to be with you, and she wanted a dream she had. Can you tell me, please, why you told me to leave that day?'

'Because I know you.' I twiddled the end of my braid between finger and thumb. 'The thing is, I saw all those photos, you know. Of you with 'Lena. And it just seemed that - well, it had to be what you wanted, or you wouldn't be with her. It was - not the best time for me, back then, OK? I was medicated up to the eyeballs, I was seriously depressed and I didn't know if I'd even walk again. I knew you'd want to take responsibility for all that; that if you knew what was wrong with me you'd probably dump her and look after me.'

'Duo,' he stared at me. 'I knew exactly what was wrong with you. And of course I would have been there for you if you'd let me.'

'I _know_,' I snapped. 'And that's what I didn't damn well want; for you to pick me out of some sense of guilt or pity or obligation or your bloody concept of honour, and end up hating me for ruining your life. End up with us both being miserable. Come on, 'Ro, you were seventeen; would you really have wanted to take on caring for a damn cripple when you had your whole life ahead of you?'

'Of course I would. I loved you. I love you. _God_, Duo. If I'd been the one in hospital, would you have walked away? Or stayed with me?'

'That's different,' I mumbled. 'It just is.'

'It's the _same, _you fool,' he yelled at me. 'It's exactly the same, except you can't get your stupid head around the fact that I love you and you're the most amazing person I've ever met, and it drives me insane that you can't see that.'

There was nothing remotely gentle about his kiss; he did his best to tangle his tongue around my oesophagus. I was probably starting to turn blue from lack of air when he finally let me go.

'I want to be with you; not Relena or any other person in the damn universe. Got that?'

I nodded, a bit shakily.

'Good. I'm going to get that into your thick skull if it takes me the rest of my damn life. Now, anything else we need to talk about?'

God, it was so damn tempting to shake my head and just melt into his arms. But he'd been right; there was stuff we needed to bring out into the open.'

'You resigned from Preventers. For her.' That was something that had always hurt; he'd joined the damn Preventers because she'd talked him into it, without even discussing it with me, and he'd presumably left when she wanted him to. I'd spent months tormented by that photo of her giving him a medal at his resignation ceremony.

'No, I didn't. I never resigned. I was …told to leave. Quite forcibly.'

'You've got to be joking! You were fired! Why?'

'Because I almost killed a suspect, and assaulted two other agents who tried to stop me. It was after the attack on Relena's party. Une didn't want me involved with the investigation. She said I was far too closely involved, but I insisted. I thought if I could only find out who'd been behind it, it would somehow help you to get better. I know it doesn't make any sense, but it was the only thing I could do.'

'They'd pulled in a guy for interrogation. No one seriously thought he'd been involved, but he had a record and we'd heard his name a few times from other possible suspects. I sat in on the interrogation. He made … a comment. About you. That it was a shame you hadn't been killed but maybe it was better for you to have to spend the rest of your life as some sort of vegetable, and I lost it. The two agents in the room tried to stop me and….well, you can imagine.'

Oh, I could imagine it...all too easily, actually . He's never been very good at accepting criticism of me from anyone.

'It was …all covered up?' I asked slowly.

'Of course. Une didn't want her top agent to face criminal charges. Relena was trying to have Milliardo released from prison, and it was felt, in the circumstances, that it would be …undesirable to have a former suit pilot prosecuted for assault. I didn't care at that stage what happened to me. After I'd spoken to you, in the hospital, I just - had nothing left. God, Duo, I'd assumed that I could somehow I could fix us if only you survived, that I could make it work, and you told me to get out of your life. I'd tried to contact you for months, while you were in Switzerland and you wouldn't speak to me.'

'I wanted to,' I whispered. 'But…what was the point? I thought you were just trying to salve your conscience or something; to keep in touch because of what we'd gone through in the war. Like Wufei; he used to come and visit me in hospital just because he thought it was his _duty_ or some shit like that. God, I dialled your number so many times and hung up; I wrote a bunch of letters and tore them all up. It was just - there were months when it all seemed like some awful nightmare, 'Ro.'

'Oh, my love.' He reached out for me, and I nearly gave into temptation, just to let him comfort me. Instead, I actually edged a couple of inches away from him.

'Just ….let me say this, OK? Please. I did some really stupid shit, after I went to live with 'Fei, you know?'

Stupid bloody question, really; of course he knew. Everyone knew since a couple of my little…indiscretions had been splashed all over the world media. Nothing the public likes better than a fallen hero, apparently, so I'd had the whole of my sordid past laid out in black and white for people to exclaim over at the breakfast table, or on the way to work. Lovely.

'I know, sweetheart,' he tugged me into his arms, holding me so close breathing was a bit of a problem. 'It broke my heart, seeing you like that, and not being able to do anything. I wish you could have talked to me.'

'I did,' I muttered defensively, pulling free and standing up. It was true enough; I'd finally given and taken a couple of his calls, but it had been a mistake. We'd spoken three times that first year; each call had lasted a couple of minutes and had been pure weakness of my part. I'd wanted to hear his voice so badly, and then hated myself for being so stupid. I'd answered his inquiries about my health, and I'd asked about his college course, and that was it.

He gave me a glare. 'They don't count. You know that. Whenever I tried to talk about anything - anything important, you just hung up,' he shrugged. 'I got the message eventually that you didn't want to have anything more to do with me. I couldn't blame you, really. And then it looked like you and Chang had got together; you seemed to be making a good life for yourself. I thought you and he were happy; that you must have fallen in love with him.'

'Nothing ever happened between us, 'Ro. He's never so much as looked at anyone else since he met Zechs.'

'I'm sorry.' I wandered off to the lake edge, picking my way carefully over wet grass and slimy goose turds, bending down to dabble my fingers in the water and withdrawing them straightaway. It was bloody freezing. 'It was just - easier, somehow, to believe that you'd never really cared about me, that you were just another person who'd lied to me and never really wanted me, that it had all been about sex and escape and nothing more.' I straightened up, wiping my wet fingers on my pants, and then leaning back down to pick up a perfect swan's feather. 'Because then I could force myself to believe that that was how it had been for me too, and that I hadn't lost another damn person who I'd actually cared about.'

'Oh, God, Duo. I always wanted you.' Heero stood up, one hand held out to me; I took a step toward him, the ground slipped away under me, and I was suddenly sliding backward into the icy water. I had just time to register the cold; a million tiny icicle cuts before my head banged into something immovable, and then Heero was hauling me out.

He was holding me tightly, murmuring that it was all right, that he had me safe. 'It's OK, love. You're not hurt, are you? Can you walk? God, you're freezing. Come on, we need to get you inside and warmed up.'

'No! I have to go back up to 'Fei and Zechs.' I muttered, trying to stop my teeth chattering. Heero had draped his sweater over my shoulders, and I was hugging it tightly around me, desperately trying to stop shaking.

'Sweetheart, they wouldn't let you in like that. You're a walking health hazard; you've got gooseshit in your hair, as well as all sorts of water plants and you're soaking wet.'

'Thanks a lot.' The asshole's mouth actually twitched looking at me. Charming. 'It's not bloody funny.'

'I know it's not,' he said soothingly. 'Look, I'll get us a room and you can get cleaned up, all right? It won't take long; then, I'll bring you straight over to see Zechs.'

'I suppose.'

He ended up half carrying me the couple of hundred meters up to the hotel; I don't think the smartly-uniformed doormen wanted to let me in, but a megawatt Yuy glare managed to convince them.

Heero left me on a couch inside the door and stalked off to the reception desk, looking as if he was wearing pondweed on his jeans as a conscious fashion choice. I was trying to look invisible, and not drip too much gloop on to the oriental carpets. I'd actually lost most of the feeling in my limbs at that stage, and was starting to worry about frostbite or gangrene or whatever you get from falling into icy waters. My head was throbbing away merrily as well; not exactly Duo's best day.

When he came back from reception, Heero took one look at my sopping, shivering self and simply swung me into his arms. I couldn't even be bothered to protest by then; to be honest, I wasn't totally sure I was capable of movement. The wonder was that he'd actually let me walk up from the lake, but he'd probably wanted to get my circulation going.

Once we'd got up to the room, Heero dashed around simultaneously managing to rinse the gunk out of my hair, swathe in warm towels, turn off the room's air-conditioning, run a bath, and produce a steaming mug of tea from God knows where.

'Drink this. It should warm you up. Now, do you need a hand to get into the bath?'

'I can manage, I think. I'm just cold, not totally incapable,' I took a sip of tea and nearly spat it out. 'You put whiskey in this, 'Ro. You know I hate that stuff.'

'I don't care. It's the best thing to warm you up fast. Duo, can you, for once, just do one thing I tell you to?'

'Why should I?' I glared up at him, well aware it probably just stupid, given that I was dripping water and small water plants on to the fancy marble floor. I only hoped to God that there weren't little fishies caught up in my hair as well.

He grinned. 'Because if you catch pneumonia, Chang will come after me with his katana and slice me into little pieces. Please, love? Just drink it. And get in the bath while the water's warm.'

After a few agonising minutes while the blood rushed around my body, it was bliss. He'd added some sort of bubble bath to the water so it was basically scented foam. Between the heat of the water, and the alcohol, my brain just switched off, vaguely registering my skin turning the shade of a boiled lobster, decorated with little lacy bubbles. I think I drifted off at one point, because I woke to find Heero standing in the doorway, calling my name.

He was wearing a silk robe the exact colour of his eyes, and I couldn't help wondering if that was just a happy coincidence, or if some zealous receptionist had rushed up to room bearing a co-ordinating robe for each of us.

'I'm sorry, Duo. I did knock and when you didn't answer, I was worried you'd fallen asleep.'

'Nope. Not quite anyway.'

'So I see.' He smiled over at me. Damn, he looked good. The robe was belted just loosely enough to show a fair expanse of chest, and I could tell that he'd been making good use of the gym membership card I'd seen in his wallet. 'I called the hospital. Milliardo is still sedated, but his doctor says all the signs are positive so far.'

He stepped a bit closer, placing a glass of water and a couple of pills on the edge of the tub. 'These are for you. I rang the doctor on call, and told him what had happened. He said you should be fine once you keep warm, and he sent up these for your head.'

'How the hell did you know it was sore?' I stared up at him, wondering if he'd somehow acquired the gift of empathy.

He smiled faintly. 'Well, you did use it to attack a submerged tree trunk.'

'Was that what I hit? It felt like solid Gundanium.' I reached over for the pills and tossed them back, hoping they wouldn't take too long to kick in.

'Can I get you something else to drink? Or I can order us something to eat.'

'You can come here. Please.' I extended one arm, beckoning him closer, and he crouched down beside the tub, not looking at me.

'Hey, Blue.' It was an old nickname I hadn't used for years. Pretty stupid, really; he'd had all these ridiculously romantic nicknames for me, and the best I'd been able to come up with was a colour. 'What's wrong?'

'It's stupid,' he muttered, dipping his head.

'Just tell me, OK?' I tilted his chin up, making me meet my eyes. 'I've just missed you so much, and I just - I saw you going under the water, and I thought…I thought…'

'Oh, Heero. Even I can't drown in a duck-pond. Come here.' I slid over to the side of the tub, and slid my arms around him, getting him nicely damp in the process. 'It's OK. I promise. I'm here now. I'm fine.'

I let him tuck his face into my shoulder, and just held on, wondering if he'd ever let Relena see him like this, if he'd ever let her comfort his nightmares, or if he'd always had to be the strong one. I'd been so damn lucky, in some ways; I'd had the most supportive group of friends in the universe. He'd had 'Lena; it was no wonder, in some ways, that they'd ended up together.

'I've been so stupid,' he said finally, tightly.

'Baka,' I teased gently. 'I'm the stupid one. At least you tried. I didn't; I just gave up. I should have…' My voice trailed off, thinking off all the things I should have done.

'Don't love. Don't. you're here now. We've found each other. I just want you to believe I'll never leave you. God, Duo, I'd do anything for you; you know that.'

'D'you know what you could do for me right now?' I suggested, offering him the most therapeutic thing I could think of. 'My hair could really do with a wash.'

My hair, in fact, was a sodden, tangled mass that didn't smell particularly pleasant, but I just hadn't been able to summon the energy to deal with it.

From the look on his face, I could have offered him something magical.

He started off by combing through the worst of the knots with his fingers, which meant I got to feel his touch on my head and shoulders and back as well.

'You've still got that particular fetish, then?' I asked, smiling. 'I always knew you'd fallen in love with my hair first, and then had to accept that the rest of me came as part of the package.'

'Baka,' he murmured. 'Keep your eyes closed for a minute, will you?' The shampoo he selected smelled deliciously of spices, with a faint hint of something citric, and his fingers swirling through my hair felt unimaginably good. 'I fell in love with all of you, as you very well know. Your hair and your incredible eyes, and your gorgeous body.'

'Yeah,' I teased, not entirely at ease with all the flattery. 'And the constant sarcasm, and the attitude, and the total unprofessionalism…'

'Everything.' He told me firmly. 'Absolutely everything.'

'Some way you had of showing it,' I sighed, bending forward as he began to rinse the lather out. 'You basically told me I was a crap pilot, and then you nicked all those parts out of 'Scythe.'

He snorted. 'You can't talk, love. The only reason you bothered to salvage Wing was for spare parts. Do you want conditioner?'

'Please. And that was before I'd actually met you.' I grinned; it was one of those old memories that we used to joke about. 'I wouldn't have dared after that in case you gave me one of those killer glares.'

He snorted, tugging lightly on the section of hair he was working conditioner into. 'You're the one who terrified me, as you know perfectly well.'

'Do I still make you feel that way?'

'Absolutely.' He let me turn in his arms, and we slid seamlessly into the kiss.

'How's your head feeling? Any better?'

'The kiss helped,' I admitted, which made him smile. In fact, it had pretty much receded to a dull throb; bearable if I had something else to distract me.

'Let's see if I can help some more. Just let me rinse this out and then lean back for me, will you? How's that?'

'Heaven,' I sighed, doing exactly as I was told and feeling his fingertips massage my temples gently. He's always had a major talent for this; if he hadn't taken the assassin/terrorist career route, he would have been one hell of a hairdresser. Or a masseur. 'I could fall asleep right now.'

'I must be doing something wrong, then,' he remarked wryly, and then dropped a kiss on the top of my head. 'Don't mind me, sweetheart. You're exhausted. How about taking a nap for a couple of hours?'

'Both of us?'

'If you like,' he kissed my forehead. 'Anything you like, love. Just tell me.'


	51. Breakfast in Bed

Disclaimer: Alas they don't belong to me.

Pairings: 1x2. Finally…..

Warnings: See above. Plus an ocean of sap and a few droplets of angst….

Note: Many thanks to KS for beta-ing, especially in the middle of all your computer woes. (You know, you'll be the perfect editor when you just master the art of reading the files I forget to attach….)

**Breakfast in Bed:**

Waking up with Heero curled around me was like waking into the ultimate dream. So good that I didn't want to open my eyes at first, just in case I _was_ dreaming.

'This is…real, right?' I managed. It should have felt weird, shouldn't it, being in bed with him for the first time in so many years? The weird thing was just how very right it felt, though. We'd always slotted perfectly together, and six years apart hadn't changed any of that.

He'd pretty much had to put me to bed the night before; getting me out of the bath and dried off, and into a pair of pyjama bottoms he'd produced from somewhere. The one thing I clearly remembered was his hesitating after he'd got me tucked in; I'd had to hold out my hand and to draw him in beside me.

'Oh, it's real. Very much so,' he murmured, as my lashes fluttered open a fraction, to check that he was actually there, and not some very realistic fantasy my poor deprived mind had managed to conjure up.

'G'morning,' I muttered and then added his name, just for the sheer pleasure of being able to say it to his face. 'Heero.'

'Duo,' he lifted his head slightly off the pillow to look at me and his smile was a caress. God, but he was utterly off-the-scale gorgeous; he was still wearing that blue robe he'd had on last night, but it had slipped off one shoulder, and he was all messy dark hair and piercing blue eyes and smooth skin gilded by the early morning sunlight….

Oh.

Morning.

'Uh, Heero, what time is it?'

He looked at his watch. 'It's almost six.'

'_What? _Six in the _morning? _Shit. _Shit_!' I jerked upright to glare at him, far too fast, and it felt like a Gundam exploded had self-destructed inside my brain. 'You let me sleep all this time? I can't _believe_ you did that. You _knew_ I wanted to get back to the hospital!'

'Duo,' he soothed, reaching out one hand to stroke my hair back from my face. 'Calm down. Please. Trowa's been calling me every thirty minutes. Milliardo woke up about two hours ago; Wufei was with him and they talked for a few minutes before he fell asleep again. Apparently, that's perfectly normal and the best thing for him. You wouldn't have been able to talk to him anyway, since he's only allowed one visitor at a time. Relena's with him now, Dorothy's outside with a team of 'Lena's bodyguards, and Trowa and Wufei have gone to have breakfast.'

I rubbed my poor head. 'It was still my decision to make. Not yours.'

'I'm sorry.' He did look slightly abashed. 'Trowa told me you hadn't slept since all this happened and he thought I'd be able to convince you to get some rest.'

'Oh, did he now?' I muttered, leaning across him to get his cellphone, lying on the bedside table and dialling Tro's number. 'Well, that wasn't any of his damn business.'

'Heero? What's happened? Is Duo all right?'

'This _is_ Duo.' I'd meant to chew him up for ratting on me to Heero, but he just sounded so damn tired - dispirited - dejected - take your pick - I didn't have the heart. He'd been trying to be upbeat around me; he obviously wasn't bothering around Heero, and that made me feel as guilty as hell. 'I'm sorry, Tro. I just wanted to check everything's OK.'

'Well, nothing new's gone wrong' Trowa yawned. 'Things are pretty quiet here; Wu and I just had breakfast, he's gone to lie down for a bit, and I'm going to do the same. So there's no need for you to rush back, OK? I'll tell Dorothy to call you as soon as Zechs wakes up.'

'So, am I forgiven?' Heero asked as I handed him back his 'phone.

'I guess.' I shook my head to clear the crazy image of Wu cosily snuggled up with Trowa. 'Someone could have told me today was Gang up on Duo Day, though.'

He grinned at me. 'It was decided weeks ago. Didn't you get the memo?'

'Cute,' I muttered, and he just smiled. 'How's your head feeling? Do you want some more pills?'

'That would be good.' He had the pills already laid out on his bedside table, along with a glass of water.

'Mr. Efficient, huh?'

'I try to please.' He gave me a quick kiss on the lips.

'It's working right now,' I admitted, lying back down and letting him slip an arm around my waist, pulling me closer. 'God, Heero, I can't believe we're actually in bed together. What is this anyway, the Royal Suite?' I hadn't been paying much attention to the décor the previous night, but it was pretty swish; tastefully decorated in shades of white, and awash with antique furniture and impressionist paintings.

'I can't believe they even let me in the door, given the state I was in. I think there was some sort of pondweed sticking out of my pants.'

He started to laugh and then stopped, biting his lip. 'I'm sorry, love. I had your clothes sent to the hotel laundry, and they called back an hour ago to say there was nothing they could do to clean them.'

'Oh, well, they're just clothes. It feels like I've been wearing them for half of my life at this stage anyway,' I shrugged, and then a thought hit me. 'You'll have to go out and buy me something, or else I'll be going around naked!'

'I'd like that,' he purred, and kissed me again, with just a faint flick of tongue against my lips. 'But seeing as this is L4, and they might not to approve of that kind of thing, I ordered you some new clothes last night. There are some twenty-four hour shops at the hospital and they do deliveries. They're in the wardrobe over there.'

'Thank you.' Damn, there'd been a hell of a lot of activity going on while I'd been asleep, hadn't there? That thought led to a nasty little suspicion of its own. 'Shit, Heero, did you give me some sort of sleeping pills last night.'

'No! I swear, Duo, I'd never do something like that to you. Never.'

'I'm sorry,' I murmured, pressing my lips to his bare, warm shoulder. 'It just sounded like half of L4 traipsed through here last night. Laundry, shop deliveries, and you said you were talking to Trowa every half hour….' My voice trailed off as that particular bit of information sank in. 'Damn, you stayed awake all night, didn't you?'

'It was a pleasure,' he murmured. 'Getting to hold you all night, watching you sleep. It was like you trusted me to watch over you.' He swallowed. 'You've no idea how much that meant to me.'

'I .. do trust you,' I whispered. 'I always trusted you to keep me safe, you know that.' I felt another sharp little needle of guilt prick my mind. 'You've been wonderful, ever since we got here, and I've never even thanked you properly. Figuring out a way for me to stay here, helping out with the kids, everything.'

'You don't need to thank me, baka. Speaking of the children, I forgot to give you this yesterday. It's from Lily.'

I opened the carefully-folded square of paper Heero handed me.

'Wow.' My first thought was that Lily had a promising career in modern art ahead of her; I'd seen paintings just as obscure in galleries, with six-figure price tags attached. 'Do you know what it's meant to be?'

'A flying llama,' he smiled, tracing the outline with one finger. 'It's got butterfly wings, apparently.' The smile faded slightly. 'Duo, what's going to happen to them?'

I sighed. 'I don't know really. Marlie's been trying to get them to talk about their parents, where they came from, to see if they have family anywhere, but they're not saying anything. I promised I'd look after them.'

'We will,' Heero murmured. 'They're safe for now and that's the important thing. . Gemma's discovered Disney movies, and Nat is teaching Marlie to play poker. I think she already owes him her salary for the next six months.'

He handed over another drawing. 'Lily did this for me, when I told her that I had a dog.' He looked down at the blob of black crayon like it was the Mona Lisa or something; he'd probably never had a little kid draw him a picture before. 'I thought we could...maybe put them on our refrigerator door some day, if you liked? That's what people do, isn't it?'

_Our _refrigerator. In our home, he meant. That was both scary and wonderful at the same time; the idea of living with him again. Realistically, even if Zechs and Wu had liked him, I couldn't just install him in our house, they'd both adored Mikhail and it had still been a little awkward the few times he'd stayed over. Somehow, the three of us had managed to achieve a balance that didn't really work when you added anyone else into the mix.

His talking about a _home_ reminded me of something.

'Heero, can I have your wallet for a sec?'

He handed it over, looking puzzled as I rooted around for the little stash of photographs.

'Um, sorry, I wasn't snooping in your stuff or anything,' I said, slightly embarrassed. 'I just sort of found these by accident.'

'You don't…. mind, do you? That I have these?'

'God, no. I didn't know if you'd even bothered to keep them or not.' I chewed at my lower lip. 'While I was in the hospital, one of the pipes burst in my house. I guess it was my own fault; I'd been meaning to get the plumbing fixed for weeks, but most of my stuff got destroyed. There were just a couple of photos and some books that had been on a high shelf, but everything else was ruined.' I shrugged. 'When I found out, it just seemed, I don't know, symbolic or something. Like another sign that we were finished, you know? I only had a couple of things left that showed we'd ever been together.'

'I still have all those pictures I took when we were together,' he said quietly. 'I'll show you when we get back to Florence.' He hesitated. 'I put them away before you visited; I wasn't sure how you'd feel about me having pictures of you.' He took the photos from me, picking out the holiday one of us in Vietnam. 'I keep this one by my bed, normally. I've always loved it; we both look so _happy_. I used to look at it and try to remember what it was like, feeling that way.'

'It's gorgeous,' I'd given it a quick, guilty glance on the shuttle and now I rested my head on Heero's shoulder and looked at it properly, remembering. Such a lovely picture, all the jewel bright colours and the South China Sea sparkling in the background. 'You'd bought me that sarong earlier, remember? From that boy selling them on the beach? And you'd spent ages tying it around my waist, and I was teasing you that you wanted to turn me into a girl.'

He snorted. 'That's rich, considering you kept trying to put flowers into my hair.'

'They suited you,' I grinned. 'Fair's fair, anyway. If you made me wear a skirt, the least you could do was let me decorate you a bit.' I put the picture carefully aside and picked up the one I'd originally been looking for; the one of us both with 'home' written on the back. He smiled as I held it out.

'Did you mean that? That it was home?'

'Of course I did. It was where you were.'

'I never really knew that, you know. I thought it was a just a convenient place for you to crash between missions,

'Never,' he said firmly. 'Sometimes, when I was away, I used to imagine living there with you all the time, and the two of us fixing it up properly, and …doing all the normal things that other people do. I would still like that, more than anything. Truly.'

'I ...want that too, 'Ro. For the two of us to be together. To have a home, you know. I really want that.' I took a deep breath. Where do you want to live?'

'With you,' he said promptly. Sap. 'Where do you want to live?'

'Here would be sort of nice,' I sighed, snuggling back into his arms, sighing as he began to trace slow, delicate patterns on my skin.. 'I never actually want to leave this room. Or this bed.'

He grinned. 'That would be acceptable. I would have to get a second job to pay for it, though, so I mightn't actually be around all that much.'

'I can pay. I did tell you I talked to my boss yesterday, didn't I?' That conversation with Mitch had been a bolt from the blue; he'd called me a few times and I'd been avoiding ringing him back, sure he was going to fire me. Instead, he'd wanted to talk about a design I'd patented a few months previously, that a major corporation wanted to buy. 'What about your job, anyway? Do you want to stay in Florence?'

'I said I want to live with you; that's the most important thing,' he said firmly. 'I could get another job. Or I could be a kept man for a while. I might like that.

'Really?' I twisted around to kiss the tip of his nose. 'Does that mean you're only after my money?'

'Absolutely not,' He stuck his tongue out at me. 'I'm after several other things as well.'

'Would that mean I'd get to boss you around? If I were picking up all your bills?'

'You already boss me around,' he said wryly. 'Of course, if I do end up being financially dependent on you, I'd have to do something in return, just to salve my pride, naturally.'

'Oh, naturally,' I echoed, groaning as his fingers found that sensitive little spot on my hip. 'What sort of things would you planning to do? We should probably be very clear on what we both expect from this arrangement, don't you think? Before we commit to anything definite?'

'Absolutely,' he gave me a solemn little nod. 'Well, as you know I'm a very good cook, and I could handle all your legal business and - ow! That hurt!'

'Not good enough,' I kissed the spot on his shoulder where I'd punched him. 'I already have a royal prince to cook for me, and the best legal team in Sanque. You'd better offer me something …special.'

'Special, hmmm?' He frowned very slightly. 'Maybe we could discuss this over breakfast? Love, when was the last time you ate? '

'Just before I saw you last night, actually.' It probably wasn't a good idea to tell him it hadn't exactly been a nutritious meal. 'Trowa's been keeping tabs on me, so I'm perfectly well fed.'

'So you haven't eaten for about ten hours. I'll ring reception and have something sent up. Is there anything special that you'd like?'

'Just toast or something. Or maybe some fruit?'

In the end, I was hungrier than I'd realised, and we shared my bowl of stewed fruit and yoghurt, and his scrambled eggs. Of course, the toast he'd ordered turned out to be some wholegrain rubbish, all seeds and nuts and sawdust, but I compensated by smothering my first slice with butter.

'Honey?' He proffered a small porcelain dish from the tray.

'Yes, dear?' I teased, trying to keep a straight face.

'Ha ha,' He dipped a finger into the bowl, sucked it clean and then bent down to kiss me. 'Would you like some honey on your toast, Duo?'

'Um, I guess that would be nice.' I bit squelchily into the piece he gave me, and he leaned over to swipe his tongue across my chin, licking delicately at the crumbs that had gathered at the corner of my mouth.

'You taste delicious, love. But there's more on the outside of your mouth than inside.' He turned me over in his arms, pillowing my head in his lap. 'I'd forgotten what a messy eater you are. Maybe I should feed you?'

'You know, we'll get crumbs all over the sheets if you do that.'

'I'm sure we'll survive.'

He broke off bite-sized pieces, letting me suck butter off his fingers, trading richly indulgent, honeyed kisses.

'I don't think I can eat any more,' I muttered finally. 'Enough, 'Ro, please, unless you want me to explode all over the bed.'

His mouth quirked. 'Well, we'll have to see about that. Unless you think you could go back to sleep for a bit?'

I shook my head. 'I'm all wide awake. Guess you'll have to entertain me.'

'Will I now?' He collected the tray and placed it carefully on the floor. 'Does your head hurt?'

'Just a little bit,' I grimaced. 'This sucks, 'Ro. We finally get to be in bed together and I have a damned headache.'

He only laughed. 'Last night you fell asleep on me, and now you have a headache. Is there something you're trying to tell me?'

'I just said that I have a _little_ bit of a headache. We could probably…work around it. If you wanted?'

'I'm…not entirely sure what you want, sweetheart.' He slid hand over my braid, stroking gently. 'We were going to take things slowly, weren't we?'

I shrugged. 'We've been taking things slowly, and look where we are. This is what? Our fifth date or something?'

'I've lost count by now,' he confessed. 'I hadn't realised last night was officially a date.'

'I damn well hope so, since we ended up in bed together! I'm OK, really. My head's a little bit sore, but I'm sure you could…take my mind off it.' I swallowed. 'Please?'

'Anything you want,' he murmured, echoing what he'd said to me in the bathroom. 'Just tell me. Duo, would you mind if I let your hair loose, please?'

'No. I'm impressed it's still braided to be honest. I thought you would have released it into the wild ages ago.'

'I wanted to check that you wouldn't mind.' He slid the elastic on to his own wrist and very slowly, very gently began to unravel the braided strands. 'It's so beautiful. You're so beautiful.' He kissed my flaming cheeks. 'You told me you were better at accepting compliments, my love.'

'Sometimes,' I muttered, not wanting to say that I could accept the words, just about, but not the look in his eyes.

'Better get used to it.' He slid the sheet back, and splayed the fingers of one hand on my chest, stroking slowly downwards, pausing at the pyjama waistband.

'May I? Please?'

'You first,' I muttered.

It was stupid, really; it wasn't like we hadn't seen each other naked countless times. He'd dried me and put me to bed last night, but it didn't really count as I'd been well over half asleep.

He'd never been remotely self-conscious about nudity; well, what a body like his, he'd never needed to be. I, on the other hand, had been shy about that sort of thing before the accident and doubly so after. The scars and skin grafts had pretty much faded after a year or so, but I still had memories of all those months when I'd looked like Frankenstein's pin cushion.

He'd only been wearing that damn robe for my sake; a little sop to another one of poor Duo's hang-ups.

I lifted my hips slightly for him to strip me, and that was that; I suddenly had a naked Heero wrapped around an equally naked me. A naked Heero, furthermore, who very definitely wanted me.

'Let me touch you, Duo. Please.' he breathed. 'Not that. Not yet. I just want to feel you.'

I lay back against the pillows and let him do as he wished. Hands stroked across my shoulders, swept down my back, then up again to slide down my arms to a brief entwining of fingers. His lips pressed gently against each knob of my spine, all the way down to my waist, and back up again.

'Is this all right?' He gently moved my hair aside, kissing the back of my neck.

'Very all right,' I murmured twisting around to face him, sliding both arms around his neck. Our mouths sealed ravenously as his hands ventured down and down.

He lowered his mouth to my chest, tongue barely grazing skin, took one nipple between his lips and began to suck. He took the other lightly between finger and thumb, rotating it gently.

'So I see,' he affirmed, closing his palm over my crotch and squeezing lightly. I moaned my desire into his open mouth, knotting my fingers in his hair, His fingers curled speculatively about the growing bulge, then he began to stroke teasingly, and I sighed as he took me in a firm hold, his other hand slipping between my legs to cup my balls. I closed my eyes; the fingers moving between my legs were gentle as gossamer; his fist was around my shaft, working me in a measured rhythm that echoed his kisses.

'I'm going to come, Blue.'

'Not yet, my love.' His hand pulled back a little, squeezing me lightly with thumb and forefinger, and he began to kiss his way downwards, taking his sweet time about it, stopping now and then to bite or lick or nibble at a particularly sensitive spot. 'I want to feel you come in my mouth, to taste how much you want me.'

'Oh, _God_,' I nearly came there and then, just from what he'd said, and the look in his eyes.

'Would you like that?' Damned tease, he gave me the lightest little kiss on the very head of my cock, flicking his tongue suggestively against the slit, and then pulled back, watching me. I arched upwards, trying to push deeper against those curved lips. Heero relented slightly and touched tongue tip to throbbing crown, then his tongue was everywhere, dabbling tiny kisses up and down my shaft, before fastening his lips about it.

He was always been quite incredibly good at this. The first time he ever tried, he swallowed me down without skipping a beat, and God, he could do the most amazing things with his throat muscles. He hadn't lost any of those skills in the years we'd been apart.

His lips traced caresses around my groin, then his hot, suckling mouth was taking my shaft I pressed myself against the pillows as he began to suck, letting him swirl me into ever-widening circles of desire, until I exploded into his mouth.

He wrenched me up into a crushing embrace and our kiss was fierce; I tasted myself in on his tongue, knew I'd lost myself in his mouth moments before, feeling his own poor, neglected erection rub against my hip.

Oops. Selfish Duo, forgetting that he'd need his own release.

It didn't take long, just a few strokes of my hand around the hard, smooth, molten heat of it, and he climaxed volcanically over us both.

'Wow,' I gasped as he collapsed on top of me, letting me take his weight for a few moments.

'Very wow,' he agreed solemnly. 'Seriously, totally, fucking wow, in fact. That was…'

'I know, Blue,' I whispered, locking my arms around his waist when he tried to pull off me. 'Stay, please?'

'I didn't want to squash you, and I should probably get us cleaned up a little bit.'

'Not just yet,' I cajoled, pressing closer and kissing the bare arm that lay across my chest. His body was curled around mine in a deliberate, enfolding arc and I felt unbelievably cherished.

'I wish we could just stay here in this room,' I murmured the words against warm, naked skin and his arms tightened around me. 'For ever. I don't want to have to leave. I don't want you to leave me again, not even for one second.'

'Oh, Duo.' He said it on a sigh, and his lips settled on my nape, kissing softly. 'I'll always come back to you. I promise. Or you could just come with me, and we could have a bath together? '

'I thought I did just come with you, 'Ro.' I tossed him a teasing little grin, so full of sheer, sudden happiness that I could almost taste it. 'But if you really want to go and wallow in that massive bathtub, I guess I could come and keep you company.'


	52. Quatre's Theories on Heero

Disclaimer - all the usual stuff…this is a non-profit story, and I don't own any part of Gundam Wing.

Author's Note: Back to Quatre. All sorts of past/present angst and references to …not very nice things happening..

**Quatre's Theories on Heero:**

He'd lost track of time. Time, place, everything.

They'd stopped drugging him, which should have been a good thing, but somehow wasn't.

Either they'd decided to give him a break before resuming, or they'd realised it hadn't worked. Not the way they'd wanted it to, anyway.

There were three of them, all in white coats. Doctors - scientists - torturers all. A woman and two men who had tried to rip his mind apart for their own purposes.

The woman terrified him the most. She looked at the young man laid out on the metal table and saw not a human being, but an intricate puzzle to be taken apart and rebuilt to her own specifications. The older man enjoyed inflicting pain. On his shift, the restraints were always pulled just a little too tightly around his wrists and ankles.

The second man wasn't much older than Quatre himself, perhaps in his mid-twenties, and he was the easiest to read. There were flashes of desire when he had to touch his subject, and his hands lingered just a little too long when he was readying him for the next trial.

The others seemed to have noticed too, since he'd never been left alone with Quatre for long. It was a possibility, though. One to be remembered. Maybe someone would slip up one day. He'd been trying to hold eye contact with the younger doctor, trying so hard to look pleading and vulnerable.

Maybe it would work.

There was irony in there somewhere. In all his life, he'd never wanted another person but Trowa, and now he was trying to attract someone who had only ever caused him pain.

'_I'm sorry, Tro. I'm so very sorry. I've ruined everything.'_

He couldn't stop the tears falling after that. He didn't know if it was the drugs or his situation or whether he was picking up on someone else's emotions, but he'd been crying continuously for what seemed like days. Or it might have only been an hour; he couldn't tell any more. Before the last trial, the youngest doctor had gently wiped away the tears, drying his face with a tissue; a gesture so unexpected he'd started to cry again.

He didn't even know anymore whether was he was feeling was someone else's emotions. It might have been memories or his imagination or the empathy, but he'd been getting flashes from Duo and Trowa, probably because he was thinking about them most of the time. Duo, especially; he couldn't always tell what Duo was feeling simply because he was so good at hiding things, but his dreams didn't lie.

They were - they always had been - the two most important people in his life, and he'd done unforgivable things to them both.

Oh, Allah. He missed them both so very badly. Duo would be all right; he had Wufei and Zechs, but Trowa's whole life had revolved around Quatre for so long. Who was going to look after him?

_Shit._

Sometimes borrowing Duo's vocabulary helped.

He'd tried so hard to protect them like he always had, and he'd only made things worse. He'd been so unbelievably stupid. Oh, he'd meant well; he'd always _meant_ well, but that didn't mean anything, not really. He'd always tried to be there for them both, from the very beginning…..

'_Just go, Quat, OK?'_

'_Don't be silly. Of course, I'm not going anywhere.' Quatre stood by the side of the bed and gave his friend what he hoped was a reassuring smile. 'I'll run and say goodbye when he 's ready to leave.'_

'_Look, it's going to be daylight in a few minutes, I'm wide awake, I think I can survive by myself for an hour or so.' Duo sighed. 'Listen, Q, just stop with the martyr act, OK? Tro'll be gone in the next hour and I'm not letting you sit here with me when you could be with him. Now, go and say a proper goodbye to, before I get up and kick you out. **Go!**'_

'_Are you sure? I'll just go and dress and then…'_

'_Why bother?' Duo grinned at him. 'Give old Tro a treat and let him see you like that.'_

_Quatre looked down at himself and flushed crimson. He'd been in bed with Trowa when Duo's nightmare had started, and he'd just snatched up the first things to hand before rushing in to his friend's room; one of Heero's tank tops which had somehow got mixed up with Trowa's laundry, and a pair of Trowa's shorts, which were far too big for him, and hung precariously on his narrow hips._

'_Duo, I couldn't!' Between the two pieces of clothing - and how in the world did Heero go around all the time dressed in those skimpy tops?- Quatre felt like he was practically naked. _

'_Sure you could,' Duo encouraged, sitting up in bed and pulling the duvet up around his shoulders. 'He sees you naked all the time, doesn't he? And you look way hot like that. Now, go already!'_

_Trowa was leaning over the porch railing, watching the sky gradually lighten in the east. He looked peaceful, serene almost, enjoying the birth of a new day. Nothing like the trained Gundam Pilot he was. _

'_Good morning.' Quatre could have stood there watching him all day, but they didn't have time. The dark head lifted slowly; he'd known Quatre was there all along, of course, and he smiled. Just a quirk of one corner of his mouth, and it was enough to propel Quatre into his arms._

_Oh, Allah, his father would kill him if he could see him now; half-naked and snuggling up to another boy in broad daylight. Quatre squelched that thought; his family would never forgive him for **any** of the things he'd done lately._

_Trowa hadn't bothered to shave, and Quatre loved the rasp of stubble against his own smooth skin._

'_How is Duo?'_

'_Better, I think. He dozed off a bit for a couple of hours; I didn't want to leave him alone again.'_

'_No way,' Trowa agreed. 'Kit, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't any help last night.'_

'_It's all right,' Quatre soothed, sliding Trowa's bangs from his forehead. It was always a waste of time; the thick, uncontrollable hair fell straight back into place, but it meant that for a moment he got to see both of Trowa's eyes. 'Really.'_

'_It's not all right.' Trowa ducked his head and that was that; the thick fall of hair was down over his face._

'_Stop that,' Quatre said firmly, snuggling a little bit closer; Duo probably hadn't realised how cold it would be before sunrise when he'd suggested the inappropriate attire. He was definitely not feeling 'hot' now. _

'_We should go in, angel, or you'll catch a chill, the way you're dressed.'_

'_You don't like it?'_

'_I never said that.' Trowa said huskily, holding Quatre at arms' length to look at him. It had taken weeks for Quatre to let him see him naked; at first, he'd insisted on having the light off, and their first attempts had love-making had primarily involved Trowa fumbling under Quartre's many layers of clothing in pitch darkness. _

_He'd been brought up in a culture where nudity was considered unacceptable; sinful even. A way to tempt weak human flesh into wickedness. But when he'd finally let Trowa strip him, when they'd been naked together for the first time, it hadn't felt wrong at all, but wonderfully right, and Trowa had poured caresses and compliments over him like cream._

'_Sure?' Quatre grinned, giving a daring little wiggle and letting his shorts slide a few degrees further south; something he would never have done a few weeks ago. Trowa moistened his lips slightly, breath catching, and Quatre slipped one thigh between those long legs._

'_It is a little chilly, though. Maybe you could warm me up?'_

_Trowa subsided onto the bench, pulling the smaller boy into his lap. Their relative heights were perfect for this, and he loved cuddling with Trowa, but he wanted more this morning. _

'_I love you so much,' he murmured. He loved saying it aloud, and seeing the way Trowa's eyes never failed to light up, no matter how often his lover said it. 'More than anything in the world, ever.'_

_Trowa's one visible eye gleamed, and Quatre craned his neck to kiss him, just below the ear where his collar would hide it, sucking just hard enough to leave a little mark, and make Tro moan. _

'_Love you,' Quatre repeated. It didn't matter, really, that Trowa didn't say it back very often. He knew Trowa loved him and that was the important thing. Fastening his lips to his lover's earlobe, he carefully shifted position so he was sitting astride Trowa's lap, and pressed as close as he could._

'_Oh, Christ,' Trowa groaned, deep in his chest, and threw his head back. Quatre flexed his hips again, grinding closer, and nipped at the pale, long throat._

'_You're going to have to stop that. Now.'_

'_Aren't you enjoying it?' Quatre tried to make his expression soulful and innocent and seductive all at once._

'_I'm enjoying it way too much,' Trowa gasped, his body making it all too clear just how much it was enjoying the contact. 'But we don't have time, angel, and you're still sore from last night.'_

_Drat; he was far too observant for his own good, was Trowa Barton. Quatre had tried so hard not to wince as he'd swung both legs around Trowa's waist. He was, also, unfortunately, perfectly right. Sex was going to be out of the question for a while; they'd still only done it like that a handful of times, and no matter how careful Trowa was with him, there was always a little pain. And it hurt, afterwards. _

'_Don't **call** me that,' he pouted. 'I'm not remotely angelic.'_

'_My beautiful fallen angel,' Trowa whispered, gripping Quatre's hips and lifting him up slightly. 'Save it 'til I get back? Please?'_

'_But I don't want to wait,' Quatre murmured, sliding out of Trowa's arms and between his legs. 'And I don't think you do either, not really. Hmm?' He pressed his cheek to Trowa's crotch, loving the feel of him; that delicious hardness that he'd caused._

'_Quatre…' It had, just possibly, started out as some sort of token protest but by the time Trowa had unrolled the last syllable, Quatre had unzipped his jeans, and tugged them down slightly. Once Quatre's lips had touched the head of his flaring erection, there weren't going to be any more objections. _

_He'd learnt how to give what Duo called one hell of a blowjob, over the last few weeks. Trowa had told him so, not in words but in moans and gasps and all the pure pleasure that his empathy could convey. _

_He still wasn't entirely comfortable with deep-throating; with having a large, demanding object thrust half-way down his oesophagus, but he wrapped the fingers of one hand tightly around the base of Trowa's cock to compensate, the way Duo had told him to._

_Of course, being Quatre, as soon as he'd mastered the basic principles, he'd begun adding little refinements of his own. He'd always liked to excel at any given task, and he liked to please, and he liked giving Trowa pleasure most of all. _

'_Quatre,' Trowa rasped, 'if you keep that up, I'm going to come right now.'_

'_Not yet, Tro,' Quatre pulled back to murmur, a nicely mingled blend of command and entreaty. 'Please..' _

_He wanted to make it last as long as possible, to give Trowa this last proof of his love. Duo and Heero had a tradition of never saying goodbye, but Quatre liked to make a ritual out of it, so that Trowa would know, just in case…_

_He choked off that terrible, traitorous thought and concentrated on Trowa. His lover's orgasm set off his own, and Trowa slid on to the ground to join him, enfolding Quatre in those long limbs._

'_Angel. I'm going to have to leave in a minute,' he said sadly. _

'_I know you do,' Quatre whispered. He reached up and slipped one hand through Trowa's bangs, revealing both eyes. 'Be safe, love. And come back to me.'_

'_Always, you know that. You take care. And look after Duo.' He hesitated. 'I hate leaving you both like this.'_

'_We'll be fine,' Quatre tried to sound positive. The last thing he wanted was Tro going off on a mission while distracted. 'Wufei should be here tomorrow and we Heero might be all right. He's only been missing for twenty four hours.'_

'_Fuck, I hope so.' Trowa's face took on that bleak, closed-off expression again, but his arms tightened desperately around his partner. It had always been an ever-present threat, that one of them wouldn't come back some day. They'd always known it, but now it had actually happened. 'Quatre, I … you do know I love you, right?' The words themselves were almost indistinct, with his head muffled against his lover's fair hair, but the sudden flare of emotion made them unnecessary._

'_Of course I do. I can feel it,' Quatre placed one hand over Trowa's heart. 'I always can. I just wish you could feel how much I love you; then I wouldn't need to say it all the time.' He made a brave attempt at his usual bright smile, and then tilted his head for one last kiss. 'Call me if you can, love. And take care.'_

_He waved until Trowa had driven out of sight, and then sagged down on to the porch, feeling a tiny niggle of guilt that he wanted this little bit of time to himself, when he should be going inside to check on Duo. _

_Duo… It was three weeks since Heero had left to rescue him from the OZ base; had brought him back covered in bruises and bandages. Being Duo, he'd refused to speak of it, but they'd all heard him at night; seen the way he flinched at sudden noises, or if someone got that little bit too close unexpectedly. _

_It had been bad enough while Heero was there; but Heero had left two days before on a mission with Wufei, and the Chinese pilot had called the night before to say they'd lost contact after a battle with OZ troops. _

_Quatre had spent most of the previous evening with Duo, reassuring him that of course everything would be all right; that of course Heero would be fine, saying all the futile, stupid things they told each other and that didn't really mean anything. Duo had listened without really paying attention, and then insisted Quatre go to Trowa's room, that he'd be perfectly fine by himself. _

_Except that he hadn't been; he'd started screaming an hour or so after midnight, and Quatre had had to try to calm him down, because Duo's nightmares were far too close to Trowa's to ask him to cope._

_He didn't even want to start thinking about how Duo would cope if anything had happened to Heero. _

_Move, Winner. He needs you._

_Duo was in the kitchen, slumped over the table. _

'_Heero called. He's OK; he should be here tomorrow.'_

_Quatre's face lit up. 'I told you he'd be all right. That's wonderful, Duo. Did he call you? What happened?'_

_Duo offered a shrug. 'No idea. I didn't talk to Heero; it was Chang who called. He wasn't exactly forthcoming, so I thought you could maybe call him later and get the details? You know how he feels about me.'_

_He mimicked the other boy's educated, refined accent. 'What are Gundam Pilots coming to now? Bad enough when it was that mercenary, but now they're taking in the scum of L2. Letting himself get captured, jeopardising a mission, leading 01 astray.' Duo slammed one fist on to the table. 'Prissy bastard. I've seen him sneaking looks at Heero when he thought no one was looking. It's not like he's ever going to get any, not unless he takes that stick out of his ass, anyway.'_

'_Of course I'll call him. And don't worry about him; he's probably just jealous.' _

'_Yeah, right,' Duo scoffed. 'The almighty Chang jealous of me.' Duo lifted his head and Quatre saw his expression. _

'_What's wrong? Heero's not hurt, is he? I'm sure he'll be back soon.'_

'_Yeah. Except I won't be here. Just got a message in; I have to leave this afternoon. Life sucks, hey? So… you want some breakfast?'_

'_Duo, you can't! You're not properly healed yet.'_

_Duo's mouth twisted. 'I'm functional, as Heero would say. And it's not like there's anyone else, with Sandrock out of action.'_

'_I could take 'Scythe. Duo, please…'_

'_Nope. My mission, my Gundam. So…what d'you want for breakfast?'_

_Quatre swallowed hard, trying to focus on something outside Duo's emotions, forcing himself not to get sucked in. Duo was his closest friend, but he needed to be handled carefully, sometimes, and he didn't like to be pressured or pushed into anything._

_He'd liked Duo immediately; the other boy was funny and clever and had seemed to like him too. They'd got on from the start; the first night in the desert base, they'd stayed up all night talking, about the Gundams and their training and the things they'd seen since coming to Earth. Quatre had told Duo about the flamingos that had perched on Sandrock, and Duo had talked about a rainbow he and Heero had seen. _

_The next day, Quatre had been longing for Duo to wake up and talk to him, but it had all gone horribly wrong. He'd only asked Duo a few harmless questions about his life on L2 and the other boy had clammed up completely. Quatre had tried to find out what he'd done wrong, but Duo had refused to discuss it._

_Heero had sat down with him one day and told him just to back off, that his persistence was only making more Duo uncomfortable, and that maybe there were things in his past he didn't want to discuss with the Winner heir._

_He'd known from little things that Duo had let slip that he hadn't ever had much money, and he hadn't cared about that. It wasn't as if Quatre knew nothing about poverty. _

_His sisters and their friends all attended luncheon and tea parties in aid of various suitable charities, and until her marriage Mariam had organised picnics and outings for the children of the immigrant labourers on the Winner Estate. Twice a year, she'd helped Quatre sort out his old clothes to donate to the poorer families. He had gone with her, sometimes, to the staff quarters and stood quietly while she chatted to the women and doled out sweets to the children. It would have been fun to play with them, or even talk to them, but the children were on their best behaviour in the presence of the son and daughter of their parents' employers. _

_He'd sometimes thought that he wouldn't have minded being poor, very much, and having to live in a small house, provided he could keep his pony and his violin. It would be fun to have so many other children to play with, and a father who didn't have to go away all the time, and maybe even a mother. _

_H wouldn't even mind having to wear other people's clothes. His sisters picked out all his clothes anyway, and maybe if he could wear another boy's castoffs, they mightn't be pink all the time._

_Allah, he'd been so innocent back then about how most people had to live. People whose lives hadn't been cushioned by wealth and power and privilege._

'_Breakfast, Q?' Duo prompted, looking at him expectantly._

_Quatre tried to smile back. 'I thought we might try making oatmeal.'_

'_Oh.' Duo looked down at the spoon in his hand. 'I don't think so, Quat. I sort of blew up the microwave. Did you know you're not supposed to put silverware in those things?'_

_Quatre shook his head; it wasn't as if either of them had ever seen a microwave until recently. 'Trowa knows how to make it in a pot, on the stove. We could try that?'_

_Two pairs of eyes drifted toward the cooker, and two heads shook in unison._

'_Or we've could have some cold cereal instead.' Duo jumped up, headed for their store cupboard. 'I swear I'm never going to let Heero go shopping by himself again. All he got was that high fibre rubbish. Basically, you can have your pick of wood shavings or wood shavings with rabbit droppings,' _

_'He got the muesli with the dried blueberries?' Quat's eyes sparkled. 'I love that.'_

'_Freak,' Duo muttered. 'You know you can get really nice sorts of cereal; with chocolate chips and maple syrup and even little marshmallows.'_

'_They're really unhealthy, though,' Quatre pointed out. 'All that refined sugar and additives.' _

_Duo rolled his eyes. 'Hello, Earth to Quat! Didn't you get the memo about us being terrorists fighting an evil organisation that's trying to conquer the world? You think a little sugar is going to make a whole lot of difference to our life expectancies?'_

'_Don't talk like that!' _

'_Sorry,' Duo muttered. 'Heero got some packages of those dried apricots you like as well; not sure where he put them though.' _

_'Top shelf,' Quatre reached one arm up to get them, and Duo immediately noticed the bruises, a delicate blooming of lemon and amethyst on his pale skin. _

_'Quatre. What the fuck? Who did that? Was it Trowa? I'll fucking kill him.'_

_'Duo! Stop it. It's nothing.' _

_'It's not 'nothing'!' Duo snapped. 'Why the hell didn't you tell me he was hurting you? I'm going to kill the bastard. And that's assuming Heero doesn't get there first!' _

_'Duo, please. Please, just calm down. I'm fine. I swear, Tro didn't hurt me. We just got a bit carried away, that was all.' _

_'He forced you!' _

_'No! It's nothing like that. Duo, you've no idea how long it took for him to stop treating me like I'm made of porcelain. Please, calm down. I'm **fine**, I swear it. I didn't even notice at the time.'_

'_What the fuck are you saying? That you let him hurt you because you get off on it?'_

'_No.' Quatre sat down, clutching his head. He didn't, not really. It was just that he liked it when Trowa took charge, liked relinquishing control for that brief, precious time. And there was always that nasty voice in his head, whispering horrible, vile things, sometimes sounding like Father, or the strictest of his tutors, the one who'd lectured him for hours about the sins of the flesh. If Trowa hurt him, even just a little, it somehow balanced out all the pleasure he got from it, and made it acceptable._

_He didn't think Duo would understand that though. _

'_It's just - you know what it's like?' _

'_No,' Duo snapped. 'I **don't** frigging know what it's like! And probably never will at this rate. judging by how Heero's carrying on.'_

'_Oh! I thought you and Heero had…'_

'_Well, we haven't. Because **he **doesn't want to.'_

'_Duo, he adores you. You know that. He just doesn't want to pressure you into anything.'_

'_I offered, OK? And he turned me down.' Duo shrugged. 'When did we start reversing roles like this, Quat? With you the wild sex kitten and me carrying on like a blushing virgin. I asked him straight, for fuck's sake. And he refused.' Another shrug, with his braid twitching like it had a life of its own. 'So, FYI, that's how much he … 'adores' me.'_

'_I think you're over reacting slightly,' Quat said calmly. 'I know how Heero feels about you. There's nothing wrong with wanting to wait.'_

'_Wait for what? A fucking engagement ring? He's fifteen, Quat! He's not supposed to care about anything except getting laid.'_

'_Did you want him to?'_

'_Hell, yeah! Sort of. I don't know. I wanted to give him something for a change, you know?' _

'_He wants you to want it as well, Duo.'_

'_Whatever,' Duo flopped down on one of the chairs, wrapping both arms around himself. _

'_He just worries about you,' Quatre said softly. 'After what's happened to you.'_

_Violet eyes glared at him. 'What, now you can read minds as well as everything else? That was weeks ago! And nothing happened anyway, so it's no big deal. I'm not making a production out of it, so why can't the rest of you just forget it?'_

_Quatre sighed. 'Duo, they half-killed you. I saw you the next day, remember? And you know what else I'm talking about. It's only natural that you're going to have nightmares.'_

'_**What**?' Duo yelled. 'If you've been screwing with my head; so help me Quatre, I'll swing for you! Got that! Stay out of my damn mind!'_

'_I wish I could,' Quatre shouted back, suddenly submerged by all of his friend's fears and insecurities.'I don't **enjoy **feeling your emotions, you know! I hate it and I hate that you pretend everything is fine and you won't even **try** to let any of us help you, and I know everything isn't fine, and I wish you'd just stop lying about it all.'_

'_I don't lie, Winner.' Duo's voice could have frozen steam._

'_Well, you don't always tell the truth, do you? Not even to yourself?'_

_Duo hunched back in his chair, knees pulled up to his chin and arms wrapped around them. They glared at each other, until Quatre dropped into a crouch in front of him. _

'_I'm sorry. Really. I - I want to help you, that's all. I think maybe it would help if you could talk to someone.'_

'_That's what you think,' Duo muttered, chewing his bottom lip. 'You don't know shit, Quatre. I told Heero stuff and he never wants to touch me again.'_

'_Oh, Duo.' Quatre tried to make his voice gentle. 'That isn't true. You know it's not. Heero worships the ground you walk on; the very air you breathe. And he's terrified that he'll do something wrong and you'll run off. He knows what ha- nearly happened to you, and he's blaming himself for not getting there sooner. That's all.'_

'_So? He hasn't tried to touch me since it happened; not once. Like he thinks I'm soiled or something now.'_

'_Or he knows you went through an incredibly traumatic experience and he's scared to do anything you might not be ready for?'_

'_You think?' Duo nibbled on the end of his braid; never a good sign. 'I told him, Quat. You think anyone's ever gonna want to be with me after they know all that?'_

_Quat conjured up the faintest gleam of a smile. 'Duo, Heero was a trained assassin. I don't think he'll be judging you.'_

_Duo shrugged, muttering something around a mouthful of hair that sounded like 'not the same'._

'_No,' Quatre said firmly. 'Because he **killed** people. And he wouldn't care about anything you've done, anyway. You just have to let him know what you want. He isn't actually capable of reading your mind.'_

_Duo shook his head. 'I know you're trying to help but you've got it all wrong. I offered, OK? I practically threw myself at him the night before he went on that crappy mission. And he turned me down flat. So don't tell me I need to let him know what I want, because I already did and he made it pretty fucking obvious that he wasn't interested.'_

'_Of course he's interested in you!'_

'_You don't know shit about it, Quat! He fucking rejected me, OK? How'd you feel if you'd come on to Trowa and he turned you down?' Duo blinked rapidly. _

_Quatre took a deep breath, trying to block out the emotions spilling over from Duo. 'He's just worried about you. He doesn't want to - do that, until he knows you're…'_

'_Functional?' Duo wondered bitterly. 'Is that the word you want? Exactly how fucking **functional **do I have to be to bend over and let him screw me?'_

'_Duo, don't. Please.' Quatre sank back on to the floor, as if putting that little physical distance between them might help.._

'_Yeah, right,' Duo said. 'Don't use nasty words in front of the nice sheltered little L4 boy, right? It's all hearts and flowers and making love for you, isn't it? You don't know anything about it, Quatre.'_

'_That's not what I meant,' Quatre snapped suddenly. _

'_Sorry,' Duo's arms were around him and he was gasping apologies. 'I'm sorry, Quat. I'm just so screwed up about all this. I thought - that night he rescued me - that we'd really got somewhere, you know? That we'd got some sort of understanding, just the two of us. But since we got back here, yeah, he lets me sleep in his bed, and he held me the first night, 'cause I asked him to, and I spent the whole damn night wondering if he was only doing it 'cause he felt sorry for me, and after that I waited for him to make the first move, and he never did. I just … wanted him to hold me, OK? To know that he still cared. So what do you think I should do?'_

'_I think you should tell him exactly that. Oh, Duo, I swear to you, he loves you.'_

'_I know,' Duo whispered miserably. 'I hurt him and then he went off on that mission and I thought he'd died and now I don't know when I'll get to see him ever again. If I ever will.'_

'_Of course you will.'_

'_Yeah.' Duo scrubbed his hand across his eyes and Quatre tactfully pretended not to notice. 'Quat…what's it like? Really? Not just all that shit about how you can touch each other's souls and stuff.'_

_Quatre tried not to feel offended; he loved that quote. It was from his favourite book and it described his and Trowa's relationship exactly. _

'_It's - like, do you remember the first time you flew 'Scythe?'_

_Duo nodded, and Quatre saw the sudden flare of comprehension in his eyes, knew he understood._

_Power and terror and freedom and control and limitless, heart-stopping potential. The sense of owning and being possessed. Wonder at the sheer **rightness **of it all. _

'_That good?' He asked, almost reluctantly._

'_Better, actually. It's with a real person, who cares about you.'_

In Sandrock, he'd always felt he could touch the sky, but with Trowa he'd been able to touch another person's heart and soul.

And he'd destroyed that.

Quatre bit his lip as hard as he could, trying to focus on the physical pain instead. There was someone one coming; he could hear the heavy bolts being slid back; the scrape of metal on wood.

More experiments.

It was Barton, instead. He stood looking down at Quatre with all the passion of a scientist examining a new, mildly interesting specimen under a microscope before speaking.

'Tell, me, do you know a man named Jason Irving?'

'He's one of the councillors for L2. I've met him at ESUN meetings; he's a corrupt, unscrupulous man and he should never have been elected. He's hardly been back to L2 in the past three years.'

'Well, one can scarcely blame him for that,' Barton commented. 'And incidentally, he does possess a _few _scruples. He's made some mild objections to a vital part of my plan in fact; he apparently has some small sentimental attachment to his colony.'

'Perhaps he simply prefers not to participate in mass murder,' Quatre said coldly.

'Dear me,' the older man tutted. 'You aren't exactly in a position to talk, are you? Tell me, precisely how many people died as a consequence of your little tantrum during the war?'

Quatre turned his head away from that taunting voice; he was right, of course. So many people had died because of his actions.

'Oh, I'm sure you regret it now, but that doesn't change your actions, does it? It doesn't bring back all those poor people?' Barton stood up. 'Fascinating as this discussion may be, I don't have time to indulge right now. I simply wished you to know that I have found an .. little incentive to persuade Irving to support my cause fully. Just a pretty little piece of bait to lure him to take the hook.'

'Not Trowa,' Quatre gasped, before he could stop himself.

'I have told you not to use my son's name for your whore,' Barton's hand cracked across Quatre's cheek, the signet ring on his little finger splitting his lip. 'Irving would hardly be interested in that mercenary trash,' he sneered. 'Oh, no. I offered him Maxwell.'

'No! Allah, you can't do that.'

'But I can,' Barton crooned. 'I can do anything I choose, and you are quite, quite powerless to stop me. How do you like being the helpless one, for a change? Tell me, are you starting to know how I felt, with all that vaunted empathy? My only son was killed, all my plans were ruined, and it was all due to a handful of unruly children! Irving was the main investor in the original Deathscythe; did you know that? He lost s a very great deal of money because of your little friend.'

'No!' Quatre forced a deep breath, forced himself to speak calmly. 'Please. Not Duo.

Surely, there's something I can do in exchange. Please.'

'But you have nothing I want,' Barton hissed. 'I already have that piece of circus trash as guarantee that you will do whatever I ask. Maxwell, simply, is expendable, and besides, I really couldn't disappoint my friend Irving at this stage. I gather he has all sorts of plans for …entertaining 02. He is said to have very eclectic pleasures.'

'No,' Quatre whispered, starting to panic. Not Duo. Not after everything that had happened to him already.

'Oh, dear. Is that too much for you to bear?' Barton mocked. 'I shouldn't worry; I'm sure Irving will make it his business to keep Maxwell alive, if not overly well and happy, for a very long time, assuming he gives ..satisfaction. Or perhaps he may enjoy it…I saw those newspaper articles about his behaviour while he was recovering from that accident. He likes it rough, doesn't he? And it's hardly the first time he's whored for a living, after all.' He patted the blossoming bruise on Quatre's cheek. 'You really need to pick your friends more carefully, don't you?'


	53. Intensive Caring

Disclaimer - I do not own any part of Gundam Wing and I am writing this purely for fun.

Note - Many thanks to Kaeru Shisho for the edits and suggestions; to Dyna and Wolfje, whose reviews of chapter 46 inspired the second half of this one; and to everyone who's been reviewing.

Warning - Cliff-hanger of Doom…..

**Intensive Caring:**

'Well now,' Heero wolf-whistled at me when I came out of the bathroom. 'You look nice.'

'_Nice_?' I threw him a mock glare. 'I get all dressed up, in the clothes that you picked out for me, and all I get is _nice_?'

Even I'd thought I rated a bit higher than that, glancing at myself in the bathroom mirror. He'd bought me a slate-grey linen suit, the sort of thing Zechs wears all the time, and a funky plum-coloured, silk t-shirt to go underneath.

'Very nice,' he amended, smirking. 'I'd say you looked so good in those clothes that I want to rip them off and ravish you, but I'm trying to get you accustomed to compliments gradually.'

'Good save, Yuy,' I muttered, letting him slide one arm around my waist, and pull me against him.

'You look fantastic,' he breathed, flicking his tongue around the shell of my ear. 'Did everything fit all right?'

'Everything fit perfectly,' I said politely, knowing just what he was asking. Along with the snazzy designer clothes, he'd ordered me a selection of underwear; some simple cotton briefs and a couple of pairs of boxers in pure silk, just a shade darker than my eyes, exactly like he'd promised.

'And?'

'And maybe you'll just have to find out for yourself. Later.' I grinned. 'But you'll be glad to know that - everything - fit exactly right. I think I'm going to hire you as my personal shopper, by the way.'

'Good,' he positively purred. 'I like dressing you. I take it I'm giving satisfaction so far?'

'Adequate,' I grinned. 'We're going to have to work on your stamina, though.'

He snorted. 'Speak for yourself, Maxwell. I seem to remember you coming in the bath before I'd scarcely touched you.'

'It was the way you were looking at me,' I defended myself, 'and what you were saying.' I shivered suddenly in his arms, remembering.

'I know, it's still hard to believe, isn't it?' He cradled my chin in one hand, tilting it up slightly, and I wondered if it would be physically possible just to be absorbed into his eyes, if I stared into them long enough. His other hand slid down to take mine in a firm hold. 'It's partly why I was scared to fall asleep last night, that I'd wake up and you'd be gone.'

'Oh, my love. I'm here. Always.'

Damn, I could feel the prickle of tears again. I'd lost it in the bath, less than an hour earlier; I'd started crying for all the years we hadn't had together, all that lost time, but I'd thought I was pretty much all cried out.

Apparently not.

'I'm very glad to hear that.' The hand on my chin slid around to stroke my face, teasing loose some of the hair from my right temple.

''Ro, seriously; if you keep doing that, we'll never leave this room.'

'Would that be so terrible?' The smile in his eyes died slowly, as he brushed some loose strands of hair aside. 'Love, you're starting a massive bruise just there. If Chang sees it, he'll be after me with a blunt katana.'

'I won't let him hurt you,' I promised. 'We…should probably go, actually. I called him a few minutes ago and said I was on my way.'

He let my hand fall as we walked out the door, and I grabbed it back. 'You said you weren't going to let me go ever again, remember?'

'Of course. I just wasn't sure if you'd want to - advertise it.'

'I think everyone in the universe knows I'm gay at this stage, pretty much. And I don't care if people know we're together.'

'Good,' he held my hand all the way to the steps of the main hospital, tightly enough to turn my bones to powder. It was kind of strange - he'd never given a damn about what people thought, but I'd never been all that comfortable with the public display thing, especially not in a conservative place like L4.

A couple of student nurses did stare at us but in a way that suggested they thought we were kind of cute, rather than hopeless perverts, but most of the other people around seemed more than occupied with their own concerns.

'See you later?' He asked when we were standing outside the main door.

'Later,' I affirmed. 'Ah, 'Ro, you might want to let me go now.'

'I don't want to,' he gave my hand a last squeeze and reluctantly let go. 'Call me if you need anything.'

I nodded, not quite meeting his eyes. 'Yeah. This is …hard, isn't it? Saying goodbye?'

'It isn't goodbye,' he told me firmly. 'I'll probably be at Preventers most of the day, but we could have dinner later, if you liked?' He grinned at me. 'Order room service again?'

'I'd like that.' I could feel myself blushing furiously. 'I, ah, didn't realise you'd reserved that room for tonight.'

His eyes warmed as he smiled at me. 'It's ours for as long as we want. You said you wanted to live there, remember? Although I may have to sell Honey and Lucca to settle our bill.'

'You don't have to do that. I thought we'd decided you were going to be my toy-boy? I'll pay and I'm sure you can find some way to pay me back.'

'In that case, we may never leave the room.' One hand gave my braid a brief tug. 'Go, love, before I drag you back to bed. I'll see you later. I promise.'

I'd agreed to meet Wufei in the little juice bar in the juice bar in the hotel courtyard. Apparently, Zechs had insisted he take some time away from the ward, and get some fresh air. He didn't look any too happy about it, though, frowning into his smoothie and flicking through a newspaper.

'Are you all right?' He looked up as I approached, and pulled out a chair.

I grinned faintly. 'I was just going to ask you that. Listen, I'm sorry I wasn't here for you last night. Really.'

He shrugged it off. 'You've done more than enough already; you needed a break.' He gave me one of those direct, dark-eyed looks. 'So does this mean that you and Heero are …back together?'

'I guess we are. I mean, we had a long talk yesterday and cleared up a lot of stuff. It's still a bit weird though. Sometimes, it's like we never spent any time apart and sometimes it's like he's a total stranger.

'I imagine you've both changed. He probably feels the same way about you. Are you… happy?'

'Yeah.' I fiddled a napkin someone had left on the table, folding it into a series of little squares. 'Seriously, Wu, how weird is all this for you?'

'It is …odd,' he confessed. 'Duo, I want you to be sure about this. I know how much he hurt you, before. You can't take him back until you're quite sure that isn't going to happen again.'

'I know. He's explained a lot of things; I hurt him too, you know. Did lots of stupid things.' I sipped at my juice. 'We still need to sort a lot of stuff out.'

He snorted disdainfully at that.

'Fei,' I tried to pick my words very carefully, 'I know you have a problem with all of this. With Heero. But I .. I still love him. I don't think I ever stopped, not really. I don't, exactly, know what I'm going to do, but you do know nothing is going to change between us, don't you?'

'I don't know that, Duo. How can I? Of course, it isn't going to be the same! I don't even know if you'll be going to live with him? That you won't be coming home with us?'

'No! I swear, it's not going to be like that. Heero says he'll do whatever I want; we still have to discuss it properly, but we'll probably wait 'til after my trial, and after all this stuff with Quat is sorted out, before we decide anything definite. It'll work out, I promise.' I wasn't entirely sure anymore which of us I was trying to reassure. 'And you guys are going to be married soon, remember? Maybe it'll be a nice change for you having the place to yourselves?'

'Duo, is that what all this is about?' He looked positively stricken. 'That you think we won't want you around any more? Because if that's what's worrying you…'

'Stop, 'Fei. It was just a stupid joke; of _course _I don't feel that you don't want me around! Hell, you two have been inseparable practically since you first met; I'm not going to start feeling threatened just because you sign a bit of paper and have confetti thrown at you.'

'Good,' he said quietly. 'It's just that I'll miss you.'

'I know. It's been nearly six years, huh? Since you took me in.' Almost three of those years with just the two of us, before Zechs had come on the scene. 'Since Quat twisted your arm to give me a place to stay?'

'I'm glad he did,' he assured me softly. 'I just assumed you'd always be there.'

'I will,' I assured him. 'Come _on_, Wu, nothing's ever going to change that. And it's not like I was always there anyway. I mean, I was in Florida for eight months.'

'That was different!' He snapped. 'We still saw you almost every weekend, and it was only for a certain period of time. I - I don't know how I'm going to manage without you, that's all. You've always been the one person I could depend on. Damn it, Duo without you, I'd have blown my brains out the first month after leaving Preventers.'

Oh, shit. This is one of those things we do not - ever - talk about. I didn't even know how much, if anything, he'd told Zechs about that part of his life.

'Well, you've always been there for me, too,' I said haltingly. 'If it hadn't been for you, I'd probably be dead in some back alley years ago, because I'd let some guy go too far.'

God, I really didn't want to be having this conversation right now. Not when the day had started so well. Didn't want to start dealing with those old nightmares, those months when I truly hadn't given a fuck about what happened to me.

'Your moving in was the best thing that ever happened to me,' he said firmly. 'I mean that. I'm probably just being selfish, but I'm going to miss you so much, Duo.'

'I'm not going to leave you, you fool,' I said roughly, 'You have got to believe that.'

'I know.' He nodded, not entirely convincingly.

Damn.

'Ah, I spoke to Tro earlier, and he sounded like shit. Have you seen him this morning?'

'Briefly. Gods, Duo; I don't know what we can to help him. He is so desperately worried about Quatre, and he's convinced the Preventers aren't doing enough to find him. He had a shouting match with Noin earlier, when she came to visit Zechs.'

'Oh, that's all we need. Do you think he's right? About them not trying very hard? They did mess up that whole apartment search.'

Wufei shrugged. 'Lucrezia seems to be doing everything humanly possible. I think the only thing that would satisfy Trowa would be for her to rip the colony apart, in case Quatre's still here.'

'Not much chance of that, really; is there? He could be anywhere by now.'

'I know. I'm worried about Trowa; you know how he is about Quatre. If the Preventers don't find something damn soon, he's going to charge off by himself and get himself into more trouble. He's not even officially supposed to be here, but Noin's been turning a blind eye. Maybe you could talk to him, Duo; you're good with people. He's planning to go down to the Preventers HQ later and he'll probably end up getting himself arrested.'

'I'll try,' I promised. 'But you know, I'm not exactly the best person to talk up the Preventers.'

He grinned wryly. 'But maybe you could get…Heero to talk to him. Trowa trusts him.'

'I'll do my best,' I twiddled with the end of my braid. 'It's a - bit awkward right now. He sort of liked me more than I liked him. You know. I thought I was just the rebound guy after Quat, but we talked about it a bit on the shuttle here, and he seems pretty adamant that they're over. I mean, it's bloody obvious that Tro still loves him, but he's saying they're finished.'

'Quatre hurt him a great deal. You know that.'

'Yeah. 'Fei, could you forgive Zechs if he did all that shit to you.'

'I don't think so.' He looked up from his intense scrutiny of the table top. 'Unless he had an exceptionally good reason.'

'I've been thinking that. But damned if I can figure out what it is.'

Wufei looked at his watch. 'I have an appointment with Zechs' doctor in five minutes. I'll be up after that. Why don't you go and talk to him? Lucrezia's there right now, but she's heading back to Preventers soon.'

'OK. I want to see Zechs, then I'll try talking to Tro. I might go down to Preventers with him afterwards, see if I can keep him out of trouble. I should go and see those kids for a bit as well. I've practically abandoned them over the last two days.'

Yeah, and the fact that 'Ro would be there, and I'd probably get to see him even for a couple of minutes, just happened to be a bonus.

In the elevator, I flicked a couple of buttons on the control panel to jam it between floors, and dialled Heero's number, just wanting to hear his voice.

'Duo. I was just going to call you. How are you, love?'

'Kinda weird,' I muttered. 'I just had a chat with Wu; he's not exactly overjoyed about all this.'

'I can imagine,' he sighed. 'Duo, is there anything I can do to help? Maybe I could talk to him?'

'Maybe later on, sometime. I think, right now, he's so stressed about Zechsy that nothing else is really getting through. Thanks for the offer, though.'

'I don't want you to fall out with your friends because of me,' he said tentatively.

'We didn't fall out. It's just - we've been together for years, the two of us. We've helped each other through some really rough spots, you know? I'm not sure how it's going to work out.'

'We'll sort something out. I promise. Maybe we could arrange some sort of joint custody agreement?'

That actually made me smile. 'Maybe. So were you just calling to say hi or was there something special you wanted?'

'There was something, actually. Duo, you remember the first time you talked to Nat? There was another boy with him; you said he left soon after you arrived.'

'I remember. His name was Ali. Why? I told 'Zia about him, that first day; she was going to have her guys keep an eye out for him, in case he knew something.'

'We think his body's been found,' Heero said bluntly.

'Ah, _shit. _He was just a kid, 'Ro. What happened?'

The little hesitation before he spoke told me all I needed to know.

'He'd been tortured. Badly. I've seen the pictures.'

'_Shit,_' I said again.

'It wasn't your fault, love,' Heero said gently. 'Anyone could have seen him with you, and put two and two together. Or you don't know who'd he'd talked to. Or even if it was unconnected.'

'It _possibly _wasn't my fault,' I corrected him, knowing I'd never really know for sure. That there was at least a chance he'd died because someone had seen him with me. 'Did anyone tell Nat? If not, I'd like to. They seemed to be friends.'

'No one's told him yet. We only just found out.' He paused. 'Duo, I hate asking you to do this, but we're going to need you to ID the body. Some locals have confirmed he was a friend of Nathan's but we need to know if it was the boy who saw you talking to him. I'd rather not ask Nat to do it.'

'Hell, no. I'll do it. How urgent is it?'

'Moderately; we need to establish if it might be connected to Nathan's conversation with you, or if it's…'

'Or if it's just some street-kid who turned up dead. Not worth Preventers valuable time and resources to investigate?'

'Duo,….I didn't mean that. I'm sorry.'

'No, I'm sorry. It's not your fault.'

'Not yours either,' he said firmly. 'I can arrange a car to pick you up.'

'I guess; not yet though. Can you give me an hour or so? Listen it's nearly half eight; how about you arrange the car for ten and if I need longer I'll call you? I want to see Zechs first, and I'd like to have a word with Tro. Wufei said he's planning to go down to Preventers later, so I might hitch a ride with him then. Oh, listen, I forgot to ask you earlier; did you find out anything about that company on L3?'

'Triton Holdings? Lucca called me back yesterday. I'm sorry, I thought I'd told you. It doesn't lead anywhere, Duo. It's a small company that organises temporary accommodations on L3 for Winner employees.'

'Oh, well, thanks for asking. The name just seemed odd; you know? Triton.'

'Just a weird coincidence; the management office is located on Triton Street. Still, it was worth checking out, just in case. Let me know what you decide about coming over, OK?' He dropped his voice a little, like he was worried someone might overhear him. 'I'm missing you already. Later?'

'Later,' I repeated, smiling a little in spite of everything. We'd already got our own little private shorthand up and running. I unlocked the elevator doors and they opened to reveal Lucrezia Noin and a guy in maintenance overalls.

'Ah, the problem appears to have miraculously fixed itself,' she remarked dryly. 'I suppose I should have known.'

'Hey, 'Zia,' I grinned at her. I'd got to know her pretty well after the War; first as one of Heero's fellow Preventers; and later as a friend of both Zechs and 'Lena. 'Sorry about that. Just needed a few minutes' privacy.'

'To talk to Heero, I imagine?' She lifted an eyebrow at me.

'How exactly do you know that? Damn, we're not on the news or something, are we?'

'Not yet,' she smirked. 'But you two weren't exactly discreet, were you? I imagine it won't take too long for someone to sell the story to the media. You know, you really should think about buying shares in a newspaper, and actually benefiting from all your own publicity.'

'Thanks a bunch,' I muttered sourly. 'But, yeah, I was talking to Heero. He told me about that kid. Said what had happened.'

Her teasing smile withered straightaway. 'I hate everything about this damn case. Everything. Every damn clue turns into a dead end, now we've got a dead kid in a dumpster who's been tortured, Quatre's apparently disappeared off the damn planet, and we still basically have only one suspect.'

'Trowa.' I said bitterly. 'You know it wasn't him, right?'

She nodded firmly 'Of course I do. But what _I_ believe doesn't count for very much, when his sisters and most of this damn colony think Tro's guilty. He'd have been pulled in by now if I wasn't leading this investigation.' She sighed. 'I'm not sure I'll be doing it for much longer at this rate. Duo, I'd better go. I've got a meeting back at HQ in an hour.'

'If you see Heero, tell him I said hi.'

'Will do.' She hesitated. 'I'm glad you two finally got it together. It's about time.'

'Oh, Mr. Maxwell, may I have a word?' The nurse sitting outside Zechs' ward looked up as I approached.

'Sure, Leila. What's up?' I grinned at her; she was one of the youngest of the nurses, probably just finished her training, and thrilled to be nursing a real life prince. She'd probably been reading too many hospital romances.

'Those flowers arrived earlier for His Highness,' she indicated an elaborate arrangement of rosebuds. 'I know you said he's allergic to roses, and I wasn't sure what to do with them.'

'I'm sure Prince Milliardo would like you to have them. Was there a card with them?'

It was only a piece of paper with a flamboyant _'J' _sprawled all over it; I shoved it into one pocket. Zechs would probably know what it meant.

He looked perfectly all right, just a little paler than usual. You'd never have known there was anything wrong if you hadn't seen the tubes and the ventilator. Oh, God. I'd spent hours the first day sitting with Wufei, assuring him that of course his fiancé would be fine. I'd never dared let myself worry that maybe he mightn't. Seeing him like that, wide awake and apparently fine, unleashed all that tension I'd been keeping walled up and I just collapsed on the side of his bed, letting him pull my head down to his shoulder, and stroking my hair.

'Fuck, Merquise, you scared the shit out of me and 'Fei,' I muttered finally. 'I swear to God, when you get out of here, I'm going to kick your royal ass for getting shot.'

'It was rather careless of me, wasn't it?' he acknowledged wryly. 'I'm sorry.'

''S'OK,' I sat up, feeling a bit stupid for bawling all over him. 'Sorry I haven't been in before now.'

'I gather you've been otherwise occupied,' he smirked. 'Good to see you finally got laid.'

I gaped at him. 'How the _hell _can you know that?'

He grinned evilly. 'I know these things. And you did spend the night with Heero; the odds are hardly in favour of you discussing Greek philosophy. Could you remember what to do?'

'Yes, actually,' I shot back. 'And it hasn't been _that _long anyway.'

'No?' One pale eyebrow lifted. 'I hope you didn't say that to poor Heero; he'd be dreadfully insulted.'

I made a face at him; he was obviously better if he was talking like that. He was probably the only person I could really talk to about Heero in any case; most of my other friends would probably be trying to have me committed. Well, the ones who hadn't already tried that, anyway.

'Heero, so it happens, has no reason to feel insulted in that area, believe me.'

'Well, well,' he murmured, 'miracles will never cease. You actually slept with Heero and you're not wallowing in angst and guilt and thinking up a million reasons why you shouldn't have done. Amazing.'

'Yeah.' I grinned at him; finding I just couldn't stop smiling. 'No angst, no guilt. The only thing I regret is that we didn't do it sooner.'

'So you're back together? Does that mean you're going to finally tell me which of you gets to be on top?'

'No way.'

He shrugged. 'It doesn't matter. I know anyway.'

'Correction, I shot back. 'You _think _you know, but you'll never know for sure because I'll never tell you.'

'You're such a prude, sometimes. I tell you all about 'Fei and me.'

'And oddly enough, I never want to hear any of it.'

'How is my beloved taking all of this anyway?'

I grimaced. 'He's not exactly planning a party for us; put it like that.'

'He'll come around, when he sees you're happy with Heero. I'll talk to him if you like. And speaking of 'Fei, I have to thank you for all you've done since I've been here.'

'Don't be stupid. I haven't done anything.'

'That isn't what I've heard. I gather you somehow persuaded my surgeon to let him stay with me all the time, strictly against hospital regulations; that you convinced the security staff not to have him arrested, and you even stopped him from rampaging around the universe to find the people who were behind this.'

'Keeping him here was easy; I just told him you'd have a relapse if he wasn't there when you woke up. Really, Zechs. It was nothing.'

'I appreciate the total lack of effort on your part, in that case.' His lips quirked slightly, and then he went all solemn. 'I assume he's told you about our planned wedding date?'

I nodded. 'It's still on, then? I wasn't sure if you'd have to postpone it.'

'I…very much hope not. That date is special for both of us, and we just want a very small, private ceremony in any case.' He hesitated, uncharacteristically fidgeting with the edge of his sheet. 'I appreciate, more than I can say, everything you've done for him, Duo. But I would like you to trust me to take care of him from now on.'

Whoa.

'Are you - asking me for his hand in marriage or something?'

'Well, I'd like more than just his hand, actually. You two are so close, it somehow seemed appropriate to ask permission. I should have asked before, really.'

'Well, you did sort of. That night last Christmas.'

Wufei had been out for dinner with some friends from the University; Zechs and I had stayed in and watched TV and drunk Irish coffee and at some point, he'd asked me how I'd feel about him marrying Wufei.

'I told you then that I was fine with it and I still am. I trust you to look after him. More than anyone else in the damn universe. And just so you know, if you hurt him, I'll fucking kill you.'

'Oh, I know that. I've always known it.'

'Good.'

Wu himself came in a few minutes later and after I'd filled them both in on the most recent developments, and told them I'd be going to Preventers for a bit, I left them cosying up together. Trowa called as I was walking out of the door.

'Situation red, Maxwell, I'm in the TV lounge at the end of the corridor. Quick.'

Oh_, shit._

Now what?

He watching TV, long legs spread out in front of him.

On the screen, a heavily-pregnant young woman was wiping tears from her face, a little girl curled in her lap.

'Hassan was a good man,' she was saying brokenly. 'We were married five years ago and we we've always been so happy. He would have done anything for anyone. His cousin, was only eighteen; it was his first job since he left school and he was so proud, talking about what he wanted to do with his first salary.'

'Tro? Why are we watching this?'

'Wait a sec, all right?'

'And how do you _feel_, Mrs. Abrami,' asked the sickly sweet, oh-so-concerned voice of an off-screen reporter, 'about the fact that your beloved husband, the father of your unborn child, was brutally murdered by a former terrorist, an ex-Gundam Pilot, in fact, for no apparent reason?'

'What the _fuck_?' I exploded. 'Trowa, what's going on?'

'The story just broke a quarter of an hour ago. I was going to call you but you were in with Zechs.' He killed the sound on the TV and swivelled to face me. 'It's on all the major networks. It's about those jeeps Wufei blew up; some reporter is saying they were legitimate employees of the shuttle port on their way to work. They were apparently even driving company vehicles.'

'No _way_. What, they think Zechs shot himself? Or 'Fei did it? And then decided to blow away a couple of passing vehicles on a whim? That's crazy.'

'No one thinks 'Fei shot Zechs; there was another car that had left the shuttle port just ahead of them. It was captured on CCTV at the port.'

'Oh, Wu told me about that. It was some friends of Zechs who met them off the shuttle. What, they're supposed to have done this?'

He shrugged. 'This reporter claims he's tried to contact them both, and they've both vanished. His story is that they tried to kill Zechs for whatever reason, and then managed to escape. The jeeps came along and - well, you know what happened.'

'Shit,' I muttered. 'That can't be right, Tro. One of those guys, Fichtner, is a friend of Zechs'. He wouldn't have done that.'

'You know him?'

'Not exactly. But I know Zechsy trusts him; he gave me his contact number back when I left India, in case I needed to call someone. He'd never have done that unless he trusted him completely. You know that. God, I still have his number.' I flicked my 'phone open but the number was registered as out of service. 'Damn. There were two guys in the car,' I said remembering. 'One of them was here at the hospital when I arrived. Wufei seemed to know him; he might have a number for him.' I frowned. 'Wasn't he mentioned in the news report?'

'Oh, yes. It said there were two men, but the security cameras only got the back view of the other one. They haven't managed to ID him yet. Another thing; Fichtner entered L4 under a false passport. No one seems to know exactly where he's from.'

'Germany or South Africa, I think, from his accent.' Damn, I'd started all this; calling Fichtner and asking him to see what was happening on L4. He owned a business that operated partly on the colony; there was no real reason for him not to use his own ID unless he'd been planning to fly under the immigration radar, for some reason. Trowa frowned when I mentioned this.

'Another thing. I've seen footage of the two jeeps; it looked like Wufei hit them with a fucking anti-aircraft cannon. Either they somehow smuggled weapons onto L4, which is possible since they arrived in diplomatic shuttle, or Fichtner supplied them on arrival. This is insane, Duo. They could both be in serious shit over this; I've been talking to that doctor - the woman who's so friendly with you - and she said that before you arrived and got him calmed down, 'Fei pulled a gun on the Chief Surgeon. Can you imagine what the press would do with that story?'

'Yeah. Noor told me about that. Tro, I don't get this. Wu wouldn't have attacked those guys without good reason.'

I tried to remember exactly what Wufei had said, but I don't think he'd really been thinking clearly; desperately focussed on protecting Zechs and getting them out of there. He had said there'd been no more shooting after Zechs was hit, which he'd found odd at the time, but he'd never _exactly_ said that he'd seen where those shots had been fired.

Oh, fuck.

'I know that,' he sighed. 'The problem is, we don't have any proof. He shook his head. 'On one hand, you have four honest, hard-working L4 citizens whose grieving families are talking about their loss on TV, and on the other, you have…'

'The man who tried to destroy the Earth, and his partner, a former terrorist, who was also the star Preventers agent for a couple of years,' I filled in. 'Wait a sec, wasn't one of the jeep guys still alive? Has he died?'

'Not yet. But he's in Intensive Care, and they don't think he'll ever regain consciousness.'

Shit. 'What's going to happen next?'

Trowa rubbed his forehead. 'God knows. According to the news service, there are already protestors gathering outside the Sanque Embassy, and the main Preventers building calling for an official enquiry.'

'Great. Like things aren't bad enough already. Who's the reporter behind all this anyway? It sounds like he's done a pretty comprehensive investigation.'

'That's another weird thing, Duo. No one's being credited with the story.'

'Very weird. If someone went to all this trouble to research this story, you think he or she'd want to be damn sure they got the credit for it.' Honestly, just when you think the universe, or God, or whatever is actually cutting you a break for once, something like this always happens.

'I hate this,' I muttered, remembering Noin's parting words. 'Nothing makes sense. Tro, this hospital isn't safe, is it? It's too big too guard properly; there're too many people in and out all the time. Zechs isn't in the ICU anymore; we need to get him and Wu somewhere more defensible, just in case.'

'Zechs won't be able to handle space travel for another week at least, not with his lung,' Trowa noted. 'Fuck, this just gets worse, doesn't it? And now we've got Relena to worry about as well. This probably isn't the best time for a staunch ESUN supporter to be on L4.'

'The Sanque Embassy is pretty secure, isn't it?' I nibbled my braid, trying to remember. Back when we'd visited Quat all the time, I'd been to few functions there.

'Too obvious,' Trowa commented. 'I think I might know somewhere but I'll need to make a few calls.'

'OK. Damn, Tro. I've just thought of something else. Half of those security guards around the hospital work for Fichtner; he has a private security firm. If he's really behind this…'

'We need to tighten security measures immediately,' he finished, standing up quickly. 'At least, we can trust the palace guards from Sanque.'

'Absolutely. I don't want any one else near Zechs,' I said crisply, following him out the door. 'Not Preventers, not anyone.'

He nodded. The next hour was a blur of activity; Relena wanted to spend time with her brother, so it was easy enough to post her bodyguards on outside Zechs' ward, and 'relocate' the others. Somehow, I still ended up at the hospital main entrance at a minute or two before ten, waiting for my car. Hopefully, the whole process wouldn't take too long and there wasn't an awful lot I could do at the hospital anyway.

The driver arrived precisely on time, looking like he was ready to pose for a Preventers recruitment poster. I could see my reflection in his shiny shoes and dark glasses, and he somehow managed to managed to throw me a starched-up salute, wish me Good Morning, flick open his ID, and fling open the same door, all the same time. He'd obviously aced all his multi-tasking classes at the Academy.

Getting through the hospital gates took almost ten minutes; once we'd made our way through the security guards, there was a milling crowd of protestors outside.

'What's all that about?'

'Your friend, Mr. Chang, I imagine.' He pointed to some of the placards being waved. Sure enough, Wufei's name featured prominently on most of them, usually coupled with words like _Executioner _and _Gundam Murderer._ 'I gather you've seen the news? It didn't take long for them to gather, did it? Considering the story broke just over an hour ago.'

Damn, he was perfectly right. Demonstrations can happen spontaneously, but most of those present had been waving professional-looking signs that detailed Wufei's supposed crimes. They hadn't just appeared out of nowhere.

'You know, I think that blue SUV's been following us for two blocks,' I noted, looking back. The thing had pulled out of the hospital grounds after us, and was still sitting on our tail.

'I know,' the guy - Agent Walsh - opined, flicking a glance in his wing mirror. 'Probably a coincidence, though; this is the most direct route into the city. Still, it wouldn't hurt to shake him off.'

Agent Walsh's way of 'shaking off' a possible tail was to do a sudden U-turn in the middle of a five-lane highway, cut across the upcoming traffic, and zoom down a side road off.

'Well, that worked. I can't believe we don't believe we don't have a dozen traffic cops after us, though.'

'Preventers' vehicle,' he grinned over at me. 'I can do whatever I like.'

'Wow. Bet Une just loves you.'

The grin broadened. 'Oh, I wouldn't say that. I've never exactly been her favourite person.'

'Join the club,' I couldn't help thinking that if Agent Walsh happened to be straight and single, he might make a nice boyfriend for Marlie. The two of them could start a whole dynasty of baby Preventers who wouldn't follow the rule book. Heh heh…

'Where are we anyway?' I looked out the window, trying to orientate myself. Walsh's zig-zagging flight had brought us to some sort of industrial district, a wasteland of warehouses and factories.

'Not sure, to be honest; maybe I got a bit carried away back there.' Yeah, no kidding. 'I think we need to go east for a bit. Maybe you could turn on the SatNav system?'

'Sure.' I leaned forward, keying in our co-ordinates. 'You need to go east for three blocks and then turn onto.. Oh, _shit!' _ Turning the corner in front of us was a dark blue SVU. 'How the hell did they find us?'

'Oh, they knew precisely where I was going, Mr. Maxwell.' Agent Walsh informed me.. 'You could almost say they got here first as a welcoming committee. My employer has been looking forward to making your acquaintance for some time now.'


	54. Rules of Engagement

-1Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Gundam Wing, and this is purely for entertainment.

Note: Many thanks to KS for all your help.

**Rules of Engagement:**

'You,' Wufei glared at his love, his lover, the man he'd agree to marry, 'are the most inflexible, obstinate, unyielding person I have met in my entire life.'

Zechs only smiled. 'From you, dearest, I think I'll take that as a compliment.' One finger reached out and stroked the shining black hair. 'I'm not leaving you.'

'It's too dangerous to stay here!' Wufei snapped, gesturing towards the TV screen. The picture showed protestors gathering outside ESUN buildings on Earth and the Colonies. Even with the sound turned down, their anger was obvious as they waved placards accusing ESUN officials of somehow orchestrating Quatre Winner's disappearance for their own ends.

'You've seen the news. It's impossible to protect you here; it's not a secure location. Now that you're not on the ventilator any more, your doctors say you can be moved. And we've already arranged everything; Trowa has the perfect place organised.'

'Fine,' Zechs settled back against his pillows. 'But only if you agree to go with me. I'm not going to the other side of this godforsaken colony without you.'

'Milliardo, I'm not going to fight about this. I want you to be safe, that's all.'

'And I want you to stop treating me like a liability, to be stashed away somewhere out of sight until you have time to deal with me.'

'I'm not!' Wufei's voice shook slightly. 'Don't talk like that, please. Can't you see that I'm worried about you?'

'I appreciate that, dearest, but I'm quite possibly the best protected person in the universe at this moment. And what those news reports are saying is utterly ludicrous; Jack and Theo would never try to hurt me.'

Wufei sighed. 'You can't know that, not for sure. The Preventers and the local police force have been trying to trace them and they've both apparently vanished. And you saw the news; they both landed on L4 using false passports.'

'If the Preventers were searching for me, I'd do my best to vanish as well.' The poor attempt at levity fell flat on its face. 'I _know _them, sweet. If they've disappeared, they will have a very good reason. Maybe they've found something. You do know that one of Theo's men had been following Quatre?'

'Duo told me, and he also said that the poor man had been killed. Mil, please. You can't stay here. I can't just leave Duo and I'm terrified that something will happen to you, and I won't be able to protect you.'

'Oh, 'Fei. I already owe you my life; of course you can keep me safe.'

'I nearly didn't,' Wufei dropped his head into his hands. 'You nearly died. In my arms. I thought you were going to die…. I - I can't go through that again.'

'Hush, _kaerste,_' Zechs soothed. 'Don't upset yourself like this. I'm fine, and I have you to thank for it. How about a compromise? I can go to the Sanque Embassy here, and you and Duo can stay there with me? Will that do?'

'I suppose it will have to,' Wufei admitted grudgingly, blowing his nose. 'At least until you're well enough to fly back to Earth.'

'We'll talk about that when the time comes,' his lover hedged, and then grinned. 'Lucky I haven't promised to love, honour and obey you yet, isn't it?'

Wufei sniffed disdainfully. 'That'll be the day; when you actually do something you're told.'

Zechs smile broadened. 'Maybe you should provide a better role model for me then? I seem to remember a little conversation we had when I first woke up. Something about you promising to do everything I ever wanted? Didn't we talk about a veil and a tiara?'

'I didn't realise you were properly awake! I was under a great deal of strain, and you were still half-unconscious,' Wufei spoke with great dignity. 'You know perfectly well that I wasn't being serious.'

'Really? A diamond tiara would look wonderful against your hair, and maybe something flowing in white silk.'

'In your dreams, as Duo would say,' Wufei flustered. In truth, he had no idea what he had said during those awful hours before his partner had regained consciousness. He had the vaguest memories of prattling pure gibberish, anything that might elicit some sort of reaction. He hadn't even noticed, wrapped up in his own misery, that the blue eyes had finally opened until Zechs had spoken, and he'd assumed that the other man had forgotten the ridiculous conversation.

But Zechs was alive and he would have given anything, promised anything, for that to happen. He squared his shoulders. 'If that's truly what you want, very well. Since I promised.'

'We'll see,' Zechs' eyes danced. 'We still have plenty of time to think about it, haven't we?'

'I suppose,' Wufei reached for the remote control as a 'Breaking News' icon flashed across the screen.

An earnest young reporter, standing outside a hospital building, was informing his audience of the death, ten minutes earlier, of Azzam Sami, the only man to have survived what the media was calling the 'Desert Massacre'.

'Another one,' Wufei whispered. 'That's four men I killed; four men who may have been innocent and who died because I panicked out there.'

'Stop that,' Zechs said sharply. 'You reacted as any trained soldier would have done. You identified a threat and you dealt with it. And you saved my life. Beloved, I know you. You're the last person to lose control like that; you may not have seen them fire at us, but some part of your mind acknowledged them as the enemy and you acted accordingly.'

'I don't _know_,' Wufei said wretchedly. 'I've tried to think, and I can't remember exactly what happened after you got shot. I saw the two SUVs heading for us, and I just assumed it had been them, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe I did kill four innocent people.'

Zechs sighed. 'Don't, 'Fei. Please, my love. Stop tormenting yourself.'

Wufei glared at him. 'I deserve it.'

'Stop this.' Zechs grasped one of his hands. '_Stop. _I have known Theo and Jack for years; I would trust either with my life. They're not involved in what happened to me; whatever sensationalist stories the press may be spreading.'

Wufei snatched his hand back. Zechs was only trying to help, trying to make him feel better, but his conscience made him reject even that small bit of comfort. He had killed during the war, but they had been soldiers, even if few of them had been worthy opponents. But now he had killed innocent civilians. _Possibly. _

'Four people are dead because of what I did out there; four families have lost husbands, fathers, sons. All because of me. That's rather more than a _sensationalist story_, don't you think?'

'You were protecting me,' Zechs argued. 'You saved my life. You know that.'

'I don't regret that,' Wufei whispered. 'But…Mil, half of L4 has already branded me a murderer. Gods, I'd probably be under arrest right now if it weren't for Noin.'

Their eyes flickered to the screen. Exactly on cue, a second journalist, was stating that a team of Preventers had begun an investigation into precisely what had happened, and the camera panned out to show a noisy crowd demanding justice for the slain men and their families, and punishment for the ex-Gundam Pilot who was responsible.

'That's quite enough of that rubbish,' Zechs said crisply, pressing the mute button. ''Fei, all of this is quite absurd. Of course none of this was your fault, and if we have to undergo this travesty of an investigation, then we shall.'

Wufei nodded, gazing blankly at the screen. A small boy was sobbing in his mother's arms as she brokenly begged for her husband's murderer to be brought to justice.

'How is that a travesty?' he demanded. 'That child will grow up never knowing his father. That young woman is widowed; how can she not want her husband's killer to be punished?'

'No more,' Zechs said suddenly, using the voice that had probably sent scores of OZ soldiers scurrying out of range. 'You will stop this, now, Wufei. Yes, what happened was a tragedy, but there is no evidence whatsoever that you didn't act in self-defence, only some scandalous reporting, based on speculation rather than hard fact. What you did saved my life; if you have to blame someone, then blame me, for being so foolish as to get shot. Is that understood?'

Wufei nodded jerkily. He didn't believe it, not really, but it was tempting, just for a few minutes to pretend that Zechs might be right, to respond to the pure certainty in his voice.

'Good. Now I've had quite enough of your wallowing and you know my doctors said I'm not to be agitated in any way. Let's talk about something more pleasant. Can I show you something? It would give me great pleasure if you would consent to wear this.' He reached into his bedside locker, and produced a small wooden box. 'I was going to wait until I was discharged, but I'd like you to have it now.'

Wufei kept his face carefully blank as he accepted the small box. Even if it was a heart-shaped diamond set in pink gold, he would wear it and thank the gods and his ancestors for his good fortune. Instead… his breath caught as he slid the box open, and saw the plain black circle inside.

'Mil, I can't possibly wear this.'

'You don't like it?'

Wufei shook his head. 'That is …hardly the point. Have you any idea how valuable something like this is?'

'I'm sure you'll look after it.' Zechs, for once, sounded just a little unsure. 'It seemed appropriate.'

'You do know what it is? Jade was the most prized material of the ancient Chinese dynasties, far more precious than gold or silver.'

'I know; I've been doing some research. It seemed appropriate, really. The Chinese associated jade with a number of virtues, didn't they? Morality, grace, dignity, conviction and honour. Appropriate, as I said.' He smiled slightly.

Wufei nodded; almost despite himself, he lifted the precious thing out of its box and let it lie in the palm of one hand. 'And the colour black symbolised happiness to the Ming Emperors. Mil, have you any idea how old this is? And how valuable?'

'I've seen the insurance forms, yes. And I believe it was carved sometime in the 14th Century Pre-Colony. It was a gift to one of my ancestors in the 19th century; he served as Sanque ambassador to China for many years, and advised the reigning Emperor on opening the country up to European trade. My father wore it sometimes, when greeting Chinese officials to Sanque.'

'It's exquisite.' Wufei's fingers closed carefully about the ring. 'And I love you for wanting me to have it. But it belongs in a museum, or the Sanque Treasury.'

'It belongs here,' Zechs reached over, gently uncurled his lover's fingers, and slid it on to his third finger. 'Beloved, it's been lying at the back of a display case in the Treasury for decades. I asked the curator to find it when we were in Sanque, and it's taken him this long to locate it. The courier only arrived this morning. Truly, I think you'll take better care of it. Does it fit?'

'Perfectly.'

'You were meant to have it then. It's said to guarantee protection from harm, a bountiful life and safe travels, all things I wish for you. Will you wear it, please?'

'Of course I will. It's perfect.' Wufei hesitated, staring at the ring as he twisted it on his finger. 'I am sorry. About before, when you offered to give me a ring.'

'I understand,' Zechs murmured soothingly. 'It will be different this time. A union of two people who truly want to be together.' His lips quirked. 'Now that we're officially engaged, I think that calls for a kiss, don't you?'

'You're sick!'

Zechs snorted. 'I'm wounded, not dead, dearest. And indulge me; I'm not supposed to be agitated, remember?' the prince pointed out, shifting slightly on his mattress and pulling the Chinese man against him.

'Or excited,' Wufei murmured, settling carefully against Zechs' uninjured side. It felt so unbelievably good to be held like that, for the first time in too long. 'I just don't want to hurt you, Mil. Your doctors would probably have a collective coronary if they could see us now.'

'Not at all,' Zechs assured him, dropping a kiss on his forehead. 'I asked Dr. al-Hamid, and she said a little affection wouldn't hurt. We're a newly engaged couple; don't you think you should indulge me a little.'

'Is there a law that says so?' Wufei muttered, trying hard not to think of Zechs asking that nice young doctor, who wasn't even married, about their sex life. Although he had to admit that the physical contact felt very good.

'There's an ancient Sanque custom,' the prince said glibly, 'and I know how much you respect tradition. Since you've formally agreed to marry me, and accepted my ring, you are now obliged to pander to my every whim.'

'That sounds rather one-sided.' Wufei made an effort to join in the teasing. He knew Zechs was trying to cheer him up, to jolt him out of his misery, but it wasn't working.

'Not at all; it works both way and I get to spoil you shamelessly.' Zechs lifted Wufei's left hand and kissed the finger that wore his ring. 'I think you have to give up that little tree-cutting hobby of yours, though. Since you're going to be a Peacecraft by marriage, it won't look too good if you're determined to destroy a national symbol.'

'I didn't cut it down,' Wufei protested, flushing. 'I merely removed a couple of branches; I'm sure the tree itself will be fine.'

'I'm teasing, love.' Zechs planted a kiss at the corner of his mouth. 'As far as I'm concerned, you can cut down every tree in Sanque if it gives you a moment's happiness. I'd just prefer you not to store them in the bathtub.'

'I promise I won't,' Wufei started to laugh, despite himself. 'I still can't believe you thought I was using them for aromatherapy.'

'Why not?' his lover asked, amused. 'You've had those hot mud wraps before, and that awful seaweed; a couple of trees in the bath seemed fairly tame by comparison.'

'You liked the mud, so far as I can remember,' Wufei pressed slightly closer, and kissed Zechs' mouth gently, pulling back when the other man didn't respond. 'What's wrong? Did I hurt you?'

'Of course not,' Zechs' gaze was riveted to the TV. ''Fei, can you turn up the sound? My sister's on the screen.'

'You can't be serious!' Wufei gazed disbelievingly at Relena. It had to be old camera footage, but she was wearing the dress she'd had on earlier that morning and standing in the main hospital courtyard, beside the fountains. What in the world was she doing? It had been impossible to keep her presence on L4 a secret, but they had agreed that she would keep as low a profile as possible.

'Of course I don't believe it,' she was saying firmly. 'The ESUN is an elected democracy, chosen by the people of Earth and the Colonies. It was set up after the war to benefit _everyone_. Many of the Assembly members may disagree with Mr. Winner's opinions, but that is their right, just as he opposes many of the ESUN's current legislation. Disagreements are to be settled in Assembly sessions and debates, not by abductions and murder.'

'Can you prove this is so, Princess?' An unseen reporter's voice asked. 'You have definite proof that no member of the ESUN is involved in this?'

'I _know _it,' Relena's voice rang with her own convictions. 'This is a terrible, troubling time for all of us, for this colony in particular. Of course, everyone is desperately worried about Quatre, but all of these wild conspiracy theories are only contributing to the confusion. Mr. Winner is a personal friend of mine, and I assure you, I understand how worried all his friends on L4 must be, and I want him found safe and well as much as anyone.'

'Indeed? Might I ask when was the last time you spoke with Mr. Winner, apart from the ESUN assemblies? For that matter, Highness, when was the last time you visited L4, or any other colony?'

'I am unable to leave Earth as often as I would like, unfortunately.' Relena explained, with her most charming smile. 'I have my duties in Sanque, and also at the ESUN.'

'Quite. According to our research, the last time you left Earth was in Summer 200, for a brief visit to L1. Your highness has visited L4 precisely once in the past six years, and that was merely an overnight stop. Is that correct?'

'I - I would have to consult my schedule,' Relena sounded flustered for the first time. Universally adored on Earth, and deferred to at the ESUN Assembly, she was certainly not used to being interrogated like this.

'I assure you, it is quite correct,' the journalist murmured silkily. 'In those circumstances, your highness, it seems rather presumptuous of you to claim so much empathy and understanding between yourselves and the people of this, or any other, colony. Particularly in the light of your support for the recent ESUN bill to cut financial support to the Colonies next year.'

'Those grants were a short-term measure only, to help the colonies rebuild after the war,' Relena stated, back on firmer ground now. 'At the time, it was decided by a body of experts that a certain amount would be made available over a seven year period to each of the colonies, to be used to assist them in their efforts to build up their infrastructure and economy. Earth has no intention of cutting off financial aid where it is still needed, but ..'

'But that is precisely what is planned, is it not?' Relena looked shocked at the interruption. 'Anyone can see the figures, Princess. The Earth is planning to reduce our autonomy at the same time as it slashes much needed financial aid.'

'Only where it is no longer necessary. This colony for example is generating more…'

'I think you cannot presume to comment on this colony, Highness. Have you seen the slums in this very city, where thousands of people live without the most basic necessities of life? Where children are forced to forage like animals?'

'I may not have seen the poverty on this, the wealthiest of all the colonies,' Relena's chin jerked up, never a good sign.

'She's going to lose it in a moment,' Zechs whispered, and Wufei nodded. It was madness; whatever had possessed the girl to do this? This wasn't Earth, where her lightest pronouncement was met with awe and applause. Dear gods, it was madness. The only good thing was that she seemed to have observed basic safety precautions; Dorothy Catalonia stood to one side, along with a dozen other guards from Sanque.

'But I have seen the affluence on L4; I know it is the Colony with the richest natural resources In the space of one short helicopter ride yesterday, I saw only signs of wealth; skyscrapers, massive highways; huge construction projects. Even this clinic. If such wealth can co-exist with such poverty as you speak of, surely it is the responsibility of L4 to help these poor people by distributing the wealth more equitably, so all can share.'

'Good girl,' Zechs said softly.

'You know nothing of it!' The reporter snapped back, losing his detachment. 'You have just arrived here, and the reason you are here is not to encourage the search for Quatre Winner, or to help the people of L4, but because your degenerate brother is here, in this very clinic you disparage. Do you deny it?'

'Certainly not,' Relena shot back. 'Surely any sister would wish to comfort her brother at such a time. I had heard that the bonds of family are considered paramount on this colony; have I been misinformed?'

'Not quite. We do consider blood important; we also believe that if a person sullies his heritage, as your brother has done, that his family is justified, even expected, to disown him.'

'I have no intention of disowning my brother!'

'No? Tell me, Princess, is it true that he has become engaged to another man, or is that merely an example of the corrupt, sensationalist gutter press on Earth?'

'I am delighted to say it is true!' Relena's eyes flashed, and Wufei felt ridiculously touched. He had always known that she liked him, that she believed him to be good for her brother, but for her to say it to the whole universe was another matter. 'Chang Wufei is a wonderful man, and I am proud to welcome him to our family. I know they will be very happy together.'

'On this Colony, we believe such relationships to be an abomination,' her interrogator spat. 'These men should never have been allowed to land on our colony, exposing their filthy perversions to our vulnerable children. Do you deny the ex-terrorist Chang and your brother smuggled weapons into this colony, and are responsible for the deaths of four innocent citizens?'

'I certainly do deny it!' Relena snapped. Her next words were drowned out by the reporter's stream of abuse, accusing her of being an ESUN puppet and stating that L4 was no longer prepared to tolerate such behaviour from Earth.

The camera pulled back to reveal Dorothy stepping forward, gun drawn, as the Sanque guards formed a protective circle around the princess, then to a large screen in the city centre, where crowds of people were watching the proceedings.

'Hell,' Zechs muttered. ''Fei, can you bring her up here, please, before she gets herself into even more trouble? She'll be forgetting her principles and bashing that blasted reporter with her handbag in a minute.'

'I'm going.' Wufei was already off the bed, and heading for the door. She had undoubtedly meant well, but that wasn't the point. Idiotic woman! Well, Zechs would flay her alive, and that might teach her a little bit of sense.

The ground floor of the hospital was in chaos. The media crew was being escorted out - protesting loudly - by a squad of Preventers, while a company of Sanque guards clotted around Relena. She seemed to be resisting their efforts to urge her back inside the hospital, demanding to be allowed to finish her interview.

Grumbling under his breath about stupid women who couldn't keep their mouths closed - although maybe that was a Peacecraft family trait, come to think of it - Wufei scanned the surging mob for a clear path to the princess.

Most of the Sanque guards knew him from his visits to the palace and moved aside as he made his way to Relena's side. The girl was unlikely to listen to reason in this mood, so maybe he should just throw her over his shoulder and let Zechs deal with her? He was actually considering this rather appealing course of action when he spied Heero Yuy in the midst of the press shepherding Relena and Dorothy in his direction and issuing orders to the captain of the Royal Guard.

'Escort the ladies upstairs to Prince Miliardo's ward at once.'

'You can't tell me what to do! I'm not a Preventer any more,' Dorothy retorted, apparently forgetting Heero wasn't either. 'As Relena's Head of Security, I'm answerable only to her.'

'And you will be answerable to her brother and to the people of Sanque if she is harmed in any way, due to your failure to protect her adequately.'

'I'm _doing _that,' Dorothy snapped. 'I took every possible precaution.'

'Really? I gather the princess suggested the interview less than an hour ago? In such a short time, you managed to run background checks on everyone who would be present, every item of camera equipment was thoroughly checked, and this whole area was searched. I congratulate your efficiency, Miss Catalonia.'

'It wasn't her fault, Heero,' Relena cut in. 'I insisted on doing the interview. I wanted to do something and I thought I would help.'

'Really?' Heero's tone was very dry. 'Captain Janson?' He gestured to the captain of the Sanque guards. 'You will escort her royal highness and Miss Catalonia upstairs immediately. If they refuse to go, you have my permission to drag them by the hair. If Princess Relena issues any orders to the contrary, I expect you to disregard them. I assure you that her brother will support me on this. Now _go. _I am holding you personally responsible for the ladies' safety.'

Both young women looked as if they dearly longed to refuse. Relena glared at Heero and Dorothy's fingers settled on the handle of her gun, and Janson looked torn about who to obey. This was ridiculous.

'Do as he says, 'Lena,' Wufei cut in suddenly. 'Your brother wants you upstairs, _now. _Captain, I have orders from Prince Milliardo that the princess is to be brought to him.'

'Thank you,' Heero nodded. He didn't look particularly surprised to see Wufei, but then he'd always been hard to read. 'I thought I was going to have to pick her up and carry her myself.'

'I'd been considering that option,' Wufei spoke without thinking, but there had been a fraction on a second back there, when their eyes had met over and the two of them had been on the same side.

'Idiotic woman.' Heero muttered, running his fingers through his hair. 'What in hell was she trying to accomplish?'

'I imagine she had some misguided notion that she was trying to help.' Wufei offered, clearing his throat.

'You think so? It failed rather spectacularly, didn't it? Excuse me,' He flipped open his cell phone. 'Lucrezia? No, she's safe. We're going to need more agents at the hospital, ASAP and I want 'Lena and Milliardo out of here before someone forgets this is a pacifist colony. You'll need to send a chopper. Oh, did she? What, she went ahead after you'd advised against it? Don't worry; I've sent her up to her brother and I imagine he'll give her an earful.'

He nodded, and hung up, glancing towards one of the security monitors, which showed an angry crowd outside the hospital gates.

'I thought L4 was a meant to be pacifist colony. Damn! This is all we needed. One of the Sanque guards called Noin thirty minutes ago, to tell her what Relena was planning; she contacted 'Lena and told her not to go ahead, but it obviously didn't make any difference.'

Wufei nodded, digesting this piece of information. Thirty minutes ago. There was no way Yuy could have driven from Preventers HQ in such a short time; he had to have been on his way already.

'Have you come to arrest me?'

He'd been expecting it ever since he'd seen the first news report, of what he'd supposedly done. Had been expecting the Preventers to appear at any minute. That it was Heero merely made it more of a nightmare. Would he even be allowed to say goodbye to Zechs?

'Of course not,' Yuy actually looked surprised. 'From what I've heard, you saved Milliardo's life out there. I would have done exactly the same, if Duo had been in danger.'

He supposed that could be considered a compliment. 'You would have massacred innocent people?'

The other man shrugged 'That hasn't been proven yet, so far as I know I've read your report of what happened, and seen the initial findings of the Preventers Investigative team. They seem to bear out your version.' His gaze swept around the courtyard, then back to Wufei. 'I think we should talk,' he said abruptly.

'I doubt we have anything to say to each other,' Wufei replied stiffly, turning on his heel. He had taken two steps before Heero spoke again.

'I haven't told him. I have no intention of doing so.'

Wufei stared at him. 'And what do you want in return?'

'I want him to be happy. He …. values you greatly and I have no wish to take away his closest friend. That's all.'

'You want him to be happy? Why do I have no particular confidence in your ability to achieve that? You failed miserably the last time, from what I remember. I was there with him, Yuy, after you'd walked out on him. I saw what he went through.'

'I know,' Yuy said quietly. 'I was an idiot. Duo is prepared to give me a second chance, Wufei. For his sake, can't you at least give me the benefit of the doubt? Or are you going to force him to choose between us? I know he values your friendship more than anything; it's going to hurt him if we can't at least be civil to one another.'

'I'm sure he'll manage to cope,' Wufei snapped. 'Don't delude yourself, Yuy. Just because he let you screw him last night doesn't mean you're a couple now. It wouldn't be the first time he's had a one night stand that he regretted the next morning.'

'He isn't regretting it! I called him earlier and the only thing that was worrying him was how you were reacting to us getting back together. He was right, wasn't he? You're so obsessed with what happened between us six years ago that you can't even admit that maybe I've changed, that maybe we can make it work this time.'

'Duo's incredibly vulnerable right now, what with everything that's going on, and from I can see, you are taking advantage of that. It's not going to work, do you hear me? He may be under a great deal of strain right now, but he'll come to his senses eventually, and realise he's making a mistake. The last thing he needs is to have you in his life.'

'From what I can see, _you're _the one who doesn't want me back in your nice cosy little life,' Heero snapped, and then took a deep breath, visibly trying to control his temper. 'Wufei, please. Anything that happened between us was years ago. I am truly sorry that I hurt you and…'

'Hurt me?' Wufei glared at the other man. 'Don't flatter yourself, Heero. You never had the power to hurt me.'

It was true; _hurt _was by far too mild a term for what he had felt back then. Chang Wufei had never felt those sort of emotions for anyone in his life, and when had tried, clumsily, haltingly to express them, Heero had been furious. And rightly so, of course. Over six years later, he could still feel the scalding shame at his dishonourable conduct.

He had made a fulsome apology, but Heero had rebuffed all his attempts to make amends, to try to stay in contact. They had, inevitably, met over the past six years, and had assiduously ignored one another's existence until that night in India, when Yuy had taken Duo away.

Oh, Gods, if Duo ever found out any of this….

'You can't forgive me, because that would mean having to forgive yourself, wouldn't it?' Yuy said slowly. 'Having to face up to the fact that you weren't perfect any more than I was. Gods, Wufei, we were _kids. _I behaved appallingly and I can only ask you to forgive me.'

'I - I said things back then, that I should not have,' Wufei faltered. Ridiculously, every word of that conversation was still branded on his consciousness. He had been on the verge of blurting out just how much he cared…

'It wasn't all your fault,' Heero told him bluntly. 'I loved Duo. But there were times when I wondered if we were all wrong for each other. I tried so hard to help him, and I just seemed to make things worse.' He looked down at the floor, one hand brushing that messy lock of hair back from his forehead. 'Neither of us had a clue what we were doing,' he admitted. 'Duo had so many plans for us, after the war, about travelling and buying a house and living normal lives, and they terrified me. I had no idea how to live any sort of normal life that didn't involve killing people; I didn't know if I_ could _live like that.'

'We all had those problems, Heero. Didn't you know that?'

Heero shook his head. '_You_ didn't seem to. You joined Preventers because you truly believed in their aims, and you wanted to help. You just seemed to have it all worked out; you had a career you loved, and a proper home. I used to love visiting your apartment, you know.' He gave Wufei a bittersweet little smile. 'It was so…peaceful. Like a little refuge away from the world.'

'Because I was trying to hide away from it,' Wufei told him harshly. 'I had my job and my books and I tried to convince myself I didn't need anything else. And I was desperately lonely, Heero. Quatre and Duo - and Sally - were always trying to convince me to meet up and socialise, and the idea petrified me; that they might get close enough to see how messed up I really was. It was…easier to push them away.'

'We're too alike, that's the trouble,' Heero stated. 'It was so much easier to bury myself in work, and pretend that everything else would somehow sort itself out. I wasn't there for Duo when he needed me, and when I was, we fought most of the time.'

'He is….not always the easiest person to live with,' Wufei offered tentatively. 'It took me months before I even started to figure him out. Most of the time, now, I listen to the things he doesn't say.' He grinned 'It would be so much easier if he weren't obsessed with never lying. He ties himself up in knots trying to get around it; I don't know if he even understands what he's saying some of the time.'

The Japanese man nodded. 'I know. It's a stupid thing to say, but it was all so much _easier_ during the war. I suppose we were honest with each other all the time, because we never knew if we'd see each other again; we had to make the most of whatever time we had together. Afterwards, it was.. Different.'

'I don't know if you ever realised just how much I valued your friendship,' Wufei said, abruptly. 'I had problems, just like the rest of us, but I thought if I pretended otherwise, no one else would notice. I pushed the others away, but gods, Heero, I admired you so much; it killed me to say how unhappy you were. I - I convinced myself how much better we would be together.'

'At least you were honest about what you wanted from me.'

'I …was such a fool. I knew how much you loved him, but I let myself think that maybe I had a chance. Heero, I am so sorry. I probably broke the two of you up.'

'Absolutely not. Wufei, that wasn't your fault. It was mine. Whatever you did, you are in no way responsible for something that _I_ did.'

'After Duo's accident, I used to dream sometimes, that you'd come to me again,' Wufei faltered. 'And then you were with Relena. That was…the hardest thing of all, you know. At some level, I did accept that you and Duo were right together, even if I wouldn't admit it, but when you went of with her, it was like you'd just been playing with us both, before you got the person you really wanted.'

'It was never like that. Never. What happened with Relena was the biggest mistake of my life. I was just trying to comfort her that night, and she….anyway, you know what happened after that. I tried for months to contact Duo, to explain, and he made it very clear that he didn't want anything to do with me. In the end, I thought maybe was better off without me, with somebody else.'

'Duo said you thought we were together.'

'I did, yes.' Heero's stare was very direct. 'It would have been a suitable irony, wouldn't it? For the two of you to end up as a couple. It seemed a fitting punishment, you know. That I couldn't have either of you.'

'Oh!' Wufei gasped.

Heero nodded. 'It probably doesn't mean anything, now, but if there had been anyone else, it would have been you.' He tossed his head, sweeping his hair back in that old, familiar gesture. 'Some things aren't meant. And I see you've found your own future.' He gestured to the elegant jade band on the other man's hand.

'It's far too precious for me, really.' Wufei regarded the ring; he was going to have to make an effort to stop twisting it on his finger. 'But Zechs chose it and he wants me to wear it.'

'It suits you. Of course, a royal prince would have excellent taste.'

Wufei smiled at the implied compliment. 'He said the same thing to me, actually, when I told him about you?'

'You told him about us?'

'Of course,' Wufei replied loftily. 'We have a totally honest relationship. He knows I had feelings for you, once; I think he was relieved to hear it was you, actually. He knew there had been someone and he thought it had been Treize.'

'And?' Heero quirked one eyebrow at him.

'Of course not! He was our enemy, albeit an honourable one. Although he did possess a certain…. magnetism.'

'Didn't he just?' Heero's grin broadened.

'Duo's probably going to collapse from shock when he sees us talking to each other,' Wufei commented.

Heero grinned. 'Well, it's probably good that he's in a hospital then. I'm sure the nurses here will be able to revive him.'

Wufei threw him an odd look. 'What do you mean? He's already left to go to the Preventers. He said you were arranging a driver to bring him.'

'I did,' Heero looked puzzled. 'But the driver - Agent Walsh - called me about forty minutes ago to say he'd had a message from Duo that he'd changed his mind, and wanted to stay here for another hour or so. That's why I came over; I assumed he wanted to spend more time with Milliardo, and I thought I could drive him over when he was ready.'

'Oh,' Wufei frowned. 'I didn't actually see him leave, so maybe he is still here. He said he wanted to have a word with Trowa before he left, so possibly he got delayed with something.'

'I'll try calling him,' Heero took out his cell-phone and then hesitated. 'I'm not sure…what you said, a minute ago, maybe it's true. Maybe I have been … taking advantage of him last night. Maybe he is regretting it.' The 'phone beeped as he slid it back into his pocket and they both jumped. Heero glanced down at the dial. 'Just a miscall.'

Wufei shook his head emphatically. 'No. I saw him this morning, remember? He looked ….happy, not like he was regretting anything. I think that I may have upset him, earlier.' He swallowed. 'We…mean a great deal to each other, he and I.'

'I know. Truly, Wufei. I don't mean to come between you. Not ever. We both want his happiness, don't we?'

'You're right.' Wufei took a deep breath. 'I told you how much I valued your friendship, and I meant it. Perhaps we can find that again?'

'I would like that.' Heero held out his hand; and Wufei offered his own.

'Do I need to call extra security to stop you two killing each other?' A voice asked beside them; Trowa's green eyes were very wide as he regarded the two men.

'There you are,' Heero ignored the comment. 'We're wondering where Duo is. Wufei thought he might be with you?'

'Me? No.' Trowa glanced at his watch, surprised. 'He went to Preventers HQ, didn't he? I saw him being collected at ten, by a guy in Preventers uniform.'

Yuy blanched a matching grey-crème skin colour; it probably matched his own; Wufei thought as they traded stricken expressions back and forth, ricocheting off the other's face before landing on Trowa. Suddenly, it no longer mattered who counted the most in Duo's life. What was important was finding him, and ensuring that he was safe.


	55. Smoke and Mirrors

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Gundam Wing….

Note: Many thanks, as always to KS, and to my lovely reviewers.

Duo's POV:

**Smoke and Mirrors:**

'Just give me one good reason why the hell I should trust you.'

He shrugged, motioning to the gun in my hand, the one that was pointed directly at his chest. 'You're holding it. If you want to shoot me right now, I can't stop you.'

Good point. Of course, if I did decide to go for that particular course of action, I'd be better off using his gun, the one he'd kicked over and was lying at my feet. Less easy to trace than Marlie's Preventer-issue weapon.

'And your buddies outside in the SUV? They'll be quite happy to let me drive away, will they?'

'Well, I rather hope they'd prefer me not to be dead. But they do have orders that you're not to be harmed.'

'Sorry if I don't entirely believe that, considering you've just abducted me.'

'I've tried to explain that.' He sounded exasperated, like he was starting to lose patience; not remotely like he was the guy whose life was being threatened. Granted, he had friends outside the warehouse he'd taken me too, but then I was the one currently calling the shots.

'Look, Mr. Maxwell, I realise how you must be feeling at the moment, but I desperately needed to contact you. It was rather difficult in the circumstances, considering how Theo and I are currently being sought by the Preventers.'

'Forgive me for not having too much sympathy,' I said dryly. 'Who the hell are you, anyway? And where's the real Agent Walsh? And how did you know exactly when and where I'd be waiting for a car to collect me?'

He sighed, sweeping off his Preventers cap and shades. 'My name is Jack Thomann. I'm currently working with Theo Fichtner and I'm a friend of Zechs Merquise.'

'I know you! Zechs gave me your number weeks ago, and I saw you in the hospital with Wufei. You were just walking out.' Without the protective camouflage, he was unmistakably the hot red-haired guy I'd seen leaving when I arrived.

He nodded. 'That's right. I was going to introduce myself, but I didn't want to interrupt the two of you.'

'Very considerate. So…if you're a good guy, why this charade in the first place?'

'I _told_ you. The Preventers seem to think that Theo and I had something to do with the attack on Zechs; Theo's poster is plastered al over the media, and I'm not on the list of approved visitors. I did think of just trying to contact you at the hospital, but the Preventers have all the 'phone lines monitored, and I thought if I just strolled up and tried to talk to you, you might react…negatively.'

'That's possible, yes.' I assured him. 'But once you got me in the car, why did you bother with pretending to dodge your buddies? You could have just told me.'

'Would you have believed me? I'm sorry but I needed to have time to explain; we have a healthy respect for your abilities, Mr. Maxwell.' He flicked me a grin. 'Besides, it was more fun this way.'

I groaned aloud; yeah, the guy was a friend of Zechs' all right. I didn't put the gun away, just in case, but I slid the safety catch back on and pulled myself up on to one of the crates stacked against the warehouse wall.

'What about the real Agent Walsh? Is he one of you? Or has he been abducted as well?'

'He's perfectly fine, although he may not be when Lucrezia Noin finds out he allowed someone to steal his badge. We passed him a message, supposedly from you, that you'd changed your mind about going to Preventers, and that you'd make your own way there later.' He grinned wolfishly. 'He may face a certain amount of disciplinary action over not bothering to confirm that.'

'I see. And you knew he was picking me up how?'

He shrugged. 'Preventers aren't the only ones who can tap 'phone lines. We've been keeping an eye on their communications, and this seemed like too good an opportunity to miss.'

Charming.

And interesting, that 'they', whoever they were, had the resources to carry out something like this.

'You know Lucrezia Noin?' I asked.

'Of course. We were all at the Lake Victoria Academy together.'

'But you weren't a member of White Fang?'

He lifted one eyebrow; I think they had classes in eyebrow-raising at the bloody Academy. They can all do it. 'Why ever do you think that?'

'You call him Zechs,' I said simply. 'Not the Commander.' He nodded, possibly filing the fact away for future reference. 'So you must know Une as well, right?'

'Of course. Incidentally, I wasn't lying earlier when I told you she disliked me. However, I do work for her occasionally. She prefers her shining Preventers not to soil their hands with certain tasks.'

'I'll bet.' Yeah, I could imagine what sorts of tasks. And I could bet that Mr. Jack Thomann, which possibly wasn't his real name either, didn't appear anywhere on the Preventer records. Probably his no-doubt substantial fees were covered by some creative accounting to do with refuse disposal and maintenance. 'So you're Fichtner's partner?'

'Not in the romantic sense, if that's what you're wondering,' he grinned. 'But I'm working for him at the moment.' Jack checked his watch. 'He should be here soon. Are you starting to trust me now?'

'Zechs trusts you,' I dodged the question, knowing there was no way he would have given me a contact name whom he didn't believe to be totally reliable. 'And 'Fei said you were a help out there in the desert, and you stayed with him in the hospital 'til I got there. Why didn't you call Wufei? After all, he's met you.'

'We'd planned to, but it's been hard to get in touch with him; he's been with Zechs most of the time, and he's had his mobile switched off. I did try to get a message to Zechs earlier today, but it doesn't look like he got it.'

'You sent him those roses,' I suddenly put the pieces together. 'The card signed 'J'; that was from you? I'd told the medical staff not to let give him any roses.'

Jack made a face. 'I wondered what happened when he didn't call. Preventers Security agents are checking everything he receives; I thought the roses might work, though. We were planning to try to get a message to Chang when we heard your plans for this afternoon.'

'So what's the big deal, anyway? Why d'you need to talk to me so badly?'

'We have…some information that we thought you should know. It's probably better if Theo explains.'

'What sort of information?'

'It concerns your friend, Quatre Winner.'

'What?' I exploded. 'Why the hell didn't you go to Preventers with it? They're conducting the damn investigation.'

Jack answered with a question of his own. 'Do you trust them?'

'Maybe.' I shrugged. 'I mean, I think Une is evil and everything but I don't actually think she's a bad person as such.'

Sure, I've always had - issues, with that bitch, dating straight back to her threatening to blow up the Colonies and being responsible for Heero's self destruction. On the other hand, even Wufei's always respected her abilities, and I've never doubted her loyalty to the Preventer Organisation.

'Would you trust the Preventers with your friends' lives? With Heero Yuy's?'

'Oh, God,' I muttered. 'Does everyone in the universe know about us?'

'They will soon,' he flicked me another of those slightly crooked smiles. 'I believe you two are going to be the main feature of tomorrow's entertainment columns, Mr. Maxwell.'

Sweet. I didn't bother asking how he knew about that. How he knew about us, for that matter.

'Call me Duo,' I muttered. 'You realise my friends are going to get panicky if I don't turn up at the Preventers building exactly on time?'

'It's not even ten thirty yet. It takes approximately an hour to drive to the Preventers HQ from the hospital; no one's going to be expecting you 'til eleven at least. This won't take long, once Theo arrives, and then we'll drop you straight there. If you decide not to share whatever information we tell you, then I'm sure you can concoct a story to explain the delay.'

He canted his head at the sound of a car pulling up outside the warehouse. 'That should be Theo. Just listen to him, Duo, please.'

Theo Fichtner looked pretty much like I'd imagined; tall, blond, built like a barn door. The guttural accent was less pronounced off the 'phone.

'Mr. Maxwell. A pleasure.' He gave me the sort of handshake that crushes bone. 'I apologise for any inconvenience we may have caused you. Have you been listening to the radio? No? There's a situation at the hospital.'

_Shit._

'What sort of problem? Is anyone hurt?'

'Not yet. Princess Relena took it upon herself to grant an live interview. Doubtless, she meant well, but the reporter asked some inconvenient questions and there are more people protesting outside the hospital gates. Her royal highness and the Commander are being airlifted to the Sanque Embassy as a precaution.' His gaze sharpened as he looked at me. 'Please. I ask for fifteen minutes of your time; no more. Then you will be escorted wherever you wish.'

'All right. Talk. You were both with 'Fei out in the desert, right? You saw what happened?'

Fichtner nodded. 'Some of it. We were driving some distance ahead of them; it didn't seem to be a problem. There is so little traffic on that road that we were careless. At first, we simply assumed the two SUVs were employees of the shuttle port on their way to work. Then we heard gunfire, and spun around. By the time we met their car, Mr. Chang had disabled both jeeps. Jack stayed with him and the Commander until the MedEvac unit arrived, and I drove on to ensure they were no longer a threat.'

'They were all dead or unconscious by the time the Preventer agents arrived. I'm guessing that wasn't the case when you found them?'

'Precisely. One of them was still conscious and I managed to persuade him to confide in me.'

'The guy confessed to attacking them?' I demanded. 'That's brilliant. If you testify to that, it gets 'Fei off the hook.'

'It isn't exactly that simple.' They exchanged glances and Jack spoke first. 'Theo doesn't have any proof; it's only his word and I doubt if many people will be willing to believe him, under the circumstances.'

'We also have….some issues with Preventers,' Fichtner contributed. 'Mr. Maxwell, please. I realise you have no reason to trust either of us, but can you please listen to what we've found out so far?'

'I guess I trust you,' I said slowly. 'Zechs obviously does, and I trust his judgement. So tell me.'

'Thank you. I'm sure you know by now, that I run a private security firm; Jack occasionally works with me, and he happened to be on L4 anyway. When you asked me to arrange surveillance for Quatre Winner, I assigned two of my best men to the task. Richard Blake was a professional and I still have no idea what happened to him. Just that he was found with a bullet between the eyes, shot at point blank range.' Theo hesitated. 'Blake was a pro, Mr. Maxwell. We have no idea how we let a stranger get that close. You understand?'

I nodded; it had to have been someone he knew, someone he trusted.

'How come his death was never reported in the media?' I hadn't thought of it before; assassinations weren't that common on L4 that this would have gone unnoticed, especially not so close to Quat's disappearance.

Theo and Jack did that closed-off eye contact thing again. For guys who claimed not to be together, they seemed pretty good at reading each other's signals.

'We took care of the body,' Theo informed me. 'Blake had entered the Colony illegally, and he has some details in his past that we preferred not to be revealed. Also, he has family on Earth, and we preferred to return his remains to them, without involving the Preventers.'

'You don't trust them, do you?' I demanded. 'D'you have any particular reason for that?'

'Possibly.'

Well, shit.

'We both have friends who joined Preventers after the War, for various reasons.' Jack sounded like he was making an effort to keep his tone neutral. 'Over the past eighteen months or so, we have heard…certain rumours. Never anything concrete; just small things that are unimportant in themselves, but add up to something bigger.'

'Examples? And why haven't you told anyone? You both know Lucrezia Noin, don't you? Oh!' it suddenly occurred to me. 'She's one of the friends, isn't she?'

'Exactly. There is no definite proof of anything, Mr. Maxwell. Impressions. Feelings. I take it you know what I mean?'

I nodded; knowing all too well. It was pretty much impossible to explain, but those nebulous feelings could save your life if you paid attention to them.

'Small things, as Jack said.' Theo put in. 'A case that could never be brought to court because of a small error in procedure at the start of the investigation. A witness who suddenly changed his mind before officially testifying. Nothing that is in itself remarkable but if one adds the pieces together…they begin to form an interesting pattern.'

'Right.' Oh, God, wasn't that just all we needed?

'So, you see why we are somewhat reluctant to pass our information on to anyone in the Preventers,' Jack mused.

'What information?' My voice sharpened. 'Something about Quat? That guy told you something, right?'

The other two swapped glances, and Jack nodded. Interesting. He'd said he worked for Theo, but he seemed to be giving all the orders. He hadn't elaborated, either, on just what he'd done instead of joining White Fang; a pretty safe bet that he hadn't just sat around and grown lettuces though.

'He was…in a bad way,' Theo said finally. 'He required a certain amount of persuasion to talk, and what he said was largely incoherent. A string of numbers, which we originally assumed to be a date sequence, but were actually co-ordinates, and two names.'

'Co-ordinates of where?'

'An old resource satellite off L4,' Jack contributed. 'No, sit back down, please. Theo's just been there, and it's deserted. Although there have obviously been a number of people in residence there lately.'

'Shit!' I glared at them both. 'If you'dbloody_ told _someone before about this, they might have got there earlier.'

'Impossible,' Jack said firmly. 'As soon as we figured out the location, we sent a shuttle to investigate. I assure you, if we had given the information to the Preventers, they would have wasted time in authenticating it, and then seeking permission to land there.'

Damn, he was right. Even if the L4 team was on the level, they would still have had to follow procedures.

'Here. You may give this to your friends in Preventers if you wish.' He shrugged. 'They may possibly find something we overlooked. And here are the names the man gave us.'

He handed me a flimsy printout. A series of numbers on one side; two names on the other.

The first name; David Souhef, meant nothing to me. The second did.

_Barton._

'No _way_. There's no freaking way Trowa's involved in any of this.'

'In that case, it looks like someone is trying very hard to set him up,' Jack replied smoothly. 'Have you any idea who that might be? Quatre's Winner's family perhaps? I gather he's not their favourite person.'

'That doesn't make a whole load of sense though. Sure, the Winners don't like Trowa very much, but they've been together for seven years. If they wanted to get rid of him, why wait that long? Or do you have any proof? Oh! The resource satellite; that wouldn't belong to WEI by any chance?'

It wasn't exactly a hard guess, given how much of L4 the Winners actually own. No major surprise when Jack nodded.

Maybe the Winners _were _behind all of this. Although it was hard to see how any of them was benefiting from Quat's disappearance, given that the value of WEI shares had plummeted since he'd vanished. Unless Quatre turned up soon, his sisters would inherit nothing but debts. 'So who's this David Souhef guy when he's at home?'

'He's a property developer. Mainly on L4, although his company has been expanding over the past year.'

'A legitimate property developer?'

'Apparently so. His buildings tend to fall down less than others, and he has a good reputation. He seems like the perfect citizen; married with three children, does a huge amount for charity.'

'I'm guessing there's something slightly imperfect about him, however.'

'On this colony, yes,' Jack nodded. 'Despite the wife and family, Mr. Souhef also has more exotic preferences. It seems to be something of an open secret; certain things are condoned on L4 provided they happen behind locked doors. Interestingly enough, he also seems to know your friend Mr. Winner. He's done some contract work for WEI, and they both serve on the board of several charities.'

'Really?'

Theo's mobile beeped and he rapped off a couple of words in a language that sounded like German. 'Jack, we need to leave. Can you take our guest to the Preventers' building?'

'Sure.' Jack motioned for me to follow him outside to the parking lot; the car he'd driven before, and the blue SUV, had vanished, and we got into a black pick-up.

'Why the sudden exit?'

'We have a minor problem.' He turned on the ignition and we swung out into the road; apparently your friends have noticed you're missing and there's a major search underway. Rather impressive, actually, given the short time they had to organise it. You may wish to call and reassure them you're safe.'

'That might be an idea, yeah.' Oh, shit, I could imagine just how Heero would react if he realised I'd gone MIA. He was probably beating the hell out of Agent Walsh at that very minute. 'Damn, his cellphone's not picking up.' I tried Wufei's number and got the same result.

'There's been a problem with some of the satellite networks this morning,' Jack informed me, handing over his 'phone. 'Try mine. You might be able to send a text even if you can't get through.'

'Thanks.' I keyed in a quick message to Heero; hopefully that would stop him going too ballistic. Damn, he would be freaking out over me.

'There was one other thing I wanted to tell you. I've been looking into what prompted all this media coverage of what happened in the desert. Apparently, the story was first broken by a man called Emil Talbot,' Jack gave me a very direct look. 'I gather you know of him?'

Oh, _fuck._

'Yeah' I muttered. 'I've heard of the bastard.'

Emil Talbot was a journalist who'd spent the twelve months of 197 doing his best to ruin my life. His father had died at New Edwards, and Talbot had spent the rest of the War tripping to whip up anti-Gundam sentiment on Earth. After peace broke out, he'd organised a media campaign to have us all executed as war criminals.

After I'd had my little incident in 196, he'd wanted me tried for attempted mass murder, and when that failed, he'd gleefully reported all the dumb things I'd done after I'd first been released from hospital, and then started digging into all the squalid stuff in my past, even flying to L2 to dig up the juiciest sods of dirt.

He'd written all kinds of nastily suggestive things about myself and 'Fei, making sure that every sentence was carefully qualified with an 'apparently' or 'allegedly' so we couldn't sue for libel.

'Fei had pretended not to care, but of course I'd known just how hard it had made life for him. He was miserably unhappy at Preventers anyway, very conscious of not fitting in but clueless about how to try, and all these smutty little articles hadn't helped him.

'How'd you find out he was involved? I watched the news earlier and his name wasn't mentioned?'

'I know. Interesting, isn't it? I have a friend who works on one of the networks and he told me. Ah, here we are.' He pulled up across the road from Preventers HQ. 'Just something to bear in mind, perhaps. Can you please give our regards to His Highness? It was a pleasure to meet you, and I wish you luck with finding your friend. Oh, one last thing?' He handed me a Preventers badge. 'Perhaps you could return this to Agent Walsh? Assuming he still has the right to wear it.'

'Sure.' I flicked the badge open, considering something. I hadn't even bothered to check the photo ID when 'Agent Walsh' had collected me. Heero had a fake Preventers ID and I'd used it myself, back in Florence. All of which made me wonder just how many people ever did examine them properly.

'Jack, can I borrow your shades for a bit? I'll try to get them back to you.'

He shrugged, handing them over. 'Keep them. What are they for? I assume you're not suddenly worried about protecting your eyes from UV rays?'

I grinned, sliding on the wraparound glasses and shoving my braid down the back of my jacket. 'Just a little experiment. I'll call you, OK? Thanks for the information.'

'Good luck.' He flicked me a quick smile, leaning over to shake my hand. 'I hate to say this, but you'll probably need it. Call me if you need anything.'

'You too.'

The Preventers HQ was a veritable hive of activity; agents rushing in and out. They actually had a retina scanner at the main entrance, but the morgue, which was located to one side of the main building, lacked anything so high-tech. The guard nodded me through after a cursory glance at Agent Walsh's ID, and his buddy directed me to the office of Dr. Saunders, the chief coroner.

He was an old guy who was the spitting image of my therapist at home; maybe Dr R-L had a twin who'd gone in for ripping up people's bodies instead of their minds?

'Good morning, sir. My name is Duo Maxwell. Heero Yuy arranged for me to view a body.'

'Of course. informed me that you would be coming this morning. Please follow me.' We walked down a flight of stairs and he hesitated outside one of the doors. 'I should warn you, Mr. Maxwell, the body is in an appalling state.'

'I gathered that much. What exactly happened; Heero just said he was tortured? He didn't give me the details.'

'I've rarely seen a more appalling case,' Saunders' mouth thinned as he handed me a file full of all the gory details. Gory being the operative word, actually. The boy had been alive for most of it; the report listed loss of blood as the cause of death. It would have been slow.

'Is there any damage to the head, except for … what it says here?'

Saunders shook his head. 'No. I presume someone wanted him to be recognised. Probably as a warning. I'm sure you can imagine the symbolism of the tongue having been ripped out.'

'Yeah.' Oh, I could imagine that all too easily. Someone had seen him talking to me. OK, deep breaths, Duo. Not a good time to have any kind of panic attack. Not now. 'I'll see him now.'

Saunders pulled back the white sheet covering the body just enough to show his face and I nodded. 'That's him. His name's Ali. Mr. Yuy was right.'

'Thank you. We will find the people who did this, I promise.'

'Sure.' God, he looked like he could have been asleep; that's what always gets me about dead people. 'I want to see the body.'

'Mr. Maxwell, I would strongly advise against it. I'm sure Mr. Yuy…'

'I've seen dead people before.' Before he could protest, I pulled the sheet down and forced myself to look at him. He'd died terribly, surrounded by enemies. It seemed the least I could do, somehow.

'OK.' I pulled the shroud back up, covering his the boy's poor, broken body. 'Listen, is there anyway I can get to the Preventers main building without going back outside?'

'Of course. If you go through the door at end of the corridor, and take the first flight of stairs, it will bring you to the main lobby.'

I took the stairs slowly, planning what to do next. Call the guys and let them know where I was. Then I wanted the kids out of there; from what I'd seen, security in the building was non-existent and they were probably in danger. Then decide what to do about the stuff Jack had told me.

I pushed the lobby door and walked smack into Lucrezia Noin, intent on the cell-phone in her hand.

'Duo!' Noin stopped in her tracks to stare at me, the hand holding the cellphone falling to her side. 'What in the name of God are you playing at? We thought you'd been abducted - killed - who knows what, and you just stroll in here like nothing's happened. Are you all right?'

'Nothing did happen; I'm fine. It was just a little misunderstanding. Listen, I want to get Nat and the girls out of here ASAP. Can you organise us transport to the Sanque Embassy? I'd like a chopper if you've got one available.'

'A misunderstanding!' She said incredulously, gaping at me. 'Do you have _any_ idea how much trouble you've caused? Heero's been on to Commander Une insisting that every agent I've got be reassigned to search for you; I think he and Wufei and Trowa are about ready to rip the colony apart with their bare hands, and you just swan in here and say it was a _misunderstanding_?' Her eyes narrowed. 'How the hell did you get into this building without anyone noticing you?'

'I got in because your security isn't worth shit! I snapped back. OK, maybe I overreacted a little bit, but seeing Ali's body, reading what had been done to him, had affected me terribly, and I really wasn't in the mood for being yelled at. And I really didn't need her pointing out how badly my friends must have been worrying about me; I could supply all that guilt off my own bat, thank you very much.

'I got in with a false ID, and no one paid me a blind bit of notice. There are three children here for their own safety and from I see anyone can just wander in off the street. Second, the reason I was missing is because one of _your_ agents was careless enough to let his badge be stolen, and he believed a false message without bothering to check it out. Third,' I took a deep breath, and bit off what I'd been about to say; the building would be wired for sound, and it probably wasn't the best idea to broadcast the fact that there was a possible leak in the Preventers organisation. 'shouldn't you be doing something about Quatre's disappearance instead of gossiping on the 'phone?'

'I was talking to Heero,' she shot back, and held out the 'phone.

Oh.

'Duo! What the hell happened to you?' His words tumbled over each other, not giving me a chance to respond. 'Are you really at the Preventers building? Are you all right?'

'I'm fine. I'm really, really sorry about all this; I ran into some friends of Zechs' unexpectedly and I got a bit delayed.' God, that made it sound like I'd happened to bump into them in a coffee shop, didn't it?' 'I never meant for you to be worried. Didn't you get the message I left?'

'Of course I was worried! We thought you'd been abducted. I didn't know if that text was even from you! We've all been frantic, Duo.' He sighed. 'Listen, do the others know you're safe yet? Have you called Wufei?'

'No,' I whispered, glaring at Noin who was listening to me this little exchange with her mouth open. She took the hint and moved off a couple of paces. 'I meant to, straight after the morgue, and then.... ''Ro, I am truly sorry, and I swear I'll fill you in properly when I see you. This just isn't…the best time.'

He was silent for a minute and then, 'I'll tell them. You're at the Preventers Building, right? I'll be there as soon as I can.'

'No! I'm just leaving. I don't want the kids to stay here any more; Lucrezia is going to organise a chopper to take us to the Sanque Embassy. It's probably better if I meet you there. I'll tell you everything then, OK? '

'Duo, for God's sake, wait a minute. Are you sure you're all right? What's going on?'

'No, I'm not all right! I 've just been to see the body in the morgue; it's Ali, all right. He was just a kid, and I'm pretty sure that he was raped and tortured because the wrong person saw him talking to me. And that someone is going to be after the other three kids, and from what I can see right now, they'd probably be safer back on the streets. But yeah, apart from all that, I guess I'm OK.'

Shit.. I hadn't meant to say any of that. Not to Heero. None of it was his fault, after all. He'd doubtless been through hell wondering where I was, and now I was loading all my problems right on top of him.

'Oh, my love.' His voice was so gentle I just wanted it pull it out of the 'phone and wrap it around myself. 'Please don't do this to yourself. I can be at the Embassy in thirty minutes. Will you be all right 'til then?'

'Yeah,' I whispered. 'I - just come as soon as you can. Please?'


	56. Flying Llamas and Other Fantasies

Disclaimer - before I forget, I don't own GW and I'm not making any monetary profit from this story.

Note- many thanks to KS for editing, suggestions, and the brilliant title; to Snow and Alonzo for feeding my llama fetish; and to my loyal reviewers…

**Flying Llamas and Other Fantasies:**

In the end, I arranged to meet Heero at the Sanque Embassy; Noin had a chopper ready to take off, so it made sense for us to go straightaway. That still meant hanging around for fifteen minutes or so, until it had had had its final checks before take-off.

At my suggestion, Marlie took the two little girls to look out the window of the small café situated on the building's rooftop, and I drew Nat away to a corner table.

He'd known Ali; someone was going to have to tell him that another of his friends had been murdered.

'What the fuck is going on?' he demanded, as soon as we were out of earshot of the girls? 'You're kicking us back out on the street, aren't you? I _knew_ I should never have trusted you.'

'No! Nat, I swear, I'll never let that happen to you, and nor will Heero. Just listen to me, OK?' I held his gaze until he nodded. 'We just have to move somewhere else for a while.'

'Why do we have to move? It's all right here?'

I smiled faintly at that. When I'd been thirteen, a warm, safe building, with regular meals laid on would have seemed like paradise too. If I'd ever allowed myself to dream about a place like that.

'We're going to stay with some friends of mine. You know one of them has been in hospital; well, he was discharged this morning and they've arranged for us to stay with them. I think you'll like it; they've got a big house with a garden and a swimming pool.'

'That sounds OK, I guess.' He glanced over at a hovering waiter. 'Can I have a beer, Duo? Marlie keeps getting us to drink milk and it's gross.'

'Dream on,' I grinned at him. 'Even if I let you drink alcohol, no way would they serve you alcohol here. You can have soda or juice.'

'I'll have a coke, please,' Nat managed to look hard done by as he gave the waiter his order. 'And a straw. And could I have a doughnut or something?'

'Coke for me as well, please.'

'Will Marlie be staying with us?' He blushed faintly. 'Not that _I_ care, but the girls would miss her.'

'She's coming with us for now. I'm not sure how long she'll be able to stay; I'll have to check with her boss,' I hedged, struck by the realisation that Marlie might not actually want to stay with them. After all, she was a qualified agent, and I'd basically stuck her with a baby-sitting job.

'She's OK,' he admitted, clinking the ice cubes in his drink. 'She's kind of weird though; I mean, she knows you're with Heero and all, and she still has a thing for you. She was really upset when she heard you were missing, and Heero went totally apeshit. He rang Marlie and I could hear him yelling down the 'phone.' He set his glass down suddenly. 'He does know you're OK, right?'

'I've spoken to him,' I said, slightly irritated that everyone seemed to think I went out of my way to worry the life out of poor Heero. My own guilt complex was doing a quite efficient job of making me feel bad about that; external prodding was unnecessary.

Nat nodded. 'Good. Look, I don't mind going back to living by myself; it's just not right for Lily and Gem. Before my dad died, I promised I'd always look after them.'

'What happened to your dad, Nat?' I asked softly.

'He got real sick. It was called cancer. He was sick for months and he died when Lily was only two. We were on our own for a bit, and then Mom married this guy called Fred. He got a job on L4 so we moved here,' he blew bubbles down his straw and then took a long slurp. 'It was OK at the start; he was working on some satellite so we didn't see him much. Then he lost the job, and he was home all the time. He used to hit my Mom and when I tried to stop him, he hit me too. I said I wanted to kill him, and Mom said that was bad, that it was wrong to kill people.'

He fiddled with the straw for a moment. 'I don't think it's wrong to kill bad people. Anyway, Mom got hit by a car one day and they took her to the hospital but it wasn't a very good one and she died a week later. Then it was just us and Fred. These guys used to come by and he made me do stuff with them. He said I couldn't tell anyone 'cause no one would listen to a kid, and I'd just get in trouble and we'd all be sent to different orphanages and we'd never see each other again,' His voice sounded suddenly different, like he was mimicking someone. 'He said he'd taken us all in out of goodness, but I had to help out by earning money. And if I didn't do it, he'd have to try to make money out of the girls instead.'

'I heard him talking to this guy one night; the guy offered him a whole lot of money if he could do stuff to Gemma, and Fred said OK, so I waited 'til Fred was asleep that night, and I took his wallet and the three of us ran.

'We met Kyle. He was great; he used to let us sleep in his place if he wasn't working, and he told me stuff about going with guys, and stuff' He fiddled with his straw. 'I had to do something, you know and I was too young to get a job anywhere else. 'He told me all about protection and shit, stuff Fred never cared about.'

Oh, God. I made a mental note to have a doctor give Nat a check-up, just in case. He'd spoken hesitantly at the start; now it was like he couldn't get the words out fast enough. 'I had to do _something_, Duo. I know it was wrong but we needed money and I didn't know what else to do.'

'I know. You only did it to help them.' I took a deep breath. 'A friend of mine used to say that the first rule was to look after the younger ones.' Damn, was it ever _not_ going to hurt; talking about Solo? 'That keeping them safe was the important thing.'

'Kyle was like that. Sometimes he used to buy us food when I didn't have any money. He used to help people all the time, if he could. I really miss him.'

'I know,' I said softly, thinking of Solo, and then of another boy on another colony who'd also tried to help lost children, and who'd died for it. I couldn't help wondering if Quatre knew his rescuer was dead; if he'd tried to help him. 'Nat, do you remember the first day I met you? There was another boy with you?'

'Ali, yeah, I remember.' Nat noisily slurped up the rest of his soda and I motioned the waiter to bring another one.

'Was he a good friend of yours?'

'He was all right, I guess. I didn't know him that well; he was Kyle's friend, really. Sometimes he used to give the girls sweets and stuff.' He shrugged, biting into his doughnut and wiping his hand across his mouth. 'He was always mouthing off about this rich guy he went with, who bought him everything he wanted. He'd bought Ali his own apartment in a nice part of town, but he used to call by to see Kyle sometimes. They were pretty tight, those two. Why d'you want to know, anyway?'

'He's dead. The Preventers found his body yesterday. Someone hurt him really badly.'

The boy didn't say anything at first, picking up his glass and swirling the ice cubes around. 'D'you know why?'

'I don't think anyone knows yet,' I prevaricated. Sure, no one actually knew, but I had a pretty damn good suspicion. 'The Preventers are investigating it. You said he didn't live around there, Nat. Was it normal for him to call to see Kyle so early in the morning?'

Nathan shrugged. 'Dunno. We weren't always around but I think it was mostly at night that he called by. David was married and Ali said he liked to go home in the evenings; read his kids stories and stuff.'

'David?' I tried to sound casual. Dear God; it couldn't be. 'Did Ali tell you his boyfriend's other name.'

'Yeah. Can I get another doughnut? Marlie likes all these stupid eat salads and shit.' I summoned the waiter and ordered a basket of pastries. 'He was called David Souhef. He was OK, actually.'

'You've _met _him? When?'

'We went to his house about a month ago; me and Ali and Kyle. His wife was away and I guess he wanted to have a little party for himself. He got the three of us to do stuff with each other, and then he took Ali upstairs. Kyle and me got to sleep for a bit on this huge couch, and then he drove us home. I saw Ali a couple of weeks after and he was bragging about how lucky he was to have this rich boyfriend who was crazy about him, and how David had this big scheme that he was gonna end up running the colony.'

'Really?' I tried to sound all casual, tried to calm my heart rate. 'Did he tell you anything about it?'

'Nah. Kyle said he was just making it all up and Ali got really pissed off. They started to fight about it, and I took Lily and Gem off for a bit; then I didn't see Ali 'til the day we met you.'

'Duo?' Marlie interrupted him, arriving at the table with the two girls and a huge duffle bag. 'We're ready to take off,

'What's in here? Rocks?' I teased, relieving her of the bag.

She grinned back. 'Not quite. Heero bought the kids some clothes and things; I didn't want to leave them behind.'

Oh. I hadn't even noticed that they were all wearing new clothes. Damn, I should have thought of that myself.

The helicopter pilot turned out to be a friend of Marlie's; a young agent called Gabriella Santini who was quite happy to set Nat sit in front beside her and answer all his questions.

Gemma sat with her face pressed into Marlie's shoulder, but Lily would have hung out of the window if she could, looking so she told us, for flying llamas.

'They only live on Earth,' her older sister informed her. 'Isn't that right, Duo?'

It was the first thing she'd ever said to me, and I found myself nodding before I'd realised what I'd committed myself too.

Oops. It was too late to back-track, what with Lily's huge eyes gazing up at me. 'Wow! I wish I could see one. Maybe I will, if I wish _really_ hard.'

Damn. Maybe I could ask Trowa to buy me a llama and train it to use a hang-glider? Or a parachute?

There was quite the reception committee waiting when we arrived at the Embassy; Heero, Wufei, Relena and Dorothy, the ambassador's wife, and a couple of Sanque guards hovering around.

I stepped out of the helicopter and straight into Heero's arms, burying my face in his shoulders and letting him hold me as tightly as he wanted. By the time I finally looked up, Mrs. Ambassador, whose name I couldn't for the life of me remember, was shepherding the others toward the house, and only Wufei was standing by us.

The really odd thing was, he didn't look like he was sizing up Heero to decide where best to hit/shoot/skewer him first. He looked oddly approving.

It was seriously weird.

Heero let me go and Wufei took over; wrapping me in his arms.

'We've been so _worried _about you. What the hell happened?'

'It's sort of a long story.' I fished out the piece of paper I'd written everything down on during the flight, and thrust it into his hand. 'You really need to read this, 'Fei. Those guys you shot, they _did_ attack you, so you can stop worrying about what you did. Where's Tro?'

'On his way here,' Wufei told me. 'He'll be another hour or so. Duo, you look like hell. Are you sure you're all right?'

'I guess. Look, can I tell you everything when Tro gets here? He'll need to hear it and I don't want to have to go over the same stuff twice.' I took a deep breath. 'Please, guys, I'm really sorry you were worried, and I will tell you what happened, I swear. I just - need a minute to myself. Is there somewhere I can take a quick shower?'

OK, there obviously was no way in hell they were going to let me off that lightly; Wufei actually tightened his grip on my arm in case I took off and Heero opened his mouth to say something. Then the really freaky thing happened. They both exchanged this - indescribable look, as it they'd suddenly acquired the ability to read each other's thoughts.

'Of course,' Wufei said gently. 'Heero, why don't you take him up to your room? I'll call Trowa and tell him to hurry.' He released me and Heero immediately took my hand and led me towards the house, starting to feel like we were playing some bizarre pass-the-parcel game.

I hadn't wanted to talk, but it seemed even stranger just to walk like that without saying anything. 'Where is Tro? I thought he'd be here with you guys.'

'He's out looking for you,' Heero said quietly. 'When we found out you were missing, we checked the security cameras outside the hospital. There was a blue SUV following you; we traced the registration and Trowa went to the owner's house. He called just before you got here to say that he was on his way back.'

'OK.' God, they all must have panicked, when I'd suddenly dropped off radar. One more thing for my overloaded brain to have to deal with. Much easier just to think about flying llamas.

'_What_?' Heero stopped suddenly, staring at me like I'd said something weird. Oh. Then it dawned on me that maybe I'd said that last bit aloud.

'Nothing,' I said quickly. ''Ro, could you maybe check up on the kids for me? I keep bringing them to new places and dumping them on total strangers.'

'Of course I will. But they've got Marlie, and Diana will look after them. You know that.'

'That's her name. Diana!' I exclaimed. I'd been thinking Dana or Delia or something. 'It's so stupid; I've met her a bunch of times and I couldn't think of her name. Yeah, they'll be OK with her; she's got kids of her own though they're all grown up now. They're going to love it here'

Heero let me ramble on as we walked up the marble staircase and found his room. I think he'd planned to come into the bathroom with me, but I made it in first, and got the door closed.

Just in time, actually. I turned the shower on full blast and then collapsed over the toilet bowl, throwing up the breakfast I'd shared with Heero that morning.

Oh, God. I really hoped Heero wasn't listening at the door; he'd looked worried enough about me already.

After I'd got to the dry-heaving stage, I undressed a bit shakily, leaving my clothes in a heap on the floor, the violet boxers I'd worn for Heero a making a vivid splash of colour against the dark fabric of the suit.

I had the shower on its hottest possible setting, but nothing was going to able to wash the guilt away.

The words on the coroner's report were skittering through my brain; I kept seeing Ali's poor, broken body on the metal trolley.

Another one to join the list of my dead.

If I hadn't met Ali; or if I'd realised earlier that he might be in danger, he might still be alive.

My fault.

Again.

'I'm so sorry.' I wasn't sure if I was speaking to Ali, or Solo, or some younger version of myself.

I hadn't managed to save Solo either.

There had been vaccines for the plague on L2, but they'd cost money. No one was going to waste expensive medicines on worthless street kids. Not when there were people who actually thought that maybe it was nature's way of getting rid of some of the refuse on the streets.

By the time I'd finally psyched myself up to go and earn the money we needed, it was too late. Maybe if I hadn't taken so long to get it, they'd still be alive. But I hadn't realised it would _hurt _so much, how long it would take just to be able to move afterwards or how much blood there would be. Solo had said it wouldn't be too bad. I'd never been able to work out why he'd lied; whether he just hadn't known, or whether he'd known and said it anyway.

In the end, it hadn't mattered.

I'd been too late; they were too far gone by the time I got back. Or maybe I hadn't even given them the right stuff. I couldn't have gone to an official clinic or they'd have thought I'd stolen the money, so I'd bought the vaccine off some guy hawking stuff on the street. He'd claimed to have stolen it from an official medical shipment but he'd probably lied.

I hadn't been able to save the Maxwell Church either; I'd been too late then.

Too late.

Wasn't that just the story of my whole fucking life?

God, I'd even watched Heero self-destruct; I'd been so sure he was dead at first. Another victim for Shinigami. Deep down, after the War, I'd sometimes wondered how long it would take for that curse to catch up with me, with Heero. I'd watched him go off on every mission and wonder if this would be the one he wouldn't return from, just because I was in love with him.

'Oh my love. That's enough.' The water supply stopped abruptly and Heero appeared through the billowing clouds of steam, sliding the doors open. He had a massive towel wrapped around me before I could do anything, gently uncurling my fingers from the brush I'd been using to scrub my skin raw.

'You're clean, sweetheart. I promise. Now, let's get you dry, hmmm?'

I gave him a jerky little nod; God, I'd probably laugh at myself for being such a wuss later on, but it was the easiest thing in the world to let him dry me off, and wrap me in one of those big Turkish towel robes. I was starting to think he carried a supply of nightwear in his pocket, and then I had a vision of him going around with underwear and pyjamas trailing behind and heard myself give this really weird little giggle.

'Duo!' His fingers grasped my chin, hard, and made me look up at him. 'It's all right. I promise. Just breathe, OK?'

I wasn't sure how long it took to calm down; I'd been teetering the edge of a panic attack ever since I'd gone to the morgue, and my little conversation with Nat hadn't helped at all. There were way, way too many old memories stirring inside my head, clamouring to be taken out of their box and played with.

'OK,' I said finally, rather proud that my voice sounded more or less normal. 'Sorry about that. I didn't mean just to lose it.'

Heero's answering snort was the oddest little fusion of affection and scorn and indulgence. 'You are the strongest, most compassionate person I have ever met. Don't you dare apologise for being affected by a child's death. I'm the one who's sorry,' he gasped into my hair. 'I never meant for you to go to the morgue alone. I knew you'd want to see the body, and I wanted to be there with you.'

'I - I just wanted to get it over with.' I'd known all along that he'd meant to be there with me, but it wouldn't have helped. It would probably just have upset him. 'You…saw him, didn't you?'

His chin ducked in a quick gesture of assent. 'I threw up too.' Damn, so he had heard. I flushed, imagining him listening at the bathroom door, forcing himself to give me that little piece of privacy. 'Oh, Duo. What can I do?'

'Find the bastards who did that to him,' I whispered fiercely. 'I want them to pay, Heero. I _saw_ him; I read the coroner's report. God, 'Ro, make me stop thinking about it. _Please_. I keep seeing stuff in my head; imagining what it must have been like for him.'

His hands ghosted up my arms, slid the robe back from my shoulders, impossibly gentle. 'No more thinking,' he promised.

'Sorry it's not Kevlar,' I muttered, trying to get a grip on my emotions. I felt horribly vulnerable, half naked and with all my defences crumbling about me, but there was need and desire and arousal in there too, feeling his touch on my skin. 'Like in your fantasy, you know?'

'Kevlar's over-rated.' His voice was a low whisper, raising goose-bumps on my skin. 'Besides your underwear's already off so it doesn't count.'

'What's that supposed to mean?' I managed to tease. 'That you don't like me naked in your fantasies?'

'Let me show you,' his fingers found the belt and undid the knot, 'just how much I like you naked.'

Somehow we were both naked by the time we'd taken the few paces to reach the bed; an easy matter for me as he'd only had to slide my arms out of the robe, and let it fall on the floor.

What we'd done that morning had a been a slow, careful ballet of sweet kisses and soft caresses. I'd wanted it then, wanted that tender, almost reverent contact, but it wasn't what I needed right now.

Oh, he tried to keep it gentle, cradling me against him like some fragile thing, and brushing kisses across my face. Ephemeral touches that weren't enough. Instead, I craned my neck and nipped at the strong pulse of life in his neck, hard enough to make him gasp, and then grasped his earlobe between my teeth, biting down on the soft, pliant little piece of flesh

'Oh, God, Duo.' His whole body shuddered; that had always been of one his more sensitive places.

'You did all the work last time, 'Ro. My turn, OK?'

I felt ridiculously happy that he didn't just let me roll on top of him, but indulged me in a little wrestling match first. OK, it was pretty obvious that he'd let me win; I mean the guy can make origami out of sheets of refined steel, but it still felt good.

I worked my way down his chest slowly, pausing here and there to taste a particular patch of skin, or tease a nipple with teeth and tongue, licked along the sharp angles of his hipbones, and then kissed my way that little bit lower down. I've never been able to deep-throat, unless I'm incredibly relaxed, or very drunk, so instead I gave him the Duo Maxwell version of a blowjob. I kissed the very head of his shaft, sucking the head gently, and then spitting on my right hand and then sliding it up and down his cock.

God, he was incredible; all silken skin lying over steely muscles, that smooth heat between his legs thrusting up into my touch, and soft little sighs when I touched him in certain places.

So very warm and responsive and alive.

There was nothing more to reality than this; his moan when I squeezed a little harder than before, and then let him go to touch his balls, and lick up the hard ridge of his shaft. When I curled my tongue around his head, dotting the petal-soft skin with tiny kisses, his hands tightened in my hair and when I swirled my tongue around his entrance, his whole body jerked backwards, whacking his head against the headboard with a loud crack.

'God, Duo!'

'Shit, Blue, I'm sorry.'

'My fault,' he said quickly, and then chuckled. 'I'll be sorry if you stop doing that.'

'Stop doing what? This?' I lowered my head back down between his legs, ignoring his cock for a change, and sucking at a little patch of skin on his left thigh, hard enough to leave a mark.

He spread his legs a little wider and lifted his hips, just a little but an obvious invitation nonetheless.

'No. Not like this.'

Not like this, with my mind fighting so hard to keep my demons locked up. I'd probably end up hurting him and I didn't want the first time we made love after so many years to be so - haunted.

'Come here then,' he urged me up beside him, gasping as my erection slid over his on the way, a jolt of electricity that surged through us both in a current of fire. The kiss was hard because that was how I wanted it; we ravaged each others' mouths, as we writhed together.

'Like this?' he demanded.

'Yes!' No room for thought anymore; no room for anything but pure sensation; his tongue battling mine as our bodies rolled and writhed together. Nothing but that indescribable movement of his erection gliding against mine. I had both hands clenched around his shoulders, my little anchor to the world, while the rest of my body was moving of its own accord. Heero was trying to find a rhythm for us both; he had one arm wrapped around my waist, and the other tangled in my hair.

I came first, hard against his belly and then just hung on while his body surged against mine, inexorable as an ocean tide, gasping my name, how much he wanted me….

'I love you,' he murmured gently after he'd found his own release, tucking me against his side in a tangle of limbs. My body had done that weird thing of simultaneously turning my bones to liquid goo, and also managing to pour molten lead in my veins.

I couldn't have moved if the entire world media had burst into the room and started filming us.

Mr. Organised, on the other hand, reached over for a box of tissues, and got us both cleaned up. Then he held me even tighter, and just talked to me. I lost track of what he was saying after a few moments; he could have been reciting Shakespeare or a bus timetable, but I just concentrated on his voice, letting it thread into my consciousness, letting me follow it until I could feel my heartbeat slow down.

He'd always been able to do that, ever since the night he'd rescued me from that OZ base, where I'd almost been raped. I'd woken for weeks afterwards with nightmares, and he'd pulled me out of them, made me feel safe and loved and home.

The first time we'd made love properly, I'd managed to let him take me by listening to his voice, and keeping my eyes firmly fixed on his. I'd steeled myself before for how much it would hurt, no matter how careful he tried to be, and the miracle was that it hadn't, that after the first stinging, inevitable pain, there had been joy and joining and that sudden swirl of ecstasy.

'That was…incredible,' I whispered, and then managed to tease him a little. 'And your stamina's improved a bit. I was wondering what had happened to that perfect self control of yours.'

'You happened,' he told me. 'Like always. You're smiling,' he whispered, brushing a kiss across my lips.

'So are you.' I could feel his mouth curve under mine, and caught his bottom lip between my teeth, nipping at the slick softness of it. 'I was just thinking, about our first time. Remember?'

I couldn't help wondering if anyone would ever do that for Nat; would ever show him how it could be.

'Always.' He propped himself up on one elbow, looking down at me. 'How could I ever forget? I remember everything about it.' His blue eyes searched my face, and I tried so hard to smile up at him; knew I wasn't doing a particularly good job of it.

'Tell me love,' he invited, settling me against him.

'It's just been…a royally shitty day, you know,' I muttered, pressing my lips across that tiny, faint scar on his arm. The place where I'd shot him the first time we'd met.

'I know,' he whispered back. Damn, of course he did. 'I was…so scared, love.' His voice was so low I could only just hear him. 'At first, I thought it was maybe something I'd done; that you'd wanted to get away, and then we found out what that stupid excuse for an agent had done. God, I thought I'd lost you again.'

'I'm here. Always. What you said about never letting me go, that goes for me too, I promise.'

'Oh, Duo.' He pulled me down into a deep, devouring kiss.

'We really should have stayed in bed this morning, you know,' I offered after I'd got my breath back. 'It would have solved a whole lot of trouble.'

'Mmm. There's a moral in there somewhere, isn't there?' His fingers threaded slowly through my hair. 'When this is all over, I'm going to take you away somewhere without telling anyone where we're going, and we won't bring our 'phones and nothing is going to disturb us.'

'No 'phones,' I agreed and then grinned. 'Does that mean no laptops either? How will you survive?'

'You'll have to entertain me,' his eyes gleamed at the thought of it.

'I'd like that, 'Ro. I'd really like that. Just the two of us.' Well, the two of us, plus Honey and the kids and a whole herd of flying llama and God knows who else.

'I had a talk with Nat, while we were waiting for the heli to take off. He told me all about how they ended up on the streets.' He waited, just stroking my hair and letting me take my time. 'It was the usual shit. Mother died; stepfather was an abusive bastard who whored Nat out for beer money, and would have done the same thing with the girls if they hadn't run off on him.'

Oh, damn. I hadn't really meant to talk about that, not just yet. Not while I was still trying to deal with what I'd seen at the morgue. 'What's the point, 'Ro? What was the freaking point of us fighting a war when this shit keeps happening?'

'Things are getting better,' he said softly. 'The Colonies were isolated for all those years; the Alliance officials in charge were usually corrupt. There wasn't a proper legal system, and bad things happened.. I know you don't approve of a lot of what the ESUN is doing, but they have passed child protection laws; there are special protection agencies to enforce them on the other Colonies, but L4 claims the problem doesn't exist.'

'Tell that to Nat,' I muttered, 'or all those other kids out there.'

'I know, love. It isn't fair. The problem is that all the L4 members of the Assembly refuse to acknowledge that child abuse could happen on _their _colony. Most of the children affected are orphans, or their parents are immigrant workers trying to eke out a living, so no one reports it officially. And it doesn't help that so many of these perfect family men are involved themselves.'

'Yeah. Heero, did you ever hear of a guy called David Souhef?'

He nodded. 'Of course. He's one of the most influential men on L4, although he keeps a fairly low profile. What about him?'

'He was Ali's boyfriend, according to Nat. He had the two of them, and Kyle, over to his house about a month ago for a little private party.'

'He raped Nat?' Heero demanded.

'It's not rape if it's your choice,' I said dully. 'I'm not really sure what happened; Nat said that he wanted them to put on a show for him. Nat said Souhef didn't touch him.' I shrugged. 'Dunno if that's true or not. And Souhef knows Quat, 'Ro. We have to talk to the others, there's a bunch of stuff I need to tell you all.'

'In a minute,' Heero pulled me back down beside him. 'Stay with me a little longer. Please?'

'Isn't that supposed to be my line? '

'Five minutes?' he coaxed. 'Wufei said he'd call when Trowa arrived; we might as well wait for him.'

'Five minutes,' I murmured, lying back against the pillows and letting him settle against me, face tucked into the curve of my throat. His hair is the colour of dark chocolate swirled with cinnamon; growing out from the crown in crazy whorls and spirals. Impossible not to run my fingers through it; to try to coax it into some kind of order.

'I'm sorry,' I mumbled. 'About before. You know. I just want it to be special when we do that. Not when my head's all screwed up about other stuff.'

'It will be special,' he told me firmly, twisting just a little so he could look up at me. 'I promise. Everything you do is special.'

'You're such a total sap, Blue,' I accused.

He smirked wickedly. 'I think that's because you bring out the sap in me, my love.'

Oh, God. That was so like something Zechs would say to 'Fei; maybe those two might actually end up being friends.

'So, babe.' I grinned when he pulled a face at the nickname. 'Do you want to tell me what happened between you and 'Fei?'

The oddest expression ghosted over his face for just a second; something I couldn't quite put a name too. Something oddly like fear.

'I mean, you two haven't talked in years, and you're suddenly on the same side. What did I miss?'

'We both realised that you were missing,' he said quietly. 'And that the only important thing was finding you.'


	57. The Blame Game

Disclaimer - I don't own any part of Gundam Wing, and this is purely for my own entertainment.

Note - As always, many thanks to KS, for super-editing.

**The Blame Game:**

'You mean that this man, this …_ friend_ of Milliardo's actually abducted you?' Heero was looking like he wanted to chew nails. The steel sort.

'_No_!'

Shit! I'd been trying to tell him and Wufei the details of what I'd found out from Jack and Theo, and they were both obsessing over this one piddly little fact. My own fault, really, for telling them that my going off with Jack had been ...less than voluntary to begin with.

I'd tried to fudge the details a little at the start, but they both knew me too damned well and they'd started firing point-blank questions at me.

'Look, it was nothing like that,' I said quickly. 'Come on, 'Fei, you've met him, and I'd seen him at the hospital that first day. It wasn't like he was some total stranger or anything.' Well, not after I'd recognised him anyway.

Heero and Wufei exchanged glances. No way were they buying any of this. And I still hadn't told them that there'd been a second, back in the car with Jack, when I'd thought his intentions had been less - less than virtuous. They wouldn't like that at all.

'I am truly, truly sorry you both had to worry about me, OK? But it was just - unfortunate timing. And when I did try to call, the satellite network was down, and I couldn't get through. You know I didn't mean to scare you deliberately. I promise, I won't do anything like that again.'

Heero grunted. 'You certainly won't. In future, I've no intention of letting anything like that happen.'

'What's that supposed to mean? You're planning to assign me a personal security detail or something?' I snorted at the idea of it. 'Come on, Heero. It's not like anybody's deliberately going to set out to abduct me, is it?'

'Hn. From now on, if you decide to run to run off by yourself, you take one of us with you.'

'That kinda defeats the object of being alone, doesn't it?'

Damn. In some ways, things had been easier when those two hated each other. Heero still hadn't elaborated on what had happened to get them talking; simply saying that they had cleared up a 'misunderstanding' between them.

'Heero's right,' Wufei stated firmly. Two little words that threatened a scary alliance between those two. Life was going to be hell if they started ganging up on me. Standing up to either of them individually was hard enough; I didn't know if I could cope if they were both on the same side.

'Whatever,' I muttered. We could hash out the details of the Duo Maxwell Protection Society later on. 'Look, can't we move on from this? We need to talk about what Jack told me; I think that's the most important thing right now.'

Wufei nodded, somewhat reluctantly. 'Trowa just called to say he's been slightly delayed; he should be here in about fifteen minutes. We can meet in the library and discuss it then.'

'I'll call Lucrezia. She needs to be aware of this,' Heero decided. 'Wufei, can you ring Trowa and check his ETA? Then we need to do a quick online search of this David Souhef, and look up these co-ordinates.'

Wufei had his 'phone out, dialling before Heero had even finished speaking,

'Right,' I said, not that either of them was paying any attention to me any more. Still, that was something of a relief. Unbelievable; how seamlessly those two seemed to be fitting back together, after all those years of non communication. 'You guys do that, and I'll go and see Zechs. Where is he, anyway? I thought he'd be here.'

'He's in bed upstairs,' Wufei informed me.

'_What_? He's all right, isn't he?'

'He's fine. But the doctors said he needs to be kept quiet for a few more days; try not to excite him, all right? And don't stay too long.'

_Yeah, 'Fei, I'll try not to do a strip tease in front of him. Will that do?_

Relena, looking suspiciously red-eyed, was just starting to descend the staircase as I reached the top.

'Hey, 'Lena. You OK?'

'Milliardo's just given me a long lecture,' she confessed, not the usual poised young woman, but a girl who'd been chewed out by her older brother. 'And Heero's furious with me as well,' she fished out a little lacy handkerchief from her bag and blew her nose delicately. 'He said it would be all have been my fault if something had happened to you.'

'_What_?' I stared at her. 'You had nothing to do with any of that.'

Relena sniffed miserably. 'Heero said that if I hadn't distracted everyone with my 'silly publicity stunts', then he would have noticed you were missing earlier, and he could have been searching for you. I've never seen him so angry, Duo. I thought he was going to _hit _me at one point and then Doro would have shot him.'

'I'll talk to him, OK? He was just really worried about me; I'm sure he didn't mean to take it out on you. You know what he's like when he goes all protective.'

She nodded, and it struck me that she was the one other person in the universe who_ would_ know. He'd been her bodyguard, and then her boyfriend; something Heero and I still hadn't really talked about. Something I'd been trying rather hard not to think about.

'Don't worry about it,' I gave her a quick hug. 'They're both just mad that you were maybe putting yourself in danger. Now which is your brother's room?'

'The one at the end of the corridor.' She pointed it out. 'He's really not in a terribly good mood, though.'

'I think I'll survive.' I grinned at her

_Not in a terribly good mood_ turned out to be rather an understatement.

'What the _fuck_ happened to you, Maxwell?' He demanded as soon as I stuck my head around his door.

'Didn't 'Fei tell you any of it? I assumed he'd been up to see you.'

'Then your assumption was incorrect,' he said flatly. 'Apparently Wufei has other priorities at the moment. I was informed that you'd gone missing, and thirty minutes ago, Wufei told me there had been some sort of misunderstanding. Nobody has deigned to tell me anything more.'

Oh, God. That was all I needed; for those two to fall out.

'Here's what happened,' I said quickly; unlike the other two, he listened to my account without interrupting. When I'd finished, he just said, 'I'm sorry, Duo. This is all my fault. I should never have given you those numbers and got you involved.'

'Sheesh; don't be stupid. Is there something about the air on this colony that automatically makes everyone blame themselves for everything that goes wrong within a hundred mile radius of themselves?'

'Well, you should know,' he observed.

Ah.

'I take it someone told you about Ali?' He nodded.

'Lucrezia's told me the basics. Duo, it _wasn't_ your fault. It's a tragedy that a young boy is dead, but there is no proof that you're responsible. You know perfectly well how precarious that sort of life is; the sort of dangers that these children face every day.'

I shrugged. 'That's what Heero said, too.'

'Then it must be so,' he gave me a faint grin. 'He seems to have managed to cheer you up a little; I gathered you were more … upset when you first arrived.'

I shrugged; wondering what little birdie had shared that particular piece of information with him. Probably Relena; she'd seen me step out the chopper and virtually swoon into Heero's arms.

Granted, it wasn't like Heero had kissed my boo-boo and made everything all better, but it had helped. Just being with him, knowing he was trying to support me, had helped.

'You are allowed to be happy,' he said softly, pulling himself up on his pillows. 'Just because the world is going to shit doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to appreciate what you and Heero have.'

'I guess. It just seems - wrong, you know? I mean, Quat's been missing for days now, and I can see Trowa going seriously ballistic if he doesn't find out something, and two kids are dead, and …'

'Now who's suffering from the L4 guilt complex?' he teased. 'Duo, listen, you are doing everything in your power to help your friends, and I'm sure they wouldn't grudge you a few minutes' happiness.'

I nodded; he was probably right. It still felt - just plain weird - to be holding on to this little piece of pure joy in the middle of everything else that was going wrong.

'You trust Theo, right? I can't figure out why that guy gave him Trowa's name?'

Zechs shrugged; that elegant motion he can do with one shoulder that sends his hair rippling down his back. 'Dying men say strange things; we both know that. Perhaps he just associated Barton's name with Winner? What did you say the other name was?'

'Souhef. David Souhef,' I told him. 'It's weird; his name sounds familiar from somewhere. He's some hot-shot tycoon, according to your buddy Jack, so I must have seen him on the news or something.'

'Souhef,' he said slowly. 'We've both met him. Do you remember that charity art auction we all went to in Montreal? Souhef bought one of my paintings, and we were introduced to him. Don't you remember?'

'Not really. You never I can never take in half the people at those things.'

He grinned. 'Well, he was rather taken with you, as I recall. Admittedly, you probably weren't paying a whole lot of attention. Mikhail had insisted on buying you that little Picasso sketch, and you were furious with him.'

'Well, it cost a damn fortune,' I muttered defensively. Mischa had always insisted on lavishing me with gifts; something I'd never been particularly comfortable with. I remembered that particular occasion now, a couple of months before we'd broken up.

Damn; I didn't want to have to deal with Mishca right now. He'd called Wufei to ask about me and I still hadn't got around to calling him back. It was probably that little jet of irritation that made me ask 'So talking about exes, should I ask the obvious question about Jack?'

'Probably not, no.'

'Sheesh,' I raised my eyes to the ceiling. 'You're lucky 'Fei's a tolerant guy, you know that?'

'Wufei and I are both adults,' he informed me, with just the faintest edge to his voice.

'Naturally, we've both had previous relationships before we met each other.'

'That kind of works more in your favour than his, doesn't it?'

Sure, 'Fei had dated a few times before Zechs, but Zechs was the first guy he'd been with properly. I'd always been just the tiniest bit jealous of Wu over that; that he'd been madly in love with the first guy he'd ever slept with.

Zechs frowned at me; not particularly relishing the teasing. Damn, there was definitely something up between them, then. He's not usually so - sensitive.

'I noticed he was wearing the ring you told me about,' I said, trying to cheer him up a little. 'It finally got here then.'

He lay back and regarded the ceiling. 'Did he show it to you?'

'Um, not exactly. But we were having a big discussion and Heero was there, so it maybe wasn't the best time. Did he like it?'

He shrugged, a perfect swathe of fair hair falling smoothly over one shoulder. 'He said he did. I'm not sure; maybe he just accepted it to please me.'

'Don't be stupid, Merquise! He's just been worried sick about you and he's upset over all that stuff that happened in the desert. That ring sounded perfect for him. You know how much he loves old stuff.'

'Perhaps. He didn't seem particularly enthralled when I gave it to him. Perhaps it was a mistake.'

Ah, _shit. _Next he'd been saying the proposal had been a mistake too. 'Don't be such an idiot. Listen, we're supposed to be meeting them in the library in a few minutes; after that, I think you should sit down and talk to him.'

'I shan't be there. According to my doctors, I am to stay in bed, and Wufei has informed me that he will personally tie me down if I try to get up.'

'Well, you like that sort of thing, don't you?' Oops, another joke that fell totally flat. 'Listen, you need to be there; you know Jack and Theo; you can vouch for them. There's a sitting room beside your bedroom; we can have a meeting there just as well as anywhere else. I'll run and tell Heero we've changed plans a bit.'

'Any excuse to go running after Heero, hmmm?' he asked, but he was smiling.

'Pretty much,' I admitted. Damnit, I was _not _going to blush in front of him! Or think of what Heero and I had been up to less than an hour ago….

Instead, I said, 'You know, Hilde's going to kill me when she finds out Heero and I are an item again. She's got serious issues with him.'

He grinned. 'I wouldn't worry too much; she'll probably go after Heero first so you'll have a chance to escape. Besides, she's what; five months pregnant at this stage? It's not like she can run move very fast.'

'She knows people, though,' I muttered. 'And if - _when _- she does freak out, it's going to be really bad for her blood pressure.'

'She just wants you to be happy,' he told me. 'Once she sees you're happy with Heero, she'll come around.'

'Yeah, maybe,' I dragged my braid over one shoulder and tugged it. 'Quat will freak out, as well. He's got serious Heero problems.'

'Oh, for God's sake, Maxwell,' he cut in. 'Over the past couple of weeks, Winner's tried to have you committed; he's practically set you up to have sex on live TV and he's thrown every insult in the book at you ….I hardly think you need to worry too much over what he thinks about your new boyfriend.'

'I suppose you're right.' It was just - weird, not caring what Quatre would think of something I'd done. 'OK, I'll tell Heero and 'Fei to come up here.'

'Duo,' I turned back to face him, one hand still on the door handle. 'Do you know what happened between them?'

Oh.

'Not really. I asked Heero, and he said they'd had a misunderstanding and they'd cleared it up.' I snorted. 'Some misunderstanding, right? I mean, they were best friends for months after the War; they worked together at Preventers on and off, they used to train together, everything.' I bit my lip. I'd tried not to mind; after all, I'd had Hilde and Quatre and it was only fair that Heero would have had a close friend of his own. It had still hurt though; that Wufei had sometimes seemed to be his refuge whenever he got tired of playing house with his needy boyfriend.

'Then they had this big row, and Heero wouldn't even let me mention his name. I think it was something about me. Seriously, you don't know what Wu was like back then. He thought I was this total waste of space who kept getting into trouble and needing Heero to rescue me.'

I'd always thought that he'd probably said something about me to Heero and Heero had flipped. I'd tried a few times to get 'Ro to talk about it, and he'd made it very clear that he wasn't interested.

'I have zero idea what's going with them, except they suddenly seem to be best friends now.' And I wasn't entirely sure whether or not I welcomed that particular development. I pulled the door open. ''Kay, I'll be back in a few minutes. See you then.'

Heero and Wufei were both standing at the foot of the stairs; neither of them spoke as I walked down, just watched carefully to make sure poor, feeble little Duo didn't fall down the steps or lose his footing on a tricky expanse of polished wooden parquet.

'We're all waiting for you in the library,' Wufei sounded mildly irritated. 'And I told you not to stay long with Zechs; he's supposed to be resting.'

'Change of plan,' I informed him calmly. 'Zechs needs to hear what I've got to say, so we can meet up in your sitting room upstairs. Heero, could you maybe let Noin know where we are? And then come up.'

'That's out of the question,' Wufei objected. 'I had a long conversation with his medical team before he was released, and they were adamant that he needs bed rest to recover, and that he shouldn't be under any stress.'

'If he can lie in bed, then he can lie on a couch. And, Wu, I know he's not supposed to be agitated and all that, but he needs to know. Trust me, keeping him in the dark about what's going on isn't going to help; it's way better to tell him the truth. He can handle that; what he can't take is you shutting him away and making him feel useless.'

He opened his mouth to protest. 'No, 'Fei. I know damn well what he's going through, OK? One of the worst things for me after the accident was people not telling me exactly what was going on. And yeah, I know you were all trying to protect me and shit, but it didn't work. If you don't keep Zechs in the loop, he'll just imagine things are way worse than they really are, and get even more stressed. And another thing; after this meeting, I want you to sit down and reassure the hell out of him that you still love him.'

'Of course I do!' His eyes widened. 'What did he say to you?'

'Between the two of us, I think he's starting to feel a bit insecure about things. You might want to check if whatever medication he's taking might cause mood swings or depression, Wu. And tell him you love that ring he gave you; he's convincing himself you don't like it, and he'll probably move on to thinking you don't want to marry him anymore.

'Of course I still want to marry him!' He twisted the ring around his finger and I wondered if he'd noticed that he'd started that particular little habit. 'I love him, and I love the ring he chose, although it's quite ridiculously valuable.'

'Good. Seriously, you need to tell him that.'

'I will,' Wufei promised, and then his expression darkened, as we walked into Zechs' room. 'If I have the chance.'

'What's that supposed to mean?' Zechs demanded from the couch, and Wufei's eyes widened. He obviously hadn't expected his lover to be up and about.

'Lucrezia wants me to go back with her after this to the Preventers Building, to answer some questions.'

'Absolutely not!' Zechs snapped.

'It's all right,' Wufei tried to sound soothing. 'Heero says it's just a formality, that in the circumstances she needs to be seen to have covered all the possibilities.'

'So you've already told Heero, I take it? I suppose I should be flattered that you've bothered to inform me at all.'

Oh dear. Fortunately, Heero chose that moment to arrive, Noin, Relena and Dorothy in tow.

Zechs glared at poor Lucrezia. 'If you've come to arrest Wufei, may I point out that he is a Sanque citizen, currently betrothed to a member of the royal family, and that you have no jurisdiction in this embassy. Furthermore any attempt to convict him based on wholly spurious evidence will be regarded as an act of hostility against the Sanque Kingdom.' He snapped each word out, as if he were breaking its neck. 'Is that understood?'

'I haven't come to do anything of the sort!' Noin protested quickly. 'I have some good news; I've just received the findings from the team of agents who were investigating the crime scene in the desert . There's no possible doubt that the damage to your car was caused by one of the SUV drivers. Tyre marks on the road, and the location of the bullet holes in your car bear it out.'

'I didn't have any doubt in the first place,' Zechs glared at her.

'Zechs, please,' Noin begged. 'I didn't want to do any of this; I never believed that 'Fei was guilt, but four men are dead, who were all legitimate employees of the shuttle port en route to work, and there were no weapons found on the scene.'

'_What_?' I sat up straight. 'Nobody told me that!'

I'd have to call Theo and see if he'd taken them. On the one hand, he hadn't seemed like the kind of guy to leave good weapons lying around; on the other, he hadn't mentioned it. Maybe he hadn't. He'd presumably left before the Preventers arrived, so possibly someone else had turned up and doctored the evidence slightly.

Relena cleared her throat. 'On that subject, I just want to apologise to all of you for what happened earlier. I realise now it was a stupid thing to do, but I wanted to do something, and when that journalist rang, and offered me an interview, it sounded like a perfect opportunity.'

'_He_ rang _you_?' Heero frowned at her. 'When exactly? And aren't these requests for interviews supposed to go through the palace.'

'I think it was about nine o'clock, wasn't it?' Relena glanced at Dorothy, who nodded.

'And yes, journalists normally don't contact me directly.' She frowned. 'I never thought of that; he must have had my private number but I didn't notice at the time. I was so worried about my brother and all those awful news reports on television. It seemed such a wonderful chance; he said he wanted to give me a chance to talk directly to the people on L4. Dorothy checked his credentials and he's done work for all the major networks, most of them supporting the ESUN.' She shook her head. 'I can't believe I was so stupid, really. But I've never had anyone talk to me like that before. And those things he said about my brother and Wufei were utterly appalling!'

Zechs smiled faintly, reaching out to touch his sister's hand. 'I haven't thanked you for supporting us yet, have I?'

She smiled back. 'You were too busy yelling at me earlier.'

'Heero interrupted that touching little scene. 'Do you have the man's name?'

'Of course.' Relena handed him a card. 'Horrible man! He was so nice on the telephone; he said he greatly admired me, and everything I've done. I've never had anyone speak to me like that before.'

'This isn't Sanque,' Heero reminded her gently. 'Lucrezia, you may want to look into this man and find out exactly how he obtained Relena's classified number. As far as I'm aware, that should be restricted.'

'It is,' Dorothy glared at him. 'That number is given out only to the Princess's close personal friends.'

'And apparently the occasional trouble-seeking journalist,' Heero commented. It was probably for the best that Trowa chose that moment to arrive.

He ignored the rest of them, crossing the room to stand in front of me. 'Are you all right? You're not hurt, are you?'

'I'm fine. Seriously.'

'Good.' He nodded, and then cut straight to the point. 'Tell me what you found out.'

'Trowa, please,' Noin interrupted. 'This is my investigation. Can't you let me...'

'It's my lover who's missing,' he cut her off without skipping a beat. 'And you've done fuck all to find him so far. Now, Duo?'

Trowa let me talk, interrupting only to clarify a point or two. When I was done, he looked over at Zechs.

'Do you trust these two guys? You believe what they say?'

'Absolutely.'

'Right. Noin, you need to pull in this David Souhef; Quatre knew him, so there's a connection.'

'He was a friend of Quat's?' I blurted.

'Hardly a friend. They knew each other professionally. Souhef's company was given the contract to construct a number of new WEI buildings last year.' His mouth thinned. 'I disliked the man, but Quatre claimed he was a competent businessman, and nothing else mattered.'

'There's a definite connection between them,' Heero pounced. 'Lucrezia, you have to pull him in for questioning. He must know something.'

'David Souhef?' Noin asked sharply. 'Heero, I can't question someone like him without evidence. You don't have any real proof that he's involved in this, only what Nat told Duo, and no court on this Colony is going to believe the word of a teenage prostitute, or the evidence supposedly given by a dying man to someone who's currently wanted by the Preventers.'

'Then find proof,' Heero told her. 'If Souhef set Ali up in his own apartment, he must have visited him there. You'll need to have a team go through the apartment for fingerprints and DNA, and check any CCTV footage for the building. Talk to the neighbours; someone must have seen him visit at some point If you can find any evidence that Souhef was there, you can take him in for questioning about Ali's murder. He's got to be involved in this, somehow.'

'Heero, you know that I…' Noin started to protest, and would immediately cut off by Trowa.

'You have accomplished precisely nothing, as far as I can see. I assumed it was pure incompetence at the start, but with what Duo's just told us about Preventer corruption maybe it's something more than that.'

'Trowa, I swear, every agent I brought from Earth is known to me personally. Their loyalty is beyond question.'

'Loyalty to whom, exactly?' he snapped, standing up. 'I'm sorry, Lucrezia, but I've had enough of your agents. They haven't found out one damn thing so far; if it hadn't been for what Duo's discovered, we would have no leads at all, and that's presumably what somebody wants. I've had enough of this; it's about time someone actually did something to find Quatre, and if it that means breaking a few laws along the way, then that's too bad!'

'You can't just matters into your own hands. You're the chief suspect in a possible murder investigation!'

'You have absolutely no evidence of that,' Trowa shot back. 'I've submitted to being questioned twice, I've had a polygraph test. What's next; you want to torture me?'

'Trowa, please.' Noin was looking as if she seriously regretted her career choice. 'I swear, I will do everything in my power to speed up the investigations. I've already filed a request to the Winner family to land on their satellite and then….'

'You do that. In the meantime, I'm going to find Quatre.'

'You can't just go off like that!'

'You're welcome to try to stop me.' Trowa stood up, flicking his hair back. Damn, it was weird how he was able to do that trick of seeming taller when he was mad. 'I wouldn't advise it, though.'

Lucrezia half-rose to follow him as he stalked out, then sagged back down in her chair. 'He's going to be in so much trouble over this! The Commander wanted me to arrest him days ago; she's taking over that investigation and she'll want to pull him in. I'm supposed to be monitoring him.'

'You know he'd never do anything to hurt Quatre; that's why,' I supplied, and then jumped up. 'I'd better let him know he's on Une's hit list.' I was out of the room before anyone had time to object and caught up with him in the hallway.

He's always been fast; this time, he'd swivelled around, gun in hand, before I'd even put my foot on the lower stair.

'Um, don't shoot?'

'Shit, Duo! I'm sorry. I thought Noin had sent her agents after me.'

'Nope. I think she sort of agrees with you, even though she won't say so. The thing is, you have to be careful. Une is flying out here to take over the investigation. Apparently, she wants to have you arrested and 'Zia's been shielding you.'

He shrugged. 'Une won't find it that easy. Thanks for the warning though.' He threw me a curious look. 'Aren't you even going to try to talk me out of it?'

'No,' I said simply. 'I think you're right. I was going to offer to come with you, if you think I'd be any help.'

'Oh! Heero would just love that, wouldn't he?'

'It's not Heero's decision.' I took a deep breath. 'I love him, Trowa, but I'm not going to let him run my life. Not this time. I'd only end up resenting him again.'

'You really would do anything for Quatre, wouldn't you? Even after everything he's done to you?'

'Probably,' I said honestly. 'And I know that you would too. But this isn't actually about Quatre; it's about you. I don't want you to go off like this, not by yourself. You're going to need some back up, Tro.'

His face softened a little. 'Thank you, Duo. I'm not sure what aspect of your helping me would make Heero more furious; that I'm on the run from Preventers and making you an accomplice, or that I'm your most recentex?'

'Well, he'll just have to deal with it all. If I can live with him being friendly with 'Lena, he'll have to learn to cope with my past as well.'

'So what am I ...your version of Relena?'

We both grimaced. 'Yeah, that is pretty weird, isn't it? Tro, I'm just - I'm really sorry about everything that's happened. You know?'

'I know,' he said softly. Then the gun was slipped away and he'd pulled me against him. 'Maybe in some quantum universe somewhere, hmm?'

'Could be,' I slid out of his arms, guiltily aware of just how good it had felt to be pressed against him. Damn. Should not be having those sort of thoughts. Not unless they were prompted by Heero. Certainly not for Trowa Barton. 'So - you want me to come with you or not?'

One eyebrow zoomed straight up his forehead. OK, not the best choice of words. Then he grinned, letting me off my own hook.

'No. But if you really want to help, there is something you could do.'

'Anything. You know that.'

'This morning, when we wanted to get Zechs out of the hospital to somewhere safe, I thought of our cottage. You remember our little holiday place?

I nodded, not quite sure where he was going. 'Of course I remember.' It had been their private getaway on the other side of L4; a guest cottage on one of the Winner estates.

'It seemed like the ideal place. Then Wufei and Zechs eventually decided to come here, instead, but not before I'd called Rashid, and asked him to check on the place. We haven't been there for a couple of months, and I wasn't sure what condition it would be in.'

'And?' I prompted

'And someone had apparently been there. Rashid double-checked the alarm system, and he called me to say that it had been keyed at the start of April, a few days before Quatre disappeared.'

'Someone broke in?'

He shook his head. 'Only Quatre, Rashid and I had the code, and there's no evidence that the system was tampered with.'

'You don't think Quat could actually be there?'

'No. Rashid called me just before I came here; that's why I was delayed. No one's there, but he's double-checked the alarm, and someone was there for about an hour. It had to have been Quatre, Duo; I was planning to go straight there but maybe you could go instead. You know him as well as I do, and you've been to the house. You should notice if something is wrong. Here's the security code and Rashid's number. Let him know what time you arrive at the estate and he'll arrange transport. And, Duo?'

'Don't go alone, OK? Just in case. Take Heero or 'Fei with you.' He offered me a shadow of a smile. 'Not that I'll imagine Heero will be letting you go off by yourself in any case.'

I nodded, as he left. Wasn't that the truth? I was surprised Heero had even let me out of his sight for _this_ short period, and sure enough, he arrived downstairs as soon as the door had closed behind Tro.

'What's happening? Noin's heading back to the Preventers HQ and I think Wufei and Milliardo want to be alone for a bit. I was feeling rather superfluous to requirements up there.'

'We're going on a little overnight trip, if that's OK with you?' I filled him on what Tro had told me; surprise, surprise, he didn't even try to talk me out of it, just nodded. While I called Rashid to let him know we were coming, Heero arranged for a 'plane to take us around the Colony.

'It won't be ready for an hour or so,' he informed me. 'Is there anything else you need to do?'

'I'll run up and say goodbye to the guys before we go,' I considered. 'Otherwise, I should go and talk to the kids; let them know I'm not just going to abandon them here. And I need to talk to Marlie; I've basically pulled her away from her real job to be a babysitter. She might be sick of it at this stage; I really hope not though. The kids have taken to her like crazy.'

'I'll come with you. I think Marlie was going to take them for a walk in the garden. They've been cooped up for too long in that Preventers Building.'

'I know,' I admitted. 'This'll be a better place, at least for a while, 'til we sort things out a bit.'

'We'll have to arrange something more permanent,' Heero said seriously, as we walked into the flower garden. 'I know Marlie's worried about them. Gemma hardly talks and Lily seems fine but she has nightmares, and she won't talk about them. And Nat pretends he's all tough but he's just a kid.'

'I know,' I said wearily. 'I know none of this is perfect, but at least they're not in any danger here. That's the main thing for now. I'll try to arrange some sort of therapy for them. That might help a bit.'

'Duo, stop that,' Heero suddenly stopped and looked straight at me. 'Stop beating yourself up, love. Those children are alive and safe and that's all thanks to you.'

'Thank you,' I took a deep breath. 'I'm sorry I got you involved in all of this, you know. Bet you never thought any of this would happen when you invited me on that picnic, back in Florence?'

'It wasn't exactly on my agenda, no,' he admitted, but he was smiling. 'And I'm certainly not complaining, am I?'

'I don't know,' I murmured, sliding one hand into his. 'Are you?'

'Not right now,' he squeezed my fingers gently and then leaned over to slide his mouth over mine.

One of those rare moments of pure perfection; me in Heero's arms in a scented rose garden and a kiss that was blossoming in the afternoon sunlight.

'Oooh!' squealed a shrill voice, somewhere around my elbow level. 'Look! Duo's kissing Heero!'

Well, Duo _had _been kissing Heero at any rate. We sprang apart; nothing like being observed by a little girl to spoil the mood.

Lily was giggling at us, while Marlie strolled up, a huge grin plastered all over her face. Nat and Gemma were standing a little apart, although Nat flicked me a brief thumbs-up sign.

'Hello there,' I greeted them, trying to sound all composed, and amused that Heero looked about as embarrassed as I felt. 'I just wanted to check that you guys were all right, that everything's OK.'

'Oh, everything's perfect,' Marlie assured me airily, her smirk a sure sign that watching the two of us had added greatly to her present happiness. I'd have to report her to Une for voyeurism if she kept this up.

'Good.' Lily ran off after a butterfly - she was obviously fascinated by anything with wings - and I gave Marlie a serious look. 'I thought we should have a little talk, if you don't mind. I know I pretty much shanghaied you into helping me with the kids, and I don't know if you're happy to stay with them, or if you'd rather be assigned back to what you were doing before?'

'Of course I want to stay,' she said firmly. 'I love the kids, and beside, I'm helping to protect three vital witnesses, aren't I?' She hesitated. 'Do you think I could maybe get to meet Agent Chang sometime?'

'Absolutely.' I grinned at her, relieved of one less worry for a while. 'If you want to take a break for a bit, we'll take them around the gardens. I need to talk to them.'

'Why?' Nat demanded. 'What's gone wrong?'

'We met a lady who said she was a princess!' Lily babbled, interrupting before I could answer her brother. 'She's not, really, is she? She didn't even have a crown or a long dress or anything.'

I had to laugh at Heero's expression; it might be fun to tell 'Lena that a little girl had accused her of princess-impersonating. 'Actually, she really is a princess. She's sort of on holiday right now, but she does have a crown at home.'

'Does she live in a palace?' Lily demanded.

'Absolutely. With towers and dungeons and everything. It's pretty cool.'

Three sets of eyes widened. 'Can we go visit?' Gemma breathed.

'Oh, I'm sure she'd let you visit if you ask her really nicely. Listen, guys, you like it here, don't you? Will you be OK if I leave you here tonight? Marlie's going to be here, and the princess lady and some of my other friends. One of them is a real live prince and you'll love meeting him. Will that be all right?'

'I like it here,' Lily informed me breathlessly. 'Can we stay here for always? Can we?'

'For a while.' That seemed to satisfy her and she tore off, laughing.

The rest of us walked on, and I noticed that Gemma had slipped her hand into Heero's.

'What do we have to do to stay here?' Nat looked up at me inquiringly, and I suddenly wondered if David Souhef's house had been like this, if it was bringing back some sort of memories.

'Nothing like that, I swear,' I said quickly. 'You don't have to do anything like that again.'

He shrugged, thrusting both hands in his pockets. Well, he had no real reason to trust me, had he? In his place, I'd probably have headed for the hills already.

'Listen, Nat, OK? I think those guys who hurt Ali did it because he was seen speaking

to me; I'm scared they might come after you and your sisters, because you've talked to me as well. It would really help if you could remember any more about that night; the night you saw those guys take my friend.'

'I told you already,' he muttered. 'I didn't really see anything. It was too dark; just the black van and guys in dark clothes.'

'The van was blue, not black,' Lily chipped in, skipping up beside us. 'Really dark blue.'

Nat swivelled around, glaring at her. 'I told you not to look. I told you to stay away!'

'_You_ went,' Lily glared back. 'And I liked Kyle too. He was my friend.'

Nat looked as if he wanted to say something else, and I laid one hand on his arm, squatting down to face the little girl. 'Listen, sweetie, do you remember anything else about the van you saw?'

She nodded solemnly. 'The flying horsey.'

Oh, great. Flying llamas, flying horses. What the hell was next? Flying penguins?

'She doesn't know anything,' Nat muttered. 'She just makes things up.'

'Do not!' Lily exclaimed, stamping her foot. 'It was a flying horsey, Duo. It had wings and everything!'

'Wait,' Heero said suddenly, fishing a notebook out of his pocket. 'Duo, draw Pegasus for her.'

'What?'

'The flying horse. The one from the Greek myth. Remember?'

'Not like that,' Lily informed me, leaning over my shoulder to watch me draw. 'He was standing on two legs. Like that!.' She held up finger and thumb, about an inch apart. 'He was pretty, all shiny.'

'Shiny like this?' Heero pushed back his sleeve to show his silver watch strap, and she nodded.

'A logo,' Heero looked over at me, then suddenly bent down and kissed the top of Lily's head. 'Wonder how many dark blue vans are going around with a winged horse logo, hmmm?'

'Not that many, probably,' I answered. 'It's an unusual sort of thing, isn't it?'

Another lead, maybe.

I knew I had to be wearing this ridiculous grin as Heero lifted Lily up to his shoulders as a reward, letting her stretch her arms out and pretend to fly. Partly the fact that maybe - maybe - we were getting a little closer to finding out what was going on with Quat, but partly it was just the flowers and sunshine and children laughing, and Heero's smile as he looked over at me.


	58. Castles in the Sky

-1Disclaimer - Gundam Wing does not belong to me and this a purely non-profit enterprise. Well, in the financial sense, anyway.

Note: This one comes with immense gratitude to my Kaeru Shisho, who edited this one, came up with the title, and provided huge amounts of support, suggestions, and sympathy when it just refused to work! *hugs*

Thanks also to everyone who is still sticking with this story, and my kind reviewers.

**Castles in the Sky:**

Rashid ignored me for on the brief drive from the airfield to the cottage; something that was par for the course these days. He'd never liked me, and though he'd mellowed slightly after the War, that phase hadn't lasted long. He'd been coolly polite in Quatre's presence; in his absence, he obviously didn't feel it was necessary. Rashid quizzed Heero on the details of the Preventers investigation, and I spent the time gazing out of the window.

Once we'd arrived, I left Heero to get our stuff out of the car, and make arrangements to be picked up.

'I thought you and Rashid were friends,' Heero said uncertainly.

'Yeah, we were for a little bit.' I shrugged. 'He sort of went off me when the media started treating my personal life as a spectator sport. Thought I was a bad influence on Master Quatre.' I keyed a string of numbers into the key pad. 'I guess you have to feel sorry for those guys; they probably think Quat picks his friends deliberately to piss them off.'

'I didn't realise they had a problem with Trowa,' he sounded somewhat hesitant; I wasn't sure if he was just picking up on the atmosphere, or if he felt uncomfortable discussing Tro with me.

'That's …debatable. They can accept him as Quat's bodyguard, if they blank out everything else. Fair dues, though; at least they have the sense to realise there's no way Tro would be involved in this shit. More than _some_ people have.'

Heero opened his mouth to say something, probably to defend Une's reasoning and then sensibly closed it again.

'This place is nothing like I'd imagined,' he commented, standing beside me as I keyed in the security code. 'When you said this place was a cottage, that was what I'd expected.'

'Well, it's a cottage by Quat's standards, right? It actually used to be staff quarters for the main estate, and then Quat had it converted into a holiday home. He wanted a place where he and Tro could just kick back a little bit, and not trip over servants all the time. This is perfect; it's just far enough from the main house to be private but near enough to use their pool and everything.'

I was babbling away to cover up this nasty little awkward feeling. It just felt so damn weird to be in this place with Heero Yuy. I'd spent a fairly significant proportion of my time here, at least for the first few visits, trying to come to grips with the fact that I'd lost him. Spent way too much time dwelling on the fact that he and I weren't together; something that was tended to hit me especially hard in Trowa and Quat's company.

'OK. Come on in.'

'I like this room.' Heero stepped in behind me and took a long look around. The whole ground floor comprised one large living space, with a small kitchen tucked away. Quat had tried to create a 'typical' family room, and none of us had quite had the heart to tell him that your typical family didn't own a grand piano, a collection of original paintings, or the sort of sound system that could probably be heard on Earth.

I'd always liked it though; there were photos and an old Chinese blessing, contributed by Wufei in his calligraphy phase, mixed in with the Monets and Turners, and Trowa had lined one of the walls with shelves and they were stacked with his old copies of _Global Geographic_ and Quat's collection of romance novels.

'I can't believe he still reads this stuff!' Heero plucked a dog-eared copy of 'The Sheikh's Secret Love' off the shelf and scanned the back cover.

'He likes them,' I said, just a little defensively, remembering just how happy Quat had been when he'd found out you could buy gay romances.

That conjured up all sorts of memories of watching movies with Trowa, with Quat curled up reading his favourite chapters aloud. Inevitably, at some point, Tro would lose control and drag his boyfriend upstairs.

God, I'd tried so damn hard not to envy the two of them, back then. They'd always seemed the perfect couple; the two Gundam Pilots who'd fallen in love during the War and were still together, and still crazy about each other.

Heero gave me an uncertain look; I guess the mood had shifted over the past few hours from that nice little interlude in the garden. Getting the cold shoulder from Rashid hadn't helped, but just being in Quat's home, with Quat still missing, was bad enough.

'I don't remember Trowa ever mentioning this place. How long have they had it?' He asked finally, apparently having searched for a 'safe' conversation topic.

Bad move.

'About three years. You probably won't remember, but there was this party we all attended at the Sanque Embassy; you were sitting at the top table with Relena?' He looked down at the floor, then glanced quickly back at me. 'You totally ignored me for the whole night. Well, a couple of weeks after that, 'Fei and I came to visit and they took us out here for a few days.'

'I remember,' he told me quietly. 'That night was - I swear, Duo. I'd meant to talk to you, but you and Wufei arrived late and everyone had started dinner by then. I should have just gone straight up to you, but I didn't want to start a conversation in front of a crowd. I was going to follow you when you got up, but you'd vanished. With Wufei and Milliardo.'

'Oh, yeah, that was the night those two met.' I trailed a finger along the mantle-piece, thinking that Quat wouldn't be too pleased to see that amount of dust.

Yet another little niggle from that particular evening-from-hell. It was the first time we'd met Zechs; the starting point for that particular relationship.

Not that I hadn't been happy for 'Fei or anything, but it had been just the two of us for a couple of years. His meeting Zechs had made me face reality. Of course, 'Fei wasn't going to want to spend the rest of his life with just me. Not when he had an incredibly handsome prince who'd utterly fallen for him. They wouldn't want to have me hanging around forever.

All my own fault, of course. I was the one who'd encouraged - forced - 'Fei to go on a date with the prince. I'd never expected anything would come of it, just thought it would be good for my friend to go out with a hot guy for a change. Except - something had happened, and I'd just had to suck it up and be glad for them. It wasn't like 'Fei would ever have been interested in me anyway.

'I'm sorry,' Heero said helplessly; he probably felt the uncomfortable silence had dragged on for quite long enough. Lucky he couldn't read my mind, or he might not want to be quite so pally with 'Fei in future.

'I've missed so much, haven't I? Of your life; of all your lives.' I guess I didn't blame him for feeling lost; not when I felt that way myself.

'Yeah.' It wasn't like I could exactly contradict him. Sometimes, I got this feeling that everything we said or did was happening across a gulf that stretched over the past six years. I'd known him as a terrorist, as a Preventer agent, a guy my age desperately trying to find a place in the world. Heero, six years on from all that, was still very much a puzzle of missing pieces. 'I've missed you too.'

He nodded, moving inside the room to study the framed photographs over the fireplace. Wufei's and my graduation; Sally's wedding; some of Quat's family.

'That's Florida,' I commented on the photo he was studying; somewhat unnecessarily given the backdrop of palm trees and ocean. 'Quat visited for a weekend just after I'd gone there.' It had been a pretty damn perfect couple of days; he'd wanted to pretend to be some college kid, and we'd hired surfboards and rollerblades and scuba gear. A girl on the beach had put tiny plaits in his hair, and beads in mine. In the photo, we're both sprawled across the bonnet of my yellow car, dressed in baggy surfer dude gear.

'You both look so happy,' Heero says softly. 'And I see you finally got the car you always wanted.'

'Yep.'

'This one is beautiful,' Heero picked up one of the frames to study it.

'Trowa took that,' I leaned over his shoulder to look. It was just a simple head-and-shoulders shot of me, with the dunes in the background; Tro had snapped it one evening when we were out in the desert and the dying sun had painted all kinds of colours in my hair.

'Do you think that maybe I could get a copy?'

'I guess. I think we've got one somewhere at home.'

'I'd like that. We ... have to get some pictures of the two of us together.'

'Oh, shit!' I exclaimed, suddenly remembering something Jack had told me. 'Um, you might be getting some tomorrow. Jack said we're going to be on the news in the morning.' I fiddled with the end of my braid; waiting for the explosion. He'd always had something of a love-hate relationship with the press; he hated them and would have liked nothing better than to destroy every member of the journalistic profession.

'I'm sorry. I guess we probably should have been a bit more discreet back at the hospital.'

He surprised the hell out of me by shrugging. 'If it's on television, then it means it must be true that we're together.' He slid an arm around my shoulder. 'I - still have problems believing this is really happening.'

'It's real, Heero,' I pressed closer to him, stroking his face gently. It still seemed weird that he was the insecure one; the one needed to be reassured. 'I'm real. This is real. I promise.'

'Good.' His arms tightened around me. 'It will be ... nice,' he said the word wonderingly, 'to be the one in the photos with you.'

_Instead of being the one seeing you plastered all over the world news with some other guy._

OK, he didn't say that bit out loud, but it was pretty damn obvious what he meant.

'Well, it wasn't exactly easy for me either, you know, seeing all those pretty pictures of you with Relena.' It came out - maybe - just a little bit harsher than I'd meant. Or maybe not. We'd kind of skirted around the whole 'Lena thing; I'd thought it would be easier not to know all the gory details, but maybe we should just get it out of the way.

'Did you sleep with her?' Great, Duo. Just cut straight to the big question and blurt it out. I wanted so very much for him to deny it, although realistically I knew they'd been together for months. Something had to have happened.

He nodded, and then said nothing while I waited for him to say it had been a nightmare - a disaster - the worst experience of his entire life. It wasn't like I wanted details or anything; God knows, his sense of honour would never allow that, and I sure as hell wouldn't like to think of him discussing our sex life with anyone else, but still....

'She was a girl infatuated with a dream she'd tried to make into reality,' he said eventually, very softly, as if he didn't want the chance of anyone else overhearing him. 'I was still in love with you. We were both - quite desperately lonely. And scared.'

'Did you ever love her?'

Silence, while he placed my photo back on the shelf, making sure it was exactly line up with the other pictures. Oh God. Silence is not good. Not in a situation like this.

'In a way, yes.' He looked up at me then. 'Duo, I'm sorry but I won't lie to you. After - what happened with us, Relena was about the only person who didn't seem to think I was some sort of monster. We became very close and I still value that friendship.'

OK, that sounded - reasonable on the face of it. Except reason wasn't exactly working for me right then. 'She was a_ girl_ for Christ's sake! How do you think that made me feel; that I'd just been some sort of experiment for you while you were figuring out whether you preferred guys or girls? Or that I'd been a useful way for you to work off a bit of tension 'til you got into her bed?'

'You know it was never like that!' he actually had the temerity to glare at me.

'I didn't know shit!' I snapped back. '_You _bloody left _me_, Yuy, remember? To be with the fucking Queen of the World, who'd been obsessed with you since you first met. So, tell me, what the hell was I_ supposed_ to think?'

He didn't say anything; just hauled me into his arms and did his level best to scoop out my tonsils with his tongue. Then, just when I was beginning to forget what had brought on this desperate kiss, hell, beginning to forget everything in the whole damn universe including my name, he broke away.

'I love _you_. I swear, Duo, I've never felt like that about anyone else. Never. I swear, nothing happened with Relena until you'd made it damn clear how you felt about me.'

I nodded, trying to catch my breath. God, I'd forgotten what a full-on kisser he was; lips and tongue and the occasional bite, but one hand was also twisted in my hair, holding me in place, and the other was roaming all over my ass.

'You can't tell me you've never done something you regret, love. We were only together for a couple of months in all, and yes, I should have gone and banged your door down but as far as I knew you were perfectly happy with Wufei and didn't need me back in your life.'

'Shouldn't that have been my choice?' I asked softly and he nodded.

'Of course, but the few times we did talk, you seemed to be coping perfectly well with life. From what Sally and Trowa told me, you were happy. Successful. Far better than when you'd been with me.'

'That's …sort of relative, isn't it?' I shrugged. 'What do you want me to say, 'Ro? I haven't spent every minute of the last six years pining after you. Sure, I did some stupid shit after my accident.' No real need to elaborate on that; he was quite capable of reading. 'But I did move on a bit after that; got an education, a career, dated some decent guys. A few when I was living in Florida - nothing serious - and then I met Mikhail. You know about that.'

'Duo, I think the whole world knows about you two.'

'I guess.' I fiddled with a spare hair tie, wrapping it around my finger. 'It was - I really liked him. But he wanted it to get more serious, and I... wasn't ready for that.'

That much was perfectly true; Mischa had wanted to marry me, but I wasn't sure if Heero wanted to hear that. He'd wanted some sort of commitment, and the problem was that I liked the lack of it. It wasn't that I'd lacked feelings for him; he was a wonderful guy and I'd been flattered by all the attention and by the fact that he was clearly crazy about me. It had helped that he fit very easily into my life; he travelled a lot so we'd only seen each other every few weeks, and I'd been able to go on living with Wufei and Zechs the rest of the time.

'Do you miss him?' Heero asked softly.

I shrugged. Damn, it can be hard to lie when you're asked straight questions like that.

'We still talk, sometimes. He's a friend. Sorry, Heero, but if you and Relena are still close, you'll have to realise I still have my own exes in my life.'

He just nodded, though, even thought he'd probably had to half-swallow his tongue not to make any comment. OK, he'd been with Relena and I knew he'd dated a few guys over the years, but really, it didn't remotely stack up against all the stuff I'd done. If he'd wanted, there was plenty in my past that he could have thrown in my face.

'Sorry,' I muttered. ''Ro, I don't want to keep dragging this stuff up. I just…it's important for us to feel we can have an open discussion and air our respective fears and grievances in a positive and mutually supportive way. That's not actually funny!' It was a verbatim quote from a plaque my therapist had hanging in his waiting room; after years of attending, I knew the damn thing off by heart..

He composed his face hurriedly. 'Of course not. And you're perfectly right. Openness and honesty are very important.'

Ooops. I went slowly red. OK, he'd deserved that little dig, considering I'd dedicated most of the year after the war to hiding things from him.

'Anyway, we split up around a year ago.' I switched the subject back to Mischa, not bothering to elaborate; the press had had a merry field day with the break up, and there'd been all kinds of rumours flying around. Some of them hadn't been very pretty.

'I kind of didn't see anyone for ages after that; then Hilde set me up with this guy, Ben.' The elastic snapped suddenly; you'd think they could be made strong enough to withstand a little pressure. 'We went out a couple of times. It was OK at first; then we had this row one night and that was that.'

Fuck, I actually shivered, thinking about it. Standing outside Steel, listening to his accusations, with a crowd of people watching and enjoying the show. I'd had my first panic attack in months, driving back home, with the words he'd said scratching at my mind.

'_What's wrong; you only sleep with guys who pay you?'_ _His mouth twisted into an ugly sneer. _'_Or is pretending you don't want it just some little act? You like it rough, don't you? I've seen all those articles about what you've done; you want me to drag you down an alley, it is that it?'_

Leon had burst out about then, and probably saved Ben's life for him in the process. I can only take so much abuse, anger management classes and therapy notwithstanding.

'Duo?' Heero; not Ben. Heero sitting beside me; not quite touching me. Shit, I hadn't even noticed I'd sagged down on to the couch. 'What's wrong?'

'Just some stupid stuff.' Fuck, but I wanted to collapse against him; wasn't quite sure if I'd ever be able to get myself together if I let myself go even that much. We had stuff to do. 'We'd better get on with this.'

Thank God, he didn't push it. He'd always had a little bit of a problem keeping up with my mood changes, that sometimes I just need to put things away in a sealed box until I feel like picking the lock. Heero doesn't believe in that; problems should be faced head on and locks exist to be blown away.

'What exactly are we looking for?'

A quick glance around the living room didn't show any convenient envelope on the coffee table marked 'Duo Maxwell. Private and Confidential' in Quat's handwriting. Damn. That would have been so useful.

'Honestly?' I shrugged. 'I have no freaking clue. According to Trowa, the computer system showed that somebody was here for about an hour a couple of days before Quat vanished, and then tried to change the system to cover it up. Rashid only found out by mistake. He was running a routine check this morning and found some anomalies.'

'But it might not have been Quatre who triggered it.'

I shrugged. 'It's possible, I guess, but Tro had set up _the_ most advanced security system you've ever imagined for this place. It was like a little hobby for him, adding new refinements every time they came out here. Officially, Quat, Tro and Rashid are supposed to have the code, but I think some of the other Maguanacs probably have it too; just to do security checks.'

'Wouldn't they have noticed someone arriving here? From what I can see, security on the whole estate is very tight.'

'You know, I never thought of that.' Stupid Duo. 'You're right; all of this place belongs to the Winners and there are regular security patrols, plus they've got all sorts of sensors up at the main house.' Great; another mystery. 'Another thing; all the camera systems at the cottage were disabled for a couple of hours while someone was here. They actually ran a loop of the previous day's footage so the problem wouldn't show up.'

'Very professional,' Heero commented. 'Assuming it was Quatre, what would he have been looking for?'

'God knows. If Quat did come here, he must have had a reason; either to take something or leave some sort of message. He was probably here for less than an hour. I thought we could maybe start with their bedroom and then go through this room. Otherwise, there are three bedrooms upstairs, and the kitchen's through there. You know, we should probably take something out of the freezer to defrost for dinner.'

'Already taken care of,' he sounded just a tad smug about that. 'Since our last dinner date ended rather abruptly, I thought we should try again.'

'This is a date? I thought we were here to work.'

He grinned. 'Can't we mix business with pleasure?'

'Really? Isn't that some sort of blasphemy in your world?'

'Funny,' he remarked dryly. 'For your information, I've learned how to multi-task. Besides, Milliardo - Zechs - said I needed to romance the hell out of you if I wanted to get you back.'

'What? You're taking Zechs as your relationship guidance counsellor now? That's seriously weird.'

'He must be doing something right,' Heero defended himself, a little sheepishly. 'Wufei is obviously happy with him; I - I would like what they have together.'

'Yeah,' I let myself lean against him, let him slide one arm around my waist and pull me close. 'I'd like that too.'

'Can I ask you to do something for me? I want you to tell me what I'm doing wrong, if I make you unhappy. I want you to talk to me.'

'You want me to point out every little thing you do that maybe pisses me off?' I demanded, staring at him. ''Ro, I can't do that.'

'There are... so many?' He breathed despairingly.

'No! No. That wasn't what I meant at all. I just -- don't want to spend all my time criticising you.'

'It's wouldn't be _criticising_ me if you're trying to help me be just what you want.'

Oh dear. Typical Yuy solution to a problem. Mission - become perfect boyfriend for Duo. Mission parameters - obtain guidelines for suitable/desirable behaviour.

'Listen to me, OK? I know where you're coming from, and I know I could probably have been more - open with you, and I will try to be better, but, trust me, snipping at every little thing you happen to do isn't going to work either. Trust me on this one, 'Ro. I was there from the very beginning of the whole Wufei/Zechs thing and I'm not still not entirely sure how they actually ended up together, instead of killing each other off.'

'It was...really that bad?' He asked uncertainly.

I shrugged, realising that even if he and Wufei were back to being buddies, 'Fei probably wouldn't want Heero to know all the little details of his love life. 'Some parts. Wu was ...kind of blown away by the fact that Zechs was pursuing him.' OK, that was the understatement of the century. It had taken hourly pep talks and reassurance from me and Quat and Sally to convince him that the sort of feelings he was starting to have for Zechsy were normal and that the fair, honourable thing for him to do would be at least to give the guy a chance.

'There was this one time, a couple of weeks after they'd started dating, that Zechs sent him this incredible arrangement of orchids. Armageddon nearly broke out; 'Fei was sure that Zechs was sending him sort of signal that he was going to be the, well, girly one in the relationship and he hit the roof.'

'I can imagine,' Heero smiled faintly. 'What happened?'

'I hid the flowers away; Zechs sent him this amazing antique sword; they still have it over their bed actually. Anyway, that's not the point; the thing is, someone told 'Fei when you're with someone, you have to accept that maybe you can change some things about them, but you've got to accept that you can't change everything; that there are some things that you'll just have to live with and you have to decide if you can do that or not.'

'What,' he asked, very hesitantly for him, 'are my things?'

'That's easy,' I said with no hesitation at all. 'You're a possessive, over-protective control freak.'

'Oh! Ah, is that it?'

'Well, they're the main ones.' I gave him a tentative grin. Oddly, considering how this was a pretty heavy conversation, it wasn't too threatening. We were being honest and that was it; I didn't really think he was going to storm off and I wasn't making plans for a quick getaway myself. 'I can probably put up with the fact that you use your laptop as a life support system, and that you think punctuality should be a major world religion.'

'I .. am trying to be less controlling,' he offered, and I had to laugh at his tone.

'OK, I guess I'll have to give you that one, since you did let me abduct you and everything. And sort of disrupt your whole life.' I hesitated. 'The thing is, 'Ro, I've had to cope on my own for the last six years.' Well, maybe not on my own; I'd had the most supportive group of friends in the universe to lean on. 'I can't just have you coming into my life and trying to take it over.'

'Agreed. I will try. But if I do try to be too....overbearing with you, you have to tell me,' his eyes gazed into mine. 'I promise, I will try and I have been practising.'

'I never meant to be possessive, or jealous,' he told me. 'I just - it was _never_ that I didn't trust you, Duo. Just that I couldn't ever see why you'd want to be with me, of all people in the universe. I was sure that one day you'd realise that you could be with someone better. And I would have lost you.'

'But, that _is_ not trusting me,' I said gently, skating over all the insecurities that he'd revealed. 'I told you how much I loved you; you were the person I'd chosen to be with. Why couldn't you trust me enough to believe that?' I swallowed. 'I never lied to you, Heero. Never. And you still couldn't trust me. Do you have any idea how much that used to hurt? I'd told you pretty much everything about my life. All the bad stuff. You knew all that and you still thought I could ever want to be with anyone else. '

He shook his head. 'You never told me a deliberate lie, love. I know that. But you are....extremely talented at..... not lying. And you seemed to be happier with other people, most of the time. I'd see you with Trowa or Quatre or some of your new friends; even people you'd just met at a party. You used to look happy. It was like...everyone else in the universe could give you something that I couldn't. '

'No, it wasn't like that. Never. I just thought if I could pretend hard enough that I was dealing OK with everything, it would sort of make it true. You knew me better than anyone so you could tell it didn't always work, couldn't you?'

'I think so, sometimes. Half the time, I just didn't _know_,' he burst out. 'I knew you were having problems but you refused to discuss them. You just seemed to want to pretend that everything was fine, that you could just live in your own little world and ignore everything that you didn't like. And a lot of the time it was easier just to go along with that pretence, and tell myself I was doing it solely for your sake, and not because it was easier for me.'

'Just a matched set of bakas, right?' I leaned over and touched one finger to the line between his eyes. 'Both pretending like hell that everything was fine in our castle in the sky. While it was crumbling away under our feet.'

He nodded. 'It's going to be different this time, love. Truly. We can make this work.'

He took a deep breath, not altogether steadily. 'Just for the record, I... will always want to protect you, Duo. That's nonnegotiable. And you are just as bad.'

'I am _not_!'

He tugged my braid, chuckling. 'Really? So you didn't use to leave death threats for Une any time I was late getting back from a mission and you thought she'd placed me in danger? You never hacked into the Preventers information system to check on my status?'

I blushed. 'It was only a couple of times! Well, maybe I was just a little over protective.'

He laughed outright at that.

'So, um, I guess you'll have to accept that as one of my faults. Along with the running and hiding, right?'

He threw me a faint smile. 'I'm not sure where you'll run to, out here. And the house is too small to offer a hiding place. Seriously, I will always catch you; I will always find you. Provided you want me to. I just wish...'

'What?' Oh, God, if he was hesitating like that, it had to be something bad. Cut my hair off? Stop being friends with the guys?

'I just wish,' he said in a rush, the words chasing each other out of his mouth, 'that you had some remote idea of how amazing you are.'

OK. So not what I'd been imagining. I could feel my cheeks burning and had to look away.

'Right,' I said briskly. 'We really should start doing something. Like I said, I think we should check out their room first.'

'No 'phones,' Heero commented, as we walked upstairs.

I shook my head. 'That was one of Trowa's rules. If anybody needed to contact them urgently, they could leave a message at the main house. They did have a laptop here, but they used it mainly for downloading music and movies and stuff. Actually; that's weird. They used to keep it downstairs and I didn't see it.'

'Maybe that's what Quatre took away with him?' Heero suggested.

'Maybe. OK, it's this door. If you check Tro's dresser, I'll look in Quat's.'

He nodded, stepping into the room behind me. Wow. I liked this new obedient Heero.

'You drew that,' he said instantly, glancing at the sketch hanging above the bed.

'Yep, a couple of years ago.' It was just a simple pen-and-ink drawing of Tro, and I'd always been absurdly flattered that they'd hung it on their bedroom wall. I 'd tried a couple of times to do a matching picture of Quat but it had never worked. Trowa was always so much easier, given that I could cover most of his face with that fall of hair.

'So..find anything?' I asked after he'd closed the first drawer somewhat…abruptly.

'Just some photographs.'

I raised my eyebrows at him. 'Useful photos?'

'You probably don't want to look. I think I'll have issues looking Trowa in the face again for a while. Or any other part of his anatomy.'

Ah. _Those_ sort of photos.

'Oh, yeah. Quat's changed a little bit from the innocent guy he used to be.'

'So I see.' He opened the second drawer, and then removed a pair of handcuffs, raising his eyes. '_Quatre_? Really?'

'Uh, yeah.' I couldn't stop grinning at the look on his face. I'd had years to adapt to Quatre's little kinks; he'd come a hell of a long way from the fifteen year old who'd once nearly had a heart attack in a gay porn shop.

'Dear God,' he pulled out a matching blindfold. 'Am I the only person in the universe who isn't into bondage or threesomes or ….that sort of thing?' He swallowed, blushing faintly.

'Oh? You haven't developed a little taste for S and M since we were together then?' I couldn't help teasing. He's never been the easiest person to embarrass, and I had to take advantage. Of course, just the fact that I was joking about this sort of thing was probably enough to throw him off balance. But then, I'd spent the last couple of years sharing living space with a couple who tied each other up on occasion. I still wasn't sure if I'd ever be comfortable enough to let anyone to it to me, but I could at least discuss it.

It was funny, anyway, just watching the different shades of red on his skin.

'It's OK,' I finally took pity on him. 'I'm honestly still strictly vanilla.'

'Thank God for that. I was getting worried that you might want to start whipping me or something.'

I winked at him. 'Only if you don't behave yourself.'

'Trust me,' he assured me fervently. 'I'll behave. Just tell me what to do.'

A couple of frustrating hours later, we still hadn't found anything that might provide some sort of clue. Lots of little memories of staying there; my room still had some clothes stored in the closet and an unused sketch pad, and 'Fei's had a neat little pile of books by the bed.

'No sign of that laptop anywhere,' Heero remarked, coming out of the master bathroom.

'Um, it might be downstairs somewhere if you wouldn't mind looking. I'll go through the attic space.'

That was where I found it, eventually, hidden under a box of WEI annual reports for 201 and several spider colonies.

'Well? Did you find anything interesting?' Heero stuck his head up a couple of hours later. I'd called down to him to let him know I'd found the thing, and he'd offered to poke around downstairs.

'No idea, honestly. There is just so much stuff, and half of it's in Arabic. I don't know; I used the PC translator but they're not that accurate, are they? We should probably get an Arabic speaker to look at them, just in case. I really hate the idea of letting some stranger read all his private stuff, though.'

'Rashid could do it,' Heero suggested, 'and I'm sure he or one of the other Maguanacs has some experience with encryption programmes. Or I could, if you liked.'

'I guess that would be better than strangers.' Well, maybe. Rashid would probably have apoplexy if he read some of the things Quat had written about Trowa. He had some photos stored there too. 'I don't know; it's really hard to know if a lot of it is actually in code or not. Like, there's thousands of words describing a birthday party for one of his nieces, but I don't know if maybe it means something else. You know, 'birthday party' might be a codename for something else?'

'You could forward it to Trowa,' he suggested. 'He might have some idea.'

'Yeah. That's not a bad plan. He keeps saying he's sorry for something he's done, or is going to do, but you know Quat; he could have stepped on a worm or something. Or maybe just had a really bad day.'

'Hn. Incidentally, do you know you've got cobwebs in your hair?' He leaned over and removed one.

I grinned. 'Yeah, I was trying for a new, back-to-nature look. Sexy, huh?'

'Different, certainly. Dinner should be ready in thirty minutes or so, if you wanted to have a quick shower first.'

'I take it that's a hint?' Well, it probably wasn't a bad idea; I felt I had a couple of years' accumulated dust gathering on my skin, plus all my muscles were protesting at spending the last two hours hunched over a computer. Plus if he was sticking with the 'Romance the Hell out of Duo' plan, I at least wanted to be cobweb free.


	59. Christmas Past

Disclaimer: As per usual.

Note 1 : Also as usual, thanks to KS for helping me get this one just right. It started out as a sappy Christmas story, loosely set in the ALG world, and well, it's turned into something quite different.

Note 2: A very Happy Christmas to everyone! (and please do beware of exploding crackers...*grins*)

Heero's POV:

**Christmas Past:**

The shower is running as I start downstairs. I can imagine him so very clearly; water streaming down his glorious cascade of hair, and I have to shake my head in an attempt to dislodge that entrancing image.

I have too much still to do before he comes down.

I want tonight to be perfect for him. It's all I've ever wanted; to have him safe and happy. It was my personal vow at the end of the War; that I would do anything to achieve that.

I couldn't even manage to keep my promise for one year.

_December 25__th__, AC 195_

_Sanque Royal Palace._

_He doesn't stir, not even when I close the bedroom door behind me, the clearest possible indication of how exhausted he has to be._

_He is so beautiful asleep, my Duo. _

_It's the only time I really get to look at him properly; he gets embarrassed if I study him too closely when he's awake. He shifts very slightly as I approach the bed, moving on to his side. Perhaps he does sense me, although his sleep is never peaceful: the God of Death has far too many demons for that. I would love to think that he sleeps more soundly in my arms, but the truth is his nightmares haunt him even when I'm holding him. Sometimes, I think his mind reacts to even that small measure of restraint. _

_It scares me, actually, that he isn't moving. Anyone could have come in, could have…_

_I've just framed that thought when he does move, one hand reaching for the gun under his pillow; for a weapon we're not supposed to have anymore._

'_You're back.'_

'_Superb observational skills as always,' I tease, crossing to sit on the bed beside him._

'_Funny,' he blinks up at me through a tangle of hair. 'Wow. Where'd you get that sharp suit?'_

'_Relena ordered it for me. She thought it would make a good impression.'_

'_Yeah, I'll bet she did. Bet she liked seeing you all dressed up fancy-shmancy. So, how was it?'_

'_Bearable.'_

'_Did you smile for the birdie, the way we'd practised?'_

'_Hn.'_

_Originally, we'd all refused point-blank to appear at Relena's Christmas Day broadcast, which was to be shown live on Earth and the Colonies. Of course, there was no way that Trowa was going to leave Quatre's bedside, and Wufei had scoffed at the idea of taking part in anything so frivolous as a television programme. I'd only accepted because Relena had taken me aside after breakfast, and convinced me that it would be a good PR exercise. _

_The War might be over, but there were still plenty of people out there who thought the universe would be a far better place if the Gundam Terrorists were executed for their assorted crimes against humanity. Relena thought it would enhance our image considerably if we were seen as close friends of hers._

_I hadn't told Duo that bit; as far as he was concerned, the War was over, and we'd all done more than enough. _

_Duo had thought it was hilarious; the idea of me going on live television, and insisted on giving me 'smiling lessons.' I'd tried, the first two times, and after that I'd simply lost patience, despite Relena's attempts to coax me into looking less - lethal. In truth, I probably hadn't done very much to dispel the idea of Gundam Pilots being homicidal maniacs. _

'_I can imagine.' Duo grins over at me. 'I'm guessing you didn't exactly project a whole lot of warm fuzziness, hey?'_

_I shake my head. If there is any warm fuzziness, as he calls it, in my nature, it is reserved exclusively for him; not for a TV studio. 'I don't think Relena was too impressed with how it turned out.' _

_Or with how I'd shot one of the cameras; I hadn't been expecting that sudden flash. It wasn't like I'd deliberately aimed at the interviewer either. He'd just happened to get in my line of fire as he'd dived for cover. I hadn't been charged, purely because Relena had stood up for me, claiming that I was her bodyguard and it had appeared to be an attack._

'_Screw her,' Duo accompanies the words with a crude gesture that I'm glad Relena can't see and then makes a face. 'Sorry, 'Ro. Bad word choice, right? Anyway, don't worry about it. She should never have expected you to do something like that. I still can't believe you agreed to it.'_

_Nor can I, really. Except I've studied the uses of propaganda; something OZ always excelled at. I'd thought that demonstrating my acquaintance with the Queen of the World might be advantageous for all of us. _

_Duo slides one hand up my back and lets it rest on my shoulders. 'Sheesh, you're tense, 'Ro. I suppose she was bitching about how you didn't jump through hoops the way she wanted you to. Don't worry about it, OK? She was happy enough for you to play the perfect soldier when she needed you to save her life, or protect her dinky little kingdom, wasn't she? What does she expect now; that you're suddenly going to turn into Mr. Emotional because it's what she wants?'_

'_Don't call me that,' I say irritably, shrugging away from his hand. 'You know I hate that name. I've never been perfect.'_

_Duo leaves me alone for just long enough to feel guilty, and then wraps both arms around me. 'You know that's not how I see you,' he says softly. 'I know damn well you've got flaws, or you'd have killed me the first time we met. Me and Relena. You were never just some - weapon, no matter that those bastards tried to make you into one.'_

'_Thank you,' I whisper, running one hand down his braid and letting myself fall into his eyes._

'_All part of the service, babe.' He grins at me, and I force myself to smile back. I can never get used to his lightning-swift changes of mood. He is mercury and moonbeams; impossible to pin down. His eyes narrow at my expression. 'She didn't hassle you any more about joining those Stoppers or Pluggers or whatever they're called, did she?'_

'_Not really.' It's not really a lie; she didn't hassle me as such; she merely mentioned that it would be nice for me to discuss my 'options for the future' with herself and Une. Life with Duo has taught me the little refinements of truthfulness._

'_Good.' His mouth sets in a hard line. 'It's not like she can force you or anything. I don't know what the hell Fifi is thinking; agreeing to work for that fucking psycho bitch, Une.'_

'_You'd better not let him hear you call him that,' I warn. He and Wufei had finally managed to reach some sort of understanding, although there had been times during the War when I'd thought Duo was in more danger from 05 than from OZ. 'And I think it's more that he doesn't know what else to do.'_

_I can understand that, so very well. I'm not sure how any of us really fits into this new world we've helped to create. My whole life has been spent honing certain skills; I've always taken pride in being able to achieve certain things. I have - no idea what to do now._

'_Maybe.' He shrugs casually, and I have to marvel at his insouciance, at how calmly he's apparently taking all of this. Yesterday, we all came so close to death; to watching an entire planet and its population die, and today we are the honoured guests of Princess Relena Peacecraft, even if most of the world hasn't quite decided whether we're heroes or villains. Duo Maxwell seems to be taking it all in his stride._

'_What's that?' Always curious, his eyes focus on the slight bulge at my right hip. Apparently, he's decided that the serious conversation is over for now. 'Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just really pleased to see me?' _

'_It's called a Christmas cracker,' I hand it to him. 'Relena gave it to me.'_

'_Cool,' he strokes the shiny foil with one finger. 'What's it for?'_

'_Apparently, it's a Christmas tradition on Earth. We each take hold of one end and pull it apart.'_

'_What; we have to break it?' Duo looks shocked. 'But it's all pretty and shiny.' Then he grins. 'Wouldn't you rather pull me instead?'_

'_What? Wouldn't I hurt you?'_

'_Oh, it's just L2 slang,' he looks slightly discomfited; he never likes to mention his home colony. 'If you pull someone, you means you pick them up.'_

'_But I've already picked you.' I smile at him, taking hold of one end of the cracker. 'Humour me, love.' I want us to do things like this; all the things that normal people take for granted. 'I can look it up on-line if you want and see where the custom originated.'_

'_Nah, let's just wing it. See what happens?'_

_What happens is a minor explosion that shocks us both. _

'_What the fuck?' Duo gasps, on the floor beside me, gun pointed at the remains of the cracker. 'Is that bitch trying to kill us both?'_

'_I don't think so.' Of course, that was my first thought too. That someone - not Relena obviously - had been trying to attack us. 'I think it was just supposed to make a bang.'_

'_Fuck,' he mutters again. 'That's a great way to give someone a heart attack. Sorry, 'Ro, but this is one Earth tradition we are not getting into.'_

'_Definitely not,' I agree, sliding my gun back into its holster. The cracker is nothing more than a few shimmering scraps of foil on the carpet. _

'_What's that?' Duo reaches out and finds a small square of folded paper. His eyes glint. 'Maybe it's a little love note from your princess?'_

'_Don't be ridiculous.' It's hard, sometimes, to read his comments about Relena; to know whether he is genuinely teasing or whether there is more of an edge._

'_Just kidding,' he reaches out and kisses me firmly on the mouth. 'I know you're not interested in her. Let's see what this says. Oh, it's a joke. Listen, what do you call Santa's little helpers? No guesses? Subordinate clauses.'_

'_That's awful, Duo.'_

'_It is pretty lame,' he agrees, but he carefully folds up the slip of paper and places it on the bedside table, probably to show Quatre later. _

'_I'm sorry about that. I never expected it would blow up.'_

_He laughs. 'Doesn't matter. The smell of gunpowder makes the place more homey, anyway.'_

_Only he could say something like that. 'Not just that. I wanted to get you a proper Christmas present.'_

'_Well, you had a busy day yesterday, what with saving the Earth and everything.' He pauses and I hold my breath for what he says next; it's the first time he's referred to what happened the previous day, although I know that there must have been a time when he thought I wouldn't survive. I know what he must have been thinking; another person he'd lost._

_Then he shrugs. 'That's a good excuse for you not getting to the shops, and I suppose it does count as a gift, sort of.'_

'_Hn. I wanted to get you something personal.'_

'_Next year,' he says it absently, and then the most beautiful radiant smile lights up his face. I want to keep that look on his face for ever._

_Next year._

_For the past twelve months, we've never dared think beyond tomorrow, or next week. Our lives have been measured in missions, punctuated by those too-brief, precious times together._

_Now, suddenly we have the possibility of a future. _

'_Here's something else that must have been in the cracker.' He leans around to pick up a small, shiny object._

'_I'm not sure what it's for,' He examines the little silver toy in his hand. 'It's like this tiny sports car. You know, I think it's a Ferrari.'_

'_Let me see.' The model car is far, far too small to tell the make, but he loves sports cars. It's one of the few things he's ever mentioned that he'd like to own. One day. A classic Italian sports car in a ridiculously bright colour, that he can drive by the ocean. 'It's a key ring.'_

_I don't imagine either of us has ever possessed such a thing. It's not like Gundams come with locks and keys, and neither of us would have used them in our previous lives. We both have certain skill that render such trivialities as keys wholly unnecessary._

'_You have it,' I press it back into his hands. 'You can use it for the key to our home.'_

_He catches a breath in sheer delight, looking up at me as if I'd just handed him the moon wrapped up in rainbows, and then he's wrapped around me._

_Our home._

_It was something we'd discussed in whispers once or twice during the War; neither of us every truly believing in the fantasy._

'_Our home?' He echoes, making it a question._

'_Of course.' I know it's the thing he wants most in the world; something he's never had. Something neither of us has ever had; a safe place. I can't imagine it, not really, but no power in the universe is going to make me destroy that look on his face. Instead, I force a note of certainty into my voice. 'Like we talked about, with trees and water nearby and the biggest bed in the world.'_

'_I kind of liked squashing up with you in all those narrow beds. And that sleeping bag,' he says._

'_Me too. But think how …inventive we could be, with more space. I want that. I want us to have all the things other people have. I want to give you the world.'_

_He leans over and kisses me. 'I think you already did. But you know, Blue,' Duo teases slyly, 'if you really want to give me a personal gift, you could just fuck me silly.'_

_Blue. _

_He'd coined the nickname our first time together, staring into my eyes. He only uses it before or during sex, and having him murmur it like that is more than enough to make me hard._

'_Baka,' I bend to kiss the sweet curve of his mouth. 'You're already silly.'_

'_Maybe. So…can I have my Christmas present now?'_

_Ah, discussion time is very definitely over, then, but God, how can I resist him when he looks at me like that? His hair is already half loose, tangled by sleep, and he tugs it free as he pulls his T-shirt over his head._

'_Too many words, 'Ro.' He slides the jacket off my shoulders as he speaks, fingers already loosening my tie and unbuttoning the shirt. 'Way too many clothes.'_

'_Is that…better?' I ask breathlessly, lifting my hips so he can pull my pants down._

'_Much, much better,' he urges me to lie back against the pillows so he can crawl all over me._

_It is still a relatively new thing; this adventurousness on his part. New enough that he is fascinated by the way my skin pimples when he touches it with fingers or mouth or even his breath. New enough that he bits bites down just a fraction too hard on my nipple and then kisses me contritely when my breath catches._

_It's become a game for him, to try to make me lose control._

'_Enough,' I say suddenly, and flip us both over, so I'm lying on top of him, the sudden move making his give a little squeak of surprise. The sound is enchanting; a new one for my collection of Duo noises. _

'_Asshole,' he mutters, but there is the faintest smile hovering at the corner of his mouth. If he feels safe enough, secure enough, he sometimes likes it when I take control._

'_Why should I let you have all the fun?' I grin down at him. 'I had to, love. Or I would have come far too soon.'_

'_Really?' He looks oddly smug at that. It amazes me, that someone who looks like him can suffer from so many insecurities._

'_Oh, yes.' I grind down a little, letting him feel just how close I am, delighted when he tilts his hips to meet me. _

'_Then this might come in handy.' He produces a tube of lubricant from who-knows-where, and hands it to me with an impish grin. Then he flops back down on the mattress, legs spread, leaving me in no doubt as to what he wants._

'_You're sure?' I can count the number of times we've had penetrative sex; that handful of occasions during the War when we were together, and uninjured and in a safe place. He's only chosen to go on top twice; he claims he's too scared of hurting me to enjoy it properly. He can say things that threaten to split my heart._

'_Heero, get a clue,' those huge eyes glow as he laughs up at me. 'I'm naked; I'm in your bed; I've just handed you the lube. Of course I'm freaking sure.'_

'_Just checking.' I lean down to invade his mouth with my tongue, waiting until he's submerged in the kiss before I try to slide one hand between his legs. He always claims that it's pure sadism that makes me draw this part out; he always claims he's ready before I think he is. _

_I love it. I love the feel of him, slowly stretching to accommodate me; feeling the tension slowly leach from his body under my hands. The little gasp when my fingers hit that place for the first time; the way his breath hitches when I brush one hand against his erection._

_And always, at the back of my mind, is the thought that if I can do this with enough care and gentleness and love, that I can wipe out all his other memories._

'_That's so good, Blue,' he moans, lifting his lips to grind his erection against mine. 'Come on, it's Christmas, right? Don't make me beg.'_

_He's always quiet at the start; as if he can't trust his voice, until I can make him lose that control, and then there's a sobbing litany of my name, interspersed with contradictory pleas to finish it, to make it last forever…_

_This is the best part; when he's finally managed to shed all his inhibitions and controls. The part where I know he wants me, for his own pleasure, and he's not just trying to give me what he thinks I want. This is the way I always want it to be for us. That ultimate connection of our two bodies; the firm, tight grasp of his body around mine, that somehow transcends pain or pleasure._

_Afterwards, it always takes him a little while to come down. While he floats back to reality, I take a cloth from the bathroom and clean us both up, and then start to deal with his hair, using my fingers to comb out the tangles. I am allowed to have his hair loose only on condition that I tidy it up afterwards. For Duo, this is a chore; for me, it's still a pleasure, to be able to touch it. He always marvels that I rarely bother to comb my own hair, but can lavish hours of attention on his._

_According to Duo, his hair is brown. Full stop. Chestnut is slightly better, but it still doesn't come close to describing the multitude of different shades. It glints gold under the sun; and glows like flame in firelight._

'_I don't like this place,' he confides quietly, as if he's afraid of being overheard._

'_No?' I tease a tangle of hair loose. 'I like it very much.'_

_He snorts, touching his lips to my hand. 'This palace. I hate it. When can we leave?'_

'_Soon, love,' I soothe him. I'm not sure if he thinks that we can just walk out when we please, whereas I know that two Gundam Pilots - former Gundam Pilots - cannot simply wander off when and where we choose. Officially, we are honoured guests of the Sanque kingdom, and of Relena Peacecraft; in truth, we are prisoners, until the ESUN decides how to deal with us. I'm not sure how to tell him that, though. He doesn't deal with any form of restraint well._

_Already, there have been calls, from the media and from various politicians around the Earth and the Colonies that we deserve to be executed for crimes against humanity._

'_You know, we can't go anywhere until Quatre is better,' I temporise. 'You don't want to leave him while he's hurt, do you?'_

_His head-shake sends streamers of bright hair rippling against his skin. 'I hate this,' he bursts out. 'All those stupid reporters, and their stupid questions. I don't want to have to talk to them, 'Ro.'_

'_I know.' My fingers find that spot at the back of his neck and stroke gently. 'Don't worry, my love. All you have to do is turn on that Maxwell charm and you'll have everyone eating out of your hand.'_

_It's perfectly true; that he can charm anyone when he chooses, another gift I'm not altogether sure he's conscious of. On the other hand, he is all too aware of his talent for pissing people off. It's probably for the best that he's kept far away from any journalists._

'_Maxwell charm my ass!'_

'_It does have a certain charm,' I smile, sliding one hand down to squeeze it gently._

'_Don't even think about it,' he warns, shuffling a little closer nonetheless, one hand snaking between my legs. 'Although if you really wanted, since it is Christmas and all…'_

_Damn. I hate when he does this; I know he can't really want me again. He has to be sore and exhausted and I know he's only offering as a means to distract me from the topic at hand._

'_Later, maybe.' I remove his hand and lift it to my mouth, kissing his fingers to soften the refusal. He has such a problem with rejection. 'I don't know about you but I'm not ready. Besides, you should probably sleep, love,' I suggest slyly. 'You're exhausted.' After love-making has always been our time to exchange confidences; the time when we both feel terrifyingly vulnerable and intimate. _

'_I'm OK,' he says at once, just as I knew he would. The skies would collapse before Duo Maxwell admitted to bodily weakness. Even in the Lunar Base, when they'd tried so hard to break him, he'd firmly denied there was anything wrong with him. I'd saved him from being raped during the War, and he'd refused to discuss it for days, claiming he was fine even when his throat was hoarse from the nightmares._

'_Hey, Heero,' he murmurs. 'Take it easy, OK? We're not all made out of steel.'_

_Gasping apologies, I loosen my hold on him, the stranglehold I hadn't even noticed my arms had locked around him._

'_It's OK,' he curls closer, carefully folding his arms around my waist. 'What brought that on, baby?'_

_Baby._

_He has a myriad of names for me, depending on his mood. Yuy or asshole or occasionally baka are all clear signs that he's annoyed with me. 'Ro is for everyday; babe is his flip way to tease me, and I have to pretend I dislike it. My full name, depending on how he uses it, is either an indication that he's being serious, or an endearment. Blue is for sex; occasionally he comes up with a new name, just to see how I'll react._

_Baby is new, and I'm still deciding whether to be amused or offended, when he speaks again._

'_Tell me,' he invites, soft as a breath. He has a singular talent for doing this; for reading my moods, and offering comfort._

'_Just old memories.'_

'_It's over, 'Ro.' His eyes are very dark, very intense as he stares at me; the colour of an African twilight. 'We're alive; we're together. Can't we just enjoy that?'_

'_Of course we can,' I wind myself around him, as if my body can physically shelter him from any possible harm. I want so very much to keep him safe. In some ways, it was easier when we were fighting; I knew I had the skills needed to handle a War. I could fight to keep him safe, simply by doing exactly what I'd been brought up to do. Now everything has suddenly shifted. The things I can do - the only things I can do - aren't needed. Of course, I can't tell Duo any of that._

_What he needs now is reassurance and I will give him that; give him that little piece of security he obviously wants. Isn't that what partners do for each other?_

_Maybe he's right, anyway. Maybe we should just be able to enjoy this little interlude without worrying or planning about what is going to happen next._

'_I went to see Quat, when you were off being a TV star.'_

_I nod; I'm used to his sudden shifts in subject now; there is usually a pattern. It always takes him time to weave the pieces, and then I would learn what was really occupying his mind. I just had to wait. _

'_He and Trowa had this big row earlier.'_

_I start with surprise; those two never fight. Not that I know of, although there are things that Quatre only confides to Duo. They have always seemed the perfect couple; willing to do anything for each other. Exactly what I want to be for Duo._

'_So do I need to kill Trowa or have you taken care of it already?'_

'_Nah,' he burrows his head into my shoulder, trying to hide the reluctant grin. He teases me for being over-protective of Quatre, but he's much worse._

'_Tro was being an asshole, but they got it sorted out. They're cool now..' he bites his lip, obviously unsure of whether to tell me more, probably wondering if it will betray a confidence. I am allowed on the periphery of Duo and Quatre's inner circle but there is always a line I can't cross. _

'_It just sucks, you know. Tro was saying all this stupid shit; that the War is over and he's got no place in Quat's life now. That they have to start living in the real world, and accept that they can't be together any more.' He takes a deep breath, studying the ceiling. 'I can't believe that guy; picking a row today of all fucking days. I mean, after everything they've been through, they're both still alive and together, and it all fucking goes wrong. Quat was really upset, Heero.'_

_Ah. The pieces suddenly tumble into place; this, with Duo, passes for subtlety._

_He's so very hard to read sometimes; he tries so very hard to hide his fears. That he's actually broached this topic indicates how much he's been worried about it._

'_It won't go wrong for us, Duo,' I slide down in the bed so we are lying face to face. 'I swear. We are alive and together and it's going to be all right.'_

_It will, I swear to myself. There is nothing, at this moment, that I won't say or do to convince him of this. I will never, never let anyone hurt him again. _

_I stroke the back of his neck; something that always reassures him, and gaze into those incredible, indigo eyes. I could kill Trowa for putting those doubts there, on this day especially, and I'm not sure exactly what I can say to banish them._

'_I love you,' I offer finally, hoping it will be enough. He can create ripples and patterns and dreams with words; make my world explode with light and colour. All I can give him is three little words. 'I swear, Duo, I love you more than anything in the world, and we will make this work.'_

'_Good,' he mutters. 'I'll hold you to that.'_

'_Or you could just hold me,' I suggest whimsically._

'_What are we going to do now, Heero?'_

_  
There it is; that first tiny chink in his careful facade of coping with our new situation. He's not the only one to be unsure, and that gives me a sudden rush of relief, before I realise. One of us has to be the one to cope; the strong, sure one. That's how it's supposed to work._

'_This,' I run one hand down his side, cupping his ass. __The expression in his eyes is practically impossible to read; so many emotions struggling for dominance. Hope and fear and need and desire..__'Whenever we like. And all those things you've planned; all those places you want to see. We'll do anything we want. Go around the world chasing rainbows if we like.'_

'_That'd be fun.' It's our private expression; a phrase for something that's totally unattainable. Except that maybe we can do it now. Go around the world chasing rainbows. __Thank God, his face relaxes just a fraction, the tension bleeding out. It's worth lying just to see that smile on his face. __'_

_Maybe._

_It scares me; the prospect of being able to simply choose what to do. I've never had that. Duo is so much more adaptable, but then he's had to survive on his own so much more than I have. _

_It is - impossible to take in, right now. The idea that - maybe - the War is over for us, and that we really can make our own lives. For me; it's vertigo inducing. I want to be with him, more than anything, but what if I can't give what he wants? What he needs from me?_

_I have tried researching relationships on line, but there were no articles relevant to our particular situation. When I have hinted a little of my unease to Quatre, he has simply smiled and said he knew how I felt about Duo. And that it will be enough. It is frightening, almost; the level of trust he is placing in me to take care of his best friend._

_There is nothing I wouldn't do for Duo. Of course not. But sometimes it is difficult to gauge the difference between his needs and wants. I can't imagine what it will be like, actually sharing a life with him. The only large periods of time we've spent together so far have been when we were on the Lunar Base, and the weeks we lived together in a safe house, while he was recovering from being an OZ captive._

_Even then, I had to leave him to carry out missions and I learned something about how he copes with life. It's far too easy to say that he ignores things; he's much more complex than that. Sometimes, I feel that he is constructing his own layers of reality; almost an enviable gift. _

'_They won't let us keep them, will they?'_

_It actually takes a moment to grasp what he's talking about. For Duo, his Gundam has always been so much more than a weapon; the Deathscythe was his armour against the world; the thing that made him Shinigami. Even if we're allowed to live, there's no way the Gundams will survive. _

_There's no way to lie about this. Even Duo must see that their destruction is inevitable. They are simply too good at carrying out the tasks they were designed for. Like us. 'Oh, my love. No. I'm sorry. They'll have to be destroyed.'_

_He just nods, accepting. 'I guessed that.'_

'_You'll still have me,' I offer, not entirely able to judge his mood. 'Always.'_

'_Always. I'd like that.' He looks sad. 'I won't let anyone take you away from me, Heero.'_

_Ah._

_He knows. Of course he does. Duo may prefer to live in his own version of reality, but he is aware of the real world._

_I've finally stopped underestimating him, most of the time. Our minds may operate differently - he is quicksilver intuition to my measured, logical reasoning - but his stab-in-the-dark guesses are usually accurate. Slightly galling, really._

'_What?' He eyes me wryly. 'Even I don't live in that much of a bubble, you know.'_

_That makes me smile; he can always tell what I'm thinking. 'Your bubbles can be constructed from solid Gundamium, my love.'_

'_I was talking to Quatre,' he says after a few moments. He does this, sometimes; suddenly admitting me to a conversation he'd been holding in his own mind. _

'_He explained some stuff to me. He said we probably should be OK; it won't look too good executing five teenagers to start off this whole new era of peace and stuff._

_I can't help wondering if Quatre truly believes this, or if he just wanted to reassure Duo. I wonder which one of them brought it up in the first place._

''_Course, it probably helped that you saved the freaking Earth, and Wufei offed Khushrenada. And Quat was badly hurt; that'll look good in the media; this cute blond who sustained a serious injury when he was only trying to help.'_

_It crosses my mind for the merest fraction of a second that maybe Quatre planned that injury; he is an expert fencer, and I'm sure he could have beaten Dorothy Catalonia normally. No, surely he wouldn't do that._

'_You and Trowa were there too,' I remind him gently._

_I hate it; how he can never seem to take pride in his accomplishments. So much irony there, really; when we first met, that springy confidence had grated, until I'd realised it was just another of the masks he wears._

'_Yeah. But Tro and I wouldn''t look so good on their nice shiny press releases, would we? Nah, I don't want to get involved in all that crap. I just want to be left alone. With you.'_

'_I know.' I shift on to my side, tucking him against me, so our bodies are pressed together, touching as much as we can. 'It's all I want, too.' It's impossible to tell, with Duo, whether he really believes he can choose not to be a part of this, or if he's just trying to convince himself. _

'_I love you,' he whispers. He doesn't say it very often, and I know it scares him. He's too used to losing the people he loves. I can't see his face, the way he's tucked against me but I kiss the top of his head and tighten my arms around him. I won't let anyone take him away from me. Ever. Whatever I have to do to keep him safe, I'll do it._

'_Love you too. Happy Christmas.'_

'_Mmm.' Sleep is claiming him fast, but he still struggles to talk. 'C'n we get a tree next year? For our house? And put lights on it?'_

_It is the first thing he has ever directly asked me for. He has mentioned things that he would like; the sports car, a Jack Russell puppy, a home near the ocean, but I think he sees them as wistful fantasies. Not things he can ever really possess._

'_We'll have a whole forest,' I promise. 'With so many lights that people will be able to see it from space.'_

'_And Heaven?' He looks surprised by his own question. Neither of us believes in any sort of afterlife, but I just give him an uncertain nod. I will never, never know all the things that are going on inside his head._

_He gives me one last, drowsy smile. 'Cool. No more of those damned crackers though, 'kay?'_

'_No more crackers,' I agree. 'Happy Christmas, my love.'_


	60. Fragments of Blue

Disclaimer - as per usual.

Note - many, many thanks to Kaeru Shisho for beta-reading; to Snow for encouragement, to Wolfje for letting me steal the 'escaping hair' skit, and to ckhushrenada for techical input.

A very happy 2009 to everyone!

**Fragments of Blue:**

In the end, my 'quick' shower turned out to be somewhat on the more leisurely side.

Before I'd closed the laptop, Heero had suggested calling Rashid and getting him to collect it and maybe see if he could make head or tail of anything Quatre had written. It was a perfectly good, logical suggestion; Rashid knew Quat, he spoke Arabic, he could probably get one of the other Maguanacs to help him with encryption.

I just hated handing over my friend's personal thoughts to be looked at by someone who was bound to disapprove. Quat would be furious at his privacy being violated like that; I knew I would be in his place, but as Heero had pointed out, the important thing was to find him and we could deal with everything else after.

He was right; of course he was right. But I'd still decided to lurk upstairs until Rashid had been and gone, not being all that keen on another encounter. It was bad enough when total strangers looked at me like at me like I was dirt. I'd become used to that when I was just a kid; most people have this special expression they reserve for the homeless.

It hurt like hell when someone I'd liked and respected looked at me like I was a particularly virulent and contagious strain of bacteria.

The main bathroom in the cottage didn't exactly encourage a quick shower anyway. It had always been one of my favourite places in the universe. My room did have a more than adequate en-suite, but it didn't have miniature citrus trees planted around the shower, or one wall of sheer, curved glass. Even the tub had a built-in telescope if you fancied a bit of star-gazing while you were lazing in the water.

The only problem was that it was very hard not to think about Quatre in his own bathroom, using his favourite lemon-based toiletries, which were produced in a citrus grove in Sicily and were made according to an ancient family secret, passed on from generation to generation. They were handmade exclusively for a tiny list of privileged customers by the unmarried daughters of the family, and Trowa had always joked that for the price, each bar of soap or bottle of shower gel should have come equipped with its own attendant virgin.

But they felt damn good.

It all made me feel just how far I'd come from the kid I'd been when we first met. I'd seen my first real bathtub at the Maguanacs' desert base and it had taken me a while to figure out just what it was, and how to use it. I'd ignored the extensive range of toiletries in the cabinet, and used my own sliver of carbolic soap, that Howard had given me.

Seven years on, I was showering in a marble bathroom, using products that had probably cost the annual budget of a small country. And Quat was missing, possibly dead. And pretty much the last thing he'd said to me was that Heero had only ever wanted me for a quick, casual fuck, that I'd never been anything more than just a cheap little L2 whore.

It was still hard to register that he'd said all those things to me, even though they occasionally scratched across my brain. Bad stuff doesn't always stay in the box, the way it's supposed to.

Of course, he wasn't the first person to say that sort of thing to me, but he'd been my best friend. The one person who'd always believed in me. He'd never lied to me.

Fuck.

It took me a few minutes, longer than usual but it had been an emotional sort of day, to wrestle all that shit back under lock and key.

By then, I'd pretty much used every product there was, and there wasn't much excuse to stay in the shower for much longer. I was as all scrubbed and shining and lemony-scented as I'd ever be.

I really hoped Rashid wasn't going to stay for too long. Heero, who had all these weird ideas of Japanese hospitality, would feel compelled to ask him in for coffee and Rashid, who has all these weird notions of Arabic courtesy, would probably feel bound to accept. Hell, between the two of them, Rashid would probably end up moving in with us.

Dressing took up a fairly good chunk of time, or at least scrabbling in my closet for the outfit I wanted did. Most of the clothes I'd left here were very casual, but one of the younger Maguanacs had been married a couple of years ago, and Quatre had insisted giving us all special outfits for the ceremony. Not the sort of stuff I'd ever wear on Earth so I'd just left it here.

Looking at myself in the mirror, I thought maybe it was a bit over the top. Sure, Heero had talked about 'romancing' me, and it was suitably romantic. But maybe he'd only been joking, or he'd decided to jettison that idea in favour of a nice, long gossip with Rashid.

No, surely he wouldn't do that. I called Wufei to give him a brief, lack-of-progress report and then thought about calling Hilde. I really didn't want her finding out about Heero and me on the news, but I didn't exactly feel up to telling her we were back together and being yelled at for gross stupidity. Not just yet.

'Duo?' Heero's voice called from downstairs. 'Rashid's gone if you want to come down now.'

'Just a sec,' I yelled back. Damn, was I really all that easy to read? I sent Hilde a brief text instead, and then headed down, not bothering to change. If Heero thought I looked stupid, I could just say I'd put on the first things I'd pulled out. It was sort of true, if you discounted the fact that I'd spent a good ten minutes rummaging around in the closet first.

Heero didn't say I looked stupid. For the longest time, he didn't say anything at all, just stood at the bottom of the stairs and - looked at me.

'I - uh - don't have an awful lot of clothes here,' I faltered, when I was standing in front of him.

'You're beautiful,' he said softly, leaning over to brush his lips over mine. 'You're breathtaking. I still keep thinking that this is all a dream.'

'I'm not a dream,' I told him, finding it just a little hard to breathe, the way he was looking at me. It had almost scared me sometimes, that I'd could inspire so much intensity, but sometimes that sort of loving scrutiny had made my life worth living, made the whole universe make sense. I wasn't quite sure how I felt this time; just a little uncomfortable, but maybe that was because of the stuff I'd been thinking about upstairs.

'Rashid didn't stay long, did he?'

He shook his head. 'Just a few minutes. He said he'd call us if he found anything. Duo…' he hesitated for a minute. 'I don't think you should take his behaviour earlier too personally.'

'I don't take it personally,' I said flatly. 'If some other ex-street kid with an unsavoury past tried to sully his perfect Master Quatre, I'm sure he'd treat them just the same.'

'That wasn't what I meant. He is desperately worried about Quatre; I'm sure he never meant to be so discourteous to you earlier.'

Yeah, right. 'Just leave it, 'Ro, OK? I know damn well what Rashid thinks of me, and I'm used to it by now. I don't suppose he had any other news?'

'Actually, yes. Apparently, the security codes here were changed a month ago. Only three people had the new combinations; Trowa, Rashid and Quatre himself.'

'Really? I know Trowa wasn't here, and if it had been Rashid, he'd hardly have drawn attention to the fact. It must have been Quat.'

He shook his head. 'Rashid called Quatre's assistant and got a print out of his schedule for the day in question.' He handed me a flimsy piece of paper. 'She confirmed he attended all of these engagements. There's no way he would have had time to come all the way out here.'

No shit. I ran my eyes down the list; I couldn't even see where he'd have had time for a bathroom break. From a breakfast meeting at six thirty, to a conference call at midnight, his entire day was marked out in regimented, fifteen-minute segments. How the hell had he lived like that? Sure, he'd always been totally committed to WEI, but he'd been good at balancing things. Eighteen months ago, even if he'd wanted to run his day like that, there was no way Tro would have let him.

'This just gets progressively weirder, doesn't it?'

Heero gave me an odd little smile. 'Curiouser and curiouser, in fact.'

'Hey! You finally got around to reading _Alice_!' It had always been one of my favourite books, but he'd always refused to try it. He dismissed most fiction as escapist nonsense anyway, and especially a book where talking animals held tea parties. 'Did you like it?'

'Not really,' he admitted. 'I didn't understand most of it, but I remembered some parts that you'd quoted to me, parts that you'd liked. It …made me feel close to you, sometimes.' I thought he was going to say something else, but he just gave his head a shake and took my hand to lead me into the kitchen. 'You know, we should probably have dinner before it gets cold.'

Despite what he'd said, there was no sign of any dinner preparations in sight.

'I thought you'd said something about dinner!'

'Maybe I got bored waiting for you and ate everything myself,' he teased.

'Maybe if you were bored you should have come up and scrubbed my back for me,' I quipped back, and swished my shining braid so it fell neatly into his hand.

'If I'd done that, I don't think there would have been any dinner, and you haven't eaten since breakfast.'

Good point. Especially as most of breakfast had ended up down the toilet bowl at the Embassy.

'Ah. So you are planning to feed me, then?'

He reached out and reeled me in with one hand on my waistband. 'Of course. There's just one little thing I want to do first.'

He started slowly, pressing light kisses around each corner of my mouth, sucking gently at my lower lip, sliding his tongue over my teeth before flicking inside.

'Mmm. You smell very good.'

'Quat's shampoo,' I explained. 'Is that more to your taste than _eau-de-spider_?'

'I'm not sure. I may have to check again; I don't want to make any rash decisions after all.'

'Oh, yes,' he decided after a few minutes. 'I definitely like it. Now, you might want to bring this.' He handed me a jacket he'd obviously found in the downstairs cloakroom, and laughed at my expression. 'You know it gets cold at night in the desert.'

'What, we're going for a hike?' I glanced down at my feet, bare from the ankle under my gauzy silk pants. 'Do I need shoes?'

He shook his head. 'We're not going far, just to the dunes behind the house.' He slung a backpack over one shoulder and picked up a couple of smaller bags. 'It's a lovely night; I thought it might be nice to eat outside. We could have a picnic, if you like?'

'Another picnic?' I couldn't help grinning delightedly at him. Oh, come _on. _He'd just kissed me like it was going out of fashion, he'd obviously got this romantic evening all planned out for us, and, well, it was a pretty foregone conclusion at this point how things would end up.

Actually, a definitely foregone conclusion, I decided five minutes later, following him up one of the sand dunes behind the cottage.

'Wow.' He'd obviously sneaked out earlier to get things ready; there was a fire crackling and a couple of blankets neatly laid out.

'This is your idea of a picnic?' I demanded, watching as he unfurled all sorts of gourmet goodies from his bag.

'More of a fine dining _al fresco _experience,' he intoned, sounding like a commercial, and that cracked me up.

'Wow, it looks awesome.' I accepted a plate and took a bite. Roast monkfish and some sort of vegetable-and-cheese dish. I hadn't realised just how hungry I'd been. 'How the hell did you manage to get all this stuff ready so fast?'

'I cheated,' he said simply, handing me a glass of wine. 'The chef at the Sanque Embassy let me raid his freezer. I just had to warm it up.' He lifted a forkful to his mouth. 'It seems odd to see you enjoying fish, when you used to hate it so much.'

'Wufei's influence.' I shrugged. 'He always cooked when we were living together, and fish is his favourite thing. It was either eat the stuff or starve. I got to like it eventually.'

He grinned at me. 'Do you remember that seafood pizza, during the War?'

'Uuurgh,' I grimaced at the memory. 'I thought you were trying to poison me. I mean, you knew I didn't like fish, and you let me eat it. No wonder I thought you hated me back then!'

He snorted. 'I did try to stop you; you just moved too fast. It's a dangerous thing to get between Duo Maxwell and food!'

'Huh! I didn't realise back then that seafood was the same as fish. And some of it was shellfish and that was even worse! Ick!' Once, I'd truly believed that I'd never turn my nose up at any sort of food, but fish had just seemed.. unnatural. Actually, the bodies of water they lived in seemed sort of unnatural too. Vast expanses of some new element with all these weird…things moving around under the surface.

'I suppose you eat raw oysters now, given the chance,' he teased and then hesitated. 'Duo, you never really thought I hated you, did I?'

'Um, you never said two civil words to me in a row, you called me Maxwell all the time, you stole parts from my poor innocent Gundam after I'd helped you, you were always criticising me for every damn thing, including my hair…'

'Enough,' he picked my hand up and kissed it, his tongue tracing the lines on my palm. 'You weren't exactly perfect either, you know. I seem to remember you going out of your way to irritate me.'

'Well, yeah. Anything to get you to pay me some attention! Even if it only got me glares and Japanese curses.'

'I always paid attention to you. Even if you didn't always notice.' He was…paying me considerable attention as he spoke, taking each finger in turn into his mouth, and bathing it with his tongue.

'My fault,' I said a little shakily. 'I just hadn't copped on back then that those glares were really a sign of attraction.'

'You always were slow on the uptake.'

'Not always.'

He nipped gently at my thumb and released me. 'Not always, no. Dessert?'

'Um, do you mean actual dessert or it that slang for something else?'

'Actual dessert. For now.' He delved into the magic bag. 'Dark chocolate mousse and raspberry purée. I trust that is satisfactory, sir?'

'I guess it'll have to do,' I tried to sound lofty and then gave it up. It was delicious. OK, It would probably have tasted a hell of a lot better, eaten off Heero's stomach, but I wasn't entirely sure how to broach that particular subject. A nice merging of sex and chocolate.

'You know, I'm not sure why we're going for an 'either/or' scenario here. I'm sure we could think of a couple of creative ways to combine dessert and….not dessert.'

'One thing at a time.'

'I thought you'd finally worked out how to combine business with pleasure.'

'I think what you're talking about would be a mix of pleasure with pleasure.'

I started a little grumble about legal semantics, and then entirely lost the thread of my complaint, absorbed in watching him lick mousse of his spoon.

'So...what's the deal? If I eat up all my dessert, I get another treat?'

'Possibly.' Damned tease; he actually stuck one finger into his little dish and then sucked it clean. Right in front of me, staring into my eyes.

Well, two could play at that game as well as one. I actually managed to elicit a low groan from him, swirling my tongue around my spoon, making sure I licked up every last bit of chocolate.

Hah!

Perfection, really. Such a beautiful night; just the two of us, with the lights shining from the other side of L4.

'I always forget how bright the lights are on this colony; it's almost like seeing stars.'

Heero nodded. 'Do you miss it? Space?'

'Not really.' That had been something of a surprise actually; I'd once assumed that, if I survived the War, that I'd go back. I'd wanted to. But if you defined home as a place where you felt happy and safe and loved, it didn't apply to L2. Home, for years now, had been the house I shared with Wu and Zechs. 'I used to come here all the time, anyway, to visit Quat. And I sometimes get to fly on my shuttles' test runs.'

Heero took my empty dish away and topped up my wine glass. 'Progress evaluation report?'

'Satisfactory. You did mess up on one little detail, the moon should be full, just to provide the perfect romantic atmosphere.' It had been full for our first time; there'd been a fire then as well, and blankets, and moonbeams gleaming silver on the ocean.

He grinned, knowing exactly what I was getting at. 'Actually; that's your fault; abducting me like that threw my schedule right off. If you'd given me a little more warning, I might possibly have found some way for us to see the moon from a Colony.'

'You had a schedule?'

Well, of course he had a schedule; I didn't know why I felt so surprised.

'Not like that,' he assured me quickly. 'It wasn't like I had a - a timeframe or anything. But I thought I finally had a chance to try to get you back, to prove to you that I'd changed. At least try to be friends again.'

'We are. And more than friends by now, right?'

He nodded emphatically. 'If you really want the moon to be full, we can wait 'til we get back to Earth.'

'I really don't think so.' _No way. _'Heero, I'm sorry about earlier. For bringing up all that stuff about Relena. It's not like I was celibate or anything, so I shouldn't talk. I just wanted to be sure about us, you know.'

'Why are you apologising?'

'Um, you had this wonderful evening planned, and I dragged up all that past stuff, and then I gave you a long list of all the ways you irritate me. That wasn't exactly romantic; we could have had a massive row or something and this date would never have happened.'

'Oh, it would have,' he informed me. 'Even if I'd to drag you here by the hair.' He laughed as I instinctively took a quick hold on my braid, just in case he wanted to try it.. 'And we didn't fight; we had an open discussion and aired our respective fears and grievances.'

'Very funny,' I snorted. 'Are you mocking me by any chance?'

'Positively not. You were right; there were things we both needed to talk about.' He shrugged. 'And we did. Incidentally, I do have an idea about our future. I thought we could live on a very small, uninhabited desert island, just a sandbar really, with no convenient hiding places, and nowhere for you to run. And you would have to spend a large part of every day listening to me tell you just how wonderful you are.'

'Agreed!' I clinked my glass against his. 'Provided you're willing to spend the rest of our time watching me swim with killer sharks, and flirting with the local mermaids.'

'Or even the mermen,' he suggested dryly. 'Well, I could possibly accept you flirting with mythical creatures, if you really want to.'

'And the sharks?' I teased.

Heero snorted. 'They'd choke on your hair. And that's speaking purely from personal experience.'

'Hey! Leave my hair alone, Yuy! It was only that one time, and you're the one who always wants it loose anyway.'

'Very true,' he admitted, leaning around me for his bag.

'Don't tell me you have _more_ stuff in there! What's next? Vintage champagne? Fireworks? A full orchestra?'

'Just a couple of little things,' he produced an insulated thermos flask, and handed it to me, unscrewing the top.

'Hot chocolate!' That one little detail sent me catapulting into his arms, and we were both panting when I let him go.

'I do love that you're the only person in the universe who can be seduced with hot cocoa!'

'And I love the fact that you're the only person who knows it. ' I reached down to kiss him again. 'Are you planning to seduce me, then?'

'Certainly not,' he grinned at me, sitting up and tugging me on top of him. 'That sounds ..somewhat one-sided. I thought perhaps we might seduce each other.'

'We might.' I shifted position in his lap, just a little, so I could look up at him, and he pressed a light kiss to my forehead.

'I'm just nervous.'

'Oh, Heero,' I slid one hand through that ridiculously unruly mop of hair, sweeping it away from his brow. 'You don't have to be. I know you'd never hurt me.'

Damn. He'd always been so scared, especially at the start, that he'd somehow end up hurting me. My fault; I'd been such a mess after he'd rescued me from a mission that had gone wrong. It wasn't as if anything really bad had even happened, but he'd gone through weeks of my nightmares, of me trying not to panic if he touched me without warning.

'I - I didn't mean the physical part. Not entirely.'

Oh-kay, what the hell was he on about?

''Ro, the physical part is sort of the main event. Remember? Or…do you not want to do this with me?'

He didn't say anything for far too long; just gazing into the fire. There was spark of blue at the base of each flame, the exact shade of his eyes. Oh, God, my thoughts were whirling all over the place. What the hell was this evening about if he hadn't been planning to seduce me?

'Of course I want to be with you,' he said finally, and very firmly indeed. 'Duo, my love, if I say something to you, can you please try not to get angry? Just listen to me?'

'I - guess I can try,' I said uncertainly.

'Right,' he took a deep breath. 'I love the fact that we've been talking to each other over past few days. Even if it's not always pleasant for either of us, we're being honest. I - missed that, after the War. Being able to talk to you about anything. I still - I look back and try to work out when it all started to go wrong between us. I wanted so much to be everything for you. To take care of you. And everything I did was wrong.'

'It wasn't your fault, Heero,' I whispered. 'You have to know that. We were both stupid kids, who didn't have a freaking clue what normal life was like. Hell, I look back sometimes and I think it's a miracle we lasted as long as we did.'

'We are both … very stubborn,' he admitted.

'Yep. A couple of stubborn bakas,' I took his hand and squeezed it gently. 'I know what you tried to do for me, love. But you couldn't protect me from the entire world, not when I was hell bent on destroying myself. We're not teenagers any more. We can do this. And I don't want you worrying about hurting me, OK?'

'I'm not,' he told me, sounding just a little - off. Like he wasn't sure what to say next. Then he put his other hand over mine. 'I want this to happen because you want it. I know, when things weren't going well, you used to…initiate sex, sometimes, and I used to wonder if you were just using it as a distraction. That you didn't really want to.'

'No!' I gasped. 'Heero, I swear, it was never like that. Never! I know I … used to jump on you sometimes if I didn't want to talk about stuff, but I always wanted you. Always. You must have known that,' I finished in a small voice. 'It was the one way we could actually communicate that we never managed to fuck up.'

'In a manner of speaking,' he proffered me a slight smile; just a quirk at one corner of his mouth, that I had to lean over and kiss.

'I'm sort of nervous too.' I hadn't meant to say anything, but this was Heero and me under moonlight, and we could have been the only two people alive in the universe. And this was the point of no return, really. Sure, if either of us got up and walked away at this juncture, it would hurt like hell. But I'd survive.

'You've always known how fucking messed up I am, Heero, if anyone does.' There wasn't really any point in elaborating that particular point. 'What little bit of self-esteem I'd ever had came from you, how you felt about me. That maybe I'd had some small value besides being useful for sex and mass destruction. When you left, I lost all that, and I lost the entire centre of my world as well.'

His abandoning me had pretty much left me with a few tattered remnants of confidence and it had taken years to patch my confidence back up so that the rips and shreds didn't show too badly.

'I am so scared that if you leave again, I'll go back to the way I was the first time. I'm not sure if I can go through all that again.'

'You won't,' he said so absolutely, that I just goggled at him.

'I know,' I said quietly. 'I know we both have all these intentions and maybe it will work out for us this time, but you can't say for sure.'

He shook his head. 'That…wasn't what I meant. Duo, you're not sixteen any more. You said I was the centre of your world, then. I won't be that now. You have a career and friends and a life you've built by yourself. You have so many things to live for.' A sigh. 'Please. Give me one chance.'

'I - I said to Trowa, a while ago, that when you've got someone's initials carved on your heart, you can't just - forget them. And I meant it.'

'May I let your hair down?'

'Sure, give it its freedom,' I took another sip of wine, and laughed. 'Wouldn't that be your ultimate nightmare, though? If my hair decided to return to the wild?'

He laughed, although I couldn't help noticing that he'd also winced, ever so slightly. 'You haven't had that much to drink.'

'Maybe I'm just high on the company?' I turned over, resting my chin on his thigh. 'I can just picture it, you know. Like one of those wildlife documentaries, when they return animals to their natural habitat? You know the ones, all those park rangers gathered around to open the gate, and saying how happy they are to see this hair being given its freedom, but how much they'll miss it?'

'I think your hair has probably been domesticated by now, don't you?' he asked, taking a good hold of it, just in case it did decide to make a break for freedom. 'I doubt it could survive in the wild by itself, not after years of captivity.'

'Maybe.' I peeked up at him through my lashes. 'And maybe not. All those tangles are hell to tame in the morning sometimes. 'Specially if I didn't use conditioner.'

'You don't always use conditioner?' he demanded in mock outrage. Well, maybe it was genuine outrage. The guy has such a hair fetish it isn't true. 'That probably counts as some form of hair abuse. Perhaps I should be reporting you to the proper authorities?'

'What would that be? Would you still love me if I didn't have any hair?'

He considered. 'There are some very realistic wigs available nowadays, I believe.. Ow!'

I kissed the spot I'd punched and then pouted up at him. 'I always knew you only loved me for the hair.'

'I'd love you if you were bald, or if you were totally covered with hair, or if you wanted to cut it all off.' He started to unravel my braid as he spoke, letting one strand at a time slide through his fingers and then spreading it over my shoulders.

'Heero? Are you going to make me beg?'

'No,' he shook his head. 'Are you sure?'

'Yes,' I breathed. The kiss was achingly, agonisingly slow. He ran his tongue-tip around my lips, making every nerve-ending spiral, before darting it inside my mouth. When we pulled apart, just as slowly, he reached into the basket and rummaged around. The tube of lubricant was hardly unexpected. Always prepared, Mr. Heero Yuy. The condoms were a surprise.

'It's, um, it's been a while since I've been with anyone.'

'Me too.'

I shook my head. 'No, I mean it's a _really_ long while. The last guy I was with, properly, was Mischa and that was over a year ago. I - uh - I've had a medical exam since then, so unless you need them….'

I felt my face start to burn; probably the fire. Or maybe not; we'd never needed to have this sort of discussion before. He'd been a virgin, and G had pumped all sorts of antibiotics into my system before I'd started my training, killing off anything that might have been lurking there.

He shook his head. 'No. I don't.'

'Good. So, ah, if it's been a while for us both, you think we'll be able to remember what goes where?'

'Well, you're the engineer. You can probably work out how Part A slots into Part B.'

'Which are you?' I stroked the hair back from his face gently.

'Anything you like, love. Z if you want.'

'You know what I want.'

'I want you,' his eyes, burningly intense, held mine.

Getting undressed while kissing isn't the easiest thing in the universe, but it is doable.

He laid me down on the blanket, scattering kisses all over my throat and collarbone. He'd always loved that part of my anatomy. The slow glissade of his tongue up the side of my neck was new though; and I had about one second to wonder if his last lover had liked that particular move, before he fastened his lips around my earlobe. Such a tiny, insignificant piece of flesh, to produce those sorts of sensations.

I didn't even notice he had the lube out, until he dropped a dollop on my chest.

'Uh, you know, Blue, I think that's supposed to go lower down.'

'Funny,' he commented. 'Have you forgotten all about a wonderful thing called foreplay?'

'I … vaguely remember it.'

Heero Yuy in mission-mode is an awe-inspiring thing. Being the sole object of that utter concentration, that total commitment to a single goal is simply overwhelming. When he sucked at a nipple or nibbled at a particular patch of skin, it was if nothing else existed for him in all the universe.

He is indecently good at this, Every caress was drawn out, taking me to the knife's edge and then pulling back just as I began to fall. At first, I failed even to notice he'd inserted the first finger, so caught up in his mouth moving over mine.

He pulled back slowly, letting me adjust. After that first sting of entry, it wasn't sore, not exactly. He just let me lie there, giving my body a chance to adjust. There was a little bit more discomfort with the second finger, and then he hit that certain spot, and I jerked up so fast that we almost cracked skulls.

'Yes,' I hissed fiercely. 'Again. Do that again.' One of us - probably me - was making small incoherent sounds of loss and needing as he withdrew entirely and coated his fingers with more lube.

He's always had almost inhuman patience for this part of it. Preparation isn't just a perfunctory means to an end; it's a pleasure in its own right. A little ritual to be savoured and drawn out. Of course, he has far more staying power than I have.

By the time he finally pulled his fingers out, my own passion was flaring to meet his.

'I want you, Heero.' Not asking or teasing or pleading; just a bald statement of fact to my lover. 'I'm ready.'

'Oh.' Well, that was probably the nearest my gasp came to any sort of coherent sound. It got me a soft kiss on the mouth, and he just stilled, fluttering soft kisses onto my face, and letting me breathe. Letting my body decide just how it wanted to deal with this new invading presence and letting my mind whirl around in a frenzy, gliding a sudden flare to panic and then settling on the fact that this was Heero, that everything was all right, that he'd never hurt me.

'I think, it's OK now.' I obviously still sounded just that little bit uncertain, because he didn't move, save to brush my hair away from my face with one finger, and then tilted my pelvis up to meet him. Well, actions speak louder than words, right?

At this point, according to Quatre, you are supposed to see stars; whole galaxies exploding if at all possible.

My world has always exploded into fragments of blue.

******************************************************************************************************

Note 2: For various reasons, I'm afraid this will be the last posted chapter for the immediate future.

I would like to thank all the generous people who have taken the time to offer comments, suggestions and constructive criticism. It has been hugely appreciated, and you have really motivated me to keep writing.


	61. The Hour in which You Are

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Gundam Wing and am doing this solely for fun.**

Warnings: Yes.

Note: Quatre's flashback takes place approximately a week before the events in chapter one.

Many,many thanks to Kaeru Shisho, for beta-reading of unparalleled excellence, proverbs, chapter titles, stories, chocolate....Thanks also to everyone who has been reading.

**The Hour in Which You Are:**

'_Master Quatre?' Sarab questioned softly as he unlocked the front door. 'Is everything all right?'_

_No. Everything is wrong._

_Quatre stapled on a determined smile and nodded. 'Of course it is. I'm fine, Sarab. You may go; I hardly need to be escorted to my own bedroom.' He tried for another smile, but somehow doubted this one was any more successful. _

_The Maguanac cast him a somewhat doubtful look, but left anyway. One benefit of employees; they tended to obey orders, even against their wishes._

_Quatre sighed, slowly ascending the grand staircase. He probably _would_ end up needing a bodyguard. Trowa was going to be furious with him. He'd half expected his lover to meet him at the front door; that he hadn't was a bad sign. A sure signal that they would need privacy for whatever was to come._

_Quatre took a deep breath and reached out for the handle. Maybe Trowa would have fallen asleep, or merely lost track of time. He was only an hour or so late, after all._

_Yeah right, as Duo would say. And maybe the world had suddenly shifted on its axis…._

_It hadn't. _

_The door jerked open and Trowa hauled him inside, none too gently._

'_Where,' Trowa demanded, 'the **fuck** have you been?'_

'_You know perfectly well where I've been.' Quatre wrenched his arm away. 'I've been to dinner with Delphine and her parents. You personally checked the security arrangements this afternoon. Remember?'_

'_You left their house just before ten. It took you over an hour to get here?'_

'_You've been spying on me!'_

'_I am supposed to be in charge of your security. 'Spying' on you, as you call it, happens to be my job.'_

_Quatre's mouth twisted. 'Is it absolutely necessary for you know where I am for every second of every day? Don't I have the right to a little privacy if I wish?'_

_Trowa took a deep breath; probably counting to ten backwards in some obscure language, Quatre thought dispassionately. He was so controlled normally; he kept a virtual stranglehold on most of his emotions and impulses. Even with Quatre, they were usually unleashed only during music or sex. Sex, mostly, nowadays; he couldn't remember the last time they'd made music together, but Trowa had always possessed a wickedly imaginative streak that provided the perfect counterpoint to Quatre's needs._

'_I had no idea where you were,' Trowa grated. It wasn't necessary to be an empath to read his anger. He'd always known Trowa had a temper; even during their worst fights, there had always been a line Quatre had tried not to cross. Lately, he was dancing further and further across that line. _

'_You weren't answering your cellphone. Sarab wasn't picking up the car 'phone, which is against my standing orders. He's also disabled the tracking device on your car. I'll be having words with him in the morning about that.'_

'_It's not his fault. He was doing as I'd asked.' _

'_That sort of behaviour is unacceptable.' Trowa's mouth settled into a grim, unforgiving line. 'Someone tried to kill you just a few months ago. In our own home! Have you forgotten that already? What if you'd been attacked this evening? No one had any idea where you'd gone.'_

'_Someone almost killed me, Trowa, because **your **security arrangements were inadequate.' Trowa flinched; almost eight months after the assassination attempt on his lover's life, he could still be stabbed for guilt for allowing an enemy to get that close. 'Correct? I see no reason why that means I have to spend the rest of my life as a virtual prisoner. I'm sorry if you don't like it, but I refuse to live like that.'_

_Trowa swept one hand through the butterscotch fall of his hair. 'Quatre. Please. Can we talk about this rationally? I'm not trying to make you a prisoner or anything of the sort. Would it be such an imposition just to tell me - or Rashid - where you're going? All you have to do is let someone know you're all right. That's hardly an unreasonable request.'_

_Oh, Allah. _

_Please, Tro, don't go all reasonable and rational on me. Not now. _

_Quatre sat down on a stool and began to unlace his shoes. 'You're overreacting. I had Sarab with me. And I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself.'_

'_That's not the point. Look at me. No more stunts like this one, understand?'_

'_Is that an order or a request?'_

'_It's whichever you're more likely to listen to! If you want to spend some time alone, or whatever it is you want, that's no problem. Just let someone know where you are. I don't think that's invading your precious privacy too much.'_

'_Fine,' the blond snapped. 'In future, I'll make sure to inform you of every movement I plan to make. Is that acceptable? Now, if that's everything, I'm going to bed.'_

'_Duo called while you were out.' Trowa followed him into their bedroom. 'Again. I said you'd ring him when you came home.'_

_Quatre shrugged out of his dinner jacket, draping it over a chair. 'I'm more than capable of making my own social arrangements, thank you, Trowa. It's too late to call now; I'll ring him tomorrow morning.'_

'_I wouldn't lose any sleep over it,' Trowa remarked dryly. 'I'm sure he's hardly expecting a call. He'll probably have a minor heart attack if you do get around to contacting him sometime in the next decade.' _

'_Just what is that supposed to mean?'_

'_He's meant to be your best friend, isn't he? Shit, anyone else would have given up on you by now. Just when was the last time you spoke to him properly?'_

'_I'm sure you make up for it,' Quatre said coolly. 'I'm sure the two of you had a wonderful time discussing my many shortcomings. Maybe if I weren't responsible for this entire colony, I'd have more time to gossip with Duo on the 'phone.'_

'_You are **not** responsible for this Colony! You are responsible for staying in contact with your best friend. Fuck, Quatre, he'd do anything in the world for you, and you can't find ten minutes in your horrendously busy schedule to talk to him.'_

'_You seem to be compensating quite nicely. I'm sure he wasn't overly disappointed.' Quatre shrugged carelessly. 'You and Duo seem to be developing a very cosy little friendship, from what I can see.'_

'_Don't fucking say that!'_

'_Or what? Or you'll hit me again?' Ah, there it was; something slowly but inexorably shifting behind those green eyes. Pain and sorrow and regret; yes, all of those, but this time his emotions were shaded with anger. Swallowing, Quatre pressed on. Better just to get it over with. _

'_Look at me, then, and tell me you've never felt any sort of attraction to Duo. And I'll know if you're lying.'_

'_Look at me, Winner, and tell me you've never felt any sort of attraction to Heero. And I'll know if you're lying too.'_

'_That was years ago,' Quatre tossed the comment carelessly over one shoulder as he began to remove his cufflinks. Trowa had bought them for him years ago; gold for his hair, sapphires for his eyes. It probably hadn't been appropriate to wear them to have dinner with his fiancée's parents. 'You know that perfectly well. You're my lover. Shouldn't that imply some degree of trust?'_

'_Lover?' Trowa demanded acidly. 'Shouldn't that preclude some level of trust? Intimacy even?'_

'_Is that you want, Trowa? To screw me? Or for me to do you? Fine, if that'll stop you interrogating me like this. Can we just get on with it, please? I'm exhausted, and I have a breakfast meeting at seven.'_

'_That's really romantic. Are you sure you can fit me into your schedule? You don't need to check with one of your assistants that you're not supposed to be somewhere more important than here?'_

'_If you want romance, perhaps you could stop yelling at me for one second. That isn't terribly romantic either, you know.'_

_Trowa snorted. 'I didn't think you were interested in my attempts to be romantic any more. Not after what happened the last time.'_

_The last time. Quatre's fingers shook very slightly as he replaced the cufflinks in their velvet box. It had been Valentine's Day, a holiday he'd always loved. He knew Trowa privately thought it all a bit silly, but ever since the war, they'd taken turns to surprise each other. Trowa had suggested getting away for a couple of days, for a break they both badly needed, but Quatre's schedule hadn't permitted that._

_In the end, he hadn't bothered coming home at all that night, claiming he had too many conference calls to make from his office. When he had turned up the next day, their bedroom had been strewn with wilted delphiniums, his favourite flowers and Trowa hadn't been there. They'd had their worst row ever that night. Two weeks later, he could still shiver at the memory of the pain in his lover's eyes. It was the only time he'd ever been scared of Trowa, of what Trowa might do to him. _

_All his own fault, of course. He'd taken one of their special dates and made a mockery of it. _

'_Are you having an affair?' Trowa was standing by the edge of the bed, studying him as if he'd never seen him before._

'_Hardly.' Quatre shrugged carelessly. Absurdly, the accusation stung; the idea that Trowa might doubt his fidelity for one second. Whatever else he'd done, at least he'd always be faithful. It didn't even start to compensate for the rest of it. 'Where would I find the time?' He'd meant it as a joke. Of sorts. It - didn't work; even without looking at his lover, he could feel the slow pulse of anger. 'You're being ridiculous. I'm going to take a shower.'_

'_I'm talking to you,' Trowa snapped._

'_Well, I'm not talking to you. Can't you yell at me in the morning when I'm properly awake?'_

'_Don't turn your back on me, Quatre!' Trowa wrenched him back, slamming him against the wall. _

_He'd been expecting it, but it still hurt. Not just the physical; the fact that Trowa had done it at all. The first time Tro had hit him, he honestly hadn't known which of them had been the more surprised. Months later, when he'd perfected the art of it - goading one's boyfriend to violence - it was still a shock, but bearable. Something he could view objectively._

'_You're hurting me,' he whispered. _

'_I'm sorry.' Trowa let his wrist go instantly, cradling Quatre in his his arms._

'_My fault.'_

_There would be a bruise, Quatre thought; one advantage of having very fair skin was that it marked so easily. Mission accomplished. He could take the photograph later; one more tangible piece of evidence to an abusive relationship._

'_I'm so sorry. Quatre, I swear, I'm didn't mean to hurt you.' Trowa was still murmuring apologies as they clung together._

_Yes, you did. And I meant you to do it._

_Over the past few months, they had developed a pattern. Afterwards, they would both gasp apologies, in each other's arms, and then _

'_I know. I'm sorry. I just - love me, Tro, please. **Please**.' He punctuated his pleas with bites and licks to Trowa's throat, nipping at the frantic pulse under the skin, until Trowa moaned deeply and bent to kiss him. _

_His eyes flicked toward the ornately-carved wooden chest beside their bed, the one that was always kept securely locked, but Trowa shook his head._

'_Not tonight , Kitten. No toys. Just us, OK?'_

_Quatre nodded, not quite trusting his voice, not with Trowa sliding his shirt off his shoulders, as impersonally as a valet, but with those green eyes devouring him. Trowa, more than anyone, had always known just what he needed. _

_Lying on the bed, he watched Trowa undress; the other man was taking his time about it, and Quatre could feel the swirl of emotions from him. _

_Remorse, desire, need, love._

_Quatre flowed into his lover's arms, luxuriating in the press of skin against skin. So good…he could almost forget everything in Trowa's embrace. Almost. _

_Trowa brushed the pad of his thumb against Quatre's lips and they parted instantly, tongue darting out to lick it. The blond's head lolled back on to the pillows, sucking at each of Trowa's fingers in turn._

'_Now, please. Please.' Quatre gasped with pleasure as Trowa's infinitely talented mouth closed around one nipple, and those slick fingers slid between his legs._

'_It won't be enough, angel.' _

'_It is. I don't care…Please, Tro. Tonight, I just want you inside me. Just you….'_

'_Quite sure about that, sweet? You wouldn't prefer to be on top this time?'_

'_Nnn…aaahhh..' Quatre tried to formulate some sort of coherent response, but it was difficult, given the things Trowa's tongue was doing to him._

'_Trowa!' Oh, Allah. Even after seven years together, there were some things that could still take him by surprise._

'_An actual word,' Trowa teased. 'I must be doing something wrong.' He bent his head so those long, feathery-soft bangs tickled Quatre's skin just so, and blew a little draft of warm air down his lover's cock. _

_He'd wanted it hard and fast and rough; a form of penance. He'd wanted it to hurt. Trowa made it slow and soft and gentle. A dance of two bodies moving to find a perfect joining. _

'_Well?' Trowa murmured at the end. 'Did you see your stars?'_

'_A meteorite shower. Thank you.' _

'_Any time, angel,' Trowa pressed a kiss to the curve of his lover's throat, and sat up._

'_Don't go. Please.'_

'_I'm just going to the bathroom. We need to clean up a little bit.'_

'_In a minute,' Quatre begged. Sex with Trowa was invariably wonderful; the after-effects tended to be less so. But, lately, he'd wondered every time if this was to be the last, and wanted to cherish every second of Trowa's company. He remembered Duo, years previously, saying that even when things had been terrible with him and Heero, they'd still had those little moments of intimacy after sex. Secure in his relationship with Trowa, he'd felt only pity for his best friend. Pity and an absolute certainty that he and Tro would never be like that. 'I don't know why you stay with me. I'm such a mess.'_

'_Because I love you. All of you. And I'm glad you're not perfect, honestly. It makes us a good match. I'll never leave you, you do know that, don't you?'_

_Yes, you will. I'll make you. I have to._

_Aloud, Quatre said, 'You did before.' It was amazing how much that still stung - he'd purposely goaded Trowa into hurting him - and then he'd been shocked that Trowa had just walked out. Of course, the fact that he'd gone straight to Heero hadn't helped._

_Trowa sighed heavily. 'I didn't leave you, angel. I just needed a little time to myself, you know that. I was so scared of what I'd done to you.'_

'_I deserved it, right?'_

'_Don't say that. Kit, we can't keep on like this. Maybe I should look at some sort of therapy or something.'_

'_You've always said that you don't believe in that sort of thing.'_

_Neither of them did actually._

_Quatre had been in and out of therapy at his father's orders since childhood; they'd all assured him that they wanted to help him, to be his friend, that whatever he said would be treated in total confidence, and then they went and reported it straight back to his father._

_They'd made him see a therapist after his suicide attempt. Some sort of hospital policy. He'd attended a dozen or so sessions, and it had been an utter waste of time. _

_He'd even agreed that the act of slitting his wrists had been an expression of self-hatred, a manifestation of stress from the war. He'd never told anyone, not even Trowa, that he'd purposely tried to mutilate himself so his family wouldn't be able to write it off as some sort of accident. He'd wanted them to know just how deliberate it had been._

' _I've been going to therapists since I was five, and they never managed to fix me.'_

'_Don't talk like that, angel. Please.'_

'_Kit, what's wrong with us?'_

_There's nothing wrong with you. Only me. _

'_I don't know,' Quatre whispered. 'I'm sorry. I just feel so trapped sometimes.' Like I'm going to suffocate. 'I - just - I don't know what's wrong with me.'_

'_Hey. It's not just you, OK?' Trowa kissed the top of his head. 'We'll sort it out. Two's better than one, right? Like you told me that first night.'_

_That first night. A hotel room in San Francisco, during a war. It would be the eighth anniversary in a few weeks' time. They wouldn't be together by then. _

'_Always.' One hand reached up to stroke Trowa's hair. 'I'm sorry.' _

'_Stop saying that, angel.' Trowa's brow creased. 'Apologies don't fix anything, you know that.'_

'_I know. I 'm s..' Quatre closed his mouth sharply, clicking his teeth together. It was perfectly true, after all; no words were ever going to make up for what he was doing. Maybe, one day, Trowa would find out what it was all about and maybe he'd be willing to forgive his lover, or at least understand. Probably not. He'd already made his decision and that was the end of it. It was ultimately better to have Trowa alive and safe and free than mixed up in Quatre's mess._

_He'd almost been shot a few months before, before Quatre's eyes, in their own home and by a young man whom Quatre had known for most of his life. A very definite warning that nowhere was safe, no one was to be trusted._

_And Tro was a survivor. One day, he would manage to find someone else to love him, someone who wasn't totally screwed up. _

'_You haven't touched your violin in weeks; we haven't been to the cottage since January. This isn't life, Quatre; this is existing. Can you remember the last time we slept late together, the last time we did anything together that wasn't fighting or sex?'_

'_I'm sorry,' Quatre murmured penitently, meaning it. I'm so sorry for everything. 'It'll get better, I promise. Just wait until all the engagement hoopla is over, and the elections, and then we'll be able to spend more time together. Maybe we can do something tomorrow morning?'_

'_You have a breakfast meeting at seven, remember? With David Souhef.' Trowa frowned. 'You know I don't like him.'_

'_I know. It's not as if we're friends or anything; we do business together, that's all. I don't know why you have such a problem with that.'_

'_I've seen the way he looks at you.'_

'_I can't exactly help people looking at me, can I? When exactly did you develop that jealous streak, Mr Barton?'_

'_It's not that,' Trowa snorted. 'I look at him and see us in ten years' time. You sneaking off to meet me, when your wife isn't looking.'_

'_We'll never be like that! '_

'_Won't we? We're already getting there, Quatre.' Trowa let him go abruptly and rolled flat on his back. There were still only a few inches between them; a distance that yawned like a gulf. 'You're not even officially engaged yet; it's only going to get worse when you are. What happens then; you'll be trying to sneak off from your parties half an hour earlier to spend a little time with me?'_

'_It isn't going to last forever.'_

'_That's what we said years ago, isn't it? When we first left the circus?' _

_Quatre nodded. He'd hated every minute of life at the circus; no, that wasn't quite true. It had been the first real home he and Trowa had shared; no matter that it was a smelly, sixth-hand trailer that smelled of animals, it had been theirs and they could pull the door behind them and shut the universe out. Well, they could try. The door latch was broken and had to be secured with string, and Cathy was always dropping in. After the first two weeks, Quatre was convinced that she had some sort of psychic gift to tell just when her brother and his boyfriend most needed privacy._

_Of course, it hadn't helped that she'd disliked him from the very start. He'd stolen her darling brother away then, and now Quatre, not Cathy, was the centre of Trowa's life. _

_It had been Trowa, ultimately, who'd made the decision for both of them to leave. Quatre had been miserable, torn between wanting to be with his lover, and guilt that he was failing his family, failing his dead father. Again. Trowa, for his part, was happy to be back with his sister, and enjoyed performing, but all too aware of how unhappy Quatre was._

_When Trowa decided it wasn't working out, he'd felt only a profound sense of relief. Maybe he hadn't been able to adapt to life in Trowa's world, but Trowa was the sort of person who fit in anywhere. He would turn WEI's fortunes around and he would do it with his beloved Trowa at his side. _

_He'd grown up knowing just how homophobic L4 was, and he'd convinced himself it didn't matter. He loved Trowa, and Trowa loved him, and there was no reason to be ashamed of that. The servants had walked out en mass in protest; the older and more traditional of his relations had swooned at the very notion of their baby brother being a - one of _those - _and flatly refused to meet him; there had even been protests by morality groups outside WEI buildings._

_Despite all that, it had been - fun, almost, at the start. Another undercover mission. The very proper young businessman and his devoted bodyguard. Quatre had spent his childhood being groomed for this task. At the beginning, Trowa wouldn't have known a balance sheet if it turned up on his breakfast plate but he soon turned out to have a very acute grasp of figures and logistics._

_They'd tried to make it into a game. Sneaking off to have sex in the WEI boardroom, or Quatre's office, or the elevator. Quatre had discovered a strong streak of exhibitionism, and they'd found out that they were both turned on by the threat of discovery. There were conference calls with Trowa sucking Quatre off under his desk, countless meetings where they'd played footsie and Quatre had installed a custom-made swivel chair in his office, after they'd broken three of its less sturdy precursors._

_It hadn't lasted._

_After the novelty had worn off, they'd both realised it wasn't just a game but the way their lives would be for years. By the terms of this father's will, Quatre wouldn't inherit full control until he was twenty-one. If he chose not to become involved in the company at all, the company would be divided equally among his sisters and their families. None of his sisters knew anything about business, having been raised to be devoted, decorative wives, and their husbands all had their own visions for the company. All of them saw the company as a convenient bank to fund their lavish lifestyles, not the largest employer on the colony. None of them cared that the colony was suffering terribly in the aftermath of the war, or that a properly managed Winner Industries could help to restore prosperity._

_The plan, originally, had been to stay on L4 until Quatre was twenty-one, by which time they could appoint some trusted managers who could be relied on to do their best for the company. Quatre wasn't sure exactly when that had changed; when their targets had become more ambitious and then he'd become involved in politics and started to think that maybe he could fight for L4 in a different way._

_Trowa sighed heavily. 'How was your evening, anyway?'_

_Quatre pulled a face. 'Terminally boring. If I were Delphine, I'd marry the first person who asked me, just to get away from that family.'_

'_Did you discuss making the official announcement?'_

'_Mmm. Delphine's mother is running a benefit gala on Saturday night. We can do it then.'_

'_There'll be no going back after it's public, Kitten. You know that?'_

'_I know,' Quatre burrowed closer, nestling his head into the crook of Trowa's shoulder, the place that had always felt like home. 'Really, it's just another form of business arrangement until the elections. L4 would never choose an openly gay councillor. We've both known that from the start.'_

'_And then what happens? You'll jilt her?'_

'_I don't know, Trowa. I'll think of something. It's not as if she wants to marry me either, you know.'_

'_You are planning to tell Duo and 'Fei, right?'_

'_Of course,' Quatre lied. _

_Trowa nodded. 'Make sure you do. I don't want them finding out because someone leaked it to the tabloids.'_

'_I wouldn't do that. How is he?'_

_Trowa's lips curved. 'The usual. Panicking because he's got a big date on Saturday night.'_

'_Really? With that friend of Hilde's again? What's his name, Ben? Do you think it's serious?'_

'_It's only their third date, love.' Trowa's smile deepened, almost touching his eyes. It was so long since he'd smiled properly, since Quatre had seen that glowing light in his eyes. It was a little miracle to think that, in the midst of all that was wrong, he could still lie in Trowa's arms and talk about their friends, about their lives. Like nothing was wrong at all. They'd always been able to do that for each other; to create their own world, regardless of what the universe was doing around them._

_There was an ancient Arabic proverb he'd told Trowa about years ago; 'What is past is gone, what is hoped for is absent. For you is the hour in which you are.' Wufei had written it out for them during his calligraphy phase, and had it framed. It still hung above their bed, and had never been more true. It was all they had; this hour in which they were._

_'Now, don't you start scheming,' Trowa teased. 'Duo is quite capable of managing his own love life. Besides, it's rather soon to marry them off, don't you think?'_

'_Well, he sounded nice, from what you told me. I'd just like him to meet someone; it's been almost a year since he broke up with Mischa. I still wish they'd stayed together, you know. He adored Duo.'_

'_Which would have been fine if Duo had adored him back,' Trowa pointed out. 'He misses you, you know. Both of them do.'_

_I miss them, too, Quatre thought sadly. Alienating Duo and Wufei had proven more…challenging than he'd anticipated. He'd underestimated their loyalty to him; he should have realised that a friendship that spanned more than eight years couldn't be destroyed in a few months. Any more than a relationship could, however hard one tried. He'd apparently managed it with Wufei, though._

'_Wufei doesn't.'_

_Trowa gave him one of those long looks that seemed to see right into his soul. 'You know that isn't true. He's tried calling you several times since Christmas to talk.'_

_Christmas. Quatre swallowed. It had always been special; not because any of them believed in the religious element, but because it marked the end of the war. It was also, of course, the anniversary of Duo's accident. The four of them had spent every Christmas together since then, until the previous year, when Quatre had made a last minute excuse. He'd thought Wufei was personally going to come to L4 and strangle him. _

'_You can't keep on like this.' Trowa said suddenly, propping himself up on one elbow and staring down at his partner. 'They're your friends. Our friends. Duo can't understand what's going on with you; he's worried he's upset you somehow and he doesn't know how to make it right. And he hates the fact that you and 'Fei fell out. I know all this political career is important to you, but don't your two best friends at least deserve a few crumbs of your attention?'_

_Quatre flushed. Trowa had mentioned the topic before, a couple of times, but he'd never been so firm about it. It was one of the things he loved about the other man; Tro believed in giving people space and time to make their own decisions, their own mistakes. He'd even giving up on trying to convince Quatre that Heero wasn't the devil incarnate. It looked like he was losing patience this time._

'_It's not like I'm doing any of this for my own gratification,' he said defensively. 'But I'm committed now. And I believe it's the right thing to do. The colonies hardly have any autonomy and the ESUN is trying to take even that away from them with its new legislation. We need someone who's prepared to ; you know most of the current L4 Councillors see the job as nothing more than a way to gather bribes and live in luxury on Earth for three years. My father would want…'_

'_Your father is dead.' Trowa said bluntly. 'He's been dead for years, now, Quatre, and you're still trying to live up to what he wanted from you. Isn't it ever going to be enough? You've made WEI one of the most successful corporations in the whole damn universe, L4 is the most prosperous of the colonies. What's next on your plan, exactly? What more could he possibly expect you to do?' _

'_We talked about this. We both agreed! You thought it was a good idea; I wouldn't have considered any of this if I hadn't thought you supported me.'_

'_I did. I'll support anything you ever want to do, if it makes you happy. But you're not, are you? You're stressed all the time, you're treating your friends like shit; the people who really care about you. We're all worried about you. Is it really worth it, angel? Think about it. If you really think that you need to do this, that you're the only person in the universe who can do this thing; fine. I'm here for you. We all are. But I don't want you ruining our lives to try to please a ghost. Understand?' _

_He broke off abruptly, frowning and rubbing the line etched between his brows. The line that he was far too young to have._

'_Tro. Are you all right?'_

'_Another headache,' Trowa lay back as Quatre's gentle fingers rubbed his temples. 'God, that feels good. You know, I think I'm going to stop taking those pills we got.'_

'_You don't know they're what's causing the headaches,' his lover argued. 'It did say on the 'net that it can take time to adjust to the dosage.'_

_Trowa snorted. 'I'm half-asleep sometimes. It's not exactly safe, is it?'_

'_Maybe we could alter the dosage,' Quatre suggested. _

'_Drugs don't solve anything, Quatre!' Trowa snapped; then he saw his lover's face and his voice gentled. 'We can't go on like this, sprite.'_

_Sprite. Quatre felt his throat constrict at the absurd name; it was so long since Trowa had called him that. _

'_I know.'_

_Trowa sighed. 'I'm serious. This is killing us both. We need to sit down and talk. Properly. I don't just mean fighting and apologising and having sex, and that's all we do now, isn't it? Another thing; I don't think I can carry on as your bodyguard. Not the way things are going right now. I'm not exactly effective at the moment, given these headaches, am I ?'_

'_Trowa, no.' Quatre gasped, horrified. He'd never envisaged that particular scenario. So stupid of him. Of course, Trowa would do anything to keep him safe. Drat. 'I trust you more than anyone in the universe to guard me,' he said sincerely. 'Please don't talk like that. We'll sort something out. You know how much I need you with me.'_

_Now more than ever._

'_Promise me you'll think about it,' Trowa urged. 'Please, love. We can't keep pretending things are fine; I can't anyway. Not now.'_

'_I promise.' It didn't matter. He thought about them all the time, about what he was doing. What he was going to do. 'I do love you. Always. Whatever happens. You know that.'_

'_I know,' Trowa echoed softly, bending to kiss his forehead. 'It's OK, Kit. Try to get some sleep, hmmm? Things'll be better in the morning.'_

_Oh, Trowa, sleep can't fix this. I'm the only one who can make it right…._


	62. Asa Arif

-1Disclaimer: as per usual. I don't own anything to do with Gundam Wing…

Note: Many thanks to KS, both for beta-reading and for not strangling Quatre.

_**Asa Arif:**_

He woke to pale blue walls, crisp white linen and a woman in a white coat bending over him. The white coat would have screamed a warning but she was a stranger. He could feel only concern and kindness radiating from her; not one of those scientists then. She was tall and blonde with her hair swept back into an elegant chignon. She reminded him of his sister Iria.

'Where am I?' It hurt to talk, forcing words through a too-parched throat. Actually, everything hurt, in an unfocused sort of way. He was still drugged, then.

'Very good.' She gave him a gentle smile, and held a cone of ice cubes to his lips. 'I'm always so happy when a patient's first question is something other than 'who am I?''

Quatre licked his lips greedily. 'My name is Quatre Raberba Winner. Please, where am I?'

'The White Sands Memorial Hospital,' the blond woman informed him. 'I am Dr. Marshall and I've been looking after you.' She smiled. 'It's very nice to see you properly awake. You've been drifting in and out of consciousness for nearly two days.'

'Two _days_?' They'd obviously given him more drugs, unless he'd been seriously hurt. No, he wouldn't be useful if he was too incapacitated. 'I need to make a telephone call. Now.'

'I'm sorry, Mr. Winner.' She looked slightly embarrassed. 'That's impossible at the moment.'

Quatre refrained from grinding his teeth with an effort; something to which he was prone at moments of stress. It was something Trowa had always thought hilarious. Instead, he summoned up his most winning smile. 'I do quite understand it's probably against hospital regulations. However, it is extremely urgent. I'll only take a moment.'

The doctor turned away from him, to check his monitor. 'It's not hospital regulations, sir. There are Preventer agents outside; they've given orders that you are not allowed to contact anyone until they've spoken to you.'

'Then you had better send them in immediately,' Quatre demanded imperiously. Dr. Marshall hesitated and then the door opened anyway.

The first two men were strangers in Preventer uniform. The third was Commander Une herself. He had known she'd appear at some point, she would have to be personally involved in such an important investigation. He hadn't thought she'd get here so soon though; the one person who wouldn't be remotely awed by who he was.

Not good.

'Mister Winner. Well, well. I'm sure your family and friends will be overjoyed by your safe return.' Her dry tone indicated that she found it difficult to share that particular emotion.

Quatre pulled himself up on his pillows, ignoring the doctor's protests. 'What exactly is the meaning of this, Commander? Am I to consider myself a prisoner of your organisation? I've been informed that you have forbidden me to communicate with anyone, but perhaps Dr. Marshall was mistaken.'

'She was perfectly correct. It has been decided, for your own safety, to keep your current whereabouts a secret for the present.' The smile showed all her teeth. 'After all, we don't want to lose you again, do we?'

'You have no right to do anything of the sort!'

'Actually, I do. In cases where a person's welfare and safety are paramount, we are entitled to take them into protective custody until such time as we judge the situation to be safe. While the people who took you are still at large, you are very much at risk. Now, perhaps you could tell us what has been happening.'

'I have no idea,' Quatre owned. 'Unfortunately, I have no recollection of what has been going on.'

Une glared at him. 'Mr. Winner, need I remind you that failing to co-operate fully with a Preventers investigation is considered a serious offence, one that is severely punishable?'

'Mr. Winner sustained a significant blow to the left side of his skull. Temporary amnesia is perfectly common in these cases,' the doctor cut in. 'He is also suffering from three cracked ribs, a badly sprained ankle, and acute dehydration and sunstroke. In the circumstances, I protest strongly against any questioning until he is at least partially recovered.'

'I have seen his medical charts and your objection is noted,' Une said dismissively. 'Now, Dr. Marshall, I must inform you that it is not customary to conduct Preventer investigations in front of an audience. I must ask you to leave.'

'He has suffered trauma to the head,' Dr. Marshall said firmly. 'In this hospital, it is not customary to leave such patients unattended by a member of the medical staff. If you object to this policy, you are welcome to take it up with my superiors.'

Une graced her with a brief nod. 'Very well. Assuming you refrain from any more interruptions, you may stay. Now, Mr. Winner, may I ask what you _do_ remember?'

Quatre rubbed his eyes. 'I'm not sure. I remember leaving my fiancée's parents' house, that was on Friday morning. I'm - not quite sure what day it is today.'

'It's Thursday, the 16th of April. Yes, you've been missing for almost a week. You mean to say that you have no recollection of what has happened to you in that period?'

'I believe I just said so. Have I been here all time? What happened?'

'You were apparently abducted shortly after leaving the Carricks' home on Friday. You were found two days ago in the desert, by a party of tourists on a jeep safari. Their driver contacted Emergency Services and you were airlifted here.'

'In the desert?' Quatre echoed incredulously. 'By myself? Where is Delphine? And my bodyguards? I don't understand. Have I really been missing since Friday?'

'Quite so. It seems rather odd, don't you think, that your captors, having gone to so much trouble to take you in the first place, should simply let you go? They can hardly, after all, have known that you would lose such a convenient portion of your memory. You could have been able to impart all sorts of information to us.'

'Perhaps they thought I was already dead.'

Une raised her brows at him. 'Really, Mr. Winner. I find it difficult to believe that the most inept of abductors would be unable to distinguish between a living man and a corpse. Or do you think that they suddenly became squeamish at the thought of killing you?'

'They possibly thought I would die in the desert.' Quatre bit his lip; she was quite right. This was by far the weakest part of his story. 'People do strange things under pressure.'

'Yes.' She gave him a hard stare. 'They do. So, tell me, what you do remember of that Friday morning. Who, for instance, knew that you were planning to spend the night there?'

'A number of people. We were rather late finishing dinner on Thursday and Delphine's father pressed me to stay for the night, rather than driving back to the city so late. My bodyguards knew, naturally, and I imagine one of them called my housekeeper to inform her I wouldn't be home. Apart from that, there were other guests at the party; mostly relations of the Carricks, I think.'

Une nodded. 'We have spoken to them. Now, did anything unusual happen during the meal, or the next morning, before you left?'

'If you knew the Carricks, you wouldn't ask that. They like a very quiet, ordered existence with no shocks or surprises.'

'A blow to them, then, when their only child was discovered on a dirt road with her brains blown out. Or don't you remember any of that either?'

'_What?'_ Quatre could only hope his reaction would satisfy her, even if it was less for the news, than for the manner of its delivery. He hoped this wasn't the customary way to interrogate suspects. 'She's _dead_? What about my men? What the hell happened?'

'We were hoping you would be able to tell us that.' She threw him another of those intense stares. 'As the only witness who actually survived. For some reason.'

'Commander!' Dr. Marshall protested, rising to stand beside Quatre. 'Mr. Winner has a potentially serious head injury. I must ask you not to address him in this appalling fashion. It is possible that his memories will return but heckling him in this fashion can only be counter-productive. Hasn't he suffered enough? Apart from anything else, there is still a significant amount of drugs in his bloodstream, and he is also on pain medication for his various injuries.'

'He seems remarkably lucid to me. When he chooses.'

'I'm all right, Quatre said quickly. 'Doctor, I do appreciate your concern, but I would - rather know.' He'd known they were dead all along, but somehow, hearing it from Une made it a stark reality. He'd sworn he'd never again be responsible for innocent people dying, and three had, because of him. An innocent young woman and two men who'd been friends and comrades for years. His fault. It made him even more determined that nothing would endanger Trowa or the others. 'I'm sorry, Commander. Please, what exactly happened? How were they killed?'

'Shot, all of them. Professional shots between the eyes.' Her severe expression gentled very slightly. 'It would have been quick; they wouldn't have suffered.'

Dr. Marshall made a small sound of distress. 'Commander, really I can not allow you to speak to my patient like this. He has to be in considerable pain, he is medicated; I can't imagine this questioning can be productive in any possible way, other than to cause him more distress.'

'Perhaps. It's true that he has been somewhat incoherent,' Une admitted. She turned back to look at her victim. 'We've been recording your speech since you arrived here. You mentioned Operation Meteor, and your fellow Gundam Pilots several times. You appeared very distressed about something that was going to happen; some catastrophe that you felt only you could prevent. Does that make any sense?'

Quatre shook his head. 'I don't remember any of that. I must have been thinking about the war.'

'You also mentioned Treize Khushrenada a number of times.' Une eyed him closely.

'Treize?' This time, Quatre's bafflement was genuine; it was a luxury to let himself show a true emotion. 'What did I say about him?'

'Like I said, it was mostly rambling.' Une shook her head. 'Let us speak plainly for a moment, Mr. Winner. This is not a game. People have already died. If you are withholding any information, be assured that I_ will_ find out, and failure to co-operate fully will be treated as contempt both for my investigation, and for the ESUN legal system. Is that quite understood?'

'I don't understand any of this,' Quatre said weakly, falling back against his pillows. 'I promise you, I want to find these people quite so much as you do, if not more. Why in the world should I try to hide information? Or am I a suspect in my own abduction? I imagine I could have died quite easily in the desert. What do you think; that I've been trying to stage the world's most elaborate suicide attempt?'

'I have very little idea what to think. But I can think of reasons why you might want to hide information from us; to protect someone, for example.' She pulled her chair a little closer to the bed, and leaned down, inches from his face. 'I have neither time or inclination to play your games. Princess Relena's brother and Chang Wufei were attacked three days ago, less than an hour after arriving on L4. They were both almost killed.'

'What?' The blood drained from Quatre's face, leaving him pale as bleached bone. 'Oh, no. This is all my fault.'

'Why ever would you believe that?' Une was watching him closely, a cat toying with a particularly succulent mouse. She plainly didn't believe a syllable of the memory loss.

'Well, it's obvious, surely.' Quatre took a deep breath and held it, visualising it filling his lungs, expanding them, the way Wufei had taught him. 'I imagine they came to L4 on my account, when they heard I was missing.' He took another breath. It wasn't working, but then he'd never been as good at it as Wufei. Dear Allah, if they were badly hurt, it was all because of him. 'Please, Commander, how are they?'

'Prince Milliardo was shot, but is recovering satisfactorily.' She didn't sound too happy about the fact; there had always been bad blood between those two. 'Chang was unhurt and is naturally behaving as though he were in charge of the investigation.' Her mouth thinned.

'That sounds like him.' _Gods, 'Fei, why couldn't you have stayed on Earth? And kept Duo there? _

'Indeed. Furthermore, a Preventer shuttle was shot down that same day. Twelve agents plus the flight crew died. I knew them all, Winner. I had trained some of them myself and I assure you that I will find who is responsible and make them pay.'

Quatre nodded. 'I am so sorry, Commander. That is a truly terrible thing, and I share your sorrow that this happened on my home colony and, in part, because of me. If there is anything I can do to help the families, I wish to do so.'

Even through the haze of drugs, he could feel her sorrow. Une looked down at her hands, neatly folded in her lap. 'That is kind of you. You see, Mr. Winner, I refuse to believe that either of these events can be unconnected to your abduction. Also, hundreds of people could have been killed on Saturday, when two of your WEI buildings were targeted by terrorists.'

'Three.' He said it without thinking, hadn't even realised his mistake until he saw her expression.

'Ah.' The smile spread over her face, slow and predatory. 'I see. So you do recall something of the past week's events after all. How very interesting.'

'No. I wish I did. The helicopter pilots who brought me here were discussing it; one of them has a cousin who works for WEI. You can ask them if you wish; I was drifting in and out of consciousness, but I do remember that.' He rubbed his temples. Oh, Allah, his head hurt.

'How convenient.' He'd thought she'd want to make him elaborate; instead she took off in a totally different vein. 'Perhaps this may jog your memory slightly?' She handed him a photograph and Quatre frowned at the image of a high-rise apartment building. Even on the small image looked run-down and neglected ; not the sort of place he was used to.

'I don't think I've ever been anywhere like that in my life. Why is it important?'

She pursed her lips, apparently deciding whether or not to confide in him. 'Our agents searched the building on Monday morning. We found blood in the hallways that matches your DNA, as well as this. We have received confirmation from two members of your family that you frequently doodle similar images.'

'This' was a second photograph; a crudely carved image of Sandrock. 'I'm sorry. I can't remember, Commander. Is that the place where I was held?'

'Perhaps.' Another pause, another intense stare. This time, he had to drop his gaze first. 'You don't remember sending an email either, I take it? To Barton?'

'No. Did I do that? Does that mean that I escaped then?'

'We are currently investigating the matter. Can you tell us the precise nature of your relationship with the man who calls himself Trowa Barton?'

'I fail to see how that could possibly be relevant.'

'Mr. Winner, may I remind you that I am the one asking the questions here?'

'Well, then as I'm sure you are aware, Trowa was my personal bodyguard, and the Chief of Security at Winner Enterprises for the past seven years. He was also my lover.'

'You place both relationships in the past tense,' Une noted. 'Tell me, why did you terminate his employment?'

'I didn't. It was a mutual decision.'

'After so many years in your service, he suddenly failed to give satisfaction? Or was the decision to leave his? There must surely have been some reason.'

'That's personal.' Quatre's jaw snapped shut on the last syllable.

'And the break up of your… personal relationship? Was that also a mutual decision? An amicable separation?'

'I doubt that any separation can be truly amicable,' Quarter said evenly. 'And I still fail to see why my private life is in any way germane.'

'It is …germane, Mr. Winner,' she drew the words out, relishing them, 'because Barton is currently the chief suspect. And it does seem rather likely that he is the one person you would try to protect. Given the nature of your relationship.'

'That is quite absurd.' It was hard to tell, looking at her, whether she truly believed in the accusation or not. It made awful, twisted sense in some ways. Of course, he would do anything to protect Trowa; she had to know that.

'Is it? We have reports from your family, from your household staff, that you two had been having frequent…altercations, shall we say? Over the past few months. They witnessed raised voices on numerous occasions. More than one has testified that they believed Barton was abusing you in some way.'

'Nonsense. Commander, my sisters have never liked Trowa, nor approved of our relationship. I would advise you to take any of their allegations with a large pinch of salt.'

'Perhaps.' Une conceded. 'But we also have similar reports from your domestic and security staff. Are you suggesting that they too are seizing an opportunity to pay off old scores against Mr. Barton?'

'None of them those people have any right whatsoever to intrude into our personal lives.'

'I believe they were motivated by concern for their employer,' Une intoned blandly.

'I don't need anyone's concern! I'm quite capable of managing my own affairs.'

'Really?' Une reached into her bag and produced a maroon folder. 'The contents of this would seem to suggest differently.'

Quatre gasped; it simply wasn't possible He'd destroyed it. He _had_. He'd never meant anyone to see the thing; it had only been a last ditch solution, a way to force Trowa to leave. Praise Allah, he hadn't had to resort to that. Trowa had left him first, and he'd despatched Sarab, whom he would have trusted with his life, to collect the folder from the cottage. Sarab was the only other person who'd ever known it existed….

_Oh. Sarab,… _

It was true then, what he'd been told. There really was no one, however close to him, whom he could trust.

And he'd burnt the original; he'd destroyed it with his own hands once he knew it wouldn't be necessary. Sarab must have taken a copy…'Where did you get that?'

'In the safe in your bedroom. I see you know what it is.'

'It's private!' He burst out. 'This is intolerable, Commander. You had no right to that sort of invasion of privacy and…'

'Oh, we had full authority. Your sisters gave us full permission to search the entire house.' Her considering look made him blush; the safe under the bed had been their most private repository and the idea of Preventer agents going through it, cataloguing each item was repellent. 'My compliments, incidentally, on whoever designed the combination. It took my best agents over twenty four hours to break the code.'

'I designed it. Commander, please. Trowa and I had been having problems, that's quite true. But the idea that he would truly hurt me is laughable. And he would never have hurt Delphine or my men. He knew them; he considered them friends. Besides, he had left for Earth weeks before any of this happened; he wasn't even on this Colony at the time.'

'We have no definite proof of that. Barton apparently used a false identity to leave L4 on the 7th of March. He may well have returned under a false name. If not, I imagine he would know the perfect people to carry out such an assignment. Tell me, how did he react to your engagement? I imagine he was hardly pleased.'

Quatre took a deep breath. 'He knew it was only ever a front. We came up with the idea together. It simply wasn't an issue between us.'

'Really?' She looked sceptical. 'Mr. Winner, I would greatly appreciate a little honesty. Whatever about this purported memory loss of yours, you can scarcely deny the existence of this folder, or the evidence it contains. Photographs, reports in your own handwriting….some of the injuries sound rather severe from this.'

'None of it was Trowa's fault,' Quatre said hopelessly.

She ignored him. 'You've been worried for some time, haven't you? The earliest dated photograph is over six months old. Worried enough to have two psychiatrists assess him independently and issue reports on his behaviour. Yet, you never told anyone else what was going on. Why, I wonder? A sense of misplaced loyalty? Fear of what he might do when he found out?'

'Absolutely not.' Quatre took a deep breath and tried to keep his voice calm. 'Commander, we were going through a rather stressful period. It affected us both in different ways. But you can't truly imagine that Trowa is any way responsible for what happened to me.'

'As I've said, he is our chief suspect at the moment. I gather that he is also the chief beneficiary of your estate?'

'That means nothing.'

'On the contrary, it would make him an extremely wealthy man. That is a powerful motive. Perhaps he wished to punish you for casting him off in favour of the young woman? Or to frighten you?'

'No.' It was a mere whisper. Une was ruffling through the pages of her folder. Both agents were standing to attention by the door, looking for all the world like guard dogs on assignment.

'I do understand that you are somewhat biased. I would request you to look at this case objectively for one moment. We have a young man with a troubled, traumatic past. A man who has survived since childhood only by using his skills and his wits, and who has a history of violence. He has never seen any form of therapist, as far as I am aware. Who can tell what traumas may be affecting him?'

Her usually sharp voice softened, became persuasive. 'I believe he does love you. Since the war, he has had you all to himself, hasn't he? You have been constantly together. You've offered him so many things he had never had in his life. A home, security, stability. All the things he probably spent his childhood dreaming of. He could be truly happy at your side, secure in your feelings for him. Perhaps all that changed when you met Miss Carrick? Perhaps he saw her as some form of competition.'

'I told you. It wasn't real. It was only for show.'

Her eyebrows rose. 'So you say. But perhaps he began to see that even an arranged marriage would change things between you. You would be expected to spend a modicum of time with your fiancée; it was a relationship you could proudly portray to the world, rather than having to keep it hidden. Perhaps Barton grew to resent it, or thought that you were beginning to develop deeper feelings for the girl. He realised the status of your relationship would inevitably alter in some ways. And as your wife, she would naturally stand to inherit everything under L4 laws.'

She glanced down at the pages in her hand. 'You have underlined some passages in one of these reports which deal with paranoia and its effects. There are also some marked references to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. You were beginning to worry about him, weren't you? You were seeing certain signs in his behaviour, in his manner toward you. Little things that were beginning to add up and point to certain conclusions.'

Quatre scrubbed one hand against his eyes. He was not going to cry in front of this woman. He was _not._

'I - I didn't know what to do.' He gazed up at her appealingly, eyes brimming. 'Please, I still don't.'

I should perhaps tell you,' Une mentioned, that, acting against our specific advice, your sisters have offered an extensive reward for anyone who can produce Barton, or information relating to his whereabouts.'

Oh, Trowa. Quatre closed his eyes for a second, imagining his lover being hunted like a dangerous animal.

Catching the pained expression, Une proceeded to press her point home. 'I imagine he will have every bounty hunter in the universe after him, to bring him in.'

Quatre's lip curled. 'They can try, certainly.'

'He's good, yes, but he is only one man. All it takes is for one of them to get lucky, or for him to get careless. And I imagine he is a little distracted at the moment, given recent events.' She sighed. 'Your sisters didn't bother to stipulate any conditions for his capture. Do you really want to think of him out there in space, alone, with no one to help him and the scum of the universe tracking him? My agents would guarantee to take him alive, not to harm him any more than necessary.'

'You don't… you don't know where he is either.'

'Actually, we do. He is on his way to L3.'

'What?' Quatre's voice sharpened. 'Why is he going there?'

'He has hardly shared that information with us. Tell me, is there some reason why he shouldn't go there?'

'No. Of course not.' What had Trowa discovered? Quatre had been so careful, or so he'd thought. That decided him; there was no way he could let Tro go to L3. 'Very well. What do you want me to do? I still…I don't remember anything of what happened. I can't just lie about him.'

'I need your signature on this.' A neatly bound document suddenly appeared in her hands. 'It's a document stating that you had been worried about Mr. Barton's mental state for some time now, and that you are no longer sure what he's capable of. Both copies, if you will. You're doing the right thing; if Barton is innocent, he will be cleared. If, on the other hand, he is suffering from some form of breakdown, he will receive the best possible help.'

Quatre gave the words a cursory glance; it didn't make any difference. He was going to have to sign anyway.

'I need your personal word that he will not be harmed before I sign anything.' He disliked her personally, but she was devoted to maintaining the peace at all costs. Ironically, she was probably one of the few people whom he could trust at the moment. Besides, looking for Trowa would keep her agents occupied, and it was possible they'd never catch him anyway…

'Date it please,' Une requested. 'Now, Agent Miles, I will need you to deliver this to the Preventers office. Agent Blakeney, you will remain here with me, and we will go back over Mr. Winner's story in detail. Perhaps that may jog some details of your memory.'

'I doubt my patient is well enough for that at the moment.' Dr. Marshall said angrily.

'Oh, I think he's stronger than he looks,' Une said dismissively, holding out her hand for the signed copies.

Quatre Raberba Winner. He wrote it twice; the flamboyant signature that Trowa had always teased him about.

_I'm so sorry, Tro._

'You are doing the right thing, you know.'

'Am I?' Quatre wondered. He doubted it. There was no going back at this point, though. Trowa would never forgive him for this betrayal, and neither would any of the others.

'Now, the folder please.'

He held it out in shaking fingers and it slipped through his grasp. 'Oh, I'm sorry.'

'No matter.' Une bent over him impatiently, taking the thing and handing it to one of her minions. 'Excellent. Now, we have work to do, I believe.'

_I'm so very sorry, Trowa. Asa arif._


	63. From Trowa, to Quatre

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing does not belong to me, and I am making no monetary profit from this story.

Many thanks to KS for the brilliant beta job, and to Wolfje and Snow for their kind comments.

Warning: Angst with a gleam of sap and a glimmer of hope….

Trowa's POV:

**From Trowa, to Quatre:**

Pacing.

It's what animals do if you confine them in too small a space. People do it too. There wasn't a lot else to do, with the third-hand shuttle I'd bought from a friend of Steph's on auto-pilot, course fixed for L3.

He used to laugh at my habit of pacing while I was thinking, claiming I was wearing a groove in the floor, and giving him a crick in his neck, watching me.

That was when we used to laugh together. A long time ago, now.

I shouldn't have hung up on Cathy. She'd been trying to do her big sister act; something I usually indulged, because it was nice to feel I had an actual blood relation who cared that much about me.

_The truth always hurts, Trowa._

That was what she'd said, just before I'd switched the 'phone off, not willing to listen to her criticising him anymore.

She'd never liked him, of course.

Right from the beginning, he'd been the one who'd taken her little brother away from her, who'd dragged me back to the war. When she found out he'd been the one responsible for my injuries in the first place, her opinion had plummeted even farther.

He'd already done two unforgivable things, before she even knew his full name.

After the war, Cathy had it all sorted out; that I would go back and live with her at the circus. Which I did. The problem was that I brought Quatre with me.

He'd tried so hard to win her over, to make friends with the only family I had, and nothing had worked. His carefully chosen gifts were considered a pathetic attempt to 'buy her off'; his attempts to spend time with her were seen as a roundabout way to impress me.

It hadn't helped that Quatre, back then, had still been torturing himself over having nearly killed me. I'd never blamed him for a second; he'd been under the influence of Zero, and even then he'd tried to warn me away. Of course, he blamed himself, and he'd been all too ready to pick up on anyone else's poor opinion of him.

My poor Quatre.

He'd wanted so very badly to be a part of my life at the circus. Even without Cathy's obvious dislike, he hadn't remotely fitted in. They all knew who he was; Quatre Raberba Winner, who could have bought the whole place out of his pocket change, slumming for a lark, but who'd go back to his own world eventually.

He couldn't win.

It hadn't been all bad. When I hadn't been working, we'd taken off in a borrowed truck, or on the motorbike he'd insisted on giving me, and there had been whole stretches of time when life was perfect. Seemed perfect.

Long nights in the smelly, stuffy little trailer that had been the only thing I could afford, crafting love and music and sighs and laughter. Laughter was one of the most precious things he'd ever given me. Alongside the love and trust and passion, there had also been friendship.

He'd been the first person to show me there was beauty in the world.

Quatre was the person who'd taught me to look at a landscape and see more than defensive positions, or suitable places to set an ambush; that trees had a purpose other than providing shelter, firewood, and shade; that a bird's call could be more than a warning of approaching danger,

Quatre, on the other hand, had fallen in love with the Earth the moment he'd landed.

He kept binoculars and a bird book in his cockpit, and scattered birdseed at Sandrock's feet to attract new species. He had pressed flowers between the pages of his old training manuals.

He'd taught me to appreciate the painted colours of a sunset, and the sparkle of sunlight on water.

More than anything, he'd taught me that life could offer more than simple survival; that existence was more than the opposite of death. There was beauty and joy and laughter in the world.

Sex, for both of us, had been a revelation. He was sunlight and dreams and terrifying innocence; that blond head was stuffed full of romantic nonsense, about how sex was the union of souls, the highest expression of love. At the same time, he was terrified of the reality.

Homosexuality had been the big taboo on L4. He'd grown up believing he was intrinsically damaged, tainted in the eyes of his father and his god. A boy he'd known as a child had been raped, and had killed himself for the disgrace it would bring to his family.

He'd told me that story not long after our first meeting; a halting attempt to explain why it was all so difficult for him, that some part of his mind associated gay sex with pain and death and shame, even though he truly loved me.

I'd just held him while he cried, and wanted to kill everyone who'd messed him up like this. I'd assured him that there was nothing - _nothing_ - wrong with him, and that I'd never harm him, never let anything bad happen to him.

Another promise I'd failed to keep.

He'd tried to kill himself a few months after the War. I hadn't been there. I hadn't wanted to go, to leave him, but he'd insisted he was perfectly fine and could easily survive without me for a couple of hours if I went to check the security systems of a new Winner complex.

I was the one who'd found him, bleeding his life out in his study. It took two days for his doctors to pronounce him stable. He still has the scars.

Afterwards, he'd dutifully seen a therapist, at his doctors' insistence. He'd attended the specified number of sessions, fed the woman a mish-mash of PTSD and residual guilt from the war, and came home to me.

He'd told me the real reason in bed that night; how one of those bloody sisters of his had informed him that his mother had died giving birth to him. Already tormented by their recriminations, by guilt that he wasn't the son his father had wanted, by remorse over what he'd done during the war, my lover had snapped.

I wished he'd broken the bitch's neck. Instead, he'd smashed the nearest window and torn his wrists open with the longest shard of glass he could find.

My darling, damaged Quatre.

Ever since we met, I'd been the dazzled moth drawn inexorably to his shining star. He'd been the brightness in my world for years, and I'd left him one month before the eighth anniversary of our first meeting.

_Dear Quatre,_

_I can't do this any more. I don't think either of us can. _

_This was never how we'd planned our lives to be, and it shouldn't be like this._

_I have loved you since the first moment we met, when you opened Sandrock's hatch, and I will never stop. You have to know that._

_But this is destroying us both. _

_Life, Quatre, is about choices, and this is mine._

_There is nothing in this world I would not do for you, but I refuse to hurt you. Not like this._

_Yours, always,_

_Trowa_

It was the last tangible communication I'd had with him; the letter I'd written to him the day I left L4.

The day I'd left him.

A handful of inadequate words scattered across a page torn from a notebook.

A poor memorial for a love that I'd dared to hope would last forever, and in the end I'd taken it with me.

There was no point, really, in leaving it. There was nothing on the page that I hadn't tried to say a hundred times, and each time, Quatre had listened and cried and promised that things would change.

Our last months together had been a blur of sex and searing arguments, and accusations flung at each other, and later tearfully retracted. I'd accused him of having an affair; he'd complained of the time I was devoting to Duo.

I'd kept the note carefully folded in my wallet anyway. I'd actually believed that I could just cut him out of my life by sheer effort of will. That I could forget what it had been like to be his lover. I'd done it before; sliced away sections of my past.

I'd convinced myself that leaving him was the best thing for both of us. We'd tried and ultimately it hadn't worked. Time to move on; get on with my life. Time to be alone again. I hadn't bargained for Duo. I still had shimmering little moments of disbelief that anything had ever happened between us. It was still overwhelming, that Duo Maxwell had been attracted to me.

I supposed it had all worked out in the end. Duo had got back with Heero, _finally, _and I'd realised that Quatre Winner had himself too firmly ensconced in my soul to be flung out that easily. Duo and I were still friends, which was the main thing.

My 'phone buzzed again; not Cathy this time. Wufei.

My staunch, loyal friend had talked to me a couple of hours previously, on his way to call Une. I knew it would be a wasted effort, but I hadn't bothered to try to dissuade him. He needed to feel he was doing something to help, and I understood that.

He'd been a rock over the past couple of weeks, right from the day when I'd arrived back on Earth. He'd given me space, let me talk, somehow convinced Duo to listen to what I had to say without exploding over how I'd treated Quatre.

We'd been friends of a sort during the war. Well, we'd been on the same side. Afterwards, we'd had a row about my refusal to join Preventers; I could handle that. He was messed up and needed something to give his life a direction. I was luckier than him; I had Quatre.

We hadn't fallen out until he'd insulted my boyfriend. Quatre had refused to tell me exactly what he'd said, but it had upset the hell out of him. Bad enough that his family were constantly on his back about 'appropriate behaviour'; he didn't need lectures from someone he'd once considered a friend.

It had surprised me that he'd bothered come to L4 after Quatre's suicide attempt, but he'd proven to be a godsend, dealing with the medical staff, the Winner family and the media like he'd been doing it all his life.

A few weeks after Duo's accident, he'd apologised to us both separately for how he'd behaved to us after the war. My dear, generous Quatre had flung his arms around him after the first few stumbling words, claiming he'd forgotten all about it.

I'd waited for him to stammer out every syllable of his carefully prepared speech. He'd hurt Quatre; unacceptable. After, I'd taken him to a bar, bought him what was probably his first beer, and let him talk. It had all come pouring out; the emptiness he'd felt after the war ended.

He'd had to come to terms with the deaths of his family and the destruction of his colony, with knowing that all his passion for vengeance and justice would never bring them back. He'd killed Treize, he'd lost everything that had been sustaining him over the during the war.

The 'phone rang out; then began again and this time I flicked it open.

'Hey, 'Fei. How'd it go?'

'I'm sorry, Trowa. I tried, but the woman refused to listen to anything I had to say.' A colony away, I could hear the frustration crackling in my friend's voice. I'd known all along that his trying to talk to Une would be a waste of time and effort, but understood too that he'd needed to do something. Chang Wufei has never been good at letting events take place without his input.

'It's OK, 'Fei. I guess I am the obvious suspect, right? The jilted, gold-digging ex with the dodgy past? So...what's the deal? Did she give her agents orders to shoot on sight?'

'Of course not! Nothing of the sort. You are to be apprehended for questioning, unharmed if possible.'

'Yeah. Good luck with that.' I muttered.

'Where are you now?' Wufei chose to ignore my last comment. 'Not still on that Winner satellite?'

'No. That was a waste of time.' It had been a damn forlorn hope to begin with; Duo had given me the co-ordinates, which had been mentioned by one of the men who'd attacked Wufei and Zechs.

'According to Noin, the Preventers are sending a shuttle out to check on it later today.'

'Wonderful timing. If he'd been there, they'd never find a trace of him at this stage. Assuming they can even navigate correctly enough to find the place.'

'They had to follow procedures, Trowa. You know that.' He'd been a Preventer for almost two years; he probably felt he had to defend them.

'Well, I don't. I should have done this from the start, 'Fei. Instead of sitting back and letting them fuck up 'til the trail's cold.'

'What's the plan now?'

'L3. Those four guys who attacked you in the desert….I've been running background checks on them. Three of them are legit - locals who've been working there for years - the fourth is from L3. Arrived on L4 a couple of weeks ago using false ID and got the security job. I've managed to trace his real name, and an address.'

'You think that may be connected to Quatre vanishing?'

'I don't exactly have a lot else to go on,' I said bitterly. 'There has to be a connection. One former Pilot missing, and another attacked. Too much of a coincidence, don't you think?'

'Trowa, should I give this information to Noin?'

'Nope. If they can't work it out for themselves, they don't deserve help. They've fucked everything up so far. He's been missing for over a week, and they don't have a freaking clue what's happened. Shit, maybe they're behind the whole thing? He'd been criticising them for months now, agitating for more colonial independence. No way is Earth going to grant L4 autonomy; they need it too much. Maybe it is an ESUN operation to get rid of him, like all those L4 conspiracy theorists are claiming? '

'You don't really believe that, do you?'

'I don't know what to believe,' I snapped, then took a deep breath. 'No, not really. If they'd wanted rid of him, they'd have arranged a nice, neat little accident. There are too many loose ends to all of this. I was listening to the news before you called. More demonstrations on the colonies and they're starting to spread to Earth. The colonies are getting sick of the ESUN having so much control over them.'

'I know,' Wufei sighed. 'The whole situation is appalling. I saw that Winner Enterprises share prices have plummeted again. It's the lowest they've been since the war ended. Given how much WEI has invested in the other colonies, and in Earth, this could precipitate a global crisis.'

'I'm going to find him, 'Fei, if I have to tear the universe apart with my bare hands. Then we'll sort everything else out.'

'What's wrong with him, Trowa?'

'I don't know.' The admission hurt. He was my lover, my best friend, my everything, and I had no idea what was wrong. 'You know Quatre. He thinks he can carry the weight of the universe by himself. I'll drag him away from L4 if that's what it takes; get him away from that bloody family of his. It's not like anyone of them gives a damn about him.'

'I think that would be an excellent idea,' my friend approved.

'You do?' I didn't even try to keep the surprise out of my voice. 'You think he should just walk straight away from all his precious duties and responsibilities?'

'Actually, yes. I do. He's given that colony and his family seven years. He's made it the most prosperous place in the universe; his sisters have more wealth than they can ever spend in a dozen lifetimes. I think he has repaid his father's dreams many times over, and it's taken a huge toll on him. Perhaps he is suffering…some form of breakdown?'

'He's not crazy.' I said it far too fast. Not because I believed it for a second, but because Quatre had, in his darkest moments. Burdened with the empathy that he couldn't always control, he'd spent his childhood in and out of psychiatrists' offices, or cloistered behind the high walls of the Winner estate, hidden away by his father. 'He's alive and I'm going to find him. I'd know if he were dead, 'Fei.'

I'd been clinging to that frail wisp of hope ever since he'd vanished, but I'd never shared his gift. His curse, he'd called it. I'd felt him, just a couple of times in my whole life.

Looking at the facts, the chances were that he'd died. Whoever had taken him had got close enough to take out two highly trained warriors. They'd killed an innocent girl who hadn't posed any threat to them.

It looked like they'd taken Quatre alive, so they'd presumably needed him for something. So many things could have gone wrong, though. He'd made at least one escape attempt that we knew of; he'd managed to draw that little diagram of Sandrock. Maybe his abductors had panicked. No one had said it, but if no ransom demand had been issued by this stage, there was probably a reason.

'Fuck, 'Fei. Where the hell is he? There's been no ransom demand, no one accepting responsibility. Nothing. Anyone could have taken him for any damned reason. He's an ex Gundam Pilot. He's the head of a major corporation. He's gay, on L4, and he's not as discreet about it as he thinks. He's been speaking out against ESUN policies. It could be someone who wants revenge for something during the war, some fucking homophobe, some psycho who doesn't like his hair colour.'

'No.' Wufei said surprisingly, firmly. 'I spent hours with Noin this afternoon, looking at the few facts we know. They are professional; well organised, skilled at covering their tracks. But they've made mistakes. He apparently escaped once, to that apartment building. You have a possible name to track down on L3.' He paused for a minute. 'L3...who was talking about that? Ah! Do you know anything about a company called Triton Holdings?'

'_Triton?_ Never heard of them? Why?'

'They're a WEI subsidiary, on L3. Property management. Duo and that young Preventer, the girl who's guarding the children, looked at a list of WEI holdings and Duo noticed the name. Heero apparently had someone check it out and they seem legit, but…'

I shrugged. 'I don't know all our companies, but Quatre does. It's odd that he never changed that name; you know he's never liked my real name. I'll see what I can dig up. Plus the guys who attacked you were using ammo manufactured on L3 so….who knows? Maybe it's all just a wild goose chase and I'm seeing connections because I want to?'

'I don't believe in coincidences,' he said succinctly. 'But speaking of wild geese, that was a clever way to keep Duo from following you.'

'Was it that obvious?'

He laughed softly. 'If you'd thought there might really be anything useful there, you'd have gone yourself. Well, he'll figure it out eventually; I think he liked the idea of taking Heero off to the cottage. He probably wasn't thinking too hard about anything else.'

'Hopefully, Heero will keep him distracted for a while. I have every faith in him, actually. And who knows? Perhaps he will find something. There really was a disturbance in the security system a few days before Quatre disappeared. Probably just a glitch, or a wild animal, but possibly not. Anyway, I needed to think of some way to stop him from coming with me; bad enough for one of us to be running around evading the law…Duo doesn't need that.'

'No.' He agreed. 'You know, he's not going to be happy when he works out what you did. Still, he should be occupied with Heero for the next while. He texted me just before I called you; they'd just arrived at the cottage.'

'You're really OK with that?' I had to ask.

'Yes, I think you did the right thing. He's already facing this ridiculous court trial or whatever it is. He doesn't need any more trouble.'

'That's not what I meant. I was talking about the whole Heero/Duo thing. You approve?'

'Oh!' He was silent for a moment; I could imagine him pinching the bridge of his nose, the way he does when he's considering something. 'Yes. I think I do. I think. I just...don't want Duo to be hurt again. Not like the last time.'

The last time. It was 'Fei, more than any of us, who'd borne the brunt of that. He'd been the one who'd lived with Duo 24/7 for months. Quatre's idea, of course. At the time, I'd thought it was insane, but somehow it had worked out for them both, even if they'd never got together the way my sneaky lover had originally planned. Millardo Peacecraft had ended any possibility of that ever happening.

'Heero really does care about him, you know. There's never really been anyone for him but Duo. They're not kids any more, 'Fei. I think they can maybe make it work this time.'

'Hn,' He made a Heero-noise, probably unconsciously. 'I hope so.'

'You and Heero seemed to getting on OK back at the hospital.' I couldn't help probing a little bit further. I had my suspicions about what had happened between the two of them after the war, but maybe I was mistaken. Still, they'd apparently sorted out six or so years of enmity in as many minutes, and that was the important thing.

'Yes. I - I believe so,' He sounded unusually hesitant. 'As you have told me frequently, we all made mistakes after the war. But perhaps it is possible to move on.' He paused again. 'Trowa, I'm sorry I'm not there with you. I don't want to leave Zechs right now, not when he's hurt.'

'Relax. I wouldn't have brought you either. Quatre's my responsibility. I'm the one who needs to find him. And Zechs needs you right now. He's a good guy, you know. You two fit together. You want to hang on to him.'

Duo would have made a joke about the _double entendres. _Wufei simply said, his tone as crisp as frost, 'I have every intention of doing so.'

'Good. You are allowed to put him first sometimes, you know.'

'W-what does that mean?'

Despite everything, I couldn't help grinning at the confusion in his voice. To catch Chang Wufei off-balance is a rare and wonderful thing.

'The man is so crazy about you it's a wonder he can see straight,' I told him bluntly. 'It wouldn't hurt sometimes to show him that you feel the same, instead of slotting him in around the rest of your life. If you really want to marry him, you need to be damn sure that he's the centre of your universe.'

He was silent for long enough for me to wonder if I'd offended the hell out of him. It wasn't like I was exactly qualified to give anyone advice on relationships. He was happily engaged; I was the one who'd abandoned the love of my life.

'You are correct,' he said finally, a little bit stiffly, but it was something he needed to think about. Well, admitting it was a start. I'd stayed in their house for three weeks; I'd spent a lot of time with Zechs while Wufei was shut up in his study and Duo was in Florida, long enough to see how their relationship worked. Wufei has an IQ that's probably way off the recorded scale, but he sometimes can't see things that are right under his nose.

'He knows you love him, really. All I'm saying is that he might appreciate it if you were the one to seek him out occasionally, be the one to jump his bones now and then instead of making him do all the running.'

'Oh!' I could hear the shock in his voice, almost feel his flush of embarrassment. You'd think after three years with Zechs he'd be immune to that but apparently not.

'Perhaps I …need to work on my …ah, seduction skills,' he faltered. 'Is that what you mean?'

I had to laugh at that. Had to. ''Fei, seriously, all you have to do is to walk into a room to get him interested. What you need to do is make the first move sometimes, just to let him know that you want him as much as he wants you.'

'I do!' He probably blurted that out without thinking, because there was another awkward little silence. Or maybe he was just imagining his gorgeous blond prince wanting him. Or maybe we just weren't used to talking about so much personal stuff. Quatre was usually the one everybody confided in; he was so much better at it than I could ever be.

He's always had this amazing knack of getting people to open up to him. Even me.

'Zechs is your responsibility. Duo and Heero can take of each other, and I'm going to find Quatre and fix this.'

'You're sounding more….positive than you have for a long time.'

'Yeah. I'm doing something. That helps. The last few weeks have been hell, you know. I still had that drug in my system, I was depressed, I was trying to convince myself I could just drop him and move on. Well, that's never going to work. I'm going to find him and when he's safe, I'm going to sort all this shit out.'

'It's nice to have you back, Trowa. I've been worried about you.'

'Me too.' For eight years, I'd had Quatre to charm me out of my bouts of depression; my beautiful blond love who'd taken my monochrome life and made it shine with all the colours of the universe. This time, I'd clawed my way out alone, to save him.


	64. What Are Friends For?

Disclaimer - I do not own Gundam Wing. This is for fun, and not for any monetary profit.

Note- The flashback in this chapter takes place around the end of chapter 4.

Many thanks, to KS for proof-reading and for providing the Duo cameo; to Wolfje for laughing in the appropriate places and for the Dutch nightclub information, and to everyone who has been reading and reviewing.

**What are Friends for?**

'Take care, Trowa. Please.' It was a stupid thing to say, and the other man accorded it a faintly bitter laugh. 'Call us if we can help at all,´Wufei pressed. `You know we're here if you need anything.'

'I know.' There was silence on the other end of the line for a minute, and then he said quietly. 'I'm sorry, 'Fei. You guys should never have got caught up in all this.'

'Now that _is_ a phenomenally stupid thing to say. Of course we're involved. And we want to help.'

Wufei hung up and settled back in his seat, trying to find a calm place among all his rolling emotions. It didn't work. It had been a hellish day so far, every minute of it.

There had been a few shimmering moments that morning when Zechs had slid the ring on to his finger, and kissed him, but the gleam of that memory was all but submerged by everything else that had happened since. Zechs had been in pain, however much he'd tried to hide it, and then Relena had pulled that ridiculous stunt with the media, and they'd all had to move to the Embassy, and then Duo had gone missing.

Most of the afternoon had been spent at the Preventers Building with Lucrezia Noin, going over all the available information relating both to Quatre's disappearance, and the attack on himself and Zechs. She'd tried to convince him that nothing about that had been his fault; neither Zechs getting shot, nor the fact that he'd killed four men, but it hadn't helped. He still blamed himself. If he'd been more vigilant, if he hadn't distracted Zechs, it would never have happened, or at least they would have been more prepared to meet an attack.

Then, he'd spent almost an hour trying to convince Une that Trowa was innocent of all this, and that assigning Preventer agents to track him down was a waste of valuable resources. He'd had to make that excruciatingly embarrassing 'phone call to Zechs' surgeon, and he still had to deal with Zechs himself.

All he really wanted to do was soak in a warm bath, with plenty of scented candles and a book of poetry. That wasn't going to happen any time soon.

He caught himself absently twisting the ring on his left finger - again - and jerked his hands apart. He certainly didn't need to develop that sort of habit; Duo had already teased him about it. He didn't want to lose the precious thing by tugging it loose; not a historic, centuries-old artefact that had belonged to two royal dynasties.

And Zechs had chosen it for him…. Damn, he was doing it again! Stop touching the thing, Chang! Sally had done that with her engagement ring at first, he remembered, turning it on her finger so the diamond caught the light. Wonderful; now he was behaving just like a woman.

Damnation. Wufei held his hand up to the car window, watching the sun reflect off the gleaming jade. He'd never thought he'd wear an engagement ring, or that he'd be engaged at all. He didn't feel any different, wasn't sure whether or not he was supposed to. He'd known for years that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Zechs; a ring didn't change anything, except that they seemed to be arguing more frequently.

They'd had - no, not an argument; a discussion - just before he'd left the embassy. Well, maybe it had been an argument. Zechs hadn't wanted him to go the Preventers Building, hadn't seen that he'd achieve anything by talking to Une, and he'd been quite right. He'd had to do something though, rather than just sitting by while Trowa was made into a scapegoat for everything.

Oh dear, it had definitely been a full-blown argument. Wufei had taken exception to the other man trying to persuade him not to go; just because they were engaged didn't automatically mean he had to do what Zechs wanted. Zechs had only been trying to help, and he was still in pain, and probably worrying about how serious the row had been.

_I don't deserve him._

Hard on the heels of that thought came another, something that Trowa had said.

'_If you really want to marry him, you need to be damn sure that he's the centre of your universe.'_

He was; he had been for years now and he'd been scared to admit it, even to himself because admitting something like that was an acknowledgement of how much power Zechs had over him, how much potential to hurt him. He'd let Zechs become a part of his life, but on his own terms, slotting him in neatly around his studies and his friends and his other interests. So that if Zechs ever left him, he wouldn't be left with an empty life, like Duo had been.

Trowa was perfectly right. His partner, his husband-to-be, deserved to be the centre of his universe, and if he lacked the courage to face that, then he had no business marrying him in the first place. He was going to show his prince just how much he valued him and how sorry he was. Heero and Duo could take care of themselves for a while, and he would trust Trowa to find Quat and bring him home.

As far as Zechs was concerned, Trowa should have been thanking his lucky stars that he'd got rid of Quatre, not combing the universe and dodging Preventer agents to find him. Of course, Zechs had a huge problem with the way Quatre had been treating his friends lately, and it had infuriated him how much that had affected Duo. As far as he was concerned, the blond was a dead loss, and his friends should just move on and forget him.

He probably thought Trowa should do that too, and part of Wufei agreed, except that…it was hard to imagine those two apart. It was obvious that Trowa still loved Quatre, however much he'd tried to pretend he was over him, and he would do anything in his power to help his friend. He'd promised Trowa that much weeks ago, when Trowa had first left L4 and come to them.

'_So what's wrong with Barton?' Zechs looked up from measuring out pasta. 'Don't tell me he's finally summoned up the gumption to dump that little blond twit?'_

'_I don't know,' Wufei sighed. 'He said he wanted to rest in his room, and he hardly spoke all the way from the airport.'_

'_What; even less than usual? I don't see how that could be possible, unless he's invented the power of anti-speech.'_

_Wufei shook his head. 'Don't joke, Mil. He looks terrible, like he hasn't slept in days.'_

'_He probably just needs a good meal and a rest,' Zechs comforted him. 'You know those long commercial flights are always a nightmare.'_

'_I suppose. And that doesn't make sense either. Why would he take a passenger flight; he always either pilots himself, or uses one of the WEI jets. None of this makes sense. I can see why he's furious with Quatre, but he should be on L4, talking to him. Anyway, I thought I'd bring him some tea before dinner. It might relax him a little.'_

'_Mmmm.' Zechs' arms stole around his waist, pulling him close. 'He's not the only one who needs to loosen up a little, is he? You're awfully tense, dearest.'_

_Wufei allowed himself to sink into his lover's comforting embrace. He was perfectly right, as always. Wufei had been on edge ever since that ridiculous engagement announcement, and he hadn't slept well; not after the double shock of Quatre Winner announcing his prospective wedding plans, followed immediately by Trowa's 'phone call._

'_What time were we thinking of eating? In about an hour? If I have time, I'll see if Trowa wants to talk a little.'_

'_There's no rush. Duo's lost to the world, and it won't hurt the sauce to simmer away. Why don't you try it?' He dipped a wooden spoon in the bubbling liquid and held it out. 'Careful, love; it's hot, and I don't want you to burn your beautiful mouth.' He winked. 'I have plans for it later, you see.'_

'_Surprise, surprise.' Wufei acknowledged dryly._

_Zechs laughed. 'Just blow on it.'_

'_I was taught as a child that blowing on one's food is the worst possible form of table manners.'_

'_Well, we're not at the table, are we? And I shouldn't worry about bad manners. I believe we've done worse things on the table that that.'_

'_Urk. Don't want to know,' Duo muttered in the background, not bothering to look up from his computer._

'_I think a little…blowing is permissible.'_

'_Not in here,' Duo yelled. 'Can't a guy have five minutes' to concentrate without you two slobbering all over each other?'_

_Lowering his head, Wufei blew gently on to the spoon, making sure that a gentle puff of air drifted across his lover's fingertips. He lapped delicately at the sauce, swirling his tongue around all the time conscious of those sapphire eyes intent on him._

'_That is quite delicious.'_

'_Is it? Let me have a taste.' Zechs bent and kissed him, licking at a tiny drip of sauce from the corner of his mouth, before teasing his lips apart._

'_Mmm, yes, delicious.' The blue eyes sparkled. 'Aren't you lucky, 'Fei? You don't just have an incredibly gorgeous boyfriend, but one who also happens to be a prodigiously gifted chef?'_

'_And who possesses staggering amounts of humility,' Wufei mocked gently._

'_Just as you say,' Zechs declaimed, spreading his hands modestly. 'And, as you said, that sauce is quite delectable; smooth, creamy, hot, with just a hint of spice. I think I need another sample.'_

'_I think you're going to spoil your appetite.' Wufei ducked adroitly out of his boyfriend's arms, and headed for the kettle._

'_I've think I've already lost mine.' A small voice came from the direction of the table, accompanied by some realistic retching sounds. _

'_My…appetite has only just been whetted, dear one,' Zechs purred, ignoring the rude interruption, and catching Wufei's hand to draw him back. 'All the best chefs need to sample their creations constantly.'_

'_I'm going to get sick in a minute if you two don't turn down the sap. Some of us are trying to work here.' Duo ducked the apple Zechs tossed at him without bothering to look up. 'It's like being trapped in one of those soppy British romances that Quat likes. Why don't you two get a room and leave me in peace?' he wondered, eyes still intent on his computer screen._

'_We've already got an entire house,' Zechs retorted. 'Hasn't it ever occurred to you that the kitchen table isn't an ideal place to design your shuttles?'_

'_Nah.' Duo glanced up at them, grinning. 'All I need is a horizontal surface big enough for my laptop. Hasn't it ever occurred to you that the kitchen counter isn't an ideal place to make out?'_

'_Hardly,' the prince drawled. 'All I need is a horizontal surface big enough for my…'_

'_Mil!' Wufei gasped._

'_Kitchen accessories,' Zechs parried smoothly. 'What do you say, love? Shall we go upstairs until dinner is ready?'_

_It was tempting. The prince was dressed in his favourite, faded jeans, which perfectly emphasised his long legs, and all that palely gleaming hair was tied back, something he usually only did while cooking._

'_Later,' Wufei said reluctantly, summoning up a major effort of will. All those years of practicing meditation came in useful at the oddest times. 'I need to see Trowa. Can you get me two cups, please? And some honey?'_

'_I'll give you honey,' Zechs growled. 'Later…I'll spread it over every inch of your exquisite body, and lick it off…slowly.'_

'_Oh!' Wufei's gasped at the sudden storm-surge of desire, the look in his lover's eyes as he handed him the small jar. Deep breaths, Chang. Trowa needed him. 'Later,' he echoed, reaching up to sweep his tongue around the curve of Zechs' ear. 'I promise.' Pulling free, he slid two steaming mugs, honey and lemon slices on to the tray and flicked a mischievous grin at the prince as he walked out. 'Assuming Trowa doesn't use all the honey…'_

_Outside Duo's room, Wufei shifted the tray to one hand and raised the other to knock. The need to do so was odd in itself; Duo always left his door open._

_Their guest had stretched out on the bed when they'd shown him the room, and apparently hadn't moved since, save to heel off his boots._

'_That's the painting Zechs did for Duo's birthday last year? He told me about it.' Trowa didn't look up, both eyes focused on the huge, glowing canvas on the wall opposite; Deathscythe standing in a field of golden sunflowers._

_Wufei nodded, setting the tray carefully on the dresser and sitting in Duo's overstuffed tub of an armchair. Trowa hadn't even bothered to light the aromatherapy candles he'd left out. _

'_I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put him out of his room; I can sleep on the couch.'_

'_There's no need. We have five bedrooms and Duo hardly ever sleeps in here anyway. We thought you might like the privacy; it's got in its own door to the garden so you can come and go whenever you like.'_

_The man on the bed nodded fractionally. 'I appreciate you taking me in.'_

'_It's good to have you here, finally.' Wufei hesitated. He wasn't very good at this sort of thing; ironically, Quatre was the one who had always been able to coax Trowa - anyone - to talk. 'We've been wanting you, both of you, to visit ever since we moved in.'_

'_I've left him.'_

_Wufei had known they'd been having problems, so it shouldn't have been such a shock. It was, though. They were the couple who'd found each other during a war as teenagers, who'd managed to stay together after. One of the few constants in a fluid world._

'_Was it the engagement? We saw the announcement last night on TV.'_

_Trowa shook his head. 'That was nothing. A publicity stunt; if Quatre wants to be elected to the L4 Council, he needs to play it straight. He told me he was going to tell Duo weeks ago. I'm guessing that didn't happen?'_

'_It was a total shock to all of us,' Wufei stated frankly. 'I'm sorry, Trowa. I don't know how you ever put up with that. I understood you had to be discreet, but not to this level of deception, just because he's decided he wants to play at politics.'_

'_Yeah.'_

'_Do you…want to talk about it?' The question came out awkwardly. He considered Trowa a good friend, but they rarely discussed anything intimate. That had always been Quat's province._

_Trowa sat up, pulling his long legs up to his chest, and resting his chin on his knees. 'What's to talk about? I've left.'_

'_I know things have been… difficult, lately,' he said finally. 'It's probably good for you both to take a break, to give each other a little space.'_

'_I told you, 'Fei. I've left him. I'm not going back.' The last words came out defiantly, almost a challenge. _

_Wufei nodded uncertainly. 'That's your decision. I won't try to change your mind.' It was probably for the best, if things were that bad, for them to spend a little time apart. Of course, it wasn't final. Just one of those arguments that all couples had. It wouldn't hurt Quatre to have to come and apologise._

'_Duo will.'_

_Wufei took a sip of his tea. It was probably true; as far as Duo was concerned, Trowa and Quatre were the perfect couple. 'You never said you left him before.'_

_Trowa shrugged. 'Didn't I? It was August last year. After I hit him the first time.' _

'_You **what**?' Wufei breathed, horrified. Trowa was off the bed, slamming the bathroom door behind him before his mouth had even closed. Even with the taps running, he could hear someone retching._

_Oh Gods. Wufei sank back down again. This was - unimaginably awful. If it was true, Duo was going to kill him. If Wufei didn't beat him to it. _

_Granted, they hadn't been getting along lately - face it, no one had been getting along with Quatre lately - but he was still a friend. The first person he'd ever really confided in. Quat was the first person he'd come out to; the only person who knew certain things._

_Quatre Winner was the person who'd got him past those first months after Duo's accident; that appalling time when he'd been wallowing in guilt and shame and self-hatred._

_He'd tried to make friends before. After the war, both Quatre and Duo had stubbornly tried to stay in touch with him, apparently under the impression that he needed some sort of contact with his former comrades._

_It had taken time and persistence to get rid of them. In the process he'd convinced himself that they were both weak, effeminate, unnecessary. Maxwell was falling apart at the seams, and Winner, after a disgraceful interlude when he'd run away to join a travelling circus, was making a show of himself with Barton on L4, doubtless scandalising his decent, conservative family._

_No son of the Long clan would ever have behaved so reprehensibly._

_It was still a wonder to reflect on, sometimes, that Quatre had bothered with him at all, with the person he'd been then, and Duo's friendship would always be a miracle._

_Duo was going to go insane when he found out what Trowa had done. Admittedly, that had been Wufei's first reaction too. A couple of minutes reflection had calmed him down a little; enough to want to hear Trowa's side at least. It all had to be some sort of misunderstanding, something that could be fixed. Duo was unlikely to take that sort of rational approach, though. Those two were so bound up in each other's lives; too much so, he'd thought on occasion. _

_After Yuy's - incident - with Relena Peacecraft, Quatre, almost more than Duo, had been the one to behave like the betrayed lover. Years later, Duo could be civil to Heero in company; Quatre still refused to acknowledge his existence. And Duo was going to take any insult to his closest friend very personally._

_Duo's relationship with Quatre was something he'd always admired. After Duo had finally regained consciousness, there had a been a bleak few weeks when he'd feared Quatre wouldn't need him any more, not when he had his best friend back._

_He'd envied those two so much during the war, unable to imagine that sort of closeness. Of course, he'd refused to admit it, even to himself. Instead, he'd scoffed at their friendship. A true warrior needed no such distractions; didn't need someone to laugh with, or confide silly secrets to, or stay up all night talking or watching those ridiculous TV shows they both liked. Such things were for little girls, not soldiers engaged in combat._

_Instead, Quatre had pulled him into that inner circle. He still hadn't wanted to take Duo into his home, though. He hadn't wanted to admit another person into his private sanctuary, where he could lock the door and shut out the world. That solitude was one of the things that had made his life bearable since the war, and he would lose that with Maxwell in situ._

_It had turned out to be the best thing that had ever happened to him. He still made offerings to his ancestors on feast days for Duo. And for Zechs, naturally; for all of them. _

_He was so unbelievably fortunate; so many things to give thanks for. All the things he'd never thought he would possess._

_A home and friends who were more like family and a job he loved and Zechs. Another thing to be thankful for; that he hadn't met his lover for some years after the war. He'd said that to Zechs once, and he'd just laughed, saying he'd always liked a challenge. Wufei doubted it, though. Zechs surely wouldn't have liked the arrogant, rude, closed-off young man that Wufei knew he had been then._

'_I'm sorry, 'Fei.' Lost in his thoughts, he hadn't even noticed Trowa walking back in. 'I should never have come here. You and Duo shouldn't have to choose between us. I'll leave.'_

'_You're not going anywhere until you tell me what exactly has been going on,' Wufei snapped. 'Sit down.' He'd been prepared to show Trowa the door, but his friend looked - drained, was the only word Wufei could think of. Like a man who'd lost his soul. He'd known Trowa for almost eight years. They'd fought a war together, as allies, and forged a close friendship afterwards. In all that time, he'd seen Trowa at a loss exactly twice; after the war, when Quatre had been injured by Dorothy Catalonia, and several months later, when Quat had tried to kill himself. ' _

_Trowa perched obediently on the side of the bed, face hidden under that fall of lank hair. Gods, he looked terrible. In the years since then, the former mercenary had reinvented himself as an urbanely sophisticated young man with a fondness for designer clothing, and refined his talent for hiding his emotions, except with in the company of close friends._

'_I'm sorry.' Wufei spoke a little more gently. 'I probably over-reacted just then. I know you would never deliberately harm him.'_

'_It was….' Trowa hesitated, one hand combing his overlong bangs over the side of his face. 'It just happened. 'Fei, I never meant to hurt him, I swear. He'd just vanished one morning. He was gone for nearly four hours; he hadn't told anyone that he'd meant to leave the house. I was going out of my mind that something had happened to him. Someone had tried to assassinate him, the previous month. You know about that?'_

_Wufei nodded. Of course, they'd heard about it. Most of the world had got the carefully censored version of a 'accident', that a young man, a family friend and a guest at one of Quare's parties, had shot himself on the terrace. It had been passed off as a tragedy, a sad end for a boy who had been having mental problems. Wufei and Duo had heard the truth. The seventeen year old, whom Quatre had known since they were both children, who was dating one of Quat's nieces, had tried to shoot him._

'_Where had Quatre gone? I assume he was safe.'_

'_Oh, he'd woken up early and decided to go for a ride by himself. When he got back, he was furious that everyone had been worried about him. You know Quatre; he was quite capable of taking care of himself, thank you, and he bitterly resented me thinking that he needed someone to hold his hand.'_

'_I can imagine,' Wufei responded dryly. He could, all too easily; that was the problem. Quatre spent 99% of his time behaving like the perfect Winner son/brother/CEO, but as Duo put it, he needed to break out occasionally. _

_In the first couple of years after the war, he hadn't been all that bothered about public appearances, particularly away from L4. Granted, on his home colony, he'd kept up a reasonably careful façade that Trowa was no more than his bodyguard, but he'd never denied outright that there was more to their relationship. The conservative citizens of L4 had chosen to turn a blind eye to young Mr. Winner's activities off-Colony, and in return, Quatre had behaved himself in public. Most of the time._

_A few reports of 'public indecency' had filtered back to L4, inevitably; Quatre dancing with Trowa at a notorious gay nightclub in Grottingen, or openly sharing a hotel room with his supposed bodyguard, but he'd mainly been discreet. In private, Wufei was all too aware that his innocent-looking blond friend had quite a number of - kinks, Duo called them - and that Trowa was more than willing to indulge them._

_Not that he and Zechs hadn't … experimented with such things themselves, but they had been just that - little experiments when they were both feeling particularly adventurous. But Quatre, according to Duo, needed it._

_They'd never discussed it, but Duo had dropped comments here and there over the years, and Quatre had actually dragged him into a - well, an adult shop, on one occasion. It had taken every ounce of Wufei's self possession not to run out screaming, but Quatre had been quite matter of fact about the whole thing, and Wufei had been emboldened enough to make a purchase or two on his own account._

_Trowa sighed, recalling him suddenly back to the present._

'_I still can't believe I hurt him, you know.'_

'_What happened, exactly?' Wufei pressed, finding it hard to believe himself. Not that he hadn't been tempted himself, the odd time. He adored Quatre, but even Duo admitted that his best friend was high maintenance. 'I know you'd never deliberately hurt him. I'm sure it was a shock for both of you, but I can't imagine it was all that serious. He'll know you never meant to hurt him. Heaven knows, I've been tempted to thump Zechs on occasion, or Duo. Or Quatre for that matter.'_

'_Not like this. We were having a screaming row. At least,' Trowa grimaced, 'I was screaming at him, and Quat was being oh, so reasonable and carrying on like I was being the hysterical one. I just lost it. You know how he gets sometimes, when he keeps pushing and pushing. I just lost it with him.' He recited the words with all the emotion of a poorly designed robot. 'I left the next day.'_

'_I can't believe you never told us anything about this. Where did you go?' Wufei breathed, appalled. 'To Cathy?'_

_Trowa hesitated for a moment. 'I thought about that, but you know she's never liked him. I went to stay with Heero in Italy.'_

'_Heero!' Wufei muttered disgustedly._

_Trowa rolled his eyes…or at least the one eye that was visible under his hair. 'God, 'Fei, let it go, will you? Heero made one stupid mistake, years ago; that doesn't make him the devil incarnate.' _

'_He ruined Duo's life!'_

'_Duo has a brilliant career that he loves, he has some great friends, and his last boyfriend happened to be one of the most powerful men on this continent, and utterly adored him. I'd hardly say his life is ruined.'_

_Wufei's brows snapped together as he frowned. They'd had similar conversations over the past six years. Trowa, quite incomprehensibly, had elected to remain friends with Yuy, despite what he'd done, and despite his lover's opinion of their former comrade. Foolishness, but then Trowa hadn't had to live with Duo for those first, awful months after his accident.._

_If he could have done it, Wufei would have eliminated all traces of Heero Yuy from their lives. It wasn't possible, though. As a lawyer with a penchant for taking high profile cases, Heero was frequently on the news. They were all invited to attend the occasional ceremony. Sally, ridiculous woman, had even asked Heero to attend her wedding, although, to do the man justice, he'd arrived late and stayed for only a short time._

'_Shit, even Duo talks to him sometimes. Aren't you ever going to get over it? He was just a kid; we all were. Kids do stupid things.'_

_Wufei shot him a sharp glance. He'd done his own share of stupid things after the war, not all of them unconnected with Heero Yuy, but Trowa couldn't know that. Only Quatre knew that._

'_If Duo wants to communicate with him, that's his choice,' Wufei said shortly. He hated the fact; hated that Duo would be silent and withdrawn after the infrequent meetings. _

'_Anyway,' Trowa apparently gave up trying, 'I only stayed for a day or so. Quatre called and persuaded me to go home. Things were OK for a few weeks; he tried to spend less time at work and we met Duo in London last September, remember?'_

_Wufei nodded. He'd been invited along, obviously, but he'd had a paper due, and they'd been planning to meet at Christmas anyway. _

'_I assume something went wrong?'_

'_Just every bloody thing,' Trowa said heavily. 'It was a nightmare. I was utterly paranoid about his safety; shit, I pulled a gun on one of our housemaids one morning. I'd have killed her if Quat hadn't stopped me. We got stuck in this vicious cycle; the more I fussed about him, the more he tried to get away. Every so often, it would all blow up, and we'd get past it, and then it would start all over again.'_

'_I can't believe you never told anyone! Didn't' either of you ever think of getting help? Counselling, therapy, something like that?'_

_Trowa offered a shrug. 'Neither of us really believes in that stuff. And you know Quat hates doctors. Anyway, his sisters would have gone insane if they'd suspected what was really going on.' He sighed. 'Bloody harpies, the lot of them. I should have dragged him away from that place years ago. Let them sort out their own damn problems. Yeah, anyway, we did some research on the net, found a drug that claimed to reduce paranoia. I took that for a bit and…'_

'_You did what?' Wufei exploded. 'Trowa, that's insane! I can't believe you two would be so stupid.'_

'_Well, it worked for a bit. Then I started having other problems; headaches, and lethargy. I was falling asleep during the day, finding it hard to concentrate. I didn't want to worry Quat so I had some tests and found out he'd been giving me some fucking illegal drug that Romefeller had developed.'_

'_No. Gods, Trowa, he'd never do something like that.' _

'_Yeah. I thought that. I thought there'd been some fuck-up somewhere, right 'til he admitted it.'_

_Wufei felt ice slither down his spine. 'When?'_

'_Two days ago. He said he'd had to do something; that I'd been scaring him over the past few months, and the best solution he could come up with was to keep me drugged out of my wits. After that, I decided I had to leave, for both our sakes. It took me a day or so to get some fake I.D.s sorted, and wait for the best time to run. I was under surveillance, you see; he was keeping pretty close tabs on me, but he's never been in my league when it comes to escaping.'_

_He sighed, tugging the long forelock over his eyes. 'Bit old for running away from home, aren't I? Never thought I'd need those skills to get away from Quatre. You know, I shouldn't stay here for too long. It won't take him long to figure out where I am and I don't want to involve you guys.' He flicked his hair back, and Wufei flinched at the raw look in his eyes. 'I had to get out, 'Fei. It'll take him a day or two to trace me. He stayed in the city on Sunday night; he won't know exactly when I left.'_

'_There are security cameras…he can check the footage.'_

'_I designed that security system myself. I know how to manipulate it. I'll be gone by tomorrow; he doesn't need to know I was ever here. You and Duo don't need to get stuck in the middle.'_

'_Absolutely not.' Wufei said firmly. 'You're our friend, and in trouble, and you're staying here for as long as you need to. If Quatre doesn't approve, that's his problem.'_

'_Duo won't be too happy.'_

'_I'll talk to Duo.' Wufei stood suddenly, stretching a cramp in his left leg. 'I'm sorry. This is all so hard to take in. I know things haven't been going too well, but ..I'd never imagined anything like this. Not Quatre.'_

'_I'd never imagined it either,' Trowa said softly. 'I love him, 'Fei. I just can't…not any more. It's been so terrible, the last few months. I thought I was going out of my mind sometimes. There were days when it was fine, and then something would happen, and … I just couldn't cope any more.'_

'_I'm very glad you came to us,' Wufei told him. 'I mean that. And I don't know what' s been wrong with Quatre. The last time we spent any time together was that weekend in New York, over a year ago.'_

_Trowa's expression lightened for the first time. 'I remember. That photograph.'_

_That photograph. _

_It had become something of a standing joke between the four of them, although at the time it hadn't been funny. It had almost broken up him and Zechs. Ironically, it had happened after a day Wufei remembered as one of the happiest of his entire life._

_He and Zechs had spent three days in Florence, and on their last evening they'd been watching the sunset on a bridge over the Arno. Absorbed in each other, and the shifting shades of light, neither of them had paid any attention to the click of a camera. There were plenty of other tourists there, in any case, and most of them were taking pictures of the sky._

_Everything had gone wrong the next morning. They'd had dinner served in their room, and then Zechs had shown him some inventive uses for a four-poster bed, and the Florentine silk scarves and ties they'd bought earlier. The next morning, Zechs had turned on the TV while Wufei was in the bathroom, and he'd come back in to see the pair of them on the screen. _

_That moment of precious, private intimacy had been sent all over the universe, to be gawked at by any fool who had access to satellite TV, the internet, or a newspaper. And Zechs, instead of recognising this, had apparently been delighted with it all._

_It hadn't been their first row by any means; it hadn't even been the first time that Wufei had stormed out. He'd seen his own expression in the photograph, gazing at Zechs as if the other man had just invented the meaning of life, and it had terrified him. _

_They'd been together for eighteen months at that stage; they lived together; he'd told Zechs - several times by then - that he loved him, and he'd meant it. They were a couple, officially. And he'd looked at a TV screen in a foreign hotel room and realised just how much Zechs meant to him._

_He'd run, of course, heedless of Zechs' attempts to explain or apologise. He'd taken the first flight to New York, where he'd burst in on Quatre Winner, wallowing in spreadsheets and statistics for a board meeting that evening._

_Quat had abandoned paperwork, and his two personal assistants, leaving orders for the meeting to be rescheduled, and swept Wufei off to the balcony overlooking Central Park, where he'd listened and poured tea, and agreed with everything Wufei said. Of course it wasn't fair that the media dared to intrude in people's lives. It was intolerable, frankly, and quite pathetic that most of the world's population had nothing better to do with their time than poke about in other people's personal affairs._

_Then he'd told Wufei that Zechs would always be a notorious figure, because of his birth and his looks and of what he'd done. That wasn't going to change, and Wufei was something of a celebrity himself, even if he refused to acknowledge it. The media - the world - was always going to be interested in what they did and Wufei could either accept that as a fact of life, albeit an unpalatable one, and get on with it, or spend the rest of his life hiding from the glare of publicity. _

'_I don't know,' Trowa said sadly. 'It's not like we haven't had problems before, but we've always been able to work through them. Shit, I've even managed not to assault any of those bitches of sisters of his, even though it's been a damn close call at times. We were always able to talk to one another, you know. To talk about anything.'_

_Wufei nodded. He'd always admired them both tremendously; in a way, they'd been role models for himself when he'd first come out. Two people who were so obviously right for each other, and who showed in a myriad of gestures, large and small, every day. He'd envied them that. _

'_Maybe you still can sort this out,' he suggested, wondering if that was what Trowa wanted to hear; if it were possible, or even desirable at this stage. 'Trowa, this all sounds so unlike him. I know Quatre can get caught up in whatever his latest enthusiasm is, but this sort of behaviour is totally unacceptable. I don't think I could ever bring myself to forgive someone for how he's acted.'_

"_It's over,' Trowa said flatly. 'I don't want to see him again. I don't want to talk to him. We've said whatever needs to be said at this stage.' He shot Wufei a doubtful look. 'I half-thought you'd try to persuade me to go back or at least talk to him. You haven't even got his side of the story.'_

'_I don't need to. No matter what problems you two were having, and I know things have been difficult lately, I can see no possible excuse for how he's acted toward you. It beggars belief, the way he's treated you. I think you made the right decision in leaving, and I, for one, will support you in any way possible.'_

_Trowa gave him a grateful nod and his expression tore at Wufei's heart. Had he really expected they'd throw him out? That they'd automatically take Quatre's side?_

'_I don't think Duo's going to feel that way. He's never going to forgive me when he hears all this, isn't he?'_

'_Duo considers you to be one of his closest friends. You must know that. And he knows Quatre. I'm sure he'll want to hear your side of the story too.'_

_Trowa snorted. 'Aren't you forgetting the Winner/Maxwell Pact of Mutual Adoration?' he asked wryly._

'_I think there have been a few cracks in that lately. He won't talk about it, but I know he's been terribly upset about Quatre not being in contact with him. And he was devastated about last Christmas, when Quatre didn't come. He'd been so excited, you know, having you both here for the holiday, and then Quatre made some last minute excuse. Honestly, if he'd been within arms' length at that point, I'd happily have swung for him.'_

_As Quatre had chosen to be on the other side of the universe, Wufei had settled for a 'phone call on Christmas Eve, in the course of which he'd read Quatre the riot act over his behaviour during the past few months. He had neglected and ignored Duo, his supposed best friend; he had been treating Trowa, the supposed love of his life, like dirt, parading his bevy of 'lady friends' across the stage of the world media; and he hadn't been able to find time to talk to Wufei for almost a year._

_That had been over three months ago, and they hadn't spoken since._

_Being Duo, he'd brushed it off, saying it was only a stupid holiday to celebrate a god that none of them believed in anyway. It was true, to a point, except Christmas had been special nonetheless. That magical day when the war had ended. It had become a tradition for the four of them to spend it together, whatever else was going in their lives. _

'_I'm sorry,' Trowa said bleakly. _

'_It's hardly your fault.'_

'_Isn't it? Maybe I should have been stronger with him. I knew he wasn't keeping in touch with you guys, that he'd become obsessed with all this political clap-trap. Well, you know Quat, he thinks he can solve every damn thing that's wrong with the universe, and he got it into his head that he should be fighting for increased colonial independence. Nothing else matters but that.'_

'_I'm sorry,' Wufei said, uncomfortably aware that he was probably sounding like Quatre. The next few days were going to be hellish; Quat was going to want to talk to Trowa; Duo was probably going to fly off the handle when he heard all of this. 'Tro, do you want me to explain all this to Duo?'_

'_I'll do it. It's my fucking mess, isn't it?' Trowa lay back down on the bed. 'Would you mind if I skipped dinner? I don't think I'd be very good company.'_

'_Of course I don't mind. I can bring you something if you're hungry.'_

'_It's all right. I'd just like to sleep, now. I'm pretty wrecked.'_

'_I can imagine.' Actually, it was too horrific to imagine; to be in that position. If Zechs ever left him… 'I'll see you tomorrow, then.'_

'_Of course.' Wufei hesitated for a moment, then stepped forward and wrapped his friend in a tight hug. 'Don't worry, Tro. I'm so glad you came here. I promise, we'll do everything we can to help you get through this.'_


	65. Charming the Prince

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, or any part thereof. I am making no monetary profit from this story.

Note: Thanks to KS and Maskelle for proofing, and, just as importantly, for laughing in the right places…

_**Charming the Prince:**_

He was late; only twenty minutes admittedly but Chang Wufei regarded punctuality as a cardinal virtue, on a par with justice and honour.

If he were late, there had to be a good reason. Zechs glanced at the clock _- again. _This time, the hands hadn't moved at all. Damn. Wufei had called over an hour ago, to say he was still at Preventers' HQ with Noin, still waiting to talk to Une over a secure line. He doubted that would accomplish anything; if Une were set on arresting Barton, Wufei probably couldn't dissuade her, but he realised his lover had felt he had to do _something._

Something other that twiddling his thumbs by his fiancé's sickbed, anyway.

Damn, Zechs thought again, angling another quick look at the clock. Everything was going wrong. They couldn't even enjoy being engaged; Wufei had refused to do anything more than kiss him since he'd been shot, and seemed to prefer Heero's company to his own. Zechs personally couldn't care less whether or not Winner turned up, dead or alive, but Wufei and Duo, even if they both tried to hide it from him, were worried sick.

'Mil, I'm sorry I'm late!' The door slid open and there he was, quite suddenly. 'Une refused to speak to me at first, and then she made me wait for her while she finished a meeting.'

'No luck with talking her out of arresting Barton then?' Zechs pulled himself up on his pile of pillows and enjoying the view as Wufei slid out his jacket. He was slightly flushed, probably an after-effect from talking to the Preventers' Commander, and several delicious tendrils of hair had escaped from his ponytail, and were caressing his cheek.

'Of course not! Honestly, I have no idea how I managed to work with that woman for so long! She refused to speak to me at all until I mentioned that Relena is taking a personal interest in this case. And speaking of your sister, she and Dorothy met me as I arrived.' Wufei snorted. 'There appears to be something about weddings and engagements that has an adverse effect on female hormones. I used to think Dorothy was a reasonably sensible person, but she was asking the most personal questions about how you proposed. And Relena actually wanted to try on my ring!'

Zechs hid a smile. 'Did you let her?'

'Certainly not!' Wufei said indignantly. 'You placed that ring on my finger and I have no intention of removing it. Ever.'

'I'm very glad to hear that. You do like it then? I wasn't sure.'

'I love it. I love you. And I'm so sorry I made you doubt that.'

'I'm sorry too,' Zechs said softly, gazing into the velvety dark eyes. 'I think - I was not thinking clearly this morning.'

Wufei shook his head. 'Nor was I.' He took a deep breath. 'I am truly sorry, Mil. I behaved badly earlier. I was so concerned about your physical safety that I forgot to think about _you. _I just - I came so closing to losing you in the desert, I couldn't bear the thought of you being in danger again. And it is apparent to everyone except me that I've been neglecting you shamefully.'

'Hush, love. You've done no such thing. I know how important your friends are to you; of course you want to try to help them. And I do quite see why you would want to catch up with Heero.'

'Heero?' Wufei looked surprised. 'What has Heero to do with any of this?'

'Well, you have been spending a great deal of time with him today, and you did tell me how you once felt about him.'

'Idiot,' Wufei said lovingly. 'My truly foolish prince. I promise, Heero is very well aware of my feelings for you, even if I once acted very stupidly towards him.' His expression clouded. 'If Duo ever found out…'

Zechs kissed each slender, elegant finger in turn. 'You're being absurd, you know that. I can guarantee that Heero won't tell Duo anything about it, and neither of us will. It's not as if anyone else knows.'

Wufei was silent, twisting long strands of blond hair around his fingers. 'Quatre knows. I told him years ago, after Duo's accident.'

'Stop that!' Zechs commanded, emphasising the order by biting Wufei's thumb. 'I thought we agreed that you weren't going to wallow in that particular folly any longer. I know I'm probably being unreasonable but I find it very difficult to be jealous over whatever happened between you and Heero. Come on, my love, we need to get past this.'

'You're right. The other reason that I was late getting here was that I called Dr. Al-Hamid.'

'I spoke to her earlier. She's changed the medications and I already feel better.'

'Good. That wasn't why I wanted to talk to her, though. I asked how soon it would be before we could resume…intimate relations with each other.' The last few words came out in a rush, and Zechs could only imagine how hard it must have been for his very reserved partner to ask such questions of a relative stranger, particularly a woman.

'Oh, my darling. I know how difficult that must have been for you. You needn't have done that.'

Wufei gave a stubborn little shake of his head. 'No. I find such things difficult, yes, but that is something I need to overcome. We are engaged to be married, and I am very much in love with you.'

'And I with you.' Zechs grinned. 'You still haven't told me what she said.'

'Oh! She said a - a certain amount of intimacy will probably help your recovery, provided I don't let you over-exert yourself.'

'I see.' One pale brow lifted questioningly. 'Have you a plan to accomplish that?'

'Naturally.' Wufei bent down, pressed a kiss to his lover's mouth and then stood and began to strip.

_How in the world, dear one, am I supposed to stay calm when you're almost naked?_

A shame, really, that he favoured those simple black briefs. He would have looked delicious in silk shorts, dark red perhaps, or a thong, to display that perfect ass. Then that little scrap of dark material fell to the ground and all thought just stopped; one hand drifting unconsciously between his legs.

'Mil, stop it! You're not supposed to be exerting yourself.'

Zechs groaned. A misspent youth devoted to study and meditation had left Wufei with ridiculous amounts of self-control. Not a problem, usually; Zechs knew all manner of little tricks and techniques to nibble away at his darling's discipline. It was going to be…hard, though, if 'Fei was serious about this. Very hard, actually, particularly when his lover batted his hand away and replaced it with his own, and then his mouth.

He would have liked Wufei's hair a little longer, but it was just long enough, if Wufei kept his head in that position, to tease and tickle sensitive areas.

Oh, _God_..

'Yes, my heart?' Wufei virtually purred, lifting his head slightly so that a swatch of silken hair brushed the soft skin of his inner thigh. 'Is this too much for you?'

'Was it Dr. Al Hamid's idea for you to torture me?'

'Hmm?' That dark head tilted to one side, and a sleek wing of hair slid across his erection. 'Oh, no.' He said it sweetly, dropping a kiss to the end of Zechs' cock. 'This was Trowa's idea. And Duo's actually. They both seem to think you need a little reassurance of how much I love you. Tro said I need to show you that you're the centre of my universe and I intend to do just that. So I suggest you just lie back and think of Sanque, my prince.'

_Oh, **God**…_

It was a whisper, and then, minutes later, a scream.

Wufei laughed softly, cuddling against him.

'I am feeling very reassured, at the moment,' Zechs told him, when he could finally frame a coherent sentence.

'Mission accomplished then.' Wufei's voice was drowsy, as he hovered on the edge of sleep. 'I do love you, you know.'

'I do know, yes. I still like to hear you say it, though. Ever since you said it the first time.'

The first time; the first time they'd ever seen their house, that had been. Years ago, now.

_The flight from Miami had landed almost fifteen minutes ahead of schedule, but of course Wufei was already waiting at the barrier, dark eyes scanning the Arrivals gate._

_Zechs was permitted to give him a quick kiss on the cheek, they'd been together for almost a year, but it was still the most Wufei was really comfortable with in public, and even then he looked around quickly to check no one was observing them too closely. Not much chance of that, actually; Zechs knew the pair of them made a striking couple, even if Wufei tended to dismiss his own looks._

_A couple of teenage girls who'd been swooning over them received a dark-eyed glare that made them both clutch each other and giggle, and Wufei stalked toward the exit, bristling like a cat whose dignity had been affronted._

_Zechs winked at them, and followed his lover, enjoying the view._

'_How was your trip?'_

'_Florida was wonderful. Unlike here, it was actually warm,' Zechs shuddered theatrically and accepted the overcoat he was handled with a grateful smile._

_Wufei laughed at him. 'Wait until you see the weather forecast. We may actually be having a late snowfall tomorrow.'_

'_Please tell me you're joking. Isn't it supposed to be May? Tell me again why we didn't all just go to Florida with Duo?'_

_It was something they'd seriously considered, the previous year. Beguiled by pictures of palm trees and sparkling water, Zechs would happily have moved. He would have cheerfully taken up residence in Timbuktu, or at the North Pole, had Wufei expressed a desire to do either. In the end, Wufei had elected to stay. He had been about to embark on an ambitious one year Master's Degree, and no university in Florida offered a similar programme._

'_I like having proper seasons,' Wufei teased. Zechs hated the cold, a legacy of the long Winters in Sanque. For Wufei, Winter was still something of a novelty. 'How was Duo?'_

_Zechs grinned. It was over six months since Duo had flown the nest to move south and, even though they saw him almost every weekend, Wufei still fretted._

'_He's fine. He has an assortment of vegetables in his refrigerator,' Zechs tactfully omitted to mention just how fresh, or otherwise, said vegetables had been - Duo claimed that mould just added extra flavour - 'he is brushing his teeth before bed, and he seems to be acing all his assignments. And he's flying home next Friday for the weekend.'_

'_I know; he called me just after you'd taken off. And he told me about the car.'_

_Ah. The car. Zechs had been hoping to explain that in his own time, but Duo was hopeless at keeping things to himself._

'_Are you utterly furious with me?'_

'_It was ridiculously extravagant. Duo doesn't need a car, and certainly not one like that.'_

'_I know, but life would be a poor thing if we only got what we need.'_

_Wufei sniffed, as they arrived at his car, opening the door and sliding Zech's bags inside._

'_Would you mind if I drove, Fei?' Zechs placed one hand on the driver's door handle. 'I'm feeling a little jet-lagged; I think I need something to keep me awake.'_

_Those finely-marked dark brows rose. 'One can suffer from jet lag from a four hour flight within the same time zone? I hadn't realised that.' However, he handed over the keys and took the passenger seat._

'_You are far, far too extravagant.' _

'_I know.' Sometimes, it was easier just to admit fault and apologise. 'I'm sorry, dearest. I hadn't meant to do it, but we were walking past the garage and Duo just fell in love. You know that look he gets sometimes when he sees something he desperately wants and doesn't say anything. And I've already had this particular argument with him; you both know I have ridiculous amounts of money and he's been gracious enough to accept a small gift from me.'_

_Wufei sighed. 'That's between you and Duo. But it must have been far too expensive. And didn't they have a more sensible colour?'_

_Zechs shrugged; money - or the lack of it - had simply never been an issue in his life._

_Wufei was far from poor; his family had transferred plenty of assets to Earth before L5 had been destroyed, but it didn't really compare to Zechs' resources. As well as inheriting several fortunes from Treize. And Treize certainly wouldn't have objected to him buying a sports car for a beautiful young man. _

'_You spoil us both far too much.'_

'_I spoil Duo,' Zechs corrected. 'And I indulge you as much as you permit. Which is a pitifully small amount.'_

_Wufei sniffed again. 'There is nothing wrong with living a frugal life and spending sensibly.'_

'_Of course not,' Zechs agreed diplomatically and untruthfully; he'd never seen the point of frugality. 'But nor is there anything wrong in the occasional small indulgence.' He paid the attendant and they turned out of the car park. 'It's a while since you let me buy you anything, and it is coming up to our thirteen-month anniversary. I think a gift would be appropriate.'_

_His lover coloured slightly, knowing perfectly well what Zechs was talking about. The anniversary of when they'd first slept together. 'Is that traditionally celebrated on Earth?'_

'_In some cultures, yes.' Zechs winked. 'Besides, I don't see why we can't start our own traditions. Will you let me give you a present?'_

'_If you must.' Wufei managed to sound put-upon. 'But I don't need a new car. Or want one. And certainly not one in that absurd colour.'_

'_No, yellow wouldn't suit your colouring,' Zechs agreed blandly. 'A rich burgundy perhaps? To set off your hair?'_

_He laughed as Wufei's brows snapped together. 'You're far too easy to tease, love. I wouldn't dream of daring to do such a thing.' A shame though; he could all to easily conjure up fantasies of his beloved reclining naked against luxurious, leather upholstery, or pressed against gleaming paintwork. Ah, well. Possibly time to change to subject before Wufei began another lecture against extravagance._

'_Have you heard of Mikhail Olensky, love?' _

_Wufei nodded. 'The industrialist. Of course. Why? Does he want one of your paintings?'_

_Zechs grinned. 'Possibly. Although that might depend on the subject. Duo and I went out for dinner on Saturday night, and Olensky was sitting at the next table. He seemed very taken with Duo._

'_Honestly, Mil! You're matchmaking like some old grandmother.'_

_Zechs grinned. 'Well, it would be rather suitable, wouldn't it? It won't do Duo's ego any harm to have a wealthy older man dance attendance on him for a while.'_

'_Perhaps.' Wufei frowned slightly. 'Right now, I think Duo needs to concentrate on his studies, not his love life.'_

'_He is working extremely hard, you know; it wouldn't hurt him to have some fun. I suppose you spent the last two days locked away with your books, hmm?'_

'_No, actually.' Wufei surprised him by saying. Originally, the plan had for them both to spend the weekend with Duo; then Wufei had discovered a new 12th century text and had decided to stay at home and rewrite an entire essay._

'_Quatre called yesterday afternoon; his meetings in New York finished earlier than he'd expected and he rescheduled his plans to spent a few hours here, before he flew on to Japan.'_

'_I'm glad you got away from studying for a while. What did you do?'_

'_We went for dinner, and then did some shopping. I got you a small present, as a matter of fact.'_

'_Really? What is it?'_

'_A surprise.'_

'_Wufei! That's not fair. You can't mention presents in that cavalier fashion and then refuse to tell me what it is.'_

_His lover laughed. 'How old are you exactly, Mil? Four or twenty-four?'_

'_You know perfectly well how old I am. And you know that I' m insufferably spoilt. At least, give me a little hint.'_

'_All right.' Wufei blushed, very slightly, and took a sudden interest in the scenery flashing past his window. 'Last night, after dinner, Quatre needed to go into a - well, I believe the euphemism is 'adult shop' and I accompanied him.'_

_There were so many revelations in that one sentence that Zechs almost drove them both off the road. He hadn't realised that Quatre, who'd always seemed rather prim and proper, would even know about the existence of such places, much less that he would require anything from them. And he'd even taken Wufei with him!_

'_I think you should watch the road,' Wufei instructed helpfully; his cheekbones were still slightly stained with colour but there was an odd little smirk on his lips. Enjoying every minute of this._

'_And I think you should beware of dropping that sort of comment when I'm driving,' Zechs retorted. 'I hadn't realised you were in the habit of visiting shops like that. Or Quatre, for that matter. I can't imagine his bodyguards were any too pleased.'_

_Wufei looked amused. 'No one can stop Quatre when his mind is made up. Well, no one except Trowa and he wasn't there.'_

'_Duo surely?' Zechs murmured. _

'_Is that a joke? Duo never stops Quatre; he's far more likely to encourage him. Mil, if Quat decided to build a Zero system, for whatever reason, Duo would draw up the blueprints for him.'_

_Zechs shook his head. He'd been dating Wufei for fifteen months, and he was forever finding new nuances between his lover's group of friends. It had taken several of those months even to discover that Wufei and Quatre were particularly close, and that Quatre, not Duo, was probably Wufei's closest confidante. _

_Trowa was still an enigma; the man had such a talent for blending in with his surroundings and company that Zechs occasionally wondered if he'd mastered the art of invisibility. He'd been tempted, at the start, to write the man off as a nonentity, totally overshadowed by his more vivacious friends, but over time he'd realised that they all, even his fiercely independent dragon, listened to 03 when the man did choose to speak._

'_Brat. Are you trying to tell me that Quatre Winner is secretly addicted to porn flicks? Or is he into S/M?'_

_It had been a joke, nothing more. The quick catch of Wufei's breath told him he'd actually hit home. 'Really?'_

'_I'm sorry,' he said quickly, surprised by a sudden little spike of bitterness. After all those months, he was still the outsider of the group, still not included. 'I shouldn't be prying into your friend's life like this. Of course, you don't have to tell me. ' _

'_It isn't that,' Wufei hesitated. 'It's just not something I'm terribly comfortable with. I think - I think Duo understands better than I do. He has - done similar things, himself.'_

_Dear Lord, it was just as well that Treize had never known about Winner's - proclivities, or he'd have been even more obsessed with pilot 04. If that were possible._

'_With Quatre, it's - I don't know. I think it's partly a control thing. I have done a little research, and well, he feels under such pressure to be perfect all the time. Sometimes, he needs - Duo calls it a safety valve.'_

'_It's very much a control thing, actually.' Zechs kept his eyes fixed very firmly on the road ahead. 'One has to trust one's partner absolutely.'_

_Wufei shifted slightly in his seat. 'Have you ever done anything like that?'_

'_I've played bondage games, yes.' It had been something Treize had enjoyed on occasion. 'Would you like to try it?'_

'_Perhaps.' Wufei's tone was carefully non-committal, but his breathing had quickened ever so slightly._

_Zechs' mouth quirked, wondering exactly what this present would turn out to be. They were in for an interesting night at this rate._

'_You realise you've just taken the wrong turn,' Wufei remarked, his sense of direction not entirely obscured by this conversation._

'_No, I didn't. I thought we might take a scenic route home; it's a nice day for a little drive in the countryside.'_

_To his amazement, Wufei merely nodded._

'_Are you quite sure you're feeling all right, dearest? That's twice now you've given in without bothering to argue?' Three times, actually, if one counted the car he'd bought Duo; he'd expected a much angrier response._

'_Maybe I'm trying to freak you out, as Duo calls it.'_

'_Hmm. I have to say that it's working.' Zechs took right turn onto a small side road and stopped before a pair of imposing gates._

'_You never said we were visiting friends.'_

'_We're not visiting. Not exactly.'_

_Zechs leaned out of the window and punched in the security code he'd been given. 'Will you listen to me for a second, dear one?'_

_Wufei nodded, but his mouth tightened ominously. _

'_We've been talking about moving in together for a while now, haven't we?'_

_The dark head nodded again. Zechs had suggested it a few months previously for the first time, half-expecting all sorts of arguments, but Wufei had calmly agreed that it made sense. His apartment had been perfect for Duo and himself, but was far too small now that Zechs spent most of his time there. He'd been careful not to move in officially, not wanting Wufei to feel he was being pressured, but the nights he actually spent at his own home were few and far between._

_They'd discussed the sort of home they wanted, had even spent a Saturday touring some suitable properties but nothing had seemed exactly right._

'_That estate agent sent me an email yesterday; this particular property has just come on the market and she seemed to think it might be what we're looking for.'_

'_Impossible,' Wufei said firmly. 'It's too far from the city; we'd spend our entire lives commuting. Didn't we specify that we wanted to be within reasonable driving distance?'_

'_Certainly. But for some reason she seemed to think we were also looking for privacy and security.'_

'_Hmm.' _

'_I've looked up the driving times, and it's not actually all that far. The extra driving time may be worthwhile, considering _

'_You've seen it?' Some of the missing anger was suddenly in his voice. 'You've already been here without even telling me anything about it?'_

'_No! Of course not; I didn't' know the place existed until l checked my mails on the flight. Ms Reynolds had attached photographs and a virtual tour, and I just thought it looked…promising.' He'd thought it looked more than that, actually. 'If you like, we can turn around now and forget the whole thing. I know I should have told you where you were going, but I was afraid you'd refuse point-blank.' _

'_Well, we're here now. I suppose we may as well take a look.'_

_The house wouldn't suit everyone's taste; a modern building of glass and steel and polished wood. In truth, he had no real idea what Wufei might like in a home; his present apartment had obviously been bought for its proximity to the university, rather than any aesthetic concerns._

'_It's too big for us,' he said flatly._

_Zechs hadn't considered that particular argument; he couldn't see what was wrong with having a few extra rooms. 'Not really. We could convert the attic into a marvellous studio, and it would be good to have a couple of guest-rooms. And we could make a library; wouldn't you like to be able to display all of your books instead of having to keep them in storage.'_

_Wufei said very little as they toured the house; at first, Zechs drew his attention to the magnificent views, the wine cellar which could be turned into a work-out area - the extensive living spaces, and then just shut up, letting his lover make his own mind up. _

'_What's the driving distance to the city centre?' he asked finally._

'_Forty minutes, depending on traffic. That's really something you'll have to deal with; I'll be working from home. But you're not going to university every day now, are you? And you could keep your apartment on as well if you needed to stay in town late.'_

_Wufei nodded. 'What about Duo? He may not like it.'_

'_I know. But he is coming home next Friday. We can take him to see it then, if you like.'_

'_I like it,' Wufei said slowly. 'Do you think the office could - I don't know the correct term - reserve it for us for five days?'_

'_I can ask.' Zechs fished out his 'phone and dialled._

'_Ms. Reynolds? This is Milliardo Peacecraft. Yes, we're here now as a matter of fact. But we are very interested; we do need one final opinion, and I would appreciate it if you could hold the property until Friday. Yes, this Friday, that's the 24th, isn't it?' He was silent for a few minutes. 'Yes, we can arrange that. I assume it's refundable? Perfect. Yes, we'll let you know as soon as we can.'_

'_Well?' Wufei half- turned to face him._

'_It's ours. Assuming Duo likes it.'_

'_I think he will. I know he likes the countryside. I thought this could be our room. If you liked?'_

_Zechs smiled. 'Brilliant minds think alike, dearest. It was the room I liked best in the photographs. It's even got a fireplace.' He touched a fingertip to the chimney breast, remembering the royal nursery in Sanque, falling asleep with the flames burning._

'_I've never slept in a room with a real fire before.' Wufei took his lover's hands and drew him down on the window seat, twining their fingers together. 'We could put our bed against that wall; then we could lie in bed and look out of both windows.'_

'_What in the world makes you think I'm planning to let you lie in our bed and gaze out of windows? You'll be otherwise engaged.'_

_Wufei laughed delightedly. 'A shame there isn't a bed here now. I suppose we'll have to buy a new one. My futon would look rather out of place here.'_

'_We'll buy a four-poster, don't you think? With curtains that we can draw and shut the world out.'_

'_You've been thinking about this,' Wufei stated softly. 'You really like this place, don't you, Mil? It's nothing like I'd imagined you'd choose. I'd imagined you'd want - I don't know - a larger version of your penthouse.'_

'_Not really.' Zechs paused for a moment, turning to look out the window. 'We should have discussed this, shouldn't we? I don't want you to feel pressured into something you don't want to do. If you dislike it, or if you feel it's too far from the city, then of course we won't consider it.'_

_Wufei offered a contemptuous sniff. 'I never do anything under pressure. You know that. And you'll call me a sentimentalist, but I don't care all that much where we live, provided you're there.'_

'_You're a sap, not a sentimentalist,' Zechs teased gently, and then sighed. _

'_When I was a child, we used to go to the mountains every summer, for a month. It was like paradise, after being shut up in the palace for the rest of the year. I was allowed to swim in the lake and fish and run wild in the woods. I suppose there must have been all sorts of security arrangements, but I just remember the freedom. I was allowed to play with the local children and the older ones used to tell wonderful stories about giants and dragons and goblins.'_

'_That must have been nice,' Wufei sounded a little wistful._

'_Didn't you have those stories on L5?'_

'_My grandmother used to tell old Chinese fables, yes. I never paid much attention. I remember telling her once that I wasn't interested in old women's fairy stories. I must have been rather an obnoxious little boy, actually.'_

'_I'm sure you weren't,' Zechs said instantly, and Wufei shook his head._

'_You didn't know me then. I was only interested in epic tales of battles and ancient poetry. No wonder nobody liked me very much. I - I wish things had been different, you know.'_

'_I'm so sorry, my darling.' Useless words, from another man who had lost home and family far too young. 'Your family would have been proud of you,' Zechs said fiercely, meaning it. Wufei had never forsaken his clan's ideals, had never betrayed a cause or a friend. _

'_Perhaps.' Wufei swallowed. 'You've never called me that before.'_

'_Haven't I? I won't, if you dislike it.'_

'_I don't. It just - I never thought anyone would call me that - never mind. This house reminds you of that place in Sanque, yes? Then we'll take it, of course, if it makes you happy. I do love you, you know.'_

_He'd said the words before, but they had been gasped during love-making, or whispered in the darkness._

'_Thank you,' Zechs murmured. ''Fei, will you let me buy this house for us, please? To be our home?'_

_Wufei nodded. 'Of course, I will, love. I have something for you, too.' He produced a small white envelope._

'_Let me guess; it's a voucher for the sex store!'_

"_It's nothing of the sort.'_

'_Ah, I think you gave me the wrong envelope. This isn't addressed to me.'_

'_I know that. Just read it, please.'_

_The letter was addressed to the Dean of Oriental Studies. It was short and to the point, saying that for 'personal reasons' Chang Wufei had asked to defer his one-year Masters Degree extended over two years._

_Zechs shook his head. 'What's all this about? You've been determined to get your degree in one year.'_

'_Well, maybe I shouldn't be,' Wufei glanced up uncertainly. 'I've been thinking seriously about this for the past few weeks, and especially so this weekend. My studies are important, yes, but they're not the most important thing in my life, not when they prevent me spending time with the people I care about. I couldn't go to Moscow with you last week; I missed visiting Duo; I almost told Quatre I couldn't meet him.' He snorted. 'I think that made me realise how stupid I've been; that there was something wrong with my priorities if I'd rather stay in and read a centuries' old manuscript, than be with one of my best friends.'_

'_Are you quite sure you want to do this?'_

'_Very much so.' I discussed it with Quatre last night, and then I mentioned to Duo when he called. And in case you try to talk me out of it, I've already posted the letter.'_

'_I don't want to talk you out of it! I just want to be sure that it's what you want to do.'_

_Wufei snorted softly. 'I never do anything unless I want to. And I want to do this thing, and I want to live in this house. With you. For it to be our home.'_

'_He hates it,' Wufei said softly, the following Friday._

'_I know.' Duo had been - politely enthusiastic at best. They'd seen his reaction when they first pulled up - that quick look of delight - and then it had slowly faded as they walked through the house._

'_Don't worry, love. We'll find something else. Now we have an idea what sort of place we're looking for, it will make the search that much easier._

'_Oy!' Duo hung over the banisters, grinning. 'Get a room, you two!'_

_Wufei reddened but stuck out his tongue anyway. A mistake as it turned out; Zechs grabbed him for another kiss to the accompaniment of a piercing wolf-whistle from above their heads._

'_I'm going up to look at the attic,' Duo called down. 'Let me know when you two have stopped making out.'_

'_I'll go,' Zechs offered. _

_Duo was standing in the far corner of the attic, slightly bent down to see out of the little window._

'_What's wrong?'_

'_Nothing.'_

'_Whatever happened to the whole not-lying thing?'_

'_It's nothing real.' He said defensively, letting Zechs take his hand and lead him out of the alcove. 'Just stupid stuff in my head.'_

'_Tell me anyway,' Zechs offered. 'Is it just that you don't like this house or is there something else? You do know we wouldn't even consider buying something unless you like it too.'_

'_Don't like it,' Duo repeated, making it sound like he didn't quite understand the words. 'Zechs, it's my freaking dream house. It's perfect. We used to talk about having a place like this. Not this fancy or anything, but with woods and a stream, and a view of the ocean.'_

_Ah. _

_We._

_Zechs sighed. This was going to be difficult. 'I told you, the first time we met, that Heero was a fool for letting you go.' _

_He'd meant it, more or less, but back then it had been little more than an easy pick-up line. Your ex is a moron; let me show you what it's like to be with someone who appreciates you. He could possibly have had Duo that night, if he'd persisted a little. Zechs suffered no illusions as to how charming he could be, when he chose, and 02 had been very lonely and very unhappy. In the perfect mood to enjoy a little royal attention, in fact. _

_He hadn't because - well, the look in Duo's eyes had stopped him. Another man who was adrift and suffering in this strange new world. For the first time since the war had ended, Zechs had discovered a tiny sliver of honour within himself; something other than darkness and despair. He hadn't expected, that night, in those few moments before he met Wufei and everything changed, that he and Duo would become friends._

_Apart from Lucrezia Noin, who didn't really count, it was the first close friendship he'd ever had that didn't involve sex on some level._

'_I've never reversed that opinion.' Heero was a damn fool, all right; to have had someone so beautiful and vibrant as Duo and to have let him go._

_Duo flicked his braid; he was never comfortable with compliments. 'Can I ask you something? Do you miss Treize, ever?'_

_Not what he'd expected. Not at all. And he wasn't sure how to answer. He'd spent the first years after the war trying very, very hard not to think about Treize at all. Trying not to think about a world that didn't contain Treize._

'_Sometimes. There are - things that I miss about him.' That absolute certainty that the world and everyone in it would dance to his particular tune. Honour and nobility and shimmering ideals. Those tiny, casual cruelties, like claws pricking through fine silks. Oh, God, Duo. Did you have to ask that particular question? Roses and sighs and those intimate, knowing touches._

'_I think, perhaps, it was not the same as you and Heero,' he faltered. 'Treize was always the older, experienced one of us. It was never truly an equal relationship.'_

'_Heero and I weren't equal either,' Duo muttered. 'He was the perfect one and I was the screw-up.'_

'_Nobody's perfect.' Zechs pulled Duo a little closer, enjoying the feel of him, so very different from Wufei in his arms. _

_Considering all the media reports on his sex life, Duo was remarkably skittish when it came to being physically touched. A good thing, really, that there were no journalists around to see them now. There had already been speculation, in some of the seedier rags, about their living arrangements._

_Duo had thought it was a joke; Wufei had ignored it completely. Relena had been furious. Bad enough that her long lost older brother had abandoned his responsibilities to live with another man and paint; much worse that he might be in some sort of - perverted threesome, as she' d called it. Of course, it probably didn't help that Duo was the third person. _

'_Except for 'Fei, right?' Duo drew back a little, probably just as well. _

'_That goes without saying,' Zechs grasped the subject change eagerly. _

'_This house,' Duo took another step away from him, crossing over to look out the window again. 'Wufei told me about that place in Sanque, when you were a kid. You don't think it'd hurt, having to deal with all the memories?'_

'_I'm not sure,' Zechs admitted honestly. 'In some ways, perhaps. But they are good memories for the most part. Of being happy. I don't want to forget all of that.' He paused, picking his next words. 'It is a shame, I think, not to remember the good times in one's life, even if they didn't last.'_

'_Yeah, maybe.' Duo shrugged. 'I guess, if you can live with all that stuff, then so can I. It is a pretty cool house, right?' _

Years later, Zechs smiled at the old memory, lips curving against Wufei's black hair, where his lover's head was snuggled against his shoulder. The other man was asleep, his gentle breathing drifting across Zechs' skin. They'd both fallen asleep at some point; the sun was already dappling delicate patterns across the polished wooden floors.

A new day.

There was no better way to wake up than this; just the two of them with nothing whatsoever to disturb them. And then Wufei's 'phone rang.

Even sound asleep, he had fast reflexes, reaching for the damn thing before Zechs could get it and answer, shoot it, shoot whatever fool was daring to intrude on this little piece of tranquillity.

'It's Trowa.' Wufei lifted his head, suddenly ashen. 'He's been arrested…'


	66. Chapter 66

Disclaimer; Tragically, I own neither Gundam Wing, _Alice in Wonderland_, nor _Lord of the Rings_. Life is cruelly unfair.

Note: Thanks to everyone who helped on this one. Custard Danishes to Kaeru Shisho, for the red comments on how ever many drafts there were, to Wolfje for the green comments, to Snow for ongoing encouragement, and to ckhushrenada for technical advice.

**Six Impossible Things to Believe Before Breakfast:**

I woke to near-darkness, and silence and that awful feeling of being trapped. I never deal with confinement terribly well; even things like a closed bedroom door, or an embrace that's just a little too tight. I need to know I have an escape route.

There were a few seconds of sheer, overwhelming panic - that I was somehow restrained, paralysed, and then some part of my mind sent up a flare that it was OK, that it was only dark because it was still night, and that the restriction was Heero's body, wrapped around and over me like a blanket.

Heero.

Heero holding me the way he'd used to sometimes, when he wasn't thinking about it. Mostly, he'd treated me like I was fragile as a flower, but every so often, usually in his sleep, he'd just latch on to me. I'd never been entirely sure what had prompted it; whether he was trying to protect me, or stop me running away from him, or just to reassure himself that I was there.

It had usually happened if we'd been apart for a while, or if I'd been in some sort of danger.

I'd known that it had always been a proof of his love; the problem was that it tended to be damn painful.

'Hey, babe.. Think you can loosen up just a little bit, hmmm?' I murmured, not loudly enough to wake him, but something in his subconscious had always responded just to the sound of my voice, and his arms relaxed fractionally, just enough for me to be able to breathe again.

OK, that was better.

Weird, though; the last memory I had was falling asleep outside, with Heero curled around me and the woollen blanket scratchy under my back. We were very definitely in bed, in my room at the cottage.

Had the whole thing been a dream?

Heero shifted a little against me, throwing one arm back against the pillow and letting me move on to my back. Nope, it hadn't been a dream, not with the way my ass was feeling. Oh, he'd been as taken obsessive care not to hurt me, but it was my first time in over a year, and there was a very definite - consciousness - of what he'd done to me.

I couldn't remember walking back to the cottage, so he'd probably goddamn carried me. Baka. It wasn't like I wouldn't have been perfectly capable of walking that short distance, but he'd always had this stupid thing about liking to carry me.

I'd never entirely got where that came from; he tends to play down his strength, if anything, and it didn't really seem to be a protective thing.

I did consider turning on a lamp to check my watch and then decided not to bother. I didn't feel particularly tired, so I'd probably had at least a few hours' sleep. It wasn't really dark, anyway; he'd left the bathroom light on and even thought the door was slightly open; just enough light shone through to make out vague shapes in the room.

I'm not scared of the dark. Truly. I have a …. healthy respect for things that might be lurking in the shadows but this was a different, safe sort of darkness. The sort you can pull around yourself like a warm comforter.

It felt good, lying there wrapped in shadow and listening to Heero's breathing. He normally sleeps like a cat, one ear open, but he was trusting me to guard him. Or maybe he was just utterly exhausted. He'd stayed awake at the Embassy, and I wasn't sure if he'd actually slept on the shuttle from Earth or not. Probably not, under the circumstances.

Idiot. He's always been far too careless about looking after himself. Not even he could go on indefinitely without taking some sort of a break. He'd half-killed himself during our last few months together, taking on more and more missions. For years, I'd always blamed myself for that; that he'd been willing to do anything that gave him the opportunity not to be around me.

No. I wasn't going to go there, not now, when I had Heero all to myself. Not after last night.

Not when we were in bed together, and he was still sleeping, giving me the perfect opportunity to study him properly.

Neither of us was a teenager any more. Not that he wasn't in great shape - he obviously worked out a hell of a lot - but he wasn't pure whipcord and steel the way he had been after J's uber-intensive training, and frequent Preventer fitness checks.

His body is a map of his past, I knew the scars so well I could trace them with my fingers, imagine the different phases of his life. A couple of injuries he'd received as a Preventer; neither of them serious. The old wounds from the War; not even Heero could self-destruct on a semi-regular basis and walk away without a mark.

Then there were the injuries he'd received before I'd ever met him; he'd told me about some of them, but there was a weird knife scar on his abdomen that he'd never talked about, but that I thought had had something to do with Odin's death, and the third finger on his left hand was just a tad crooked, like it hadn't been set properly after a break. I'd always imagined it had been one of his earlier experiments in bone setting, but I'd never asked, never been sure I really wanted to know the answer.

Odin hadn't exactly been gentle with him. According to Heero, he'd considered pain as an irrelevance, useful only to assert the superiority of one's strength of will over weak flesh.

There were the scars I'd given him; those two bullet wounds. More than seven years on, they weren't so obvious any more. I'd genuinely started mapping out his body out of - exploration? Research? Curious investigation? By the time I reached the bullet hole on his leg, my touches were becoming slower, more lingering.

There was still no change in his breathing, though. Damn, he had to be utterly exhausted to sleep through my caressing him. Well, there was one particular part of his anatomy that had perked up and was taking a definite interest in my activities, especially when I slid my mouth over him.

Heat and hardness and that musky scent that is pure Heero.

'Uh…wakey wakey,' I rested my head on his thigh, after, and grinned up at him. I'd known he was awake for a while; I'd heard those little catches in his breathing, and felt one hand stroking my hair gently.

'I think you missed your vocation as an alarm clock, love,' his voice was just a little drowsy still as he brushed his thumb across my mouth, wiping off his cum from my lips.

'I could always retrain.' I opened my lips, drew in his thumb, suckling gently. 'How long've you been awake, 'Ro?'

'A while,' he admitted. 'I thought it was just a dream at first; I was afraid I'd wake up. I - I have dreamt about this so many times.'

'Not a dream, love,' I whispered. 'Just me. Just the two of us.'

'Perfect.' His kiss was tender and just a little tentative, waiting for me to respond before he deepened it. He made it last just long enough to for me to sprawl back against the mattress, and then began to kiss his way down my body.

He took it very slowly, weaving every touch of tongue and lips and fingertips into a luxurious caress, with just the occasional nip or nibble of teeth to add a little spice to all the sweetness.

Then he pulled back, just as I was hovering on the very brink, preparing to fly.

'Make love to me.'

'Sure,' I said amiably and had the pleasure of watching his eyes widen in surprise. It is an enjoyable thing to catch him off balance, sometimes.

He hadn't always been on top when we were together; just most of the time, especially at first. After the War, we'd been able to experiment a little more, having whole days together, rather than a few precious hours counted out between missions.

I'd thought at first that he'd only wanted to trade positions because he'd thought it was only fair, or because he'd read on line somewhere that it was what couples did. At some point, I'd realised that he liked it. Not just the physical aspect, but in some piece of his psyche, probably put there by all his training, there was a tiny part of him that liked giving up control, and letting someone else take charge.

It wasn't something we'd ever discussed all that much, but I'd always known just how controlled and careful he'd been with me, how terrified he was that he'd hurt me somehow. If I was the one in control, he didn't have to worry about any of that, he could just go with his own pleasure.

The balance had shifted at some point when things had started to go wrong between us. During our last couple of months together, we'd communicated through arguments and sex. Nothing else, really, except sometimes after we'd made love, we'd been able to talk.

I'd almost always been able to persuade him into bed with me, or onto the couch or the floor or the swing seat in the garden. He was a seventeen year old with a more-than-healthy sex drive, and I'd taken full advantage of that. Sex had seemed to be the only way that I could make him happy, to try to keep him with me. The only thing that I could give him.

Whatever else had gone wrong between us, we'd still had that one way to find a connection.

'What?' I teased. 'You think I'm going to turn down a lovely offer like that? No way!'

Absolutely not. Mischa had let me go on top a couple of times, but he'd never been all that comfortable with it. There'd always been part of his mind that equated the smaller, younger, long-haired guy as the one who went underneath. Being on the bottom just hadn't fit in with his personal equation. Heero, on the other hand, had never had a problem with it. Quite the opposite in fact,

''Turn over, 'Ro,' I murmured, and he obeyed instantly, letting me shift him on to his stomach, moving and kneeling and spreading his legs when I urged him to. Not that 'submissive' and 'Heero Yuy' are words that remotely go together, but in certain circumstances, he can be quite….receptive to following orders. I'd always found that irresistible, took a moment now just to look at him while I found the tube of lubricant that he'd left on the dresser.

'OK, baby?' I dropped a whisper of a kiss between his shoulder blades and slid one hand downwards, just teasing until he started to push back against my slick fingers.

'_God_, Duo,' he gasped, and then I found that spot and he moaned like I'd somehow managed to reach all the way up to his chest and squeeze his heart.

He's always been noisy during sex, like he's allowed to throw off all his inhibitions, and just totally let go. Something he shares with Wu, actually. During sex, Wufei does everything but sing the Hallelujiah Chorus.

Heero also has a nice repertoire of moans and whimpers and sighs and he has a certain way of catching his breath, when I touch him _just so_, that's always clutched at my heart.

There is, quite simply, no sensation like it in the entire universe. Nothing that remotely comes close. I'd asked Quat what it was like once, way back when I still hadn't quite got my head around the concept of sex as a pleasurable activity. Once he'd stopped blushing, he'd likened it to piloting a Gundam and in some ways he was right.

Love and sex and piloting. Untold power at your fingertips; to create destruction. With the first two, you also had that power to give joy, to find a connection with another human soul.

'Please, Duo. Now.'

'Just give me a sec, Blue,' I turned him in my arms, and bent down to kiss him on the mouth, just a soft sweep of my lips against his, trying to hold on to just a little control. Buried inside his body, with the thud of his life's blood surrounding me, knowing that all I had to do was make the slightest motion to send reverberations through his entire body. That I could make him scream with one flex of my hips.

That's power.

With all the best intentions in the world about staying in control, and being careful, there's always this one point where everything just goes out the window and physical need takes over. I'd probably be sorry later that I'd just slammed into him approaching the end, and he'd regret the bruises his fingers would leave on my skin, but for those few blessed seconds - eternities - lifetimes, there was nothing but two bodies reaching together for the sky.

He'd always liked to make me come first, so he could watch me, then let my climax spark his. I preferred us to come together; to reach that place at the same moment. It's not the easiest thing in the universe to do, but I slid one hand between our bodies, letting my fingers stroke him in synch with my thrusts, squeezing hard when I knew I couldn't last any longer.

I tried to move off him afterwards, and he tightened his arms around me, keeping me in place. I think we both dozed off for a little bit; when I woke, the room was a little brighter, and I had a cramp in my left calf.

'Good morning,' Heero murmured, tucking me against his side. His smile was beautiful; sated and drowsy and full of pure joy. 'Again.'

''Morning.' Hardly the most, brilliant, original response, but coherent thought was something I was still groping after. Maybe so many Heero-induced orgasms in the last day or so had melted my brain cells. Then again, who needed words? He was running gentle fingers through my hair, carefully working out the night's tangles.

'We should take a shower,' he offered eventually. One very definite benefit of being the one on top; a lot less cleaning up is needed afterwards.

'Mmm, a bath might be nice.' Of course, what would be much, much nicer would be just to roll over and go back to sleep. 'We could use the tub in Quatre's bathroom. Just give me a minute and I'll go and get it ready.'

'I'll do it,' he offered generously, sliding out of bed. I felt a little bit mean letting him; surely I should have been the one to offer, but it felt damn good to be spoiled. It took him long enough that I'd started to doze off again, and he actually had me in his arms before I was fully awake.

'Again with the carrying? Shouldn't you be the one who can't even walk right now?'

'Honours even, I should think,' he grinned down at me, and then gasped as I arched my neck to bite at his ear.

'One day, I'm going to drop you when you do that.'

'I trust you,' I pressed my head into his shoulder, and then gave his collar bone a little nip, just to test his reflexes.

He'd never been all that keen on candles - way too much of a potential fire hazard - but he'd turned the bathroom lights to their lowest possible setting, and even switched on some soft music. The soppy classical stuff that Quat likes, but it sort of fit the romantic mood he was obviously after.

He lowered me gently into the water with a gentle kiss. 'I'll be back in a moment. There's something I need to get downstairs. Will you be all right by yourself?'

I nodded, just a bit bemused by the question. What did he think; that I'd disappear down the plughole or something if he left me alone? It actually took a couple of seconds for my brain to click into coherent thought, and realise what he'd meant.

I'd been scared of water when we were together. Enthralled and scared, in pretty equal measure. He'd given me my first bath ever, after he'd rescued me from an OZ base during the War. I'd been so shaken up, so amazed that he'd come to save me, that I'd never even thought about my … phobia. He hadn't known then, in any case. Quat had picked up on it at some point; figured out that my refusing the nice, hot baths he kept offering was due to something other than lousy personal hygiene, but Heero was the only person I'd ever actually told. The only person I'd ever told a lot of things.

Shit. That was why he'd been so panicky after I'd slipped into the pond at the hospital, why he'd been so gentle with me. I'd thought he'd just been overreacting. It was something I hadn't thought about in years.

'Heero,' I said gently, 'it's OK. I've actually got over the hydrophobia thing.'

He hesitated, one hand still on the door latch, and then came back and gazed down at me. In the time we'd been together, I'd managed to get pretty good at interpreting his expressions. This one was difficult, though. Regret, wonder, a weird sort of sadness that I totally didn't get, and a gleam of pride shining through it all. 'How?'

'After my accident, my physiotherapist thought that hydrotherapy would be good for me. When I'd half-drowned a couple of swimming instructors, Wufei started teaching me. I think I was more scared of him than the water; he's a damn strict teacher. I've even learned how to scuba dive.'

There were a few more unreadable facial expressions, and then he was suddenly kissing the hell out of me, before almost running out of the room. He was back in double quick time, carrying a tray loaded with orange juice and pastries, which he carefully placed on the side of the tub.

'Wow. How did you know I was starving?'

He grinned, stepping in himself to the deliciously scented, steaming water. A little bit too steaming, apparently; I noticed him wincing as he lowered himself down.

'OK, babe?' The tub was just big enough that I had to slide all the way to my chin in before I could entwine my legs with his. 'Not too sore?'

He gave me a little snort, and a sated, sleepy little smile. 'I think I may possibly survive. How did I know you'd be starving? Just a wild guess,' he hazarded, the grin broadening. 'Or possibly historical precedent. You always used to be hungry after sex.'

'Ha ha,' I reached out for one of the goodies, selecting a swirl of custard embedded in puff pastry, topped with glazed apricots. 'Wow. You actually warmed these up. Yum. This is utter heaven.'

'Well, I needed to defrost them.' He looked a little bit discomfited by the praise. 'I thought I might as well warm them up while I was at it.'

'Thank you. You really are on a mission to spoil me, aren't you?' I demolished an almond croissant in one bite, and tried to decide between a miniature glazed doughnut, and a fruit tartlet. Maybe I should just have both?

'I like being the one who's allowed to indulge you,' he said softly, and then laughed as I bit into the doughnut, and jam and custard squirted everywhere.

'You're such a sloppy eater,' he chided gently, leaning forward to lick my lips. 'I'm going to spend the rest of my life cleaning up after you, aren't I? ' He deepened the kiss, making damn sure that there was no vestige of pastry or filling anywhere near my lips, mouth or stomach.

'Mmm. I liked that. We could do that again, if you wanted.'

'I could kiss you all morning,' he promised. 'If you don't have anything else planned.'

'Um, I was sort of thinking that we could just turn off our 'phones and go back to bed for a bit?' Or even a lot?

'Seriously?' The hand that had been trailing a leisurely, soapy caress down my right foot paused. 'We still need to check downstairs, don't we?'

'What's the point? I'm starting to doubt if Quatre was ever here. I think Tro's sent us on a wild goose chase.'

'Why on earth would he do that? And Rashid had to have been involved as well?'

'Not necessarily. Tro set up this whole system; if anyone knows how to play around with it, he does. As for why, I'm sure he has his reasons,' I said vaguely. I had a pretty good reason what the main one was, actually. Mr. Barton was expecting himself to be in all sorts of trouble and he hadn't wanted to get me involved. He'd always been a sneaky sort. 'If he'd really thought there was any sort of valuable clue here, he'd have come himself.'

I shrugged. 'Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe there is something. But Rashid and the others can search this place just as well as we can. Better probably. I haven't been here for months; I've no idea what to look for.'

'You let me give Rashid that laptop.'

'Yeah, well, might do him good to have his horizons broadened a little bit. And serve Quat right if his precious privacy is disturbed, after all the shit he's been pulling on Trowa lately.'

'You know, I think that's the first time I've ever heard you say anything remotely negative about Quatre.'

'Well, you used to be a fully paid-up member of the QRW Appreciation Society yourself.'

'Hn. I haven't spoken to him for years, not until I visited him in that clinic.' He wrung out his soapy washcloth, and started on my other foot. 'I miss him.'

'Yeah. Me too. I just want him to be here so I can kick his ass for the way he's behaved.'

'You've changed your tune a little. What happened?'

'I don't know.' Honestly, I wasn't quite sure how or when I'd stopped seeing Trowa as the bad guy who'd hurt my best friend, and started sympathising with him. Maybe it had been seeing him the past couple of days; I knew just what it was like to lose someone who meant that much. I knew what he had to be going through. 'I'm just - pissed off with him. I know he could be in danger or - or worse, but I swear to God, I want to deck him the next time I see him.'

'We'll find him,' Heero promised. 'I like your plan for the day a lot, you know. We could even stay here tonight.'

I opened my mouth to say that wouldn't be possible, and then couldn't come up with any practical reason. None that compared with the opportunity to spend a whole day and night with him. If Une had taken over the investigation, there wasn't an ice cube's chance in hell that I'd be kept in the loop. The kids were safe; Wu and Zechs would probably appreciate some time alone. 'Why not? I'll call Wufei later and let him know. Mm.' I squirmed as his fingers found a ticklish spot between my toes. 'Did he tell you they're planning to get married next month?'

He shook his head. 'I didn't think it would be so soon. Doesn't it take longer to plan something like that?'

'They both have this thing about the 20th of May being a special date for them. They've still got over six weeks and it's not like they want anything elaborate. Wu just wants a simple ceremony at home, and Zechs would like to do it on a tropical beach at sunrise.'

Heero laughed. 'Doing it on a beach sounds … interesting, doesn't it? Maybe we could try that ourselves some day.'

'Pervert. Anyway, they'll sort something out eventually.'

'You mean they'll spend their engagement period arguing over it?'

I grinned. 'Not exactly. You really have no idea what those two are like together. They're going to spend the next week or so insisting that they really want to please the other one, and that their personal wishes just don't count. At some point, one them will give in gracefully and just accept defeat.'

Heero shook his head at the intricacies of other people's relationships. 'Wufei seems very happy.'

'Oh, he is,' I assured him, and then grinned. 'I'm very happy too, as a matter of fact. Quite blissfully happy right now.'

'I'm very glad to hear it.' He blew me a kiss, and then wrapped his fingers around my ankle and tugged. When I finally resurfaced at his side, my hastily braided hair, which I'd carefully draped over the side to keep it dry, was whipping through the water like a snake.

'Asshole,' I did my best to glare at him, through the water dripping down my face. 'I was trying not to get my hair wet.'

He grinned at me, totally unrepentant. 'I'll wash it for you, my love. All of a sudden, you just seemed terribly far away from me.'

'All of six inches away,' I muttered, although it was hard to maintain a front of bad humour, not when he pulled me between his legs and his hands started a slow, sensuous glide over my skin.

'Much too far,' he amended, with a little smirk. 'And much as I enjoyed giving you a foot-rub, I thought the rest of you deserved a little attention too.'

'Good point.' Well, seriously, what's the point in arguing with a gorgeous guy when he's being…very attentive? Especially in the most unbelievably romantic setting? Quat had hired and fired a dozen of the world's top interior designers to plan his and Trowa's bedroom and bathroom, and in the end, he'd sketched out the plans himself.

He and Tro had both always been into watching sunrises and sunsets. The bathroom's huge picture window was actually made from holographic glass, set to display the sky on Earth, somewhere over Arabia. Outside, the sky was gradually changing from indigo-dark to a warm mulberry, streaked with kingfisher blues, and the shadowed desert sands were lightening to pale golds and creams.

'Still seems impossible, doesn't it?' I murmured, leaning back against Heero. 'The two of us here, like this?'

He kissed the top of my head. 'Well, it's before breakfast. Aren't we supposed to believe six impossible things?'

That got me laughing. 'Only six? I can think of about sixty, straight off. And one of them is that you actually read the book.'

'Well, I skipped over some of it,' he admitted. 'It just didn't make any _sense. _I did like the _Lord of the Rings_, though.'

'And _that _made sense?' I asked quizzically. 'Mythical creatures, rings of power, an evil overlord with magical powers?'

'It made sense in the context, yes. Middle Earth was a well-drawn out, alternate universe with its own rules, even if some passages were far too verbose. The _Alice _book was just - whimsical nonsense.'

'That's sort of the point, 'Ro. I'd never imagined you'd be into fantasy books. Or any sort of fiction for that matter. Definitely an impossible thing.'

'Not exactly. When the impossible has been eliminated,' he told me smugly, 'whatever remains, however improbable, must be true.'

I laughed out loud at that one. 'Now you're quoting Sherlock Holmes to me? I'm starting to think we've fallen down our own rabbit hole.'

'I liked Holmes. Very logical.'

'Like you, right? He was damn bossy as well. I always felt sorry for poor Dr. Watson.'

'Hn. If I remember correctly, Watson didn't do so badly. He was the one who ended up with a home and family, after all.'

'I guess; I'd never really thought of that. D'you think we could maybe do that? End up with a home together?'

'Of course we will,' he laced his fingers through mine and squeezed firmly. 'Our own home near the ocean. With a bathroom exactly like this one, if you'd like.'

'Well, it doesn't have to be _exactly_ like this.' I grinned suddenly. 'I'm not quite as mad on duck-egg blue as Quatre is, and I'm not quite so obsessive about how the silk scalloped edges on the towels have to match the colour of the tiles. I'd like a tub like this one, though.'

'Absolutely.' He ran one soapy finger down my spine, just far enough down to make me squirm. 'That would be fun, decorating a house together.'

'Would it? We'd probably fight over everything, you know. Colours, fabrics, the works.'

'I'm sure we could find ways to make up.' He began to kiss a line from my earlobe to my collarbone. Very slowly, with a few nips and nibbles on the way. Cue more squirming on my part.

'I want satellite TV,' I informed him. 'That's non-negotiable; I don't want to spend the rest of my life watching current affairs.'

'Fine. But I'm planning to keep you far too busy to have time for television. Speaking of colours, I love the fact that you don't wear black all the time now. We could maybe go shopping again sometime? If you'd like that? Shopping, dinner and a movie, some evening?'

'Another date?' I asked delightedly. 'I'd love that. And I'm going to have to go shopping pretty soon, actually. Before I run out of things to wear. I do have some things here, but they're mostly pretty casual.'

'What you wore last night wasn't casual. It was very sexy.'

'That was a traditional desert wedding costume, I'll have you know.'

'Really?' he teased. 'When did you get married?'

'Oh, yeah, I knew there was something I'd forgotten to tell you,' I grinned at his little gasp. 'It was Sarab's wedding, actually. You remember him; one of the youngest Maguancs? Quat got us all those authentic outfits. I've never worn it since; I just thought it might be kind of appropriate for last night. Since you said you were going to romance the hell out of me.'

'And did I?'

'Totally,' I lolled back against his chest, letting his run both hands through my hair, utterly blissed out. 'Another impossible thing…um, I can't believe you actually have a dog.'

I'd suggested us having a pet sometime after the War, and he'd shot the idea down in fiery flames. A couple of days later, he'd told me about the little girl and her puppy for the first time. I'd known there'd been a problem on his first mission for J; something that had gone wrong and necessitated retraining for him, but he'd never told me the specifics until then.

The military base had been too close to civilian housing; something J had to have known when he'd given Heero that particular operation and mission specs. I'd always wondered if it had been intentional; a little experiment to see how his perfect soldier would deal with something like that; a little test.

If so, he'd failed. He'd told me about the little girl who'd spoken to him, the flower she'd given him; then finding the little dog's broken body in the rubble, and realising what he'd done. There hadn't even been that much I could say to comfort him. I'd just held him for the whole of one night and the next day he hadn't wanted to discuss any of it. Always so determined to be the strong one. He'd produced a volley of other reasons why it was impractical for us to have a pet, and I'd eventually decided that he just wasn't all that keen on animals.

'You don't mind Honey, do you?' he asked a little hesitantly. 'I know you were a little - uncertain around her at first, but it seemed that you were getting to like her. She adores you.'

'Uncertain is a nice way of saying I was bloody scared to death,' I muttered.

'Duo, you should have told me you were scared of her.' He sounded absolutely horrified. 'If I'd known, I'd never have had her in the house while you were there.'

'Oh, stop it,' I twisted around in his arms and kissed the little furrow between his brows. 'It was her house; why should she have to move? Besides, it wasn't just that. I thought you didn't want me in your home, and then you had this big, fierce-looking dog. I thought she'd probably gulp me down if you glared at me too often.'

'I did want you there,' he told me fiercely. 'More than I've ever wanted anything in my life. But you seemed so uncomfortable around me, I thought the best thing was just to leave you alone.'

'We really need to work on the communication thing, don't we? Anyway, don't worry about Honey and me. She's a great dog. I, ah, I don't suppose you know if she's good with kids, at all?'

Oops.

I hadn't quite meant to say that. Not so soon. It wasn't as if I was actually planning to take on Nat and his sisters, except someone would have to take responsibility for them and there wasn't really anybody else.

I wasn't sure it this was the best time to get into all that, though. Not on this magical little interlude when we were trying to escape from real life.

'She adores children,' he said airily. 'They're a valuable part of her diet, in fact. Good sources of protein.'

'Asshole.' I gave him a good poke in the ribs.

'Ouch.'

'Sheesh, when did you turn into such a wimp?'

'When you started beating me up, probably. Of course, you could kiss it better for me.'

'Baby,' I teased, but I took a deep breath anyway and dipped my head underwater, making him squirm deliciously when I ran my mouth over that ticklish spot above his hip. An excellent way to distract him from a conversation that was starting to get a wee bit too serious for my liking.

Or not.

'You've been thinking about Nat and the girls, haven't you?' OK, at least he didn't dive right in with the whole 'are you planning to take them into our home and our lives?' bit. Whew. 'Marlie said she was going to try to trace their family. There might still be relations on Earth. Nat said his father had two younger sisters.'

I shrugged. 'If so, they've never made any attempt to contact them. I think they pretty much washed their hands of the family once the mother remarried and moved to space. And they might take the girls but most nice suburban families aren't going to want a teenage boy who's been on the streets for months, doing all kinds of stuff. I think that they should stay together, after all they've been through. Sorry; I didn't mean to ruin the mood or anything. I just worry about them sometimes.' I sighed; this probably wasn't the best time to get into all this, but we had to talk about at some point.

'You should probably know that if you're serious about having me back in your life, you might have to factor three kids into the equation.'

'I've known that since we met them,' he said simply. 'And I still want to have you.'

'I think you already did. Have me, I mean,' I muttered, not entirely sure where my emotions were going. I'd known along that the kids would be my responsibility; to acknowledge it aloud and have Heero agree with me was …just plain scary.

'Mutual having, I believe.' His kiss held just that little bit more dominance than he usually allows himself. 'Mmm, I like you like this, all wet and slippery and … pliant,' he murmured, bending his head to bite that oh-so-sensitive place at the back of my neck.

'You're insatiable, aren't you?' I mock-grumbled, letting him turn me in his arms.

'Only for you,' he informed me smugly. 'And I remember you making certain derogatory comments about my stamina not so long ago.'

'I think I retracted those complaints sometime last night.'

'I take it that I am giving satisfaction then, Mr. Maxwell?' Damn, it's hard for a hot, naked guy to look demure. Somehow, he managed it, pursing his lips and looking like he was at a job interview.

'Honestly? If you were any more perfect, I'd have to donate you to medical science.'

'You could just keep me as your personal test subject, and conduct your own…primary research,' he suggested.

'I guess I could…couldn't I? Of course, you do realise that we'd have to research the matter very thoroughly, exhaustively even.'

'I'm prepared for that, yes,' he intoned gravely. 'I'm prepared to start now, if you like. Purely in the interests of scientific research, naturally.'

'Oh, naturally….'

Sex in a bathtub is one of those things that sounds great, but isn't all that easy to carry out. Especially as we were both pretty out of practice. It was fun at first, two slippery bodies writhing against each other, and wallowing in the warm water, until desire suddenly became imperative need.

'Oh, God, 'Ro,' I was only able to gasp his name. 'I don't think I can last much longer. I want…'

'I know,' he somehow managed to kiss me while rummaging among Quatre's toiletries for a small bottle of skin oil. 'I know. Duo, are you sure? You said last night that you haven't…been with anyone for a while. Maybe we shouldn't…'

'Oh, yes we should,' I managed to twine myself around him while he was still hesitating. 'Listen, Blue, I want this. I want you.' I slid one hand down between our bodies, feeling just how much he wanted it too. Wanted me. 'Besides,' I gave him a sly little grin and tweaked my fingers in a particularly sensitive area, 'Who said I was going to be the one on the bottom?'

This set off another bout of grappling and groping; worse this time as a lot of the oil ended up in the water. All my teasing aside, it was a toss up over who was going to toss and who to catch until he suddenly slid underneath me, and pulled me between his legs. The bottle of oil had suddenly materialised in my hand and it was all too obvious what he actually wanted, especially once I'd slicked fingers and slid them between his legs.

'Revenge is awfully sweet, you know,' I murmured as he groaned, thrusting against me. 'I thought you liked a lot of foreplay, Blue.'

He arched up so my fingers brushed against that one particular spot and then more teasing seemed like a very bad idea.

We ended up with Heero wedged into a corner, both feet wedged against the sides of the tub to keep him from sliding under. His other arm was firmly around my waist, and I had my hands clamped to his shoulders to try to gain some support as I lowered myself down into him.

He actually managed to stay like that for longer than I'd have thought possible, given I wasn't being a whole lot of help. He lost his balance at a particularly crucial moment, when our bodies were otherwise occupied and slid under the water. Even then, he somehow managed to keep his arms around me, stopping me going under as well.

'I think I'm going to have a permanent bump on the side of my head,' he groused when I'd hauled him up and into my arms. 'If you're not slamming me into headboards, it's bathtubs.'

'Poor you want me to kiss it better?'

'Mm. We're buying a bathmat before we do this again, OK? You never told me that your latest kink was trying to drown your partners?'

'What, I'm supposed to tell you every little thing?' I teased, rubbing the back of his head gently. Marvelling at how the wet hair was already springing into its usual unruly spikes. 'Must've slipped my mind. Besides, you were the one who slipped.'

'Funny, Maxwell,' He leaned his head, cat-like, into my caressing fingers. 'You're the one who was behaving like a whirling dervish.'

'Next time, I'll just lie there, shall I?' I kissed the top of his head, and he curled into my arms. Heero Yuy, champion snuggler of the universe.

The way I'd grown up, physical contact had been had been not just normal, but a necessity. Nights on L2 get damn cold and I'd spent most of my childhood sleeping with a gang of other kids; the only way to ward off freezing to death. Afterwards, I'd had nearly a year of Sister Helen's soft touches and warm hugs.

He'd never had anything like that.

Odin had rarely touched him, except when it was necessary to demonstrate a new training technique. J had treated him as a curious lab specimen, rather than a human being.

In the beginning, I was always the one who cuddled up to him. It had taken months for him to reverse that, and it had felt unbelievably good, being the one to hold him for a change. Knowing that he'd never granted anyone that measure of trust in his whole life. A hell of a responsibility, when the strongest person you've ever met allows himself to be vulnerable for the first time with you, trusting you to look after him.

It still rocked my whole universe, having him curled up on my chest like a little kid.

I wondered if he'd ever let himself have this with anyone since we'd broken up, and doubted it. Not that he'd been celibate or anything. Trowa and Sally had made the occasional comment about people he'd been dating, and I'd seen the odd news story.

I didn't think any of his partners had lasted long; not long enough to build up that sort of trust.

He'd told me once, that he felt safe with me. He's not the only one with the over-developed protective instinct.

'I do love you, you know.'

He didn't answer, not verbally; just kissed my chest, and tried to press even closer.

'Hey, it's all right. Really. I've got you. I've got you, Blue,' I repeated, tightening my arms around him. 'I'm never going to let you go again. Not ever, Heero. I promise, and you know I don't lie, right?'

I'd seen him cry before; for the little girl and her puppy; for a Preventers mission that had gone wrong and killed a couple of civilians; for stuff I'd told him. He never cries for himself, at least, not where anyone can see him.

This was - the closest he'd ever come; clutching me desperately in our tub of cooling water.

'S-sorry, love,' he managed finally, his voice trembling just on the right side of shaky.

'It's OK,' I soothed. 'I've got you, love. I love you. Always. _Always_. I'll look after you.'


	67. Reality Check

-1**Reality Check:**

And then the doorbell rang.

'I do not believe this! We're in the middle of the freaking desert and we still can't have a minute's peace. Who the hell is that?'

'Probably Rashid, checking up on how we're doing.'

'Then he can shag off,' I muttered, snuggling back down. 'If we don't answer, maybe he'll think we've gone out and he'll call back later.'

'Or just let himself in?' Heero grinned wickedly.

'Good point. Urk. He'd probably shoot us both for defiling the purity of Master Quatre's bathtub.' Although…it probably wasn't all that pure to begin with. Quat had always had a thing about bubble baths. Shared bubble baths.

'I'll go down, love.' He kissed me. 'Remember what I said about mixing business with pleasure? Just give me a minute to take care of the business part.'

''Kay,' I muttered. 'But get your ass back up here for the pleasure part pronto.'

'You won't even have time to notice I'm gone,' he assured me, pulling on his jeans.

'Heero?' I called. 'Coffee might be nice, while you're downstairs anyway.'

'Yes sir,' he threw me a crisp salute. 'What did your last slave die of? Exhaustion?'

'Yep,' I smiled up at him. 'He was really happy, though.'

The bath wasn't quite so much fun after Heero left. All that space and no one to share it with left a void, just begging to be filled by everything in my life that had been put on hold. All those issues and problems just dangling in the breeze and waiting to be taken care of.

Kids. Orchids. Trowa. Quatre. Work. Mischa.

The flowers were probably the easiest; I couldn't really expect Sally to drive out to our place a couple of times a week to look after my pet hobby, but there was a nursery near us that offered a plant-sitting service. I'd used them a few times before when we were all away, so that would be a simple enough matter to sort out.

Trowa. To be honest, there wasn't a huge amount I could do for him at the moment. I'd probably yell at him for taking off without me, the next time we met, but I could sort of see why he'd done it. Idiot. Like I needed another over-protective friend. Between him, Wufei and Heero, I'd soon end up not being able to go to the bathroom without someone to check for possible hazards first.

The same pretty much went for Quatre.

The kids were just a bit trickier. I'd had all these visions of finding long-lost grandparents or something, but real life is never that easy. Even if there were relations somewhere out there, they might well refuse to take the responsibility for three children, who hadn't had particularly easy lives. Same went for adopting and fostering - people want babies or cute toddlers. Not older kids who've been living a somewhat unsavoury life.

OK. I tucked that particular problem away for the time being. The kids were happy and safe and that would have to do for now.

Work; well, my boss knew that my life was - complicated right now, but I'd still promised to look at some design specs for a new client. I'd have to find time for that. Maybe I could just clone myself?

Mischa. Hmmm. I was going to have to call him. I knew he had vague hopes that we'd get back together at some point; we were still friendly and he knew I hadn't been with anyone serious since we'd broken up.

OK. Not exactly the case any more. Mischa went on to my mental 'Duo to do' list.

I'd have to get in touch with Lucca as well to check he didn't mind being lumbered with a dog for a little longer. Heero seemed to take him for granted, but a good-looking, sociable guy like Lucca had to have a pretty hectic social life, and dog-sitting was presumably playing havoc with all of that.

After twenty minutes, I was starting to wonder if everything was OK downstairs. Maybe Rashid had read some lurid account of Quatre's sex life and had started to hyperventilate? Maybe Heero had had to give him the kiss of life or something? Ick. _Not _something I wanted to think about.

Especially not naked in a tub meant for two. That thought gave me just enough incentive to get out and dried off. We could always refill it later, and climb back in, maybe with a nice bottle of wine and some snacks. Properly equipped, we could spend most of the day lazing around upstairs.

Until then, I'd have to laze around by myself. I really didn't feel like going downstairs to be disapproved of by Rashid.

I rummaged through my closet and mentally reshuffled a shopping expedition to the top of my list. At this rate, I was going to have to compile a 'TO DO' spreadsheet, neatly cross-referenced by priority and preference, and in alphabetical order. Heero would just love that; he's always been addicted to making long lists and ticking off each item as he accomplishes it. I think it gives him sort of sense of achievement.

Most of the things I'd left in my closet were fine for hanging out in the desert, but not exactly suitable for staying in an embassy. Particularly if I ever wanted to bluff my way into Preventer HQ again. Even with their apparently lax security standards, they probably wouldn't admit a guy in torn jeans and a t-shirt with a somewhat off-colour slogan.

Heero's idea of shopping, followed by dinner, sounded pretty amazing. We'd never really done that sort of thing when we'd been together. We'd had rows and sex and heart to heart conversations, but we'd never really done the simple domestic stuff. Going to the supermarket and quibbling over which brand of cereal or washing detergent to buy, or squabbling over whose turn it was to take out the trash or empty the dishwasher.

We'd never gone to a movie together. Heero couldn't see the point of watching a film in a theatre full of noisy, possibly hostile, strangers, when he could just as easily download it on to his laptop to watch at home. Still, maybe someone had corrupted him to the joys of giant screens and popcorn.

A shopping trip together would be fun. We could probably pick up some new things for the kids too. Not that I really had any idea what sort of things they'd like.

That got me thinking about college funds and having to replace my beautiful car with a sensible family sedan.

Scary stuff like that.

Shit, no way was I ready for responsible parenthood. I'd never even had a pet. Half the time, I wasn't sure if I could even look after myself.

And Heero was obviously talented when it came to dog-training, but that wouldn't necessarily convert to being a good father. Although the girls obviously adored him, and Nat thought he was cool. That was a good start, wasn't it?

'Duo?' Heero's call interrupted my mental meanderings. Probably good timing. 'Can you come down, please?'

Oh, yay. It obviously wasn't enough for Rashid to interrupt my lovely, lazy morning; he had to summon me into his exalted presence for some reason. Shit; he'd probably read all kinds of racy stuff Quat had written in Arabic and was blaming me for it. Except the guy sitting at the kitchen table, and looking supremely uncomfortable, wasn't Rashid.

Sarab was one of the younger Maguanacs; one the few who'd been happy to accept Quatre's relationship with Trowa. As a result, he'd worked as Trowa's second-in-command, often filling in as Quat's bodyguard to relieve Tro, and I'd got to know him pretty well.

I'd sometimes wondered if he was actually gay himself, although he'd got married a couple of years previously, and he seemed happy enough.

'Hey, Sarab! How's Samira? I hear you guys are going to be parents soon?'

He nodded, not looking too happy about it. Uh oh. Looked like Samira was having the same sort of pregnancy as Hilde.

Urk. One more thing for the spreadsheet that was rapidly turning into its own database. Call Hilde.

'So…' I glanced from Sarab to Heero, wondering what this was all about. Heero had on his 'I don't do expressions' expression, and Sarab was looking hunted. 'It's good to see you again, Sarab. Is there something we can help you with?'

'It's about Master Quatre. I'm sorry, but I only realised this morning that you were here. I've been away on one of the outlying satellites for a couple of days, and Rashid just told me what was going on.' He looked down at the table top. 'He says you've discovered that someone was here, before Master Quatre disappeared.'

'Yeah, though it looks like it was some sort of a ghost.'

He shook his head. 'No. It was me.'

Heero put one hand on my arm, a little signal to let him keep talking.

Sarab nodded. 'Master Quatre called me, just over a week ago, and asked me to collect a package for him. He gave me the security codes to get in, and told me how I could change the system so it looked like no one was ever here. My sister works at the estate house, so people are used to me visiting; no one paid any attention when I just turned up and said I'd come to see Kara.'

Perfect cover. Trust Quatre to think of everything.

'Master Quatre made me swear on my honour that I would never tell anyone,' he said miserably. Probably expected Allah to smite him for breaking his oath, the poor guy.

'So why are you telling us this?' Heero demanded, and I glared at him. Since he and Quatre had had their big fight, Heero hadn't exactly been flavour of the month with the Maguanacs. Granted, he and Rashid had seemed friendly enough yesterday, but Sarab was obviously taking the view that Master Quatre's enemies were his enemies.

'He's only trying to help,' I put in, smiling at poor Sarab, who gave me a wobbly, watered-down version in return. I had to feel sorry for the guy; he'd probably been sitting there being blasted by death glares while he insisted he had to talk to me, and Heero insisted on knowing what it was all about. 'Heero, d'you think you could maybe make some coffee or something? I'd love a drink.'

That was subtle, wasn't it? Even if it meant Heero only moved a few steps away to the stove, at least the distance had to dilute the homicidal power of the Yuy death glare. I didn't know what was up with that anyway. Sarab was one of the good guys, or maybe Heero was just antsy that our nice bath had been interrupted. I could sort of identify with that.

'I didn't know what to do,' Sarab whispered when Heero moved over to the sink and started to fill the kettle. 'I have been praying and meditating for divine guidance and when I heard you were here, Master Duo, I saw it as a sign. You are Master Quatre's closest friend. You will know what to do.'

OK, that was the first time anyone had ever referred to me as a sign of divine guidance. Let alone one who would know what to do.

'Where is this package? Do you know?' It _had_ to be some sort of definite clue. A mysterious item that he'd been sent to collect in secret.

'I gave it to Master Quatre, naturally. I have no idea what he did with it.' He sighed. 'I think he meant to destroy it.'

Great. Another dead end.

'Why would you think that?' Heero demanded, sharp as a whip, turning to face us with a tea canister in one hand. Sheesh, if this was an example of Preventer interrogation techniques, they really needed to adopt a more laid back approach. A light sautéing as opposed to a hot grilling. Oh dear, I was really going to have to eat something substantial soon….. Those little pastries had been delicious, but not terribly filling. Sarab wasn't even a suspect or anything; he was a friend who was trying to help.

'He told me so,' Sarab told me simply, opting to ignore my annoyingly persistent boyfriend. 'He said the contents were no longer necessary and it was better just to forget it had ever existed.'

Ah. I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up to attention. Hell, if this kept up, my braid would be vertical soon.

'I - ah - don't suppose you accidentally happened to see what was in it?' I'd thought that was nicely subtle, but he looked affronted all the same.

'Certainly not,' he said firmly. 'I had no need to, in any case. I knew exactly what it contained. Master Quatre needed someone to trust and I was close to him.'

'Oh? Really?' I asked, trying to sound all casual, and forcing myself not to meet Heero's eye.

'He kept a file on that bastard; all the things he did to him.'

I murmured something that sounded vaguely questioning. Aha! There was our long-awaited clue; a mysterious figure who'd been abusing Quatre. 'I - ah - don't suppose you know who it was?'

'Barton, of course.' Sarab sounded surprised by me asking. 'He'd been abusing Master Quatre for months, and he was too loyal to say anything.' He gave an odd little sniff. 'He never deserved to have someone like Master Quatre. A mercenary of no family, with no claim to honour. He was never fit to wipe my master's boots, let alone…'

'Well, Quatre's not exactly perfect either,' I snapped, cutting him off in mid rant. 'He's a stubborn, over-emotional twit, who thinks he knows everything. He was damn lucky to get a great guy like Trowa.'

'Here you are, Duo,' Heero interrupted in turn, sliding a mug of tea across the table to me, and shooting me a warning glance. OK, point taken. The best way to win confidences from Sarab probably wasn't to go around insulting Master Quatre.

'So, you knew about this ongoing abuse, Sarab?' Heero asked. 'That must have been terribly difficult for you, knowing what was happening and not being able to stop it. Did you ever think of telling anyone?'

Sarab shook his head. 'I only found out in the last month or so. Master Quatre didn't want anyone to know, but I….we went riding one morning and I happened to see a bruise. He made me give me his word, on my honour, never to tell anyone about it.'

'And you're prepared to break your word?' Heero put in.

Damn. I thought that might have stopped the flow of confidences, but Sarab had obviously got to the point where he was just relieved to let it all out. To let somebody else share the responsibility.

He dropped his head in his hands. 'Master Quatre has been missing for days now,' he muttered wretchedly. 'I have been torn between keeping my sacred word, and whether silence might ultimately cause more damage. When Rashid told me this morning that you were here, I thought I could trust you, Master Duo. I know you have always been the person he trusts most in the world.'

Hmmm. Someone obviously hadn't been talking to Master Quatre lately. Even so, it was kind of nice that there was someone in the universe who still thought that Quat and I were friends. Even if it wasn't true.

'I did a terrible thing,' he confessed. 'I knew what the package contained, but I was curious. I looked inside, and I took copies. I thought perhaps Master Quatre might regret if he truly destroyed them. He said he didn't need the things any more, not when Barton left, but he'd left before and Master Quatre had taken him back.' He mopped his forehead with his loose sleeve. Weird, I'd thought the Maguanacs would be used to the heat but he was sweating like crazy. 'I still have the copies.' He slid one hand under his jacket and produced a manila envelope, giving Heero a sceptical look. 'I had planned to show it only to you, Master Duo.'

'It's OK. We can trust him.'

'Master Quatre doesn't.'

'Well, Master Quatre isn't here right now, is he? I'm sure he'd trust Heero with something like this. Something this important.'

Sarab sighed, obviously not too happy, and handed it over anyway.

It contained a few typed pages and a small sheaf of photographs.

OK, they weren't exactly pretty, but I'd grown up on L2. I'd been a terrorist. I'd seen some of the cases Heero had dealt with when he was a Preventer. Hell, I'd read exactly how Ali had died. It takes a hell of a lot to shock me, and the photos weren't that bad.

I wasn't sure quite what I'd been expecting; deep down, I'd never really believed that Trowa could hurt his partner. Oh, I could see him maybe taking a swing at him if Quat pushed him far enough, but Quatre was well able to take care of himself.

Sure, I could see Trowa beating himself up over what had happened, but once upon a time, I would have brushed off bruises like that, and counted myself lucky.

The three typed pages were another matter. Evaluations of Trowa's mental condition by three separate psychologists, they read more or less like my own. References to PTSD, significant traumas and abuse at an early age, history of violence. Whatever.

There was also a signed, witnessed statement from a maid in their house, claiming that Trowa had almost shot her a few months ago.

'Trowa said he'd never seen a shrink; that he and Quat didn't want the Winners to find out there was a problem.'

'He didn't,' Sarab said briefly. 'Master Quatre engaged these professionals on a purely consultancy basis. They drew up their findings based on information given to them.'

'Psychiatrists can't do that sort of thing, can they?' I blurted, and then realised that I sounded hopelessly naïve. Quatre could offer more than enough money to tempt a saint. Sure, they have all these professional ethics and such, but I was sure there were some people who'd happily forgo all that for a nibble at the Winner fortune.

Sarab glanced at his watch. 'Can you excuse me for a minute? I need to call Samira and tell her I'm back on L4. I didn't want to call too early but she should be awake now.'

'Sure.' I took a sip of my tea, trying hard not to think all kinds of scary thoughts about my own therapist's ethical code. It wasn't like he'd even have to invent anything. A few transcripts, particularly from our earlier sessions, would probably convince any court that society as a whole would benefit from locking D. Maxwell into a Gundaminum cell, and flinging the key away.

Damn. Didn't want to start thinking about court cases; I'd pretty much successfully managed to shut that particular gremlin away for a couple of days.

'Heero?'

'Duo?' He looked over at me, his expression not entirely sure whether it wanted to be amused or indulgent or affectionate, with a good dollop of wistfulness thrown in for good measure. 'I can't believe I'd forgotten how you do that.'

'Um, how I say your name?'

'Not just that. How you look when you're concentrating on something. How you look when you're forgetting to play the joker. What is it?'

'Stuff. Quatre. This court case to have me declared mentally incompetent or whatever it is, will that still go ahead if Quat's missing?'

The smile withered. 'I'm afraid so. It's a matter for the courts now.' He reached out and took my hand in his, squeezing just a little. 'Don't worry, Duo. I won't let you go to prison, you know that.'

'I know,' I said softly. It wouldn't be prison anyway, would it? It'd be somewhere with nice padded walls and no primary colours.'

'Duo, don't joke about something like that, please.'

'Yeah. Sorry,' I rubbed one hand across my eyes. 'You know, that little desert island you talked about gets more and more attractive the longer I think about it. I don't understand any of this. Why the hell would Quat want to collect all that shit?' I gestured to the envelope on the table between us. '

'I don't know.' Heero frowned at the photographs. 'He obviously went to considerable trouble to do so, and then destroyed them. If that's what he did.'

'Sounds like he only decided to destroy them after Trowa left, right?'

He shrugged, taking a sip of his tea. 'It sounds to me like Sarab wants to implicate Trowa somehow, and these documents are supposed to achieve that. I don't know, Duo. You must know Sarab better than I do, but I don't remember him being so…twitchy.'

'He's got a pregnant wife; if Samira's anything like Hilde, I can totally get the twitchiness. Plus he's got all those Maguanac ideas about honour and stuff; it's probably killing him to think he's betraying Master Quatre.'

I flipped my still damp hair over my shoulder; I hadn't bothered to braid it when Heero had called me downstairs, just tied it back and the loose wisps around my face were starting to annoy me. He scooted his chair a little closer, and pulled it loose before combing through it with his fingers, every movement caressingly slow and gentle.

'I hate this, 'Ro. I absolutely hate everything to do with all of this. And I don't understand any of it.'

'I know, love. I know.' I leaned back into his touch, making him chuckle softly. 'None of it makes any sense.'

He was just finishing off my braid when Sarab walked back in, flushing slightly at the spectacle of social grooming at the kitchen table. Poor guy obviously didn't get out much if that was enough to embarrass him.

'Everything OK?'

He nodded, a little uncertainly. 'Samira is suffering from very bad morning sickness.'

'Uh oh,' I pulled a sympathetic face. For the first few months of her pregnancy, Hilde had suffered from twenty four hour sickness. On occasion, she'd called me and made me listen to her retching, claiming she wanted at least one man in the universe to suffer as well.

'Sarab? What d'you want us to do with these?'

He just shrugged. 'It hardly matters now. But you may wish to give them to the police or Preventers should they require more evidence. Perhaps if they have concrete proof of how that man treated Master Quatre, they will be less likely to make any allowances for his … notoriety.'

'What are you talking about?'

'Barton.' Sarab sounded surprised. 'Surely you have heard by now? He has just been arrested by a squad of Preventer agents. I believe he is being taken to Earth.'

'You've fucking got to be joking!' I snapped.

'Certainly not,' he said, a little stiffly. 'I would not joke about such a matter. I assumed you knew. I heard it on the radio as I was driving here.'

'You're joking,' I said again. 'He can't have been.'

Heero and I did simultaneous dives for our cell phones. 'I'm going to see if can contact Noin. Duo, try Wufei or Zechs; they might have heard something.'

I tried Wufei's number as Heero walked out of the kitchen, and got an engaged tone. Damn, probably trying to contact me.

'You can't really believe Trowa's guilty,' I said suddenly. 'You've known him for years, for God's sake. You've worked together. He was at your wedding, he considers you a friend, someone he trusts.'

'I do not know.' Sarab lowered his gaze, indicating the litter of papers on the table top. 'I have read these reports, by professional psychiatrists. They say Master Trowa has been suffering ever since the War, ever before that. That he is mentally ill, and is in need of help. Perhaps it is for the best that he has been taken. Now he can be given appropriate help.'

'Oh, screw that,' I snapped. 'If anyone is messed up from the War, it sure as hell isn't Trowa. He's the sanest of any of us, and you guys should all be thanking him for how good he's been for Quatre, not accusing him of all this shit.'

The glare Sarab tossed me was nowhere in Heero's class but fairly creditable. 'I thought you were Master Quatre's friend.' He glanced at the photographs. 'How can you condone any of this?'

'I'm not condoning it.' I wasn't, was I? Quatre wasn't me; the bare fact that Trowa had laid hands on him like that had probably been horrific enough. I just didn't get it, though.

'Come on, Sarab. You can't really believe all this, can you? It's not like Quatre's exactly the passive victim type.' He was the opposite, if anything; the one who believed that anything in the universe was possible with enough commitment. He certainly wasn't the sort to sit around and let himself get caught up in domestic violence.

I couldn't understand why he hadn't just kicked Trowa out, or fought back. Again with the None of This Makes Any Sense. I remembered Trowa telling me that he'd hit Quatre, that very first day he'd stayed with us. I'd wanted to punch his teeth out. I hadn't worked out when I'd stopped getting so worked up about Quatre and started to sympathise with Trowa instead.

Sarab shrugged miserably. 'All I know is that he hurt Master Quatre. I don't know why he never said anything. Perhaps he thought that he could make things better himself?'

'It's just as Sarab said.' Heero entered the kitchen abruptly, and gave Sarab a terse nod. 'I called Rashid; he'll be here to pick us up in ten minutes. We need to get back to the city.'

'Then I must go,' Sarab stood up hurriedly. 'Rashid will want to know what I'm doing here, and I would appreciate if you didn't mention my visit. He would want to know why I'm here, and…' he cast me an imploring look. 'Master Duo, I can't tell him I've betrayed Master Quatre's trust.'

'I won't. Listen, what are we going to do with all these ..things?'

'Do as you think best. You can say you found them here when you searched the cottage. Anything.' Ignoring Heero, he swept me a formal little bow and vanished.

'It's not true, 'Ro, is it?' They can't arrest him! There's no damn proof! You said there was only ever circumstantial evidence, and even Noin said there was no real case against him. It's that bitch, Une, isn't it? She's always had it in for him. Bet she'd fucking love to see him dragged into her office in chains.'

'Duo, there's no question of that happening. He hasn't been officially charged yet, but apparently there is a new piece of evidence which implicates Trowa.' He shook his head. 'I don't know if you know this, but under the terms of Quatre's will, Trowa is the major beneficiary. It gives him rather a considerable motive.'

'You know Trowa wouldn't give a shit about that! He's never cared about money.'

'Of course, I know. Now, listen, I've just called a friend of mine. She's the finest criminal defence lawyer I know, and she's willing to take on Trowa's case. She'll be waiting for his shuttle when it lands.'

'And she'll be able to get him released? Post bail or whatever?

'She will see that Trowa receives his official rights at all times.' Heero told me. 'I don't know about bail, yet. Apparently, they need to question him. There are some minor charges, in addition. Resisting arrest, damage to an official Preventers vehicle, and assault to members of the organisation.'

'Oh!' I snapped. 'That is all such bullshit, Heero! He'd never have done any of that stuff if they hadn't tried to arrest him in the first place on some trumped-up charge.'

He nodded. 'Sophia will do everything she can, Duo. I know that. But I think I should go after Trowa. He's going to need moral support as much as anything.'

'I'm coming with you!' I glared at him in case he had the gall to refuse. Instead, he had the good sense to give me another nod.

'Of course. I've called Rashid to get him to arrange transport back to the city, as soon as possible. Did you manage to call Wufei?'

I shook my head. 'His line was busy with another call waiting. I thought he was maybe trying to reach me. I'll try again now.'

'All right. I'll go and get our bags from upstairs.' He hesitated, then crossed over and kissed me. 'Don't worry, love. In some ways, he's probably better off in custody than gallivanting around the universe getting into trouble.'

'How the hell can you say a thing like that? How is he better off locked up than free to look for Quatre?'

'Because if anything else does happen, then he can't possibly be implicated,' he said levelly.

'Oh. I guess.' Damn, it was still hard to think of Trowa locked up somewhere. Une would probably throw the key away, if she thought she'd get away with it. 'What are we going to do with these? Destroy them?' I gestured to the contents of the envelopes distastefully.

'I don't think so,' Heero gathered them up neatly into their envelope. 'They could come in very useful.'

'What?' I stared at him. 'I suppose you want to courier them to Une so she's got more evidence to use against Tro.'

'Of course not,' he said composedly. 'None of them would be admissible in a courtroom anyway. There's no proof of what actually caused Quatre's injuries, and as for these documents... They're just trumpery reports by so-called professionals who never even saw Trowa. Any moderately competent trial lawyer would tear them to shreds in two seconds.'

'There's the chambermaid's letter though, isn't there? It's signed and everything.'

'It doesn't mean anything. She says she went into Quatre's bedroom to change the linen, expecting it to be empty. As Quat's bodyguard, Trowa reacted perfectly to a possible threat.'

'Really? So none of it means anything? Then why did Quat go to all this trouble to collect this stuff? Did he think it would be enough to make a case against Trowa or what? It doesn't make any damn sense. I mean, if he wanted Tro out of his life, he could've just said so.'

'He could have told you to get out of his life too,' Heero took a quick sip of his tea. 'Would you have gone?'

'Probably not.' I considered. 'Actually, definitely not. I'd just have thought there was something wrong with him.'

'And tried to find out what it was?'

'Sure.' I stood up and rummaged in the cupboard until I found some cookies that looked vaguely edible. 'You think he set up the whole court case just to piss me off so I'd stop being friends with him? That's ridiculous.'

'I'm not sure that it is,' he said slowly, accepting a macadamia cookie and biting it thoughtfully. 'His so-called charges against you…they won't stand up for a moment in court.'

'You seemed pretty worried about it before. And I've done some pretty stupid things. Things that wouldn't maybe look too good to a jury?'

'That was all years ago, and directly attributable to PTSD, caused by your helping to defeat an evil organisation and save the Earth. Since then, you've educated yourself, and you have an incredibly responsible career. No jury in the world would find you incompetent, Duo; you'd probably end up getting a medal.'

'I can just imagine you in a courtroom, you know that? I can imagine why you're supposed to so good at your job, manipulating witnesses all over the place.'

'I'd prefer not to use that term, love, if you don't mind. It's more …guiding them to the desired conclusions.'

'Which is totally different to manipulation, of course,' I gave him a quick grin, and then sighed. 'So, what, you think Quatre knew in advance that my case wouldn't hold water?'

'I think so. You said, back in Florence, that if Quatre had seriously wanted to cause trouble for you, that he would have found a more extreme way. I imagine this case was only ever considered because of who was bringing it. Quatre possesses a great deal of influence, not just on L4.' He stood up, pushing his chair in neatly, and placing the envelope in his jacket pocket. 'We should be getting ready to go, Duo. Rashid should be here soon. Incidentally, I find it highly suspicious that Sarab wanted to run off as soon as Rashid's name was mentioned.'

'Well, it didn't help that you were treating him like suspect number one. Sheesh, 'Ro, he's a friend. You didn't have to give him the third degree like that.'

He shrugged. 'An innocent person would have been more indignant on his own behalf, don't you think?'

'What? Sarab can't have anything to do with this. No way!'

'Are you so sure about that? I thought he acted very oddly. And I can't see why he couldn't have stayed to meet Rashid.'

'He told us why; because he's got all these stupid ideas about not breaking his word, and now he thinks he's damaged his honour or something. He'd never hurt Quatre.'

Heero gave me a very direct look. 'By his own admission, he's known for weeks that Trowa was abusing Quatre. In your place, wouldn't you consider Quatre's welfare to be more important than keeping an oath?'

'I guess. But that's just me. Come _on_, Heero. He's a Maguanac. He'd kill himself rather than hurt Quat. You know that.'

'Whoever abducted Quatre was someone he knew and trusted. It had to have been, Duo. They got close enough to take out two bodyguards, kill the girl and presumably disable Quatre. It had to have been someone who would never have raised the slightest suspicion or they would have been on their guard.'

'Shit.' He was right, of course. It all made awful, perfect sense. 'You don't know that for sure. There could be a totally different explanation. I still can't see Sarab doing anything like that. I've known him for years, 'Ro. He'd never betray Master Quatre.'

'Maybe it wasn't his choice. I'm going to call Rashid, and tell him what I think. It's up to him what happens after that, but I think someone should be keeping a very close eye on Sarab's comings and goings for a while.'

'But.. if Sarab is innocent of all this, we're just getting him into trouble. And I told him I wouldn't say anything to Rashid....'

'I'll talk to Rashid,' Heero told me firmly. 'If he's innocent, then he has nothing to hide. Agreed?'

'I suppose.' OK, I still wasn't fully convinced. I'd known Sarab since I was fifteen. He'd never given me a single reason not to trust him. But, like Heero said, Quatre could only have been taken by someone on the inside.

'I'll try calling Wufei again, then.' Before I had a chance to dial, though, the 'phone was already ringing.

'Mister Maxwell? This is Carla from the Sanque Embassy in Florence.' The young female voice spoke English carefully, like she was concentrating on every syllable. 'I am sorry to disturb, sir, but there is a message for you on your mobile 'phone.'

'Uh, sorry?' I couldn't quite work out how an Italian Embassy was picking up on my voicemail.

'When you left on Tuesday, one of the gardeners found your 'phone. It had apparently fallen into the fountain by accident.' Oh, _that _'phone. Damn, but the bloody thing seemed to have some sort of boomerang properties. I'd tried to bury it at the back of the closet in Heero's house, I'd tried to drown it, and it still kept finding me.

'We were planning to courier it to you on L4 and then we thought it you might like to hear the message.'

'Sure. That'd be great.' I tried to think who'd have called that number; I'd thought I'd given the new one to all of my friends. Probably someone hawking double-glazing or special deals on cable TV.

It was Quatre.

Lucky I was sitting down.

Somewhere during the message, Heero had materialised at my side, grabbing the 'phone as the message played out, pouring a torrent of Italian down the line. I could imagine poor Carla quaking at whatever it was he was barking at her.

'What..what was that about?'

He gave me back my 'phone, and I noticed my hands were shaking slightly. 'I'm sorry. I told her to have the 'phone brought to Preventers HQ immediately. They should be able to trace it.' He took a deep breath. 'That was just surreal, Duo. Hearing his voice like that.'

'Yeah. Tell me about it.' I let him squeeze my hands, holding them steady. 'Well, at least we know he's still alive,' I said quietly, and then bit my lip because it actually meant nothing of the sort.

It could have been some sort of pre-recorded message, or just a good digital simulation of Quat's voice.

It didn't really have to mean that he was still alive.

'If ..they can trace it, we can find out where he is. Find him. God, 'Ro. I can't fucking believe this. He's been AWOL for a week or something and he just calls me on the 'phone. We have to call the others. Trowa! Wait 'til he hears this. And that bitch can't keep him in custody if we find Quatre. '

'Take it easy, my love.' He perched on the arm of my chair, sliding one arm around my shoulders. 'We need to find out if it's really him, before anything else. Even if it's not some sort of hoax, the call may not be traceable.'

'It was him,' I said suddenly. ''Ro, I damn well know what my best friend's voice sounds like. And all that apologising, and worrying about Tro. It had to have been him. And if he's that concerned about Trowa, it means that he still cares about him, right?'

He sighed. 'Duo….before you get carried away, at least wait to hear what the Florence Preventers have to say, OK?' He dropped a kiss on the top of my head.

'OK, OK,' I muttered. 'I'm not getting carried away! But, seriously, it _was_ Quatre.'

It had to have been. Quatre Winner was the only person in the known universe who could possibly have used the word 'sorry' so many times in such a short space of time.


	68. Restraining Quatre

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing does not belong to me. This is just for fun...

Note: Many thanks to Kaeru Shisho for beta-reading, and to all the kind people who have left reviews.

**Restraining Quatre:**

He genuinely had the headache he'd complained about earlier. Duo would say it was a punishment for lying, but he'd never possessed Duo's fascination with telling the truth. The doctor had said he had mild concussion; add tension and the fact that Commander Une was staring at him with all the fascination of a snake confronting a plump rabbit, and it was no wonder that his skull felt like a Gundam was trying to take off inside it.

'What's on L3, Mr. Winner?'

'L3?' Quatre hoped his expression gave only bafflement at the question. Not anything else; not fear. 'I'm afraid I don't understand.'

'You don't want Barton to go there, do you?' She presented him with a sickly, unctuous smile. 'I wonder why not? As soon as I mentioned he was heading there, you stopped making excuses for him, and decided to co-operate.'

'I have no idea what you're talking about.'

Blast.

Winner, you idiot. But, dear Allah, he couldn't let have Trowa go to L3. He'd only be going there if he'd discovered something, and that would put him in far too much danger. That could ruin everything.

'Why did you sign the warrant for his arrest?'

'Naturally, I wish to co-operate with your investigation in every possible way, Commander.'

She snorted. 'More games? As you wish, then. I'm not in any hurry.' She settled comfortably in her chair, arms crossed.

_I am. _

He did _not _have time for this. Any of it.

'Please, Commander. I do understand that you're trying to keep me safe. I appreciate that. But my family must be frantic with worry by now. Can't I at least contact one of my sisters to inform them I'm safe?'

'We've talked about this already. Don't you remember? At the moment, we still have no real idea who was responsible for your abduction; it would be an act of supreme negligence on my part not to take every possible measure to ensure your safety.'

Allah, she was loving this, every second of this. He'd always been the untouchable pilot; the one who'd never been captured by OZ, the one Treize had wanted most. The one who'd spoken out openly, after the war, against ESUN policy toward the Colonies, against certain powers abused by the Preventers.

'Perhaps you can explain why I'm shackled to this bed?' He snapped. 'Why are their armed guards outside my door?'

'The guards are there to protect you, naturally.' Another oily smile. 'And you are being restrained at your physician's orders, not mine.'

'I'm sorry, Mr. Winner.' Dr. Marshall's apology sounded genuine, but who knew? Maybe she was involved too. He'd been told he couldn't trust anyone. 'You were thrashing around before you regained consciousness; we were afraid you might damage your ankle even more. I can loosen it, if it's painful?'

'No. Thank you. It's fine.' Quatre smiled at her; perhaps she was an ally. She'd stood up to Une for him already, but possibly it was all an act. He didn't need help, anyway. He had a plan. His fingers curled around the tiny cellphone he'd secreted under the bed covers.

_Really, Commander. You should take better care of your property._

She'd all but presented it to him as a gift, leaning over the bed like she had. Of course, people never suspected that Quatre Winner might be an accomplished pickpocket. Duo had taught him that, years ago. The knack still came in useful, sometimes.

He was going to have to act soon, before she noticed it was missing. Besides, he'd been unconscious for two whole, wasted days…and every minute he spent indulging Une in this ridiculous cat and mouse game was another minute lost. No time….He just needed a few minutes alone, to make a couple of calls. He might as well need the moon; they weren't going to leave him alone.

Plan B then.

He had Wufei to thank for that particular ability; Wufei and all those years of meditation practise. Surely even Une wouldn't continue to interrogate a - suspect? Prisoner? Whatever he was? - who was going into cardiac arrest. Apparently.

Instead, he lay back and closed his eyes, like a good, docile little patient.

'Mr. Winner!' Une snapped. 'I haven't finished talking to you.'

_Well, Commander, I've had more than enough of you._

Quatre opened his eyes and gazed piteously at the doctor. 'Please. I don't feel very well. Do you think I could have just a few moments' rest?'

'He's putting it on!' Une protested, standing and glaring down at him. 'Winner, that's enough! I am authorised to issue arrests for anyone whom I suspect is hindering the course of an investigation, do you realise that?'

'Commander Une!' Dr. Marshall sounded appalled. 'If you would care to look at the monitor, you can see that my patient's heartbeat is slowing down significantly. I hardly think that he is personally responsible for that? Now, unless you want to explain to him family and your superiors why a person in Preventers' custody died in your care, I suggest you leave this room and leave me to treat him?'

_Bless you, Doctor._

Une went reluctantly, shadowed by her two agents, her protests carrying over Dr. Marshall's voice on her radio, summoning more medical staff.

He'd have to find some way to thank her when this was all over.

He had to get on with things. He had only a couple of minutes before the doctor's colleagues arrived; he'd have to silence her before he tried to use the 'phone. Just for a couple of minutes…

_Stop shilly-shallying, Winner. You don't have time for this._

Heero would say he had a mission objective and just to get on with it.

First, he had to free himself. The restraint on his leg was very light; just a bandage holding his injured ankle in place and, thanks to Trowa, he had plenty of experience with escaping from various forms of bondage. Trowa had taught him the art during the war, and then later it had come in useful in other ways….

_It was his own fault; he'd insisted on the cords being knotted so securely. Most of the time, they were really just symbolic. Most of the time, the illusion of being restrained was enough and he could usually free himself if he tried hard enough. Tonight, though, in the midst of this ongoing nightmare, he'd needed Trowa to have total control. He'd been able to relax for the first time in days, watching Tro test the knots, giving his lover total control._

_It was something of an illusion, he knew that really. He only had to say one word and Trowa would stop, but it was still comforting. A brief period where he didn't have to be the one in charge for once._

_Except that now he couldn't free himself and it didn't help that he couldn't see._

'_Trowa?'_

_The other man mumbled something, nothing too coherent, and nuzzled Quatre's neck lovingly. Despite all the discomforts; his aching arms, that sure, throbbing pain deep inside him, Quatre had to smile. He could feel the contentment surging around Trowa; so strong it was almost a tangible thing. The afterglow of sex mingled with his love for Quatre, his delight in Quatre' s presence in his arms, in his life._

_It was one of those rare moments when he appreciated the empathy, when he realised how lucky he was. Being able to feel Trowa's pleasure was almost enough to banish his own discomfort._

'_Tro? Can you untie me?' He hated having to say it, disturbing Trowa when he was just starting to doze off, but his arms were starting to hurt._

'_Mmmph?' He felt Tro stretch against him, heard the drowsiness in his voice. _

_They were both exhausted, after a week with only brief snatches of sleep. After the first couple of days, Quatre had had a bed moved into the room next to Duo's, so at least one of them could rest at a time. The hospital staff hadn't been too pleased, but they'd acquiesced as soon as Quatre had produced his cheque book. People always did; the merest mention of the Winner name and fortune tended to dissolve all obstacles. He sometimes thought that people, including his dear sisters, saw him as a walking credit card._

_Still, after seven days by Duo's bedside, Trowa had decided that the two of them needed a proper break, and he'd booked them a room in a hotel close by. Quatre had flatly refused to leave their still unconscious friend at first, and only gave in when Trowa informed him that he had the option of leaving the hospital on his own two feet, or slung over his shoulder. _

_And Trowa had been perfectly right, he acknowledged. Quatre was starting to feel human again. Actually, just getting to be alone with his lover, away from the hospital, had helped. _

'_Why would I want to do that, angel?' Trowa wondered. 'I like having you like this. And I don't remember you complaining earlier.'_

_Quatre blushed, knowing it would make Trowa laugh at him. 'I've got a cramp in my arm. Can you untie me, Trowa, please?' _

'_My poor kitten. Why didn't you say something earlier?' The blindfold was slipped off, and Trowa reached up one long arm and flicked the knots deftly free. He turned Quatre's hands palm-up to check his wrists weren't chafed. They weren't; he'd used one of their special cords and the skin was only slightly reddened._

_The first few times they'd done this, Trowa had used a belt or a scarf or anything that happened to be convenient. Then they'd found some on-line sites and bought the appropriate….accessories. Ordering them had been exhilarating, in one way; terrifying in another. A formal acknowledgement that it wasn't just something they'd tried once or twice, for kicks, but something he needed. _

'_Better now?' He wasn't just talking about the cramp, of course. _

'_Mmm,' Quatre sighed softly, snuggling against his lover, trying to pretend everything was all right. Trying to pretend that Duo wasn't unconscious, and that he himself hadn't pulled a gun on Heero. Lying in Trowa's arms, basking in the love he could feel radiating from his lover, the world somehow made sense again. 'This was a wonderful idea. Thank you for dragging me here.' He ran one hand over Trowa's chest, laying his palm over the heart and feeling the slow, steady rhythm. _

_Trowa was happy and he had no intention of spoiling that. The last week had been rough on him; Trowa had a hatred of hospitals that almost amounted to a phobia. Quatre's fault, of course. Letting himself get skewered by Dorothy Catalonia at the end of the War, almost a year ago, and then slitting his wrists. No wonder his boyfriend hated the very idea of hospitals. _

_Seeing Duo unconscious, with those horrific injuries had to be bringing back all sorts of nightmares._

'_I'm sorry for being a brat earlier,' he said suddenly. 'You were right; we did both need some time away from the hospital. It's been so awful seeing Duo like that. Especially when we didn't know if he was going to live or - or not.'_

'_Worse for you, I think,' Trowa remarked shrewdly. 'You can't still feel him, can you? Not at this distance? Good.' One hand slid over Quatre's, lacing their fingers together. 'I know you wanted to stay, love. But you need to think about yourself a little; we both have to be strong for this. You won't be able to help Duo if you get sick yourself.' _

'_I know. It .. helps. Not having his emotions all the time. It was getting really difficult.'_

'_I did notice,' Trowa told him wryly. 'So, I take it you've forgiven me for dragging you here?' _

'_Of course I have! About two seconds after you threw me on to the bed.' Quatre proved it by leaning over and giving him a kiss with lavish use of tongue, and a few little nips and bites thrown in for good measure. 'I love it when you get all masterful.'_

_Trowa just smiled, running his fingers gently through blond hair. _'_At your service, as always. And if someone doesn't stop you having your own way all the time, you'll get spoilt. Well, more than you already are,' he murmured, all traces of tiredness suddenly gone, and using the voice he reserved for bed. It slid across Quatre's mind like rough velvet, sent a spurt of blood rushing to his groin. Trowa had near-unlimited staying power, which was fine normally. Better than fine. _

'_I'm not in the least spoilt!' Quatre protested, arching his back as Trowa's lips found that impossibly sensitive little place under his jaw. 'Well, maybe just a little. And I 'd like to be able to walk out of this room, if you don't mind.' _

'_Walking's over-rated,' Trowa purred, brushing the pad of one finger across Quatre's mouth. 'I could carry you, if you liked. How do you think all your executives would react if they saw their boss being carried around naked by his bodyguard, hmm?'_

_Quatre gave a little gasp, despite himself. Trowa knew him far, far too well. 'Oh? I'm naked in this fantasy of yours, am I?' _

_Trowa grinned. 'You're always naked in my fantasies, sprite. I thought you knew that. Well, except the one where you're in a tuxedo so that I can rip it off you.'_

'_I think that might count as being naked,' Quatre offered, smiling into the dark green eyes. 'And I don't think it's technically a fantasy if it's actually happened. Several times.'_

'_Maybe not,' Trowa allowed. 'Still, I'm sure we could improvise if you're feeling a little sore down there? You could go on top this time.'_

'_A little sore!' Quatre snorted. 'I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to sit down again. Or walk, come to that.'_

_Trowa's grin was gloriously unrepentant. Oh well, he'd tried to be gentle but that wasn't what Quatre had needed. If he was sore, it was his own fault entirely. It was the first time they'd shared a bed since Duo's accident. The first time they'd really been together in a week. He'd wanted it hard and fast and rough from the start, but Trowa had refused, had drawn out every kiss and caress until Quatre's whole body had melted to liquid desire._

'_I wouldn't talk about coming if I were you, kitten, unless you're …prepared to suffer the consequences, shall we say?'_

_Quatre's loud groan at the word 'prepared' only made him smirk wider. In this mood, Trowa would find the most innocent statement wholly suggestive. He slid Trowa's messy, sweaty bangs aside and dropped a kiss on his forehead. 'I really need to clean up a little bit, Tro.'_

'_No you don't.' An arm settled firmly around Quatre's shoulders, keeping him in place. 'You need to stay here with me, and we'll take a nice, long bath together in a minute, OK?' He nuzzled Quatre's neck, leaving a hot, moist trail of kisses and an occasional bite on the fair skin. 'No point cleaning up if we're just going to get all dirty and messy again, is there?'_

'_I'll just be a moment,' Quatre slid under his arm and out of the bed. 'Honestly, I'm all sticky and I was lying in the wet spot. '_

'_Actually, I like it when you're all sticky and sweaty and smelling of sex.'_

_It was one of the few areas where they didn't quite see eye to eye. Quatre liked his bed linen to be clean and fresh; Trowa didn't care. After years as a mercenary, sleeping on the ground more often than not, he saw nothing wrong with having a couple of little damp spots on a luxurious bed. Even if he'd been the one to bottom, he didn't have Quatre's fanatical urge to clean up afterwards._

'_You're such a princess sometimes,' he teased, rolling on to his back and leering at his lover. _

_Quatre stuck out his tongue, fleeing into the bathroom before Trowa could pursue him, and suggest a few different things a devoted and loving boyfriend could do with said tongue._

_He half-expected Trowa to follow, and felt a little stab of relief when the 'phone in their bedroom rang, and his lover's deep voice answered. Normally, he loved sharing showers, but he just wanted a few minutes alone for once. _

_The past week had been impossibly difficult. The only chances he'd had to be alone were when he was by himself in Duo's room for a few minutes and that didn't count._

_Not when he could still feel all of Duo's emotions surging over him. He'd learned to control the empathy to some extent. It wasn't possible, though, when he was in such close proximity to his best friend, _

_As Duo would say, it had been one hell of a week. One hell of a month, really. Duo had arrived on L4 in early December, carrying the battered holdall he'd had since the war, and saying that he and Heero had decided to take a 'break' from each other. _

_Under the circumstances, it had seemed like a good idea for them to have a little time apart, and Duo hadn't seem too downcast. According to him, it had been a more-or-less mutual decision to give each other a little space and work out what they wanted._

_Duo spoke to Heero every couple of days, and things seemed to be going well. Heero had confided to Quatre his intention to resign from Preventers at the end of the month, he was looking at college courses for himself and he hoped to persuade Duo to consider that option in the future._

_Quatre had been looking forward to the First Remembrance Day Banquet for weeks. Away from his sisters' censorial gaze, he and Trowa would be able to have fun and relax, Heero was planning to romance Duo and convince him to try again, _

_Everything had gone wrong. Every single thing. _

_He and Trowa had been dancing and happily speculating on what Heero and Duo were up to on the terrace. That, at least, had been wonderful; for this one, special night, they'd decided to throw caution to the winds and toss aside the usual masquerade. He and Trowa had surely contributed as much to the new world as anyone. They deserved a chance to be happy together. _

_There had been a fireworks display at midnight, to welcome in Christmas Day, and the second year of the peace. Most of the guests had clustered by the ballroom windows to watch, but Trowa had pulled him aside and delivered a heart-felt Christmas kiss. _

_And then the perfection had swung into a total nightmare. At first, he'd had a stupid notion that maybe the armed, masked men bursting into the room were some sort of Earth tradition that nobody had told him about; an updated version of the Father Christmas legend._

_Five minutes before midnight, he'd been hoping that everything was going well with Duo and Heero, and wondering whether Trowa would like his Christmas present. Not that either of them really knew anything about the Christian holiday, but he loved any excuse to spoil Trowa._

_In the space of a few minutes, the nightmare had taken over. Trowa had killed the first man who'd entered the room and Quatre had grabbed his gun as it slid across the floor, taking up a position under one of the banqueting tables. Most of the Sanque guards had already gone down in the first hail of bullets._

_There had been an insane few minutes when Duo and Trowa had vanished outside and he hadn't known what was happening. They'd both been laughing when they came back into the ballroom, that was the thing he remembered most clearly. In the midst of all the devastation, they'd been teasing each other, and exchanging some sort of intricate handclasp. _

_It stood out so clearly in him memory, that moment. The last time he'd seen Duo laughing. Shinigami, rather, capable of joking while surrounded by bodies and bloodshed. _

_Then he'd seen Heero and Relena together, and felt the backlash of Duo's horror and devestation…_

_Quatre turned the shower onto its hottest setting, forcing himself to stand still as the little needles of lava-hot water flayed his skin. _

_It didn't wash away the guilt, though._

_Guilt that he was happy and loved and so very much in love that sometimes it seemed like a dream, while his best friend had almost died. _

_They'd said he was finally stable yesterday, after the third blood transfusion. Given his injuries, though, that didn't mean a huge amount. The surgeons still had to perform a second kidney transplant, when a match became available. And there was still the very real possibility of permanent brain damage._

'_Oh, angel,' Quatre hadn't even realised he was crying until Trowa was there, pulling him out of the shower and wiping the tears away. 'Don't love. Please.'_

'_I can't help it,' Quatre sobbed. 'I keep seeing things in my head. And I know how Duo felt when he saw Heero with Relena. I felt it, Tro.'_

_He'd seen them; Heero and Relena embracing. He'd seen the look on Duo's face and felt that stab of despair and betrayal and loss as he'd seen them together._

'_Stop that,' Trowa's voice rang out sharply. 'I know how much you're hurting, Quatre, but getting yourself worked up isn't going to help anyone.'_

_Quatre scrubbed one hand across his eyes, trying to calm down a little, to concentrate on Trowa's voice. _

'_Better,' the taller man approved. He ran a flannel under the cold water tap and bathed his lover's face gently. 'Listen to me, Quatre. What happened to Duo is terrible, but he's alive. That's the important thing. You know he's tough; he's going to get through this, but he's going to need us to be strong for him.' Long fingers grasped Quatre's chin, forcing him to look up into the green eyes._

'_And you have got to stop blaming yourself. You are in no way responsible for what happened, understand?'_

'_But…'_

'_No!' Trowa said forcefully. 'I want you to stop that. You are not going to torture yourself trying to find a way to blame yourself for all of this. Agreed?'_

_Quatre nodded dumbly. It wasn't exactly a lie; more a piece of sophistry that Duo himself would approve of. He didn't need to find ways to blame himself; he already knew exactly what he'd done._

_He'd known just how hard adjusting to civilian life had been for his best friend. Well, had for both of them, really, but at least Heero had had Preventers. Always another mission to occupy him and keep him away from Duo's side._

_He'd known Duo had been unhappy; they'd always confided everything. Duo had told him all his problems and Quatre had done precisely nothing to help. Oh, he'd been a sympathetic listener but that was all. Trowa had told him very firmly not to interfere in other people's relationships, and that Duo and Heero could work out their own problems. And he'd believed him, because he'd believed Heero loved Duo, would do anything for Duo._

'_I mean it, Quatre,' Trowa said firmly. 'If you keep on this self-persecution kick, I'm going to dump you in a bath of ice-cold water.'_

'_Don't do that! Please.' Quatre shuddered, and his eyes flickered nervously to the bathtub. He hated the cold, and knew from bitter experience that his lover would quite happily carry out his threat. Trowa was indulgent up to a point, but more than capable of firmness when he sensed Quatre was starting to lose control._

'_Don't make me, then. Listen, my sweet. No one could possibly have been a better friend to Duo - to both of them - than you. You did everything anyone possibly could have, and it isn't your fault.'_

'_I'm not so sure,' Quatre whispered. 'Maybe if I hadn't been so involved with WEI, I could have…'_

'_You could have what? 'Trowa demanded. 'You were busy with WEI, yes, but we still saw Duo at least once a month. You never refused to take one of his calls, whatever else you were doing; you spoke to him at least once a day. I can't see what more you could have done, truly. Now, much as I like having you all wet and naked like this, we need to get you dried off, OK?' _

'_Who was that you were talking to on the 'phone?'_

'_Duo's chief surgeon. Dr. Marani.'_

'_**What?' **Quatre flashed, jerking out of Trowa's arms. 'Has something happened? I can't believe you didn't call me to talk to her! Why didn't you tell me before now?'_

'_I'm trying to tell you now, if you'd stop shouting at me for long enough.'_

'_You've no right to keep something like that from me! I'm Duo's best friend and I'm entitled to know what's going on with him.'_

'_Calm down, Quatre,' Trowa said sharply. 'Don't talk to me like that. And it would be nice if you could trust me to look after things for two seconds. You're not the only person who's worried sick about Duo, and you're not entitled to anything if you carry on like a spoilt child.'_

_Quatre flinched, not from Trowa's tone, but from the sudden, swift flare of anger. Drat. Stupid. He'd ruined their lovely intimate moment._

'_I'm sorry, Tro. You know I trust you; I never meant I didn't. More than anything. It's just….'_

'_Duo. I know. Come here.' Quatre stepped back into his embrace, laying his head on Trowa's shoulder. 'Hey, it's OK,' Trowa soothed, wrapping his lover's shivering body in his arms. 'I know this is all a nightmare, baby, but _we've_ got to hold it together, right? I just wanted to give you a few minutes by yourself, and it wasn't urgent anyway. There's no change in Duo's condition, but she wants to see us both at two this afternoon.'_

'_Not until then? That's hours away, Trowa! Why can't she talk to us before then?'_

'_Well, she presumably does have other patients to look after,' Trowa suggested. 'She wants to discuss a plan for Duo's long term care.'_

'_Oh.' Quatre considered that. In one way, it was a positive thing; that at least Duo had a future to be planned for. ''I see. That's ... good, isn't it? At least she's admitting that he has a future. That he's going to make it.' _

_Trowa squeezed his hand gently. 'Absolutely. But we have to be prepared for the long haul, Quat. There isn't going to be a miraculous recovery, not given the extent of his injuries. They can't tell yet if there's going to be brain damage, or if he'll make a full physical recovery.'_

'_What else did she say?'_

_Trowa hesitated before he answered. 'Come back to bed, Quatre. There are a few things we need to talk about before the meeting.'_

'_What things?' Quatre shook off his lover's hand. 'Just tell me, please.'_

'_All right.' Trowa perched on the bathtub and pulled the blond between his legs. 'She said there is a chance, given the extent of Duo's injuries, that they may well decide to keep him in the medical coma for longer.'_

'_No!' Quatre shook his head vehemently. 'Tro, that's cruel. They can't do that to him, just leave him lying there for….how long? Months?'_

'_Stop that.' Trowa said firmly. 'Quatre, at this stage it is nothing more than a possibility, but it's the best thing for Duo, then we'll accept it, understand? And I don't want you freaking out at the meeting when it's suggested. Shouting at Duo's medical team won't help anybody.'_

_Quatre took a deep breath. 'I know. I'm sorry. It just sounds so - cold blooded. But I promise I won't throw a tantrum this afternoon.'_

'_Good.' Trowa leaned forward and gave him a gentle kiss on the mouth. 'I hate the idea as well, my love, but we have to do what's best for Duo. If that's what his medical team recommends, then that's what we do. Now,' he glanced at his watch. 'It's almost eight o'clock. We're going to go back to bed, I'm going to hand-feed you a huge breakfast, and then we're going to soak in this tub for an hour. How's that sound?'_

'_Wonderful,' Quatre breathed, meaning it. 'But I should be with Duo, really.'_

'_Correction.' Quatre jumped as Trowa's hand smacked lightly across his buttocks. 'Hilde and Howard are with Duo; they deserve some time with him when they've come all the way from L2. And Wufei's there as well.' _

'_I still don't understand that. It's not as if Wufei even likes Duo. The last time we spoke, he suggested Duo needed some sort of professional help to adjust. Honestly! It's not as if he can talk.'_

'_He may disapprove of some aspects of Duo's life, but I think he still sees him as a comrade.'_

'_Some aspects?' Quatre grimaced. 'You mean he disapproves of everything about Duo, don't you? And he feels exactly the same way about us.'_

'_He hasn't said anything to you, kitten, has he? I'm not going to let him upset you again.'_

_Quatre sighed. 'It's all right, Tro. That was probably my own fault; I pushed him too hard and he just lashed out. I just thought - well, he's obviously very lonely and he doesn't have any other friends.'_

'_You were only trying to be nice,' Trowa said tightly. 'I know all of this is difficult for him, but he's not doing himself any favours if he insults the few people who are willing to try to help him.'_

'_I think that's the problem. He can't admit that he needs help. And this is impossibly hard for him; he lost all the people he cared about, he has to adjust to an entirely new culture. He's horribly lonely, you know. He and Heero had a row a couple of months ago, and you know how much he respected Heero. Just - don't be too hard on him, Tro. Half the time, he doesn't realise how arrogant he sounds.'_

'_Hmmm. I think you're being overly generous, as usual. He did accuse me of being your pampered poodle, remember? Among a few other charming names.'_

'_Wholly ridiculous,' the blond grinned suddenly. 'You're not remotely like a poodle; a Yorkshire Terrier, maybe, with your hair falling over your eyes. Perhaps we could get one of those little red bows to tie it back? That would look awfully cute.' _

'_If you ever dare to suggest such a thing again, my lovely, I'll have you over my knee before you can blink.'_

'_Ooh! Promises, promises!' Quatre squirmed happily as Trowa pulled him closer. 'You really do spoil me, don't you?'_

'_I'll have you know that was a threat, Winner, but yes, I like spoiling you. And you should be devoting some time to your boyfriend.'_

'_Yes, Master,' the blond head lowered demurely, but the blue eyes were sparkling. 'I'm sorry, Tro. It's just been so difficult with everything that's happened lately. You do know you're the most important thing in my life, don't you?'_

'_Of course I do,' Trowa assured him. 'You tell me constantly. And show me. Now, are you going to be sensible about all this, do I have to run you a nice, cold bath?'_

'_No!' Quatre squeaked, flicking an apprehensive glance toward the tub. 'Oh! There's a spider.' He backed away a couple of paces. 'It's in the corner of the bath. It just moved.'_

'_Let's see,' Trowa twisted around, and caught the little insect deftly. _

'_Don't hurt it, Tro.' Quatre felt a sudden twinge of guilt that the poor little creature was being ejected from its cosy home and thrown out into the cold._

'_I'm not going to.' Trowa scooped up the little insect and carefully dropped it onto the window sill. 'He'll be fine outside, he can tell all his buddies about life in the World of Humans. There, you're safe now. We're totally spider free.'_

'_I'm not _scared_, or anything,' Quatre said defensively. 'They're just so weird; they don't look natural. And they can move so fast, with all those legs.'_

'_And sometimes they even have hairy ones,' Trowa teased. 'Don't worry, kitling. I'll always defend you from spiders.' He ruffled Quatre's hair. 'I love getting the chance to show off my incredible affinity with the animal kingdom. Now, weren't we talking about going back to bed?'_

'_One of us was, anyway,' Quatre tried to sound resigned to his appalling fate. 'And I was selflessly going to indulge you. As always.'_

'_Good boy,' Trowa laughed and tugged him back into the bedroom. 'I like being indulged. You're far too tense, kitten. You need to relax a little bit, OK? Duo's alive and stable and we'll work everything else out between us. I promise.'_

_Quatre yelped with laughter as Trowa swept him up and dumped him on to the bed. Maybe he was right. After all, Duo **was** alive and Quatre would see that he had the best medical care in the entire universe._

'_OK,' he whispered against Trowa's dark hair. 'I'll try.'_

_Trowa pulled him into a deep kiss that had all his nerve endings rocketing into orbit . 'See? You are capable of following simple commands when you try. Now, I'm going to order breakfast and see that you eat properly. You know you get cranky if you don't eat regularly.'_

_An hour later, Trowa had succeeded not merely in relaxing him, but in making him forget the entire outside world. As promised, Trowa had fed him forkfuls of Eggs Benedict and tropical fruit salad, before proceeding to find all sorts of interestingly inventive ways to eat his own pancakes._

_He was a very…creative lover, was Mr. Trowa Barton. It was eighteen months since their first time in San Francisco, and sex was still a revelation. It could be either a gentle homecoming, or a whirlwind that swept them both out of reality. And Trowa always knew just what his lover needed._

_The sheets were a sad mess of cream, crushed strawberries and crumbs, but for once Quatre didn't care. It was hard to care about anything, really, when his whole body was still vibrating with such pleasure. Trowa had explored every inch of his body, flavoured with cream and maple syrup, with lips and tongue and teeth, and then lowered himself onto Quatre's erection. _

_Exactly what had happened after that was still lost in a haze of purest pleasure. They'd both dozed off at some point, from sheer exhaustion, and he'd been woken by Trowa's sticky, syrupy kisses. Actually, pretty much everything on the bed, including themselves, was a sticky, syrupy morass but it had been worth it._

'_I really pity the poor chambermaid who has to clean up this bed.'_

'_You weren't thinking of the poor chambermaid a few minutes ago, were you? We'll leave a nice tip, if that makes you feel better,' Trowa promised. 'You know, we should probably look at finding our own place near here. This is fine for a couple of nights but I'd rather not live in a hotel long term.'_

_Quatre had been lazily skimming the fingers of one hand over Trowa's skin, but that made him sit up. 'What do you mean?'_

_Trowa's expression was carefully bland. 'Work it out, kit. It's not like either of us is planning to leave Duo any time soon, and we can't take him into space in his condition. Which means we move here, right?'_


	69. Saving Puppies

Discalaimer: I do not own the GW characters or universe. I just play around in it…

Note: Many thanks to KS for editing - ad infinitum - and to everyone who has reviewed.

**Saving Puppies: **

'_You don't mind moving back to Earth? Just when we're starting to settle in properly on L4?'_

'_Of course I don't mind.' Trowa shrugged. 'You're the one who really needs to think about it, though. Have you thought about what will happen with WEI? It's only been nine months since you've taken over. _

_Quatre nodded. 'There's no real reason why I can't run things from here. All I need is a computer and a 'phone and a couple of assistants. I was thinking we could convert a couple of wards on Duo's floor into a suite of offices.'_

'_You think the hospital will allow that?'_

'_There are appeals all over the place for donations to build a new maternity wing. I'm sure the Board will be willing to …negotiate. And it wouldn't hurt WEI to open subsidiaries on Earth, or the other colonies come to that. Now that we're all part of the ESUN, there aren't any more trade restrictions. Why should we be limited to L4 anymore? There's a whole universe out there.'_

'_My little capitalist,' Trowa grinned up at him. 'I love it when you get all…commercial, Mr. Winner. Your sisters are going to freak out, you know? They want things to stay just as they were when your father was in charge.'_

'_Too bad. If they didn't want me to take over WEI, they shouldn't have pressured me into coming home.' He slid back down into Trowa's embrace. 'Honestly, half the time I think they just want me to be their cute, biddable baby brother, who does exactly what he's told while they pretend the universe hasn't changed.'_

'_Well, you _are _cute,' Trowa teased, 'and very biddable in the right circumstances. With the right person telling you what to do, of course.'_

_Quatre snorted, burying his face in the curve of Trowa's shoulder. 'Do you think it's a good idea, Tro? Expanding like that?'_

'_Why not? Earth's economy is just starting to recover from the war. Property prices are still low; it should be an excellent time to buy. A lot of countries are offering incentives to foreign corporations. There's no reason why WEI shouldn't be eligible for those.'_

'_I'll bring it up at the next board meeting,' Quatre decided. 'It'll probably have to be a video conference, if we're still on Earth. They'll all hate it, won't they?' He laughed. 'All my sisters and their husbands, and the executives my father appointed. They're bound to think that WEI shouldn't move beyond L4, just because that was how Father ran things. Not one of them has any vision, really; they'll be terrified at the prospect that something might go wrong and they'll lose their dividends.'_

_Trowa chuckled. 'They'd hate it even more if they knew you'd thought of the whole idea while you were naked in bed with me, especially after what we've just been doing.'_

_Quatre's eyes gleamed. 'Maybe I'll mention it the next time some reporter asks me what inspires my business plans. I'll say I owe it all to a combination of maple syrup and my incredibly gorgeous boyfriend.'_

'_Really? That's what you think about when I'm going down on you?' Trowa murmured. 'That should sell a few newspapers. 'The idea to open subsidiaries on Earth came just as my wonderfully talented lover was sucking me off.' Can't you imagine the headlines? We'd have to make sure we bought shares beforehand. We could make a fortune.' _

'_And all my sisters would have coronaries. Tro, I wish we didn't have to hide everything all the time.'_

'_We don't hide,' Trowa corrected. 'We try to be discreet, to keep your family happy. There's a difference.' He tossed Quatre a wicked little grin. 'And it's not as if we try terribly hard either. After all, we're sharing a double room, and half the neighbourhood probably heard you earlier.'_

'_Trowa!'_

'_Yes, Quatre? You do tend to be very loud in bed, you know that. I think we may have to get you a gag.'_

'_Then I wouldn't be able to do this,' Quatre responded, flicking his tongue deftly around Trowa's nipple, loving the way his lover arched and moaned at the touch. 'Still, we probably should try harder. My sisters wouldn't be too thrilled if I ended up on the cover of in some gossip magazine.'_

_Trowa shrugged. 'Once WEI pulls in the profits, and you don't embarrass them too much in front of their friends, they won't care what you do. Anyway, it's not forever. Once WEI starts turning a real profit, we can appoint some competent managers and take off to do our own thing.'_

'_Good. I'll never be able to please them anyway, will I? Neither of us will. And they'd all go into orbit if they knew you had anything to do with WEI.'_

_Trowa was more or less tolerated as their brothers' 'bodyguard'. There would be an outcry if they found out that Trowa was involved in any WEI affairs. In fact, the two of them made a superb team. Quatre had spent most of his life being trained to run WEI; he had a vision of just how he wanted the company to develop, and Trowa had the experience with tactics and logistics to enable those plans to be carried out. _

_Trowa kissed him. 'Don't worry about them. It's just for a couple of years, my sweet. Then we can do whatever we want.'_

'_I'm sorry,' Quatre said, suddenly serious. 'I never meant for things to work out like this. I wanted us to be together, not for you to have to pretend you're just my bodyguard.'_

'_We are together, Quatre. Always. And I know you, If one of your sisters had been interested or capable of taking over, then things might have been different. None of this is your fault, and you didn't force me into anything. It was a joint decision.'_

_His father's death, coupled with the ongoing war, had almost bankrupted the once-successful corporation. The first few months after the War hadn't helped either, with Quatre's sisters and their husbands scheming either to take control of WEI or sell it off piecemeal. Either way, they'd just wanted to milk it dry to finance their own luxurious lifestyles._

'_My father was never interested in making money for himself. He wanted WEI to succeed, but that was because it provided so much employment, and did so much for the colony. Most of the profits were ploughed back into the business. My sisters don't understand any of that. They just want to know they'll have a certain income every six months.. I suppose it's not their fault, really. Father didn't bring any of them up to be involved with WEI. Just me.'_

_He sighed. 'You know, I think I understand him better now. He desperately needed someone to hand the business over to, to take care of it and I was all he'd got.'_

'_I think he'd be very proud of you. You've practically turned around an almost bankrupt company , and you've done so much to help the people on L4.'_

_Quatre shrugged his slender shoulders. 'He might approve of that part of it. He wouldn't approve of anything else, not least that I won't be fathering any little Winners to inherit. Still, some of my older nieces and nephews are studying Business. If they're interested, it would be nice to have some of them involved. I'd rather like WEI to stay in the family if possible.' He leaned over to press a kiss to Trowa's cheek. 'None of this should be your problem. I thought after the war, we could do whatever we wanted, make a perfect life for ourselves.'_

_Trowa grinned. 'You're the one who's always saying we should share everything. That means bad things as well as good, right? And you don't have to worry about me. Let's face it, my life was shit 'til I met you. The best thing that had happened to me before that was getting a Gundam, and that was only so I could kill more efficiently. You're the one who showed me love, happiness, everything. And one day we'll get to go off and live our own lives. We just have to wait a little longer , that's all.' _

'_A house on Earth,' Quatre decided, propping himself up on one elbow and gazing into his lover's stunning green eyes. It was a game they'd played all the way through the war; Quatre seriously, Trowa indulging him. 'Where would you like to live, Tro? If you could choose anywhere? Africa? We could have a nature reserve.'_

'_India, maybe. There are some wonderful conservation projects for tigers. I'd like to do something like that.'_

'_What about Sri Lanka? I was reading about it in one of your magazines; it looks beautiful.'_

'_Why not?' Trowa stretched lazily. 'A bamboo hut by the ocean so we could fall asleep listening to the waves and watch the sunrise from our bed.'_

'_Oh, yes.' Quatre mentally revised his little fantasy of the two of them walking hand in hand on a beach and enjoying a spectacular sunset by one hundred and eighty degrees. Trowa preferred to watch the sun rise. 'And a pet tiger? You could train it to do all kinds of things, and I could take it for walks.'_

_Trowa laughed. 'I'm not sure if teaching animals tricks is an integral part of animal rehabilitation. Or turning them into pets.'_

'_Oh, I never thought of that.' OK, scratch out the adorable tiger cubs gambolling at their feet. Perhaps they could have a dog instead? They could rescue a puppy from life on the streets and give it a wonderful home. 'And I could do a cookery class. Then I could cook you amazing Indian dishes every night.'_

'_Maybe not that. Actually, please not that. Don't worry. You can compose music for the two of us to play, and write romance novels, and if you do get bored, you'll probably end up running the country.'_

_Quatre pulled a face. 'I don't actually **have **to organise everything, you know. It might be quite nice just to sit back and do nothing.'_

_Trowa leaned over and tapped his forehead. 'OK, who exactly are you and where have you hidden Quatre Winner? Just tell me that in the last ten minutes you haven't been thinking of all the wonderful improvements you could make to the Indian economy, health and education systems and infrastructure.'_

'_Ha ha.' Quatre tried for sarcasm, something that he could never quite achieve with Trowa, and then gave up. 'I do love you, you know.'_

'_I know,' Trowa smirked; it was a quote from an old pre-Colony film that he loved._

_Quatre just laughed. 'I know you love me. I can feel it.'_

'_I can prove it, if you like!' One strong hand snaked down Quatre's spine, squeezing his ass. 'Isn't it my turn to go on top again?'_

'_Well?' Some time later, Trowa looked around from buttoning his shirt, waiting for a reaction._

'_You look fantastic.' Quatre, still sprawled on the bed, reached out one hand to pull him down. It was perfectly true. Trowa had discovered a sense of style on L4; at first, the designer clothes had been nothing more than mission camouflage, for his job as Quatre's bodyguard, but it hadn't taken him long to appreciate fine fabrics and tailoring for their own sake._

_The suit he was wearing had been an early Christmas gift from Quatre and he looked - mouth-watering in it._

'_Down, angel,' the taller man teased, grinning, and Quatre's mouth settled into a pout. He disliked that particular endearment as much as his lover enjoyed it._

'_I do wish you wouldn't call me that.'_

'_My horny, beautiful, insatiable angel,' Trowa amended, the grin broadening as he slid one hand down Quatre's chest. 'Don't you ever get tired?'_

'_Not of you.' Quatre pulled himself up and wrapped both arms tightly around Trowa. 'Never of you.'_

_Another profound truth. Especially not when Trowa was in his arms, and the bed's rumpled linen smelled of sex, and his memory kept conjuring images of his lover sprawled under him, the sheer wonder of Tro's body as he'd pressed into him._

_He loved being on top, even though it had taken so long for Trowa to persuade him to try it. Not that he hadn't wanted to, which he had, very much; but he knew that deep down Trowa associated that position with pain and fear and humiliation, and he never wanted Tro to feel those things around him._

_It hadn't been like that, though. Trowa had given him that trust, and he'd done his best to repay it. To make whole constellations explode in his lover's mind and body and heart. _

_It was power; he'd told Duo that once, when his friend had asked what sex was like. The knowledge that he had only to lift Trowa's hips slightly, make his thrusts faster and deeper, to plunge his lover into pure pleasure._

_After the tensions of the last week, he'd lost control almost as soon as he'd plunged into his lover's body. The second time, he'd been able to make it last. He'd turned Trowa, his Trowa, into a quivering mass of need, quavering desperate pleas for fulfilment punctuated with Quatre's name._

'_Do you have any plans to leave that bed?' Trowa drew back slightly and gave him a quizzical little smile._

'_In a minute.' Quatre rubbed his cheek against Trowa's. Tro hadn't bothered to shave for a couple of days, and the stubble suited him perfectly. Like a rock star, or the hero of a romance novel. 'I love the feel of you when you're all prickly.'_

'_You don't want me to grow a beard, do you?'_

_Quatre shook his head. 'A little goatee would be sexy, maybe. One day. Tro, I'm sorry I was such a brat earlier.'_

'_You don't have to be sorry,' Trowa soothed. 'I know you're all strung up about Duo, and you're always cranky when you haven't eaten for a while.' He pressed his lips to the little line between the blond brows. 'It's OK, kit. I happen to like overly emotional, high maintenance blonds.'_

'_Really, Mr. Barton?' Quatre seized a handful of dark, gleaming hair, still slightly damp from the shower, and tugged. Hard. 'How many of them do you happen to know?'_

'_Only one so far. But he's more than enough.'_

'_Right answer.' Oh, Allah, there was nothing in the universe more beautiful than Trowa's smile. The little amber flecks in his eyes lit up, and danced like fireflies. 'I suppose we should be going,' he said reluctantly, nonetheless settling back into Trowa's arms. 'I called the hospital while you were in the shower. There's no change in Duo's condition and Sally and Hilde are with him.'_

'_We'll go in a minute,' Trowa agreed. 'Quatre, can I ask you to do something for me?' He looked very serious all of a sudden. _

'_Anything,' Quatre said at once, smiling sunnily up at his lover. Trowa almost never asked him for things. 'Whatever you want.' _

'_Don't freak out, OK?' Two strong, warm hands cupped Quatre's face gently. 'I think Heero deserves to attend the meeting this afternoon. It's about Duo and he should be involved.'_

'_Definitely not,' Quatre responded coolly, the lovely, intimate mood shattering into jagged, gleaming shards. 'This is all his fault. He has no right to be consulted on any aspect of Duo's life, and I'm never letting him go near Duo again if I can help it.'_

'_You can't. Heero is officially listed as Duo's next of kin, you know that. He is entitled to visit Duo whenever he wishes. '_

'_He is not!' Quatre snapped. 'Duo is in Intensive Care, in a coma, because of Heero. I think he forfeited any … entitlements when he decided they were no longer a couple.'_

_Trowa sighed, putting both arms around his partner. 'I know you're hurting, angel. I can't imagine how bad this is for you, but Heero's one of our closest friends. Can't you even try to imagine how he must be feeling right now?'_

'_I don't care!' Quatre yelled, jerking free. 'Why can't you understand, Trowa? I don't care about Heero, not after what he did to Duo. He should have been the one to suffer, not Duo. I thought he cared, I thought he could look after Duo and he didn't.'_

'_He's not perfect,' Trowa said quietly. 'I know how you feel about Heero, but everyone makes mistakes. You, me, all of us. Heero is absolutely devastated over what happened.'_

'_Good! He deserves to be.'_

_Trowa shook his head. 'Don't say things like that, Quatre. You've always been the kindest, most compassionate person I've ever known. I know you were upset that day at the hospital, we all were. But it's time you calmed down a little bit, OK? You can't talk like that about Heero, when you haven't even heard his side of the story, yet.'_

'_I don't need to! I was there for the live show, Trowa. Unless it was some sort of shared optical illusion, he kissed Relena and if Duo dies it will be all his fault! So don't you dare tell me to try to understand or sympathise with him.'_

'_We don't know exactly what happened. And Duo isn't your personal property. It's up to him to make a decision about whether or not he sees Heero.'_

'_Fine,' Quatre said shortly. 'When and if Duo wakes up, he can decide for himself. Anyway, they'd broken up a month before all this happened, if you remember. Heero's not even Duo's boyfriend anymore, so he doesn't get to see him, and he doesn't get to have any say in what's going on. Not after the way he betrayed Duo.'_

'_Betrayed Duo or betrayed you?' Trowa arched an eyebrow at him. 'This isn't about you and Heero. It's about Duo.'_

'_What precisely is that supposed to mean?'_

'_You know damn well what it means! Will you, for one minute, take Heero off that pedestal, and admit that he's the same age as us, that he isn't perfect, that he makes mistakes?_

'_I know he isn't perfect,' Quatre snapped._

_The one eyebrow not hidden under a smooth fall of hair rose suddenly. 'Really? That's hard to believe, the way you used to talk about him.'_

'_Trowa, don't! Nothing ever happened. You know that. I'd never have done that to Duo.'_

'_You'd have done that to me?'_

'_NO! Of course not. I'd never, never cheat on you. Never! I'd die first. And it was never like that. I've never loved anyone but you, never and…'_

'_Quatre, calm down!'_

'_No!' Quatre lost it suddenly. He'd been trying so very hard to keep hold of some sort of equilibrium, and it just wasn't working. 'Don't you dare tell me to calm down, Trowa Barton! This is all Heero's fault**, all **of it. He does not deserve to get to be with Duo. I **never **want to see him again, and if you…'_

'_Stop it.' Trowa was suddenly standing beside him, one hand clamped over Quatre's mouth. 'I mean it. Don't say something you're going to regret. Do you hear me?'_

_The blond head nodded once, resentfully._

'_Good. Now, I am going to visit Duo, and I suggest you try to pull yourself together before you leave this room.'_

_Quatre stared uncomprehendingly as Trowa picked up his jacket and headed for the door. Trowa wouldn't … wouldn't just leave him, would never walk out on him._

'_Tro, wait! I'm sorry. Don't go, please. I'll do anything you want, but please, please, I don't want to see Heero. Not now.'_

_For one horrifying, heart-stopping moment, Quatre thought that Trowa was going to push him away, and then a pair of long arms folded him into a close embrace. _

'_You were going to leave me,' he sobbed wretchedly. 'I'm sorry, Trowa. I know you're the sensible, mature one and I'm too emotional, but I can't help it. It's just - I **saw** them! I saw Heero with Relena, and I saw Duo's face, and I felt - the pain, it was like I'd been stabbed and…' Quatre took a deep breath, lifting his face to meet Trowa's eyes. 'It hurt. I've never felt anything like it. He'd been so happy just before it all happened, he'd been so excited about seeing Heero again, and then it all turned into a nightmare.'_

_Trowa sighed. 'I'll never leave you. Never. But, God, Quatre, sometimes I don't know how to cope when you're like that.'_

'_I know,' Quatre scrubbed one hand across his eyes, willing the tears to just - stop. 'I'm sorry. I do try, but sometimes, it all just gets too much. It - it scares me, too, Tro. It's not like I want to feel these things; I've **never **wanted to.'_

'_Oh, angel,' Trowa's expression softened, finally. 'Don't worry. We'll fix it. There has to be something we can do.'_

_Quatre sniffed, fumbling in his pocket for a handkerchief. 'My father spent years trying to cure me, Tro. Nothing ever worked.'_

'_You don't need to be cured, kitten. There's nothing wrong with you. We just need to find a way to control your empathy a little. That' s all.'_

'_OK,' Quatre whispered. Gazing into Trowa's eyes, it was almost possible to believe him. He knew his partner would never want to keep him drugged, or undergo any of the awful shock therapies his father had forced him to try, but…what else was there, really?_

'_I mean it, Quatre. We'll manage, between us, somehow. We always do. And just think about the whole thing with Heero, all right? I know how difficult it is, but you can't take over someone else's relationship and run it the way you want to. Duo **is **going to recover; however long it takes. It's possible that he may forgive Heero. It's possible he may not.' He gave Quatre a sad little smile. 'It's their business, love, not ours, and you'll just have to accept whatever they decide. As far as I can see, very few couples who get together so young actually stay together.'_

_Quatre gasped, horrified. 'Tro! What about us?'_

'_We're different. We'll always stay together. Come on, who else would put up with me?'_

'_Don't talk like that! It's not funny,' Quatre said shakily. 'I know no one else would ever want me, but you ... you could have anyone you wanted.'_

_Trowa's mouth twisted into an ugly parody of a smile. 'I'm not sure if there's all that much demand out there for banged-up ex-mercenaries in less than pristine condition.'_

'_I wish you wouldn't put yourself down like that!' Quatre reached up one hand to sweep the fall of butterscotch hair aside, revealing his lover's face. It made his heart ache; the way Trowa felt about himself sometimes. He was so like Duo; they just hid things differently. 'I wish you could see yourself for one second, the way I see you. How incredible you are.'_

'_Quatre…' Trowa shifted uncomfortably, canting his head so that the shield of hair fell over his face. It was always the same. Naked, in his lover's arms, he lapped up Quatre's lavish compliments; take him out of bed and they made him uneasy. 'I think you're a little biased, kitten.'_

'_Well, of course I am,' Quatre said, very matter of factly, and managed a faint smile. 'It's my job to be biased. And to tell you at regular intervals how wonderful you are, and how much you mean to me.' _

_It was perfectly true, all of it. Tro needed someone in his life, to reassure him that he was a good person, that he was lovable, and cherished and deserved to be loved. And Tro didn't like letting people get close to him; even after almost two years, there were still things he didn't feel comfortable talking about._

_Quatre bit his lip, trying to concentrate on the little sting of pain, and to block out the emotions swirling around his lover. Trowa needed him; needed Quatre to be strong and calm and supportive right now._

'_Don't doubt me, love. OK?' Trowa murmured. 'You're everything to me; you make the world sparkle, you're the first person who ever made me feel like I'm worth something. I'd never, never leave you.'_

'_I know.' His smile was real this time. Tangled in all the ravelled skeins of Trowa's emotions, his love for Quatre was a glimmering, almost tangible thing. 'Tro, would you mind if I met you at the hospital? I might go for a walk in the grounds first. I can't remember the last time I was outside.'_

'_I'll come with you,' Trowa offered at once._

'_No, it's fine. I need to take a shower, and you know that always takes me ages, even without you helping.'_

'_OK.' Trowa kissed him, one of those long, lingering kisses that was all about taste and sensation and set all his nerves dancing, and gave him a shrewd look before letting him go. 'Take your time, baby. You probably need a little time to yourself, anyway. Just don't go out by yourself, OK? Let Rashid or Auda know when you're ready to leave.' _

_Quatre nodded gratefully, blew Trowa kisses as he went out the door, and abruptly sat on the end of the bed. It really was quite terribly rumpled. Maybe he should try to tidy up before leaving?_

_He knew - he **knew** - how much Trowa loved him. But that didn't mean Tro would never run out of patience with him. He'd thought Heero had loved Duo and…no, he wouldn't think about that. _

_Trowa was nothing like Heero; he was loyal and faithful and loving. He'd accepted the fact of Quatre's empathy, had never made an issue of it. When he thought Quatre was getting too excited or worked up about something, he swept him off to bed, or there'd been a couple of occasions when he'd simply been thrust under a cold shower, or into a cold bath. Horrible, but it worked, most of the time._

_It scared his lover sometimes; just how the empathy could control him. It scared Quatre as well. He'd thought, the first year of the war, that he'd finally learned to control it. _

_The Zero system had messed up all of that though, had messed everything up. Had totally annihilated the fragile barriers he'd managed to create, and he'd never quite managed to craft them again. For the final months of the war, he'd coped by focusing on missions. _

_Living at the circus had been horrendously difficult. People had been friendly enough to his face, especially when Trowa was around, but even without the benefit of empathy, he'd heard the sniggers, the tail end of jokes about him being Barton's little bitch, the speculations about what Trowa did to him. He'd never experienced anything like that before._

_It really hadn't helped that Cathy, whom everyone liked, resented his presence in her brother's life. The people at the circus had known her for years; they'd seen her grow up without her real family, and they'd seen how happy she was to find her long lost brother. Quatre was the Gundam Pilot who'd taken that away from her._

_It hadn't helped that everyone thought he was only there for a lark, before returning to real life, or the fact that the Maguanacs were always present, or that everyone at the circus put his formal manners, the only way he really knew how to behave, down to snobbishness._

_In the end, he'd spent most of his time locked in their horrid little trailer, reading or playing music by himself. And then he'd bought the motorbike. It had ostensibly been a gift to Trowa - Duo had helped him choose the model - but it had become Quatre's safety valve. Trowa wasn't overly keen on him going off alone, and the Maguanacs hated it, but he was a former Gundam Pilot, for Allah's sake, and perfectly capable of taking care of himself. Besides, he was as good as any of them at sneaking off unobserved, and once he had a helmet covering his distinctive blond hair, he was just a guy on a bike._

_There were bright spots to the months they'd spent at the circus, of course. They'd got to spend every night together, and eat together, and do things when Trowa wasn't working, but it had still been a relief when Trowa had suggested they move to L4._

_Returning to the colony had been a nightmare. For some insane reason, he'd thought it would be easier. He would have a job, a mission, and he would be with his family. His sisters had all been pressuring him to go back, and he'd naively thought it meant that they'd missed him. _

_They hadn't of course. They'd wanted everything to go back to being the way it had been; to have Quatre back home as their obedient, malleable little brother, instead of running around the universe with a travelling circus. Disgracing the family name, and his father's memory._

_They'd flung all kinds of accusations at him over the first few weeks he'd been home; blaming him for his father's death, for the war itself, for all the people who had died, for the sudden lack of prosperity on L4._

_Of course, the worst bits had been the things that his sisters, those gently reared young ladies, hadn't sullied their mouths with. With the empathy still raw and tender, he'd known it all. What they'd thought of Trowa, of himself, of the two of them together._

_And he'd have to go back. He'd stay on Earth for as long as Duo needed him, of course, but at some point, he'd have to go back to L4 and do his Winner thing, as Duo called it. _

_Quatre took a deep breath, holding it while he counted, trying to think of nothing but the breath. It sometimes worked. Today, of course, it wouldn't be nearly enough. Today, he needed more._

_He'd have to lie to Trowa later, he thought, rummaging through their toiletries bag. He'd pretend a razor blade had been loose in the bottom of the bag, and he hated not being able to tell Tro the truth. It was necessary, this time._

_He'd reached out to feel Trowa's emotions just before his partner had left. Anxiety for Quatre and Duo, regret, sorrow, and hovering over all the negative emotions, the first tendrils of depression. Hardly surprising, given what they'd all been through. But if Trowa was going to fall into one of those bouts of depression, then Quatre would have to be the strong one, stronger than any outside emotions._

_He hadn't meant to cut so deep, but the sweet kiss of steel into flesh had produced the blissful sting of oblivion. Bliss. Physical pain was so much easier to take, so much easier to deal with. _

_Trowa wouldn't suspect anything, surely. He wouldn't think that it had been anything more than a silly accident. _

_The first time, it had actually been a genuine accident. He'd only been a child, seven or eight. A child who spent his days drifting alone through the Winner estates; his sisters had either married or been sent to boarding school and he was largely ignored by the servants, or his older sisters._

_He'd been making a card for Yasmina's birthday and the scissors - which he wasn't supposed to be using - had slipped and one of the points had stabbed into his palm._

_Even ten years later, he could still remember that utter fascination of his own blood, somehow proving that he was real, and alive. That he existed. The amazing thing had been that the sharp pain had somehow taken over his mind. For the first time since he could remember, there was nothing else in his head. No external emotions jabbing at his consciousness. Just himself._

_He'd stopped the habit sometime before he'd met the Maguanacs, and he couldn't entirely remember the first time when he'd started again._

_Sometime after they'd gone to live on L4, after the War, probably? It had been difficult though; no one had cared over much about him as a boy. If anyone had noticed the little cuts, they'd presumably chalked them to the inevitable childhood injuries common to young boys._

_It was different now, because he had Trowa, and Trowa liked to touch and taste and examine every inch of his lover's body when they made love. It made things difficult. Not impossible though; they were apart sometimes. Trowa liked to visit Cathy regularly and there were a few times when Quatre had visited Duo and Heero alone. If he made the cuts shallow enough, they healed in a couple of days._

_Quatre held his hand under the tap, relishing the cold sting of the water, until the blood stopped gushing. Twenty minutes later, walking across the cool hospital grounds, he could still feel only the razor slicing through his flesh. No echoes from Duo at all. _

_It felt wonderful. Walking alone across the tree-lined lawn with a cold breeze caressing his cheek. It had been a mild winter; even in the last few days of December there were a few small white flowers nestled in sheltered patches. Snowdrops, he thought they were called. _

_The garden of the Winner mansion on L4 was a showpiece carefully crafted by the finest landscapers in the universe, but it was still utterly artificial. Every blade of grass, every bush was the product of computer programmes and imagination. Even the flowers in the so-called 'wild garden' had been carefully selected to replicate a spring meadow on Earth. _

_Here, it was all haphazard and natural, the way a garden should be. One day, when he and Trowa finally had their home on Earth, they'd have a garden like this one, complete with butterflies and bees and songbirds. No spiders, though, not if they could prevent it._

_Quatre checked an old bench carefully for insects - they sometimes lurked in odd corners - and then sat down. _

_Duo would love this place. Quatre had tried to help him make a garden in the house he'd shared with Heero, but it hadn't worked. They'd done everything the book said, but when they'd checked the next day, the seeds hadn't grown at all. He'd wanted so much to make a garden for Heero to come home to._

_Bastard, Quatre said aloud, very daringly, and then glanced around to make sure no one had overheard the obscenity. _

_Bastard, he thought silently. He'd trusted Heero to care for his friend and it had all gone wrong. And he **wasn't **going to start crying again. He was going to be calm and collected and mature._

_He was going to think about Trowa._

'_You make my world sparkle' he'd said, a comment that Quatre wanted to cherish, and hug to his chest, and replay over and over in his head. It wasn't the first time he'd said something like that, but he'd never used that particular phrase before. It was so beautiful. His partner wasn't really into making flowery declarations of love; that being Quatre's forte, but when he did, Quatre's whole world glowed._

_He loved the other man so much. And he was **not **going to cry; he wasn't. Quatre scrubbed one hand across his eyes; he was going to be calm and collected and…_

'_Winner?' It was Wufei's voice, sounding oddly unsure for once. 'What's wrong? Have they told you something about Duo?'_

_Blast. Of all the people who could have seen him like this, it had to be Wufei. Quatre sat up, shaking his head, expecting to see pure contempt in the other's dark eyes. Wufei was one of the few people he'd never been able to read; disjointed flashes of emotion that rarely made sense. _

_'Duo's fine.' Quatre sat up, biting his lip as he realised what he'd said. Of course, Duo was anything but fine. 'I mean, there isn't any change. He's stable. Hilde's with him, and Sally. I think Trowa should be there as well, I just wanted to get some fresh air.' _

_Oh, stop babbling, Winner. He doesn't want to hear that._

_Wufei apparently didn't, turning on his heel and walking back toward the hospital._

_Quatre sighed, drawing his knees up to his chin and hugging his ankles. Wonderful. It was obviously not his day. Well, what had he expected Wufei to do, really? Give him a hug and tell him everything would be all right?_

_He was probably lucky that the other man hadn't read him a lecture on proper behaviour. He'd been on the receiving end of a number of those since the war ended. Some of them, he hadn't even dared to tell Trowa about. They'd been friendly enough during the war, Trowa and Wufei. Tro had even brought 05 to the circus at one point, and Wufei had expected his fellow pilot to enlist in Preventers. He'd blamed Quatre's influence when the other man hadn't._

_They'd hurt; all the things Wufei had said to him, almost more than the insults from his family. Wufei had been a comrade, someone he'd tried to make friends with. He'd been wallowing in guilt anyway, from what he'd done during the war, and in those first few weeks after it ended, Wufei had unerringly managed to point out every single weakness, everything he'd been tormenting himself about._

_He'd even brought up what Quatre had done under the Zero system. He hadn't told Trowa that, of course._

_It didn't help that their cultures were roughly similar; both orientated toward family and duty rather than personal preferences._

_The Chinese pilot had seen Quatre's refusal to go home, to honour his family and his ancestors almost as a personal affront. His decision to run off to the circus with Trowa also destroyed any chance of Tro joining Preventers, which Wufei had wanted. Ideally, he would have liked them all to enlist, to stay together, but Heero and Trowa were the two he truly admired. Duo would be around anyway, as Heero's lover, and he scarcely knew Quatre. _

_He had been hurting, Quatre knew that. He'd killed Treize, he was having to come to terms with the deaths of his family, the destruction of his home, with the fact that nothing he could ever do would bring them back. He'd needed to lash out at someone and Quatre had been there. That was all. _

'_Winner.' Oh, Allah. Why couldn't he just leave him alone? Wufei's voice was oddly gentle as he proffered a cardboard cup. 'Drink this.' _

_Quatre accepted the cup, surprised that Wufei apparently knew his favourite blend of tea. 'Thank you.'_

_'Do you... want to talk about it?' _

_Quatre gave him an uncertain little nod. _

_I'm not sure if you'd want to hear it, though. What would you say, Wufei, if I told you my ass aches because I let my boyfriend tie me up and do all sorts of things that you would consider utterly perverted? If I told you that I'm not just gay but I like to let Trowa take charge sometimes. Oh, and I also cut myself occasionally because it's the only way that I know to block out other people's emotions. And it proves that I'm real._

_No, the honourable Chang Wufei wouldn't want to hear any of that._ _But ...he needed to talk to someone. And in the absence of Duo or Heero, Wufei would have to do._

_Aloud, he said, 'Trowa and I had an argument.' _

_Wufei's dark brows lifted slightly. 'I didn't think you two ever fought.' _

_'Well, we do,' Quatre admitted. It got a little wearing sometimes, how everyone just assumed he and Trowa were the perfect couple. Which they were, really, but they were also two highly passionate, strong-minded, stubborn individuals. Of course, they had the occasional difference of opinion._

_Wufei looked uncomfortable, sipping his tea and trying to look anywhere but at Quatre._

'_I am sure it is not very serious,' he said finally, awkwardly. 'Barton seems to - to care for you a great deal, from what I have observed.'_

'_It was about Heero,' Quatre said softly. 'Trowa thinks that I am being too - judgemental about what happened. I - I saw him with Relena, that night. I_ saw _them, Wufei. How on earth am I supposed to get past that? We still don't even know if Duo will regain consciousness, or …or anything.' He took a deep breath, trying to calm a little. _

'_I felt him, Wufei. I felt him when he saw Heero with Relena. I know how much it hurt him.'_

_'I have always envied you the gift.' Wufei looked down at his own hands, linked around his cup. 'To know what people are thinking, what they think about you, must be very valuable. I am...unskilled at telling these things.' _

_'It doesn't work that way. Not really. I can pick up emotions, sometimes, but it usually only happens with people I know very well, or if the emotions are very strong.' _

_'Can you tell what I'm feeling?' He sounded reluctantly curious._

_Quatre hesitated. He didn't really need the empathy to tell that Wufei was lost and confused and troubled, but he probably didn't want to hear that. _

_'I can't just do it on demand. Not at any time, but especially not now, when I can feel Duo, and I know Trowa's angry with me.' That hurt, knowing that he'd somehow disappointed his lover._

'_He and Heero have always been very close.' Wufei's tone was carefully colourless._

'_In my opinion, Yuy behaved dishonourably.'_

_Quatre nodded. 'Trowa says I need to hear his side of the story, before I judge him.'_

_Wufei offered a disdainful sniff. 'What can he say in his defence, truly? Everyone saw what he did, including both of us.'_

'_I know,' Quatre sounded uncertain. 'But Trowa thinks we should at least listen to him. He says Heero's devastated, and desperately sorry for what happened.'_

'_Then it serves him right,' Wufei said crisply. 'You're not going to go along with that, are you? I hadn't thought you were in the habit of allowing Barton to make your decisions for you.'_

'_Not really, no.' Quatre blushed, taking a sip of his tea. If Trowa really wanted him to forgive Heero, he would go along with it. People always thought Trowa was the quiet one, utterly in thrall to his vivacious blond partner, but in reality, Trowa called the shots more often than not, when it came to the big decisions. _

'_Good. There is no excuse for Yuy's behaviour. None.' He glared at his tea as if it had offered him a mortal insult. 'It was a betrayal of the worst kind._

_Quatre nodded. This conversation was…bizarre. Wufei and Duo had been close for a few months after the war; then something had happened. Duo had never figured out what had gone wrong, except that Wufei had just stopped contacting him, and he'd been terribly upset._

'_What is it?' Wufei looked at him curiously. 'Can you …sense something?'_

'_I told you, it doesn't work like that.' It came out a little more irritable than Quatre had intended. 'I'm sorry. I just get tired of people - asking me things. I don't have any control over it, not any more. Not really. Not since Zero.'_

_Allah be praised, Wufei didn't comment on that. Instead, he frowned slightly._

'_How did you control it before?'_

'_I'm not sure if I can explain.' Quatre set down his empty cup, and rested his chin on his knees. 'When I was younger, my father tried all sorts of methods; medication, counselling, shock therapy. There was one therapist, I think he may have been from L5, actually, who taught me some meditation techniques when I was about twelve. Father dismissed him after a month or so, but he'd already shown me the basics by then, and it really helped.'_

'_I have studied the discipline of meditation for years,' Wufei said slowly. 'If you wish, if you think it would help at all, we could perhaps practise together.'_

'_Would you really? That would be so wonderful if you could.'_

_Wufei gave him a considering look. 'For a start, your posture is utterly incorrect. You need to learn to sit properly before anything else. Now, straighten your back….'_


	70. Benefits of Breathing

Disclaimer: The GW boys do NOT belong to me, and I am making no monetary profit on this.

Note the first: Many, many thanks to KS and Wolfje, for the red and green comments respectively, on the many, many drafts of this one, and thanks also to everyone who has been kind enough to review.

Note the second: the flashback at the start of this chapter takes places a few months after the one in 68/69.

**Benefits of Breathing**

_Just breathe._

_It sounded so easy, to concentrate on the passage of breath, to visualise it going in through the nose, inflating the lungs, and then exhaling. Most of the time, actually, Quatre found it therapeutic. Today was different though; he had far too much on his mind to care about the ebb and flow of breath._

_He was trying to focus, he really was; but so much of his mind was occupied with the plans for dinner, and hoping Trowa's 'plane would land on time, and wondering how he'd like the periwinkle blue Quatre had painted their bathroom as a surprise. Hopefully, he would also like the matching blue flecks in his lover's hair, that he still hadn't managed to wash out. _

_It was Trowa who'd found their little apartment, ten minutes walk from the hospital. It had a balcony overlooking the park and six rooms which would have fit comfortably into their bedroom on L4. For Quatre, it was like a fantasy come true._

_Their first real home. Granted, they'd shared safe-houses, and that squalid little caravan at the circus, but they'd chosen this one together, and it was safe, and it stayed in one place all the time. They had furniture they'd chosen together, and bookshelves that Trowa had made, and a deliciously squishy leather couch and a real fireplace. It was perfect._

_Somewhere, in between spending time with Duo, and working for WEI, they'd managed to establish their own routines and rituals over the past four months. Taking turns to get up early to go for fresh bread and the newspapers; walking in the park after hospital visiting hours were finished, or lazing away the occasional morning in bed. _

_He'd even learned to cook. After the first couple of weeks, he'd decided that his lack of culinary skills had been a standing joke for too long. It wasn't his fault that no one had ever taught him to cook, and his first few attempts had been less than stellar._

_Now they had a proper kitchen with modern appliances, a far cry from the rickety two-ring stove in the trailer that had never worked properly, and there were some wonderful stores within walking distance, as well as an organic market at the weekends. Maybe tomorrow they could go there for lunch and then…_

'_Winner!' Wufei's voice broke into Quatre's happy little reverie and shattered it into tiny gleaming fragments. 'Close your eyes! You have to focus.'_

'_My back hurts! I've been sitting like this for nearly two hours.'_

'_Then you are holding yourself incorrectly. I've shown you the proper way to sit. It's hardly my fault if you are unable to do so. I could hold that position for hours without complaining before I could walk properly.'_

_Wufei wasn't a particularly good teacher. He was impatient, disliked having to explain things more than once, and set impossibly high standards. He also didn't believe in praise or encouragement, as Quatre was supposedly doing this for his own benefit, rather that his teacher's approval. He didn't have a problem with doling out criticism though._

_'I can't really concentrate right now. Trowa's 'plane lands in exactly thirty-nine minutes.'_

_Wufei rolled his eyes. 'He's only been gone for two days.'_

_'Two full days, two full nights, most of today. That's a long time if you add it all up.' _

_He missed Trowa terribly; they'd talked constantly but it wasn't the same as having Trowa there all the time. But one of them had had to go to Amsterdam to oversee security for the new WEI offices, and Trowa was more experienced. It was still hard being apart, though. He had a long list of things he wanted to tell Trowa in person; from Duo's latest medical report - positive - and the new WEI AGM report, to silly little domestic things. He'd made his first successful omelette, he'd decorated the bathroom walls - and the floor and himself in the progress - and he'd bought some new trailing plants for their balcony. _

_Of course, they probably wouldn't get around to talking for a while._

'_Please, Wufei. Can't we stop? I still have to finish dinner and I won't be able to concentrate now.'_

'_The whole purpose of meditation is to learn focus and concentration.' Wufei uncurled from the lotus position anyway, stacking the mats neatly against the wall. _

'_Watch this,' Quatre stretched out both arms, and launched himself into a neat back-flip. 'Trowa taught me, just before he left. Aren't I clever?' Quatre asked proudly, executing a perfect landing. _

_'You are quite wonderful, yes.' Wufei's tone was dry enough to gather dust. _

_Quatre just grinned. 'It's not really that good. Not compared to the stuff Tro can do. He's amazingly flexible.' _

_The Chinese man muttered something Quatre couldn't quite make out. Probably just as well. 'Really, Quatre. Cooking, music, yoga, meditation and now acrobatics. Have you ever heard the expression 'Jack of all trades, master of none'?'_

'_I have, yes.' The blond's tone was quite unruffled. He'd learned over the past few months that Wufei rarely meant to be rude or brusque; he just didn't have very good social skills. Or any social skills at all. 'But I have an actual job. Everything else is just a hobby, for fun. Not the meditation, obviously. That's something I do take seriously. You know, I do appreciate all the help you've given me.' _

_He meant it. Ever since he was a little boy, he'd been unconsciously trying to erect barriers around his consciousness, to block out the battering maelstrom of other people's emotions. Wufei had taught him how to control that ability, how to focus and centre himself. He sometimes felt the other man had saved his sanity. _

_Wufei was never comfortable with thanks but he pressed on anyway. 'Honestly, you've no idea how much it's helped. I was an utter wreck after Duo's accident, and poor Trowa had to put up with me, as well as everything else that was going on.' His friend's face, as he stretched sore muscles was a study in awkwardness, and Quatre took pity on him, changing the subject._

_'When are you going to show me the cool stuff?' He took the folded mats from Wufei and stacked them in the closet, before heading for the kitchen. _

_'Meditation exercises are not 'cool'' Wufei pronounced it disdainfully. _

_'Yes, they are! Duo said you could control your body when you were in that cell on the Lunar base! And I've been reading about masters who can control their body temperatures and pain and everything.' _

_'Those disciplines take years of dedicated study and commitment to master. I've been teaching you for less than four months, and you still have difficulty in maintaining the correct posture.'_

_'Oh, come on. I'm your star pupil, aren't I?'_

_'My only pupil.' Wufei said repressively, but there was a very faint smile lurking around the corners of his mouth, even if it didn't dare to blossom fully. _

'_Then I'm automatically the best!' _

_Wufei said nothing, which was praise in itself. He'd never actually said so, but Quatre knew that he was impressed by what the blond had managed to achieve in such a short time. Of course, it helped that Quatre had been using breathing exercises for years to control his empathy, and that he'd taken up yoga shortly after the war. He'd never dared to tell Wufei that he'd begun yoga classes to try to emulate his boyfriend's flexibility. 'What else am I going to do? Just spend the rest of my life breathing?'_

'_That would be advisable, yes,' Wufei spoke with a completely straight face and Quatre cracked up. It was still something of a surprise, that there was a sense of humour hidden under all that rigidity and strict codes of honour. 'Very well. If you are truly prepared to work at it, I will help you. Perhaps next time I am here.' He glanced at his watch. 'It's late, Quatre. I should be leaving soon.'_

'_But you're staying for dinner, aren't you? I've made plenty. Please. I promise, we'll behave ourselves.' He gave Wufei his most appealing smile. 'You may not believe this, but we honestly are capable of keeping our hands off each other.'_

'_It isn't that,' Wufei protested. 'I have an early flight in the morning and I still have to pack.'_

'_Nonsense!' Quatre said briskly. 'Packing only takes ten seconds. And you still have to eat.'_

'_Barton's been away for all those countless hours you were talking about. You don't want me here tonight.'_

'_Don't be silly. Of course, we do! Besides, you can't spend your last night here all alone.' He turned the smile up a notch from pleading to imploring. 'Please stay. After all, you helped me to make the curry paste when you got here. You deserve to try the final result. I promise, I haven't poisoned anyone in weeks. Please?'_

_Wufei sighed, apparently accepting defeat as he carried three plates to the table. 'Are you this bossy with Barton?'_

'_Oh, I'm far worse.' Quatre spun around from the stove to laugh at him. 'I don't suppose you know when you'll be back from your mission?' He'd already learned not to ask where his friend was being sent; Preventer agents weren't allowed to divulge that sort of information. He wondered how Duo had ever managed, watching Heero accept missions, and being the one to stay behind._

_Wufei shook his head as Quatre slid a tray of nan breads into the oven. 'I really don't know. I'm sorry.'_

'_It' s not your fault. How are things going with work anyway?'_

'_You know I can't talk about that, Quatre.'_

'_That's not what I meant.' Quatre tasted a spoonful of curry sauce. 'Oh, this is rather good. Maybe just a little more curry powder? Trowa won't believe I made it! I just wondered if you're happy working at Preventers.'_

'_Happy?' Wufei spoke the word as if it were an alien concept. 'I am doing a job for which I'm suited, which helps to maintain the peace. Isn't that more important than my personal pleasure?'_

'_Job satisfaction is good, yes. But surely people are entitled to some happiness as well? Otherwise life would be rather dull, don't you think?'_

_Wufei shrugged. 'I am hardly qualified to do anything else, am I?'_

'_Of course you are! I'd offer you a job with WEI in a second. And I thought that He -' Quatre bit his lip; don't talk about Heero - 'that someone mentioned you wanted to attend university?'_

'_Perhaps one day.' Even without any empathy, Quatre could feel the sorrow drifting about him. He was like Heero - no, **don't **think about Heero - in so many ways, believing he needed to atone for the things he'd done. Like Quatre himself, come to that. Like all of them. 'Is happiness an entitlement? Are you happy?'_

'_At the moment, very much so.' It was true. He had a kitchen that was fragrant with spices and steam, and Trowa's 'plane was due to land in five minutes, and Duo's doctors were pleased with his progress. _

_Some of them were saying it was almost miraculous, and they were talking about inducing him out of the coma in a few weeks' time. The neuro-psychologist today had run a battery of tests, and detected no signs of brain damage, now that the swelling had finally gone down. The medical team had tried to warn him that there could still be problems ahead; they still didn't know exactly how much damage had been done to the spinal cord, but Quatre refused to let them dampen his mood. Everything would be fine; he could afford for Duo to have the best medical care in the universe. He would fund research and set up his own facility if necessary._

'_I meant, are you happy running WEI?' The dark eyes were challenging. _

'_Sometimes,' Quatre said, and proffered a spoonful of sauce. 'Try this.'_

'_I thought you said it wasn't spicy! I can feel the steam coming out of my ears.'_

'_Oh dear.' Quatre stuck a finger in the pot and sucked it clean. 'It is rather, isn't it? I can put in some more coconut milk, maybe. That should help, and we've got some natural yoghurt. It's just that Tro likes very spicy food. Can you get me the can opener, please? It's in the drawer beside you. Am I happy running WEI?' he mused, pouring the can's contents into the bubbling pot. _

'_It's not something I've thought about really. It's something I have to do. I like parts of it. I like knowing that a prosperous company will have benefits for the whole colony. I love doing business on Earth, or any of the other colonies actually. On L4, every time I suggest something new, my sisters and all my fathers' executives try to block it. If it's new, it's automatically wrong.'_

'_Your ideas seem to be working, however,' Wufei noted. ' I liked your idea of allowing WEI employees to buy shares at a discounted rates.'_

'_My sisters **hated **that one! But it makes sense to me. If people work hard for a company, they should be able to benefit. Anyway, I'll be eighteen in a few months. Then I'll have full control of WEI. I won't have to spend hours persuading the Board that change isn't necessarily evil.' _

'_What will you do then?' Wufei stepped around him to turn on the kettle. 'Move to Earth permanently and transfer WEI headquarters here?'_

'_I don't know yet. Trowa and I have been talking about it. We both love living on Earth, it means Tro can see Cathy more often, and we have so much more freedom than on L4.' _

_It was nothing more than the truth. On Earth, they could pretty much do as they pleased. Live together openly; go running in the park at sunrise, or hold hands in a café downtown. They'd even been to a nightclub together, and after a few sips of Trowa's beer, he'd let Tro pull him on to the dance floor. All things that would have been unthinkable on L4._

_Not that their relationship went exactly unnoticed. Two former Gundam Pilots, one of them the CEO of a major corporation, were news, and there had been articles and photos in several magazines and newspapers. They were always ones that were banned on his home colony, though, so Quatre didn't care all that much._

_Ironically, they probably had Heero to thank, in part, for their relative anonymity. He'd resigned from Preventers two months previously, in a blaze of gleaming medals and glory. None of his former friends had attended the ceremony, a fact that might have attracted attention if Relena hadn't stolen the show, reaching up to give Heero a kiss as she presented him with a special medal from Sanque. It had been a simple peck on the cheek, but the world's media had gone mad. _

_He had officially resigned to pursue his studies, but he was still in Sanque, living at the Palace and squiring Relena to her various public appearances. There was feverish speculation about their relationship, and the Princess's romance had totally eclipsed any public interest in the rest of them. _

_So much for Trowa's defence of Heero! Quatre had been right not to give in on that one. If Heero had truly cared about Duo, had truly regretted what he'd done, he certainly wouldn't be plastered over every newsstand in the universe with Relena. He might even have made more of an effort to see his former lover, instead of apparently forgetting he existed._

_Duo was better off without him. They all were._

_It also helped that Relena's brother had finally been released from prison, and was supposedly 'recovering' in some remote area of Sanque. They were reported sightings of the tall prince every other day, which meant even more columns of newsprint devoted to the Peacecraft family._

_Quatre handed Wufei a selection of herbal teas, wrenching his mind away from Heero. Traitor. _

'_I don't know…L4 is home, I suppose. I'd like to be there if my sisters ever needed me for anything. And I don't want WEI to be just another global corporation with subsidiaries on the colonies. We'll probably spend a couple of years on L4, and then make a long term plan. We have to see what' s happening with Duo as well. The doctors say it will take time before he can go back to space, so we can't just bring him back with us. I'm not sure if he'd even like living on L4, to be honest. Oh, excuse me, please.' _

_He headed back into the living room to answer the ringing 'phone, putting down the receiver almost at once, but not in time to stop a woman's shrill voice, shrieking almost hysterically._

'_I'm sorry about that,' he apologised, returning and pouring tea into two cups. 'It's my sister, Kimia. She and my other sisters take turns to call me and tell me what a degenerate I am. I'm just glad she rang before Trowa got back; it makes him so furious.'_

'_And you don't mind?'_

_Quatre shrugged. 'It's not exactly pleasant, no. They're my family, after all. But I don't think there's anything wrong with loving someone. And there's nothing more important in my life than Trowa. If it means I have to put up with my sisters telling me I'm an unnatural pervert, then so be it.'_

_Wufei's indrawn hiss of breath surprised them both. 'They actually say those things to their own brother?'_

'_Oh, they've said far worse than that. I thought it was unacceptable to be gay on L5 too?'_

'_It was … discouraged,' Wufei said carefully. 'We were brought up to believe that family was the most important thing in life, that a person's first responsibility was to ensure the old bloodlines survived. Homosexuality was ..not exactly the best way to achieve that.'_

'_I can see that,' Quatre handed him a cup of tea, and carefully measured out three portions of rice. 'But surely there must have been some gay people around when you were growing up?'_

_Wufei shrugged, taking a sip of his tea. 'I suppose there were. But my clan was very traditional, even by the standards of L5, very conservative. We lived in a remote area, and there was little contact with the rest of the colony. Young people were married at fourteen, and thrust into bed together. Homosexuals were never mentioned, except as the subject of smutty jokes; gay men were all supposed to be weak and effeminate.'_

'_Well, you know that much isn't true,' Quatre said calmly, and then laughed. 'Not that I'm exactly a model of manliness right now, fussing over dinner and counting the seconds before my boyfriend comes home.'_

'_I think Barton is ...very fortunate to have found you.' Wufei swallowed another mouthful of tea, and sighed, staring into the depths of his cup as if the answers might appear there. 'I don't know, Quatre. There probably were other gay people in my clan, but either they were very discreet, or I simply chose not to notice. I was so wrapped up in myself and my studies, I paid very little attention to anyone else.' He heaved another deep sigh._

'_I'm not sure if Earth is as…tolerant as you believe. Sanque, perhaps, but I have heard comments, jokes, at Preventer HQ. You probably don't know what I'm talking about.'_

'_You think so? I spent over two months living with Trowa at the circus, don't forget. I could write a book on the subject. Surely there are anti-discrimination laws?'_

'_In theory.' Wufei stood and added more boiling water to his cup. 'Really, it amounts to no more than a paragraph in the orientation handbook.'_

'_Are there any other gay agents?' Quatre chose his words carefully, not sure if Wufei's earlier 'other' comment had been intentional, or simply a slip of the tongue. Of course, he'd known Wufei was gay since they'd first met, but Wufei had never admitted it. Over the past couple of months, as they'd slowly become friends, Wufei had dropped hints, but he'd never actually said it._

_Trowa wouldn't be too happy if he walked in on the two of them having a fencing match._

_The Chinese man let it pass, though, simply offering a shrug in return. 'Perhaps there are. Most people seem content to fit in and go along with their peers though.'_

'_Not you, though,' Quatre said softly. Despite what Wufei seemed to believe, he knew that his friend's sexual orientation was probably the least of his problems at work. There were so many other reasons; he was too young, a former terrorist, a Colonial working for an Earth-based organisation, and that was even omitting his - less than winning personality._

'_Wufei, you don't have to stay there, you know. You do have other options. And Trowa and I will do anything we can do help. It's the least we can do, after all you've done for me. You shouldn't stay in a job that makes you miserable, and it's not just you. I remember Heero talking about how hard it was for other agents to accept him and…are you all right?'_

_One of his delicate porcelain cups had plummeted onto the kitchen tiles and shattered. _

'_I'm so sorry. It just slipped,' Wufei gasped._

'_It doesn't matter. You didn't cut yourself, did you?' On the floor, gathering up the shards of china, Quatre gazed up at him, trying to fathom why a broken cup could account for his friend's sudden pallor. His friend looked like he'd seen a ghost. He must be finding work more difficult than even Quatre had guessed._

'_No. I'm fine. Quatre, I owe you an apology.'_

'_Not at all. We have plenty of cups and it was an accident.'_

'_Not that, Quatre.' One of Wufei's fingers reached up to stroke the bridge of his nose, something he only did when he felt nervous or uncomfortable, but his gaze held Quatre's steadily. 'After the war, I said things to you, that were untrue and I regret them deeply. You are one of the strongest, most honourable people whom I have even met.'_

'_It's all right.' Quatre slid one hand over the table to squeeze Wufei's lightly. 'Really.'_

'_It was a - difficult period for me,' Wufei said, plainly determined to wallow in guilt and recriminations. Well, Quatre knew all about that. 'All the things that had been sustaining me during the war; the need for vengeance, to defeat Treize, they were all gone. At first, I thought we would all join Preventers, that I would still have that - that comradeship, that I had come to value. It was difficult,' he echoed. 'I was coming to terms with…certain aspects of myself, and finding myself lacking. You and Maxwell - Duo - were only trying to be friendly and I behaved badly toward both of you.'_

'_I know it's difficult,' Quatre said softly, standing up and stirring his sauce, giving himself a moment to think about what to say next. Wufei had never opened up like this to him before, perhaps never to anyone. If he said the wrong thing, if he pushed too far, the Chinese man would probably run, or else attack Quatre for the insult to his precious honour. On the other hand, he had brought up the topic, however obliquely, which argued that he wanted to discuss it._

_He rummaged in the fridge for a small bowl of olives, and sat back down. 'Believe me, if anyone knows it's me. Homosexuality was seen as the ultimate sin on L4. I'm not quite sure why; there are so many worse things. I found out about myself when I was just a child, from reading the letter from a therapist my father had sent me too. His report claimed I showed signs of latent homosexuality. I didn't even know what it meant, then; I had to look it up. Some weeks before my friend Nasir had been raped and I felt him die.' _

'_He…died from being raped?'_

_Quatre's mouth twisted. 'In a way, yes. He killed himself because of the shame. I can still remember our servants, people who'd known Nasir since he was a boy, whispering that it was probably for the best. And that if he'd been raped, he must have wanted it, must have brought it on himself somehow._

'_My father thought I was having a seizure; I was in hospital for days. I'd never felt anyone die before. After I got home, I went to see that therapist, and he told my father that I was gay, along with all the many other things that were wrong with me.'_

'_How old were you?' Wufei whispered, aghast._

'_Ten, perhaps eleven. That was the first time I ever knew anything about gay sex, Wufei. When a fifteen year old boy I'd considered my friend had those things happen to him. It was hardly an ideal introduction, was it?'_

'_So…how did you…you know?'_

'_Well, I met Trowa,' Quatre told him, smiling at the memory. It would always be the defining moment in his life; Trowa walking out of Heavyarms to meet him._

'_It was that simple?' Wufei sounded profoundly sceptical. _

'_I don't think love is ever simple, exactly. Won't you have another olive? But what I feel for him, I don't think there can be anything wrong with caring so much for another person, with wanting their happiness.'_

_Wufei opened his mouth to speak, at the exact moment that Quatre's 'phone rang. 'I'm sorry!' he glanced at the number and headed for the bedroom. 'It's Trowa; he said he'd call when he got to the airport. I'll just be a minute.'_

_'Trowa!' Quatre sang happily. 'It's so wonderful to hear your voice!' In fact, they'd spoken a couple of hours previously, but then Trowa had still been on his flight and now they were in the same country, the same city. 'When will you be home?' _

_'I'm just leaving the airport. Should take about thirty minutes, depending on traffic. Do you want me to pick up something on the way, or would you rather go out somewhere for dinner?' _

_'Neither, actually. I've cooked for us.'_

_Trowa never missed a beat. 'So, do you want me to pick up something on the way, or would you rather go out somewhere?'_

_'You, naturally, may do as you choose,' Quatre informed him with immense dignity, 'but Wufei and I have cooked a wonderful Thai green curry, which we are planning to eat.'_

_'Wufei and you?' Trowa sounded amused. 'You're starting to domesticate him a little, then?'_

_'I'll tell you later,' Quatre shot an uncertain look at the bedroom door. 'He came home with me after we'd been to the hospital. I've asked him to stay and eat with us. You don't mind, do you?'_

_Trowa chuckled. 'So long as he doesn't object to me ravishing you on the dinner table!'_

_'Trowa!' _

_'Yes, Quatre, my love? I'll try to behave myself but it has been a couple of days, and my willpower may not be up it.' _

_'I have every faith in you being ... up for it,' Quatre teased back. 'He won't stay long, Tro; he has an early flight tomorrow. And I expect to be ravished as soon as he's gone through the door.' _

_'Always so bossy, angel, aren't you?' Trowa's sigh had a smile woven into it. _

'_Don't call me that,' Quatre complained for the millionth time. 'It's so inappropriate.'_

'_No, it's not. You look like an angel, and you certainly fuck like one.'_

'_Trowa Barton!'_

'_That's me.' His voice dropped several octaves, taking on that husky, ever-so-slightly menacing tone that Quatre associated with sex. 'I bought you a present in Amsterdam.'_

'_Really?' Quatre squeaked, charmed. 'What is it?'_

'_A little surprise. You'll like it. I'll show you after Wufei goes home. We don't want to shock him, do we?'_

'_Tell me now, please,' Quatre begged. He adored presents. Everyone assumed he was a spoilt rich kid, and it was mostly true. He'd grown up in luxury after all; he'd never had to do the things his friends had had to do to survive. He'd never really been given presents though. The Winners hadn't celebrated Christmas, and his birthday was the anniversary of his mother's death, so it had never been an enjoyable day. 'Pretty please. You wouldn't make me beg, Tro, would you?'_

'_I have every intention of making you beg, kitten. When I've got you naked and tied to the bed, and when you can't even remember your own name, let alone mine…'_

_Quatre gasped, feeling the sudden surge of lust from half way across the city. He'd been able to read Trowa from the first moment they'd met, even before Zero had messed up his control, and that had never changed. It had always been the one good thing about his gift; his ability to feel Trowa's love for him. I_

'_Felt that, did you?' Trowa chuckled. 'I hope you enjoyed it, because you'll be getting the live show in a couple of hours.'_

_Quatre hung up, trying to calm down a little. Oh, Allah! One of these days, Trowa was going to make him come just by thinking about him. Duo would have made a crack about long distance orgasms._

_He missed Duo, his best friend, so very much. OK, don't think about Duo. Or Trowa, for that matter. Not while Wufei was still in the kitchen, needing someone to confide in. He had to be calm and tactful and supportive, not obsessing over his own lover, and the things his lover would do to him later…_

_Just breathe, Winner. Long, deep breaths. Wufei would be furious if he knew his special meditation techniques were being subverted in this way. _

_Oh dear. Techniques…no. He wasn't going to think about techniques, not about the things Trowa could do with his tongue and fingers and all the rest of him, all those things that would be illegal on L4 if people even suspected they existed._

'_I'm sorry,' he apologised politely as he walked back into the kitchen. 'Trowa should be home in about thirty minutes.' Oh dear. He was trying to be calm and composed, but he could see his goofy, giddy grin in the polished surface of the refrigerator. 'He's got a surprise for me.'_

_Oops, as Duo would have said. That had just slipped out. Still, he thought, opening the refrigerator door hiding his face and his blushes inside, Wufei would probably think it was Dutch chocolate, or a cultural souvenir. _

'_What shall we have for dessert? I got some of those dark chocolate éclairs Trowa likes at the market yesterday, and I think we still have some ice-cream.' He turned around, holding the box of pastries, and saw Wufei's face. 'What's the matter? Did I say something wrong?'_

_Wufei shook his head. 'No. No, of course not. It's just - you and Barton, the way you are always doing little things for each other. I - envy you both.'_

'_It's just something couples do, I think.' Quatre tried to keep his tone neutral as he sat back down._

'_I wouldn't know,' Wufei told him bleakly. 'It isn't just about sex, is it? You and Trowa? You really…care about him?'_

_Quatre immediately choked on an olive, and needed to have his back thumped. It was not the sort of question he'd ever imagined Wufei would ask. _

_Duo had asked the same question once, when they'd been fifteen year olds together, each desperately in love and terrified and exhilarated and so terribly confused, who had told each other everything._

'_Of course not. It's about, well, everything. It always has been. I love him.'_

'_Does it hurt?'_

_Still reeling from the earlier question, Quatre was slow on the uptake. 'What? The empathy?'_

'_No!' Wufei's face was scarlet. 'Nothing. It doesn't matter.'_

_Oh. Duo had asked him that too, once. _

'_No, it doesn't hurt,' Quatre said gently. 'Sex is the fun part. Well, it is after the first few times, anyway,' he amended. It was a conversation they'd skirted around several times, but Wufei had never actually said it, not straight out. And he remembered all too vividly being a fifteen year old virgin, with only the fuzziest notion of what sex between two men would involve. 'It's scary, isn't it? I remember Duo and I going into an - an adult shop during the war, and I practically hyperventilated. It's wonderful, though, with the right person; someone you love and trust. Would you like to find someone?' _

'_I don't know. I don't exactly have a great deal to offer a potential partner, do I?'_

_Quatre grinned; he just couldn't help it. 'How do you want me to answer that? If I start listing all your many good points, you'll either try to kill me, or think I'm making it up. I think you have a tremendous amount to offer anyone. You are kind, brave, loyal, honourable, incredibly attractive…'_

'_Winner!'_

'_What?' Quatre slanted him his most innocent look; the one even Trowa still fell for sometimes. 'Haven't you ever taken a long look at yourself in a mirror?'_

'_Of course not! I'm not a woman!'_

'_Well, mirrors aren't exactly sexist,' Quatre murmured, wondering if Wufei could ever be persuaded to let his hair down. Literally and every other way. 'Seriously, if you went out to a club with us some night, I can guarantee there'd be a stampede to dance with you.'_

'_I don't dance.' He was obviously trying to sound indignant and dignified, but it came out as more forlorn. 'I can't do relationships, Quat. I can't. I tried once and it was utterly disastrous. Not everyone can have your sort of fairytale romance.'_

'_Why not? I'm sure there's a handsome prince out there for you somewhere.' Quatre held his breath for a moment; it was the first time he'd ever actually said it so bluntly, but Wufei just hung his head, gazing at the table top. _

'_You can tell me anything, you know. I wouldn't tell anyone, not even Tro. Sometimes it helps just to talk about things.'_

_Wufei snorted. 'Not even you can help what's wrong. You don't know anything about it.'_

'_Wufei…' he took a deep breath. Oh, Allah. Not that, please. Not Wufei as well. 'Nobody ever hurt you, did they?'_

_Thank all the Gods in creation, he just shook his head, looking utterly affronted at the question. 'Certainly not! I would never allow anyone to destroy my honour in that fashion. I would die first!'_

'_Of course. I'm sorry,' Quatre said solemnly. He was itching to know about the 'disastrous relationship' but Wufei had apparently clammed up, jumping to his feet to check the pots on the stove._

_Drat. It had to have been Treize, though. Wufei's emotions had always been next to impossible to read; quick flashes of anger or frustration or loneliness and the very occasional flicker of physical attraction towards his fellow pilots, Duo in particular. _

_Treize though; oh, that was different. Quatre didn't know if Wufei had ever fully acknowledged what the other man had meant for him. Quatre had never met the OZ leader, but he'd seen pictures and even Heero had spoken about his charisma. It made perfect sense, really, for Wufei to fall for someone so powerful, the very antithesis of gay men being weak in some way. And he'd been the one to kill Treize. _

_It was giving him the first tiny germ of an idea though. Duo and Wufei.. they'd both lost someone they'd cared for, Duo was going to need somewhere to stay on Earth, and Wufei definitely needed a friend, at the very least. It might just work. Of course, Trowa would say he was meddling as usual, but he was only trying to help. That wasn't the same._

_Hmmm._

_He gave Wufei one of his most charming, irresistible smiles. 'You know, you can't spend the rest of your life all alone because of one painful experience. Maybe you just need to find a close friend first, and see what develops?'_

_Wufei shrugged moodily. Ah. Subject closed for the present, then._

_Quatre smiled at him. 'You know, it's a lovely evening. Shall we eat on the balcony? Trowa's been stuck inside all day.'_

_Trowa._

_Quatre stood up hurriedly, pulling his t-shirt loose over his jeans. _

_Oh dear. Stop thinking about Trowa._

Trowa….

He had to call Trowa.

He gently lowered the comatose Doctor Marshall onto the bed. The poor woman hadn't put up any resistance, bending over him and crumpling gently to the floor as he'd found that pressure point in her neck. She'd have a headache when she came to, but she wasn't badly injured. She would probably need a bodyguard to protect her from Une, though. Quatre winced a little as he put more weight on his injured ankle. He'd jarred it, pulling it free of the restraint, and it had hurt terribly.

Quatre took a deep breath, holding it, trying to focus on the source of the pain and just accept it, the way Wufei had taught him. It wasn't easy.

_Come on, Winner. You don't have time for this._

He'd jammed the lock to his door, fortunately a sturdy fire door, but it wouldn't take them long to open it. Une was probably trying to rip it open with her bare hands, or using some poor subordinate as a battering ram, if the sounds outside were anything to go by. Oh, she was going to be furious.

She'd had Quatre Winner; injured, half out of his mind on medication and suffering from concussion, quite literally in her power, and he'd still managed to evade her. And, to add insult to injury, he'd stolen her 'phone.

Duo would adore that bit.

There was the click of an answer machine, and then 'Barton.'

One word, tersely spoken, but Quatre's heart leaped. He'd never really expected Tro to answer; he always screened his calls and he probably wouldn't pick up for Commander Une anyway.

'It's me,' he said softly, and held his breath.

_Please, Trowa. Please. Answer the 'phone._

Nothing.

'I'm sorry,' Quatre said finally. 'I'm so sorry, Trowa.'

There was nothing else he could say really. And apologies never changed anything.

Quatre ended the call and dialled Duo's number.

'Hey! This is Duo Maxwell. I can't pick up right now - shut _up_, Zechs, will you? I'm trying to record a message - yeah, sorry, if you leave your name I'll call you back. Bye.'

'Duo. It's Quat. Listen to me; this is important. I need you to take Wufei and Zechs and get back to Earth. It's urgent. Please, just trust me on this. I'm so sorry about everything. Please, Duo. Just do it. And look after Trowa for me. I'm sorry.'

He dialled a third time and this call was actually answered.

'Rashid? It's Quatre. I need your help…'


	71. Public Displays of Affection

Disclaimer - Yes, the usual.

Note - Many thanks, as usual, to KS for editing.

Warning - Heavy sap; pockets of lingering angst (also as per usual, really…)

**Public Displays of Affection:**

'Uh, Heero, why are we stopping here? This isn't the shuttle port.'

It wasn't either; we'd pulled off the highway and stopped outside a little roadside café.

'You really do have unparalleled powers of perception, you know.' Agent Mason, the Preventer who was driving us both to the shuttle port, gave the beginnings of a snicker, hastily turned into a cough. Doubtless, he was already feeling an incipient Yuy death glare blasting him through the back of his seat. The poor guy was having a bad day; Heero had already given him an earful over his apparent violation of some Preventer code or other and Mason was probably planning to fall on his sword once his shift was over.

On the drive back into the city, he and Heero had exchanged Preventer speech; weird acronyms I didn't understand, although Heero translated some of it for my benefit. He was trying to be nice, to keep me in the loop. I knew that. But it just stressed how very far I was removed from that world.

The weird thing was that, even though Heero had resigned years ago, he was obviously very up to date with current procedures. He'd said he did some freelance consulting for them, but that still didn't explain it entirely. Nor did it explain why every agent we met treated him like he was God's older, more talented brother.

The gist of what they'd been saying was the evil witch woman, ahem, Commander Une to her unfortunate subordinates, had landed on L4 and promptly taken off for parts unknown, in the company of a couple of other agents.

Heero turned around to give me a little smile. 'The shuttle to Earth doesn't leave for over an hour. I thought we could stop somewhere and have something to eat first. The food they serve on shuttles is only one step up from cardboard.'

'Nothing wrong with cardboard,' I said automatically; it was an old joke between us. Breakfast sounded pretty good, though. Actual real food and real coffee.

On impulse, I swung back when I'd taken a couple of steps away from the car, and stuck my head in the passenger window. 'D'you take your coffee black or white?'

Mason just goggled at me, casting a despairing glance at Heero to check that it was OK to talk to me.

'You do know about coffee?' I prompted. 'Caffeinated, hot beverage, commonly drunk in the mornings. Or do you prefer tea?'

'Uh, coffee. Please. Black.'

'And a pastry or something?' Mason wasn't quite smiling when I left, but he looked a bit less like a whipped puppy.

'The fabled Maxwell charm in action,' Heero commented, shaking his head. 'A dozen words and you've got yourself a slave for life.'

I snorted. 'Hardly. I'm the nice guy. You're the one who bites.'

'I can be nice,' he said a little defensively, an expression in his eyes that in no way belonged to the mission-orientated person he'd segued into since we'd left the cottage. 'And I've known you to bite on occasion.'

'Only if you're being very, very good,' I teased, responding to that little hint of vulnerability, and it won me a laugh. OK, he was still a universe away from the Heero, my Heero who'd had a tiny meltdown in the bathtub earlier, but I could scratch the surface and find the boyfriend who needed me.

The café was warm and cosy and almost empty; we'd apparently hit that little pause between breakfast and lunch. There was one guy at the counter, reading the paper, and a couple of elderly women drinking coffee.

'I need to go to the bathroom,' Heero smiled at me. 'Order me something vaguely healthy, love.'

He strolled off, watched longingly by a bored waitress, who then condescended to come over and hand me a couple of menus. I ordered a breakfast bap for myself which claimed to be filled with 'anything that could be fried' and an egg-white omelette for Heero, with wholegrain toast on the side.

After I'd chosen our food, had some coffee and croissants sent out to Mason, and looked at the bland flower prints on the wall, there wasn't a whole lot left to distract me.

It had been the weirdest day. Correction; the weirdest morning. It wasn't even afternoon yet.

It had started off so damn well. Waking up with Heero in that huge bed, holding him in the tub. All the other stuff that had happened in the tub.

And then the weirdness had started. Heero thinking that Sarab was one of the bad guys; something I still wasn't convinced about. He was my friend; he'd been my friend since during the war. I'd been to his wedding. And Quatre trusted him totally.

God, Quatre. Quatre's voice on the 'phone; apologising and telling us to get back to Earth, whatever that was about.

Heero had been straight on the 'phone to Preventers, rapping out orders for tracing and verifying the call like he owned the damn organisation, and, from what I could gather, everyone had just rolled over and done his bidding.

And then we'd called Rashid. Chalk that call up as the weirdest of all. He'd thanked Heero politely, said he believed it to be a hoax, but that doubtless Preventers would look into it. That was just wrong. Heero and I had decided that either he had some other lead he was following up, that he didn't want to share, or else he _was _taking Quatre's call seriously, but didn't want to let us think so.

Oh, well. Everything on L4 was pretty much wrong right now, so it didn't make a whole lot of difference.

Instead, I switched off for a minute to sip my coffee, and watch some sort of travel show on TV. A long curve of beach, glistening blue water, palm trees.

That would be nice. Just me and Heero lying on a white sand beach, with the warm waves lapping gently over our prone bodies. I'd just got to the point where we were rubbing coconut-scented sun oil onto each other's skin, when Heero arrived back.

'One day,' he murmured, sliding back into his chair.

'Really?' He'd talked about his little desert island fantasy, but I hadn't been sure if he'd been all that serious or not about it.

'Why not? I've never been anywhere like that. Which would you prefer? A little hut somewhere remote, or a fancy resort?'

'Somewhere in between, I think. I liked the place where I was staying in India with the guys. We had little huts on the beach, but there were a couple of nice restaurants close by. It was nice. Peaceful. But you saw it, that night when you arrived.'

'I - I wasn't really paying attention,' he admitted, suddenly completely absorbed in buttering a piece of toast. 'It was … all rather awkward. I thought Wufei was going to shoot me when I first arrived.'

'Why did you fly all that way yourself anyway? I mean, you could have sent someone, or faxed the court order to the nearest police station and had them shove me on a 'plane.'

'I'd never do that to you!' He sounded appalled at the idea of it. 'What Quatre tried - is trying - to do to you is utterly unacceptable. Relena thought it was a bad idea, to turn up with that sort of news, but .. I wanted to see you. So very badly.' He gave me a very faint flicker of a smile. 'I know the circumstances were far from perfect but I'm very glad of the outcome.'

'Me too.' I flipped my sandwich over, making sure to coat both sides in the pools of grease that were collecting on my plate. 'You still have that compulsion to rescue me, huh?' I teased. 'My knight in shining Gundamium.'

'Always.' He checked that nobody was looking at us, and reached over for the salt, giving my hand a brief squeeze on the way. 'Tell me what's bothering you?'

'Um, pretty much everything? Zechs, the kids, Quat, Trowa.'

'Us?' he asked shrewdly, and I just dropped my head, studying the gloopy cheese leaking out of my sandwich.

'I don't know.' OK, deep breath, Duo. 'The last couple of days have been amazing. Really. But we both have our own lives. I guess I'm just not sure how all this is actually going to work. Not when we both get back to our real worlds.'

'What part, specifically, is worrying you?'

'I don't know,' I repeated. 'You have a career, a house. A dog. I can't ask you to give all that up.'

'You haven't asked me,' he pointed out. 'I offered. And I'm not exactly planning to give up my own life, any more than I'd expect you to.' His hand inched back over the table and covered mine. I let it stay there for a second or two, and then pulled free, picking up my cup and trying to make it look casual.

'I want to be a part of your life, love. That's all. I'm not planning to take it over. I do know we need to look at certain…logistical issues, but we can work that out, if it's what we both truly want.'

The question was in his eyes only; the one he obviously didn't quite dare to articulate. He's always been too damn good at hiding his insecurities; that had probably been a major part of our problems.

There had been a few months after the war, when he'd been…adrift. That was the best word I could think of. He'd lost his focus, all of a sudden, trying to come to terms with the fact that he wasn't an anonymous terrorist anymore, but the guy who'd saved the planet. He'd spent his whole life in the shadows, and suddenly his picture was on every TV show and newsstand in the country.

It was probably the most vulnerable time of his life and I'd been the one he'd turned to. Well, until he'd really got into the whole Preventer thing, and my life had started to fall apart. But he'd let me be the strong one for a while; he'd let me think that he actually needed me. Those first few weeks after the War had been terrifying and exhilarating at the same time; for once, I'd got to be the one making the decisions.

I'd been the one to choose our house and our car and what bank we'd opened a legitimate account with and set up all the little details of our lives. And he'd let me do it, with a…docility that had pretty much scared the hell out of me. During the war, he'd been the one with more experience in almost everything; it wasn't like I'd consciously deferred to him all the time but, he _was _the guy who'd been trained for this literally since birth. So it had been weird, suddenly being the one in charge.

It hadn't lasted. After a couple of months, he'd suddenly become the star Preventer agent, and that was that.

'I do want you,' I said firmly, suddenly realising he was right. If it came down to it, I didn't really care where I lived, once I could see my friends regularly. I could work anywhere, so that was never going to be a problem. And we'd sort everything else out between us. 'I want to be with you.'

'I want to be with you,' he echoed. 'Always.'

'Always,' I told him back, sealing the promise between us, hating the fact that we were in a public place and I couldn't just grab him. Shit. I wasn't sure when we'd even get to be private again. Maybe Agent Quinn could be persuaded to take a little walk or something after breakfast; the car had tinted windows so that wouldn't be a problem.

_Always_.

We'd promised each other that before; just after the War ended. We'd never dared to make promises like that while we were still fighting. Our _always _hadn't lasted very long, though; not even a year. God, this time it would be different. It had to be. I couldn't lose him again. Not now, when we'd sorted so much out.

The travel show ended with a nice long sunset shot, and a news programme started. Quat's disappearance was still hitting the headlines of course, but it looked like this show was also featuring Relena's disastrous little PR exercise, and Zechs being shot. Always good for racking up audience figures; the Peacecraft family. Even if an L4 programme probably wouldn't mention Zechsy's 'immoral' engagement to another man.

'Heero.'

'Duo?' He looked at my face and made it a question. 'What is it?'

'I can't go to Earth with you. Not right now.'

It was something I'd pretty much decided on the drive here; thinking about the guys just confirmed it. Saying it aloud still hurt, though. It hurt more that Heero didn't protest, much less fling himself at my feet and beg me to go with him. Instead, he just nodded.

Oh. So he didn't care if I went or not?

His foot nudged mine gently under the table. 'Stop looking like that. I want you to come with me. But I know you too well, love.'

I nodded, on a little shudder of relief. 'I'm sorry. Truly. But I can't leave the guys. Wufei's still beating himself up over Zechs getting shot, and Zechsy's going through a bad patch. And I don't want to abandon the kids with a gang of virtual strangers; that's not fair. They're my responsibility and I've hardly seen them in the last few days.'

'What about Trowa?' he asked quietly,

'Right now, you can help him more than me. You know all the legal stuff. Hell, they probably wouldn't even let me see him.'

'I could probably arrange something,' he said a little tentatively. 'He hasn't been officially charged yet; they can't forbid him to have visitors. And I'm sure he'd love to see you.'

'Thanks, babe.' I tried to put all the affection and gratitude I was feeling into my smile. He really did want me to go with him. 'I'll follow you, I promise. Zechs should be cleared for travel in a few days, and I'll need to sort out documentation for the kids to come to Earth with us.'

They were all valid reasons why I had to stay on L4 for a little longer. It wasn't like I was lying. I just wasn't telling him the other reason; the one that didn't really make any sense. Quatre had told me to go back to Earth, and there was no damned way in the universe that I was going to do any damned thing that Quatre wanted me to.

'I'll miss you.' Heero said quietly, taking a last bite of his toast and glancing around the room.

'_I'll _miss _you_,'

'It's us.' He announced suddenly, his gaze sharpening as he looked at something.

'What's us?'

'On the TV.'

Shit. It was, too. We were walking through the carefully landscaped gardens of the hospital. We were holding hands. I couldn't remember whether it had been one day ago or two. Life on L4 had just merged into one long blur of sex and sap and abductions.

'How the hell did they get those pictures?' I asked as we walked up the marble steps to the main door and stood facing each other. Heero was grinning at me, swinging my hand slightly.

It was pretty racy stuff for an L4 TV show actually; this close to the shuttle port, maybe they were picking up some sort of satellite signals?

'CCTV at the hospital, I'd imagine,' Heero supplied, something that made sense if I thought about it for a second.

'Oh God.' The on-screen version of me was suddenly, scaldingly scarlet and I was trying to remember just what he'd said to make me blush like that.

'You're not ashamed of me, are you?' The TV Duo was laughing up at the TV Heero. Very weird. Very, very weird, seeing us like that.

There was a moment when on-screen Heero leaned just a fraction closer to me, and I thought for a second that he was going to kiss me. Stupid. Of course he hadn't. Instead, he let my hand go and gave my braid a little tug.

'Of course I'm not! It's just …weird…'

The whole thing was just - several kinds of surreal.

We'd never bothered to hide the fact that we were together, but we'd never exactly advertised it either. As far as Heero had been concerned, it was our business and no one else's, and I wasn't overly keen on public displays

In the first few months after the War, there'd been a couple of short articles about us, mostly in gay-friendly publications, but by and large, the mainstream press preferred to concentrate on Heero/Relena speculation. We'd headlined in a few of the seedier tabloids, right along the stories of alien abductions, and psychics who'd spoken to Treize Khushrenada's ghost, but obviously, a possible romance between the Queen of the World, and the guy who'd saved it, sold way more papers.

Heero, on screen, looked amazing. He was wearing a dark blue shirt that toned perfectly with his eyes, and I thought I'd have to get a copy of that tape somewhere, just so I could watch the look on his face.

I looked - surprisingly like I belonged in those elegant surroundings, dressed up in the designer clothes Heero had bought me. I had this godawful goofy expression on my face, though, as he walked away from me.

'I look so stupid. Like a lovesick sheep or something.'

'You look wonderful. Now, stop fishing for compliments and clog up your arteries some more.' Heero gave my deliciously greasy breakfast sandwich a look of disgust, and took a bite of his virtuously healthy omelette.

I made a face at him. 'People can die from overdoses of protein, you know that?'

He threw me a grin. 'Protein happens to be a valid food group. Unlike grease.'

'Tell that to Howard. He loves greasy food, and he's perfectly healthy.'

'Hn.'

'Don't you mind?' He looked puzzled and I gestured to the screen. On screen Heero, all decked out in a dark three-piece suit was standing outside the main ESUN court building, talking to a reporter about something. 'All of this. Us on TV. The whole universe knowing that we're a couple.'

He chewed a mouthful of omelette. 'Not particularly. It's not what I'd choose, but I can live with it. Do you mind?'

'I - ah - I guess I can live with it. If I have to.'

'It won't last,' Heero assured me. 'There'll be some new scandal tomorrow and we'll be forgotten about.'

'You think?' I asked dubiously. The truth was, neither of us was exactly a stranger to the whole media circus thing. Two ex-Gundam pilots hooking up would be pretty big news, even given the hoopla that surrounded Quat's disappearance. I took a sip of juice and sneaked a quick glance at the screen to see what was happening..

I was standing beside Mischa, both of us tricked out in tuxedos. It was weird; there'd always been some little part of me that had never felt comfortable in his world, like I could be exposed at any minute for an L2 kid who'd grown up in the gutter, and was trying to pass myself off as a regular person. Seeing myself on the screen, though, relaxed and laughing, I looked just like I belonged.

There were some footage of Heero escorting 'Lena to some society shindig, and then I was back on screen; that infamous picture where it looked like Zechs was kissing me.

Shit, they'd obviously decided to show a nice little photo gallery of Duo Maxwell's life and times. I'd seen it all before; hell, I'd lived it. Really didn't need to see it all again on screen; all the threesome speculation about me and the guys; my depressingly well-documented slut period; the accident; the War. The stuff before.

'Heero, do you think we can get the waitress to turn the TV off?'

'No one else is paying any attention to it.' He was perfectly right; the waitresses were chewing their nails and chatting up the guy with the paper, and the old women had their heads together.

'Either it goes off, or I'll put a chair through the fucking thing!' There was a note in my voice that shocked me, and Heero's eyes widened. 'Look, they're obviously planning to do a whole fucking programme on my life and there's stuff I'd rather not see, OK?' I stared down at my plate, not really all that surprised to see it was festooned with long strips I'd torn off my napkin.

There was a sudden, scary moment when Heero stood up; I thought I'd pissed him off and he was going to walk out.

Shit. Why couldn't I just have asked politely. Come to that, I could have just got up and turned it off myself.

Instead, he stalked over to the waitress, and the TV flickered off, and then both waitresses as well as the three customers were heading for the door, with Heero locking it firmly behind them.

'How … did you do that?'

'The power of a Preventers badge.'

'Sorry.' I found myself wrapping a torn-off napkin strip around one finger. 'That was pretty stupid. I just - didn't really feel like watching an exposé of my whole sordid life, not right now.'

'No, I'm sorry. I never thought….God, Duo.' I was suddenly in his arms; one of those moments when I wasn't entirely sure which of us had made the first move. For once, I didn't really mind that he was holding me way too tightly. Probably too busy hanging on to him. 'There's nothing in your past that remotely matches mine; all those lives I've taken. I was only six the first time I killed a man. It wasn't a clean shot, and Odin made me wait beside him 'til he died. He forced me to watch, to listen.'

'Oh, baby. Stop. You were just a child, you were just trying to survive.'

'Ahem,' he murmured softly, and leaned in to give me a quick kiss on the mouth. 'Listen to yourself for two seconds, Maxwell, OK?'

'Emotionally blackmailing asshole,' I muttered. It's hard to be all that angry with someone who has you snuggled up against them, though, not when they're also drifting little kisses along your jaw line.

'Mmm.' His voice came out a bit muffled by my hair, and then settled me more comfortably against him. 'I hate leaving you. Not while all this is still so new.'

'You're not leaving me,' I tilted my head back, letting his mouth slide down my throat, sucking gently at the skin. _God_. Just as well he'd locked the door….'Not really. It's just for a couple of days..'

'Promise me,' he demanded suddenly. 'Please, Duo. I'm so scared that as soon as I'm gone you'll start doubting me, doubting how I feel about you, and I don't want to lose you again, I really don't; not now that we're back together and…'

'Hey.' I put one finger over his mouth, stopping him in mid sentence. 'Shut up, Yuy. I'm the one who does the senseless babbling, remember? All that stuff, it scares the hell out of me, too. You know? I don't want to lose you, either. Just..we need to trust each other, OK? That we can make it work this time.'

_Unlike the last time._

No, wasn't going to think about that. This was different; we were different.

I closed my eyes, leaning my head against his shoulder and letting his hands slide up and down my back, cupping my ass on the last few strokes and lingering just a little. Sheer, utter bliss. The thought of two or three days without him was stretching ahead like a barren wasteland.

His 'phone rang first, just a few seconds ahead of mine, and probably just as well, before we embarked on anything a little more…serious.

'Duo! It's not true, is it?' Hilde burst out, over Heero's rapid Italian. 'I've just seen you and Heero on TV. Tell me you're not really back with that bastard. If you are, I'm going to….'

'Let me talk to her,' Heero murmured. 'Please. Lucca wants to have a word with you.' Coward that I am, I just handed over my 'phone and got his in exchange.

'Heero? Oh, Duo!' Lucca gushed. 'I've just seen you on TV. You looked wonderful. So happy, both of you. And where did you get that suit?'

'Ah, Heero bought it for me. I'm sure I can find you the name of the store.' OK, another little item to go on the TO DO spreadsheet. And that reminded me of something. 'Lucca, is everything OK with Honey? If it's too much trouble, I'm sure we can make other arrangements.'

'No,' he said firmly. 'She is no trouble. Every evening, I take her to the park, and I have met a very nice man walking his two Australian Shepherds. And tonight we are going for dinner together.'

'Well, congratulations,' I grinned down the 'phone at him, guessing that, in the context, Australian Shepherds had to be dogs, rather than farm workers from the Southern Hemisphere. Or possibly not. It was nice to hear him so happy; well, even happier than he usually sounded, but that did put the kibosh on me fixing him up with Leon. Who was, incidentally, another person I needed to call.

If Hilde didn't manage to disembowel me first for not telling her about Heero. I'd meant to; I really had, but I'd been putting it off for the right moment and now she'd found out by seeing us on TV.

'I promise you, Hilde,' Heero's voice managed to cut through her ranting that if he hurt me again, she would cut out his heart with some sort of rusty, blunt, filthy implement. 'I will do everything in my power to make Duo happy, and if I fail, I will hand you the knife myself. I know how much you two mean to each other, but I love him.'

'Put Duo back on,' she demanded abruptly.

'I'm sorry,' I told her. 'I swear, I am so sorry I didn't tell you. It all happened very suddenly; we're still sorting things out, but I really do care about him. Please, don't be mad with me. Hilde? Say something?'

'Damn hormones,' she sniffed. 'Shit, Maxwell, I can't freaking believe this. You and Heero!'

'I…can't believe it myself, sometimes,' I admitted. Heero, presumably picking up on the fact that this was going to be a somewhat awkward conversation, stood up and headed for the door, mouthing that he'd be outside at the car.

'I just don't want you getting hurt again.'

'I don't either! Really. But I think maybe this will work out.'

'It damn well better,' she growled. 'Or I'll kick his ass for him.'

'Yeah. You'll have to wait in line. Hil, can I call you back in about an hour? Heero has to catch a shuttle to Earth, and I want to see him off.'

'Everything OK?' Heero was leaning against Mason's door when I walked out.

'I guess. Thanks for taking that on; she's feeling slightly less homicidal than when she first called.'

'Thank _you_,' Heero nodded to his own 'phone. 'Lucca's a wonderful guy, but he tends to be exhausting when he gets enthusiastic about something.'

'Oh, he's wonderful, is he?' I was partly teasing and partly - not.

'He is an incredibly competent, hard-working employee,' he corrected

'That's better. Lucca's in great form; he's met a guy in the park and they've got a date tonight. Um, I guess we should be going. You don't want to miss that shuttle.'

'Are you sure about staying here?'

'Actually, no.' I swallowed. Damn. I'd made my decision and I was going to stick to it. 'But it seems to be the best thing to do for now.'

'It's not for long,' he said gently. 'I can fly back as soon as I get Trowa sorted, or you can come to Earth, even if it's just for a couple of days. I'm sure Trowa would love to see you.'

'Yeah,' I slid into the car beside him and Mason pulled out.

'There's something we need to talk about,' Heero announced as we took the turn off for the port, his mouth twitching slightly, as if it knew I wasn't going to like the next few words that came out of it. 'Since you're staying here, I called Noin, and requested a protection detail for you.'

''Ro, I hardly think I need a bodyguard!' I rolled my eyes at him. 'Seriously, lighten up. I know you think there's this evil villain out there ready to pounce on me, but it's _so_ not going to happen.'

'You don't know that,' he said stubbornly. 'We don't know what's going on at the moment. Quatre's missing and we still don't know exactly what happened to Zechs.'

'I know, babe, but I'm not Zechs. I love the guy, but it's not like he's the most popular person in the universe. And I'm nowhere near as important as Quatre.'

He just sighed heavily. 'You are to me. Duo, we still don't know that Zechs was the primary target. It could have been Wufei. There may be somebody out there with a grudge against former Gundam Pilots.'

'Oh, well, that narrows it down to approximately half of Earth's population, then.' I shrugged. 'No big deal, right?'

He moved so fast I never even saw his hand reach out to grab my wrist, blazing blue eyes boring into mine. 'Don't you dare make jokes about this, Maxwell. Don't you _fucking _dare!'

Oh, brilliant. When my safety is concerned, Heero's famous logic tends to be taken over by something more …primitive, and all that rational reasoning flees in panic. During the war, it had made him disobey orders and jeopardise missions. And while I'd never not grumbled and bitched about it, there'd always been a part of me that had lapped it all up; all that caring.

'You're hurting me,' I told him in the voice I use to call him out of his nightmares and he relinquished his grip very slightly; just enough so it didn't feel he was grinding my bones to powder. He didn't apologise, although the death glare diminished very slightly.

'I'm sorry, Heero. But I am careful. I've spent the last seven years being careful and I swear, I will take all reasonable precautions. But you can't lock me up somewhere with an army of Preventers to guard me. I'm not going to live like that.'

He gave me a faint duck of his chin. 'Fine. But I've already requested that Agent Mason be assigned to you until you leave L4. He'll be discreet; I swear, you'll hardly know he's around.' He gave me this pleading puppy look I think he'd learned from Quatre. 'Please, Duo. Just humour me on this one?'

'It'll be a total waste of his time. I'm sure he has something more productive he could be doing. I mean, I'll be at the Embassy; it's already crawling with security staff.'

'Then you won't notice one more guard,' Heero said smartly. 'And Mason certainly doesn't consider it a waste of his time; he was honoured to be given the assignment.'

'Oh, fine,' I huffed. 'Whatever. I swear to God, you and 'Fei are going to drive me insane with all this over-protectiveness. I am actually perfectly capable of looking after myself, even if neither of you seems to realise it.'

He actually had the nerve to burst out laughing. Asshole. 'People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones,' he murmured. 'And you know perfectly well that it's only because we care about you.'

'Well, maybe the pair of you should start to worry about preserving my sanity,' I told him. I tried to summon up a little bit of irritation to put behind the words, but it didn't really happen, not with the way he was looking at me. 'You and 'Fei; you're all OK now?'

That question got me an oddly terse little nod, and then he looked away from me to glance out the window. Hmmm. I wasn't sure if my being aggrieved over the protective thing really, truly warranted further poking at this particular Pandora's Box. Maybe some boxes were better off left locked and bolted and consigned to the deepest part of the ocean. Instead, I asked him one of the other questions that had been niggling at me.

'Just tell me one thing, OK? How come you get to boss all these baby agents around? I mean, you resigned years ago, and you just do some consultancy work for them, now.'

He actually looked a little embarrassed. 'I've only given a couple of seminars and training workshops. It isn't a regular thing, but Une has occasionally asked me to …share my expertise in certain areas.'

'Right. I'm guessing our Agent Mason attended one of these seminar thingies? And a few of the other agents we met today?'

He nodded, just a little uncertainly. 'I'm sorry. I should have told you, but I know your opinion of the Preventers. I'm really not closely involved with them, Duo. I've just helped out sometimes.'

'It's OK.' I swallowed, wondering if that was entirely true. I didn't have a problem with the Preventers as such. I liked Noin; I'd liked some of the other agents Heero had worked with. I had a problem with Une; partly from stuff she'd pulled during the War; partly from how she'd treated Wufei. She'd forced him to resign; she'd wanted to have him court marshalled, and it had almost killed him. 'Although I'm not sure if I really like the idea of my boyfriend being ogled by all these buff guys in uniform.'

He grinned. 'I don't know why you always say I'm the possessive one!'

'Just territorial. It's kind of cool, really. Maybe you could stage some sort of coup and take over the organisation for yourself?'

He granted me a faint smile. 'I don't think I'll have time for anything like that. Not if I aim to spend the rest of my life making you happy.'

'You're such a sap, Yuy,' I muttered.

'Your own personal sap, yes.' Taking advantage of darkened windows, and Mason concentrating on finding a parking space, Heero leaned over to kiss me.

'Let's go.' When he finally released me, he was back in full mission-mode, striding through the shuttle port to find his departure gate with Mason and me trailing behind.

'I'll see you soon, Duo. Take care.' He put out one hand to touch me, and I ducked under his arm, hating myself for hurting him, but it was just too public. Heero might be prepared to announce to the world that we weren't shy about showing affection, but I wasn't quite there yet.

'You'd better go through, 'Ro. I'll see you in a couple of days, OK?'

'Ready to go, sir?' Mason asked at my elbow. Great; I now had my own personal shadow. Still, it shouldn't be too difficult to evade him if necessary.

'I guess.' I didn't make any move to leave, though, watching Heero reach the check-in desk and hand over his passport and ticket. The young woman checking his papers was swishing her hair around wildly, and trying to make all sorts of eye contact, and my dear boyfriend was totally ignoring her.

He took his documents back and gave her a faint nod, before heading to Immigration. He didn't look back.

Shit.

I couldn't just let him go off like that.

'Hey, Heero! Wait a sec!'

'Duo!' He dropped his bag just in time to catch my headlong rush into his arms. 'Have you changed your mind about coming with me?'

He'd probably meant to say a bit more, but by then I'd captured his mouth with mine.

The kiss mightn't have been quite so…forceful if his lips hadn't opened immediately, welcoming my tongue, permitting everything. It just rocks my entire universe when he goes all submissive. He was gasping for breath when I finally let him go, lips all red and swollen and his eyes just a little glazed over.

'Oh, I'll always come with you,' I leaned up to whisper in his ear. Behind us, someone let out a piercing wolf whistle, and there were plenty of flashes going off. Oh, well, time to get used to being one half of the new celebrity couple. 'I'm sure some enterprising person will sell one of those photos to the networks. You should catch us on the news during your flight. It'll give you something to look at.'

'I'll replay it for the whole flight,' he promised and then gave me a quick, sweet peck on the lips. 'And I'll be looking forward to seeing you. Both on screen and in person.'

There. That hadn't been so hard. The hardest bit was walking back through the shuttle port; a couple more flashes went off and I wasn't sure which of us was blushing more when we finally made it back to the car.

'The Sanque Embassy, sir?' Mason asked politely, managing not to meet my eyes. I wondered whether he had my problem with public displays, or he just hadn't liked the fact that I'd drawn so much attention on his watch.

'Just Duo.' I ignored the back door he was holding open for me, and slid into the passenger seat. He'd probably burst a vein if I actually tried to drive myself anywhere. I couldn't resist grinning at him. 'What happens if I say I want to go somewhere else. Or did Heero tell you where to take me?'

'He…said it was where you would want to go,' he said anxiously. I could almost see the thoughts whirring around his unfortunate head. In his book, Heero was obviously to be obeyed at all costs, but he wasn't quite sure how to cope if I wasn't willing to do just that.

'It's fine.' Great; Heero had obviously hand-picked this one. I felt too damn sorry for him to push things; anyway, the Embassy happened to be where I wanted to go. I had to push down the desire to suggest an alternative destination though; just to see what he'd do. Probably try to escort me at gun point.

Since conversation, obviously wasn't on the cards, I flipped on the car radio, hoping I could find some sort of decent music station.

Instead, there was a 'breaking news announcement' that Quatre Raberba Winner was safely back home, following a brief stay in hospital.

'Mason,' I said firmly. 'We have a slight change of plan. Do you happen to know the way to the Winner mansion?'

'Mr. Maxwell, please,' the guy practically begged me, a vein starting to throb in his temple. 'I already have orders where to take you; to the Sanque Embassy.'

Yeah, I'll bet. I was going to give Heero shit over that one when we next met; sending me around the place like some sort of registered parcel.

I was only surprised he hadn't tried to stick a label on my back; _Deliver to Chang Wufei, Care of Sanque Embassy, L4. _Maybe with a few _Handle with Care _and _Keep Right Way Up _stickers for good measure.

'Those are your _old _orders, Agent Mason,' I informed him sweetly. 'I'm afraid the situation has changed, and these are your new orders.'

'But Mr. Yuy said…' he spluttered.

'Mr. Yuy isn't here though, is he?' I swear, Mason actually looked around despairingly, as if he hoped Heero might suddenly materialise out of thin air and rescue him. 'Now, I am going to visit Quatre Winner, and either you drive or you get out of this car.' His eyes shifted from the steering wheel to the keys I was dangling in front of him, wondering how the hell I'd managed to get my hands on them, and how hard it would be back to filch them back. 'Oh, I wouldn't recommend that. If it comes to a wrestling match, I promise you that I'll win.'

Apart from anything else, I knew damn well that if the guy so much as hurt one damn hair on my head, Heero would kill him. From Mason's expression, he knew it too, which gave me a somewhat unfair advantage.

I'm not always the nice guy. But I _was _going to see Quatre Winner, and find out what the hell was going on, and nothing that any of Heero's little groupies could do was going to stop me.


	72. Spinning Dreams

Disclaimer: I don't own the Gundam Wing characters and make no monetary profit from writing.

Note: thanks to KS for proofing and providing the perfect title.

**Spinning Dreams:**

They were on the terrace. The three of them; the two little girls and the man he had contracted to marry. The doctors had said, that morning, that it wouldn't hurt for him to spend some time outside, provided he rested, and didn't try to overdo things.

Of course, he was overdoing things. Earlier, Wufei had devoted an hour to seeing that the couch had been set up in just the right position on the terrace, under a tree, with the easel and paints close by. Someone, hopefully not Zechs himself, had moved it into the centre of the garden and the three of them were gathered about it.

Zechs was telling a story; his voice low enough that his lover could only hear a few words, but there was a valiant princess, and a host of magical animals, and a dragon. He wasn't sure whether the dragon was meant to be a good or bad character.

He looked well enough, actually. Considering. Moving just a little stiffly as he shifted to select a new tube of paint, but that could well be Wufei's own fault. They had made love that morning and he'd been - less than gentle.

He still felt guilty about that. But Zechs had offered himself like a gift, and some part of Wufei had needed it; had needed to brand his ownership into this man's body and prove he was still alive, still strong, still _his_. He'd come so very close to losing him, that day in the desert, with the prince's blood flowing and the possibility that every laboured breath would be his last.

Pressing into Zechs' body that morning, he'd finally lost that fear. Their roles in the bedroom still tended to be somewhat…fluid. It wasn't the physical aspect so much; they could bring each other to screaming climax, regardless of position, but they both had a fondness for control, for leading.

It had been an issue at the start, for both of them. Treize had always kept the prince of Sanque underneath; just one more little way of exerting control and he'd wanted this relationship to be different. Wufei had seen submission as an affront to his personal dignity and manliness and pride. He'd implemented a strict rota, once, which had seemed the only fair thing to do; something he still laughed about if he thought of it.

Nowadays, it depended more on individual desire and need and mood and, sometimes, on who won the preliminary tussle for control.

But, oh Gods, it was rare for Zechs just to surrender like that. Wufei shivered when he thought about it; the memory totally inappropriate for bright daylight and the presence of young children.

He took a deep breath instead, focussing on the little group around the easel. It was impossible to tell what his lover had originally planned the painting to be; there were vague angles and lines sketched in, but most of them had been obscured by the herd of rainbow coloured creatures - llamas presumably - each and every one of them adorned with wings.

The prince, brush in hand, turned to smile at Gemma. 'Well, My Lady? What shall we choose for this one?'

'Flutter-by,' the little girl whispered; the first words Wufei had heard her speak.

'But of course.' Zechs drew the outline of butterfly wings with a stick of charcoal, and then handed the children a brush each. 'Why don't you two draw in the colours?'

'Story,' Lily prompted indignantly. 'Story!'

'Later. When each of the llamas has wings, we'll finish the story. They must be able to fly so they can rescue the princess, after all.'

When both children were bent over the painting, Zechs allowed himself to turn at look at Wufei. 'Well, dear one? What are you smiling at?'

'You.' Wufei checked that the girls were engrossed in their art, and leaned over to give his lover a quick kiss on the cheek before leading him over to the couch. 'The Lightning Count, spinning fairy stories to amuse children.'

Zechs laughed, pulling him down and sliding one arm around his waist. 'I'll spin you a story tonight, if you wish, about an incredibly handsome prince and his beloved dragon.'

'Milliardo!' Wufei hissed, scandalised, and jerked away. 'Not in front of the children!'

'Well, that's easily remedied.' Zechs found a piece of paper and scribbled on it, before raising his voice. 'Ladies!'

Both girls looked around, giggling at the exalted title. 'I have a quest for you both. I need you to find the Princess Relena and the Lady Dorothy, and ask them to help you find every item on this list. We need all this treasure before we can give the story a happy ending.'

'Yes, your highness.' Lily and Gemma curtsied prettily and scampered off.

Wufei laughed 'You have those two eating out of your hand.'

'My irresistible charm, naturally. Now, there's something I've been wanting to do for a while, and since we now have some privacy….' Zechs pulled Wufei down for a kiss. 'Hmm. I think I'll reconsider us having children of our own if you're going to be so prudish.'

'I hadn't realised that children were a … consideration for you,' Wufei said carefully.

Zechs managed an elegant shrug. 'Well, a possibility, perhaps. I imagined it was something you wanted; you're so good with your goddaughter.

Wufei considered it, staring at the bright painting. It was one thing to babysit Sally's adorable toddler every so often; quite another to consider having children of their own.

'It's nothing, dearest,' Zechs cut in to his thoughts. 'Truly. Just a silly notion I had; it isn't something I've thought seriously about. You don't have to give it another thought.'

'Honestly, I've just never considered it as a possibility. It's not that I'm opposed to the idea, well, I don't think I am, but….I assume you were thinking of adoption?'

Zechs grinned. 'Well, either that, or one of us would have to undergo a sex change. I'd really rather not do that. 'Fei, if you're uncomfortable with the idea, please, it's not important.'

'Stop that.' Wufei tangled one hand in the long, platinum hair and tugged gently. 'You are allowed to want things for yourself. Isn't it better that we talk about this?'

'I …rather like the idea of having a daughter,' his lover admitted, sounding less than confident for once in his life. 'It's probably stupid, but I remember Relena when she was little. I hadn't wanted a sister; I wasn't really allowed to play with other children so I was longing for a brother. The day she was born, my father took me into his office and told me that the principal duty of a prince was to look after his people, and that I was to be my sister's protector. He made…quite a little ceremony of it, actually. It's silly, but I was so proud of myself, and then I - I failed to protect her. I failed to protect Sanque.'

'No!' Wufei said it with total conviction. 'You devoted your life to trying to protect the Sanque kingdom, and you have nothing to be ashamed of.' He bent over and kissed the little furrow between the pale brows. 'If you want a child so much, of course we'll have one.'

'One day,' Zechs said easily. 'It's something we can think about in five years or so. When you've finally got around to submitting your doctorate, and published your first book, and lectured in all of the world's top universities.'

Wufei smiled. 'Let me finish my doctorate at least. Then we'll talk about it.'

'Agreed.' Zechs kissed him again. 'Doctor Chang. I think that's rather sexy, actually.'

'You think everything is sexy. What about Doctor Peacecraft-Chang?'

'Too clumsy,' Zechs decided.

'Peacecraft-Merquise-Chang,' Wufei teased.

'Our bed is going to be very crowded, by the sound of it. Are you quite sure you want to marry all of these different people?'

'Quite sure. And don't forget the Lightning Count. He was very sexy with those long, polished boots of his.'

'Are you asking me to dress up for you again, darling?'

Wufei blushed furiously; forcing himself to draw several deep breaths in succession. He should never, never have revealed that he had something of a…fondness for that particular outfit.

'Perhaps when we get back home.' He made himself meet the prince's laughing eyes. He was Chang Wufei, a warrior and a scholar. He did _not _blush like a schoolgirl with her first crush.

'I want to marry you. Milliardo, Zechs, whatever you want me to call you.'

Zechs smiled; that slow curl of his lips that he kept for Wufei alone. 'Milliardo is yours entirely. I'd been so lost before I met you, dearest. I had no idea how to cope in this world.'

'Stop.' Wufei leaned over, placing one finger on his lover's mouth. 'We were both lost; I'd just learned to hide it a little better.'

The prince turned his hand over, tracing a kiss over the palm and then each finger in turn. 'Since we're alone for once, perhaps we should take advantage of the fact, hmm? It should take the girls a good hour to finish their treasure hunt; no one else is going to disturb us out here. We could share some wine and…see what happens?'

Wine! When he was recovering from a serious chest wound, and on all sorts of antibiotics. Utterly ridiculous, but sure enough, there was a bottle and two crystal glasses on the small table that also held a variety of chilled juices and sherbets.

'Mil! I'm sure you're not supposed to be taking alcohol with your medications.'

'One glass can scarcely hurt. And I thought you said Dr. Al-Hamid told me to relax; a little wine will help.'

Wufei sighed; he'd come to learn that there were times when it simply wasn't worth battling every minor skirmish. Besides, it was a warm afternoon. He'd spent the last hour in fairly heated exercise. And he was lazing with his lover on a couch piled with silk cushions and the air was fragrant with spring flowers. 'One glass. One small glass. I hope you're happy; you've turned me into as big a hedonist as you are yourself.'

'A sensualist,' Zechs corrected, smooth as silk sliding over skin. 'Isn't it wonderful?'

Wufei sniffed, pouring them both a glass. A small glass. 'I'm sorry about your painting.'

'It was worth it, just to have a few minutes' peace and quiet. I hadn't realised entertaining small children would be so exhausting.'

'You should have said something. Where's Marlie anyway?'

'She deserved a little time off.' The prince's lush mouth quirked into a wicked little grin. 'Poor girl, I think she needed to lie down after she saw Duo and Heero's little exhibition on TV.'

'One of the embassy staff could have taken the children,' Wufei told him. He'd seen that particular television footage himself, and still wasn't entirely sure how he felt about it. Duo never did anything like that in public; well, not unless Zechs goaded him into it, but he'd flung himself into Heero's arms in the middle of a crowd of people. 'You know you aren't supposed to be exerting yourself too much yet.'

Zechs winked. 'Hmm. That's not what you were saying this morning, dearest.'

Wufei coloured violently, at the words, at the intimate tone behind them, and the images they conjured up. His lover spread beneath him with the morning sun gilding all that pale, perfect flesh and picking up the glints in his cloud of hair.

'I'm perfectly fine, you know, so there's no need to fuss. I enjoyed every second of it. Both times,' he went on in a more conversational tone. 'I'm just feeling rather tired.' He stretched back and gave Wufei a reassuring smile. 'Don't you start feeling guilty. You needed a little stress relief.'

The Chinese man tried to smile back, but it was a poor attempt.

'I'm sorry,' Zechs said quietly. 'I never meant our engagement to be like this. It should be a happy time for both of us, and instead everything is going wrong. I'm injured, you're stressed out about Winner, and we're both worried about Trowa.'

Wufei raised one dark brow slightly. 'Oh, I wouldn't say that everything is going wrong. We're together, after all. And very much in love. We've even settled on a date, unless you've changed your mind, of course?'

'Brat. Very well, I'll admit that not everything is ruined.' He took Wufei's hand and traced the black jade ring with one gentle finger. 'How do you manage to put everything into perspective like that?'

Wufei grinned. 'Unlike some people I could name, I wasn't hopelessly indulged as a child. I didn't grow up expecting everything my own way.'

'Well, I was the only son of a royal dynasty,' Zechs defended himself. 'And I do plan to spend the rest of my life indulging your every whim. And you'll have to permit it, once we're married.'

'Really? Is that an integral part of the marriage vows?'

'For me, it is, yes. Once you're my husband, I get to pamper you in every way imaginable. It's going to be delightful.'

'There is one thing I'd like….' Wufei let his voice trail off doubtfully.

'It's yours,' Zechs said instantly. 'You know that.'

'Our wedding. Please, Mil. I want it to be the way you imagined. I know I said I'd like to hold the ceremony at home, but that was before I realised you had plans. Truly, it's not important to me where it happens.' It was true, more or less.

'No. It will be special and personal, just what we want. Believe me, darling, nothing could make me happier than to marry you at our home; the place where you first told me you loved me.'

Wufei's jaw set stubbornly. 'I know you had your heart set on a ceremony somewhere exotic.'

'I don't. I have my heart set on spending the rest of my life with you. I merely thought of it as a possibility, but I like your idea better. Perhaps we compromise?'

'Is that actually a word in your vocabulary?' Wufei wondered.

'My newest one. We can have the wedding at home, and go somewhere exotic for our honeymoon. Will that do?'

'That would be perfect.'

'Mmm. Speaking of the wedding…' he let his voice trail off until Wufei nudged him gently. 'There is something we need to discuss. A pre-nuptial contract.'

'What?' Wufei's brows snapped sharply together. 'I hardly think that is necessary, unless you believe I am after your money.'

'Oh, it's nothing like that,' Zechs assured him. 'I realise perfectly well that you are only after my body. There is merely a small legal point that we need to discuss. As my consort, you will be part of the Peacecraft family and there are certain traditions my family has upheld for centuries. You will be expected to observe those and…'

'Mil, I am the last person in the universe who would ever want to interfere with history. You have to know that.'

'Hmm.' The prince's handsome face looked a little uncertain, and Wufei's heart plummeted. Had he inadvertently done something to offend an ancient Sanque tradition?

'What is it?' he demanded. 'Just tell me, please.'

'Very well. You are going to have to curb that inclination of yours toward destroying our national tree on the slightest provocation. Red Oaks have been a symbol of Sanque for centuries; they're already an endangered species and it will look rather bad if a member of the royal family continues on his trail of destruction.'

'Oh! I didn't do anything of the kind. I may have trimmed a few branches slightly, but that probably improved the tree's welfare. Pruning is a necessary part of caring for trees.'

'When did you become a horticulturalist, love?' Zechs laughed gently, twining the fingers of one hand in Wufei's hair. 'You know I'm just teasing; I simply couldn't resist.'

'I can't believe I fell for that!'

'Very neatly and gracefully, I promise you.' Zechs tugged him into his arms, and Wufei resisted for a moment; he'd been shot, after all. 'Stop squirming, 'Fei. I promise, holding you could never cause me any sort of pain. Besides, I don't remember you being so …solicitous this morning. Rather the opposite in fact.'

'You're never going to let that go, are you?' Wufei grumbled, purely for form's sake. His brain was telling him that it was a bad idea to curl up on the chest of someone with a recent injury; the rest of him was enjoying the sensation far too much to move. And Zechs surely had enough sense to let him go if it began to hurt. Maybe.

'Why should I let it go? I enjoyed it immensely; I rather like it when you go all dominant.' Wufei smiled faintly; he didn't feel particularly dominant at the moment, cuddled up in his love's arms. Zechs bent and kissed the top of his head. 'Dearheart, is something bothering you? You looked upset about something when you first came out here.'

'Oh.' Wufei took another small sip of his drink, savouring the taste. Damn. He'd tried so hard to hide it, but of course Zechs was far too perceptive where he was concerned. 'It is…I'm not sure how to explain. You remember this morning I promised Nathan that I would show him some of the basic katas? Well, when I took him to the gymnasium, he thought that I - that I wanted something else entirely. Mil, the way he looked at me; he was so sure that I was going to hurt him. I never even considered that anyone could look at me like that.'

So stupid; he'd known about the boy's life, about what had happened to him. What in the name of all the gods was the child supposed to think when a man, a virtual stranger, led him away from his sisters to an otherwise abandoned room? But he'd had no real idea how to interact with a thirteen year old boy, save as a teacher, so he'd suggested showing him some simple exercises. Of course the child had put a different interpretation of the offer; of _course _he had.

'It's not your fault, Wufei.' Zechs told him firmly. 'You do know that, don't you? It isn't any of your fault that he was hurt by other people.'

Wufei nodded; he knew it, objectively. That knowledge didn't really amount to much, though, if he let himself think about the look in Nathan's eyes. 'I've been so sheltered all my life,' he said slowly. 'So very privileged really, in some ways. I know such things happen, naturally, but I've never experienced anything like that.'

It was true. It was. Never at first hand. But he'd been a Preventer for almost two years. He'd seen things.

He'd lived with Duo's nightmares for years. He'd seen the achingly slow bond of trust take root between Trowa and Quatre during the war; how Trowa had almost had to steel himself sometimes before he could let the blond touch him.

'It seems such an arbitrary thing,' he mused. 'So very unjust. Some children are so damaged, and some are never touched at all.'

'Don't dare apologise for the fact that nobody ever hurt you!' Zechs hissed. 'Do you hear me?'

'I - didn't mean it quite like that,' Wufei faltered. 'Truly. It is just that I realise how very fortunate I am.' He took a deep breath; he was a warrior and a scholar. He could say this, to the love of his life, without faltering. He _could_.

'Something almost happened during the war.'

There.

'Was it Treize?'

'No!' Wufei's eyes held the blazing blue ones as he spoke. He knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that if he'd said yes, his lover would have found some way to raise Treize's ghost, to enter the underworld and exact retribution. But Treize's manner to him had always been faintly amused, faintly indulgent. Right until the end.

'It was at the Lunar Base. Heero had been taken out of our cell; it was just myself and Duo. He was driving me _insane; _I was trying to meditate to calm myself a little, and he kept babbling about something or other. Heero had told me to watch him, but I was so scared. The guards kept taunting us; I suppose they'd all lost friends to the Gundams and, well, you can imagine the sort of things they were saying. I'd been so sure of my own strength; it was rather pathetic really. I'd imagined myself defying OZ under the direst tortures. But…the things they were saying…'

'I just yelled at Duo to shut the hell up. I - I said things about him that were untrue and unjust. And then they came for us later. For me, really, they'd all known people at Victoria. Except Duo made them take him instead; he insulted them and they took him first.'

Wufei swallowed. It was something he tried so hard never to think about; that awful, awful night.

'I'll never know how long he was gone. His hair was loose when they threw him back in the cell. That's the only thing I can really remember clearly; I'd never seen his hair down before. He was half dead; he had two fingers broken and he was desperately trying to braid his damn _hair_! I ended up doing it for him, after he'd passed out. And he said,' Wufei choked, trying to force the words out of a throat that felt lined with splintered glass and razors, 'he said he knew he could handle something like that, but he…didn't want anyone else to have to.'

Sloe-black eyes met sky-blue; the prince's eyes were full of love and compassion and deepest sorrow, sparked with anger that his lover and his dearest friend had been abused like that. No surprise, though; no shock.

'You knew,' Wufei said slowly. 'He told you?' He knew the answer to that question; no one else could have told him.

Zechs nodded. 'Please, love, don't be angry with him. I begged him to tell me. I knew that there was something; you were so…shy about certain things when we first started seeing each other. If it makes you feel any better, he did feel bad about betraying a confidence but I think, by then, he had started to trust me. He didn't go into any sort of detail; just that there had been a - a situation during the war. Incidentally, he did tell me, very graphically, just what he would do to me if I ever dared to harm you in any way.'

'He would,' Wufei said slowly. 'He has …such an urge to protect people. He's always teased Heero about being over-protective, but he's just as bad. Worse, probably. You do know Duo considers himself responsible for these three children?'

'Of course. Although I rather think that's Heero's problem rather than ours, don't you?'

'And if Heero isn't interested?'

Zechs snorted. 'Have you seen the way he looks at Duo? Believe me, he'd take Duo if he came with a dozen children and a herd of flying llamas. And if he's not…Well, we have a big house. I can train the girls to be my faithful minions, and you can teach Nathan every martial art in the universe. Where is he, by the way? I assume you did get him to trust you a little.'

'Not really. I tried and he thought…oh, I don't know what he thought. So I called Duo and he calmed the boy down.'

'Really, if there were some way for us to bottle that charm of his, we could make a fortune. Or take over the world.'

Wufei managed a faint smile. 'Probably. Nat went back to the house to change…there are showers in the gym, but the doors don't lock.'

It was foolish, to feel offended over that. The boy hardly had any reason to trust adults, strangers. It still stung a little.

Zechs didn't say anything, just dropped a kiss on his forehead.

'Speaking of Duo, where is he now? Still besieging the Winner Mansion?'

'Oh! I forgot to tell you. He's on his way back here; I called him just before I left the gym. Apparently, Quatre is 'resting' and will see Duo at five o'clock.'

'I'll bet that didn't go down too well.'

Wufei grimaced, recalling Duo's exact words. 'No, it didn't. He's furious. He's only coming back here until then because he says it's better than sitting around surrounded by armed Maguanacs. And Heero's apparently assigned him a Preventer agent as bodyguard. He's not terribly happy about that either.'

Zechs burst out laughing. 'I can imagine. Poor Duo. I do imagine he wouldn't be overly impressed by Heero attempting to keep him safe.'

'That,' Wufei said firmly, 'would be an understatement.' He grinned suddenly. 'Duo may need a bodyguard, actually. He was talking about kicking Quatre's ass when he finally gets to see him. The Maguanacs may not approve of that.'

Zechs' eyes gleamed, suggesting he would very much approve of this course of action. 'I was listening to the news earlier. Apparently, Winner is suffering from traumatic amnesia. They also mentioned some sort of head injury.'

Wufei looked sceptical. 'Duo thinks he's faking it. I don't know about the head injury, but he did have worse happen to him in the war, and he never suffered from any sort of memory loss.' He shook his head. 'Duo said he would happily pretend to have amnesia if he had Une trying to question him over something. I have no idea, really, what's going on. The L4 media is almost implying that the Preventers were behind his disappearance in the first place.' He raised an eyebrow at his lover. 'Is it possible?'

'I doubt it very much. Winner may be in favour of increased colonial independence, but he's hardly enough of a threat that they'd want to remove him. Anyway, he hasn't said anything himself; it's simply speculation on the part of reporters, trying to boost their network ratings.'

'Quatre hasn't denied it.' Wufei took a thoughtful sip of his deliciously chilled wine. 'All he has to do is to state categorically that the Preventers weren't involved with what's happened to him, and this furore would just vanish. I had the radio on in the gym; L4's about to go up in smoke and there are demonstrations taking place on the other colonies, on Earth. And Quat's not saying anything about what's happened to him, one way or the other.'

'It's actually rather a stunning piece of propaganda,' Zechs cut in. 'Those shots of him leaving the hospital, hardly able to walk and talking about his grief for the girl and his two dead bodyguards, well…it was extremely effective. He gave a very definite impression that he was scared of someone or something.'

Wufei nodded. 'I saw. Duo said he organised all the publicity himself, by the way. He - ah - overheard two of the Maguanacs talking apparently. Quatre called Rashid from the hospital - on Une's personal cell-phone, apparently! - and made sure every news network in the universe would be there to watch him leaving the hospital. Une couldn't really claim she needed to keep him for his own safety; not when Quatre's got his own personal army to guard him. And definitely not with all those journalists hanging there.'

'You think, what? That he's doing this to make Une look bad? I know he's never liked her, but all of this - bringing an entire colony to the brink of revolution - well, it seems somewhat excessive. Don't you think?'

Wufei gave Zechs a long look. 'Quatre's plans can be …somewhat excessive. I honestly don't know what he's up to. I imagine Duo will try to get it out of him.'

'You don't want to go with him?' Zechs sounded surprised.

Wufei shot him a look of purest disdain. 'I have absolutely no desire to see him, thank you. Not after the way he's treated Duo and Trowa. I really couldn't care less what he's playing at now.'

It wasn't true, not entirely. He was furious with practically everything Quatre had done over the past months, but they'd been friends for years now. He couldn't just forget that friendship, blank out everything Quat had done for him.

He was home safe now; that was the important thing. And perhaps they could finally work out what was going on.

He softened his expression, looking at the shadows in Zechs' blue eyes. 'I'm sorry, Mil. I didn't mean to snap. This is all just rather difficult. Perhaps I should go with Duo after all?'

'Wait and see what he thinks,' Zechs suggests, glancing at his watch. 'He should be here soon. Don't you think we should take advantage of this little bit of privacy before he arrives?'


	73. Homecoming

Disclaimer: I imagine this is rather redundant by now, but I don't own Gundam Wing.

Note: Thanks to KS for slogging through this one with me.

Warning: *smiles innocently*

**Homecoming:**

It didn't feel like home. Not without Trowa.

Their bedroom was the worst, because nothing had changed and everything had. There were a couple of old editions of _Global Geographic _on Trowa's bedside table; he'd always preferred the paper version to reading on-line. Tro's favourite jacket was still flung over the chaise lounge in the corner; the way he'd left it, the night before he'd gone. Quatre had left all the little reminders; a way to pretend to himself that his lover would walk back in at any moment, that he'd just gone away for a while.

He wouldn't be coming back. Not now, not ever.

He was safe though; on Earth, a high-profile prisoner. It was the only thing Quatre had been able to think of that might protect him.

He was safe; a thought to cling to.

This suite of rooms had been their sanctuary for years away from business and family and the daily habit of deception.

And every single item, from the bed down to the ridiculously expensive toiletries that Trowa had always teased him about, offered some sort of memory.

He wouldn't be able to sleep in the bed alone; since Tro had left, he'd been sleeping on the couch in their sitting room. The bed…they'd chosen it in Marrakech, in an antiques' warehouse. Trowa had paid the owner an extravagant enough bribe that the man had gladly closed the shop for an afternoon, taken himself and his staff off for dinner, and left the eccentric, extravagant pair to sample their favourite pieces of furniture.

The painting opposite the bed had been a birthday present from Trowa; a glowing canvas showing a garden full of delphiniums, large and lifelike enough that one could almost walk into it. It was a reminder of a safehouse they'd shared once, in another life. His favourite portrait of Trowa hung over the bed itself; a study of darkness and shadow, illuminated by one narrow beam of sunlight.

Oh, Trowa.

_I am so very sorry. _

It still made his skin crawl, the idea of Preventer agents going through this room. His and Trowa's bedroom. How _dared _they? A tiny part of him still felt piqued that they'd broken the code for his safe.

Ridiculous, really.

He had far, far more important things to worry. The call was due in ten minutes. The _briefing._

He'd done everything possible. He had. It wasn't his fault that no one else had anticipated what would happen; that he'd be placed into Preventer custody or safe-keeping, or whatever they wanted to call it. And he'd managed to escape; no small feat.

He'd even turned into something of a publicity coup. The Preventers weren't popular on L4; on any of the Colonies, really.

He hadn't actually said they'd been involved in his disappearance. It hadn't been at all necessary. Quatre Raberba Winner, L4's most favoured son, had only needed to look pale and confused, and wince a little as he bravely tried to put his weight on his injured ankle, and speak sorrowfully about his dead fiancée.

The revolution would have broken out there and then if he'd spoken one word against the ESUN or the Preventers.

Too soon, though.

Revolutions, apparently, ran according to strict timetables nowadays.

And certain dates were more symbolic than others.

It should be enough, though, to fan the flames just a little higher; enough to get Une into trouble with her supervisors.

_Every cloud has a silver lining. _

He wondered, absently, if she would still be on L4 in two days' time.

'What are we going to _do_, Winner?' The other presence in the room; no more than a face and shoulders on the laptop screen, whined.

_Why in the universe do people always ask me that? Why do I always have to be the one who knows everything?_

'Quatre! You do know he's mad, don't you?'

'Stop it. You don't know who's listening to this line.'

'It's secure.'

'David, shut up. I mean it. And don't worry. '

'But he'd dead, Quatre, and I…..'

'I said, _stop it_,' Quatre hissed. He'd never met Ali, but he'd heard of the boy. He knew how he'd died and why. Another lost boy; another person who might still be alive if not for him.

What was he supposed to do; hold the other man's hand and reassure him that there would be a happy ending to this nightmare? It was all his fault anyway.

Quatre jerked his mind away from that most uncharacteristic thought. Blaming others for one's own transgressions was a sure sign of weakness. He thought Wufei had said that once; it sounded like him. And it was true.

Oh, Allah, he missed them. All of them.

Anyway, it wasn't David Souhef's fault. He'd been the one to dangle the bait, and Quatre had risen to it all too easily. Quite pathetic, really. He'd known Souhef vaguely for years; they were two of the more prominent businessmen on L4. They'd met occasionally; over the past five years, and he'd been secretly flattered when David had asked him to join a small consortium of some of the more influential citizens of the Colonies, dedicated to promoting their own welfare.

Trowa had disliked Souhef from the beginning, had disapproved of the meetings, and Quatre had to admit that that gave it all an extra little tang. He was so _tired _of having his life mapped out for him; by his family, by Rashid, by Trowa himself, by his executive assistant, who apparently believed she had a god-given right to account for every second of her employer's day.

He usually let them get away with it, just because it made them happy, but he needed to break out sometimes, and those little meetings with Souhef and his associates had provided a convenient outlet. They weren't really secret; a measure of discretion was expected simply because the ESUN was unlikely to approve of any attempt of the colonists to forge closer links with each other.

So it had all made it just a little more exciting; a useful way to hone skills he'd learned during the war, also; sneaking away from his own security guards. Duo wasn't the only one who was adept at running and hiding.

I have to go.' He closed the connection over the other man's protests.

Fool. He didn't have time anymore to dole out reassurances. Barton was due to call and then he had to deal with Sarab. And Duo.

Duo was going to be….difficult.

A framed picture of them both stood on the small bedside table; a photo of two teenage boys, arms around each other's shoulders. Two boys trying so hard to be men. They'd been so very close then, the two of them. They were smiling in the picture; smiling in the middle of a war. It crossed his mind, briefly, to put it away, and then he moved it into a slightly more prominent position instead. He would need any tiny bit of leverage he could, and his friend had always loved that picture.

The telephone rang, precisely at the arranged time, and Dekim Barton's head appeared on the video screen.

How wonderful.

'Welcome home. Is that appropriate?' It seemed to be the fashion for would-be dictators to affect those absurdly overblown military uniforms. At least, Khushrenada had worn his with a certain panache. Barton looked like he was wearing fancy dress.

Quatre shrugged. 'I imagine so. I am home, after all.'

Officially, at least.

'Somewhat later than planned,' Barton informed him, a little testily. 'Still, it's worked out rather well. Those shots of you leaving the hospital were a masterpiece. A very effective way of garnering public support. I think perhaps a short interview with some handpicked journalists tomorrow morning, don't you? Focusing on your grief for that ill-fated fiancée of yours. A tragically grieving young man should go down rather well with the public.'

'Fine.'

'Everything else is going according to schedule. Now, we have one small matter to discuss. You made three calls from Une's 'phone. One to your Maguanacs; I imagine the others were to 02 and 03.'

'Naturally.' There was no point in lying, not really. If Barton knew he'd made the calls, he'd presumably know whom he'd called. The implications of all that were…terrifying. Commander Une of the Preventers was either a part of this, or else her 'phone was being tapped. Which surely meant that no Preventers lines were secure.

'I did tell you not to trust anyone, you recall?' The other man commented.

'I do remember, yes.' Quatre said tightly. He hadn't believed it, once, and Trowa had almost died as a result, to teach him that lesson. And now, there was Sarab…

_Trust no one._

Oh, there was irony there; Trowa had tried to teach him that lesson once, and Quatre had dismissed it. What was the point in a life where no one could be trusted? Well, he'd learned it now.

'What did you tell them?'

Quatre lifted his eyebrows slightly. 'I'm sure you're very aware what I told them. I want them both to leave this colony. Now.'

'I notice you have already taken your own steps to remove 03 from the equation. Tell me, do you truly believe he'll be safe in Preventers' custody?' His eyes gleamed. 'You could be merely sending him into a trap.'

'It is possible, yes,' Quatre told him levelly. 'But I doubt it; he's hardly an insignificant prisoner. If …anything happens to him, there will be an investigation. And you need him alive, don't you? To ensure my co-operation? I rather think I've hurt him enough to satisfy even you for the moment.'

'You're so very predictable, do you know that?' Barton shook his head. 'I'll never understand the hold that mercenary gained over you. Unbelievable. Of all the people you could have had in the world, he's still the one you chose.'

'Always.' There was no point, now, in dissembling. There was nothing in the entire universe he wouldn't do to protect Trowa. Nothing.

'I told you, didn't I, what would happen if you attempted anything of that nature? And yet, you persist in believing that you have any power here.' Barton sat back, his tone sorrowful. 'You know, I'm starting to think I can't trust you, Quatre.'

Quatre shrugged. 'I would imagine you know very well that you can't. But you need me.'

'Do I? A dead Quatre Winner, who died attempting to preserve colonial freedoms, could you just as useful to my cause as the live version. And far less troublesome. Martyrs are always wonderfully potent symbols.'

'I'm still alive, though. Therefore, I must be of some use to you.'

Incredibly, the man laughed, sweeping off that ridiculous cockaded cap. Khushrenada could certainly have given him a lesson in style. 'Very good, Quatre. Always so clever, aren't you? You were our first choice, for the L4 pilot; I've told you that already, haven't I? A son of the Winner family; throwing off his family's ideals to fight for his colony and freedom? So perfect. That fool H corrupted you, of course. All those ridiculous notions about independence for the masses; people don't want that. They need a strong leader. Direction; discipline.'

'Which you are prepared to provide, naturally?' Quatre spoke without thinking but the man merely grinned.

'But of course. How else would dictators be able to assume power? If ordinary people weren't willing to relinquish their own decisions? It's what they want, you know; to hand their lives into someone else's keeping, to abstain from having to make choices. And yes, before you make the obvious answer, you are rather extraordinary. Someone who believes that he can single-handedly change destiny.' One hand swept up to scratch the wisps of straggling beard on his chin. 'You're so very like me, you know.'

'I hardly think so.'

'Oh, you don't wish to acknowledge it, admittedly. But we have so very much in common. The only sons of powerful families, powerful men, who had our destinies planned from our very births. Both rebels; oh, don't deny it, Quatre. Not to me. I know everything about you, you see. Yes, you may have pretended to yourself that you aspired to be a model son, but there were all those small rebellions, weren't there? The violin you weren't supposed to have; those friendships with people who were supposed to be your servants. Little things, yes, but they all meant something, didn't they? Every sonata you played was a strike against your father's authority. He handled you badly, of course. Men like that always do. You know, the one thing I never did find out was why you ran away from home that time.'

Quatre said nothing; amazing, there seemed to be something that Barton didn't know about him. And there was certainly nothing he planned to give away for free.

'All those little rebellions, and then the ultimate, for your father's son. Piloting a Gundam, taking O3 as your lover. Really rather masterful; I can't personally imagine anything that would have given your father more pain.'

'It wasn't like that!' Quatre burst out, and then bit his tongue. It was none of Barton's business. His relationship with Trowa was - had been - special. Not just a way to irritate his family.

'Yes, it was. I know precisely how you felt because I've been there. It's so very hard to have a father like that, isn't it? A man who's a legend to his people. My father was exactly the same; the wealthiest man on our colony. Do you know that he had every moment of my life mapped out for me before I was even born? How could I not wish to rebel against that?'

He broke off suddenly, shaking his head. 'Enough. We were discussing your personal rebellions. Maxwell and 03, were we not?'

'You need them alive. Both of them! If you are to have any hope of controlling me.'

'Really? I would imagine one or the other would be adequate. Perhaps I should make you choose between them. And you do have that ridiculously large family, don't you? There may not be a great deal of love lost, but they are your blood. And there is always Chang. And, of course, the entire population of the Earth.'

'If you hurt Duo, if anything happens to him, my part in this ends now.'

'That sounds suspiciously like a threat.' Barton's voice was hard.

'Please.' Quatre took a deep breath. 'He's done nothing. I've already asked him to leave L4; he isn't any part of this. He never was.'

'It's too late. I already told you. I've made arrangements.'

'Unmake them,' Quatre suggested. It was a gamble, obviously, except he didn't really have much to lose at this point. He'd already lost the only people he cared about.

Barton shook his head, a little gesture of almost-admiration. 'What is Maxwell to you, really? A piece of street trash from the gutters of L2. He was never even your lover. He's hardly worth that sort of devotion.'

'He is, actually. If you'd ever met him, you might understand.'

'God, that stubbornness. I have no wish to understand that sort of foolish loyalty.' He laughed shortly. 'What would Khushrenada have made of you, I wonder? He would probably have approved. All those ridiculously feudal notions about nobility and honour. Where did all those ideals get him in the end? An unmarked grave and death at the hands of a mere child.'

'He chose his own manner of dying.'

'Yes. He was a fool. You were the one he was always most interested in, of course. Such a useful tool to win to his cause; the scion of the Winner family actually speaking out for on behalf of OZ. Such a useful…figurehead.'

'It does seem to be the general opinion these days,' Quatre said blandly, a gentle reminder of his….usefulness, and the other man gave him a short bark of a laugh.

'Doesn't it indeed? Very well, you want Maxwell. It may be possible. Do tell me, Quatre,' he leaned a little closer to the screen, eyes focused, 'would you be so determined to protect those two if you knew they'd become - intimate? Is that the word you use for those unnatural relationships you pursue?'

'Yes.' One word to answer both questions. His mouth was dry; it had happened then. It had been a possibility. Trowa had always been attracted to the American, and Duo saw Tro, at the least, as a close and trusted friend. He'd driven Trowa away, knowing he'd go to Wufei and Duo. He should be glad they'd found some measure of comfort in each other.

It was difficult, though.

'As you wish, then.' Barton looked slightly surprised at Quatre's answer. 'On one condition. I need 01.… unencumbered. Maxwell has always been a distraction; I need you to split them up. Unequivocally.'

'Heero and Duo?' That didn't make any sense. 'I don't understand. They haven't been a couple for years. And you just said Duo and Trowa…'

Barton gave him a sour, little smile. 'Oh, it's true, I assure you. The media is full of pictures of Yuy and Maxwell. Separate them, and I'll see to Maxwell's safety.'

'On condition that he leaves L2 today.' Odd, they actually had the same agenda in wanting this. What in the world was Duo thinking of? After what Heero had done to him already….Quatre's fault, probably. He'd threatened Duo with that absurd court order and Heero had leaped to the rescue. A thing that he should have predicted.

Another thing.

Quatre took a deep breath, held it, visualising an ebbing tide as Wufei had taught him once. It was getting increasingly difficult to hold any semblance of calm. He'd probably never get to speak to Wufei again. He doubted that Wufei would ever want to.

'But he can't. Didn't you know? Peacecraft won't be cleared for space travel for another couple of days. Rather bad timing, isn't it? And I doubt Maxwell will leave without him. You are all so lamentably loyal to one another.'

_Damn. _

He'd tried so hard to keep them all away from him, safe on Earth, and all those carefully laid plans had come to nothing. Stupid; he'd tried to get them out of his life, and he'd underestimated them. And now Relena was here as well. Another hostage to be used.

They were all making this so terribly difficult.

'How do I know that I can trust you?'

'You don't really. But this situation works to my advantage as well. The last thing I need is 01 obsessing about Maxwell right now; I need the Perfect Soldier. Without any distractions. He would have been so very much more effective during the War without Maxwell's influence.'

It crossed Quatre's mind suddenly that Heero was another one to worry about, but Heero could look after himself. Hopefully. Besides, Barton had plans for 01; he wouldn't hurt him this early in the game.

Quatre bent his head in a curt nod. 'Fine. I'll do my best.'

How hard could it be? Heero had caught Duo at a vulnerable time; that was all, and Duo always listened to his best friend.

'And now, while we're on the subject of trust. You disobeyed me earlier, calling those friends of yours. I think a small lesson may be in order, don't you? Let me show you something.' The monitor sprang into life. 'This was taken approximately three hours ago. The timing is important, you see.'

The young woman on screen was attractive; her dark-blonde hair pulled back into a neat plait. She was juggling carrier bags, walking up the stairs of an apartment building.

'Yasmina Winner,' Barton pointed out unnecessarily. 'She's your favourite sister, isn't she? The one who 'understands' you. But then, I suppose she's another black sheep for the Winner family, no? When her husband died two years ago, she refused to live with his parents, as they expected. She insisted on setting up house alone, on finding a job, on running her own life.'

The woman on screen moved around her kitchen; unpacking groceries, turning on the kettle, humming to herself as she checked the messages on her 'phone.

'Such a brave girl,' Barton murmured. 'Such independence. A shame, really. The Colonies will need people like that.'

'Stop it,' Quatre said suddenly. 'Yasmina doesn't have anything to do with this. This is all my fault.'

'I quite agree,' Barton informed him affably.

'Just leave her alone. You've made your point. She doesn't deserve to be punished for any of my actions.'

'Oh, I think not. Tragic really; just a young woman settling in for an evening at home. Expecting to be safe. A shame she has to suffer for something her foolish brother has done.'

'Stop! Don't hurt her. I'll do whatever you want.'

'Too late, I'm afraid. This film was shot at approximately the same time that you tried to contact Barton. I've been expecting you to try something, unfortunately, so I've had certain measures prepared. A terrible thing, isn't it, to watch these events unfold and be totally helpless to prevent them. Perhaps when you've seen this little film, you'll be more amenable to my instructions. It won't take up too much of your time; my men were issued with very exact instructions that she wasn't to suffer unnecessarily. Well, her death was only necessary because of her brother's intransigence.'

'I hardly think watching my own sister die is going to make me in any way amenable to anything you suggest.'

'Oh, I rather think it will. You still have twenty-seven sisters, after all. Even if you have little in common with them, they are your flesh and blood. And of course you have a growing number of young nieces and nephews. Just children, all of them. Such a shame if anything were to happen to the poor little things, simply because their uncle made another…mistake.' He crooned the last words gently. 'I'm going to need your co-operation ensured very soon, Quatre. I'm sorry the girl had to suffer, but you have to realise that anything you do, from now on, will have consequences for the people in your life.'

'What do you want me to do?' Quatre demanded.

'All the things we've already talked about, of course. Come now, you chose this path, remember?' Barton's eyes gleamed. 'It was just a game, wasn't it, at the start? A little excitement, a secret from even your closest friends? From your lover? One more of your little rebellions against the life you were leading in public. And you do crave these little excitements. But they were never enough, were they? You practically control L4, you run one of the world's largest corporations, and it still wasn't enough. You were so pathetically easy to reel in, once you'd taken the first bite of the lure.'

He tutted softly. 'Something of a character flaw, I suppose, that desire of yours to control everything you touch.'

'More like I destroy everything I touch,' Quatre said softly.

_Even you._

'You do seem to have a slight tendency toward destruction, don't you?' Barton sounded positively cheerful at the thought. Fool. 'Well, I'll leave you to watch your sister's death. I trust you'll find it enlightening; it shouldn't take more than ten minutes or so. I'm sure you don't want to keep Maxwell waiting.'

Oh, Allah. His own sister. Another person of his own blood who'd died because of him.

_I destroy everything I touch, _Quatre thought viciously.

_Especially you._


	74. Playing Duo

Disclaimer: the GW characters don't belong to me and I make no monetary profit from writing about them.

Note: This one comes with sincere apologies for the delay between updates. Many, many thanks to Kaeru Shisho, whose ongoing support and encouragement got me back here, to Dyna for the occasional gentle prod in this direction, and to everyone who has reviewed this story, especially Eliza, who took the time to comment on a fic that was officially on a break.

**Playing Duo:**

The easiest thing would be to treat it like a mission. He had a very clear objective, and the result of failure would be Duo's life. That was not going to happen.

It surprised him that Duo actually knocked instead of storming through the door. It was one sharp, staccato rap, though, and the door was flung open. He was angry, of course; an incandescence that was almost physical. Mixed in with that was the shining relief that Quatre was alive, and apparently safe, and the sheer strength of the bond between them. That connection was another near-tangible thing. It propelled Quatre, injured ankle and all, across the room and he was wrapped around his best friend, sobbing some sort of incoherent apologies.

'Look at me, Quatre.' Duo's voice was unbelievably gentle; it was so long since anyone had spoken to him like that, had held him. He never even saw the blow coming. Trowa would have been furious with him.

'If you're trying to do your empath thing on me, I'll save you the trouble. I'm flaming pissed with you. What happens now, Winner? Are you going to call Une and tell her I've been abusing you too? Get me arrested?'

'Of course not. I deserved that.' It took Quatre time to pull himself up off the floor on to the bed; his ankle was still abominably painful. Duo hadn't really hurt him; he'd had pulled back at the last possible moment. That had to mean something. The shock of it had been the worst thing; he'd never have believed Duo would actually hit him. Of course, he hadn't believed it of Trowa either. 'When did you stop trusting me?'

'This isn't about _us_,' Duo snapped. 'Quite frankly, I don't give a flying fuck about you. I'm here to discuss Trowa. Remember him? The guy you dumped so you could hook up with a girl.'

He hadn't expected that; he should have. Of course he should. Duo and Trowa had always been close; they'd become more than that if Barton could be believed. And Duo always put other people first.

Duo dragged a chair across to the bed, deliberately scraping the wooden floor and flopped down in in it. 'Here's the deal, Winner. You're going to call Une and take back whatever the hell you told Une about him that got him arrested. You're going to do it _now_, while I wait. Or else I'm sending those pictures of you and Tro that you had on your laptop to the sleaziest tabloids in the universe.'

'I've already spoken to her, just before you arrived.' He didn't believe that ridiculous little bluff, but how - why - had Duo seen those photos? What had he been doing at the cottage?

'And I swear to God, if you don't do it exactly the way I tell you, I…_what _did you say?' Duo stared at him, obviously unable to credit what he was hearing.

'I said I've already talked to her. Call her if you don't believe me.'

'Oh.' Suddenly deflated, Duo sat back. 'What the fuck is going on with you? Why'd you sign that arrest warrant in the first place?'

Quatre sighed. 'It wouldn't have made any difference if I hadn't. You know how she feels about Trowa. She was convinced he was guilty; she was going to hunt him down anyway. By making an official statement, I made sure that the search was conducted by the book. Otherwise, she'd have had every bounty hunter in the universe after him.'

'And you think that knowing you'd betrayed him was preferable?' Duo demanded.

Ah. That had always been the crux of it. And he'd decided months ago that keeping Trowa safe was the most important thing. 'I thought his physical safety was the priority.'

Duo was quiet for a few moments, twiddling the end of his hair. 'And what about all the other shit you've pulled on him? I've seen that goddamned file you kept on all this so-called abuse that was going on. And, just for the record, he didn't _abuse _you. I've seen those photos, and it's not abuse. Believe me, I've seen the real thing, and what Tro did to you, that doesn't even show up on my radar.'

'You saw that?' Quatre goggled up at him. '_How_?' Dear Allah, had everyone in the universe seen it? He'd ordered it destroyed, and Sarab had gone against his deliberate orders.

Ah.

Well, it had always been a possibility, if a remote one.

Trust no one.

'That doesn't matter. Why the hell would you do something like that?'

'For Trowa's sake,' Quatre said simply. 'He refused to admit that he had a problem. I thought if I had physical proof of what was happening, I could somehow make him believe there was something badly wrong. I _know _it was a horrible thing to do. I just didn't know what else to do, Duo. I tried to so hard to get him to see some sort of therapist and he refused.'

Duo glared at him. 'You what? You've always said you don't believe in that stuff.'

'I know. I was just so scared, I was willing to try anything..'

'You were scared of Tro?' Duo gave a harsh bark of something that wasn't remotely near laughter. 'I don't believe you. He'd never hurt you.'

'He did, actually.' Quatre lifted his chin and met Duo's eyes. 'But no, I wasn't scared of him. I was terrified he was going to hurt someone else. You weren't there. He's just been so…unbalanced over the last few months. Ever since I was almost assassinated last October, he's been utterly paranoid. You know what he's like when he thinks I'm in some sort of danger. You were there, both times I was in hospital. He doesn't care about anything but protecting me. I've had over a dozen employees resign since Christmas, because Trowa pulled guns on them. I had to do _something_, Duo. I thought if I could collect enough definite evidence, then he would admit that there was a problem, and we could try to get help.'

'You wanted to help him?' Duo scoffed. 'Interesting way to go about it. For Christ's sake, you were engaged to a girl, you were drugging him to the eyeballs. Did you actually expect him just to sit back and let you screw his life up for him?'

Quatre gave him a slightly curious glance. 'I'm not sure how much, if anything, Trowa has told you. My engagement to Delphine was actually his idea in the first place, not mine. He thought it would be the perfect way to deflect attention from the two of us. And he knew about the drugs from the start. Oh, not precisely what he was taking, but he was the one who thought he needed some form of stress medication. I was opposed to the idea, but he convinced me.'

'Yeah, right. He convinced you to give him highly illegal drugs with unknown side effects? That really sounds like Trowa!'

'He trusted me to choose a suitable medication,' Quatre said quietly. There is widespread medical prejudice against Denroquine, simply because it was developed by Romfeller. There is no real evidence that it's dangerous; just a few old clinical trials that were never completed. The medical establishment assumes that because it's a Romfeller drug, it has to be somehow tainted. I'd never have done that to Tro! From my research, it seemed to be the best option.'

'Trowa told me he had all sorts of side effects from taking it.'

'You know what Trowa's like when he's supposed to be on medication. I doubt if he even took half of the recommended dosage; certainly never enough to cause any harm. He's always suffered from headaches, ever since I've known him. He was under stress; he just assumed it was the drug. I did try to explain but, well…he wasn't really in any mood to listen.'

'I can imagine,' Duo said dryly. 'Quat, why didn't you tell me any of this?'

Quat. Duo was the first person who'd ever called him that. That he used it had to be important. His friend wanted, so very badly, to believe that this was fixable, that there would be happy endings all around.

'I couldn't. Tro made me promise I wouldn't. He knew, really, how awful everything was, but he refused to talk about it.' Quatre didn't bother to hide the shakiness in his voice. 'It's been so _terrible_, Duo. Like a nightmare.' Well, that was true; probably the first true he'd said so far. He was trying so hard not to look at the wall opposite his bed, at the empty space there, that it was almost painful. He didn't think Duo had noticed yet.

'Hey.' Duo was on the bed suddenly, arms sliding around him, and Quatre fell into the comfort of them. It made him an awful, hateful person, but he was desperate for this tiny connection. Trowa would never hold him like this again. Never. Nor would Duo, after he found out what was going on. 'You could have told _me_, you idiot.'

'I didn't know how,' Quatre whispered dolefully. 'It was my own fault, anyway. I should have handled things better.'

'Don't start that!' Duo warned.

'I can't help it.' Quatre gave a little hiccup. Oh, Allah. He didn't deserve Duo being so nice to him. 'I do everything wrong. But I didn't want our friends to know what was going on. You saw those photos; I know they aren't very much compared to what…to what some people went through. But it was Trowa. I never, _never _thought he'd actually hurt me.'

Another truth. If didn't help in the least that Quatre had engineered the whole thing. The fact that Trowa had hurt him had been purely due to his own powers of manipulation.

'And I've been so _horrible _to you. I don't blame you for hitting me.'

'I shouldn't have done that,' Duo shifted uncomfortably. 'I've just been so damn mad at you for _weeks_, now. Shit, I've never even asked how you are. What the hell _happened_ to you?'

'I don't remember any of it.' Quatre whispered.

'Seriously?' Duo's eyes widened. 'I thought you were just spinning that little amnesia act 'cause you didn't want to talk to Une?'

'It's true. Apparently, I still have some sort of drugs in my bloodstream, and some sort of concussion. I just remember driving away from Delphine's parents' house and after that, there's nothing. Nothing. It's unbearable! I have absolutely no idea what happened in the past week. The doctors say my memory may come back but…there are no definite guarantees.'

'Yeah, I can imagine you'd hate that.' Duo's mouth twisted wryly. 'I know you escaped at least once. They told you about that little doodle of Sandrock we find in that apartment block?' Quatre nodded. 'And you really can't remember any of it? Shit, that really sucks.

'Une said something about an apartment. I thought it was where I'd been held.'

'Nope. We think you managed to escape somehow; this kid you met was trying to help you.' He looked down at the quilt, twisting one of the tassels between finger and thumb. 'It was a shame about Kyle.'

'I'm sorry. Who's Kyle exactly?'

Duo looked up quickly into his friend's wide eyes and shrugged. 'It doesn't matter. You really can't remember any of that, can you? Kyle tried to help you and he got killed for it.'

'That's so terrible.' Quatre whispered it, not bothering to disguise how he felt. He'd seen the boy's body, but he'd clung to some thread of hope that maybe he'd only been injured. Stupid. 'I'm so sorry, Duo. I mean that. I did some dreadful things to you.'

'You were moderately awful, yeah.'

'I just fell apart after Trowa left. I know that doesn't excuse anything, but you know how much I've always needed him.'

Duo sighed. 'Yeah, I can see how that would happen. I pulled some serious shit after Heero, and you guys were always there for me. There's just one thing; all that stuff you said to me on the 'phone that time, just after Tro left. You didn't mean it, did you?'

'Of course I didn't! I wasn't thinking straight. You know what it's like when you lose the one person who meant the world to you. I've been feeling so bad about that, and I was scared to call you back. I was sure you'd never want to talk to me again and I just couldn't face losing you as well.' The last few words came out as a sob, and Duo tightened his embrace.

'Chill, Quat. We'll sort this out. Somehow. For a start, you're still my best friend. You've only been a total bastard for the past couple of weeks, really; we've been friends for eight years. They sort of cancel each other out.'

'Do you really mean that? That we're still friends?' Quatre sniffed, finding a handkerchief and blowing his nose strenuously. There was no way in the universe that he deserved Duo's friendship. It made him into some sort of parasite, that he was leeching off Duo's emotions; his hope and optimism, but it felt so _wonderful_. He could pretend, even for a second, that everything would be all right. Even that he could tell Duo the truth.

No. That was the most stupid idea ever. He'd watched his own sister die, horribly, as an object lesson from Barton. That was never going to happen to Duo.

'Sure we are. You don't get rid of me that easy. You were pretty nice to me the first time we met, and I couldn't work out why, remember? I thought you were trying to get into my pants or something. I wasn't used to people just trying to be friendly without wanting something.'

'I did want something, I suppose. I wanted to get to know you. I still have that shell you gave me, the first time we met.'

'Yeah?' Duo's face brightened for a minute and then his grin faded. 'I lost all mine. Even that big one Heero found for me. I've never been much good to hanging on to stuff, have I? Not even things I really care about.'

'You've still got me.' Careful of his ankle, Quatre slid down the bed, and let Duo wind an arm around him and pull him close. It wasn't the first time they'd shared a bed. There had been that awful night during the war when they'd thought Heero had been lost on a mission. There had been several after Heero had left, after the war, in this very bed. Nights of holding Duo and trying to convince him that he still had something to live for, even without his love.

It had never been remotely sexual between the two of them. It had just felt friendly and affectionate and close and it still did. Even if it was all built, this time, on deception.

'I'm no better,' the blond admitted ruefully. 'I love Trowa more than anything in the universe, and I've done a superlative job of losing him.' There, he'd said it out loud. There was some symmetrical irony in telling him that; since Duo was the first person he'd ever told about loving Trowa.

'You haven't. He's still crazy about you. Seriously, he was ready to tear the universe apart of find you. I bet you guys could sort this out, if you tried.'

Now there was a lovely little fantasy to lose oneself in. 'Perhaps.' It was never going to happen, but he could indulge for these few seconds, before he lost Duo as well.

'I'm telling you,' Duo said firmly, and then hauled himself upright, leaning against the headboard, and pulling Quatre up with him. 'Listen, that little stunt with the sleeping pills last week. Were you seriously trying to off yourself?'

'I don't know. I felt so miserable after Trowa left that I didn't really care. I suppose if I'd really wanted to kill myself, I'd have done it properly.' He could stay that to Duo, here, and know just how well his friend would understand. He'd made Duo promise, once, in this room, that he wouldn't try to kill himself again.

Duo nodded. 'Heero said you said all sorts of weird shit when he went to see you.'

'I'm sure I did,' the blond said carefully, negotiating through a minefield of words. 'You know I don't deal well with drugs.' None of them did. Fifteen year old boys couldn't fight a war without the benefit of certain chemical stimulants; they'd all undergone various 'experimentation' at the doctors' hands.

His friend seemed to accept that, leaning back and glancing around. 'God, it's so weird being back in this room. Like nothing's ever changed.'

He'd noticed; of course, he had. People tended to forget sometimes just how intelligent Duo Maxwell was.

'I've also loved that picture of Tro.' It was over their bed; a framed charcoal sketch created from light and shadows. Duo's eyes swept around the room, resting with pleasure on the photograph that had been carefully positioned on the bedside table, of Duo and Quatre together during the war, and then frowning slightly. 'Didn't you use to have a picture on that other wall?'

Quatre's shrug was carefully negligent. 'It got broken somehow. I keep meaning to have it replaced or fixed.'

_Oh, God, Duo, please understand._

Duo answered with a shrug of his own; no real way to tell what that meant.

Quatre shifted slightly, resting his head on Duo's arm. 'Will you tell me about Heero now?'

'How did you know about that?' His friend's hand, which had been stroking his back gently, stilled for a second. 'Oh, right. Stupid question. It's that obvious?'

'To me, yes. But you never really stopped loving him, did you? Even after everything?'

'I guess not.' Duo confessed ruefully. 'I tried damn hard though.'

'I don't think it works like that.'

'No? You seem to have achieved it. With Heero, I mean.'

'It's not exactly the same. I didn't love him like you did. And I saw him with Relena, that night. I spent months with you in that hospital. I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive him for any of that.'

'Even if I can?' Duo let him go, propping himself up on one elbow. 'We've spent a lot of time together lately. He's been helping me with that court case you set up.' He took a deep breath and let a little spike of bitterness enter his voice. 'The one where you're trying to get me committed as mentally incompetent.'

'Oh, _no_.' Quatre closed his eyes. 'Duo, I'm so sorry. I can't believe I did that. I didn't even know _what _I was doing at that point. I promise, I'll talk to the judge, I'll have it dropped. I _never _meant it to go this far. I have some influence with a number of the senior ESUN legislators. I swear, I'll have it dismissed. I'll make it up to you.'

'Just let it go, Quat.' Duo sounded weary of the whole thing. 'You can't do anything. The case is already registered with the courts in Italy. Besides, Heero's helping me; he says there isn't really a case. It was a shitty thing to do to me, but it did mean he and I got to be friends again. We'll call it quits, OK?'

'What does Wufei think of all of this?'

'He's OK, actually. He's sort of got other stuff to think about right now. Oh, maybe no one told you, but Wu and Zechs finally got engaged a few days ago.'

'Finally!' Quatre's face broke into a huge smile. 'No, I didn't actually know, but I saw a newspaper article speculating that it was about to happen, something about Wufei applying for Sanque citizenship.' He laughed. 'It was a terrible piece; they actually called Wufei Zechs' 'exotic toy-boy'! He must have been so furious. But it's wonderful. Are they both deliriously happy?'

'Deliriously.' The grin faltered. 'This thing with me and Heero, it's serious.'

'I know.'

Duo made a face. 'It sucks sometimes, having a best friend who's got super powers. What else can you tell?'

Quatre reached up and placed his right hand, palm down, on Duo's forehead, covering the little scar at his temple. It wasn't really necessary; just a little excuse to touch him, but sometimes physical contact made the empathy stronger, especially when he'd spent so many years trying _not _to feel other people's emotions.

The bright love for Heero was there, as he'd known it would be. It had been, from the very first time they'd met.

'You're very confused about all this.' Quatre let his lashes flutter close; it was easier with his eyes shut. He could almost see the swirls of colour. 'It's happened so very fast. You still don't know a lot of things about him. You don't know how it's all going to work out between you. You want, very much, to believe what he's told you, but you're not sure.'

'Shit,' Duo breathed softly.

'You know you've been feeling all these things, but you've been trying not to think about them,' Quatre added. Typical Duo, trying to convince himself that problems didn't exist.

'I guess. Sort of.' He took Quatre's hand and lowered it gently. 'That's enough to be going on with. D'you think I'm mad?'

'Oh, no.' Quatre shook his head vehemently. 'After everything I've done to you lately, I don't think you need me getting involved.'

'OK, now I know for sure that you've got amnesia, or concussion or whatever. I can't believe you're turning down an excuse to meddle.'

'I've given up meddling in things that don't concern me.' He tried to make it sound like a joke. It was all too true. Never again. If he could just sort out this appalling mess that he'd helped to make, he would never interfere with anything or anyone for the rest of his life.

'So now I don't concern you? That's not very nice. Quat, come on. You think I'm nuts, don't you?'

'I thought I was meant to be the empath, not you. That isn't a fair question, Duo. Not in this room. I can't stop remembering the last time. I'm sorry, but I never want to see you like that again. Don't blame me for feeling the way I do about Heero, please.' He swallowed. 'I never thought you'd survive losing him like that. I know you didn't want to live without him for so long.'

'I do love him,' Duo whispered. 'And he's told me how he feels about me.'

'Do you believe him?' Quatre posed the question coolly.

'When I'm with him, yes. I do. Fuck. Maybe it's just that I _want _to believe him so badly. I just really want to be with him. You know?'

'I know. I still want Trowa, even after everything. So I can understand that part of it. I just find it terribly difficult to trust your happiness to Heero a second time. I'm sorry; that's just me being over-protective. It all just seems so fast.' He caught his lower lip in his teeth and bit down gently.

'It's been almost six years, hasn't it, since he tried to contact you? It's all just a little hard to take in, that's all. Forgive me? I'd hate to think of you rushing into something. I think that maybe you…you slept with him too quickly.' He didn't have to feign the flush that swept across his cheeks; talking about sex, even with Duo, was never easy.

'Quatre!' Duo exclaimed, his own face flaming. 'Stop empathing me! Is nothing private?'

'I didn't!' Grinning to cover up his embarrassment, Duo fanned his friend's hot cheeks with one hand. 'I just remember how you used to look after…after…you know and oh God, I'm happy for you if this is what you want and I'm sorry but I swear, if he ever hurts you again I'll kill him with my bare hands.'

Oh….._shit_. He'd done it; he'd actually done it. Or hadn't done it, rather. He'd been supposed to break them up again, to save Duo's life. And he could have, because there was so much history between them all, and because Duo was so uncertain about all of this, and because he'd always trusted Quatre, and because was one of the three people in the universe who knew just why Wufei and Heero had had a spectacular falling out.

He could have broken his best friend's heart to save his life and he hadn't been able to do it.

'And now?' Duo had a few doubts, certainly, but that was only natural at the start of a new relationship. Or the resumption of an old one. But there was the steady, shimmering pulse of love for Heero weaving its way through all the confusion, and he'd already broken Trowa's heart and he just couldn't do that to Duo. Zechs and Wufei would have to keep him safe this time.

Quatre twisted around, burying his face in the mound of pillows, trying so hard not to cry but everything hurt. His ankle and his heart and the sharp stinging cuts on his left arm, and the knowledge that he was putting Duo in danger.

'Hey, Quat. Get back here, you twit. Look, no offence or anything, but you're kinda emotional, you know.'

That made him laugh, really laugh and cry a little at the one time, and it seemed that Duo, wrapped so tightly around him that breathing was an effort, was doing exactly the same. Duo had first said those words to him in the desert, the first time they'd talked properly, making them a shared joke, rather than an insult. It had been the first time he'd let himself dare to hope that Duo liked him. The comment had been a running joke between them for years.

'I am not in the least emotional,' Quatre added his own punch line when he had the breath for it.

'Yeah, Quatre. And the sky is green.' Duo loosened his hold, just a little. 'Sorry. You're right. I guess we did rush things. It just felt right. At the time. But, well, you know.'

'I know.'

'What happens now?' Duo asked eventually. It was hard to know just how he meant that. 'Quat, when you called me earlier, you were adamant about me – all of us – having to leave L4. What was that about? Or can you not remember that either?'

'Oh.' Quatre swallowed. He'd almost forgotten; he wasn't sure whether Duo meant that as a slightly snide comment or not. Of course, he hadn't believed the amnesia story for one second. 'I hadn't been conscious for long, and I was panicking. I'd just been told about those awful explosions; it's a miracle that no one was killed, and about Zechs being shot. It's like there's a curse on this colony or something.'

'Not a curse,' Duo muttered. 'Just someone out to destroy WEI, it looks like.' It was hard to tell whether he believed it or not. 'Look; you got abducted, and nearly killed, there were three major explosions at Winner properties on Saturday; God know what else is going on.' He flicked Quatre a sudden grin. 'Did you seriously nick that bitch Une's phone to call me?'

'Oh, yes.' Quatre felt a smug little smile curve his own mouth; at least he'd done one thing recently that he was proud of. 'I imagine she's not terribly happy with me right now.'

'Fairly safe bet,' Duo agreed dryly. 'Quat, seriously, if there's anything that's going to make Tro take you back, apart from the fact that he still loves you, I mean, that should do it.'

Quatre felt his own smile begin to wilt, and maintained it with effort. Nothing would ever convince Trowa to forgive him, but he'd known that from the start and made his choices accordingly.

And in one more day, Duo would never want to see him again either.


	75. Implausible Scenarios

Disclaimer: The GW characters do not belong to me.

Note: Many thanks to KS, for slogging through this one with me, and to everyone who hasn't forgotten this story. A couple of people have asked for a synopsis of the story to date: I think this chapter fills in most of the major past events, but if you'd like a copy of the timeline, let me know.

**Implausible Scenarios:**

Some uniformed footman tried to show me out after my chat with Quat, but I hopped in front of him at a strategic point as we were rounding a corner. I didn't need some flunky in shiny brass buttons to take me around this house; it had been my second home for years.

That first year after the war, I'd visited every month or so, once or twice with Heero, but usually by myself. While Heero and I had been on our trial separation, or whatever it had been, I'd stayed here.

The odd thing was that I had happy memories of that particular period; December 196, before everything had gone wrong. Heero had only been able to accompany me to L4 a couple of times, so not having him there was normal more than anything. We'd spoken several times a day, and we'd had a month of getting on together. Of actual talking about our lives and our futures.

He'd already been accepted by several universities, to study for his law degree, and we'd had fun debating where we'd prefer to live for the next few years. I'd wanted him to go with his first preference of Tokyo, but he hadn't wanted to drag me off to a new country where I knew no one and didn't speak the language. I don't think it ever occurred to me to think what I'd be doing while he was caught up in his studies. Back then, I'd probably imagined him attending the odd class, and being with me the rest of the time.

After I'd more or less recovered from the _incident_, after my doctors had cleared me for space travel, I'd stayed in this house for nearly three months. Wu had taught me to swim while I was living with him, and I'd spent hours in Quatre's pool, or tucked away in the library.

I probably would never have left, except that Wufei had dragged me back to Earth to start the university course my friends had chosen for me.

For all the house's grandeur, it was still clearly a place where a family had grown up. There were photographs on every remotely flat surface, and every room bore some testimony to the girls' artistic efforts; splashy watercolour paintings and embroidered cushions and hand-painted porcelain ornaments.

There wasn't much evidence of the only son and heir; he appeared in a few carefully posed photographs, usually with his father. Such a direct contrast to all the carefree, laughing shots of his sisters.

When Quatre and I had first met, we'd exchanged carefully edited versions of our childhood. He'd grown up surrounded by a huge, loving family, and I'd made growing up on L2 sound like this great adventure.

It wasn't 'til much later that we'd actually started to confide in each other. To be honest, at the very start, I hadn't thought we'd ever get to be friends. I'd known from the start that he and Trowa were together - that much was pretty damn obvious - so it wasn't like he'd want me for sex.

Heero and Trowa were both doing the jobs they'd spent their whole lives training for, and Wufei was totally wrapped up in avenging his clan. Quat was like me, though; just a kid who'd got caught up in it all. Someone else who believed he was damaged and was desperately trying to hide it, although in his case, it was buried deep under those beautifully formal manners.

He was the first person I'd ever met who'd wanted to know me properly, who'd cared what I actually thought about things. Who didn't need anything from me but friendship, pure and simple. Sure, I could kid myself that Sister Helen had thought I was special; I guess in her own way she'd thought we were all special. But she hadn't been my mother; I'd been another of dozens, hundreds of kids who'd been through the orphanage.

Everyone in my life thought I had Quatre Winner on a solid gold pedestal, but it wasn't really true. Not totally.

We'd gone through an incredible, impossible year together when we were just fifteen.

During one of our worst rows, Heero had yelled at me that I was in love with Quat, and I'd hurled the accusation right back. I think we both had been, sort of.

I'd had Heero, Quat had had Trowa. A perfectly balanced equation of four, and those two fit so perfectly. They just fit. Quatre glowed like a sunbeam whenever Trowa was so much as mentioned; Trowa had always been less obvious, but it was still pretty clear that he believed the sun shone out of his boyfriend's ass. Or maybe he'd just liked looking at that particular part of Quat's anatomy.

As far as Quatre was concerned, the house had been the place where he'd grown up, and he lived there because he was the head of the Winner family, and it was expected of him. He had the cottage, and a penthouse suite in his office building, and he considered both places to be home.

Never this house.

The place was like an armed camp. Correction, the place could have given seminars to armed camps. There were probably anti-aircraft missiles in the gazebo and mobile suits lurking behind the topiary. To get in, we'd had to undergo retinal scans, fingerprint checks, and DNA tests.

If anyone else wanted to get at Quatre, they'd have to go through his personal army.

Which was a bit of a problem for me, actually.

I'd been sent off with a full protective detail, courtesy of Zechs; Jack driving, Mason as Official Bodyguard in Chief, a couple of embassy guards on motorbikes as outriders. I'd been sort of scared to look up as we drove, just in case there was air support as well.

'So…'I slid into the passenger seat. 'Where now? Back to the embassy? Or can we go for a spin?'

Jack grinned at me. 'Oh, no. I have very specific orders from the Commander. We're going straight back to the embassy.'

OK, I hadn't really expected any different. 'The Commander? How come you're calling him that?'

'Must be a habit I've picked up.' He swung the car in a semi-circle around the front of the house, accelerating as he passed the first check point.

'Slow down a bit, OK? We're not in any hurry.' I twisted my head to look at Mason in the back. 'Do you guys still do courses in Hostage Extraction as part of training?' I knew they did, even before he nodded. I'd never been privileged to wear the Preventer uniform myself – well, only for a couple of hours before Une fired me – but I'd lived with Heero and Wufei. I knew.

'Jack? Any experience in that area?'

'A little.' He sounded a bit uncomfortable about it. 'Why?'

'Just curious. Listen, when we get back to the embassy, I want you guys to write a report each on the defences in this place.'

'Why?'

'You sound like a five year old,' I gave Jack my most disarming smile. 'Quatre Winner's my best friend. I want to make sure he's safe, that there aren't any breaches in his security. Come on, it'll give you both something to do, right?'

They both nodded, Jack looking a bit suspicious and Mason eagerly. The guy probably thought if he aced his assignment, I'd tell Heero how brilliant he was. Poor sap. Just to forestall any more questions, I switched on the radio.

Back home, they both trailed me to the front of the house from the garage. Hell, I'd acquired an entourage. Well, that was going to have to stop right now.

'Jack, do me a favour. Mason's going to be staying here for a day or so; can you find someone inside to get a room ready for him?'

'Of course. Or he's welcome to share mine, if he'd prefer.' Jack gave the blushing Mason a long, appraising look that probably had him wishing his Preventer uniform was a little less fitted. They seemed to be getting tighter these days; I didn't have the clearest recollections of 196, but I didn't remember Heero wearing anything quite so tight-fitting. Oh, well, he'd have to toughen up a bit if he was going to stay around. At this rate, he'd self combust if Zechs so much as looked at him.

The two of them vanished inside and Marlie popped around the side of the house. She looked different in jeans instead of a Preventer uniform, with her hair loose; like a normal person, but I still got the impression that the Maxwell glamour hadn't worn off.

'Hi! Listen, d'you know a guy called Mason?'

'Anthony Mason? Yes, I know him. We did basic training together.'

'He's going to be staying here for a day or so. Maybe you could have a word with him? I don't think he's overly keen on me, and Heero's got him playing bodyguard for a while. Can you please reassure him that I don't have horns and a tail?'

Marlie gasped, the blush intensifying just a little bit. Maybe not on my account this time. Interesting, maybe our two Preventers could get together and try starting something instead. 'Duo, he thinks you're amazing! I've been to his apartment; he has Deathscythe magnets all over his fridge and everything.'

'You can get those? Seriously? Wow, that's sort of cool! And what were you doing in his kitchen?'

'He invited everyone over for dinner one evening during the course.'

'So he cooks too?' I grinned at her, noticing one of her hands was busily twisting itself in her hair. Always a give-away when girls like someone. Or guys, if their hair is long enough. Ahem. 'I've sent him inside with Jack? Would you mind checking on them?'

There; who says men aren't capable of multi-tasking? Bring two lonely hearts together, plus give the two Preventers something to keep them occupied. I didn't want either of them listening to what I was about to tell the others.

Zechs and Wufei were on the terrace, drinking tea out of nice porcelain cups, with Zechs' art stuff scattered around and a seriously weird painting on the easel. A riot of rainbow coloured llamas cavorted around the canvas, all sporting wings.

Lots of weirdness everywhere.

'Duo!' Wufei looked up and smiled. 'How is he?' He'd wanted to come with me, and I'd managed to convince him to stay and spend some quality time with his poor, injured fiancé.

'Alive. Weird.' I plopped down in a chair and tilted it back, looking at Zechs. 'How much can I trust Jack?'

Zechs put his cup down. 'With your life. Although possibly not with your money or your virtue.'

'I don't have any money and my virtue's a pretty negligible quality at this stage.'

He grinned, and then Wufei cut in. 'Why exactly are you asking?'

Hmmm. Good question. Wufei was the one I'd have to convince; Zechs would go along with his partner.

'Duo?' Wufei again. 'What happened with Quatre?'

OK.

Showtime.

'There's something seriously wrong. I mean, s_eriously, _'Fei. I don't really get what's going on but we have to get him out of there. No, listen,' I was talking faster and faster as they geared themselves up to interrupt. 'He's scared stiff about something. And he was acting really weird, like he didn't really know what was going on, or didn't much care. I mean, I asked him about those WEI buildings that got blown up and he never batted an eyelid.'

'In the circumstances…' Wufei began, and I shook my head.

'In the circumstances, _nothing_. You know Quat. He doesn't just…close down. And he's taken your painting, that scroll you did for them, off the wall. He said it had somehow got broken and he hadn't got around it fixing it, or having it replaced.'

My major, world-stopping, gob-smacking revelation won me a couple of blank stares.

'Duo, I hardly think that Quatre Winner's taste in art is relevant to any of this.'

'After the War,' I cut in, 'your boyfriend painted three calligraphy scrolls, in a very ancient Chinese script that hadn't been used on Earth in centuries, but was still known on L5. The one he kept is over our fireplace in the lounge at home; the one he gave me and Heero is on my bedroom wall, and the other one used to hang in Trowa and Quatre's bedroom. If it's broken, it's irreplaceable. If it's broken, he would not have dismissed it as casually as he did.'

'The characters meant _peace_,' Wufei said softly.

'Yeah, _peace_,' I echoed, just as quietly. 'Broken, according to Quatre.'

Zechs looked at Wufei; Wufei looked at Zechs. Wufei apparently got first dibs on reasoning with poor, deluded Duo.

'Quatre and I haven't exactly been on the best of terms lately,' he said quietly. 'Not given the way he's been treating you and Trowa. It's hardly a surprise if he broke something that had been a gift from me.'

'Not _that_,' I said positively. 'Wu, it's one of his most precious possessions.'

'Well, maybe it was an accident.' Wufei had apparently decided to adopt a calm, reasoning tone to placate the friend who had suddenly gone doolally.

'No!' I snapped back. 'He was trying to tell me something; that something is really, really wrong. He's scared of something, or someone. That's why he couldn't tell me out straight; they must have the house bugged and that's why he had to tell me in code. I mean, come on he's been acting weird for God knows how long; there's obviously something behind it. I'm not imagining all of this, 'Fei. You think I'm making it all up?'

'No. No, I don't. But I know how attached you are to Quatre, how much you've always valued his friendship.' He took a deep breath. 'Duo, he's has behaved abominably towards you for months. I think, possibly, you are manufacturing excuses for him rather than accepting the facts. He is in his home, surrounded by the Maguanacs. It's probably the safest place in the universe right now. There is absolutely no reason why he should feel remotely threatened.'

'Which is precisely why it's so weird that he _does_! Plus he's cutting himself again.'

Zechs looked mystified; Wufei's eyes widened. 'After all, he's been through, it's hardly surprising.'

'No,' I shook my head firmly. 'He's only ever done that when he's under serious emotional strain.' He'd always tried so hard to keep it a secret; of course, we'd all known. 'Is he likely to do that now that he's back home, supposedly safe, with the Maguanacs to protect him?'

'I have no idea,' Wufei said flatly. 'I don't think I know anything about him any more. Did you even talk to him about how he's been behaving? About how he's trying to have you committed, and set you up to have sex with a total stranger and then had it shown on global TV? _Did_ you?'

God, I'd totally forgotten about the sex thing. Well, it was hard to keep track of everything.

'Sort of. Look, he's really sorry for all that shit. He just lost it when Trowa walked out. He didn't know what he was doing. I can identify with that; I didn't care what I did when Heero left me.'

'You're being ridiculous. It was Quatre's own fault if Trowa left him. And you didn't insult your friends, you never treated us like dirt, you never tried to ruin our lives.'

'I tried to end my own.' I said it very quietly, but it shut him up. I'd never admitted it aloud before, never really acknowledged it. I'd admitted to _accidents_, or a couple of hardcore sexual encounters that had somehow gone wrong, but the fact was that after Heero had left, I had very badly wanted to die.

'Oh, Duo.' I suddenly had Wufei wrapped around me.

'No, it's OK. I'm fine. Look, can we just concentrate on Quatre for now.'

'Fine.' He gave me one last squeeze, and sat back down. 'What exactly do you think is wrong with him?'

'I don't exactly know,' I said reluctantly. 'Just that it's got to be something big. Seriously big and important. Come on, he's been acting weird for _months_. And now he can't even talk openly in his own home, with the Maguanacs guarding him. That's why we've got to break him out and take him somewhere that's really safe, so we can talk to him properly.'

The guys were really missing all their cues today. Wufei looked simply appalled at the idea; Zechs just looked slightly pitying. Neither of them knew just what to say.

'You think I'm mad. You do think I'm making this up, as some sort of elaborate excuse for how he's been behaving. Don't you?'

'It is….possible. Duo, I'm sorry. But you have absolutely no evidence and Quatre has always been very skilled at manipulating people and…' his voice trailed off, letting me fill in the rest of it.

'And I'm very good at constructing elaborate fantasies,' I finished for him. Yeah. I'd convinced myself that I was just fine after the War, as I'd slowly been self-destructing. I'd convinced myself that Heero and I would be together forever, ever as I'd found new ways to drive us apart. Great, Duo.

I took a deep breath.

'You didn't see him, Wufei. There's something going on and he's shit scared of whatever it is, and it would explain how he's changed lately. I mean, all the stuff that's been happening, the girl and the bodyguards getting killed, maybe it was all just a warning of some sort, to make him do something.' No, they still weren't buying it. 'Right. You don't believe me. Tell me what you think is going on then.'

They both, very carefully, _didn't_ look at each other. 'Duo,' Wufei said quietly. 'Lucrezia called just before you got back. The Preventers…have an alternative theory.'

I glanced up just in time to see the look that passed between them. 'Oh, _fucking_ no! No way! They think he's doing all this himself?'

'Duo.' Wufei leaned over and put one hand on my arm. 'Just listen to us? We've listened to you; now it's your turn. You said yourself, he's been behaving very oddly for the last year or more. The way he's been behaving to Trowa; to all of us.' He hesitated. 'We've seen the Preventers' report on the abduction; it's very odd. There are absolutely no signs of any struggle; somebody got close enough to take out two armed, highly competent bodyguards and presumably disable Quatre in the process. Whoever killed them wasn't just someone they knew, but trusted implicitly, or they would have reacted somehow. They were both shot at point-blank range, between the eyes. Whoever did was right in front of them.'

'No. That doesn't mean it was Quat.'

'You asked Theo to have Quatre watched.' Zechs' turn. 'Remember? I know the man who was assigned the job. He was good. And someone took him out; again, at point blank range with no signs that he'd tried to get away.'

'This is all just conjecture.' I forced myself to speak calmly. 'You have no proof, and Quat has absolutely no motive for any of this.'

'It's possible that he noticed Theo's man watching him, Blakeny his name was.'

I nodded; Jack had told me that.

'If he did, it's possible that he assumed the man was a threat and … reacted.'

I swallowed. I did not, in any way, want that to be true. If it was, I'd literally sent the guy to his death. I'd called Theo Fichtner and got him to have someone keep an eye on Quat.

'Why the hell does Une think he would he do any of this? Why would he shoot his own bodyguards and that poor girl and what? Blow up his own company's buildings?'

Wufei rubbed the bridge of his nose with one finger; always a sign of stress. Not that I could talk; without realising it, I'd torn a page out of Zechs' sketchpad, and was methodically shredding it between two fingers. I hoped I hadn't ruined a good picture.

'They have profilers, Duo. They've spoken to the Quatre's staff, to some of the Maguanacs. They believe he became very upset after Trowa left, and that at some point he blamed the girl, and, Duo…you _know_ Quatre. You know what he's like when he gets caught up in emotions, in losing people who are close to him.'

Zero.

He didn't even have to say it. We all knew what Quatre Raberba Winner, following the death of his father, to whom he had never been close, had done.

'If he believed he'd lost Trowa –'

'No.' It was hardly a whisper. 'He wouldn't. It's not possible. And why would he blow up his own offices? Or attack you and Zechs?

'It's possible that he saw WEI as being partly the cause of losing Trowa.' Wufei shrugged. 'Duo, we're all just hypothesising at this point. It's possible that the people who attacked us had nothing to do with Quatre. It's not as if either of us is particularly popular on this colony. You know that.'

'No!' I snapped suddenly. 'Quatre is our _friend_. He's not some unbalanced maniac. There's no way he's responsible for any of this. I was talking to him an hour ago, 'Fei. He was thrilled about your engagement; he was joking about some newspaper he'd seen calling you Zechsy's exotic toy boy or something.'

Wufei looked over at his partner, brows snapping together. 'Milliardo, you assured me that that article wouldn't be reprinted.'

'I did, darling,' Zechs said hastily. 'I spoke to the palace press office; they promised me no other journalists would ever use that particular wording.'

'You can do that? What about the freedom of the press and all that? And what article are you talking about?'

Zechs grinned. 'Reporters tend to become rather co-operative if one threatens not to update their particular publications on events concerning one of the last royal families in Europe. The _Sanque Times_ published a brief story on Sunday in their society pages. They'd picked up on the fact that Wufei had applied for Sanque citizenship, and were speculating that it might mean a proposal was in the offing. Wufei was a little … upset, over some of the terms used by the author, so I contacted Relena's press office, and they spoke to the media.'

'So…' I said slowly. 'It's Friday today. Quat's been missing for a week. He's been drugged and injured and concussed and God knows what. Do you honestly think that he's had time to sit down and read a celebrity gossip column?'

'He could have seen it since he got back,' Wufei argued. 'You know Quatre. The first thing he'd want to do is to catch up with what's been going on.'

'Yeah, and he starts off by reading the weekend social supplement in a newspaper that's almost a week old, and that's published on the other side of the universe and probably not even available on the Colonies? Get real, 'Fei. Shit!'

'Ooh! You said a bad word,' piped up a voice, and I turned to see Gemma and Lily at my elbow. Great; two little girls had managed to sneak up on the three of us.

'Flying horsie!' Lily was chanting as she scrambled up on to my knee. Gemma, as always, hung back a little, but I caught the quick glimmer of a smile as she looked at the painting.

'Where's Nathan?'

Wufei shrugged. 'I did something stupid. Nathan mentioned he enjoyed martial arts films this morning, so I suggested showing him some basic katas. He agreed, but he apparently thought I'd meant something different and then he walked into the gym as I was getting changed and he ….reacted rather badly. Duo, I'm sorry. I never even thought…'

'Hey,' I tipped the little girl off my lap and grabbed him in a quick hug. 'It's OK. You didn't know; you were just trying to be nice.'

'Stop mauling my fiancé, Maxwell,' Zechs put in. 'You wouldn't do that if Heero were here.'

'Wouldn't _want_ to do it if Heero were here.' I gave Wufei's pony tail a little tug and then let him go. 'Don't worry, 'Fei.'

'Flying horsie!' Lily insisted loudly, tugging my hand to come and look.

'Flying llamas,' I grinned down at her, trying to remember what was important about a flying horsie. Damn, I'd forgotten that sex with Heero, that being in the remote vicinity of Heero sent all the little Maxwell brain cells scurrying off to another part of my anatomy entirely. What had flying horses got to do with anything?

Shit. Out of respect for the young ladies present, I didn't say it out loud.

''Fei,' I swung Lily in circle and dumped her, still giggling, on the grass at my feet. 'What happened to that report we gave Preventers that the girl saw that van taking Quatre away?'

He sighed. 'They've chosen to disregard it, in the face of their new theory.'

'They disregarded an eye witness account?' I asked incredulously. 'Tell me you're joking.'

He sighed, lowering his voice. 'It's L4. No one's interested in what a little homeless girl may or may not have seen. Lucrezia did say she'd look into it, but I think what with Quatre reappearing, she probably hasn't had a chance.'

'Probably,' I said idly. 'Lily, can you do something for me, please?' She bounced to her feet, nodding enthusiastically.

'Good girl! Remember the night before I met you guys? You saw the dark-coloured van with the flying horsie picture. Do you think you could tell Zechs just what it looked like?' I'd done a quick sketch, a couple of days ago, but I'd lost it.

'He's a prince!' She sounded shocked. 'You have to say His Highness.'

'Oh, right. Sorry. Do you think you could tell His Most Gracious and Serene Highness what the horsie was like? Pretty please?'

Lily giggled. 'OK. He was standing on his back legs and he had wings. Two pretty wings.'

'What sort of wings?' Zechs asked, reaching for his sketchpad. 'Like a butterfly? Or a dragon?'

'No! Like an angel! All feathery and swoopy!'

Zechs drew quickly adding flourishes in graceful swirls. 'Like this?'

'Yeah! He's beautiful. Can I have it? _Please_.'

'In a minute. 'Fei, can I borrow your laptop for a sec? Let's see what we can find about flying horsies.'

I pulled up the search engine, typing in L4+Pegasus, just to see what that would give us.

Souhef Limited. It wasn't even a surprise.

I'd met the guy, according to Zechs, at some art exhibition somewhere. He'd apparently fancied me. I had no recollection of it though. He was a friend, or at least an acquaintance of Quatre's. Trowa didn't like him. I scanned down his bio briefly, flicking past of the picture of a pretty wife and two little boys. MBA from Harvard, old family firm on L4, marriage, philanthropic work with orphans and street kids. Yeah. Sure. The nice, glowing report didn't mention that he'd been screwing those street kids, and that two of them were mysteriously, horribly dead.

'Whatever's going on,' I said flatly, 'this guy is in it up to his balls. I promise you that. And he's just walking around because he owns whatever part of this colony the Winners don't. It's insane.'

'There is no definite proof,' Wufei interrupted. 'The van could have been stolen, or used by an employee without anyone knowing. No court is going to accept the word of a small child in any case. And he may have been Ali's lover, but that doesn't imply he had any part in the boy's death.'

'Jack and Theo gave us Souhef's name, remember? They got it from those guys who tried to kill you in the desert.'

'And it's totally inadmissible. Duo, you _know_ that. He may be somehow involved but…'

'He bloody well is involved,' I muttered, nibbling the end of my braid. 'I know he is.' I glanced back over the information on screen. 'The Preventers seriously haven't even looked into the possibility of this guy being a part of this?'

'Gods, Duo.' Wufei slouched back in his chair, suddenly looking exhausted. 'We don't have a clue what's going on. Une is determined to pin on all of this on Quatre; she's not even considering any other possibilities. The other Preventers just want to find out who's responsible for blowing up one of their own shuttles and killing twelve agents.'

'You can't possibly believe Quat did something like that!'

'It doesn't matter what I happen to believe. Une's sure Quat's behind all of this. and he's not exactly helping himself, claiming he doesn't remember anything, and then appearing on TV and implying the Preventers are in some way responsible. They think he staged this whole thing, with the help of David Souhef, as a way to discredit the Preventers, and thereby the ESUN and so far it's damn well working. You probably haven't seen the news for a couple of hours, but there are anti ESUN demonstrations taking part on all the Colonies, and in some cities on Earth. And at some point, Une is going to come up with enough evidence to pin a conviction on Quatre and then all hell is going to break loose.'

Zechs cleared his throat. 'And of course tomorrow's date doesn't really help.'

I had to think for a second, to work out the date.

Oops.

I said that aloud, making Lily giggle.

Tomorrow would be April the 7th.


	76. Soldiers Passing By

Note: As always, thanks to Kaeru Shisho for working on this with me, and to everyone has been kind enough to review.

**Soldiers Passing By:**

Zechs turned away from the TV screen to stare at me. 'So, when you and Quatre were having your little tete a tete yesterday, did he happen to mention he was plotting a global revolution?'

'Ah, no. It never came up.'

OK, I'd come up with quite a few theories for why Quat was behaving so weirdly, but this hadn't been one of them.

'I don't understand,' Relena said. She'd been saying that quite a lot.

Wufei and Zechs, like me, were glued to the screen. Dorothy was muttering darkly to herself and Lady Diana Alston, the ambassador's wife was still trying to call her husband in Sanque. No luck; the satellites had been down for hours.

The news was on a loop, replaying every twenty minutes exactly. She'd had lots of opportunities in the last two hours to tell us she didn't understand. 'Is this some sort of insane practical joke?'

The guy on screen was repeating what he'd been saying a few times every hour. A prominent citizen of L4 – zoom to a photo of Quat looking pale and grief-stricken – had been attacked on L4 soil; his fiancée, a young woman from an illustrious L4 family, and his loyal bodyguards had been brutally slain, and Mr. Winner himself had been forcibly abducted.

New evidence had come to light that these atrocities had been perpetrated by agents of the ESUN, angered at Mr. Winner's opposition to new laws being passed on Earth.

'Surely, _surely_, no one can possibly believe this nonsense!' Relena's sudden exclamation was pitched slightly higher than Dorothy's.

'If the Preventers had done this, he'd never have escaped,' Dorothy, more prosaically, added.

'This is Quatre we're talking about,' I chipped in. 'And he did get away from Une and co at the hospital.'

The camera zoomed off Quat, and switched to some nice sunrise-over-the-desert scenes, interspersed with happy L4 shots of little kids handing flowers to the soldiers of the new L4 nation. Peacekeepers, they were called officially, but someone had trained these guys. And fitted them out in shiny uniforms with the latest weaponry. According to an earlier press release, they were all volunteers, who had come forward to safeguard their colony from possible foreign aggression.

Whatever.

Zechs gave an exasperated little hiss and changed channels. Not that it made much difference; all the TV channels were pretty much showing the same recycled stuff. This one was showing the newly proclaimed L4's government. Quat was there; he wasn't joining in the stirring rhetoric or the glorious promises, but he was there.

'We, the citizens of L4, do this day declare our formal secession from the totalitarian government of the Earth Sphere United Nations. Our ancestors left Earth to make a new home among the stars, many years ago, to escape repression and persecution. Now, we, the descendants of those brave pioneers, find ourselves as second class citizens in this new world of ours. We have attempted to co-operate with this regime, and it has come to nothing. We shall return to the ways of our forefathers, of the desert from whence we originally came.'

Some old guy, the sort who plays the wise old patriarch in the movies, was getting to give his spiel about how their ancestors had left Earth to escape from intolerance and persecution and find a place where they could live in freedom among the stars. It was very poetic, even translated from the original Arabic.

Even if most of those guys had probably never seen more sand in their lives than in their kids' sandboxes.

'There's no possible way L4 can do this,' Zechs stated. 'Earth and the Colonies need each other. Even if they wanted independence, they couldn't be self-sufficient. The ESUN wouldn't permit it.'

'And how will they prevent it?' It was kind of hard, from his voice, to guess how Wufei felt about all this, but I had a pretty good idea. 'Will they choose to declare war on people who ask only to choose their own destinies?'

'Of course not! They will declare embargoes; even if they've been stockpiling supplies here, they'll run out eventually.'

'So what will happen?' I demanded, exchanging glances with Wufei. 'They'll starve out a group of peaceful people who only want to be left alone? The other Colonies – other countries on Earth – will never stand for that.'

'But they can't just – do this!' Relena declared. 'It's ridiculous, as Milliardo says.'

'Ridiculous, yes.' Wufei was suddenly on his feet. 'Really, how dare these presumptuous colonists have the temerity to want to choose their own paths? The Alliance would have known how to deal with them, wouldn't they? Excuse me. I think I've heard enough.'

'Wufei, I didn't mean..' Relena jumped up to follow him, and Zechs pulled her back.

Shit. Shit shit shit.

I eventually found him on the roof, studying the chaos that was going on outside, with the help of a map and binoculars. For a 'peaceful revolution' there was a whole lot of activity. Armoured cars on the streets, fires breaking out here and there, gunfire. According to the news, there had been some opposition to the news that L4 was now a free nation, not from the good citizens of L4, of course, but from disaffected foreign elements. People were being urged to stay indoors until the Peacekeepers calmed things down. Foreign-owned businesses and embassies had guards posted outside 'for their own protection'.

'She doesn't understand, 'Fei.'

'I know. Duo, she's a member of the ESUN ministry. If anyone should understand, she should. And her country was occupied by the Alliance for years. Her own parents were killed when their country was overthrown; her brother spent years trying to free Sanque. Why can't she realise that other people want independence?'

'I don't think she really gets that the colonies are countries – nations – in their own right. She still thinks they belong to Earth, that the people think of Earth as their real home.'

'We didn't,' Wufei said softly. 'We remembered China, of course, but L5 was home, the place we'd created out of nothing, a place to be free.'

I nodded, sliding one arm around his shoulders. He hardly ever talked about his home colony. I knew it hurt. I hoped Zechs was giving his brainless little sister a serious tongue-lashing, for bringing up those memories.

'I can't believe he's a part of this. Not Quatre.'

'Me neither. Why didn't he tell us, Duo?'

'Maybe he thought we'd disapprove. I dunno. I don't get it, do you? Zechsy was right about L4 not being able to survive alone. Apart from anything else, they'll run out of water.'

'There are ways to produce it.'

'Costs a fortune,' I said absently. 'None of this makes any sense.' Quatre might have been the idealistic dreamer out of the five of us, but he had a strong layer of practicality as well. I couldn't see why he'd get involved with something that was pretty obviously doomed to failure. And he would never do this sort of thing; in principle, he approved of the ESUN, he just had issues with some of their tactics. 'Why'd he choose to get involved with something this damn stupid?'

Wufei shook his head. 'Either he knows something we don't, or he's not doing it from choice.'

That was nearly the scariest thing of all. Anyone who could force Quatre Winner to do something against his will was…freaking terrifying. Underneath his exquisite manners, he'd always had a stubborn streak stronger than Gundanium.

'I just don't get this,' I muttered, apparently channelling Relena. Say you don't understand something often enough, and maybe you will. 'Who the hell can benefit from a revolution that's doomed from the very start?'

'Shit!' We both jumped at the explosion; far enough away not to cause any impact for us; near enough to hurt our ears.

'Gas tank, I think.' Wufei rubbed his ears. 'Gods. So, this is what a revolution looks like.'

'Guess so. As for who's benefiting, someone paid for those Peacekeeper guys' shiny new uniforms and weaponry. And apparently had the resources to shut down all satellite transmissions from an entire colony. I'm betting that someone's expecting to get some sort of a return of their investment. Shit, I don't know, 'Fei. What d'you think of all this? Really?'

'It can never work,' he said instantly. 'Earth will never allow it. Apart from needing the L4 resources, if L4 secedes, it's setting a precedent. There are countries on Earth that don't have much love for the ESUN, to say nothing of the other Colonies. If the ESUN starts to disintegrate, it's setting the stage for another war. They can't permit that.'

'They can't attack a colony that's committed no acts of aggression.'

He shrugged. 'None of the colonies are self-sufficient. They can't have stockpiled indefinite supplies; all Earth has to do is impose sanctions and wait.'

'And let people starve? Women, kids? They can't.'

'They'll probably allow in some basics to prevent that. Stalemate.' Wufei tucked a stray strand of hair behind one ear. 'Duo, this doesn't make any sense.

I swallowed. 'What if the other Colonies followed suit? Hypothetically?'

From his sharp in-drawn breath, I guessed he hadn't thought of that. 'Do you think it's possible?'

'L1's always had the closest ties to Earth. Probably not. L3? I think they might; half of the place is owned by L4 businesses, as far as I know. They could pressure them to join.'

'L2?'

'Don't know, don't care. I bet if the ESUN took any measures against L4, the other colonies wouldn't just sit by, though.' I gave the tuft of my braid a thoughtful little nibble. 'God, I don't _get_ this.'

I jumped up, binoculars in hand, at a sudden burst of gunfire. 'So much for a peaceful revolution, like that guy on the news said.'

Wufei produced a small smile. 'That's an oxymoron, anyway.' He glanced down at his map. 'It's the US embassy.'

'How many blocks away?'

'Ten. Shit! Relena _so_ shouldn't be here right now.'

'I don't think there's any way we can fight our way out.'

I nodded; I'd thought about it.' There just weren't enough of us. 'Times like this, you really miss having a Gundam, right?'

'Indeed.' His gaze moved suddenly downwards to the embassy gates. 'I think we have company.'

He was right; one of the armoured cars that had been cruising past in a convoy swung to a stop by our gates.

'I'm going down to see what's what. Coming?'

'I'll just be a minute.'

Zechs caught up with me before I hit the stairs.

'Is he all right?'

'Yeah, he's calmed down a bit. You're probably safe to go up and not have your head taken off.'

He nodded. 'Thank you. Duo, I have to talk to you first. We need to get Relena out of here.'

'Yeah.' I'd realised this from the start; no way could we hand Relena over to a bunch of anti-ESUN fanatics. 'You've got a plan?'

'I think so. Jack just called me; he's at the shuttle port. He's got a ship.'

'They said on the news that they've grounded flights.'

'Officially. It's rather chaotic, apparently. There are still some flights coming in and they've already started flying out non-citizens.'

'Already?' I whistled. 'Sheesh, that was damn fast.' Like it had all been really. So very perfectly planned.

On the news, they were presenting as some sort of spontaneous uprising, but there was no way that was true.

'Right. So what's the deal? How do we get everyone out?'

'We don't.' He held up one hand to keep me quiet. 'We _can't_. It's not possible. They're patrolling the streets; there's no way we can get so many people to the port. Two people, moving fast, might be able to do it. There _is_ traffic on the street; they can't close the city down entirely.'

'That'll be me then. There's a couple of motorbikes in the garage, right? So I get her to the port and Jack flies her out.'

'No.' He shook his head, fine blond strands of hair stirring against his cheek. 'I want you to do it. You're the finest pilot I know.' He grinned lopsidedly. 'Well, since I'm not in any shape to fly, and Wufei won't leave me, and Heero and Trowa aren't here.'

I snorted. 'Thanks for the compliment. Not. But I'm not leaving you guys. Or the kids. I'm responsible for them.'

'As a Sanque citizen,' he informed me, 'you are responsible for the welfare of your princess above all else.'

'You're pulling rank on me? Fuck off! Zechs, I'm not cutting out on you guys.'

'You _have_ to,' he said urgently. 'Duo, please. She's my little sister; the only family I have left. And you're the only person I would trust to do this.'

'Ah, shit, Merquise' I groaned. 'Why did you have to pull that 'I trust you' card?' I put up a few more token protests, but he had me. It was what Heero would have wanted, anyway. Rule one; Protect the Princess at all costs. Even if it means abandoning your friends. 'Right. When?'

'As soon as possible. You know we have a visitor?'

I nodded. 'Where is he?'

'In the library, with Diana. Apparently he has a list of everyone currently living in the embassy; he wanted to check it with her. Then, he wants to talk to all of us.'

'OK. So…now? You want me to grab her and get the hell out of Dodge?' Already, I was seeing the city map in my head, working out routes. Feeling the adrenalin surge. Along with the sheer excitement that I was going to be flying again.

'As soon as…' the library door opened, and the embassy butler looked out. 'Prince Miliardo, Her Excellency wishes to see you and Mr. Maxwell and Mr. Chang as soon as possible.

The guy turned out to be called Captain Amir. Blue eyes looked out of a swarthy face; taking in everything. He was dressed up in a nice three piece linen suit, but he was military.

He was polite though, bowing to Relena, apologising for the inconvenience, as if he'd come to make amends for a problem with the cable or something, and then making polite chit-chat as we all sat down again.

'Now. I'm sure this is highly unpleasant for all of you, so I'll try not to disturb you for any longer than necessary. As I'm sure you've heard on the news, we are currently evacuating all people on this colony who are not residents of L4. We are giving priority to embassy staff. Can you be ready to leave in the next hour?'

'So soon?'

He nodded. 'It's for your own safety, Princess. We have reason to believe that the ESUN is planning to blockade all flights into and out of the colony, and I'm sure you would prefer to return home rather than remain here indefinitely.'

'All the embassy personnel?' Diana pressed. I didn't know if there was some sort of handbook for ambassadors' wives to follow in the event of revolutions breaking out before afternoon tea was served. If there wasn't, Lady Diana Alston could have written the thing. She'd been amazing.

'Certainly. We are trying to evacuate all non-L4 natives and return them home before the ESUN , I see you have two Preventer agents on the premises.'

Diana nodded. 'Commander Une's orders. They are protection for Prince Milliardo.'

Amir sniffed. 'Indeed. The prince may be safer without such protection. They will be taken to the Preventers Headquarters. Your Excellency, there are three young children also on the list of embassy guests.'

'My husband's young cousins. They are spending part of their Easter holiday with us.' That had been one of the first things we'd done when this had all started; made up three quick passports for the kids.

He made a tick on his clipboard, nodding. 'In that case, I am sorry they will return to Sanque with such poor memories of their holiday.'

Wufei and I glanced at each other. It was really going to be this easy? It didn't make sense. Oh, not the kids; they weren't important, but shit, they were really going to let us all go? The most perfect bunch of hostages that ever was; an ambassador's wife who had distant connections to royalty, an ESUN minister who also happened to be the ruler of a country, and her brother. And two ex- Gundam Pilots.

If nothing else, Wufei and I were always newsworthy.

'I wish to go to Florence,' Relena informed him imperiously. 'To the ESUN Headquarters.'

Amir accorded her a brief bow. 'Forgive me, Princess, but we are under orders for all non-residents to return to their home countries. I can certainly arrange for you to take a connecting flight to Italy as soon as you land in Sanque.'

Relena deflated, almost visibly. It's kind of hard to be rude to someone who's doing their best to help you out. 'That would be most kind.'

'Not at all. Your Highness has provided a shining beacon of pacifism to the universe for many years. I very much hope you will one day return as an honoured guest of the Independent Nation of L4.' He bowed politely and then turned to Wufei.

'Mr. Chang. An honour to meet you. As I've already said, we are expediting all foreigners' return to their home countries. However, since this is not an option in your case, I assume you will wish to return to Sanque with Prince Milliardo?'

'That would be acceptable, yes.' He gave me a quick glance; I could see he was just as confused as I was. Whatever we'd expected, it wasn't this determined politeness.

'And may I add, that our new leaders very much regret the fact that you and His Highness were assaulted on our colony? You may be assured that the perpetrators will be found and brought to justice.' He smiled, giving those flashy white teeth another outing. 'I hope you will not find it insolent if I offer my personal congratulations on your recent engagement.'

'I thought your culture disapproved of our relationship,' Zechs said coldly.

'Some of our elders do, yes, as I believe is also the case in many countries on Earth.' He gave another little bow; damned irritating habit, but a good way to hide your expression at inconvenient moments.

'Mr. Maxwell.' He did more gushy stuff about it being an honour, holding out one hand, which I ignored. Smarmy git. I wasn't going to touch him with a barge pole. It didn't discomfit him at all; he just smiled thinly. No teeth this time. 'I'm afraid you will have to say goodbye to your friends for a short time, sir. We have a shuttle leaving for L2 very soon.'

'No.' It came from two people. Wufei, of course, who followed it up with a protestation that I was also a citizen of Sanque, and Dorothy, which was a bit of a surprise.

Not that I was paying too much attention.

Not with the voice in my head clamouring out its own chorus of _no_.


	77. Flight

Disclaimer: I don't own them.

Note: A huge amount of thanks to KS for working with me on this, on her holidays to boot!

Warnings: Yes. Very much so. All kinds of Duo/Wufei angst. Mention of (past and possible future) NCS and torture and general nastiness. A little bit of sap and a quite hideous cliffhanger….

**Flight: **

'Well?' Zechs was standing outside the library door; Wufei almost tripped over him.

'No go.' Wufei sighed gustily, letting the prince take his hand and lead him upstairs to their room. He and Zechs had decided Wufei, a former Gundam Pilot who'd fought for the Colonies, had to have some sort of influence with the L4 authorities, and so it had been Wufei who'd attempted to have Duo's destination changed.

'Someone very much wants Duo to go to L2.' Wufei waited until they were back in their suite, with the door closed, before moving into his lover's arms. 'Mil. I have to go with him.'

The blue eyes sharpened. 'I don't understand. They refuse to make an exception for Duo, but you're being permitted to go wherever you like.'

'I know.' Wufei wound one hand in that glorious hair, tugging Zechs down to kiss his on the mouth. 'It doesn't make any sense. It was implied that if I didn't stop pushing for Duo to come with us, there would be consequences for everyone else. Then I suggested going to L2, and Amir just said that was fine.'

'Fine.' Zechs muttered the word bleakly. 'I don't like this, love. Any of it. But, yes, of course you have to have to go with him. I'd go too, but…'

'You have to look after the others,' Wufei supplied softly. They were going to have to say goodbye, very soon. He and Duo were being taken to the shuttle port first. Amir hadn't made any direct threats, but it had been made very sure that the safety of their friends depended on them getting there without incident.

Zechs swore, fluently and furiously, when he heard that. His arms, around the smaller man's body, held tight enough to hurt. 'How the hell did we ever get into this nightmare? I have to watch you walk away from me like this. God, 'Fei, you've no idea what you're going into.'

'I'll come back to you.' Wufei tilted his head back slightly, looking steadily at his lover. 'When all this is over, I want to marry you. I don't care about the ceremony or the honeymoon or any of that. I just want to say the words.'

'We can say them now,' the prince said abruptly, taking Wufei's hands in his. 'Why not? They're only words. I, Milliardo Karl Hector Peacecraft, take thee, Chang Wufei, as my husband, to love and cherish for the rest of my days.'

'Oh, God.' Wufei blinked. 'I, Chang Wufei, take thee, Milliardo as my husband, always.' The rest of the words were swallowed by a fierce, desperate kiss.

'We'll have to do this again, you know.' Zechs was trying so very hard to sound normal. 'My sister's determined to wear a fluffy pink gown and throw confetti.'

'I know. And Duo's determined to be my best man, so he can pretend to lose the rings and find them at the last minute.' Wufei offered up a resolute, grim smile. '_Hector_? Really?'

Zechs grinned. 'My father loved the ancient Greek myths. It could have been a lot worse.' He kissed Wufei again, then just held him. 'Be careful. Please. You're a married man, now.'

'I'll try.' He couldn't, in honesty, promise more than that, and they both knew it. 'Where is he?'

'In his room. He said he wanted to pack.'

Duo had a bag open on his bed, and clothes strewn around it, but he was standing at the window, nose pressed against the pane.

'I'm sorry. I tried to convince them to let you come with us. It's no go. That bastard said it would interfere with their records.'

''S'OK.' It was just a whisper of sound. 'I know you tried.'

'We have to leave now.'

'Yeah. Get it over with, right?' He turned around slowly. 'We?'

'You and I. I am not letting you do this alone.'

'Thanks, Wu. You're the best. Seriously.' Duo crossed the room, still not looking at him. 'No way you're doing that, though. Zechs needs you. Shit, I never even thought; he's not supposed to be flying is he? So soon after being shot and his operation and all?'

'They've talked to his surgeon. She's not overly happy about it, but it's not life-threatening. And I think it's better for all of us to leave L4.'

'Sure. But you're going with him.'

'There is no way in this world that I'm letting you do this without me,' Wufei said firmly. He was prepared for more arguments, more than prepared to counter all of them, but Duo just gave a little nod, and that was the scariest thing of all, for him just to give in like that.

He packed some of Duo's clothes, the book he was reading, a sketch pad that was lying on the dresser.

He'd seen Duo like this before. When things got too bad for him to pull out the jester's cap and bells, he just shut down. The last time he'd been this bad had been the Christmas of 197; the first anniversary of breaking up with Heero. He'd gone out looking to get himself killed.

He let Wufei guide him downstairs, through brief farewells to the others, and into the waiting car. There was an escort; motorbikes and a second car. Wufei slid in beside Duo on the back seat, every instinct he possessed screaming at the utter wrongness of it all.

'How are you going to do this?'

Duo just shrugged; eyes fixed on the road rushing past them. He hadn't looked Wufei in the eyes yet. 'I'm not going to …..L2. I'm going to take a shuttle somewhere and then a connecting flight to Earth.'

'Will that work?' He knew Duo well enough to know that one of his panic attacks was imminent.

Duo gave him another shrug. 'Can't think of anything else. Glad you're here.'

'I swear, if Quatre has anything, anything at all, to do with this, I will personally strangle him until his eyes pop.' And he would make it slow and excruciatingly painful and he would love every second of it.

'He doesn't.' There was absolute, unshakable certainty in Duo's voice. 'He'd never do this to me. _Never_.' He nibbled at the already ragged end of his braid; always a bad sign. 'He knows too much about ….stuff. Shit you don't know.'

Wufei knew things, some things, about Duo's past. The implication that there was more was just sickening.

They'd been prisoners together, during the war. He'd lain awake listening to Duo's nightmares. When the guards had taken Duo out, and thrown him back, hours later, bleeding, Wufei had gathered that it wasn't the first time some of those things had happened.

Quatre had told him some things, after Duo's accident, while the two of them were starting to forge the first, tentative steps to friendship.

And then Duo had come to live with him, until he was well enough to travel to L4; one of Quatre's rare plans that hadn't quite worked out as intended. Of course, Quatre couldn't have known that Zechs would walk into their lives and disrupt everything.

That had been later, after he and Duo had become close.

Having Duo in his home had been hard at first. Having anyone in his carefully guarded sanctuary would have been a trial, really. Duo had tried so hard not to intrude, and Wufei had salved his conscience by reasoning that he probably wanted space to heal, that he had no particular desire to spend time in Wufei's company. Wufei had taken him in as a favour to Quatre, because by then he'd been unable to refuse the blond anything, and out of vague feelings of guilt.

Nothing had particularly predisposed him toward offering Duo friendship, but somewhere along the line they'd started to connect. Duo had desperately needed someone to be there for him. Wufei, alone and isolated and miserable at Preventers and missing Quatre more than he'd ever allow himself to admit, had needed someone in his life.

He'd dismissed the first newspaper articles as trash. Gundam Pilots were news, whether they were cast as saviours of the planet or potential destroyers. There was always some nonsense being printed about them.

He'd dismissed the articles, published a month or so after Duo had moved in with him, as a scurrilous attempt to sell a few more rags. The facts just weren't possible. Wufei, at the age of seventeen, had lost his home and family. He'd fought a war. He'd spent months working as a Preventer. He'd still been so very innocent about some things.

Then there had been reporters outside his door one morning, and Quatre seeking injunctions against the reprinting of certain facts, and a near suicidal Duo locked in his room.

Wufei had never possessed Heero's computer skills, but he was good enough. Good enough to pull up old Alliance records from L2 from the years before the war.

He'd been sick, several times, reading them. L2 had always been the 'lost colony' – the dumping ground for prisoners and misfits. The perfect playground for Alliance soldiers looking for fun because nothing was illegal there; not if you could pay.

He'd read, sickened, about a church that had been taken over by a small rebel faction, and the deaths of innocent people who'd gone there to attend a religious service. It had happened so long ago, been overshadowed by so many other deaths, the people consigned to obscurity and their god.

The file had been buried; the incident long forgotten. Only one other person had accessed it over the past few months. They'd been good at covering their tracks but Wufei had traced it to a server he knew Heero used. Of course. Always research. It made sense that he would want to know about his lover's past. He'd wondered if Heero had ever discussed it with Duo.

Wufei had found a small footnote at the end of one report that mentioned a survivor of the massacre. A young boy.

The Alliance had kept exhaustive records. Once he'd found the first trace of Duo, there had been much more.

He'd been prepared, in a way. He knew how the Alliance treated their prisoners. Subjects for interrogators to practice on; for scientists to use as human guinea pigs for experimental new procedures. The pretty ones were convenient playthings for any soldier who took a fancy to them. A perk of the L2 posting, apparently.

Duo Maxwell, who'd survived a massacre, had been eight years old, according to his first entry in the Alliance file.

Wufei had forced himself to read the things Duo had endured. At eight, Chang Wufei had been the cherished son of his clan; unbearably precocious and convinced the world centred around him. On Wufei's ninth birthday, Duo had been given electric shock treatments until he passed out. A clinical little footnote by the scientist observed the boy's remarkable stamina, making him an ideal subject for this type of experiment.

There had been water-boarding; something that had been illegal even before the colonies had been founded. Apparently an excellent method of torture, needing only the most basic equipment and most effective.

No wonder Duo had had a phobia about water.

The other things…were unspeakable. He'd been just a child.

The file on Maxwell, D. contained several short notes of satisfaction on services provided. Requests.

The file stopped, abruptly, in December 190. Two years.

Duo had survived that hell for two years and now it was plastered all over every tabloid in the universe. He'd always been the visible one; the one who'd been shown by the media during the war. For the first few months after the war, he'd pretty much been ignored by the press, unlike the rest of them. Even his relationship with Heero was rarely mentioned; the world conveniently ignoring him so Heero could be matched with Relena. Such a pretty little fairy tale.

For such an outgoing person, Duo guarded his privacy. He almost never talked about his past. He could talk for hours about life with the Sweepers, and he very occasionally mentioned the Maxwell Church, but that was all. It had almost killed him to have all his secrets put on paper, sold for a handful of change.

Of course, Quatre had known from the start. Not the details; but that things had happened that had been very bad. Trowa, who had such darkness in his own past, had probably guessed. And much later Wufei had found out that Duo had told Heero, the only person he'd ever told, before they'd become lovers, expecting Heero to reject him.

Wufei was the only one who hadn't known, who'd never made the effort to find out. But he'd still been the one who had to deal with Duo's break down, before Quatre had made it from L4.

Quatre. Gods. Everything in the universe, sometimes, seemed to start and end with Quatre Winner. He'd found the perfect university course for Wufei, and pulled strings so he could start in the middle of the year. He'd helped him find the perfect apartment and furnish it. He'd thrust Duo into his life. It had never actually been said, but he'd always known that Quatre had hoped the two of them would get together. It had probably appealed to Quatre's liking of symmetry. Wufei and Duo had both been hurt by Heero. Why couldn't they find happiness together? And because Quatre wasn't the perfect angel that some people thought, it would have been the perfect plan to hurt Heero.

Duo spent the drive to the port wrapped in silence and darkness. They had their own cabin on the ship; nothing luxurious but there were two long benches that could be converted into sleeping berths and a tiny bathroom.

Duo was going to have to be strapped in for take off, and in this mood, even the lightest restraints were going to be a problem. Wufei shot the flimsy lock home, reflecting that a five year old girl could probably open the door with a half decent kick. Still, it was a tiny measure of privacy.

Wufei ended up with Duo, still silent and submissive, in his lap, with the seat belt loosely around them both.

'Is this all right?' He'd no sooner asked the question that he berated himself for such stupidity. Things couldn't possibly be farther from _all right_.

'Yeah.' Duo's voice sounded slightly firmer, he even managed the faintest shadow of a grin.

Wufei was surprised until he thought about it, and then wasn't. Duo Maxwell had always been the strongest person he'd ever known. And he'd always been skilled at creating his own reality; maybe this would, somehow, work, if Duo could manage to blank out their destination.

'Y'know, maybe we shouldn't tell Heero about this?'

'Maybe. Or Zechs.'

Duo gave a little snort of something close to laughter, with an edge of nervousness to it. 'Oh, please. He'd love to watch this. Probably take photos.'

'He probably would, yes,' Wufei admitted. 'You know, when we get to …our destination, you can call Heero. I'm sure the other colonies are still able to communicate with Earth.'

'Yeah. That'll be nice. He must be worried sick. Him and Trowa.'

'I imagine so. Duo, I'm sorry it's not Heero who's here for you.'

'No, don't say that.' Duo twisted around to look at him. 'He couldn't do anything for me that you haven't done. I mean that, 'Fei. You're the best friend anyone in the universe had, _ever_.'

'No. I'm not.' Wufei felt a sudden surge of anguished guilt, six years old but still a sharp blade twisting in his gut. If Duo ever knew what he'd done, he would never, never want to see him again. 'You shouldn't say that. I haven't always been a very good friend to you.'

'Hey.' Duo reached up and traced the little line between Wufei's dark brows. 'Hey. Don't you dare say that shit. You're talking about you and Heero, right? You don't have to stress about that. It's no biggie. I always knew.'

Wufei swallowed hard. He couldn't believe they were, finally, having the conversation that he'd spent years avoiding. But anything was better, had to be better, for Duo to think about than where they were going. If he could just keep his friend focused on something, anything, they might get through this. And it meant he didn't have to think about Zechs, who really shouldn't be flying so soon after surgery, and it wasn't like Wufei trusted anything these revolutionaries promised. 'You always knew what?'

'That you guys had an affair after the War.' He said it quite matter-of-factly. 'It's OK. It was years ago. Water under the bridge.'

Wufei's world whirled, like a child's kaleidoscope. '_What_? No, we didn't!'

Duo's expression, watching him, was equal parts bemused and curious and faintly irritated. 'Shit, did you guys really think I was that stupid? Of course, I knew! No offence, but it was pretty damn obvious. You were the one he spent most of his time with, the one he always ran to after we had a fight. He practically lived at your place, some weeks.'

'No! it wasn't like that at all. Duo, I swear to you, we never – nothing ever happened. No, that's not quite true. I kissed him, just once but…'

'You _what_?' Duo spat. 'You kissed _my_ fucking boyfriend, Chang?'

Wufei blinked; he would never, if he had the whole of infinity to spend, puzzle out Duo Maxwell. 'You just told me you thought we'd had an affair. I thought you'd be glad to find out we didn't.'

'Huh. One thing to _imagine_ something happening years ago; another thing for you actually to tell me straight out.'

'Duo, I'm sorry. I – just, I have absolutely no excuse. I can only say how sorry I am. I swear to you, it was just one kiss. I initiated it.'

'What happened?'

Wufei closed his eyes, briefly, remembering that day, his first kiss, and hastily opened them. 'It was the October after the war. Heero called me to say that you'd vanished; he was utterly panicking. We spent almost two days looking for you. In the end, I convinced him to go back to my house, for a couple of hours to rest. He didn't want to, but he fell asleep, making me promise to wake him up. And I did. I kissed him. I – I think he thought it was you at the start.'

'Sucks to be Heero,' Duo muttered. 'People flinging themselves into his mouth whenever he's not looking.'

'I – yes. I suppose so. I don't think he really knew what had happened; he apologised. I let him think that I'd, I don't know what he thought, that I'd tried to wake him and got too close and, well, I think he'd been dreaming about you. He was embarrassed, afterwards. Anyway. I'd always been….attracted, I suppose. I told myself it was just respect and admiration but there was always something else.'

'Yeah.' Duo gave him a weak grin. 'Sorry, but I kind of guessed that, back during the War. Then, after, you and Sally seemed to be pretty tight and I thought for a while that maybe you were bi or you'd just had some sort of crush during the War, and then you and Heero started hanging out all the time, and I thought, well, you know what I thought.'

'I was utterly dishonourable.' Confessions were supposed to be good for the soul. Cleansing. This felt the exact opposite. Perhaps some things were meant to be hidden. 'After the War, you were so good to me. You made me like a welcome guest in your home; even after I'd fought with Trowa and Quatre you tried to involve me in your life. I was so jealous of you, Duo. You had everything. A partner who adored you and a real home, and you were coping so well with things, while I was falling apart.'

'Coping?' Duo asked harshly. 'That's a joke. Seriously. I was so far from fucking coping. I was living in a dreamworld, and doing everything thing I could to shut out reality.'

'I didn't know that then. For the first couple of months after the war, you and Heero seemed like the perfect couple. I envied you both so much. When things started to go wrong between, and Heero turned to me, I tried to convince myself that I was the one he should be with; that I could make him happy. In my mind, I built up the fact that we'd kissed, that I'd kissed him, into something romantic, something meaningful. I - practically threw myself at him, a few weeks later, after a mission. He was utterly furious. I said things about you, that you were a liability and a disaster and that you'd only end up destroying his life, the way you were trying to destroy your own.' He was powerless to stop, now that he'd started. Duo might as well know all of it; all of what his supposed friend had done.

'I did try to apologise. I called him the next day. He said he accepted it, but I almost never saw him after that. He made sure we were never partnered together again. It seemed a fitting punishment for what I'd done; that he was determined to shut me out of his life.'

'Shit, 'Fei, that sucks.' Duo's eyes, holding his, held only compassion. 'He can be such a jerk sometimes. I always wondered what happened between you guys and he'd never tell me.' He shrugged. 'I never really pressed that hard to get him to say. Scared of what might come out. I was thrilled for a while when he dropped you; then I realised he missed you. That he'd needed whatever it was he got from you. Once you weren't around any more, things got even worse between us.'

'If you believed that we'd had an affair, why did you never say anything?' Duo, back then, hadn't exactly been the sort to hide his feelings.

Duo shrugged. 'You made him happy. I just stressed him out, I think. Then he'd go off with you for a bit, and he'd come back calm and like he'd got a handle on things. He used to love spending time at your place. He always said it was so peaceful.' His mouth twisted. 'Not like life with me, I guess. Fuck, it's not like I blamed him. At that point, I'd probably have cheated on myself if I could have. I was so screwed up back then. And God, I was so fucking scared he'd leave me. That he'd just get sick of my shit and walk out.'

Wufei shook his head. 'He adored you. There was nothing, nothing, he wouldn't have done for you!'

'I didn't exactly make it easy for him.' His voice choked slightly. 'He told me once he used to dread coming home to me, because he didn't know whether I'd be drunk or stoned or pretending that everything was fine when I was falling apart. Or if I'd be there at all, or wrapped around a tree, or dead in a bar after picking a fight with the wrong guy. If I'd been brave enough, I'd have let him go, or pushed him away 'til he couldn't take it any more. Instead, I took total advantage of him. You know what he's like. No way would he walk out on me while I was like that.'

'He did everything he could,' Wufei said slowly. 'Duo, I'm so sorry. You have no idea how much I've been blaming myself.'

'Not your fault.' Duo took his chin and forced Wufei to look at him. 'If anything, you probably kept us together for longer, just giving Heero a bit of an escape sometimes. And I know you looked out for him on missions, and that you and Sally helped him cover stuff up.'

'I was never sure if you knew about that.'

Duo snorted. 'I lived with Heero, remember? Mr. Master Hacker? I was always tapping into Preventer files. I knew that bitch Une was agreeing to 'lose' files of stuff I'd done, in exchange for Heero taking any and every mission that came up. I used to think he'd be better off with you, but I couldn't ever bring myself to make him leave.'

'You're the one he's always wanted to be with. When he and I spent time together, he talked about you all the time. And Duo, I am so very sorry.'

'It's _OK_.' Duo yawned suddenly and then looked surprised, giving his head a little shake. In this mood, it would not be a good thing for him to fall asleep. 'Shit, pinch me if I start getting drowsy, will you? 'Fei, stop beating yourself up over this. It's not like I've never smooched Zechsy. Just – I'd rather you didn't do it again.'

'Of course not.'

Duo rubbed the bridge of his nose. 'I'm starting to get a killer headache. The air in here must be stale or something. Does Zechs know about you and Heero?'

'Yes. But I only told him a few days ago. When we were in Florence. He asked why I had such a problem with Heero.' Wufei smothered a yawn of his own, dashing one hand across his eyes. This was odd; there was no way in the universe he should be sleepy right now. And he was starting to feel a dim thudding inside his own skull. Hardly a surprise in the circumstances.

Duo gave in to a massive yawn, this time letting his eyelids droop, and his head fall onto Wufei's shoulder. They really shouldn't fall asleep, Wufei thought vaguely. Duo would only have nightmares, and they needed to be conscious. To be in some sort of control.

Wufei came to first, which was good because it meant he was already awake when Duo started to stir. They hadn't been tied up; it presumably wasn't necessary. The door was locked. Very solid, when he'd put a shoulder to it. The odd thing, it wasn't that much of a surprise. He'd known that something was going to happen. It had all been far too carefully orchestrated. Now the threat was reality, they could deal with it.

Duo's eyes, when they opened, were slightly disorientated, snapping into focus as he took in their surroundings.

'How?'

Wufei's mouth was still dry from whatever they'd been breathing earlier. There was a jug of water on the table and two glasses. He hadn't dared to touch it.

'We were in an airlocked cabin. I imagine it was some sort of gas. I have an awful headache.'

Duo nodded, pulling himself carefully upright and wincing slightly. 'Different ship.'

Wufei nodded. The engine vibrations were different; they weren't on that cumbersome cargo transport any more. 'Are you all right?'

'Think so. My skull's splitting. How long were we out?'

'I don't know. They took your watch.' They'd left everything else, so far as he could tell. But someone had gone through his wallet. They'd left the important thing. He still had the band of black jade encircling his left finger. He twisted it around and looked up to see Duo watching him.

'It's OK. If I had one of those, I'd touch it all the time too.' Duo didn't look different; somehow he felt it. Shinigami, instead of Duo Maxwell. Wufei could almost hear him trying to work things out. Focused in a way that even Heero could only have dreamt of. Shinigami on a mission.

Then he blinked and was Duo again. 'This is totally shitty. 'Fei, I'm sorry. You shouldn't be here. Whoever did this wanted me. Can't imagine the fuck why.'

Wufei nodded, moving to sit closer, shifting Duo's head into his lap. They probably needed Shinigami right now, more than Duo, but Shinigami scared him and always had.

'Status, 05?'

'Not so good. I have no idea what's going on.'

'Me neither.' Duo's mouth twisted. 'I thought that maybe they were after you, Zechs' fiancé and all, but it has to be me. No one could have known you'd decide to come with me, instead of going to Sanque. If it had been you they wanted, they'd have had to change their plans pretty damn quick.'

Quatre might have, Wufei thought, but didn't say it. Duo could work that one out on his own.

There was a thin burst of static; and then a voice, filing the little cabin.

'Maxwell. Mr. Irving wants to see you. Go to the door; hands on your head. You'll be escorted out. Don't even think about trying anything.'

Irving? Wufei glanced over at Duo, who was wearing a _neverheardofhiminmylife_ look of incomprehension.

'Fuck you.'

The voice dropped, threaded with malicious amusement. 'Oh, that won't be on the agenda. But you may possibly reverse it. My employer is very generous with his leftovers, when he's done with them. Go to the door. Now.'

'Make me.' He was trying so hard to sound brave, that Wufei's heart ached.

'Now!' The sudden command made them both jump. 'Or you won't like our method of persuading you. Mr Irving isn't partial to Asians, but most of his employees aren't nearly so fussy. Will you allow your friend to be treated like that?'

'Oh, fuck.' Duo said it very softly, standing up. His hand, touching Wufei's shoulder briefly, shook. 'Don't worry. It's OK. I can handle this.'


	78. The Dangers of Underestimating Enemies

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the GW characters, just a very active imagination.

Note: Thanks to KS for editing – and editing again – and to everyone who has been reviewing.

**The Danger of Underestimating Your Enemies:**

I couldn't remember ever having met anyone called Irving, although it did seem very vaguely familiar. I wasn't even sure if it was a first name or a last name. My brain kept throwing up the extravagantly ridiculous information that Quatre's sister who'd died in the War had been called Iria. That wasn't much help.

There were little scurrying thoughts running over the surface of my brain, like mice's feet. Underneath, there was the utter certainty that, whatever happened, I couldn't let anyone hurt Wufei, and the knowledge that we were on a ship.

Not on L2, but on a ship, and moving.

Both positive things.

Moving in every sense, along a corridor. I had the business end of a revolver firmly pressed against the small of my back, and the guy holding it looked like the bastard offspring of a barn door and a side of beef. There were two other sets of footsteps shadowing us; sensible guys, not taking any chances with the captive. Even if he was still a bit groggy from whatever chemicals he'd inhaled, and they did have his best friend as a hostage.

I ended up in a bedroom, propelled inside by a good shove from the beefy guy. It looked like anyone's bedroom; not the torture chamber I'd been expecting. There were books and some nice reproduction antiques and a beige carpet and a framed photograph of three kids; two little girls in frills and ringlets, and an older boy in one of those dumb sailor suits that kids wear at the more exclusive private schools.

I'd been expecting some scary villain but the man who turned to face me was old, grandfather-old, with bleary blue eyes and liver spotted hands that shook slightly.

'Maxwell.'

'Yeah.' Not much point in denying that. The door clicked behind me. This was it? I was actually being left alone with this old guy? 'Who the hell are you?'

'Jocelyn Irving.' He said it like it should have meant something, and looked mildly irritated when I shook my head. He actually clicked his teeth in annoyance.

This was just – surreal. All I could think of was that maybe I'd killed someone he was close to in the War, and this was some sort of revenge, except it seemed a bit weird that he'd waited so long.

'I'm a councillor for L2.'

I shrugged. That must be why the name sounded like I'd heard it before; it must have been mentioned in a news bulletin or something.

'I was also one of the original investors in the Gundam Deathscythe.'

OK, _that_ grabbed my attention. This was somehow about Scythe?

'You were never even meant to be a pilot; G needed someone expendable to test the machine. And then you stole it! That was never part of the plan; I should never have listened to the old fool, but he convinced me that you were perfect. The original pilots, boys from good families, had been killed in the initial trials. Their parents weren't as devoted to the cause as they should have been; they started asking awkward questions. No one was going to care about a street kid who was only good for one thing.' He did that icky lip-licking thing again, like a lizard. 'G protected you; he said he needed you whole until the machine's flaws had been fixed. Then I could have you, but the two of you messed it all up.'

He was leaning right into my face; spraying me with spittle. Ugh.

'Right. Excuse me for not co-operating with your mad plan to destroy a planet full of people. Is that what you want; a freaking apology?'

'Oh no.' His thin lips curled into some grotesque grimace that was maybe meant to be the Master Villain's gloating smirk. 'Not at all. I want you.'

_No_.

I'm not sure if I actually said that aloud. I hoped not, because in my head it sounded awfully like a plea.

'And what? I'm just supposed to lie down and take it?' I demanded. 'Screw you!' I hoped it came out as brave and confident.

He licked his lips. 'If you value your friend's life. Oh, yes, I very much expect you to do exactly as I tell you.'

'You do _not_ want to hurt him. Do you have any idea what Milliardo Peacecraft will do to anyone who so much as touches him?'

I got a thin smile in return. 'Somehow, I don't think I need to worry about that. And you, Maxwell, should be concerned for yourself.'

I wasn't a kid any more.

I could fight; I didn't have to take this. I was _not_ the cowering seven year old kid in my head. I wasn't. I was twenty three. I was on a ship, on a ship that I actually knew, and that knowledge was a weapon. Just like the awareness of Shinigami stirring.

It was _not_ going to happen.

I jerked back just before his lips touched mine. The last person who'd kissed me had been Heero. This old fucker wasn't getting anywhere near me.

Irving just laughed creepily. 'The famous Maxwell spirit, yes. Such a lovely thing. I've been looking forward to this for so long.'

'Am I not a bit old for you? If you're into screwing kids?'

'My tastes are rather eclectic. Such a _lovely_ young man,' he crooned, one finger touching my cheek. 'Oh, I've been dreaming about this for _years_.' He hummed happily to himself, stroking my jawline. 'You cost me a great deal of money; do you know that? I invested billions in that machine, and never saw a penny in return.'

'Screwing me won't get it back.'

'No, but it will give me immense pleasure.' His tongue sneaked out, wetting his lips. 'And I think you rather underestimate your value. I know several people who would be more than happy to pay extravagant amounts of money for the privilege of some time alone with a Gundam pilot. I was certainly willing to perform certain favours for the pleasure of your company. Oh, yes.'

'Don't you fucking touch me or I'll break your neck.' OK, I'd put up with the little bit of above-the-neck action, letting him ramble on and trying to work out what the hell this was all about, but no way was the bastard going any further south. That was exclusively Heero-territory. 'You're not worried about that?'

'Oh, not at all. My guards said this was insane. Alone in a room, with a former pilot. They wanted you drugged, or bound at the very least, for my own protection. But that would have taken all the fun out of it. For the first time at least. Later, it may be amusing to experiment a little. There are so many interesting drugs with such interesting effects on the human body…and the idea of having you in chains…'

A little pool of spittle was actually collecting in one corner of his mouth as he drooled over the lovely thought of having Duo Maxwell in bondage. Fuck that. Heero would kill me if I ever let this creep near me.

'But, oh, the first time, I wanted it to be just us. To be you begging on your knees for me to touch you. To do anything I wanted to you. So lovely.'

'You're insane,' I said flatly. 'No fucking way.'

'Yes, fucking way, Maxwell. If you place any meaning at all on your friend's health. My head of security is listening to this. All I have to is say one word, to sound like I'm not remotely enjoying myself, and Chang will suffer for it. Is that you want?' He ran his hand slowly down my braid. 'I'm looking forward to seeing this down. So very beautiful.'

'Don't touch me, I said!' I tossed my head, and the braid flew out of his hand. He was mad. Totally mad. But, Jesus, Wufei…And really, he didn't need drugs or chains or even threats because the little kid in my head had already curled up in terror, and knew the easiest way to get through this was just to give in and hope it wouldn't hurt too much.

Think, Maxwell. The Shinigami voice in my head was clamouring for blood; how easy it would be just to kill him off. It was easy to be Shinigami; a bit more difficult to be Duo Maxwell because Duo actually had people he cared about. And Duo was fucking terrified.

The next voice that managed to get heard was Heero's. Saying I could do this; that I knew exactly what to do, and where I was, and just how I could save myself and 'Fei. No _way_ was I going to let anything happen to Wufei. He was only here because of me; he wasn't going to have his life ruined because of that loyalty.

Irving was laughing softly as I spun to the door, testing the lock, just in case. You'd be surprised how many people don't bother changing the combination when they buy a ship. Too lazy, I guess.

He had.

'What are you doing?' He sounded only mildly interested as I twirled the dial on the locking mechanism. 'It's locked. You can't possibly escape. And even if you did get out, I have guards on the other side of the door.'

'I'm not trying to get out.' I heard the dial give that little _click_ when it settles into place and turned back to look at him. 'Here's a head's up, since you obviously missed Abduction and Assault 101. If you're going to kidnap someone, it's really not a great idea to do it on a ship he designed himself.'

And damn, I was really going to have to be more careful about who bought my designs. Some sort of screening system for potential rapists.

'You can't get out.' He said again. 'You don't have the combination.'

I shrugged; not too worried. It would be easy enough to work it out, once I had time.

'Did you read the manual when you bought this ship?' He looked blank; they never do. 'One of the safety features on this model is an optional precaution against terrorists or pirates, which you purchased. The locking mechanism on the master cabin door has a special feature; a combination code that overrides all other codes anyone can enter.'

He shook his head, looking as frustrated as a toddler who'd had his teddy taken away. He'd be on the ground throwing a tantrum in a second. 'I don't have any idea what you're talking about. You still can't get out.'

'You're not listening to me, you asshole. No, I can't get out. Not yet anyway, but nor can you. And your guards can't get in.' The grin stretching my mouth was pure Shinigami. 'So here's the deal. You're locked alone in a room with a very pissed off Gundam Pilot. Still think this is fun?'

'Dolan! I need you and your men in here now!' he barked, and there was a new voice floated over the intercom. '

'He's right, Mr. Irving. The door's shut fast. I advised you against this if you remember…'

'I still have Chang,' Irving snapped at me. 'I only need to say the word and…'

'You have Chang.' I let Shinigami take over this bit. 'I have you. If your goons touch one hair on his head, I'll start carving you up, one little piece at a time.'

'You don't even have a weapon!' It was one last bluster. I could see it in his eyes, looking at me.

My alter ego is a damn scary guy. There was poetic justice in there somewhere. Shinigami had been born on L2, born out of darkness that guys like Irving had created.

He was yelling something about cutting the door open when I switched the intercom off; not a problem. It was a tempered steel alloy. Even if the guys on board had the right equipment it would take hours. And in the meantime I had my would-be rapist alone in a room full of potential weapons. I went for the framed photograph, smashing against a corner of the table and choosing the longest shard of glass. Just as good as a knife.

The photo fluttered free; the three little kids falling face downwards. When I walked back over to Irving, I had the glass in one hand and the picture in the other.

'Who're these kids? Did you rape them too?'

He was on the floor, very pale. The very real danger he was in had suddenly sunk in.

'No. My grandchildren. It was an effort for him to get the words out, in between wheezes. Good. Or maybe not. I didn't want my handy hostage having a heart attack. Not until I had Wufei with me and knew what the hell was going on.

'Yeah? Those kids you abused; they probably had grandparents who cared about them too. You ever think about that?'

He just blinked at me. Those kids hadn't counted. They'd been orphans, or their parents hadn't been able to protect them, or just hadn't cared. They were the sort of kids who could be hurt and no one would give a damn.

'Here's how we're going to play this.' I had the jagged end of glass at his throat. So easy, it would be, just to slice through sagging flesh and watch the blood run. So very easy…

I needed him alive, and just about managed to wrest Shinigami down with the promise of _soon. _I thought very hard about Wufei.

'You are going to call Dolan and tell him to bring Chang here. Unharmed.'

He started some sort of protest, and I ran the glass across his cheek. A thin thread of blood trickled down his skin. It was a mistake in one way; I could feel the darkness stirring at the sight of blood. Not in another; Irving looked into my eyes and flinched at whatever he saw there.

'Now.'

Before he could say anything else, the intercom crackled into life, and Wufei's voice, cold and urgent, demanded to know what was going on.

'Duo! Are you all right?'

'Fine, 'Fei. What kept you? Getting slow in your old age.'

There was a torrent of curses in Mandarin. 'Open this damn door, Maxwell.'

'Yeah. One sec.' I touched the glass to Irving's throat. 'Here's what's going to happen, you asshole. You're going to tell me the code for this door this minute. If you don't, I'll work it out anyway, and you'll have two uber-pissed Gundam pilots in this room. What's it to be?'

He rattled off a string of numbers and letters, too scared even to think about refusing, and I entered them and then neutralised _my_ code. Shinigami wanted to kill him anyway, just for the hell of it. I was sort of glad we needed to keep him alive for information; whatever he'd done, the idea of killing an unarmed old guy was pretty repulsive.

Wufei came in like the Charge of the Light Brigade on steroids; he'd probably have come _through_ the door if I hadn't got it open in time. He had Dolan in front of him; the bodyguard looking like he'd just attacked some heavy machinery with his bare hands. He also had his hands cuffed behind his back.

'Are you all right?' Wufei flung himself at me; simultaneously checking me for injuries and hugging me hard enough to crack ribs. 'What the hell is going on?' He saw Irving cringing on the floor and did a double take. 'Who's that?'

'He's called Irving. Says he sits on the L2 council.'

Irving, at that point, made the mistake of standing and reaching out one hand to me. Big mistake, actually. Wufei moved in a blur of flying black hair, and Irving was suddenly stretched out on his nice pure wool carpet.

Wufei shook his head; showing me a slim black rod in one fist and gesturing at Dolan. 'Cattle prod; I took it off that bastard. He should be out for an hour or so.'

'How many of them?'

'Six, I think.' He proceeded to empty Dolan's pockets and we shared out the spoils and then went hunting.

There were seven of them in the end; including the pilot.

"Is it just me,' I asked after we'd taken the ship, shut the baddies up in an empty hold and settled ourselves in the flight deck, 'or is it downright insulting that Irving thought he could take the two of us with that handful of no-hopers?'

Wufei gave a grim little laugh. He wasn't even breathing hard; I'd seen him look more dishevelled after a heavy petting session with his boyfriend. I was a wee bit less immaculate. One of the fuckers had tried to grab my braid and it was starting to unravel. Showed how out of practice I was; I'd forgotten to stuff it under my jacket. I didn't bother when we were just sparring at home.

'From what Dolan said, I think they assumed we'd still be mostly out from the drugs. And they thought they had the perfect plan anyway.' He shook his head, marvelling at other people's incompetence. 'Did he say anything about why we're here?'

'Lots of bullshit about how he'd invested in building Scythe, and I screwed up his plan.' I made a face; we'd brought Irving along with us, and he was dumped in one corner, still out for the count. 'Really, I have no clue what's going on. And we're headed for Earth, not L2.'

Wufei nodded; he'd checked our co-ordinates too.. 'ETA?'

'About seven hours; we've were unconscious for a pretty long time.' I suddenly found I was grinning; mirroring the exact expression on Wufei's face. 'That was sort of fun, wasn't it?'

He sniffed dismissively. 'They were hardly worthy opponents.'

I rolled my eyes. 'Yeah, yeah. Still beats the hell out of PlayStation. Now, I'm going to call Heero, assuming the ship's comms are working.'

'Of course.' He produced a cell phone from one pocket. 'I took this from Dolan. I'll call Zechs.' He headed out, giving me that bit of privacy.

Heero didn't answer at first, then I got a barked 'Yuy.'

'Hey.'

'Duo! Duo, is it really you? Are you all right? What's going on? Duo, say something!'

'I will if you give me a chance, love,' I said quietly, and that shut him up for a minute and then he started babbling again, talking half to me and half to Trowa.

'Trowa's there? You got him out of prison?'

'Not exactly. He's in my custody, and helping with the investigation. Duo, what's going on? Where are you? Is Wufei with you? Zechs called to say what had happened. I've been going out of my mind; are you on L2? Do you want me to come and meet you?'

'No need,' I managed to chip a word in when he paused to breathe. 'We're heading for Earth.' Conveniently, the shuttle co-ordinates had been set for Europe, although France instead of Sanque. 'We were sort of abducted, but it's OK now. I don't really know what's going on. Wufei tasered the head baddie and his goons don't seem to know anything.'

This produced another deluge of questions and then Trowa was suddenly on the line.

'Are you all right?'

'Look, guys, I'm _fine_,' I said forcefully. 'There's stuff we need to talk about. You know what's happening on L4?'

'It's all over the news,' Heero said tersely. 'What the hell is Quatre playing at?'

'Not sure.'

'Duo,' Trowa had apparently grabbed the 'phone back; I couldn't work out why they didn't just turn it to the speaker function. 'I'm so sorry about everything. You know Quatre would never have done something like this, don't you? Not to you?' He was almost pleading.

'I know that, Tro.' I could hear his sigh of relief on the other end. Poor guy. Of them all, he probably knew best what going back to L2 had been like. He'd grown up with his own version. 'I don't think he's doing any of this willingly. But we can sort that out. I think it's all to do with that David Souhef guy. He's in it up to his ass.'

Trowa snorted dismissively. 'Hardly. He wouldn't have the brains or the guts to do something like this. He probably thought that stupid little secret society of theirs was the greatest adventure of his life.'

'What secret society would that be, exactly?'

'Not secret at all,' Trowa said scornfully. 'It was a ridiculous little rich men's club. They used to meet every couple of weeks or so and have a gourmet meal and make grandiose plans for gaining colonial independence. Political assemblies are forbidden on the colonies, so it was all hush hush; they pretended it was some sort of business group. Quat loved the secrecy of it all, sneaking around behind everyone's backs. Well, you know what he's like.'

'Except those ridiculously grandiose plans have suddenly come true.' That was Heero again; I wondered what he'd been up to for the last couple of minutes. 'For God's sake, Trowa, you knew this was going on all along and you let Quatre swan off to these illegal gatherings.'

'What was I supposed to do; lock him up?' Trowa demanded. 'He'd have only got out somehow if he'd wanted to.'

'We can talk about Quatre later,' Heero chipped in. 'Duo, I've been checking the co-ordinates from this call. You're on a shuttle registered to a Jocelyn Irving. Correct?'

'Check, yeah. He's the guy who tried to abduct us. Well, me, really, but Wufei insisted on coming with me.' I gave them a quick synopsis of the last couple of hours.

'He tried to rape you?' Almost, I could feel sorry for Irving, hearing that tone in my lover's voice that was tantamount to a death sentence. Almost. 'Is he still alive?'

'Wufei knocked him out. But he's still breathing. And don't worry; he didn't hurt me. We're just waiting for him to wake up to find out what all of this is actually about.' I grabbed the end of my braid for a quick nibble. 'I don't get if it has anything to do with what's going on on L4, or if he's just an opportunistic bastard who happened to be in the right place at the right time.'

'_Wrong_ place,' Heero said grimly. 'No, it's too much of a coincidence.'

'He said I was a bribe.' I shrugged. 'I don't know what he meant. It was almost like I was this good conduct prize for something he'd done. He's starting to move a little bit, so…Oh, wait, here's Wufei. Just a sec. I'm going to set up a vidcam so you can see what's going on.'

While I did that, Wufei dragged Irving into a sitting position, not being overly gentle about it. I could feel a faint hum of approval at the back of my skull; Shinigami gloating over our prisoner. Wanting blood.

Heero was in Preventer uniform when I got the camera fixed up and could see them both. Trowa was in civvies, not a prison jumpsuit or anything. It looked like they were in someone's office; Heero's laptop was on a large wooden desk, surrounded by piles of files. It seemed like forever since I'd last seen them.

'It's good to see you.' Heero was staring into the screen as if he'd never seen me before. 'Duo..'

'Me too,' I said, smiling at him, trying to let him see how very good it was. The world was suddenly OK again.

'You're hurt,' he said suddenly, half-lifting one hand as if he could touch me. 'You've got a bruise on your cheek and there's blood on your arm.'

'It's nothing. Honest. 'Fei and me had to take down Irving's bully boys; some of them weren't too co-operative. We're both fine.'

'I'm going to _kill_ him,' he said suddenly. 'My God, if he'd hurt you…'

'He didn't, 'Ro. Look, can we please - not talk about it right now?' I'd tell him how I'd felt, eventually, when I was actually in his arms with all that warmth and strength wrapped around me. I'd tell him how terrified I'd actually been to have every nightmare abruptly made real.

Instead, I turned away from him to face Irving, letting Shinigami off the leash to make the threats. Wufei would be able to control him if necessary. Facing two Gundam pilots, two very angry, armed Gundam pilots, Irving didn't even bother to put up a token fight but sang like a canary on Death Row.

'Barton. Dekim Barton. It's all his idea.'

It took me a minute to work out who Dekim Barton even was; then I looked over at Wufei.

'I thought he was dead!' Thinking about it, I didn't know why. I'd just assumed; he'd been old and he'd never been mentioned after the War, and I'd never really given it much thought. I'd never wanted to. For me, Barton was the monster who'd locked a young boy in a lab with his mad scientists and given orders to turn him into the perfect weapon, using any means possible. When the boy had somehow still exhibited signs of remorse and compassion, he'd ordered re-training.

'Not dead.' Trowa's voice was scarily emotionless. It was years since I'd heard him sound like that. Before he and Quat hooked up. Of all of us, he was the only one who'd ever met Barton. He'd been raped by his son, all those years ago.

'You were …. a bribe.' Irving took a couple of shallow breaths. 'You're not that important. But you were a small incentive for me to support Barton.'

'Support Barton in what?' I asked intently. I knew now that if Quatre had any part in this that he'd been forced. No way would he voluntarily get involved in any scheme of Dekim Barton's. 'This L4 independence thing? Why's Barton care about that?'

'That's just the start.' He wheezed a couple of times, probably choking on dust bunnies under the desk. 'He – oh, God, he'll kill me if I say anything.'

'Yeah, and I'll fucking kill you if you don't! And I'm the one who's right here with the knife. Talk!'

'Operation Meteor,' he ground out. 'He wants to do it again, but the way it was originally planned. Before you and your friends messed it all up for us! He's planning to destroy the Earth.' Once he started talking, it was like he couldn't stop. 'That's what you were for; my incentive to allow his men to take over security posts on L2. I'm in charge of internal security on the Colony; it was easy.'

Wufei and I exchanged glances; in the background I could make out Heero's and Trowa's voices, but I was too intent on Irving to listen to what they were saying.

'He wants L2 to declare independence as well?' Wufei ventured.

'No, you fool! I told you. He wants to recreate Operation Meteor, the way it should have happened. He wants to drop L2 on to the Earth.'


End file.
